#im so busy lately its hard to find time to justify the two hours it takes to find edit and upload the outros from an entire season 😭😭

[br1ghtestlight]

season 8 has soo many good outros tbh. banger after banger

[thompsborn]

do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.

also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this

ironhusbands:

when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—

he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters

you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.

and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!

when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too

like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.

rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be

and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.

so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.

for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.

rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.

but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.

they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!

so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay

and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too

and thats when tony is like. well.

about that.

he might be calling from a payphone.

on a random street corner.

and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.

rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.

a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™

but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it

tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now

so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT

rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?

and tonys like wtf are gatherings

and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok

tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough

but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER

so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.

SO MUCH anger

because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and

and he’s gonna fix it

and this is the first step

so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice

tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says

rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off

anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:

rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?

but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—

door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK

of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it

until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time

(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)

sambucky:

firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws

also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected

update from after writing this: i lied

let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve

thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away

children. they are children.

which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway

and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD

and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.

its so funny to me okay its SO funny

its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.

post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess

i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.

okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!

SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.

bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.

also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”

bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop

sam havin a nightmare too

because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.

and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact

but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.

sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck

steve and sam probably got it

the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.

what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.

sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.

therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”

and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.

there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.

its gone, and he gets it.

sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it

it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead

but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”

its the way sam says, “me too.”

and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”

its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but

but its this and its them and that can wait

it can wait

they can take their time if they want to

maybe they’ve earned that much, at least

(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...

when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.

that's what makes it worth the wait.)

[nish-with-no-niche]

When No One's Around...

Chartered accountant!Jaebeom x Software engineer!Reader

Summary :

Ever wonder how much alcohol tolerance can Jaebeom have for you? Read till the end to find out ;)

Warning :

1) This chapter.....is a long ass ride.

2) I know some people prefer using their name, but I only realised it later that instead of (Y/N) I accidentally gave reader-nim a name, i.e, Yeseul. So kindly bear with me as it's my first time writing a 2nd person perspective and just imagine your own name in its place. Thankyou and.....enjoy!

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You finally had finished your board meeting and were heading out of the office building with your co-workers to retire to your humble abode.

"It's 7:37 pm ladies and gentlemen, and we are finally free for the night.", said Sarah, one of your close colleagues.

"Aaaand we're leaving 2 hours later than the designated office hours. This is over time!", exclaimed Kyunghwan, your senior, and sales manager. It was totally unusual but justified for everyone to feel this way. After such a heated discussion about the proposals everyone was exhausted and acted dramatically. Even though they were your seniors, almost everybody still treated each other without the honorifics outside of work; albeit they could seem eccentric given the time and place. You yourself had experienced it first hand and maybe tonight had just a little bit more in store for you.

" Everyone, I totally understand how you must feel.....", stated Mr. Yoon-ho, the team director. "We, are not getting paid enough. Let's go to a restaurant and give ourselves a well deserved treat. The person who is wearing blue today will be the ones to pay up!", came his suggestion.

Hearing his sudden offer, each person constituting the 8 people group cheered and hooted but started checking their dress colours as the realization hit in. 'Oh thank god, I'm wearing anything but blue today' , everyone thought simultaneously.

However everyone's eyes landed on you as you were the only one wearing a turquoise blue ruffle shirt with beige coloured cigarette pants. And everybody knew exactly where that suggestion in the director's mind had come up.

' Oh lord, it's Yeseul again.'

Firstly, Yoon-ho was a huge-ass spend-thrift. Even if he knows he wont eat or use something, he would still spend money on it. Especially when it's someone else's money.

And secondly, he despised you. You and your intelligence. And the fact that you were humble made it even worse for him.

Atleast one can hate on arrogant people for their arrogance. As for humble people, we can't even hate them for anything, much less like. Tch.

Sarah, concerned for you asked if you were okay with that. Not that you really had a choice in the first place.

But you had stopped listening-in to their conversation, midway. Because your eyes were solely fixated on this unexpected visitor, standing right across the road, leaning against his car and looking right at you.

Im Jaebeom, your soon-to-be fiancè, in all his glory was right in front of you and you had no idea what he was doing there.

"Sarah, I'll see you later."

Coming to your senses after 3.57 seconds, you waved back at him and quickly crossed the road to reach him.

" Yeseul, hey" started Jaebeom.

"Uh, hi! I didn't know you were here. How have you been?", unsure, you asked him.

"I've been good. I got off work early today so I decided to pick you up like a responsible boyfriend", smirked Jaebeom.

He had his hands in his pant pockets the whole time, was wearing a suit with his hair gelled up and looked like the epitome of a perfectly successful banker.

"How long had you been waiting?", you questioned. "Not too long, about 20 minutes? .... Yeah. Don't worry though, I was busy on my phone." He lied. He knew you'd feel even worse about the truth because in reality he had been waiting for you since two hours thirty-seven minutes and sixteen seconds.

But even then you insisted, " Now this makes me look really bad. You didn't have to come all the way here. Why didn't you call me?"

"I wanted to be here", he replied cheekily and pat your head. "And it was a good surprise, wasn't it?"

(Sighing) "what if I already went home or I was staying in late?"

"Well then lets just say I got lucky" he smiled.

You were about to say something further, but he cut you in, " By the way, your...... colleagues, they seem... expectant?" Looking back at them you see them all wide-eyed and smiley-faces as if they just didn't come out of an exhausting office day. Realizing their expressions , you turned and asked Jaebeom, " oh, um, Jaebeom-shi, you're not too tired, right? Have you eaten something?"

"No, not really, why?"

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" HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! WHAT A NIGHT MAN, WHOO!!" roared a drunk Mr. Yoon. "Wow, Yeseul, you have such a nice boyfriend, he's a keeper, hahahaha. Everyone! say, 'THANKYOU IM JAEBEOM-SSI!'.

Bashfully, everyone complied, giving you sorry smiles and yet enjoying the food and drinks in front of them as if it was their first time eating.

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Since the time the talks of you about to being engaged rounded up in the halls of your office, everybody had been eager and curious to meet this Mr. Perfect who they had only seen in photos. Everyday not only the women but also your male coworkers would come over at your desk asking you to set up a get together with him.

They all wanted to know who this mysterious person was, taking a liking for someone as stoic as you. They never imagined you being in a relationship with anyone- always holding the title of 'Fashion Femme Fatale'.

So now here you were- with Jaebeom- and a gang of 8 people who were doing nothing but wasting Jaebeom's hard earned money.

Yes, he offered to pay up in your stead.

Ah! So chic!

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You were getting really uncomfortable because you felt bad for Jaebeom who was nothing but sweet to everyone all this time. You were barely starting off in a relationship and now he had to witness all of ....... this.

You wanted to just take your bag and run away with him.

"Hmm, Yeseul , how long has it been since you guys started dating?" Asked Yoon-ho.

Huh?

" uh, it's been about...... 2 months?" you replied looking at Jaebeom for confirmation. After getting his nod of approval you continued, "why do you ask though, sunbae-nim?"

"Ah! I didn't get to congratulate you. First of all....... let me pour you a drink!"

"What, out of nowhere?"you retaliated.

"Ahem! I'm your superior."he countered. "You didn't even touch anything yet, Drink~ bottoms up~~".

In the midst of his coercions, you contemplated- 'Why... do I get intimidated by Yoon-ho ssi? .... Soju's too strong ...... Jaebeom won't be able to drive if he drinks it.... house is far tooo. *sighs* it's over for me if I get drunk and act like an idiot in front of them.... hhnnngg. But if I refuse, the mood will get cold.... last time I was fine for the first few drinks, right?-"

"Give it to me."interceded Jaebeom.

"Huh?"

Turning towards the crowd, he stated, "Yeseul's bad with alcohol. I'll drink for her."

"Ooo~ hahahaha~~"

"playing the knight for your girlfriend ? ~~ "

"so cool!! Whoa~"

Sighing you looked at him, starting to get a little worried. But suddenly everyone chimed in- "still! We're not satisfied with one drink!"

"Let's get Yeseul-ah drunk~!"

"Me too!"

"You cant resist our drink! We're your superiors!"

"Aah~ now, let's not push her too hard. Take it slow. Slow~" said Yoon-ho, giving you his ever so sweet smile.

'It is you I hate the most!' You thought.

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"Aah~ Jaebeom-ssi drank them all"

"~Food is great here!"

"Heard this is the hidden place for gourmets."

After a while things seemed to settle down, your thoughts again wandered towards Jaebeom-

'He keeps on tapping his fingers and feet.... all the while maintaining his smile. I wonder if he's getting bothered by them..... ' -

"Hey~ she cant take her eyes off her BOYFRIEND!" chirped Yujin( colleague, same age as you). Following suit everyone got started off- "He's good looking right?" " you didn't even glance at the others ~" "what ? No, when did I.. " you tried to defend yourself. Sarah who was sitting next to you all this time whispered, "don't take them too seriously 'seul- ah, they're only teasing you, and you know everyone is as good as drunk."

Suddenly Kyunghwan, who was sitting opposite to you, waiting for the right opportunity slipped in~ " You can take mild Brandy right?"

"Ah yes, I can"

"NO." Jaebeom interceded. Again.

He took the glass from his hand and drank it.

"Aish intercepting it all, gosh!"he exclaimed.

But leaving no stone unturned, he kept pressing, "hey! You guys are a couple, atleast show us a kiss!" And everyone started hooted demanding such a public display of affection.

Hearing this, your ears flared up, " oof, what's with you all? Dont you think it's too much? ..... please stop it already. I dont really want to do it. ........Why do we have to do it in front of you?"

Now this... was just too much. Right when you were about to give them a piece of your mind-

"Okay."Jaebeom announced.

" ...... "

" ....... "

" ....... "

What.

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The truth is that both of you had never really kissed before, the closest form of affection you were able to showcase for now was simply a hug, that too only when you were alone. You had no idea what went through his mind when he agreed to everyone's plea. Was he finally drunk? You had never seen him drunk before, all though a few of his friends that you had met told you he had a strong temperance. Maybe this was okay for him?.... Did he probably hear it wrong? Not being able to make head or tail of the situation you questioned him, "Jaebeom-"

"You....... and you." Cutting you off, said person pointed at Kyunghwan and then at Yujin.

"If you two do it, we'll do it too. In fact, it doesn't matter if any other two do it either." explained Jaebeom with a smile.

And then you realised what he was actually doing.

"Don't want to, right?..... I stink of alcohol and 'seul said she doesn't want it. Moreover, it won't look good, if a lady's colleagues at work would act like this, much less her seniors."

"Uh. . . . " a flustered Yujin tried to speak.

" Well I wasn't going to force her to do that" resigned Kyunghwan with a pout.

"Yeah let's just forget about it, okay guys? ", Sarah spoke.

"Wow~ get married already Yeseul, reqally" Said Yoon-ho.

"Such a perfect couple. Tch" mumbled Yujin.

However, when everyone went back to their own, Kyunghwan caught Jaebeom giving him a side glance with a poker face who then turned to look at you. Even though such a gesture unnerved him, the alcohol immediately brushed off that feeling.

You on the other hand were getting more and more worried about Jaebeom, you lost count of how many glasses he must've had on your account, and tried one more time to check up on him- " are you alright? You've been really drinking a lot." But he only gave you a smile in return.

(Sighing) 'He drank way too mu-' *plop*

His head suddenly on your shoulder now, he spoke, " I want to rest."

Looking at you Sarah whispered," He must be tired, you should go home now, don't worry, I'll take care of it here."

"Okay. Jaebeom-ssi ....... Jaebeom? Let's go home now, ok?" You asked.

"Seul."

"Yes?"

"My head aches."

"What? Headache?"

"Its too noisy here..... my head aches.....". Alarmed by this sight you wondered ' 'why's he like this ? Since the start he seemed a bit off. Is his head hurting from being drunk? This was such a bad idea."

You see him gently lift his head up and stare at his hands. Or the table. Or the plate? You see jaebeom blink.

"..."

And he blinked again.

'Ohmygod,he's definitely drunk.'

" uhh, hey- let's go get some fresh air, okay?" You asked holding him by the shoulders. You never witnessed something like this before. But he just stared at you.

'Answer me already.' You thought. Helping him stand up you took your bag, "okay, Sarah, we'll be leaving now, I'll catch you tomorrow, take care!"

"Yeah, you too, goodnight~" returned Sarah.

Once outside you tried to remember where the car was, since the restaurant didn't have a parking lot. You walked a few meters and then stopped. Due to him leaning on you, your back and neck hurt a little, so you decided to sit on the nearby bench. 'Ah, I'm out of strength.'

You both just sat next to each other like that for a while and then you asked him where the car was kept.

But he just smiled at you.

Heaving a sigh, you stood up and started searching around. "Just sit here, and dont move Jaebeom- ssi, I'll be right back." He saw your retreating figure as you left.

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After about 10 min you find the car at the backside of the building and return to where Jaebeon was.

"I found the car, give me the keys and I'll drop you off home" you said.

"Yeseul."

"Yes?"

He smiled. Again.

"Seems like you won't get up for a while." So you sat down. Did he even listen to a word you said? And no sooner than you did, he reached his hand out to touch your face, whereas you instinctively moved back. He paused for a moment, mid air, and then touched your cheek. "You look tired", he said thoughtfully.

Well he wasn't completely wrong.

He let his head drop on your shoulder, and again with the same sweet, mellow voice recited you name," Ye.seul.ah."

"Yes, yes I hear you." You laughed.

"I should've just left with you after work was over rather than come here. Everyone just wanted to meet you so bad. I'm sorry."

" . . . "

"Plus I didn't want you to pay for those guys." You confessed.

"Pay?", queried Jaebeom. "seeing how they sat and behaved with you , it's obvious that they were trying to leech off." He finally spoke.

" Yeseul, I want you to be very cautious and smart about who you associate yourself with in that work place and any where else. I won't always be around you, so you must be wary of people like Kyunghwan. Got it?" And then he lifted his head up to stare straight ahead.

So that's what was bothering him.

Trying to lift the strange tense atmosphere you spoke in childish wonder, "how dare they think of you as a pushover! In fact, why did you even drink whatever came my way, I could've handled-"

"What would you have done?" Cut in Jabeom.

You fell silent.

"Those two men and that woman, those three were your seniors. And anyone could notice how they exploited their position. I understood you couldn't do much from where you stand", he reprimanded you.

After a pause he continued, now in a smaller voice- "I dont think I can drive, how will you get back home?"

" Well thanx to a certain someone, I'm completely sober. So I'll drive your car to your house and drop you off. Then I'll take a cab to mine."

" 'seul?"

"Hmm?"

"You like me right?"

"Huh", you sat up straight, taken off guard by his question.

"You're sincere to me right? Whatever I do, I have always been sincere towards you."

Suddenly flustered by this uncharacteristic side of him you just tried to avoid his question, staring straight ahead.

"Just give me the car keys, let's go home now..." you said in a daze.

'Its definitely the alcohol in his brain.'

"Yeseul!"

"Ah, yes-"

chu!~~

"Wha..."

Chu!~~~

Jaebeom kissed you.

And the realization hit in.

Huh.

Huh???!!

" #$%@&**?! Jaebeom-!!! "

" ? "

"What are you ?! Why did you?!-"

"Hm? What? No one's around."

And he kissed you again. This time properly. Making you feel nothing like ever before.

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Sadly, he ended up passing-out right after and you drove him back to his house, aided the house-helper lay him on bed, took a cab, went back to your home, changed into your night clothes, slipped in your bed and you laughed. You laughed until sleep graced you with her presence.

Except she never came.You were awake the whole night, rewinding and playing the scene again and again with the thought that would nag any other girl in your shoes- 'How do I see him after tonight! '.

Adjshklllajsldgddhddfffff !!!!!!

Eeeek!

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That's the end readers! I hope you enjoyed it my very precious people. If you did then do like and comment. Feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤧🤧

And I wish for your good health in such times and hopefully I was able to help make this quarantine maybe a little more bearable for you. Thanx for reading and dont forget- You Da Best!!!

