#im okay but that last part took me my whole sunday. i was very happy to be done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m4rkiza · 3 years

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pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"

#raileon #kbdn #kibadan #truerivalshipping #raileon headcanon

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moon-light-jukebox · 4 years

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“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 6 - [Reid x Reader]

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Summary: After a long stretch of crimefighting, Reader and Spencer finally get a chance to spend some time together. Reader is ready to give Dr. Reid the proper introduction to female domination and BDSM he asked for.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (Female) Reader

Category: 85% Smut, 10% Fluff, 5% Angst.

Word Count: 7.9k for Chapter 6

Content Warnings: BDSM, Femdom, thigh riding, pegging, orgasm denial, spitting, slapping, bondage, sub drop, aftercare, brief mention of menstruation (just in case that needs a warning). This chapter is filthy, y’all.

A/n: Before we begin, I wanted to give a small warning. When I started this story, I wanted to give an honest portrayal of BDSM/Femdom. The before, during, and after are equally important. Sub/Dom drop is a very real and emotional thing. But don’t worry, Reader is always there for our nervous boy.

y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. Italicized text is Reader’s thoughts.

-- Chapter 6 – “Dirty thing” --

Things started to move so fast after Illinois. We arrived home late Sunday night only to be called back out on Monday morning to assist the Tucson Police with a child abduction. We were finishing up the paperwork when the call came in from Florida about a series of car-jackings that weren’t really car-jackings.

It had been more than 2 weeks since that night in the hotel room, and all I had since then were just moments with my Dr. Reid. He sat next to me on the plane sometimes, his hand resting on my thigh when he was certain no one could see. He had placed a kiss on the back of my neck while we were standing in the conference room in Florida. I was surviving on these stolen moments.

Spencer seemed to be happy with our first BDSM experience together, which was a relief to me. I had never had a submissive that was inexperienced before. I felt a great deal of pressure where he was concerned; I knew the toll one bad partner could have on a person.

Some nights Spencer would call me from his hotel room. I would give him instructions on how I wanted him to touch himself; listening to his desperation grow every time he brought himself to the edge and I pulled him back. We experimented a bit with degradation. Learning the complexities of Spencer Reid was quickly becoming one of my favorite pastimes.

After Florida we made a brief stop in Alabama; Hotch informed us that we were only spending one night here and that we would be departing at 7:30 am the following morning. Our unit chief also swore that we were going to have the weekend off; no interruptions. I’ll believe it when I see it, was all I could think. Glancing around to the rest of the team, I could see they agreed with me.

We all had separate rooms that night, thankfully. If I had to listen to Emily snore for one more night, I might lose my mind. I wasn’t sure how JJ did it. Coming into my room, I kicked my shoes off and headed for the bed. I pulled my phone out of my bag before I very unceremoniously flopped down on the bed. The pace of the last 2 weeks was starting to wear on me.

I brought up my text messages when there was a hesitant knock on my door. It was just past 8 pm; it was risky, but I knew it had to be Spencer. I hurried towards the door, throwing it open to reveal his sheepish face. Wasting no time, I grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him into the room.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. “Someone could have seen you.”

"I'm not allowed to go to my friend's room to hang out?"

He has a point. “Well, you never know! It’s better to be safe.”

His full lips turned down into a pout. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. I missed you, y/n.” Is my heart fluttering like that a sign of a medical problem? I wondered. “And not just the…stuff we do. I just…I just missed being with you.”

How could I stay mad at that? “I missed you too, baby.” I took his hand in mine, guiding him over to the bed. He propped up on the pillows beside me, both hands coming up to loosen his tie.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I snorted a bit. “Yeah, Doc, I think you can ask me anything you want at this point.”

“Well,” his cheeks were starting to turn pink. “We’ve been…” I wonder what he’s gonna call it. “…serious”Hmm, that’s fair. “for almost 4 weeks now, 27 days and 14 hours, give or take, depending on when you wanted to say this started.”

“Get to the point, darling.”

“Right,” he muttered. “Well, we’re supposed to have this weekend off. And I don’t have any plans.” He dropped his eyes to his hands which were twisting nervously. “I understand if you have plans, of course. Or you’re just not in the mood. Statistically speaking, given the time we’ve spent together,” your likely to have your period soon-“

“Woah,” I interrupted. “Let’s pump those breaks, Doc.” Spencer looked horrified that he had rambled on so much and equally relieved that I had stopped him. “First of all, I have an IUD. I don’t get my period very often.” I can’t believe he’s talking about my period. “And second, the only plans I have this weekend involve grocery shopping and laundry.”

“Oh,” he said quietly. “Me too.”

I pulled my lips together between my teeth to try and suppress my smile. “Are you asking about my weekend plans because you’re interested in being a part of them? Or just out of curiosity?” Come on, Doc. All you have to do is ask me.

“I was-I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together this weekend? If you’re not busy.”

My sweet, sweet boy. I stretched my body up, bringing my lips to his. I brushed my mouth over his in a very sweet and unhurried kiss. “No, Doc. I’m not busy.” I felt his lips smile against my own. “And maybe we can try some new things if you’re interested.”

“I’m more than interested in everything related to you,” he breathed against my lips.

It was decided that Spencer would come to my apartment Saturday in the early evening. I left the exact time up to him, in case he had anything he needed to do on this rare weekend off.

It was around 2 pm when my phone chimed with a text message from him.

“What time is okay for me to come over?”

I laughed out loud; I should have expected this. “Whenever you want, Doc.”

His response was immediate, which was also rare. “Can I come over now?”

“Sure, Doc. But I want you to bring something with you.”

I pulled open the door a short time later to find a very nervous looking Spencer Reid. Even out of work, he was still dressed the same as always. He had dark slacks on, a navy shirt, and a cardigan, he had forgone the tie today, and he was clutching the strap of his messenger bag for dear life.

“Hi, Doc,” I greeted him with a huge smile before waving him in. I saw him taking inventory of my apartment. From the art on the walls to the rug on the floor to the books on the bookshelf. "You need a bigger bookshelf," he said at last.

He wasn’t wrong. “I suppose I do. But not all of us can have a whole wall as a bookshelf, Doc.” I put my hand on his arm, pulling him into my living room, then down onto my couch. His entire body was tense, his eyes moving around nervously. I leaned closer, putting my hand on the side of his face, drawing his gaze to meet mine.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” I reminded him.

“I want to do this. I do.” He swallowed nervously, flexing his fingers. “I just…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I don’t want to mess up. And I’m so nervous that I’ll do something wrong.”

I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Hey, hey. Take a breath. I’m serious. Take a deep breath.”

He rolled his eyes but complied.

“Spencer, I don’t expect you to just come in here and jump into a world that you’ve never been a part of before. I’m nervous too.”

That had his eyes widening. “You are? But why? You know what you’re doing.”

It doesn’t feel like I do. “Every person is different, Spencer, and I haven’t cared about a submissive the way I care about you in a long time.” My boy smiled at that. “Before we do anything, we’re going to let you get comfortable. I’m not going to do anything that we haven’t already discussed. If you feel uncomfortable, say “yellow” and I will pull back. If you don’t want to do anything more, say “red” and we will stop right then.”

He bit his full bottom lip, his eyes widening as he continued to meet my gaze. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Just when I think my heart can’t possibly handle another crack in it. I cupped his jaw in both of my hands. “You could never disappoint me, Spencer. Never.” I said the words with 100% sincerity and honesty. It was true. “Even if you decide this isn’t what you want and you walk out right now, I’ll never be disappointed.” If he left right now I would feel a lot of things, but disappointment in him wouldn’t be one of them.

“Okay,” he breathed. “Can…Can I kiss you now? I don’t know-“

I leaned closer, my lips hovering millimeters from his own. “Yes,” I whispered. “You can kiss me.”

His lips were tender as they brushed mine. It was like nothing we had done previously mattered, my nervous boy was still so afraid, but still so desperate and so curious.

I pulled back right as his tongue flicked over the seam of my mouth, resting my forehead against his. “Let’s not get carried away,” I chuckled. “I still need to talk to you.”

Spencer sat back, his hands folded on his lap, looking at me expectantly.

Forever the eager student. "The scene begins when I send you into the bedroom alone. It ends when you cum. That can always change if you decide you want it to stop." He needed to know that. “Since this is your first experience, I want you to be prepared for some pretty intense emotions once we’re done, I promise I’ll be right here with you to get you through anything, should you feel it.” My boy’s eyes were wide, but he nodded. Still so trusting. “I’ll be using toys on you this time. I ordered them a few weeks ago and they’ve all been sterilized.”

His brow quirked at that. “You had to buy them?”

It was impossible to contain my laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be okay with toys that had been used on other people, no matter how well I sterilized them.”

The horrified expression on his face did nothing to help me suppress my laughter.

“Anyway,” I went on, still attempting to get myself under control. “I have various sizes for different things. I assume you’ve never done any sort of anal play on your own?”

There’s that blush. “No, y/n, I haven’t. Does that matter?”

“No, sweet boy, not in the way you think. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. So, we will start with smaller sizes. If you decide you like it, we’ll work up to bigger ones. Or if you like the small ones, we can stick with those.”

He was shifting his hips unconsciously. “You’d be okay with that?”

Moving quickly, I lifted my leg over both of his, my hands pushing his shoulders to the back of the couch, my heat settling over his cock. He’s already a little hard, I thought with a smirk. I leaned forward, my mouth finding the softness of his neck, my lips skimming down to his pulse point before placing a soft kiss there.

Spencer groaned softly, his hands resting on my hips. He knew our scene hadn’t started yet, which made him bolder with his touch.

Kissing my way up to his ear, I took the lobe between my teeth, tugging softly, before I spoke. "I just want to fuck you, Dr. Reid. I don't care what size cock I fuck you with." I don't know if he shivered at the feeling of my breath against him or at my words. Hopefully both. I placed one last kiss on his neck before I moved off of him.

His bewildered expression amused me greatly. “But, before any of that, did you bring what I asked?”

It took my brilliant boy a second to remember what I was talking about. He reached for the messenger bag beside him. “Yes,” he muttered, opening the bag to pull out several books. “But I wasn’t sure what sort of book you wanted me to bring. So, I brought a few different options.” He set 4 books down on my coffee table. “What are they for?”

“You’re going to read to me,” I said, not attempting to hide my smile.

"…I am?" At my nod, he said, "Oh..okay. Do you want to do that now?”

“Don’t look so disappointed, baby.” I held out my hand to him. “Come with me.”

Curious as ever, my boy followed me into my bedroom, his eyes scanning over the bed, resting on the small chest that sat at the end of it.

“…Are we…” he trailed off.

"Sort of. I wanted to try something first before we officially start.” I turned to him, my fingers moving slowly up his chest until I reached his collar. “It will help me get you ready for later. Is that okay?” Still so nervous. Spencer nodded quickly; his pupils were already beginning to dilate. I rose up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his pouty mouth. "We're not really in a scene right now. I know that can be confusing, and it's not something I would normally do, but you've never done this, so I thought it would be best." I pressed another kiss to his jaw. "You can touch me, just not under my clothes yet. Alright, baby?"

He mumbled his response while I pulled him forward until the back of my knees hit the bed, bringing him tumbling down with me. His hands tangled in my hair when my mouth found his. I didn’t pull away this time when his tongue flicked over my lips. I let him in with a soft sigh, moving my hands to tug on his soft, messy curls. I shifted until my pelvis was aligned with his, beginning to rock slowly.

This whole exercise was a bit of a tease, but I needed for him to be aroused for what I had planned. The more aroused he was the better.

I tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his pants, running my hands underneath the fabric. "Hey," he whispered, pulling back to smile at me. I ignored the way my heart fluttered at his tone. “You said not under the clothes.”

Smiling back at him, I hooked my leg around his hips, pulling him down further. I used that momentum to flip him onto his back while I straddled him. He looks so surprised, I thought smugly. He knows I help teach seminars on defensive tactics.

“Wrong again, Dr. Reid,” I murmured, my lips moving down his cheek to his jaw, to his ear. “I said you couldn’t put your hands under my clothes, baby,” I whispered against his ear. “I can do whatever the fuck I want to you.” I brought my hand up to wrap around his throat, applying a small amount of pressure to each side. I pressed my still covered pussy against the bulge in his pants. “Isn’t that right, baby?”

Spencer didn’t even wait until the words were out of my mouth before he started to whimper. I lifted my body until I was sitting up then I brought my hands to his belt. My fingers were unzipping his fly before I spoke again. “I asked you a question, Dr. Reid. Or does that memory of yours stop working when you become a whimpering, needy little mess?” My words were harsher than they had ever been with him before; he’d really enjoyed the degradation we had done so far and said he was open to pushing it a bit further. Ask and you shall receive, baby.

I moved off of him then, rising to my feet at the side of the bed. First, I slid his shoes off. Then I reached up to pull his pants down. Then my thumbs hooked in the waistband of his underwear. I let out an exaggerated sigh as I climbed back on top of his body. My lower body was still completely covered but he was bare from the waist down.

He wasn’t prepared for when my right hand shot out and grabbed his face. My thumb digging into the left side of his face. “That’s twice you’ve not answered me, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hand from his face and quickly brought it back down quickly. Not as hard as I had the last time we were together like this. Not yet.

“I’m sorry, Miss,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Are you?” I moved my hand down to grip his hard cock in my hand, squeezing him, enjoying the way his eyes fluttered at the action. “I don’t know if I believe that, Dr. Reid.” My hand was pumping him steadily now. “I think you need to apologize a bit better than that.”

His eyes shot open and he subconsciously licked his lips, causing me to chuckle and still my hands movements. “Oh no, you can’t have that. You haven’t earned that, my nervous boy. Look at you. Look how much your cock is leaking precum already.” I brought my hands up unbutton his shirt. “You’re just a needy thing, aren’t you? It’s almost pathetic.”

Spencer was shifting his hips again, trying to get some sort of friction. “I’m sorry, Miss.”

Once his shirt was unbuttoned, I brought my hands up to his throat, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose. “I know.” I lifted up, raking my nails down his pale chest. “Which is why you’ll be my good boy now, won’t you?”

He nodded quickly, his eyebrows coming together when I moved off of him. I knelt in front of the trunk at the end of my bed. He propped himself up on his elbows as I opened the chest and pulled two items out before I moved back over towards him.

“Move up the bed, lay in the center.”

Crawling back onto the bed, I hovered above him, before I began to move down his body. I kept eye contact with him the entire time. It’s okay, baby. I would never hurt you. “Do you know what this is, Spencer?”

I think hearing his name surprised him; he forgot that we weren’t technically in a scene yet. I had only acted this way because I wanted to bump his simmering arousal up to a flaming inferno. I knew my boy would become more nervous if he wasn’t a whimpering, desperate mess. He nodded.

I pushed his legs up until his knees were bent, then I kissed up his right thigh, moving towards his cock. “I want you to be ready for when I fuck you.” I offered in way of explanation right before I moved to run my tongue up the underside of his cock.

Spencer threw his head back, tossing it against my pillows. I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock while I moved him into my mouth. I didn't suck as hard as I normally did, instead of letting saliva slip from my mouth to coat him. After a few moments, I pulled off.

"I want you to touch your cock, Spencer," I said, uncapping the lube. "You're not allowed to cum. Remember that when you touch yourself. If you get so close that it's painful to stop, you have no one to blame but yourself. And if you cum, I will punish you."

His Adam's apple bobbed, his eyes moving from the butt plug to my hands then back to his cock. He wrapped his long fingers around it while I coated the plug with lube. Eyes fixed firmly on my hands; he started a slow rhythm. What a good boy.

I stroked his thighs as I moved the plug into position against his ass. His face was flushed with a mix of arousal and embarrassment, I think. I just smirked at him. “Don’t get shy with me now, baby,” I said as I slowly began to push inside of him. “I’m going to have you begging me to fuck your tight little ass before the day is over.” He whimpered, his hand speeding up slightly. “You do know that, don’t you, Spencer? I’m going to make you such a little slut for me.” The plug went in further, with almost no real resistance from him. “Jesus, it looks like you’re already a fucking slut.” His whimpers and groans were coming faster now. “Look at how you’re taking this plug,” I started to fuck it into him slowly. “I knew you were dirty, Dr. Reid. But I didn’t expect this.”

With one final small push, it was seated inside him. I reached to grab his hand, pulling it off of his cock. His lip was between his teeth, his forehead dotted with sweat. "You did so well, Spencer," I praised him. "You're more needy than I thought. I think I might make you bounce on my cock later." I moved off of the bed, reaching down to pick up his underwear before I tossed them to him. "I thought it would take some time to get you to ride me, but you're such a little slut, I'm sure you'll be begging for it soon."

He looked so confused, his fingers picking up his underwear. “Wha-“ he panted, his hips moving against my bed, already starting to be overwhelmed by the sensation.

“Put on your underwear, Dr. Reid; leave your shirt unbuttoned. Then come back into the living room.” I gave him a wide smile. “You still have to read to me.”

I sat on the couch, flipping through the books Spencer had brought, waiting for him to emerge from my bedroom. He really had done so much better than I expected. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was going to have him bounce on my cock. The thought of him moving over me, his head thrown back while I pumped his cock caused heat to pool between my thighs.

My eyes didn’t raise to look at him when he walked into the room. He sat to the left of me, where he had been before. His cock was still hard, his precum was leaving a damp spot on his underwear. “Which book do you want to read me, Dr. Reid?”

He groaned. “I-I don’t know if I can finish the whole book like this,” he mumbled, flushing a deeper red that went down to his neck.

“You don’t have to finish, darling boy.” I rose up from the couch then, undoing my pants before shimming them down my hips. “You just have to read to me until I cum.”

Spencer’s eyes went wide. Flickering from the books then back to where I was removing my shirt. I wasn’t paying attention to what book he picked; ultimately, it didn’t matter, I’m not sure I would be able to pay enough attention during this to even process what he was reading.

I stood before him in my bra and panties. He brought the thick book up to his chest, never so much as blinking while I moved over him. I put my thighs on either of his right thigh before I sat down, pushing the seam of my pussy against him through my underwear. I gripped his shoulders, moving my mouth to the tender area where his shoulder met his neck. Placing a soft kiss there, I moved my right hand down his chest, skimming over his stomach, then applying a teasing pressure to his cock over his underwear.

“Come on, Dr. Reid. You told me you’d read to me.”

His first few words were sure. I was almost positive this was one of the many books he had memorized, meaning he wouldn’t need to rely on the book itself to keep reading. This was probably good, as at the first rock of my pussy against his thigh, he released a soft groan, interrupting his words.

Smirking, I moved my hips more purposefully against him. My hands came up to grip his hair, pulling harshly. His moan once again made his words falter. “What’s wrong Dr. Reid,” I whispered sweetly against his skin. “Can you not focus on your book?”

“It’s…It’s so hard, y/n.”

I licked the vein running up his neck before I sucked on the skin. “I can feel just how hard it is, Dr. Reid.” I moved my mouth up to his ear again. “Take my bra off.” I expected him to fumble with this task, but he put his right hand behind my back and removed my bra in seconds. You’ve been holding out on me, Doc. Leaning back, I moved my hands to my own breasts, thumbing my nipples as I listened to Spencer read his book, his words barely registering in my mind.

“You don’t need both hands to read, do you?” He shook his head, his worlds never faltering from the story. “Good. I know how hard it is for you to sit here with that plug inside you. I know you’re thinking about how it will feel when I fuck you.” There’s that whimper, I thought. “I’m thinking about it too, Spencer.” My hips began to grind against him faster. “Put the book down but keep reading to me. If you stop your words, I’ll stop moving. The sooner I cum, the sooner you can get back into my bed.”

He placed the book down; his words a whisper now as he recited the book. “Touch me, Spencer. Make me cum like a good boy so I can finally fuck you like the little slut you are.” His hands gripped my hips, guiding my movements against his thigh, his mouth against my neck while he continued mumbling words I could barely hear against my skin.

"I've thought about fucking you before, you know," I said, my pussy becoming wetter and wetter against him. "The first time was on the jet. You had some book open in your lap. You were stretched out on the couch." I groaned as Spencer moved my hips faster and faster. "I thought about the look on your face if I just came over to you and sat on your lap." I moved to kiss his neck again. "I wonder what they would have said then." Dropping my hand down to palm his hot, hard cock over his underwear. "What would they have said if they saw Dr. Spencer Reid's big, pretty boy cock sliding down my throat?"

He was groaning now in between words, but the words were yet to totally falter. “I guess that would be better than them seeing you get fucked, right?” One of his hands moved up to my breast to pinch my nipple. “What would they think if they knew that their boy wonder, their resident genius, wanted to get his ass fucked and treated like a dirty little thing?”

I was so, so close. “Come on, Agent Reid. Make me cum. Make me cum all over your thigh so I can make you cum so hard you see stars.”

His words faltered then; his mouth moved to my shoulder, kissing it softly before he said, “I’d let the entire world watch anything if it meant I got to fuck you.” With that, he bit down on my skin. That small amount of pain caused my orgasm to break like a wave against me. Spencer kept moving my hips back and forth to help me ride it out.

The world came back into focus slowly, my breathing still harsh against Spencer’s shoulder. Gripping his shoulders, I pulled back to kiss him softly. He tried to turn the kiss into something deeper, his need making him desperate. I pulled back, looking in his eyes. “When you go into the room we really begin,” I whispered. “Green, yellow, and red. I need you to know I’m so proud of you, darling boy, even if we just end here. You’ve done so well.”

