#im at the point where im not really feeling anything anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

real-life-cloud · 1 year

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:((

#the sky speaks #vent moment again ✨#moms not coping well #i can hear her sobbing up there rn #she took a shower at least #depending on how high her alcohol levels were. she might need to go to jail for a little while #but we still don't know and the anticipation is killing her #it could be upwards of a 5k fine #and ahes probably going back to rehab or something like it #im at the point where im not really feeling anything anymore #some good things have happened tho #i took a walk at the park yesterday #and like 10 minutes in. i squint at a figure across the park and i go. is that my fucking brother???#so i call him. and he doesbt pick up. typical. and then i call his gf instead and she picks up and im like heyyy. r u at the park rn?#and turns out yes it was them and we meet up and shoot a basketball for like an hr and just chill #it was nice #they told me i can crash at their place whenever #but then i get home again and its just ao fucking quiet here #im starting to hate the quiet

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cozylittleartblog · 29 days

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bug doodles so i can say i drew something

#oc #original character #alien oc #artists on tumblr #art #aliens #sketch #nyx #having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too #i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right #if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month #just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling #IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR #more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it #i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it #guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art #or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed

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skunkes · 2 months

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longlegs fucking sucked 😭

#talkys #sorry for movie opinions post #i didnt know anything abt it going in other than serial killer and Mystery and i was soooooo so interested and enthralled #for a good chunk bc wow i like the framing the pacing the shots!#and then it gets to a point where its like oh...!#and then 📉📉📉📉↘️↘️↘️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️#like how did that movie feel like 3 hrs long #all that build up for the most eyerolly unsatisfying payoff #do u guys think its possible for horror movies to be Satisfying anymore?#saying dis as someone not as acquainted with the genre #we were talking about how like hereditary was Good but it wasn't...Scary....but its fine bc it was good #idek what im saying anymore but we regret seeing it we shouldve gone with our parents to bingo 😭💔#the main character rocked though...so awesome will graham #so extremely funny seeing ppl being like ''ummm sorry ur someone who thinks horror movies need to be jumpscares and dont like psychological #horror :/'' this was NOT psychological horror. it was a really interesting like Mystery for a good chunk and then at that Certain Point its #like oh. horror movie version of the ''and then he woke up'' cop-out to me. how boring. what a boring conclusion #not worth the whole previous hour of Good #i will say the shots of the hooded figure with the eyes unnerved me tho i had to look away 😭#MY SISTER LITERALLY FELL ASLEEP LMAO but at that point i was still very interested and hopeful #and then.

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liquidstar · 6 months

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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lecliss · 5 months

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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!

#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything #like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take #it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is #i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them #and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and #i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself #like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time #yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now #and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice #and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand #i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he #cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest #do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done #and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore #i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better #then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do #dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hsr spoilers #oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk #long post

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jamiethebeeart · 10 months

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Sketches

#shuichi iguchi #shigaraki tomura #spinaraki #these were 2 unrelated sletches but then my brain starting brewing some thoughts #mainly an au where spinner is sent in as a spy (for???? not the heroes lmao) to get into Shigaraki's confidence which of course means #wink wonk bedroom activities ANYWAY spinner catches feelings and doesnt really want to inform on Shigaraki anymore and is feeling conflicted #about what he should do and shigaraki knows something is up with his maybe boyfriend but not what and just :))) angst and split loyalties #amd feeling torn in two directions #(i sya not heroes but the only group with enough prescence is the mla but thats not really their m.o. either so???? idk what group would #have the reach/influence to feel threatened by some upstart kid in the villain world and manipulate a member into taking this espionage job)#anyways ive got so many au ideas and not enough time to write a fic or 12 lmao #like the research + planning + plot points + writing + editing + energy to pull it off.... im tempted to dabble in it all again tbh #im a year behind the manga tho and still havent watched the last season so idk where characters have ended up #and id rather not write anything until i catch up (idk maybe horikoshi has revealed some fun/character specific info?)#here i am talking on + on in the tags. anywho if anyone wants to write a fic based on any of my posts feel free bc i probably never will