[isthisthingeven0n]

you’re not you : i.f

this, tHiS is one of my favourites okay. just stating that now. please be nice, and it’s a v long one and its ilya so, enjoy. 

(also every request I currently have to write is david, so, for now, all attention is on david stans - but once they’re all written and posted my requests will be open again!)

summary: ilya and you are in a long distance relationship. you always have your perfect moments in private, but the second his friends start filming he is no longer the man you fell for. 

perfectly organised masterlist (if I say so myself)

this isn’t you (part two)

A smile grew on my face as I saw him emerge from the crowds. His eyes searched in desperation until he found me and ran over. 

His bags were next to him as he picked me up, tightly holding me as he spun me around. “Oh baby, I missed you.” He breathes as I bury my head in his neck, not wanting this moment to end. 

“I missed you too. I’m so glad you’re here.” I mutter as he puts me down and I smile at the sight of him in person as opposed to a pixelated version that did not justify how good the real version actually is. 

Walking out of the airport with his fingers intertwined with mine I’m almost unable to wipe the smile from my face as I drive us both back to mine. As I drive he tells me all about the business, about his family and Dima being Dima. I wish I could sit and stare at him all day, listen to his laugh and the way the lines by his eyes crinkle slightly. 

“Okay, so have you got plans today?” I ask as I pull into my driveway and take his smaller bag from the backseat whilst he grabs his suitcase. 

He turns the corner to stand next to me and shakes his head. “Don’t think so, besides spending the rest of the day making up for lost time with you,” He mutters before kissing me softly and squeezing my bum. 

“Oh, don’t you worry. Just wait til you see what I’ve got on underneath this coat.” I watch as a smirk grows on his face as he quickly shuts the door behind him, dumping everything as he picks me up and takes me up the stairs as quickly as he possibly could. 

*

Opening my eyes I roll over, seeing him still curled up against me. I lift my arm out from his, tracing patterns in his chest as his hair covered part of his face. “You’re staring.” He mumbles as he reaches up, brushing his hair out of his face as a small smile forms on his face whilst his eyes remain closed.

“No, I’m not, I’m admiring you.” I reply and curl up closer into him, burying my head into his chest as he groans happily, tightening his hold of me. “Are you sure you have to go out today? Can’t we just go out instead?” I suggest, secretly hoping he’ll comply. 

He stretches out and I shift to sit upright whilst he opens his eyes, immediately looking up at me. “I can’t babe. I promised the boys I’d go out with them.” He responds and I try to hide the disappointment in my expression but based on the pout he wears I failed.  

“That’s okay.” I shrug my shoulders as I take the duvet off of myself as I head towards the bathroom without saying another word knowing I’ll need a long shower. 

Turning the tap on I watch as steam floods the room, invading every orifice and leaving nothing private. I moan lightly as I step under the water, feeling it drip down my body as it slides off, just like his hands did mere hours ago. 

I open my eyes, not even noticing him standing in front of me with a growing smirk on his face as his hair clings to his forehead. “Mind if I join you?” 

*

Opening the front door immediately I’m greeted with the sound of screams and cheers. I can’t see where they’re coming from, but I already know who it is and I let out a heavy sigh before my eyes can find the sight he’ll be in. 

“Oh hey, Y/n.” David calls out as he holds his camera up, turning it to face me as I turn the corner and cannot hide the visible horror on my face. 

There on the table stands my boyfriend with an almost empty bottle of vodka in his grip as he is singing awfully to one of Scotty’s songs. He sways back and forth, almost tripping and falling off as he shouts in between lyrics. 

He remains completely unaware of my presence as Jeff appears from around the corner with David’s new paintball gun and shoots Ilya in the back of the leg. 

And then it all happens in an instant blur. Ilya screams, falling backwards taking the vodka with him as it smashes. David laughs before getting up, taking his camera with him as I rush over and kneel beside him. 

“Oh my god,” I mutter as his hand is covered in blood, but he still has a big smile on his face. 

Ilya lifts his hand up when he sees me, intoxication shining through in his expression. “Hey, baby. I didn’t know you were here.” He states before seeing his blood drip down onto his white shirt and drunkenly wipes his hand across his shirt, staining it in crimson. “Hope that comes out in the wash.” He mutters before rising to his feet, wandering off to the bathroom. 

“David, what the fuck is he doing.” I ask in a stern tone as David lowers his camera, seeing the concern in my eyes as he lets out a sigh. 

“Ilya is just being Ilya.” He shrugs his shoulders before following the sound of the shower running and I stand still, hearing the sound of water gushing and Ilya loudly yelling. 

I turn around and pick up my jacket despite having just arrived. “WE HAD SEX IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING.” He yells and I can hear laughter echoing. 

Sighing I open the front door, heading back to my own home as I slam the door, hoping he heard and someone can tell him not to bother coming back until he’s sobered up. 

I forcefully wipe my eyes as I rest my hands on the steering wheel, still able to see their silhouettes through the blinds of David’s house, knowing their laughter is echoing through the walls. “Come on, Y/n. Get yourself together.” I mutter to myself as I sniff loudly before starting the car and driving back home, knowing I’ll be spending the night alone for the best. 

*

Wandering out of the shower I grip onto my towel as I pick up my phone for the first time. I’ve avoided looking at it all morning as my anxiety rises about seeing the messages, the photos, the videos and everyone else's opinions about last night. I know he would’ve been dumb, but I didn’t anticipate him being that bad. 

Biting my lip I turn my phone around so I can see all of the notifications filling my phone. But, instead of a long series of messages, there is only one. 

im sorry x 

Sighing I put my phone back down and continue with my morning, trying to not let it hang heavy over my mind as I wait for him to walk through the door with a heavy head and bandaged hand. 

It’s late in the afternoon. I’m sat by my window, watching the city in the distant continue to filter life through. I grasp at my tea feeling the steam rising and hitting my cheeks, warming them lightly. 

I don’t even hear the door open until he clears his throat, snapping me out of my peaceful bliss and back to the reality I have to face. No one can stay dreaming forever, no matter how hard we try. 

“Hi.” He speaks up, standing with his hands behind his back as I struggle to look at him as my focus remains on the scuffed boots he wears. “Baby, please. Look at me.” He mutters and I sigh heavily before lifting my head and a small gasp escapes my lips as I see his face. 

His left eye is slowly bruising whilst his right cheek has some stitches. He forces a smile as I walk over, placing my hand lightly on his jaw, turning his head to see the damage up close. “Ilya,” I sigh as he lifts his hand, showing it just as I expected it to be, completely bandaged up.

“About nineteen stitches in my hand, and six on my cheek.” He explains and I step away. “You should’ve seen the other guy.” He adds as he remains standing still, not shifting from his spot. 

“Do you remember last night?” I ask as I sit back on the windowsill, my back to the city as the light filters in behind me. 

He rubs his head, wincing at the pain. “Not all of it. But, David told me some stuff and I knew I had to come see you,” He explains, stepping closer and I stand up before he can get too close. 

“Why’d you do it, Ilya?” I ask, not meeting his longing gaze this time. 

I hear a small sigh, “I don’t know Y/n. I was having fun with my friends and the next thing I know I wake up with stitches and you’re pissed at me and if I could take it all back I woul-”

A small scoff escapes my lips, interrupting him. 

Placing my tea down I cross my arms, shaking my head in disbelief. “If you could take it all back you would, yeah, I know. You tell me the same thing every time. But this time I witnessed it first hand. And the guy I saw last night, I didn’t recognise.” I explain as I meet his eyes, locking on them as I tell him what I witnessed. “You told everyone very happily how we had sex, not sparing details I’ve heard. I watched you remain unphased about the gash in your palm, you laughed it off. You didn’t care that I was there, as to you, it was all a fucking joke.” 

“Yes I know, I was stupid. And I shouldn’t drink as much as I do, but what do you want me to do, Y/n?! I was having FUN!” He yells and I shake my head once again. 

“No Ilya- if you think that, whatever last night was is fun I clearly don’t know you.” I retort, keeping a steady tone as I fight back the tears I can feel rising. He opens his mouth to say something, but no words form. “Just go. I don’t want to spend the evening with a stranger.” I wave him off, heading towards my room before he has the chance to comment back. 

Sitting on my bed I curl up, clutching onto my pillow as I sob quietly upon hearing the front door slam shut. 

[the--blackdahlia]

This Life Chapter 13

Title: This Life Chapter 13

Summary: Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language, violence, character death

AN: Thank you to the lovely @sams-serialkiller-fetish ! The song for this chapter is You Could Be Mine by Guns n’ Roses. And I know Dagon is one of the princes of hell and not Alastair, but the Horsemen are an old fashion group and don’t let women into the club.

Arizona

“Fuck!” Ramiel called out as Abbadon dapped at his wounds with peroxide.

“Quit your whining.” She said, blowing a red curl out of her face. “The less you wiggle around, the faster I can get this done.”

“Those fuckers are dead!” Ramiel called out to the others sitting away from him. “They made me scratch up my bike.”

“Do you think there’s a new relationship brewing between those asshole hunters and that club that shot out Ramiel’s tires?” Alastair asked, taking a beer from Dagon. “Thanks love.”

“I say yes.” Asmodeus said, his feet up on the table as he polished an old pocket watch. His good luck charm. “Why the fuck else would those two be out here?”

“Looking for Sammy.” Azazel said. “And, if they’ve found him, we can find him.”

“And get back at the Hunters.” Lilith added as she rubbed Azazel’s shoulder.

“I don’t care what we do,” Ramiel sucked down the whiskey that was offered to him. “Those fucking Hunters are going to die. All of them. Starting with Dean Winchester.” That’s when the door opened and someone walked in.

“Am I late?” A voice asked.

“Gordon. So good of you to finally join us.” Asmodeus said, looking at his watch before snapping it shut.

“I had to lay low for a little bit. Things are getting a little heated over in Texas.” Gordon explained taking a seat. “I have information that little Sammy is in fact in that new club in California. I’ve heard some whispers.”

“Whispers aren’t good enough.” Azazel said. “We need proof.”

“I can get you proof.” Gordon said. “But I have this that you might be interested in.” He handed over a slightly blurry image that had been printed off at a library. Gordon had been doing some recon on the new club.

And his findings really did interest the princes.

“He’s alive.” Azazel said, passing around the image to everyone. “That bastard is still alive.”

“You know what they say. It’s hard to kill a cockroach.” Abbadon said, seeing the image of John Winchester.

“Then I guess we need to squish him properly.” Ramiel said. “Gather the other members. I think we need to head to California.”

****

California

Dean was passed out on the couch, drool drying on his cheek. Benny had made himself comfy on the floor. The two Hunters didn’t want to go back to their room for the night. They had stayed up talking with John most of the night. Andy had come home early in the morning to John, Dean, and Benny laughing. He didn’t stay to talk to them. Instead, he went upstairs to talk to Sam about the night at the bar and how Meg broke some guy’s nose.

But when Dean woke up in the morning, Sam wasn’t there. Andy was snoring away and John was in the kitchen making coffee. Dean shuffled into the kitchen, stepping over Benny and rubbing his eyes.

“Morning.” John said, pouring some coffee into a cup. “Want some?” Dean nodded. John slid him the cup he had just poured and made himself a new cup.

“When does Sam get up?” Dean asked. John looked at the clock on the stove.

“He should’ve actually already left by now.” John said. Dean choked a little on his coffee. “You okay?”

“Where’s he going?” Dean asked.

“Business.” John said. “He’s really good at this. I wish we could’ve convinced him to stay in the Hunters instead of going to college.” Dean just nodded and sipped on his coffee. “If you’re not going back to Texas right away, I thought that maybe Andy could show you guys around. Maybe you’d like to hang out at the bar.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a bartender.” Dean laughed.

“I’m taking the day off. Damn back is acting up.” John groaned. “But Andy would be happy to have you and Benny around. Especially if we’re going to make a partnership.” Dean nodded. They had talked about it the night before. Dean and Benny were going to have to go back to Texas, and they were going to have to tell the others that John was still alive. But John wanted to stay where he was with the Wayward Sons. He didn’t want to take the reins of the Hunters again.

Benny and Andy came in a little bit later as John and Dean were talking. John nodded at the two of them.

“Morning.” Benny grumbled, going to the coffee pot that still had a little bit left in it.

“Andy, I want you to take Dean and Benny with you to the bar today.” John said. “My back is acting up, so I’m staying home. But I want you to show off to them.”

“Yeah, sure.” Andy said. “I bet Ruby and Meg will love having them around.” John chuckled some.

“We gotta go back to our motel room and change.” Benny said. “I ain’t going near them girls again with the same clothes on.”

“Doesn’t matter. They still have to look at your face.” Dean joked, rinsing out his cup. “Drink up and we’ll head out. I’ve gotta take a piss.” Benny nodded as Dean left.

Fifteen minutes later, Dean and Benny headed back to their motel to clean up and change before they headed to the bar to meet Andy. A bar, Dean’s happy place. Someday he would leave the club and start his own bar. He sometimes wished that’s what John and Bobby had started instead of an auto shop.

****

John enjoyed the house to himself for a couple hours before Sam came home. He had been working a deal for John. He was learning how to be a great negotiator. John was really proud of him, even if he never said anything.

“Hey dad.” Sam said. “Things went good.”

“Fantastic.” John said.

“Where’s Dean?” Sam asked, going to the fridge looking for something to eat.

“Benny and him went to the bar with Andy.” John explained. Sam let the fridge door slam and he flopped down in the living room.

“As good as it is to see him, can he go back already?” Sam asked. John sighed.

“They’ll get bored and head back soon.” John said, looking at the magazine he grabbed off the floor. Sam nodded and let his eyes close.

That’s when the front door burst open and three guys ran in. John and Sam barely had time to react before bullets were flying. Sam cried out as a bullet hit his arm. John grabbed his gun that was laying on the coffee table and fired, hitting one of the guys. But someone came in through the backdoor and pointed his gun right at John’s head.

“Howdy Johnny boy.” Azazel laughed. “God, I didn’t think you’d be going into Heaven, but to still be here on earth? That’s mind blowing.”

“Azazel.” John growled. He didn’t lower his gun.

“Easy.” Azazel said. He motioned for one of the guys to switch places with him. Sam was on the couch, holding his bleeding arm as Azazel walked over and sat down by him. “Hey there Sammy.”

“Leave him alone.” John said. “This argument is between us.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Azazel hissed. “Now, why don’t you lower the gun so we can have a nice little discussion?” Azazel pointed his gun at Sam’s stomach then. One gut shot along with the arm wound and Sam would be dead. John looked between his bleeding son and the man with the gun before he clicked the safety on and lowered his.

“What do you want?” John asked.

“I want to know how you survived the fire.” Azazel said. “My informant told me how you were hiding out in California. It wasn’t that hard to find you once I knew that. You should cover your tracks better.”

“I’ll remember that.” John said. He started to get up, but Azazel clicked the hammer on his gun.

“Sit.” Azazel growled. John sat down again. “It’s rude to get up while we’re having a pleasant conversation.” John glared at him. “Now, tell me. How did you survive?”

“I got out before it caught.” John said. Azazel nodded his head.

“So that other charred body was one of my guys?” He asked. John nodded. “Well, that justifies this then.” He pointed his gun at John and shot, hitting him square in the chest. Sam screamed.

“Dad! No!” He made to get up, but Azazel quickly wrapped his arms around his neck, putting a perfect chokehold on him. Sam struggled to get away.

“Shh, shh. Relax.” Azazel said. “It’s okay. Naptime Sammy.” Sam’s struggles became weaker until he passed out, slumping against Azazel. “Shh, it’s okay.” He petted his hair, smiling some.

“Crowley.” Azazel said, getting on of his goons attention. “Go bring the van around so we can put Sam here in it. And that body.” He pointed over at the dead goon laying on the ground.

“What about him?” Crowley asked, motioning to John.

