#imagine wens just being so cute and embarrassed

[boojangs]

Enid, when she first finds out who Pandora is: Soooo, can we talk about you snuggling with me every morning or what???

Wednesday: Uhhhmmm.... well, you see, I-

Wednesday: [throws herself out a window]

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

A thousand times, until the end of the world

Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate!

Life has been super busy for me and I have been unable to fulfill my promise of writing a series of drabbles until Valentine's Day - but WangXian are in love every day so I'll keep posting them even if it's after February 14th.

I wish you all love - no matter if it's romantic, platonic, for your family, your pets or your favorite piece of media.

This fic is very long, very cliche and I was very embarrassed writing it. I hope you enjoy it!

Wei Ying was definitely going to petition the government about this - it was so unfair and, he was quite sure, illegal, for him to have to be working on Valentine's Day instead of spending the day with Lan Zhan doing cute romantic things and also each other. If Christmas and New Year can be free days, so can Valentine's. How could it even be expected of him to focus on meetings and projects when all he wanted to do was be with the person he loved on the global day of love?!

"Stop being so pouty." Wen Qing flicked his forehead as he sulkily ate his lunch. "Don't you get to spend every single day with Lan Wangji?"

"You don't get it, Qing-jie!" He lamented, biting into his sandwich, "Today is special!"

"Corporations capitalizing on human emotion to make profits isn't special, Wei Wuxian."

An eye roll. "You're like the Grinch of February 14th. Once you get a girlfriend, you'll think otherwise! Everyone is like this on Valentine's."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's just you. And Lan Wangji."

---

All Wei Ying wanted to do was go home and cuddle his boyfriend. Since they'd both had long shifts and were tired, they would probably just spend the night in, order takeout and make love - which sounded heavenly to Wei Ying. He could already imagine himself latching onto Lan Zhan and being carried all the way into their-

The apartment was unpleasantly quiet, dark and empty. Wei Ying let out a frustrated groan. So much for his dream night. Did that stickler Lan Qiren really keep Lan Zhan overtime even on Valentine's? That bitter old man, of course he would! What would he know about love of all things? No wonder nobody married him!

But before Wei Ying could send Lan Zhan a whiny text about not being home, his eyes landed on a beautiful, red envelope, a rose on top of it as it rested on the kitchen counter.

Curious, Wei Ying opened it, and his features softened as his eyes scanned over the beautiful callugraphy:

My dearest and most beloved Wei Ying,

A limousine will be waiting for you in front of our apartment complex at 8pm sharp, and I have lovingly prepared a box for you to find on our bed with clothing and accessories I wish for you to wear. This is my first gift for you tonight, I can only hope it will be to your liking.

Fate has kept us apart for many years, cruel and unyielding to my longing and unquenched desire for you. I have spent endless, lonely days and the darkest of nights with only the bright, beautiful image of you to keep my misery at bay. Such has been my unbelievable luck to find you again and be granted the honor to love you and be loved by you in return, a gift from the gods to make up for my painful existence away from you.

I must ask you to forgive my temporary absence right now. Forgive me for not being there to kiss away your day's woes, for not welcoming you the way I so impatiently dream to do from the moment I leave our home in the morning. I am holding onto the thought that you will soon join me as tightly as I wish to be holding you. Please grant me a silver of your patience, and we will be soon reunited.

I will be waiting for you earnestly,

Forever yours,

L. Z.

Wei Ying's cheeks burned so red it felt as if his face had been set on fire - and if his heart beat any faster, he was quite sure it would break out of his ribcage and leap to wherever Lan Zhan was. Of course he would do something like this - so impossibly romantic but just as impossibly secretive about it. Wei Ying could only be glad that his gift had been ready in time - it had taken him weeks to make the perfect engagement ring to give Lan Zhan, carefully crafting it with the help of the best jewelers he could find.

With that knowledge in mind, he walked to their bedroom, smiling so wide all the way until he entered it and found it decorated with beautiful flowers - and red satin bedsheets on the mattress. Lan Zhan definitely pulled all the stops, didn't he?

A simple but rather large red box rested in the middle of the bed, with another rose on top. Wei Ying opened it and found a beautiful red cashmere shirt of incredibly good quality, a pair of black pants, a fine golden necklace with matching earrings and - Wei Ying chuckled audibly - a pair of very lacy black panties.

What could he do but try them on and send a picture?

---

The limousine had arrived at precisely 8pm - but Wei Ying had finished getting ready much quicker and had been so impatient that he waited in the lobby for 20 minutes - so he almost jumped into the luxurious car the moment it pulled up.

In the backseat, another red envelope and several gift bags awaited.

My most beloved,

I thank you for your patience once more, as my own is beginnig to fade into the familiar ache of missing you, my soul yearning for yours so earnestly. I could never express it into words how much I love you, the feelings you have awoken in me far beyond the measliness of human language.

I am often rendered speechless around you, bewitched by your incredible beauty, your genius and your admirable character. The compliments I am telling you, the words I am writing for you do not even come close to describing how immense my love and admiration for you are.

I have attempted to show you, as much as the modest means of mortal existence allow, how much I cherish you and how I am doing the very best I can to make you happy. Please accept these few gifts and the hours I have put into trying to find something worthy of being yours.

Forever yours,

L. Z.

Wei Ying couldn't help pressing the letter to his heart, overcome with emotion. He had known Lan Zhan loved him, had seen it and felt it in all the ways it could ever be seen and felt - but seeing it laid out into words made Wei Ying feel as if love had started coursing through his veins instead of bloodstream.

The gifts were so thoughtful Wei Ying could cry - from little trinkets and items he'd mentioned to Lan Zhan in passing, to various new electronic devices he needed (and sturdy cases and chargers for all of them), high quality jewelry, a new travel cup (how had Lan Zhan known he just broke his own that day?), even a new tea set just like the one Yanli had gifted Wei Ying but he lost when he moved from his own apartment into Lan Zhan's. Everything had a little note on it, something along the lines of "you liked this once when we were at the mall", "to replace your old accessories", "to make it easier for you to lay out your ideas" - there was so much love put into every detail.

And at the bottom of one of the bags, there was a thick little book. Another letter rested on its first page.

Every day I have spent with you has left me with such wonderful memories - and I have noted them all down, so I never forget them, no matter how much time passes and even when my memory may fail me in old age. This is my image of you, this is who and how you are to me - and if I am ever not there for you and the world feels like it has gone against you once more, please find comfort in this book and let it offer you proof that you will never be alone ever again.

There were somewhere around 400 pages of paragraphs - compliments, vivid descriptions of mundane moments (like making coffee together or grocery shopping) or various events (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays), waxing poetic on Wei Ying's everything. How he reacted to things, what he looked like, how it made Lan Zhan feel. Plans for the future, little dirty fantasies in elegant language, wishes for a life together forever.

One could never finish such a long literary piece as quickly as the driver had parked at the destination. The weight of the ring in Wei Ying's pocket only served to strengthen his resolve.

---

The moment the driver announced they'd arrived, Wei Ying leaped out of the car and ran into Lan Zhan's arms, kissing him with fervor. His passion was returned tenfold - Lan Zhan had really not lied about missing him, his lips so ravenous and needy.

With great reluctance, Lan Zhan ended their kiss, arms still holding his beloved tightly. "I love you."

"How could you do all these sweet, romantic things to me today, huh? I could have died, you know!" Wei Ying scolded, playful. "I love you too, by the way. Even if you're so mean to me!"

"Wei Ying deserves to feel loved. If I must bully him into it sometimes, I am willing to take responsibility after."

Wei Ying smiled, knowing and mischevios. "Oh, you will. Did you see the picture I sent you?"

"Mn."

He let a hand glide over the sharp contour of Lan Zhan's jawline, "Did you like it?"

"I will show you when we get home."

Wei Ying really wanted to pull him into a kiss again and not wait until they got home - but Lan Zhan took a disappointing step back.

"Dinner first."

"Aw, come on..."

"I have cooked your favorite. Also, I am sure you have only had one meal today and you need nutrients."

It was only then that did Wei Ying notice that a beautifully set table awaited them, surrounded by candles and mood lighting, two steaming dishes on top and two glasses of wine. The table had been strategically placed on the cliff overlooking the city so that the twinkling lights of the metropole would be visible.

"You really did think of everything, didn't you?" Wei Ying smiled, so fond and in love. "I feel like I'm in a fairytale romance. I always feel like that, to be honest, but this is..."

"Special."

And they toasted to that, before digging into the food. Lan Zhan had really outdone himself with it, and even the amount of spice was perfect - so much so that...

"You're really husband material, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying laughed as he took a sip of his drink. "You cook so well, you clean, you spoil me... I should really marry you already."

Lan Zhan didn't reply at first, but there was something in his eyes that Wei Ying couldn't quite place. "I would be honored to be Wei Ying's forever." he said, at last.

The admission made Wei Ying's entire body vibrate with excitement.

---

After dinner, Lan Zhan laid out a soft blanket so they could admire the city as they finished the wine. Lan Zhan hadn't had much, and Wei Ying had tried not to drink it all from nerves and excitement - so now they sat, reminscing, watching the landscape.

"This is where we first met, isn't it? You were so angry I disrupted your meditation that evening!" Wei Ying laughed, bumping shoulders with his lover. "I was quite sure you'd kick my ass down the mountain when I sat next to you!"

"Wei Ying has been... troubling from the start."

"What, did I haunt your teenage fantasies from the start?"

When Lan Zhan didn't answer and his ears pinked up in response, Wei Ying howled with laughter. "You're the best, you know that? If it's any consolation, I couldn't stop thinking of you either, even if I had no idea why. Thank God I wised up!"

A few beats of silence passed. Wei Ying played with the ring box in the pocket of his pants as he spoke. "You know, Lan Zhan, I think you're really great. In other words, I like you, I love you, I... I whatever you. It can only be you."

The honeyed pool of Lan Zhan's eyes glistened with emotion. "Wei Ying..."

And it was just at that moment that both of them produced two ring boxes, one light blue, the other crimson red.

They both laughed, the unshed tears falling from their eyes.

"Lan Zhan..."

"Wei Ying."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes, a thousand times, until the end of the world."

Wei Ying carefully slid the ring over Lan Zhan's finger, trembling just a bit, but so grateful that it fit so well. It looked like it belonged there.

"Wei Ying..."

"Lan Zhan."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes, a thousand times, until the end of the world."

The moment the ring rested on his finger, Wei Ying finally felt like the world fell in its rightful place.

And they kissed under the fireworks that burst out of nowhere.

[bunny23ygo]

Cql The Untamed rewatch and cry party

These updates will come so slow, i apologize. I'm getting busier, don't worry i won't forget.

Episode 3

Last time we ended with Wei wu xian remembering the time he and his siblings went to study at Cloud Recesses. Easily one of my favorite arcs, the last time we will see weiying be truly be a kid and free. Later on everyone was forced to grow up way too fast.

Mianmian makes her first appearance, i truly love her. Strong, cute, beautiful... no wonder wwx flirted with her (although i know what his motive was).

Talking about the peacock... ugh, honestly i agree with a lot weiying and jiangcheng have to say about him. We get it, you're from a big sect, do you need the whole attention of everyone in town? See… i'm getting heated again. In the later episodes i warm up to him, but in the days he was studying in cloud recesses? Bleh! Jiang Yanli shouldn't have been so terribly sad about him.

Let's focus on the important again! Lan wangji has arrived!!

This is, for everyone who didn't know, different from the book. In the novel Wangxian meet each other for the first time at the night-roof scene. Personally, i'm not mad about the change. This entrance was so powerful. There will be multiple mentions of this but how Yibo plays Lanzhan is just perfect. In my mind there couldn't be anyone else. The same, very much, also applies to Xiao zhan. I admire how well both of their demeanor changes with the age they portray.

Question: Do you think young Lan zhan already got fond of Weiying after their first meeting, or was that later? (When?)

I'm on the side of "He was already slightly fond of this new student from Yunmeng the first time they met". Of course i will defend my stance. Surprisingly i really only need one thing.

The fact he went back to get the Jiangs.

He wasn't asked to find them by his brother or uncle, actually HE explained the situation to Lan Xichen and asked if he could let them in. You can’t tell me he would do this for anyone else, this is very much out of the ordinary. No invitation, no entry. He basically broke a rule by letting them in. How romantic, first day and he is already breaking rules for Weiying.

One of everyones favourite scenes, and i can only agree. This troublemaker... Wei wu xian, how dare he break so many rules in one go? And why is he so hot while drinking alcohol on the roof? I wouldn't know, lanzhan, sorry. This was the point where both got more interested. Honestly, i think Weiying would've teased him regardless, his personality just makes it so easy. But especially after that short fight, in the book he says how he's the best in fighting and even Jiang cheng only sometimes wins. Imagine being a young wwx and meeting this young master from another sect who makes fighting interesting and matches your level, how exciting. Lan wang ji on the other hand was very... annoyed, and somehow intrigued by this troublemaker who shows up and is an equal to his sword skills. Lwj wouldn't have admitted it but i'm sure he did have the assumption that wwx is lazy and only brings trouble. Turns out this new student is actually very skilled and smart when it's important. Surely that surprised him and piqued his interest.

Boo, no more romantics. Now is death time. But also not?

We get "Lan Zhan gets exposed for his fondness for Weiying". Lxc accidentally explains how Lwj asked him to let the others in, and Lan zhan tries to stop him. Which... wow that must've been embarrassing for him to speak up like that. Weiying is notably excited while Lanhuan reassures him. "So you aren't that grim", the imprint will be noticeable for days if you keep gripping your sword like this, Lanzhan. You're lucky wwx doesn't know you well, but i'm sure your brother noticed that wasn't out of anger.

Ok, now we're back to the unromantic part again. Our love, Wen Qings first appearance. We'll talk more but i truly love her, love of my life.

There isn't much action yet, but we first get a feeling for the Yin Irons powers.

Let's go back to talking about Lan zhans crush, brought to you by yours truly - Lan Xichen. Ok let's first talk about that weird puppet and our plan. Blahblahblah This will more interesting later. Although i've only now noticed that they mention the death of their father. In the novel he dies when cloud recesses is burned down, and was only in seclusion up to that point. I wonder why they changed this. Back to your crush, lan zhan. "I think this wei kid is actually pretty good :)", *lanzhan aggressively grips his sword again* "don't you think so?". I love Lan xichen so much lmao, as someone with younger siblings i understand.

