#im misgendered enough irl

[windwardstar]

it certainly is something talking about getting meta/bottom surgery as a nonbinary they/them enby and getting she/her'd and called a girl by the people i'm talking with

[cruelsister-moved2]

not telling anyone what to do but I kinda miss when the understanding abt multiple pronouns used to be that any are fine or different ones apply in different contexts whereas now the default assumption is you need to be constantly switching between them per sentence like that is really inaccessible for a lot of people + difficult in a second language + just genuinely defeats the linguistic object of a pronoun 😭

but I think it came from being a tme she/they who no one ever uses they for which I understand the frustration but i wish we could approach the root causes of that rather than the way I've seen ppl claim not alternating pronouns for someone midsentence is literally misgendering & honestly at the end of the day if you don't want someone to use she pronouns for you, tell them not to use she pronouns! we were all pronouns=/=gender until its "they to show I don't identify with the institution of womanhood, she to show my connection with femininity" but honestly how do you actually like being referred to, worry abt that. if u actually don't like ppl using she to refer to u then tell them that & if the discomfort is bc it shows their perception of u doesn't align w ur gender then like performative language doesnt actually change that anyway so mb if we stopped worrying about this we could actually have way more worthwhile conversations about gender.

[zemnarihah]

i think one of the girls in my graphics class may be trans NOT to assume anyones gender ever but like she is very clearly like obviously presenting as very feminine like almost anyone would assume she is a girl like i would say she "passes" or whatever as a girl yk? but my prof was talking to me and was pointing out stuff abt her work as an example and kept saying he and him and i didnt even realize until later what was going on like i thought maybe he was talking abt someone else or smth or that maybe I had assumed her pronouns wrong and he knew from canvas or smth bc i never had even considered that she was maybe trans and then later she talked in front of the class abt her project and it wasnt until i heard her voice that was a little lower i was like oh my god the professor was like. straight up purposefully misgendering her i think. like it could not have been an innocent mistake clearly she is presenting as a girl and looks like a girl. and he was misgendering her TO ME and i didnt even realize and just acted like it was normal and she was sitting nearby probably overhearing the whole thing....

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

i dont think ive ever gotten a "she uses he him pronouns" but i have actively twice now in the exact same circumstance just a different year gotten "they use he it pronouns"

[quevadilla]

.

[rouge-the-bat]

i really do wonder what ppl who tout the "non-men loving non-men" definition of lesbian think about multigender people. do they EVER consider us? even a tiny bit? bc it certainly doesnt feel like it. it feels like any one of these situations:

they already dont think being multigender is a thing, and say shit like "you can only be a man, a woman, or nonbinary, not all of the above."

they quite literally dont think about how multigender people would work in relation to sexuality. they may claim to support us, but they dont pay attention to or care about the fact our gender identity ISNT just an isolated thing that has no affect or connection to anything else about us.

they look at my gender (genderfluid between woman, man, and many forms of nonbinary, more oftentimes a mix), and say oh well youre PARTIALLY a man in some way so that means you cant be a lesbian! so, basically my man-ness just "taints" me and negates the fact that im also a woman and nonbinary? what about the days where my genderfluidity contains no bit of man at all? can i only be a lesbian SOMETIMES?

they yell about non-men all they want, but see my gender and go, "oh not YOU though :) i mean people who are ONLY a man!" and not realize how that is 1. them not saying at all what they mean in their definition if still SOME men are okay and 2. extremely comes across as misgendering and that they dont see me as Actually a man if im not mono-gendered, regardless of their intention. if you are going to categorize people as "men or non-men" and try to fit me in only one or the other, you are misgendering me no matter what. non-men is not the same thing as non-mono-gendered-men.

and all of this also makes me wonder: what would these people think if they saw me in person, holding hands with my girlfriend?

for context: transmeds would 100% consider me a faker not only bc im genderfluid, use any pronouns (esp neos), and am without dysphoria (for gender anyways), but because theyd think im just cis. im afab with no hormone changes or surgery, nor do i want any (my ideal genitals being a dick or barbie-doll-smooth aside, since i dont care enough to do surgery about it, and any of my other gender ideals would require shapeshifting), i like my big boobs, AND im femme. my fat even adds to my curves. most people would probably read me as only a girl and not think twice about it, esp if im dressing up as femme as i like being at the time.

