#im gonna be living this high for a while | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nattere · 9 months

Note

Your outfit is adorable!!!

ASDFGJK THANK YOU 🥹🫣🥰

#im #aaaaaaah #thank you #🥹#im gonna be living this high for a while #lol #personal #ask

2 notes · View notes

bacchuschucklefuck · 20 days

Text

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

#not art #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit #kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it #until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it #until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her #but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs #she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying #probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone #lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear #Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked #but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now #yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc #man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet #and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out #lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help #it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around #but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever #its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous #its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot #yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry #doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it #ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking

99 notes · View notes

phantomrose96 · 1 year

Text

So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but

Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.

And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.

#anyway #i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything #its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet #(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA #account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was #looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this #one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks

106 notes · View notes

ducktollers · 1 month

Text

got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D

#delete later #sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree #and theyre desperate #and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out #bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people #and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary #and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn #cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time #😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances #didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate #uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation #and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after #and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it #there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over #time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19 #yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x

12 notes · View notes

hecksupremechips · 6 months

Text

I always heard people say that Layla should’ve gotten with Warren Peace instead of Will in sky high but guys come on it’s 2023 we all all know she and warren were just bearding for each other I’m sick of pretending they weren’t

#sky high #and okay maybe im projecting because just look at them and the amount of gay awakenings that were had to them #my own 😵‍💫#im a warren peace stan is this even kinda surprising hes emo he reads hes hotheaded he likes shitty poetry crap he has bad social skills #of course i was into him #and layla too come on shes got absolutely broken plant powers but shes a pacifist shes sweet shes an activist she calls the school fascist #but no yeah layla and warren so very clearly were not interested in each other at all like they will be bomb ass besties but romantically no #warren was literally playing the role of gbf like Layla was talking about will and hes like #girl just kiss him already #he had no desire to be with her romantically and was pretty explicity not into holding her hand #but he played along cuz he just wanted to make will mad like this is such gbf behavior akdjks #just like ‘oh so you wanna piss off your shitty crush? lol okay lets do this 😎’#plus like just look at him hes simply gay your honor #layla now layla is painfully obviously gay and its gonna hit her like a train #weve all wanted her to be gay our whole lives but noooo she had to get with boring fucking will #in my version she and will date for a while but feelings get complicated #she isnt sure if she likes will or if she just chose him cuz it was convenient to like her male friend #she always looked at other girls a bit longer than what was ‘normal’#but she isnt into labels! she doesnt need to worry about this! its fine everything is fine-#shes just an over eager ally thats all #the crisis lasts for years warren gives her The Stare shes like 🫣#listen im just trying to live out my childhood dream and make the characters i had an indescribable fascination with gay #and yes i was just watching sky high what about it

9 notes · View notes

cerkowah · 6 months

Text

somebody described one of my posts as "biblically accurate willry"

#im gonna be living off this high for a while #im not entirely sure what it means but i take it as a compliment #cerk.txt

12 notes · View notes

firebuug · 7 months

Text

the stupid thing about anxiety that leans into straight up paranoia territory is that you can be weirdly paranoid and expectant of something terrible, worst case scenario ever to happen like, all the time, but since it's never happened to you you know it's unreasonable. but the moment one of the things you're crazy about actually happens, all those other extremely way more unreasonable things suddenly become plausible in your head by association, so now you're just on guard ALL the time. it's like throwing your anxiety a bone and because it was good that time and did a good job of preparing you for it now it's like ok! I will do this for everything else too and i will do a good job. but really it just needs to be put down

#in my case its like. i was highly paranoid of car incidents happening. but i was able to like. nap in a car comfortably cuz it never hapened #but i was ALSO unreasonably so paranoid about likr. inexplicably suddenly just getting a bullet to the skull. like out of nowhere anytime #so now that a terrifying car incident HAS happened to me now im like okay #im super high guard about that now and can barely close an eye in a vehicle without shaking. but. now that thats plausible.#whats saying im not gonna be sniped any moment any time while in public . who says.#i as a perosn know its exteemely unreasonable and sily especially considering where i live. but now that my anxiety has been fed #it's basically all gone downhill into insanity #anyways i need therapy but i dont have time energy or transportation. SLAYYYY!!!!!!!❗❗❗❗🫡#txt #to detract this from myself therefore cancelling out any vulnerability on main: if i give an oc anxiety please know #it is this level of crawling up walls 'my head is going to blow off in five seconds and you need to shield me' bullshit and not 'oh no ppl.