“Leave him. I don’t care what happens to him now.” Azazel said. “I got what I was after.” Crowley nodded and left to get the van. Things went quickly, even though it took three guys to load Sam in. Azazel and the others got on their bikes, ready to leave. Crowley was the last one out. He looked around at the broken in door, the blood, the chaos.

“I...I guess that’s what we do.” He mumbled to himself. He looked over at John and saw a little bit of chest movement as he sucked in shaky, shallow breaths. He knew he wasn’t going to survive unless something drastic happened. But he doubted that anyone was going to show up in the next twenty minutes or so to save him.

Crowley always carried markers and pens with him in his vest pocket. A lot of times, they would have to write something and he had seen one of the princes stab some poor kids fingers to get blood to write with. So he took to carrying writing utensils to save not only himself, but some of the others from being stabbed. He took one of those makers and wrote Horsemen in big letters on the wall. Because killing John was one thing, but kidnapping Sam was something else entirely.

Crowley ran out of the house then and headed back to Arizona, leaving John there to die.

****

It was later that afternoon when Benny and Dean returned to the house. Dean wanted to have lunch with Sam, and Benny was willing to tag along. They parked their bikes by the porch and Dean saw Sam’s sitting there.

“Good, he’s home.” Dean laughed. Benny smiled and they made their way up the porch when they noticed that the front door was wide open. Reacting, they grabbed their guns from their waistbands and made their way inside. They could smell the metallic tinge of blood. That’s when Dean’s eyes locked on the chair that held his dad’s body.

“Dad!” Dean yelled, running over to him. His head was slumped forward and his shirt was soaked in blood. “Dad!” He shook him, his head just rolling to the side. “Oh god.” He looked around and saw blood on the couch and blood on the carpet. “Sammy?!” Dean called out, but the house was silent.

“Dean.” Benny said, pointing at the wall Crowley had wrote on.

“I’m going to kill them.” Dean growled. “I’m going to kill them all.”

“We need backup on this one.” Benny said. “I’m going to make a couple calls but we will fix this.” Dean nodded and looked back at his dad. He was really dead this time. No smoke and mirrors this time.

But now, Dean was free from prison, and the Horsemen needed to be dealt with, once and for all.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @nanie5 @feelmyroarrrr @marvel-af @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @supernaturalwincestsblog @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23

[nachtgraves]

a++ kuzuhina: maybe the same ship with #4.“I’m flirting with you.”?

Oh my god I am so sorry this took forever and a half BUT I FINALLY FINISHED IT. I experimented with writing a thing told mostly through texting so hopefully it still flows pretty well? It was an experience, I tell you. Also. I apologize for the awful title for this but it was literally the best I could think of.  And I probably should have used time stamps but I’m a dumb and hope extra spacing gives the same effect?

Title: Mis-Texting Could Possibly End in Kissing  // AO3Word Count: ~4200Warnings/Tags: PG. Told through texting with interspersed prose, high school au, hope’s peak still exists, but no despairs, some typos are intentional and let’s pretend the others are too, real minor angst. Hajime is non-italics, Fuyuhiko and the two instances of Chiaki are in italics.

[ughhhhhh][im so bored][she wont stop taking][talking*]

[That’s kind of the point of a presentation]

[nooneasked for ur sass]

Hajimedoesn’t know how it happened, but he and the infamous ‘baby-faced yakuza ofHope’s Peak High’ are texting buddies.

Well.

Maybethat’s not entirely true. He does know how it started, at least.

[heypres][its kuzuryuu][souda gave me ur number][wat do we need for teh fair agian?]

[Sorry, youmight have the wrong number]

[oh][ur not nanmi?][fuck][souda is dead][sorry]

[Noworries. Mistakes happen][But, by Souda do you mean Souda Kazuichi?And did you mean to text Nanami Chiaki?]

[yeah][who r u??]

[Chiaki’s a close friend. Ournumbers happen to be really similar. Hers ends in a 1 instead of a 2]

[ohthanks][srry for the mix up]

[Don’tworry about it. Happens fairly often :p]

Hajimedoesn’t hear back from the stranger for a few days and quickly forgets themix-up even happened. He hadn’t been lying when he said that such thingshappened fairly often, especially since Chiaki was voted as class rep. (She hadbeen so surprised and happy, Hajime thought a new VR game system was announced).Chiaki and him and found it quite amusing and it wasn’t much trouble to fix themistake usually. But one afternoon, he’s cleaning up his room and finds apacket of papers that look important by the large scrawling over the front pagein Chiaki’s loopy handwriting, reading: ‘SCHOOL FEST BUDGET’. He also knowsthat Chiaki wasn’t going to be home for hours, since her school festival wasthis coming weekend and she’s been staying back to organize, plan, and dowhatever it is class representatives do for events like that.

[Hey you left a packet of papers atmine. School fest budget?]

[Chiaki?]

[Goddmannit did u foget to chargeyour phone again?]

Knowingthat if the packet were important, Chiaki would be freaking out (she always putso much pressure on herself, especially since she became class rep), Hajimestares at the packet in his lap. He could run to Chiaki’s high school, butdoubts he would be let in since it was almost sundown and Hope’s Peak High wasone of the more prestigious secondary schools in their district. Hajime himselfgoes to a regular public school a short walk from their neighbourhood.

Staringat his phone, as if it was going to give him an answer, he finds one as hescrolls through his messages. He still has the short conversation from thestranger from Chiaki’s class. It’s worth a shot, at the very least.

[Hey this is Chiaki’s friend HinataHajime. I still had your number from when you mis-texted me and I was wonderingif Chiaki was nearby? She’s not answering her phone]

[yeah][why?]

[I think she forgot something at myhouse. School fest budget?]

[yeah][she thought she lost it][shes asking if u can drop it off at her place][her phone is dead]

[Yeah I cando that][Thanks]

Laterthat night, Hajime is attempting to complete a history essay due the nextmorning when he receives a text. His phone is plugged in by his bed, on theopposite end of where his desk is. He literally jumps at the distraction,hopping into bed and lying back against the pillows propped up against the headboard.

[Thanksfor dropping off the packet.]

[No prob][You need to remember to charge your phone]

[I know. (*_ _) ][How did you have Kuzuryuu’snumber, by the way?]

[The miss-text a few days ago.Figured it was worth a try]

[Thank you. You really saved me.]

Threehours later, it’s inching closer to midnight and Hajime hasn’t returned to hisassignment. Chiaki is not impressed.

[Doyour work.]

[I’m takinga break]

[(￢_￢) You’ve been ‘takinga break’ for three hours. Stop procrastinating and finish your homework.]

[You’re notdoing your homework]

[I finished my homework. I’m makingsure all the plans for the school fair next month are in order.

You’recoming to it, right?]

[Yeah][If I’m not stuck wiht tuorting…][Tutoring*][Can’t you help???]

[You know I’m not that much betterthan you. Sonia helps me.]

[Give me hernumber?][I’m desperate a tthis point]

[That’sa breach of privacy.]

[Chiakiiiiiiiiiii][Please?][I’ll do your Japanese hw next time?]

[No.]

[JapaneseAND math?]

[Tempting.But good night, Hajime.]

[Chiaki][Chiaki][Chiaki come back][Chiakiiiiii][What kind of friend are u?]

It’stimes like this Hajime sometimes wishes he was closer to some of hisclassmates. He’s not a loner, but he’s definitely a drifter of sorts. He has peopleto talk to and sit with at lunch, but rarely does he spend time with hisclassmates outside of school or for non-school related activities. Because ofthat, he’s not close enough to anyone to randomly message them at close tomidnight for homework help.

Justas he’s trying to figure out a solution – since it’s far too late to actually do his work like the goodstudent he only sometimes is, his phone goes off. And this, is the true startof everything.

[cmon i’ll pay u][and by pay i mean not break ur fucking teeth with my fist]

[Wrongperson?][Hopefully, at least]

[fuck][sorry][yeah][i meant to text the person above u in my message list thing]

[Everythingokay?]

[yeahjust some shitty hw]

[You too?][I have this awful history essay due tomorrow]

[historyis whatever][math is killing me]

[Math isn’ttoo bad][At least there’s always just one answer]

[historyand english u just bs tho]

[But it’sso subjective][Everything depends on something else]

[wannatrade then?]

Andthat is how Hajime found himself a homework buddy. Kuzuryuu is good at Englishand history, while Hajime’s strengths lie in math and science, and the both ofthem were pretty good at Japanese. One night of texting back and forth, helping(dipping into the realm of ‘academic dishonesty’ on occasion) with theirrespective assignments. They say goodnight close to dawn, but Kuzuryuu had stayedup long after his homework was complete and waited and helped Hajime until hewas done as well.

Fromthen on, Hajime would find himself texting back and forth with this boy he’snever met. At first, they exclusively went to the other for homework help, buteventually Hajime would send Kuzuryuu a short text about something funny that hadhappened (a cat attacking some dumb kids that were trying to taunt it) andKuzuryuu would send him a rant about something that annoyed him (old womenthinking that he’s younger than he is or a police officer asking if he’s losthis parents) and it snowballs into them casually texting throughout the day,particularly during boring presentations that no one, including the personpresenting, cared about.

[Payattention and stop distracting me]

[potnd kettle][stop looking at ur phone during class]

[Shush][I’m bored too]

[fuckinquit the holier than thou then][i can ignore u][nd u can be bored alone]

[Youwouldn’t do that][Who’d you distract if not me?]

[plentyof pple][ur lucky i deign to talk to u]

[Yeah][I’m sooo grateful]

[ushould be]

[Stilldoubt that you could ignore me]

[fuckintry me]

[Is that achallenge?]

Kuzuryuulasts all of until the end of the school day. Hajime can be quite theannoyance.

[jfc ur gonna break my phone]

[I win :D]

[uwin a fist to the face when i see u]

[Are wegoing to meet up then?][So eager to see me :P]

[Kuzuryuu?]

[I’m sorryif I made it weird]

[nahi had to hide my phone fr a bit][ur the one who sounds too happy bout gettinghis face smashed]

[You’re tooviolent][How do you have firneds if you treaten to hurt htem all the time?]

[nicetypos]

[Hush. Atleast I use proper grammar most of the time]

[yshould i waste my time with shit like that?]

[Forlegibility][I got to go][Got phys ed :/][Save me]

[ihope u have to run laps the entire time]

[You areevil]

Hope’sPeak’s festival comes and goes one weekend. As usual, it is a busy event due tothe school’s prestigious standing. Hajime, as promised, visits Chiaki’s class,doing an interactive murder mystery café of sorts where customers are givenclues with their orders to figure out the murder of a prop set up in the centerof the classroom. He finally meets some of Chiaki’s classmates whom she’stalked about and apparently she’s talked to them about him in return. However,and though he won’t admit it to anyone other than Chiaki if hard pressed, hekeeps his ears open for the name Kuzuryuu and is disappointed to realize thathis texting buddy was nowhere to be seen.

(“Kuzuryuu?We sent him to go advertise with Koizumi and Saionji,” says Sonia. “Do you twoknow each other?”

“Uh,he mis-texted me once,” Hajime replies. He redirects further questions awayfrom him and towards what they used to make the neon pink blood for the fakecrime scene.)

Hajimemay have lingered around for a bit until he couldn’t justify staying and beinga distraction any longer. By the time he leaves to go back home, he’s exchangednumbers with a few of them with vague promises to meet up some time and hangout. Even as he leaves the school, weaving past the steady stream of peoplestill entering the premise, his eyes roam for individuals advertising forChiaki’s class. He returns home to his books and TV without having met aKuzuryuu.

[You guysdid a good job at your school fest]

[uwent?]

[I promisedChiaki]

[u2 datin or somthn?]

[God no][We’ve known each other forever]

[doesntmean u havnt dated]

[Ew][She’s practically my sister]

[heardu got numbers frm some girls in my class]

[Oh yeah][Are Sonia and Mioda always like that?]

[annoying?][obnoxious?][preppy?]

[Haha][Your class seems really cool]

[seems][u dont see them 5 days a week]

[I bet your classmates have thingsto say about you too]

[maybe][but they wouldnt live for long if they say anything]

[Hahahawhat are you, the yakuza?]

[Kuzuryuu?]

[uhavent looked me up?]

[Why wouldI?][And you’ve never told me your first name]

[uwouldnt need my first name][but its fuyuhiko]

[You’re not pulling oneover on me are you?]

[i go to hopespeak idiot][sonia’s a motherfucking princess][nd y woud i joke about that?]

[You’re not going to send people after me for makingfun of you, are you?]

[ur entertainingfor now]

[Oh ha ha][Glad I amuse you]

[Wait][Oh my god][Is this you?][[image]]

[u got somethingto say?]

[No][Just][Not what I was expecting]

[think carefullybout ur words hinata]

[I thought I wasentertaining?]

[toys can getbroken]

[Now that’s uncalled for][I didn’t even say anything about how adorable you look]

[HINATA]

[It’s true though!][You can’t call a hit on me for being truthful]

[just shut up][y did i tell you to look me up][yd u look for pictures?]

[Curiosity][We’ve been talking for a while now and we don’t even know what the other lookslike]

[Kuzuryuu?][Did you know what I looked like?]

[bein cautious isimportant]

[Omg you looked me up][What horrible pictures did you find???]

[[image]]

[That’s from Chiaki’s fb!]

[not that hard]

[I TRIED TO FIND YOU ONFB THOUGH]

[securitysettings]

[Oh][Point]

It’snot too long after that Hajime receives a friend request from one KuzuryuuFuyuhiko. He hits accept almost embarrassingly fast and proceeds to exploreKuzuryuu’s newly unveiled profile with the eagerness of a stalker given an inchand taking a mile. There’s not much to explore, the other boy doesn’t seem touse the website very much, which honestly does not surprise Hajime though hecan’t help but feel a little disappointed.

[The last time you were active onfb was almost a year ago][And it was a profile pic update][That you didn’t even upload??]

[soudand sonia hacked my account][sonia was offended my profile pic was like 2 yrs old][koizumi has a fuckton of pics of ppl][nd i was 2 lazy 2 change it]

[It’s agood picture of you]

 [thanks]

Uponadding Kuzuryuu, Hajime’s flooded by friend requests from Chiaki’s otherclassmates and ends up talking semi-regularly with them. Kuzuryuu and him stilltext each other practically daily, to the point Chiaki comments on it whenHajime is over at hers to help her complete co-op achievements for a game she’syet to 100 per cent.

(“Youand Kuzuryuu seem to really get along.” Chiaki glances pointedly at Hajime’sphone as it buzzes several times, Kuzuryuu’s name flashing on the screen.

Hajimeshrugs noncommittedly, and is oddly relieved that the game finishes loading andthey’re thrust into a horde of mutant creatures.)

Evenhis classmates notice he’s on his phone a lot more often during and betweenclasses.

(“Gota girlfriend, Hinata?”

Frowning,Hajime shakes his head, “No, why?”

“You’realways on your phone texting and smiling down at it.”

Hajime’ssure his face has never been more red and when, moments later, he gets a textfrom Kuzuryuu complaining about the apparent Souda-Sonia-Tanaka love trianglethat should just turn into a threesome, he realizes his face does indeed moveon its own.)

[Oh my godhelp]

[what’dyou do?]

[Gave into peer pressure and wentto a goukon with some classmates -_-][I’m hiding in the bathroom][But I’ll have ot go back out there][:c]

[urnot drinking r u?][ur not 20]

[A yakuzaheir is against underage drinking?]

[udidnt answer]

[No one’sdrinking][We’re at a karaoke place][But htank you for caring c:]

[shutup][u dont usually go out w/ ur classmates]

[Yeah][Some of them have been teasing me about a girlfriend so I mostly just went sothey’d shut up]

[girlfriend?][u said u nd nanami werent dating]

[We’re not][They think you’re my secret girlfriend]

[?]

