#im going to work from 7am to 10am then the rest of my day is classes

[ruthlesslistener]

Oh shit did you see Nope?

Nope, haven't watched a movie in a hot fuckin second

[morgannwilsonnn]

Chapters

I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared to start college in 12 day's. Even typing it makes me anxious, i don't think i have ever seen my own true potential in anything i have ever done. my doubt's and my fear's of what if have always held me back in some way and what is embarrassing is the fact that i have allowed it to become so normal that it has taken so much from me, it has degraded me made me feel like i wasn't worthy or smart enough or even capable.

See i didn't even finish highschool i got my GED after having my daughter at 16, i was the athlete everyone thought would make it but it was a shocker to them after that no one believed in me and i had a fire under my ass to prove them wrong even with a GED but then i dropped out of college and life happened i needed a job and a roof and from there i just got comfortable in what i did but even then it didn't feel like i was where i was meant to be. sitting behind a desk forever living life just enough to get by but never enough to do the things i wanted with my daughter. I looked for new job's with no luck and it made me feel even worse not good enough i felt stuck but i kept trying and even praying that this life wasn't what was meant for the rest of my life i somehow had to get out of the cycle and beat the statics of a single mom working 9-5 living on state for the rest of her life... then i got fired and lost my car almost lost my home i started busing tables even tho it wasn't nearly enough to pay all my bills i took turn running late on one or the other just to make it. Then i found i new job making 19 a hour but my first two days over whelmed me i didn't understand shit and how could i set myself up for failure i didn't believe in myself so i quit and went back to busing tables got pregnant had health issues and became a stay at home mom for going on two years now.

my life summed up over the last four years of my life.

being a stay at home mom has taught me alot about myself tho mainly that it is not easy and you fall into dark cracks sometimes so dark you're scared that you'll never resurface the cries become tuned out you forget that outside is even a place you cant help but cry as you wash dishes with no thoughts other then just feeling sad. you wonder if your kids would be better off without you because you feel guilty for being so comfortable with the feeling of frustration. but then you resurface and come back and say you wont go back but its like someone with a drug or alcoholic addiction you are bound to relapse back and it only gets worse but you hide it better each time you cry in the shower or when the kids are napping you sit up restless because your mind races. you start to feel like you have nothing to offer you completely forget your worth and what you can do your potential.

BUT everytime i tried to find a solution maybe i needed to set a goal to go out once a month or sit alone for a hour every day go to the gym go on a walk go shopping go to counseling and some how i still kept falling in between the cracks deeper and deeper.. i lost hope i wallowed that this was my life that i would never have my own life again but i had to love it because i loved my kids..

till one day i woke up and realized this person i have became over the last two years isnt who i have ever been. i am a strong working strong willed self determened women and the only thing that stopped me was me.

i remember sitting there thinking how bad i wish i could buy my own car again after watching tyler buy his the joy in his face made me happy but the sadness i felt because i didn't take a part made me want that happiness 100% to share TOGETHER. i started looking at my credit from when i lost my job it went to shit i use to have a 880 credit. and i thought what the fuck morgan... i told myself i would pay off one of the things as a starter to fixing my credit but once i made the first payment i cant explain how good it felt to know i wouldn't look back wishing i would have paid it then and it put a fire under my ass that i paid off three more things. that alone made me realize how it felt to have my own control over my financial freedom. i started thinking big after that and looking back into school for PTA 2 year schooling i could have finished that by now and been a PTA by the age of 20 instead of dwelling in my could have i realized instead how fast two years goes by so i started investing my free time on how to start college im not gonna lie i almost quit at the starting line but i didn't i started blowing up the schools phone asking questions more then once writing all over my notebook reorganizing it all on a new sheet and finally i would be starting school oct 18th..