12 notes · View notes

possiblytracker · 11 months

Text

feeling normal (birthday in like 3 days that im not ready for) feeling normal (too artblocked and preoccupied to even think about finishing artfight and wrestling with guilt about it) feeling normal (-£600 in bank account) feeling normal (realised breaking my foot last year led to Lasting Consequences but cant see a physio abt my fucked up legs til january) feeling normal (has to learn to drive stick and the instructor is scary) feeling normal (stlil has no idea how to un-fuck social life after the great mental breakdown of april 2023) feeling normal (gross sobbing)

#'hows it going' yeah everything is happening so much its fine tho <2 #like im FINE im just. all over the goddamn place i need things to just settle down #i applied for a job thats like. actually the closest thing i can think of to my dream job. like. rare opportunity where i can suck up to th #employer as much as i want about the place having a huge impact on my life and mean every single word of it for real #(its at the bird park where i used to volunteer but this time doing flight displays animal training and education)#im slightly underqualified for it (no prior hands-on experience and no drivers license yet) so i might not even get the interview #so not getting my hopes up high yet #i can always volunteer there again on weekends while i work whatever retail gig will take me if i dont #but fuuuck it'd be nice. so so cool #'required qualifications: undergrad degree in fields related to animal behaviour' me rolling up with my shiny new Animal Behaviour BSc:#anyway. AUghrh #give things a few more weeks to shake out. ill be okay #having complicated feelings about one chapter of my life being over.. its a fucked up transitory period thats prolly gonna feel worse-#before it feels better #but ill settle into it soon especially once i get a job/my sister goes to college in september #....and i get the goddamn boxes out of my room so it feels more like a place i actually live again jgHJSDN #vent/#its not Really but close enough

9 notes · View notes

soul-spoken · 2 months

Text

I vent or breakdown so often, I know I get told it's fine and talk when I need to but geez it feels so excessive, like I'm overly sensitive or just really really easily triggered over things that shouldn't even relate to my trauma

We come to solutions or we distract from it, or we cuddle, but it's just always there.

I can almost always feel the dumb anxiety or depression feelings, I don't want to

I wish my brain understood that

#im tired of only feeling safe when im overly babied and small. i know at this current time point certain traumas are still really fresh #and i need to let myself acknowledge that and relax and maybe be taken care of on a higher level but #i feel so clingy and embarrassed #and i really wish i wasn't still reminded of things from the past. i hate getting anxious over things from high school or college #that doesn't matter anymore #i don't wanna be so vulnerable and scared all the time #but i think i need to #i just want to be held. feel skin to skin. get kissed and called sweet names #i wanna feel his nails through my hair. hear that hushed voice he does when being soft. i wanna be closer #i wanna be safe and told its not scary. its not bad. instead of how we've been going about things..#cant i just feel secluded and loved? feel protected and small #i wanna be told that my ptsd is a normal reaction and that i dont have to be like i was before. i can take a while to gather myself #to mourn and exist. to just.. be #be however my brain is needing to be in order to relax #i wanna be intimate and romantic and loving and gentle #i feel so guilty over these wants and needs #i wish i didn't have them. i wish i understood that its safe to have them.#i wish i was different #i wish i was me. but me before #when i was stable and felt nice and independent but i still had little moments of softness and needing help. i miss my early early twenties #but. i also miss the feeling of being held tight by him and told nothing could hurt me anymore. that he was gonna keep the bad away #like middle school. keeping the mean kids away #i love him. i want to feel loved #i am loved. i don't doubt that. but i wish i could capture every soft second and live in it forever #and i feel so guilty #trav.txt

2 notes · View notes

magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

Text

i think that whole "never felt safe growing up and most of my life" thing did real damage to my psyche lmao

#......... whole damn childhood of not feeling safe. i think... the one place i can even think of where i was truly comfortable was my aunts #house. and id see her rarely and not get to stay w her that often/long...#.... apart from that?.... just constant fucking fear and wanting to escape and be left alone #... when i got older like middle high college id feel somewhat safe at friends houses. but i always dreaded having to go home #when i lived at college was... the first time i actually lived somewhere where i felt kinda safe and at home. but my parents made sure to #remind me that it wasnt my actual home lmaoo and that they could take it away at any moment #just like how after we moved from romania i had to hear all the time. while i was stuck in a foreign country as a kid. that my room isnt my #own nothing is my own i owe them everything privacy wasnt allowed etc etc #...... after college i lived w my partner in the ghetto. like shots outside 7+ times a day sorta ghetto. i literally felt safer and more #comfortable and vibing and chill than i did at home with my parents?? lmaoo jfc i actually miss it #apart from that... probably the second time i was in the psych ward lol #and after i come back from romania its gonna be months again of having to stay alone w my stepfather whose like. weirdly sexually attracted #to me and loud and agressive and it just. triggers me so fucking much. god. i hate all this. i hate all this #twenty two fucking years of knowing little else than fucking fear and loneliness. i just. want. to feel safe.#for fucking once #so often i just wanna curl up in a borrow and never come out. thats all i want. im so tired. im so tired of this