He whimpered again, confirming once again that he had a praise kink. “I want more, Miss. Please?”

I moved off of his body to sit back on the couch, picking up the book he had set down. “Go into the bedroom, take off all of your clothes. Lay in the center of the bed, hands by your sides. Do not touch yourself. If you do, I will punish you.”

When I finally made my way into the room a minute later, I found Spencer right where I instructed him to be. His cock was still hard; he was breathing rapidly. I stood at the edge of the bed, slowly slipping my panties off before I knelt down to open the chest again.

I had given this first scene a lot of thought. One day, I wanted to restrain him with my handcuffs when I fucked him. I could just imagine how he'd blush whenever he saw them after that. But, for this I had decided to use arm restraints that attached to the bars on my headboard, wrapping around his wrist with a Velcro cuff; he could open them if he needed to. I moved up on his left side, fastening one restraint to the bed, then walking to the right side, doing the same. His eyes were on my face, so expectant and so trusting.

I crawled on to the bed then, sitting myself on his firm stomach, my wet heat touching his skin. I leaned over to grip one cuff before I said, "Give me your hand, Dr. Reid." He complied without complaint or hesitation, then he did it again with his left wrist. I scooted my body down his until I felt his pubic bone brush against my still sensitive pussy. His breath hitched. "What's wrong, Dr. Reid?" I asked as I moved further down, my ass now resting over his cock.

“I-I can feel you. You-you’re so close.” His hands started to pull against the restraints, itching to reach out and touch me, push me back even further so his cock would finally touch the paradise that was my wet cunt.

I tsked at him, pouting my lips. “I know, darling boy. It must be so hard.” I moved my hands to his chest, bracing myself on one hand while the other reached up to wrap around his throat. “It’s so hard to so fucking needy, isn’t it, baby?” I moved back another inch.

He was whining under me now, shifting his hips relentlessly. Leaning forward, I placed my lips centimeters away from his own, my grip on his throat tightening just a bit. “It wouldn’t take much, Dr. Reid.” I brushed my mouth against his, laughing when I heard the restraints jerking against the headboard bars. “You know I won’t let you fuck me…but all it would take is just a shift of my hips.” I rocked back a bit, bringing my pussy right there, before drawing back up. “What would you give me for that, Dr. Reid? What would you do to feel my hot, wet, tight, little pussy rub against your pretty boy cock?”

“Anything,” his voice was so much higher than normal when he spoke. “I’ll do anything, Miss. Please. Please.”

You’re so good at this, baby. “You sound very pretty when you beg, Dr. Reid.” I placed one more chaste kiss on his top lip before I went back to a sitting position. Bracing my hands on his hips, I lifted my pelvis over his groin to settle on the tops of his thighs. His strangled groan was music to my ears. “You have been such a good boy…” I pretended to ponder this. “Tell you what, if you promise to ride my cock, to swirl your hips while you fuck yourself on top of me, I’ll let you feel me.”

He was nodding desperately, still pulling against the arm restraints. “Yes. Please. Please, Miss. I’ll do whatever you want.”

I moved his cock to lay flat against his pubic bone, the head pointing upwards towards his face. “I want you to watch, Dr. Reid.” I could feel myself dripping when I moved forward. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I placed the lips of my cunt around the width of his cock.

“Fuck." Spencer's eyes were glued to where my pussy was finally touching his cock. "You're so…fuck, you feel so good, Miss.”

This was the first time I had felt a man against me like this in longer than I wanted to admit. I should be scared, but I just couldn't be. It felt so right to be against him right now. I started moving my hips forwards and backward, much like I did when I rode his thigh. I looked down, watching his cock disappear as I slide my pussy over him. This wasn’t even sex in the way most people considered it, but being here, sharing this moment with Spencer was one of the most erotic and intimate moments of my life.

With one finally slide of my hips, I lifted off of him, getting off the bed completely.

“No, no, no, Miss, please come back.”

I looked back at him over my shoulder. His cock was wet with my arousal, his neck was flushed a bright red, his messy curls were sticking to his forehead, and his wrists were still pulling against the restraints. He is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“My, my, Dr. Reid.” I moved back to the chest, reaching down to pull out my harness. “You might be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. Look at you,” I shot him a look of fake disapproval while I stepped into the harness, bringing it up to secure it around my hips. I had selected this strap-on for the specific reason that I could change the size of the dildo attached to it. So, for today I could use something smaller on my boy…until he was ready for something rougher, or bigger. Originally, I had planned on selecting the smallest dildo, but after seeing how easily he took the plug, I decided to move to the next size up.

Spencer watched with wide eyes while I pulled out my “cock”. I smirked at him. “Do you like it, Dr. Reid?” I slid the dildo into place, clip it into place. I moved closer to him, crawling up the bed, sitting on his right side. I brushed my fingers over his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. Moving so quickly he didn’t have a chance to brace, I struck quickly, whipping my left hand up to backhand across the cheek. Rising up on my knees, I moved closer to him, gripping a handful of his hair with one hand, my other bracing myself on the headboard. “I am getting really fucking tired of not having my questions answered, Dr. Reid.”

He was positively squirming now, his pupils were huge, his mouth hanging open. “I’m sorry Miss, I’m so sorry. I can’t- I can’t think when you’re around me.” I had to fight very hard to stop my lips from spreading into a smile, but I think he saw my lips twitch anyway.

“Brat,” I muttered, yanking on his hair again, causing him to let out another whimper. “I think you need to apologize, Dr. Reid. You want to be my good boy, don’t you?” I tilted my head to the side, regarding him curiously. “Because, if you’re my good boy, I’ll let you cum. But…if you’re not,” I leaned down to whisper to him. “Well, bad boys get their pretty little asses fucked, but they don’t get to cum.”

“I’m sorry Miss,” he whined out. “I’m so sorry. Please let me apologize.”

“Open your mouth.” He did so without question, his arms pulling on the restraints harder when I spit into his mouth. “Swallow it.” Such a good boy. “Now, I want you to suck my cock, Dr. Reid. Can you do that? Suck my cock and get it nice and wet before I fuck you with it.”

His eyes were on my face; I could see just the smallest flicker of nervousness in those pretty golden-brown eyes. I’d never hurt you, baby. You know that. Almost as if he heard my thoughts, he opened his mouth for me. Releasing his hair, I brought my hand to the dildo, guiding it into his mouth. “That’s it, you’re doing so good, Dr. Reid.” I gave a few very shallow thrusts of my hips, watching his eyes flutter while his cheeks hollowed out. “I knew the first time you sucked my fingers that day on your couch that you’d be so good at sucking cock.” I moved my hand from the dildo to place it lightly against his throat. “You’re nothing but a cock slut though, right, Dr. Reid?” He moaned around me; I squeezed his throat in response.

Pulling out of his mouth, I smiled down at him while I moved further away. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before I moved down the bed. “You know why I left your legs free, don’t you Dr. Reid?”

“I’m not sure Miss.” His response was breathy and immediate. You’re learning, my nervous boy.

“Oh, the great Dr. Reid isn’t sure? That must be first. I guess it’s probably hard for your big brain to work when all the blood is going to your cock.” I grabbed the lube from the side of the bed to place it beside his thigh. I pushed his legs up roughly, so his knees were bent again. “I left your legs free, Dr. Reid, so it’s easier to make you take my cock.”

I brought my right hand up to his cock, my grip not firm enough to be satisfying, but I wanted him to focus on that sensation, especially now. In reality, it probably didn’t matter, my boy looked too far gone to be embarrassed anymore. With my left, I grabbed the base of the butt plug, slowly pulling it out.

His breath caught in his throat, his top teeth digging into his bottom lip so hard it whitened. “What’s wrong, baby?” My tone was condescending as I worked the plug out a bit, before I pushed it back in a bit, fucking it out of him gently, much like how I fucked it into him. “What do you need, Dr. Reid?”

He knew what I wanted, I had told him multiple times, but will my boy be brave enough to give it to me. I pulled the plug out completely, tossing it to the side before I grabbed the lube. I squirted some into my right hand before I started to slick up the dildo, my eyes never leaving his.

“I-I want you to fuck me, Miss.”

“Hmm,” I acknowledged, my hands still moving up and down my ‘cock.’ “I’m not sure what you mean, darling boy. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.”

Spencer’s head thrashed, his thighs clenched, his stomach muscles tensed. “I need you to fuck my ass, Miss…Please. Please fuck my ass, Miss.”

My hand stilled. Goddamnit. Hearing those words out of him made my pussy clench, my own wetness starting to drip down my thighs. "All you have to do is ask, Dr. Reid.”

I moved into position between his thighs, bringing both of my hands up to grip his slim hips. Scooting forward, I lifted him up a bit until my knees were barely under him, just enough to tilt his pelvis up so I could see him. I ran one of my hands up his inner thigh. “You’re even pretty here, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hips slightly, pressing the dildo against his asshole. “Hold still, baby. I know you’re so needy and that makes it so hard, but you can hold still for me, can’t you?”

He nodded rapidly, his hands fisted into balls, his wrists tugging against the restraints, his teeth still sunk into his lower lip. Usually, I would demand his words, but I understood how overwhelming this was for him. Free pass, my nervous boy. I slowly started to push inside of him. My gaze kept flicking between my ‘cock’ entering him and his face, watching for any reaction, any sign of hesitancy.

“Please,” he whimpered.

I started making slow strokes, fucking the dildo into him in shallow, small thrusts. When I had about 4 inches inside of him, I put some more lube on my hand. I stroked some of it on the remaining 3 inches of the dildo, making sure I could bottom out inside him. The remaining lube I left on my hand…the same hand I brought up to grab his cock with.

“FUCK.” Spencer’s shoulders were raising off of the bed, his eyes locked on my movements.

“Does it feel good, Dr. Reid?”

"Green, green, green, fucking green," he muttered. Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed, but right now I just pitched my hips forward, burying the dildo inside of him. He let out a strangled moan that sounded like my name when my thighs hit his body.

"Look at that," I said softly. "Look at what a good little slut you are, Dr. Reid?" I started to thrust slowly, looking at his reactions to see which strokes seemed to have the biggest effect on him. Being a profiler comes in handy at the strangest times. “You’re such a pretty cock slut, baby.” The tempo of my thrusts sped up while I looked down to watch the dildo move in and out of his tight entrance.

“Miss, fuck,” he whimpered. “Miss, please fuck me harder.”

I moved my hips faster, watching as his mouth opened in a silent scream. I gripped his cock firmer in my hand. Building up a rhythm between jerking him off and fucking him. “Is this what you want, Dr. Reid? You want to be used like this? Like a filthy slut?”

“Yes, yes, Miss, please.” His eyes were fixed on my hand on his cock, on my hips moving quickly. “Miss, Miss, you’re so- Miss, I’m going to cum.”

“Oh, you are, are you?” I teased, slowing my hand slightly. My thighs still slapping against him as I fucked him.

“Please Miss,” he begged. “Please let me cum. Please, I’ll do anything. Please, please, I’m so fucking close.”

I gripped his cock harder, my pace never slowing. “Come on, Dr. Reid. Cum for me like the dirty thing you are.”

At my words, he let out the loudest moan I’d heard him make yet. His back was arching off the bed, as rope after rope of cum erupted from his cock. I slowed my pace, only giving a few shallow thrusts to work him through his orgasm.

Right as his orgasm started to end, I slowly withdrew the portion of the dildo that was still inside him.

I leaned over him to quickly undo the cuffs, freeing him. Moving off the bed, I unstrapped myself, letting the harness fall to the floor before I dashed into the bathroom connected to my room. Wetting the washcloth, I had already laid out, I grabbed my other supplies and hurried back into the room. Spencer was where I left him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, unseeing.

I moved to sit between his legs. First, I wiped the cum and lube off his cock, murmuring my praises the entire time before I cleaned up the remaining lube from between his cheeks. Tossing the rag into the floor, I moved to kneel beside him on the bed. "Spencer," I whispered. "Spencer, you did so well. You were so wonderful."

His gaze fixed on mine, his eyes starting to fill with tears, his face a mask of confusion. “Y/n,” he said, his voice raspy. “Why-why-“

I pushed his hair off his forehead, bringing his arms in towards his body to check his wrists. “It’s okay, Spencer. It is fine. Your adrenaline and endorphins are hitting your body right now. This is what I was talking about that might happen. It’s called sub drop.” I cupped his jaw, my thumb brushing over his lips. “I’m right here, Spencer. I’m right here. And I’m so proud of you.”

I wanted to wait until he asked me to touch him, to be sure that was what he needed, but I just acted on instinct. I laid down beside of him and wrapped my arms around him. He turned his body to face mine, his knees curled up to hit my thighs. I stroked my hands over his back, murmuring softly to him the whole time.

After a few minutes had passed, and his breathing had evened out, I spoke again. “Spence? Do you think you can take a shower? The heat will make you feel better.”

He sniffled, his eyes never rising to meet mine. “I…I don’t know if I can leave you.”

In that moment, the tiny part of my heart that didn’t already belong to Spencer Reid, this marvelous, wonderful man, was cemented into his grasp. “Spencer, I need you to look at me, can you do that?”

His soft eyes finally rose to meet mine. They were wide and anxious and swimming with a much bigger and more frightening emotion. “Spencer, I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to take a shower with you. Then after we get cleaned up, we’re going to order some food and watch whatever you want to while we sit on my couch.” My words were hurried and dripping with honesty.

My darling boy’s face lite up with hope so bright it threatened to consume me. “You’ll stay with me?”

“You don’t even have to ask, Spence.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

The remainder of our Saturday went like I had planned. In our shower, I held his body under the warm water, I washed his hair, and I listened while he told me whatever fact came to his mind in that moment. After we were done, I got his messenger bag and brought him his clothes.

Together, we cuddled on my couch. Him in his old Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants and me in loose t-shirt and leggings. We found some sci-fi show that he said was good that I had never seen to watch while we ate our takeout. I listened to everything he told me about the show, holding his body close to mine.

I felt the tension rise up inside of him the later it got. Which is why I turned to him with an over-exaggerated yawn and asked him the question he was too afraid to ask me.

“Hey, Doc?” I said softly. “It’s getting pretty late…and after…after everything we did today, I don’t really want to be alone. Would you mind staying with me?”

The relief I felt radiate off of him in that moment was so powerful I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the feeling. “Of course, y/n. I’d really like that.”

After I stripped and remade my bed and cleaned up any stray items that I may have missed earlier, I lead Spencer into my bedroom. I fell asleep that night with my arms wrapped around him, his back to my chest. I held my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat slow as he fell asleep in my arms. It took a long time for sleep to finally find me, but I didn’t mind. I was content to just feel the heart beating inside the chest of the best person I had ever known.

Series tag list: @abschaffer2 @liaabsurd @brokenanxiety @thisiscalmandits-dr @less-intelligent-spencerreid @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @cielo1984 @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @101donuts @heyitssarahk @creepingfromthecorners @imjusthereformggcontent @fanfictionislifetho @annestine @boiled-onionrings @gublerspublers @dolanfivsosxox @lamusaeuterpe @publiusvirgilius @suzystuff

Permanent Taglist: @rachelxwayne @pinkdiamond1016 @sickeninglyshoujo @justagirllookingforherplace @nanocoool

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds smut #Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid Fanfic #Spencer Reid Fan fiction #Spencer Reid smut #Dr Reid #Dr Spencer Reid #Reid smut #Dr Spencer Reid Smut #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid x y/n #dr Spencer Reid x reader #dr Spencer reid x you #dr reid smut #ayhtdia

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infinites-chaser · 3 years

Text

val’s mementos

(or: a working masterlist of my mlqc fics created mostly for my own sanity)

everything on this list has also been posted to my ao3!

currently accepting prompts from this prompt meme~

(while i will do my very best to fill every prompt with writing that i’m proud of pls keep in mind that some may take longer than others for any amount of reasons!)

Lucien

dark night fireworks- my first (published) mlqc fic <333 2nd person and entirely too pretentious (rumor has it even the author doesn’t really know what she was trying to convey except. n e u r o s c i e n c e and MEMORY is cool). slight spoilers for ch.16

watch the universe expand- a long, rambly attempt to explore lucien’s character and also evolutionary biology and evols told through excessive metaphor and bedtime stories. spoilers for lucien’s childhood and ch.13. im proud of this one ^^ though there is a lot of projection involved. also lucien is an enneagram five.

to dwell on- c: lucien and homes and him and mc being soft together that’s it <3 or in more coherent language some bittersweet fluff for lucien’s bday based on moments from his mini-house and his most recent bday karma + date. in hindsight i’ve realized i didn’t use his or MC’s name at all outside of dialogue LOL

king lear and other tragedies- a prompt for the librarian ask meme linked above! im p sure anon prompted me a month before i got around to actually writing an answer hndkslgj but. here we are. shakespeare and tragedies and parallels between characters and a lot of pretentious dialogue, meant to be an extension of/missing scene after lucien’s theater date. this only rly exists bc of a single line in the date mentioning the production being put on was king lear and i took that and ran for all it was worth

Gavin

just a summer thing- a short little scenario that manifested in my head one warm summer night when i should’ve been sleeping and my first foray into domestic!gavin territory <333 i’d say it’s probably one of my lightest fics, if not the lightest ahfksldg (also heavily inspired by the way @belovedstill writes gavin/mc pst basia’s fics are to die for)

under a golden sun- high school era gavin, MC and minor! originally intended for gavin’s bday except (1) i didn’t finish on time LOL and (2) the fic never mentions his bday oops. also in 2nd person though if you asked why i couldn’t tell you it just felt more right. ft. basketball and memories and a bit of bittersweet nostalgia. simultaneously has some of what i think is my weakest writing (in terms of pacing/consistent tone imo) and some of my favorite lines i’ve ever written for a gavin fic and i’ve come to appreciate it more over time bc of that c:

today, this is the whole universe (and that’s okay)- gavin, MC, and domestic, sleepy sundays. and a long ao3 title that’s it that’s the fic (narrator: and then, she never wrote anything purely fluffy ever again). heavily inspired by gavin’s sleepy morning asmr and that one clip of his cn voice actor playing/humming his theme (aka soft soft SOFTEST) also just. i said it already but all of my domestic!gavin is inspired by and exists thanks to the breathtaking writing of @belovedstill <333

in the wind- a semi(?)exploration of gavin’s wind but also just him loving mc bc that’s what he and his evol are all about. short and bittersweet <3 (if anyone’s keeping track i think this is where my writing starts to lean more on the uhhh descriptive side and becomes less dialogue-based? or i feel there’s a diff from this writing style compared to the earlier gavin fics (besides parts of under a golden sun) which is just interesting for me to think about but not relevant to the fic itself ahfklsdf)

winter’s end- winter world!gavin and mc and a softer, more bittersweet reunion. m a j o r spoilers for ch.22 and what comes before. also gavin’s past. it hurt to write and apparently hurts to read b u t there’s a happy ending. i promise c:

sunrise to noon- a secret santa fic that ended up being less holiday related than I originally intended but like all things domestic and Gavin I think it works well as it is <3 just tender winter mornings and domesticity and the return of my fluff writing

Kiro

falling down the stairs of your smile- this was a prompt for the librarian prompt meme and doesn’t have an official title on the ask but here’s the title in all its long all-lowercase ao3 glory. basically the first few chapters from kiro’s perspective with slight spoilers from his past! kiro is such a joy to write and i love this a lot and im super glad i got the opportunity to write this (the waY i banged this out in one night when i got the ask askfsdkfksl)

[deleted by Key]- i have an idea and i’m s u p e r excited about it but no spoilers except this quote: ‘But that is how a tragedy like ours or King Lear breaks your heart— by making you believe that the ending might still be happy, until the very last minute.’- If We Were Villains, M.L. Rio.