but why would i wanna stop there when i could only dream of all these things in life a tahoe for my kids to have a nice car with back ac a nice house so they dont have to share a room anymore paying for sports clothes trips just because wanting to finish paying off the rest of my credit so i can do these things! i asked myself how bad did i really want it and i always knew i wanted it bad but just because you want something bad doesnt mean you get it so i asked myself how bad are you willing to invest in yourself... and that one caught me so i sat back for a few days exploring jobs and nothing fit my schedule so i gave up because not only that child care is 900 a week for one kid.. but then i got a text for a night time job working 6 hours from 6:30 to midnight .. i debated with myself about it because my man works till 5 some days i would never see him and only have sunday monday off but then i told myself invest and sacrifice now so i dont have to when my kids are older so i took it and granted i will be going to school part time 7am to 10am dropping my daughter off at school at 10;45 to pick her up at 2:30 and have time inbetween the time gaps to do her homework and mine as well as study before work at 6 i will be a tired beezy but i know it will be worth it three years from now. if i grind at night pay off my last two things on my credit start saving and graduate college all while showing my kids and man i can do it and i will do it not just for myself but for them because nothing in this life is impossible when you wake up and realize you build your own potential no one else and i for once in my life want to prove to myself how strong i am .

[fizzyhosh]

tagged by @kabeswaters !!!! love u big time

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? .... 3

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #onedirectionstan

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? gross Harry Styles

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? get ready for disappointment but the good thing is one direction would be to my musical as abba is to mamma mia

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i have strong ambitions but they are outweighed by executive dysfunction so lots of adults like teachers just think I'm lazy 🤪🥴

6. what’s your wake up ritual? currently it's get up at 2pm, look at discord, snapchat, and instagram, then eat some gosh darn food

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? this is so unhealthy I know grab a snack and a soda and scroll mindlessly on social media until I get tired, get up and brush my teeth, go back to my bed and put on my sleep playlist (called sleeby) and set a time so it stops playing after I fall asleep

8. what’s your favorite time of day? despite the fact that I get up in the afternoon, it's actually like 10am that's a goooood time

9. your go to for having a good laugh? I look up Niall Horan laugh complications it genuinely works every time

10. dream country to visit? Germany or Italy

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 19th birthday my roommates had a surprise party for me and I was so shocked and almost cried bc it was so sweet and bc made me anxious

12. heels or flats/sneakers? I thought that said heelys :(( but sneakers

13. vintage or new? vintaaaage

14. who do you want to write your obituary? uh idk hopefully none of my current family bc I don't want to die before them cause that'll mean I die young??? this question is making me overthink so I'm just gonna say Ewan Gregor and move on

15. style icon? this chick named mathilda on Instagram you might have seen her on insta or Pinterest she's a redhead but her style is brilliant

16. what are three things you cannot live without? music, dr. pepper, eggos

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? I sound so white but SALT I salt the heck outta everything

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Steve Irwin, Harry Styles, Freddie Mercury

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? dying while I'm taking a shower and having my family find my naked, wet, dead body falling out of love. which makes me not want to fall IN love bc then the chance of falling OUT of love becomes a possibility

20. window or aisle seat? window window window window window

21. what’s your current tv obsession? not really obsessed with anything rn but I rewatch new girl every chance I get

22. favorite app? instagram

23. secret talent? I can wiggle my ears

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i flew to New Orleans during a break with two of my friends bc they found $60 round trip tickets. We bought the tickets the day before. We literally got to NOLA at 7am and left 8pm the next day. only spontaneous/adventurous thing i have ever done

25. how would you define yourself in three words? funny, understanding, quiet

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my overalls :'))

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a jean jacket !! looks good on anyone and with anything and they're so cute

28. a superpower you would want? to make people see themselves as their loved ones see them

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? music I'm fixated on one direction and harry styles and louis tomlinson rn of you cant tell by a lot of my answers

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? don't apologize because you like something. don't be embarrassed that you have preferences

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? be unapologetically you. life is too short to feel guilty for having opinions.

