#im just thinking about some stuff
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drew some of my fav ody designs! wasnt originally meant to be also replicating the styles but thats sort of just how my brain works. except i didnt copy the lineart styles of anyone here so its DEFINITELY a bit uncanny for a couple of these (LOOKING AT YOU QINNY IM SO SORRY) but whatever
the designs featured here (from left to right) belong to: me, @gigizetz, @neal-illustrator, @irunaki, @bigidiotenergytm, @qinnyanimation, and @foopsie-daisy
#WAUGHHH IM SO NERVOUS TAGGING PEOPLE COOLER THAN ME#HEAD IN HANDS HEAD IN HANDS I NEED TO STOP PANICKING OVER STUFF LIKE THIS#bc like I KNOW THEYRE JUST PEOPLE. I WOULD BE SO HYPE IF SOMEONE DREW MY ODY ID LOVE TO BE TAGGED IN THAT.#BUT WHAT IF I AM SHOT. WITH A GUN. gfrdfvb vfrdedrf#i am a very normal non anxiety having person i swear guys#worst thing i did here was have odys hands very visible for the qinny one. because i didnt realize the way they draw hands is very realisti#BUT THEIR WHOLE STYLE HAS REALLY REALISTIC ANATOMY I SHOULVE KNOWN#irunakis style is SO fun to draw in bc its a lot like some of my older art so its very familiar yk yk i wasnt worrying too much about makin#-things accurate. but i think that accidentally made me too comfortable and so i ended up straying a bit too much#i think a lot of irunaki and qinnys styles specifically is in the lineart. so me using my normal style of lines makes them less recognizabl#anyways. neals odysseus i have shit talked in private (its a good design it just feels uncanny w/ jorges voice to me) but hes really-#-interesting to draw. i wanna do style studies on neal their characters have a very. idk animated feels like the wrong word but like.#something like animated. feeling to them. theyre very distinct in shape i wanna do studies thats it#bigidiotenergy i found this morning while FINALLY looking at cloudysseus art and instantly fell in love w their design#i need to ruffle his hair. hes so silly. absolutely incredible design. but GOD was the style a nightmare#it was too late id already comitted to trying to replicate the styles. but ohhh my god its so far from my own it was so hard#theres so much detail in places i dont normally put any at all#and its like. WAUGH its scary i need to do anatomy studies in general maybe#uhh havent commented on the gigi one. he was really easy to draw though lol. weirdly enough gigis style was close enough to my current one-#-that i didnt have any trouble whatsoever? and i think its the most accurate too but only because of the lineart styles being similar lol#ALSO NOT TO PLAY FAVORITES BUT FOOP ODYSSEUS IS MY FAVORITE#I LOVE HIMMM I LOVE HIS SILLY SHAPES HE LOOKS LIKE A WEIRD CAT KINDA. HE INTRIGUES ME.#my ody feels kinda lame next to all these guys gbfdefgbf#but oh well. hes ingrained into my mind now i cant change him at this point /silly i am actually happy w him but i might make changes#thaats thoughts on all of the odys here. anyways art tags time#doodles#odysseus#epic the musical#OH MY GOD EDIT I FORGOT TO DRAW FOOP ODYS SHOES. HEAD IN HANDS. IM SO SORRY
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don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au
this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--
his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!
So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.
Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.
Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.
And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.
Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.
Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.
He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?
Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.
Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.
They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.
Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.
He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.
His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.
Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.
It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.
He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.
Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.
He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.
He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.
Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.
It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.
It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.
