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blindedguilt · 1 month

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Omg there's gonna be a Leonard visual novel? Ahhh please link this id love to support it!

Also you have an alt account with Leonard art 👀👀👀👀

//No idea if that bit at the end is a solid "i know what you are" or a "this you?" bit but just in case, i do!! i will refrain from posting it here (For privacy, though when you find it you should be able to clock it like "THIS IS THE BITCH" immediately anyways lol) if you would like it i can give it to you through DMs (unfortunately tumblr doesnt allow private answering to anon asks :( if i could i would...) but please dont feel pressured at all to come out!!! i enjoy chatting with you, anon *pats*

//But to answer your question, yes!! Technically it's already out though its currently only available in Japanese. I will say I have spoken with the writer though, and I'm very happy to say they've expressed interest in helping me make an English patch :3<! Once I'm done with playing the game for myself (I'm about halfway at the moment, I think? ;0) I'll hopefully start work. I've been playing with a friend and already have a few scenes (roughly, more or less) translated.

//Anyways, I'll put the links to both the trial and full version at the end of the post so they're easier to find vs. just sandwiching between my rambles about the VN!! because BOY is it good, this was made for leonard fans BY leonard fans and its SHOWS AAAAAAAAAA

//More under the cut~ (I'll be rambling about this for a w h i l e)

So the game is called Onaplus, and lemme just post my TL of its official Booth description for you before i try summing it up myself:

Play Time: About 5 hours Routes: 2 Endings: 4~5 Stills: None This is a visual novel game where you can - or can not - enjoy a "Psuedo-Romance" with various versions of Leonard from before he formed his pact, DOD1, DOD2, and LoV. The game is mostly linear; only a few choices on your path outside of the 4~5 different endings. You are the protagonist, a woman who travels through four different "Times" with Seere at your side. You can enjoy the story as it's nature changes between two vastly different routes; choose to spend a sweet and heartfelt time with Leonard, or take part in a good measure of slapstick comedy instead. Includes a number headcanoned details, otakuisms, and out-of-character gags. A game for those who believe no man is beyond forgiveness...

That's pretty much it!! I dunno how much I'll spoil by saying it, but it was NOT KIDDING when it said the main two routes (The more serious N-Route, standing for "Not Shotacon Route" and the gag S-Route, standing for "Shotacon Jerking Off in the Backwoods Route") were different.

I'll keep what I know limited, but I've completely finished the S-Route (much to my dismay, IT WAS SO GOOODDDD I DIDNT WANT IT TO END) and have JUST started the N-Route, so I'm looking forward to what's in store!! I dunno what the "5" stands for though in five endings, unless the N-Route has one I'm unaware of... 👀 but a quick breakdown

Where the N-Route is a very genuine, heartfelt ""Love letter"" to Leonard from his fans being like "We care about you!!! youre such a lovable guy!!!! please take care of yourself!!!!" and essentially plays as an "I can fix him" game, the gag "S-Route" ramps Leonard's "Shotaconness" up to an ABSURD degree to the point one or two scenes were complete "had me completely red in the face, unable to look at the screen"-level wreckage. one scene in particular around the DOD2 mark also made my heart DROP but im not saying what happened or what it is :)))) S-Route Ending A was also extremely difficult to TL because i had to search a few things up and do........ research............ to find suitable english-audience alternatives. it had me GAGGED ngl, but i would never do it again........... i'm turning red just thinking about it now dsjfhkshvwkslahsdfhj (the endings are so good though, and there was ANOTHER thing in Ending A that had me "!!!!!!! yippee!!!!!!" but that's another story.)

I've only finished the endings of the S-Route right now, but some of them were surprisingly (And welcomingly so!) heartfelt for what was 96% a gag route :0!

AND THEN THE PROTAGONISTSSSSSS okay so i was NOT expecting a little "heehee, we made leonard psuedo-dating sim" VN TO HAVE PROTAGONISTS THAT ARE LITERALLY LIKE A HYPERFIXATION FOR ME RIGHT NOW????? trust me when i say these are NOT typical "blank-slate-self-insert" protags their characterisation is so strong and entertaining i was HEARTBROKEN finishing the s-route because it meant saying goodbye to its protagonist more than anything, i literally have made ship fanart of them together i ADORE them so much and i need them in my life...... lately ive thinking about hdcing names for them i love them....

N-MC is so SWEEEEEEEETTT she's a lot more "Expectable" for a "Romantic" visual novel (At least for now... who knows, she might be hiding a dark secret of some kind though im like... more than half sure she's innocent? RIGHT????) and is just a little sweetheart whose dedicated her life to helping others as her parents always wished!!!! she has a ✨tragic anime backstory✨ and for leonard fans is THE embodiment of looking at this sad sack of shit and being like "Oh my god, he's so miserable, i just want him to be happy :((( i can fix him......." her relationship with seere is so SWEETTTT too it makes me melt, she's the one he NEEDS and im just aakshskhsdkvhsdkfh...... though honestly even if its 9/10 unintentional listening to the way she talks about seere sometimes has me like "hmmMMMMMM..... perhaps youre more of a shotacon than s-mc........" ("ara ara, seere-kun~" has become my new tagline for her, i admit..... you seem a bit too taken with him buddy...)

BUT THEN S-MC, I ADORE HERRRRRRRR me and a bud have been playing it together and their design for her has become like the unofficial one i literally use/WILL use no other for my own doodles and that is a FACT. how do i explain her... the game calls her "Caim-like", basically, but that's not enough. you see, S-MC is an over-exploited, sleep-deprived, brash, violent, porn-addicted shotacon (+possible femcel) otaku who's main goal in life is to find a decent person to get married to and whose only reason for living is to keep indulging in her PG (and not PG) fiction. she's more than eager to beat the shit out of anyone at the first opportunity (which she does) and wax poetic about her favourite games (which she does) and UNLIKE """N-MC oneesan""" and their (Unintentional) far-too-friendly comments towards seere S-MC spends makes it her GOAL to ensure nothing happens to the kid despite her annoyance with him, who is far too innocent for his own good dsfkvjhsfdkhvsdfj

The VN is written by the very talented Pixiv fanfic writer Kyon, whose works I would VERY much recommend checking out if you can read Japanese and are a fan of Leonard (They are my GO-TO for Leonard content, just talking with them was such an honour i was like "uUUWAUAaaaAUUGHhhHHhgaaghgH" they do his characterisation so good and they understand the tragedy and facets of what makes him compelling so well and im just UGHHHHHHH THEYRE SO GOOD ANON YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS WITH THEM WRITING THIS, CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!!!)

Interestingly enough, they did write a whole fucking novel on Leonard's past and life leading up Ending D and do reference part of that in this VN!! Albeit not heavily, though reading the preview on Pixiv I saw it was like "AYYYYYE" so I would recommend it if you can read it ;0 i hope to buy the full thing soon....

Also, I was actually skeptical of this going into it but Kyon is SO good with their writing they did write a Faerie x Leonard Modern AU smut fic I'm now also hoping to get the full version of well... do you know how good something has to be for me not ONLY to spend money on it, but to go from SKEPTICAL "this isn't my thing and i dunno why i'm even reading it" to "I need to read the rest of this NOW GET HIS ASS" i truly marvel at their talent and im so happy at the chance to work with them im.............

The illustrations were done by the also VERY popular Suiden, who you might recognise if you spend any time on Leonard's Pixiv tag in general!!! I admit, I kind of expected more as far as the quality of their contributions to the VN were concerned, but honestly, the character sprites are so charming in their own little VN way (Leonard's DOD2 sprite i ADORE) and i was so excited to see both recognisable artists i adore in there, I don't really have any major complaints so far outside the fact i sincerely wish there was a 1.3 leonard....... ONAPLUS 2 LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN‼️💥👏👏

Oh, and I also learned a LOT about LoV and its system through this game (and how much injustice they did leonard in the sequel, jesus fuck...) which was apparently all thanks to Haruoka's help advising everyone on the LoV bits (Though whether that stands for just gameplay or actual lore, i have no idea.... yet)!! You may also recognise some of the nice Leonard art they have on their Pixiv if you've dug through the tag as deep as I have lmao

it could happen

... Anyways, that SHOULD be enough rambling from me!! If you have anymore questions, do lemme know because this VN is my LIFE right now all I can ever think about is playing it and I'm literally going to be so sad when it's time to put it up......

If you think you'd like to check it out for yourself, please do check out the trial version!! You can get it free on Kyon's Booth and I think you SHOULD be able to just G-Translate your way through the N-Route with minimal confusion just based off of how clear I remember it, and the S-Route should be roughly understandable as well but uses a LOT more slang and "catechisms" with its spelling than N-Route, so you might have a couple more difficulties translating it if you use a machine.

The full version is a psychical disc copy that sells for 500 JPY (3.24 USD/3.05 EUR, i believe) and you CAN buy it through a proxy site like Buyee like I did!! Ofc that will include packing and shipping costs, so you might actually expect it to come up to around 20 USD as it did for me :,) perhaps the real pain though comes in how long you have to wait for it to actually arrive (just under a month for me)

But if you're a Leonard fan? Speaking as the self-proclaimed head of the church of ona, it is so worth it. ive never been so utterly enamoured and in love with a game, its kinda starting to concern me...

Either way!! It will still be a while till an English patch comes out since I've been very busy with work and unable to play it :(

I recommend you try it for yourself!!!

And please do refrain from posting screenshots of the game if you decide to play it (at request of the creators), you can quote it but if it's on a public platform like Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere outside of DMs, please no screenshots!!

Here's a link to the trial version (Free)

And if you like that enough...

Here's the full version!! (500 JPY)

...If you can, please give this your full support!! I very much don't think you'll be disappointed, especially as a Leonard fan~

As far as the English patch goes, I dunno how much I should share out of respect for the creators at the time other than

i plan to start working on it

But I am DETERMINED to finish this translation, i dunno how it might even be spread (Whether it will just stay a small-scale thing spread through the wings of tumblr dms or also posted on the authors booth) but either way!!!

This will be my first time working on a videogame, and if I'm allowed to say this in confidence, I'm 100% certain this will be my best translation yet. :3 perhaps better than even magnitude negative, im REALLY liking the way this is looking right now, even by the rough drafts.... i really only give my all for leonard i've realised, but that's not an issue for me <3

Anyways, anon, if you ever play it please do send some thoughts about it if you're willing (To either blog~)!!! and any questions, please ask!!! i'm so excited to see more people talking about this, thank you anon!!!!

#||reply||:anonymous #{/its so late.... i would ramble more in the tags but im too tired...}#{/onaplus is the most worthwhile purchase ive made in recent memory though; s-mc was right... this is why i stay living.....}#{/i also ate fried shrimp today}

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mxchellesworld · 3 years

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You know biggie?

Spencer Reid x Poc!Reader

Synopsis; Where Spencer enlists help from Morgan to try and impress you

Warnings; none, mention of smut, mostly fluff

a/n; this is very much a self indulgent thought i have so im very sorry that i modeled y/n kind of like myself. also as a black/mexican girl it is so upsetting that are rarely fics with cm characters and a poc so here we are. anyways hope you enjoy!

***

The day you walked into the BAU Spencer knew he was fucked. Though that’s how Derek put it, he wouldn’t disagree. From the moment he saw you were able to get Hotch to smile he knew you were special.

You were a ball of vibrant energy. Always trying to bring people up when they were having a tough time. While you’d never admit it, Garcia had a run for her money.

He was lucky enough to have his desk next to yours. Every time you walked by him in the morning, the mix of your coconut shampoo and the bright smile you gave him pushed him to do his best.

Now he wasn’t a jealous man at all. It was more so that he wished to be able to have some moments with you like the ones you share with others. The one he wanted the most was how you acted with Morgan.

Of course he was the big brother figure to everyone. So naturally whenever he was driving you’d always yell out, “shotgun” to sit with him. Spencer would just playfully groan but had no problem giving up his seat for you. If anything it was the perfect time to admire you.

Even on the dullest cases you were able to lighten the mood by connecting your phone to the aux and blasting your favorite songs. He’d watch how you’d start poking Morgan’s arm as he drove to try and get him to rap along with you.