so, if these people shouting "non-men loving non-men" at those like me all the time ended up seeing me irl, what would they think? would they see im extremely femme and read as a girl while holding hands with my girlfriend (who isnt femme but still is easily read as a girl) and think oh yeah, thats a lesbian right there? because a huge part of me says that they absolutely would have no issue with it

who knows if anyone who swears up and down by the "non-men loving non-men" definition will actually read this, but i REALLY wish more people would actually hear out multigender folks and see how definitions like this are incompatible with us. think about how our identity doesnt exist in a vacuum. realize that plenty of us ARE lesbians no matter what anyone else says, and we do not abide to your """inclusive""" definition that actually doesnt consider our existence at all.

or at least realize identity labels dont have a one-size-fits-all definition in the vastness of queer experiences, that people are going to have definitions for things that are different from yours, and you dont hold the One True Right Definition. realize that definitions are not rules that are placed upon words, theyre explanations for how these words are being used across the world, through time, and vary from person, place, and time. definitions are fluid, not static, and many words have multiple definitions.

[aventurescent]

ou im not just stopping by u gotta tell me ur sukuna headcanons now *latches onto ur blog like a leach* :3

this has been percolating in my brain for a couple days now, i feel like my hcs aren't all that unique but i'll share them anyway! i stuck to sfw ones bc i've never written anything smutty in my entire life, despite reading a lot (too much). this list does get more delulu as you go down tho haha

*gives gentle headpats to newfound blog leech*

SFW(ish) Sukuna HCs

appreciates the arts, although not forthcoming with that. i feel like he likes literature for sure (probably quite picky with anything modern tho).

this isn't a headcanon bc its literally a fact that trueform!sukuna has stretched earlobes, but i just think its worth remembering (both because of the references to buddhism and also because they suit him)

not straight - this man (curse?) is pansexual, and maybe demiromantic? will fight homophobes

i feel like he would commit murder for misgendering uraume (who i hc as nonbinary/x-gender). if asked about it by uraume, he'd say it was because they irritated him, rather than because he's defending them in his fucked up way. i don't think uraume would ask tho.

in the heian era, i can almost see him being into making things like carvings and possibly even sculptures? he might even use his techniques for them. but i don't think he has time to be "idle" like that in modern times

this is random, but i think he might enjoy some video games, particularly violent ones. however, if he had full-control of his body, i think he'd quickly get bored and realise that he could just go do the same things irl.

while trapped inside yuuji, i think it playing violent video games could initially be a way that sukuna can be temporarily placated. however, i can see him trying to make yuuji do particularly horrific things in game, which he'd refuse and then i think he'd just get even more frustrated with his confinement.

(i had a mental image of yuuji getting sick of sukuna's urge to kill people and opening up sims 4 to show all the different ways you can kill a sim, but sukuna thinking the methods of killing were pitiful and uninspired. then, sukuna would mock yuuji for thinking that this would be enough to entertain him)

i think that he'd definitely drink, and might have even dabbled with mind altering substances in the heian period. he's a hedonist, y'know?

i feel like if you were in some kind of relationship with him (read: if he decides to keep you as his lil pet), i think he'd be very possessive. i think it'd be to the point where he wouldn't want you out of his sight, maybe even want on his lap at all times. he'd never admit it, but i think he relishes in skinship (particularly after 1000+ years of being sealed) but passes it off as ownership over you

actually i think if you catch his interest, he will go full yandere, but i think it'd take A LOT to genuinely intrigue him to that extent

i think he'd also find it refreshing to be looked at as an object of desire despite/as well as being a monster. again, he'd never admit it and would ruthlessly bully you for it, but i think he likes the ego boost

[audioroleplayconfessions]

yknow when someone says to "just use ur imagination" when referring to an audio for the gender ur not just does not feel good. like. I'm a gay transman, my guy, i don't like being made to feel like a woman and i don't like being called a woman in a media that i use for escapism. like bruv, i get misgendered enough irl-

and im not saying i actively listen to m4f stuff, ofc not, cause i don't, it makes me feel horrible, why would i want to feel like that when I'm just tryna chill. but damn when people say "just use ur imagination" its like dude, u have no idea what its like, do u-

.