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luna7822 · 4 months

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congradulations assholes

u all finally got that stupid ass victory that u ppl so lovingly beg for absolutely no reason other than just to find more petty excuses to boost ur ego and outright splat any other ppl from different teams on site as if any of u dont know how to play like fair for once in ur pathetic fucking life and admittingly i do feel bad for shiver too since she actually had smth that i could agree with for once (vanilla aside) and that u assholes pretty much decided to be absolute jerks throughout the whole damn thing all cuz im on her team as if splatfests and final/seasonalfests in general were never meant to be taken srsly in the first place and overall to any stupid ass stans/spawn campers out there i wish u all a very happy go fuck urself for basically never giving me a fair fucking chance for once whatsoever and for honestly being the worst fucking idol f**base to ever exist in general so yeah

#lunas rambles and shit :3 #splatoon 3 #yeah of fucking couse im adding this tag just so those assholes can know wtf im taking abt for once since all they ever do nowdays #is bitch and whine over the most ridicuous shit imaginable all cuz other teams want to win too and that ur stupid ass fav idol or some shit #doesnt have to win every damn time since u already won before but apparently u assholes decided that wasnt enough for some reason and #basically went as far as to blame handshake for winning fair and square as if u cant do anything beyond counting stacks instead of the #actual numbers and also proceed to splat any member of any opposing team u come across without even having the decency to let them have fun #and do their thing for once which is overall the main fucking reason why i really #fucking despise frye stans so fucking much to the point where i sinseraly hope u idiots lose the finalfest too since its basically what u #pieces of fucking shits deserve for having so called “”“”good sportship“”“” towards shiver and big man teams and #not even being fucking bothered to actually have a good time for once regardless if u win or not since u all missed the whole point #of splatfests in general and piss me off sm to the point where i just fucking hope u all lose every other splatfest from here on out and #continously bitch and whine over the most minor thing possible while ur fucking at it since its all u really care abt anymore atp instead #of actually having fun like a normal human person for once #and even tho that scene after the results was admittingly wholesome too i still feel bad for shiver anyways since i dont really care abt the #latter options all that much and that this is just a fun silly what if scenario anyways so yeah #im gonna start posting this now and dw ill be sure to block any stupid ass annoying frye stans on site anyways since theyre basically just #the absolute worst f**base of pretty much any splatoon idol in general if u ask me

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 6 months

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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apathyfairy · 20 days

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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money

me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend

#i want a corn dog so bad rn #ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao #not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know #but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life #like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college #and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going #to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that #i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager #not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that #scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc #well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo #relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship #ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so #short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now #once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but #if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol #to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now

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g0thsoojin · 2 months

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.

#i dont understand why he everytime has not wanted to actually tell me how he feels for me #like... ???#idk...#i feel like even as a friend if i told him abt my romantic feelings #isnt it only right to say that yes i like u too or no i dont like u that way #bc it really bothers me that he just wont talk abt it #he just wont tell me how he feels #he just says i mean a lot to him #but i need to know more and i've wanted to know that for so long #like i've told him that i love him and want to be with him and want to work thru issues together #whh cant he just tell me how he feels #why cant he just say that no i dont want u romantically anymore but i did at one point #or no i only thought of u as a potential option #like idc what it is i just want him to tell me so i can fkn know how to deal with it #but it tortures me that i have no fkn idea #and when i read back old messages #i get so confused i dont know what he means or thinks or feels #he's told me that im the 2nd closest to his heart but then when i told him i was in love he said that he couldnt make me feel seen the way #i'd need to at that time but then i wait and give him space and then he suddenly has another gf without even thinking to tell me!#idk sometimes im like yeah maybe he cares abt me thats true #but it feels like he doesnt even respect me enough to talk to me? i told him i was scared everyday for weeks after his first gf #and that i checked everyday in fear that he'd have a gf again and not tell me #and then he went and did that again... like i just dont fkn know #i dont know where tf i stand with him #and i've tried asking him but then he said that he feels close to a panic attack so i back off #and then he has a gf out of nowhere #and then i cant ask bc every single fkn time i ask him to talk abt smth #he just says he cant deal with it right now but 'now' never comes and he never talks abt anything w me #but with someone else he can be in a relationship with #the more i think the more i realize that this isnt what i want