"I've become my grandfather."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc prompt#ive been playing cult of the lamb recently and you can tell#anyways i thought this was funny to think about. its specifically danyal al ghul bc that makes it even funnier#tfw you accidentally become a cult leader. rip to you danny you have a cult following#not at ALL an accurate depiction of a cult but i still think its funny. innaccurate cult depictions. ur in too deep to change it now danno#sam and tucker: hey dude... this is a cult | danny still learning how to People: what. no. these are all my friends and refugees.#his inner circle are all Insane about him they just show it in different ways. Sirius is as equally zealous as the rest they just don't#show it as much. which has mistakenly convinced danyal that they are the more logical one. no danny. they would kill for you#danny: i am being hospitable | sam: you created a cult | danny: i am being hosPITABLE#i dont like ghost king aus but i love danny being in positions of power it just has to feel earned. 'accidental kingdom acquisition' is my#favorite trope it just has to be done correctly. 🫵 build that bitch up with your bare hands and not realize until its too late you fool#'becoming a world power by accident and im in too deep to back out now'#danyal. a raised assassin (has no threshold for normal behavior): *sees utter devotion towards him* yeah this is fine and normal.#danyal: yk i dont see this ending horribly. *goes and collects more followers* yeah this is totally cool. welcome to the constellation#danyal: *saves a few people and houses them in his lair* (everyone liked that [to a worrying degree actually])#his inner circle: my moon! | danny: my stars :]#danny: ive become my grandfather. | danny: ... | danny: idk how to feel about that honestly.#those poor cultists that kidnapped antares were subjected to a 3hr tangent about 'the radiance of the Moon and his resplendent generosity'#before danyal found him and got him home. who were the cultists summoning? who knows! but they got Objectively the Worst out of the#constellation to summon by accident. actually they're all bad there's no picking who. they're all various amounts of Unhinged Danny just#Never Realizes It because he is also Unhinged and thinks some of this shit is normal.#like yeah thats totally normal behavior he has no questions whatsoever. this seems like Typical People Stuff.
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you always land on all fours
#umineko#umineko spoilers#ikuko hachijo#ikukos turn for a more serious piece... the old man has reigned for too long#now. INCREDIBLY LONG INCOHERENT TAGS RANT INCOMING FAIR WARNING HAS BEEN GIVEN:#it makes me so so sad how little discussion there is about specifically ikuko because imho she fits so neatly into a lot of the more#overarching Big Themes of the game in a way that i have not ever really seen people take notice of or point out in a meaningful way#like even just off of the top of my head. the significance of names and what it means to go by a name that's Not Yours (she has like 4+)#what it Means to be a witch how it represents a person's deepest insecurities and flaws & how its at its core a coping mechanism#the fact that it takes two to create a universe and trying to do it on your own anyways has the capacity to bring you intense misery#^ (how she's shown to be extremely dismissive of her own work and skill until a collaborator comes into her life and helps/encourages her)#and even the family/patriarchy/misogyny stuff that is so prevalent in the rest of the game comes back around to her. even her Only Friend#(young&stupid atp to be fair) remarks that shes Weird for being unmarried + the little she does say about her past invites the question of#to what extent her self-image stems from her family deeming her a freak outcast & effectively disowning her while celebrating her brothers#and i have lot in my mind about the witch thing specifically because i think her particular situation is very reflective of what umineko's#entire magic system and fantasy facet as a whole is meant to represent for an individual. from what little we see of (what is presumably)#her Real personality she is shown to be deeply self conscious in a way that is JARRINGLY diametrically opposed to both 1.) what we see in#featherine and 2.) what we see when she is acting as a Public Figure. because both of the above are very much purposeful acts that she is#putting on in order to obfuscate her true self. and i have always been very resolute & adamant about not totally equating her to featherine#not only because im very firmly in the camp of “featherine is the avatar of the Pen Name & tohya is part of her too” but also very much b/c#i feel very strongly that the stark differences between the two are very centrally relevant to her character & her psyche. as is the case#with most other witches featherine's personality traits serve to reveal/magnify a lot of ikukos inner workings by playing on her#insecurities/reversing them e.g. ikuko being very quick to downplay her skill/achievements becomes featherine being the COMPLETE opposite#to the point where she barely registers even other witches as living beings rather than just fun touys. BUT even though i do champion the#ikuko/featherine separation so hard i ALSO think it is purposefully relevant that at first glance the line between them seems so blurry#her introduction implying a more nebulous separation between her reality/fantasy counterpart is i think is an intentional move on her part#like it is part of the front she is putting up when acting as the Author. as opposed to Ikuko the person who we (in a way ironically very#similar to the way that the Real Battler is presumably only shown during the boatscene) only very briefly get to see take up screentime#which even on a meta level lines up very well with her apparent underlying nature as a like. extremely private largely reserved/shy person#hit tag limit but if by some miracle anyone is still reading this thank you... please see ikuko with the love she deserves... ok ily byeee
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@ani-is-my-username
I wanted to make it a meadow but then forgot and defaulted back to a body of water HELP 😭😭😭
The usual bonus :)
In my brain, Snufkin is really ticklish and sensitive, but most people don't realize because he doesn't let them get physically close enough.
