#im nonbinary but im a boy. im not a guy though im not a trans guy

[bugsoda]

i am not a female or a male, but a secret third thing: a boy

[lovebloods]

.

[wasyago]

some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff

im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?

anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?

did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?

that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?

uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...

but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?

or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...

again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.

at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)

I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)

im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)

[hermanunworthy]

okay im finally FINALLY gonna do an official teens gender hcs post so u guys can understand my view of these weird little guys. spoilers theyre all nonbinary bc im nonbinary and i love them

normal: he/him but open to trying other pronouns (hes too afraid to ask though). wishes he could just be a binary trans dude (bc that would be easier for him) but in actuality has no idea what his gender really is and the thought of putting a label on it stresses him out so whenever he gets asked about his gender hes just sweating nervously like "aaahhh idk man im just a teen idk haha" (hes like dood. just. teengender)

scary: she/they/goth/dark/etc. transfem girlflux so sometimes shes very girl and other times shes very not girl. this is part of why she says shes not like other girls

lincoln: he/him. bigender. a boy who is a girl sometimes (but tries not to think about it too hard)

taylor: he/ze/sword/flame/etc (neopronoun hoarder like scary but nobody can remember all of them). transmasc demiboy but also a xenogender hoarder (likes to coin his own xenogenders)

hermie: pronouns of the character theyre playing but otherwise they/them. genderfraud (aka "genderfluid but in a fake way"). finds it easier to "play" a gender than to address the fact that they dont have one of their own

[tmascearth]

If Earth is a boy now…. WHY DID HE NOT GET RID OF TITTES????

did he keep them for fun??

Like someone calls him a girl and he like “Ooo! Sorry pal, I’m just a guy with boobs!”

LIKE HUH?

ok so i know i didnt answer this ask for a while bc i. forgot. but its been rattling around in my head bc it is genuinely the funniest thing ever i am SO sorry op

but i WILL use this time to talk about my hcs!!! and go in depth with them. going in order so if just you want an explanation for earth just skip to his section

SUN — sits comfortably somewhere in the transmascneu range i think. pangender, encompasses anything and everything. makes little to no effort into really transitioning simply because he has better things to do! he has a solar system to run! also he is above the concepts of gender. whether you think hes more "masc" or "fem" means nothing to him. hes the sun.

MERCURY — the most trans transmasc to ever trans. i dont know if hes more male or nonbinary leaning but that honestly just depends on the day for me personally. probably more nby. he 100% would go through with physically transitioning because the dysphoria is killer

VENUS — literally the complete opposite to mercury, the most trans transfem to ever fem. honestly see her as more butchy, but only really becomes more comfortable with being more masc once she has transitioned (transitioning in this case just meaning socially, though physically i imagine shes on the fence abt it. change and whatnot. she does have a bit of a chest though i think #boobs)

EARTH — transmasc like mercury, but unlike mercury he does not give a FUCKKK!!! i think you're confusing my earth for a trans man, which he very much is not considering hes a lesbian LMFAO. i see him being more bigender/genderfluid than anything, he doesnt really care to transition physically bc he likes his body! he likes the mother earth thing yk. obnoxiously transgender but you still cant misgender him. tragic. also yes he did keep them for fun

MARS — transneu but also doesnt gaf. like im dead serious he did NOTHING to transition no prn change no nothing he just woke up one day and said im agender. hes so iconic

JUPITER — cis i fear... but hes the biggest ally u will ever meet

SATURN — TRANSFEM!!!!! but in a yaoiful way. you know? physically transitioned but still considers himself somewhat male adjacent? but not really??? basically can be described as "what i look like with he/him pronouns in my bio"

URANUS — also transfem! serious gender envy from saturn. shes veeery jealous and i imagine just figured out that shes Girl recently. also dont think it helps that she has a big fat crush on saturn but you didnt hear that from me! i think venus is also gets envious of her and saturn... ura also wants to continue transitioning but i see her as more mid-process

NEPTUNE — transmascneu adjacent!!! genderfluid like earth, doesnt mind being called anything. forgets what pronouns he uses on a regular basis so he'll just respond to whatever you call him LMFAOOO. hes too busy being a goober to persue any kind of physical transition i think but i do like to imagine him with fun top scars.... mayhaps wavey... or trident.... idk it just looks silly with his gills n i like it

NON-PLANET BONUS SPEEDROUND: luna is transfem and nby, titan is nby, triton is unlabeled, callisto is nby, ceres is.... Um, pluto is transfem, astrodude is transmasc, makemake is transmasc, ganymede is.... closeted??, titania is transmasc and nby, the list goes on im sick of writing these

[electricsynthesis]