Back to action, Xue yang. Bleh. That smile makes me want to slap him so bad... i guess that kinda is the point. We talk more about the great power of the Yin iron, which according to the novel doesn't even exist. You heard me right. It's something added for the live action to replace the necromancy part of wwx. Maybe it was added to make it more tv friendly? i don't know, but it certainly gives some excuse to wwxs later actions.

Let's see what comes from Weiyings teasing and that plan of the Wens, in Episode 4.

Small observation: I know this person was a side character but i just find it so funny how the lace is sososo visible... he got a close up... please guys TT it's so funny

[robininthelabyrinth]

I’ve never seen a de aged NHS or NMJ fic, and I’d really like too see how you write one (especially if it’s one where young NHS is transported too the present, and old NHS is transported to the past, before his brother dies OR after!)

“Sometimes,” Wei Wuxian said, when it’s late at night and they’re really drunk and he’s been whining up a storm over nonsense to the point that even Nie Huaisang, master of whining, asked him why, “sometimes it’s just - when I’m feeling really spoiled, I go back to being, y’know, like a little kid. Five, or three.”

Jiang Cheng just huffed, clearly already used to the idea, clearly acting like Wei Wuxian’s just stating the obvious, but Nie Huaisang’s eyes went wide. 

“You do?” he asked, jaw dropping open into what he knew was an unseemly sort of gaping motion, like a fish, but in his defense – “I’ve never met anyone else who does that!”

Wei Wuxian squinted at him. “‘Else’? You mean you do it too?”

“Yeah! Though I don’t go back that far – just to age seven or so.”

He was rounding up a little, but mostly seven didn’t sound as good.

“Seven’s better than three,” Jiang Cheng opined. He was sprawled out on his stomach, looking like he was contemplating taking an extra helping from their snack pile. He probably didn’t go little at all, the bastard. “You can feed yourself when you’re seven. This asshole here –” He meant Wei Wuxian. “– needs spoon-feeding.”

Wei Wuxian reached over and hit up upside the head, but didn’t deny it.

Nie Huaisang giggled. “Yeah, eating is fine,” he said. “I mostly just need a lot of hugs and stuff, to help me calm down and feel better. My da-ge gives the best hugs.”

“I think I’d be too scared to try it,” Wei Wuxian said, though he looked wistful. Even a little jealous.

He should be. Da-ge’s hugs were the best hugs.

“I know I’d be too scared,” Jiang Cheng interjected. “Even at the age I currently am.”

“Well, he’s not your da-ge, is he?” Nie Huaisang said haughtily.

“I can’t even imagine him giving hugs,” Jiang Cheng said, rolling over onto his back.  “He’s just – you know?”

“Tall? Strong? Terrifying?” Wei Wuxian suggested, then sighed. Wistful again. “I can imagine it, no problem. He must give great hugs. He’s got arms for days; it must feel so safe and secure.”

“I’ll give you the arms, I guess,” Jiang Cheng agreed, though he sounded doubtful. “I mean, he could probably pick you up.”

“Oh, definitely,” Nie Huaisang said. “Being picked up is key to a truly fantastic hug.”

Nods all around, even from Jiang Cheng.

“This is really great,” he added enthusiastically. “I didn’t think that it happened to anyone else; I thought it was just me! Da-ge’s always really strict about me not letting anyone else know…and it’s not like it’s all the time, you know? Just sometimes. When it’s safe.”

When he was feeling sick-to-his-stomach stressed, followed by a moment of sheer intense relief – and when his brother was around, of course. He couldn’t feel safe if his brother wasn’t around.

“Just sometimes,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “Just like I mostly do it when my shijie is there, she’s really comforting to. I don’t know why you’d have to keep it a secret, though. It’s not really that embarrassing.”

Jiang Cheng huffed. “Says you.”

“Da-ge’s always worried someone will try to use it against me,” Nie Huaisang confessed.

“Well, we won’t,” Jiang Cheng promised him, and Wei Wuxian nodded along as well, and really, Nie Huaisang could just start crying with how nice it felt to have people who understood.

“Maybe I’ll come find you guys next time, if you’re ever in Qinghe when it happens,” he said, wiping his eyes. “I can talk to da-ge; he can give you guys hugs, too.”

“You know who I really want hugs from?” Wei Wuxian said, a mischievous light in his eyes. “Lan Zhan! I bet he –”

“Don’t say his name! He’ll appear!”

“No, he won’t, he – oh! Uh! Hi! Lan Zhan, we were – uh…”

Lan Wangji glared at them.

Nie Huaisang tried to hide behind something, misjudged, and fell over straight onto his face.

Ouch.

“– not allowed in the Cloud Recesses!”

Da-ge’s going to kill me, he thought miserably, and stopped thinking about any of it.

He didn’t think much more about that conversation at all, in fact, not through their entire adventure with Wen Qing and the scary goddess statute, not with Xue Yang and the massacre and the battle there, not up until he made it home and they had a big banquet and everything was really great and he was home and calm and everything was fine –

Yeah, he probably should’ve been able to call what happened next.

He crawled into his brother’s bed.

“Hmm? Oh, Huaisang,” his brother said, waking up with a start and calming at the sight of him, and then he sighed. “I thought you’d started getting over this.”

“Uh-uh,” he said, even though he’d started wondering himself. It’d been a while. “Gimme a hug.”

His brother pulled him close – and truly, no one in the world gave hugs like his da-ge did. “Don’t go running around too much in the morning,” he said, already falling back asleep. “We have guests.”

Naturally, the next morning, Nie Huaisang woke up first, full of energy and pep – he was seven, after all (nearly), and they were far more excitable than either seventeen-year-olds or twenty-five-year-olds – and that’s about when he remembered that for once he didn’t have to worry about hiding away from their guests because his guests were like him. They got little, too.

“What the fuck,” Wei Wuxian shouted when Nie Huaisang jumped on his bed. “Who the fuck?!”

Nie Huaisang laughed at him. “It’s me, Wei-xiong!” he said happily, waving his arms around. His sleeves were always too long when he went little – his brother insisted that he wear something loose enough that he wouldn’t hurt himself if suddenly went big again – and it was a little funny to see Wei Wuxian from this angle; it made him all big and gangly. “I know your shijie’s not here and all, but it’s very nice; do you want to go little? If you’re five, da-ge will definitely give you a hug!”

Wei Wuxian stared at him. “Nie…Huaisang?”

His voice was wrong – all weird and strangled – and Nie Huaisang started to have that awful itchy feeling that he’d done something wrong. 

He knew it was possible, he often did the wrong thing, and he was even more liable to make mistakes when he’d regressed back to being seven than he normally did. His brother said that it wasn’t his fault, since after all having the same memories as his grown-up self didn’t actually mean that he could process all of them the same way – his brain was seven again, after all, and sometimes he couldn’t quite parse the big feelings and complex thoughts that grown-up him had - but he still felt bad about it when it happened.

It felt like he’d made a mistake now.

But he’d been so sure that his older self had talked it over with Wei Wuxian, and that Wei Wuxian had said he was like him. So why was he acting so surprised all of a sudden?

Nie Huaisang started fidgeting with his sleeves the way he did when he was anxious, his breath starting to come fast. “Wei-xiong,” he said, biting his lip. “You’re little sometimes, like me, right? You said…didn’t you say?”

“I –” Wei Wuxian started to say, then stopped and wet his lips. “Nie-xiong…er...Nie-didi...”

The door open and Nie Huaisang’s brother strode in, his face black with rage. Nie Huaisang, distressed, immediately scrambled off the bed to throw himself at him, to clutch at him and press his face into his robes as if it would hide his shame and embarrassment.

He really hadn’t meant to make such an awful mistake. He really hadn’t, honest!

“Wei-gongzi,” his brother said, voice stiff.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Wei Wuxian blurted out. His eyes were still fixed on Nie Huaisang. “I won’t, I promise – it’s not his fault. Really. When we were at the Cloud Recesses, I told him that sometimes I like to be a kid, with my shijie, and he thought – he must have thought –”

“He assumed you were not referring to merely playacting,” Nie Mingjue said. His voice was heavy, but a little less imminently violent; it was a good thing that Wei Wuxian had started by saying he wouldn’t tell.

“He’s a child,” Wei Wuxian said. His voice was awed. “He’s – he’s actually a child again. He’s small and – and cute – his cheeks are so chubby –”

Nie Huaisang could feel his brother starting to soften a little – he’d always liked it when people complimented Nie Huaisang – and he decided to press his luck, tugging on his brother’s robes and standing up high on his tip-toes in a silent plea that his brother acceded to, reaching down and picking him up in his arms. The best place in the world to be.

“I told Wei-xiong that your hugs are the best, da-ge,” he whispered in his brother’s ear, his own arms looped around his brother’s neck. “’cause they are.”

His brother sighed a little.

“He’s seven, right?” Wei Wuxian said. “He said – age seven. Is there a reason it’s seven?”

Nie Huaisang buried his face into his brother’s neck.

“When our father died,” his brother said.

“Oh,” Wei Wuxian said, and his voice was suddenly awkward. “I’m – sorry. But…how?  He’s obviously been both physically and mentally transformed, although his memories still seem intact…”

“The details aren’t important,” Nie Huaisang’s brother said firmly. “What’s important is that you understand that no one can know.”

“Of course,” Wei Wuxian said at once. “I can’t even imagine – if the Wen sect found out –”

“They can never know.”

“Never. I promise.”

“Good,” Nie Huaisang’s brother said with satisfaction. Then, a moment later, “Is there something you want to say?”

Nie Huaisang looked up to see Wei Wuxian biting his lower lip. “No,” he said. “It’s – no, it’s nothing.”

“Just say it.” Nie Huaisang’s brother had never had much time for nonsense. “You’ve seen our secrets; you can trust me that whatever you say, I won’t judge.”

Wei Wuxian still hesitated for a moment longer, but another glare from his brother got him to finally blurt out, “Could I have a hug?”

A long moment of silence, that eventually Nie Huaisang broke with a giggle. “See, da-ge,” he said. “I told you your hugs are the best!”

“Never mind,” Wei Wuxian said, his face bright red. “It’s stupid, I don’t –”

Nie Huaisang’s brother sighed, a sharp exhale, and went over to the bed, still balancing Nie Huaisang on his hip. He sat down and wrapped his other arm around Wei Wuxian, pulling him in tight. “And what do you like to be called?”

“…A-Xian,” Wei Wuxian mumbled, pressing his cheek against Nie Mingjue’s shoulder. “Call me A-Xian.”

[sincerelystranger]

not enough 9

“Why do you even like, Cangse Sanren?” Jiang Fengmian asks petulantly.

They’re in Caiyi town, winding down after Night Hunting with the Gusu Lan disciples.

Wei Changze had been perfect as ever, of course. Silently guarding all the disciples and acting as support when they came across beasts and curses. More than half the disciples had been saved by Wei Changze tonight and they probably didn’t even know it.

It always was like that.

Only Jiang Fengmian ever saw Wei Changze.

And tonight was no different. Jiang Fengmian saw Wei Changze. And he saw how he stuck needlessly close to Cangse Sanren.

The pretty, lively rogue cultivator that had recently come down from Baosen Sanren’s mountain.

The rumor was that half the cultivators who met her were in love with her and much to Jiang Fengmian’s displeasure, it looked like Wei Changze wasn’t… immune to her charms.

He looks up at Wei Changze. Wei Changze’s eyebrows are a little bit furrowed, an expression of confusion on his face.

Honestly, he looks so cute that Jiang Fengmian wants to... touch him. But he’s also annoyed that Wei Changze isn’t denying that he likes Cangse Sanren.

“Do you not like Cangse Sanren?” he asks earnestly, as if the thought of Jiang Fengmian disliking Cangse Sanren is upsetting to him.

Jiang Fengmian almost wants to roll his eyes. Almost wants to scream at the sky. Almost wants to shake Wei Changze and yell ‘you’re not allowed to like anyone other than me!’

“She’s fine,” he says instead, because doing all that would be unsightly… and also troublesome.

Wei Changze’s eyebrows lift from their slight furrow – which for Wei Changze is quite a show of emotion. “She is kind and a strong cultivator,” Wei Changze says, “We all benefited from her joining us tonight.”

“Mm,” Jiang Fengmian hums. He feels like a child. Petulant and jealous. He feels a little bit mortified at himself and embarrassed at his jealousy. Cangse Sanren is a strong cultivator. Of course Wei Changze would appreciate that.

“She is strong,” Jiang Fengmian says, “but I don’t know about kind. She lit Lan Qiren’s beard on fire as a joke. That’s not very nice, is it?”

Wei Changze lets out a short audible breath from his nose, which is as good as an outright laugh from him. “No, not nice,” he concedes. “But she is kind.”

“What’s the difference?” Jiang Fengmian asks, turning around to fully face Wei Changze. “Nice and kind – they’re like the same thing, no?”

Wei Changze doesn’t respond right away. He looks at Jiang Fengmian for a moment, a strange look in his eyes. “Similar,” he says finally, “but not the same.”

Jiang Fengmian wants to ask what Wei Changze likes more.

But he’s suddenly scared.

He does a strange thing and reaches out to touch Wei Changze – to make sure that he’s still real next to Jiang Fengmian.

Wei Changze looks down at Jiang Fengmian’s hand on his arm but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move either.

Jiang Fengmian could be brave now, he thinks.

He could.

“I’m tired,” he says instead, “I think I’ll go to bed.”

He could be brave… but it would be troublesome.

Besides, what did it matter what Wei Changze liked better? He would always be by Jiang Fengmian’s side anyways.

Always.

---

An eruption of commotion in the courtyard brings Jiang Fengmian out from his room.

The undead Wen boy is standing in the middle of the courtyard, a woman slumped over one of his shoulders and what looks like a child slumped over his other shoulder.

He stands there placidly looking at Jiang Fengmian, even as twenty disciples have their swords pointed at him.

It’s only when Jiang Cheng enters the courtyard that the Wen boy deigns to speak at all.

“Ah, Jiang-gongzi,” the Wen boy says, bowing awkwardly with the two bodies slumped lifelessly over his shoulders. “Sorry for bothering you so late.”

“What are you doing here?” Jiang Cheng says. He rushes over to the boy, signaling to the disciples to sheathe their weapons.

The disciples don’t even look to Jiang Fengmian for further confirmation before they sheathe their swords.

It seems the Jiang Cheng’s word is good enough.

“Is there a problem? Is Wei Wuxian in trouble?” Jiang Cheng asks as he takes the woman’s body from the Wen boy’s shoulder. He holds her gently and rests her head on his shoulder.

