#im not coherent enough to give more than this so i hope it makes a bit of sense

[sapphire2626]

Something something the incident report that Norris (aka Alex's voice aka maybe my beloved Antichrist's plus one) starts with the person having written "I just couldn't face the thought of the rest of my life never hearing him again" and how Martin's tma s5 arc culminated with him having to kill the person he loved, something he couldn't fathom doing even in his worst nightmares

Something something the incident report that Chester (aka Jonny's voice aka maybe my beloved Archivist) read was about someone whose curiosity ends up killing them (with The Magnus Institute and eyes involved) and the parallels that has with Jon's entire story from tma

Something something Chester read the report with emotion, sounded excited, scared, disgusted when the author's must've been feeling those things, while Norris was dead-pan and robotic and how the Archivist powers drew out stories in the most dramatic and vivid way possible

[liloinkoink]

as someone who also has so much homework to do. what are your thoughts on treesekai ren (speaking of treesekai, i actually sent that fic to a friend like a year ago who doesn't watch hermitcraft etc and i remember we had fun reading it and giggling over the anime of it all so tysm for that ♡)

i am no longer doing homework so i can share thoughts. it is almost 3am tho so idk theyll be coherent

first im glad you two enjoyed it! dont know how i feel about the fact it's breached containment but it is good to know it holds up

[speaking of, this fic was posted a year ago, so if you dont know what treesekai is, here is the link for you]

second i think all the time about just how lonely treesekai Ren is. ive made posts like this before but Ren is just... he's so lonely. Ren is a character with a lot of love in him, always. he always wants someone to care about. often many someones! he gravitates towards big loyal teams, and he usually spends his time at home building a place for that team to be protected and safe, and is willing to die to defend that home (and he has. twice.)

dogwarts was a big team whose loyalty he took seriously and whose home he died to defend. the shadow alliance had matching skins and, until they went red, all ren's loyalty, and their base of operations was one of the last bases standing bc Ren continually put it back together for his teammates. Ren and BigB died on the doorstep of of box, with ren's last words being about defending it. home and the people in it are important to him

treesekai Ren is the same, but he doesnt really have anywhere to point it. he has a home, but what matters to Ren about a home is that theres people in it. he loves the country he rules but he thinks if he does that hard enough he'll have someone, and he just doesnt. he assumes he can trust his staff, thinks he'll be able to make alliances with other nations, hopes his fiance will be that person he needs. but he isnt! and Ren cant trust him! or his staff! or other royalty! no one else in the world cares about him! many of the people close to him ultimately want him dead!

so, in the game, he ends up paranoid, and he ends up evil, and he ends up dead

but in the fic he meets Martyn, and he gets that connection and affection and care hes been looking for all this time. and like. it fascinates me how much Martyn doesnt know how much hes changed ren's life. Ren isnt evil for nothing--above all he's lonely and hurt. by saving him from loneliness, Martyn saves his life. he could abandon the game plotline then and there, completely forgoing all the normal isekai tropes of running thru every event w future knowledge and picking the best possible outcome, and Ren would no longer die. just by being there and sincerely caring for Ren, Martyn has already achieved the best of all possible worlds. and he doesnt even know it!

i just. i love how lonely he is and how simple he is. he just wants to be loved. he just wants to love someone. he's a dating sim character, after all, and that's the whole point, isn't it? his world exists just so the people in it can be loved, and he's not allowed to have any of that. if youd just give him a romance, he'd be more than happy to be a love interest instead, but he isnt! he isnt allowed! no wonder he loses it. on some level, maybe he knows hes being denied the fundamental purpose for existence in his universe

this is rambly bc its rlly late but im just. it must hurt more than anything to be the one character in a world about love who is meant to be completely unlovable

[circus4apsycho8]

hey hey! i was wondering if i could maybe get a kai x reader oneshot where the reader is sick.

nothing serious or anything like that, just a cold that makes them slightly delirious and cling onto kai more than they usually do (aka they don't normally do it at all lol)

no pressure if you can't/don't want to do this, btw, i just thought it'd be cute tbh /gen /npa dw

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘! 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚝𝚎 :) 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢!

clingy. | kai x reader

You tried to drag yourself out of bed. You really did, considering how much you hate skipping training. 

But today is different – the lopsided pressure in your head is making you dizzy when you try to stand. You’re able to lay back down before you lose your balance. 

Stars, your head is throbbing. Combined with your stuffy nose, sore throat...yeah. Absolutely icky. 

It takes a matter of seconds for you to give up any hope of getting up. Suddenly met with a cold chill, you pull your blanket closer to your chin. 

For a few minutes, you simply lay there, not wanting to move. You’re too achy to even think about standing. 

To no avail, you try to go back to sleep. But you just can’t. For a few minutes, you find yourself tossing and turning until a knock sounds at your door. 

“Huh?” you grunt, throat too sore for you to speak anything coherently. 

“Babe?”

Relief courses through you as Kai steps through, his warm eyes already darting across your bedridden figure. It doesn’t take him long to put the pieces together. 

He sits beside you, one of his hands coming to your cheek. “Oh no...you caught whatever funk Jay brought back, didn’t you?” 

You nod, pointing to your throat. 

“Your throat hurts? Damn. I’ll see if Sensei can make some of his sick tea. Here,” he trails off so he can unhook your phone from its charger, handing it over to you. “Text me until your throat feels better. Just tell me if you want anything to eat or anything, okay? I’ll be right back.” 

Thank the stars for this boy. You don’t know what you’d do without him. 

You immediately open your messaging app, thumbs zipping across the keyboard: 

You: can i pls have some medicine too 

You: i feel like i got hit by a truck 

Kai: u got it gorgeous 

Kai: sensei making tea rn, im bringing u medicine for now 

You: thank you sm 

Glad that he’s returning, you shut your phone off and set it on your chest as you close your eyes. 

Soon enough, Kai returns, bottle of water and medicine in hand along with his laptop cradled in his other arm. He sets it at the foot of the bed so that he can crack the bottle open. 

“Okay, can you sit up for me?” he questions, once again having a seat at the edge of your bed. 

You nod, shifting until you’re upright. Kai patiently waits for you to get comfortable, gently dumping two pills into your hands before giving you the bottle of water. “I know your throat hurts, but this will help lighten the nastiness up a little bit.” 

You down the pills with a gulp of water, cringing at the feeling of the pills sliding down your sore throat. 

“I know it hurts, babe, but it’ll help. Make sure you keep drinking water, too. You need to stay hydrated.” 

You nod, sighing through your stuffy nose. Kai climbs into bed next to you, reaching for the laptop. You open your phone again. 

You: don’t get close! I don’t want you to get sick too

Rather than sending it to him, you just turn the screen towards him so that he can read it. 

“Nah, I’m staying,” he replies. “I know it sucks to be alone when you’re sick. Besides, we haven’t had a whole lot of time together lately anyway. Let’s watch something, yeah?” 

You nod, understanding by the tone of his voice that his mind won’t be changed. 

“Great. So, what do you want to watch?” 

You type your answer out, followed by: 

But you get to pick the next one!! 

“Fine,” he replies with a chuckle. “Let me go check your tea first, though!” 

A hint of a smile appears on your lips as you watch him leave. How did you end up so lucky? 

While you wait for your boyfriend to return, you take another sip of water. The pain in your throat screeches in retaliation, though. Yeah, you should probably wait for the tea. Sensei Wu’s special tea always managed to help a little bit. 

Kai returns a few minutes later, your cup of tea in hand. He settles in next to you, handing you the mug. 

You sigh gratefully, taking a sip. The hot water does wonders to soothe your throat. 

“That’s better,” you mumble, leaning your head on Kai’s shoulder. “Thank you.” 

“Anything for you,” he replies, shooting you his adorably dumb smile. You can’t help but smile too, watching as he sets up the show and leans back. 

For a while, you simply lean against him, content that he’s staying with you for the time being. The warmth radiating from him wards the chilliness away, allowing you to flutter in and out of sleep as you rest. 

After your show ends, you feel Kai stirring from his spot beside you. You turn to him, watching as he starts to untangle himself from the sheets. 

You find yourself upset that he’s leaving, setting your mug to the side as you latch onto his arm. 

“Babe,” he coos, chuckling as he glances back down at you with those gorgeous amber eyes. “I’ll be right back, don’t worry.” 

“But I want you to stay...” you mumble shyly, not letting go. 

“It’ll be super quick. I’m just going to go grab a snack. And I can refill your mug, too!” 

You sigh, releasing his arm slightly. “Okay...thank you.” 

