#im getting a copy of the uh
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weekly navel-gazing update: this week is most consequential event in long time. keyword search: "scared" "is it ok to be scared" "beaten and tortured by the ogre"




#old director of south asian studies just talked to me to let me know theyll be joining me to sit on my panel while i present two projects#in two days and intimated they could discuss supervising potential grad work or dissertations despite funding freezes#she is respected used to do the gender studies program coordinating too#and their TA PhD student super severe standoffish goth walked up to me in front of seminar to thank me for my portfolio of essays#on poverty homelessness and environmental stuff and said it was TOUCHING and i should be proud and shell also be attending#after the director of student research invited them#and research director happens to specialize in borderlands and caribbean and empire and she emailed me to say#she left me a signed copy of her book with a really lovely message#and a protein bar because she knows i have diabetes and other illnesses but bike like ten miles a day between work and school#and then she emailed me and offered car ride if i wanted#and i was touched and surprised and now im like uh oh this is important i guess#and like uh oh i really shouldve taken the week off work or something why am i working forty hours for this#well precarious rent i guess but still wish i hadnt spent past four months just going to retail job and had instead hung out more with#faculty and hope i didnt waste my chance to get to know them#also is im just going to wear that outfit to conference hope not perceived as too informal#no family whatsoever so there was no one like interested or checking in on me to like help me see that the developments were significant#a year ago i was nothing but nightshift retail with NO prospects and rapidly worsening health#and there wasnt even a glimmer of hope for possibility of positive social environment let alone school
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I personally always hold a character's original story or writing higher than things after. I still consider them, but if things contradict than whatever was in the original usually comes out on top
#PUT THE JAYBIN FLASHBACK PANEL DOWN#anyway my recommended reading for jason is uh. near all 80s batman comics and then judd winick's writing#i atm cant put the jaybin reading recommendation any shorter but the least i can say is dont JUST read his desth and the garzonas case#jason is intentionally out of character leading up to his death + jim starlin didnt like him#and if youve read dick robin be prepared for him to act like robin. (esp if youre reading the barr davis neary ones ive heard)#(barr is the writer iirc but barr davis neary is how i remember it because the author n art were often connected in that case)#(if you see a screenshot or panel of a small cute squishy 80s jaybin thats barr davis neary)#hes not the angry robin but hes also Not Really a happy robin. just chillin. and being a person that cant be defined by one emotion#i stand by considering pre crisis important reading. at least for you to get a better feel of him. he died pretty soon after the retcon#i do think he doesn't have much strong character going on. i struggle to describe him at times#when you first get to tim after awhile of jaybin he immediately has a stronger presence so to say#but back to the dick thing. if you dont like jason being a copy of dick i dont think youre gonna like jason point blank#hes kinda. often compared to dick. and is not allowed a different hero identity. +implied not allowed to change the costume#i like to use this as a base for adult jason copying people/wearing other heros costumes/ and never really having his OWN identity#bruce kinda fucked him up imo. but imo. we going out of cleary stated territory#and i do know now that im putting the quilt man fight on the list tho. pretend theres a list#and the titans crossovers of course#jason todd
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Beyblade X Ep 34: A Rainbow Guest
GES SJACSLSVWJEVEJEVENEBB BC LABJEBWEVD KB VEJEDV WHAT IN THE OMINOUS SPINNING DRAKE IS THIS EPISODE
Okay, first off, I WAS SO DISTRAUGHT AFTER GETTING HIT WITH A FOUND FAMILY EPISODE THEN WE GET HIT WITH JAXON’S TEAMMATE, SIGRID NANAIRO AND HER REALLY BLUNT ATTITUDE TO EVERYTHING EXCEPT SUSHI. Okay I’m gonna be honest, I did get spoiled that she was Multi’s sister BUT LEGITIMATELY I’M STILL SURPRISED
She and Jaxon are similar but not at the same time??? I mean they both love Komaba Sushi (I figured ever since Memories of Sushi ep because the bigger set was given to her while Chrome was too busy focusing on Jaxon and getting fed blah blah blah and yeah) AND THEY’RE PRETTY BLUNT but Jaxon seems to prefer choose his words while she prefers to choose her actions
The way Robin went to grab the mask and practically suffocated Jaxon had me giggling, LIKE DO THEY JUST HAVE IT ON STANDBY???