[Apparently I smiled while textingor something][And I’ve been on my phone more often][And you’re the only person I really text during class so]

[oh]

[Yeah, funny right?][Wonder what they’d think if they knew I was texting buddies with the heir tothe Kuzuryuu clan lmao][Though some ofthem already give me shit for being close to Chiaki just cuz shegoes to Hope’s Peak][They think you guys are snobby elitests just cuz you go to a prestigiousschool and we’re just public school kids][But you guys arent tat different][Just different talents and families][Woops sorry][Didn’t mean to get all ranty][Ugh I gotta go][Can’t hide here forever]

Afterthe goukon, which wasn’t horrible but neither was it all that enjoyable, Hajime’splunged into preparations for his school’s culture festival and upcoming exams. He’s barely had timeto text Kuzuryuu other than short greetings and the occasional tidbit from hisday that the other boy would find amusing. He misses their daily conversationsand when he finally has some down time, the day before the culture festival,he’s holed up in his room and on his phone while he catches up on TV shows onhis laptop.

[Hey longtime no chat][I’ve finally got free time again!]

[yea][school stuff?]

[Yeah][Every teacher decided to have everything due weeks early so we weren’toverwhelend when finals come around][Kill me -_-]

[shouldnt u be spending ur free timew/ ur gf stead of talking to me?]

[What?]

[ugot a gf or whatvr after that goukon][didnt u?]

[No?][Where’d you hear that?]

[therewas a pic on fb][u were tagged][it showed up on my feed]

[I haventbeen on fb recently][Lemme check]

[Oooooh][Yeah no][I wasn’t even aware this was taken][And the comments are baseless][I barely spoke to her][There was no ‘chemistry brewing’]

[shescute tho]

[Yeah Iguess?][Objectively][But not really interested][She doesn’t go to my school][And we met for like five seconds]

[datingimplies getting to kno eachother]

[Yeah but][Idk][Just nothing clicked?][And I wasn’t even looking for anything going to the thing either so][What about you?]

[watabout me?]

[You thinkshe’s cute][She your type?]

[no]

 [Am I notgetting more than that?]

[i’mmore into a dif set of anatomy]

[?????]

[shesnot a he]

[Oh][OH][You’re]

[homo]

[Oh]

[ifthats a problem u should delete my number]

[NO][Not a prob at all][Sorry][Just surpside][Supreied][SURPRISED][Fuck][I’m sorry]

[usaid that alredy]

[Well I am][Could have responded better]

[couldaresponded worse][so][not a prob?]

[Coursenot][That’d be stupid for one][And hypocrtical for antoher]

[hypocritical?]

[I’m bi][Or pan][Idk][Still nto sure about the difference tbh][Nd I have a friend who’s ace]

[nanami?]

[I cannot divulge something that isnot mine to tell]

[she let it slip when we werecleaning up after culture fest][sonia and mioda bugged her bout if u two were dating][hanamura wanted to know bout ur sex life]

[Hanamurascares me][And yes to Chiaki being my ace friend]

[hanamurascares everyone][u basically gave it away with ur notanswr answer]

[Shedoesn’t care][But I still didn’t actually confirm or deny][Because that would be rude][(◡‿◡✿)]

[fuckoff][dont u dare start using those kaomoji things like nanami]

[(。・ω・。)][( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)][*｡:ﾟ+\(^‿^✿)]

[imgonna block u]

[(◕‸◕✿) *pout*]

Theydon’t re-visit the topic of sexuality again and settle back into their frequentback and forth texting. Hajime’s still teased at school but once he finallycaves and lets his classmates know that he is not texting a girl, but a boyfrom Chiaki’s class at Hope’s Peak, all interest in his affairs are lost.

Winteris fast approaching and with that comes the school culture festivals foreveryone other than Hope’s Peak, who have their festival earlier because no onewould go to any other school event if Hope’s Peak is allowing outsiders to touraround. Hajime’s class decides what to do rather quickly since no one’s allthat interested in putting too much effort, but Hajime still ends up being runragged with the rest of his class in the last minute preparations.

[I hateculture fests]

[culturefest?]

[Yeah][My school’s one is coming up][My class is doing a butler/maid cafe][Because we are simple public school students who don’t have the resources forpink blood]

[I was kidding][Your class’ murder cafe was the best thing I’ve ever seen][Thouhg I admit I had high expectations since you guys do go to Hope’s Peak]

[it was nanami’s idea][nd hanamuras a creep but good cook][nd sonias gotta 1up everyone nd dished out money so we could go way overbudget]

[Haha][But it was great][I had a lot of fun]

[Btw][Your birthday’s coming up right?]

[no][y?]

[Is yourbirthday not during the winter?]

[itsin aug]

[But yourname is FUYUhiko]

[ndmy sis is natsumi but her birthdays in march]

[But][That doesn’t make sense]

[blameour parents]

Hajime’sculture festival comes and goes. It goes fairly well in his opinion, even ifhis butler uniform ended up shrinking in the wash and it was too late to fix. He’spretty sure his pants were borderline indecent with how tight they were and thefact that he had felt far too many eyes on his ass and crotch region during theday was not comforting in the least. No real disturbances occurred though, other than when Chiaki came by and was recognizedby video game enthusiasts and Hope’s Peak admirers.

[thoughtu were doing a butler cafe not a host club]

[?????]

[[image]]

[Where didyou get that???]

[ihave my sources][could u not find pants that werent 3 szies too small?]

[It shrankin the wash okay][But oh god][Did I look that bad all day???][Kill me]

[udidn’t look bad][how many ppl asked u out this time?]

[None??][Though now I know why girls kept giggling when I turned my back][I don’t know if I can show my face at school again]

[theywere prob giggling cuz u have a nice ass]

[Ha ha]

[urnot ugly idiot][i bet tons of girls are crushing on u at school][nd guys][im surprised ur single]

[Shut up][If it’s a surprise anyone is single it’s you][You’re funny, snarky, smart, and really attractive][And you pretend like you’re relaly grumpy and antisocial][But when Chiaki talks about school and you come up you’re always taking part][And the fact that you’re secretly really toned][Like seeing those beach pictures on Koizumi’s fb][Oh my god][And your eyes][If they look that gorg in candid photos I don’t want to imagine in rl][And I’m just this normal whatever][Mediocre in every way]

[Uh][Pretend I never said all that?]

[didu fb stalk me on other ppl’s fb?][nd ask nanmi to spy on me for u?]

[No]

[Maybe][No to the spying][Maybe I would ask about you though?][I’m sorry]

[ur not mediocre][wanna talk about pretty eyes?][and secretly toned bodies?][if u wore clothes that didnt swallow u][ud be batting away pple who wanna date/fuck u][nd ur eyes are the ones that are gorg and unique][u have any idea how many times ive thought of wanting to see em in person?][nad how nanami talks about u all the time][i knew of u before the whole mistexting crap][but as nanmi’s annoying notboyfriend][and now i get hwy she praises u so much][anyone would be lucky to go out with you][ur stupidly nice and considerate][but also a sarcastic little shit u cant hate]

[You don’t need to say nice thingsto me just cuz I made a fool of myself just now]

[imflirting wth u dumbass]

[Oh]

Hajime is typing…

Hajime is typing…

[uever gonna finish ur reply]

[I’mpanicking][Give me a break][I don’t know how to respond]

[fine][go on a date with me?][ y ( ) n ( )]

[How did Inever realize how dorky you are]

[fuckinjust anser or ill punch ur stupid face]

[Maybe I’drather you kiss it]

 [andi’m a dork?][fucking loser]

[Shut up][You didn’t say no though]

[ustill havent answered me]

[You first]

[fucku i asked first]

[I askedsecond]

[HINATAI S2G I WILL SHANK U]

[I’m sorry][I default to annoying when im embbarsed and dont know waht im doing][I want you to kiss me. I want to kiss you][So yes please]

[yesor no woulda been fine][dork]

“…”

“…”

“…”

“What?”Kuzuryuu finally snaps.

“This is a lot harder in person,”Hinata laughs weakly. And it really is. Especially because Kuzuryuu is even cuter in person and Hajime didn’tthink that could be possible. Also, the skinny jeans and casual button downcombo he’s sporting makes it hard for Hajime to look anywhere at the boy’s bodywithout blushing. He’d been so excited to finally meet up, expecting to fallinto conversation as easily as they do while texting, but one look at Kuzuryuuwaiting by the entrance of the movie theater, scowling at everyone who’d lookat him, had wiped most of the vocabulary in Hajime’s brain.

“Younever shut up when we text,” Kuzuryuu grumbles.

“It’snot my fault you’re even cuter in person and I forgot everything I wanted tosay.” Kuzuryuu scowls but he also turns redder than before. “See! If you canstop being so adorab—”

“Hinata,I swear if you call me c-cute or a—that, again you’ll wish I sent Peko afteryou.”

“Peko?”

Kuzuryuugives him a look that is equal parts fond and exasperated and a littlebewildered. “You could have found so much about me just from a few google searches.”

Hajimejust shrugs and looks down at his feet, “Yeah, but I’d rather get to know youby actually talking to you.” When he looks up, Kuzuryuu’s facing away but notenough to completely hide the fact that his cheeks and ears are tinged a darkpink-red, especially since Hajime’s got a 22cm height advantage. Hajime grins.“C’mon, we’re going to be late for the movie.”

Whenhe reaches forward and grabs Kuzuryuu’s hands, he files away the squawkingnoise the shorter boy emits as he tugs him along towards the movie theater. Inall honesty, Hajime wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about the movie they saw –he believes it was an action flick – since Kuzuryuu decided to pay back the handholding with a game of gay chicken that led to some intense public displayingof affection. They’re lucky the theater was mostly empty and they chose seatstowards the back. Hajime’s mental notes of Kuzuryuu by the end of the movieinclude several points relating to the plushness of Kuzuryuu’s lips, the factthat Kuzuryuu’s palate is quite the sensitive spot, and that Kuzuryuu has totry extremely hard to remain quiet.

[blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog]

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is the cost of auto insurance determined based on car model, year, or the the car price sold at?""

SR22 insurance Texas?

I'm looking for a cheap SR22 insurance Texas, maybe some special price just for Texas State. Any info? And what's a medium SR22 insurance cost? Thanks""

Insurance company totalled my car.?

I was recently in a minor accident in which someone backed into me. Their insurance company accepted 100% of the liability. They are telling me that they are deeming it as a total loss. My question is, once they determine the actual cash value of the car, minus the salvage and give me the difference, will my title be a salvaged title? I live in Missouri and drive a 2000 Oldsmobile Alero. I couple of different people have informed me that beings my car is over 7 years old it will NOT have a salvaged title but according to the insurance company it will. Also do I get the actual cash value minus the salvage amount or do I get the repair estimate amount minus the salvage amount? The car is completely drivable and only has a minor crack in the bumper along with a puncture in the a/c condenser which I can have replaced. I want to keep the car.""

How much would car insurance cost for a 17 year old?

Hey I will be turning 17 in a month and I was wondering how much car insurance will cost. I Think I will be going under my parents plan. I will either be getting my dads 05 range rover or an 03 nissan 350z. I have geico and live in NY if that helps. About how much would it cost to insure each car?

Teenager's auto insurance?

i'm 17 and will soon be recieving a car from my aunt. it's a '92 poniac bonneville se. i want to figure out some insurance rates but some of the information they are asking for i'm not comfortable putting on the internet (like my soc. number). are there any teen drivers or parents of teen drivers would would be willing to share their rates and companies with me?

Best Florida homeowners insurance? Specifically Ft. Lauderdale area?

I am in charge of finding a new home insurance company for my boss to use since State Farm will be dropping their South Florida people. Any suggestions? Who have all you South Floridians had an excellent experience with as far as rates, service, and coverage? Thanks.""

Ford Fiesta Zetec s 1.6 Insurance?

turned 17 and just passed my driving test living in london. was thinking of an Ford fiesta zetec s 1.6 Xreg Shape? however is the insurance cheap on it ? or are they any other 1.6's + that are cheap to insure at this age? e.g. E36 318i?

Buying a car + insurance?

I currently do not have a car nor insurance. If I buy a car, am I supposed to get insurance first and then the car, or a car first and then insurance? How does this work? This is in Washington.""

""Does your auto insurance rate when you turn 18 years old, any cheaper?""

Hey everybody, I'll be turning 18 in a couple of months. I live in Georgia, and drive a 2002 Lexus RX 300, which is a mid-size SUV. I am not looking for a specific quote. I got my license late because I had to do drivers ed, and other reasons(non legal)...well the thing is, I have only had my license for a few months and haven't bought insurance. I don't know if I should wait until I am 18 to buy it. Is insurance a lot cheaper once your 18 as opposed to 17 or so? Please only answer if you know what your talking about. THANKS a lot for the help.. Sincerely, Zain Dhanani""

How much do you think it would cost a 16 year old on insurance for a 1993 Honda Accord?

How much do you think it would cost a 16 year old on insurance for a 1993 Honda Accord?

""First car what should i get for like a money saver at the pump, and any ways to save money on insurance =]?

im turning 16 in a couple months and I will be getting a 7$ and hour job so I wanna know how much to save up=]

Is a subaru wrx a good car for an 18 year old?

I'm 18 and I'm thinking about buying a wrx. It has 150000 miles with maintenance history and was run on high octane gas... seems to be mechanically taken care of. It needs a new paint job but I don't mind the project. Is it hard to drive this car on 5spd for people who have minimum manual experience? (i can drive a manual but I haven't had much practice) I plan on taking care of it and running it easy. How much does insurance increase if there's a lein in the car? Is it difficult to transfer leins? Car has 6600 left on lein and its a 2003.

I just moved and need new car insurance. I also have no medical. Can I cover both through the same company?

I've heard that State Farm and Allstate are now offering some medical packages. My wife and I don't necessarily need a lower copay for normal doctor visits, but we'd rather not go bankrupt if something catastrophic happens; accident, disease, etc. Has anyone had good experiences buying health insurance this way? How much does it cost roughly for your plan(s)? Neither my wife nor I are currently working full time so we don't get health through our jobs. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.""

Where can I find affordable insurance when living on disibility?

I am disabled and I only earn a certain amount per month, and I also have a wife and child. I just want to cry sometimes.""

How much should i expect to pay for car insurance?

im 20/ male/ new driver/ will be driving a used, regular, good condition, non-sport-car sedan, or something of like/ and in los angeles ca thanks""

Do I have to have a job that offers dental insurance to get it?

how do I find an easy and affordable dental insurace that will aceept people that are self-employed?

Best Car Insurance for an 18 yr old?

I stay in Illinois and I just graduated from high school in December. I'm already enrolled in college and I'm taking two courses. In one class i have an A and the other I have a B. My GPA is still higher than a 3.0. I plan on getting a car really soon and I would like to know what is the best car insurance for me right now. I'm 18 years old, I was born in 1991, I do not yet own a license, and I've had my permit every since I was 15. The car I plan on getting is an 2004 honda accord with more than 100k miles on it or a 2004 Monte carlo with less than 100k miles on it. Which would be the best car for me to get? Should I get the Monte Carlo or a Honda Accord? Which car insurance would be the best for me also, because I don't want nothing so expensive!""

""How much would 100,000 libility insurance cost? roughly or estimate?""

I'm looking to start a security company and am trying to figure a monthly premium. I know I need at least 100,000 of libility insurance. I don't have my license yet, so insurance companies wont even talk to me util I can give them more info. The prob is, I need a rough estimate of start up costs. Thank you""

Best insurance company for small startup security training agency and consulting firm?

Starting up in the DC, MD, VA area and looking for an affordable insurance company for a small business training agency. I eventually want to expand into security consulting, but for the time being, it'll be primarily security training. Policy in my area has to be minimum 600k of general liability. Any recommendations?""

infinity insurance houston

infinity insurance houston

Whats the insurance price for an accord?

Whats the insurance price for an accord?

Car insurance question?

My car was in an accident (not my fault, I wasn't in it and the time) when someone plowed into the back. All signs are indicating it's totaled. She and I have no-fault insurance. Here is my questions. 1. Do I talk to the police and insurance company? 2. Do I get any money/compensation from the accident? 3. Do I go after her insurance and Do I get anything from that? 4. Or do I reach a compromise with both parties? If anybody has anymore suggestion feel free. Thanks!!!""

