#im not vaguing anything this literally applies to SO MANY THINGS

[hihereami]

I’m sorry but I can absolutely tell when some people online come either from a very privileged background money-wise, have never been on the working force or have never experienced an economical crisis before because they’ll do something as silly as critisise creators trying to make money off their work

[readymades2002]

HRM...i woke up at 830 pm today (hold your applause until the end please thank you) and i am still in a lot of pain because of this neck issue i’ve been having but i think. hm hm hm. i finally looked up the easier path to the library and despite it being cold outside and the fact that im just generally kind of a nervous wreck i think my sleep schedule is in a place where if i stay up i could walk there and maybe sort out my card...i think that would be nice

[incorrect-riordanverse]

It's really disheartening that Rick Riordan stance on the war I understand that he wants to be neutral on this stance but in my opinion by becoming neutral he only worsening the issue as many Palestines are dying that are mostly children, how the majority of Israeli are supporting the Genocide of Palestine, and how the government is trying so hard (but miserably failing) to justified the genocide. I will hold him accountable for what he said on this issue as during this period the choice is basically "you are with us or against us."

Part of me wishes he will realize what he said was wrong and understand the bigger issue that plays at hand. I will criticism for his actions as how can a man who promotes LGBTQIA and representation of minorities and disabilities in his books turn a blind eyes to Genocide of people. However we can only wait and see on his next move.

One last thing about your previous you said you don't group Riordan with other authors where do you would group him with? Also this is more on an opinion base answer but many people are boycotting companies that support Israel there as been another post on Twitter on boycotting authors. Rick Riordan happens to be one of them. Do you believed that he should be boycotted with other authors or he should be properly educated and apologized for his previous statement? If you believed he should be boycotted what do tou have to say to those who might have the mentality of "separate the art from the artist"

thank you for this ask, and i completely agree with you! it is extremely hypocritical of him considering what he preaches for in his books. i think he’s convinced he has properly addressed the apartheid by using very vague language that can be applied to anything, and in doing so, he’s addressed nothing really.

your first question on who i would group him with— probably other authors who are doing the exact same as him in their virtue signalling. i always like to link my other blogs to each other, so i don’t think it’s a secret that i have a red queen account and i’m pretty passionate about that. unfortunately, victoria aveyard is another fantasy author who has literally wrote a whole four-book series on the uprising against oppression but is now playing neutral in her address of the apartheid. rebecca yarros is in the same boat, although i haven’t read ‘fourth wing,’ fans have said there are large themes of oppression within the book. so if i had to group riordan it would probably be in the ‘i-like-to-write-about-it-for-profit-and-praise-only’ group.

in terms of boycotting, i think that’s a great idea! i would also like to remind everyone that the percy jackson tv show is coming out in a little over a month, but disney is a huge industry financially supporting israel as well ($2 million in funding), which is obviously far more damning than a poorly written address by one person. there is a boycott happening for disney as well— and the pjo show will be released on disney + . i implore everyone to not watch it on that platform!! personally i will be pirating it online (idk if i’ll get into trouble saying that here but lol oh well), because im pretty sure the boycott is only for withdrawing financial support, not simply consuming media.

i feel like separating art from the artist only works if that artist is… like, dead, and you’re using that art and its values as a historical insight to how the world was during its time. you can still like a piece of work that has a problematic artist, you can engage with the work (to an extent). but separating art from the artist barely works because either:

to engage with the art is to support the artist in some way, so that artist is making money based on your interaction with that (particularly in the case for singers and streaming of songs)

that artists’ views and values are so rancid that it’s literally embedded within the text itself. to ignore it is harmful.

harry potter is my all-time favourite example to use, because jkr is the scum of the earth, and her views are entrenched in her work. a lesser known example is sarah j maas and her books (she’s also not as dogshit as jkr, but then again, its not hard to be a better person than her). i’m not going to bag on these people for liking things by problematic people (would be hypocritical of me), i just think it’s cowardly not to address it when you come across it, or at least admit to it. to simply write things off as ‘separate to the artist’ is like purposefully turning off your critical thinking skills.

on whether boycotting or an apology is enough— if riordan did apologise and used specific language and not the nonsense he had in that blog, expressed his remorse for his ignorance and then actually did or said something to support the people of palestine then, yeah. that’s fine and that’s how we learn ig. but he should educate himself, too many activists, people from the arab community and especially palestinians are expected to be all-knowing and to educate everyone else on an already draining and personal tragedy. it’s been exhausting for me, i can’t imagine what they’re going through. if riordan (or anyone) needs to be educated, he should do it himself, and (at least in my opinion) i don’t think the info is very hard to find now. it’s just about weeding out the misinformation.

i think boycotting is a good idea as of now. it can serve to be a catalyst for self reflection for many people. also, as much as i hate most online discourses, talking about it online needs to happen. i don’t want these authors to forget, for a moment, about the ignorance they posted online during a time of international crisis.

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

i have media studies exam (although mock so its fine) that i didnt study for so im gonna force myself to practice by applying barthes narrative theory to season 1 hannibal (vaguely tbh cuz its the whole seasom but ok)

hermeneutic codes(how do u even pronounce this omfg) :

enigma codes, they are def crucial to this show as each episode raises more and more unanswered questions as the audience continues watching the show, questions like who is commiting the crimes, is will ok, does he know how fucked up his clocks are, is crawford fucking stupid, is abigail ok, what the hell is hannibal doing, why are they using cat guts for strings, are the dogs gonna live oh my god please can the dogs be okay for once

usually done by leaving cliffhangers for each episode

it drives the audience forward and interests them so they continue watching the show to find out the answers to their questions

its also a convention to use hermeneutic codes for horror crime shows like hannibal

Proairetic codes:

action codes, the actions done to drive the narrative forward, previous events drive other events into action. ngl this one is fucking stupid to apply i dont get if i ever apply it correctly

in hannibal, proairetic codes tie a lot with hermeneutic codes as the actions of the characters raise questions for the audience questioning their choices and makes the audience wonder what will happen next. the action creates tension and makes the audience wonder how the created problem(if there is one) will be resolved. for example when hannibal lecter called abigails father to inform him that "they know" and that fbi is on the way. this drives the narrative forward as then the audience wonders how the characters will react and wonder how the actions will affect the story. this action ended up with abigail becoming an orphan and their suspect dead, creating a few side plots and introducing new characters. this constant tension created by each action drives the narrative forward and engages the audience to continue watching the show

semantic codes:

connotations, things associated with something, the deeper level meaning of a symbol. this one is hard yet so easy cuz theres literally SO many of them

they basically give insight into the plot and characters, building personalities and maybe even starting the deep questions the audience will have

for example, for hannibal, hes quite sophisticated, the semantic codes for that would be how he wears suits all the time, his overall style and his acquired taste. those things connote sophistication, wealth and even control and power (especially the suit and his high respected position as a psychiatrist)

but another thing that can be derived from things like how hes always careful, always has a cloth that doesn't leave any fabric fibres, how he doesn't use anything digital, only physical things like journals to leave no traces, the fact that hes literally eating his evidence lmao, his knowledge and experience of human anatomy and mind connote that hes a careful, experienced, ambitious man and prob(definitely) is a serial killer

symbolic codes:

it has such an easy concept that its literally confusing to understand. its basically symbols, binaries, a thematic/structural device, but it's basically about themes and contrary signs specifically, which is ig why its kind of difficult to understand since its specifically binary symbols

some symbolic codes in hannibal would be life vs death, clearly a reoccurring theme with all of the crimes happening, good vs bad, murderers and their victims, health? both physical and mental? stability? work vs personal life? idk its so hard to pin point it even tho its so easy and common idk

a better example woukd be the bad vs good binary used in star wars with ghe colours of light sabers