Like he was so happy to see her and now he’s getting choked by his hair in the mask
Anyways when Robin was surprised she knew him I figured he’d put two and two together, since in the first ep he knew Jaxon was part of Team Pendragon and so was she? Mini plot hole I suppose
BUT YEAH I noticed throughout the episode Robin kept defending Multi from Sigrid even though he keeps getting cut off which, GAHHHHHH AND EARLIER DURING THE VOTES SHE TRIED TO COMFORT HIM they’re adorable honestly
anyways the reactions when Robin and Jaxon find out they’re sisters 😭


THIS IS THE MOST HORRIFIED EXPRESSION IVE SEEN JAXON EXPRESS IM CRYING WHY DOES HE LOOK SO MORTIFIED
and later on we get a look at baby Multi and Sigrid, WHICH OMG I WANNA DRAW MULTI WITH SHORT HAIR NOW
and…. Babadudum…. You guessed it… why I’m immediately posting my reaction to this….



We get a lovely momentary session where Chrome is slowly continuing to lose it over Jaxon in the corner of a room while Sigrid sits there like the bestie who has to hear about her friend’s relationship problems
CHROME YES I WANTED TO SEE YOU BUT NOT LIKE THIS, HAVE A DAMN SLICE OF LIFE MOMENT OR SOMETHING HELP
and thennnn some shady shit just casually breaks into Komaba Sushi and steals the bey plans Multi had. Hello, how does no one spot this THEY HAVE TWO HUGE ASS BUILDINGS SURROUNDING THEM???
#beyblade x#notkamenx thoughts#IM SORRY I SWORE A BIT IN THIS POST I JUST IM ABSOLUTELY JUST. NOT OKAY AFTER THIS???#all screenshots from Beyblade X you can see this on YouTube with weekly releases or on Disney XD I think#ANYWAYS LIKE. I. I think I said all that needed to be said#oh but the first half of the ep there was a women that look like she could be related to Titus/King#so uh yeah that’s interesting#I do not trust Packun and if he tries anything I’m ready to throw hands but the happy looking guy looks not suspicious#hopefully he doesn’t have a crappy attitude I have all eyes on this team rn#BUT YEAH SIGRID APPEARANCE IS she is so scary sometimes from our baby bird’s POV#but overall she’s just overly blunt and not too bad#the fact she said she’s not passing any message on from Jaxon to Chrome because he won’t listen 😭#I CANT GET OVER THESE THREE PANELS#CHROME PLEASE PULL IT TOGETHER JAXON’S NOT COMING BACK#YOU KNEW FROM THE START PROBABLY HE DOES SPONTANEOUS DECISIONS LIKE THIS#speaking of spontaneous decisions Jaxon said he did leave suddenly and Sigrid wasn’t mad or surprised#HOW CAN SHE FIGURE OUT JAXON AND ACCEPT HIS DECISIONS MORE QUICKLY THAN CHROME#to know that I need to know why Chrome’s so attached and obsessed with Jaxon#THIS CANNOT JUST BE OVER BEYBLADES MY MAN HAS TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION OR SOMETHING#he literally landed an xtreme finish on his own copy’s bey#also this episode had me thinking of the skill gap between Pendragon and Persona#wait that’s so cool both teams names start with a P#is that intentional idk BUT ANYWAYS APART FROM JAXON this episode put into perspective how scarily strong Sigrid is and#further emphasis on Chrome’s strength#I’m not loving this PLEASE I HAD TO PAUSE THE EPISODE SO MANY TIMES DURING ROBIN’S BATFLE#anyways I was glad to see Chrome but like#man Chrome you have issues someone needs to give him a therapy appointment#this whole episode just left me distraught I ranted so much more in the post and the tags#now I wanna go sleep and hope that maybe I can cook something with this new info while I dream#I actually do have multiple fic ideas in my notes and some of them are written but eh they’re not good
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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blorbos in tha phone
#FIRST EVER DIGITAL DOODLE GUYS I DID IT WOOP WOOP#airbrush my beloved#feels like watercolour and that makes me a lil giddy#anyways this was mostly retraced off of a template (?) i JUST downloaded ibis and wanted to get to know the pens#ill eventually get back to drawing once i figure out layers :sob:#i did this so spontaneously but i realize i have a lot of art moots. maybe too many#i have so many ideas to doodle but no skills no money to commission others no idea where to start no bitches no hoes no life#if time is nice to me i may begin a series of impersonating my fav tumblr artists' styles bc im only good at copying *wiggles brow*#if not be prepared for me to give up on re-learning how to draw people and go back to doodling cars and buildings#hmmmmm perhaps ill draw the bsd street racer au that's been feeding off of my braincells#DIGITAL DRAWING IS A LOT LESS SCARY THAN IT WAS LAST TIME I TRIED IT#maybe because i was like. 12 when i last tried digital. but shh#my brain draws clear images i just wish my hands could follow#*places stylus between eyebrows and squints aggressively then draws with mind* problem solved fr#OMG IM SO SAD THE REFERENCE WAS FOR ONLY 4 PEOPLE most bsd cliques come in 5s#was gonna do doa or hd then my brain went nu uh if someone wants i can do them tho#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd art#art(?)#bsd flags