Moomin, on the other hand, used to being around warm and touchy feely people, approaches Snufkin like he would approach his friends or family. On the rare occasion Snufkin lets his guard down, Moomin finds out it's not quite the same sensation... There grows a mysterious craving that forces him to steal all the light touches he can get. But, as if they've just burnt themselves by touching a hot surface, they promptly pull away, and, just as quickly, begins to swell a feeling of cold and itching, of distant lingering.
#oh my god i go so feral for them. im starting to scare myself 💀#if anyone hears me screech or violently rattle my cage.. im alright.#im just thinking about them 😞💖#also#going through a nasty artblock so ingore the laziness of some of the stuff ok? 😭#btw dont be like moomin#touching people who dont want to be touched#its only cute because its fiction and its inside my brain alright#snufmin#moomin#moominvalley#snufkin#the moomins#moomins#moomintroll#digital art#digital illustration#my art
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experimenting and testing a different style hi ^_^ (it might look a little off i havent drawn anything this way in YEARS......)
#☆ my art .#whitepine#ivorycello#rewatched whitepine and im obsessed again#been thinking about it a lot.....#actually this used to be my main style of like... rendering? idk how to call it. for some period of me drawing#i think i kept it up for a few months before i started getting too lazy#its so fun for me rn though im actually enjoying the process a lot#and i lovee how the pieces come out#was going to dumb more sketches and stuff but eh#just putting this one out there to see if it works for me i guess ^_^#also she deserves her own post#i love you ivory#you're so autism coded you're so much like me#also her skin is just.... SOOOO pretty omg
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(botw2 - totk rewritten)
a rough version for some diary entries (with some rough pictures, unsure if it would be shown like this or if it would be -current- zelda or someone else reading it)






(edit: i should start adding that im now putting everything for this rewrite on @totk-rewritten from now on, since, while its not all done yet and still changes, the biggest stuff i feel pretty confident with now)
#ganondoodles#art#zelda#tloz#ganondoodles rewrites totk#botw2#ganondorf#i cant tell whether this is suitable for a diary entry#or if its cringe beyond comprehension#i havent written alot of stories so im afraid im not that skilled in that regard#(idk how much thinking about stuff counts jdkfndkjn)#hopefully theres not too many mistakes- read over it multiple tiems but writing something like this is very different to-#-social media posts .__.#i repainted it all three times and then did some sloppy lineart bc i just cant stand doing lineart#but it would never get done otherwise#and its a rough draft either way#sorry about the watermark- i seperated them into two per picture and it was too risky not to put anythign there#uuuugh i dont want to work tomorrow .... but i gotta so im gonna head to bed now :(
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my favourite big-hatted not-men with giant holes in their brains where their memories should be (and their kinda-dead doubles called loop/lup)
+bonus doodles because thinking about the taz balance cast for 0.2 seconds reminded me how much i like themmmm
#nows a good time to tell everyone im never listening to any loop voice hcs because they have always just sounded like taako. to me. thanks.#anyway i think i originally followed insertdisc5 during the taz days in what. 2015-16? oh god its been 10 years. i love.. time....#isat spoilers#taz balance#isat fanart#doodlebyte#im not. putting any more tags than that y'all can manage. i feel bad enough maintagging self indulgent crossover stuff to begin with#anyway lup taaco you will always be famous they can never make me hate you i love youuuuuuu#also i couldve made jokes abt the Redrobes but joking about barry Bluejeans was funnier to me#i really like the odile ive drawn btw. out of everything. i also like my insects (tiny siffrin and loop)#also i dont think i had ever drawn lucretia or barry prior to this...? so i have pulled some derivative designs out of my ass. lol
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doodlin again i guess ??