He declines when a disciple comes forward and tries to take the unconscious woman from Jiang Cheng.

The Wen boy hands the unconscious child to the disciple.

“Wei-gongzi is okay,” he says, “I’ve given him a draught that will leave him unconscious for a couple of days so he can heal, but other than that he should be fine.”

“Why are you here?” Jiang Fengmian asks, finally stepping forward. An almost tired sort of anger fills him. Why is this Wen in Lotus Pier? Why did he bring other Wens? Why didn’t he bring Wei Wuxian?

“Ah, Sect leader Jiang,” the Wen boy bows deeply. He stays bowed as he speaks. “I am going to turn myself in to the Jin Sect. I am the one who killed young master Jin. I am hoping that my life will be enough to soothe Sect leader Jin’s anger so that he will not attack Wei-gongzi.”

It’s a heroic act.

Self-sacrificing.

It’s a wonder why Jiang Fengmian’s heart isn’t moved by it at all.

“Then go to Koi tower,” he responds coldly, “Why are you here wasting time?”

The undead boy stays bowed.

“My sister and my nephew were injured by Jin-gongzi,” he says, “I fear that they will not be able to get better at the Burial Mounds. I know that this is too much to ask, but if they could stay here just a while. If they could just stay here, long enough to recover from their injuries… This would be my final request.”

Of course there would be a catch.

“And if I refuse?” he asks, “Will you stay in the Burial Mounds instead of going to Koi tower?”

“Father!” Jiang Cheng exclaims. He tightens his hold on the woman’s body. Holds her even closer.

Jiang Fengmian had thought that Jiang Cheng had been going to the Burial Mounds because of Wei Wuxian. Never in his life had he thought that Jiang Cheng might have been going to the Burial Mounds because of… love? Affection?

“What?” Jiang Fengmian asks sharply. He’s still sore from how Jiang Cheng had dragged him out of the Burial Mounds. How Jiang Cheng had defied him so brazenly. “What do you have to say to your sect leader, Jiang Cheng?”

Jiang Cheng looks at him with fire in his eyes.

Jiang Fengmian can see the way his jaw clenches. The way he visibly steels his resolve.

Undoubtedly Jiang Cheng will defy him again.

Jiang Fengmian is so tired.

He’s already lost a son and he’s in danger of losing a son again.

But maybe this son is also already lost to him.

After all, isn’t that Jiang Fengmian’s problem? He never knows when he’s lost someone until it’s too late to do anything about it.

“I will go to Koi tower either way,” the Wen boy says, interrupting Jiang Cheng and Jiang Fengmian’s silent stand-off. “My life right now is a gift given to me by Wei-gongzi. If returning this gift can spare him any more pain, I will do it happily.” He bows even deeper then. “But if I can make this selfish request – if my sister and nephew can be allowed to recover comfortably – I would die with no regrets.”

It’s then that Jiang Fengmian realizes why his heart isn’t moved at all by thie Wen boy.

His heart can’t be moved because it’s too deeply steeped in shame.

He looks at the boy bowed deeply before him.

He looks at his son still staring defiantly up at him.

“Take them to the healer’s quarters,” he says finally.

Jiang Cheng nods quickly. “Thank you, father,” he murmurs as he walks past Jiang Fengmian.

“Thank you, sect leader Jiang!” the Wen boy shouts, bowing even deeper. “Thank you.”

Jiang Fengmian can’t stand to look at him anymore. He can’t stand to even be in his presence. It fills him with so much shame that he can’t even breathe. He wants to cut himself open and walk out of his body. He wishes he was someone else. Someone braver.

He’s done nothing and he’s being thanked.

It disgusts him.

His wife is standing in the shadows as he walks back towards his room.

“Why are you protecting the Wens now?” she asks, and it’s cruel question, but there’s no malice in her voice. Somehow she sounds almost as tired as Jiang Fengmian feels.

“You saw Jiang Cheng,” Jiang Fengmian answers quietly, “He would not take no for an answer.”

She turns to him then, and her face is shadowed. He can’t make out what expression is on her face, but he assumes it must be disgust.

He’s disgusted with himself too, after all.

“I always dreamed about the day Jiang Cheng would outgrow you,” she says, “But I never imagined I’d find you so pitiful.”

It’s almost enough to shock laughter out Jiang Fengmian – but he’s too tired to laugh.

Too tired and too ashamed.

He gives her a weak smile instead. “It’s a wonder you only find me pitiful now,” he says. He’s always been pitiful. Always been pathetic.

Making the wrong decisions. Choosing peace over happiness. Running away from troublesome things.

Losing.

Losing.

Losing.

“Don’t sound so sorry for yourself,” his wife says, “Aren’t you the one who said a good parent raises children who are better than them?”

She steps into the light then, and it’s the first time he can see her face.

Her tone is sharp and her words are mean but…

But the look on her face is…

She’s the only one who’s ever fought to stay by Jiang Fengmian’s side.

It’s the act of a desperate man, and it’s so much less than what she deserves, but he walks over to her and embraces her.

She’s stiff in his arms.

“What--?” she starts, “Have you finally gone insane? People will—“

“Didn’t you say you pitied me?” he asks, resting his cheek on her head, “Just a little while. Just…”

And she stays stiff in his arms but she doesn’t move.

They stay like that a long while.

Until Jiang Fengmian can muster enough courage to stand himself. Until his disgust loses the knife sharp edge. Until his shame ebbs enough so he can breathe a little.

And his wife.

His wife stands there and endures it with him.

[thebiscuiteternal]

“Introductions” Reverse Nies, First Meetings, New Jobs, Brotherly Ribbing, Nie Mingjue Is A Brat, Nie Huaisang Stress Cooks, Meng Yao Absolutely Does Not Have A New Crush

__________

In the not quite a week since he has met the younger man, Meng Yao has learned that outside of the battlefield, Nie Mingjue is surprisingly quiet. True, his voice tends to roar when he uses it, but he doesn’t actually use it that often unless provoked either by particularly good circumstances or particularly bad.

After reading the reports Meng Yao had painstakingly compiled for him, the younger man had nodded, seemingly to himself, then stood up and headed for the horse pens, beckoning him to follow. “This is high quality work. My older brother will love you,” he had said then, earnest and concise in the praise.

However, that was almost a full day ago, and the general has said very little since except to send off a message that he couldn’t glean the contents of.

Oddly, Meng Yao finds he doesn't mind the quiet, but his curiosity finally gets the better of him once they are within sight of the Unclean Realms. "What is your brother like?" he asks. He has developed a general idea of the sect from observing its soldiers and cultivators, but he honestly has heard very little about Nie Huaisang, the man who runs it, most of the gossip steadfastly remaining centered around Nie Mingjue himself.

Nie Mingjue snorts, looking amused. "You'll see."

That sounds... vaguely ominous.

Servants meet them to take the horses, and he mentally takes note of how uncomfortable and fidgety the two men seem to be.

Nie Mingjue's good humor vanishes when he also notices. "Is he in the kitchens again?"

One of the stablehands nods. "Tai-zongzhu arrived unannounced just after dawn this morning and Nie-zongzhu entered the secondary kitchen shortly after his departure."

“When was that?”

“A little after chen shi.”

"Ah, shit," Nie Mingjue mutters, scratching the back of his neck. "I'll check on him."

"Thank you, young master."

Meng Yao eyes the younger man as they head towards one of the buildings. "What’s going on? Is there something I should be worried about… like food poisoning?"

Or regular poisoning.

One can never be too sure.

"Ha! No, no, Sang-ge can cook just fine. The problem is that he only ever does it when he's... upset."

He has seen some terrors of the kitchen, but the sight that meets them when they enter still gives him pause. Several fully broken down carcasses -sheep or goats, by the look of the skulls- are neatly arranged in separate piles on the massive main table: meat, bones, hides, offal. A series of buckets are carefully placed for catching the drain off. And in the midst of it all, spattered in blood and busy with a series of knives, is a single man of about the same size as him dressed in plain linens with his hair tied in a severe bun.

"Must've been a hell of a meeting if you couldn't come greet me," Nie Mingjue calls across the room.

The stranger's head shoots up from his work, demeanor immediately brightening. "Jue-er!"

Meng Yao stares as the man -no, wait, Nie-zongzhu- barely takes the time to wipe his hands and wrestle out of the linen overcoat before rushing to hug his younger brother. He still has dried blood swiped across his face, likely from a careless attempt to get errant hair out of his eyes, but neither of them seem to notice, nor care as Nie Mingjue scoops the smaller figure into a bear-like hug.

It is... an interesting look, combined with those facial features.

Quite interesting indeed.

"You can tell me who you were imagining the mutton as later," Nie Mingjue says, putting the other man down. "I've brought you someone."

"Is that so-oh, hello!"

Meng Yao suddenly finds himself the focus of very green eyes, and swallows hard.

"This is Meng Yao, the one I wrote ahead about.” A large hand claps him on the back and the wince that escapes before he can school his expression back to neutrality causes Nie-zongzhu to snicker in a way that absolutely shouldn’t be as cute as it is.

“Jue-er, be nice! He’s not used to that like I am.”

He really should bow. The fact that he hasn't done it already is an insult. And yet the best he can manage is a short nod before he suddenly finds his hands clasped in a tight -and still very slightly bloody- grip and oh, Nie-zongzhu's welcoming grin is even brighter up close.

"And gods, am I glad to meet you! If you can do even half of what Jue-er said you can, you're now my best friend."

“Don’t accept that as a compliment until you see the disaster area he calls an office.”

Nie-zongzhu actually rolls his eyes at his brother. “Just because you can’t find anything in there-”

“It looks like a typhoon went through! Followed by an entire sounder of wild boars!”

This is clearly a very, very old argument, and he’s not sure how he feels about the fact that they’re letting him so freely witness it.

Or the fact that Nie-zongzhu seems to have forgotten he’s still holding Meng Yao’s hands. “Um, could you-”

“Hm?” The other man looks down, then lets go with an embarrassed expression. “Aha, sorry about that. I sometimes forget formality around family.”

“That’s an understatement,” Nie Mingjue mutters, then promptly gets elbowed in the ribs for it.

“Hush, you brat. Anyway, give me just a moment to get this all sorted out,” Nie-zongzhu says, returning to the table and scooping up the outer robe he had been using to cover his clothing. “Then I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

“I can do that. Having some unpacking time will let him brace himself for the paper-filled hellhole.” Nie Mingjue ducks a thrown talus bone and shoots his older brother an unrepentant smirk.

“Insufferable menace. I take back every thought I ever had about missing you,” Nie-zongzhu grumbles as he tosses the robe back on. “Fine, get out of here.”

“As my sect leader commands.”

Meng Yao is still slightly dazed by… all of that as Nie Mingjue grabs him by the shoulder and guides him out towards the main building. “Is… is it always like that with you two?”

“Pretty much.”

“Even around the rest of the sect?”

Nie Mingjue’s grin is sharper than his brother’s, but their family resemblance has never been more clear than in that moment. “You’ll get used to it if you stick around.”

Similar to the ‘You’ll see’ from earlier, Meng Yao isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to take that as encouragement or a threat.

---

It takes him longer to marvel at his new home -the bed alone probably costs more than he has ever made in his life- than it does to unpack what few things he has brought, and yet when he returns to the second kitchen, the mess from earlier has already been cleaned up and Nie-zongzhu is attacking vegetables with the same efficient gusto he had been using on the mutton earlier.

“Come sit!” he calls cheerily when he notices Meng Yao hovering by the door.

Meng Yao eyes the knife movements a little dubiously, but edges towards a chair. “What are you making?”

Nie-zongzhu nods to the massive pot gently bubbling on a fire behind him. “Lucky for me, Zhou Lian and her daughter made a good-sized batch of fresh noodles this morning while I was in here, so I’ve started stew.” He scoops up a pile of diced cabbage and almost idly tosses it in without even looking at the pot. “Is your room alright? Anything I need to change?”

“It’s-” overwhelming “-fine. You have an eye for decor.”

“At least you appreciate it. Jue-er would sleep on a rock if I let him.”

Meng Yao has to bite his tongue to keep from snorting, because Nie Mingjue has been doing almost exactly that in the camps. “Where did he go, anyway?” he asks, resting his chin in his hands. “I thought you two would have stitched yourselves to each other’s sides by now.”

He doesn’t mean to speak so casually. It just slips out, lulled by the air of easy sociability that seems to surround Nie-zongzhu. When he realizes what he has said, and to a sect leader, he chokes slightly and straightens up with the intent to apologize, but Nie-zongzhu just laughs.

It’s a nice laugh.

“If it doesn’t involve butchery, you couldn’t pay him to hang around in the kitchens,” the older man says, moving on to a pile of mushrooms. “He’s already gone out to terrorize the training fields until dinner. You’re welcome to join him if you like, I’m sure he’d be happy to throw a sword at you.”

“That sounds tempting,” Meng Yao says, and though he’s not entirely being sarcastic, it earns him another laugh. “But since assisting you is now my assignment, would it be alright if I stayed here and asked a few questions instead? I would like to be prepared in order to perform to the best of my ability.”

“Oh, of course, of course.” Nie-zongzhu makes an offhand gesture with the blade he’s using, and Meng Yao mentally notes how the movement is more suited to holding, say, a fan than a knife. At least they’re a safe distance apart. “Ask away.”

“One of the servants mentioned an incident with a minor sect leader this morning-”

“Ah. That.” The mushrooms go into the pot and Nie-zongzhu sighs. “Honestly, the whole mess isn’t really his fault, since it’s not like he can control the weather nor how the Wens react to it, and I’ve already thought of some possible solutions. I just needed to burn off the irritation first. Could you pass me the onions?”

Meng Yao obligingly gets up to fetch them. “That’s understandable. Is there anything that I could do to help smooth the situation out?”

When he turns back around, the small basket in hand, Nie-zongzhu is looking away at the stew pot and absently tapping his nails against his lower lip in thought.

He forcibly pulls his gaze away from the motion and looks at the basket instead as he sets it down. “Zongzhu?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry. Actually, Jue-er mentioned transferring reports to maps as one of your strong suits. The maps Tai-zongzhu brought aren’t bad , but the storm damage has already outdated them. If you don’t mind, perhaps you could help me figure out a better picture of what we’re dealing with? After dinner, of course.”

A potentially challenging, yet surprisingly simple request, tailored to his abilities, with an opening that he could refuse and ask for a different task if he so chose. Considering the last few weeks of being ordered about on the worst of menial jobs, it’s a refreshing change of pace.

Much like his new employer, actually.