Kai presses a kiss to your forehead before climbing out of bed, a rush of cold air replacing his warmth. You reach over to your laptop so you can pause the video before laying your head back on your pillow. 

A few minutes pass, and you find yourself missing Kai. Why are you feeling so clingy today? Normally, you’re not like this, but for some reason, you just want to hide with him until you feel better. 

You grab your phone, sending him another text: 

kaiiiiiii 

where'd you go?? 

:( 

To your dismay, Kai doesn’t answer for a few minutes. Stars, why are you feeling so sensitive today? Is it just because being sick makes you feel vulnerable? 

Thankfully, Kai responds shortly after: 

im otw, sorry...got caught up talking to sensei 

He returns a few seconds later, now with snacks and a refilled mug of tea. “Sorry, Sensei was asking me a few questions. He’s letting me take the day off so I can take care of you.” 

“Good,” you croak, shifting around as he settles back in beside you. “I just...need you right now.” 

Kai smiles softly, pulling you against his chest as the two of you lean back. “You know...I hate that you’re sick, but at the same time...I kind of like this side of you.” 

“I don’t, but I can’t help it. When I get better, it’s straight back to the ass kicking. Yours included.” 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Kai jokes. 

You sigh, too tired to return the banter. “Thank you for staying, Kai.” 

“Anything for you, babe. Get some rest.” 

With that, your eyelids grow heavy as you snuggle up to him, eventually letting yourself sleep for the day. 

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚓𝚊𝚐𝚘 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗. 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘!

[underratedandoverit]

drain me of every memory

1,4k words hangman page/swerve strickland

im sleep deprived to hell and back but i couldnt sleep before i wrote this as i was finally struck with a vision i had to follow through. i also did not proofread this very carefully oops i have never written either of these two before so if they have terrible voices im so sorry also if this completely fucking sucks dont tell me please let me live in my tired ignorance lmao other than that i hope you enjoy it!! if its worth anything i'd love to know tho ;;

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

The night had absolutely not gone how he would have wanted. It was a very small comfort in Swerve’s mind that Hangman hadn’t managed to win either, that he was the one suffering the big loss in tonight's huge three-way match, but it clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy the need. The hunger he had to see the cowboy suffer even more, making him feel the pain of those opportunities he snatched away from Swerve with his little tricks.

It wasn’t difficult at all to seek him out later in the evening. They had all stayed around until the end of the main event, everyone wanted to give Sting that one big sendoff together, and Swerve had spied Hangman in the crowd among the rest of the roster in the building tonight, easily. To say that the man looked uneasy and disappointed was an understatement, no matter how much he tried to hide it beneath the mask of a celebration in the moment.

Even past the mass of people between them, Swerve could see that those eyes still weren’t quite right, as they hadn’t been for some time now.

He didn’t even bother to knock on the locker room door, thinking the worst that he could do was catch Hangman changing. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a locker room before, like he hadn’t seen almost everything this man had to offer, nothing that could faze him.

It wasn’t like they didn’t share an unspeakable bond created by a spur of a moment that they had to live with separately together with forever. A bond that was much more intimate than anything a naked eye could see.

A smirk tucked the corners of his lips as Swerve watched the confusion quickly take over the entire face of the blond, though the obvious anger quickly rose back on Hangman’s features. Maybe Swerve was able to see even a slight bit of embarrassment radiating from him, if he focused carefully enough.

“What the hell do you want?”

Swerve’s hands shot up, in both a defensive and calming manner, eyes never leaving Hangman and his obvious distress. “Calm down. I’m not here to wage more wars if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Yeah?” Swerve watched silently as Hangman stood up from his chair, staring daggers at him. “Well I’m not done with you, or afraid to kick your ass if I have to!”

“And fail at that task again? I doubt it.”

His calm demeanor was clearly agitating Hangman further, but the joy Swerve took in just watching his struggle to keep his emotions in check and his words coherent was immeasurable. Just seeing the small visual cues of Hangman’s eyes wandering as he tried to collect himself, hands squeezing into fists and opening up again, the way he almost, just almost wanted to start pacing the small room to calm himself down.

It was all almost too much, too good to be true. Too good to be a real thing he was witnessing with his own eyes, let alone causing.

“Well,” Swerve chuckled quietly, his low voice softly rumbling off the empty walls of the room around them. His hands dropped down again, finding comfort in the pockets of his jacket. “At least I’m not the one who lost that match out there. I think that gives me room to speak.”

That was the right button to push clearly, as Hangman’s eyes shot towards him again, narrowing almost dangerously as he closed the gap between the two men with just a few quick strides, both hands grabbing the front of Swerve’s jacket. He didn’t even flinch, just watched with a smirk as Hangman shook him slightly, his eyes burning with clear anger and frustration.

“Listen here, you little shit!” He wasn’t even trying to control the level of his voice anymore, the frustrations of the entire night pouring over in one fell swoop, manifesting out with a string of incoherent curses and hands trying to wildly shake the other man, whether to intimidate him or bring him to his senses, Swerve wasn’t sure. All he knew was that neither of those ideal options was working.

All Swerve needed to do, was to lean just a tiny bit closer to his face, to freeze Hangman on his tracks, quieting down, the sudden realization of how close they were washing over him. His eyes fixated on Swerve, who quite honestly looked like he was anything but hating this whole ordeal that he had once again managed to cause. Hands on him, his jacket, holding, pulling him close.

His first reaction was to look away, but Hangman clearly wasn’t done with him yet as the hands remained in their place, he just needed to collect himself to figure out how to proceed from here. Seeing his opening though, Swerve didn’t give him much time to think, soon a hand reaching for Hangman’s face, almost forcefully gripping his jaw, turning him back forward.

A soft blush dusted over the blond’s features. Just as Swerve had thought he briefly saw.

“What’s the matter?” His voice was taunting, clearly trying to push it even further than things had already advanced to. “I thought you said you weren’t done with me yet, cowboy.”

Hangman clearly struggled for words, mouth opening and closing without anything going in or coming out of it. His hands still had a tight grip of Swerve’s jacket, keeping him close even if neither would have wanted that, almost as if he was aware that if he let go, the situation would likewise disappear, slip away from his grip.

Swerve could see Hangman’s eyes wandering on his face, glancing down to his lips as Swerve licked them, almost as if giving him visual clues. Giving him ideas he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to act on them, to chase them, to realize them.

Thankfully there were two of them in the situation, as Swerve quickly closed the gap, pressing their lips together. Hangman let out almost a surprised gasp at the sudden touch, but it didn’t take a lot of persuading to pull him deeper into the feeling that he wasn’t going to admit that he had longed to feel for a while now. The blond’s grip almost tightened on Swerve’s jacket, just holding him close, holding his breath as he felt the pair of soft lips against his,  first just as a peck, slowly going for something deeper, more meaningful.

As the curious tongue slipped into the mix to lick over his lips, any thoughts of resistance were officially gone from Hangman’s mind as he gave into the temptation, the soft, deep kiss of a cursed rival.

Hangman still held him close by the front of his jacket, afraid of letting go, of potentially wasting this opportunity.  Opportunity to do what exactly, that he wasn’t so sure about. Swerve’s hand slipped from his jaw, up along it to brush a coil of rogue hair behind Hangman’s ear, finally slipping up his neck into his hair. He balled a good amount of his coils, giving it a firm, almost commanding tuck.

Hangman could feel Swerve smiling against his lips as he moaned quietly.

And almost as fast as the moment had begun, it was already over. Swerve pulled away with ease, leaving Hangman breathing heavily and chasing after those lips he wanted back onto him, but all he got back was a chuckle. The hand slipped away from his hair, grabbing a hold of his hand, still somewhat gently ripping it off from his jacket.

Hangman almost jumped as Swerve leaned back closer, lips brushing against his ear. A hot breath sent shivers down his spine.

“Maybe next time,” Swerve whispered to him, clear amusement in his voice over the state he had managed to put the other man in, “You actually try if you want to go for the gold.”

Hangman didn’t get a word out of his mouth, just watched, still stunned over the events that had transpired as Swerve finally fully pulled away, ripping himself away from the blond’s grip. Hands finding their way back into his pockets like before, Swerve just turned on his heels, heading out of the locker room without another word, without getting any resistance back.

At least Swerve had the mental victory over knowing whose name was living rent free in Hangman’s mind for the rest of the night.

[londonspirit]

Well then...

It's been two weeks since the final episode (HOW?) and i have finally sorted my thoughts enough to write little about it (mainly for myself - as always).

First of: I fucking LOVED it!!! Yes, it wasn't perfect but that's only the studios fault and nobody else's.