scraps under the cut

#remedy control#control game#jesse faden#emily pope#uh... i just recently played aw2 twice back to back (final draft) and the whole time i was like#man i miss control so much#(dont misunderstand i LOVED aw2 and the DLCs! really fun! i love saga i love casey) but also. i miss control. i miss jesse and co#ahti's presence (ahti my bff) in aw2 did Not help. i wuv him hes like my strange anomalous uncle whom i'd love to have a beer or two with#wish i had gotten all of this out of my head sooner so it wouldnt be diluted via having played through a different game twice but i digress#im probably misremembering stuff my brain is so full of video games. we finished aw2 twice then immediately hopped into ff4. why? ehhhh#maybe ill do some doodles for aw2 sometime. god knows i have goofy nonsense in my brain about it. a Lot of it too#anyway a lot of this (and the previous) are mostly just drawing manifestations of the silly stuff i was talking about while streaming#namely the mold stuff literally the whole time i kept going GIRL YOU NEED RESPIRATORS YOU NEED PPE IM SO ANXIOUS [SCREAM]#also i hope it is clear that the bottom-most thing is a reference to hausofdecline's ''i think we're gonna have to kill this guy''#i thought it would be infinitely funnier to just not include text because why would there be text#anyway.... my cubes :) :) :) :) i love to throw my cubes :) :)#my brain really is just like YOU NEED TO DRAW JESSE 02983049283 TIMES and im like sir yes sir 🫡#i ljke her... normal amount...........#control game? yeah you sure do
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the brainrot won
#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff#i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think#ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to#umm. tags.#new life smp#smallishbeans#mythical sausage#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#inthelittlewood#my art#sketch
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thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.
like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.
And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).
And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.
And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.
And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.
Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.
I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.
anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.
#AND THEN of course how the whole control theme applies in terms of sex lmao. that man needs to be gently topped/dommed soooo bad#so much internalized shame and fear and he just wants someone who will see it & love him anyway#very much on theme to resent a thing (control) in everyday spaces but desire the inverse in the bedroom/forbidden spaces as a way to explor#it safely etc etc etc. fear of losing control vs desire to submit plus all the torture stuff mixed up in there oooohhh what a mess#themes of resistance etc etc You Get Me or you think im insane either is fine. anyway#dragon age: veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#spite dellamorte#lucanisposting#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#ramblings#dragon age#need to rip a pillow into shreds or somethign AHG im pacing around too fulll of Lucanis Thoughts this early in the day#this is usually a 3am hobby but im 12 hours early#but i think finally this is some watsonian reasoning that makes me more chill about the doyalist failures i have with the writing for him#this may be incomprehensible i did Not proofread it#jade plays dav#juniper x lucanis
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Rorrim is such a delightful creature to encounter man I wish it wasn't a one time thing :( "smiles are never out of style" NEITHER ARE YOU KING COME BACK
#Undertale yellow#Uty#Uty Dalv#Uty rorrim#Dalv uty#Dalv#Rorrim#Rorrim uty#Clemont_ine#Been thinking about vampire stuff recently and how it could relate to Dalv#Is he allergic to garlic. Does he wait awkwardly outside his friends' doors for them to verbally invite him in.#I can see the second being pretty silly. Dalv trying to enter Starlo's / the feisty five's house and star just is not getting it at all#“..can I come in?” “The door's open partner!” “Yes I see that but can I come in? Am I allowed??” “??? You're my friend!” “STARLO PLEASE.”#Whether it's on purpose or a complete accident is up for interpretation 😭😭#Anyway for some reason Im intrigued by the fact that the only vampire and mirror monsters are encountered in the same place#Since yk#Vampires don't have reflections#I don't think they do anyway?#Whatever this is a long winded way of saying they need to be buddies 😁😁 let Dalv befriend the monsters of the ruins after he heals#Please and thank yoj#Feat me forcing myself to try and do backgrounds more lord knows I need the practice 😭😭😭
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playing with my dolls.. making them kiss
#limbus company#ishmael lcb#hong lu lcb#uhhhhh idk the ship name for them is there one#well i have seen#jade whale#so ill use that#sketch#traditional stuff#don quixote lcb#sinclair lcb#ishclair#and uhhhh#ishdonclair#i guess#literally just 'haha how about i put the people with super long hair together thatd be fun to draw'#and 'oh hey im fond of these three lets put them together:)'#prior to the Rodion Incident ishmael and sinclair were tied for personal favorite design. so i put them together#now those three are tied lmao#its all very vapid i think you understand#might edit this post if i manage to finish some of the wips for more silly ships. dont hold ur breath tho
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it is insane how normal i am medicated like. you mean this was an option the whole time. what