“Of course,” he agrees, and the smile on his face is genuine.

[danijimenezv]

Amiga! These questions are bit different:

Not Yet Wed Questions

Note: Great Scott! This week, we are going back in time to MC’s intern year. Think of Ethan’s relationship with them at this point and answer the following questions accordingly. It is entirely up to you when in year 1 this takes place (pre/post Miami, pre/post CH 15, etc). Feel free to answer with dialogue or pictures or both :) Have fun!

No worries. All of this is off the record and HR will never know!

The setting for this answers is:

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Three people at work your coworker hates?

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

(Bonus round! Feel free to skip.)

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

had a fistfight

been kicked out of a bar

gotten a tattoo

broken someone’s heart

been in love

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Last thing he texted you?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Last thing she texted you?

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Amiga these are genius dksaldnafjcsajd I am in love with this! The angst and longing from Book 1 is just delicious

Not Yet Wed Questions

The setting for this answers is: Post Miami, but before he quit.

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought __________

Jill: Wow.

Ethan: Care to clarify?

Jill: *blushes* Well, the first time I saw you was taking control of a medical emergency. It was amazing, and I was a bit awestruck. Of course, right after that, I thought that you were a handsome asshole.

Ethan: Of course.

Jill: …You’re not answering?

Ethan: I don’t feel like answering.

Jill: Okay, that’s either really good or really bad.

Ethan: You’re going to let it get to your head.

Jill: Really? Well now I’m intrigued. Do tell, Dr. Ramsey.

Ethan: I thought you were proficient.

Jill: Proficient? Seriously?

Ethan: You were just an intern on your first day, and you still jumped into action when a woman needed help. It was… not what I expected.

Jill: *grins smugly* So you were just as awestruck, is that what you’re saying?

Ethan: That’s not what I said.

Jill: It’s what I heard.

Ethan: I knew you would let it get to your head.

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Both: Fuck. *laugh*

Jill: Dr. Ramsey doesn’t regularly curse out loud, instead you can see the intention written all over his face. But I have caught him saying “fuck” a few times.

Ethan: On the other hand, Dr. Valentine curses like a sailor. Even for the smallest of things, you can hear her whispering “fuck” under her breath.

Jill: He also uses “goddammit” and “Christ” a lot.

Ethan: And when it’s not a situation, but a person, she uses “fucker”.

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Jill: Deep blue.

Ethan: Whiskey.

Jill: You know, I feel honored to be compared to whiskey. I know how much you value it.

Ethan: *stutters and blushes* What? I-I don’t… It wasn’t like that.

Jill: *smirks* Suuuuure.

Three people at work your coworker hates?

Jill: That’s a hard one.

Ethan: You’re exaggerating.

Jill: I’m not. You hate a lot of people.

Ethan: Hate is an overdramatic word.

Jill: Well, okay, then you strongly dislike a lot of people.

Ethan: Closer.

Jill: Does Nash count as coworker now that he has a deal with the team?

Ethan: Unfortunately.

Jill: Okay, so first Nash, and then in no particular order Dr. Cyrus, Dr. Wen, Dr. Toussaint…

Ethan: Those are more than three.

Jill: And I can keep going. Dr. Mirrielees, Dr. Rosario… June? I don’t know her personally, but I heard you complain about her the other day, so…

Ethan: Eavesdropping again, were you?

Jill: Never, just passing by and paying attention to my surroundings, like a good diagnostician should.

Ethan: Right. You forgot yourself.

Jill: Uh-uh, you don’t fool me. I’m possibly one of the few interns you tolerate.

Ethan: *sighs but doesn’t deny it* Round it up, Rookie. No point stretching out the answer.

Jill: Okay, fine. I guess mainly Nash, Cyrus, and Wen. And also probably some intern, or a handful of them. Not including me, obviously.

Ethan: Hrm, I think the most annoying of them is your partner on the Knoblauch case. The squirmy one.

Jill: Landry? Really? I admit he can get a bit annoying at times, but he’s just really nervous around you.

Ethan: Well, I don’t like him.

Jill: Your turn to answer.

Ethan: I would go with Nash as well, but other than that, I don’t think you hate any other coworker. Dr. Valentine seems to get along with everyone, it’s… disconcerting.

Jill: It’s called being a people person. But I do find Dr. Cyrus and Dr. Lozoya irritating. Don’t tell them, though.

Ethan: I do believe, however, that I made it to that list at some point.

Jill: What makes you say that?

Ethan: Your impertinence and constant point to defy me.

Jill: I defy you because I can. That doesn’t mean I hate you.

*Ethan is stunned into silence*

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

Ethan: She sometimes snorts when she laughs.

Jill: Oh my God, you’ve heard that?!

Ethan: What’s wrong with that?

Jill: That’s not endearing, that’s embarrassing!

Ethan: She also scrunches up her nose or bites her lip when she’s too focused on something. It’s cute.

Jill: *stares at him with wide eyes* You think I’m cute?

Ethan: I think your quirks are cute.

Jill: Right… Dr. Ramsey places a finger on his temple, either when he’s deep in thought or when he’s fighting the urge to strangle someone, usually an intern. He also pinches the bridge of his nose a lot, especially when he’s annoyed.

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

*They stare at each other pointedly, and then look away, blushing.*

Jill: *clears her throat* I don’t do crushes.

Ethan: *raises an eyebrow in challenge* Lahela?

Jill: Not a crush.

Ethan: Then what was he, exactly?

Jill: Friend with benefits.

Ethan: *chokes up* Christ…

Jill: Well, you asked!

Ethan: Is he still?

Jill: No, not anymore. Not since before… you know…

Ethan: Ah… *looks away*

Jill: Anyway… I would say your crush is probably Chief Emery. Or, well, me.

Ethan: *in a warning tone* Jillian.

Jill: What? Bree said this was off the record. Someone has to acknowledge what happened, and you’re clearly not going to, so might as well be me.

*Ethan looks down regretfully*

Never have I ever

Jill: Ohhh, I love this game! And look, we even got paddles with I have/I have never.

Ethan: What are we, in high school?

Jill: Would you rather do it with drinks? During work hours?

Ethan: *sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose* Let’s get this over with.

Jill: Knew it.

come into work hungover

*Both raise the ‘I have never’ paddle.*

Ethan: I admit, I was not expecting that.

Jill: You just have to think the worse of me always, don’t you?

Ethan: Speaking as someone that saw you party up at Donahue’s the night after your first shift, yes.

Jill: Okay, fair, but I have an advantage over the rest of people.

Ethan: Which is?

Jill: Genetically speaking, the Valentines don’t get hangovers.

Ethan: You say that now because you’re young.

Jill: My brother is not, and he still doesn’t know what having a hangover is like. And we’ve obviously tried it out.

Ethan: Okay, I’ll concede. That’s an unfair advantage.

*Jill grins widely and winks*

had a fistfight

*Ethan lifts the ‘I have never’ paddle*

Jill: Liar. You told me you punched Nash.

Ethan: For it to be a fight, the counterpart has to actually throw a punch as well. Nash never got the chance.

Jill: Okay, then I never have either.

Ethan: *blinks in surprise* You’ve punched someone?

Jill: A kid at school bullied my little sister once.

Ethan: Once?

Jill: Yes. I gave him a black eye, and he never dared to say anything else about Ivy.

Ethan: How heroic.

Jill: *shrugs* My sister was mortified, as the delicate princess she is, but I think it was worth it.

Ethan: It’s a little hard to imagine, given your height.

Jill: The smallest are always the feistiest ones. We’re like Chihuahuas.

been kicked out of a bar

*The two of them raise the ‘I have’ paddle*

Jill: You?

Ethan: A friend of mine from med school got a little carried away. What about you?

Jill: I was busted with a fake I.D.

Ethan: You went to a bar when you were underage?

Jill: Does it make it better if I say I wasn’t drinking?

Ethan: Why else would you go to a bar?

Jill: It was initiation week at Léman Prep.

Ethan: *blinks several times in confusion* I’ll pretend to know what you’re talking about.

Jill: Well, you know how high school was like. If I hadn’t done that, they would’ve eaten me alive. It was survival 101.

Ethan: What happened afterwards?

Jill: I made the headlines, and my grandparents had to pay a shit ton of money and pull a lot of strings to bury the scandal. And I got the biggest lecture and grounding of my life.

gotten a tattoo

*Both show the ‘I have never’ paddle*

Ethan: It’s not my thing.

Jill: Neither is mine.

broken someone’s heart

Jill: I have. My older sister nicknamed me ‘heartbreaker’ during my high school years.

Ethan: And you say this proudly?

Jill: I’m not proud of it, I’m just saying it how it is. I’ve always been clear with people about what I want and what I don’t. I don’t lead them on with false promises, but a few of them tried to change my mind, unsuccessfully.

Ethan: Well, I don’t think I have.

*Ethan lifts the ‘I have never’ paddle. Immediately, Jillian takes it from him and switches it for the ‘I have’ paddle. She doesn’t say anything else, just looks away, pained, and Ethan just stares at her aghast.*

been in love

*Both choose the ‘I have never’*

Ethan: I don’t believe in being in love.

Jill: I do, but I don’t think it’s for me. I had to watch my older sister almost lose herself from the heartbreak it brought her, and I don’t want that…

For Jillian (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Jill: Professionally speaking, I see him still at Edenbrook, running the diagnostics team. He’s really committed to the team’s vision, helping those who have nowhere else to go. Probably with a new book out and a lot more of research published as well. He’s brilliant like that. Personally… I think he’s too self-sabotaging to actually achieve something in that area. Although, I don’t rule out the possibility of Dr. Ramsey rekindling his romance with Chief Emery. I’ve seen the way they look at each other, and I’m no idiot, something is still there… Either way, I do hope he finds someone that makes him happy. He’s a great man, and he certainly deserves it.

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Jill: I want to say his intelligence, but it’s actually his heart. Underneath all that grumpiness and mean remarks, he actually has a heart of gold, so full of compassion. He cares so much about his patients, and even about interns under his supervision. He goes out of his way for them, and that tells a lot about the kind of man he is.

Last thing he texted you?

Jill: “Dr. Valentine, the results we were waiting on are out. Please make your way to my office. I need another perspective, in case I missed something.” Always so formal.

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

Jill: *chuckles bitterly* He wouldn’t… ask me out, I mean. Ethan is a man with a serious black and white view of the world, including his moral stand. I already tried to climb the walls he set around himself, and I ended up falling flat on my ass. So I don’t think it would ever happen. If, miraculously, he hit his head, forgot about his current dilemma and asked me out on a date… I’d say yes, in a heartbeat. But I don’t think that’s in the cards.

For Ethan (Jillian is not there)

Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in her personal life?)

Ethan: Professionally, I see Dr. Valentine surpassing just about any doctor. She’s one of the brightest minds I’ve seen, so it wouldn’t be hard to picture her becoming a big name in medicine. I hope she’ll be in the Diagnostics Team at Edenbrook, but she could land anywhere and still have a successful career, wherever she’ll go. Probably with a book written and research published, maybe even winning awards. She’s that great. Personally, still close with her friends. On the romantic front, I’m not sure… From what I’ve seen, Jillian is not one to settle down. I’ve seen her rejecting good relationship prospects without so much as a second glance, and I’ve heard around that she doesn’t want to commit to anyone… which is good for her, because that means she won’t allow her personal life to interfere with her professional success. Though, I do wish she finds someone that makes her happy, someone worthy of her, that can give her everything she wants and deserves. I hope she finds exactly what she’s looking for.

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Ethan: She’s not listening, is she…? *runs a hand over his face in frustration* I know I’m not supposed to, but I find everything about her attractive, from her physical looks to her intelligence, ambition and compassion. But mainly, I think it would be her charm. I know most men would say the same thing, it’s her signature, but the way she carries herself with confidence and charisma, without truly realizing the effect she has on everyone else… She’s witty and flirty, and warm, and… just herself.

Last thing she texted you?

Ethan: “I doubt you missed anything, but I’ll be right there.”

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Ethan: I know for a fact that she wouldn’t ask that. Like I said before, Jillian Valentine is not one to date. Off the record and hypothetically speaking, if our situation was different, I would say yes, without a doubt. Even if I don’t deserve her, even if I’m not worthy of her, I know she’s an incredible woman, and I’d be lucky if she decided she wanted to be with me. But I know better, that’s all hypothetical. In reality, she’s still an intern, running for a spot in my team. Not only would it be unethical and inappropriate, but it also would be damaging to her career and her reputation. She’s worked too hard to get exactly where she is, and I care too much about her to hurt her like that, so it’d be a no.

Tags: @jamespotterthefirst, @takeharryandgo, @aestheticartsx, @choicesfanaf, @fireycookie, @liaromancewriter, @trappedinfanfiction, @tsrookie, @genevievemd, @lucy-268, @writinghereandthere, @queencarb, @gryffindordaughterofathena, @ohchoices, @anntoldst0ries, @bluebellot, @schnitzelbutterfingers, @mysticaurathings, @iemcpbchoices, @itsjustamesshonestly, @shanzay44, @lsdw-blog, @heauxplesslydevoted, @starryeyedrookie, @casey-v​, @mercury84choices, @chaoticchopshopheart, @quixoticdreamer16

[spaceskam]

rest in my arms, sleep in my bed

Summary: Jiang Cheng goes to Qinghe before a snow storm.

Tags: post-canon, fluff, implied sexual content, morning after

ao3

Nie Huaisang was a selfish man and he was willing to admit it.

Many things he’d done in his life were born of selfish desires and he was happiest at his most selfish. His disciples seemed to understand that and seemed to be content with it, though a part of that selfishness was making sure they were good, taken care of disciples and therefore it worked in their benefit. He couldn’t risk having shitty people that he was required to trust and rely on‒that would not be happening again.

Still, that selfishness had also led to him doing exhiliratingly dumb things like dragging Sandu Shengshou into his bed. It was absolutely a dangerous prospect and could’ve very easily gotten him killed or at least a few broken bones, but Nie Huaisang apparently had caught him at a good‒or bad, depending on how you looked at it‒time and he needed someone to go a little wild on who would also pet his head and call him embarrassing pet names just to see how red he could get.

That was a while ago now, though, and they’d fallen into a nice pattern of not seeing each other for months on end and then showing up when they needed a day of pretending they weren’t sect leaders with someone who was just as fucked up and unqualified as they were. It was pretty effective and gave Nie Huaisang a large amount of time and space to wallow in self-loathing. Granted, he was pretty sure Jiang Cheng did something like that too, so they were basically fated at this point.