32. a book everyone should read? me and earl and the dying girl

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being kind to all

34. how do you define beauty? kindness, humor, a sweet soul makes a beautiful person

35. what do you love most about your body? I think I'm proportional? like... my size and shape... I hate how that sounds but my overall body ,,,,,,,

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? crack open and nice cold soda and put on headphones and lay on the ground (it makes me back feel better)

37. favorite place to view art? art galleries the environment and ambiance is immaculate

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? Everything is Outta Reach cause I fail a lot but also I'm sHORT

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? pianoooo

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? I want my forearms to be filled with random little doodle tattoos I get over time (picture louis tomlinsons right arm, like the "oops!" and skateboard, and dumb things like that)

41 dolphins or koalas? KOALAS

42. what’s an animal that represents you? .....koala. also chameleon...

43. best gift you’ve ever received? so I need to be hugging a pillow or stuffed animals to sleep and I lost some stuffed animals that I loved and were huge and my go to for hugging at night and that Christmas my brother got me a huge elephant and a body pillow to replace them and I actually cried

44. best gift you’ve given? im really bad at giving gifts but my brother searches everywhere for this book in specific print and language and after years I found one and got it for him for Christmas. he's not good at showing appreciation and excitement but I could tell that he was stoked

45. what’s your favorite board game? BETRAYL AT THE HOUSE ON THE HILL it's so complicated and so good and I love it so much

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow and red

47. least favorite color? o r a n g e I just realized it's between red and yellow make it make sense

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore! I don't wear makeup often enough to spend money on designer but occasionally I get some good stuff from ulta then immediately regret it and go back to my Walgreens makeup HAHA

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? I don't drink either but I like the aesthetic of tea more

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pneumonoultrascopicsiliconvolcanoconoiosos because it's the longest word in the English dictionary and it's has a very specific definition and it's so extra when I was 7 i had a friend who could spell it forwards and backwards

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk!! I only like dark chocolate if it's reisens

54. stairs or elevators? stairs I'm afraid of elevators

55. summer or winter? summer

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? mac and cheese

57. a dessert you don’t like? uhhhh... umm... uh... anything with tree nuts cause I'm allergic??? I love dessert

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? I'm learning guitar !!

59. best thing to happen to you today? I woke up before 2pm

60. worst thing to happen to you today? my family all decided to a be in a bad mood today so that's super exciting to deal with :))))))

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? that I'm a really good listener

62. favorite smell? candles right after they're blown out and the air outside when it's cold. it has a smell. it DOES.

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, would it be about? the one direction boys' solo careers and eventual reunion when it happens

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? if that includes music, louis tomlinsons album walls. but if not, ehm the martian that movie makes me cry don't come for me

66. lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

67. sweet or savory? savory

68. girl crush? lily james

69. how do you know you’re in love? I've been trying to figure that out... I think it's when everything reminds you of them and you can completely be yourself around them and feel a sense of home and belonging.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? greyhound by calpurnia or baby driver by simon and garfunkel

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? h a r r y s t y l e s I have questions I need answered and I wanna hear unreleased HS and 1D music

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? going back to school so I can be with my best friend slash future boyfriend

tagging: @lupinlongbottom @outerlacy @fortisfiliae @theseuscmander @wizardwritings

[sensitive-boy-bones]

A week in my life

Monday - 11/2/19

weighed myself. I now weigh 10.2stone/142lbs

I have work experience from 9am - 4pm so thats Gucci, and it means I burn a lot of calories as im walking non stop for most of the day UwU.

Had Indian take away for dinner tonight, i fucking love Indian food!!

calories consumed: 1942cal

calories burnt: 545cal

Tuesday - 12/2/19

College today. was boring as FUCK. my guinea pigs run arrived a day early though OwO so that put me in a good mood!!

Calories consumed: 1416cal

Calories burnt: 300cal

Wednesday - 13/2/19

College today. also fucking boring, but at least I go home early UwU

but im in a shitty mood now, and im fucking binging, and my rat is sick :(

Calories consumed: !binge!

Calories burnt: 385cal

Thursday - 14/2/19

[9am]It's officially 2 months until my birthday! EEK! No college today WHOOP!

[10am]There are people viewing the house at midday. Also realised I should maybe add times.

