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catwouthats · 7 months

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Me and the besties gathering to manifest a Neverwhere remake once they start fairly paying writers/actors

#neverwhere #im literally so desperate for this to come back #ik neil won’t do it but somebody #please #neil gaiman books #neil gaiman #favorite books #I love the old one but please there is so much they didn’t let Neil do

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hualianisms · 4 months

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finally got a copy of the revised tgcf novels and skimmed book 4 and the fenglian breakup hurts so much more in the revised version... fx's whole line about "i really don't know, then why have i followed you all this time" is removed. instead what happens is, right after xl says "no, it was the past me who was crazy", xl directly tells fx to leave:

XL: "You should go." FX: "What?" XL: "I said, I don't need you anymore, you should go."

all the other parts of the scene are the same. these revised lines, though, are so painful... it also makes it obvious that fx did not abandon xl, he only left bc xl literally dismissed him as a servant and directly told him to leave 😭

#tgcf #xie lian #feng xin #fenglian #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #either way fx did not abandon xl!!! i will die on this hill!!!#i think it's also impt to rmb that this scene takes place right after xl comes back from being stabbed 100 times #xl is not himself at all and is extremely traumatized #me desperately reminding myself: postcanon they are happy and best friends again it's literally canon that they are reunited and friends #again and happy #oh god this is genuinely so painful in a way that i was not prepared for #im sorry for the new year angst; my copy of the revised novel just happened to arrive on jan 1 😭😭😭#my translation #mp: tgcf #i need to see what else changed but its gonna take me forever to actually read all 244 chapters omfg #oh yes mulian is gayer in the revised version btw

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ef-1 · 3 months

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girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

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mazzy-rockstar · 3 months

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Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop

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bisaster-energy · 3 months

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im not even done my current kuwameshi fic and im already getting ideas about new ones...

#kuwameshi #give me a sec i'll reblog later with the actual idea but like #WHAT IF UM KUWAMESHI BUT UM. PRINCESS BRIDE AU...#i also have another song fic idea but it's way sillier than the one i have on ao3 #based off you me and steve by garfunkel and oates #i got the idea cos i just remembered when yusuke got back from training with genkai the 1st time and instead of a 1 on 1 date with keiko #kuwabara is also? there? and it's just so funny to me like what. and then they're supposed to all 3 go to the movies together?#AND WHEN THEY GET THERE THE 2 BOYS DITCH KEIKO?? for a mission yeah but she doesn't know that!!#and then yusuke and keiko actually go on a date alone and it gets interrupted cos of younger toguro #and shortly after kuwabara shows up so it looks like he was bound to come across them??#as far as a i remember the next time yu and keiko get together alone is the day he tells her to just wait and she's like im literally #not gonna wait for you <3 and it was so funny she just walked off lmaoo #anyway im trying to say i wanna make a silly little fic addressing the fact that keiko is like. pursuing her crush on yusuke #but kuwabara is kinda just. always there and it's fun she does like him but it's just awkward #planning on having her ask kuwa to maybe give her and yusuke some time alone like maybe just avoid their next outing #and kuwa is like oh damn :( ok good luck and yusuke shows up to the date and he's like woah wait. where tf is kuwabara?#keiko is like bruh. and she makes up some shit about him mentioning that he felt sick or wtv and yusuke is like ''then y are we here?#i should check on him. i dont think that guy has even been put outta commission by anything but my fist!'' and keiko just follows him #cos what else can she do. and kuwa is fine ofc and yusuke is like bro what gives i thought you were sick and kuwa is dense sometimes but he #catches on from keiko's desperate look and he's like well i got better *flexes his arm* and yu is like i knew you were too dumb to catch #a cold. and he's stupid happy that kuwa is fine and can come with them after all ''hey he's fine ya hear that keiko''#and then keiko is watching this whole exchange eyes blown wide open and she's like actually i just remembered i have plans #you two should totally go without me tho and yu agrees so easily that it just solidifies that she made the right call #kuwa is looking back at her all confused and she gives HIM the good luck thumbs up. he gets as red as his hair and #yusuke is worried he really is coming down with something

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tenspontaneite · 11 months

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Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn

#covid #life of sponty #ive been sick since i got back home on 12th #infected probably 1 to 3 days before that #so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid #and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion #i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed #it's effort to stroke the cat #the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery #just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them #shits fucked bruh #also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke #it's wild #desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever #i love onions #i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine #cough was only monstrous for like a day #rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable #the fatigue is wack though #I've never been this weak before #it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective #this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks

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chonnyjashh · 5 months

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Okay but I really do need attention right now where the fuck did everyone go?

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gifti3 · 2 months

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Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW

#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him #im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh)#im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked #like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ)#and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings!#god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb”#sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear)#maybe dont be so dismissive #like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves #and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed #and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance???#like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off #leave it be!#god looking back on all this....#i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things #ppl can change so ill just hope for that #or maybe he'll meet his match #someone who reflects the same energy he has!#tho im not sure if hed like that haha #the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt #but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses #which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own #gotta get context for everything u know #but in this case....naur #like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind!#so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr #im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly #trying to make sure not to make things harder for them #and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset #but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???