Last night, however, the idiot himself had flown to Qinghe and stupidly misunderstood how weather worked. Nie Huaisang’s functioning theory was that he was so angry that he didn’t feel the cold because as soon as they banged it out and he got some fucking rest for what was probably the first time in a week, he was freezing. Nie Huaisang had wrapped him up in the thickest blankets he could find and cooed at the way he burrowed into them like an adorably angry baby.

Sometime during the night it only escalated and snowed so hard Nie Huaisang was beginning to think they might have to send a quick letter to Lotus Pier to let them know their fearless and highly feared sect leader was incapacitated by way of being scared of the weather.

“Fuck this fucking white shit,” Jiang Cheng grumbled in his heap of blankets on Nie Huaisang’s bed. It was usually made by now so it was slightly annoying that it wasn’t, but he could excuse it. For today, at least. Extenuating circumstances.

“Does it not snow in Lotus Pier?” Nie Huaisang mused from where he sat cross-legged on the other side of the bed. He had ink grinded and was working his way through a painting, one of a pretty tree in the snow. Part of him wanted to paint in Jiang Cheng pouting under said tree, but he assumed that would go as well as that time he painted Da-ge smiling with a flower. “Does it not get cold?”

“It does,” Jiang Cheng said, sounding like an absolute child from inside his pile, “But not like this! This is torture. Inhumane. Wrong. Lotus Pier gets, like, windy. A bit snowy, sometimes, yes, but fuck all of this shit.”

“You’re such a baby.”

“You are not allowed to talk to me like that!” Jiang Cheng snapped, but he didn’t move from his blankets and therefore it meant nothing. Truthfully, even if he had, it wouldn’t have meant anything. Jiang Cheng was just like that. It was part of why Nie Huaisang liked him so much.

“Seriously, this is nothing. You should come when it gets too cold to snow.”

“ Too cold to snow?” Jiang Cheng repeated, absolute disbelief and horror in his voice. Nie Huaisang found himself smiling.

“Darling, you’re adorable when you don’t know things.”

“Says the Headshaker,” he grumbled.

Nie Huaisang huffed a laugh and carefully put his ink and painting on his bedside table that existed solely for a place to put nightly paintings and ink. Once it was settled, he crawled back over to the lump of blankets and draped himself over it.

“If you’re truly that cold, I can think of a few ways to warm you up,” he said. Jiang Cheng grunted in disdain because he thought he needed to be manly and Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes.

“No offense, but I’m too cold for that. I’m pretty sure my dick has climbed into my body,” he said. Nie Huaisang rolled onto the other side of the mass of blankets, sliding his hand beneath them. “If your hand is cold, I’m going to fucking‒ Fuck! Why do you feel like ice?! What is wrong with you?! Are you even human?!”

Nie Huaisang laughed and dug under the blankets more to press his cold fingers into his skin. That was another reason that he liked Jiang Cheng so much. He made him laugh. That was something he hadn’t done earnestly in well over a decade.

“ Stop, ” Jiang Cheng whined, finally letting his stupid facade drop. Nie Huaisang felt motivated by it and started to make his way into Jiang Cheng’s blanket heap. “You’re so cold, what the fuck, you’re letting the cold air in!”

“You’re a cultivator, aren’t you warm naturally? Your core is so strong, can't you just get over it?” Nie Huaisang asked, easily slipping his foot to press against the back of Jiang Cheng’s thighs. He jumped and half-assed swatting at his leg. Nie Huaisang hooked his leg around him and pulled himself in. “Here, you big baby, I’ll tuck you in.”

He took a second to seal off any passageways into the blanket heap, closing them in together. Once he settled, he got a good look at Jiang Cheng’s pouty little face in the darkness of the blankets. Somehow, he still seemed to be glowing. As much as Nie Huaisang never cared to grow his own core, he couldn’t deny that it helped create some breathtaking men. That in itself was a gift.

“Do I need to get one of my disciples to take you back to Lotus Pier?” he asked. Jiang Cheng’s eyes slowly slipped across his face and then down between them where they were pressed together, more or less. Nie Huaisang raised an eyebrow and waited for him to meet his eyes again. “Well? Do I?”

“I don’t need help. ”

“Yes, but it isn’t safe to fly on your sword in this,” he pointed out, “And it definitely isn’t safe to travel on foot alone. I don’t care how known and powerful you are.”

“What,” Jiang Cheng said, voice a bit quiet, “Are you actually worried about me?”

Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes again. “Imagine the kind of attention we’d get if you died in the middle of nowhere from exposure and the last place you’d been was the Unclean Realm. I do not want to deal with your brother or either of your nephews, thank you very much.”

Jiang Cheng stared at him, eyes still squinted like he was trying to read him. Fortunately, that was something he’d been notoriously bad at for his entire life. It was a good thing that he was pretty and strong.

“You know, you’ve gotten pretty lucky that you’ve basically got your foot in every other major sect. You’re running YunmengJiang, your nephew runs LanlingJin, your other nephew is the last living QishanWen, your brother is shacking up with an important member of GusuLan, and you’re shacking up with the man running QingheNie. Look at you, making connections by chance,” Nie Huaisang said, patting him on the chest. Jiang Cheng blinked three times in succession.

“How did you know about Lan Sizhui being a Wen?” he asked, “I didn’t tell you that and surely Wei Wuxian didn’t.”

Nie Huaisang huffed a laugh and pushed further into Jiang Cheng’s space until they were nose to nose, twirling his hair around his finger. He was so dumb and so, so cute. Nie Huaisang should've taken advantage of him when they were young.

“Darling, when will you learn I know everything?”

Jiang Cheng scoffed, but he didn’t push him away. Instead, his hand pressed against his back and pulled him in tightly.

“No wonder you and Wei Wuxian get on so well. You’re both know-it-all assholes,” he said. 

Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes and poked him in the chest, deciding not to comment. He and Wei Wuxian got on so well because they knew different, complementary things. But it was less that they got along and more that they could respect each other for that‒and that they both knew what the other was capable of even if they didn’t know the specifics. That was enough to keep distance.

Jiang Cheng didn’t need to know that if he didn’t already.

“Ah, would you like me to get him to come here and lead you back? I bet he’d love that,” Nie Huaisang said. Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes at him all over again.

“Asshole.”

“Mm, quite.”

Jiang Cheng made a little mocking noise and paired it with his hand carefully combing back Nie Huaisang’s hair. He was sure he looked a mess with all the blankets, but he could handle that later.

“How long will it snow for?” Jiang Cheng asked.

“Alright, when I said I knew everything, I didn’t mean I could predict the weather,” Nie Huaisang scoffed. Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes and gently flicked the base of his spine. Chills shot all the way up to his neck. “My guess would be it’ll stop by this evening, probably.”

“Then I will stay until the morning,” Jiang Cheng decided. Nie Huaisang raised an eyebrow.

“Really? You’re just going to invite yourself to stay another night? How hospitable of you, Jiang Wanyin,” he said. Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes and then gripped him a bit tighter before rolling him onto his back and placing himself on top of him. Nie Huaisang gave a mocking, “Stop it, you’ll let the cold air in!” 

“Didn’t you offer to warm me up earlier? Has that offer been retracted?” he asked, lowering himself down until Nie Huaisang could feel his breath on his lips. 

“Of course not, I have no intention to let my guest suffer.”

“Asshole,” Jiang Cheng said, but his voice was soft and he was smiling.

“Baby,” Nie Huaisang accused right back, but he was grinning all the same.

Jiang Cheng kissed him then, a way to silence him and a way to get warm all the same. And he would be staying another night, officially the longest they’d spent time together since this whole tryst began.

And perhaps Nie Huaisang wouldn’t be able to wait another handful of months before doing this again.

[bettydice]

the intrinsic intimacy of staring at your opponent through the net and wanting her to absolutely rail you

wlw Wangxian, E-Rated, Modern AU - Volleyball Rivals, cisswap

Read on AO3

“I think Lan Zhan could rip the ball in half, if she wanted to.”

“Mhmmrmmm mhhnannm,” Jiang Cheng groaned into his pillow. Wei Ying knew he was disagreeing with her but chose to ignore it.

“If she’s really angry… she could… just grab it and…” Wei Ying shuddered and pressed her hands against her flushed cheeks. The Yiling Demons were playing against the Gusu Clouds the next day and she was unreasonably nervous. It certainly would not be the first time they’d play against each other, nor would it be the last. No reason to be nervous, right? “Just absolutely destroy it.”

Jiang Cheng groaned again, then sat up in his bed and glared at her, hair sticking out in all directions. “Why? It’s in the middle of the fucking night! Go to bed and leave me alone!”

Wei Ying ignored him, just stared at him from where she was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, gnawing her thumb. “She could rip me in half. Have you seen how mad she was last game? I bet she wanted to…” Wei Ying swallowed thickly as she remembered the furious look Lan Zhan had sent her way through the net. Not just a look. Looks. Plural. The entire game. “Annihilate me.”

“And why is this a problem now, at 2 a.m.? She always looks at you that way.” Jiang Cheng threw his pillow at her, but Wei Ying caught it easily, then threw it back at him, hitting him in the face.

“Cute that you thought you could catch me, star volleyball player Wei Ying of the Yiling Demons, by surprise,” Wei Ying cackled while Jiang Cheng cursed under his breath and slammed the pillow down next to him.

“Exactly,” he grumbled. “Then why are you so worried you have to disturb my hard-earned sleep?”

“It’s just… an important game. That’s all.” Wei Ying was gnawing on her thumb again.

“Stop that, do you want it to bleed again?” Jiang Cheng slapped her hand away. “And it’s a friendly match for charity. Just go the fuck to sleep.”

“I need to play well so we raise a lot of money! I don’t want to be responsible for the library not being able to expand! Can you imagine the shame? Lan Zhan really would rip me in half then, she loves books.”

“How do you even know that? ... Don’t tell me. I know you’re obsessed with her.” Jiang Cheng snorted, adjusted his pillow and lied back down. “Now fuck off. Go to bed. You’ll play well tomorrow, you always do.”

“I’m not obsessed with Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying yelled indignantly, but Jiang Cheng only pulled his blanket over his head. Wei Ying stared at his back for a few seconds, outraged. Then, when he made no sign of saying anything else, she huffed and went back to her room, grumbling under her breath.

She wasn’t obsessed! She had a normal amount of interest in Lan Zhan! They had an intense athletic rivalry, and because Lan Zhan was the most dangerous player, she had to be aware of what she was doing at all times! Also, it was physically impossible to ignore Lan Zhan, she was so tall and imposing! Nobody could take their eyes off her and her strong arms and thighs and… Nobody! Nothing wrong with admiring the female form in peak physical perfection. Obsessed? Jiang Cheng didn’t know what he was talking about.

In bed, Wei Ying kept turning and tossing, so annoyed was she with her brother. Annoyed with him for talking nonsense. Annoyed that he didn’t help distract her from her thoughts. Because she had reason to be anxious, didn’t she? Because something happened last game… Well, nothing happened, but… After the game, Lan Zhan had been waiting for her in front of the locker room. Wen Qing had only rolled her eyes and left, leaving Wei Ying cruelly behind. Alone and defenceless in front of Lan Zhan, who wanted to rip her in half! Lan Zhan had stared at her, fiercely, while Wei Ying clutched the strap of her bag, face growing hot. Then Lan Zhan had said: “I’d like to talk to you.”

She’d said it so politely, almost shyly. Usually, Wei Ying would be thrilled to be the sole focus of Lan Zhan’s attention, but…

Wei Ying had fled. Had mumbled something about having to help Wen Qing with A Thing and had literally run away.

What had Lan Zhan wanted to talk about? Lan Zhan didn’t just talk to people… Would she try again after tomorrow’s game? Or had Wei Ying messed it up and now Lan Zhan will never talk to her again. Maybe she won’t even allow Wei Ying chatting at her during parties anymore, won’t endure her tipsy ramblings, won’t let her crowd into her personal space anymore.

Wei Ying couldn’t decide what’d be worse – Lan Zhan waiting for her tomorrow after the game or Lan Zhan never looking at her again.

No. She knew.

She wanted Lan Zhan to keep looking at her.

When she finally fell asleep, her sleep was restless, and she woke up with quickly dissipating memories of dreams of Lan Zhan’s piercing gaze.

As soon as Wei Ying entered the gym, she saw Lan Zhan, warming up on court. As though she could sense her presence, Lan Zhan turned her head and stared directly at Wei Ying. And frowned.

Okay, so she was still looking at her. Good. Good, good. The frowning… well, a lot of people frowned at her daily, nothing to worry about. In fact, Jiang Cheng was frowning at her right now.

“This is that ref again, isn’t it?” Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes and looked across the court where the ref was chatting with Lan Yi, the trainer of the Gusu Clouds. Wei Ying really didn’t have time for his bullshit right now.

“If you embarrass me again, you’re banned from watching my games for a whole season,” Wei Ying hissed at him, eyes searching out Lan Zhan again, who was doing lunges now. Her legs were looking especially powerful today.

“How is demanding a fair ref embarrassing you? She clearly had it out against the Demons, your fingers did not touch that ball!”

“You were yelling at the ref and they probably would’ve thrown you out if Jiejie hadn’t charmed them with her presence and promised she’d keep you in check.”

Before Jiang Cheng could open his mouth to counter with even more bullshit, Wen Qing joined them, putting her arms around both their shoulders, effectively shutting Jiang Cheng up.

“Ready? I’m in the mood to crush some skulls today. Let’s go warm up.”

“Yeah, be right there!”

Wen Qing nodded, then gave them both a slap on their butts. Jiang Cheng turned bright red and decidedly did not watch Wen Qing walk away.

“You’re so fucking embarrassing,” Wei Ying murmured at him under her breath, dragging her eyes forcefully away from Lan Zhan and her glutes, and turning towards the locker rooms. “You know she has a girlfriend, right?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jiang Cheng elbowed her, but very half-heartedly. Probably, because it was game day, and he didn’t want to risk actually hurting her. Ugh, he was such a sap. “Go get changed.”

“I will! You should go outside and wait for Jiejie, I’m sure she brought way too many snacks again.”

“Fine, I will!” Jiang Cheng turned around and stomped off, but not before yelling: “Warm up properly!”

Ah, her sweet little baby brother. This was why she couldn’t be mad at him for long, even if he said nonsensical things like Wei Ying being obsessed with Lan Zhan.