[8pm]my sick rat is declining ;-;

[10pm]eating more food 😭

Calories consumed: 1887cal

Calories burnt: 92cal

Friday - 15/2/19

[7am]College today. pratical day and i have no energy. I've started filming what i eat in a day :D I'm working on my first video!

I FUCKING BINGED! >:(

Calories consumed: 2017cal

Calories burnt: 343cal

Saturday - 16/2/19

ITS THE WEEKEND!!!!!! and my day was shit..

my rat was put to sleep..

and i cut myself..

Calories consumed: 1060cal

Calories burnt: 113cal

Sunday - 17/2/19

Had vegan pancakes for breakfast.

Now imma spend the rest of the day cleaning.

oof and i almost cut myself again cause I made my best friend upset :')

Calories consumed: 1224cal

Calories burnt: 99cal

Now its Monday. I just weighed myself and I'm 10st/140lbs/63.5kg

[not-so-innocent-bi-sander]

I’m Trash!

Ok. So this was an idea I remember from one of those “Famous Tumblr Text Posts” and I couldn’t not do it. I’m gonna get into that multi chapter thing next, I promise! But for now, Here is this thing. :P

Warning- blood mention. But also it’s me, so not anything crazy. Still lighthearted because that's all im good for.

The dark shadow slipped from under Roman’s door. The creative one was having a particularly vivid dream and on rare occasions things had the possibility to manifest in the mindscape. The shadow was free and it wanted to do something fun. It snuck along the walls, peering under the other doorways. Hmm. Too cheery. Hmm. Too serious.

It found a dark room with an equally dark form slumped forward at a desk, appearing to have fallen asleep still online rather than actually going to bed. The light emanating from the laptop was the only light to be seen. Ooo. This one would work. The shadow gave itself a bit more form, revealing itself to have glistening fangs which clamped down on a bit of exposed neck.

Virgil woke to a pinch on his neck, instinctively slapping the spot. “Ugh. Mosquitos? We have mosquitos? Jeez. What was I... Oh yeah. Tumblr.” The anxious one went back to Tumblr, it was only 2am, not bad for a normal night. Now where was he?

Around 7am, Virgil awoke again, his whole body burning from the inside. He peeled himself up from his desk, the laptop keys having left impressions on his face. He placed one hand on his face to rub the indentations and the other on his stomach as though doing so would calm his insides.

“Ugh…. That’s the last time I eat Chipotle… This week.” Virgil rubbed his stomach and groaned. He tried to get as comfortable as he could, grabbing his phone he started scrolling through Tumblr some more.

In what seemed like no time at all, he heard Patton calling him down for breakfast. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already nearly 10am.

“Man, Tumblr is such a time suck.” He said quietly to himself as he popped out of bed and opened his bedroom door, the light shocking his eyes and causing him to hide behind his forearm.

“Why is it so bright out here?!” He called as he walked down the stairs towards food, his eyes still shielded.

“It isn’t that bright, Virgil.” Logan pointed out, sitting at the table reading his newspaper.

“Says you. I think I might have migraine… Too much chipotle.” He wandered into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee.

“Want me to fix you a plate, Virge?” Patton asked cheerily. Virgil looked over at the tasty looking spread that Patton had laid out. Just looking at it made his stomach turn even more sour.

“Thanks Dad, but I think I’m gonna sit out breakfast. My stomach isn’t doing so well. I’ll just take the coffee.” His eyes were still mostly shut, the light making his head hurt.

“Aw alright, Kiddo. I’ll come up to check on you in a little while. Go get some rest.” Patton smiled and patted his shoulder.

“You might have a cold coming on, you feel so cold!” Patton stated, pulling his hand away from Virgil. Virgil shrugged and took his mug upstairs, returning to the safety of his dark room. As soon as he was back out of the bright lights of the commons, he felt much better. He placed his mug on his desk and got on his laptop, playing some games to pass the time.

Once again, in what felt like no time at all, he glanced at the time and found that it had been multiple hours.

“Wow. I need to keep better track of time… Then again. You can’t load up The Sims without losing several hours of your life.” He closed up the game and heard a knock on the door.