[cboygirl]

💞 Im a 22yo female to male (to female?) slut. I live in Poland but a rule of mine is no tumblr meet-ups.

💞 no surgeries, on T for almost a year

💞 18+ only, put your age in bio i beg you

💞 ALL I POST IS KINK ONLY, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THOSE ACTIONS IRL. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DONT INTERACT OR BLOCK ME IF ANY OF THIS CONTENT IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU!!

💞 My biggest kinks are:

💟 detransition and misgendering (especially forced)

💟 breeding (also mostly forced/unwanted etc.)

💟 humiliation

💟 misogyny, anti-feminism, toxic (conservative) men

💟 r ape

(ill add more stuff as time goes on for sure)

💔my limits are things like piss, scat, incest, pedo shit, animal shit (literal animals, I like petplay)

💞Feel free to dm me and if you make me horny enough I might send you pics, I'm interesed in people of any and all genders.

[kaijubrains]

It came up in conversation with some distant family members at a party: but im kinda pissed at the concept of Pride events in the uk. I need to figure out my feelings cause its complicated...

Basically 3 cis, straight family members were talking about how excited they are to go to pride next year.

Im the only queer person at this family meeting. Queer in every single way. And I dont feel like Id be welcome at pride

I dont need to detail how much trans folks are devalued in the uk. Just the other week I read an article on how teachers can misgender students, completely legally now. It's constant bullshit. Hrt shortages are frequent. And you basically can only get treatment if you spend thousands privately. This country hates us and im fucking scared for the future

Then aro and ace identities still get shit, from people in and out of the community. It is isolating

Im desperate to meet more queer people irl, but pride pretty much just seems like a music festival at this point. You have to pay for tickets at Manchester pride for a lot of stuff.

All the while, positive social and legal change is being reversed and there's not enough pushback

Basically. Fuck capitalist pride. It NEEDS to be a RIOT again. Do something fucking productive instead of pretending our country gives a single fuck about queer people

[lostryu]

From one butch to another how do you feel being misgendered as a man? I recently got a new more masculine haircut and it's happened a few times. Honestly it felt nice and funny at the time (im cis but I use she/he prns) It felt like i'm finally butch "enough" (whatever that is).

But theres a side of me thats scared that everyone might read me as a man to the point were I can't be identified by other lesbians and they never talk to me and i'm lonely forever (dramatic ik lol)

It's rough since I live and work in a pretty rural area and haven't interacted with another butch.

Personally, I don't mind people misgendering me when I am out and about. I am pretty GNC to begin with and use he/him as well as masculine terms for myself (sir, handsome, gentleman, ect.) so most of the time it's nice(?) since strangers usually use more feminine terms for me. I do however really hate when people outright call me a man, if that makes sense.

As for the fear of being read as a man and being forever alone, most in our community (butch/femme) tend to understand more nuanced forms of gender and gender expression. If you're really anxious about it, wear a carabiner (the legendary butch accessory) or try getting something that is covertly lesbian, like a pin or a phone case to signal to others.

I'd also recommend getting into a good online community for butches and femmes, as it's a great way to feel not as alone. If you're lucky and do some digging, you might even be able to find a local lesbian group to meet up irl with.

[viscerast]

hey non oomf. please don’t shoot the messenger. your ex would like you to know that their dni is set up like that (and it includes kins of their comforts as well) because they are delusional and are uncomfortable with doubles. also no one is friends with your abusers anymore, because harpy is dead. she died last august. not much to say on that one but thank god tbh.