State Farm or Allstate Car Insurance: Which one is Better?

I'm trying to choose between the two...which one is better?

Honda cg125 or cb125 and running cost and insurance please?

Honda cg125 or cb125 and running cost and insurance please?

""Cheap, effective health insurance?""

I'm a 25 year old, healthy, unmarried female looking for a low co pay health insurance that covers major medical and dental. I need to be able to see my primary physician for annual checkups and hopefully get Invisalign covered under dental as well. I have no pre existing conditions and would prefer a lower deductible... Somewhere up to $5000 in the event a major medical issue arose.""

Roughly how much would my car insurance cost?

Hi, - I have had a full uk license for 1.5 years. - This is the first time I am insuring a car. - I am a full time student at university. - 20 years old - Live in Nottingham - Have a driveway - The car is a VW Polo, 54 plate, 1.2L petrol engine, 4 doors, no mods. - No previous convictions/claims etc. Any approximate figures and good insurance company suggestions welcome. Thanks in advance.""

""When you buy a car, what payments do you to pay and how much would insurance be for a 17 yr old?""

When you buy a car, what payments do you to pay and how much would insurance be for a 17 yr old?""

What company offers the cheapest auto insurace?

Help!!!I My car insurance is $432.00 a month! My husband has gotten 3 speeding tickets within the past year and our car insurance has sky rocketed. We currently have Geico Insurance and I have gotten a few more qoutes from different companies but nothing has been cheaper. Besides the obvious advise (SLOW DOWN), does anyone know what we can do to lower our monthly premium?""

Temporary car insurance?

I am moving across oregon when i turn 18 and I currently have a car but I need to get tags and insurance to move it. Could I get temporary insurance which is good for a week? If yes, about how much would that be? Do I need insurance to get my car registered and get tags?""

What is considered full coverage on auto insurance?

i have progressive and i just wanted to know what is really considered full coverage. please no rude answers!

Life Insurance?

I'm a joint account with my husband's credit union, Michigan First Credit Union, Priority Credit Union, Detroit Municipal Credit Union which is here in Detroit Michigan some of them has a promotional life insurance like CUNA Life Insurance which is included with my husband's Michigan First Credit Union that he included. My question is, can my husband include me or buy a life insurance for me that is included with those credit union as family life's insurance. Is that possible? I just want to know because I'm only new here in USA and came from other country so I'm scared with this life insurance that my husband buying, can he buy life insurance for me in those family credit union.""

How much is audi a4 insurance?

i am 18 years old looking at buying a 2003 audi a4 and wanted to know how much the insurance would cost me. I have a clean driving record and good grades.

Average 125 motorbike insurance ?

can anyone give me an idea how much insurance would cost me on a 125 motorbike i am 41 and would be driving on a full driving licence.

Can I get car insurance for my work place way from home?

can I get car insurance for my work place way from home

""Hit by car, no health insurance?""

I was hit by a car, no major damage, just pain in right leg, but nothing broken. My health insurance just expired, can I bill the person who hit me Health's Insurance? I dunno? Help?""

""If I get in a car crash and my car is considered totaled, how much would insurance give me?""

Well I have a mustang but the blue book value on it is only like 4K, but I already have like 3k in mods added to it. How do they determine how much they give you? only by the top value of your car? I've heard of people getting more money then there cars were worth, and then they go and buy nicer cars.""

Insurance????????

We have insurance right now, but my husband was offered a job on friday but has questions before taking it. I have not been to the doctor yet so can I wait to go to the doctor until the new insurance kicks in and it will be covered?""

Why is full coverage insurance so expensive for a 22 year old?

My boyfriend is looking for a new insurance agent agent but so far everyone who is has contacted is super expensive. He has a pretty new car with a starter/alarm/sub systems etc. so he needs full coverage. His parents won't let him get under their insurance for the time being so he's having a hard time finding a reasonable rate. My parents are considering letting him get under their insurance..is that a good idea?

Please help. Is it a must to get a car insurance in order to use and drive my car?

Hi guys, I wanna buy a car, but I wanna be sure if I have to get a car insurance in order to drive my car legally on the streets. Thanks XD""

California state medical insurance?

I have to have my gallbladder removed and i want to know how long did you have to wait to have the surgery done? I am in Merced, County if that helps.""

Can a new driver who is 19 years old get car insurance on a Mercedes Benz?

I have looked on a couple of comparison sites and they don't offer car insurance for a Mercedes Benz for a 19 year old new driver. Could you give me an insurance quote? Much appreciation.

Is getting renter's insurance a good idea? How about with Balboa insurance?

I'm considering getting this but have no idea how renter's insurance works or anything.

How do I get affordable car insurance without my dad's involvement?

They say that first-time drivers get expensive rates for car insurance and that it can become affordable with a parent signing the application with his/her driver's license. Now my parents don't want to help me w/ the car insurance....how do I get affordable car insurance without their help?

Does an insurance company have to insure a rebuild title?

for a car that has been rebuilt does the company have to insure it?

What is a good and affordable selection of health/dental insurance?

What is a good and affordable selection of health/dental insurance?

infinity insurance houston

infinity insurance houston

Looking for an inexpensive sports car?

I'm 16 and on my second car I've had an Mazda RX8 which i didn't care to much for and now have a mustang; I was looking for something with a little power and is preferable a coupe, insurance cost isn't a problem and when i say inexpensive i mean under 35 grand.""

Does auto insurance cover the vehicle or the driver (California)?

I work on a military installation and I'm required to have the appropriate decals on my car to enter through the gates. I went to renew my decals as they are only good for 3 years and I was denied. My registration has both my dad and I listed (since he paid for the car), but my insurance policy only has him listed because he foots the bill, but I am a covered driver. My vehicle ID number, make, model, and year is listed on both the registration and proof of insurance card. My name is on the registration so I thought this would suffice (especially because they already gave me decals/passes in the past). The marine I was speaking to said that what I am doing is illegal in the state of California and that I must be a policy holder in order to be covered. I always thought that insurance covered the car. Can anyone clarify this issue and reference the California Vehicle Code? I've searched and searched and cannot find accurate clarification. I wanted to be able to print something and show it to him. If I can't find proof then I can't get to work.""

How much will it cost....?

I live in Hemet , Southern California. I have a 9 month old son. He will be nursed until 24 months, However, he does eat some solid foods. I my boyfriend and I rent an appartment for $750- How much would our monthly income need to be to support our family? How much is utilities in my area? How much do you spend on gas? How much is car insurance? How much is it to get my car smoged? How much are monthly groceries? What other bills am I missing? Please help!""

""Do you believe in having life insurance? If so, do you have life insurance?""

I have a friend who sells insurance so I wanted to ask you guys... 1.) Do you have life insurance? 2.) If not, why have you NOT purchased life insurance? 3.) If you HAVE purchased life insurance, what motivated you to purchase life insurance?""

I want to take a used car home from the dealer but I have no car insurance or insurance card...?

What do I have to do to make this possible? I'm trying to take this used car home for the night and drive it around but I have no insurance card.... I have a license..but no car insurance and all the salesman is asking is for my insurance card. What do I need to do to get around this?

How much is motorcycle/scooter insurance in southern california?

i am looking to get a used honda ruckus scooter with 250cc motor, is that size motor still considered a scooter or motorcycle? will i have to get a M1 or M2 license? and how much would insurance be? i live in the los angeles county area.""

Can i get insurance just to do a title transfer??

i just sold my truck which i took the insurance like 4 months ago since i didnt drive it, and to get the title signed and notarized so i can sell it i have to have insurance. can i get like temporary insurance just to do that? how much is it?? thanks!""

What kinds of life insurance should I have?

I'm 30 years old, and my love is 39. I have an AD&D insurance policy from work listing him as the beneficiary. What other insurance should I purchase? We do not have any children. Do not say we're going to hell, or that we are sinners. If you've read the bible and truly believe in it, then you should know about judging others and casting stones.""

Car insurance help in NC?

If your insurance is canceled will I have to pay to get the tag legal again,if so how much.Thanks in advance :)""

Can you renew a car's registration with non-owners insurance?

I am driving a car that has no insurance that is owned by someone else. Obviously because of no insurance the secretary of state won't renew the tags. Will they renew the registration if I show them my non-owners insurance?

How much does car insurance cost.?

I am 18 and ready to get my drivers license but how much does car insurance cost per month on average.?

Is landlord responsible for pool insurance?

We signed a lease that required us to take out insurance for $ 500,000 if we used the pool and planned on having guests use the pool also . They also wanted the insurance to cover themselves . When speaking to our insurer, USAA, they said our renters insurance , which included $100,000 liability, would cover us having anyone besides us use the pool or being on our property in general . The landlord was responsible for having insurance for the pool and the house to protect themselves and they told us we were not responsible for paying for insurance for the landlord . The property was in Norfolk VA . We just wanted to know if he landlord was trying to get us to pay for their share of insurance when it wasn't our responsibility and if we were right to have stuck with USAA advice .""

Quoted insurance price?

I purchased insurance on the online weekend for my car. I paid the first monthly installment. Only to have a phone call telling me this price was wrong it was a computer error and the policy will cost a lot more. Do I have any rights here? Or must I simply front the rest of the cash to keep my car insured?

""Wow, car insurance is like 3-4 times more expensive than car payments.?""

I was looking to lease a new lexus is 250 which would cost me 369 a month but i went to get a quote from geico, it said that the insurance would cost about 1600 a month. I think that is pretty insane considering you could finance a porshe 911 for that much money. I am 20 and got my license last summer. is there a time period when the cost of insurance goes down?""

California health insurance?

I am looking to get health insurance for a year, more to take care of neglected issues than to cover my butt if I get sick/hurt (I'm 27, betting on youth and good health!). Kaiser seems to be the most appealing because they cover a broader range of services. I am namely interested in physical therapy (winged scapula), dermatology (oily skin/acne), perhaps mental illness services as I have suffered from depression (although I somewhat consider it a problem of my past). I'm aware insurance plans won't cover preexisting conditions, but how can they really prove these issues didn't start yesterday, right? I'm overwhelmed with my choices. Is it worth paying $330/mo for $0 deductible, 0% coinsurance, $40 co pays and a max out of pocket @ $3000? Or is it smarter to pay $166/mo, $2700 deductible, 0% coinsurance, $0 co pays after deductible, and max out of pocket @ $5000 (including deductible)? Etc. I have put off getting insurance because I'm scared I will pick a completely inappropriate plan. Can anyone shed some light on this for me?""

What would the insurance cost for a 2002 Audi TT?

Just looking for a quick estimate. I'm a 20 year old male with a moving violation that happened two years ago. It would be a California car. Probably would drive about 8,000 miles a year. Also would it matter if it was a roadster(convertible) or coupe? Thanks""

How can i start selling life insurance at home and what type of license do i need?

Would i be able to start my own buisness online and localy selling another companys life insurance and setting up appointments what kind of license do i need to sell insurance and for my own buisness do i just selling life insurance for another company do i just need a llc license

Car insurance for open deed of sale?

i was in a car accident, a truck driver bump my car. i bought this car with an open deed of sale. now how will i handle this? the insurance of the car is named after the first owner. will i still have to contact her (the first owner)? will i still have to call the insurance company to let them know? again, this wasn't my fault, the truck bump my car.""

How high are my Insurance rates going to get up too?

I am 17 turning 18 and i am looking at getting a 2000 Pontiac trans am with 28,000 miles. how much do you think my monthly payments will be on that car at my age for full coverage? and i have been in a n accident in the winter i slid into a tree so how much do you think that will be? I have state farm. Thanks for any help you may have.""

Cheapest car insurers for 17 year olds?

Which websites offer cheap/reasonable insurance offers for new drivers? Im 17 so I wanna find the best deal!

How much is car insurance for a jeep wrangler?

i am 18 and have a clean driving record

Car insurance for a new driver aged 21?

hi, im really close to taking my driving test, and i will be 19 when i hopefully pass. but i know that i would be unable to afford car insurance just yet! however, i would be hoping to maybe get a car when i am round about 21 or 22, as i will hopefully be in a more of a position to buy and run a car! however i was wondering if you could give me a rough ESTIMATE on how much the insurance would cost! i would be looking at getting a car such as a Nissan Micra, and would more than likely get a 1.0 litre! if you could give me an ESTIMATE on how much it could cost, so i can get a general idea! i know its hard to give an exact price, but lets just say the car is all safe and has been MOT'd and is being parked in a garage! hope you can all help, oh and its for a MALE!""

CRAZY Insurance Premium! Any way out?

From Toronto, Ontario, I am a 19 y/o male and want my own vehicle. Without paying a crazy insurance rate of $6000+ per year, how can a 3rd vehicle be purchased and licensed under my parent's name (I live with them) having them as the primary driver? The problem is, from what I know, if I am licensed and living at the same address, I will automatically be primary driver of the 3rd vehicle as now there are 3 drivers and 3 vehicles. So what if my parents had 6 cars? There must be some way out..""

Car insurance.......?

I'm 25 years old and a first time driver and I am currently looking at car insurance and have some questions: SKODA FABIA 1 (60) 1198cc What does the (60) mean, is that the top engine speed? Also I was on Gocompare's car insurance website and I was wondering if the 'Proposer Excess' was added into the Annual Premium price or if it is to be added on top of it. I know these might sound like silly questions but I am new to this and any help would be appreciated. If you need more information just ask.""

""If the officer did not check my insurance, will the ticket show up on my insurance bill?""

Basically what the question says. I was speeding in Virginia and when the officer pulled me over he only check my license and registration. I paid the ticket almost a month before it was due and have yet to hear if my insurance rates went up. My father pays for my insurance so, maybe he just hasn't said anything but I just wanted to ask the community if since the officer didn't check for my insurance, does that mean my rates won't increase? Preferably, I'd like a cop to answer this, but peer comments are still appreciated. Thanks!!""

infinity insurance houston

infinity insurance houston

Which auto insurance is cheapest in new orleans?

Which auto insurance is cheapest in new orleans?

Do I need car insurance in Florida?

I passed my 4 our class on drugs and alcohol. I'm waiting for my certificate to come in the mail so I can go to the DMV and get my learners permit. Do I need insurance even though I'm not going to be driving my own car? I'll be driving my friends car. Sources? What's the cheapest insurance for a 16 year old male? Name of insurance and cost? Why would I need it if I don't even have a car and I'm driving my friends car?

Cost of ticket for driving without insurance?

im 16 and i need to get to work tomorow...my stepmom has to work so the only way to get to work is taking my dad's 2007 toyota tundra. if i get pulled over about how much will the ticket cost? i have my liscense just not insurance. i also live in texas

How Does Full Coverage Auto Insurance Work?

How Does Full Coverage Auto Insurance Work?

Truck registration in different state health insurance?

I lived in california and drove a car my dad had under his name on the title. He died and i moved to montana with that same car. I have been on my step moms health insurance plan for some time. I am legally able to be on her plan as long as i list myself as being in the same household until age 26. I was wondering if i register that truck in my name if uncle sam can find out i moved and thus making my health insurance unusable. Should i just drop my step moms insurance and struggle to get my own? What are my options?

How much do you pay per month for your car insurance and gas?

How much do you pay per month for your car insurance and gas?

Car insurance... Who are you insure with/best quotes. Will choose quick best answer.?

Who is the cheapest insurance company o go with for a 20 year old male whom has been driving for 3 years. Getting insure on a mazda 6. Thank you

Are there anyways of lowering my car insurance? 19 Yr Old Male.?

Im a 19 year old male and I have my own suzuki swift sport which I have worked hard for for the last few years. The only thing is my insurance is around 3000 a year (brand new car)........ I dont mind going on my mothers insurance for example, im not worried about not being able to build my own no claims bonus............................. I have done a small amount of research into going onto my mothers policy and it wasn't that much cheaper........................are there and other ways of legal going about this? Thanks for your time, Matt.""