Cultural codes:

literally cultural and social conventions, knowledge that comes from the outside world of the text, specific connotations used

example, FBI for crimes and america, religion and faith, the whole fbi units especially medical, even Christmas is a cultural code as its a celebrated event of certain social and cultural and religious conventions

bruv i cant think of any more examples even tho i know theres so many

hope yall enjoyed my silly analysis of hannibal as my media studies application practice if u read it all xx

[another-lost-mc]

Im so obsessed with Zee and Karasu 🫢🫢 the only reason my involvement with Obey Me fandom is still here is literally because of your OCs??? Like i have deleted Obey Me so long now cause of the plot? The stories?? Are not moving at all but your OCs?? If for some miracle or wish come true your OCs is a dateable in game i would re-download obey me just for them.

I never thought I got turned on by a predator/prey kink 😔🫣 but Zee?? The way he calls reader "bunny" 🫠🫠 anything for you ( he is literally in my head 24/7 helpppp i was cooking earlier and my delulu got the best of me and i was imagining im cooking with Zekhan 😔😞)

I'm glad you like my OCs even if you're not actively playing the game right now. I consider that a huge compliment. <3

The Zee brain rot is real and I felt so unhinged by the time I finished writing that one scenario of his. lol But I genuinely love the thought that he'd call you bunny in private, even if you don't entertain those types of games with him. It's a cute glimpse at his softer nature that no one (except maybe Azra) knows exists.

Cooking with Zee would be so wholesome too. He's more skilled in the kitchen than Azra (tbh who isn't) and he knows a wider range of dishes than Karasu. He'll ask about your favourite foods and learn how to cook them, no matter how many recipes he has to try. (He wants to impress you but he'll pretend it's not a big deal.)

He buys aprons for both of you if you decide to help him in the kitchen, even if it's just an excuse to keep him company. He always offers to tie the back of yours for you too. He doesn't usually eat breakfast, but he will on mornings when he's lucky enough to have your company.

On his days off, he'll indulge in more time-consuming recipes like stews and soups from scratch or savory meat and/or vegetable pies. He usually buys pre-made pie crusts and fresh loaves of bread instead of trying to make them. Once the dishes are done after dinner, he'll take you to pick up some pastries or ice cream for dessert (he prefers cookies or milkshakes).

As for the predator/prey thing...yeah, I'm a firm believer that demons (and angels, tbh) are capable of being more intense than the game portrays them. I wrote about a vague predator/prey scenario here that applies to any of the characters with wings including Karasu, Zee, Tenebris and Metatron.

[daybreakrising]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME: lauri

PRONOUNS : he / him

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : discord absolutely over anything else, IMs next. people i write with are always allowed to ask for my discord, and i recommend that you do bc it's easier for me than IMs as the notifs are 1000x more reliable. and i find it easier to share stuff / ramble about our muses/dynamics there

NAME OF MUSE(s) : i... have many. main ones at the moment are wrio, vautrin, baizhu & blade, bc they're the loudest at rattling their cages rn.

BEST EXPERIENCE : honestly? joining this rpc. it's the first one that (so far, please don't change-) i haven't had any issues with regarding shitty behaviour or shittier people.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS :

- vague-posting. i cannot tell you how fucking irritating i find this. it's a shitty & unnecessary thing to do and i will call you out on it if we're friendly and i see you doing it. being vague about something is just inviting drama, and given that so many of us have anxieties, you have no idea who you're subsequently stressing out with your passive aggression.

- plotting, even loosely, with someone & then taking that plot to another version of the same muse. thankfully i don't see too much of this happening these days but, man, it infuriates me.

- hating on someone's headcanons simply bc they don't align with yours. everyone writes a muse differently - that's the beauty of rp. you are allowed to disagree with a headcanon, sure, but if you think your opinion is the only correct one... get out. take your insecurities elsewhere thank u.

MUSE PREFERENCES: morally grey characters, characters who have several layers to wade through and delve into, characters that provide a good challenge for me to write, dogboys.

PLOTS OR MEMES : both. i love plots but i can & will create plots from memes too - and memes are a great way to get things going, to prompt dynamic development & can also just... be fun.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : listen. LISTEN. if you've followed me for any length of time you know i love long replies. LIVE FOR THEM. being able to freely write several paragraphs without feeling guilty for dumping essays on my writing partner is delicious. but i'm not opposed to short replies either - they're good for when muse is low, or my energy levels are limited.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : literally the middle of the night. my most productive hours are between 10pm and 4am.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : i have enough muses to be able to say: probably. i do tend to pick muses that resonate with me in some way, whether that's something in their personality or their background that i identify with, or some other aspect of the character that is familiar. that doesn't apply to all of them, necessarily, but certainly the majority.

tagged by: @ruinare (thank u!)

tagging: idk who hasn't already been tagged so feel free to yoink this from me & say i tagged you !

[gongedtornado]

intro post time babyyy:

will update this overtime

last updated: April 10, 2024

kazzys-conundrum -> gongedtornado

please be sure to at least read the tags, DNI, and “Ask to Follow” sections! thank you!

general info

- yarida • silas • kazzy • goose (or any nicknames (bolded means bost preferred!)

- 20, mixed filipino !!!!!!

- he / she / they / it / thing / thingy / creature / floro / piranha / plant / and many more!!!!!

- artist!!!!!

- professional shitposter. (putting way too much effort/detail in my shitposts.)

- heads up, i yell sometimes (all the time lmao). also i cuss and might make crude jokes. also i tend to scream in tags alot

- tone indicators please

- very socially awkward and mentally ill. i tend to get overwhelmed very easily !!!! i have a hard time interacting because i’m incredibly shy. i promise i’m not ignoring you !! i’m just severely ill in the head, overwhelmed, and busy a bunch <\\\3

- i work a lot so once again, please don’t take it as me ignoring you !

- i will tag things if needed or if i feel its neccessary !! (ex: suggestive jokes, eye contact cw, and so on.)