#theresbeen some hiccups like the first month i started to realize my work drive was 90% fear based#so ivehad to develop like actual work schedule and discipline thats not just 'everyone will hate me if i dont'#but its been working! now getting stuff done actually... feels.... good?#instead of like throwing water over one fire only to run to the next one#like before nothing was ever satisfying. i was always just running around panicked#now im like. okay this is what i have to get done today. yay! i finished it! now i go to bed. okay now its the next day#the only other thing ive noticed is ive become seemingly like. more. autistic acting.#like i get More fixated on my special interests now. i can think about something for hours straight instead of getting guilty and thinking#'oh im being greedy im being lazy with my time i should be doing something productive'
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genderfluid pandora rosier who spells themselves to look slightly different depending on what gender they are that day x bisexual lily evans who thinks pandora is actually multiple people (like siblings) and has the biggest crush on pandora in every gender (and lowkey panics when pandora asks her out bc she knows she likes pandora's "siblings" as well)
#its giving rick riordan with the kane chronicals#i feel we as a society moved on too quickly from the fact that rick just went lmao no love triangle merge#except in this theres no love triangle just lily being too flustered to see that theyre actually all the same person#she really didnt think it through bc she didnt have a crush on evan#platonic roselily is my love honest#theyre friends and lily starts yapping about how evan has a big familt and evans just like 🤨#bro thought he had some extra family members he didnt know about#is evan and lily's ship name just evans#it should be#anyway i think im yapping too much in the tags#lily evans#bisexual lily evans#genderfluid pandora rosier#i can imagine pandora with shorter hair and a waistcoat like some sort of ethereal poet#can i tag evan here#rosier#pandalily#hp marauders#marauders#avo yaps about stuff#marauders era#pandora lovegood#pandora rosier#pandora loves lily#lily loves pandora
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behold hitherto unposted htn doodles! harrow+her terrible mentor, harrow+her terrible roommate
#tlt#my art#these were unfinished which i thought was a shame so i sort slapped some colors nd background stuff on them and now here they are.#top one soooo old but i still liked it and didnt want to condemn it to a fate of sitting in my wip folder forever and ever#bottom ones are more recent; they were scattered throughout the margins of a bunch of different wips and i grouped them together#in this one canvas so i could post them cause i like em. im charmed by soup bowl harrow w/ her normal pajamas. she would probably#not wear that.#ive been thinking abt harrianthe a lot lately i want to post about them more but i can't finish anything lately#not cause im artblocked or anything i'm fine in that respect i just have no free time 💀
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14 for obikin pretty please?
here you go!
[from this list of prompts]
[5. 'are you jealous' - 27. 'i'm pregnant' - 32. 'i think i'm in love with you and i'm terrified' (LATEST) 44. 'if you die, i'm gonna kill you' - 41. 'you did all of this for me?' - 46. 'hey, have you seen...? oh']
14. 'hey, i'm with you, okay? always.'
The first time Anakin visits, he's so angry that he cannot speak for the first two hours. Obi-Wan sits against the wall of his cell, on the floor even though the Jedi have provided him a perfectly comfortable bed and chair. The Force collar around his neck looks wrong. His master sitting on the floor, dressed in the dull orange of a prisoner's jumpsuit looks wrong.
Anakin is so angry that he can't speak. He can only look and tremble until he is told he must leave.
Obi-Wan does not speak either. He does not even look at him.
Maybe that's what makes his anger harder to bear. Anakin knows that Obi-Wan has met with countless other Jedi. Visitors, friends, allies, people who are working with him on his defense case. He knows that the other man talks to them, has sliced into security holo footage to see it for himself, though no one will tell him what is said. Everyone always leaves looking frustrated, but at least Obi-Wan talks to them.
But not Anakin. Even though it is Anakin that Obi-Wan has hurt the most. Anakin, who deserves to know why from Obi-Wan's mouth.
After all--
"He was like a father to me," Anakin spits at him on his second visit, only a few days later. Going to see Obi-Wan in the Coruscanti prison cell where he is awaiting trial is like an itch. Scratched once, Anakin finds he cannot help himself from digging his claws in.
Obi-Wan is still against the wall. His beard has grown slightly longer. His head is tilted back against the wall, though when Anakin speaks, his eyes slide down from the ceiling to rest on him.
"I'm starting to think you say that to all the boys," his former master who is a murderer says in that lilting familiar drawl.
"You killed him."
"Yes," Obi-Wan agrees, because apparently part of his defense case is not to plead not guilty to the murder of the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Anakin would say that may be problematic, but then--there are security holos, soundless and slightly blurred, of the event. Of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi taking tea with Chancellor Palpatine. Talking in civil gestures for thirty minutes. Requesting, as far as anyone can tell, for the Chancellor to fetch him a pot of sugar. Lighting his saber and beheading him the moment the old man's back was turned. "Yes, I did."