The game was… intense, for a charity game. Well, maybe it wasn’t. Her teammates seemed to be having fun. But Wei Ying wasn’t having fun. She couldn’t focus on the game, couldn’t stop thinking about whether Lan Zhan would want to talk again. And what it was she wanted to talk about. She couldn’t… it wouldn’t…

It probably didn’t have anything to do with how Wei Ying had gotten drunk at the last party they both had attended and had… said things. She couldn’t really remember what she had said, but she remembered clinging to Lan Zhan’s strong arm and looking up at her, at her lips, feeling hot all over. And maybe this had been the party after the game where Wei Ying had realised she wanted Lan Zhan to press her against a flat surface and make out with her.

So. Lan Zhan probably just wanted to let her down gently, right? Because she was actually a nice person, even if she’d gained the reputation of being an Ice Queen. Wei Ying didn’t want to hear it though; she already knew Lan Zhan would never want to do those things to her. Even though she could, Wei Ying would let her do anything.

She shook her head and tried to focus on the game. Gusu Clouds were 2:1 in the lead and currently two points ahead of them in this set, so they really had to get their shit together. With newfound determination, Wei Ying managed to land a spike right in front of Lan Zhan. As her team huddled together to cheer, Wei Ying couldn’t help herself. She looked at Lan Zhan, who was already looking back at her, and grinned. Lan Zhan… smiled? Was that really a smile? What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fucking fuck? Fuck.

Was this some kind of evil tactic from Lan Zhan? Because there was no way Wei Ying could focus now. She just stared at Lan Zhan through the net, across the field. Lan Zhan was actually concentrating on the ball now and not looking back. Well, good for her.

Wei Ying tried to focus, she really did. But then Lan Zhan jumped in the air to hit the ball and her shirt rode up a little, showing a hint of her abs. She was so strong and graceful, she –

The ball hit Wei Ying in the face with the full force of Lan Zhan’s infamous spike. She blinked and when she opened her eyes again, she was lying on the ground. She blinked again - now her teammates were crowded around her, yelling. At her?

“I’m fine,” she said, but no one seemed to hear her. Her face hurt, of course, but a numb kind of pain, not a ‘broke my nose’ kind of pain. And Wei Ying knew what that felt like!

Somebody helped her up and off the field, and five minutes later she was sitting there with a giant ice pack pressed to her face. It had taken one minute to convince the paramedic she was fine and four minutes to convince Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli that they could go back to the stands.

She was fine, but she wasn’t allowed back on the field, so she could spend the rest of the match being eaten up by embarrassment. She’d just stood there and let the ball hit her, because… because she was too horny for Lan Zhan! What the fuck was wrong with her?

Wei Ying had to watch her team lose the set and the game and knew it was her fault. She needed to get over this… whatever this was. She should allow Lan Zhan to say her piece, tell her ‘Wei Ying, I’m really not interested in you like that or at all’ and then maybe Wei Ying could get over… whatever this was… and be able to focus again when they were playing the Clouds.

Either that, or she’d have to stop playing volleyball and also maybe move to a different country. Which she didn’t have any money for.

She was the last one in the locker room, everyone eager to shower and change quickly to go stuff their faces at the picnic slash barbecue the teams organized in the little park next to the gym to hopefully collect a lot of donations. Everyone had been so nice to her, making sure she really was okay, getting her a new ice pack, when all she wanted was just to crawl in a hole and die.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t even just keep lying here on the bench, ice pack on her face, hair drying slowly, until it got dark and everyone had left, because Jiang Cheng had already sent her five worried messages. Lan Zhan was probably at the picnic too, right? It was for a good cause, even she wouldn’t skip a social gathering that was for a good cause.

Okay, Wei Ying was going. She was.

Right now.

Okay.

Five more minutes. The ice pack was still a little cold; she needed to use it a bit longer if she wanted to ensure a minimum amount of swelling. There would be a bruise, maybe even a full black eye, but so far there was no swelling.

Suddenly, the door opened. Maybe it was Wen Qing coming to get her and/or to yell at her because Jiang Cheng was yelling.

She turned her head with a weary sigh, then sucked all the air back in, because… Lan Zhan. Was here. Walking over to her. Crouching down next to the bench Wei Ying was lying on. And… and… carefully lifting the ice pack from Wei Ying’s face and looking at her.

“Does it hurt?” Lan Zhan stroked her thumb over Wei Ying’s cheek, just under her bruise. She’d never…

“Uh… n-no?” Wei Ying stuttered, because she was a mess and Lan Zhan was touching her face very gently.

“You’re not sure?” Lan Zhan sounded amused, her thumb still stroking Wei Ying’s cheek.

“It doesn’t hurt badly. Just a little.” Wei Ying hoped that her voice sounded normal, but it was hard to tell because she currently couldn’t remember what her voice usually sounded like. It was always this high, right?

“Good.” Lan Zhan nodded her approval. Then, she moved her hand, so it rested on Wei Ying’s neck, thumb stroking her jaw now. Wei Ying swallowed hard, which Lan Zhan would be able to feel. “Why didn’t you move?”

Lan Zhan’s gaze was hot on her face and oh… she knew. Whatever Wei Ying had told her… She knew and this was her way of…

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying pleaded. She already knew, why did she want Wei Ying to confess to her horny obsession?

Lan Zhan watched the flush spread out on Wei Ying’s face, travel down her neck and chest. But the look in her eyes told Wei Ying that she wouldn’t back down. “Tell me.”

Wei Ying let out a shaky breath, then stared at the ceiling. “I had trouble… focusing.”

“Why?” Lan Zhan’s thumb was now resting right underneath her lower lip, which was horribly unfair.

“Lan Zhannnn, please. You know why.” Wei Ying squeezed her eyes shut, which she immediately regretted because the bruised side of her face hurt, so she opened them again, accidentally meeting Lan Zhan’s eyes. Lan Zhan was smiling at her. She looked… still intense, but her features were much softer than what Wei Ying’s heart could handle.

“Tell me.” She was still smiling; the same secret smile Wei Ying had seen on the court earlier. Was it just for her?

“Because… I… You’re… really hot.” Wei Ying had never been this in embarrassed in her life, and when she was embarrassed, she started babbling. That’s why she said, while staring straight at Lan Zhan’s amused face: “I could see your abs when you jumped.”

“Mhm. Is that all?”

“Huh?” What else did Lan Zhan want her to say? Wasn’t this enough???

“You weren’t thinking of kneeling between my strong thighs or how my long fingers would feel inside of you?” Lan Zhan said with an almost completely straight face. Her ears were a little red, her mouth twitching a little, but otherwise… how could she just…

“What… why… oh fuck is that what I…” Wei Ying tried to hide her mortified face behind her hands, but Lan Zhan didn’t let her, pulling her hands back down with just one – just one! – of her large hands. Fuck. “I was really drunk. Lan Zhan, you can’t hold me accountable for my drunk ramblings.”

“So, you don’t want that?” Suddenly, Lan Zhan’s hand was resting on Wei Ying’s stomach, not very far from her boobs. Rather close to them, actually. Wei Ying was only wearing a ratty old tank top over her sports bra. A really thin top. Lan Zhan’s hand was very warm.

“Uhm… “ It seemed like if Wei Ying were to say yes, then these things would actually come true. She didn’t know why she was so scared to admit it, this was what she wanted. “I… Please.”

Lan Zhan put her hand right across Wei Ying’s heart. And her boob, as a side-effect. Or was it the other way round? Her left eyebrow twitched a miniscule amount, another question. Wei Ying bit her lip and nodded and hope it was enough, that Lan Zhan would finally –

Lan Zhan kissed her.

This kiss wasn’t a quick peck or a shy first meeting of lips. Lan Zhan wasn’t asking anymore; she had heard Wei Ying’s pleas, and this was her answer.

Wei Ying tried to be an enthusiastic participant of the kiss, but it was very difficult, because she also had to figure out where to put her hands: Desperately clinging to the bench? Buried in Lan Zhan’s hair? Gripping her strong shoulders? Additionally, there were loud moans seeking to escape her throat and she really tried to hold them back. However, Wei Ying quickly found out that she was incapable of holding back moans when Lan Zhan was squeezing her tit. And Lan Zhan seemed to like it, because whenever Wei Ying moaned, Lan Zhan squeezed harder – a vicious, delicious cycle.

The only problem was that Lan Zhan’s touch was so good that all the parts of Wei Ying that weren’t being touched were complaining about it. She tried to tell Lan Zhan this but trying to talk around a tongue in her mouth just sounded like more moaning, meaning more squeezing, meaning more actual moaning. Since Wei Ying wasn’t willing to break the kiss just yet, she tried to shimmy so Lan Zhan’s hand would move lower, or at least under her shirt.

Lan Zhan’s hand did move. To her stomach, pressing down to stop her squirming. Oh. Yeah, okay. That was. Mhm.

Lan Zhan also stopped kissing her, which was not okay at all, and Wei Ying wasn’t too proud to pout and try to pull her back down. But Lan Zhan didn’t budge, because she was very tall and ridiculously strong.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan looked down at her with a frown. Why was she frowning again? Wei Ying had already stopped squirming!

“Why aren’t you kissing meeeee?” Wei Ying whined, but with a lot of dignity. She wasn’t desperate or anything.

“Your phone.” Lan Zhan’s eyes flicked towards Wei Ying’s phone she’d at some point dropped into one of her trainers.

The phone was ringing. Oh!

Wei Ying scrambled into a sitting position and fished her phone out of her shoe. Lan Zhan didn’t move at all during this, so Wei Ying had to spread her legs to accommodate her. Lan Zhan’s hand was now resting high, very high, on her thigh instead of her stomach.

She answered the phone without looking at the screen, because she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of Lan Zhan crouching between her legs, looking up at her with dark eyes and well-kissed lips. Fuck.

“Yes?”, Wei Ying barked into the phone.

“Where the fuck are you?” Ugh, of course it was Jiang Cheng. Of fucking course! “Jiejie is worried you fainted in the locker room! I texted you like three times! Do you need to go to the fucking hospital or something?”

“Aw, you care so much! That’s so sweet, A-Cheng.” Wei Ying had to look away from Lan Zhan’s face after all, because it was just… a lot to handle, while trying to annoy her brother.

“Don’t be gross! Anyway, you’re okay? Because I’m taking A-Jie home, the heat is getting to her.”

“Is she okay? Do you need help?” No matter how horny Wei Ying was, she would walk away from Lan Zhan’s everything right now, if her sister needed her. She’d probably cry about it later, but she would do it.

“She’s fine, just a little dizzy. Anyway, are you coming, too? I’m not gonna drive back later to pick you up, okay, no matter how many crying emojis you send me.”

This was a lie and they both knew it; Jiang Cheng would totally come pick her up. But Wei Ying had, uh, different plans. “No, I’ll stay here and… “ A hand squeezed her thigh. “Uhm, I’ll see you tonight.”

“You’re really okay? No nausea or anything? Because I can-”

Jiang Cheng’s worry was sweet and all, but Wei Ying really needed this phone call to end ASAP. Luckily, she knew how to accomplish that. “Ooooh, my sweet little A-Cheng is so worried, because he loves me soooo much, how touching! I want to squish your cheeks and-“

Jiang Cheng hung up. Wei Ying dropped the phone back in her shoe, and finally dared to look at Lan Zhan again.

Lan Zhan still looked so put together in her shorts and sleeveless blouse, her hair in a braid, only slightly ruffled by Wei Ying’s searching hands. Didn’t look even half as sweaty and flushed as Wei Ying felt. Wei Ying wanted to change that.

Lan Zhan wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t have done all that if she didn’t want this. If she didn’t want Wei Ying. So…

Wei Ying took off her top under Lan Zhan’s intense gaze and dropped it on top of her phone. Lan Zhan only quirked one eyebrow, slid one finger under the waistband of Wei Ying’s sweatpants. She didn’t tug on it, but the command was clear: Off.

Wei Ying took those off as well, so she was sitting in front of Lan Zhan in only her sports bra and her yellow panties with little cartoon ghosts saying ‘BOO’ on them.

Lan Zhan looked up at her and smirked. “Boo.”

Fuck, why was Lan Zhan so cute? Wei Ying had no choice but to take her face between her hands and drag her up, so she could kiss her. Lan Zhan let herself be dragged, half kneeling on the bench between Wei Ying’s thighs. Because she was so tall, Wei Ying now had to tilt her head back to be able to still kiss her. It was a very awkward and uncomfortable position, but they were kissing again, so Wei Ying counted it as a win.

Lan Zhan had always been extremely competitive, so of course she wouldn’t content herself with staying like this. A few seconds and some manhandling later, Wei Ying found herself sitting on Lan Zhan’s lap, back to Lan Zhan’s chest.

Wei Ying started squirming again, trying to turn around so she could look at Lan Zhan’s beautiful face and to receive more kisses. But Lan Zhan had other things in mind. Namely, pulling Wei Ying’s bra up and her panties down, so she could grab Wei Ying’s left tit with one hand and her pussy with the other.

“Lan Zhan, you…” Wei Ying said. Well, moaned.

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan murmured against Wei Ying’s neck.

Wei Ying didn’t actually know how she’d wanted to finish that sentence, and then Lan Zhan started pinching and rubbing, so she finished it with: “Fuck.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed and bit her shoulder.

Wei Ying’s whole existence melted down to three things: her shoulder, her throbbing clit, and her nipple. Lan Zhan was the only thing keeping her together, while she was thoroughly taking her apart. It didn’t make any sense, but Wei Ying had never paid much attention to ‘sense’ anyway.

“Lan Zhan… ah… Can’t I… Can’t I look at you?” Wei Ying tried to turn around again, but her body didn’t listen, too busy undulating and chasing Lan Zhan’s touch.

“Yes. After you’ve come.” Lan Zhan said and dipped one, no, two fingers into Wei Ying’s hole, then went back to rubbing her clit, the slide much smoother now because Wei Ying was so fucking wet.

“I… So mean… Lan… Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying came while moaning Lan Zhan’s name, her orgasm rolling over her so quickly and so strongly, she was afraid she’d fall off Lan Zhan’s lap. She put her hands over Lan Zhan’s to make sure she didn’t let her go while Wei Ying’s body was still twitching with aftershocks.

Lan Zhan held her, kept holding her, kept pressing kisses to her shoulder and her neck, murmuring her name, until Wei Ying finally felt like she had control over her body again.

This time, when she tried to turn around, Lan Zhan let her and even helped her pull up her panties, so she could comfortably sit on Lan Zhan’s thighs, Lan Zhan’s arms securely around her waist.

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying began, but then had to kiss her first, before she could continue. “You’re really pretty.”