- (this applies to moots and people that follow), but if you need a specific thing from me tagged, do not hesitate to come to my askbox or dm about it! i will gladly tag accordingly, though do keep in mind i might forget sometimes. i will try my best

- IF I DO SOMETHING WRONG WITHOUT KNOWING IT PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND DON’T BE VAGUE ABOUT IT. /SRS

- im active on ponytown alot !!!! if you ever see me come by and say hello !!!

tags to find my thingies:

art - “kazzy scribbles”

screaming about thoughts - “kazzy caws”

headcanon schtuff - “brainshart”

shitposts - “shartposting”

vents/rants - “kazzy complains” (watch me be sad in real time! /j)*

*do feel free to mute this tag, no hard feelings! /gen • sometimes a good scream is all i need

things i need tagged with “kazzy/silas/yarida don’t look” , “kdl” “sdl” or “ydl”. (any of the names work, just put “[name] don’t look” (if that makes any sense)

• roblox doors game (specifically the visuals. text posts are fine)

• generally unsettling or uncanny visuals. especially with heavy eye contact

• knack (playstation game)

• flag discourse

• posts with transphobia in it

• h*zbin/h*lluva content + anything relating to v*vziepop

OTHER SHIT THAT KINDA MAKES ME UNCOMFY(??) (TW FOR THE LAST ONE)

• being referred to as ‘child’ unironically. if its for a joke, then go for it! but if you like. genuinely refer to me as ‘child.’ please Do Not. especially if you’re younger than me. not only does it make me irked as all hell, but it makes me feel incredibly frustrated. essentially just don’t infantilize me i’m an adult and would prefer to be taken seriously from time to time.*

this also goes with being treated as a child. while i’m aware i may act childish from time to time, do not fucking babify me. do not woobify me. do not treat me like i am a little kid. i will fucking bite you. i am an adult, treat me as such.*

• being called “sister” or “mom.” ANY OTHER NICKNAME IS FINE!! if we’re close and its for a joke, by all means- go for it. but please dont call me “mom”, “sis/sister” unironically . i will send an angry swarm of bees to your home

• being referred to as ‘smol bean’, ‘small bean’, ‘a cinnamon roll’. i will literally turn you into a smoothie so help me god.

• coming into my dms to ask for requests. unless i know you or we’re close, please do not come into my dms to ask me to draw your requests. i’m just going to ignore you.

• (TRIGGER WARNING)* actually this is a really heavy one but if you joke about s/a i am straight up hard blocking you. that shit is not funny. it will never be funny. you’re weird. get out GET OOOUTT. FUCK YOU. /srs

DNI/DNF

- basic DNI criteria

- pr0ship

- zo0philes

- dream stans/supporters (IF FOR WHATEVER REASON YOU STILL SUPPORT DREAM, FUCKING BLOCK ME. NONE OF YOU ARE WELCOME HERE. GO AWAYYYY)

- terfs

- trans/nonbinary fetishizers

- ai “artists”

- those with the intentions of befriending for free art

- those who say “its just fiction/its just a drawing” literally shut up

- those who say “its the internet, things happen” to excuse shitty behavior

- She Who Will Not Be Named (you know who you are.)

*if you’re asking yourself “is it me?” i can garuntee it’s likely not you. this is very targeted at Someone.

- if i just generally get bad vibes from you or think youre super fucking weird i’ll just block you

- extreme h*zbin/h*lluva enjoyers and v*vziep*p dickriders. please get off my page.

ASK TO FOLLOW:

- irls. if you know me irl, awesome! but ask me first

- under 15 (if you’re 15, you’re good to go! but anywhere younger, absolutely not. i genuinely do not want to be mutuals or interacted with people who are in middle/elementary school. this is for both of our safetys. 😁)

- h*zbin/h*lluva fans . i likely won’t interact with you too much since i want to stay away from the fandom as far as possible but if you wanna follow uh. ask plssss

EXTRA:

- DMS OPEN! (unless specified not to dm. this will be located at the title, if not its own post.)

- COMMISSIONS: closed until i figure out paypal.

- ART REQUESTS: closed, sorry i don’t really do requests that often.

- ART TRADES: VERY HEAVY MAYBE, but feel free to ask! i have specific rules i follow for them too uhhhh

- TAGGING/MENTIONING IN POST: totally fine, similar rules as DMS

- RP: ummm!! sometimes ! but all i ask is that you don’t yell at me for taking time on responses, i might be busy, didn’t see it, or just generally do not know how to respond. also please don’t force me into doing one

[revui]

*vibrating* HI! I was listening to Spring Awakening again, because I very vividly remembered a song there reminded me of Quin. Found it:

Track 15 - Totally Fucked

It's 100% because the chapter about him is essentially just. "Look at this guy! He's Totally Fucked."

But this kept playing in my head while rereading Foreverlands. Hope you enjoy like.. vaguely emo sounding music. It's an old song kinda, in case you couldn't tell by the very 2010's style lyrics video. (IM SORRY I just thought a lyric video would be a better choice bc the voices overlap and it's potentially hard to follow without captions of some sort and this is literally the only one)

And you know. this is totally optional, but since I'm at it, this song is also good. I think it applies to Quin bc it has that "wow. shit's fucked. dont love it honestly" AND ! I like it bc it's about religious trauma and its Jonathan Groff so I'm sharing, in this very non self indulgent way of course

Track 3 - All That's Known (this one's also a lyric video link but i promise its less distracting)

The overall sound of the album makes me think of Quin now, I have accidentally assigned him the emo music my baddddd. but the ending to "all that's known" in particular hits me as a Quin thing. that softer "one day all will know" that fades into the background while the rest of the cast speaks up and it's like, ooooo this boyo is gonna rebel ! oooo he's scheming during class

Holding him very closely. the more you tell me about Quin the more he reminds me of one of my own characters. Literally my son. patting his head as we speak.

Do you have playlists for characters? I generally only make them for my own characters, the few exceptions of characters that are not my own ocs being the Big Blorbo Leagues, but I'm realizing I already have like 3 songs in mind for Quin. He's very quickly making his way up there. Like i could pick out the lyrics that made me choose each song for him. Which is crazy. because I feel like I don't know enough about him. But he has this vibe in my head. And if anything im gonna be confidently wrong about his vibe. making him a playlist.

Anyway you've inspired me and given me confidence so now im also gonna start tagging posts as my ocs. because its cool to do now. i think its cool

we're like. an infinite power source. the blorbo posting will never end while we have ways to communicate with each other i feel

SCREAMING

oh my god he's reaching peak blorbo levels. there are songs about him now

I genuinely love both of these for him, and also that guy's voice kind of reminded me of Light's English actor in the Death Note musical? I'm pretty sure they're not the same person but it was a neat coincidence because that musical is what helped me fill in a lot of his character, sort of taking my own spin on the idea of this self-righteous kid trying to singlehandedly correct what they perceive is wrong, although Quin definitely doesn't go as far as Light "Nobody's smart but me" Yagami.

I usually make individual playlists for my characters, but for the Foreverlands, its main cast amounts to 16 characters, and only 5 of them existed before I started developing the Foreverlands as a concept, so I had 11 new blorbos on my hands. Too many blorbos not enough music. So instead I made an amalgamation of songs that made me think of characters, settings, plot points, arcs, etc, in one big Foreverlands playlist. As a result it's a bit lengthy and almost musically incoherent and I'm still adding more songs almost every day. Also I'm adding the second one you shared to it because the Foreverlands brain thoughts I experienced during it were EXCELLENT.