2 people validated me so. gender post. this is just whats currently canon to my canonverse au, i accept and & all transgenderism headcanons by the community because i love transgenders. In fact i hope everyone shares their transgenderism thoughts

pidge: trans girl, realized it at age baby and ended up with puberty blockers and HRT as a teenager. shes winning the gender game right up until she has to briefly detransition to sneak back into the garrison. she never does end up going back on estrogen because she ends up kidnapped in a space lion fighting fascists which is sad. she has an awkward relationship to femininity because shes expected to perform it somewhat despite the fact that shes kind of just an awkward nerd girl and it shows in her gender expression. her parents made a big deal of it (in a supportive way, happy and excited, but that veered a bit into "too much" territory regardless) but matt was just like oh little sister? sick. pidge doesnt actually remember her life pre-transition all that much. she was one of those trans toddlers who socially transitioned as soon as she could speak. her brief boymoding-at-the-garrison era was extremely eye-opening to her regarding social dynamics and not in a good way

hunk: trans guy. did the classic "didnt think much about it until puberty" in which he was suddenly seized with that dysphoric malaise. was very businesslike about the whole thing. came out to everyone in rapid succession in very anxious but short conversations. his parents were extremely awkward about it but ultimately supportive. didnt know how to explain it to their extended family. kind of let hunk figure it all out on his own. did pay for hrt and shit though so, trans win? lance was actually one of the last people he told and thats because he was worried about that interaction the least. lance was also extremely awkward about it at first (in that "oh god im sos sorrryyy i didnt mean to slip waaah!!!" kind of way) but pivoted hard into being all like Hunk my Bro my Guy my Buddy and it was really unsubtle but hunk appreciated the sentiment regardless lmao

lance: hes cis sorry. very much the youngest cisgender brother of a bunch of mean (cis) sisters. he was dragged into traditionally "feminine" things as a bonding ritual pretty young, and when he complained of emasculation he was swiftly mocked for being emasculated at all, because "whats so wrong with being like a girl?" which didnt actually help & actually made him really defensive of his more "feminine" habits (because he really does enjoy skincare & taking care of his hair & painting his nails and shit), which only fed into his wider cycle of insecure-and-peacocking-about-it.

keith: i think keiths relationship to gender is somewhat complex because keith is a queer autistic alien boy who literally didn't speak to anyone of the female sex until he was at least nine (when his dad died & his desert isolation childhood era ended). i dont think hes repulsed or confused by women necessarily so much as hes just confused by everyone all the time. i think if he cried too long as a kid his dad would ask him if he was a fuckin queer or if he was gonna man the hell up which certainly did something to his perception of gender but i dont think even he knows what hes supposed to get out of gender. i dont think he cares much about & or thinks about gender very much. i think he finds the general social dynamics of the subject to be vexing in an irritating way and tries not to think about it because it gives him a headache. He’s probably some flavor of nonbinary but he will never unpack that

shiro: hes a cisgender buff gay japanese man which is a whole conversation in and of itself but hes ALSO a soldier who works at a military academy (yknow prior to the alien abduction). i think shiro is very secure in his masculinity but he is also, as many cisgender men are, somewhat infected by the Weird Distance In Intimate Relationships thing. hes private and doesnt feel a need to prove himself but is burdened by how lonely it is trying to connect with other men. shiro shoulder touches keith for the first time and both of them feel a weird jolt. shiro can dedicate 3/4s of his life into bringing keith into the world and mentoring him but he cant say that or acknowledge it or he will die . a fascinating affliction. this is both eased and made tenfold worse after his time as the champion

allura: altean gender essentialism

coran: altean gender essentialism

[cringefaecompilation]

I know it wasn't the focus of your misogyny post so if I'm overstepping please ignore me, but it also really makes me mad when people "conveniently forget" that Ashton is nonbinary, especially when it justifies their shitty opinions (ie he's One Of The Boys™ so he's always correct and can do no wrong thanks to his male-based intellect unlike the awful evil women or he's an Evil Manipulative Man™ who's going out of his way to use his male-ness to harm these poor innocent helpless women because he said/did anything negative towards them). Like please y'all, they're not a man PLEASE they said their pronouns IN THE FIRST EPISODE PLEASE. Feel free to like/dislike Ashton all you want cause that's perfectly fair, but for the love of god don't be transphobic (especially to be sexist) when you do it??? Is that too much to ask??? Idk if I'm making sense/getting upset at nothing because I've seen a lot of people dismiss this as being silly or getting mad at nothing, but idk as a masc enby a lot of discussions around Ashton feel so gross? Idk though, once again ignore if I'm overstepping or anything

you are not being silly and you are not getting mad at nothing or overstepping. it's a huge problem.

i've seen way more of the former where he is misgendered as a cis male as a positive trait, so i'll be talking more about that. will be reposting my tags about this trend in fandom because i've already said my piece on it.