(although I do have a few issues with the editing of especially the last episode: there's too many things wrong to ignore it. There's tiny bits not lining up before which is fine because one can overlook them; Ed going in for the kiss at the beach from the left and the close up is from the right, things like that. In the last epi there's too much of that: the crew behind them when Izzy dies, that's just bad editing; although once again, I'm pretty sure that's the studio's fault, if they could've done it like they wanted to, there would've been reshoots for it *sighs* It's a shame, because that scene is beautiful otherwise; sad as hell but incredibly well done. Taika and Con are really going for it, and it's amazing!)

Edit: knowing now that they cut FORTY fucking % I only keep my 'critics' because this is mainly for me! Knowing that, I am even more in awe about what they managed to make with that!!! They are all fucking MAGICAL for making this show as beautiful and amazing as they did!!!! And I really hope ONE DAY we can get a Director's Cut or something that's gonna make it all more smooth and just that more coherent, just like DJ would've wanted it to look!!!

Anyhow, i loved it. Im so happy to now have 8 more episode to obsess over again, to rewatch whenever I want and revel in the fucking MAGIC they gave us! The writers have really outdone themselves this season! It's tight and fast-paced but it still works fantastically well!

Personally, I've never been more in love with Taika - his acting was outstanding this season!!! Absolutely NO notes on that!! That man's soo fucking talented that whenever he says otherwise I wanna smack him over the head and shake him. I REALLY hope he does more of this because it was insanely good and I want more. (also: he's never looked more gorgeous!! the HAIR! the BEARD! the fucking EYES!!! GUH!! I wanna give him all the awards for this role alone but that's just me!!! So yeah, much much love for him!!) Same goes for Rhys - they're both soo fucking good together, and I cannot wait for them to do more drama because they'd fucking smash it! And not to forget the rest of the cast: every single one gave their absolutely best and I loved every single second of it!!!

What else? The fucking LOCATIONS!! God, I've always wanted to go to AoNZ but this season made me so much more needy!!! (not happening anytime soon but yeah, ONE DAY!!). Sooo stunning, sooo damn beautiful!! GUH!!!

Also: Guest stars!!! First and foremost: FAMILY!! Say what you want about that, but I fucking LOVE when shows do that!!! Taika's kids made me squeal soo much in the BTS vids already, but having DJ's wife in it as well??? With a rather substantial role? And her absolutely smashing it?! Totally made that episode even more amazing!!!

VERY much in love with Ruibo!!! Her Queen was incredible and I loved every second she was on screen!! Her character was so nuanced and wonderful and perfectly balanced. I REALLY hope we can get her back for a 3rd season - she fucking rocked it!!!

And we got ALL THE KISSES!!! I mean, I was hoping to get some more, and something a little more passionate than in S1 (don't get me wrong, I still love that one but yeah...) And we got soo many!! And soo many wonderful ones!!! And no I can't pick a fav: I love them all. The moonlight one had me losing my shit all over the place (at work no less) - the callbacks, Ed's fucking EYES and Stede's shy glances!! GUH, that was just soo delicious!!! The Calypso one was just hot as hell and I may have cursed them for not making that longer!! And the beach one was just utter perfection! Their faces, their smiles, Ed's 'I love you' still makes my stomach all gooey!!!

And then there's Izzy. *sighs* My little angry raccoon man. Our indestructible little fucker. Con motherfucking O'Neill. UGH!! I hated him (Izzy, not Con) all the way through S1! There was not one redeeming feature on that bastard. BUT... when you've read all the Ed/Stede fics and you start to look for something new and then find some beautifully written Izzy/Roach ones and then start to like him and eventually read more and then end up reading (and writing) some SteddyHands and you're like 'yeah, I can see it now'. It also helped A LOT that Con's such a darling man and so real for it all, and you have too much time to fall in love with him after all... So naturally you start to like S2!Izzy. And then you start to love him, and you fucking ADORE the SASSINESS he's got this season. (Still not over the morning after Izzy - the SASS was through the fucking roof!!!) AND THEN THEY LET HIM SING!!!! DEAR GOD!!! I would've loved for a full on musical episode (I mean, that talent show would've been such a GREAT opportunity for that!) The ENTIRE cast is freakishly talented and they all could've pulled that off. So naturally I was VERY HAPPY that at least they let Izzy sing!!! I'm still not over that!! (And Im highly amused that even some of the crew had no idea that he could do that!!! I mean... he got a fucking OLIVIER award to prove it!!!) (but then again, I spend way too much time on YT to find his stuff so that's probably just me!) AND DID HE DELIVER!!! The whole party bit, with the make-up and the shyness at first and then just BURSTING it out was just sooo fucking beautiful!!! Every damn frame of that was a bloody masterpiece and I'd KILL for the bits they cut - I'd pay a very good price for a DVD with ALL the deleted bits because I KNOW that DJ had to tighten that baby down massively!!! I NEED THAT!!! *exhales*

So yeah, S2 made the impossible possible and made me LOVE Izzy fucking Hands! Which im certain was their plan all along - otherwise his death wouldn't have been this devastating!!! Which is fucking WAS!! I cried at work (thankfully there was nobody there!)! And im still not over it!! I totally understand WHY they did it. Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. (here the strange editing sort of took away from the PAIN of it all a bit but if you concentrate on Ed and Iz it can be ignored).

*sighs* I'm just so sad that some people went and attacked our beautiful writers like they did. I know it's only a small part of an otherwise amazing fandom but I HATE that they're soo fucking loud - i can only hope DJ and his writers know that most people love what they did! (and NO, I do NOT wanna discuss it. you can be sad, yes, and you can be mad too but you do NOT go and shit-talk the writers or send them death threats - that's an absolute no-go! And no, in a show that's all around queer and has a lot of disabled character, it's not homophobic or ableist - it IS after all just a tv show. If YOU put too much of your own wants into it, that's on YOU! Ugh, sorry, didn't want to get into this but it makes me soo mad!!!) Once again, I'm very glad that I follow only the right people, no need to block or unfollow anyone on here or on Twitter! *blows kisses*

So yeah, despite some small flaws and scenes I KNOW have been cut, I love the second season just as much (if not more) than the 1st one. I can only hope that the studios decide to let DJ finish it. Im so happy with what we got - fanfiction can totally work with that. But I would love to see more Ed and Stede (trying and probably failing) to run their Inn, see the crew of the Revenge get into insane adventures, maybe even meet some more new characters (JC and BM still need to make a cameo!) - there's still soo much story to tell and I would LOVE to actually SEE it on screen!!!

I also would LOVE for the cast and crew to be able to finally talk about it, promote it, share stories and pictures and everything during a 3rd (and last) wave of MADNESS surrounding the show. Everyone deserves to bask in the love we have for them and our show. S1 had barely any promo. S2 aired during a strike. S3 could make up for all of that and get cast and crew the love, recognition and adoration they soo very much deserve!!!

[milfygerard]

hi hi hi i’m sorry about the everything in life for a distraction i would love to hear your detailed thoughts on your favorite mcr albums or taylor albums or a detailed ranking of either i just love Music Opinions and also i hope things get better soon<3

thank you sm for sending in <3

im terrible at ranking so ill turn to opinions hmmmm

My favorite mcr album changed by day hour minute but i think i wanna talk about.....bullets....yeah bc bullets is so insane as just a sheer proof of concept, like an expression of raw skill and talent that was growing within this band. Rays guitar work alone was enough for it to make complete sense for major labels to be knocking at the bands door begging to suck them off and then they also had GERARD!!! And this was even before mikey really could write bass parts and frank was still not really in the band like its just ray gerard and geoff (and otter who wrote drum parts that r cool but also somehow out of his skill range? girl you MADE THEM). The fact that vampires not onky exists but was like the second or third song written? Like before mcr gerard either never wrote music or wrote shitty three chord throwaway punk that existed as an excuse to print band stickers and arent even good enough to save on tape and then you decide to start writing for real to cope with major national level trauma and your first song is SKYLINES??? and youre next songs are VAMPIRES and OUR LADY OF SORROWS???? and oh my god the vocals gerard gives on the albuk as a completely untrained vocalist who did one musical once in middle school and otherwise never sang professionally unless you count crazy kids song in breakfast monkey. and then you hear the vocals on fucking vampires???? Like gerard doesnt exactly sing like celine dion on bullets but the raw harmony work and ability to PERFORM and really stretch the emotions of a song and do whatever strange or vulnerable thing is needed to sell the track. Theres still few songs more affecting than early sunsets. Like i fully think gerard is probably the strongest vocalist in the emo scene just because of their ability to completely and utterly sell you on the songs emotions (not just anyone can sing im not okay and get away with it) and thats before all the developing technical talents both already present like how gerard can just toss a melody onto a track without thinking about it or the fact gerard did a lot of the base writing for mcr while fucking barely knowing guitar how did that even work girl. Like i havent even mentioned the lyrics??? How do you. Like you can tell both that gerard never learned how to write songs and also that gerard listens to so much music that he can just fake it anywayyheres like 2 songs with actual choruses on the album and neither of them are the self proclaimed pop song h4h which opens with a queen riff?????? ans then is like a hardcore version of a beatles pop song????dont talk to me about drowning lessons. deomolition lovers!?!?! half of these songs are just poems that gerard hammered into songs and theyre so like. genuinely so incredible and they work??like the album works! as a cohesive piece! it coheres!