Spencer would notice how he would bite his cheek to try and keep in the grin begging to spread across his face. You’d then pick up the imaginary microphone and give them the performance of a life time. Aiming the mic towards Morgan’s mouth he knew he couldn’t let you down and would always give in to your playful ways.

But his favorite part was when you’d turn in your seat to sing to him.

The way your plump glossy lips would curve in a smile with each word you sang. The way your big brown eyes showed how the emotions of the lyrics flowed through you. Even when you’d get a little bold and caress his face then playfully bop his nose.

Morgan would be looking in the rearview with a shit eating grin on his face mouthing ‘you’re whipped’.

For the rest of the ride he would be entranced by your curls bouncing as you bopped your head to the beat.

Maybe he’d ask Morgan to write down some of your favorite songs. For research of course.

After a year of you being on the team Penelope decided a party was in order to celebrate. Rossi being the generous man he was offered up his house for a pool party since it was June and the heat was coming on strong.

Spencer walked into the back yard where the party was in full swing. You had asked for just the members of the team and their families. The adults were sitting around on lawn chairs or resting on the edge of the pool watching their kids.

Looking around for you he saw you laying on the grass with Hank resting on your stomach. His tiny hands would reach for your face and you’d playfully press kisses to his palms causing a roar of giggles to come from his small body.

Spencer felt a hand clap on his shoulder and knew who it was.

“She’s something else huh pretty boy,” Morgan said while looking at you cooing at his son.

“Yeah,” he sighed longingly, “Do you uh, what do you think she’d day if I asked her on a date?”

“Pretty Ricky I know you have a IQ of a million in there so you should be able to run some guesses.”

“So she’d say no,” Spencer said with a pout.

Morgan smacked the back of his head which caused Spencer to let out a loud noise of disapproval. You walked over with Hank in your arms to see Spencer rubbing the back of his head.

“Derek did you hit him?” you asked with a defensive tone.

“He asked a stupid question,” Morgan said in defense.

“Yeah yeah take your kid,” you said handing Hank over to him, “Spence let me get you a drink.”

The only thing he could do was nod and return your smile. You motioned for him to follow you into Rossi’s kitchen. As he walked behind you it took all his strength to not let his eyes drop down to the small wrap you had around your waist covering up the bikini bottoms you had on.

Though the water dripping down your tan back from the tips of your hair didn’t go unnoticed by him.

Reaching into the fridge you pulled out a beer and quickly opened it. He felt his breath hitch as your fingers grazed his while you handed it to him.

“Is that ok? I know you usually like whiskey or something when the team goes to bars but I figured you were driving home so I thought maybe a beer would be better to keep you on your toes,” he had never seen you ramble as if you were nervous. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered at the fact you had been so thoughtful of his drinking choices. Even if it was something so simple.

“Yeah Y/n this is perfect.. You’re perfect,” he said looking down at you.

“Oh- I uh um thank you Spencer. You are quite perfect yourself as well,” you said trying to regain some of your usual confidence.

Neither of you had realized you were standing there until the beat of an all too familiar song brought you out of your trance, lost in his caramel eyes.

Hypnotize by Biggie Smalls

“God I love this song,” you perked up, ready to head back out to the rest of the guests.

“Did you know “Hypnotize” was released just weeks before his death on March 9, 1997,” Spencer tried to say keeping his voice from wavering.

“You know Biggie?” you said with a questioning smile.

“Y/n I grew up in Vegas of course-,” he cut himself off noticing your raised eyebrow, “Ok maybe I didn’t know him that well. I uh asked Morgan for some of your favorite songs to get to know you and did a little research.”

“Aw Spence that’s really sweet. How about you come over tomorrow and I can put you on to some music?”

“I will be there,” he said raising his bottle.

“Great. And Spence, I envy your glasses,” you said with a smirk.

“What? My glasses?”

“Cus they’re sitting on your face and I’m not,” you said winking at him then turning around and heading out the patio door.

He looked in that direction to see Morgan peeking his head in with Hank in his arms. It was crazy to see how such a small child could have such a knowing look on his face.

Spencer groaned and walked back out to the party. Making eye contact with you as you passed on the imaginary microphone to Penelope who gladly took it and sung at the top of her lungs.

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x poc!reader #poc!reader #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #chellewrites #spencer reid smut

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red-riding · 4 years

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Sleeping Prince?: Potion Prompt

Im so excited! This is the first day of the 13 days of spooky writing event created by @dumbassunderthemountain. The prompt for today was potion so I took inspiration from that plus the tale of sleeping beauty with a twist. I tried to switch the classic gender roles in the fairytale and remove all the creepy issues with consent the story deals with. I hope y'all don't mind all the Thranduil content I have been doing lately, Im not sure what's up with that. Just feel inspired ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You worked as a personal made to Prince Thranduil of Mirkwood. Your job was hard, but it payed well and helped you support your family. Your favorite and least favorite part of the job was the prince himself. On one hand, you found his presence enchanting and on the other it stung your heart to be around him. You see you fell in love with the prince, despite knowing it was impossible to be loved back. You were a commoner after all, and he was royalty. Despite this fact the prince and you shared many conversations together while you were cleaning his room. Everyone of these conversations made you just fall deeper and deeper in love with Thranduil; Little did you know the same was happening to him.

On one particular night, you and many other servants were serving dinner for the royal family. You listened to King Orphoer and his wife argue back and fourth about potential royal matches for their son. You could see Thranduil zoning of as his parents rambled on about eligible princes of other elven kingdoms. It hurt you to listen but you kept a stone face as you poured the queen a glass of wine. Another servant did the same for the king and prince. Too busy with arguing the King and Queen did not take a spit of wine, however the bored prince did, hoping to realize some of his stresses.

A minute too late a guard frantically rushed into the dinning room interrupting the king and queens squabble.

“What is the meaning of this sudden interruption!” The King barked at the guard.

“My King forgive me, But I had no choice! The wine is poisoned. An enemy the kingdom tainted the wine with a potion!” The guard panted out.

“Poison, find who did this so I can-” Oropher roared only to be cut off by a thump caused by Thranduil fainting back into his chair causing it to sway backwards and tip over.

The queen immediately rushed to her son along with myself and other servants to help bring the chair back up and try to wake the prince.

“My son, he drank the wine. Is he dead? Please someone save him” The queen pleaded tears forming in her eyes.

“N-no, miss. Based off what we could figure out its an extremely powerful sleeping potion.. with only one known cure.” The guard nervously elaborated, with worry lacing his voice.

“What is the cure, we must find it as soon as possible” The king demanded.

“It’s umm, not physically tangible.. you see the cure is true loves kiss.” The guard nervously explained.

A Look of shock and panic passed over the kings face at this. We all knew why. Thranduil did not have a true love, how would we save him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With no possible way to wake their son the king and queen kept him asleep in his bedroom, hoping that a miracle would happen to wake their son. Despite the prince now being asleep for a month at this point you were still employed to clean his room everyday; ridding it of any dust that may have formed.

You could not quite say what overcame you whenever you where in there, but it felt as if a supernatural force, a spirt perhaps was pushing you towards the slumbering prince. Maybe it was the spirt of the sleeping prince. You normally never obeyed the pull, but today either your will was weaker or the spirt was stronger.

You let yourself be pulled to stand besides the bed the prince laid on. As you looked down at the face you had grown to love and missed a thought what whispered into your mind; Kiss him. It felt almost as if the same spirt dragging you towards the price planted that thought into your mind. You thought the idea over, no one would ever know if you did and maybe, just maybe it would wake him. The idea of you a peasant being his love seems absurd but you could hope you were wrong.

Giving into the spirts request you leaned down to place a soft kiss onto the sleeping princes lips with a pink face. When your lips touched his it felt as if sparks formed. You pulled away, hopeful eyes watching the prince. After about a minute and Thranduil showing no sighs of waking you gave up and returned to your chores.

You began dusting off a wardrobe only to hear a groan and ruffling of sheets behind you. You looked behind you to be overwhelmed with shock and happiness; Thranduil had woken up. You ran to the prince and hugged him, not caring if you would be punished or possibly killed.

Thranduil chucked as he wrapped his arms around you. “Took you long enough, I thought you would never kiss me.” Thranduil teased being his usual playful self as if nothing happened.

“Took me long enough- wait! You were the spirt I kept feeling.” You exclaimed. Thranduil nodded his head a grin on his face. “Does that mean.. you love me?” You asked putting the pieces together. Thranduil nodded his head again watching you with amused eyes as you starred at him in shock.

“I think since you took so long, you owe me another kiss would’t you say.” The prince teased causing your cheeks to be tainted pink. Before you could think of a response Thranduil pulled you into a love filled kiss.

Soon you both pulled away In need of air both flaunting love sick grins. “Now can we get some water? You have no idea how thirsty I am, I mean its been a month.” Thranduil joked.

“Sure. lets just hope there is no potion in it this time.” You joked while giggling.

#13daysofspookywritingevent #not edited #thranduil #thranduil x reader #thranduil x y/n #hobbit #hobbit x reader #tolkien #elf #thranduil oropherion #oropher #sleeping beauty

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thirteenfortythreeforty · 3 years

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infinity train b4 spoilers below the cut!!

these are just my incoherent ramblings about the book after watching it through twice.

im curious to know what the crew could have done with longer episodes. i think with the way this book played out, it needed to be expanded upon or some information needed to be cut or rearranged. i absolutely loved min and ryan; their dynamic is so wholesome (can you go wrong with childhood friends?) and their more emotional moments still hit pretty hard.

while i do think that the story and conflict itself could be a metaphor for coming out or being gay, of course it would have been great to actually see that on screen. even with the first episode showing some signs that min-gi might have been crushing on ryan? and that was dropped? also in the art gallery car, it felt like kez was trying to set them up together. she even said like “a little birdy told me...” like she was going to say “a little birdy told me you have a secret admirer” or something like that. either way, i am happy with how their relationship was portrayed and i do agree with some of the opinions i’m seeing, saying that their relationship needed to be patched up before they get together. i guess it would have been nice to see the pining played up more idk, i still really liked this book.

it just so happens that their story does feel a bit half baked in comparison to the other books, even though the story is centered basically on them and only them (outside of kez)? i don’t know why. there were so many one off lines that i think the book could have benefitted from addressing (even just a tad bit more): that line about how they’re just “two asian guys from bc” and that there are not too many musicians who actually look like them, when ryan says that only min-gi’s parents would care if they were gone (what happened to ryan’s family?), etc. also, i needed to be convinced a bit more that min wanted to be in chicken choice judy. again, it was addressed (especially with his stylophone) but not enough! i want to know what was holding him back from going with ryan. was it his parents? his own expectations? was he simply just too afraid? found traveling to be too unstable? i think they were just going to dive into this with the latter, but it’s only scratching the surface. i really think these conflicts could have been fleshed out so much more.

and this is something that’s kind of confusing me, if ryan’s growth resulted in his realization that he’s not leaving min, i guess his portal opening up was his last test for him to see if he would leave? was his number going back up to like 150 just the reason why he now has to stay or was he punished because he didn’t leave? i dont think i articulated that correctly...but the numbers were very peculiar to me with this book? their numbers would go down maybe to like 120, 150 in some episodes, but later on, it was stuck at 202. especially after the art gallery car it felt like 202 to 0 to 202 to 0. like at the end of the book, they were still where they started? but i’m not too sure i agree with that. i do think they had grown somewhat over the course of the book? but i guess they were still arguing by the maze episode? see i don’t even know.

i can’t help this feeling that kez is almost like the main character to me. even if min and ryan are technically the main duo, kez is the one who is guiding them from car to car, she starts the conflict of the final episodes and then we get an info dump about her past with morgan and jeremy. i also didn’t like how that was done, but trying to think of another way to tell that story...i’m not too sure how it would work. it may be that there are technically two storylines here: kez and the train plus ryan and min’s relationship. i did like kez and even though, i have to agree there weren’t many memorable denizens (and the pig baby and porcelain cow were pretty annoying), this was focused on ryan and min (and kez too ig). i thought the inclusions of amelia were probably added to be convenient for the plot, but i still do like how they were implemented and we did get to see her gradual take over of the car from the passenger perspective, which was interesting.

the book does feel a bit underwhelming after the absolutely fantastic book 3, but i love ryan and min so much so i cannot be too upset. what i do like about this situation though, is that i was always so apprehensive to rewatch the show because i don’t think i would ever be mentally prepared again (especially for book 3) but with this newest season, i see myself rewatching it all the time because it is so laid back and lighter than the rest? i am curious if anything happened with production that could have held this season back...but i guess we won’t know lol. of course i am upset about the show ending because i really really really wish that we did get that hazel and amelia season, but alas, i have to be extremely grateful for what we have. my ranking at this current moment is 3, 4, 2, 1, purely because book 3 hit me too hard. it is near perfect and unforgettable to me, but book 4 is getting close...