Victor

Of Corgis and Christmas- a secret santa present for a victor stan that conjured some fluffy victor writing from my victor-less heart,,, a christmas miracle aND im lowkey proud of how it turned out but the highlights of the fic are Goldman and Cindy T-T they deserve more screentime and someday. i will write the subplot that got cut where Goldman sends Cindy embarrassing Victor stories to try to impress her and MC helps :>

spend my whole life searching- i combined 2 victor librarian asks from the librarian prompt meme above would u believe he's the only suitor I got twice 😔 this man is so popular and for what (only kidding ahdjdjs we just have a relationship of mutual disapproval dont mind me dragging him just a little i need to compensate for the appreciation I developed for him while writing this :>) this is similar to the kiro librarian fic in that it kinda gives vic's perspective on victor/MC's first in-game meeting with a healthy dose of and they were soulmates and angsty longing™ and also. victor is an enneagram one

Shaw

i started a few things a long time ago for him maybe someday i’ll finish them :’)

#val writes #mlqc #masterpost #i am allergic to capital letters and also giving proper summaries of any of my fics #i made the header instead of doing hw and it took an ungodly amount of time to look semi decent and. it still looks too yellow rn ahdjdjssk

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hardyshoe · 4 years

Text

benefits- a roger taylor series

part six

warnings- language

taglist: @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

a/n: I was really excited about writing this chapter so I hope y'all like it x

it was Tuesday morning, the sun beat down through the blinds while a movie you weren't paying attention to played. the weather had changed dramatically since last week and you found yourself curled up under your duvet on the sofa most days for lack of a better past time.

he still hadn't called, they got back three days ago and he was yet to make an appearance. Mary and Freddie had come round on Sunday evening for dinner which after they left reminded you all the more that he didn't care. it hurt more than you could say but at the same time you knew if you saw or even spoke on the phone with him you'd have to tell him, it was just cruel not to at this point. but with every minute that passed while you thought about him you found the resentment for him breaking down a little bit and you couldn't stop it from happening. he'd been out of your life for half a year by his own fault and you were on the verge of forgiving him despite all the pain he caused.

when the movie ended you flicked off the tv and got out your copy of ‘on the road’ that roger gave you back when you first met him, it still had his name in his messy handwriting inside the cover. if you closed your eyes you could still see the same roger you'd once known in the college library wearing those glasses he hated so much (you loved them) and a pair of jeans with a rip right under the arse. you knew you liked him when he first looked up at you with those perfect blue eyes and pushed the black frames to the top of his messy hair. you'd blushed at the way he looked at you but quickly looked away realising how dumb you looked. when you sat down and opened your book he'd commented on it and thats where it all began, like an unrequited love at first sight. of course you didn't realise you felt quite that strongly for him until he decided to sit next to you one lecture and every lecture from then on. lets just say you looked forward to class much more. over the years he'd met Brian and formed smile and through that you'd met Fred and eventually John when smile changed to queen and Tim went his own way. you also remembered his first gig, he'd been practicing all week and was running on very little sleep but he was still amazing, they blew you away. the last thing that came back to you was that night over a year ago now when you'd gone out to the bar with the boys and had far too much to drink, in your inebriated state you hadn't realised it was roger you were dancing with until it was too late to care. that was where it all began and for some reason it didn't stop like you'd expected it to. through him you had a whole life, a best friend (even though he was a dick), a group of wonderful friends who loved you and in just under three months you'd have two babies that would be half him.

you didn't cry this time, instead you smiled down at the book in you hands and ran you thumb over the ink. for the first time since he left you felt genuinely happy, without the over shadow of sadness or doubt.

your nostalgic daydream ended when you heard loud footsteps running up the stairs in your apartment complex, you cursed yourself for having an apartment with such thin walls. you were curious about who was running up your building but didn't go and investigate because getting up just sounded like a bad idea. however when the steps started to make their way down your corridor you did perk up a bit. then the door opened.

he stood there in all his blonde glory and you could have sworn he was more beautiful than the last time you'd seen him. his breathing was laboured and he looked like he'd run a marathon. everything about him looked stunning from the way his cloths hung to his body to the sparkle of those god awful shoes. your hands tightened around the book before quickly realising and looking down only to see your belly hidden by the blankets. he didn't know.

he was the first to speak “please don't throw me out, I needed to see you” he paused again for breath.

“only took you six moths rog” it wasn't a sour comment though, just a statement.

then it all came pouring out of him “ y/n I'm so sorry, you wouldn't believe how sorry. I've spent the last six months on the verge of a complete breakdown because I thought id lost you forever. I couldn't live with myself if you hated me, id go mad.”

by this point he was crying, and so were you. “fuck it, y/n I love you. I've loved you since I first lay my eyes on you six years ago and ill never stop loving you if you'll have me” he kept going, spouting seemingly endless ways to tell you he loved you, but you couldn't sit there and let it all play out liked you'd dreamed it would so many times, it was time he knew.

so you stood up feeling the blanket puddle around your toes on the floor, exposing your belly that was clad in a tie die top he'd lent you once. but he didn't notice right away, he just kept talking.

“ you deserve to know and...” his eyes dropped to your stomach and finally he stopped talking. wordlessly you placed a hand on top of the stretched shirt and looked at him through teary eyes. he didn't start shouting, in fact his voice hardly exceeded a whisper when he finally spoke.

“is- is it mine” and finally you were willing to answer the question.

“they are roger” your tone was like his, hushed like you didn't want anyone but the other to hear.

“they?” you nodded

“a boy and a girl”

“im gonna be a dad?” you smiled though the tears, he was.

he hovered a hand near the swell of your belly and you took it placing it on the kicks and covered it with your own hands. he sobbed with you and for ages the two of you stood together in your dusty living room, like a family.

“just so you know this doesn't change anything, I still love you” he looked at you with the gentlest smile you'd ever seen and all your dreams were suddenly not so far fetched.

“I love you too Rog, so much it scares me”

with both his hands he took the sides of your face and softly kissed you. it wasn't rushed or careless, it was kind. it was also everything you wanted since you were 19, everything you'd longed for on the nights too lonely to close your eyes, the only thing that kept you going when everything abandoned you. somebody to love, who loved you back.

he made tea and came to join you on the sofa and you filled him in on everything he could possibly want to know.

“when are you due?”

“december 17th”

“so your how far along?”

“7 months last Friday”

he hurled questions at you that you were more than happy to answer. it was so liberating to tell him, tell him everything. you had an answer to every question of his no matter how daft except...

“have you thought of any names?” truth was you hadn't. you wanted to know if roger wanted anything to do with you before you came up with anything, it hadn't felt fair to plan something so big when he didn't even know.

“no I haven't, I didn't want to without you”

“thank you, that means so much. can we think of some?”

you hummed a quick yes and he fell into a deep thought. you'd always liked French names, probably stemming from living in France for a few years as a teen. you spoke a bit of French and it was such a poetic language that a name coming from there just made sense. roger on the other hand liked names with meanings, he really cared for something that would set them up for success.

“okay suzette?” you'd pose the names you like in a slight French accent that roger couldn't get enough of.

“nope she’ll get nicknamed sue.” you agreed and kept looking.

“james?”

“no too common I know like five people called James.”

“Oliver” when roger said it, it sounded right. that was it. little ollie.

“I love it roger, its perfect,” you felt a kick from one of the babies and laughed, “I think he likes it too”

“your right, it is perfect. but what about baby girl?”

“Juliette” he just nodded with conviction.

“so we did it? wasn't too hard.”

“roger that took us over an hour, we went through hundreds of names” you chuckled at him as he stared up at the clock.

“it takes some people months to get a good name, let alone two, we did good”

“we did, just need middle names now.” he groaned at the thought.

“mmm too tired we can do that some other time” he puller you over to him and wrapped those big arms of his around you. it was so blissfully wonderful to sit in his company again, without the fear of him leaving and never coming back. just as your eyes started to shut you heard him whisper to himself under his breath,

“I can't believe I've got you. can't believe I'm gonna have a family. can't believe how much I love you.”

#roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor smut #roger taylor series #roger taylor #brian may #john deacon #ben hardy #Fred Mercury #queen band #queen

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albapuella · 4 years

Text

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Two)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday. Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 1:

Despite his slacker appearance (and life-style, to be honest), Dave was always punctual. He'd even made an effort to look the part of a guy going on a date with another guy: jeans with only a few holes at the knees, his favorite record shirt, and a red hoodie—all freshly cleaned. So freshly cleaned that the sweater was still very slightly damp. Well, whatever, it'd be fine. They were having dinner first, and that meant he'd have plenty of time for the thing to dry out before they went to the movies where the main thrust of Dave's doki-doki plan would commence.

Karkat arrived a few minutes later. He wasn't dressed to the nines, but it was at least to the sevens. It occurred to Dave, as he watched him approach, that he hadn't known how tall Karkat was. The answer was slightly shorter than Dave but with a more solid build. Stocky. Or maybe that was just the black sweater he was wearing. Then again, his legs looked pretty solid in the black pants he was wearing, too. Either way, he looked good.

Dave gave him an appreciative whistle which made Karkat's eyes narrow. Not the reaction he'd wanted. “Looking good, Karkat,” he said quickly, hoping to smooth over any feathers he might have inadvertently ruffled. “I'm digging the whole sexy college professor thing you've got going.”

“Uh, thanks,” Karkat said with evident disbelief. “You, uh, you look good, too.” He straightened up. “You said we were doing dinner first.”

“Yep.” Dave held out his arm. “I’m taking you to my favorite place. A lot of people think it’s wack, but I’m buying, so if you really don’t like it, at least it didn’t cost you anything.” When his date didn't immediately take his offered arm, he shook it invitingly. “It's not too far from here.”

Karkat looked from Dave's arm to Dave, suspicious. Then he sighed and laid his hand on Dave's arm, his hold tighter than Dave had expected it to be considering his earlier hesitation. “Okay. Fine. Sounds great. Let's go.”

---

The first thing Karkat noticed when he took Dave's arm was that his sleeve was damp. Then he noticed the feeling of the arm beneath his fingers. Despite looking thin enough to break, there was some muscle here. As they walked to what was apparently Dave’s favorite restaurant, Dave just kept talking. If Karkat had been offered a thousand dollars, he doubted he could have remembered any specific details of the inanity he'd been subjected to. A nervous talker. He'd have to put that down in his notes.

Dinner went much the same. Dave talked at him while Karkat sat there trying to eat his food (overpriced, faux Italian—of all the places Dave could have chosen, he'd picked a fucking Olive Garden? That was going in his notes, too.). In all honesty, Karkat tried not to pay too much attention to what was being said. First, he'd already determined that most of what came out of this man's mouth was completely meaningless nonsense, and second, if he actually listened to any of it, he'd be hard pressed not to respond to the idiocy. While Dave had no evident compunction about swearing, Karkat wanted to get through at least this first date without screaming.

All right, so that was an exaggeration. Some of what Dave said was actually pretty funny. In a hopelessly awkward sort of way. Karkat hated that Dave's clumsy compliments were making him blush. Clearly, the man had brain damage... which also explained the rapping that Dave kept doing (completely unprovoked!). By the time dinner was over, Karkat was only too grateful that their next destination meant that Dave would have to stop talking.

---

Since Dave had picked the restaurant, Karkat had picked the movie. Some romantic comedy chick flick Dave couldn't be bothered to remember the title of. Still, it gave him an opportunity to sit right tight next to Karkat and eat his weight in popped, buttery goodness, so he really couldn't complain.

“What’s the deal with that dude?” Dave whispered. “I thought he was already tight with that other chick. What gives? Is he cheating on her?”

Karkat made a noise like a cat being stepped on but softer. “Dave,” he whispered back, his tone full of the same sing-songy patient impatience that Rose would use when she thought Dave was being particularly dim, “if you were paying attention, you'd already know that that 'dude' is that 'other chick's' cousin. They are probably not romantically involved. I know you're from Texas, but that's not how it works above the Mason Dixon line.” Then he ducked his head and took a long drink from his soda. “Sorry. Just-just watch the movie and be quiet.”

Dave blinked. He'd been starting to think Karkat wasn't going to open up at all. At least, he'd had fuck all to say during dinner. Even if it had been an incest joke at his expense, it still was nice to hear Karkat say something. Something that wasn't just non-committal noises or unenthusiastic agreements. He leaned against Karkat's shoulder to whisper, “It's not true, you know. About Texas. We don't fuck our cousins; I mean, we do, but not first cousins. We're strictly second cousins only. It's a rule. Of course, none of my second cousins are as hot as you, so I'd be willing to make an exception. Just this once.”

This earned him a light elbowing to the gut and a low growl, but Karkat didn't push him off.

By the end of the movie, Dave had gotten five more elbows to the gut, three startled bursts of laughter, two creative insults (quickly joined by muttered apologies), and one “Will you please just let me watch this movie?” Over all, Dave felt like he'd succeeded in charming the hell out of this motherfucker, thank you very much.

They'd walked out into the open air, a nice breeze whisking away the smell of popcorn and sweat from the movie theater. “I had a lot of fun, Karkat. Thanks for coming on this date with me. Do you think we could do this again sometime?”

Karkat blinked at him, a clear look of surprise on his face. “Oh, uh, sure.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes, I'd love to go on another date with you.”

Dave's heart leapt. “Awesome. You can hit me up on Pesterchum. Or I can hit you up. How about I hit you up?”

“Fine, that's... that's fine.” Karkat's smile seemed uneven. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

Although Dave was tempted to try for a kiss, he didn't think he ought to press his luck so far on the first date. Karkat had loosened up some while they'd been in the theater, but out here under the streetlight, he looked nervous again. The last thing Dave wanted to do was chase him away. “Okay then. I guess I'll see you later?”

A slow nod. “Yeah, later.” Karkat was stilted and contained again. Restricted, like a hermit crab stuck in a shell that was too tight. It wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all. Dave had caught a few glimpses of the real Karkat tonight, and the sight made him hungry to see more.

Dave watched him walk away, admiring the view with a new goal in mind: he was going to get Karkat Vantas out of his shell if it was the last thing he did. Getting to rub him in Rose’s face at her wedding was only going to be a bonus.

---

* Never shuts up. Not even during movies. Especially during movies. Attention span of a gnat. From Texas. Doesn't know how to use a dryer. Finds me attractive. Probable brain damage. Funny. Charming. Obnoxious. Never takes off sunglasses. Olive Garden.

Karkat sighed and set down his pen. He'd tried his best to be as cordial as he knew how to be, and he still hadn't managed to last for the entire four hours without insulting his date. Multiple times. Oh well. At least Dave was apparently brain damaged enough to find rudeness terribly amusing (if the way he'd kept bugging Karkat during the movie had been any indication).

He'd been surprised when Dave had actually asked if they could go on another date. Karkat knew he hadn't made the best impression, and yet Dave wanted to spend more time with him? He looked over his notes, trying to ignore the surge of happiness that filled him at the thought. It didn't mean anything: Dave was clearly an idiot, and after a few more days, Karkat was going to start on the offensive. Whatever meager promise there would have been in this fledgling romance, it was still doomed from the start: like all of Karkat's relationships.

Day 2:

It was all Dave could do to wait until the next day to pester Karkat. He didn't want to come off as too eager, after all. Didn't want to put Karkat off. But Dave was only so strong.

TG: so i was thinking TG: if youre not busy TG: we could go to the park this afternoon TG: watch the grifters and maybe get robbed TG: or you could come to my place and hang TG: is it too soon to do that? TG: asking for a friend TG: this is dave by the way TG: i dont know how many people youre talking to TG: not that its any of my business TG: i wouldnt want you up in my grill asking me who im talking to CG: IT IS SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING ON SUNDAY. TG: yea and youre up anyway CG: BECAUSE YOU WOKE ME UP. WITH YOUR TEXTS. THAT YOU SENT JUST NOW. TG: oh shit sorry CG: IT'S FINE. I NEEDED TO GET UP ANYWAY. CG: YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME? WHY?

Dave frowned down at his phone. Was Karkat fishing for compliments or was he being serious?

TG: because its fun to hang out with you TG: thats how this works right? TG: i thought we could watch another movie TG: at my place TG: or your place i guess if that works better for you TG: ive got popcorn if that sweetens the deal at all CG: YES. BECAUSE THE WAY TO MY HEART IS MICROWAVED POPCORN. TG: fucking called it CG: … CG: FINE. I'LL MEET YOU AT THE PARK AT 2:30PM. IS THAT ACCEPTABLE? TG: perfect ill meet you by the giant yo CG: YOU MEAN THE OY/YO. TG: tomatoes tomotoes karkat

Dave watched the little “CG is typing” message run for almost a minute, feeling his nervousness grow. What had he said that required a novel length response? He managed to reign in the impulse to apologize preemptively, but it was a struggle.

CG: OKAY. WHATEVER. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Fine, good then. Nothing was wrong.

TG: im looking forward to it TG: its not hard to intuit TG: when we come out to debut TG: sit by the yo then well go round TG: downtown get the lowdown TG: before we get busy in the hissie TG: partake of the fizzie cause we got a duty TG: to watch the fuck out of this movie CG: RIGHT. SEE YOU THEN. BYE.

Dave shrugged. He couldn't expect Karkat to really appreciate his off the cuff rhymes so soon after waking up, he supposed. Maybe they'd land better later. Flat reception or not, the important thing was he'd gotten Karkat to agree to come to his apartment. He looked around, frowning. Maybe he should clean up a little.

---

Jesus Fucking Christ. Karkat tossed his phone on the bedside table with a groan. It had been all that he could do not to curse out Dave like there would never be a tomorrow. Considering the fact that he was currently planning to go to the apartment of a practical stranger, that much might just be true for him. He lay in bed a little longer, out of spite mostly—he could never get back to sleep after being woken up—, before getting out from under the covers. First things first: notes.

* Inconsiderate asshole. Horrible rapper. Calls the OY/YO “the YO”. Doesn't know the right way to express “tomatoes, tomahtos”. Wants to spend time with me. Insane. We have that much in common.

Thanks to Dave's wake-up call, Karkat had plenty of time to eat a hearty breakfast and start his article.

“How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure” BY KARKAT VANTAS

Since you have decided to read this article, I will assume that you are looking to learn the art of ruining your relationships without the mess of all that trial and error. Maybe you enjoy breaking hearts. Maybe you are the kind of masochist who enjoys getting their heart broken but is at a loss as to how to properly sabotage your relationship yourself. If you can manage to follow these simple steps, you will be well on your way to the same bitter loneliness that usually only the most unlucky in love get the privilege to experience.

The first step is the victim. For the purposes of this article, I picked one that is particularly obnoxious and brain dead. You may have different qualities you are looking for in a potential short-term partner. Ultimately, the most important thing to consider when you plan to lose a guy (or gal or enby) is that you make certain they are one you do not mind losing. That way you can start the process without any regrets.

The second step is the hook. Laugh at their dumb jokes; accept their stupid compliments; ignore their mangling of the English language (in my case, his horrible rapping); and generally be as agreeable as you can manage. A severe lack of intelligence in your short-term partner can be a boon here, though you will find most people are not immune to flattery. You need to make certain that you have your short-term partner well and truly interested in you before you attempt to lose them. If you try to lose them too soon, you will miss out on the full relationship ruining experience.

A little too informal, maybe, but a fine start. Depending on how well this afternoon went (assuming he wasn't murdered and stuffed in a closet), maybe Karkat would be able to start on step three. He was able to stomp down his nascent guilt with ease. After all, Dave wouldn't have been interested in him after the novelty wore off anyway.

---

The afternoon was a little warmer than the evening had been, but Dave still wore his hoodie. It felt lucky, and it was still clean. More the latter than the former, but the point stood! He sat down on the bench next to the giant yellow YO installation and waited. While it was tempting to shoot a message to Karkat, he decided against it. He’d be seeing him in less than ten minutes, and he didn’t want him to think he was clingy. Which he wasn’t. Totally not. Dave Strider had never clung his whole life. Ask anyone. Except Jade. Don’t ask her.

He noticed his leg was bouncing and put a stop to that noise. He was a cool operator. He had this thing on lock. The date yesterday had gone good, right? Karkat wouldn’t have agreed to see him again if he’d had a terrible time. He pushed back his hood and ran a hand through his hair. Nothing to worry about. He’d have a date for Rose’s wedding and continue sorting out the mystery that was Karkat Vantas.

Dave heard the crunch of gravel and looked over to see Karkat approaching. Another sweater combo, but gray this time. The guy had a style he preferred, clearly. It was fine: he looked great. He stood and closed the distance between them. “Hey, Karkat.”

“Hey,” Karkat returned, frowning. Of course, that seemed to be his default expression. “I brought a movie to watch,” he said gruffly.

Although Dave had been hoping he’d be able to pick the movie this time, he wasn’t too cut up about it. It might be a little early in the relationship to bring out The Room anyway. He wouldn’t know. “Sounds great. My place isn’t too far from here.” He held his arm out. “Shall we?”

Again, Karkat regarded his arm with suspicion. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

Karkat opened his mouth before seeming to think better of whatever he’d planned to say. “Never mind.” He took Dave’s arm. “Let’s get going.”

As they walked to his apartment, Dave tried to keep the conversation flowing, but Karkat’s subdued responses quickly killed his enthusiasm. “I feel like I’m talking too much,” he said finally.

Karkat mumbled something which sounded suspiciously like “You think?” before he shook his head. “No, of course not. I’m just a little too tired to, uh, participate, that’s all.”

Dave winced at the reminder of his first faux pas of the day. “No problem, dude. I got us covered. I got words for days.”

“Months even,” Karkat added before ducking his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Nudging Karkat’s side, Dave laughed. “Nah, man it’s true. I’ve got words for fucking years.”

Karkat smiled slightly. “Decades.”

“Centuries.”

“Eons”

“Until the next motherfucking epoch, I’ve got words, Karkat. So many words. All the words even.”

Karkat snorted, covering his face with his free hand. “Damn it, Dave. Stop making yourself likeable.”

“I think that’s the point of this whole thing,” Dave pointed out reasonably. “Dating, I mean. It’s not like the old days where your dad and my dad decide if you’re worth enough chickens to trade me for, you know. These days I get to decide for myself how many chickens I want to be traded for.” He gave Karkat a mock critical eye. “How about it, Karkat? How many chickens could I get for you?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said, his mock serious tone almost too close to a serious tone for Dave’s comfort. “Let me look in my pocket.” He made a show of staring down at the pocket containing his free hand before sliding the hand out and flipping Dave the bird. “Is this enough for you?”

Dave laughed. “I’m sorry, Karkat. You must have at least five chickens to ride this ride.” He felt his face flush but pushed onward. “I guess you’ll have to settle for a movie, and maybe some pizza.”