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courfee · 2 months

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just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff

#honestly same with operation wanker #i finally put the wolfstar tag at the end of the relationship list #because genuinely when i first wrote the fic i debated leaving that out completely because i just do not focus on them At All #but considering theyre the very reason for the whole fic i couldnt not tag them #but james and sirius in operation wanker are as important to me as jegulus #and they go through a similar plot line of developing and changing so ?? yk???#idk how to tag i am really bad at it honestly #as you can tell i have exam season #hence me doing anything but the things i should be doing #hp #fic rant #i need a tag for general ramblings #i did take out a lot of character tags in a lot of my fics #like in some of them i literally now have a relationship tag but not the character tag which im also still not sure at #like on lies and spies still has the peter&marlene tag but it doesnt have a marlene tag anymore #and im still debating if i should also take the relationship tag out but also its important for peters actions??? idkkk man i am bad at thi #took out a lot of tags from amtc because i just felt it was too long overall #like i do think they were not completely unimportant but it was such a wall of text i felt a bit overwhelmed #tagging fics where its literally just 2 characters and theyre romantically/sexually involved is so much easier #like on high delight the tags make perfect sense because its very obvious what the focus is on #but i so seldomly write fics that are confined to just a ship (/) dynamic #maybe this is my arospec that ive been eyeing for the past 10 years and keep ignoring showing #i just care about writing relationships (&) so much more honestly #ok thats actually a lie im not tooo good with just platonic fics but i like writing romantic stuff in the context of friendgroups #i like characters having to keep secrets from the people they usually tell evrything to #love exploring characters finding out they have friendship boundaries they previously didnt know about #love writing about trust and and conflicting feelings and having to make choices #also lmao very iconic of me to have 5km of tags on a post of me saying i am prone to overtagging. really proving my own point here

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qualityweaselofire · 2 months

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ithink the worst part of finally trying antidepressants is not only them immediately making me physically sick (in a possibly intolerant way) but also feeling mentally worse and i just have to. keep trying since they take weeks to see if they even work

#i cant take it anymore im exhausted and on edge at all moments even in my sleep i get intrusive thoughts n nightmares #i wish i could just calm down more #it hurts so bad #its making me really insecure #about myself and asking for help and it feels like #its only reinforcing ppl viewing me as childish and weak #i feel sick just thinking about anything #i cant tell if im just feeling worse or if the meds r giving me mood swings and increased bad thoughts #at this point idek where to start if i can even GET a therapist appointment anytime soon (heavily needed)#i keep imagining myself screaming

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aria0fgold · 5 months

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OCs in the brain again, actually it's just Alec and Ray in the brain again. Just thinking bout their friendship and suddenly I wanna chew on the sun.

#aria rants #was listening to aoiharu by misekai and my brain went straight for alec and ray thoughts cuz of the lil unrequited platonic #love ray had in the beginning like yaknow that one post talkin bout it as ''youre my only friend but im only one of yours''#and how young ray has such a hard time talking to others being hella shy and just anxious bout everything #and then here comes alec just dragging him along and young alec being like a popular kid so ray was always thinkin bout #it a lil negatively like: does alec really see me as a friend? am i the only one that cares? and when it just reached like a certain point #alec noticed and just reassured ray and and its just a rlly sweet moment of the two deepening their friendship #AND THEN AND THNE!!! the reverse of it after Stuff happened during adulthood in which ray became the popular guy #and alec became a lil more subdued than how he was before so alec ended up having thoughts bout it as well like how #he isnt the kid that ray was friends with anymore and how he just doesnt know anything bout himself anymore like #does ray even care bout him now when alec is somewhat of a stranger cuz of those Stuff that happened?#and and and ray noticing it too once it reached a certain point like in their childhood and this time itd be ray reassuring him #and andndnandsd and i just think its suuuuch a sweet moment for em. that small feeling of having an unrequited love #even if it isnt romantic and the moment where someone is reassured that it was very much so mutual and ouououoghhghghg

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scarletcomet · 6 months

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guess whose therapist thinks she could benefit from inpatient treatment