Does anyone know any affordable health insurance for a college student?

Does anyone know any affordable health insurance for a college student?

Does Amica raise your insurance rates after first speeding ticket?

I live and am licensed in MA but got a speeding ticket in NH. I believe NH and MA share information so it will be treated as if it happened in Massachusetts. I am on a family plan with Amica car insurance, does anyone know if they will raise my rates? It is my first traffic violation of any kind. Will I lose any discounts like safe driving discount? I heard Massachusetts has a law where the first speeding ticket does not add insurance points? Is this true? If it is true, can Amica still raise your rates if they want to? Thanks""

Car Insurance Quote..Without a license yet..?

I have just been bought a car for when i pass my driving test, so i do not have a full UK provisional license yet. I have been looking online for insurance quotes, they are expensive which i expected, but i was told that when i have entered my details the system will register that i do not hold a full license with he DVLA (even though i put in that i do, just for the sake of a quote) And this is why the quotes are higher..if i was to do the same when my license was valid it would be much lower. Can anybody add proof to this? Thanks""

""A starter motorbike for a 17 year old, needs to be cheap second hand and be able to ride on the motorway.?""

Hi, i need a bike which is cheap to run, cheap to insure and first and foremost cheap to buy. I don't mind old second hand bikes unless advised against them because I believe you could learn a great deal repairing an old bike than having a new bike that nothing goes wrong with. It needs to grow with my abilities, i.e in a couple of years when i go to university I may want to motorway travel, therefore a 50 cc moped is just not going to do. Don't know whether this is correct, but I once read bikes are safer than mopeds/scooters because they have the acceleratory power to pull away from danger if necessary. Needs to be cheap to insure, I looked at a 300cc MZ Saxon and fully comp insurance was around 317. This is manageable, 2000 for a car is not. Please suggest to me some bike which fit these criteria, thanks!""

How much car insurance a month for a 16 year old?

I live in the state of Louisiana. My family has Progressive. I plan on driving soon.

Where can I get insurance in New York City?

Hi everyone and thanks for reading, I know it's probably a stupid couple questions but I'm trying to figure this out, perhaps i'm not looking in the right places. Anyway I need to know a couple things: 1) Where can I get health insurance in NEW YORK CITY for my employees? 2) Where can I get insurance again in NYC for my company? Thanks everyone!""

Would you buy rapture insurance?

If you believe in the rapture, would you purchase insurance to be paid out to your family members you have 'left behind'. I mean if you're the bread winner, and just 'vanish'. Who is going to pay the rent, who is going to buy the food. People carry life insurance, and have social security to help families, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't cover 'rapture'... --not superstitious""

Cheap Cars to Insure for 17 year olds?

Hi, I am 17 was was wondering if anyone knows of any cheap cars to insure that they could recommend. Cheers Kieran.. (P.s., if that's OK maybe you could roughly say how much your insurance was or approx how much it would be?)""

Best insurance company for a 16 year old driving a v6 or v8 camaro?

my thought is that while a v6 camaro might be reasonable to insure a 16 year old driver with, the v8 wouldbe some unuearthly figure in the 8 digits. i know its based on SO many things, but im just asking if anyone has a HUNCH about what insurance company is the best/cheapest for a teen driving a camaro? assume its a v8, ad it cant get any worse if it ended up being a v6, if you know what i mean. btw dont say american faimily. they wont even insure a person with less than 5 years driving experience driving a v8 camaro AT ALL, let alone at a huge rate. finally, do you think there is any way on earth for insurance for a 16year old driving a (2000 lets just say for example) camaro v8? including all the little bonuses like good grades, clean record, etc. all of which i have. thanks so much for your answers! they REALLY help!""

A IF Car insurance question?

For example. Got a insurance paper from Jan 1st 2010 to Jan 1st 2011 But i stoped the insurance at June 2010 for example, after that i get pulled at July so police checked the papers and see its still with insurance and let me go? How you think about it? Means you dont have to pay insurance and wont get res until you got into a accident and the other side wants to tell the insurance company?""

Does anyone know of cheap health insurance in north carolina?

am a father of two and my wife has her and the kids covered under her policy at work. I have not had insurance in over 12 years! I need low cost health insurance and I have heard of plans under $100. I obviously never get sick, and dont mind a high deductible. I really need a low premium and a semi low RX cost and co-pay/ doctor visit (just in case). Any help or suggestions? Thanks!!!""

Can you register and buy a (cheap) car with no license or insurance?

I want to know if i can register a very cheap car thats around 2,000 tops at a used car lot and buy it with no problems.What problems will i face isnt it easyier to get a cheap car like this then at a actual new dealer i have no license or insurance do i pick a dealer with in house financing the only thing they will most likely ask for is it to get registered can i do that im paying half down.?im 21 im getting my license in 2 weeks (and no i cant wait)""

Why do people in the US waste money on car insurance?

There are 5 states such as California where 25% of the public has NO car insurance...while the rest of the country has an average of 7% uninsured. Obviously no one is enforcing insurance so...why bother getting insurance at all. Isn't it cheaper to have none..and more un-American to have it? After all, Americans generally think they should not have to pay for anything, so why pay for anything at all?""

Estimate on how much my car insurance will be?

I'm financing a new (or relatively new) car pretty soon, it's probably going to be a Nissan Altima which is a very safe car and is probably going to be either brand new or no more than 1 - 3 years old. I'm just worried about how much I'm going to be paying for full coverage insurance because I haven't had a car in a couple years thus I haven't had car insurance in a while and when I did, it was only no-fault insurance. Also, I'm young (22) so that will make my insurance high. However, I have a spotless driving record so that should help. I also live in a safe county if that matters. Anyone have a ball-park figure on how much I can expect to be paying, monthly? Thanks.""

If an unisured driver is at fault in an accident where the other party had full coverage insurance. ?

Does the fully covered drivers insurance sue the non-insured driver?

Question about affordable/good health insurance?

Question about affordable/good health insurance?

Is there any life insurance you can get for stroke victims?

My sister had a massive stroke and she needs life insurance because she may die.

infinity insurance houston

infinity insurance houston

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-quote-bahamas-vincent-bryant/"

[apsbicepstraining]

Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’

The QPR defender talks powerfully about his strives with mental illness, his addictions to gamble and drinking and why “he il be” thankful still to be alive

Steven Caulker has a fable to tell and, as hard as it is to hear, it is best plainly to listen. His stream of consciousness veers from scoring on his England debut less than five years ago and the excite at potential being realised to the frightening mental health issues a matter that have almost terminated it all in the period since. A actor who, from the outside, emerged consecrated with endowment and opportunity speaks of frantic nervousnes and self-loathing.

He entertained killing himself in his darkest instants with his path one of self-destruction. Endeavors at escapism rate him hundreds of thousands of pounds, compensations frittered away in casinoes. Then came the drinking is targeted at numbing the sting. The 25 -year-old notes himself recalling the times spent in custody watching CCTV footage of his misdemeanours, his lawyer at his slope, and not recognising the infamous being on the screen.

Football is still coming to terms with mental illness and Caulker, an international and a last-place linger remember at Queens Park Rangers of financially misguided dates as a Premier League club, has been an easy target. He is not was striving to make excuses or acquire sympathy. These are details he knows unpleasant to narrate. Ive sat here for years hating myself and never understand why it is I couldnt only be like everybody else, he says. This time was almost the end. I seemed for large spans there was no light-footed at the end of the passageway. And yet “hes not” residence a gambling since December, or stroked alcohol since early March. The healing process that can rehabilitate him to the top level is well under way, with this interview, one he attempted out, potentially another step on the road to recovery.

A little under a year ago Caulker had spoken to the Guardian about a life-changing week spent in Sierra Leone, of humbling yet invigorating benevolence work with ActionAid that had rendered him with a sense of view. He returned to be galvanised under Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink at Loftus Road and, having invested the previous season on loan at Southampton and Liverpool unfulfilling stints which fuelled his latent dangers was ready to give his all. Early season recitals against Leeds and Cardiff indicated confidence had been rebuilt, reward for a summer of incessant fitness work.

The trigger that they are able to mail him spiralling to rock bottom would be injury. He snapped his groin at Barnsley and played in pain for weeks, dreading a incantation back in rehabilitation, before succumbing to an accompanied hip objection. I owed it to QPR to try, he says, but I was naive thinking I could still perform with the weeping. He has not played since last-place October, with the period celebrated by personal ferment and, simply of late, resurgence. Talking publicly, he advocated, may place younger participates towards seeking assist if they find themselves trampling the same itinerary, or knowing the same gumption of desertion, in a merciless industry. The real hope is the activity, as gallant as it is, may eventually prove more cathartic for Caulker himself.

He recognises his football ability as a gift but likewise a swear. It took him from Sunday League at 15 into the Premier League four years later, to the 2012 Olympics with Great Britain and into Roy Hodgsons England side for a friendly in Sweden later that year. His talent has persuaded some of the most respected directors he is worth engaging. Yet, while he could still get away with it on the pitch, he lived in denial. It was more than six years into his busines before he admitted he necessitated assist. You always think you can rein it back in again and the money plies a inaccurate sense of security. But at Southampton I realised, mentally, I was extend. I wasnt playing, my job was going nowhere and I had to reach out to someone. Medical doctors there tried to help me but others were just telling me got to go on the tone and express myself.

There was no understanding as to what was happening in my leader. I know theyd returned me in to do a job and they werent there to be babysitters. Just like at QPR, I needed to justify the money they were paying me but I was in a state and, at some place, there has to be a duty of care. Football does not deal well with mental illness. Maybe its changing but the support mechanisms are so often not there. Ive spoken to so many actors who have been told to go to the Sporting Chance clinic and theyve accepted because they know, if they take time off, theyll “losing ones” neighbourhood in the team. Someone gradations in and does well, so youre departed. That dissuades parties from getting improve. You feel obliged to get on with things.

I would urge cubs to speak to the PFA, to speak to their director, and not be scared about being stopped if they are experiencing like I did. Be brave enough to say you need improve before its too late. The feeling Id ever involved something to take the edge off. Football was my flee as a kid but that changed when I was chucked into the first team as a adolescent and abruptly football came with distres. My behavior of to address it, even in the early stages of my career, was gambling. Im an addict. Im addicted to triumphing, which people say is a positive in football but certainly not when it extends to gambling. I was addicted to trying to beat the system, because you reassure yourself there is a plan to it and you can beat it. You can never get your brain around why you arent.

Steven Caulker, here celebrating after scoring on his England debut in 2012, says his football ability is a gift but too a affliction. Photograph: Michael Regan/ Getty Images

He has played 123 ages in the Premier League and for eight teams with the same, horribly familiar hertz of insecurity and self-destruction seeking him to each. There is always a catalyst to the nosedive. The sleepless darkness, sat up till 5am replaying every bad decision Ive ever became in my life, perturbing what will be next Tottenham moved me to Bristol City on loan at 18 and they set me in a flat in the city centre surrounded by nightclubs, two casinos opposite, the various kinds of coin Id never seen in my life, and no counseling whatsoever. I was plucked formerly by a member of staff and told Id been recognized in the casino at 3am but their posture was: What you do in your free time is your business. Just dont gave it affect your acts out on the pitch.

At Swansea a year later it was an injury which created it all to the surface, and Spurs communicated me to Boasting Chance to sort myself out while I was recovering from my knee but I wasnt ready. I hadnt experienced enough agony to form me want to stop. I was gambling heavily when I went back to Tottenham, biding up to crazy hours of the darknes in casinos. I guess never feeling good enough played a big part in that. I never appeared I was on the same degree as any of the first-teamers but a big win in the casino and fund in my back pocket might change that. Being stopped sounds me even more because football was what I had relied on to make me feel better. So then the gambling was every single day. The pain of forgetting all my fund, combined with the pity and guilt, ingest away at me. So Id drink myself into oblivion so I wouldnt have to feel anything. I was numb but I was out of control.

The chairman, Daniel Levy, eventually attempted him out on a post-season trip-up to the Bahamas. He just said: The room you act is phenomenal. You either sort yourself out or lead but I can assure you, if you leave, youll be going down , not up. I was young, stupid. I took it as a challenge, a chance to prove him wrong. I was so immature. So I went to Cardiff and, for six months, everything was amazing. I was chieftain, the manager, Malky Mackay, knew I had some issues but offered to be there for me. I experienced wanted, so there was no gambling , no heavy binges but the second largest he was sacked, all the beasts came back. Thats all it took. Even before we played the next game, Id persuasion myself good-for-nothing would be the same. Thats the kind of cataclysmic envisioning Ive had to address.

Steven Caulker, here playing for Tottenham against Arsenal in 2010, says he made a big mistake leaving Spurs. Photo: Tom Jenkins for the Guardian

I pointed up at QPR that summertime, 2014, trying to hold it together, but the prompt there came in the second largest recreation when we were pummelled 4-0 at Tottenham. That detecting coming off the tone at White Hart Lane, knowing marriage been humiliated and that Levy was sitting up in the stand thinking: I told you so There was no disclaiming it any more. Id made a big mistake leaving Spurs. I should have stayed and sorted myself out. I required the ground to swallow me up. It just pounded in my psyche: dejection, unhappines, bitternes. From that instant I was run, even if I never wanted to accept it, and there is nothing that intensified. Id go for days without sleeping. I dont known better I endured it. That time was an absolute nightmare.

It was a vicious circle. Wed lose at the weekend and the love would get at me, and Id be interrupting. I really wanted to help us get results but we werent good enough and Id walk away taking responsibility in my head for the whole crews flunks. I couldnt sleep, are concerned about what had happened. The only comfort I acquired was in booze. It would silence the tones of indecision and self-hate, temporarily regardless, but Id be too intoxicated to go into teach, and the blackouts Id have no remember of anything. It could be Monday and Id have no remembrance of what had happened since Saturday night. Id wake up, roll over and look at my phone, and thered be texts from people saying: Did you really do this last-place darknes? The director want to talk to you. It was petrifying because I didnt know what had happened.

There were occasions where reference is would wake up in a police cell. He pouts when asked how often he has been arrested, upset to admit the above figures, but the drunk and disorderly offences would flare up from London to Southampton to Merseyside. Sometimes Id be sat there with law enforcement agencies and my solicitor, watching the CCTV footage of what Id done, and I didnt recognise myself. I couldnt conceive the person or persons I was. Its so hard to accept I could be like that. In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the nighttime throwing up, people were blackmailing me, association proprietors and bouncers: Offer money or well sell this story on you. And I had no meaning what Id even done on those blackouts. I eventually told the sorority I couldnt function and needed to go back into rehab.

Things might have improved last-place season under Hasselbaink had the hip hurt, diagnosed as a week-long edition that became a complaint which induced five different diagnosis , not interpret him powerless is again. Id expensed the organization 8m, was one of the top earners and one of the few left from the Premier League, and beings had no explanation why I wasnt acting. Why I was absent. It ended up as my toughest year ever. I couldnt learn. My girlfriend lost her mother and was grieving while living with someone struggling with craving. My son, who lives with his mother in Somerset, is still in academy so Id go months without recognizing him. He had always been my safe place. There was no release.

QPR and my agent tried to push me towards Lokomotiv Moscow in January, saying it would be a fresh start. Portion of me contemplated the money they were offering could solve all my difficulties but why would being on my own out in Russia help? I had no feeling how to separate the cycle and is available on Moscow while still disabled only appeared a recipe for disaster. The director, Ian Holloway, was actually tell people to stand. Id been in his office close to rips, so he said: How anyone could feel sending you there would be a good theme is beyond me. You need to get yourself right. I realized him for that but, for the sorority, I can see why it was appealing to be shot of me but I was in no fit district to move and eventually pulled the plug on it.