and thats the first album. Id say my favorite ts album is probably evermore though i might actually have less to say on it just bc i havent had it since 2015. Evermore is just so....ANGSTY!!! it feels like a complete fulfillment of what she was exploring on folklore with the fictional framing devices and keeping the songs clearly personal while also removing herself in a way she never really has before. It feels like a level of introspection through art that taylor has always been both pushing towards and shying away from because too much introspection or strangeness or even pulling away from the diaristic idea too much never worked with where taylor was at with her career. Evermore had a new collaborator, and the massive success of folklore as well as the continued quarantine gave her both an unprescedented level of artistic isolation personal confidence and professional security that allowed her to just go "fuck it" and write fucking. cowboy like me and dorothea and coney island and closure and she GOT AWAY WITH IT!!! like the albums been out for 3 years or something like that and I still feel like i havent fully processed its existence despite listening to it constantly. It truly felt like she was unshacked and was able to write about herself while also completely pulling away from any sort of literal Truth and going crazy with concept and the way she writes feels so unconstrained from the rules she would sometimes set for herself, it felt like a natural evolution from the freedom she felt jumping into the lover era but its past the honeymoon phase and like it is pop music but its also not scared to be...not pop music if that makes sense? She really fully settles into folk as a genre for the first time and it lets her writing flourish. Songs with no choruses songs with barely any structure at all lyrics that stretch at the ends of verses and fun bouncy wordplay and just allowing herself into a characters life and seeing how it fits her. She has some straight up ren faire tracks on here liek willow is just a collection of similies and metaphors she likes smushed together over a lute and its so GOOD. It feels like she was allowed to really live in adulthood as a woman in her early thirties who creates art because she loves it and because it keeps her alive ALSO proof that she needs to keep collaborating w new ppl bc whenever she does you can feel her pushing herself harder and she becomes so willing to try these new kind of weird things that she may have never tried otherwise aughhhh!!!! i didnt even talk about coney island!!!! I love how moody and dour the whole project is it feels like November where fall drags you into a cold unforgiving winter and you're just trying to survive with your sanity and any of your personal relationships intact. its so!!! tbh its SO new england also which makes me biased. ok thats all

[snivel1]

hi snivel! im a little bored, can you infodump something, anything, about something you like? i wanna learn more about random things

Oouugghh really sorry to disappoint, but I don't have anything coherent up here in that brain of mine at the moment... nothing holds in here in any significant way..😭😭😭

But if you wanna, you can check out these interesting videos I really like and recommend, you'll pretty much get what's brewing inside my head a lot of the time :'))

And if you're interested in VNs I recommend watching Amelie Doree, she does really great analysis on themes in various VNs, even tho I haven't played practically any of the VNs she talks about it's still interesting!! :33

And also I've been thinking a lot about this social experiment since it's been shown to us at history of art.. much to think about

https://youtu.be/xTBkbseXfOQ?si=F254Ubm4nx3F8Z8d

And also if you don't know Mili, I absolutely recommend giving them a listen!! Their songs and stories were a significant inspiration in a bunch of my OCs and their stories and my perception of things!!! I can't recommend them enough!!💘‼️

https://youtu.be/x6q41EnhPnU

AAAND I've gotten into KinitoPET lately and I CAN'T- I definitely recommend checking it out!! I'm absolutely not normal about this game <33

It's a psychological horror game though, with disturbing things in it, and really not good for photosensitive people, so beware if you wanna check it out🙏 I recommend watching this extensive video, it's got a playthrough and more!!

Other than that I've been working on a project called Requiem of a Burrerfly(not sure about this title yet xpxjdps) that I'd like and hope to turn into a VN in the future, but cause of my art block I'm a bit stuck atm😔✊️ hoping it'll pass soon, but maybe I'll make a post with concept art and such about it soon ;33

[momolith]

lets see if i can cobble together something coherent about jiyong

completely unintentionally jiyong and his story has become a place where ive poured much of my traumas into... i realized the parallels of his story with MY traumas after the fact LOL if that makes sense?

for a long time i really struggled with him (and i still do, but now its mostly his design and not also his story and personality) but lately ive really managed to develop him well! im really happy about that because when i made him i knew he had potential but i just couldnt get there no matter how i tried.

anyway onto him and his story... (btw the worldbuilding is very much a wip and theres a lot i still need to work on and flesh out)

essentially his is a story of family trauma and revenge.

his father is Nikephoros, real name Min Jeongho. hes a dragon and celebrated knight from a House with very high standing in this world. he was the youngest of his siblings and thus is very much A Youngest Son. but unforeseen circumstances made it so he ended up the only one of his siblings alive to inherit his fathers seat as head of house.

now hes been head for a very long time already (dragons are very long lived so he's been alive long enough to show visible signs of aging) but all these years has refused to settle down to marry and have heirs. his adviors are SO stressed dealing with him.

which is then very ironic when he accidentally ends up fathering jiyong with a prostitute he spent the night with after celebrating some sort of feat (unsure, but definitely a battlefield victory or something of that note). unfortunately for jiyong and his mother, nikephoros' advisors learn of his existence before nikephoros does. and they can NOT accept a half-breed, most definitely infertile, peasant boy as their lords heir! they take matters into their own hands. their lord doesnt need to know.

hes in a dragons equivalent of his 50s-60s. fantasy korean (LOL) bisexual 9 ft / 275cm he/him characters that remind me of him: yan wushi, tianlang-jun

now jiyongs mom on the other hand i still dont know all that much about as shes the newest addition to this. nikephoros is so fleshed out because ive had him as an oc for years, i simply updated and upgraded him LOL. luckily these past few days ive been inspired to work on jiyong and his family so ive got more than i had for a long time

her name is Eirwen ir Heilyn and shes a unicorn. at the time of meeting nikephoros she was a prostitute but shes retired now (as either the madam of the brothel or simply a servant there). she was unprepared to have jiyong as conception between a dragon and unicorn is rare, but she did her best. thankfully she and her coworkers were close and they stepped in to help her with raising jiyong.

she gave jiyong a korean name (and his fathers surname) in the hopes of him being taken in by his father... in vain. because nikephoros couldnt give less of a fuck and his house wants jiyong dead. she had sent letters to nikephoros as well but none went answered (they were obviously intercepted by his advisors) and after the first assassination attempt on her son, she gave up on nikephoros. through luck or maybe even sheer coincidence she's managed to survive attempts on her own life as well as her sons.

at first i considered having her be killed by his fathers men but then i was like girl... not another dead mom trope lmfao fuck that

shes in a unicorns equivalent of her 40s i think fantasy welsh bisexual 5'10 / 178cm she/her

AND NOW... ONTO THE MAN OF THE HOUR...