#infinity train book 4 spoilers #infinity train b4 spoilers #infinity train #rymin #kez infinity train #ryan akagi #min-gi park

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wkemeup · 3 years

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Hi again! Sorry to drop my issues on you, but if its not too much trouble, i could use some advice. I have "i can fix them" disese, twords fictional and real people (the problem is real people lol) where, if someone tells me there depressed (or anything upsetting), i have the mentallity that i now have to "fix" it. but because that is a non-realistic goal for only myself to deal with, i get drained and go on a self pity party cause i feel so helpless. I vent to my mom, who does help. But she says i "care too much about things i dont need to worry about" like if someone is dealing with a mental disorder, and i cant help, i feel useless cause i know there in pain. But i also know i cant put others responsibility of staying alive on myself. So... i know i need to care for myself first before i take on others issues, i accept i have a problem with being too sensitive and taking on too much. But its something iv just always done without thinking, and i have no idea how not to do that. So, after that long ramble (sorry) how the hell do i stop caring so much, and how can i put myself first, without feeling selfish for not being so selfless that i give up my own mental happiness? Also, ironic i know. But i plan to be a forensic psychologist, and as u can guess, im sensitive. How can i seperate my feelings after a tough day? How do you do it?

Okay, lots to unpack here. So first - the first step is always becoming more aware of your thought process and behaviors, which you've already done. You recognize you have a tendency to want to 'fix' everyone's problems, sometimes to your own detriment. This is a mindset that takes time to reframe and effort to do that. It doesn't happen overnight and it can only change if you're willing to work on it.

The biggest thing for me, is recognizing that you are not responsible for anyone else's life choices, behaviors, or feelings. You're clearly a very empathetic person, so I know you're clearly trying to offer support and be a listening ear for these people. But you can't force them into talking or seeking help or getting better. That had to be a choice that make on their own.

The other is I would recommend reframing your view on people that are problems that need fixing. I totally understand where you're coming from, but consider offering your support instead of 'fixing’ the problem. Not everyone wants a solution or wants to be 'fixed.' Sometimes people really just want to be heard and validated and that's enough. Again- the only life you have control over is your own. If they're asking for help and for guidance, then go for it! Help them deal with whatever problem is causing issues or help take them out for dinner or spend time watching movies to life their spirits.

When it comes to setting boundaries for yourself and prioritizing your own mental health, think of it like this - you can't help anyone else if you're running on fumes. It's the whole 'put the oxygen mask on yourself before the child sitting next to you' thing. A lot of people view things like self care as inconsequential, but it is so so important. It's not a waste of time. It's investing in yourself so that you can better enjoy the things you love and do everything else you need to do. If you're not giving that time to yourself too, it becomes exhausting and impossible to help everyone else. It doesn’t have to be huge. It can literally be just spending time with your hobbies, with friends, reading, watching your favorite show. Skin care, eating something comforting, drinking water, taking a walk. Just something you’re doing for the enjoyment of it.

As for compartmentalising at work - I'm not entirely sure exactly what your specific position would be like, but I can speak to my own experience. I take it from the same angle of the fact that I am not responsible for my patient's choices. I do what I can to support them and guide them and give them the tools they need, but the second they walk out of my office, I no longer have any control over the situation. Even in general, all I have with them is my 45 min block however often I see them, and the rest of that day and that week or however long in between, is up to them. I work with a lot of folks who struggle with suicidal thinking and i have to practice this a lot for myself too. I can only assess them in the time they’re with me. I can’t be responsible for anything that happens outside of my office they may react to. It’s still a choice they make. I can’t carry that. You have to take the weight off your shoulders. You do what you can with what you have control over, and let go of what you cant. It takes practice and it’s really hard sometimes. I have to work on that a lot myself. But using little mantras to cut yourself off when you can feel yourself slipping down that path is helpful. I'll literally stop my train of thought and tell myself - 'you are not responsible for their choices. You do not have control over this. Let go and move forward.' Or something to that effect. Self talk with this stuff is sooo important.

but again - all this stuff is stuff you work on. It doesn't happen overnight, but you have to try. Make time for self care. Use self talk to remind yourself what you do and don't have control over. Learn to let go. Take the weight off your shoulders.

Hope that's helpful ❤️

#inbox #the advice tag

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spacedlexi · 3 years

Note

hey! what's ur opinion on season 2? i saw you stream some of it but not for long bc i forgot my twitch password. fav characters? fav ending? any way you wished the story played out instead?

ok im gonna answer this in like a bulleted way to avoid rambling too much (THIS DID GET LONG THO...). i answered some of this during my stream so i'll be repeating myself a little bit from there. i’ll put it under a read more for everyones sanity

general opinion:

- i dont think its great (or even all that good) but ive played/watched much worse so *shrug* it couldve been worse. playing it with a group makes it way more bearable and even funny aha so i definitely had more fun streaming it than i did playing it on my own

- wouldve been better JUST by handling clem as the player character differently. it wouldnt have solved All of its problems but it wouldve been less...annoying.... clem needed to have more agency. she was always being ordered around by dumb adults who didnt seem to care for her safety. the adults needed to take more initiative and clem (as the PC) couldve just defied orders/interjected into convos/done her own thing. this wouldve 1) given the player more agency 2) wouldve been a contrast to everyone relying on lee in s1 (couldve had everyone telling clem to stay out of the way since shes just a kid) and 3) made the adults of the group seem less...useless...since they instead are just constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything. like do more stuff like the "clem locked in a shed and escapes into the house to steal supplies to patch herself up" thing. even tho it was ridiculous that they locked her in a shed it still gave her agency and was an opportunity to rebel and prove her resiliency/smarts/ability against the poor decisions made by the adults around her who think they know whats best

fave characters:

-none lol

- ok im joking but like only half joking. i liked sarita!! if i had to pick a non-clem character (and thats what youre asking) itd be sarita. she had a strong will/didnt take shit and was also very sweet (and cute i think shes cute hehe especially with her little nose stud)

- my dislike for most of the cast really derives from weak writing and ties back into all these adults constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything for them

- alvin was ok and i warmed up to rebecca after she stopped being mean to clem for no reason. luke was....Fine after the first episode or 2 but gets way too much credit from people for some reason. sarah was also fine she mainly suffered from weak writing. jane was ok at first but she progressively pissed me off...

- ttg has a problem with giving determinate characters really...Any development at all which is a shame but is unfortunately a byproduct of having a budget and a deadline. if you dont know if a character will be around or not, its not wise to spend time/resources on them when it can go towards characters you know Will be around. they handle this better in s4 by saving determinate routes for the final ep. a bit underwhelming to save it for the end but at least they used it to focus on determinant endings instead in s4. its hard so i try to cut game studios a little slack with that stuff. but unfortunately it made nick and sarah pretty underwhelming characters who lacked really any arc or relevancy at all...

favorite ending:

- wellington ending i GUESS??? ive chosen all of them at least once (except for clem alone ending just because i dont want her to have to be on her own with a newborn baby at 11 years old). honestly the choice at the end of s2 is a little difficult for me to make but usually comes down to the fact that jane risked ajs life to prove a point we already knew. which was that kenny was a man on the edge holding on by the universes thinnest thread. i cant trust jane to put clem first and by her flashback scene in s3 i was right not to trust her lol. i do love that aj tattoo clem gets from the jane route tho...ive literally chosen that ending Just for the tattoo before lol

- also the wellington ending keeps clem from hugging or kissing gabe SHDSHHSJ so that really seals the deal for me lmaooooooo youre too good for him bby

play out differently?:

- honestly not..really?? but thats mainly because i dont think or care enough about s2 to think up whole other plotlines...

- someone in the stream chat mentioned that s2 went through rewrites after some scripts/episodes got leaked or something which ALWAYS IS A BAD DECISION and makes me so so disappointed and frustrated. it always negatively impacts a story to put it through rewrites just to counter "spoilers". so i definitely think s2 suffered from that decision. the question is just how much did they rewrite? was s2 always weak or did it mainly suffer due to unnecessary rewrites? what a shame.

- the kenny/luke showdown wouldve had more of a natural buildup than the kenny/jane showdown did. and the arvo stuff was soooooo duuuumbbb and annoying. someone in chat made the point that it wouldve been more interesting if the group that attacks them was the 400 days crew looking for revenge from howes and i definitely agree!! wouldve given that group more relevancy instead of just seeing them as like little easter eggs....

- sarah also had a lot of wasted potential. im assuming they were trying to make some "shes how clem would be if lee never taught her to defend herself" point but i dont agree with it?? because clem was already protecting herself in her treehouse with that hammer before lee even found her. they just didnt know how to handle a character with anxiety very well and it shows. at least they do a better job with brody in s4 (i love brody 💕). they also try to pull another weird character foil "this is how clem would be if she was brainwashed" with minnie in s4 but i dont agree with that one either (clem would be the sophie who dies fighting in that scenario lets be honest with ourselves clem could never be brainwashed shes too smart and strong willed "you gave up minerva. i never will")(they needed to stop with the character foils because they even tried to pull it with FUCKING C A R VE R “we’re not so different” sir im 11)

OK I THINK thats all i have to say. im sure i made other points throughout the stream but yeah these are the ones that stand out to me enough to talk about here

#replies with lexi #incognito #the walking dead game #i wrote this as a draft on my phone and this whole answer almost got lost ohhhhhhh my god that gave me a heart attack #sorry im late to responding to this anon i forgot abt mothers day hsfjsd

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grapesodatozier · 5 years

Note

You should write a reddie fanfic of Richie fucking Eddie while he is on the phone with his mom

okay so i couldn’t get myself to write him talking to sonia while having sex lmao im sorry, but he talks to bill and bills kinda like his mom!! (im kidding… for the most part lmao)

words: 1,602

read on ao3 or below!!

nsfw below the cut

Eddie threw his head back and criedout, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist. Richie’s hands were tightlygripping Eddie’s hips as he fucked into him - hard. He was just out of Eddie’sreach, making him whimper indignantly as he settled for twisting his fingers inthe sheets. It was so intense, the way Richie thrust in and out of him, Eddie’smind getting too foggy to keep up. His hips rocked back against Richie’scompletely on instinct. He looked up at Richie with hooded eyes, his skinbecoming even hotter under the intensity of Richie’s gaze. Eddie could neverget enough of how Richie looked when they got to this point; the desperation ofRichie’s thrusts showed through in his eyes, the dilation of his pupils madeeven more prominent by the striking, thin blue band that encircled them. Richieleaned over him then, his lips hovering just over Eddie’s, his hand cradlingEddie’s jaw while the other gripped his hip. The brush of Richie’s sweaty curlsagainst Eddie’s own made him smile as he tilted his chin up to capture his lipsin a kiss. He moaned as Richie went deep, deeper than he’d gone all night, andstilled his hips to let Eddie really feel it. A deep, slow roll of his hips hadEddie melting into the mattress. “Fuck, Richie,” he moaned breathlessly. “Fuck,that feels so good, please-”

Eddie’s moans were cut short by theabrupt, incessant ringing of his phone from the nightstand. He groaned andthrew his head back for a completely different reason than before.

“Please do not pick that up,”Richie whined, slowing his thrusts but still rocking his hips.