Id had one last-place gamble and lost a blaze of a lot of money in December. A last blowout. It was at that point I lastly countenanced I could not win; that there was no quick fix , no more fantasizing I could save the world through one good nighttime on the roulette wheel. It was all a fantasize that took me away from having to feel anything. I entertained suicide a lot in that stage. A dark era. Everything Id gone through in football, where had it taken me? All the remorse, the shame, the shame, the public humiliation in the working paper and for what? I could cling to my son, to what Id done in Africa, or the dimensions Id bought their own families, but Id blown everything else. I calculate Ive lost 70% what Ive payed. When “were losing” that amount of money, the guilt thats so many lives you could have changed. There was no flee , no way out, other than to leave.

Steven Caulker says: In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the darknes throwing up, parties were extorting me, club owneds and bouncers. Picture: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

But, in the moments of clarity, I knew I couldnt do that because of my son. I havent gambled since but the drink crowded the void for a while. I was frightened and didnt feel like there was anywhere else to transform. Rehab didnt production before so why would it work now? I stupidly took convenience in the alcohol but it objective up deepening the depression. It was relentless from every slant. Until 12 March. Thats the day I lost my “drivers licence”. Thats when I realised my life had now become unmanageable.

Caulker was ordered to pay 12,755 in penalties and costs at Slough magistrates court at the end of March and was banned from driving for 18 months, having refused to blow into a breathalyser after police were called to a parking lot near Windsor Castle. I knew I was over the limit, I knew Id get the ban but I didnt want to tell my parents Id fucked up again. What if I had driven the car out of the car park and killed someone? No, that was it. Ive been up before a adjudicate four or five times. No more second probabilities. Its a incarcerate sentence next. I was still injured and unable to play, so I signed off sick. I went to see a specialist who diagnosed me with depression and nervousnes. He prescribed me medication and we put together a design where I would take some time away to sort myself out.

He and his lover travelled to Africa and India, is contributing to orphanages, homeless shelters and academies where the bear was exposed and obvious. He has attended countless Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous gathers, and has reached out to support works in video games such as Clarke Carlisle for advice. He has not touched alcohol since his arrest in March. He takes medication, a feeling stabiliser is striving to match my high-priceds and lows, and address that substance inequality which draws my practices so cataclysmic, twice a day. Golf is a new, most constructive vice.

People say Ive done all this because Ive had too much money shed at me but I know teenagers without a penny who have the same addictive characters as me. Whether I played football or not I would still be suffering from this illness, precisely without the public pressure and mortification. Addiction does not care. I am a man of extremes. Parties dont find me doing the additional training, feeing right, going to the reserve every night to get fit, were represented at the anonymous convenes, doing the donation make. That is still me. That is who I am. But I get fucked by these other demons and I desperately necessary something in the middle. I feel like Im getting there now, that things have finally changed.

Im doing interesting thing merely to prompt me to stay on track. I could be relying on taxis to get me everywhere while Im banned but Im exploiting public transport. Im living in one of the owneds I own in Feltham, back where I grew up, to stir me recollect how hard I had to work to get out of here aged 15. Its a remember that, if I continue to unravel, I wont improve my statu again. Money considers the fissures. It can be evil. It prolongs the agony.

QPRs musicians reported for pre-season last-place Friday but Caulker, who has one year to run on his contract and has been improving all summertime with the former conference player Drewe Broughton at Goals centre in Hayes, had been signed off until July. Life at the golf-club had degenerated into an incessant flow of internal disciplinary hearings and, despite Holloway having become clear his desire to retain the centre-halfs business, his future will not is currently under Loftus Road. What happens next is all a bit perplexed, all a bit uncertain, he says. The manager has texted me several times offering his support and “says hes” misses me at the club but my brand-new representative has been informed by the owners Im not welcome back.

For too long Ive disliked everything about myself and I needed to learn to affection myself again. I miss video games like crazy. I dont detect as if Ive experienced playing football since Cardiff. I dont want to type my identify into Google and just see a roster of humbling narrations. I want people to remember I am a footballer who was good enough to represent his country at 20 and still has 10 years left in the game. At 40% of my ability, I was playing at the highest level. Now I feel good mentally and I want the chance to show people, including my son, what I am absolutely capable of. Wherever the opportunity starts, Im exactly appreciative still to be alive.

In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.

In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

In Australia, the crisis support assistance Lifeline is on 13 11 14.

The post Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’ appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’

The QPR defender talks powerfully about his strives with mental illness, his addictions to gamble and drinking and why “he il be” thankful still to be alive

Steven Caulker has a fable to tell and, as hard as it is to hear, it is best plainly to listen. His stream of consciousness veers from scoring on his England debut less than five years ago and the excite at potential being realised to the frightening mental health issues a matter that have almost terminated it all in the period since. A actor who, from the outside, emerged consecrated with endowment and opportunity speaks of frantic nervousnes and self-loathing.

He entertained killing himself in his darkest instants with his path one of self-destruction. Endeavors at escapism rate him hundreds of thousands of pounds, compensations frittered away in casinoes. Then came the drinking is targeted at numbing the sting. The 25 -year-old notes himself recalling the times spent in custody watching CCTV footage of his misdemeanours, his lawyer at his slope, and not recognising the infamous being on the screen.

Football is still coming to terms with mental illness and Caulker, an international and a last-place linger remember at Queens Park Rangers of financially misguided dates as a Premier League club, has been an easy target. He is not was striving to make excuses or acquire sympathy. These are details he knows unpleasant to narrate. Ive sat here for years hating myself and never understand why it is I couldnt only be like everybody else, he says. This time was almost the end. I seemed for large spans there was no light-footed at the end of the passageway. And yet “hes not” residence a gambling since December, or stroked alcohol since early March. The healing process that can rehabilitate him to the top level is well under way, with this interview, one he attempted out, potentially another step on the road to recovery.

A little under a year ago Caulker had spoken to the Guardian about a life-changing week spent in Sierra Leone, of humbling yet invigorating benevolence work with ActionAid that had rendered him with a sense of view. He returned to be galvanised under Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink at Loftus Road and, having invested the previous season on loan at Southampton and Liverpool unfulfilling stints which fuelled his latent dangers was ready to give his all. Early season recitals against Leeds and Cardiff indicated confidence had been rebuilt, reward for a summer of incessant fitness work.

The trigger that they are able to mail him spiralling to rock bottom would be injury. He snapped his groin at Barnsley and played in pain for weeks, dreading a incantation back in rehabilitation, before succumbing to an accompanied hip objection. I owed it to QPR to try, he says, but I was naive thinking I could still perform with the weeping. He has not played since last-place October, with the period celebrated by personal ferment and, simply of late, resurgence. Talking publicly, he advocated, may place younger participates towards seeking assist if they find themselves trampling the same itinerary, or knowing the same gumption of desertion, in a merciless industry. The real hope is the activity, as gallant as it is, may eventually prove more cathartic for Caulker himself.

He recognises his football ability as a gift but likewise a swear. It took him from Sunday League at 15 into the Premier League four years later, to the 2012 Olympics with Great Britain and into Roy Hodgsons England side for a friendly in Sweden later that year. His talent has persuaded some of the most respected directors he is worth engaging. Yet, while he could still get away with it on the pitch, he lived in denial. It was more than six years into his busines before he admitted he necessitated assist. You always think you can rein it back in again and the money plies a inaccurate sense of security. But at Southampton I realised, mentally, I was extend. I wasnt playing, my job was going nowhere and I had to reach out to someone. Medical doctors there tried to help me but others were just telling me got to go on the tone and express myself.

There was no understanding as to what was happening in my leader. I know theyd returned me in to do a job and they werent there to be babysitters. Just like at QPR, I needed to justify the money they were paying me but I was in a state and, at some place, there has to be a duty of care. Football does not deal well with mental illness. Maybe its changing but the support mechanisms are so often not there. Ive spoken to so many actors who have been told to go to the Sporting Chance clinic and theyve accepted because they know, if they take time off, theyll “losing ones” neighbourhood in the team. Someone gradations in and does well, so youre departed. That dissuades parties from getting improve. You feel obliged to get on with things.

I would urge cubs to speak to the PFA, to speak to their director, and not be scared about being stopped if they are experiencing like I did. Be brave enough to say you need improve before its too late. The feeling Id ever involved something to take the edge off. Football was my flee as a kid but that changed when I was chucked into the first team as a adolescent and abruptly football came with distres. My behavior of to address it, even in the early stages of my career, was gambling. Im an addict. Im addicted to triumphing, which people say is a positive in football but certainly not when it extends to gambling. I was addicted to trying to beat the system, because you reassure yourself there is a plan to it and you can beat it. You can never get your brain around why you arent.

Steven Caulker, here celebrating after scoring on his England debut in 2012, says his football ability is a gift but too a affliction. Photograph: Michael Regan/ Getty Images

He has played 123 ages in the Premier League and for eight teams with the same, horribly familiar hertz of insecurity and self-destruction seeking him to each. There is always a catalyst to the nosedive. The sleepless darkness, sat up till 5am replaying every bad decision Ive ever became in my life, perturbing what will be next Tottenham moved me to Bristol City on loan at 18 and they set me in a flat in the city centre surrounded by nightclubs, two casinos opposite, the various kinds of coin Id never seen in my life, and no counseling whatsoever. I was plucked formerly by a member of staff and told Id been recognized in the casino at 3am but their posture was: What you do in your free time is your business. Just dont gave it affect your acts out on the pitch.

At Swansea a year later it was an injury which created it all to the surface, and Spurs communicated me to Boasting Chance to sort myself out while I was recovering from my knee but I wasnt ready. I hadnt experienced enough agony to form me want to stop. I was gambling heavily when I went back to Tottenham, biding up to crazy hours of the darknes in casinos. I guess never feeling good enough played a big part in that. I never appeared I was on the same degree as any of the first-teamers but a big win in the casino and fund in my back pocket might change that. Being stopped sounds me even more because football was what I had relied on to make me feel better. So then the gambling was every single day. The pain of forgetting all my fund, combined with the pity and guilt, ingest away at me. So Id drink myself into oblivion so I wouldnt have to feel anything. I was numb but I was out of control.

The chairman, Daniel Levy, eventually attempted him out on a post-season trip-up to the Bahamas. He just said: The room you act is phenomenal. You either sort yourself out or lead but I can assure you, if you leave, youll be going down , not up. I was young, stupid. I took it as a challenge, a chance to prove him wrong. I was so immature. So I went to Cardiff and, for six months, everything was amazing. I was chieftain, the manager, Malky Mackay, knew I had some issues but offered to be there for me. I experienced wanted, so there was no gambling , no heavy binges but the second largest he was sacked, all the beasts came back. Thats all it took. Even before we played the next game, Id persuasion myself good-for-nothing would be the same. Thats the kind of cataclysmic envisioning Ive had to address.

Steven Caulker, here playing for Tottenham against Arsenal in 2010, says he made a big mistake leaving Spurs. Photo: Tom Jenkins for the Guardian

I pointed up at QPR that summertime, 2014, trying to hold it together, but the prompt there came in the second largest recreation when we were pummelled 4-0 at Tottenham. That detecting coming off the tone at White Hart Lane, knowing marriage been humiliated and that Levy was sitting up in the stand thinking: I told you so There was no disclaiming it any more. Id made a big mistake leaving Spurs. I should have stayed and sorted myself out. I required the ground to swallow me up. It just pounded in my psyche: dejection, unhappines, bitternes. From that instant I was run, even if I never wanted to accept it, and there is nothing that intensified. Id go for days without sleeping. I dont known better I endured it. That time was an absolute nightmare.

It was a vicious circle. Wed lose at the weekend and the love would get at me, and Id be interrupting. I really wanted to help us get results but we werent good enough and Id walk away taking responsibility in my head for the whole crews flunks. I couldnt sleep, are concerned about what had happened. The only comfort I acquired was in booze. It would silence the tones of indecision and self-hate, temporarily regardless, but Id be too intoxicated to go into teach, and the blackouts Id have no remember of anything. It could be Monday and Id have no remembrance of what had happened since Saturday night. Id wake up, roll over and look at my phone, and thered be texts from people saying: Did you really do this last-place darknes? The director want to talk to you. It was petrifying because I didnt know what had happened.

There were occasions where reference is would wake up in a police cell. He pouts when asked how often he has been arrested, upset to admit the above figures, but the drunk and disorderly offences would flare up from London to Southampton to Merseyside. Sometimes Id be sat there with law enforcement agencies and my solicitor, watching the CCTV footage of what Id done, and I didnt recognise myself. I couldnt conceive the person or persons I was. Its so hard to accept I could be like that. In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the nighttime throwing up, people were blackmailing me, association proprietors and bouncers: Offer money or well sell this story on you. And I had no meaning what Id even done on those blackouts. I eventually told the sorority I couldnt function and needed to go back into rehab.

Things might have improved last-place season under Hasselbaink had the hip hurt, diagnosed as a week-long edition that became a complaint which induced five different diagnosis , not interpret him powerless is again. Id expensed the organization 8m, was one of the top earners and one of the few left from the Premier League, and beings had no explanation why I wasnt acting. Why I was absent. It ended up as my toughest year ever. I couldnt learn. My girlfriend lost her mother and was grieving while living with someone struggling with craving. My son, who lives with his mother in Somerset, is still in academy so Id go months without recognizing him. He had always been my safe place. There was no release.

QPR and my agent tried to push me towards Lokomotiv Moscow in January, saying it would be a fresh start. Portion of me contemplated the money they were offering could solve all my difficulties but why would being on my own out in Russia help? I had no feeling how to separate the cycle and is available on Moscow while still disabled only appeared a recipe for disaster. The director, Ian Holloway, was actually tell people to stand. Id been in his office close to rips, so he said: How anyone could feel sending you there would be a good theme is beyond me. You need to get yourself right. I realized him for that but, for the sorority, I can see why it was appealing to be shot of me but I was in no fit district to move and eventually pulled the plug on it.

Id had one last-place gamble and lost a blaze of a lot of money in December. A last blowout. It was at that point I lastly countenanced I could not win; that there was no quick fix , no more fantasizing I could save the world through one good nighttime on the roulette wheel. It was all a fantasize that took me away from having to feel anything. I entertained suicide a lot in that stage. A dark era. Everything Id gone through in football, where had it taken me? All the remorse, the shame, the shame, the public humiliation in the working paper and for what? I could cling to my son, to what Id done in Africa, or the dimensions Id bought their own families, but Id blown everything else. I calculate Ive lost 70% what Ive payed. When “were losing” that amount of money, the guilt thats so many lives you could have changed. There was no flee , no way out, other than to leave.

Steven Caulker says: In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the darknes throwing up, parties were extorting me, club owneds and bouncers. Picture: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

But, in the moments of clarity, I knew I couldnt do that because of my son. I havent gambled since but the drink crowded the void for a while. I was frightened and didnt feel like there was anywhere else to transform. Rehab didnt production before so why would it work now? I stupidly took convenience in the alcohol but it objective up deepening the depression. It was relentless from every slant. Until 12 March. Thats the day I lost my “drivers licence”. Thats when I realised my life had now become unmanageable.

Caulker was ordered to pay 12,755 in penalties and costs at Slough magistrates court at the end of March and was banned from driving for 18 months, having refused to blow into a breathalyser after police were called to a parking lot near Windsor Castle. I knew I was over the limit, I knew Id get the ban but I didnt want to tell my parents Id fucked up again. What if I had driven the car out of the car park and killed someone? No, that was it. Ive been up before a adjudicate four or five times. No more second probabilities. Its a incarcerate sentence next. I was still injured and unable to play, so I signed off sick. I went to see a specialist who diagnosed me with depression and nervousnes. He prescribed me medication and we put together a design where I would take some time away to sort myself out.

He and his lover travelled to Africa and India, is contributing to orphanages, homeless shelters and academies where the bear was exposed and obvious. He has attended countless Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous gathers, and has reached out to support works in video games such as Clarke Carlisle for advice. He has not touched alcohol since his arrest in March. He takes medication, a feeling stabiliser is striving to match my high-priceds and lows, and address that substance inequality which draws my practices so cataclysmic, twice a day. Golf is a new, most constructive vice.