Min Jiyong is a qilin/kirin, which are dragon/unicorn offspring (they are more often than not sterile). as both his parents have very little pigment (both their coloring is predominantly white) he has albinism. he grew up in the brothel, and spent much of his childhood working odd jobs such as fetching water, getting groceries, delivering messages and even mending clothes.

despite a difficult childhood his relationship with his mother is good and pretty stable. his father on the other hand... now his parents only did spend that one night together, so eirwen didnt actually know much about nikephoros except what she gleaned from that one night and what was public knowledge. she was honest and upfront with jiyong about his father although in the beginning she did have a naive hope that nikephoros would welcome his son into his house with open arms.

the first attempt on his life almost succeeded, and he still has the scar from that. its also the most visible. (he wears that shit like a necklace. he runs solely on spite and pettiness LMFAO)

as a child he taught himself how to speak as nobles do by eavesdropping on customers and imitating them.

as to not stand out too much he dyes all his hair black.

in his late teens and early 20s he met devora, who took jiyong under their wing as a bounty hunter. devora is a dragon, and a rare one at that, who used to have a high ranking position before they went their own way. so they had worked with nikephoros before, and knew him on an acquaintance level. when devora and jiyong parted ways, devora gifted him a pair of earrings similar to the ones they knew were nikephoros' signature pair.

devora had a profound effect on jiyong, more than they realized, as they were the closest to a proper father figure jiyong had ever had.

now he works as a bounty hunter. but his number one goal is revenge. on his father and his house. and he'll do whatever it takes.

jiyong is highly intelligent, adaptable and ruthless. hes patient when it matters, perceptive and analytical. hes resentful and cynical with an obsessive streak.

hes in his 30s half korean, half white bisexual 6'5 / 195cm (this might change? but as of now) he/him his insane character insp list, as seen by that little board i did: hua cheng, johan liebert, griffith, edmond (nu: carnival), alucard (specifically ayami kojimas), luo binghe, shen jiu/og! shen qingqiu, jin guangyao

there might be more to say about him but i ran out of steam LOL!!!!!!!! HELP this is the most ive written in months

[narwhalandchill]

anyway tho like. now that ive played the 1.2 story and sat on it a bit id say my overall thoughts are def mixed. i enjoyed a lot of it but theres some things that sorta just stick out or dont work and the pacing definitely worked against the story

(just a long rant/ramble upcoming its not coherent at all lol)

one thing that rly rubbed me the wrong way was like. while overall this story rly sold fu xuan as a character to me (i was a huge fan of her presence overall) the dan shu thing just felt? wrong? and like to be clear it wasnt just fu xuan the scenes writing was off in general but her role in being the one countering dan shus points just made her p central to the problem.

but like my issue is that dan shu is previously established as having very understandable reasons behind her resentment of lan that made her compelling as twist villain imo. Yet that resolve was nowhere in the scene in her rebuttal of the xianzhous ways?? when i think that shouldve been The moment of her calling out the xianzhou and actually challenging fu xuan properly. it wouldve been an even better opportunity to expand upon how fu xuan responds to being confronted with the xianzhous flaws and hypocrisy and problems. but somehow yassified dan shu really just. had a generic villain speech and thats it. the callback to their heritage as former followers of abundance was... fine? but like it wasnt that impactful. and fu xuan essentially calling her nothing but a power hungry villain when thats very much Not what dan shus motivation boils down to sucks and now players who didnt read her diary or play/pay attention to her side quest will think of her as just a generic bad guy and not a very tragic complex figure of her own

then the like. underutilization of blade was just like. ok what was the point. it IS funny to reference the tuxedo mask meme and how he skewers his ex yet immediately gangs up with him against yanqing and all but honestly he shouldve gotten to be more feral and present than he did like its just meh. ig its kafka keeping him from messing up elios script but cmon. i want more of him. yanqing also got done so dirty in that scene like. he shouldve gotten some more screentime and focus even if his job was p much to just get bodied. kid just watched jing yuan make deals with criminals no way he isnt affected by it

in general i was p shocked how inexistent the high cloud quintet was from the story. but ig w how rushed the pacing was for dan hengs backstory reveals at times already ig its better left for later (hopefully). i just rly hope this means that the topic get its time to shine properly in the future. esp since im p sure they never even named any of dan fengs crimes outright which is a curious choice.

jing yuan got a rly solid characterization and i definitely enjoyed it!!! even if im a little miffed at how they didnt give dan heng enough breathing room to come to terms with the emotional impact of facing his past and memories thanks to the plot moving forward so fast and he was kinda the one leading that. but he was still great - i liked the scheming side to him and the arguably pretty ruthless way he leveraged dan hengs exile status to force his hand to cooperate a lot. his reasoning makes sense obvi but its still a very brutal and utilitarian approach and i like that energy for his character. his duty is to the luofu above all else even if thats far from all he is about. overall his and dan hengs interactions including dan heng very much emphasizing his desire to be seen as separate from dan feng were a highlight for sure. and jing yuans final showdown moment against phantylia slapped obviously

and then w dan heng im torn between like. really loving all the good stuff we got with the insane cutscenes and the vidyadhara echoes and then wishing that he got just that little bit more for his own realizations and inner conflict. and the part about not properly featuring blade also hurt his story too imo bc the anticlimactic nature of the scene where blade confronts him and forces the transformation and how he n kafka just... leave rly kinda flattens the impact of the reveal moment esp since thats when jing yuan just all but openly says ok time for the plot. but they still did a great job selling DHIL and i think im overall a fan of how they seem to have handled the dan feng vs dan heng thing (and its roughly what i was expecting). dan feng is dead but its never just that simple either. i hope theyll be exploring the exact nature of dan fengs sins and the sedition in the future

im so mad i spoiled myself the tingyun thing bc jfc the neck snap wouldve hit So hard if the reveal itself was also a complete surprise. and its sth that was genuinely well built up like i remember thinking her 1.0 dialogue was kinda sus but wouldve never imagined the actual truth. dont do leaks folks sometimes this happens and it sucks :/ but i have to say phantylia herself was kinda? underwhelming. i liked when she picked up jing yuan like a little bug she wanted to squish and the boss fight was cool but to be fair. this was like 50% bc of how bad the sound mixing was for all of her dialogue that overlapped w in game battle. she rly lacks the necessary menace and imposing energy when u can barely even make out what shes saying 😭 her voice shouldve been as loud and large as her..... Presence. jing yuan carried the boss fight and the final cutscene but man the fade to black rly didnt do the abrupt ending any favors like we just teleport to exalted sanctum and thats it???? maybe jing yuan dies maybe not!!!

overall my prime issue is p much just how like. it feels like they shoved 3-4 mini arcs worth of stuff into one speedrun when all of them deserved more focus and exploration and the pacing rly got rough at times. it wasnt like inazuma level bad but it does get me wondering if hoyos just bad at doing these big conclusions to prior build up and holding the story threads tightly together until the end.

this comes off as super negative helpp but like. by no means did i hate all of it so dont take it the wrong way lmao. its more that there was good stuff there but also wasted potential. for the most part i was having a blast but to be fair that was 40% just playing blade ridiculously underleveled through it all. i only got him to lvl 80 for the boss fight

[plasma-studios]

out of curiosity, how do you outline/write your utmv fics?

it depends whether it's a longfic or oneshot, or short chapt fic!

for oneshots, I usually just have a gist. for instance:

in a night of passion, the entire outline was just Dream and Cross fuck and it is fluffy. i mean, in the process angst did make it's way into there, but that's the point: in oneshots, it's always better to start off with a gist and let it evolve as it's written for me:D

for short chapt fics, I have a general goal (something like a gist) and a specific goal (anything ranging from a specific line of text or moment that I really want to include); for instance:

for deicide; undetified, my general goal were scenes of Dream accompanying Ink as his body slowly broke down and my specific goal was to make my way up to Ink's last words. everything else in that fic was built up after writing those two goals to give it more fluff and weight:D

for longfics, it's a little more complex! i'll need a main idea! it usually isn't very complex, but it has to be interesting enough:)

after that, it's basically balancing rambling and structuring, and doing it messily is better than never doing it, right?

for instance, Immortals & Empires:

obviously, many things have changed since, but the core idea is the "Empire AU". and, of course, the dreamtale angst at the beginning.

from there, i wrote down the motives of the most important characters (or: the characters I simped for the most and so wanted to get started writing about the quickest:

(i changed writing sites, quotev to google docs so that's why there's a theme change lol)

i never did actually finish writing the motives of the other characters. partially because i was lazy and partially because the writing momentum, yknow?

from there, i did a bit more brainstorming. heres an example of lore in its early stages:

1 did end up in the fic, but the rest didn't, apart from the second part of 3 lol.

I did a bit more brainstorming on the Dreamtale twins, went on to flesh out Ink and Error's strength and weaknesses, the history and background, etc etc-

then, once all that was fleshed out, i started planning the fic chapter by chapter. by then, i had decided on 3 acts + 10 chapters per act, which means I knew i would have 30 chapts; so i typed out Chapter 1-30 and started coming up with a coherent plot!

while i was doing that, I made notes of any sudden ideas I had. that was actually extremely useful and later developed into plot points, both major and minor. i can't actually show a screenshot because it'd be a MAJOR spoiler for the ending lmao.

after i outlined the plot, I began writing, and that was that:)

(if im being honest, some of the plot I outlined just didn't make sense. i had covid-19 when i outlined it lol, so maybe that's why? but geez sometimes I had to go back and correct it when I was writing Act 1 and 2; but it all turned out great in the endx) )

while I was writing, I definitely lost motivation sometimes because of burnout. when that happened, i went to spotify; started thinking AU ideas, and if all else was lost, i changed the font i was using in google docs.

im serious. it does wonders, i swear.

