#im finished with it though so now i dont know what to do with my life

[moeblob]

Every single time I draw for an anime I think to myself "never again will I draw for an anime" and then I am proven wrong. So here, take my daughter Lulu.

[bunnieswithknives]

sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all

My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.

[stuffed-x-arts]

I think they like to play card games sometimes. Often they drag in others to supsrvise for cheating. (it won't stop them from cheating but it means they've gotta work harder to be sneaky about it and that just adds to the fun!) Cheated has a score-count for everybody. for every different game they play. him vs opportunist. him vs cold. the whole group playing. contrarian is often banned for bringing other card games to the table. he also never gets to supervise despite often asking to. Hero volunteers to supervise a lot but often doesn't catch the cheating so he's denied the role. Cheated, skeptic, opportunist and cold are the best. Broken is also surprisingly good sometimes. Even when he has the best hand he worries he'll screw it up somehow, and his downer attitude tends to convince the others he's gonna lose too. erm thats all i think

i just know these two have the potential to end up breaking into a fight over their silly card games. After cold left and the two eventually got tired of their games and went their separate ways opportunist stuck his leg out so cheated could trip over. they push each other down the stairs, maybe.

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

[verm1c1de]

Okay pradr, does dib even like purble? Or is it more like red and his two boifriends who tolerate eachother?

WHY are mew ASKING ME THIS at

checks watch

8:57 AM which i am AWAKE AT beclaws i WANTED TO FINISH HOJACK BORSEMAN and got REALLY DETERMINED TO even though i needed to SLEEP!!!!

anyways the Better question is whefur or not purble even likes these two idiots at all even though he spends all his time with them beclaws he and red are cotallest and dib wont leave them alone. and the answer?? hell if i know purrobably. sick of them though. vehemently homophobic

the real description is "purple and his two dogs who he tolerates their weird affections of"

as fur dib, i would say he enjoys them both about equally fur diffurent reasons once mew get to know them. purple is fun and uncomplicated except when he is very complicated and impawssible to please and a huge whiny bitch but what he DOES have is a constant unending mean streak mew dont want to get on the bad side of and is Very entertaining to be on the same side of

its hard to describe exactly why hed like him beclaws they havent actually interacted aside furom that one time fur less than 5 minutes so i feel like an insane purrson describing their fanfiction efurry time even though im trying to be unbiased here. i am obviously very biased but thats besides the point

[tsukasalover]

(credits to ssruis)

This song is the only thing keeping me going I do not play about mr showtime 😞 nothing ruined me (made my life better) the way this song did

(Sendn. Me songs to do this with in my ask box… sniffle…)

[motherforthefamicom]

trying to start working on my ap art summer work (put it off all summer and now theres. 10 days left until school starts apperently) i hateeeee how vague everything is ugh

[britneyshakespeare]

i finished the merry wives of windsor today btw. 4 shakespeare plays left to go

[aroacesigma]

.

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

[fnafawoundleftbleedingau]

Gonna be a while before I think I'll be drawing much beyond some planned doodles I said I'd do to a couple close friends, but... I'm curious, what FNaF AU drawings types from me sound more interesting..?

A random poll yes, but I'm curious, and ngl, I think I'm approaching one of those not so great "Spells" where I'm losing confidence in the things I'm well, supposed to be doing for fun. ^^;

[tianhai03]

hi babe do you ever think about leon's relationship with sherry and want to throw up for 3 hours

YES. I DO SO MUCH. I THINK ABT THEM SO MUCH

i still havent finished re2r properly so ive only seen other ppl get to the parts with sherry while half paying attention but like. i would die for her. i would throw myself onto a licker for her. and leon would too and i wish we got to see more of that

i know its still too early to talk abt it and i wouldnt want it to happen this early either but. if they remake re6 someday i HOPE they go more into leon and sherry's relationship. im assuming that they havent seen each other once ever since raccoon city (since the extended re6 files mention claire hanging out with her only) and then they suddenly see each other again in china and they just. didnt get to talk too much. yeah sure they were constantly in danger and we got to see how protective leon still is of her AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY but i just. idk im sad that we didnt get to see them interact more...

the extended re6 files on re.net have so much important stuff in them, both abt leon and sherry.... and you never hear them talk abt those stuff ever anywhere else. i hope they put that in the games someday :(

[hxlcyon]

hi guys i am so stressed watch me dive into honkai

[skinnymeanfaggot]

also

[ei-mugi]

my main hurdle with my dcaf fic is my depression but my 2nd task-related hurdle is not knowing what eichi should be doing at my ambiguous and butchered chosen place in time--- nvm see the notes