ashton is "schrodinger's man" to these people when they're bored with ignoring/erasing orym's respect and care towards the women in his life. they're nonbinary and trans when they're being directly defended against fans who only like the women, and they're a cis male who is a victim of violent misandry when complaining about previous drama or shipping laudmo/ore (willing to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe some of that blending is them including cis male actor taliesin jaffe but then again). the idea that shardgate was Feminism Going Too Far is an actual statement that i've seen going around the fandom, and it's gotten worse now with swordgate.

didja know there are people insisting laudna should have been abandoned by the hells or fearne should have gotten "harsher punishment" when her dad nearly killed her because both women did something selfish/impulsive and ashton was yelled at and punished for doing something selfish/impulsive? the They Only Were Upset With Ashton Because He Is A Man argument is so fucking dumb. bro almost nuked himself without telling anybody else and was the only one not forcing the shard down fearne's throat, of course they'd come to blows. and you wanna know why they didn't scream at fearne or laudna? BECAUSE THEY LEARNED TO NOT DO THAT. THEY HAD A THERAPY SESSION SPECIFICALLY TO AVOID DOING THAT SHIT AGAIN

and it really does make it obnoxious because i like him and orym's dynamic but it's so fucking frustrating seeing people make them into bell's hells leaders and Voices Of Reason just so they can say "orym is always correct because dead husband and imogen is a salty selfish bitch" or "ashton is always correct because tough love & street smarts and imogen is just a salty selfish bitch" that it immediately sets off red flags for me if someone says those guys are their favorite bh characters. and it sucks because i love orym and ashton too!

obligatory "both sides though" mention: yes. there are im/odna shippers that fantasize about "punishing" or murdering ashton. they do that to dorian and orym too. i am aware of them and i have seen them. i have 90% of them blocked lmao

and i have also talked about this before but the amount of people i've seen insisting callowm/oore is a bad homophobic cishet ship that erases fearne's pansexuality is BIZARRE. this argument was used to prop up fearn/iture which makes no fucking sense to me since chetney is, as far as we know, cisgender. we might not know ashton's sexuality proper but it's safe to assume they aren't heterosexual as they've flirted with people of many genders. also there was this genuine debate if as/hrym was a homophobic ship because orym only dates men... and. well. i don't think it'd be the same as shipping keyleth with orym, let's put it that way lol

[harukirai]

Queer history of Final Fantasy

I am replaying all the old final fantasies(mostly psp psone releases), first time with english localization and not the original jp.

Now i get it.

It all make sense now.

I couldn't understand the wave of "why shove the gays in our face" backlash of 16(even though, the non homophobic felt it was lacking since they didn't want to 'push it in yall face'). Like apperantly moat of the implication or straight up fruity moments in the old game was completely removed, or changed to the point of it being a 'silly thing'.

So lets clarify -

*Cecil(iv), your homeboy- an Non-binary (language is the best indication, but yeah i think it was a decision made for both female and male players to be able to relate to them, but yeah funny outcome non the less)

*Bartz(v)- outright bisexual, they didnt even hide it- next person on this list gonna make it make sense.

*faris(v)- an ftm transgender( at least in the original version, i know in some new iterations they scrapped the whole concept, but left it in in others?)- mainly speak about himself with (ore/boku- which is conventionally usally by male speakers), after finding out soem of the cast either use a female pronounce on him, but bartz constantly either avoid it or use male pronounce(or the nonbinary version which is usually reffered to kidz) but yeah, bartz was crushing on faris where he thought he was a cis male and unlike the other guy didnt shy away.

Lets jump a bit to 8-

Irvine(viii)- even though considered very handsome to the point he could get with any girl hed want, was even flirted with by selphie i think i need to remember, but he usually brush it off.

If anything he is either asexual, or gay(its very subtle, but its what called queer coding, and well see that allot from now on cause japan caught up to westerns norm on media)

Quina Quen (ix)- literally, a nonbinary- but i think they kept it in eng as well cause they are not human, but like black mages they have no sex, but unlike black mages they are 'genderless' and dont care for human norms.

Kuja(ix)- either gay/intersex/both.

Look at him.

Seriously that character confused a whole generation sexuality.

Like sephiroth, but unlike sephiroth he also have effeminate mannerisms, and until it was revealed by text it wasnt so obvious.sephiroth in jp have a confusing language because he himself is possed by jenova, so evem though i love this headcanon, sephiroth isnt trans actually.

Auron(x)- ahh yes, your favourite broody guy and probably where im gonna get tons of hate.

Auron is very subtle, but once you notice it its hard to deny.

I think Auron is gay, unlike jecht or braska- he did not have kids, denied arranged marriage, and followed jecht to dream zanarken just to save jecht only son- it was pretty obvious that auron loved jecht. He also loved braska but not as much, and it shows- that for auron it was more than friendship. You can see it with his attitude towards yuna vs tidus- with yuna he is nicer, politer. Liem you act when you babysit your friends /cousins child.