ANYWAY- I hope I answered your question, anon! thank you for the ask:]

[finchers-ipad]

Okay so i watched ‘The Killer’ for a second time and think my brain has stopped melting out of my ears enough to form some coherent thoughts about it (spoiler free for the most part but if i do put one i’ll put a warning before that :D)

My favourite scenes:

Firstly the opening like 30mins which i’m counting as a scenes and if not it’s my favourite sequence. I love that we are introduced to this move called ‘The Killer’ which it’s opening titles show different ways of killing people etc so as an audience we expect to be thrust into a violent environment. But Fincher subverts those expectations by having us watch a guy wait around for 30mins.

(SPOILER) I LOVEEE the use of handheld in this movie and this scene/sequence has my favourite use of it in the film. When The Killer messes up his job, the camera immediately switches from a steady cam to handheld, to me this represents how unstable and panicked he feels in the moment. He has to go against his mantra and improvise and the handheld really heightens the tension.

Again, i know this happens throughout the film but the SOUND DESIGN IS SO INCREDIBLE OMG. I love how it is used to align us with Fassbenders charecter (eg if we are seeing from his POV we hear ‘How soon is Now?’ at full volume, however if we see a shot of him we hear the muffled sounds of his headphones playing the song). I also love the song choice for this scene. The sound design is like it’s own character in this film and is up there with ‘The Social Network’ in terms of its use in Fincher’s films.

I also love how this whole scene is basically an homage to Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window’, i just love that film. (also this isn’t really related but Fincher also added a little homage to ‘Rear Window’ in ‘Panic Room’ where Andrew Kevin walker makes a cameo)

Another one of my favourite scenes is the fight scene in Florida (KIND OF SPOILER):

THIS FIGHT SCENE IS SO FUCKING EPIC!! the low light which allows things like them being illuminated by the tv and bathroom light look so cool, the controlled chaotic carmera movement, the use of props and set in the fight

yeah i honestly cant pinpoint necessarily what i love about this scene but it’s just so cool to watch!

Random thoughts/opinions:

Tilda Swinton competes with Fassbender for my favourite performance in this film. The monologue about the hunter and the bear she gives is so captivating and she has me hanging on her every word. Also i don’t know if this monologue is in the novel because i haven’t read it but either way, it is the most Andrew Kevin Walker dialogue in the film and reminds me a lot of ‘Se7en’

I think this film contains the most handheld shots in all of Fincher’s filmography

The films this is most similar too is ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ and ‘Gone Girl’ but kind of if you replaced Amy and Lisbeth with a guy who listens to The Smiths.

Ah i really didn’t like the opening credits they SCREAMED Netflix original, like what was with those Adobe-Premiere-Pro-ass transitions 💀. but honestly nothing can top ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’s opening credits so i shouldn’t get my hopes up lmao.

If i were to rank this film in Fincher’s filmography i think it would be pretty low-ish. That’s not to say this is a bad or even average film in any shape or form i just like a lot of his other films more than this one :) i am going to be really awkward with my rating and give it a 6.75/10 but i do feel like i need to watch it again lmao.

i am SO SO SO happy that i got to watch this in the cinema. it was over two weeks ago now and im still thrilled.

Ty for reading rambles! If anyone has any thoughts about ‘The Killer’ please share them with me!! :D

[prettypleaseinplnk]

happy thursday bunny <3

how are you today?

ive got a short work trip that i'll be on until tuesday, and i have to tell you this balcony is sooo lovely! i wish you and i could put it to good use, especially since i see some people out on theirs having their morning coffee. i'd love to get you so high you're barely coherent, then have you in nothing but a sweater and thigh high socks, bent over this railing with my hands on your hips, forcing your pretty pussy to take my strap while you're struggling to hold yourself up. just because you're high out of your mind doesn't mean i don't want to hear you though bunny.. these pathetic whines won't do..

i guess i'd have to wake you up a bit first. i'd smack your already red cheeks- a big temperature shock from the cold air outside to the heat radiating in your face- now you're more awake. but i feel like it might be too cold out here for my little bunny, no? luckily there's a big glass sliding door so people can still see you from here princess.. im sure they're still watching from the little show we gave them outside. let's take off this sweater and show everyone more of you. i'd have one hand forcing you against my strap and the other gripping your face, my fingers in your mouth. you're getting so loud now baby, does it hurt? you're still taking it so well for me.. such a desperate bunny, always wanting to please..

i can just imagine your drool dripping from your tongue down my fingers. i bet you'd look like such a dumb slut in the reflection.. your eyes rolled back, spit just leaking out of your mouth, getting on your perfect tits. god the thought makes me so wet!

-🫧

Happy Thursday lovely 🫧 anon, I’m feeling pretty good today. A smile appeared on my face when I saw the notification for your ask, I believe I’m getting needy already;)

How did you guess another one of my fantasies? I guess my blog might be too much of a hint but I do love a good balcony fuck. I would love to be able to join you on your work trip so we can put that balcony to some good use.

Mmh I have a feeling that when I’m high I’ll be a lot nosier than I usually am, so you won’t have to worry about not hearing me. Maybe I’ll be loud enough for those other people to hear. It’ll catch their attention and they’ll look to find the source of the noise, spotting us on our balcony and suddenly they won’t be able to look away. I hope they’re enjoying our show😉

Would love to have you fuck me against that sliding door too, have your hand pushing my face into the glass so I can’t move while you pull me back onto your strap, fuck it sounds amazing..

Maybe our next escapade should be against a mirror so we can truly see in better detail just how much of a dumb drooly little bunny I get while you fuck me. Can watch my face get more and more drooly as time goes on.. I bet you’d love that just as much as I would hmm?

And I don’t know if it’s just me but giving you the name “🫧 anon” feels a little…improper? How about a nickname or a title that I can call you instead?😉

Xx bunny

[aita-ghosting]

aita for ghosting after being given an ultimatum?

tw abuse, suicidal ideation, others probably. im so desensitized now

sorry if this is less than coherent, im having to tiptoe around a lot of niche context, to say the least.

sorry if this is really long. to say im struggling as i write this would be an understatement.

i was on and off again with my significant other for several years. we met in high school but are now both adults. there are a lot of exact details i no longer remember.

i had a crush on them first. i was young and hadnt started exploring my gender identity or sexuality until maybe a year after i met them. i fell hard and fast, but they weren't interested. they knew, it was obvious to everyone. they got boyfriends out of spite and deliberately acted repulsed by me, yet they complained anytime i tried to go no contact with them.

they got a specific boyfriend about a year after i met that truly became the bane of my existence. i was compared and contrasted to him in ways that deeply degraded my sense of self-worth. he was two years older, and "better" because he had a car. whenever crush told both me and him the same lie to "test" us, he always won. he was abusive and manipulative, or so crush would tell me. he threatened suicide if they left him. he physically abused them. i hated him. anytime crush would fall on hard times with him, they would come back to me. they would tell me they love me, want to be with me, want to marry me, the works. anything to make me stay, even after they went back to him. he was consistently chosen over me, but i was stupid and hopeful enough to stay on promises of maybe, later, not right now. afaik they are still in contact with him, but they are not dating. they could be, though. it wouldnt surprise me.

this is where things get more vague. i apologize in advance.

each time they hurt me was slightly worse than the last. i was basically the meme of the frog in a pot on a slow boil, unable to notice i was being cooked alive. it took years for them to acknowledge that they were being less than fair to me, much less outright abusive. they expected that acknowledgement alone to make up for the abuse itself. somewhere along the line, i slipped into reactive abuse. every time i made this mistake, i was punished for it. i was made to hurt in ways that they knew i would forgive. they love-bombed me with gifts and affection and used what i "gained" to rationalize past, present, and future abuse. i could never win. it was a perfect darvo every time, and i always fell for it.

this most recent "try" at a relationship was conditional. they wanted to take back something they had given me. they told me that it was under false pretenses that i received it in the first place. i didnt know until they wanted it back. i didnt want to give it up. the "gift" was unexpected, but i genuinely appreciated it and grew very attached. it became very important to me, and it still is. i wanted to tell them no, but i couldn't.

so, i lied instead. i made a duplicate, kept the original for myself, and gave them the other one. they were functionally the same. neither of us could actually tell the difference if they were put side by side. they were satisfied. they seemed happy.

somehow, i psyched myself out about it. i doubted that i had the original to the point that i started to question reality. i was in a really bad place. i also felt guilty, because i had lied to someone i said i loved and cared for, someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

let me be clear, i know i am wrong for lying. that is not what my aita is about.

eventually, i couldn't stand it anymore. i told them what i did. i told them i lied. they were understandably upset and angry. they got psyched out too, and the duplicate i gave them no longer satisfied them.

this is where they give me the ultimatum: give back everything they ever gave me, including the thing i lied about, or leave and never come back. so, i confirmed that's what my only two "choices" were and left without saying anything. they could contact me if they really wanted to, but i dont expect them to try. i imagine theyd recognize this if they saw it, though, which kinda sucks.

i wish i could say i feel better now, but i dont. i regret it and i miss them. i keep telling myself i love them, still, but i know they dont believe it. if i truly loved them, i wouldve given them what they wanted.

anyway.

aita for ghosting my significant other after they gave me an ultimatum that i found unfair?