“Virge? I brought you some lunch!” Came Patton’s cheery voice on the other side of the door. Virgil popped up and opened the door.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virge smiled gently and took the tray. He noticed that Patton had dimmed the hallway lights. Patton smiled and walked away, closing the door as he left so Virgil could continue resting. He placed the tray on his desk and meandered around his room a moment. The food looked pretty good, but it smelled strange to him. It appeared to be a pretty regular sandwich and fries. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for any reason.

“Ouch!” He picked up a fry and instantly threw it back down. It was burning hot. Patton must have just made them. But he was a glutton for punishment a good french fry. He took a quick bite of one of them and found it burning the inside of his mouth just like it was burning his fingers. He tried to cool it down in his mouth but it didn’t seem to cool and he had to spit it back out.

“Man, why are these so hot? And… Garlicky? Huh.” Virgil shrugged and figured he’d come back to it later when they cooled down. He wasn’t hungry anyway. Plopping back on his bed, he was back on his phone. Another while of scrolling through tumblr when yet another knock on his door.

“Come in?” He called, not moving. Patton pushed the door open and walked in a little bit.

“How are you feeling, Kiddo? Dinner is about ready and…” Patton looked over at Virgil’s untouched lunch and his forgotten mug of coffee from that morning.  

“Have you eaten anything today, Virge? You must be pretty sick if you haven’t been hungry at all…” Patton walked in and slowly placed a hand on Virgil’s forehead, he was still so cold.

“I feel fine, Patton. I just wasn’t hungry? I don’t know. I think I’m just a little nauseous from whatever I ate last night. It’ll pass.” He shrugged. Patton worried, but thats what dads did. He grabbed the tray and the coffee and carried it out of the room.

“Just try and get some rest, ok Kiddo? I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if you get hungry.” He called over his shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” Virgil continued laying there. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t hungry… He just wasn’t. Maybe he should try and get some sleep. Placing his phone down, he put his hands behind his head in the most relaxed position he could manage.

Virgil laid perfectly still with his eyes shut, waiting for some amount of tiredness to come over him, but it never did.

/Great, another night of insomnia. Perfect, of course when i’m feeling sick I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Man, being anxiety can really suck sometimes, I bet tha-/ He thought to himself until he was interrupted by another knock on the door. Patton just left, who could it possibly be?

“Come in.” He called, watching the door open and Logan walk in. “Virgil? I can’t see you in here.” He stated, reaching for the light switch and flipping it on. Virgil opened his mouth wide and hissed at the bright light, much louder than the last time he had hissed at Logan during their debate. He flipped himself over and buried his face in the pillow. Logan could have sworn… In the light it almost looked like.. Virgil’s teeth were… No. That would be ludicrous.

“I uh.. Sorry,” Logan flipped the light back off and Virgil rolled back over to face him. “I just came to tell you that Roman wants to go on an adventure in his kingdom once again.. But Patton said you weren’t feeling well. So I just came to tell you we shouldn’t be gone longer than a day or so. I brought you these, in case you wanted some gentle entertainment while you were sick. I think they should be to your liking.” Virgil was confused, he glanced at the time and saw it was somehow 8am? Man, this stomach flu was really messing with his sense of time. Logan placed two very large books down on Virgil’s nightstand.

Looking over he saw one was a collection of Grimm’s Fairytales and the other was the nearly complete works of Edgar Allen Poe.

“Thanks, Lo. I’ll check those out. Have fun in la la land.” Virgil smirked. Logan nodded and left. Virgil got bored of Tumblr after some amount of time and eventually picked up the Brothers Grimm fairytales book. He did not expect all of these to be so dark.. Logan was right these were his kind of stories. They seemed to read pretty quick, it didn’t seem like very long before he had finished the hearty tome and put it off to the side. He grabbed Poe next, he had been told many times that this was something he would also enjoy.

This book was also great. Man, is this why Logan reads so much? These stories were awesome. He would have to ask that nerd if he had more books he could read. Another knock on the door. Man, these guys kept popping back in on him.  

“Yeah?” He called, not looking up from his Poe anthology.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan asked, pushing the door open once again.