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smokedcapybara · 6 months

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Me, who literally just sweeps for a living: ah nice the weekend I can rest and hopefully engage in some hobbies

Mom, who spends all day almost every day at home just sitting on her phone: could you sweep the apartment?

#like #yeah sweeping used to bw my favorite chore #back when I was the one staying at home and mom was the one paying the bills #and I hadn't spent Months sweeping for several hours every weekday #im literallt struggling with my JOB cause ive started Hating sweeping #im reaching sweep burnout #on top of it making my chronic pain worse #she'll do like the bare minimum while me and my bro are working and then give us a list of chores to do on our days off #we're paying the bills we're paying for food we're paying for anything she buys herself on a fucking whim #i literally spent five hundred dollars on Her trip to a music festival last month #im SLEEPING IN A CLOSET so she can have a bedroom #LITERALLY #im so tired and im wearing thin #i havent written or seriously drawn in ages #i haven't watched my shows or read new books #i just wake up and try desperately to have enough energy to go to work and then i come home and lose myself for the rest of the day #weekends are torn between resting to have more energy next week so hopefully itll be better or using the time to do the rhings i love

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dirt-str1der · 1 year

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Love the thought of kiryu losing nishikiyamas lighter fucking instantly after he gave it to him. Like he leaves it in the car and nishiki is nice enough to re-gift it to him when they meet up again and then two weeks after that whole fiasco kiryu loses it again and nishiki just buys him those cheap packs of like fifty plastic lighters because this is why they cant have nice things and he hates (loves) him so much

#Yakuza loveblog #like as sweet as it is to have kiryu hold on to that thing forecer (his lighter now) i think he really has a problem with commitment. its #not like he doesnt treasure it. he just does a lot of backflips and jumping around and things inevitably fall out of his pockets #i believe in my heart that kiryu is always losing shit and taking nishikis without permission and breaking it sometimes. like yknow #younger brother behaviour. thats why nishikis always hounding him because hes suffered greatly from kiryus whims #his whimsicality. his ability to wander literally everywhere. i think kiryu played truant in school a lot #like very early on he knew it wasnt for him so hed stalk the streets in his school uniform and climb up or under fences and rip up his skirt #and knees and then when he meets up with nishiki and yumi again hes like hey wanna come lepak in this abandoned building i found ? and theyd #be like YEAH !!!! and bring yuko along too because i love her and she should get to cut her arm open on a rusty metal screw and have to be #sent to the hospital as little girls are prone to doing. i love talking about kiryu in his school uniform god .. i really ... like i just #know he would use it to its fullest like i have a very clear image in my minds eye of kiryu as a kid all covered in dirt from climbing into #gardens and dusty old buildings morning to afternoon and carrying cool rocks around in his skirt and when he gathers them all in a pile he #just dusts off his skirt and its literally still covered in dirt and mud and dust but he does not give a shit. like it would literally be #ripped up the back because hes always sliding down concrete slopes and banisters and im sure hes cut his leg open before and just bled.#all over his nice boue uniform and then limped home and soaked it in a bucket to wear tomorrow. like i see kiryu with a lot of free time and #he never does homework and is failing all his classes by choice because he alrrady knows what he wants to do. like hes only failing because #he doesnt show up for exams and hes literally the bad boy that the girls always ask nishiki to introduce them to like omg is kazuko your #sister ?? can you give her this letter ... and nishiki opens it and reads it first and its a love letter and he just gives it to kiryu like #there are hot girls in your area who want you desperately and kiryus like oh. neat. im skipping school again tomorrow btw do not tell oyasan

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pallases · 9 months

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okay i lied abt being done going thru old things ive spent the last like hour and a half clearing out my drawers bc they are a MESS and i found a “song book” of mine and it gets dark so unnervingly fast

#there’s literally a viciously scribbled out page of lyrics begging my dad to come back HELLO 💀#also several abt loneliness and guilt and losing hope how old was i when i wrote these…#this is following songs going OOOH IT’S A SCARY HALLOWEEN NIGHT and LETS DO THIS THING and WE ARE GIRLS and DANCE W ME etc #i know i got the book for my 10th birthday (i know this bc i am also reading thru a diary that starts off saying i got it + that diary for #the songs) but idk how long i continued w it. i can’t imagine it was that long tho bc i am NOTORIOUSLY bad at keeping up w journals #although admittedly this diary im reading rn does span 2013-2015 which is better than my usual track record and i got them at the same time #what’s v curious tho is the last song #draws the same comparison as the first poem i wrote and i desperately want to know if i #went back to that diary then w the thought oh i could try to make a song out of this metaphor or if i actually wrote that that long ago and #it stuck in my back of my mind the whole time #personal #actually no it must be the latter bc turns out the first poem i wrote in 2018 (thought it was much earlier) and my handwriting definitely #didn’t look like this then. that’s so interesting

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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