"Why?" Anakin yells, voice cracking on the word. He doesn't understand. He thinks the not-knowing will drive him to madness. He thinks maybe it already has. It has been two weeks since the Chancellor's murder. Half the Senate is seeking Obi-Wan's execution.
The war, theoretically, has paused, like even the Separatists are holding their breath. Waiting. Wondering.
Obi-Wan looks at him quietly for a moment. For five. His face is stoic, resolved. Beloved, even after this.
Then--for a singular second--the mask cracks, and his master stares at him as if he needs to see him in order to survive. He looks hungry and exhausted and relieved, down to the bones.
"How have your nightmares been lately, padawan?" he asks him, and Anakin is so disgusted by the word--by the title that Obi-Wan doesn't get to say after killing the Chancellor, killing Anakin's friend--that he turns and leaves without another thought.
He is back a day later. He has never known how to keep his distance from things that can hurt him, that's what his mother always said. Too curious by half. Too sure of his own invincibility. That's what his master always said.
Anakin isn't sure of anything anymore.
"Why did you kill him?" Anakin asks. Obi-Wan's beard is longer. He is still on the floor. It rankles, the sight of him brought so low. "Did someone tell you to?"
Obi-Wan lets his head fall forward, a puppet with its strings cut. "Do you think me so biddable, Anakin?"
Anakin today. Not padawan. As if Obi-Wan has learned his lesson. As if he is as desperate for Anakin to linger in his presence as Anakin is hopelessly addicted to returning.
Padmé had tried to stop him this morning. Had tried to tell him it would do no good to see him, that the justice system would do its work, that Anakin was only hurting himself by returning over and over again. She pointed out that he had nightmares last night, for the first time since the news of the Chancellor's death reached them.
He hadn't had the heart to tell her that his nightmares were not about the Chancellor dying, but about Obi-Wan facing down an execution squad. About Anakin, standing on the deck of the Invisible Hand, Palpatine's voice in his ear, telling him to do it, do it. Cut off the traitor's head, only to look down and find that the two sabers he is holding are familiar to him, and person on his knees before him is his master.
Anakin had woken with a yell around one in the morning, sweat soaked and shaking. He hadn't been able to sleep again.
Maybe that's why he feels so alive now, slightly manic and still trembling as he paces in front of the Force barrier of Obi-Wan's cell. Did someone tell Obi-Wan to cut him down? he'd had the thought somewhere around five in the morning. Had it been someone Obi-Wan trusted? Someone he loved?
Who stood to gain from the death of the Chancellor? Who had the Chancellor ever hurt or threatened?
Anakin walks as close as he dares to get to the cell. "Master," he says, coaxes really, pushing forward until he can hear the hum of the force field.
Obi-Wan's head thumps back against the wall and he watches him from under his eyelashes.
"Master, I'm with you, alright? Hey, I'm with you, always, alright, always, so if someone told you, manipulated you, just tell me please. I'll find them. I'll get them to turn themselves in, master. Just tell me. Why did you kill him?"
Obi-Wan closes his eyes. He looks for all the world as if he is meditating, save for that collar around his neck. The prison garb. He doesn't look like a murderer, but he is. He is. He killed the Chancellor. He is going to face execution. Anakin is going to have to watch him die too and all he can think is that he knows that Obi-Wan doesn't even kriffing like sugar in his karking tea.
"Answer me!" Anakin yells, lifting his fist and forgetting himself for just long enough that he slams it against the barrier. He pulls it back with a curse as the force field short-circuits his mech arm and the prison alarm blares out a warning siren.
This time, he is led away from the cell by a Coruscanti guard. He is advised to not return for a standard week. The entire time he is exiled from the prison, the only thing he can think about is the expression on Obi-Wan's face as he watches him leave: eyes wide open and forehead wrinkled with concern, as if worried that Anakin had hurt himself.
The day after he is allowed to return, he does. He does not want to seem too eager or desperate, so he waits until it's early in the evening before pointing his speeder towards the prison unit.
"It had to have been someone you loved," Anakin announces as he stops in front of Obi-Wan's cell. He's in his bed this time, lying on his back and looking at the ceiling. He does not twitch at Anakin's voice, though Anakin can tell that he's not asleep, though his eyes are closed. He can tell just from the minute lines of tension he's holding in his shoulders, his neck.
