#im sorry i have to vent somewhere

[sneez]

tervis (oc) sightings

/ id: three screenshots from the video game pathologic. tervis, a hunched figure wearing long hooded robes and carrying a walking staff, has been digitally painted into each scene. the first shows tervis crouching on a metal walkway between two buildings in the factory district. the second shows tervis with their hand pressed against an infected house, looking balefully out into the night. the third shows tervis sitting against the wall of the railway station, observing the trains. end id. /

[dandyshucks]

ouhhhh the neighbour doesn't have any supplies of her own for crochet and I'm teaching her and my mother today starting in just over an hour

and i am ... not selfish with my supplies but i am unemployed and living off a very tight budget (cannot purchase any more yarn for projects unless i manage to do some pretty spectacular savings on my groceries for the month which is... not very doable) so I'm a tad worried she's going to be good at crocheting and want to Make Something with the yarn that i do have fjdskl and I would normally be totally fine with that but considering there's basically nowhere in town to buy yarn (i've had to buy online) and shipping is $20+ lately, that's not exactly a great thing for me right now 🧍‍♂️

[artheresy]

Was having a good day after that HCQ stream but I’m :’D

[viaetor]

exhaustion

im sorry for throwing this here in the first place. I generally don't post vents on tumblr dot com, but I've been under so much stress lately and I just. don't have anywhere I can dump things yknow?? i don't wanna feel like a burden to my friends or as if its their responsibility.

but I've been so, so exhausted lately. but it's so hard to just *stop* or *take a break*.

currently, im working 3 part-time jobs, participating in 4 uni projects, writing my thesis, finishing up my government-funded research, completing translations, on top of having my regular classes. not to mention more work and projects ive been "invited" to accept that are still starting up and my upcoming mandatory internship. my parents have been entrusting me with more and more responsibilities regarding their physical health as seniors. but i also need to keep an eye out so that my drug addict sister doesn't do anything stupid and gets thrown out of the house again. I'm also worried about another sister of mine.

Lately i tried to distract myself by involving myself more with my friends. I've helped a few friends out with their own stuff (moving, writing, job interviews, emotional support) and ive been reconnecting with long past friendships, which is pretty neat. and it was working for a while, but im starting to get drained from even the simplest interactions.

now every time I look at my phone or get out of my room, people are calling me to ask to do stuff for them. I'm so numb to it all, I just do it automatically even when my body is sore and my brain is dead.

the worst part is that I can't quit anything. there are no vacations waiting for me, and no way I can lessen my workload more than I already have. I'm numb to it all, it's exhausting, but I feel so ashamed for even feeling tired. I feel like I have no right to feel that. I'm so used to being "reliable" and "efficient" to others that I'm not sure if I know how to Not be what people expect of me.

Ive been trying not to smoke or stress-eat and instead just hit the gym to get rid of the stress and anxiety, but even that hasn't been enough.

I want to write. I want to draw. I wanna learn languages. I wanna study. I wanna chat. But I just don't have the energy to do the things that make me feel happy and healthy. even if I'm ironically already doing some of them. I feel like an ungrateful brat. especially since I'm surrounded by so many awesome people.

I'm really lucky to have you all. I love getting your messages, seeing your posts, writing with you. I'm so happy with how I've been developing bonds with people here. thank you so much for investing in me! i really do cherish and appreciate it. I just want to apologise for seeming so distant and emotionally unavailable, not to mention how long i take to reply sometimes. to those that have been nothing but kind and patient to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I can make it up to you!

I'm just really, really tired at the moment, and I'm not sure how to juggle through everything in my life right now. so I'm really sorry.

I wish I had dottore's skills so I could make clones of myself ngl. that'd be pretty neat

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

so sane. and normal.

tw // existentialism , derealisation , suicide ment , bright colours (?) for the drawing under the cut

(please dont read the text below too if youre not in a good state of mind)

[batvillainz]

Don't take this to mean I don't love end enjoy my freinds as people or that I don't enjoy friendship I'm just having an Autism Stress Moment but i HATE having freinds. I hate that I have to constantly maintain a certain amount of social interaction and closeness or the friendship degrades and the second I turn around and do something with one person I have to do something with another and I hate that I'm constantly guilty about not going out and doing things with people when I do things by myself and I hate that if the friendship degrades I can't do things with or rely on that person anymore and I hate never being fully comfortable or able to relax around people I'm supposed to be close with and I hate feeling pressured to text people who never text me first or invite me to anything and I hate feeling distant but knowing the amount of strain and effort I would need to put in to feel close is just too much for me at the moment sometimes i wish that everyone would just like. Decide they hate me so I can go back to being self regulated and alone