[esmorothfallen]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST.

name: color!!

pronouns: she/her

preference of communication: if you have it and you're comfortable adding me, i much prefer talking on discord!! tumblr ims are kind of clunky and hard to deal with imo.

name of muse: simon laurent!

rp experience / how long: i have about twelve years of roleplay experience. i started on roblox when i was around eight, and gradually worked my way up from there. as for tumblr roleplay experience specifically, i don't remember, but probably 5+ years.

best experience: the period when the infinity train rpc was active was my best period for tumblr roleplay, i think. it was a small rpc, but that also made it more chill, and i really enjoyed it. i miss my infinity train rpc mutuals a lot, but i know how it goes. switching to other fandoms, getting too busy, getting burned out on tumblr roleplay. all of that happened to me too.

rp pet peeves / deal breakers: pretty much just what's listed in my rules for deal breakers. for pet peeves, i am a bit of a stickler for grammar, lol. not that big of a deal in the long run, though.

fluff, angst, or smut: okay well first of all i don't do smut at all. i'm majorly uncomfortable with nsfw content in general. with that out of the way though!! my best genre is definitely angst. it doesn't have to be pure angst, mind you. but tooth-rotting fluff is very hard to write for me. albeit i am currently writing a muse that's hard to do that with anyway, so y'know. kind of comes with the territory!! i will do slice of life threads, i've gotten better at those than i used to be, but there's always gonna be some level of angst involved even if it's not the main focus.

plot or memes: i'm down for either, actually! i'm not the best at coming up with ideas, admittedly, so i do struggle a bit with plotting sometimes. but i'm trying!! and i've been doing a little better at it than i was, to the point that i'd actually like to do a little plotting with all of my roleplay partners if we can. at least enough that i have a concrete idea of what kinds of interactions you're interested in. memes as first interactions are fine too, though! just so long as you're comfy with me deciding based on my own discretion what verse to use and other things like that.

long or short replies: on your end or mine? lol. i'll always write at least a paragraph (unless i'm specifically posting a one-line starter), but most times my minimum is 3-4. that said, sometimes i go crazy and write much more, from 11-20 paragraphs. so i'm kind of all over the place there. as for your end, i don't mind how long your reply or starter is, as long as you give me enough to work with! i'm not a stickler for matching length. i also don't force myself to match length exactly if i can't think of anything else to add. i'll never give you a drastically shorter reply, but i won't stress over it if it's a paragraph or two short of yours.

best time to write: ridiculously late o'clock, for some darn reason!!! my writing motivation is ALWAYS the highest right before i go to bed and it drives me absolutely crazy because i don't have time to get anything done. but if i don't finish it and try to go back to it the next day, my motivation is much lower, and i end up staring at it for so long that i start overthinking it and want to rewrite the whole thing. head in hands. i'm such a coherent roleplayer.

are you like your muse: LOL i hope not!!! not this one, anyway. i used to write noelle holiday from deltarune, and i think that's the closest i've ever gotten to really seeing myself in a muse. there's a lot about noelle that i relate to. but simon? no, not really. i just have a thing for complex villains with tragic backstories.

tagged by: @countlessrealities! thank you for the tag! tagging: @dreamsofalife, @cauterisen, @rathalascendant, @rxtroskull! and anyone else who wants to do it.

[stormyoceans]

weekly show reviews

BL SERIES

between us - ep. 12/12. gotta be honest, any coherent thoughts i might have had just flew out of the window because of waantul. i do think their resolution was incredibly rushed, but it's hard to complain about it when tul was there saying stuff like "can you be my future?" and "i want to be your safe zone". waan never stood a chance. and you know what else never stood a chance? my sanity as soon as waan started to take off tul's clothes, but let's just not go there. it was a nice final episode, where all the pairings got their little moment to shine, but im not sure i'd call it satisfying ;;;;;; overall i think the show as a whole would have benefited from being shorter (10 episodes would have been enough imho) and from taking out at least one side pairing. don't get me wrong, it's not a bad show, i still enjoyed it a lot, but at times it felt pretty repetitive and i think the resolution between win and team got dragged along way too much. the insanely high expectations that everyone had for the show also didn't really help it. still, winteam remains one of the best pairings i've seen in BLs and im definitely gonna miss them.

candy color paradox - ep. 06/08. this is probably the first japanese BL that isn't quite doing it for me and i can't really explain why. despite the terrible things he did, during this episode i found myself being more interested in inami kei and his secret love for his friend rather than in onoe and kaburagi's relationship, which.. isn't good ;;;;;; i still hope the last two episodes will make me come around tho!!

cutie pie 2 you - ep. 04/04. THEY GAVE JAYFOEI THE MOST PERFECT HALF INTERACTION THAT IM GONNA USE TO FUEL MY CLOWNERY FOREVER SO I REALLY COULDN'T BE MORE SATISFIED WITH THIS. like it happened with the show, i still found jay, foei, and nueasyn to be the most enjoyable part of it, but i actually ended up liking this special significantly more than the last couple of episodes of the main series, maybe because there was more communication between lian and kuea, so im glad it happened, even just so i could say goodbye to the show with nicer feelings towards it!!! i also really liked the way they shot the last scene, because it suddenly felt more like a korean BL rather than a thai one, but im not an expert on this, so i could just be talking out of my ass ;;;;;;

history 5: love in the future - ep. 05/10. somewhere in this there's a plot i really like (time travels are the kind of things i tend to enjoy, just like timeloops), so it makes me incredibly sad that i can't quite click with this show. dai zhe ni and hai yi are a bit too chaotic for my taste, and there are some old tropes that i was hoping we were moving away from. im enjoying the side pairing a bit more, mainly because i find wen hsen very charming and adorable when he drops his composure as soon as huai hen isn't there to see him, but they still suffer from some questionable writing, especially in this episode.

i will knock you - ep. 11/12. PAIN SUFFERING TORMENT AGONY ANGUISH. CAN'T BELIEVE EVEN MY FEEL GOOD SHOW COULDN'T ESCAPE THE 11 EPISODE CURSE. of course noey doesn't really mean what he said and im pretty sure someone (maybe thiw?) said something to him to make him change his mind in the short time it took thi to talk to his mom on the phone, but IT STILL HURTS AND THEY WERE SO MEAN TO HAVE THI DANCE ALONE IN THE END CREDITS. THEY BETTER GIVE THEM THEIR HAPPY ENDING OR I WILL RIOT. im willing to forgive some of their crimes only because they gave me a hint of side lesbians AND THAT'S EVERYTHING TO ME.

individual circumstances - ep. 03+04/08. im honestly not sure how i feel about this show ;;;;;; i do spend most of the time being frustrated and yelling JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER at my screen, though, so.. maybe that's not good ;;;;;; i do like the use of the novel as a way to mirror their story and give us a glimpse into woo jae's thoughts, however most of the time i find it hard to sympathize with him. the interactions between the manager and yeon woo in ep 4 were actually far more interesting and entertaining to me ;;;;;;;

my school president - ep. 08/12. THESE KIDS CONTINUE TO BE UTTERLY DELIGHTFUL TO WATCH AND GIVE ME INSANE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN. OH TINN'S FANTASIES, HOW I'VE MISSED YOU. however, as funny as they are, i appreciate how the real moments he shares with gun always end up being better and more significant for their relationship. they really have one of the healthiest dynamic i've ever seen and are probably gonna ruin me for any other pairing because now im just gonna expect the same kind of emotional maturity from all characters in existence. win and sound also have me by the throat, but then again i always enjoy a good enemies/rivals to friends to lovers when it's done right. sound also quickly climbed up my list of favorite characters and i think his friendship with gun is really cute. GUN AND HIS MOM MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME TEAR UP EVERY TIME. i just hope tinn's mom is gonna be as understanding when she's gonna find out that tinn lied to her (which, btw, i don't blame tinn for: if a kid doesn't feel comfortable and safe talking to their mom, then that's on the parent, not the child).

never let me go - ep. 07/10(?). palmnueng is making me rabid. benchopper is making me rabid. this entire show is making me rabid in ways i can't really explain. i do understand the criticisms about the plot, but i personally don't mind the island getaway: when set roles and social classes play a big part in a relationship dynamic, having the characters being placed somewhere where those kind of rules aren't as strong is a pretty common narrative device to put them on a more equal ground and bring them together. i also think they are gonna pay the consequences for it, because im pretty sure that sadly tanya is going to die, which will make nueng reject palm, so im willing to overlook some stuff if it means letting them have some temporary happiness. or maybe im just biased because i find every single dynamic in this show incredibly compelling ;;;;;;; im pretty sure the final kiss is gonna enter my list of favorites of the year because it was SO GOOD and i absolutely loved the parallels with their first one.

the new employee - ep. 06/07(?). GROWN ASS MEN BEING CUTE AND IN LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE SUCH A WEAKNESS FOR ME. "do you want to see my cat?" is also quite possibly the best pick up line i've ever heard. im very glad it didn't turn out to be an euphemism ;;;;;; something tells me that the reason seung hyun wasn't hired is probably linked to what's making jong chan looking kinda worried when he's at work, so i wonder how they're gonna deal with it. viki is listing only 7 episodes instead of the 8 on mdl, which means the next one is gonna be the last and im not quite ready to say goodbye to them.