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if subscription based content has no haters it doesn't just mean I'm dead, it means that my existence was written out of the fabric of the universe, because depths of my hatred for this parasitic bullshit aren't bound to my corporeal form
#amazon: wanna buy this e-book book for 3 dollars less than the printed version?#me: i'm saving money and I like using my e-reader. I'd love to own a digital copy#amazon: uh-uh-uh: you won't *own* it. you're owning a license that allows you to access it. but we can still delete it from your device#me: oh. would I at least get a refund?#amazon: no :3#me: shoots lazer beams out of my eyeballs and melts the heads of the c-suite or something. hahaha idk. Im full of rage#amazon#kindle#ebooks#I LOVE HOARDING FILES IM A DRAGON SITTING ON TOP OF MY PILE OF HOARDED FILES AND THESE MFS ARE GETTING IN THE WAY#dear dieary
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it is so dire out here as a cd collector
#society if i was a vinyl collector#ig i could be i have vinyl player but no place to have it like.... set up all the time#i just looked into it again and no ones posted my favorite emma ruth rundle cd for sale but my second favorite is a THIRTY FIVE DOLLAR CD.#USED#A USED CD#meanwhile i can buy a vinyl of my fave album for the same price tag new from her store this moment#the only other cds of hers for sale rn are her metal collab album and her newest two in her store 😭#im also looking at biting the bullet to buy a $25 cd of nico vegas bc uh. they dont make cds at all anymore and theyre just gonna get rarer#and yeah yeah i could learn to burn cds and diy it w bandcamp purchases BUT#i like the printed cds i like the cases i like the booklets#“just get into vinyls” i hear u but i have. like 50 cds. i only have 3 vinyls and only one is good#and i dont like how some songs sound on vinyl idk#tbh emma would probably sound really good on it but thats NOT the point bc i cant play vinyl in my car!#anyways. ten dollar copy of marked for death by emma ruth rundle popping up second hand when 🥺#my post
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fshep and anderson va at next convention who wants to run me over with a steamroller
#my whole budget for fanexpo. is going to getting tjem to sign my LE copy. i knew I shouldve grabbed the legacy copies at anime north#now im gonna have to ask em to squeeze in next to saren/fred tatasciore WAHAHAH#mr keith david... ms jennifer hale... hi i like video gaming#ive posted this thought across two other accounts. can you guess i am a little excited learning this? i knew keith david was there#but femshep too is like ohhh yeah ok i can't miss that. shit whats a good line to ask her for since saren i uh.. blanked hard#but luckily he remembered the extinction line! yay but i don't wanna be embarassing again and go yeah i love your voice lines#Cannot Remember Any Of Them Right Now!!!#gwough. voices acting! massive effects! which fucking moving box was my copy in again i really hope this chills out and i can find it man 😭#mass effect#armour clanking
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#i may have inexplicable beef with alistag but all in is soo good its so good . i love u hyuna#and its also uh . hsy-coded <- guy who has willnotshutupabthsy disease#like come onnnn#‘We only get one life so I'm living mine for me’#‘I'll create a fantasy in this crazy world’#‘And change it all I'm going all-in’#theres more but thats it i cant just copy paste the entire lyrics of this song#FINE ill put together a mediocre playlist .#i think i had one before but its messy as hell ill fix it#if anyone has hsy song suggestions im making grabby hands at u#solar-talks
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thank god for rogue trader honestly because my heart is bruised from bg3 reminding me how shit my cpu is
#i want to play it but I don’t have the tolerance for the lag anymore#cutscenes and convos are painful#levelling up is like dial up#and when i lower resolution and textures its just a blurry ridiculous mess that makes it impossible to take any story beats seriously#i ran cyberpunk fine so i was enough of a fool to think i could get away w bg3#i also do wonder if having a uh. outdated quote unquote discount copy has anything to do with it#either way im too broke to fix either problem#yippee for the high seas in the meantime until i can actually pay for things
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as of today i've played every persona game yayyy