People say Ive done all this because Ive had too much money shed at me but I know teenagers without a penny who have the same addictive characters as me. Whether I played football or not I would still be suffering from this illness, precisely without the public pressure and mortification. Addiction does not care. I am a man of extremes. Parties dont find me doing the additional training, feeing right, going to the reserve every night to get fit, were represented at the anonymous convenes, doing the donation make. That is still me. That is who I am. But I get fucked by these other demons and I desperately necessary something in the middle. I feel like Im getting there now, that things have finally changed.

Im doing interesting thing merely to prompt me to stay on track. I could be relying on taxis to get me everywhere while Im banned but Im exploiting public transport. Im living in one of the owneds I own in Feltham, back where I grew up, to stir me recollect how hard I had to work to get out of here aged 15. Its a remember that, if I continue to unravel, I wont improve my statu again. Money considers the fissures. It can be evil. It prolongs the agony.

QPRs musicians reported for pre-season last-place Friday but Caulker, who has one year to run on his contract and has been improving all summertime with the former conference player Drewe Broughton at Goals centre in Hayes, had been signed off until July. Life at the golf-club had degenerated into an incessant flow of internal disciplinary hearings and, despite Holloway having become clear his desire to retain the centre-halfs business, his future will not is currently under Loftus Road. What happens next is all a bit perplexed, all a bit uncertain, he says. The manager has texted me several times offering his support and “says hes” misses me at the club but my brand-new representative has been informed by the owners Im not welcome back.

For too long Ive disliked everything about myself and I needed to learn to affection myself again. I miss video games like crazy. I dont detect as if Ive experienced playing football since Cardiff. I dont want to type my identify into Google and just see a roster of humbling narrations. I want people to remember I am a footballer who was good enough to represent his country at 20 and still has 10 years left in the game. At 40% of my ability, I was playing at the highest level. Now I feel good mentally and I want the chance to show people, including my son, what I am absolutely capable of. Wherever the opportunity starts, Im exactly appreciative still to be alive.

In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.

In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

In Australia, the crisis support assistance Lifeline is on 13 11 14.

The post Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’ appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’

The QPR defender talks powerfully about his strives with mental illness, his addictions to gamble and drinking and why “he il be” thankful still to be alive

Steven Caulker has a fable to tell and, as hard as it is to hear, it is best plainly to listen. His stream of consciousness veers from scoring on his England debut less than five years ago and the excite at potential being realised to the frightening mental health issues a matter that have almost terminated it all in the period since. A actor who, from the outside, emerged consecrated with endowment and opportunity speaks of frantic nervousnes and self-loathing.

He entertained killing himself in his darkest instants with his path one of self-destruction. Endeavors at escapism rate him hundreds of thousands of pounds, compensations frittered away in casinoes. Then came the drinking is targeted at numbing the sting. The 25 -year-old notes himself recalling the times spent in custody watching CCTV footage of his misdemeanours, his lawyer at his slope, and not recognising the infamous being on the screen.

Football is still coming to terms with mental illness and Caulker, an international and a last-place linger remember at Queens Park Rangers of financially misguided dates as a Premier League club, has been an easy target. He is not was striving to make excuses or acquire sympathy. These are details he knows unpleasant to narrate. Ive sat here for years hating myself and never understand why it is I couldnt only be like everybody else, he says. This time was almost the end. I seemed for large spans there was no light-footed at the end of the passageway. And yet “hes not” residence a gambling since December, or stroked alcohol since early March. The healing process that can rehabilitate him to the top level is well under way, with this interview, one he attempted out, potentially another step on the road to recovery.

A little under a year ago Caulker had spoken to the Guardian about a life-changing week spent in Sierra Leone, of humbling yet invigorating benevolence work with ActionAid that had rendered him with a sense of view. He returned to be galvanised under Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink at Loftus Road and, having invested the previous season on loan at Southampton and Liverpool unfulfilling stints which fuelled his latent dangers was ready to give his all. Early season recitals against Leeds and Cardiff indicated confidence had been rebuilt, reward for a summer of incessant fitness work.

The trigger that they are able to mail him spiralling to rock bottom would be injury. He snapped his groin at Barnsley and played in pain for weeks, dreading a incantation back in rehabilitation, before succumbing to an accompanied hip objection. I owed it to QPR to try, he says, but I was naive thinking I could still perform with the weeping. He has not played since last-place October, with the period celebrated by personal ferment and, simply of late, resurgence. Talking publicly, he advocated, may place younger participates towards seeking assist if they find themselves trampling the same itinerary, or knowing the same gumption of desertion, in a merciless industry. The real hope is the activity, as gallant as it is, may eventually prove more cathartic for Caulker himself.

He recognises his football ability as a gift but likewise a swear. It took him from Sunday League at 15 into the Premier League four years later, to the 2012 Olympics with Great Britain and into Roy Hodgsons England side for a friendly in Sweden later that year. His talent has persuaded some of the most respected directors he is worth engaging. Yet, while he could still get away with it on the pitch, he lived in denial. It was more than six years into his busines before he admitted he necessitated assist. You always think you can rein it back in again and the money plies a inaccurate sense of security. But at Southampton I realised, mentally, I was extend. I wasnt playing, my job was going nowhere and I had to reach out to someone. Medical doctors there tried to help me but others were just telling me got to go on the tone and express myself.

There was no understanding as to what was happening in my leader. I know theyd returned me in to do a job and they werent there to be babysitters. Just like at QPR, I needed to justify the money they were paying me but I was in a state and, at some place, there has to be a duty of care. Football does not deal well with mental illness. Maybe its changing but the support mechanisms are so often not there. Ive spoken to so many actors who have been told to go to the Sporting Chance clinic and theyve accepted because they know, if they take time off, theyll “losing ones” neighbourhood in the team. Someone gradations in and does well, so youre departed. That dissuades parties from getting improve. You feel obliged to get on with things.

I would urge cubs to speak to the PFA, to speak to their director, and not be scared about being stopped if they are experiencing like I did. Be brave enough to say you need improve before its too late. The feeling Id ever involved something to take the edge off. Football was my flee as a kid but that changed when I was chucked into the first team as a adolescent and abruptly football came with distres. My behavior of to address it, even in the early stages of my career, was gambling. Im an addict. Im addicted to triumphing, which people say is a positive in football but certainly not when it extends to gambling. I was addicted to trying to beat the system, because you reassure yourself there is a plan to it and you can beat it. You can never get your brain around why you arent.

Steven Caulker, here celebrating after scoring on his England debut in 2012, says his football ability is a gift but too a affliction. Photograph: Michael Regan/ Getty Images

He has played 123 ages in the Premier League and for eight teams with the same, horribly familiar hertz of insecurity and self-destruction seeking him to each. There is always a catalyst to the nosedive. The sleepless darkness, sat up till 5am replaying every bad decision Ive ever became in my life, perturbing what will be next Tottenham moved me to Bristol City on loan at 18 and they set me in a flat in the city centre surrounded by nightclubs, two casinos opposite, the various kinds of coin Id never seen in my life, and no counseling whatsoever. I was plucked formerly by a member of staff and told Id been recognized in the casino at 3am but their posture was: What you do in your free time is your business. Just dont gave it affect your acts out on the pitch.

At Swansea a year later it was an injury which created it all to the surface, and Spurs communicated me to Boasting Chance to sort myself out while I was recovering from my knee but I wasnt ready. I hadnt experienced enough agony to form me want to stop. I was gambling heavily when I went back to Tottenham, biding up to crazy hours of the darknes in casinos. I guess never feeling good enough played a big part in that. I never appeared I was on the same degree as any of the first-teamers but a big win in the casino and fund in my back pocket might change that. Being stopped sounds me even more because football was what I had relied on to make me feel better. So then the gambling was every single day. The pain of forgetting all my fund, combined with the pity and guilt, ingest away at me. So Id drink myself into oblivion so I wouldnt have to feel anything. I was numb but I was out of control.

The chairman, Daniel Levy, eventually attempted him out on a post-season trip-up to the Bahamas. He just said: The room you act is phenomenal. You either sort yourself out or lead but I can assure you, if you leave, youll be going down , not up. I was young, stupid. I took it as a challenge, a chance to prove him wrong. I was so immature. So I went to Cardiff and, for six months, everything was amazing. I was chieftain, the manager, Malky Mackay, knew I had some issues but offered to be there for me. I experienced wanted, so there was no gambling , no heavy binges but the second largest he was sacked, all the beasts came back. Thats all it took. Even before we played the next game, Id persuasion myself good-for-nothing would be the same. Thats the kind of cataclysmic envisioning Ive had to address.

Steven Caulker, here playing for Tottenham against Arsenal in 2010, says he made a big mistake leaving Spurs. Photo: Tom Jenkins for the Guardian

I pointed up at QPR that summertime, 2014, trying to hold it together, but the prompt there came in the second largest recreation when we were pummelled 4-0 at Tottenham. That detecting coming off the tone at White Hart Lane, knowing marriage been humiliated and that Levy was sitting up in the stand thinking: I told you so There was no disclaiming it any more. Id made a big mistake leaving Spurs. I should have stayed and sorted myself out. I required the ground to swallow me up. It just pounded in my psyche: dejection, unhappines, bitternes. From that instant I was run, even if I never wanted to accept it, and there is nothing that intensified. Id go for days without sleeping. I dont known better I endured it. That time was an absolute nightmare.

It was a vicious circle. Wed lose at the weekend and the love would get at me, and Id be interrupting. I really wanted to help us get results but we werent good enough and Id walk away taking responsibility in my head for the whole crews flunks. I couldnt sleep, are concerned about what had happened. The only comfort I acquired was in booze. It would silence the tones of indecision and self-hate, temporarily regardless, but Id be too intoxicated to go into teach, and the blackouts Id have no remember of anything. It could be Monday and Id have no remembrance of what had happened since Saturday night. Id wake up, roll over and look at my phone, and thered be texts from people saying: Did you really do this last-place darknes? The director want to talk to you. It was petrifying because I didnt know what had happened.

There were occasions where reference is would wake up in a police cell. He pouts when asked how often he has been arrested, upset to admit the above figures, but the drunk and disorderly offences would flare up from London to Southampton to Merseyside. Sometimes Id be sat there with law enforcement agencies and my solicitor, watching the CCTV footage of what Id done, and I didnt recognise myself. I couldnt conceive the person or persons I was. Its so hard to accept I could be like that. In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the nighttime throwing up, people were blackmailing me, association proprietors and bouncers: Offer money or well sell this story on you. And I had no meaning what Id even done on those blackouts. I eventually told the sorority I couldnt function and needed to go back into rehab.

Things might have improved last-place season under Hasselbaink had the hip hurt, diagnosed as a week-long edition that became a complaint which induced five different diagnosis , not interpret him powerless is again. Id expensed the organization 8m, was one of the top earners and one of the few left from the Premier League, and beings had no explanation why I wasnt acting. Why I was absent. It ended up as my toughest year ever. I couldnt learn. My girlfriend lost her mother and was grieving while living with someone struggling with craving. My son, who lives with his mother in Somerset, is still in academy so Id go months without recognizing him. He had always been my safe place. There was no release.

QPR and my agent tried to push me towards Lokomotiv Moscow in January, saying it would be a fresh start. Portion of me contemplated the money they were offering could solve all my difficulties but why would being on my own out in Russia help? I had no feeling how to separate the cycle and is available on Moscow while still disabled only appeared a recipe for disaster. The director, Ian Holloway, was actually tell people to stand. Id been in his office close to rips, so he said: How anyone could feel sending you there would be a good theme is beyond me. You need to get yourself right. I realized him for that but, for the sorority, I can see why it was appealing to be shot of me but I was in no fit district to move and eventually pulled the plug on it.

Id had one last-place gamble and lost a blaze of a lot of money in December. A last blowout. It was at that point I lastly countenanced I could not win; that there was no quick fix , no more fantasizing I could save the world through one good nighttime on the roulette wheel. It was all a fantasize that took me away from having to feel anything. I entertained suicide a lot in that stage. A dark era. Everything Id gone through in football, where had it taken me? All the remorse, the shame, the shame, the public humiliation in the working paper and for what? I could cling to my son, to what Id done in Africa, or the dimensions Id bought their own families, but Id blown everything else. I calculate Ive lost 70% what Ive payed. When “were losing” that amount of money, the guilt thats so many lives you could have changed. There was no flee , no way out, other than to leave.

Steven Caulker says: In Liverpool I was waking up in the middle of the darknes throwing up, parties were extorting me, club owneds and bouncers. Picture: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

But, in the moments of clarity, I knew I couldnt do that because of my son. I havent gambled since but the drink crowded the void for a while. I was frightened and didnt feel like there was anywhere else to transform. Rehab didnt production before so why would it work now? I stupidly took convenience in the alcohol but it objective up deepening the depression. It was relentless from every slant. Until 12 March. Thats the day I lost my “drivers licence”. Thats when I realised my life had now become unmanageable.

Caulker was ordered to pay 12,755 in penalties and costs at Slough magistrates court at the end of March and was banned from driving for 18 months, having refused to blow into a breathalyser after police were called to a parking lot near Windsor Castle. I knew I was over the limit, I knew Id get the ban but I didnt want to tell my parents Id fucked up again. What if I had driven the car out of the car park and killed someone? No, that was it. Ive been up before a adjudicate four or five times. No more second probabilities. Its a incarcerate sentence next. I was still injured and unable to play, so I signed off sick. I went to see a specialist who diagnosed me with depression and nervousnes. He prescribed me medication and we put together a design where I would take some time away to sort myself out.

He and his lover travelled to Africa and India, is contributing to orphanages, homeless shelters and academies where the bear was exposed and obvious. He has attended countless Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous gathers, and has reached out to support works in video games such as Clarke Carlisle for advice. He has not touched alcohol since his arrest in March. He takes medication, a feeling stabiliser is striving to match my high-priceds and lows, and address that substance inequality which draws my practices so cataclysmic, twice a day. Golf is a new, most constructive vice.

People say Ive done all this because Ive had too much money shed at me but I know teenagers without a penny who have the same addictive characters as me. Whether I played football or not I would still be suffering from this illness, precisely without the public pressure and mortification. Addiction does not care. I am a man of extremes. Parties dont find me doing the additional training, feeing right, going to the reserve every night to get fit, were represented at the anonymous convenes, doing the donation make. That is still me. That is who I am. But I get fucked by these other demons and I desperately necessary something in the middle. I feel like Im getting there now, that things have finally changed.

Im doing interesting thing merely to prompt me to stay on track. I could be relying on taxis to get me everywhere while Im banned but Im exploiting public transport. Im living in one of the owneds I own in Feltham, back where I grew up, to stir me recollect how hard I had to work to get out of here aged 15. Its a remember that, if I continue to unravel, I wont improve my statu again. Money considers the fissures. It can be evil. It prolongs the agony.

QPRs musicians reported for pre-season last-place Friday but Caulker, who has one year to run on his contract and has been improving all summertime with the former conference player Drewe Broughton at Goals centre in Hayes, had been signed off until July. Life at the golf-club had degenerated into an incessant flow of internal disciplinary hearings and, despite Holloway having become clear his desire to retain the centre-halfs business, his future will not is currently under Loftus Road. What happens next is all a bit perplexed, all a bit uncertain, he says. The manager has texted me several times offering his support and “says hes” misses me at the club but my brand-new representative has been informed by the owners Im not welcome back.

For too long Ive disliked everything about myself and I needed to learn to affection myself again. I miss video games like crazy. I dont detect as if Ive experienced playing football since Cardiff. I dont want to type my identify into Google and just see a roster of humbling narrations. I want people to remember I am a footballer who was good enough to represent his country at 20 and still has 10 years left in the game. At 40% of my ability, I was playing at the highest level. Now I feel good mentally and I want the chance to show people, including my son, what I am absolutely capable of. Wherever the opportunity starts, Im exactly appreciative still to be alive.

In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.

In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

In Australia, the crisis support assistance Lifeline is on 13 11 14.

The post Steven Caulker:’ I’ve sat here for years hating myself … This year was almost the end’ appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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