Karkat was grinning, and Dave decided right then and there that he wanted to keep seeing it. “Maybe next time.” As though to intentionally spite him, Karkat frowned again. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, man, just a little further.” As they continued their journey to his apartment, Dave felt himself frown. What was Karkat’s deal? He was a lot more fun when he let himself be himself. Dave didn’t like meanness for meanness sake, but he enjoyed a good joke. For some reason, Karkat seemed to think he shouldn’t joke around? Why? His frown deepened. Karkat also apologized a lot. And he was so often deferential even when it was obvious he had OPINIONS he wasn’t sharing. The pieces were adding up to a disturbing picture.

Maybe after he was done hanging out with Karkat today, he should hit up Rose. She’d know what to do.

---

Karkat’s expectations for Dave’s apartment had been fairly low, and he’d been pleasantly surprised. While not as meticulous as his own apartment, there at least weren’t empty food containers on every surface or dirty clothes everywhere. There was an overall shabbiness though: the feeling that the occupant didn’t care overly much about the apartment’s upkeep. The futon in front of the television was ancient and threadbare as were the carpets. The posters hung on the walls were dusty and faded, and there was a sort of mildewy smell. Still, as previously mentioned it was clean (more or less), and there were no obvious signs of a hidden murder dungeon (not that there would be if there were one, naturally).

“Nice place,” he said for politeness’ sake.

Dave beamed like a little boy who’d gotten just what he’d wanted for Christmas. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it keeps the rain off.” He gestured towards the futon. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got apple juice. And water from the tap, I guess. I could go pick up some beer if you want to go that route, or--”

Karkat held up his hand, hoping to stem the tide of suggestions. “Water’s fine, thank you.”

“You’ve got it,” Dave said before tilting his head and making twin awkward gestures with both hands involving his pointer fingers. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

It wasn’t until after he’d disappeared into, presumably, the kitchen that Karkat realized he’d been making finger guns. What a dork. Not that Karkat was any more suave, but he liked to think he was at least less childish. He tried to supplant the rush of fondness he felt by recalling just how pissed he’d been with this manchild this morning. It was not one hundred percent successful.

Dave returned with two glasses: water for Karkat, and apple juice for himself. “Take a seat,” he insisted as he set the glasses on the coffee table (sans coasters). “It won’t bite.”

Gingerly, Karkat took a seat on the ancient futon. The padding was so thin, he could feel the bars beneath. It was going to take a while to become unbearable, and he hoped this hang out? date? didn’t last long enough for that to happen. Just as he’d been about to reach for the water, suddenly uncertain whether he actually ought to drink anything Dave gave him, Dave flopped down onto the futon beside him like a sack of gangly flour. “Dave!”

“S’up?” Dave asked, grinning.

“Don’t ‘s’up’ me--,” Karkat managed to stop himself from calling Dave an asshole, but only just. “Just don’t ‘s’up’ me. Speak like a normal person.” He realized he was making a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Sorry, I--”

“Dude,” Dave said, his grin dropping away, “Karkat, you don’t have to apologise for every kind of mean thing you say. I’m a big boy: I can take it.”

Karkat supposed he shouldn’t be surprised: he’d never been good at pretending to be a good person. If he could have managed that feat for any length of time, he wouldn’t be in this position. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as dryly as he could.

“I’m serious.” Dave sat up and turned to face Karkat head on, and Karkat saw his own annoyed expression mirrored in the black lenses. “I haven’t known you very long, and maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but--”

“You’re right,” Karkat interrupted, feeling his tenuous hold on his temper slipping. “You shouldn’t say anything.” After taking a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to say anything he didn’t mean to, he spoke again. “Let’s just watch the movie and eat some microwaved popcorn. Does that sound like something we could do? Or would you like to keep pretending you have some deep insights into my character as though we’ve known each other longer than three days?”

Dave raised his hands, and Karkat realized he’d sounded far more aggressive than the situation warranted. At this rate, he wouldn’t even get a chance to lose this asshole! Nice job, Vantas: stellar work. “No, you’re right. I’ll step off.” Dave said softly. He got off of the futon with far more grace than he’d flopped onto it with. “You just put the movie in, and I’ll, uh, I’ll make the popcorn.”

Karkat watched him go before putting his head in his hands. Well, fuck. As though this whole situation hadn’t been awkward before. He should just leave. Just leave, forget about his stupid article, and stop dragging this stupidly likeable idiot down with him. He should.

He stayed where he was.

---

Dave took maybe longer than he absolutely needed to to prepare the popcorn. As much as he liked to consider himself a smooth operator, he could tell when he’d made a mistake, and he wanted to give the guy in the other room a chance to cool down. What made it made it worse was that Karkat had been right to get mad at him: Dave barely knew him. In his place, Dave would probably be pissed, too.

Even so, Dave didn’t think he was wrong about the conclusions he’d come to. It was obvious that Karkat was, for whatever reason, putting on a show for Dave’s sake. Honestly, it was kind of creepy. If he understood why Karkat felt the need to do that, he’d feel better about it.

But it wasn’t his business. Not yet. Maybe you had to reach a certain level on the boyfriend echeladder before that kind of thing was something you talked about. It would probably help if they were actually boyfriends and not just newly dating, too. There seemed to be at least one obvious solution to that problem.

Dave could be patient. After all, he still had eleven days or so to get Karkat to at least like him enough to be his plus one at Rose’s wedding. It wasn’t all he wanted anymore, but it'd be enough to start with. As Rose had so often told him, start with small goals.

He poured an obscene amount of butter over the popcorn in the bowl and headed out to the living room. Karkat was bent over, fiddling with the DVD player, and when he looked up at Dave, his mouth was curved somewhat upwards. “What movie do you have for us?”

Karkat stood. “Coming to America.” He made his way back to the futon and sat down as though worried he might fall through if he sat down too quickly. “It’s more comedy than romantic, so I thought you might enjoy it more.”

That sounded vaguely familiar. “Okay.” Dave joined him on the futon, taking care not to startle him this time. “Let’s get this party started.”

---

Karkat had hoped bringing a comedy would hold Dave’s attention enough to keep him from talking through the whole thing. He’d been mistaken. Yes, a lot of what Dave said was funny, but it just never fucking stopped. Finally, Karkat couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Then he very deliberately set the remote back down. “I want you to listen to me, Dave. Are you listening?”

Dave looked confused, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’m listening. Do you have something you want to tell me? I’m all ears. Lay it on me.”

God, he couldn’t even listen without rambling! “Would it kill you to shut up?” He saw Dave’s eyebrows peek over the tops of his glasses. A part of him told him to reconsider his current course of action, but naturally, Karkat could never abide by a piece of good advice. “Would it literally cause you to drop dead if you couldn’t expel your idiocy out of your mouth like a goddamned septic pipe full of half-formed metaphors and bullshit? Would your head explode? Can we try that experiment and see what happens?” Karkat felt his fingernails biting into his palms and realized he’d clenched his fists. “What do you say, Dave? Wait, I’ve changed my mind: don’t say anything. Let me bask in the gentle ethereal glow of silence for a moment. Can you do that for me, Dave? Can you let me bask? Will the endless flow of words finally cease?”

‘No’ was clearly the answer to that question since Dave was already opening his mouth. Then, to Karkat’s utter shock, he shut it again. His expression wasn’t ever easy to read with those douche shades he insisted on wearing all the time, but now it was completely closed off. Even the eyebrows had lowered back to their original position.

Silence stretched between them.

Karkat felt sick to his stomach. Shit. Shit. He really just couldn’t do it, could he? Couldn’t pretend even for a few hours that he was a normal person. Well, so much for this experiment. Time to write off this little adventure. Was it worth even trying to apologise? Before he could decide, Dave made the decision for him.

He was clapping. “Damn, just got owned,” he said, a wide grin splitting his face. “You owned me, Karkat. You should feel proud. Not everyone gets own this,” he gestured to himself. “I just hope you know what you’re getting into: I’m barely house trained.”

For an embarrassingly high number of seconds, all Karkat could do was blink. “You’re not mad?”

“Fuck no,” Dave said, still grinning. “I’m a big kid now. I’ve graduated from diapers all the way to pull ups. It takes more than a finely crafted, well-deserved take down to take me down.” The grin softened. “This is what I was trying to say before: I want to date you, not some weird super agreeable version of you. If you want to tell me off for talking too much, fucking go for it. You’ve got a way with insults--it’s a gift. Frankly, I’m insulted you’ve been keeping it to yourself.”

“There’s more where that comes from, asshole,” Karkat said before he could stop himself. To his amazement, Dave still seemed more amused than anything. A strange mixture of anger and fondness welled up inside him. “Stop grinning at me, and watch the fucking movie.” He picked up the remote and hesitated. “You don’t have to be silent,” he said, still feeling a little guilty over his earlier outburst, “just maybe less talking?”

Dave made a big show of running a zipper over his lips. Then he immediately ruined it by saying, “Scouts honor, Karkat. My word is bond. You can cash that shit at the bank.”

Karkat tried to picture Dave as a boy scout and failed. “Right.” He pressed play and the movie resumed. Of course, Dave still talked during the movie, but the sheer volume of words had slowed to a moderate stream rather than the full-bore blasting Karkat had been subjected to earlier. As he sat there on the futon, occasionally answering Dave’s stupid comments with barbs of his own, he felt warm in a way that was only nominally connected to the temperature of the arm he was leaning against. He felt… content.

---

Overall, Operation Hang Out had been a big success. It had been rocky in places, but again, overall, Dave felt like he’d hit his major mission objectives. A movie was watched, pizza was consumed, and Karkat finally, finally, did something other than apologise every time a hint of the person he’d met at the cafe had come through. He didn’t necessarily want to keep pissing Karkat off, but that bitch fit he’d thrown had been epic.

Karkat wasn’t the kind of guy Dave had expected to find himself interested in. At least, he’d never thought he’d have a grumpy asshole kink. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the more quiet parts of Karkat’s visit, too. It had felt nice to sit on the futon with someone leaning against his shoulder. Dave wasn’t a sap, no, not a suave guy like him, but he couldn’t deny he’d like to do it again some time.

He considered texting Rose as he’d planned to earlier before deciding not to. After all, he’d managed the first crisis all on his own, and she might consider it cheating if he got her help. No, for now at least, this bird was flying solo.

---

* Clean apartment. Finger guns. Puts too much butter on popcorn. Also talks during movies outside theater setting. Likes getting insulted. Kink? Wants to date the “real” me. Delusional. Comfortable arm. Had a nice time. Had acceptable time. Clothes in his shower???

#Homestuck #Humanstuck #fan fic #my fic #wip

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southernbell91 · 4 years

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Some Secrets are Better left Dead Chapter 5

Warnings: Stalking,Language Sunday was slow as usual. I spent a majority of my day researching everything I could. The name “Nat” driving me crazy, obviously it was shortened for something Natalia? Natalie? Natasha? No matter what I typed in on my regular social searches I was coming up blank, I would have to dig deeper to find her.

Sighing I sat my laptop on my coffee table and rubbed my eyes, I glanced out my living room window only to see the sun setting. I gasped. I had spent the whole day working and didn’t even notice. As if on cue my stomach started growling. I got up and started pulling together a sandwich and some chips to tide me over, clicking on the evening news while I ate. After a few mundane reports one caught my eye, “Tony Stark to hold Press Conference regarding His stepping down, Monday Afternoon live from Stark Tower.”

I typed a text out to Dean quickly to see if he could get me clearance to attend, after a few pulled favors and lots of back and forth I was in. A press conference wasn’t my style usually too out in the open, but I needed to see if I could run into anyone important from Saturday night. Almost anyone. I Shuddered at the thought of running into the Man and the woman they called Nat again though. Although I know realistically it’s all part of the job and bound to happen again, sooner rather than later.

Monday morning arrived quickly, I got ready to run by the office before the press conference, I needed my press badge from Dean or I wouldn’t even bother going in. I told him I wasn’t making the meeting this week and he excused me, understanding I was busy chasing information. As I crossed the lobby Alice the receptionist grabbed my attention.

“Layla! These are for you” she gestured towards the beautiful spring arrangement of flowers on her Desk.

I blinked for a second before picking up flowers and the card, who in the world would be sending me flowers?

Staring at the Card it Said Star Bright Floral Company on the front, flipping it over I nearly dropped the vase in tiny hand writing it read

Sorry about my friend, her people skills are rusty.

No name,The Mystery man.

I hadn’t even noticed I had started shaking until alice asked if I was ok, I just nodded my head and started mindlessly walking towards my office. How had he found me? I never once told anyone where I worked. Why, why in the hell did he feel the need to send me that? Did he say friend? So they were there together. Oh boy.

I don’t know how long I sat staring at the flowers and card but it must have been a while because I nearly jumped out of my skin when Dean showed up in my office to give me my pass.

“Hey, kid you okay?” He asked concerned.

“Yeah, didn’t sleep well is all” I said looking up, putting myself back together. If he knew anything was amiss already,he would pull this assignment.

He just watched me skeptically before shrugging and tossing a lanyard on my desk with a pass on it.

“Whatever you Say, good luck out there today.” he said turning to leave my office

I thanked him before he stopped and turned back “Oh and Layla, please watch yourself out there.”

I nodded and smiled slightly, not entirely sure I could form words right now. Picking up the lanyard I studied it taking a deep breath. This was going to be a long day.

Before leaving for stark tower I typed out a text to wade. Sister Margaret’s tonight? I could use a drink and some information.

Wade responded pretty quickly Oh Snap, Yeah be there around 10?

I didn’t reply, wade knew I would be there. Sister margaret's wasn’t exactly the nicest joint in new york, not exactly a place you would expect to find a fairly successful male escort or a journalist hanging out but it was where you went to get answers.

I arrived at stark tower before the conference, joining the throngs of reporters in front of the massive building. Unlike them I had no desire to be front and center, I wasn’t here so much for the Announcement itself. No, I was here to people watch, I wanted to see who would be in attendance from Starks group, maybe even put a few names to a few more faces. Give me anything else I can use to dig into his background.

Prior to the conference starting I saw Happy Hogan, Starks head of security chatting with Colonel Rhodes to the side of the stage. Sam Wilson approached the two seeming to join the conversation, I continued my scan to see if I saw anyone else when my blood nearly froze. Standing just beyond the stage almost hiding in the shadows of the building was the mystery man, I had hoped he wouldn’t notice me but well let’s just say luck has never really been on my side.

I tried to ignore his gaze as the conference started, and kept a watch for anyone else. Especially Her. I really didn’t feel like getting cornered again. I must have been deep in thought or something, because for the second time today i nearly jumped out of my skin when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted this time by Sam Wilson.

“Sorry i didn't mean to startle you” he chuckled approaching me.

“You're good, i was just thinking” i said turning my attention to him, smiling politely.

“Don't blame you, these things can be pretty boring. So wasn't expecting to see you here, where's your friend?”

“Who dean?” i asked, turning my attention back to whatever board member was on stage talking. “He's not here, i'm here for work” i added pointing to my lanyard.

“Ah” he said glancing at the press pass hanging around my neck, then looking back at the stage. Well, guess that cat was out of the bag.

After a few uncomfortable moments of silence between us the crowd roared to life, Tony was taking the stage. Just as he stepped up the podium I noticed a tall blonde muscular man make his way towards Sam and I. Stopping when he reached Sam he gave him a few friendly pats on the shoulder as he greeted him,

“About time you show up” Sam greeted the stranger.

The man, who’s eyes never left me, smiled “Yeah I was coming to grab you, but now I see Im also saving this poor woman from being harassed by you” He chuckled glancing at his friend.

“Very Funny, Captain Chivalrous” Same retorted “This is Layla, we met at that Charity thing you skipped out on the other night” Sam said introducing the two of you.

“Layla this is Cap-” Sam was interrupted “Steve Rogers Ma’am” Steve said as he stretched his hand out to be shaken. I took it hesitantly at first. I had heard of Captain Rogers, he was a war hero having saved an entire battalion of POW’s single handedly. Slowly gears started to click into place in my head, I glanced at the shadow still watching from the darkness of the stage, if this was Steve Rogers that made my mystery man his best friend, Sergeant James Barnes.

I gulped as I released the Captains hands, things just got a lot more difficult.

“You ok?” Steve asked me, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah!” I said quickly trying to recover. “Just kinda listening, gotta have something to report ya know” I said, pointing at my Pass once again.

“Ah” the Captain conceded “Well I’d hate for us to keep you from your work” he said giving me a sly sort of smile.

“No, your Ok, I’m a decent multitasker” I said, mentally kicking myself, but returning a polite smile.

Steve was eyeing me, a look on his face that I couldn’t discern. Part of me wanted to believe he was really america’s sweetheart like everyone was made to believe. But something in my gut screamed that looks could be deceiving.

Just as Tony was welcoming Pepper to the stage, I saw a streak of red making its way through the crowd. Nat. And she wasn’t alone a blonde woman was in tow right behind her. The blonde glanced from Steve to me, obviously not liking the way he was watching me, an almost smug grin on his face.

“I told you to go grab Sam, not start giving statements to the Press” She said practically spitting the word Press while glaring daggers at me.

My heart started pounding in my chest, this was bad. This was very very bad.

“Very funny Natasha” Steve responded. “I was just making a new friend, you should try it sometime.” he grinned at her for a moment before turning back to watch me.

Natasha rolled her eyes at him “Whatever Rogers, we gotta go. Besides you're being paged, maybe you should try checking your phone sometime.” She said eying him before nodding back towards the stage. Barnes never having taken his eyes off the group, or me in particular, looked annoyed.

After having an apparent silent conversation with the redhead and a quick scan of his phone Steve sighed then turned to Sam “She’s right we better run” Turning to me, reaching to once again take my hand “It was nice meeting you Layla, hopefully it won’t be the last time.” He winked and turned to follow Natasha, the blonde woman just glared at me, I was very thankful looks couldn’t kill at this moment, then she turned and stomped off following steve and natasha. Sam said his quick goodbye and apologized for his friends behavior before following the group. The sounds of everything around me was muted as I watched the group quickly work its way to where Barnes was hiding on stage. I could see James and Steve have a very animated conversation their attention every once in a while turning to me before they finished up and head into the building just as the press conference wrapped up.

Yep, I'm so screwed.

Story Masterlist

Tags: @lancetuckershairgel @stuck-y-together @buckmesideways22 @eurynome827 @book-dragon-13 @marvelous-meggi @spacemansam @cametobuyplums @loricameback @collinsstanharbour @marvelgirl7 @jewelofwinter @jobean12-blog @sebastiansloserclub

#Some Secrets Are Better Left Dead #layla james #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #dark!bucky #dark!steve rogers #clint barton #AU marvel #AU MCU #avengers au

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tellmesomethinggg · 4 years

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****

linking this here bc it was technically a journal? i just don’t want it on my notes anymore and if i ever (likely not to) want to re-read for whatever reason. please note that i knew people would read this so things are censored and are the basic version. also there was a switch at one point from **** to chris because i didn’t want things to be read

(for later when i got time lmao)

Matt is a piece of shit that just wants to fuck -Chloe

well fuck

here goes nothing

the plan: don’t get drunk bc i got shit to do early next morning and ill tell him tomorrow when i do get drunk. spoiler alert that didn’t work

Gaby (coles gf) came too btw

so i had a smirnoff ice and said no more than two shots after so id be buzzed but not fully drunk (i ended up having three and was very much drunk)

me jon and gaby we’re talking about guys and i mentioned something about liking a guy or some shit and gaby looks at matt and then me and confirms it with me. then she tells me that apparently when she met me and a few other friends at the beach last quarter, that she predicted the two of us would end up together and told cole this. im like wtf how and she claims she’s psychic lol

later, Matt and i are on the sack and he looks at me and goes do you like me and im thinking well fuck so i say yes and he’s like well shit sorry but (and then i forgot exactly what he said) something along the lines of it’s not mutual or it’s not the right timing (i forgot okay) and then he gets up after a bit to go to the bathroom (I’m pretty sure cole went out too) and then me gaby and Jon have a chisme session and they think that he does like me but whatever

so the guys come back and at this point i really need to pee again so matt offers to take me and we start talking and he’s all, oh im sorry if i led you on and shit and im like it’s alright ill get over it, it just might be a bit awkward for me for a bit. but then on our way back from the bathroom he asks me , do you wanna at least kiss your crush at least one time and im like uhh yeah so he kisses me and then we start talking but i forgot about what and im kinda dizzy so he says, oh let’s sit on the couches for a bit before we go back, so we do and somehow we kiss again and then start making out

and at this point im like bitch there’s no way you don’t like me like why would you do that if you didn’t

so we finally go back and it’s been some time so the rest of em are obviously curious

matt goes with cole to the bathroom again and the three of us have a chisme session otra vez and they’re like yeah he fucking likes you he’s prob just scared bc of his last relationship

cole comes back in and basically backs up their side based on his convo he just had with matt

and so it’s decided that we’ll both sleep on the sack, Jon sleeps on his bed and the other two together in coles bed

he comes back and we all “go to sleep” but I push for him to hold me like he usually does whenever we sleep together and around like 2,3 am we both start making out again and just like uhhhh

also we’re both very much drunk but of course i tend to remember things whenever ive gotten drunk, however, he did not and so now we gotta talk and figure shit out and go from there

also im not telling Emilou or Hanna yet until we figure things out so

yeah

fuck

alrighty, so after last night, ive decided to do absolutely nothing about it and decided to just let things play out the way things do. i don’t wanna say something and ruin our friendship that we have bc i trust him a lot and like hanging out with him, so, i guess the end of this note for now, unless the situation changes anytime soon

Can Tim see what I write on this? -Chloe

Yes -Janet

Hi Tim!