22 notes · View notes

deepfriedseagullfeet · 5 months

Text

SIGHS i think i should take a tolerance break from weed cause im nervous about my tolerance and i want to be responsible and careful and all that. but according to the internet the best amount of time to take is a MONTH

#like ill do it. im not super dependent on weed and i want to stay careful about how much im smoking #im also curious to see if my brain fog improves because ive been struggling a lot with that as well as dissociation lately #BUT STILL THATS A WHILE WITHOUT MY SPECIAL POTION THAT MAKES ME CHILL TF OUT #AND i was gonna order a new cart from my local dispensary today (i live in michigan and it is legal here)#but i think i must hold off. its getting harder to get high after 1-2 hits and its making me nervous and i want a reset #so if yall smoke and are thinking of taking a break. here is ur sign. lets take a break together #life with seag #drugs tw

4 notes · View notes

royalberryriku · 6 months

Text

It's gonna be 39C (102.2f) and we don't have an aircon fuckkk I hate Australian summers. Especially since, at least here, it's humid af as well.

#personal #vent #it's 29C today and I'm barely able to function im gonna die tomorrow #plan is to wake up at the asscrack of dawn and go somewhere that does have aircon all day #we can't even fix it ourselves because it's not our house and we don't have permission to like come on #like the mall or something #or the supermarket #just turning around in the frozen food department like a rotisserie chicken to be cooled down instead of heated #There's some places i can sit down and vibe that have at least some aircon #better than none #also fuck our real estate for refusing to fix stuff because it costs them money and they want to “”wait“” to be able to pay it #it's fucking summer and we're quite literally toast while they want to save more for christmas #like bruh #y'all are already rich as fuck at least pay off the investment of SHELTER YOU PROVIDE FOR VERY HIGH PRICES #when honestly shelter should be free but damn gotta buy that extra fucking ham or toy train set lest it spoil christmas #like damn imagine having a low key Christmas to save money while actually paying your bills it's almost like thats always us and for what #so y'all can complain you have it hard that we pay for your shit then act surprised you gotta maintain the thing we pay for??#asshats probably don't even look at their electricity bill and ration the damn aircon and fans as if using too much means losing them ffs #anyway fuck the rich and this system that is centred around making basic shelter a commodity #rent is such a fucking scam and buying is like owning a black hole to throw your living expenses into if you dare to own your own shelter #housing should be free and this cabalistic capitalist system is a fucking nightmare #anyway back to the og point lol #it's fucking hot and i want winter back #Australian winters are so mild and great its like spring in other countries i think #spring here is also a nightmare of rain heatwaves and cold fighting in a parking lot so it's not nice here #but winter??#nice and cool and mild #wish it was always less than 23C all the time that'd be amazing #i don't remember what that is in fahrenheit but yeah

2 notes · View notes

woahajimes · 9 months

Text

perhaps if i were to swallow a shotgun

#i have my history IA draft due in 9h and i havent started but i decided im not gonna start lmao like idgaf #i also have a 2min german presentation NO SCRIPT so im going to effectively kms #i saw insta stories of my friends in ecuador and theyre getting ready for senior pics like #makeup is out girls are doing makeup on guys like fixing eyebrows covering redness #this guy was straightening this gal's hair #one has like curls and her bf was helping her curl treatment like all while in uniforms like how hard is it #also im not sure what i want to do #honestly no place in canada looks good to live in #like god prices are so high everywhere and where its affordable its just so boxy #like i could stay in stoon but id kill myself #there snothign left to explore nowhere to go

4 notes · View notes

ahalliance · 2 years

Text

smth about 10 being 904 yrs old in day of the doctor then 906 in the end of time fucks me up

#s2-s4 were like. fours years to him :( maybe three #and he spends at least two years running about on his own slowly withering away #those two years which are most likely post waters of mars… what if i died #and him STILL feeling horrible about how he acted in the end of time to a point where he starts breaking down in front of wilf . wtf :((#hes just. he’s my little sad guy :(#why’d he spend a third of his 6 yr existence alone huh 😭#i am quite literally going to be an emotional mess when the 60th specials drop like 😭#HIM AND DONNA . back together . besties again . lord #and theyre gonna no doubt address how fucking miserable 10 was at the end of his life .#and there’s no doubt going to be a message about self acceptance and moving on .#14 is a version of 10 who has endured what he once was terrified of and lived to tell the tale . he’s a 10 who knows it was all okay in the #end #and THAT is gonna fuck me up . meow meow finally has a high chance of getting his happy end… 13 years later gotdamn #literally whatever they do ill be happy to see DT and CT acting together again im so fucking pumped #and we’re immediately getting the already banger duo of 15 and ruby right afterwards…. we’re being fucking spoiled #im so so so excited i love doctor who!! i love celebrating the future while honouring the past!!#jay rambles