GL SERIES

gap - ep. 10/12. the final boss made her move so IT'S TIME TO KILL AN OLD LADY. in an unexpected turn of the events, nop has also become the most sensible character in the show. who would have thought. i do wish mon and sam would stop defaulting on running away and getting jealous as soon as an issue arises, but im glad they actually managed to communicate this time around. and i do think they got married (however symbolical it may be) a bit too soon, if i have to be honest, but im also fully aware that there are a lot of things im willing to overlook for their sake. at 49 minutes length, this was also the shortest episode of the series up until now, so it's making me wonder if it's because they cut a lot of teeyuki scenes. im still trying to understand why they even decided to cut them out tbh, but at least we got cher and risa.

OTHER SERIES

dirty laundry - ep. 03+04/06. i admit i liked the first two episodes a bit more, but the show is still insanely funny while also having a solid plot: the mystery of who took the briefcase is well done and pretty entertaining imho. the entire cast is also doing a fantastic job, but i have to admit film in particular keeps surprising me with each episode. maybe it's because the only roles i saw her in before this were eugene in not me and earn in 2gether, but i didn't expect her to be so insanely good at comedy. i love to watch her play as neon and im starting to like her and night together a lot!!!

the warp effect - ep. 07/12. i was expecting what happened to kat and yet it still was incredibly distressing to watch. i do ship her and jean quite a lot, but honestly i just hope she's gonna be okay and that they won't make her change her mind about relationships by the end of the show, because women have every right to just have fun and stay single if that's what they want. i'd actually be okay with jean ending up with tony (if he doesn't turn out to be an asshole too), but sadly i don't have much hope for it. jan and silvy have great chemistry and are doing an amazing job as nim and molly, and the same goes for fluke and thor as army and joe. im not sure if they're going down the asexual joe route, or the joe being side route, but either way it makes sense for him to not tell army about it since army seems to consider penetrative sex as more 'serious'. after what happened it's understandable that he would try to protect himself and his heart again, so i can't wait for army to surprise him (and us) positively on this!!!! a huge shout out to singh and ciize as well, they were AMAZING in that last scene, though i admit it was pretty frustrating to watch ew walking straight into disaster when he 1) knew what he was risking and that he was in the wrong, and 2) could have just talked!!!!! to liu!!!!! IM SERIOUS PLEASE JUST TALK TO YOUR PARTNER MAYBE IT WON'T SOLVE STUFF AND MAYBE YOU'LL BOTH DECIDE YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITH OTHER PEOPLE BUT YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE. also there's something shady about liu's boss and i don't like it one bit.

[dottores]

I KEEP SENDING YOU STUFF IM SORRY IF ITS ANNOYING BUTTTT

now that im not on the verge of sobbing at 4am, i can actually give proper feedback that makes sense and isnt just me keymashing and hoping you understood what thats supposed to mean

LITERALLY HAVE SM TO SAY I WILL BREAK IT DOWN YEAH THAT SOUNDS BEST I THINK

i mentioned in an ask (i think?) about how much i admire your understanding of the characters and shit but that was too vague and now that i can actually fucking think and form coherent sentences i'll just go deeper into it. its SO SO obvious within your writing how much you understand the characters and their personalities, but more importantly, their emotions. im not sure how else to word this but your writing is so...well rounded? if that makes any sense. every single emotion you portray these characters in is so insanely accurate it feels weirdly canon even though most of the time, theyve never actually been shown like this in the actual manga. IF YOU DONT GET WHAT I MEAN I'LL USE RAN BEGGING IN THE RECENT CHAPTER AS AN EXAMPLE OKAY!! obviously ran is presented as a pretty closed off character emotionally, so we've never seen him break down or get upset or beg in canon, but god the way you wrote him im fully convinced that if he did ever beg for something (or someone 😱) it would be exactly the way you wrote it (I RLY HOPE YOU GET WHAT I MEAN). even more simple and often overlooked emotions like joy...you write them so well like its almost like you studied every bit of these characters before each chapter because god its just...wow honestly. im always going into the chapters with such high expectations yet somehow you exceed them EVERY SNGLE TIME your writing leaves my mind all fuzzy and i have to put my phone or laptop down for a bit and process what tf i just read bc its just THAT GOOD i would talk more about how you present rindou, y/n, and EVEN HANMA?? (i only started liking him after i read lda btw) but atm all i can think ab is ran and the way you write him so i'll analyse them another time 4 you <333

other than ur unbelievably accurate understanding of the characters, the way you invoke tension within the story and how it changes ever so slightly each chapter is so beautiful to me. this chapter you repeated the phrase "three dead, five arrested, six." OR SMTH every few lines and i was about to scream bc of how tense the atmosphere was i could not I WAS FIGHTING TRYING NOT TO READ AHEAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND?? in other chapters you, if i remember correctly, tend to drag things out but not in like an annoying way, you do it in such a thoughtful and tactful way and it makes reading so so much more enjoyable than it already is. god i just I CANT SAY ENOUGH FOR MY LOVE OF HOW YOU USE SUCH SIMPLE AND COMMON LITERARY TECHNIQUES IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WAY IM GOING TO SOB CAT I CANNOT. DO THS. ANYMORE.

i also mentioned in an ask about how good you are with pacing i think? a lot of the time some stories may seem or feel rushed but thats never ever the case with you??? again you "drag things out" but every single word is so so important and meaningful and i could neve even think about skipping ahead or missing a few lines in the fear that i'll miss somethig out. each chapter goes by so slowly but so quickly at the same time?? how did you even manage to do that im screaming. i was reading and thinking about how the pace is bc its just..insane, god. the techniques you use, the words you choose, everything is so well thought out and makes the story feel so real like YOU HAVE ME THINKING IM Y/N???ENOUGH MY HEART CANT DO THIS. no, and i truly genuinely mean this, story has ever had me feeling this many emotions PER CHAPTER and ive been on here for a whilleee. honestly saying good job isnt enough, neither is rereading, i need to inhale all of your words and let them live in my lungs bc i cannot do this i wanna hug and bite and squeeze ad kiss your ran and rin YOU PORTRAY THEM BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IVE SEEN SO FAR and it genuinely drives me crazy bc they feel so real to me when i read lda

i have so much more to say but this is getting too long and im sure ur very very busy so NEXT TIME OKAY!! <33

anyways IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I DIDNT REALISE!!!! but the point is i love you and your writing so so much and im so grateful to have you posting these FOR FREE??? insane honestly. TAKE CARE OF URSELF MWAAHHH ILY BYE BYE <333

i waited all day to respond to this cuz i wanted to give it the attention it deserved. oh my fucking god. i don’t think you understand i read this at work and literally started crying at my desk. and then i read it like 8 more times and teared up every single time after that too.

like i am genuinely at a loss for words right now this is actually the sweetest and most thoughtful think i’ve ever been sent. like i worry so much about characterization and pacing — they’re two of the things that stress me out the most while writing i always am so anxious over not capturing characters correctly, so this might’ve been the most reassuring thing you could ever say to me 🥹🥹

you literally do not ever have to apologize for sending me long asks or anything oml pls i am so grateful and appreciative it literally means the world to me when you guys send me stuff about LDA cuz i want you guys to love it and the characters just as much as i do 🥹🥹🥹 i love talking to you guys about it i literally love you sm you just made my entire week 🥹🥹🥹 maybe the whole month tbh