Eddie checked his phone. It wasBill. “I have to,” he sighed regretfully. “I’ve missed like five of his callsthis week and I’m supposed to be helping him with his car.”

“Can I keep doing this at least?”There was a smile on Richie’s face, but it wasn’t one of his joking ones.

Eddie considered it. “He’ll be sopissed if he realizes.”

“Then you better make sure he doesn’trealize.” Richie voice dropped in a way that had Eddie’s cock twitchingeagerly. “Can you do that for me, baby? Can you keep quiet while I fuck you?”Eddie’s mouth dropped open in a small moan as he nodded up at Richie with wideeyes. Richie kissed his forehead. “Better answer him, baby. You’re about tomiss the call.”

Eddie frantically pressed answerand brought the phone to his ear. “Hey, Bill,” he answered, his voice evenenough, if a bit breathless. “What’s up?”

“Hey!” Bill’s voice came from thespeaker. “I’m working on the car right now, but there are a few steps I’mconfused on. Could I ask you a few questions?”

“Definitely! What are you workingon right now?”

As Bill detailed the issues he washaving and where he had gotten lost, Richie kept up a slow, steady pace,rolling his hips and pressing his cock deep inside of Eddie. He smiled tohimself as Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut. Still, he stayed silent, only giving afew hums to let Bill know he was listening. Richie draped himself over his fiancéand brought his lips to his neck, pressing languid, silent kisses to his warm,sensitive skin. He savored the way Eddie tried not to squirm beneath him, lethimself get a bit lost in the feeling of being so deep inside of him. But healso thought that Eddie was having far too easy a time talking to Bill, tellinghim what parts needed to do what, and he wanted to make things more fun. Hepulled his hips back slowly before snapping his hips swiftly forward, punchinga small gasping moan out of Eddie. Richie could hear Bill on the other end ofthe line ask, “Are you okay?”

“Answer him, baby,” Richie murmuredlowly in Eddie’s other ear. Eddie had to bite his lip when Richie began playingwith his nipples.

“Yeah,” Eddie answered, his voicestrained. “Yeah it’s just, just a running cramp. No big deal. Sorry, what wereyou saying?” Richie smirked and moved his mouth to Eddie’s nipples. If Eddiewas supposedly on a run he might as well sound out of breath. Really, he wasjust making it believable.

Eddie breathed in sharply as Richielapped his tongue over the sensitive area of his chest. It was so difficult forhim to stay quiet when Richie touched him like that. White hot pleasure spreadover his skin, choked in his throat. It didn’t help that Richie was beginningto pick up the pace of his thrusts. Focusing on something he knew well andloved, like cars, helped keep his focus on talking to Bill, but the physicalpleasure was starting to overcome that concentration. He loved the way he couldfeel Richie all around him, loved running his fingers through his curls. Heloved the challenge, and the need to prove himself capable of staying quietkept him somewhat under control. He was torn between wanting to be good forRichie and doing what he knew Richie really wanted, which was to let go, to letRichie know how good he made Eddie feel.

Richie made that decision for himwhen he changed the angle of his hips and brushed against Eddie’s prostate. Eddiecried out this time, his grip on Richie’s hair tightening. “Jesus, Eddie, maybeyou should take a breather if your side hurts that much,” Bill said. Richie hadto suppress his chuckle; bless Bill’s oblivious little heart.

“No, no it’s fine I just have to-”Eddie’s breath hitched and he groaned again “keep going.” He didn’t miss theglint in Richie’s eyes at the word choice. Richie picked up the pace, sendingpleasure through Eddie’s entire body over and over again. Eddie continued toexplain how best to fix the issue, his breathing labored and moans soundingpainful enough.

“Okay, I’ll give that a try.Thanks, Eddie!”

“N-no problem.”

“For real, maybe you should slow down.Make sure to stretch when you get back home, okay?”

“Will do, thanks,” Eddie panted. “Bye!”

He could barely hear Bill’s goodbyebefore hanging up the phone and tossing it aside.

“God, you did so good, baby,”Richie praised, pressing kisses along Eddie’s jaw. “Love watching you try tostay quiet, love seeing how wrecked you get for me.”

Eddie let out a broken moan andheld Richie tight, wrapping his legs and arms around him. Richie’s words wentstraight to his throbbing cock. “God, it feels so good.” Eddie nearly criedfrom the relief of being able to moan, being able to let Richie hear howamazing it felt for him.

“I know it does, baby.” Richierocked his hips faster, harder, his own pleasure building as Eddie kissed hisneck and clenched around him.

“Richie, please touch me,” Eddie begged.“Please, please, I wanna come so bad.”

Richie lifted himself up so that hewas resting on one forearm and reached down between them to stroke Eddie’sflushed and leaking cock. Eddie stared up at him with hooded eyes, his eyebrowsdrawn together in pleasure. He loved the way Richie looked like this: blue eyesblazing and eclipsed, black curls hanging all around his face, his chestflushed and arm muscles flexing. Eddie let his head fall back when Richiewrapped his fingers around him, spreading his precome and focusing on thesensitive head of Eddie’s cock. Eddie let out a string of curses, the warmpleasure building inside of him. It was so much, Richie fucking and strokinghim at the same time, so good that his mind went fuzzy. “Please, please,please,” he rambled.

“God, fuck, you look so good likethis,” Richie moaned, his thrusts increasing in speed with his desperation. “Fuck,baby, you make me feel so good, gonna make me come.”

“Please!” Eddie cried. “Please comeinside me, please, wanna make you feel so good.”

“Fuck, I’m gonna come baby.” Richie ducked his head down and pressedhis lips hungrily to Eddie’s, swallowing his moans as they both came. Eddiecame all over Richie’s hand and both of their stomachs, his body arching offthe bed as he did so. Richie moaned loudly into the kiss, his breath rough andlow as he filled Eddie with his come. Eddie sighed at the warm feeling.

Richie gently pulled out beforecollapsing next to Eddie and covering him in kisses. “You’re a fuckin’ dream,Eds, you know that?”

Eddie just hummed quietly andcuddled into Richie, his mind still pleasantly fuzzy. Richie happily held him,pressing kisses to his hair and telling him how much he loved him. Eddiemurmured a quiet love declaration back with a soft kiss to Richie’s chest.

“Hey, next time you see Bill, tellhim that I made sure you were nice and stretched out.” Eddie giggled and hitRichie lightly on the shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure I could and hestill wouldn’t pick up on what was going on.”

“Bless his little heart,” Richiechuckled in agreement. “Poor guy.”

“I forgot how fun staying quiet is,”Eddie smiled up at him.

“How would you know?” Richieteased. “You were moaning the whole time.”

Eddie couldn’t argue with that, sohe tossed a pillow on top of Richie’s face and lay down on it, making Richiesquirm and giggle. He soon broke free and pulled Eddie into another hug, whichled to some soft making out until they both dozed off in each other’s arms.

Bill never figured it out.

taglist: @clouded-eyes-and-salty-tears @reddie4thesinbin @deadlighturis @constantreaderfool @reddieloserz @jessicaheartsderry @vegetarian-avocado @tinyarmedtrex @sml1104 @reddie-for-anything@itfandomprompts

#notsfw #reddie #reddie smut

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one-abuse-survivor · 4 years

Note

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken.

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl.

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't.

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph!

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

#Anonymous #Vent #Ask #Abuse tw #Abuse #Abusive parents #Emotional abuse #Long post #Threats #Guilt tripping #guilt tripping tw #Threats tw #therapy mention #christianity mention #neglect mention #(I'm nonbinary btw but it's not like my grandfather knows or would care 🙃)

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hazinhoodies · 5 years

Text

Mal En Point (part xiv)

Koh!Harrison x Angel!Reader

A/N: hello its been a while but heres part fourteen. theres a lot of spots with just dialogue and im really sorry for that. also i’m thinking of abandoning this story. i feel like no one, myself included, is really excited for it and other reasons but i dont want to bore you. moodboard made by @wazzupmrstark and im so thankful for her

I suggest reading part 13 again to understand whats going on

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: uh insecurity and swearing

“So…” You dragged out the single syllable, getting King Harrison’s attention, “What’s with the kid?” You asked hesitantly. You’d wanted to ask earlier but not while Isaac was there and then you were too nervous to ask the King anything. Sometimes you just have to speak up though, so you did.

“Isaac?” He asks, turning his head around to look at you while you follow him back to the throne room from the main door, Isaac had just left and King Harrison had made sure he’d made it all the way out the gate of the yard before closing the door to the castle, “He’s just a kid. Nine realm years old. Big family and he’s the oldest so he kinda got pushed aside I suppose so I try to help out as much as I can”

You nodded along, you got a general idea but being an only child, you couldn’t quite understand. Couldn’t place yourself into his shoes.

“He’s a good kid, really” King Harrison continued, “His family was doing pretty bad before. They couldn’t afford food and Tom caught him on the grounds trying to take some food just after I’d become King” Harrison’s voice dries on the mention of his title, he hopes you don’t notice, “It was actually his idea to help them out”

So he wasn’t always an asshole. It was a question you wanted to pose out loud but you knew the answer that you’d get. King Harrison had already told you that he wasn’t but you hadn’t really believed him about it. You still weren’t sure if you did now. However, you had to admit that you felt infinitely more comfortable around the King than you had before. He always kept a safe distance away from you with his hands clasped either behind or in front of him. It made you feel comfortable despite how badly you wanted him to press his lips against your skin until it turns red and purple.

There’s an awkward moment of silence between the two of you before you pipe up with a curious question.

“How did Hell even come to be?” You ask, staring at a space on the black brick wall in front of you. You hear King Harrison chuckle from beside you, a smirk on his face. God you wanted it against your lips. “They don’t teach us in Heaven”

“Well, what do they teach you up there, angel?” For the first time, you feel like the term is not used in a derogatory way. It isn’t meant to mock or belittle you for what you are, were. The King used the term as an endearment, spoken softly, sweetly, under a laugh. Or maybe you’re reading into it.

“They tell us about Lucifer. That he craved power and fell, thus creating Hell. Anyone that was turned away at the gates to Heaven instantly went to Hell” Of course they told you this via much longer and much more boring lectures than what you just said to the King. They wanted to scare you in Heaven. If you feared what happened after falling, you’d be forced into obedience”

“But you never feared it, did you?”

“Not enough to stop me”

“So you’ve been planning your falling for a while now?” King Harrison furrows his brows together.

“Can you just answer the initial question?” You watch as King Harrison’s expression shifts into shock. You instantly go to backtrack, muttering out an apology for your outburst but the King started to laugh. You can’t shrink away no matter how much you try.

“Yes sorry about that” He lets himself calm down before starting but even still he could hardly wipe the smile off his face. It returned any time that he looked at you. You wondered why it made your stomach bubble with nerves.

“Hell always existed” He started. ”It wasn’t born from fallen angels who had defied God or the patriarchs. At first, the King and his family were the only ones that existed. But as angels fell they established a life here. Some were deemed unfit to survive here and were uh killed- you don’t have to worry about that though, it would have happened by now if someone was going to kill you-” There was an odd comfort to that sentence. Good that you weren’t going to be murdered but the way he phrased it irked you, “but as Hell gained more demons, the King grew more powerful. As the King grew more powerful, Hell grew. Both in population and size. It became an endless plane”

“So in theory, you should be the most powerful King”

“In theory, yes”

“But you’re not?”

“Wha- how do you know that?” King Harrison stutters out, instantly going to defend himself and his bloodline.

“You responded with ‘in theory’ not something like ‘I am’”

“That doesn’t mean that I’m not, that just means that I answered the question weird” You couldn’t help but notice how his word choice had changed. Harrison would be lying if he said that he wasn’t panicking even a little. Even though he had no reason to be, it was in his nature. His father taught him to never let anyone see you weak. Harrison had already made some exceptions to that and he didn’t want another. His father would be ashamed.

“So are you?”