[watatsumiis]

My computer is fucked frfr :((

[v-arbellanaris]

just work venting under the cut

i am so stressed out mgkdkdkdf my co-coordinator who is living in another country (sister campus) called me in tears today telling me she's so stressed out and i am just like 🙃 i have spent the past NINE MONTHS stopping the guy in charge of this unit from fucking over the entire unit at EVERY AVENUE POSSIBLE and also developing my parts of the content and also doing all of the coding-related work and also preparing the rubrics and also micromanaging this bastard's content creation and also managing what she's got going on on top of ALL MY OTHER WORK, all in between like 4 diff events and 8 other research projects, THREE OF WHICH ARE ACTIVE GRANTS. send help.

[imageofvoid]

i’m truly in my “imprisoned in the Tower” era Again.. wondering if i should go back to therapy but also not wanting to spend money on it lmao

[unusualshrimp]

i hate mental health content like "heal your inner child 🥺" what if i HATE that thing and want to beat it to a pulp. is that allowed because i think that would fix me

[hella1975]

(hella you dont have to answer this, just wanted to say it) i know you ofc know that grief is a really complicated n fickle feeling but. it is, so i hope u can give yourself that space to grieve and do whatever it takes...but also please take care of yourself. and we're both creators of stuff so i really get the feeling, but i promise youre not destined for getting worse or stuck in that. something similar happened to me my senior year and even if you didn't know him that well, you're allowed that space to feel too.

ik my words prob dont do much, and i dont pretend to know better than you about your hometown or life or anything like that, but im here if u wanna talk. i love u <3

thank you for this my love. this is so kind and you didnt need to say anything but you DID and im so grateful for that. i promise im okay and im very good at being able to tell what episodes are temporary and what are more serious, so i know this one is temporary and is more shock/natural sadness at hearing the news that will peter off over time, so im trying to just. let myself feel it all for now and then put it to rest after a couple days. im sorry you can relate at all, i feel like it's such a specific, strange kind of grief to explain, when it's someone you know very distantly and technically have no 'right' to grieve, because like you said, grief is complicated, and it doesn't care what right you have to it or not. which is something im having to remind myself of and tell myself im not being selfish or self-centred for feeling upset by this. ive reached out to one of my irls and im going to tell her tomorrow bc i trust her to be good about this, so as basic as that sounds that's a pretty huge thing for me and im hoping it'll help even if it is just. talking it out. idk. but i appreciate this and i appreciate you, ily bestie xx

[djpurple3]

yknow like none of my fics do the same numbers they used to when i wrote sanders sides fic and i shouldnt be upset about that,,,,, but sometimes im kind of upset about that

like commenting culture is so weird i know already but like augh... pspsps.... please.... tell me u like it....

the fandom that is the best at leaving comments (that arent too weird, too) in my experience Has been the ninja turtle people tho. idk whats in that fandom but they leave some good comments

[syntheticspades]

my church is queerphobic and pro-life, yet my dad still wonders why i hate going.

[hyliagirl42]

Companies: we need workers so bad!! Theres a worker shortage and we desperately need people please apply please work for us please please please

Me: ok sure what do i need to do to apply

Companies: ok so you need 3 years experience in this exact job so we dont have to train you!!

Me: uhhh no but i have 4 years retail experience and this job I want is literally just slightly higher paying retail

Companies: ok do you have a masters degree

Me: did i mention this is basically higher paying retail?? Why would i have a masters degree for this specific thing, all it involves is talking to customers and pointing them to places and maybe cleaning or working a register. All of which i have 4 years experience doing

Companies: well then sorry but youre not qualified, you need experience AND a masters degree

Me:

Companies: WHY WON'T ANYONE WORK FOR US WE NEED WORKERS SO BAD

Me: I'd be a great worker if you'd be willing to spend like a week training me but go off I guess

[coffee-bat]

//vent

man i'd have a suicidal breakdown if i had the fucking TIME to. i love being an adult

[antifragi1e]

:/