#shitpost#arena and ultimax were the two i took longest to do. lol#arena i started YEARS ago but my copy on the xbox would always hardcrash?#i even redownloaded to the same effect so. something was fucking wrong lol#so i never managed to finish arena before but i played a lot of it#and so i never GOT to ultimax until now. so. all done with both#(i haven't reread all the arena stuff but the paths i didnt finish are...ones i finished when i tried on my xbox)#(whereas now im playing on switch)#also ive replayed several of the persona games. just. took me awhile here to finish them all#the only one i wouldn't replay is p1 probably.#i played through it once and thats enough for me. lol.#i uh. ignored the mechanics until the final boss and just shot everything to death with bullets. and let mark die so much im sorry mark#a fight would start and he was just going down. his gun was not good.#anyways. ofc this is true EXCEPT tactica just came out and im not buying it yet.#for xmas i'll probably get either tactica or lies of p. not sure which#i'll nab tactica eventually i just don't want to rn.#which is weird b/c i usually do buy atlas games new. idk. i dont want to rn.#anyways. im probably replaying pq and pq2 next. then maybe p4dan i dunno
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Started working on my C lab. Remembered how good of a position I left myself in after last week, so yay!! It won't take too much effort to finish.
I'm not gonna finish before lab tho, both bc I dont really have time (whoops I dragged my feet with starting it this morning) but also I realized. Well the sort functions are self-explanatory. Randomly generate an array and then sort it, timing how long each sort takes to do it. But then the search functions... *what* are we supposed to be searching???? That's. Not stated in the document. So I'm gonna ask the TA about that.
#speculation nation#also i think binary search needs them to be sorted already??? so uh. whats the deal here#but i got the bubble sort function done. gotta put in the code for insertion and selection sorts using the bones from the bubble sort#aka i copy pasted all the time stamp and print shit from the bubble sort to build off of. bc it's the same for these too#just that middle part. the loops themselves. those are different. but i can also find those online easy#also the professor literally Gave us the code in class. but im gonna double check them with online stuff too#just in case. since i wrote them down and he wrote them down on the board. several steps where mistakes could be made#the searches probably wont be difficult either. theyre still taking the same time stamps and printing thing from the sorts#just. searching instead. but *what* are they searching... thats what i need to know.#adding in the increased array sizes will be easy peasy. bc i just need to call the execution function additional times for each array size#then the code will do the rest.#graphing all of this output will take some time But so long as i can find out what im fuckin searching early in the class#i could still finish before the end of lab. plus i think i only really need my code checked off#like i gotta get my lab checked off before i can turn it in. which is why i have to have it done b4 the end of lab#even tho the lab is technically due at 11 pm tonight.#and i have to turn in my code And the graph i make from its output... but i dont Think the graph has to be checked off?? idk.#i'll ask i guess. either way i still feel like i'll finish with plenty of time. i got this 👍
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simon with a girlfriend who cleans when she's mad!
simon never really doubted anything.
he didn't doubted when he jumped in front of a bullet, or get picked in most dangerous missions, nor doubt when he says something. he's a clear man. if he thinks about it, he'll say it or do it.
but simon is now staring at the floor, which he can see his own reflection by now, from how clean it is, and just... thinks.
did he done something wrong? or did you just got bored and started cleaning? you were a lazy bird, using your boredom in either journaling or spending time on your phone, or just reading a book. but cleaning? that's something you did when you were furious.
of course you cleaned the house occasionally, he helped too, but this is way too clean for his liking.
you stepped into the livingroom with his shirt, and some slippers; hair tied in a messy bun and hands covered with dish gloves. simon's whole body tensed, which was completely out of fear. see, he could curse to a general—been there done that—be mean to anyone, or literally spit in the enemies face while being pointed guns.
but you? damn, woman. you almost made the bloke pee in his pants.