“Yes. I am for a matter of fact” You cocked your head and looked at him curiously and it’s like he could hear the really? in his head. Fuck what his father taught him. “Okay. Fine. I’m not. I should be but I’m just… not. And I don’t know why”

You thought this would come as a shock to you but for some reason, it doesn’t. You can’t pinpoint why you feel as though you knew this. Like it was always there

“I’m getting better though” King Harrison interrupts your thoughts. His voice is filled with child-like glee, like when a kid shows their mom or dad a picture they drew or something new that they learned how to do. For the first time it occurs to you, even though the King of Hell is technically a full-grown adult, he’s still just a kid. A kid who was put in this position of power way sooner than anyone in Hell was prepared for. And they’re all still trying to cope. The population, Tom, and King Harrison included.

“Ever since Iezebel…” He trails off “I’ve uh. I’ve been getting stronger” Your heart melts at the proud smile he bears at his statement. he’s proud of himself and for that, you’re proud of him too.

“Do you miss her?” You blurt out the question but don’t take it back. You have a feeling King Harrison won’t mind your curiosity.

“Can I be entirely honest?” You nod and king Harrison’s gaze falls to the floor, “Not really. Not as much as I thought I would. I don’t miss her as my wife. I miss her as someone that I spent so much time with. If that makes any sense at all” He looks back up at you, met with an expression that he can’t quite decipher. But he knows it’s not negative. He knows that the smile flickering across your lips calms him down and that if given the chance you could probably read him better than anyone else ever could.

“I um, I should get going but I could show you back to your room.” King Harrison offers his arm for you to take but you don’t. It makes him a little sad, leaving a small sting inside his chest but he didn’t let it show. He hopes it didn’t

“I appreciate the offer, your highness, I think I can find my way back. I don’t want to waste your time”

“It’s not a waste of time, please I insist” When he sees the hesitance in your expression he continues; “It’s not too far. The same direction I’d be walking anyways” That was a lie, but he wanted to get a couple more minutes with you, even if there was no conversation.

Silently, you take his still extending arm, wrapping your arm loosely around it so your hand rest on his bicep. You walk in a comfortable silence towards your room. If you had been on your own you would’ve gotten majorly lost.

King Harrison stops walking and you stop with him in front of a door, you release his arm and he steps to face you.

“Thank you, your-”

“Please don’t call me your highness, or your majesty. Just call me Harrison.” He cuts you off.

“Well,” You start again, who are you to deny that request? The formalities made you slightly uncomfortable anyways. “Thank you, Harrison. You’re very kind”

“Have dinner with me,” Harrison blurts. “Tomorrow night. It can be just us. Or not if you’d prefer. I could get Harry or anyone that you’re comfortable with to join us really. I don’t want-”

“I’d love to” You cut him off to stop his rambling and the smile that breaks across his features is one of relief. It makes a smile find it way to your own lips, this one of joy. God he’s beautiful when he smiles. “You’ll have to find me and let me know when though. I don’t really have a grasp on how to know what time it is here yet,” You laugh at yourself in embarassment, though it's only mild.

“Tomorrow night it is then” He nods to confirm and the two of you stand there momentarily, you admiring him and him, you.

“Thank you again, Harrison,” You pipe up, “For helping me get back to my room”

‘You’re welcome, Y/N” He smiles and you can’t help but smile back as you go to open the door. “Have a lovely night” He places a small kiss on your cheek, making you blush and the smile on your face and Harrison’s grow. You entered your room and shut the door behind you before you were able to see how Harrison’s cheeks heated up as well.

—-

Harrison was supposed to be asleep long ago. He meant to. Dom told him frequently that every good King needs a good nights sleep. Harrison’s father would’ve told him the same, but his mother wouldn’t have. His mother would’ve reminded him that sleep is important for reasons other than being King. She would have told him that if he was tired he’d be irritable and that any decision made in anger, even a small one, is never sound. He can remember her singing him to sleep as a child. A comforting hand running along his arm and shoulder, or fingers pressing into the skin around his wings to soothe the growing pains as soft melodies in varying languages filled his ears. Harrison replays the memories in his head in hopes of falling back asleep but to no such luck. He decided to head down to the kitchen, get something warm and calming to drink. Maybe it’ll help get everything off his mind.

As Harrison heads down the multiple floors towards the kitchen, he passes some of his staff who ask him if he’s okay or if they can help him. He brushes them all off with something along the lines of I’m alright and then thanking them. He was always sure to thank them.

Upon arriving in the kitchen Harrison found it entirely empty. He breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to deal with more people than he had to. There were no lights in the room so he tried his hand at illuminating some of the candles on his own. Much to his delight, the first two on the small island countertop flickered alive. The kitchen staff had started putting candles on the counters since he was young when they’d find him in the kitchen alone or with Tom in the pitch black. They didn’t bother asking questions, just put the candles in a spot they could reach and a matchbox since they were only kids, Tom could light them as he got older but Harrison hadn’t been able to until recently.

Harrison sat on the countertop watching colour leak out of the tea bag and sugar crystals dissolve in the hot water in his mug. If only dad could see you now he thought, chuckling at what his father would think.

Why are you slouching? That’s no kingly posture. There are bigger issues to tend to. Your girl problems are not important right now. She’s an angel, she shouldn’t even be here.

Harrison scoffs as he brings his tea up to his lips and takes a small sip, ignoring the way it burns its way down his tongue and throat. His eyes lift to the figure in the doorway.

Certainly not dressed as if he had just rolled out of bed, Tom steps into the kitchen precariously. Keeping an eye on Harrison as if he was some sort of threat, he stands on the other side of the island. Tom puts his hands on the edge and leans forward, finally breaking his gaze away from Harrison.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Tom asks, looking back up at Harrison who looks like a child who got caught raiding the fridge, eyes widened slightly and mouth pouted. The expression breaks into something more neutral that Tom was used to from Harrison.

“Uh yeah. Too much going on.” Harrison nods as he speaks, “What about you?”

“Found out that Lucius hasn’t come back from Earth yet. I was going to tell you tomorrow morning but I suppose nows as good a time as ever” Tom shakes his head, mostly at himself. It’s his fault and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t ridden with guilt. Harrison can tell. He could always tell when something bothered Tom.

Usually, with smaller issues, Tom can make a decision and let Harrison know about what he did. After all, that's pretty much the whole point of there being a right hand, a second in command of sorts. That’s what happened this time. There was an issue on Earth, angels meddling in human relations that weren’t their place. Tom decided to send Lucius to put a stop to it and told Harrison about it after Lucius had already left. Harrison told him that it was a dumb decision, that he shouldn’t have sent someone so young on their own. Tom should’ve sent someone older or sent Lucius with another demon. But the deed had already been done, it couldn’t be taken back from then. Now Tom knows that Harrison was right and it only makes his guilt worse. Harrison could read him. Instead of telling him I told you so he consoled.

“Even in the middle of the night, you don't stop working do you?" Harrison chortles, his attempting to lighten the mood falling flat when Tom doesn't look at him, instead just running a hand through his hair, messing it up and causing some curls to pop out of place. "We’d know if he was dead. Or at least I would” Harrison let his hands rest in his lap, still gripping the mug.

“I know. But what if they know that, Haz? What if that’s why he’s not dead yet? This wouldn’t be the first time that angels have done something horrible to our kind. I just” Tom sigh and shakes his head.

Wordlessly, Harrison places his mug next to him, hops off the countertop, reaches into the cupboard above him and grabs a mug similar to his own, filling it with water. He heats it in his hand while he rummages through the drawer for the tea that he knew was Tom's favourite before placing the tea bag into the mug and handing it off to Tom.

Tom accepts it with a smile and a quiet, “Thanks,” and adding sugar and milk. No matter how much the two of them fought and argued, they were still best friends. Still knew each other better than anyone else did. Harrison just wished Tom would stop challenging him on every decision. Tom wished that Harrison would stop making what he’d consider stupid decisions. Maybe he only saw them as stupid because they weren’t what he’d decide.

But he wasn’t King. Never would be.

“I’ll figure out where he is tomorrow,” Harrison says as he leans against the countertop, grabbing his mug from behind him. “I’ll go find him when I know where he is.”

“Haz, you can’t,” Tom says the words like they’re the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Harrison looks at him with furrowed brows. “We need a King down here, besides it’s my fault. I should be the one to go get him”

“Tom it’s alright-”

“No, Harrison I’m not letting you go.” Tom shakes his head, “That’s final”

“Yessir” Harrison laughs, bringing his mug to his lips. Tom laughs too.

“Do you remember when we used to sneak down here as kids?” Tom says after a minute of silence.

“And used to take all the good snacks out of the fridge and cupboards?” Harrison replies.

“Yeah. Our fathers weren’t too happy about that were they?” Tom and Harrison both let out a chuckle.

“I don’t think anyone was too happy about that. Not much anyone but our dads could do though”

“Oh yeah you just pull out the prince card and everyone shut right up every time”

“Me? You could talk your way out of anything. I only pulled out the prince card on Lillian. She was the one person who wasn’t convinced” the kitchen is filled with laughter. In a way that it hadn’t been since the pair was young. They had climbed up the counters in an attempt to get the snacks that their mums had brought back from earth. But the staff had walked in for a final nightly check, only to catch the boys on the counter grasping for the bright green box which was just that little bit too far back.

“Oh, whatever. Same thing” Tom rolls his eyes as the laughter in the room dies down, both of the boys left with childish grins on their faces, now empty mugs in their grasp.

“You should get to sleep. Before you do anything stupid” Harrison says as he washes and rinses his mug, setting it out to dry. He turns back around to see Tom looking at him in offence. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right. you’re not even changed yet. You’ve got stuff to do tomorrow and you need to be on top of things. And any decision made-”

“Any decision made in anger is never sound.” Tom cuts Harrison off, “She told me it too. You have as well. You’re not the only one who misses her. G’night, Haz.” Tom turns around and leaves, leaving his mug on the countertop and the room silent and tense.

tags:

mep: @tonystark-mcu @thirsty-hoes-central @deleteidentity @buckystolemyheart @youngandfleeting @peterbrokenparker @babyplutoszx2 @crazyfreaker @writing-in-winter @awesomeaugustina @agirlwithpointlessideas

Haz: @definitely-not-black-cat @hjosterfield @imagines-andshizz @thequeensardine @artemisiaarm @sincerelymlg @butithasntkilledyouyet @bitchymathematician @ixchel-9275 @honeyyhuggs @nedthegay @ohyouremymedicine @awkwardfangirl2014 @parkerpeterholland @screeching-student-unknown @musicalburrage @itsrecklesscalum @jjasalem @little-miss-rebel3 @practicallylivesonline @phia-eilice @osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @headsup-itsmostlypeter @starlightfound @spideyyypeter @empressdreams @isabellyduh

#mepseries #harrison osterfield #kohau #demonau #angel!reader #koh!haz

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snickerdoodlles · 2 years

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(ep 12 discussion in case u don't feel like reading more of it! sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense lol i'm bad at writing these things out) honestly, i felt so sad and disappointed after the episode but the more i see thai people talking about it, the more i get it as a choice.. i still don't like it and am upset that they spent the whole time making them stronger together just for this to happen, but i also understand that i have a very different perspective in my familial relationships.. i'm still sad, but now that i've calmed down i can understand from pran and pat's pov how they might think it's legit the only way forward to do this

mhmm!!