But to tidus, he is a full father figure.In their journey together they grow, and i think if he wasnt the boy of the man he loved he wouldn't treat tidus as his own. With all the scoldinngs in mind.

Paine(X-2)- qlmost forgot her, but yeah she's pretty gay for riku

I dont remember much though because if the mission structure of the game.

Larsa(xii) - ohh i see you boy, i see u. He is sus as hell. He is a kid so its pretty innocent(and relatable to us queer kidz)

Its pretty obvios that he is crushing on basch, innocently though. I know some ppl who shipped him with penelo, but canonically by spinoffs at least she and vann are an item.

Also they made sure it was obvious cause japan have this thing that a young character is crushing on a teacher,mentor , older characters in general(aka cc sakura- her friend crushing on a teacher, syaoran & sakura crushing on yukito, also happens in tons of pop culture media at that time, so im not surprised, but im happy this time its one sided, THANK GOD)

But yeah if you reached the ending its pretty obvious.

Fang & vanille(xiii)- the first lesbians couple! Terra(VI) was supposed to be the first but they were afraid it will make her less marketable so they scrapped her gf. They made them clear, but at the same time they tried to make sure pple wont be fetishizing them(they tried, at least).

I want to explain their story more but i think ill mess it up since i tend to mix up 13's lacie, falcie and all that jazz.

So ill just say that basically there are 2 world in 13, pulse and cacoon. Pulse is basically earth and cacoon is the moon. There is a god for each world called a falcie.

Few of them but ine for each major ones. Our main gand from cacoon, branded by a falcie to be slaves(lacie) vanille and fang are from pulse, and slaves of pulse lacie, so basically they are with the task of creating Ragnarok which is like the end of time and but limw they dont know cause the gods in this game is like 'yeah imma give you a mission but wont tell you beside weird non undersandable feaver dream and you need to figure out and fast or youll become this universe version of zombie, and if you do complete it you become a ceystal living forever but like, sleeping beauty style. So lose lose situation.

The focus of them both is different from the gang, caus the falcie of cacoon is evil so he gove them focus destroying cocoon while if fang& vannile mannaged to ruin that falcie and bring ragnarok theyll become a crystal, and they used it to save coccon from falling and crushing killing all the people in it, basically became a pillar in eternal sleep when they hheld each other.

But they are saved in later game only to... Lightning return which we wont talk about cause i hate timers.

I love the story of xiii, big part of it is vanille & fang, i havent played in english yet, but i will say, their story is one of the more meaningful on this list, very well developed and i will do it disservice if id try to explain it in few sentences - so do yourself a favour and play or watch the playthrough.

Ignis& gladio(xv)- here is when localization ruimed it. I know cause i palyed on jp dub with eng sub and heard the differences live- first of all gladio and ignis are completely different in jp, as individuals and as a pair- they were supposed to be the first dion& terrence moment, but it got scrapped and they went the vannile& fang route, only that bec they are men, the localization team missed the mark.

Gladio got pissed at noctis in the train because of ignis.

In jp its clear their bond is beyond friends, and not mention the fact that their AI is always stuck together, and that gladio isnt a womenizer in jp at all, and there is no fiancee/girlfriend.

In jp he said suggested there is someone he wants to be with but bec of the state of the world and them both being constantly in the battlefront he couldnt ask.

(and ignis clear his throat when everyone is like oh great, very subtle but it was leading to that)

Every stop of the train or erea post blindness gladio was with ignis not leaving him .

Also tabata san also said that they are more than friends. So there's that too.

But its no secret 15 localization is tereible, the massacared prompto, he is so cringy in english, in jp yeah he is funny but like he says more stuff then random pop colture references, he breaks the 4th wall occasionally but not on the same level of the localization. Also, jp noctis is a little shit because he can and will, in localization he is more relatable while ignos and gladio are kimda mean. In jp its the other way around and up until chap 13 (when he is alone) noctis is a bratt. He has some moments when he is nicer, but when struggle shows he is a bratt about it- and its done purposely since he is a spoiled pronce who never done anything alone in his life.

Thats why in chap 13 he has a change of heart, because he was alone and learned to appriciate his friends when he was stuck alone in the dark with no weapons and i think it was a good call storytelling wise, but yeah the english localzation ruined it and made the whole chapter pointless .

Those are the implied/canon gays of final fantasy up to 15(we got a kiss so its obvious).