-Chloe

Tim pls respond.

-Chloe

Hi Chloe! Sorry I have been busy at home LOL

He responded I’m so happy!

-Chloe

FYI im just going to add things at the top of the note so that its easiwr to see stuff when i add it bc then otherwise youd have to scroll a ton

and I’m dating shit so i know when I wrote stuff and my memory and yeahhh

FEB 15 1 pm

chillin in alp so lets get this chisme

alrighty so last night i stayed the night in pratts but it wasnt just me so calmate, it was me and jon bc long story short i was too lazy/dizzy to get up and jons roommate had her bf over. basically we both shared the bed, not a lot of physical contact but whateva

brb

anyways, there was also one point where he was watching a movie from his childhood and idk what tf it was but he was shocked that i havent seen those movies, so apparently now im gonna watch them so i told him for payback we gotta watch disney movies lmao

oh also! i fucking got back to my room and took a shower to get ready for class, and when hanna gets back from class shes all like oh you slept in HiS rOoM huh and i was like uhhh yeah and told her the truth like i was too lazy and dizzy to get up and then she didnt really say anything but uhhhh yikes

and then i mentioned this to emilou later when we were walking to class and shes like yeah idk why she did that that was weird and i was thinking like thank God she doesnt think the same as hanna bc shes also slept in his room on the bean bag a few times

FEB 14 2pm

heyyy its valentines day and guess whos still single and workinggg

so uhhh last night, around 1, both me and pratt finished our shit (hw and studying) and im wide awake so im like hey, brooklyn 99? (because i got him into the show and i love rewatching the show bc its sooo good) and hes down so we start watching in his room. were both on his bed but were sitting (for the tie being) and eventually i decide to lay down and use one of his pillows but its the flat pillow so i attempt to steal his other one, which he protests and we lowkey wrestle over it and eventually i fail ugh and i fall over in frustration and land my head on his knee and then just quit and stay there, but get this, he just deals with it and lays on top of me, like his head is on my side. granted we both also have pillows so like his pillow is in between me and him and same for me but like ughhh

and eventually i fall asleep for like an episode (?) and wake up right before 3 am, and then decide hey sleep sounds important bc i have an 8 am and so does he, so i sit up but im too lazy to get up right away so i sit and go through twitter and shit so chris just lays down with his head on my leg and i set my arm down on his chest and he falls asleep for a few minutes and then i finish going through my social media and every part of me doesnt wanna move, but im also in a position that would be uncomfortable to fall asleep in so i wake him up and then go back to my room

oh and the other thing i forgot was that for a good couple hours we were texting and joking around and yeahhh

i feel like im reading a lot into what happens but at the same time, like i doubt id be this comfortable doing shit with guys like this and idk about him, but like sometimes i wonder you know?

also, saturday night, as far as i know, its just me and him going to the basketball game bc idk who else is going (eye emoji insert here bc im on my computer lmao) so we'll see what happens

FEB 10 11am

okay soooo last night,

the plan was to get buzzed, just me and matt and watch Brooklyn 9-9 but then Anthony and emilou joined us so never mind. after a bit, Anthony leaves so he can answer a phone call and pratt offers me shot #1 and not emilou (she’s laying on the bean bag, I’m on his roommates bed chillin behind her so she can’t see what’s up)

we take two and im slightly buzzed but i think “hey lets see how much we can take before she notices” and he’s down so uhhh let’s get this

later we have to include Anthony and he’s down to see how much we can take and he just lets us continue, i get to 4 shots and he finishes the bottle so i can’t have a 5th

brb im gonna go eat with him

okay im back now...

anyways were both pretty out of it, emilou still hasnt noticed and anthony finds this all funny i assume and so do i , and eventually she finds out and then the two of them leave i guess around 2 am and the two of us are both on the bean bag and were both tired and drunk and drunk me like petting his hair and apparently holding his hand and well yeah i kinda hate drunk me bc if that wasnt obvious enough lmao :/

continuin, we basically end up cuddled together most of the night until we both kind of sober up hella early in the morning and kind of separate a bit

and so in the morning guess who brought it uppp and i at least have an excuse that i was drunk and not thinking and just kinda doing whatever drunk me wanted to do (but omggg his hair is so fucking nice to play with omg) anyways imma just die real quick bc idk what happens now

also since no one else was in the room literally no one else knows about this and i think were keeping it that way bc lets be honest if anyone found out about that i think id be screwed for secret keeping and then well yeah

FEB 8 1AM

i remembered:

sunday 2-3

i forgot this happened but before I ended up in chris’s room i was chillin upstairs watching tv and then he came out on the phone with some one and long story short he said something on the phone to his friend along the lines of “you’re gonna have me in your life for a long time” and when he was saying that i was looking at him bc soy chismosa and i was curious and he winked at me and I died

Monday 2-4

so the other thing that happened was I had lunch/dinner with him before my writing class and no recuerdo que decimos, but uhhhh yeah

i like hanging out with him

also, just got back from his room and am more convinced that he may not like me but actually just sees me as a friend but at the same time maybe he does but IDK

i hate feelings and it’d be so much easier if i didn’t have them sometimes lmaooo

FEB 7 5-7 PM

so im currently in the room rn so im gonna try to make this as chronological as possible

saturday 2-2

alrighty so mind you this is the day ive volunteered with ship and have spent the whole day there, (i dont remember why i thought this was relevant :/)

so saturday night, i go to work in his room around 8 (?) so i can work on my essay and finish my shit bc he has a bean bag thats hella comfy to work on

andd so later on, jocelyn comes in to watch anime with him and then after i finish we all decide to watch gabriel iglesias and ended up squishing together on the bean bag with me in the middle of the two of them

and so were all chillin there, laughing whatever and at one point chris fucking pratt puts his head on my shoulder for a little bit and i dIeDddd

and eventually i fall asleep when we start watching emperors new groove and mind you im fucking next to chris pratt like uhhhh my GOD

so i wake up once the movies over and then go to the bathroom and come back and by then he has taken over the whole bean bag and im sad that i cant just get back and go back to sleep so i go back to my room

(hanna doesnt know what time i get back i think and im pretty sure it was around4 am) (emilous also not here bc she went home for the weekend)

sunday 2-3

so i decide hey i was productive yesterday and decide to return to his room to work on shit and try to get as much done before work in theevening

i finish around 1/2? and then i tell him im bored and i wanna do something before work but idk what so he says lets go to the rec room and its just the two of us and its chillin and he puts me on his story playing pool lmao

and then i go to work :(

but then THEN later after work i go for a run and end up back in his room and theres a couple other people there and so were all chilling (mind you this is around midnight)

and somehow i end up falling asleep on the bean bag next to this girl jon from my hall and (this is a secret in a secret) but i hear her get up at one point and then chris pratt then joins me and during the night im tossing and turning and leaning on him a bit (ughhhh i died a shit ton)

monday 2-4

so in the morning around 720 or so i wake up pay dumb and am like oh whend you get here and he explains and then hes like yeah i dont really know the girl who slept in my bed (one of jons friends) and i figured since im more comfortable with you id just move here (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me upppp) [please note that when i say fuck me up i dont mean that type of fuck]

alrighty thats what i remember that i havent told you, and then the other bit from the screen record was tuesday and now its thursday and here i am in guess whos room again

possibly staying the night lmao

but jons also here so its not like im staying the night staying the night

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scoutbert · 5 years

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my birthday is on sunday 3/3

TW: non graphic mentions of suicide/depression/drug abuse.

i turn 20,, i have had an account here since 2013 (when i was 14) and therefore i have spent 6 years on this accursed site... i wonder if, like webkinz, there will be a day where i log in for the last time and forget about all the stuff that made me /feel/.

anyway yea its my birthday soon and i want to draw your attention cause some people who've been following me/been mutuals for years may vaguely recall my many close encounters with depression-related crises. i never thought i would live to see my 20th birthday. there was never a future i envisioned because i was so wrapped up, and obsessed with thinking, and fantasizing and rolling around in my own sticky angst that i burned bridges, or never even built some.

my teens were frought with mental health problems. ive been in and out of psychiatric inpatient hospitals at least 9 times, gone through several failed therapies and medications. ive had some (severely) traumatic events occur. ive struggled with addiction. and now, as i enter my 20s, i am coming to terms with healing, something i never even /considered/ as a viable option. for too long my automatic thought process was "well i can always just kill myself!" it was an excuse to avoid putting effort into improving myself, a 'plan b' if you will, for when things became challenging or too much.

but since i was kicked out of my abusive, unsupportive household and began my transition last year, things have begun to change. over the last 12 months, i have been forced to adjust to adult life very quickly. and at first it whipped my ass hard. i got a job but due to a pretty bad bender with alcohol i became depressed and quit. then i was unemployed for 6 months, living off the generosity of my partner's family. i am a prideful person, i do not like help, i am the one to OFFER help usually. the shame and pride i felt escalated into my drug abuse last year, and i tried LSD a lot. i had one experience that was amazing; it basically changed my life. more on that in a different post.

basically, i got a job again. and when the winter hit and my seasonal depression kicked in- hard- i made the first move to improve my mental health in *years.* i voluntarily admitted myself to inpatient. i was set up with a professional support system at last, got on meds (that actually fucking work?? you may recall my deep distrust of psychopharmacology) and started just. being more adult.

i filed my taxes for the first time, i am budgeting, taking care of my own transportation, food, clothing. i even planned a little mini vacation for anime boston. ive cut back immensely on the booze, cigarettes, weed and acid. i have outpatient support. i have a handsome wonderful partner and a plethora of wonderful people i surround myself with, and ive cut out all the people who don't add any value to my life/took value away from it.

im still getting my sea legs. there's always the chance i may fall down again. but this time i dont have my mother towering over me and ridiculing me for it. i have a whole network of supportive people there to reach out a hand to help me back up. and ive finally learned to value my own life. i always angsted over how horrible the world was, and how living isn't worth the pain because the pain seemed to outweigh any good things. and it's been REALLY hard changing that pattern of thinking, because it's so easy to believe it's true. but the truth really is that there is no pain versus pleasure. there is pain, and there is pleasure, and there is neutrality. but most importantly, there is my ability to decide HOW these things will affect ME, and my ability to CHOOSE how to respond. in therapy i learned there are thoughts, feelings, and actions. you can't always control your thoughts, and usually not your feelings, but you always have 100% control over how you act and what you say.

so now, im taking actions to affect how i feel, to change how i think. like actively recognizing and challenging intrusive or maladaptive thoughts, learning how to cope with strong emotions and memories, and controlling impulsive behaviors.

the freedom i feel is so refreshing at last. i may still be poor, i may still have no car and no place of my own, but what the hell is the rush? i have maybe 60+ years here. no one gets to tell me how i spend them but me!

happy birthday, me. i no longer dread my birthday, a sign of my impending slavery to society (entering the shitty American system of lower class people.) i am getting comfortable in my body and identity. im going to live and life isn't about what i think other people want, its about what i want, and what im going to do to get it.

so thank you if you've managed to read this far. thanks if you've been with me since the beginning, way back in 2013 when i made that post promising i would follow everyone on tumblr who reblogged it, when i got a little popular. thanks if you're the people who messaged me asking if i was okay or needed to talk; thank you, the people who called for help on me when i posted my suicide notes from high school; thank you to the people who sent me financial help when i was at my lowest and couldn't afford my medications. you all played a part in me coming to this point and i am grateful for you. merci beaucoup, mes amis. je vous aimez.

-scout 2/27/19

#scoutbert #depression #suicide #tw suicide #drugs #lsd #2019

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uniquellamanickelvoid-blog · 5 years

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Drarry

It was the eighth year at Hogwarts for the students who missed their seventh year due to the war. not many students came back though, Draco, Pansy, Blaise, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Cormac, Seamus, and Theo. they were the only eighth years present. Theo and Seamus were leaving.

Harry and Draco loved each other, everyone knew that, except for the two. Hermione and Blaise decided to make a truce between the two trios, everyone agreed to it, they all were like family now. Ron, Blaise, Pansy, and Hermione were tired of hearing about Harry from Draco and vice versa. They tried everything to bring them together but it never worked. Draco was the only one who still got death glares and unwanted stupid attention from others. Harry never knew this, nor did the others, Draco didn't tell them because he didn't want to make them worry.

"Merlin! Mr.Malfoy, what happen to your arm?", asked Madam Pomfrey. "another hex, madam", Draco replied in a very low voice. "Oh my, I think its time you tell your friends or your professors. How long are you going to suffer like this?" , Madam explained. "no, I don't want to worry anyone ." , Draco replied. "my, my, I don't know dear boy, your friends will be rather pleased to be able to help you, after all, I haven't seen a group of friends like yours since 'the Marauders'." , Madam said as she tied a bandage over Draco's wounds. "maybe, but I'll be fine madam, Thank you." , Draco said as he got off the bed and started walking towards the door.

"DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL US THAT YOU ARE BEING TROUBLED?????" , Pansy shrieked from the entrance. She was followed by the others.

"Who did this to you?", Ron asked Draco as he examined his arm. "Forget it guys, it doesn't matter let's go get food.", Draco said trying to avoid the question. "Draco, Who.The.Fuck.Did.This.To.You?", Harry asked him again, Draco could tell by his voice he was furious and would never leave him alone if he won't tell. "Mclaggen", Draco replied softly.

The trio stormed out of the infirmary and went to find Cormac. "Harry, don't kill him alright? A hex will do.", Ron told him. "HOW DARE HE HURT DRACO? IM GOING TO KILL HIM FOR SURE.", Harry was furious, he was ready to fight even the world for Draco. "Harry, I understand, but please.", Hermione said. "FiNe".

20 MINUTES LATER, IN THE GREAT HALL. The six of them were eating dinner now. Draco was lectured by Blaise and Pansy. Harry was not in a good mood after knowing Draco used to go through this all by himself until now. Cormac entered the hall. He was covered in so many bandages he almost looked like a mummy. "Merlin's beard! what the actual fuck did you guys do?", Draco asked when he saw the bandaged boy. "We didn't do anything mate, it was all Harry.", Ron answered his question with a smirk on his face. Draco blushed when he heard that. They all finished their dinner and went into their dorm that Professor McGonagall assigned to them separately. "Where's Harry", Draco asked when he saw that the boy wasn't in the room. "Aw missing him already?", Pansy asked teasingly. "shut up", Draco replied. "He's at the Astronomy tower.", Hermione said without looking up from her book. "Oh okay. I'm going to bring him. Bye", Draco said and disappeared. "oh my god, when will these two lovebirds ever get together?", Blaise questioned. "At this rate, almost never.", Ron answered.

AT THE ASTRONOMY TOWER *conversation* D: Harry, Why are you here? H: I just wanted to be alone. D: Are you okay? H: Me? Am I okay? Shouldn't I ask you that? D: I'm okay. I'm used to this. H: Why didn't you tell? D: I didn't want to worry you guys.I'm sorry" H: Don't ever go through all this shit by yourself. Please tell at least one of us. D: Hmm Okay. Harry look at me. H: What? ______________________________________ As soon as Harry turned around Draco caught Harry's lips with his. This took Harry by surprise but he continued to kiss the blond. It lasted for quite a while. They only parted when they were lacking oxygen.

"Wow.", Harry said. He was the happiest person alive on this planet right now. "Liked it?", Draco asked, "Loved it.", Harry replied. "Harry, would you like to be my boyfriend?", Draco asked although he knew the answer would be yes. "yes, of course.", Harry replied as he kissed him again. "You know what, let's not tell the others and let them guess for themselves.", Draco said. He wanted to know how long it would take his friends to realize. "Sure, love.", Harry replied.

THE NEXT DAY. IN THE COMMON ROOM AT 10 IN THE MORNING.

It was Sunday, Pansy woke up first. She woke up Hermione and the two girls freshened up first. Then they proceeded to wake up the boys, it was a very hard task. Ron and Blaise woke up and went out before Draco and Harry, Draco woke up Harry with a small kiss on his forehead. "Wake up love." , Draco whispered, Harry sat up on his bed and smiled at the cute gesture. Draco blushed when he saw his new boyfriend sitting on the bed with completely messed up hair. "He's mine", he thought and smiled. The two lovers left the room as if nothing happened inside.

The day was going completely normal. It was 3 in the afternoon, all of them were in the common room doing their own thing. Harry got up from the armchair and went to the sofa and laid his head on Draco'lap. The other 4 were waiting to see what would Draco do. Draco continued reading his book. Harry was trying to fall asleep. "Are you guys not telling us something?", Hermione asked. Draco just shrugged and Harry was sleeping now. "YOU TWO ARE DATING???", Ron asked excitedly. "mm", Draco replied as he put his book down and looked at his cute boyfriend sleeping peacefully on his lap. Draco continued to play with Harry's hair and looked up at the 4 extremely happy and surprised faces. "Ron? Don't you owe me something?", Blaise asked as he was smiling triumphantly. Ron rolled his eyes and placed 20 galleons on Blaise's book. "you guys bet on us?", Harry asked as he made himself comfortable in Draco's arms. "Yup", they answered. Harry and Draco giggled at the stupid act and then gave each other a tiny peck on the lips. "FINALLY! IM GOING TO TELL MINNIE. SHE OWES ME 20 GALLEONS TOO!!", Hermione shrieked and left. "Teachers bet on us too? WTF?", Draco asked confused. "Well, now the whole school was waiting for this moment.", Pansy answered. Draco and Harry glanced at each other and gave the "it is what it is" and just smiled.

The whole school proceeded to exchange galleons as the news spread. :) hope you liked it. If you want more, tell me soon.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #harry x draco #firstpost

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canadiankazz · 5 years

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The Seventh Time - An L.A. by Night Fanfic

Annabelle and an invisible Jasper go to a gothic vampire-themed bar so Annabelle can find someone to feed from. They end up having a rather erotic evening involving a mortal female bartender.

(Carries on directly from the end of The Sixth Time)

This is my L.A. By Night Alternative Universe where Jasper has been feeding from Annabelle for several weeks/months and they have developed a Blood Bond. SPOILERS for the end of Campaign 1 including the one-shots. This was written before Season 2, Episode 4.

It’s worth reading the rest of the series before this part:

The Entire ‘Feeds From’ Master List Can be Found Here

I lay no claim to owning any of the characters involved.

This fic was co-written with @cravatfiend, and really would not have been possible without their help. Special love to @gokaiyellow for the inspiration when they asked me "How could she NOT touch herself while he's biting her?" Thank you also to everyone else who has enjoyed this series so far.

Also posted to the author’s Ao3.

First posted Feb. 14th 2019 (Happy Valentine’s Day!)

The Seventh Time Jasper Fed From Annabelle

Annabelle stripped in her bathroom and left her clothes in a more or less neat pile next to the clean ones she had brought in to change into after her shower. She kept her ears perked for any sounds of Jasper moving about or doing things in her home, but she couldn’t hear him. Of course, if he didn't want to be heard by her, he wouldn't. That didn’t stop her from listening.

She had invited Jasper over this weekend to spend time with her while Mark and Elle were out of town. He had arrived last night. They had watched TV, and he had fed on her. She swallowed at the memory of it, thinking of his fangs in her neck, him pressing her hand into her groin and the very intense pleasure that had followed. Annabelle sighed. She was starting to think she might have a kink for this stuff.

She turned on the warm water and stepped into the shower. She tilted her face up and just let the spray hit her chest and run down her body for a minute. Her body was cold again, but she could feel it start to warm slightly in the heat and steam of the shower. Annabelle reached for soap and let her thoughts turn around in her head.

Complicated, that was definitely how she would describe her feelings for Jasper and their relationship. Very complicated. On the surface, they were friends, and one could make a very solid argument that they were also firmly in the friends with benefits category. What they did, with him feeding on her and her body reacting to it the way it did, it felt very much to her like sex. She supposed, to Kindred, it was basically sex. Sex without the sex. But she didn't consider Jasper to be her boyfriend, or even her lover, not really. She didn't know if there was a name for what he was to her. There might have been a fancy Kindred term for it, but she didn't know what it was. She wondered if Jasper thought of her as a lover, or any other term. She suspected he didn't, but she had never asked. She made a mental note to ask him about it.

Annabelle rinsed her body and started to wash and condition her hair. She thought about what Jasper had told her about their Blood Bond. A tiny part of her was tempted to test it, to see if he really would come if she silently called out to him, but a much larger part of her knew that was not a good idea. It would feel like crying wolf, and it would be an abuse of whatever power she might have over him now. She was honoured by how much Jasper trusted her. It made her feel a great affection for him. She wondered if he felt the same for her, and all the evidence she could think of told her that he did. He was increasingly physically affectionate with her – never in front of their coterie or anyone else, but in their private moments, especially after feeding, he seemed to enjoy physical contact with her. That may have been her Vitae influencing him somewhat, but Annabelle also believed that he might have cared strongly about her even without the Blood Bond.

She rinsed her hair and luxuriated in the warm water. She had offered Jasper a shower before she took one, but he had politely declined. In a great many ways, he was still a mystery to her. She was deeply curious about him, but respecting his privacy was more important. Everyone had their secrets, and she suspected he had always been a very private person even in life. That was okay. She could live with not knowing everything about him.