“Uh, same as I was when you asked like half an hour ago?” He smirked, still nose deep in his book. Logan’s eyes opened wide.

“Half an hour? Virgil, I was gone with Roman and Patton for nearly 3 days. Have you not… Slept? Eaten? ..Moved at all?”

“Pshh. Logan. If you are going to try to trick me, go with an amount of time that makes sense. All i’ve managed to do since you were gone was…. I dont know. I was on tumblr for a while… I read like both of these books. Great books by the way. Do you have any more?” Virgil gestured to the two huge books Logan had left with him.

Logan had to keep his excitement for Virgil’s reading to himself, there was something very wrong here.

“…Stay right here. I’ll be right back.” Logan quickly left, leaving Virgil there with a shrug as he finished up his book. Logan returned in, what of course felt like no time to Virgil, about a half hour.

“Virgil, please come downstairs, i’ve dimmed the lights and everything.” Logan poked his head back in.

“Ugh. What is it Lo? I promise I’m fine. I’m just sick or something.” He tossed the book down and followed behind Logan. The light in the rest of the house was dim, and while it stung his eyes a little, it was manageable. He plopped down on the couch across from Roman and Logan, Patton seemed to be busy in the kitchen.

“Virgil, we are… Are you using a different foundation? You look even paler than usual.” Roman began, getting distracted by his appearance. Virgil shrugged.

“I don’t know, I haven’t checked my makeup in the mirror in a while? Maybe this is just what my skin looks like without makeup. It’s not like I go outside.”

“…In anycase. Virgil… We are concerned about your well-being. You aren’t eating, sleeping.. You seem to be unaware of the passage of time. Are you feeling well? You may be seriously ill.” Logan noted. Virgil suddenly sniffed the air deeply.

“Man… That smells amazing, Patton. What are you making?” He didn’t even realize he was on his feet all of a sudden, his feet carrying him toward the kitchen. Logan, however, did notice how much Virgil’s pupils dilated when he took that whiff of the air. As well as noting he couldn’t smell anything at all. He got up and followed after Virgil, Roman noticing everyone moving and followed.

“Oh, I’m making you some chicken noodle soup, Kiddo! Great for when you are sick! I haven’t actually started cooking yet though.. So i’m not sure what you are smelling? I’m just chopping the vegetables.” Patton chuckled. “Although… With how dark it is in here, I slipped a little and cut my finger pretty good.

Patton held up his hand, blood dripping down his index finger in a thin line that was trailing down his hand. Virgil was absolutely transfixed on the cut and the trail of blood. Logan watched Virgil, staring intensely at Patton’s blood. He reached out to put a hand on Virgil, but the anxious one had stepped forward and gently grasped Patton’s forearm.

“I don’t know why… But I want to… I can’t… I need…” Virgil was struggling with something and he surprised them all when he leaned forward and licked the line of blood from Patton’s forearm up all the way to his fingertip.

“MMMMmmmm…..” He uttered.

All of them stood in shock.

“Uh.. Kiddo? Are you… Some kind of.. Vampire?” Patton asked, a bit shaken. Virgil paused a minute before just kind of shrugging.

“You know… That would actually explain a lot. Huh. I just kind of thought I was…. You know… Trash.”

@twentyoneparades-to-panic-at @celiawhatsherlastname @de-is-me @authordreaming13 @introverts-assemble @lilylunalovegood2002 @musicwitchthomas @didsomeonesayprince @heracaine @freepaperie081 @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @cefmua56 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @kittyboof8 @emphoenixcat @morticiaaddams1

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

[joshuaamarii]

Orenmaniyeyo.

안녕 하세요!!!

Its been a while.

Ive been happy this past few months because of Bangtan. I can say that they are my escape from reality. Im also busy with reviewing for my NCLEX exam. It’s been tough. Really tough.

I work to the hospital from 11pm to 7am but I arrive at home at 9am and sleep at 10am then woke up at 12nn to prepare to go to the review which is 3hrs away from where I live. It’s in the city. Class starts at 4pm to 7pm but sometimes it ends at 8pm. Right after the review I will go to work. And repeat.