The series has always been kinda Fruity and i know some of yall will be like, 'but there's no proof'. Well, japanese speakers(who arent homophobic at least) will agree with me that we tend in media that is not specified like BL or GL to make things subtle. So what in the west is called 'queer coding' is very common in japanese media and it comes in way more shape and forms.usually implied with a desper conncetion relationship or linguistics.its funny cause in the 80's and very early 90's gay pple wasnt hidden in jp pop culture (no kisses or anything but it was straight out told to the viewer/player)

And only later 90's there was a trend of removing us completely from the media, but around that time a specific genre was created so it wasn't out completely.(like yaoi/yuri as erotic mangas existed aince the 80's but usually only love stories or main gay characters were mixed in with the straight media, kimda like what netflix does today, but around 96, 97 the shounen ai and shoujo ai genres rose in popularity(mainly cause of clamp) and things got seperated. In games- because it became a bigger deal in the west square took caution with how clear they gonna make stiff not to piss of the christians after the backlash of Pokemon (idk how it was really but through japanese media and news it seemed at the times that the american patents were pissed so game companies started sensoring their games from all things might piss off christians/monotheistics ).

*also i dont live in japan but i am mixed so i grew in a jp speaking house and family from there always sent games on holidays and birthdays+nhk was always running in the backround to check on the motherland😂

[choco-bunnii]

Being genderfluid , my body and gender can be completely different sometimes. I can get dysphoric when im a girl even though I'm born female. I want a flat chest and a penis while still being a girl. I don't see much people talk about gender fluidly and dysphoria. I think I experience gender completely different because I'm autistic and never really felt right in any type of body because I was always worried how I am perceived . But now I'm over that and I've grown and realized that I can control how I want to be perceived and if people don't like it that's on them. I could want boobs and a penis and be strictly a man that day , or I feel dysphoric when I'ma guy not wearing fem clothing. I like the idea of being able to sway my body as I sway genders , not in a boy=penis with masculinity and he\him or girl =vagina and feminity with she\her , but in a Mitch matched type of way. The more Ive been unmasking my autism and really thinking about how I feel without attaching cishet norms and soical expectations to it , the more I become more "confusing" cause I never came across anyone who's the same. I get gender envy from trans women , trans men , nonbinary , etc but I realized most peoples gender envy comes from wanting to look like a cis gendered person that they idealize or a trans person who fits every gender norm.

[balladofthelamb]

tbh... post shower trans journal time:

i feel miffed and upset rn.... personally cheated by the universe on my flesh vessel. and also mad at myself bc i feel like, i should be trying to pass rn, but tbh i havent tried at all since the pandemic started. its funny cause in quarantine i figured out, yes, im a dude, but im also, not a dude. nonbinary, whatever you wanna call it. butch for sure, but my expression changes in waves. but its like, ive come to be okay (somehow!) with being fem in public, and thats good to a certain degree, because in quarantine i wished i could just be a dude who wears dresses sometimes. but at the same time, when i was in hs, all i did was try to pass, and it was so painful, all the time, the complete lack of respect everyone gave me. people see you differently, that's just the end of it. id go home and cry and cry bc not only did i get treated horribly, but also no one saw me for who i was. so im not like, crazy. i know why i dont try anymore. its bc it sucks. trying to pass (for me now) feels stupid. ive got other things to focus on. its a blackhole of effort and i doubt i will ever get to a point where people see me and think im a dude without question. it's also painful, fitting yourself into boxes for cis people so they can even understand a sliver of who u r. im not someone who breaks myself for others. i dont want to be someone who only wears fem stuff in private for the sake of passing. or, like before, when i would be terrified in social interactions that the other party would piece together that im not a dude. but at the same time, when the efforts worked and people did think i was a guy, its euphoria i haven't experienced in years now... i think its isolating to think, very few if any will ever truly see me, and yes there are those that do and of course that's important to me. but, it does make me feel incredibly disconnected to everybody else and with my gender in general. it would be easier, at least, if i was a gender conforming ftm. but im not even. and then with the autism, my gender is already creature like. this summer, the thought has occurred to me several times to try to pass again, to put myself in the box, at least for the joy of having people think im male, even if only sometimes. though, admittedly i immediately push away the idea bc it would require a masculine name, and i actually happen to like the name ive chosen for myself now. changing it would be a drag. also, part of me wonders if passing would be impossible now bc i think, realistically, what i would even pass as would be a teenage boy, and it wouldn't make sense among everyone i know whos an adult. anyways, i am going to get high now 🧓🫶

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m a trans guy and I’m incredibly happy in my identity but…sometimes I remember what it was like identifying as a nonbinary lesbian and i kind of miss it?

Like it was so much easier when i was an enby lesbian. My dysphoria wasn’t as bad and everything fit into a neat little box.