#got really depressed and a bit suicidal during my session today #im not actively suicidal rn but i feel so hopeless and i just want to give up resulting in some suicidal thoughts #the thoughts of hurting myself are getting louder and more overwhelming #so im not at a point rn where i think i need inpatient but im worried about getting worse #im going to nyc this weekend and seeing 2 shows and some of my favorite broadway actors but i do not feel excited #i want to feel excited but i just dont. i should be excited. if this doesn't make me feel something #then i doubt anything will.#reminds me of late may/early june when i wasnt excited for my birthday or the taylor swift concert because i did not want to live anymore #im worried that this is a warning sign. i feel like ive made so much progress with treatment in the last 10 months #but i feel like i haven't made enough progress and i feel like ive hit a wall and there's no improvement to be made #because I've tried like everything. i feel so hopeless. ive been in treatment for almost a year.#even inpatient i doubt would help me. like ive been there and done that. i spent nearly 20 days in inpatient last summer #only benefit would be seeing my doctor sooner but that's assuming i could even get a bed in the 11 person unit she works inpatient at #what benefit would seeing my doctor even do? we've tried almost everything and im on the max dose of most my meds #idk what to do #i feel like im running out of options. the only depression treatments i havent tried are ketamine and ect #i guess my options are ketamine ect suicide or continuing feeling how i feel now but i dont know how much longer i can live like this

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andorerso · 2 years

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I talked about how I hate the age change in regards to Jyn before, but even disregarding that, I don’t understand how they thought this was consistent with his character in Rogue One? so he’s 31 in the movie, 26 in Andor. the same man who was apparently in the fight since he was six? the same man who blows up on Jyn about not having the luxury of a choice? didn’t even join the rebellion until he was like 27? it just doesn’t compute and is such a disservice to Cassian. literally what is the reason for making him older, it’s completely pointless and only cheapens his character in Rogue One.

I was pretty open to a lot of changes because I think it’s a well-written and enjoyable show, but I hate that it’s at the expense of Cassian’s characterization and I’m frankly reaching my limit for suspension of disbelief

fuck what Andor says, he was born in 26 BBY

#im electing to ignore it but im also gonna be mad a little #i just feel like they said he was 21 during promotions? but i can’t find it anymore #if anyone has an interview where they say that i will be in your debt forever #but anyway i don't get the point #why do you need it to be pre clone wars so badly #it doesn't change anything it's not an important plot point #there was no reason for this #and it doesn't ruin cassian or rebelcaptain for me #what it does ruin is the show #(also apparently peezos was really pills so there's that too)#this isn't you cassian look at me this isn't you!!#shut up sissi #andor spoilers #andor negativity #for anyone needing to filter it #don't come at me saying i need to be patient because i have been and the age change seems pretty final now #so please just #let me be angry

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qumiiiquinnquin · 9 months

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i wish i could just enjoy group chats. im too scared to talk in them & when i do talk i delete things or just leave. i feel like it's better if i was never there. but then i crave interaction with others. so i join again and the cycle repeats. even if i was told my company and presence is appreciated i think it's all a lie and i delete things or leave either way. it's incredibly frustrating. i have joined group chats and not checked it at all to avoid those bad habits but it makes attempts at communication hard. and i delete things or leave. i hate that i always do this. "don't delete anything. don't leave" ive tried, genuinely. i hate always thinking im hated by everyone. i hate always perceiving everything as anger or annoyance towards me. even just one on one conversations i feel this way. im genuinely trying. i can't

#vent #social interaction is hard #i have these moments every so often where talking to others feels really difficult or nobody wants to talk to me. so i just stay silent but #- desire social interaction so badly. and it just makes me so indescribably depressed and lonely. i feel like i cant complain because i am #- doing this to myself by not talking to others. but how do i when i feel hated by literally everyone on the face of this earth? i dont -#- think im trying as hard as i believe i am. i have tried just not caring and talking anyways but it always cycles back to isolation. -#- for some reason lately it feels a lot harder to talk to people to the point of avoidance. i dont even like seeing people together -#- anymore when im out of the house. im just really jealous of others relationships i guess. i really dont want to leave my home -#- anymore or talk to people or make new friends or anything. of course im not committed to doing that because ive tried to cut -#- contact with everybody before but i end up feeling sad and lonely but especially guilty. but ive been thinking about it a lot.

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