Annabelle turned off the water and stepped out of the shower to dry herself. She felt refreshed. She took her time drying and re-dressing. She had chosen black jeans to wear tonight and suspected that may have been Jasper's subtle influence. Her Beast growled at her, reminding her of her hunger. That was one of the biggest downsides to this relationship. Every time Jasper fed from her body, it made her Beast upset. That hunger could only be ignored for so long. It was a literal drain on her system. Annabelle promised herself that she would feed tonight. They would go out and she would find someone who would give her permission to drink a little of their blood. She had it all planned out in her head as she applied make-up in the bathroom mirror. Then, after she fed, she would come back home and... maybe she and Jasper could have some more fun. She smirked to herself as she winged her eye liner.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Annabelle found Jasper in the lounge. He was looking at a book of urban Los Angeles photography that Elle had bought. Annabelle sat next to him and smiled. “Hey.”

Jasper closed the book. “Hey.”

“I have a plan for tonight. Nothing set in stone, though.”

“Go on.”

“I'm going to go out and feed. You're welcome to come with me. And then we'll come back here and... hang out.”

“Hang out?” He inquired in mock innocence.

“Yeah... you know...” Annabelle touched his knee and bit her lip.

“Yeah... I know.” Jasper smirked and Annabelle knew he has been playing with her a little.

She smiled again. Tonight was going to be fun.

“There's a gothy, kind of vampire themed bar I found,” Annabelle told him, “and I'm going to try my luck there.”

“And you want me to come with you?”

“Well, yeah! Or you can go do your own thing for a few hours and I'll call you... or...” Annabelle shrugged. She did want Jasper to come along, even though she knew he would be hidden from sight the whole time. If he said no though, she'd be disappointed but understanding.

“I'll come if you'd like, but I'll have to be unseen,” Jasper said.

“Okay... don't feel like you have to come or anything,” Annabelle said, worried about the Blood Bond. “Like, I’m not forcing you to.”

He gave her a reassuring little smile. “No, it's okay. I want to.”

She smiled as well, relieved. “Well, I'm ready to go, so...”

Jasper patted himself, showing that he hadn't come with a lot. “Me too.”

Annabelle jumped up and grabbed her red leather jacket, keys, phone and wallet. This wasn't a date, she told herself, but she sure as hell had to admit it felt like one.

Jasper made himself disappear as she locked up the house. It gave her the chills. One second, he was standing next to her, but when she looked back after putting her keys away, he was gone.

“I'm... hoping you're still here?” she asked quietly.

“Of course,” he replied. She could hear him smile.

“Right. Good. Let's go.” She headed for transport to get them to the bar.

Annabelle activated both Awe and Blush of Life as she and an invisible Jasper stepped into the bar. It was small and dark, but with a very charming gothic aesthetic. It looked like it was a slow night, not surprising for a Sunday. Annabelle took a seat at the bar. The bartender was a curvy woman with a pale face and long, dark hair tied back in a high ponytail. She had several ear piercings, including a large safety clip through one ear. The bartender looked bored, but perked up when she saw Annabelle.

“Hey, hun,” she said, approaching Annabelle. “What can I get ya?”

Annabelle smiled. “Hi! Um...” she glanced at the wall of bottles behind the bartender. “I'm not sure. What do you recommend?”

“The house favourite's the 'Vampire's Kiss,' but we've got everything.”

Annabelle grinned. “Ooh, what's in that?” She couldn’t see Jasper, but she assumed he was nearby and also grinning.

“Berry vodka, berry liqueur, cranberry juice. It tastes deceptively non-alcoholic,” the bartender said with a wink.

Annabelle knew that with Blush of Life, she could drink or eat like a human, but she would have to throw it up again later. For a little while, she could keep it down though, to sell the illusion of life. “I'll take one of those, thanks.”

The bartender smiled. “Coming right up!” She got to work mixing the drink with a little extra showmanship. Annabelle watched her, but looked at her phone when it buzzed. It was Jasper texting her privately.

“She looks cute,” his message said.

“The bartender?” Annabelle texted back.

“Yes.”

“You think I have a chance?”

“She's checking you out. I think you're good.”

“Waiting on someone?” the bartender asked, sliding Annabelle the drink. The cocktail was a deep red.

“Um, no... not really,” Annabelle lied. “Just a girls' night out kind of thing, but I'm on my own, I guess.” She smiled a little awkwardly. She still didn't like lying. “I'd heard about this place and wanted to check it out.”

“Ahh, you're the curious type huh?” the bartender said knowingly. “We get a lot of people looking to flirt with the darkness a little.” She winked at Annabelle again. “Don't be nervous, hun. That's why we're all here.”

Annabelle giggled, as charmed by the bartender and she seemed to be by her.

“Although on Sunday nights it seems to just be the six of us.” The bartender chuckled and gestured to herself, Annabelle, the few staff members and meagre other bar patrons present.

“Yeah, slow night?”

“I guess this just isn't a hot feeding night in L.A. for vampires,” the bartender sighed. “Shame.”

Annabelle laughed. It was a little nervous and for a split second, she thought the bartender might have known about the Masquerade, but then she remembered she was in a vampire themed bar, after all. “Well, I don't know? Maybe we could change that?” Annabelle cringed to herself. That wasn't a very good line, and she knew it.

The bartender's eyebrow arched slowly at her, but she didn't seem put off.

Annabelle blushed pink. “Sorry, that was a horrible line.”

The bartender laughed. “At least you want to use lines on me! I'm flattered.”

Annabelle sipped her drink. It was good, but it did nothing to satisfy her Beast, and her Beast was hungry indeed.

“So...” the bartender leaned in towards her a little. “You're here looking for some mortals to play with?”

Annabelle swallowed. Did she know, or was she just playing? Surely she was just playing. “Uh, yeah. I guess. I'm Annabelle.”

“That's a cute name!” The bartender extended her hand for Annabelle to shake. “Lisa.”

Annabelle smiled and shook Lisa's hand. “Nice to meet you.” The handshake seemed to linger. Annabelle bit her lower lip. She wasn't sure if it was the Awe, or if Lisa genuinely liked her. Either way, she was definitely being flirted with.

“What do I owe you for the drink?” Annabelle asked.

“Oh, no, hun, don't worry about it,” Lisa winked. “It's on the house.”

“No, I insist!” Annabelle got her wallet out and put some money on the bar. It was more than enough to pay for the cocktail.

“Well... if you insist,” Lisa relented, taking the money and putting it in the register. “Thanks, hun.”

Annabelle glanced at the tip jar, thinking to add something there too. It had been almost empty when she had sat down, but there was a large note in there now. Annabelle blinked. She hadn't noticed anyone put anything in there... but that didn't mean that no one did. She smirked and texted Jasper.

“Where did you get that money?”

“Never you mind. Not from you though,” he replied.

A few more minutes passed, during which time no one else entered the bar. Lisa and Annabelle kept making eye contact with each other and smiling. Eventually, Lisa came back over to her.

“So, I think other than me, you might be out of luck tonight,” Lisa told Annabelle. “We'll be closing up early fairly soon if more people don't come in.” She smiled at Annabelle and lowered her voice a little. “Although, if you want to hang out while I close...?”

There was a secret proposal there that Annabelle picked up on. She blushed a little redder. “Sure... I'd love to hang out with you, if you'd like.” She couldn't believe her luck. Even with Awe, sometimes she had to work to pick someone up. Not this night. This night, she had hit the jackpot.

“You can stay as long as you like,” Lisa said.

“Thank you!” Annabelle sipped more of her drink and complemented Lisa on her bartending skills.

Lisa smiled and started to pack up, getting ready to close early. She checked in on security and cleaned, all the while shooting Annabelle flirtatious glances. With every glance Annabelle caught, she would smile or wave a little, keen on Lisa's attention. She texted Jasper again as well.

“Looks good,” she told him.

“I can see that,” he replied. She still didn't know exactly where he was in the room, but she imagined he was still smiling and watching with interest. After all, if Annabelle fed tonight, then he fed tonight too.

Annabelle felt a rumble in her stomach. Her undead body was getting ready to reject her cocktail. She got up and asked Lisa for directions to the bathroom and Lisa pointed it out to her.

“I'll be waiting for when you get back,” Lisa said.

Annabelle shot her a smile and went into the ladies' room. She entered a stall and let herself throw up the cocktail into the toilet. It looked like a bloody mess, and felt disgusting, but Annabelle felt better once it was out of her system. She flushed the toilet, took a few deep breaths and reactivated Blush of Life. Her Beast growled, but she calmed it down with a promise that yes, tonight she was going to feed, and not on any more alcohol. There was a pretty bartender waiting for her who seemed to have a thing for vampires.

Annabelle emerged from the bathrooms and approached Lisa, who was waiting with her purse. “Um... my place or yours?” she asked with a little smile.

“Mine's nearby, if you're comfortable.”

“Yeah, sure! Um... but I will have to get home later tonight though, so...”

To Annabelle's surprise, Lisa smiled. “That's fine, hun. No strings, okay?”

It seemed like Lisa was used to this kind of temporary hook-up. Annabelle knew there was an underground culture for this kind of thing, but hadn't really explored too much of it before. “No strings,” she agreed, excited.

Lisa took Annabelle's hand and they walked out of the bar together, Lisa pausing to lock up and set the alarm. Annabelle hoped Jasper got out okay, but assumed he did by the very briefest of his touches on her free hand.

Lisa led Annabelle down the street a few blocks towards an apartment block. Conveniently, she only seemed to live a short walk away from her work.

“So... you're obviously into vampire stuff,” Annabelle said.

Lisa laughed. “Yeah, how could you tell?” She smiled at her. “I don't know why, exactly, but all that stuff with embracing and blood has always seemed kind of... intimate to me.”

“Oh yeah, totally.” Annabelle grinned. “'Intimate' is definitely the word for it.” She hesitated, then chanced a question. Lisa did seem pretty heavily into the vampire kink. “Have you done... biting or blood stuff before?”

“Yeah, I've... dabbled a fair bit. It's kind of hard not to in this scene. It's been pretty fun!”

Annabelle was relieved. “Yeah, I have too.” She felt that a person with this kind of interest would have been more likely to have been in Nelli's extended social circle, so she was glad to have found one too. She took a deep breath and made the metaphorical plunge. “Um... would you like to? Tonight?”

A dawning smile appeared on Lisa's pale face. “Sure. It'd love that.”

“Yeah?” Annabelle smiled back, adding some sensuality of her own into it. Things were going very well. “Cool.”

Lisa's apartment was a tiny, studio-style space. It was mostly one room with a small kitchenette and another door that led to a bathroom. A large wrought iron bed took up a large chuck of space in the main room. Dark wood bookcases lined the walls, full of novels and other gothic paraphernalia, with the odd piece of pop culture or nerd stuff here and there. Annabelle was pleased to find not one, but two complete sets of the Harry Potter books, including the special Slytherin House edition. Most of the rest of the décor was in a black and red theme.

Lisa paused and frowned after inviting Annabelle in and closing the door. “Huh.”

Annabelle glanced back at her. “What?”

“Nothing.” Lisa shook off her sudden chill. “Just a draft or something.”

Annabelle nodded and glanced around the room. Her eyes landed briefly on the darkest corner, and it might have been her imagination, but the shadow there seemed a little bigger than it had been a moment ago. She nodded again, seemingly to herself, but mostly to the shadow, and had another look around the room.

“Anyway,” Lisa said. “I'll give you the tour.” She spread her arms and gestured to the room, taking in the kitchenette and toilet door as well. “This is it!”

She smiled. “I love your place!” She took a step towards a shelf to look at some obscure vampire novels and films she hadn't heard of before.

“Thank you.”

Annabelle turned back to Lisa after a moment. “Seriously, this is great.”

Lisa smiled. “I tend to collect stuff, which is not great when you live this small, but hey, I know what I like!”

“I like it,” Annabelle said. “I like you.”

Lisa smiled knowingly and sat on the bed. She patted a spot next to her for Annabelle to sit. She did and pushed her long, black hair back behind her ear.

“So,” Annabelle asked, a little shyness creeping back in. She could almost feel Jasper watching them from his shadow in the corner, but Lisa was unaware. She wondered if Lisa would have minded if she did know. “Do you like to bite, or be bitten?”

Lisa was not shy at all. This was obviously not her first time with someone experimenting with a blood kink. “I prefer being bitten, but I'm flexible. I have a blade if you want to make a little cut, or you can just bite...”

Annabelle's eyes widened a little, surprised at Lisa's initiative. She felt very lucky to have met this sexy, kinky bartender, and made a mental note to try to keep in touch with her after this. “That works for me,” she said, with a sensual little smile. She put a hand on Lisa's knee, which Lisa did not mind at all. “I usually prefer to bite, but... if you want to cut, I'm okay with that. Are you sure you're okay with me tasting your blood?”

“Yeah,” Lisa assured her, and blushed slightly herself. “It... kinda does it for me... and you're really cute.”

Annabelle felt her cheeks go warm again. “Thanks. I think you're beautiful,” she said honestly.

Lisa put her hand on Annabelle's.

“I promise I don't have any, like, diseases or anything,” Annabelle added softly.

Lisa smiled and chuckled quietly. “Good to know. Me too. I'm really careful and test regularly, otherwise, I wouldn’t do this.”

Annabelle nodded, reassured.

Lisa's voice got low and sensual. “Anyway, now that that's out of the way... feel free to play. Unless I say 'foxtrot,' it's not too far.”

Annabelle made a mental note of the new safe word as Lisa went in for a kiss. Annabelle welcomed and returned it tenderly, and any final nerves she had about the evening melted away.

The two women relaxed back onto the bed, kissing and touching each other. Soft sighs and gentle moans filled the tiny apartment. Annabelle felt herself getting lost in the moment, almost forgetting for a little while why she was there, including forgetting about the Nosferatu in the dark corner. Her Beast didn't let her forget for long though, and when Lisa deliberately exposed her neck to Annabelle, she bit her gently, giving Lisa a hickey, but not breaking the skin yet. She held back, like she remembered Jasper doing, to listen for the safe word. Instead of saying 'foxtrot,' Lisa moaned. Annabelle took that as permission to continue and bit properly into Lisa's throat. She felt Lisa tense in the pain, then relax into the pleasure as Annabelle fed. She let her hands roam again over Lisa's body as she did so. The blood was good, nourishing and sweet, and her Beast whispered at her to take a little more, just a little more...

Annabelle pulled back, as full as she dared, and licked Lisa's skin to close the wound. Lisa was near breathless on the bed with a dizzy, happy little smile. There was a very faint snarl from the shadows and Annabelle looked up, mildly startled. She realised that Jasper had just watched every second of that and blushed again. Lisa hadn’t seemed to notice at all, lost in her haze of pleasure.

“Damn...” Lisa mumbled. “You... you're very good at that...”

“Thanks,” Annabelle said, a little humble, turning her attention back to Lisa. “You're good too.”

“If you say so.” She tried to sit up, but her body betrayed her and she landed back on her dark pillow. “Woah... I doubt I'm getting up for a while,” she giggled.

Annabelle giggled too. “Yeah. I'll get you some water?”

“Aww... thanks!”

Annabelle got off the bed and headed to the kitchenette. Glasses were easy to find and she filled one with water to bring back. It was the very least she could do. Lisa took it gladly and drank some.

“This was good,” Annabelle said, genuinely. “I had fun.”

“I'm really glad.” Lisa chuckled. “I think it's obvious I did too. So... you said you'd need to get home? It's cool if you do.” She sounded a little like she wished Annabelle could stay longer. Annabelle kind of wished that too, but knew she shouldn’t.

“Yeah, I do, sorry. But... I'll be sure the come by the bar again another time,” she promised.

“Yeah,” Lisa smiled. She seemed to like the sound of that. “You know where to find me. Be safe getting home, okay?”

“I will! Thanks again, Lisa, and... um...” Annabelle's voice dropped to a whisper, hoping to convince Lisa to keep a secret. “Don't tell anyone, okay?”

Lisa smiled again. It seemed like she had had this talk with others before too. “Sure. Your secret's safe with me.”

“Thank you,” Annabelle said. She leaned in to give Lisa one last long, sweet goodbye kiss, then went to the door. “See you.”

Lisa waved goodbye. Annabelle opened the door and made sure to do it wide enough to give Jasper time to slip out too. The door closed slowly behind them with a click.

Annabelle welcomed the cool night air on her face when she and Jasper got back out onto the street. She heard a soft, snarly chuckle by her side.

“Looked like you had fun.”

She glanced at where she had heard his voice. She still had Blush of Life on and her face turned red again. “Yes, I did.”

“She seemed... nice.”

“Yeah...” Annabelle glanced back up at the apartment building, to where she thought Lisa's window might be. She definitely intended to make good on her promise to return to that bar at some point in the near future. “She was.”

“Into vampires too. That's convenient.”

“You know... she might have been into you too, you know.”

She could hear him snicker very quietly. “I doubt it.”

“I don't know... she was really kinky... and besides... I'm into you.”

Annabelle paused and blinked. She hadn't really meant to say that, but it was out now. She cleared her throat. “Jasper?”

“Let's get back to your place,” he said in her ear.

She shivered, as she always did when he did that. She nodded and hurried home.

Annabelle made sure the door was securely locked behind her after she and Jasper got back to her house. Jasper let his Obfuscate drop once he was safely inside. It was the first time Annabelle had seen him since they had left, several hours ago. He looked hungry. She squinted at him, feeling bold and aroused by Lisa's blood.

“If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked watching me feed on her just now,” she said.

Jasper licked his fangs and smiled in the way he knew did funny things to Annabelle's insides. “Maybe.”

Annabelle’s Blush of Life was still active. Her heart thudded in her chest. She was already turned on from earlier. Her mouth felt suddenly a little dry and she swallowed. “Would you... like to... have some too?”

“Yes, please,” Jasper growled.

Annabelle nodded. “Bedroom.” She hastened there with Jasper looming behind her, hot on her heels.

Annabelle's red jacket was off as soon as she got to the bedroom. She tossed it onto her chair, which was already laden with other clothing. Jasper took a step towards her, but hesitated when she held up a finger. She took her shoes off before getting onto the bed. She smiled at him and beckoned him over when she was ready. He crawled onto the bed and came up beside her. She reached towards his head, then stopped.

“May I?” she asked quietly.

“Sure.”

Annabelle gently pulled his hood off, exposing his hairless, black-veined skin. “I want you to be comfortable here,” she said softly.

“I am,” he replied. “You've been a lovely host.”

“Thanks.” She fidgeted a little. “So... how would you like me?”

Jasper smiled. “Like this is fine.” He touched her hand and trailed his hand up to her shoulder and throat. He could feel her goosebumps. He let his fingers linger on her artificial pulse, which was racing away. “You seem very excited,” he observed.

Annabelle giggled. His hands were cold, but she didn't mind. The contrast to her warm skin was exhilarating. She could tell he was dragging this out. The anticipation was killing her. Her jeans felt too tight. “I am excited,” she said.

“I would very much like to taste that.” Annabelle recognised the hunger in his growl. Her stomach twisted. She felt tingly.

Annabelle tilted her neck to give him easy access to the veins and arteries in her throat. She closed her eyes as she heard and felt him draw himself in. She felt his hands on her shoulders and upper arms. He held her close to him, his body firm against hers. He gave her skin a sniff, then opened his mouth and bit into her.

She gasped, feeling his fangs sink into her jugular again. Her Vitae flowed into his hungry mouth. She winced at the pain and bit her lip, but as soon as the pleasure hit she relaxed into his arms, clinging to him with one of her own. She soon became light-headed as the blood left her brain. As if it had a mind of her own, her other hand drifted down to the button and zipper of her jeans and undid them enough to slide her hand into her pants and under her underwear. Her fingers moved against herself in a delicious and well-practiced fashion. She moaned loudly as Jasper bit a little harder and drank a little deeper. The pleasure rolling across her body was strong, and getting stronger by the millisecond. Annabelle was soon quaking with it and couldn’t hold on for long. She clung desperately to Jasper's back and screamed her climax through gritted teeth.

She felt like she was floating afterwards. She was dimly aware of his tongue licking her neck and her Beast grumbling and growling within. She relaxed back onto the pillows, one hand still in her pants. Every now and then she shook with a little aftershock.

A minute later, Annabelle opened her eyes again. Jasper was watching her. He had a hand on her hip. She realised she was still touching herself and, with no small degree of embarrassment, removed her hand. Her fingers were wet. She wiped them on a tissue, her cheeks red. “Sorry...” she mumbled.

“What for? Enjoying yourself?”

“Um...” Annabelle looked at him. He didn't seem bothered in the slightest.

He relaxed beside her, stretching his long body out on her large bed. “I think it's really great that you get so much...” he grinned, “pleasure out of these feedings, Annabelle. It's done wonders for my ego.”

Annabelle suppressed a little laugh and snuggled into him. “Nice to know I can boost your ego?”

“Not many things do, any more.” He stroked her hair. She wished she could feel what he was thinking, like how he could feel her. She figured they might have to have another talk about the Blood Bond soon, but not right at that moment.

“Do you really have to go tomorrow?” she asked very quietly.

“Yeah,” he said, just as softly. “I've got... responsibilities. And besides... what would your girlfriend say when she came home to find me in your bed?”