im still figuring out how i feel on everything. there are definitely a few things right off the bat where i can tell im looking at them with some blinders and assumptions and i need to rewatch the full episode with those off. i can also already think of some threads i saw in the episode but i didnt register how important they were. the biggest thing is that i just have to rewatch the episode, but first i gotta psych myself up for it lolol

take this whole ramble with a grain of salt because again, i gotta double check what are narrative threads i picked up on vs what i had just assumed and/or dismissed (and like, trying to also remember previews aren't spoilers lol). but we saw from the start how running away from the problem wasn't actually intended as a solution for pat and pran, they just needed a break. pat just wants to ignore it all and like usual, he deals with his struggles in the quiet moments and he hides all of it behind smiles and his goofiness; whereas pran is thinking and overthinking how the return will go right from the start. and for all that they yell their feelings out to the waves, they can't truly just up and leave--pran has a close relationship with both his parents, pat would never just completely leave pa. and they both acknowledge this in their own ways. pran is the most obvious with missing his mother, but pat turning away from discussing any of it and his comment about checking in on pa later also shows how he hasn't truly cut himself off from everything yet, he just wants some time away. so we know its temporary, we know they're not going to just up and leave their families completely. and this is all further reinforced by the subplot with junior where his mother just wants what's best for him, doesn't want him trapped like she'd felt she was, and she and junior come together in the end knowing that they love each other and are working towards a good future together

so, just running away isnt an option (and this has been a narrative theme in bbs since ep1). we also have some threads from previous episodes that do tie into a potential breakup--the main one that comes to mind is pran's line about not pursuing a deadend relationship. so, after some thinking, im wondering if maybe pat and pran might breakup because they don't want their relationship to be a part of the coming tug-o-war between reconciling with their families and then settling the feud as well? im not sure how much sense im making right now, im still such a mess of emotions, but family is very important to them. and pat's returning to his dad who shows no promise of trying to apologize much less make up for his mistakes and a mother who's still supporting him regardless and wants pat to bend. pran's returning to his mother who's been incredibly hurt and hasn't dealt with that pain, instead trying to just block it out, and pran's sympathetic to her. he doesn't think she needs to just forgive ming for him. (and while we don't see his dad's reaction to this, we see in previous episodes how devoted he is to his wife and he takes the rivalry just as personally.)

so, so long as their parents are still channeling their issues with each other through pat and pran, they're trapped. if cutting their parents out completely isnt an option, and they can't do anything to fix the parents' relationship, where do you go next? if there's something in this to yield, do they break up so to protect their relationship from their parents' ire and keep working on settling the rivalry separately? or even just wait until their in a better position to protect each other from their parents' pressure (because we also have to acknowledge that they're still semi-dependent on their parents right now)? as much as we all love defiance and standing against anything in the face of adversity, that's only going to further inflame tensions between their families and we all know just how poorly the parents handle that. so is the approach instead taking their relationship out of their parents reach with the promise to return when they can?

but again, i also just really need to rewatch the episode because *points @ this post* ...pat and pran are not okay with their parents' bullshit. they love each other, they want to be together, they will fight to be together. any threads that could lead to a breakup also have been refuted. there's uncle tong's wisdom of how even when he can't change the world, and the world keeps spitting on his work, what's important is that it cant change who he is as a person or the importance of the work that he does do.

so. im still a jumbled mess of emotions and i havent really been able to write today, so i havent truly processed anything yet either lol. i also still have to rewatch the episode. but right now, im wondering if a breakup might be them removing their relationship from their parents' reach. its different from how it was in high school--they have a little more independence and they're a lot more sure in where they stand with each other. their parents need to deal with their own shit, not take it out on them, and they breakup in what might be an equally defiant "you dont get to touch this/him" or "our relationship is not a part of your issues"

i'm still really torn and really not sure how ep12 is going to go down. there are so many possibilities, and same as you, im also seeing how the break up could be a logical step forward in a way i hadn't earlier. im not sure how i feel on that possibility right now, i just dont want them separated again, but the preview doesn't feel as left field as it did earlier and that is a relief for me. i think maybe my biggest revelation/change in thought i've had after sitting on it for a little bit is that i dont want the rivalry to be solved with trickery (such as a fake break up). i think that will undermine how avoiding the truth is what caused the rivalry in the first place. i struggle to think that they'd cut each other off completely, but i dont think secret dating will work out well? that said i could also be totally off about that again. i don't know what the writers have in store for us, we really cant predict too much from the previews and they have a lot of threads that are still building up to a happy patpran end. i do think they'll finish out their story well. im anxious as hell waiting for it in a way i didn't think i'd be, but bbs writers haven't let us down yet so. yeah, im hopeful. the preview feels less scary than it had earlier and im a little more ready to sit back and see where it goes.

#this is just. rambles #so many rambles #i dont want them separated? theyve stood together for so long for everything but #i do kinda like the idea of them removing their relationship from the equation as well?#like #their parents have controlled it for so long and theyve impacted it so much #and i do rly like the idea of pat and pran going ''no.''#''you dont get to touch it any more''#and. well. a breakup IS the way to do that #even if they stay in touch theyd have to break up #but like. theyre also basically married. im upset that the parents are still getting between that #which is what we're supposed to feel but i still dont like it #but them coming back together in the end after this--i could see that?#we have their relationship here so we know how theyll come back together and it wont feel like the narrative dropped that part of the story #but the comments about us wanting a s2 would make sense in this case as well?#IDK IM STILL PROCESSING #im sorry this is just so many rambles going 184939845 directions ajdjkfjfjh #bad buddy ep11 #ep12 preview chatter #anonymous

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midotakaism · 5 years

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Hi I just wanted to say I love your posts and rambles/screaming/crying about 19 days and tianshan (because, like same, I could cry I love them so much),, anyway uhhh, if you had to pick your number 1 most fave tianshan moment (artwork/specials as well as regular chapters) what would it be? I know this is gonna be a huge can of worms and I'm here for it

first of all – before i proceed to completely lose it over your question [nervous laugh] – i just really wanted to thank you for the lovely message: im very glad that you enjoy my messy blabbering, knowing that someone likes them always makes me so happy, and if you ever need a companion to cry over tianshan and how much you love them… [shares blanket, cookies and box of tissues] im always here for that!!

as for the other part of your message, YOUR HONOR, I WANT THE RECORDS TO SHOW THAT THE ENQUIRER KNEW THAT TRYING TO ANSWERING THIS QUESTION WOULD DEVASTATE ME AND ASKED IT ANYWAY, AND ALSO THAT I LOVE ALL TIANSHAN MOMENTS BUT I WAS FORCED TO PICK. and also that i cheated just a little bit, because while in the end i considered normal and special chapters together, i kept the official arts as a separated thing since i feel like it’s hard to compare them to a full comic strip, but that’s a minor detail

so this question was… painful, to say the least, but i tried my best to answer it, and after thinking hard about it, and going back to reread all the tianshan chapters, and trying to make a list of my favorite moments, failing, trying again, going by process of elimination, having an existential crisis or two while doing it, i came to the conclusion that if i really really really really reeeeaaally had to choose my number 1 tianshan moment until now, that would probably be guan shan asking he tian to buy him the pair of pure black studs in chapter 283 and then the entirety of chapter 284 (IT’S AN ENTIRE SCENE SO IT COUNTS AS ONE MOMENT DON’T ARGUE WITH ME)

(more blabbering under the cut because YOU SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS)

my original intention was actually to show my favorite moment by putting the corresponding panel here so that this answer wouldn’t be just a huge block of text as usual, but the reason i ended up picking that whole scene as my favorite was also because i couldn’t choose just a single panel: at first i wanted to put guan shan asking for the earrings along with the look of surprise on he tian’s face, BUT ALSO HE TIAN HUGGING HIM AND BITING HIS NECK AND DRAGGING HIM TO GO BUY THE STUDS AND THEN HE TIAN ASKING GUAN SHAN IF HE WAS SCARED AND GUAN SHAN REPLYING HE IS NOT WITH THAT PANEL OF THEIR HANDS REACHING FOR EACH OTHER I JUST I COULDN’T OKAY I COULDN’T not to be dramatic but if i could print this entire chapter on a duvet cover and wrap myself in it like a cocoon and was socially acceptable to go outside like that i would

i mentioned before how important this moment is for guan shan as a character, but it’s also so incredibly important for tianshan as a ship: until this chapter, we always saw he tian being the one to approach and search for guan shan, but this time is guan shan that on his own free will, without being prompted, goes looking for he tian, and not only that, but for the first time he actually asks he tian for something, and that is so damn HUGE i don’t even know where to start to properly convey that

guan shan has never asked anything to anyone, multiple times he has refused people giving him stuff because he didn’t want to owe them, and all of this because of his experience with she li that taught him that people always have an ulterior motive for helping you out, they always want something back from you and never do it for free. guan shan asking he tian to get him something is guan shan trusting he tian like he probably never did anyone else before, trusting that he tian is different from what guan shan himself first believed of him, trusting that he tian won’t expect anything in return: guan shan is actually entrusting himself to he tian and saying ‘i believe you won’t hurt and take advantage o me like others did before’ and i really could cry at how much this means for them. the end of the chapter, when guan shan says he is not scared and reaches out to grab he tian’s extended hand to go skip with him, is yet another confirmation of all of this (catch me singing a whole new world from aladdin every time i think about this moment)

ALSO DON’T EVEN LET ME START ON HE TIAN’S REACTION no matter how many times i reread that chapter it never fails to wind me because he tian KNOWS how much it means that guan shan asked him something, he knows that’s guan shan trusting him and taking a step towards him, which is why he tian’s surprise and happiness are so overwhelming for something that at a first glance seems so small but it’s actually not (and guan shan blushing and smacking he tian but not overreacting as much as other times when he tian HUGGED HIM AND BIT HIS NECK?????? IM ABOUT TO BUST A LUNG THANKS)

so yeah, i just really love this moment and especially chapter 284 with my whole heart, while for official arts (which im gonna cover very quickly because this is already way too long, im so sorry) i actually had, if possible, even an harder time to pick my favorite, and the fact that old xian dropped a new one with future tianshan looking so domestic and intimate did not help me AT ALL

im still far from being convinced about my choice, i keep looking at this new one, at the bathtub one, and at the cut off kiss in a frenzy and panicking because I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH, but again, if i really REALLY had to pick, i’d probably go with the bathtub one, if only because it was the first tianshan official art we’ve ever gotten and i still remember just how much the entire fandom lost it when old xian dropped it. im also still so damn fond of it to this day, i just love the intimacy in it and how they are looking at each other so intensely, how they are on the same level and guan shan’s hand is hanging over the tub and touching the water, with that splash of red color in the origami boat and the “wait for them to grow up, there will definitely be a day” caption that goes with it IT STILL MAKES ME SCREAM AS IF I WERE SEEING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

AND OKAY THAT’S IT. IM DONE. IM SHUTTING UP. I SUBMIT MYSELF TO THE JUDGEMENT OF THE COURT AND IN THE MEAN TIME I’LL GO REREAD ALL THE TIANSHAN CHAPTERS AGAIN AND GIVE THEM ALL THE LOVE THEY DESERVE

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #mathgeek101 #DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE UNLEASHED #well to be fair this would have been a bit shorter if i wrote it more seriously #should have also probably explained better the reason why i picked what i picked but this was painful enough #ANYWAY thank you so much again for the sweet message and the question even if it made me lose years of life #sometimes i feel like im being very annoying so im happy if you enjoy my posts #......well idk if you'll still like them after this mess but you know #thank you again!!#i hope you're gonna have a wonderful day!!!#❤️❤️❤️#ask