At the same time though i was never really happy in any of my relationships and I didn’t really care about being alive because I didn’t feel like i had anything to live for

Did i make the right choice choosing to be a boy? I feel like i have something to live for now and im really happy but. I just feel like everything would be easier for everyone if i had just stayed as i was.

i really, really get what you're saying i do because that's LITERALLY where i'm at.

i was happy as a trans guy for a long time, but to me, after a while it felt like a prison, and more like something other people made me feel obligated into identifying as. i definitely don't know your situation so i don't want you to feel like it's the same for you, but for me, i was always pressured into being a man by others. i came out as "not a guy or a girl, just a person" to my mom and sister in 2011 and they said "so, youre a guy? okay if you're a guy then we'll treat you like a guy" and became. very toxic and mean and it made me feel like i had to try harder and harder to be a guy because. well, they were telling me i was one

my personal struggle has been with coming to realize i'm nonbinary and that i've been forced to identify as male by other people due to ignorance. for you, i'm just so sorry to hear that you know a similar pain of being happy and firmly rooted in an identity but not quite knowing what's right. i think for you, perhaps you could be bigender/multigender/polygender, genderfluid, genderqueer, or perhaps you have an identity like lesboy, boydyke, guydyke and so on. maybe you're feeling nostalgic for a sense of community that you no longer have, and it's okay to feel estranged and weird. maybe you really are happy being a guy, and it's okay to miss what you had in the past. it's alright to feel a lot of feelings

you may want to look into leslie feinberg's writings, particularly Stone Butch Blues, ze fit into a similar niche in life and had similar experiences to what where we fit in. you may want to check it out, just be warned that there are graphic depictions of sexual assault and police violence.

i don't think you made the wrong choice either way, people evolve and grow into themselves. you have to learn who you are, and it's okay if you chose a life that didn't fit you for a time, regardless of whichever identity doesn't fit. leslie tried living as a man for years and eventually went back to identifying as a lesbian. it happens for many of us, we have a complex relationship with life and gender, it's okay to not know, and to be confused. i hope you're able to figure it out, take care of yourself, i hope you find peace soon.

[mejomonster]

Any other trans friends i could use ur personal knowledge input. Ill also look this up though so don't worry im assuming like the definution of bi theres gonna be varied overlapping definitions

(So pre warning these first big paragraphs are preamble on what ive heard as far as more recent definitions, it can ALL be skipped down to my question. Basic summary is: DEI taught about gender identity, gender presentatuon, and sexuality spectrums and how they dont necesarily match the way stereotypes would expect as each Individual experiences those 3 spectrums their own way). Okay so the last time i got proper formal definitions taught was a Diversity Equity Inclusion training. Which was eons ahead of what my schools ever taught but it was still not all encompassing. Training included mentioning: sexuality is a spectrum, pansexuality and bisexuality are being able to feel attraction to multiple genders, heterosexuality and homosexuality are attraction to one gender, asexuality as an umbrella term for people who experience no sexual attraction or various levels different than the other sexualities, queer is an all encompassing umbrella term that lgbt people may use but a person outside the community should not use to refer to a person unless specifically asked to (and its also a label various academic texts use to describe lgbt elements discussed). Also the romantic attaction spectrum was mentioned, as like the sexuality spectrum but not necessarily matching it for any particular person (as in one can be bisexual and demiromantic, homoromantic and asexual, not just say bisexual and alloromantic). Training mentioned gender identity is a spectrum (and nonbinary is an umbrella term, as is genderqueer, for various identites that dont identify as men and women, agender includes people who do not identify with genders - basically gender is diverse as human experience, as with all other points).

Gender Presentation is a spectrum, and they do NOT have to match up (such as a butch woman, a feminine woman who goes by he him, a feminine man who uses he him, a masculine looking man who wears dresses basically in terms of clothing hair pronouns social activities any person can embody any kind of traits along the masculine to feminine spectrum - and may also align them differently as in a country woman may see "girls dont cry!" As a feminine associated expectation while an oldest son might also see "boys dont cry" as a masculine associate expectation to his own life experience, i could go on forever but basically clothes/hobbies do NOT equal gender identity. Pronouns do NOT necessarily equal gender identity). So like. The trainer my nonbinary coworker used examples like them using the pronouns they/he/she and prefering to dress more masculine but still using they/she/he and sometimes really enjoying dresses and still using they/she/he, of how some butch women may prefer he him or she her and theyre women If they simply identify as women, women who wear pants and no makeup and go by she her, men who love makeup and go by he him, some of my coworkers realized that day they prefered they/them (presentation) even if their gender identity was man or woman. Basically the point is Presentation is diverse. There is no one to one perfect list of traits to define what each gender identity "must be." Youre your gender identity because you are that gender, it feels right for you. You express and present yourself how you want, and that doesnt necessarily align with masc for men or fem for woman or androgynous for nonbinary, those are just the basic things strangers might assume. And the person labelling themselves understands more than you. (So in this case like gender nonconforming presentation would be a man who wears glam makeup or woman who never wears makeup, a nonbinary person who leans heavily into clothes that arent associated with androgyny, im not explaining well but i hope u are kinda getting my point).