hey noomf thank you for reaching out and telling me this. id like to preface this post that no ill will goes towards you, anon, but towards PF. you're welcome to screenshot and send this post to damien if you want. very curious on how you know damien/PF but. wtv youre anon for a reason

for context, this is the post anon is talking about. also for simplicity, i'm going to be using the names i remember everyone using, but strictly they/them pronouns instead of the ones i remember them using just to avoid misgendering, i know a lot of people had gender discoveries over lockdown and coming out of lockdown and PF is not free from the transgender beam /silly

i will not comment on damiens DNI any further because, frankly, im staying as far as i can from any delusion related discourse as possible. as a potentially schizophrenic person, i know how sensitive the topic of delusions can be, especially D/A's, erotomania and platonic erotomanic delusions. i still think its a bit off that damien, a singlet, as a core part of being a system in their dni but. thog doesnt caare /ref i don't know their story at all

quite frankly, i'm glad to hear that no ones associating with my abusers anymore. part of me was always a little worried for the remaining members of the group (especially the younger ones), i didn't want anyone to have to deal with the blatant toxic bullshit that i had. even if you lot had a falling out with harpy in some respect, i want to say that i'm sorry for your loss. i remember how close PF was in general, especially with harpy.

i'll tentatively accept the offer to talk with damien, but maybe later. maybe when we're more stable. i'll unblock them for now, because honestly i had no quarrel with damien, just that they were still associating with PF.

this, however, is not an open invite to anyone who associated with/was apart of PF to contact me. in fact, fuck the rest of you completely. stay off my page.

i hate how you guys keep finding our accounts. you almost put us into the hospital with the stunt ezra and karen pulled a few years back joining our personal server. to this day we don't feel safe anywhere we go, irl and online, because of how you guys acted. i know we weren't the best person, i know we were rude and lashed out and were generally hard to deal with, but we were fucking 15 or 16. we had known you guys since we were 13, we trusted your voices and opinions more than anything. if PF said the sky was red, then the sky was fucking red. we trusted you guys enough to give you our address. we were dealing with the horrors of being the only openly trans and queer kid in a small town catholic middle/high school ON TOP of having a slough of undiagnosed disabilities and disorders. and then going home to cope with how stressed we were and talking to our "friends". we should have turned tail and ran the second chai was kicked out. we should have realized earlier how chai had hurt us and cut ties with the rest of you, because no one seemed to care how weirdly romantic chai and i were getting. no one seemed to care about how weird ezra treated us, that the almost adult was jokingly calling the 14 year old their husband. PF actively encouraged our identity delusions and spirals. i was expected to have the emotional and mental capacity of a fully grown adult when i barely even knew who i was. i remember semi-frequently having our possibility of undiagnosed BPD (and potentially NPD? i cant remember if thats something they ever mentioned) recognized by ezra and harpy(?), but the fact that we were untreated, experiencing symptoms of the disorder they were sure we had, struggling to understand our emotions let alone regulate them was all thrown out the window the second we made even the smallest of mistakes. our bpd and delusions were used against us as a way to keep us in line, or when we were noticeably in a spiral we would have our identity delusions towards danganronpa villains invoked to encourage us to be cruel to other people- either members of PF or strangers on twitter.

tldr fuck peach fuzz. yall messed us up. sorry for the long vent/rant we just. really really needed to get that off our chest. we have for years and it feels like we were only able to heal enough this year to actually confront it and say something about what happened. there was a lot more than just this but this is what was fucking us up the most. sorry . i gotta go take a walk goodbye

[florenceisfalling]

gripping [redacted irl person] by the shoulders.