How can Anakin know him so well and not know that he is capable of this? Of murder on this scale?
"Hm?" Obi-Wan finally says, when the silence drags on and it becomes clear that Anakin will not say more until he has engaged. Anakin watches this war play out in the subtle movements of Obi-Wan's facial muscles as well. He knows him so well. He knows him better than he knows anyone else in the galaxy.
"The person you killed him for. You had to have loved him more than anything else in the entire galaxy to kill a man the way you did. Defenseless. Over sugar. You don't--you don't even take sugar in your tea! It was a coward's way of killing--and it doesn't--you would never. Not unless it was for someone you loved."
Obi-Wan's eyes blink open, but he doesn't look away from the ceiling. He doesn't look at Anakin.
"I don't--I don't know what harm you think Sheev Palpatine could cause to anyone, but that has to be it. Nothing else makes sense. You loved someone enough to kill for them, and you killed the Chancellor."
The words come out easily. Anakin has practiced them for a week now; it is the only thing that makes sense. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing else but love could make a man like Obi-Wan do what he did. He must have loved someone a lot. He must love them more than the Republic. More than his own freedom.
The first time Anakin had told Padmé his theory, she'd looked at him for ages, until he'd grown angry and defensive. She'd touched his arm, as if that could hold back this hurricane brewing inside his chest, and said, "I don't know if you're right, Ani. I don't know if I think you're wrong either. It's just...you sound so...jealous."
At least Obi-Wan doesn't say the same thing. But what he does say may be even worse. Because he doesn't deny it. He doesn't protest. All he says is, "And who is it that you think I love more than anything else in the galaxy, padawan?"
Anakin has thought about this, too. "Bail Organa," he makes himself say, even though the name curls his lips up into a sneer. Bail Organa, the man who has been voted the interim Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. The man who has gotten everything from this assassination, while Anakin has had his everything taken away.
On his cot, Obi-Wan's eyes slide closed. His mouth quirks up. "Ah," he says, as if he has had something he has long expected to confirmed to him. He says nothing else.
It makes Anakin want to hit the barrier again. It makes him want to scream. It makes him want to be petty, hurt Obi-Wan back in the same way that Anakin feels hurt even though it doesn't make sense, none of this makes sense. But it feels as if Obi-Wan has kept half of himself secret from Anakin, a whole love, his entire capacity to love, and Anakin wants to prove that he has as well.
So he says, voice mean and sharp, "Padmé is pregnant. The med-droid says it is twins."
Everything else remains unspoken, but surely audible. That they are his. That he never stopped seeing Padmé. Perhaps even that she is his wife.
On the cot, behind the Force barrier, in his chains, Obi-Wan opens his eyes and blinks at the ceiling. His lips form a small smile, as he says, still not looking at Anakin, still not looking at Anakin, "I know, dear one. Why do you think the Chancellor had to die?"
#asks#obikin#i mean again theyre not kissing but theyre in love#anakin doesn't realize it but its true#obi-wan realizes it#and literally committed murder about it#and is ready to take the whole blame and go down for it without involving the jedi or anakin#to protect anakin (because he's concerned that the jedi would be wary of anakin if they found sidious' plans for him?#because the jedi order may kick anakin out for having a wife and soon kids? idk obi-wan is just determined to be silent about the whole thn#just to make sure anakin is the safest and happiest lil snap pea#meanwhile anakin is having un-gifted by sidious nightmares about obi-wan dying#and padmé is like baby i think you're forgetting that whoever you think obi-wan is in love with isnt in trouble#like being loved by obi-wan wouldn't be a crime#killing the chancellor - that's a crime#allegedly kissing your master is not a crime#and anakin is like i see NO difference. the interloper must die#(which is at least 10% how obi-wan felt when he killed sidious after#a.figuring out all the weird grooming stuff sidious did with anakin#b. figuring out palpatine is sidious via idk some sort of force vision on the invisible hand or smth#c. reading the intricate plans sidious has for anakin once he becomes his master)#lol so far this is the only ficlet where im like#yeah i could probably write a whole 12k one shot on this#kenobi's trial#that ends the day before the verdict reading because anakin is that worried he'll be executed#so he breaks him out and forces him on the run#completely forgetting about his new family#because he has his Master Obi-Wan goggles on
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