“Wei Ying is pretty.” A smile tugged at the corner of Lan Zhan’s mouth and Wei Ying had to kiss the smile. And Lan Zhan’s cheek, because that was an important part of smiling. And her forehead, because Lan Zhan’s brain was behind there, and it had to work for the smile to happen. And her nose, simply because it was a good nose. And her other cheek, she didn’t want it to feel left out.

After her work was done, Wei Ying leaned back to look at Lan Zhan’s face again. She should do this again while wearing lipstick. If Lan Zhan would allow it. If she even wanted this again… Oh wait, were they even done yet?! Because… “Lan Zhan, you haven’t come yet!”

Wei Ying moved her hand down to Lan Zhan’s waistband but was once again stopped by one of Lan Zhan’s strong hands.

“Later.”

“What do you mean ‘later’?” Wei Ying pouted, trying to hide her anxiety. What if there was no later? She wanted to give Lan Zhan the best orgasm now, so she would not be able to forget this ever happened. Because Wei Ying certainly wouldn’t be able to. “When will that be? Don’t you want to come now? I’ll eat you out, Lan Zhan, please, you know how good I am with my mouth.”

Lan Zhan’s grip tightened, Wei Ying’s words clearly affecting her in some way. But still she said: “Later.”

Wei Ying whined, but Lan Zhan smiled so beautifully, it shut her up again.

“Later will be in about 15 minutes, if you walk fast.” Lan Zhan let her gaze drag over Wei Ying’s flushed face, her still exposed tits, down to her soaked panties and back up to her face. She smirked. “Let’s say twenty minutes, because I don’t think you’ll be able to.”

“Wow, okay, I’ll have you know I’m a superstar athlete! I can walk very fast, under any circumstances!” Wei Ying didn’t really want to leave Lan Zhan’s lap, but proving her point was more important. Though her legs did prove to be a little wobbly still. She put her hand on Lan Zhan’s shoulder to steady herself, ignoring Lan Zhan’s smug expression. Well, not ignore it completely. It was kinda hot actually.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Or do you need some time to recover? I understand, I’m a very good kisser and-“

Lan Zhan, it turned out, did not need to recover, but Wei Ying did, after Lan Zhan pressed her against the wall and kissed her until she was dizzy.

“Well… You proved your… Anyway… As I was saying… In conclusion, I was right,” Wei Ying panted against Lan Zhan’s smiling mouth. She really was smiling a lot today. It did dangerous things to Wei Ying’s heart.

“Thirty minutes,” Lan Zhan said, because she was a menace.

“Fuck you,” Wei Ying sighed weakly, pulled down her bra and began collecting her clothes.

“Mhm, later.”

Wei Ying chose to ignore that comment, because getting dressed required all her attention, since Lan Zhan’s hands were still holding her hips and refusing to let go.

It took a few minutes, but eventually, Wei Ying was finally ready to leave the locker room, not bothering to look in the mirror, because her face was a mess anyway, no need to confirm that.

She turned to Lan Zhan and held out her hand, smiling. They were going to have sex and it was going to be so amazing, Lan Zhan would want to do it again! And again. And-

“Wei Ying… before we…” Lan Zhan suddenly hesitated and avoided her eyes. Which… ever since Wei Ying had finally annoyed Lan Zhan enough to look at her, she’d never stopped doing that.

“What’s wrong? Did you change your mind? Do you want to go to the fundraiser instead? I understand, it’s more important than me, haha.”

At that, Lan Zhan looked back at her, frowning, took her hand and pulled her close. “Nothing is more important than Wei Ying.”

“Uh…” Wei Ying swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

“Nothing.” Lan Zhan pressed a kiss to the back of Wei Ying’s hand and Wei Ying was going to combust or melt into a puddle or just plain explode.

“Uh… then… what did you want to say?”

“When you were drunk…”

“Oh no, what else did I… listen, if I said… like kinky shit you’re not comfortable with, or…” There were so many things she wanted Lan Zhan to do to her, if she talked even just about a fraction of those…

“You said, you wanted to watch me while I made breakfast for you,” Lan Zhan said quietly, eyes now locked with Wei Ying’s. “That you want to hold my hand while we’re sitting on your couch, watching a movie.”

“Oh. Lan Zhan, I can explain!” Wei Ying said, then squeezed her eyes shut and wished to disappear, because she actually couldn’t explain. This sounded as though she wasn’t just horny, this sounded as though she was in love with Lan Zhan or something. Which… was true. Fuck. Of course, she was in love with Lan Zhan! Well, who could blame her???

She slowly opened one eye, risking a glance. Lan Zahn was still there, looking at her. Waiting. Wei Ying closed her eye again, so she could think.

“Wei Ying.”

“Just a second!”

“I also want that.”

“What?” Wei Ying’s eyes flew open, so she could confirm with her eyes that her ears hadn’t heard that wrong.

The tips of Lan Zhan’s ears were flushed, but her eyes and the set of her jaw were determined. “I also want that, Wei Ying. With you.”

“Oh… So like… you’d want to be… I don’t know… “ Wei Ying swallowed hard, then looked at Lan Zhan’s cheekbone instead of her eyes. She wanted to kiss that cheekbone. “Like girlfriends? Gal Pals? Les-bee-anz? Gaaaaaaayyyyy-“

Lan Zhan had mercy on her and shut her up with a kiss.

It took them 45 minutes to get to Lan Zhan’s apartment. Wei Ying didn’t leave until noon the next day, 10 angry messages from Jiang Cheng, and many orgasms later.

[inactive5790]

Wangxian and Their Babies

Okay, so, here’s to hoping I’m not the only one with the headcanon that, after Lan Wangji strongarms his uncle into accepting tolerating begrudgingly acknowledging Wei Wuxian as an in-law, the Lan sect just gains like 50 tiny disciples in the first year of their marriage, just because they both compulsively adopt children left and right.

Wei Wuxian knows full well what it’s like to live on the street as a small child, not knowing when, or even if, you’ll get your next meal. Of course he’s going to take in every child he finds in miserably circumstances, every orphan, every street rat, every little darling in an abusive household! Especially now that he has the resources (Lan Wangji’s bottomless money pouch, aka Hermione’s Beaded Handbag part 2) to actually help them. And we’ve seen him interact with children many times in both the novel and the series! He loves them and the feeling is, more often than not, mutual!

Lan Wangji is someone who lost his mother and never really had his father to begin with. I point blank refuse to believe that he wouldn’t do everything in his power to parent the shit out of any child shoved in his path. Just look at Sizhui! He is the sweetest young man you could ever hope to meet! An absolute angel boy! And a lot of that is because of his fathers! (I’d like to take a moment to point out that I’m not saying either Lan Wangji, or Wei Wuxian are infallible, both of them have some seriously deep-set character flaws that are never really addressed in any version of the source material, but they make damn good, somewhat embarrassing parents). Back to Lan Wangji: he’s already a (kinda scary) parental figure to most of the Lan disciples and now that he has Wei Wuxian back and the pining and heartbreak is over (kinda, the ending wasn’t exactly happy), I’m willing to bet he has more than enough quiet affection to share. He already has an army of rabbits. Of course he will collect ALL THE CHILDREN.

Just imagine them coming back from every night hunt/trip-to-totally-not-get-Wei-Ying-alchohol-and-spicy-food/random outing with at least one child in tow.

Imagine Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi being the best big brothers ever. With Jing Ling and Ouyan Zizhen’s help, of course.

Imagine Lan Quiren being furious, before slowly warming to the little rascals and finally becoming the most over-protective, grumpy grandpa ever.

Imagine one or two of the more adventurous children exploring Cloud Recesses and accidentally barging in on Lan Xichen’s seclusion, only to be offered tea.

Imagine Lan Xichen eventually starting to come out regularly to teach the little ones and their presence doing something to heal his broken heart. (All I want in life is for this wonderful man to be happy again. He is the very best of them and deserves everything good in life.)

Imagine several of the kiddies idealizing Jiang Cheng and following him around whenever he goes near Cloud Recesses, while he tries to figure out if he’s angry or pleased about it.

Imagine Wen Ning being the default babysitter.

Imagine the Gusu Lan Sect indirectly honouring Xiao Xingchen’s memory by taking in new disciples, regardless of their heritage and ability.

Imagine a vast army of kids trailing after the mighty Hanguang-Jun and the fearsome Yiling Patriarch, totally messing with their badass image, not that either of them care.

Imagine each kid having their own favourite rabbit and helping to feed them.

Imagine Lan Wangji using his position as Chief Cultivator to build widely accessible schools, orphanages, etc...

Imagine him bringing kids to the whatever meeting he’s going to and occasionally asking them for their opinion, because they’re usually more rational than the sect leaders.

Imagine the next generation of Lan disciples being the biggest group of ragtag misfits to ever live.

Imagine more female cultivators from the Lan Sect and for them to finally stop separating them! I mean, what the actual fuck?!

Imagine Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng, and whoever else these little sweethearts imprint on, being taken care of in their old age and passing down their own special brand of wisdom.

Imagine other sects following their example.

Imagine abolishing the moronic classist system this fandom’s world is based on.

Imagine the continued shenanigans and found family sweetness!

Yeah, anyway... I want more parenting all round, more cute babies and for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to have a Bruce Wayne sized adoption problem!

[jcisthebestfightme]

Day 2 BTS

Disclaimer: Actually fiction cuz I will be writing about what’s in dd’s head which I’m no mind reader....

So this was their second day of filming (4/17) and what gg is rambling about is his scene in Burial Mounds Cave the day before (4/16). I won’t translate it directly because honestly I have a hard time hearing it (maybe someone else will have a better translation, I apologize). What he is saying is that the actor of A-Yuan had to laugh and then cry but then A Yuan was so well behaved he wouldn’t cry (🤣) so gg was yelling “CRY CRY CRY” probably imitating the directors and making crying gestures lol And then he said the director told the kid they would slap his mom (what?) to try to make him cry and he still didnt’ cry. And then he said something about A-Yuan being well behaved and didn’t make a disturbance. Then LHK asked him something, and gg said “a lot” (sounds like he’s saying they filmed a lot of disconnected scene all in that cave that they have to piece together.) He then described a scene of him pushing Wen Ning (after WN murdered JZX is my guess) and he yelled at WN “Who did you kill?!?” He talked about connecting different scenes and then I lost what they were saying. 

So now the body language analysis.

They’re sitting next to each other but not completely attached like they would be in later bts since this is only day 2. (If you could DDU meeting in 2017, screen reading, opening ceremony, and day 1 of filming, this is their 5th time together only.) Gg’s body language is more closed off on both sides, he’s hugging his knees with both arms. Dd seems more relax (he also tend ot manspread in general....but both his arms are also caging him so also more closed off of a body language than if you compare them to later on.

The first part it seems like dd asked gg questions so gg started telling the story about A-Yuan. It’s likely dd wasn’t there for that particular instance because he was looking at gg telling the story attentively. 

Gg then did an exaggerated gesture imitating people trying to get A-Yuan to cry. Dd was looking at him and then looked away. I think dd in his head found gg very cute and silly at that moment. Why? Cuz in later interviews whenever gg does something silly, dd always look at him fondly and jokes about how silly he think he is. Which means he always finds this side of gg cute. But since this is day 2, he didn’t know how to react to this “OMG he’s being adorable” feeling so instead he looked away briefly. At this instance, he also touched his nose. People touch their face when they’re nervous for security (apparently it activates your parasympathetic NS). 

Then gg acted cute again and dd tried to look forward again ‘I can’t handle this emotionally’ LOL but this time, you can see the edges of his lips move up like he’s trying to contain a laugh or smile.

Then someone talked to gg (idk if it’s LHK) and dd just glared at them LOL ‘Don’t talk to my gg’ (jkjk) And he looked over at gg to see if gg paid attention to the person talking but gg just went on with his story. Then dd looked forward and kept biting his lips. Here, idk he looks bored to me. It doesn’t seem like his typical “This doesn’t interest me face.” It seems more like nervousness, basically hyperaware of yourself and surrounding whenever your crush is there. ‘OMG what do I do or say...I can’t keep staring, it will be too embarrassing...act natural....don’t look too interested.’ You can tell he’s still listening to gg even when looking forward cuz he nodded.

Then he either asked gg or responded to someone off screen with “Nan hai (boy)?” (I’m assuming about A-Yuan) and gg repeated “Nan hai as confirmation. So even though gg wasn’t looking at dd either, he was still aware of dd and responded to him immediately. He didn’t ignore him to talk to someone else (which sometimes is easy to do, not on purpose, but if you’re focus on talking about something, you can zone out someone next to you saying something, especially if you’re not looking at them.)

Gg moves his hands and dd’s eyes immediately glanced over. ‘What is he doing? I want to know.’ Then it looks like gg grabbed LHK’s hands/arms and afterwards (although not immediately), dd looked at LHK’s hands and then looked at gg. ‘Why did he grab his arm? Are they close?’ Then he looked a second time when gg reached for LHK’s arm the second time and also looked up at gg’s face right after, again (So it’s not just a random coincidence that his eyes are looking at that spot.) ‘Does gg like lhk? Omg, I need to see his face to tell.....I can’t tell anything 🥺.” And then IT HAPPENED A THIRD TIME. Gg’s hand reached for LHK again and dd did the exact same thing! He looked at that spot on LHK’s arm, AGAIN. Except this time, instead of looking at gg’s face after, he glare up at LHK (poor guy, he doesn’t even know what’s coming for him.) 

Then gg gestured to him by bumping him and he nodded in response but his whole focus now seem to be staring at LHK (LOL) ‘Okay, now I’m actually mad and jealous of this person, but I can’t show it....ugh.....don’t look too annoyed...oops too late.’

As for gg, idk. It seems to me that he’s trying his best to accelerate the process of forming friendship with cast members by talking and sharing what happened. He seemed pretty opened and relax, because he’s pretty animated in his story telling. I think he’s also acting in a way that he’s trying to impress dd and LHK, because he doesn’t know them well at that point and it’s human nature to try to display yourself initially to impress those around you. Whether he has other intentions towards dd at this point, idk (I’m leaning on the side of not yet.)

This is of course all my imagination and all fanfiction. 

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Episode 5

Nothing. Just heart eyes. Mischievous heart eyes for Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian, this annoying little shit—he wants to tease Lan Wangji because he’s such a fuddy-duddy, but he’s also genuinely into him. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a romantic way, because I don’t think Wei Wuxian has any of those feelings for Lan Wangji at this point—but he is definitely fascinated by him. He’s so different from Wei Wuxian, almost his complete opposite on the surface, that I think Wei Wuxian can’t help but want to know more about him.