Here's the playlist if you're curious. Warning, it's about six hours and I took songs from pretty much anything if they gave me even just one iota of Foreverlands Thoughts regardless of whether I even liked the song, which means that there is some Certified Cringe in this playlist, and it's wonderful.

our blorboposting could generate more energy than the sun i think

[arofili]

i haven't read the silmarillion or anything related but i was wondering how do elves's fëas work?? like i read somewhere about them sharing this fëa bond with people they marry so their fëas meet and that's what makes the marriage marriage in the first place. but im not really sure about that, don't people's fëas normally touch even if they're not married? and what happens if they do touch? this is weirdly specific but im just curious,,,you don't have to answer if you don't want to ofc! thank you if you do answer my curiosities haha and you still don't, ty too! (i asked you this bc i feel like you have a lot of knowledge about elfs)

Hey anon! So, a lot of what you're talking about is fanon, though it does have basis in canon. From "Laws and Customs among the Eldar" we learn about fëar and hröar and elvish (largely Noldorin, to be specific) marriage customs.

It's worth noting, though, that LaCE underwent many revisions and is a highly dubious document as it was written in-universe by Aelfwine, a mortal from the 9th century CE who found the Straight Road to Valinor. That concept in and of itself is a framing device for Tolkien's "translation" of the Red Book into English, and isn't one he kept consistent throughout his writing or one he was ever fully satisfied with - it never made it into the texts published within his lifetime, and doesn't make an appearance in the published Silm, either. And as I said in a previous meta dealing with LaCE:

Maybe this is something Tolkien changed his mind on between writing LaCE and writing this section of what became the published Silm. Or maybe this is an in-universe distinction: the in-universe writer of LaCE is unclear but implied to be a human, not an elf, possibly Aelfwine; the writer of the Silm as we see it is Christopher Tolkien’s edits of JRRT’s translation of Bilbo’s translation of Noldorin loremasters, the chief of whom was Pengolodh. It’s complicated.

That being said:

LaCE doesn't actually offer that much information on the nature of elvish fëar in relation to marriage. We do get the quote that "It was the act of bodily union that achieved the marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete." Since human concepts of marriage are mostly legal/social engagements, and by no means indissoluble, this strongly implies something different is going on with elven fëar when they marry, but it's not stated outright. Still, the wording of "bond" in relation to "marriage" gives rise to the fan-embellished concept of a "marriage bond" that is very popular in fic/meta about elf marriages.

This concept is further supported by the description that a "greater share and strength of their being, in mind and body" is required for elves to create children (when compared to Men). It implies a closeness between a married couple where their "minds" (aka fëar) are as involved in the child-making process as their bodies. Later it is specified that after marriage, elves remain individual people with individual "gifts of mind and body that differ" - a strange thing to emphasize if there was not the possibility for misconstruing married elves as becoming literally one being.

For elves, marriage is forever: the Valar state that "marriage resides ultimately in the will of the fëa." Yet later in the same paragraph, it is explained that elves who are re-embodied need to be married again, because marriage is also of the body and the first body had perished. Confusing!

There are more notes about fëar in this essay, and the concept is mentioned in other places as well, but that's the basic gist of the concept AFAIK. (I highly recommend perusing LaCE yourself if you're interested in this topic! And remember that this is fandom, you can accept or discard certain aspects of the document as you see fit. I know I do.)

Most of your questions deal in extrapolation from canon - I would argue there's a strong basis for the concept of a marriage bond in LaCE, but it's not explicitly spelled out. I can't give you firm answers, but here are my personal headcanons about fëar and bonds. Everything that follows is headcanon, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Elves are born with bonds with their parents; these bonds are important for the health and happiness of a growing child. (There's another line in LaCE about how the parting of parents and children in their youth is "a grievous thing," which is my starting place for this particular headcanon.) I also think that they have bonds with their siblings, though this is less supported; I just think that living with and sharing parents with someone is likely to foster the slower/less formal creation of a bond. Twins, however, are born with strong bonds between one another, having shared a womb.

(I also think certain Unbegotten elves - aka the first 144 elves who awoke at Cuiviénen - came into being with bonds, thus allowing for Unbegotten elves to have siblings, like Elwë, Olwë, and Elmo. But you could also argue that, depending on how you deal with timelines, those three brothers are not Unbegotten and were born the "normal" way.)

Then there are chosen bonds. These are the kind we hear discussed (albeit vaguely) in LaCE. Marriage bonds specifically are formed when elves "unite in body" and invoke the name of Eru. My personal (aroace) take on this is that sex makes the process of bonding much easier and faster, the naming of Eru and the intent to bond is what's really important, so if a couple would rather not have sex they can still bond. And it also opens up room for debate on which specific sexual acts count when it comes to bonding, what would happen if Eru's name wasn't invoked, etc.

But I also think bonds can be created in contexts other than marriage - found family, for example. I've seen this most discussed in the context of Kidnap Dads, but it could apply in many scenarios: you decide you want X person to be part of your family, and that means you want to bond with them. In the case of orphaned children, if you go with the idea that they need a parent-child bond in order to develop properly, this could provide substitute/adoptive parents to fill that role. Or it could be that you feel like a certain person is your sibling, but you weren't born of the same parents, but you still want them to officially be your family, so you form a sibling-bond with them. These are bonds that occur without the ~physical union~, and therefore take more time and effort, and thus are less common - but they do happen.

All these bonds are basically the same in terms of function: they make ósanwë (mind-to-mind/telepathic communication) much easier and more natural, they connect two fëar together in an indissoluble way, they show a depth of commitment and love between the bonded eldar. But they are valued differently in society, and created/brought into being in different circumstances.

As for fëar "touching" - that is, in my opinion, poetic license for communication/closeness through such a bond. If you touch your spouse's fëa, for example, that's connecting with them to see how they're feeling, possibly passing along comfort or a message, etc. This "touching" is basically ósanwë, I guess? Which, in my headcanon, you can do if you're not bonded to someone, it just takes more effort and closer proximity if you don't have a bond in place.

Hope this helps, anon! Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions!

[twink-frank]

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself  but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

[euaxel]

heyyy, eonia. i’m reid, i’m twenty-three, still can’t read, and all i know about pjo is that it fucking rocks and the protag has the same learning disabilities that i do! also, i picked hypnos for this punk mainly to be mean to him and because in the hades game hypnos bullies me every time i die and i’m kiiiinda into it. hmu on discord one on one for the best plotting experience, but i’ll be around plenty to bug y’all in the gc too. you can read about bastard boy number one right here and under the cut we’ll get down to business. 

⟨ ELLIOT FLETCHER. TRANS MALE. HE/HIM. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, AXEL EVERETT is actually a descendent of H Y P N O S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-TWO year old VIDEO GAME DEVELOPMENT & COMBAT TACTICS MAJOR from BROOKLYN, USA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite WITTY & SELF-DEPRICATING.

be advised, axel’s a pretty heavy character.  i’m gonna keep it brief for the bio & need-to-knows, tag around the parts with bold applicable triggers so you can skip around as needed, and tag this post accordingly, but just let me know if i miss anything and i’ll fix it & be safe reading. godspeed and i apologize in advance for bringing you all my personal punching bag as my first muse. 

the main triggers that are gonna come up are: parental abuse, alcoholism * major, mentions of bullying, drowning * major, religious trauma, and drug abuse with some harder drugs ( particularly, weed, pills and cocaine / nothing with needles. )

general stats. 