Anyway my point was Gender Identity (im a guy a girl im nonbinary im agender), is not the same as Gender Presentation (the spectrum of human traits society vaguely interprets as masculine feminine and androgynous and where each individual lands in terms of presenting themselves such as clothing, hair, hobbies, social traits, etc)

Now my question Im really confused about:

Im nonbinary im bi. Im also a few other things and sometimes just saying im queer makes my life easier.

Im a bit confused about what transmasc and transfem as labels mean. Because i can only interpret the words on my current knowledge by guessing the masc and fem in the words Either relate to Gender Identity, or Gender Presentation. The words obviously are for trans people. But i have no idea at all where a trans butch woman falls in this scale, or a trans man who dresses very femininely, or nonbinary people like me who embrace masculinity and femininity a lot (and hey its okay if maybe nonbinary ppl like me just dont fit inside these terms).

Is the masc and fem in those labels referring to "man-spectrum" gender IDENTITY and "woman-spectrum" gender IDENTITY?

So this would mean maybe transfem: trans woman, any nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates slightly more to feeling the gender of woman, this would include trans butch women, and nonbinary people with beards etc who present visually very masculine but identify slightly more with women

Transmasc: trans man, nonbinary or genderqueer person who relates more slightly to the gender of man. This would include feminine trans men who wear dresses and makeup, include nonbinary people who Present visually very feminine but identify slightly more with men

OR is the masc and fem relating to gender PRESENTATION? Which would mean the terms include any trans person of any gender identity, who mainly presents masculine or mainly presents feminine

Transfem: trans women who are feminine presenting, trans men who are feminine presenting, nonbinary people who are more feminine presenting visually (feminine presenting as in clothing, hairstyles, hobbies etc that generally are interpreted by others as feminine)

Transmasc: trans men who are masculine presenting, trans women who are masculine presenting, nonbinary people who are more masculine presenting visually

Can you see where im getting confused? Depending on if masc and fem are refering to gender identity Or presentation, a trans butch woman is transmasc or transfem. So would a trans butch woman be transfem for transitioning to a woman physically, or transmasc for physically presenting masculinely and being trans. Would a nonbinary person who medically transitioned taking testosterone who wears dresses and makeup be a transmasc (for being a trans man) or transfem for being a trans person who presents feminine fashion choices. And im assuming the labels dont include nonbinary people that dont really lean one way or the other but like... if a nonbinary person is included in the terms is it based on the gender they more closely identify to on the spectrum (which for some of us is None, is multiple, is gender identities not within man or woman), or in the terms it is based on their visual presentation (which again! Nonbinary people can be androgynous, can embrace masculinity and femininity, can embrace one more than the other, can present our selves in ways meant to exclude those categorizations).

Tldr: is the masc and fem in transfem and transmasc refering to gender Identity or gender Presentation?

(And i suppose part of my confusion is like. Unfortunately in my social media experience over the last 10 years i saw the rise of "are you afab or amab" which screamed unpleasant unnecessary attempts to drag us back to "but what were u before transition" bullshit, and then recently in the "girl dinner" "boys are academia girls are shopping" and the lgbt community similar memes "lesbians are cottagecore gay men are clubbing" "transmen are so bob the builder transwomen are so my little pony" its giving Gender Expectations. Its giving: old school traditional limiting gender requirements on people if they want to conform to traditionalist norms. Its giving girls are stupid and soft abd emotional and boys are strong and smart and analytical - which isnt true by the way, you can be any traits regardless of gender identity you are. Ive been seeing a lot of "transmascs are army clips" "transfem are delicate jewelry" memes lately and its just like... aside from the fact im already sick of reinforcing gender stereotypes in a broad way. The memes are also confusing me because im like okay so is this implying trans men MUST be masculine, and transwomen MUST be feminine? Cause if its about gender identity, then that sure feels like thats the implication. I dont necessarily think the actual labels imply that necessarily, but i do think the memes of this nature just like ALL the widespread gender-stereotype memes imply some shit about expectations i do not like seeing reinforced as much as it goes around)

[hermanunworthy]

i cant be the only one who hcs normal as nonbinary right. this is so important to me

any pronouns normal who when asked his gender is like "aahhhh im just a Teen guys!!!"

i think hero is a trans girl so when her parents expected her to be a boy, normal came along and was like oh i can switch too!! i can be their boy!! but eventually realizes he wasnt happy as a girl or a boy and this distresses him bc he feels like he needs to fit into the binary to be "normal" but that has just never been him (his parents wouldnt even mind though, hell theyre likely both nonbinary and in denial themselves)

the mascot costume probably helps him deal w dysphoria bc teeny the teen is literally just a teen. its easy for him to disguise himself when he wears it and he doesnt really need to think about his own identity struggles he is simply. Teen