"si?"
"my gorgeous doll." he said almost immediatly, and you could see a shiver if you squinted enough. you were glad that he wasn't stepping your perfectly cleaned floor with his combat boods; completely bare footed, shoes where they suppose to be.
"why are you standing there?" you asked with a tilt of your head, confused to see your giant boyfriend almost turn into a shrimp from fear. "come on! im done, just gonna put these back." you showed the cleaning products in your hand and walked to kitchen, to place them where they belong.
simon let out a breath of relief, yet still confused. you weren't mad. not like he gave you a reason to, he returned from his deployment yesterday and went to gym today, leaving you happy at home. so why was this house this clean?
"doll." simon slowly stepped in your personal space, almost like hunting you. you let out a confused smile, holding him. "si." you hummed, noticing how he visibly relaxed.
"why 's the house clean, luv?" he murmured, caressing your waist.
you chuckled. "you prefer it dirty?"
"no, but you usually don't clean this deep unless your mad."
"...huh?"
you never realised it before. but yeah, you did clean when you were mad. you couldn't sit on your ass angry, your hands itching to do something. and since you didn't wanted to do illegal stuff, you just cleaned the house!
"oh," you said softly. "that's why you were tense? im not mad si! cleaned this deep because spring is here, and i wanted to embrace it with a clean home."
simon let out a quiet 'oh', gently lifting you in his arms. "you scared me there for a sec', doll. thought i did som'thin i didn't realise." he said, carrying you to shower.
you chuckled, hugging his neck. "should i be mad?"
"nuh-uh doll, 'm innocent, i swear." he smiled a bit, sitting you on the sink. "and as a thank you for cleanin' the house, my precious and pretty doll, i'll give you the best shower of your life."
you raised a brow, knowing he won't keep his hands to himself in there. "promise to order wings after?"
"copy that."
#this is me i fear#call of duty#cod fanfic#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#cod mwii#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley ᡣ𐭩#<3
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fuck, man, my recent drawing isnt getting any notes! and i did coloring and stuff this time instead of doodles. like look how cool that looks! and its in the proper tags too! hmm.. what am i doing wrong?
wait.. i completely forgot! the ticket to everlasting regretevator tumblr fame!! *goes to search bar* *typing "unori
#txt#yea#this is satirical but i'm also kind of upset it's not getting sny notes#like come on man#also yea im almost name-dropping thag fucking artist poeple can't stop copying#there's one person who exclusively drew their designs and their pretty much uh.#(pony famous + regretevator =) elevator famous bc the creator kept rbing thekr stuff.#like to me theyre THE guy who drew the design#THANK FUCK THEY'RE MAKING THEIR OWN STUFF NOW FLY HIGH BUD!!!!!!!!#yes im mad that poeple pretty much trace (HYPERBOLE) their art and the whole tag is trashed with fhis garbage#ehem. thats way too long. im gonna delete like half lf these later. ha#read this in like an anime protagonist voice
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cwing bc now i havde to organize my wip *sighs*
#its a mess so i gotta UGH#select relevant and curently accurate information and copy paste it into a guiding document#and the info im gonna get is from my old 6+ documents on totsuka and megan + my tm tag on tumblr + my tm milanote board (which is less mess#) but not before i decide how its gonna get organized (into three documents less or more)#and then i'll have to fill in the details and THEN thinkon basic level relevant worldbuilding#and then i have to figure out how totsuka gets introduced#and then make a pre chapter for uh introducing the silly muthology that goes first but might not make it into the later drafts#and then get to megan's intro and have him meet with totsuka...#uhhhhhhhhhhh
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oh also i have a work meeting today.
#c.paradisi#and then homework and then More Calls#theres a lot of stuff i cant rly do until this monday and also my psych still hasnt fucking got back to me#im still on hold with social security. they keep telling me to take a survey#ive been on hold for 1mil years and im pretty sure they cant help me until i maybe get a copy of my court documents in like 2 weeks#maybe more. so uh. bad
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