it does not matter how many r/egg_irl astolfo memes you pull up quite literally asking for random people (including cishets you just met???) to figure out your gender for you. the other queers are not going to feel safe around you when you spend your entire time on campus harassing people, misgendering transmascs in romantically/sexually charged ways, and getting a trans woman (who you Also misgender!) kicked out of her fucking housing. using "i wanna be a girl but im still cis though 👉👈" doesn't come across as endearing anymore when you tell younger transmascs that you wanna make them your gf and have kids with them, or when you used to tell everyone you were a cishet dude and literally fucking ran to physically chase down lesbians you'd never spoken to walking alone at night, or when you. I REITERATE. got a fucking trans woman kicked out of her dorm while calling her a man!! force her to switch to different housing by calling the fucking campus police on her because youre sad!!! and then lie saying she called them on you!!!! the only reason i felt bad for you and was nice to you was bc i thought you were just a sad maybe-autistic maybe-ace person who needed friends (and then maybe-trans maybe-woman maybe-lesbian) but your college experience seems dedicated to making life as hard as possible for every autie, trans person, woman, ace person, lesbian, and various mixes of the above you encounter - and then fucking lying and threatening everyone you consider your "friends" to get what you want after they repeatedly ask you to stop. i had enough of this when my exfriend fucking molested a girl and then said "i think i might be a transbian" as a poor attempt at an excuse (as if tgirls get away with that shit? as if they arent horribly scrutinized??) until all his cis guy friends forgot abt the girl's trauma and then went back to "nvm im a cishet guy :)" once everyone was chill with him again. i am fucking beyond tired of it now that its someone pulling the "i think i might be a transbian too" after fucking up so bad you couldve made a tgirl homeless and openly misgendering and mistreating other tgirls and sexually harassing other queers and refusing to spend any time around trans people (except for those you perceive as cis women - of course, including trans people who don't pass to your liking). stop asking me to decide whether your egg needs cracked or not and start treating trans women (and everyone else, too, what the fuck is wrong with you??) with respect and maybe you'll get some satisfying advice (since you didnt take mine) but at this point everyone is either scared of you or fucking hates you and theres not a single trans person ive met on this campus who has anything to say about you other than "oh yeah, that person stalked me/my friends". like sorry if im a little hesitant to validate you (AS IF YOU DESERVE IT AFTER CALLING SECURITY ON A TGIRL TO KICK HER OUTTT MY GOD I HATE YOU) but you also said "oh dont worry im ace :)" after sending weird sexual shit to someone (after they asked you to fucking QUIT) so youre not new to using your identity as a shield and now turning around and talking abt how you MAYBE are HYPOTHETICALLY a tgirl teehee but you cant decideeeee doesnt change the fact that your actions suck ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXPLODE

[tornad001]

reply to a trans woman on her post without degendering her and calling her they/them/their challenge (impossible) (how the fuck are you going to debate someone on the existence of transmisogyny and not even correctly gender her and yet expect everyone to agree with you)

i don't check for ppl's pronouns before responding. if u read the posts and come away with the conclusion that the 2 (two) they/thems i used are a sneaky transphobic tactic, im sorry to say the reality is much more banal and unintentional

i changed it tho. i default to they/them when i don't know someone's pronouns. but i honestly have very little respect for trans ppl who get actually upset when u "misgender" them with gender neutral pronouns. i think it shows a fragility of identity and a level of self-centeredness that is telling. if ur too emotionally reactive to hear a queer person use gender neutral language as a default for ambiguous circumstances, then ur too emotionally reactive to be having mature conversations with other queer folk.

i thought we were all about not assuming people's gender? but maybe that just doesn't apply to binary trans ppl? am i supposed to just divine the gender identity when it's a trans woman? i could've made the connection, username catgirlforeskin, being belligerent about the misogyny/misandry paradigm, etc. but any of that would still be an assumption. and if u want me to just look at their profile before i respond to anyone, im not gonna do that

cuz again, i have very little respect for trans people who get unironically upset at being they/them'd. thats the way i do engagement and if u think that makes me transphobic, well i obviously disagree, but ur entitled to ur opinion. i literally don't even bother correcting ppl if im misgendered irl usually. during the pandemic i got ma'am'd a lot cuz of my long hair, mask, and shawl, but how does it affect me? why should i care? i always just got kinda tickled that without even meaning to i was performing femininity well enough to bamboozle the lady at the reception desk. i think if ur performing queerness, u can't get upset if ur they/them'd. we're all for correcting ppl who misgender u here, but i think that process should be a gracious notice that that's not the pronouns u use with increasing intensity and eventually vitriol if not respected. but no, yall decided to serve up emotional reactivity from the start. i used they/them twice in the same post and didn't misgender them aside from that (cuz the rest i referenced her directly with you/yall) but rather than a "hey she uses she/her pronouns" followed by my "oh i didn't realize, ill change that", u had to come out the gate swinging with accusations and assumptions. like it wasn't even a he/him, that i can at least understand being emotionally reactive about, but for gender neutral they/them? insane, whacky nonsense. its the year of our lord 2024, be more normal