[ymbly]

me explaining my identity to trans people: so i use the word girlboy a lot for myself but im not really a girl and yeah im kind of a boy but also not really. Im absolutely a guy but still not a man. I am sort of a woman though. I am actually sort of a girl? I am but im not. still not quite a boy though. I’m transmaculine and nonbinary. I use he/they publicly and they/them online mostly but honestly don’t mind she/her that much. but I only want people to call me she if they see me as a man. my gender is fluid to a degree but I wouldn’t call myself genderfluid and-

me explaining my identity to cis people: im a trans guy

[disruptxrr]

if it's causing you genuine regular distress that you aren't a boy... you just like. you might feel like a boy sid. and be distressed because of it. im not gonna put any words in your mouth or assume anything about you —— but:

as a trans guy, i spent a lot of my life wanting to be a boy, loving how boys look, wishing i was a boy, wishing i was born a boy, etc. i didn't know i didn't have to be a girl just because i was born one. i know a lot of other trans guys felt this same way. i know a lot of people who are in general not cis women (nonbinary, genderfluid, etc) who feel the same way you do!!! im not trying to slap any label on you, i just think you seem to be distressed about your gender but you haven't considered "be a boy" is an option, whatever that means for you personally! it's hard to explain.

i just see you struggling with it a lot and wanted to suggest like. exploring isn't something bad, you know? you're a kid, go crazy. maybe the things you end up exploring — whatever they are! — aren't for you and that would be okay too. i don't know how much freedom to explore you have in your life irl, it seems like not so much, but i just wanted you to know lots of other people do feel this same way. you're not alone in it! im sending you positive psychic vibes okay? :)

you're really fucking sweet. thanks for worrying about me n stuff.... but yeahh, i don't know, i really don't think i'm trans... i mean i never even considered it before. i do wish i were a boy sometimes but i was born a girl so fuck it, y'know? sometimes it really does get to me but generally speaking i wont "die" because of it. it's whatever.... i can't even tell my parents i like girls imagine if i turn out to be trans. my parents would probably kill me... i already dress like a guy most of the time anyway so it doesn't really matter... thanks, though (we need more people like you in the world... i know i do) <3

[friendhearts]

ITS STILL TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY FOR ME SO HERES A BIG LIST OF CHARACTERS I THINK ARE TRANS (MOST OF THEM ARE TRANS MEN THOUGH BECAUSE I AM A TRANS MAN AND I LOVE TO PROJECT ONTO CHARACTERS I LIKE. SORRY. SHOUTOUT TO MY NON-MAN TRANSMASCS AND TRANSFEMS AND TRANSNEUTRALS AND PEOPLE WHO DONT USE ANY OF THOSE LABELS THOUGH YALL ROCK)

MOB (MP100) - he is nonbinary transmasc to me. for the most part he doesnt really care about what you call him exactly. person or boy/man he doesnt mind. doesnt like being called a girl/woman though

ASUKA (GG) - trans man :) i dont have any further notes he is just a trans man. i cant see him any other way.

TSUKASA (PROSEKA) - trans man but also his gender is star. you get how it is when ur trans and autistic that shit can be weird to put a label on

TARANZA (KIRBY) - he is so. he is so transgender. trans man. being trans is an important part of his gender to him i think

JOSUKE (JJBA) - im sorry for being a jojo fan. but if you can make an exception for josuke. please.. please hes great. anyway trans man. okuyasu is too but i dont want to have more than one jojo character on this list. also jotaro but i dont want to have more than one jojo character on this li

RUI (PROSEKA) - Nonbinary, doesnt really care what you call him. girl boy person everything is fine with him. gender is a game and hes got the high score baby

MARX (KIRBY) - his gender is Incomprehensible. usually calls himself a guy though. not usually like, man or boy though, though he doesnt mind them either. thog dont caaare gender is a game to him

ICHIKA (PROSEKA) - girlboy thing swag. failboy but a girl. girl in a boy way. yknow

ANJI (GG) - trans man :)

SAKI (PROSEKA) - SORRY FOR HAVING SO MANY PROSEKA CHARACTERS ON THIS LIST. anway ive entertained in my head the idea of transmasc saki and while i think that the idea is cute and fun, ultimately my headcanon is trans girl. she and tsukasa traded genders

TOME (MP100) - trans woman :) she and mob are transmasc transfem bestie solidarity

MAFUYU (PROSEKA) - trans man 👍

SOL (GG) - trans man. he is just chillin

ARIA (GG. AGAIN) - she was a trans woman :) jack-o' also gets to be a trans woman because of this, even though they aren't the same person. dont worry about it

OKAY THERE ARE MORE CHARACTERS I WANT TO ADD TO THIS LIST BUT IM RUNNING OUT OF TIME ITS ALMOST 12:00 SO TAKE IT AS IT IS. ENJOY