12 notes · View notes

scattered-winter · 9 months

Text

seeing everyone get super emotional abt the pjo teaser today has been. a surreal experience for sure

#i WANT to be happy about it and i WANT to be emotional about it but i am just so god damn tired. im so tired.#im not even physically tired most of the time but i am Tired. you know #trying to get a job. absolutely cannot. trying to go to class. too tired to even pay attention when im there.#trying to do homework. too tired to focus on it when i do it. gonna fail more classes and to be perfectly fucking honest #i might just drop out.#i dont know what im doing here!!!!! im getting a degree for nothing!!!! im wasting time and money by being here!!!!!!#if i knew what i wanted to do and how to get there that would be one thing but im literally only here because idk where else to go #and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so god damn tired.#i dont want to drop out because i dont know what to do if i did.#i cant live with my parents i Cant. its ok to do that short term but its suffocating after a while.#i cant be the person i want to be with them yk.#but i dont know where the hell else im supposed to go!!!!! i dont think im meant to be here but i dont know where else i need to be!!!!!!!#i dont fucking know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so fucking tired. so god damn exhausted at all times of the day.#like im being so fr right now i dont know what im doing here and every moment of indecision is costing me more money #im not gonna be able to pay for my second semester but i cant get a job and i dont even know what im doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#because im just here because you go to college after high school its what you do!!!!!!!!#i didnt choose to be here!!!!!!!!!!! i just went with the flow and now its costing me and i am broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so broke!!!!!#someone please put me into a coma rn i am being so fr. i am being SO fr.#i want to. quit college. and go work somewhere. just a job. no more school. i dont wanna do this anymore.#hrrhhghghghhhhhh #winter speaks #personal #anyway i am slightly afraid lol because not even the pjo show can make me feel excited + happy about something #despite it being nearest and dearest to me. im just too goddamn tired.#i am not gonna lie guys losing one of my friends at the beginning of the semester has had an Effect (tm)#lol. lmaooooooo even.#there's a girl in one of my classes who looks just like her so thats sooo fun. thats great.#fucked up how grief just grows on you like moss. it doesnt leave.

6 notes · View notes

ikyw-t · 9 months

Text

I do relate to olivia rodrigo in some ways for example I did have nightmares each week (every day for months) after that phone call in may (march). I fantasize (once every other blue moon) about a time where you're a little fucking sorry. except I do not hold my undying love (there is not even an iota of love, if there ever was) like a grudge and also I will never ever forgive bc you were indeed filled with vitriol. and unfortunately I also cannot let it go. it was six months (three years) of torture. I did NOT love you truly and I cannot laugh at the stupidity. I may have made some real big mistakes but you do indeed make the worst one look fine. like..............

#sorry i know this is cringe and something i should just journal about #ive just had a very shitty day and also kinda week #ive just been tired and lethargic for no clear reason for the past five days and it's very frustrating #bc i have homework due tomorrow that ive barely made any progress on #and i kinda rly need an A in this class to maintain my gpa. so if one bad week means i tank this assignment and get a B in this class #oh dread. unspeakable unsurmountable dread #also i went on a walk in the park w my mom which i haven't done in a bit and i just was unable to stop thinking #about my high school demon of a boyfriend who lives nearby. altho he literally never goes outside i sometimes get rly freaked out #and panicky that i might see him and have to deal with him again. like he did call (AND TEXT?!?🤢) me last march #and i was having nightmares for months after and feeling so paranoid that he might randomly show up at my house one day #bc that's the kind of shit he used to do regularly when we were dating to keep me from breaking up w him #and like ughhhhhhhhhh it just makes me so upset bc he literally would have the audacity.#it's just upsetting. i am soooo nonviolent as a person but when i think of him i suddenly feel not very nonviolent #again my apologies i know this should be journaled about instead. sorry u had to see all this #feel free not to read these tags like this is just for me. apologies.#while im here some other songs that make me think of him include would've could've should've. atw10 but only the terrible parts #uhh better by myself by hey violet is incredibly on the nose #also it's actually just a rly great song. also get out of my life by little hurt. okay im done now.#gonna go find something funny and cute to watch. maybe little witch academia.#sorry if u read all this 😵‍💫

4 notes · View notes