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tumblunni · 7 years

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aaaaaugh that was a weird adventure of a normal thing seriously wtf how did I Almost Die from just trying to pay my electricity bills?? the electricity went out at midnight and I was having a WHOPPING GIANT MIGRAINE and seriously i suck at talking to cashiers on the best of days but now i have to call a taxi at midnight and sit there feeling awkward for like half an hour while the guy drives me several miles away to the only electricity place thats open 24/7 and like five minutes in i realized OH SHIT THIS MIGRAINE IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I EXPECTED but like i was trapped in a car and trapped in an awkward social situation! so i was here all dizzy and disassociating and like it felt like the window was a computer screen?? cos im nearsighted a lot and of course its gonna get even worse when i have a dizzy migraine of death doom. i was just so out of it with pain and tiredness and the car shaking me about and just it felt like i wasnt really there but i was still in my house just watching all this on the tv or something. i had to look down at my hands cos they were the only non blurry thing, i had to remind myself that i actually existed and wasnt somehow being erased from the world and replaced by a film reel of some guy sitting in a car?? So I am like Absolutely Fucking Nonfunctional here, and being acutely aware of how i forgot to wear my glasses and apparantly also my socks. Tho in my defense it would have been hard to put them on in the dark anyway! and seriously THIS POOR CAB GUY! like it seemed english wasnt his first language and i felt so bad cos like how can i make it clear that I am the one messing up here?? dude you didnt mishear me i really am slurring everything i say and forgetting half the dictionary. HE WAS SO NICE! I wish i could have like.. been able to register any of his individual faceparts as a coherant whole. I have problems with prosopagnosia even on a good day, but like whoa man i did not have the energy left to concentrate on what this guy even looked like. i feel bad cos i dont know his name either, im gonna remember him as just this big helpful shadow void with a nice accent. HOW DID YOU PUT UP WITH ME EMBARASSING MYSELF SO MUCH, YOU WONDERFUL CABMAN actaully wait do you call them cabs in america aa im sorry this post isnt very america translated i try and generally self-correct to america english cos i know like 90% of my followers seems to be america for some reason i do not understand HELLO AMERICDA FRIENDS TODAY okay so i was Dying in a taxi which is also called a cab, and the company was Capital Cabs which is very good and i love them and they have an automated system so you dont have to talk on the phone and seriously that cut like 50% of terror from this terror day SO ANYWAY I WAS DYING we go all over the place looking for the 24 hours electric place, and then for some reason they are closed?? there was a line outside and i think actually the doors got stuck and the cashiers couldnt get out??? what happened?? i guess i will never know cos i had to leave that mini story behind and find another electric hilariously we found one LITERALLY ACROSS THE ROAD there was THE SAME SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD FACING EACH OTHER MIRROR IMAGE WHAT like seriously fuck im already in a dizzy daze floating halfway out my own body like i didnt need any more evidence im currently in wonderland i want to know this story too, dammit! are those rival stores?? of the same brand?? somehow?? or are they owned by the same person?? because why?? is it like the area was so in-demand of small 24/7 shops that they had to make two within five metres of each other? or is it like they’re the same shop but they didnt have enough space to build the full size they wanted so they purchased two smaller land plots? or something? DID IT JUST EXIST FOR THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF ME NEEDING THE SHOP WHEN THE SHOP IS CLOSED “tumblr blogger tumblunni will show up fuckin migraine stoned on the 9th of november, as the prophecy foretold” omg i just mispelled prophecy as prophey and that sounds like a cute ass oc name holy shit ANYWAY im here dissacoiating my ass off and trying and failing to stick my debit card in the card machine and all the time im like FUCKIN OBSESSING over how sauboh is a really better name. Like faba is still a cute name but sauboh is a COOL name! no name is better than sauboh! and why u wanna this evil man have a cute name anyway?? when u be all cruel in the anime and sand off even the slightest non horrible edges he ever had, like seriously im unreasonably upset that everyone hates faba even more now. when will i get my sneaky science grandpa guy who is not evil for once but merely misunderstood and then i adopt him and hug him many and the all is resolved so yeah im fuckin haviung trouble focusing on what im actually doing jesus christ then i stumble into the store and i pay for my electric and im like ‘no no no fucking shit this migraine is WAY worse than i expected, im going to fucking die’ so i ask if they have any paracetamol but i cant remember the word for paracetamol and its all super embarassing. and like THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AS IF IM CRAZY. He’s all ‘ugh why would we have that, geez’. like wtf?? i mean i know i couldnt remember the name of it but i said ‘headache medicine’ so im sure he understood what i meant. i had a long rambling discussion with the taxi man about how weird that was, he was like ‘no, seriously EVERY 24 hour newsagent sells that stuff’ and i was like ‘no seriously he was rude to me for asking, like wtf’ and then i repeated the story about three more times cos i was currently in the throes of brain death in retrospect maybe the cashier thought i was drunk or something?? or high? i mean you cant get high from headache pills but i dunno maybe they mix badly with booze and he thought he was saving my life. i like to think the best of people! i wish i hadnt jumped to the grumpy conclusion during that moment and then whined like a lil bitch to this poor cab man and seriously he was SO NICE! he was like ‘dude seriously we’d have to drive anothr five miles to find another newsagent shop, im trying to save you money’ and he tried to give me some of the paracetamol he had in his wallet and i was like YOURE SO FUCKIN NICE IM DYING, I COULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT but also in retrospect probably that was a good decision cos even if the guy seemed super nice and trustable its like Good Life Policy to not take medicine from people you don’t know. I am 100% sure tho that he actually was genuine and wasnt gonna fuckin murder me with fakeacetamol HE WAS SO NICE! HIM AND HIS NONDESCRIPT FACIAL REGION! why cant i remember ANYTHING about this man oh and also I was able to give some money to a lady on the street!! i don’t know if she was actually homeless, she said that she had some trouble with a hotel booking or something so she was just stuck sleeping outside for the night. i cant remember if she had any luggage so i cant verify if the story is true, it just made me really sad wondering if it WASNT true and its like she needed to lie or people wouldnt give her money?? like seriously homeless people are the most vunerable yet theyre the ones people have the least sympathy for! wtf having to like like ‘i need the money less’... anyway i also couldnt remember her face and was kinda slurring my words to death and i didnt have much money to give but aaaa i hope i helped!! so yeah fuckin SMASH CUT to the next newsagent place and seriously i swear i blacked out for a minute cos it was just like wow we’re there in 48 seconds yet the clock says a bunch more miles and THEY HAD PARACETALMOL AND I WAS FUCKIN CRYING IN A SPAR MART thenk u cashier man who was probablyh very confused at this guy with no socks also for some reason my mind was wandering to the topic of what i’d do if i got misgendered in a cinema, like holding this fuckin entire fictional argument with this manifestation of my own self doubt WHAT EVEN INSPIRED THAT THOUGHT PROCESS so i’m nigh passing out and the nice cab man takes me home and he tries to make me pay less than the fee on the clock and im like NO DUDE IT WAS MY OWN CHOICE TO GO 2 PARACETAMOL SHOP seriously he was SO NICE why cant i remember his faaaaaace and i usually like to give a tip to the taxi guy even though tipping isnt really a thing in my country cos just i feel like Being Nice Is Nice and i want to thank them for their nice but i DIDNT HAVE ANY MORE MONEY LEFT so aaaa i was only able to give him an extra £0.50 but thank you taxi man i hope you have a good night and good life and the universe rewards you for helping a migraine fucked bunbun this eve and now ive shoved medicines in my fave and im just waiting for them to kick in and i know i should eat something but i feel so nauseous aaarglefargle also nice taxi man told me a story about how the same thing happened to him once except the electric went out while he was in the shower. So he just got blasted by cold water AND had to stumble down the stairs in the dark, and then friggin buy electric while his ears were still fulla soap. Whoa dude your bravery in face of embarassment exceeds my own! i love you platonically mr cab man thanks for making me feel less nervous and such while i was Die so yeah hopefully i will be less die soon ok bye also sauboh is a best name and i need to steal it for an oc or something NINTEND U LET IT SLIP AWAY

#blunni thoughts #i am struggle to thoughts #man i wish i could fuckin sleepems

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theclampdown · 5 years

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fma makes me go bonkers long rambly essay under the cut. emily this has spoilers for the finale but its based off ur theory about who pride was so if u wanna read it go ahead ig

I stole this theory from my sister sorry but i went nuts. i also havent watched the promised day episodes in a while so im going completely from two year old memories here what if hughes was pride, not selim. he was obviously insanely proud of his wife and daughter and while he didnt show it the same way he was proud of roy and riza I think and maybe the country at large despite its flaws but i think he definitely saw the flaws....

it would go one of two ways. one way it would be a la Bradley where he was a homunculus and evil all along and he faked his death to discourage the gang from seeking after the philosophers stone (which obviously wouldnt have stopped them) and he gets merked at the end like all the other homunculi. I think in this tl riza and ed teaming up would have killed him, riza’s the only one ruthless enough to do it to her ex best friend I think and ed’s the only one strong enough alchemy wise. i think roy would have a breakdown if he had to fight pride in this state and get injured so riza would have to defend him. he gets it together in the end though, and roy having that break down isnt necessarily in the promised day arc but its probably the only time it would fit in the tl -in canon kimblee is making fun of pride for taking the form of a human which gives ed the opportunity to kill him so i imagine in this kimblee would be calling him out for feeling proud over ��lowly humans’ aka his wife kid friends etc. but pride Is still proud of his family/friends which i would imagine is a homunculus’s way of loving. sort of like how greed simply wanted friends i think that pride would just want something to be proud of. -maybe in the end he would end up teaming up with the gang against the army bc his family and roy and riza and he wants something good to be Proud of. i think in this case bradley would kill him bc wrath did have his own wife and son (selim would be a normal kid in this au) but wrath didnt ‘love’ them i think like pride would love his family and friends. so parallels. and he would be able to say that he did truly care about his family and roy and riza because i really think he would. something to be proud of...

in the other tl when he "dies" he gets turned into a homunculus like lin. hughes i think would be strong enough to keep part of his ideals but they would end up mixing into more-or-less one mentality like wrath and bradely did, simply because i dont think hughes has enough determination and will to keep his own self, like since lin could stay seperate because he was trying to get immortality so his clan survives and Made the choice to be a homunculus, while hughes didnt ask for any of this. in the end as its leading up to the finale it would be a mix of the two. its mostly pride with his ruthlessness and his loyalty to Father, but he would still have hughes’ care for the people in his old life. for the most part he follows the same actions as pride did in canon like he possesses al like that (sidenote that would be the funniest fucking thing when al and pride are trapped together in the dome) and he would still eat kimblee and gluttony etc, but theres also occasionally conflict between hughes and pride. we would get to see how the two slowly morph together which would be sad to see hughes warp into pride like that :( -i dont even remember when pride was revealed to the gang in canon but riza and roy would know before the promised day. they go tell hughes wife together because riza would convince him that she needs to know. she is right but roy has trouble with that sort of thing as we saw when hughes died in canon. he has a mental breakdown because hes roy fucking mustang, riza handles it a little better. also winry freaks the fuck out :( -also at some point grin and pride meet, since hughes was turned into pride long before grin came along. i think grin (lin, specifically) would make some sort of jab at pride for hughes losing himself also to establish that Parallel baby. were all about parallels in this fma rant essay -i think in this tl though ed wouldnt kill him it would be riza and roy. not sure how they would get to that point because of how the canon promised day goes but im not too worried about that. i think that when they see each other none of them would want to strike (by now they know that hughes was turned into pride) bc riza and roy still want to believe its their best friend and pride still has a bit of hughes in him. but eventually pride strikes first because kimblee is goading him along, and roy fucks pride up like in the lust fight. riza takes the ‘final’ shot but roy’s alchemy is what makes the stone start falling apart. when pride is dying he asks them to tell his wife and daughter that he loved them and he also says that riza and roy were his best friends YES i know its cliche i dont care. hughes loved his family. -hughes does not come back. he and pride were too fused together for hughes to have survived. they hold his funeral again.

i made myself tear up typing this out actually anyways i love hughes and this is such a cool au. idea credits goes to my sister for trying to figure out who pride was before the reveal when she was watching it through

apologies for grammar spelling etc etc. this is fueled by my love of fma and also hughes

#mine #fma #fmab

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ts-seychelles · 5 years

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EP. 11 - “I Was Able To Dodge That Bullet” - VILMA