— full name ,  axel harley everett.  — nicknames/alias ,  axe, ax, wolverine jr, tyler durden jr, trouble, Who? - every professor he’s ever had. — house,  hypnos and mad about it.  — age, 22, as of today. also mad about it.  — gender,  trans male.    — pronouns,  he/him.  — sexual orientation, bisexual with a somewhat heavy masc lean.  — d.o.b, january 1st, 1999. ( generally unknown to anyone but maybe siblings, he will probably lie and say Nobody Knows... I Just Am unless he really fucks with you. ) — hometown,

phys. 

— height,  5′0ft even. furious about it. — eyes,  brown. — hair, brown.  — face claim, elliot fletcher.

misc.

— zodiac,  capricorn. — alignment,  chaotic good. — character inspo,  lip gallagher, steve rogers ( young ), ellie from tlou1, logan howlett, stiles stilinski ( if anyone says shit i will scream ), probably someone from euphoria but i’m too scared to watch that, peter parker ( andrew garfield ), shinsou hitoshi, finn mertens, marceline the vampire queen, dipper pines, this is all over the place but it’s there.  — most played spotify songs, passion for publication by anarbor, sober haha jk unless by hospital bracelet, nobody by mitski, class of 2013 by mitski, king princess’ cover of monster from adventure time, way too much phoebe bridgers, in love or whatever by future teens, and the entire front bottoms discography but especially in sickness & in flames with the hard way & bus beat well at the top of his loop.  — aesthetics,   bloody knuckles, left open and tipped over prescription bottles, walking on the carpet with socks to get that tingly feeling, skateboarding inside, dozing off at the bar, tangled legs in messy sheets, ten pillows on a twin sized mattress, laying down in the shower, brian sella’s cracky singing voice. 

bio. 

— axel was born and raised in brooklyn, new york, and he was claimed at thirteen, on his thirteenth birthday, by hypnos. — the day he was claimed, axel ceased contact with his human mother and his step-dad, and he attended a camp for half-bloods that wasn’t far from home. he spent his adolescence there year round for safety from monsters at home and abroad, then moved on to eonia.  — ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw begin ) i don’t want to be too graphic here so i’m going to plainly say that axel’s mother was a very, very bad person, and the man she married was absent at his best, physically abusive at worst. axel’s powers (  hypnokinesis, namely )  were potent and difficult to control at a young age, and as a deeply religious catholic woman, this scared his mother and influenced most of the animosity in their relationship. she was convinced that the defensive visions he created and his ability to put her to sleep ( an attempt to help her, on his end; insomnia plagued her and later, it would him, too ) were of demonic origin, and tried to drown him more than once; cleansing, she claimed. the worst instance was the day he was claimed, actually — new years day, 2012; his life was saved by hypnos, and that was the last he saw of her.   ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw end. )  —  that said, he’s a little ( very ) hydrophobic. poseidon kids do NOT fucking interact ( i’m kidding. kind of. he Will avoid a little though ) —  anyway! moving on. all of this aside, axel did his best to put his past behind him, and he was actually super stoked to learn that his powers came from somewhere good and that there was places out there for kids like him; to learn he wasn’t any kind of monster. ( still working on believing that, though.. marcelines monster.mp3 right here )  — he’s less stoked when he starts having trouble falling asleep, and really, it feels like a more cruel twist than any other fate has thrown at him ( his upbringing was chock full of mean twists, so that’s saying something ); and really, it’s more like insomnia just full on kicks in, but he can put other people to sleep. great, right? whatever, though — combat classes are kickass and he’s surrounded by babes that think he’s hilarious so things could be totally, way worse.  — ( bullying tw (brief) ) for the most part, axel was pretty well liked among his peers. he was bullied as a young kid (pre-claim), but he bit back and he bit back hard, and sure, some of that followed him into his teen years but he’s more confident by then; less fun to poke at, and absolutely unhinged when provoked, so people learn better of it. the only real lasting effect was one instant that hit him a little too deep in the inferiority, when he was seventeen — he fell in love with a girl, told her that, and found himself at the end of a very mean spirited prank. he shook it off like he did anything else, or at least — he told himself he did, even if the hurt hit him somewhere a little too deep rooted ( ie. being god’s most unlovable son would naturally land him here, right? ) love’s kinda stupid anyways, so what the hell, right?  (bullying tw end.)

— ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw begin ) this is already obscenely long so i’m just going to keep it to the point here and say he began drinking when he was sneaking booze in to camp at fifteen, and it just never stopped there. he’s also a massive stoner, which is all well, harmless and good for the most part; he’s always grinning, half-lidded, and has a room full of smoke at any given time. it’s the pills that do him in, and he did them at first just so he could get some shut eye, and... well. after that, because he’s dependent on them. but he keeps this part under wraps for the most part; it doesn’t have to be anyone’s problem but his, and it’s not a problem until it is one. partying’s fun, so is coke; so is taking a few too many xan’s, mdma.   ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw end )

FUN FACTS!!! 

— i swear he is not as doom and gloom as he sounds from the bio, and yeah, writing that made me so sad i feel like we absolutely must hone in on the fun and cute things about him!?!  — he loves dnd. he can talk about it for HOURS and if you let him, he absolutely will. — adventure time makes him cry. he’s a baby don’t let him fool you.  — very into cryptids, aliens, horror stories, conspiracy theories, in love with ryan from watcher, wanna be shane medej.  — he loves to draw! the one thing he loves about his power is what it’s done for his imagination, and sure, he mostly draws horror things, but it’s why he went into video game development. he wants to be a concept artist.  — his double major is in combat tactics because he loves fighting. he thinks it’s so fun. he’s a little nuts, actually — i mean, get hit in the face and come up grinning. all he’s ever wanted is to run a fight club and be the shortest, baddest little bitch on the planet.  — he tends to nod off in weird places because he doesn’t sleep enough at night, which is sad, but; he can seriously fall asleep anywhere. standing up, in a tree, you name it.  — he’s a hobby musician! he loves singing and playing guitar.  — he’s a huge flirt.  — loves to scare people. he’s harmless, though. like, honestly. he might make you think you’re seeing a walking toadstool but he’ll probably apologize later.  — he’s very much a singing in the shower type?  — clothes thief. friends and significant others beware.  — actually, just kind of a thief? but of weird, little things. like, just the left shoe. puts them in a little corner in his room that he has set up like an exhibit. “things you thought you lost lol” is written on the whiteboard on the wall above it. he likes collecting rocks too. he’s a little freak!!  — he’s better at the memory retrieval part of his power than the rest. naturally, as this mostly applies for other people. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. im literally so tired of hearing myself talk... 

friends/squad. self explanatory!!!  he’s friendly, a class clown, and a loyal friend through and through; he’s also adaptable, and his demeanor is very relaxed and inviting. he’s probably gonna have 2-3 people that he’s really close with, and he’d do quite literally anything for them. seriously, don’t tempt him.  a best friend.  so this is kind of vague but. i’d really love for him to have one person that is just a tier above the rest? they’d know things about him that are like pulling teeth to find out ( aka, anything deeper than his most recommended podcasts and loudmouth opinions on non important things ), someone who will call him on his shit, and maybe take care of his stupid little self when he gets too fucked up, because they’d be someone he trusts enough to let them.   enemies?    he probably gets along with most people until given a reason not to? but he is a loud mouth and if one of his friends gets into drama, he will stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and he will throw hands, so it could happen.