Annabelle laughed at the mental image. “She might be into it?”

She could feel Jasper shake his head. “I think she'd be horrified, Annabelle.”

“Mmm... she'd be surprised, for sure.”

“Have you told her about me?”

“I've... mentioned you, but only in that I have friends who are vampires. She doesn't know about the feeding.”

Jasper gave a little disapproving snarl. “I still wish you hadn't told her anything.”

“I know... but I can't take it back now.” Annabelle sighed.

“What about Mark?”

“He’s not been around as much. Victor’s mostly kept him away.” There was a note of sadness in Annabelle’s voice. She gently traced one of the lines on Jasper’s hoodie with her finger.

“I've had a good time with you this weekend,” Annabelle said, changing the subject and telling the truth. “A very good time. I've missed this.”

“I've missed this too,” Jasper confessed.

“Let's... not go so long between breaks next time?” she said hopefully.

“We'll see, but it would be nice,” Jasper agreed.

When dawn arrived, the two of them remained snuggled in each other's arms as they slept. Annabelle's Blush of Life faded and her body cooled to its usual undead temperature. For a little while, she could pretend that Jasper didn't have to leave the next night. She promised herself to invite him back as soon as she was able to. She sensed he wouldn’t say 'no.'

#la by night #l.a. by night #vampire the masquerade #jasper/annabelle #blood drinking #vampire smut #times jasper fed from annabelle

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katiebug445 · 6 years

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Katie says goodbye to the Supernatural cons.

Alright, so, I’ve been putting off writing this post for a couple days, because exhaustion hit me like a freight train and I’ve been feeling icky and sickly for awhile, so bleh. But okay. Time to get emo on main.

So about five years ago, around this time of year, actually, i finally got the chance to go to my first ever convention. me and some friends at the time were all planning on going to the Salute to Supernatural convention in Minneapolis, Minnesota in August of 2015. I was so excited to finally get to do this, because I’d been wanting to go to a con since 2011. This was my chance to finally go, and see Richard Speight Jr, and make a dumb dream that kept me alive for a long time come true. And it was, without a doubt, the most magical, and important experience of my life to date.

Around this time, I was beginning to come up in the fandom. i had a really good following, my fics were getting a lot of attention, i was in with a group that was insanely popular, and life was actually really good. The show was the most important thing in my life, and i had countdowns going until it came back on in the fall. i was in very deep in the fandom, and it was my main source of happiness, so going to this con was going to be fucking HUGE for me.

^^ freshly turned 20 year old Katie out there living the best life she could at the time. she was trying her best.

So we get to Minneapolis on that Thursday, and we’re walking around, and it hadn’t exactly sunk in yet that I was there. Like, I knew I was going, and I knew what was all going to happen, but I hadn’t been like “oh god this is happening” as of then.

I remember the moment that it did sink in, though. We were sitting in our seats, Richard and Rob were up on stage doing the rules and regulations, and I kind of came back into my body and realized that i was shaking a LOT, and i just remember looking around the auditorium, and then back up to the stage, and hearing Richard’s voice. I thought to myself “You did it. You made it here. You stayed alive for this moment right here. You fucking did it.” and that’s when everything sunk in completely for me.

i remember crying a lot after that.

The con was everything I imagined it would be. I laughed a TON, i got to spend time with some - at the time - really good friends, and I was very swept up in the magic of the whole weekend, and I never wanted that feeling to go away.

Then on Sunday, I got to meet Richard in person.

I won’t go into details, and I’ll spare the sob story that lead up to all of it, but I will summarize and say that Sunday at Minncon 2015 remains one of the most important days of my entire life. there was so much personal feelings wrapped up in all of that, and I still have no clue how i managed not to break down crying as soon as i saw him.

I love that man more than just about anything else, even to this day. richard is still a driving force to me to keep on going with life no matte what happens, and i owe him so much for that.

anyways, i loved the con. I loved the show, the cast, the whole experience. I walked away from that with some of the best memories that i will keep with me forever. I’ve said this a thousand times before over the last several years, but Richard Speight makes those conventions an incredible experience. The effort he puts into them, the way he treats his fans, all of it makes the cons so special for me. I thank him so much for being such a wonderful person, and making me want to go back again and again and again.

And i wanted so badly to do just that. I wanted to see Richard again. I wanted to do the cons, and hang out with friends more, and just do the whole fucking thing. Because that was peak happiness for me. it still is, in some ways.

Between the ending of 2015 and the beginning of 2017, i had a bad falling out with the people i went to Minncon with. i lost a lot of my popularity, i backed way off of all of the corners of the fandom that I’d made a name for myself in, and i kept my head down. I did and said some really stupid stuff that I’m not exactly proud of, and I paid the price for it. As a result, i started backing off.

But I still loved Richard, and i wanted to see him again.

So I saved. And saved. And saved even more. And in February of 2017, I got the chance to do it all again. I got to meet and hang out with a BUNCH of friends on that trip, and I got to spend a lot of time with two people who have become so important to me, and who I love dearly.

i owe that to Nashville.

^^ 21 year old Katie, had experienced a lot of bullshit and was living a her goodest life, but not her best. Still trying to get through some shit and attempting to grab life by the balls once more.

Nashville was... an experience.

the company that puts on the cons ended up doing a mega price raise, and everything went up by a lot of dollars (i’m too tired to math now, but it was a fucking LOT of money and even more stress by the time i got to buy tickets). I was really mad about it, and decided that nashville would be my second and last con.

i decided to go ahead and go all out with it since nobody would ever see me again.

I got to see richard right out of the gate again on that Friday, and actually got the chance to talk to him for a moment (i use that term very loosely, seeing as my “talking” is just me stuttering out two or three words and running away) and by some fucking miracle, richard actually fucking remembered my dumb face, and that made my entire life up to that point worth living (still kinda does tbh). I hurried out of the autograph line with my buddies, found the nearest chair i could plop down into where he wouldn’t see me, and i cried. i cried real ass tears (thanks for putting up with me, that day, christy!)

I actually got called up to do karaoke this time with one of my absolute best friends and favorite people, and we fucking rocked it. for four minutes, we were rockstars and it was fucking great. we got to act like idiots and get yelled at by Matt Cohen (KAZOO KREW FOR LIFE!) and ugh. it was just incredible.

Saturday was good. tt’s kind of a blur of ups and downs and photo ops, but overall, it was a good day. Same with Sunday. I know a lot more tears were shed by a lot of people in our group. And christy and brandi screamed at misha collins. That was fucking hilarious.

Nashville was a fucking great con, and despite all the crap that happened during and after, i wouldn’t trade it or change a single thing about it. I loved that con, and the people i got to go to it with. we all had an incredible time.

And part of me still, despite everything i told myself, wanted to go again.

Between February and May of 2017, i underwent a huge change in my life: I somehow got talked into watching anime with a - at the time - good friend of mine, and realized “wow. this is actually a lot better than what spn has done for a long time.” and it kinda pissed me off because WOW THIS IS WHAT SHOWS COULD BE LIKE WITH WELL WRITTEN FEMALE CHARACTERS THAT DON’T DIE!!!!! (thank you, fma for helping me see that light!). i was mad, but i was still devoted to spn, and yadda yadda yadda.

in May of 2017, i watched the finale of season 12 at my friend Cas’s place, and the finale left such a bad taste in my mouth, that i decided that was it. i was angry, i was hurt, i was completely done. i stepped completely out of the fandom, i muted all the fan accounts i followed on twitter, i spent that whole summer getting farther into the weeb side of life, and farther away from my spn roots.

and i’ve never fucking regretted it since.

I started looking into conventions for anime around my hometown, and ended up finding one that looked fun. And Ohayo was a fucking BLAST - but that’s a post that’s been sitting in my drafts since january that i haven’t written up yet. I’ll finish writing that eventually...

but i was so done with spn by that point that i wasn’t even upset that nashville was the last con for me.

I had started getting back into the fandom during s13, started writing fic again, and THEY ACTUALLY BROUGHT MY HONEYBEAR SON, MY PRIDE AND JOY, MY EVERYTHING, MY FUCKING WAFFLE CHILD BACK AND EVERYTHING WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. I WAS HAPPY. I WAS BACK. I WAS LIVING MY BEST FUCKING LIFE.

and then... then they took him away from me again. for nothing more than shock value.

and then i said nope fuck this im out im done fuck you all i’m going full ass weeb. FUCK IT ALL. i doubled down on my belief that i was doing no more cons, no more anything.

And then the fuckers announced that there would be a convention in cleveland, OH. Which I had been single-handedly campaigning for a con here for YEARS. When I finally get out of the fandom, they give us one. Absolute bastards!

So, with a defeated sigh, i decided “one more. one more and then it’s over for real.”

besides, i really, really, really, REALLY wanted to see richard again.

So i decided, why not get the remaining members of the gang back together, and go out with a fucking blast? that kinda worked. i got one member of the gang to come with me, and the other was there in spirit.

Richard cancelled about a week and a half before, which meant that my main reason for going was gone. and then misha cancelled until sunday, which meant my other reason for going was gone. but i still wanted to go and say goodbye to the cons and what little bit of the cast was there.

so we get there on friday, knowing full well friday is the only day we’re going, we didn’t buy tickets, we didn’t do anything to give creation our money, and we went in AOT cosplay because we’re cringy cool like that. and it was... surprisingly freeing.

^^ 23 year old Katie, who at this point has seen so much shit it doesn’t phase her anymore. Living an even better life than 2015!Katie. much more confident in herself, and a lot happier in general. Still trying her best.

the con itself was a shitshow. it was an absolute shitshow. but i had every bit as much fun hanging in the lobby with my friend as i did actually doing the panels and stuff. i knew this was my goodbye, and having the con be so higuhgieh actually made it a little easier to say goodbye to it. karaoke was a fucking blast, and i shouted and danced the entire night, and my poor voice suffered.

you’d think i just saw my best friend get eaten by a titan right in front of my eyes by how gone my voice was by the end of the night. -cough-

on the way back to the hotel is when it hit me that it was officially over. i cried the whole 20 minute drive back, knowing that this was the final time i’d ever see any of it. my last karaoke. my last chance to see everyone. my last spn con. it was so bittersweet, because i had such a blast, but it was done. it was all done.

and i didn’t even get to say bye to the man that i owe everything to. that’s what hurt the most about the whole thing.

i wouldn’t trade the cons for anything. i spent some of the best (and worst) years of my life doing them. the experiences and memories i have from these conventions are ones i wouldn’t give up, even if i could spare myself some heartache or stress. i am so grateful for these opportunities to meet these incredibly talented people, and get to see my friends there, and just have the time of my life. there isn’t one thing about any of those cons that i regret.

i am so sad to be giving them up, but i know it’s for the best. the prices keep going up, and it would take even longer to afford them, and i just can’t keep doing it to myself. the stress is crazy enough as it is, and there’s a lot i’ve missed out on trying to afford these things.

Not only that, but I’ve grown and evolved so much from that 19 year old doing everything she could to save back for her first con - and out of state trip. i’m not anywhere near who i was back then. i’ve gained much more confidence in myself, i’ve gained much more self worth, learned to control my anxiety/depression, and learned what i will and will not put up with from people. i’m a MUCH happier person than i was back then, and i’ve gained a lot of life experience and a lot of new interests over the last few years. so much has happened so fast, and almost everything has turned on its head.

but one thing that hasn’t changed for me is my love for Richard Speight Jr. I have said it in this post alone several fucking times, but i adore Richard. He is without a doubt one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he makes these cons so special for a lot of people - myself included. he’s the reason I kept wanting to go back, the reason that i kept pushing through the bad times, he’s been my reason to “Always Keep Fighting”. I am so blessed to have so many memories with him, and they’re the ones i talk about more than anything when talking about the cons. He will always have a huge and special place in my heart, and he will still continue being one of the big reasons why I keep pushing, and keep going, even when i don’t want to. he has absolutely no idea how important him just existing has been for this dumbass, and i really wish that he did. i hope that he knows the impact he’s had on my life, and that he’s always been my favorite since the trickster first announced that he had more ass than a toilet seat. richard has been one of the biggest inspirations to me for the last 6 years, and i literally owe the man my life. i’m so happy that he exists. it makes things a little easier knowing that he does.

I’m going to miss him so much that it hurts, and I hate that I didn’t get to see him or get to hug him one more time. that’s the hardest part for me about saying goodbye to the cons.

it’s so bittersweet going forward now, because there’s this huge part of my life that’s over, and i don’t know how to fully express all of it, but im so glad that i got to be on the ride as long as i did.

hopefully in the future, things will continue to be as fun as the last four and a half years have been. i can’t wait to see what future conventions hold for me and my friends.

#kaytastrophes #i started crying talking about richard and now i can't stop #im going to miss him so much you guys. so fucking much.#thank you so much to richard speight for making life worth living #i don't think a single thing in this post is coherent but it's 3 am and i'm sad and emotional and i wanted to get some of it out #katie cons

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jake-guentzel-59 · 6 years

Text

Shoot your Shot Part 7 - Auston Matthews

Sorry it took this long for the next part. I think there might only be one more part after this because I just dont think ill have time to continue with this with school and work. If people still want me to write I will but it’ll probably just be one shots or something until im done with school Words: 1780 Warnings: Cursing

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Waking up in Austons bed in the morning was a bit confusing. I woke up before him so that was a good thing because I really don't want to talk to him about what I said last night. I grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom. Deciding to leave, I called Kenzie to come get me.

"Hey" She answered "I need you to come get me. Like right now." "Why are you whispering? What's wrong? Where are you?" Kenzie asked rushed "I'm hiding in Austons bathroom and he's still asleep and I don’t want to wake him up." "Ohh, did you guys do it?" I can only imagine the smile on her face now. "No just come get me. I decided that I needed to confess my feelings for him last night before I fell asleep and I don't want to talk to him about it. I'm leaving his house now, I'll send you my location. There's a gas station right down the road from his house. Pick me up there." I told her before hanging up the phone.

After sneaking out of the bathroom, I quietly snuck back in to Austons room to get the rest of my belongings. After that, I slowly walked out of his room turning around to close his door as softly as I can.

"Hey, where you going?" Not expecting Will, I got startled by his question. "Jesus Will you scared me." "Sorry about that, but where are you going? I was going to make breakfast for me and Auston. I can make you some too." "Um, that’s fine. I was just heading out actually" I told him pointing towards the door. "Are you walking? I can wake up Auston so he ca-" "NO, that’s fine. My friend is picking me. Just tell him I had a nice time last night, Okay?" Telling him before I walked out the door.

It didn’t take long for Kenzie to pick me up. After telling her what happened last night, including the conversation I overheard and what was said last night before going to sleep, she told me I was overreacting. Chances are that I am but I don’t have a good track record with guys. Auston didn’t even say that he had feelings for me and me telling him how I feel probably scared him off. The drive home didn't take too long. Kenzie just told some story about a fight her and her boyfriend got into last night. We said good bye and I walked into my house. Refusing Wills breakfast offer is really kicking me in the ass right now because I'm extremely hungry. Walking into the kitchen to a note left by my dad telling me that he was at work and Mads was at our aunts' house. Today was Sunday so I decided to take a shower and have a movie day by myself.

~5 days ahead~

Today is finally Friday and I couldn’t be more excited. Tonight, me and my friends are going out for Kenzies birthday. There was just the last 15 minutes of my shift standing between me and getting drunk with my best friends. It was finally time to close the shop, these last 15 minutes felt like hours. Walking to my car, I checked my phone. I had missed texts from my friends and one from Auston. Which was weird because I only talked to him once or twice after Sunday, we haven't really talked that much in the last few days. His text told me to call him. So when I got to my car I called him.

"Hey" "Hi, are you mad at me or did I do something?" He asked "No, why'd you ask?" "Well we've barely talked the last few days and we talked everyday while I was away." He sound a bit sad when he said that. "Sorry, I've just been busy with work and stuff." Technically I wasn’t lying. I did work the last 4 out of 5 days and he didn’t do anything to make me mad. it was all my fault, "Well I have to go. I'm hanging out with some friends tonight for Kenzies birthday." "Oh okay. Tell her I said happy birthday, I'll talk to you tomorrow or something?" "Yeah, tomorrow. Bye Auston." "Bye Logan."

Not having time to overthink the conversation I just had, I drove to kenzies house to start drinking and getting ready. I decided against telling kenzie about the phone call because I didn’t want to ruin the night with my pointless boy drama and kenzie would just tell me I was being an idiot like she did since she picked me up Sunday. Predrinking went well, I don’t think I have ever seen Kenzie get this drunk before. If she drank anymore she would never make it out so that’s when I decided to call us all a cab to the first club. By about 1:30AM we made it too 3 different places. The third one was hands down the best. We were all pretty much as drunk as Kenzie at this point, dancing on the dance floor and getting more drinks. Kenzie went to the bar to get another drink leaving me on the dance floor. I was dancing with some people when I felt hands grab onto my waist. Turning around I didn’t recognize the guy but I continued to dance with him because I didn’t see any harm in it. We were dancing with each other for about 10 minutes when he turned me around and started making out with me. I was too drunk to realize I didn’t even know him and I started to kiss him back. He started lowering his hands and getting to touchy so I tried to stop him.

"Stop" I told him "Why? You seemed into a few minutes ago." "Yeah that was before but I'm not now, so stop." "How about you get back into and come home with me?" "How about you fuck off and leave me alone?" I told him with the fakest smile on my face "No need to be a bitch" He said walking away

Deciding not wanting to dance anymore I went to the bar to get another drink. After finishing my drink, I felt bored with being out so I told my friends I was leaving and called the first number I could think of. It was Auston.

"Hello?" He answered confused almost "Shit did I wake you up? Sorry ill call someone else." "No, it's fine, What's up?" "I was wondering if you could pick me up at this club. There was creepy guy trying to take me home and I just don' wan-" "I'll be there in a minute, send me the location" That’s all he said before hanging up in my ear. I was waiting for him outside and about 5 minutes after he hung up the creepy guy came outside. "Hello beautiful." He slurred his words as he came closer to me. Trying to walk away from didn’t work because he just followed me saying things to me. "Can you just leave me alone. I'm not interested at all." "I could but I really don’t want too." He said stepping closer to me. Right before he got close enough to touch me, Auston got in between us. "I'm pretty sure she said to leave her alone." Auston said angrily "I didn't know she had a boyfriend. Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend? I would of left you alone." Drunk guy said before starting to walk away "Because it doesn't matter if I have a boyfriend or not, you should respect my decision when I said leave me alone!" I yelled after him "Thanks for coming to my rescue Aus" "Get in the car" Is all he said after that

I followed him to car, him opening the door for me to get in and helping me put on my seatbelt before he closed the door and got in the front seat. We were driving for about 5 minutes before I realized we weren't headed towards my house.

"Where are we going?" I asked "Well you're drunk and I know when you're drunk you really want McDonalds so we're going there first. I also know that you are very very drunk and shouldn’t be alone tonight so I'm going to let you stay at my place tonight so I can keep an eye on you." "That's the nicest thing I think anyone has ever done for me." We got the McDonalds and went back to Austons. We were sitting in silence eating and all I could think about was the other night when I told him my feelings. "Can I tell you something serious?" I asked him "Of course" "So, the other night I heard you guys talking in the living room about me and that's why I got a bit awkward and then I told you had feelings for you, I don't know if you remember that or not, but that’s why I was kind of avoiding you. It wasn’t your fault or anything. I just have a tendency to ruin anything good going on with a guy. So, I just want to apologize for how I've been acting the last week and I hope we can still be friends." I rambled on "Logan, I remember everything you said to me that night. I wanted to say something back but I didn't want to ruin anything. I know you said that you liked me but I didn't think it was true because I have hard time believing it when a girl says that because they're usually after my money but I know you're not. I wanted to ask you out on a proper date but I thought you were mad at me." He told me this and I felt terrible. He actually liked me and once again I ruin it. "I'm so so sorry, I didn't know and how would I know because I thought I should avoid you. Of course I had to ruin something again." I mumbled to myself. "Hey you didn't ruin anything. I still like you and I still want to go out on that date." He told me smiling "Really?" "Of course, I was going to ask you out for tomorrow night but I think you might need the whole weekend for rest. How about next Friday?" "Yeah, I would love that." I told him with the biggest smile on my face. We finished eating and tried to watch a movie but I was way too tired and fell asleep on his shoulder.

#auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #tml #Toronto Maple Leafs #hockey imagines #nhl imagines #Shoot Your Shot

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muffin--stuffin · 5 years

Text

Traveling

I'm sorry if this doesnt make a whole lot of sense but i'm just going to brain dump.

You know, all my life i felt like i was watching time pass, always waiting for something better. It was always: next month ill do this, next year ill do that, when i graduate ill be able to do this ... and so on. I kept realizing that i kept waiting for things to get better rather than taking those strides myself, i always felt i was subjected to a clock or a calendar or an agenda that someone else made for me. These past few years, and it certainly wasn’t instant, i’ve been making huge steps to take control of my life. I've been going out with me, taking myself to restaurants, movies, events, initiating making plans with friends. And through all that i really learned more about myself, who am i, what i like, and how i want to be treated. And when i learned more about myself i stopped letting myself be treated in shitty ways.