2hrs of sleep everyday. As I said BTS is my escape from the reality, they wake me up on my night duties, gave me energy to still attend classes and go to work even my body is complaining.

My exam date is scheduled 14th of september. I request for leave from sept 1st until sept 15th. To have a rest period before the exam. I read, answered questions and do fangirling on times I dont feel like my brain is absorbing any information, And here comes 13th of the month. I checked in in the hotel 2 buildings away from where the examination will take place. I still study the night before. I even read how to read ABG results in the morning of the exam. The day of the examination. I ate my breakfast in the resto and go directly to the exam area right after.

The security is so tight, Im full aware Im not prepared for the exam. I took the exam... Usually, I can answer questions really fast like when I took the local boards I always ends up the first to finish the examination. But this exam is different.

The pressure of the time, pressure of sudden change of questions from difficult to objective type of questions... I cant concentrate. I cant comprehend what I am reading. Even right after the exam... I cant remember parts of the questions. I can see that I consumed more than half of the time alloted for the exam and I barely pass the half of the maximum questions I should answer.

Right then I concentrate. I answer the questions without looking at the time. And then on 150+... my computer just went white with an announcement.

That I finished the exam...

Case study that I did not answer and the survey for the staff.

Waiting time...

I know to myself that I did not pass because of my answers. I told my parents as well as mg family that I know I didnt make it. That’s when I decided I will not open any email that I will get from my agency.

Two days after... I waited for the result. But there isnt any news from the agency. Then it is monday, 3 days after the exam, it will be my 1st day back at work. Before I leave the house. I recieved an email from Pearson vue. It says that I avail the quick result. That’s when I know my agency now knows what is my result.

And because I cant be late to work. I leave the house and still waited for them contact or email me something. The sadness of knowing in my heart I didnt pass. I cant even concentrate at work. I talked to a colleague who also took NCLEX and she passed. She feel the same way as I do. And then, the agency who processed my papers sent me a message that I will recieve an Candidate Report from NCSBN after 6-10 weeks. I still didnt know what is the result. That is the first thing I heard from both agency who worked for the processing of my application. I searched for the Candidate report. I know NCSBN will send a mail after the exam. It will contain the official result of the exam. I remember on the review center they were joking that of yoi recieve a thin mail you passed but if you will recieve a thick mail it contain the report of what you did weong on the exam. But I need to check it. So I searches for the NCLEX Candidate report...

If you will get a candidate report it means you failed the exam. So I asked the agency who sent me a message regarding the candidate report if I failed the exam. They advised to me that I should contact my main agency.

I emailed them. And as of now, they still didnt contact me.

But I know I failed... And I dont know what to feel. I wanted to cry. I wanted to blame myself for not giving my best and for panicking. I know it is still not official because I still didnt have the result. But you know, I can feel it. During the exam I feel I wont pass. I ready myself from that day until now. But... I just end up not knowing how to react.

On the days after the exam, I watched a korean drama. I cant watch BTS because I know Im blaming myself from watching them instead of reading and answering. But what is the using blaming myself for my past actions? None, right? But I cant still help it.

I dont know what will happen if the agency finally email me that I did not pass. I can feel depression will envelop me again. I dont wanna think of ending my life again because of this. But I dont know how to stop it. Im thinking that crying will help me stop those thoughts.

BTS once pulled me up on my sorrow. But I am aftaid they cannot now... Whenever this exam pass on my mind I always feel my heart is breaking. I know God has a better plan but I dont know... I dont know if I can lift myself up after this.

This is hard for me because this will be the first time I fail. And I failed hard. I dont know if I can recover from this.

I hope so. Maybe someday.