harmless rivalries. maybe even steamy ones. he’s a little shit and he likes banter so, so, so much? if given the opportunity and if someone rubs him a certain type of way, he’s so not above being a menace, although never super maliciously. just, you know, annoying the shit out of them on purpose, for fun. he’s also not above blowing a few kisses their way.

current hookups. self explanatory too. he’s a little harlot. HFBHVFNJ. it’s gonna be kinda hard to go beyond sex with him because he’s very deep in his own insecurity but he does catch feelings, he’s just mad about it when he does. i’m mostly gonna go off chem for that though! an ex. could be on friendly terms? but, it should be noted that he could’ve ghosted someone too; or pulled from the relationship when things got serious and he couldn’t choke out that ‘i love you’, even if he felt it. worse, if he did choke it out, but they didn’t feel the same way.  siblings. hypnos kids he is gonna be so protective of all of u... family is hard for axel, i’m ngl, but he really wants one is the tragedy of it all, i guess? so he just really wants to be a good brother. he thinks hypnos is kind of a dick for making him but he tries not to fault him for his existence. fuck u dad i dont wanna be alive feels a little unfair. HDBHFDSJ. anyways he’s a good brother even if he is absolutely so reckless and terrifying in regards to himself but his siblings. his siblings he will do anything for. ALSO!!! FOUND FAMILY!!!! it would be kinda nice if he bonded with someone a little older maybe, could be outside of the hypnos house even, someone he’s kind of a bratty-little-brother type with.... or bratty older brother that takes your things and makes you laugh, y’know. 

PERSONALITY.  just tacking this part of the app on at the end too to highlight parts that i think are important for understanding who he is, and just so it’s all in one place!

toothy grins, half-lidded eyes, and keepin’ them laughing is what it’s all about, baby. axel walks with more confidence in his posture than he’s earned ( or claimed, for that matter ), and it’s the backbone of what gets him by. he’s a glowing example of the fake it ‘til you make it mentality, and he knows what he wants, usually how to get it, and doesn’t mind letting you know that. there’s an ever present mischievous glint in his eyes that says more about what to expect from him than he does, and that’s still not much? he likes to have fun, and there isn’t a whole lot of regard for righteousness or responsibility on his end, but hey! it’s usually only ever at his own expense, so what’s the damage? he’s an absolute clown and he knows it.

axel loves people. he does — you might not guess that with how elusive he is, but it’s true. there’s nothing he likes more than a good conversation with someone interesting, or maybe not even then; if there’s a sparkle in you, he’ll see it. ( might even draw it, not that you’d ever know. ) he’s warm, loyal, compassionate, relaxed, and understanding; and none of that is at the cost of being passive, or lacking passion. 

as long as the vibes are right, he’s happy to just be; though, he’s known to have a fuse for certain provocations, and will jump readily at chance to fight in someone else’s honor. also, it’s not unlike him to spar for the sake of sparring; but that’s all in good fun, no worries.

there’s no way to sugarcoat it — axel has an inferiority complex. where that stems from is something he’s more self-aware of than he’s willing to admit, but he doesn’t have the patience or the will to dissect it; much less do anything about it, and he’s as bull-headed as they come — especially regarding anything related to the psyche. how much this impacts his demeanor and relationships with others varies on the situation, but one constant is that he’s going to retreat before things get bad; even if ‘things are getting bad’ exists only as his own paranoia-born hypothetical.

things can’t go bad if you don’t let them, and he’s content to keep it that way; even if it means being stuck in the stasis of missed opportunities. it’s when he’s retreating into himself that he can get irritable, anxious, jumpy; secretive, defensive, even. he’s personable until he isn’t, essentially.

[mc-slowwalker]

hahahahha that’s funny lol (saying that the author of the common enemy fics is c!dream) but yeah common enemy definitely won’t fix the issues cause it’s the cycle of violence that they have to break and that definitely will not be fixed easily

woooo syndicate supremacy (I’ve finally learned how to spell syndicate correctly through our conversation lol) they’re definitely doing better than other people on the server and I love that for them! oh yeah either or both c!tommy and c!dream definitely need to reflect on the fact that they’re both make eachother worse. I absolutely loved how that fic handled that aspect of it because closure and freedom is exactly what I want for c!dream and c!tommy more than anything. yeah exactly!! which is why I don’t like the idea of c!dream dying either cause it just leaves everything unresolved. I doubt that’ll happen in canon tho

yea!! can’t wait for the angst! cc!wilbur just posted on reddit about ghostbur so we’ve already got some more of it 😔✌️which also reminds me that I’m sooo interested to see how c!dream is like once he’s out of prison because so much of the fandom believes different thing and there’s no way that he’s gonna be better or changed cause he’s had no opportunity to plus he’s been through terrible torture for so long and I can’t wait to see the effect of that. which also reminds me that I’ve seen lately that a lot of the fandom seems to think that c!dream was put in the prison as a punishment when it was less about that and more about the fact that he could revive people and that his last canon life would have been taken if not for that fact. a lot of the fandom says he deserves the prison but not the torture as a punishment but that’s not why he was put in the prison and if that was the case literally every other character would deserve the same punishment as well as they’re all characters that have done bad things. I feel like my typing is just getting more and more rambly and less and less well punctuated lol sorry

oh yeah those fandom rules definitely make sense. especially as someone who has been in online fandom spaces for like a long time and has seen all the tumblr discourse lol. like yeah those rules were actually not bad and don’t send death threats or harass people shouldn’t have to be said as much as it is in mcyttwt. I really do wish that the young people in this fandom realise that they’re allowed to just have fun and do what they like in fandom

I think that taking into account the fact that a character is a minor is definitely important I just disagree with the way that a lot of people use it as such a final argument that doesn’t leave room for discussion. yeah I’m the same like when I was younger I used to think I was so grown up but like I’m 18 now and I realise that that’s still so young even though at 18 I’m an adult. basically like the “child” argument is not so black and white either like instead of a defence I think it’s more something that should be taken into account when discussing a characters actions and I definitely agree with the characters you’ve added as people who that can be extended to. and yeah like in real life the minors would face soo many more consequences it’s kind of funny like everyone would but with it being such a prominent topic of discussion it’s funnier applying real life rules to dsmp is often so funny. I agree c!tommy should 100% pay taxes that would be hilarious

ooh yeah the three life system interesting cause at first glance you’d think it makes them worth less but evidently not and I do wonder how the characters see it. like you said with c!foolish and c!puffy it was traumatic to take a first life but for some it just seems as chances and the last life is what actually matters. who it’s against and also circumstance I think matters. I also tend to brush off c!tommy taking two of c!dream’s lives but I also tend to brush off the canon lives lost during the first l’manburg war as it was war and c!dteam and co were just better. I suppose I’m an everything but l’manburg apologist because of its foundations ig although I can still understand and acknowledge it’s importance to the characters such as c!tommy. I’ve seen it said that c!dream deserves prison because he took two of c!tommy’s canon, amongst other reasons of course, but so many other characters have taken canon lives and how do you determine the consequence of that in the dsmp cause in irl it’s very different and in the dsmp so far there really is no consequence for murder. like for example c!punz took two of c!wilburs canon lives (I stan him for that I’m a punz simp what can I say) and other characters have taken canon lives too. hmm I wonder what determined the severity of crimes on the dsmp cause the one character that’s in prison wasn’t actually put in there for his crimes.