[gr-74]

i wish i was brave enough 2 be more out as trans irl, or at the very least at school . i got clocked by one of my classmates and its totally chill but i dont have the balls to say that the shortened, more unisex version of my deadname, while better than the full version, is still incorrect. like its all just kind of. well im used to it so not worth the effort to just get deadnamed/misgendered anyways probably. i think if someone called me elliott or vincent irl i would just vaporize on the spot from disbelief

[menlove]

wait hi i’m so confused i thought only lesbians can reclaim d*ke and only gay men can reclaim faggot? so how can you use both esp if you’re masc? IM CONFUSED IM SORRY this isn’t a hate anon or some shit i’m just so behind on the fuckin. ‘rules’ of tumblr and what the general consensus on slurs are i barely know what i can reclaim my damn self

hi you're all good! and honestly that's part of why I made the post and why the modern lgbt community frustrates me so much bc there is a huge prioritization of "rules" over community, solidarity, lived experience, and just. loving each other. not a diss at you obvs just that it makes us all so nervous about what we can and cannot reclaim and makes others really hostile about it

anyway!

several different answers...

by current lgbt tumblr/tiktok/twitter "rules" a lot of ppl have expanded those to include wlw and mlm, not just gay men and lesbians. I mean say two women are walking down the street holding hands, someone that would call them dykes isn't going to pause and ask if one or more of them is bisexual before using it. as I'm both a wlw and a mlm I'd fit into both. however I don't really jive w this explanation bc it hinges again on "rules" of conduct that I find reductive

another one I've seen that I find a little more nuanced is that if you have had slurs thrown at you and used against you, you can reclaim them. I've been called a dyke and a faggot more times than I can count. but again, I don't jive with this one as much bc does that mean a gay man fortunate enough to never get called a faggot cannot say that word?

the one I find to be the most resonating To Me- for decades and decades of the queer movement, queer women have been saying faggot and queer men have been saying dyke. it's only like really extremely relatively recently that it has been made taboo/wrong/crucifiable for the other group to say it. but if you look it up, there's a lot of early pictures and even well into the 90s pics of men holding up signs along the lines of faggots supporting dykes. and vice versa. this fear of saying these words in our community v much comes from the critically online crowd who doesn't actually go out and interact with their community (not saying you or everyone obviously just the people that push this shit really hard). they would rather squabble over words and slurs and labels than actually doing anything worthwhile.

and just on a personal note, like I said, I'm both a "wlw" and "mlm" although I find those words a little hallow. masculinity =/= sexuality and while I may be butch, that doesn't equate to manhood. even if it did, that's not entirely precluding me from finding community with others I relate to. but I grew up experiencing love for other women as a queer woman. I still do, even though I'm transmasc and use he/him pronouns in every day life (not on here and it's not misgendering to call me she or they, but for my safety I don't advertise any of that irl) but I don't mind being seen as a queer woman, that's deeply a part of how I learned to love in this world. and it got me called dyke. a lot. both when I was identifying as a lesbian, and when I wasn't. on the flipside, however, I am transmasc and butch. I present to the world with a masculine name and most strangers call me "sir" and use he/him for me. my boyfriend is a gay trans man (loosely, they also identify as nonbinary and his relationship to gayness is complicated but that's not my post to make). we are both on hrt and he's had top surgery. when we go out in the world together as a couple, most people see two gay men. we've been called faggots over it (shoutout to the bartender in Detroit for that one). is my experience materially any different than that of a 100% binary trans man getting called a faggot? is the way I present precluding me from being able to say I identify as a queer woman (and man) that loves women in a very queer way? if you look at me, a masculine individual with a beard that gets called a man by strangers and you say I cannot be a woman, what does that say about trans women? if you look at me and say the way that I present to the world doesn't count and doesn't matter, and the way me and my boyfriend conceptualize our relationship isn't right, why is that your business? again, not personal you but general You.

tldr gender is super fucking complicated and messy and so is sexuality and boiling it down to who can say what slurs is honestly really detrimental to our community and all of this is kind of The Point of my post.... and that is not an attack on you at all you're very lovely and I appreciate the message and how sincere it is! and you do not have to agree with me in fact I suspect many people won't. but that's okay. at the end of the day, this community isn't about agreeing with everyone. it's about protecting ourselves and our siblings from harm and loving each other.