[animatedinsights]

Look Back at WonderCon 2007 -- Day 1 (Friday)

AS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON LIVE JOURNAL 

Look Back at WonderCon 2007 -- Day 1 (Friday)

Mar. 7th, 2007 at 9:07 PM

I'm generally not an early riser, but somehow I can do it for the airlines. I normally get on 6 am flights to go back to Seattle or Spokane, so a 7am for San Francisco was actually really easy for me. No problems at all getting there, and even baggage claim was a snap. The hardest part was figuring out where the AirTrain is at San Francisco Airport, a free shuttle that connects up to the BART system while also circling all the terminals and parking garages. Once I found that, it was just a matter of finding the BART stop and paying the right fare and off I went to downtown San Francisco! (The only downside is that while only one BART train serves SFO, three lines serve the Oakland Airport, which means a 20 min wait between trains at times. But LA can be that bad sometimes too... just takes planning.)

Now I must confess I find San Francisco confusing, with the streets constantly shifting and changing names. I got turned around coming out of the Montgomery St. Station and was all the way to Main Street before I figured out that my destination at Third Street (which turns into Kearney on the other side of Market) was the opposite way! So that meant another six blocks back plus the walk to the Argent Hotel. But I hadn't tired out too badly. I took a chance to see if they had a room empty for me at 10AM -- which I doubted since check in wasn't until 3PM -- but they did find one! I rested a while, called my boyfriend Kevin back home to let him know I was OK, then had lunch at the Quizno's down the block. In fact, I was surprised how many chain franchises had multiple shops in such relatively short distances all over downtown... and not just the coffee shops either!

After lunch I set off to find the Moscone Center South (I nearly got lost doing that as well, found West before south and took following the WonderCon badges to work my way toward where South was). It was so frustrating given I am so good at directions in LA! Went looking for the professional line at the center only to find there was no wait and we could go right in and get our badges. Even were allowed to wait in a special area (which was autograph alley I think) and be admitted to shop on the floor 15 minutes before the public. Now that's a courtesy I've NEVER seen at Comic-Con... too many of us I bet. The downside of being so small was that they did not maintain any regular Pro Lounge like Comic-Con does.

My shopping trip consisted of picking up some comics at SLG Publishing (HAUNTED MANSION latest, last two WONDERLAND, and Issue 2 of REX LIBRIS which I was on the fence about) plus an Eowyn figurine I'd had trouble tracking down. From there I sat in on the SLG Publishing panel (of which much has been written about on the Net already, so I'll spare the details) and then shifted gears to the Linda Medley spotlight -- which got a bit boring halfway through as it was better suited to artists and art educators. I'd get to hear Linda again Saturday though, so that was OK.

From there I went back to the Argent and used my cell phone to call my friend Mike who lives in San Francisco. Our dads both were stationed in the island of Oahu in the early 1980s and we went to 5th and 6th grade together. Outside of my immediate family, he is my last tie to the first dozen or so years of my life. Once we factored in his own limited knowledge of downtown and frustration with one way streets, we ended up driving up to the Twin Peaks area to look down on the city at night and then dining at a place he knew on the other side of the peaks. Korean BBQ. We haven't seen each other in person in 13 years he said... though now that I think about it I believe it's closer to 15! Despite exchanging a lot of email and IMs over the years, there were still things to be said, and to let the reality sink in that no the other is not just phosphors or a figment of one's imagination.

We had an early dinner since he had guests the next day and I got dropped back off I think sometime after 8pm. I went to my room, but then made a run back out shortly for a hot chocolate from Coffee Bean. Greg Weisman and Cary Bates were apparently in the lobby, but it never really registered with me. I thought I heard Greg at one point, and at another point thought I saw someone in the distance who looked like him (apparently it was from what he's since told me), but I knew I'd be seeing Greg the next day and was really tired so didn't want to bother him. Apparently my politeness cost me the chance to meet Cary Bates, silly girl. (L, you'll never let me live that down, will you?) I also saw Dwayne McDuffie, Charlotte Fullerton, Eugene Son, and Matt Wayne who I knew would be there... but again, since I knew I'd see them all the next day the most I could manage was hi and bye. It really was an overwheming day and I'd been up early, so I knew I had to relax and go to bed. Besides, I thought I'd still have all of Saturday and Sunday...

Never make assumptions, as will be illustrated next rock.