hahahaha yeah I just can’t wait till we finally don’t have to reach that much

ahaha fair enough I just sometimes type too fast and autocorrect never seems to know what I want to say and I do not have the brain power to proof read a single thing I write. also I type out the asks in notes and after I sent the last one I was like damn that was really long and pasted it into pages to check. and oh my god this one is over a thousand words that’s like longer than one of essays I wrote for my philosophy final exam😭😭 I am so sorry

I will say though that I am quite enjoying this discussion cause it’s the most in depth discussion I’ve been able to have about this

I saw the angst wilbur put on reddit that mother fucker (affectionate) I actually have a rewlly weird relationship with wilbur’s meta lore. Things I accept: sally is a salmon, fridge mom, all the characters being morally gray. Things I don’t accept: whatever he was trying to do with character ages, also saying revivebur was straight when c!tommy saw him and quackity making out like nice try king. One of my biggest issues with the sever is that I get so easily attached to mobs/npcs in dream smp and they die so easy so Im always sobbing,,,, if anything happens to shroud, yogurt, michael (notchill), or fran I’ll mcfucking lose it

For c!dream getting out of prison I see there being only two routes: 1. he’s worse by a lot more evil more fucked up or 2. He’ll be actually too fucked up/tired/traumatized to do shit. Either of which is gonna hurt the sever so I’m looking forward to it personally

Other real life things I think should be implemented into dream smp: jury duty, required 3 life insurance, dentsits, and OSHA

I do think the rebellion against c!dream (in the final control room) is really interrsting in that c!tommy/c!punz was about to organize a bunch of the server against dream? I know c!tommy has amazing puppy eyes tm but c!punz was able to organize a big group of people, half of them didn’t really have that much against dream (other than the l’manburg people) and were only there on more vague terms. Like c!hbomb and c!ponk really didn’t have shit against dream but still helped in getting him into prison

I feel like we’re always gonna have to reach a little bit and oh shit 1,000 words? Bruh half my classes require that and I have yet to actually right that much. it’s way easier with stuff you’re passionate about and with all the content dream smp has gives way more to analyze

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

[eroticcannibal]

(1of4) Ok so kind of kink hour, kind of angsty, but do u think its possible 2 b, like, dysphoric but in a kink way? Like Ive got a kink of the lifestyle variety (nervous to specify what it is), that Ive had nearly my whole life, & I literally dont kno how 2 explain this feeling besides as social/physical dysphoria, but 4 kink stuff. Like all I can think of is that post that went around awhile back talking abt the difference between 'Identifying as a dinosaur' as a kid vs 'Pretending 2 b a

(2of4) dinosaur', & how I read that & was immediately struck by how much the 'Identifying as a dinosaur' description was spot on 4 my experiences wrt this kink. But I feel rly hopeless abt it a lot of the time. I kno trauma is a factor, but that doesnt make it better, & I would rather keep the trauma than b untraumatized & not have this kink. & it just feels rly crushing 2 b like, theres this way I feel, this way it feels like Im Supposed 2 B, & this overwhelming fear that Im Not. & I cant quite

(3of4) let go of the hope that that fear is wrong, but its obvs still sucky. Esp when the standard sort of comfort of 'Wanting 2 b a girl is a symptom of Being A Girl' doesnt feel like it rly applies 2 shit like 'Wanting 2 b a puppy/baby/doll/other headspace kink role', & the response is generally less than positive. At best I feel like I get vaguely ableist 'Im scared 4 ur sanity' type BS, & ur obvs rly cool abt kink stuff, so I guess Im looking 4, idk, sum hope, maybe? Or validation or smth.

(4of4) Sumthing 2 hold on2, 2 feel like this sense of how Im supposed 2 b doesnt have 2 b /erased/ 4 the fear that Im not 2 get better. That I can keep this kink thats so important 2 me & feel better abt the dysphoria that accompanies it, as opposed 2 the recommended 'Throw out the whole kink' approach my support system pushes 4. Idk, Im just hoping 4 sum hope, I guess? Feelin fragile n stuff & ur so nice abt kinks. Also sorry 4 so many abbreviations lol, character limit is not my friend.

Dysphoria can be over anything, the definition is just “ a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life” so it can absolutely be in a kink way. (in fact I’d say I have dysphoria in a kink way in the sense that it severely negatively impacts me that I can’t practice most my kinks in my current situation)

I think a lot of people don’t realise just how much kink can be part of someone’s identity, but it absolutely can be very central, so it makes perfect sense that not being able to be open with it or explore it or whatever will contribute to negative feelings that are analogous to social and physical dysphoria.

I do wish the world were more accepting of kink as identity, it would allow far more space for people to just have feelings like urs without the shame. I really don’t think feelings like these are particularly unusual either, but talking about it can be a minefield.

Also honestly in my experience at least, getting better doesn’t mean losing kinks, even when they’re related. I think it absolutely can affect how u think about and approach a kink, I’ve noticed my approach to kink has become more positive and healthy the more I’ve dealt with my trauma, but I’ve not lost them. I don’t think that just throwing the whole kink out will actually resolve anything, that way lies further shame and repression. You can’t just turn a kink off. It will still be there. Better to work on how you can exist as you are comfortably than deny any part of you. Ultimately, what do you think your life would look like if you were truly comfortable? How can you get there? When it comes to your own identity and how your kinks interact with that, your own comfort is the only thing that matters.

Ur always welcome to talk about this stuff here, I promise u that.

[superrcell]

what do you think about mr. matchsticks burakh :)

:)

How I feel about this character

I love him. I love him sooo much. 

Of course I love him because he’s a child you can adopt in Pathologic 2. Of course I love him because he very obviously cares a lot about Artemiy, of course I love him because he basically clings to you into the game. Of course I love him as a constant by my side in game. But of course I also love him because of his own character as well.

A few months ago I had realized that it was inevitable for him to become my favorite character. It wasn’t just that I had run out of ideas to think about with Murky, or that I already loved him so much (so much that he was pretty much the sole reason I bought Pathologic 2), but also because he somewhat fits into my favorite character archetype. I once compared him to Dieter from Naoki Urasawa’s Monster, which I understand that’s something that only a few people will really get, but like... it’s just the whole “stubborn kid trying to raise himself above his past and pursue his passions (and also clinging and caring a lot about a doctor I guess?)” thing that they both share.

It’s hard for me to explain why I like him. I love his personality. I love that he’s snippy, that he’s so stubborn and like... rough around the edges. He’s fun to read, his way of talking is just so.. fun sometimes! It may not be a lot but he just... talks like a kid. I love the times when he mispronounces words, I love it when you ask if he knows what a serum is and he is just like “a thing that makes people tell the truth.” Like he’s... just a kid! He seems like he tries to act older than he is, he’s someone who doesn’t know a lot but he’ll put the things he does know to use, even if he’s wrong. He wants to help! 