I literally look like the biggest boo boo the fool right now. Like I’m so cocky and stupid and tumblr survivor makes me want to eat glass

https://youtu.be/GAe_c8bHBjc

Okay honestly, after that tribal, I feel fucking awesome, and so many people still have no idea what happened First off, Jared I am so sorry that you believed my PMs during Tribal that I thought I had the votes to get out Nicole.. I knew one of you would play something, and I high key would not be surprised if Nicole ended up actually having another big ticket advantage sitting in her pocket from ghost island, but im going to wait on that concept for now until i see something from them. Maybe we can flush another advantage out of their pockets? lmao I am protecting Jared's role in this for as long as I possibly can, and Roxy's too. I had Dan hammering me for who told about the plan, and then ofc Alex wanted to know too, but he can eat a dick for all I care (in the context of the game of course.... love him to death as a person), and I'm just not going to tell anyone. I want Jared to maintain all the relationships he has on a 100% trust basis, so that way if he feels like he's gotta tell me something, he's going to be able to have that information I had to fill Regan in, and I know she is still 100% on my side because she is being VERY open about who she wants out after what happened this round. Dan? I really really want to trust him again, and I think I cut a huge tie of his removing Ricky from the game, and now I have to give him a little bit of what he wants.. I want to pick his brain and really see his top choice of who he wants to go this round, and I am going to try to help him be successful in that move, so that he can trust me. I really want him to say that he wants to go for someone, and for me to 100% support him on it. It's going to be one of the biggest leaps hopefully, in his eyes, that I trust him again and I've got his back.. As for Asya, who was another one who I was surprised about.. She doesn't know that I know yet, that she spilled our alliance to Ricky, and that Ricky dished that information back to Dan, and THAT is another reason as to why Dan didn't trust me, so I'm keeping my eye on that for now, but I really just want Asya to trust me also. I knew I needed Asya and Dan back on my side the MOST after this entire debocle, and by getting rid of Ricky, which cuts off both of their ties with a strong player, I draw them closer to me, and them seeing me as one of their bigger options. The best thing with Asya too is that we had a legitimately genuine conversation about how we could get closer and we should open up more about our personal lives and not even get to know each other on a game level, just because this is our second game going deep together, and I want to get to know her y'know!!! I think my position is definitely a million times better than it was before tribal, but I'm definitely not out of the weeds yet. Dan and Asya seem to be back and genuine with me, and I know Jared isn't going to just save me one round, and then take me out the following round. It'd be foolish, so i think I've got that relationship too, along with my strong allegiances with the people I've already been working with, knew about every facet of that move, and still trust me (i.e. Augusto, Roxy, Vilma, Regan). I know that my chances of making it to the end are getting smaller and smaller because what I did to protect myself, and HOW I pulled the move off really impressed my closest allies, and I know the gold medal is a lot more appealing when there's 6-7 people left in the game than loyalties, so I know my chances are already shot, especially because the only people I think would actually want me to go to the end with them are Augusto and Vilma, and even then is a bit of a stretch, so now it's just a game of how deep I can get and how well I can play off everything that's just happened....... As for my next move? Literally chop Alex's head off with a machete until he's into a million pieces, cooked in the shitty ass pot we've been using for 34 days, and then be gone :) 1. Telling me at tribal that we weren't going to rocks LIVE to try to get me to change my idol play was a MOOD. Alex is dead ass one of the worst liars ever, and if you know you can't let things come out of your mouth and be 100% confident you're being convincing with what you're saying, then leave it over text.. like lol 2. Looking like his dog fucking died when I played my idol was priceless, but also extremely telling of how badly he wanted me out 3. Lying to me the entire day and not telling me about the vote...... bitch bye 4. Saying "ha ha" when I said "final two my ass" when the votes were being read 5. RE ENFORCING THE F2 WE HAD FOUR DAYS BEFORE THIS TRIBAL COUNCIL HAPPENED...... literally such an lol So yea. I think I have more. I definitely would have to go back in my host chat, but in the realm of the game, everything Alex has done has made me want nothing more than for him to go, and the best thing about this entire concept is that I think there are people on "the other side" who would not mind voting out Alex either because his social game kinda sucks and he's a liability to keep around because he is the entire reason the Dan blindside got blown up, and I know Jared was pissed about that.. The reasons are too good, but now it's just if I can pull it off. At the end of the day, I'm on cloud nine after that last tribal, and it's time to go to work to see if I can make a thing or two more go my way.. I'm just trying to survive as long as I can and continue to have fun playing the game, bc tbh, I'm having a fucking blast right now lmao

(A LITTLE LATER)

THIS IS ALSO ANOTHER REALLY FUNNY MOOD BIG PRO OF RICKY GOING HOME WAS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE REGAN COME BACK TO RICKY SAYING "oh yea johnny said in the main chat that you wanted me out by accident" BC I DID DO THAT, BUT NOW RICKY ISN'T HERE TO TELL THE TALE Hopefully Regan isn't mad at me and finds out about it at some point, but Ricky said he didn't even pick up on it when I said it the first time lmao oops? Ready for this auction tomorrow!!!!!!

I stan trying our best to win things in the auction, only to win absolutely nothing. I am laughing so hard haha my life Is falling apart, I can't even get an idol, Nicole goes to Ghost Island. I am literally shook. It's not really bad for my game? And I feel like I'm good at Touchy Subjects? Idk, I'm just hoping I make single digits. As far as my game goes, I'm gonna try to be super social this round and make up some time. I want to get back with Johnny and Augusto and really form a bond with them again because I feel kinda bad about the last round, but also not at the same time?? dflkjdaslkfdj idk? I feel like this game is picking up and I really like where I'm sitting.

that auction sucked

https://youtu.be/vrhmDKxdB7w

I forgot to make a confessional again. Anyways, so the true tea is I have no clue what is going on in this game at this point. I’m pretty sure I’m the weakest competitor here? Which is fun because nobody will go for me heh heh heh heh, and this round they can’t anyway because I am on GHOSF ISLAND! It’s very lonely here and Isaac has not yet let me play the game but it’d be super cute if I got something else that I could will to Jared because I think he might be in trouble this round. We are going to hang out with Johnny today in person and I CANT talk about the game with either of them which is a blessing because I feel like it’s all they would talk about with me. Anyways I think everyone knows....I’m not giving my 100% effort to this game right now. But once I tackle this depression and my hair grows out and I lose ten pounds and get my ghost island game and get an idol and idol out Johnny even though he’s immune and Johnny drags Vilma and Dan out with him so I don’t have to ever vote Dan out, it’s over for your bitches. Straight up.

https://youtu.be/3rwZpqAyoUE

This round should be interesting? I kinda feel good? But I’m not entirely sure obviously. I feel like I have no other play but be with Augusto, Johnny, and Vilma. I feel like I could get closer to Jared, but I’m tired of playing the middle. I feel like I’m doing okay for not even doing well in any of these challenges. I’m trying not to be too much of a comp threat this game. I love my edgic being INV this round probably bc I’m not doing shit

I think my name has been completely worked out of the discussion for this round. I hope that's accurate, if not... good on everyone. Now I just have an important game altering decision to make. Augusto or Alex? Well, it turns out Regan might be idoling Augusto? Which is good I guess, but if Alex plays an idol too, THEN WHAT. So I could throw my vote on Dan, with the potential of it going to a tied vote. If I got rocked out because of that?? Never forgiving myself. I don't know what I'm going to do quite yet, but I have less than 40 mins to figure it out. The other thing is that I could be getting votes and look like an even bigger idiot for making this confessional. Oof. Okay let's take a look-see at the numbers. Johnny, Augusto, Roxy, *Regan- Alex Alex, Asya, Dan, Vilma- Augusto * = unsure. I could weaken Dan tremendously here by taking out Alex, but I'm also taking out someone who I've been loyal to the whole time. I have built a lot of trust with Johnny by leaking last rounds vote, and I literally met him and Ryan from Mykonos with Nicole today in Times Square. And then Disney Amanda and Steffen showed up. Iconic? I am partial to testing Johnny's trust, but, I don't really trust him at all. I really really trust Roxy though, which could be a huge mistake. I see her and Asya as frontrunners at this point. Anyways this is getting rambling but this game is a MESS and I feel like a sapphire-idoly boii Tune into tribal, it could very well be a good one folks.

Aaaaalright last round was such an emotional rollercoaster I had to skip confessionals to avoid having to cringe at them afterwards. Here's a recap: Earlier I was told rumors that Johnny had been talking around telling several people that Dan and I wanted to vote Nicole out, which I don't ever recall telling to anybody so when I heard about the rumors I was obviously suuuper confused. Days went by and I had heard from multiple different people that Johnny was the one to start those rumors but I remained suspicious, because I couldn't really see a good enough motive for Johnny to do that. People kept telling me that he has a tendency of wanting to play the puppet master and wanting to shake things up and cause drama between people. I didn't want to believe it but since nobody ever came forward to deny the rumors I decided to keep my eye on him. Next tribal I heard Johnny was getting targeted, and originally I was trying to see if there was any way I could save him from going home, but I knew Dan was unhappy with the Johnny rumors and would likely flip to take him out, so I decided it would be smart of me to go along with the majority and sacrifice him. I also saw him as a big threat, so even though I genuinely like him, I didn't think it would have been a horrible thing from my perspective if he went home. But a little over an hour before tribal Johnny comes forward to tell me that he has an idol! Plus he asked me permission to pretend it was the idol I found from Takamaka. I WAS SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK because I ended up somehow unwillingly positioned in the middle of this whole mess and whatever I decided to do I would end up backstabbing someone and making them angry. I was having a major breakdown in my host chat but let's not talk about that. Then Johnny asked me to actually vote HIM so people wouldn't suspect we were working together....... O-M-G. That plan sounded perfect; I wouldn't have to backstab anyone and I would have a chance to get out of a shitty situation without too much blood on my hands. Johnny tried to make me change my vote to Nicole last minute but I refused and voted Johnny anyways to keep on everyone's good side, whoops. I was also pretty happy Johnny decided to idol Ricky out, since I never talked to him too much and he was close to Dan and Asya, who I hope will now more likely rely on my help if they ever need extra numbers to make a move. After the vote I tried to clear things up with Dan, Asya and Johnny and I think nobody is too angry at me anymore which is nice. I was afraid I'd end up in the middle of a huge drama and I'd like to consider myself a drama-free person so phew I'm so happy I was able to dodge that bullet. Okay this confessional is already super long I think I'm writing a separate one about this round see you soon HEHE.

I’ll make a more in depth one soon but some people are trying it tonight and like... where has this trying energy been all game (@Alex) because it jumped out all of a sudden! If I do go home tonight, I think I’ve played a solid game thus far and had a pretty good experience as people such as Johnny, Vilma, Regan, Dan, Roxy, and even Jared sometimes have been awesome to me and made things fun! ❤️

okay uhm confessional time i----- I won immunity, which was awesome. The killer touchy subjects strategy of putting what you think the majority is going to say both times came in CLUTCH In terms of the touchy subjects answers? nothing really surprises me. being predicted to be voted out next just makes the most sense since seven people just voted for me.. so I understand why i got that one. I should've put myself too tbh, but I think I got the more intuitive ones correct, so that made me feel kinda good Tonight's tribal? I'm praying Alex goes home.. The kid still hasn't come to me about voting for me, after swearing up down left and right a f2 with me, and I find it kinda shookening, especially since his name is going around tonight, and I'm genuine when I say that if he just approached me, I probably wouldn't have been so hellbent on wanting him out, but oh well.. i hope he goes I know Augusto is getting the other bulk of the votes? I'm not SUPER sure who is voting where.. i've heard dan is being a dickhead again and he might go for augusto. I know Regan might be playing her idol on Augusto at tribal, which would be #dramaaaaaaaaaa and I really hope that this is alex or asya maybe playing a vote steal to get the numbers on their side, because then regan would LEGITIMATELY have to play the idol.. oh well, we'll see. she said she'd play it on him also in other news, I hungout with Jared and Nicole IRL, and because we RESPECT the game that's going on, when we were walking around the city, I spent a lot of time talking to Jared about today's vote and how arbitrary it's been for us to be on opposite sides, and guaranteeing that if we joined together that there'd be nothing stopping us, and then he offered me a 100% f3 with him, that we'd try to get to the end of the game together. I am 100% planning on accepting it with the intended purpose of keeping it true. I just hope that it isn't one of those things where he's like "oh yea we're not going to vote you" but then votes out all of my closest allies instead and im stuck in the game getting dragged to finals via jared's strategic play, but honestly, I believe the man. He seemed very genuine, and if he isn't being genuine, then he's a snake and it is what it is anywhom.. praying augusto stays and nothing bad happens to him. alex going would be best for my game, especially because I just think he deserves what's coming to him after how last round went with him and I, and the excuses he made for breaking our f2

I trust no one but Johnny fuck everyone. Fuck wasting my idol. But I have to Jared and Johnny both told me to play it so he res to that

#itsgametimekids

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