Only when I cut off people who were treating me poorly did i learn that what they were doing wasn't love like they said, but their own faults and shortcomings that they need to deal with. I became so much happier when i took control of how i was being treated. And honestly the more control i take of my life, the more happier i get. People who didn’t deserve my love, kindness, or patience lost out and i put that energy into people who love me well in return.

One of the biggest steps i’ve been taking is travelling more. Meeting and learning about new people who grew up differently from you really helps you grow as a person. And all around the world you’ll meet good and bad people.

I’ve traveled twice now by myself, and both times at the end i’ve felt sad. However, as i sit here on a plane reflecting on both trips i can honestly say that they were two very different kinds of sadness.

Without going into too much detail both trips were incredible in the sense of gaining new experiences and having fun, you know i love travelling. But the first trip ended with a sadness of realization that i wasnt happy with how my life was, the people i was with, the relationships we had were hollowness being held together on by a thread, it didnt have a sturdy base, i was homesick, tired, and most unfortunately, i felt lonely around people who said they loved me, and that was a big realization for me. I changed a lot of my life up again.

The bad experiences i had i don't regret tho, i learned a lot from it. And im learning during my good experiences too, so next:

Vegas.

Man lets talk about vegas, what a way to spend a weekend. B was there and the opprtunity presented itself to go, so i bought a ticket thursday and flew out after working overnight into friday. Man was i so sleep deprived that day lmao. I think i woke up at 2 pm after working wed night, bought a ticket, packed my bags, and went to work thursday. Went home friday morning and dealt with delays, couldnt sleep on the plane and arrived in vegas at like 9pm (12 am east) punk ass time difference >:(. But after getting off that plane a second wind got me, we went out late at night, went to a club, made connections with fun people, went to bed at like 4 am. That night club was jewel, we got in for free and finagled some drinks. Never, ever drink AMF, regardless of what some girl is tryna tell u when ur already sloppy drunk, its worst than long island. Ive never been so drunk before hahah so honestly i dont really remember that night. But i think we had the best pizza ever at a place called eataly.

Saturday!! First full day in Vegas, and boy did i luck out, not on slots tho (i lost so much money gambling) and its probably because i used all my luck finding PG. Not til later tho. Saturday i walked all around sober, found some amazing sushi for the lads and just felt free. It was incredible, the views, the freedom, the exploration. That’s one of my favorite parts of travelling, feeling so free and small in such a big world. Later was the meet up, and i was nervous, of course, but like i felt so comfortable immediately. That night was a lot of fun, i think like 6 of us went out but... as i sit here writing this, i kinda realized that i don’t want to write everything out to the public. The memories we all made together are special to us and not for the world to know. They are memories that i'm going to cherish and they belong to us. In both a group setting and especially one on one time i spent with my friends, i was so, so happy. & you know what happens in vegas ..stays in vegas 😆

But one of the main points to this was to talk about my emotions about leaving vegas, so i will touch on that. So as quick as it came, as quick as it left unfortunately..

Leaving vegas - i’m sad but for a happier reason, i dont want to leave quite yet, this feelings getting cut short. Like friday and saturday i was having the time of my life, sunday was amazing, but then i kinda got hit with a wave. I caught myself not being me and it was because im going to miss the people i met, the times we had, and the friends we made. But it was hard, i really had to catch myself being lame for a while, and i felt like i was wasting the lil time we had. How sad is that? And then i felt guilty for being a little different and bummed out.

But you know what, I think there's something tragically beautiful about being sad at the end of a vacation. It means you were having an amazing time and you don't want the memories to end, but it also means you're afraid of the future. I don't want to be scared that life will get worse or im bound to be just some fuck up.

And idk maybe we used eachother as a weekend escape from our lives, but holy shit PG i wish you knew your worth because you're incredible, and i regret not making it clear. I feel like you were a little anxious about showing us the best around vegas but cmon.. i loved your company when we werent doing anything. But why was i sad and fearful? Maybe i'm afraid that all we had was that short time limit, but if all we were was an expiration date, why did it feel you've belonged in a space near me as if you had it our whole lives? Maybe it was fate but I'll also choose not to believe that you were only worth a time limit. I am so tired of this looming shadow that someone else has created over me that people are temporary in my life until i screw things up. I hate how engrained these two have put it into my head that i dont deserve this. I dont want to believe that people who are making me happy in the present arent going to last. You know i'll take control of this part of my life. Yeah im sad im leaving but ive been creating this life for me where im so fortunate to have friends that are just the best. I shouldnt be afraid or sad that something like this wont happen again, because it will. Honestly, maybe i dont deserve them but i know one thing, is that i want to make them happy.

And B man you've had a tough month and you're staying really strong. I hope im doing something okay that helps you through these shitty times you're going through. You're an amazing friend and i wish you would find a happiness in yourself and your friends. I notice you've been trying to stay strong but i hope you're not letting it eat you away, im really happy you've been confiding ur feelings to me because i know it's tough. Stay strong bruther. It just breaks my heart seeing when you’re sad

#rambles

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mjeoppa · 7 years

Text

a story i told my friends

it’s long so. also contains malay words, if need translation dont use google, ask me. Quick summary: im actually happy (???questionable) but its all rather bittersweet

Maybe a quick intro to the characters of the drama

Me:awkward but living Raja: someone i kinda grew close through wanting to go to the same places together, a smart girl who's understanding and talks a lot, went to an agama school so she has that conservative part of her Afiq: a guy who lives in my neighborhood who's like probably the good samaritan of our malaysian organization, hobbies include playing video games, watching anime and cooking Hakim: afiq's housemate, doesnt really talk to people much but likes to get involved, hobbies include creating short films

So, i met all 3 separately; raja, since she's in my batch, earlier on, in fact she actually flew to michigan with me halfway, then we had different flights. Afiq i met when he came over to my house once, then later he came by bc my housemates said he could help me put my table together, and even then we were chatting comfortably. Hakim i met on a bus home after orientation, and i recognized him immediately; the guys from damansara i saw in the malaysian organization yearbook. But i didnt say anything bc how would i know he's malaysian lol

So after awhile i became friends w raja and afiq, progressing quite well in the friendship statuses, both of them having common interests w me. Then i found out that they were close w each other too. By the end of the semester, it was pretty obvious that afiq has a thing for raja, by the way he treats her.

Hakim on the other hand i kept having accidental meet ups w on the bus, n i could only officially say i know him after the first mso (malaysian student organization) meeting, but after that i didnt have a chance to say a thing to him. But after that meeting, i could also officially say that i have a crush on this guy. Afiq had talked about him, my friend's housemate talked about him, n from what i learned this guy has a weird charm where he does the most unexpected things, or maybe bc hes so quiet no one really knows what hes thinking

Im close to one of my housemates (who has graduated last semester), kak tipah whom i confessed i have a thing for hakim, and she told me that he has a girlfriend 🙃this was rather early in the semester, so i ended up shuffling crushes a lot throughout, but ofc hakim was still my first crush, also my first heartbreak in michigan

Another one of my housemates, kak su, recruited me to join her for her winter break trip, and when she asked whom i think would wanna join, i suggested raja. Another person who was already in on the plan w kak su was a guy named mirza. At this point i knew nothing about him. There was a phase where i would continuously confirm w my housemates whom mirza is through pictures until i could officially recognize him myself

It was thanksgiving, or maybe a few days before when mirza finally confirmed that the fifth and final member of our trip is hakim (jeng jeng jeng). I was happy, but i had to remain calm. He has a girlfriend, after all.

Okay so winter trip. That was so freaking fun. Funny thing is that we were 5 random people w different backgrounds, and yet we managed to make it work. It was awkward in the beginning, but later we learned how each other worked and after a few forum sessions we were more open w each other. Yes i did get to know hakim, but i also got to know so much more about raja, and mirza is a person that i didnt expect when i first came here to be someone that would be cool w being friends w me.

The ridiculous thing is that it was very early in the trip that we established that both kak su and hakim werent available. I didnt know when it started, but hakim started to talk more, and i liked that he didnt mind sitting around me, he was comfortable w stuff like giving me food he couldnt finish and asking what i wanted to order (dinner is usually the time we could talk, otherwise we'd be in the car and we cant really have a one on one conversation)

Raja on the other hand couldnt stop talking

She asked weird questions, and at first it was just to me, but later i fell asleep a lot so she started asking mirza, and so it became a thing that when theyre bored they would be listening to raja's epiphanies about life

Somewhere in between the first and second week of the trip i was texting afiq a lot n he said "aku susah nak rapat dengan perempuan" so to prove to him how bad i am at making friends w guys i told him that he's the closest guy friend i ever had, so ever since that i guess we had this agreement that we were somewhat close friends and we can kinda tell each other stuff

And believe me, i tell afiq stuff i dont even tell raja

So anyway at first i was kinda happy, and we had fun talking bout stuff, but later i saw that he was chatting w raja, so i felt a bit suckish bc he said he was bad at making friends w girls, so was he just saying it for the sake of it?

So there was a time where we were staying at separate houses, the girls and boys, so we decided to go out to eat, and there wasnt anything else to do in tulsa anyway, so we sat and ate and talked for 3 hours. So i asked mirza when did he finally recognized me as "elyna" and he said actually the first time he heard of me was from afiq who told him that i knew a bunch of animes, and yea actually this was before i told him hes my closest guy friend but i just realized that this was when hakim started to talk to me more than usual

Hmm there were times when he says stuff that i was thinking, n i think i say stuff that hes thinking as well bc when it happens he kinda glanced at me weirdly in the beginning, later when weve talked to each other more we finally say things like "hey i was about to say the same thing" or something like that. Example: we were eating at a thai restaurant n the menu was kinda simple, and i was thinking to myself "ape lagi. Pad thai jela." Then mirza asked hakim what he was gonna order, and he literally said the exact same thing i was thinking. Once mirza asked for an extra bowl of rice (also a thai restaurant, but this was a lot later) and he was saying "mahal doh, 2 ringgit" then hakim asked "brape?" "2 ringgit" then i glanced at him and he glanced at me and i said "murah gak tu. 2 ringgit kalau dollar 50cent." Then we laughed and he said he was about to say the same thing.

Theres this thing during dinners that he does, starting from this gyro place, where he would want me to sit somewhere near him, like either across or next to him, probably so that he can crack jokes w me, but after awhile we ran out of things to say. So sometimes we kinda order similar things just bc. Im not sure. Sometimes he follows my lead, sometimes i follow his, then when what i wanna order is too far from what he wants he just orders wtv he wants. I guess later he realizes that im really bad at first orders haha my food always turns out not that good a dish.

Okay so if i go on and on about the trip this story will never end. Basically we had fun, for a bunch of awkwardly matched 5-some. Raja really liked opening forums and asked weird questions and one of em was what were their first thoughts of us, and hakim said that i came to his house several times to play video games so he thought he'd have that to talk about w me. Raja, he said talked way too much for his liking in the beginning, he said he would like his peace lmao. Both of them knew kak su beforehand so they didnt really think of anything. Thing is, raja actually felt hurt at hakim's comment, even tho it was evident that even if he didnt like all her talking, he wouldnt actually stop her from talking. Except there was a time we wanted to play a game in the car n he said "jom main game senyap, siape paling lama diam die menang" n we all laughed n we asked whats the prize n he said that person can get to talk for an hour n kak su said lets let hakim win so that he has to talk for an hour. I take too much time explaining details ugh.

So for the next day after that confession by hakim raja didnt talk to hakim at all. She literally asked everyone what their glasses power were except hakim. I laughed at him quietly in sympathy. But later she was okay w him again. Just that whenever he talked to her she would complain to me.

She also complained that hakim took a long time to follow raja back on instagram but for me it was on the same night. I said it was bc i followed him when i saw that he was on ig, but she said she saw him going on ig after she requested to follow him but he hadnt approved.

Also both raja and kak su knows i like hakim since before the trip.

It was in new orleans that i really felt like he was making me expect too much from him. He wanted to buy a hot dog for himself, but kak su n raja were sharing, n i didnt want one whole hot dog, so he ended up sharing w me, n he even followed me to the counter when i ordered, n it really made me happy, my heart was bursting, thats the only way i can explain it.

So after that everything was rather mediocre. I theorized a pattern in his ig picture liking in which he would like pictures i post that did not include myself in it, except one. After we got home i kinda felt that feeling of "so thats it?"

But it wasnt. My housemates were saying i couldnt move on, but it really wasnt something to move on from. 3 weeks of just them gave me a lifetime of memories. So when I went out w raja on the sunday before classes start, i guess i shouldnt have been surprised whem raja confessed that she has a crush on mirza.

She went on and on about how they had been talking ever since the morning after we arrived home, and all i could talk about was how i felt like hakim treated me like something more than just another girl, n raja said she saw it too, n i couldnt hold on to those feelings bc he has a gf.

Talking about his gf, throwback to new orleans, second night, 1am. It was just me, mirza and raja, n before mirza had mentioned that hakim's gf went to mirza's mrsm before he got there, so he kinda knew who she was, n he told us that night that the girl's previous boyfriend wasnt like hakim at all, so he was surprised. So me n raja were making all kinds of conclusions. Maybe hakim came into the picture right after mimi, the gf just broke up w her prev bf so she was more accepting of him. Maybe mirza didnt really like the girl. Maybe the circumstances of their relationship is not as it appears, but theyve been together for 3 years, and for 2 of those years hakim was in the states n she's back home, so who r we to say if their relationship is good or not? Speculation wasnt even decent, but we speculated anyway.

But yea semester started n in the first week the only time i saw hakim was through a snap of him sleeping in between classes. Raja was moving into our apartment, bc 2 of my housemates were graduating, so she was taking over one of the leases. When hakim found out he was like "alaa nnti jumpa raja dalam bas." N raja was half kidding when she said "okay la kalau jumpa dalam bas aku tak tegur kau".

On that sunday afiq was being real weird. He's close to one of my housemates, one that i havent revealed until now, kak sj, n i dont know if it has anything to do w her graduating. she was the one who told me to ask him to help w the table n she invited him over several times to cook w her. But he was asking me if i had classes he could join in n in the first week, i saw him every week day. We talked a lot about mso n classes n common interests. One day i was saying youre old afiq, and you havent even confessed to ur crush, whatre u gonna do? Then he told me that hes actually confessed to her, a month ago. I was so surprised. I mean, if it really was a month ago, it had to be someone from my batch, probably, n it couldnt have been anyone but raja? But i didnt wanna assume, so i offered a trade - my crush for yours. So he told me about confessing to raja, n i told him about hakim.

That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours about feelings and shit. I was pretty dumbfounded. He confessed to raja before the trip, and she kept that from me all the while, i know its probably not my business, but i wonder if she thought it was better that i didnt know? Bc she tells me almost everything about her life, n i tell her almost everything about mine, so why this secret?

I couldnt keep all this to myself. The night before kak tipah's flight home, i told her everything. She said that she shipped mirza w raja, n me w afiq. I told her that me n afiq cant be more than friends, especially not now. And imagine, im actually one of the last ones to know about this confession. Both of them must know that i felt left out? Kak tipah asked, if afiq suddenly told me he likes me, what would i do? I said i probably wouldnt accept him, bc i feel like im just the second option. Then she asked, what if he confessed to me, not raja? Then i said i probably wouldnt accept him immediately, but eventually.

I also felt that afiq's confession was off in timing- it was way too early. We hadnt been here for even 6 months, we barely know everyone in mso, u really couldnt expect her to have accepted him immediately. But later afiq did say that he didnt expect anything from her, he just wanted to know that he likes her. One of the things that we mentioned during the 2 hour talk was what was his previous girlfriends like, n he said him n his friends concluded that there were 3 main components in the girls he liked; 1. Wears glasses 2. Is introverted and 3. Has common interests w him. I was being so slick at not pointing out that all these descriptions fit me, but instead i avoided it by comparing it to raja, n she only wears glasses at night, is extremely extroverted, n common interests w her is very general.

But yea, he dropped out of the classes he was planning to take w me, but we still talked a lot about stuff, n two wednesdays ago i went to his house for fun, n it was hakim's turn to cook, n i think that was the third time this semester i saw him, n he invited me to eat and said "makanla, aku masak untuk kau kot" n it was a happy moment, even if i knew he was just kidding. Later all his housemates left me n afiq to our geeking out session.

The first time i saw him in the semester was during an mso gathering. We didnt talk. The second time i saw him, i didnt actually see him, altho he probably saw me. Raja had been complaining about meeting hakim on buses n being awkward about it, so one day I was helping raja move her stuff, n we were carrying big plastic bags of pillows onto a bus. Raja mentioned beforehand that she hopes she doesnt see any malaysians, n especially not hakim. The bus we got on was rather crowded, so me n raja had to sit separately. I wanted to sit at the back, but it was too much effort to squeeze in, so i just sat somewhere in the middle. When we were almost home, raja kept giving me signals, but i didnt get it. As soon as we got off, raja went all "DAH CAKAP DAH. MULUT AKU NI MASIN SANGAT." So hakim was on that bus, n i didnt even notice him, even after all my previous efforts to get on a bus w him, when i finally did i didnt even see him. I probably did, but i didnt recognize it was him. Raja kept complaining about it but i was just frustrated, so she ended up pissing me off.

Okay so one day i told him that i had a theory for why he likes raja, a girl who doesnt fit the usual description, n it was bc he didnt want to get broken hearted by girls who are as such again, so he opted for someone who's different, bc srsly his exgf treats him like they never came around to broke his heart so thats mean, but it was also a hint i was giving that he should probably stick to being friends w me so that he wont get broken hearted again, but he was all "hahahah you just made my day" and it was bittersweet

This whole thing is bittersweet- liking hakim is, too. Bc i feel like he's someone who treats me better than he treats raja, n that feels so good, even if it sounds mean, but when was the last time i ever felt like i was someone who was preferred over another girl?

Back to the story, things kinda got lost in between my own life of working and classes and doing design stuff for mso n never doing what they want me to do, so when raja suggested we made a batch gathering in our new house, i thought it was an awesome idea bc i havent hung out w kids in my batch for awhile now, n after having a short lunch w one of em the other day i realized that theyve been spending their time living their lives awesomely as well, n i kinda wanna hear all about it.

So yeaa after many discussions on when we should do it n whos free when we finally decided to do it last friday night. Thing is, that morning was my first shift ever, so right after i had to go buy stuff to replenish the household resources. when i was on my bus home, i saw afiq somewhere near the bus driver. I waved at him, hating to sit in front bc those r usually reserved seats n i dont like hesitating to stand up to offer an older person the seat, so i went all the way to the back w my bags of groceries n there he was, abdul hakim bin zazli.

When he saw me he asked "pegi meijer ke?" And i said yea and our conversation stopped there. I was wearing earphones, but he wasnt, but he was looking at his phone. Afiq messaged me "have fun" n i hated him. After awhile i noticed he wasnt really on his phone, he was just bored n that was his escapade, as usual, a habit of his ive noticed since the trip. So I wanted to make conversation, but when i called out "kim" he wasnt responding so i looked away, but suddenly he turned to me but i was already looking somewhere else, so he didnt say anything. He didnt say bye, but after walking a bit i noticed afiq turning around n grinning at the bus. I still hate him.

So that night was pretty awesome. Even most of the guys came. All the girls came. It was tiring having to make sure there was always food for the guests n that they werent bored, but everyone was pretty chill n i loved it. My batch is pretty awesome. I think one of the best feelings after thinking that u suck at befriending guys is having guys laugh at your jokes. intec guys sucked. period.

Saturday night. I was supposed to be studying for a monday exam. Suddenly afiq asked if i wanted to play left4dead2, which is a game we casually play together w sal, a chill sarawak girl who i have a friend crush on (she loves video games too n owns a ps4). We also managed to get mirza to play w us. After losing one round too many times, mirza quit n the cpu sort of saved our ass. It was 2am n we were still talking while doing our own shit. I have a feeling us 3 would make a pretty awesome trio.

Anyway i ended up being the last one sleeping bc i was editing jongup's bday video, but they all said they'd wanna come over to the ceramics studio to play clay from my wheel throwing class. So the next morning i told them it was pretty empty, so sal came n made an awesome mug for a first timer. She had fun. Afiq had a meeting so we met up w him for pizza after, then he came back to the studio w me bc he wanted to play w clay too. He told me that hakim brought the car to campus, so if i still had a lot of work to do n would probably miss the last bus at 5.30 i could ask him. So i did. He said he was going back at 10, n afiq didnt wanna go back that late, so he ended up have someone pick him up at 7. At 9, hakim was in front of the art building.

I keep forgetting to tell u guys that raja has met hakim on buses several times but he wouldnt talk to her, or like, he ignored her, which was something he did even to me before the trip, which is why when he talked to me first on friday, it felt great really. But raja hated it. She questioned it - why does hakim talk to me but not her? Why is he the only person she knows who wouldnt talk to her? I guess what she hated was his ego, but it also made it sound like she wants everyone on earth to love her, n i couldnt really stand that. But i didnt say a thing.

So when he initiates conversation during that what felt so short trip home, i was happy. As i described it to raja, it was a give n take. He would ask a question then talk n I would ask a question then talk n we were still cracking jokes when we were at the front door of my apartment. Unlike afiq who likes long goodbye n attachment, hakim's goodbyes were short n sweet, n i wonder why he's so chill w me, n some parts of me says that he probably thinks i have something going on w afiq, n i kinda hate that.

-tbc-

#personal #hz

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