I love his story and arc so much, too. It’s not especially present in the game, but it’s interesting to think about this kid who has known thievery for probably almost his entire life to be the way to survive, but then getting incredibly... interested in being a doctor, and wanting to help people. Like, I just love to think about his dedication towards being a doctor, why hes so passionate about it... Like, he’s INCREDIBLY dedicated. In Marble Nest, he’s there because he wanted to learn how to be a doctor from Daniil, the third person he’s tried to learn from... He’s just so passionate about helping people. And I love to think about what could possibly be the reason, or how this connects to his past. Not in a sort of “Why is he so desperate to help people,” or in any sad sense, but more of how him becoming a doctor could relate to his skills or how his world was like before. Like, my favorite line of his is, “I know the Lines, too. How else could I find my way around all the attics, and the cellars, and those twisty yards?” Just the connections between who he was and now is trying to be... is incredibly interesting to me. 

Everything I’ve said so far mainly applies to Pathologic 2, mostly because he’s in that one more and has more of an arc there, but I also love him so, so much in Pathologic 1! Maybe not everything, but I love how fucking weird he is. And I love his facial expressions! He looks like he’s in on a secret, or like he knows something about you that you yourself don’t know... And, just, he’s just SUCH a kid in P1. And I love his voice lines sooo much, like how unfazed he seems by weird shit, like the line like “Someone's leaned against my window at night. Ooh, spooky!” is SO fun to listen to. He’s just a fun character to talk to in P1!

Like, overall, he’s just such a nice character to think about, and he’s become such a big comfort character for me.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don’t think about him in a romantic relationship often. I think that him and Notkin could be potentially interesting, or him and Khan, due to the whole sort of triad thing they have, and how that could factor in a relationship, but it’s a little boring for me to think about him in a romantic relationship otherwise.

My non-romantic OTP for this character (im just interpreting this as other relationships i find interesting)

Murky. You all know it’s Murky first and foremost. I love, love, LOVE sibling relationships, especially their’s. I love the dynamic they have, they both love and care for Artemiy, and are connected through him, but have incredibly different opinions on Isidor, both of which are just... so interesting! Like, I love that they both come together, are both connected by showing the different sides of the same coin, of Sticky seeing Isidor as a mentor, as an incredibly good, helpful person, but of Murky knowing what Isidor has done and how much his own actions have hurt people, that he’s not always the best man you, or Artemiy, think he was. And even beyond that, even beyond just that tiny piece of their relationship, I LOVE them. I love thinking about how they might get along, how their personalities might clash (because wow they would!), but overall they’re both just... siblings who have suffered, who both would probably do anything to help one another. I love thinking of how much they must care for one another... Murky saying, “I don’t hate having a brother at all,” literally made me sobbbbb the first time I read it. I love sibling relationships, I love that they’re both explicitly siblings, I love that the writers didn’t keep it vague at all which I feel like must happen, or else I wouldn’t feel so strongly about this. I just love them. I love them. 

Artemiy, of course, is another relationship I find incredibly interesting. I feel like I focused on a lot of it here already, so I won’t have as much to say, but I love how much Sticky cares about Artemiy, and maybe Artemiy doesn’t deserve that, but... It’s really sweet. And... I don’t know. I feel like Artemiy is someone that Sticky needs. Not the Artemiy that yells at Sticky, of course, but more of the Artemiy in those last few days, someone who is more of a friend to Sticky. Of course Sticky would need a father figure, and Artemiy isn’t really the greatest person for that, but I also think that Sticky... wouldn’t want him to be strictly a father figure. I feel like if Sticky had been adopted by a parental figure that was just... overtly caring, or something of the sort, he wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I think he would feel a little too old, a little too able to take care of himself to handle having someone else take too much care for him. And... I don’t know. I just feel like Artemiy could be a good match for him. Plus, Sticky already cares and trusts him a lot, and wants to learn from him... I just really enjoy thinking about their dynamic. It just can be really sweet. 

The rest of the Termites! I just will be brief with this one, but I love every sort of interaction he could have with the rest of them: 

With Notkin and Khan, the sort of triad thing I spoke about before, what their friendship could possibly be like. I typically think of it more in a silly way, like Notkin and Khan are arguing, while Sticky is just like, “You’re both wrong and dumb.” Like he would just be an intermediary between them, which I think is really interesting? Sucks that he finds them annoying, though. 

With Grace, I find their dynamic interesting. Niru pointed out how they’re both self-sacrificing (well, Grace more-so), which... I don’t know. They have interesting parallels in regards to that. I feel like it would be such a... soft friendship, and like there’s many ways they would get along, many things they have in common. Plus, I’m just thinking of playing Sticky in MOTW with him yelling SO much at Grace for her putting herself on the line, and trying to care of her as much as possible or like whenever Grace stayed over (outside of the game), Sticky would play games for her, and I don’t know... I just see their friendship as being maybe not exactly super established or deep, but they care for one another a lot. It just would be very soft which is nice to think about. 

With Capella, I have less thoughts in regards to them. I feel like they would have a respectful relationship towards one another. Maybe they get together and complain about Notkin or Khan or something, but other than that I see it more as a friendship built on mutual respect towards one another, and I can’t quite see them hanging out as much. Still, a very interesting dynamic to think about.

And finally with Taya, I love the idea of Sticky telling Taya stories! I don’t think it would come up in P2, as the changes in Sticky’s character may take that out, but it’s so cute! I love, love, love it!!! I love thinking of what kind of stories, and it’s just... it’s a nice dynamic, and I feel like it fleshes out both of their characters in a nice way. 

Before I move on, I have to say. Read Niru’s fic on Sticky’s relationship with the other Termites please it’s so good!!! 

Outside of the Termites, I have to say I find the parallels between him and Clara interesting. Both are thieves, and I just realized both of them are healers in a sense, who just want to help. I don’t have quite many thoughts on it, but I think the parallels between them could be so interesting to explore. 

And, finally, Shrew!!! I love Shrew so much, her dynamic with Sticky is so interesting. I love how while she’s trying to let Daniil pass on, she also seems hopeless and scared, and she’s so frustrated with Sticky for not allowing her to help. And I just find the fact that despite all we ever see of Sticky and Shrew is them arguing, and disagreeing heavily on what the situation needs, Sticky still says they’re quite good friends... It’s interesting to think of what their friendship could be like. In MOTW, I had Sticky and Shrew be childhood friends who have grown apart in all of these years, but still care about each other, but not really relating like they once did... I just feel like they have the vibes. I love thinking about them.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Hmm... I don’t think Sticky really, truly cares about Daniil in Marble Nest. I can only see him caring about Daniil being because Daniil is a doctor, someone who can help him help people. Well, I mean, of course he cares about him, but not quite like as much as other people seem to think. I also don’t like people only focusing on Sticky only in relation to Daniil or Artemiy. I want to see more people think about Sticky as his own character, rather than a character that cares about their favorite. However, I tend to stay away from most Sticky content I think, so who knows what the popular opinion on Sticky is.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Oh, like I said, I hope that there’s more on his dynamic with Clara in her route! I think it would be so interesting and fun!! I also wish you could talk to him a bit more, like on day 10 or 11 in Artemiy’s route. Also, of course, I wish you could hug him in P2. I don’t know, I’m more just excited to possibly see him in the other routes, interacting with other characters!