I like this part for a number of reasons (most of them are obvious, so I won’t really go into it—it’s a wangxian scene, amirite?), but this little exchange of dialogue tugs at my heartstrings a little because it’s the first time that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji actually talk to one another—like a real exchange, not just Wei Wuxian talking and Lan Wangji ignoring him, although, plenty of that happens as well. Lan Wangji lets his guard down a little here to say Wei Wuxian didn’t apologize sincerely. Like, I’m giving you a chance here—if you’re really sorry and want to repent for what you did, then I might give you another chance. I don’t think Lan Wangji wants to hold a grudge anymore, and I think that becomes pretty evident later, even after the whole porno incident.

And then Lan Wangji decides he’s tired of talking to Wei Wuxian, and uses the silence spell on him again. Hahaha, always makes me laugh. And Xiao Zhan is super adorable when he’s having his tantrum.

These two just make me so sad. My heart really aches for them, especially for Wen Qing, who really is doing everything to help her brother right now. One thing I love about this series/book is that it shows so many types of devotion: romantic love, platonic love, love for sisters and brothers, grandchildren, cousins, mothers, fathers—while the subject matter is often heavy and downright depressing, there are really some beautiful love stories to be told, and it sounds cheesy, but it makes my heart really full.

I like the nuance here of Wen Ning serving her, almost as if he’s a servant—he bows his head, pours her tea, puts it into her hands—and then she touches his face, as if reminding him that she’s just his big sister. I don’t know, I’m probably reading too much into that, and there’s obviously a dynamic that I don’t know or understand, not being a part of that culture. I just noticed it and thought there might be something there.

I see you looking at Wei Ying. But seriously! Lan Wangji could just ignore the guy and wait until he’s done. Instead, he’s peeking at him, fully aware that Wei Wuxian is still working on transcribing texts. Wei Wuxian’s fascination with Lan Wangji is only rivaled by Lan Wangji’s fascination with Wei Wuxian. The scene at the lecture that causes Wei Wuxian to be kicked out feels like a major turning point in the relationship. Yes, I think Lan Wangji was keeping an eye on Wei Wuxian prior to that point, but it was more of, “I’m keeping an eye on you because I feel like you’re just trying to make trouble.” Now, I think he fully realizes that Wei Wuxian is no dummy—he’s a clever young man—and it can’t be lost on Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian is always seeking his attention. That’s got to be a little flattering, even for a fuddy-duddy.

I think there are a few things going on here after Wei Wuxian gives him the drawing: 1. Lan Wangji is embarrassed! Why is Wei Wuxian drawing a picture of him and adding a flower in his hair?! No one has ever done something like that for him and, of all people, why Wei Wuxian? 2. I think he feels slightly touched to be given a gift, especially from Wei Wuxian, who is such a prankster. 3. He doesn’t hate it! He places it carefully on the desk in front of him, as if it’s something nice that he doesn’t want to wreck. We know Lan Wangji has no issues destroying things he doesn’t like, as he demonstrates when he rips up the porno mag. He easily could have crumpled up the drawing and tossed it away, but instead he keeps it, which suggests that he DOES like it and IS touched by the gift.

Hey, remember that time that Lan Wangji got so angry with Wei Ying that he actually broke a rule? I do! It’s one of my favorite lines: “Piss off.” (note: that text is not actually him saying piss off, the screenshot is from earlier)

Wei Wuxian is such a little shit! And as he later says to Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang, he pulls this little prank to get Lan Wangji back for making him transcribe all the texts and using the silencing spell on him. Even though he’s supposedly apologized and repented for breaking the rules, Wei Wuxian still feels like he needs to retaliate against Lan Wangji. Like, I love the guy, but he’s such a shit! Wangxian would have been wangxian so much sooner had he not been like this for so long! Yes, Lan Wangji is a stick in the mud, but Wei Wuxian causes trouble on purpose. I love all these scenes, but it does get a little frustrating that Wei Wuxian just doesn’t get it, y’know?

I like here how Wei Wuxian seemingly doesn’t understand why Lan Wangji is mad, and then looks all offended. And I included angry Lan Wangji just because.

Jiang Cheng is me: You literally offended everyone in that room, and then you played a trick on Lan Wangji, which made him so angry that he told you to piss off. I’D tell you to piss off too! I seriously can’t blame Jiang Cheng for all his eye rolls and exasperated looks at this point in the story. Wei Wuxian lives to make trouble, it seems, and Jiang Cheng just wants to learn and make a good impression for the Jiang Clan. If you can’t tell, I really like Jiang Cheng.

Lan Xichen asks if his brother has found out who got into the Back Hill, and Lan Wangji pauses, lets out a sigh, and says, “Wei Ying.” I don’t fully know what all that means, but my interpretation is that he’s disappointed. As if he expected more of him, was trying to find a way it wasn’t him, but then finally admits that it was indeed Wei Wuxian. Of course, Wei Wuxian actually tried to tell Lan Wangji who it really was sneaking around the Back Hill, but Lan Wangji didn’t want to listen. At least, in this case, they know Wei Wuxian is relatively harmless, and maybe Lan Wangji’s admission is more that he feels a bit like he failed to find out who the true threat is.

I should count how many times they say “Lady Wen” in this scene. It’s already up to three and it’s only five seconds in. But seriously, Jiang Cheng, could you stop drooling?

The final count was five times. Slightly less than I thought, but the first four times did actually occur before the two boys even stepped inside.

This scene also has a cute moment with Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian (“You were sick because you were missing me!”)—cute to the point where Jiang Cheng must have rolled his eyes. Although, I think it’s this moment that Wen Qing witnesses that makes her think twice about Wei Wuxian. In her mind, she compares him to her own little brother, so her heart softens a little.

Lan Xichen: I looked at you, and you seemed to want them to go. Don’t you want that?

Lan Wangji: HEART EYES

Okay, but he looks very soft here, doesn’t he? By all accounts, I don’t know why Lan Wangji would want to go ANYWHERE with Wei Wuxian right now, but he feels drawn to him, despite being bothered by him, despite being pranked by him. He really doesn’t know what’s in his own heart. Thank goodness Lan Xichen is there.

With how long Wei Wuxian was waving around that liquor, I’m surprised Lan Wangji didn’t dump it out sooner. His tolerance for Wei Wuxian is getting better! He’s not using the silence spell on him anymore, he answers some of his questions (or uses silence to answer in some cases). Progress! Progress is happening here!

I also like that even when Wei Wuxian is with Jiang Cheng, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning, he still seeks out Lan Wangji for conversation and company.

Lan Wangji is angry at Wei Wuxian, because he’s angry at himself, and he’s angry at himself because he’s frustrated by his own feelings: he wants to hate Wei Wuxian—he’d feel better if he hated him, but the fact is, he keeps finding more reasons to like him. And his response to those frustrations is to try and push Wei Wuxian away.

“Stay away from me.”

If you’re just casually watching this series, you see Lan Wangji just being angry and annoyed by Wei Wuxian for quite some time, until probably they go to the Wen Indoctrination camp. But the changes in his attitudes toward Wei Wuxian in particular are more subtle than that. I think Lan Wangji is trying to warm up in his own way, but he just becomes frustrated by his own feelings. Maybe he likes Wei Wuxian, but doesn’t understand why, or maybe it’s just that he doesn’t want to hate him. At this point, Lan Xichen has already told him a few times that he needs to make friends, and how about Wei Wuxian? He’s also noted that he could tell that Lan Wangji wanted “the boys” to go along with them. It would be frustrating to have someone, even someone you greatly respect, to tell you how you’re really feeling, especially when you’re as stubborn as Lan Wangji.

And Lan Xichen actually smirks after this, hahahaha!

She’s touching my leg, she’s touching my leg!!! You can’t tell me he didn’t think about this in bed every night for at least a week. I’m sure it’s extremely obvious already to Wen Qing that he’s crushing hard on her, and that must make her a little uncomfortable. I don’t think the feelings are reciprocated in the slightest.

Okay, but imagine if they’d let Su She go on his own like he wanted. He’d probably have died, or certainly run away. His spiritual power seems very weak, as he can’t call his sword back once he sends it into the water. Luckily Lan Wangji is there to save him.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

[sssrha]

clambered down the gibbet tree

As the juniors leave, Wei Wuxian beckons Lan Sizhui to say. “A-Yuan,” he asks vaguely, “do you remember those days before I died?”

Because Wen Qing and Wen Ning gave themselves up three months before Wei Wuxian’s death. Because the rest of the Wen Remnants died a week before Wei Wuxian’s death, the same day Wei Wuxian had destroyed the Stygian Tiger Seal. Wei Wuxian had whisked A-Yuan away with him, deeper into the Burial Mounds than he should have gone, all to buy a precious few days of time.

Because there is a week where there was only Wei Wuxian, A-Yuan, and the yawning eternity of the Burial Mounds, and Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember most of it. The few things he does remember, the few memories that he has managed to dredge up…

Or: Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and Jin Ling decide to ask Wei Wuxian about why everyone used to be so scared of him, and they get the truth, along with a few laughs. Wei Wuxian, on the other hand, gets memories, and he isn’t sure that he likes them.

[part one of dead man’s fate. read it below or on ao3]

-

“They were terrified of you.”

Wei Wuxian stops humming, pausing his work on whatever talisman he’d been working on at that moment. “What are you talking about?” he asks Lan Jingyi.

Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui, and Jin Ling have all crowded into the Jingshi, enjoying the honor of being one of the few people that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian trust enough to enter their personal living space. They all share a glance, as if they’re steeling themselves to the monumental task of continuing the conversation.

“The entire cultivational world,” Lan Sizhui eventually finishes. “They were scared of you. We grew up hearing stories about various atrocities you had supposedly committed. They say that it took all of the Sects three months to finally manage to wear you down to death, that they all had hundreds of disciples but you single-handedly fought them all off. How?”

Jin Ling snorts. “Yeah. No offense, but your performance with Xue Yang wasn’t exactly impressive.”

Wei Wuxian’s expression morphs into one of faux outrage. “How rude!” he sniffs. I will have you know, I was not in the best shape during that whole disaster!” And then, sobering just slightly, he admits, “And don’t let Xue Yang’s demeanor fool you—he may have been…unhinged, but he was certainly powerful. He managed to recreate half of my Seal and almost all of the power that would have entailed.” Really, Xue Yang was a genius—why, if he’d found himself coreless in the Burial Mounds for three months, Wei Wuxian suspects that he would have been able to discover a good bit of the things that Wei Wuxian had managed to. Luckily for everyone, that’s now how it turned out.

Lan Jingyi scrunches his nose. “That man was crazy and…and horrible!” Jin Ling snorts, nodding along, as Lan Sizhui puts up his arms to calm them.

“Ah,” Lan Sizhui says, “let’s not talk ill of the dead. What’s done is done.”

“That doesn’t make his actions okay,” Jin Ling points out.

“Well, no, they don’t, but we can curse him all we want and it will never make a difference.”

Wei Wuxian snickers. “Aiyah, Sizhui, if everyone had your mindset, then I wouldn’t have become the boogey-man. Imagine, everyone just choosing not to talk about me, not to acknowledge me—it would have been a peaceful existence!” But then he glances down at his arm, considering. “But then Mo Xuanyu may not have summoned me, and I wouldn’t get to be here with you three and Lan Zhan. Ah, it’s a good thing, after all.”

“You weren’t…peaceful?” Lan Jingyi asks. “When you were dead, I mean.”

Jin Ling immediately smacks him over the head, screeching, “What kind of question is that, you moron?”

Lan Sizhui was already attempting to calm them down when Wei Wuxian waved him away. “No, no, it’s fine. And…no, I don’t think I was. I certainly wasn’t a ghost or monster of any sort, but…well, I’ve heard the Sects spent years trying to summon me. I’ve seen the monuments they’ve placed in the Burial Mounds. None of that helped me have any sort of peaceful rest.”

“But they really did try to summon you for years,” Jin Ling says. “Uncle says that every sect would send fifty disciples, at least, to help.”

This makes Wei Wuxian pause. “…really? That much?” He had no way of knowing, back when he was dead. It had all washed over him—and the summoning attempts all washed away Lan Wangji’s Inquiry, a trickle against a ferocious river. It makes sense when there were so many people, he supposes, but still. “Fifty each?”

“They were terrified of you,” Lan Jingyi repeats.

Wei Wuxian makes a vague sound in the back of his throat. “Well, you’re right. They really were, weren’t they?” He absentmindedly traces the brushstrokes on the talisman he’d been working on. “I was strong back then, I guess. Stronger than I ever was in Mo Xuanyu’s body…even in those last days, I’m pretty sure. And I do mean physically. Mo Xuanyu, bless his soul, can’t seem to lift anything stronger than a medium-ish rock.” He sighs, forlorn. “I swam laps in Yunmengs lakes every day when I was younger. I was very muscular as a teenager, you see. Nearly as tall as your Hanguang-jun! And my shoulders…well, I spent much more time looking at my Lan Zhan than at myself, but I think our shoulder-width was comparable. Maybe mine was even wider, actually? I can’t recall.”

“Nearly as tall as Hanguang-jun?” Lan Jingyi demands. “No way! You couldn’t be that tall, you’re…” He doesn’t seem to know how to continue his sentence.

“What?” Wei Wuxian says slyly, leaning forward on his table. “I’m small? Petit? So cute and tiny for your Hanguang-jun!” Even as he says such shameless things, he’s restraining laughter.

The three disciples go red and Wei Wuxian finally gives in. “You three!” he says, laughing and wheezing all at once. “Are you saying that my personality didn’t suit my body? How rude! I don’t need to be this small to be shameless! And given the chance, I would have let Hanguang-jun manhandle me all he wanted, even in that body!”

“Senior Wei…” Lan Sizhui says, beet-red. “Let’s talk about something else?”

“No, no, this is too precious—but, ah, I will admit, I didn’t act the same for those last few years.” He finally manages to calm down. “It was…well. Demonic cultivation harmed both my body and my temperament, and that’s not even touching on how much demonic cultivation I used, and the lack of a golden core to fall back on properly when I finally noticed it eating away at me. I would have been fine, I think, if I also had my core. Well, theoretically, anyway.” He pauses. “…though, I will admit that trauma most definitely played a large role in it.” He doesn’t elaborate and they don’t ask him to.

“Well, I don’t know exactly what happened,” Lan Jingyi says suddenly, looking painfully earnest, “but I think Senior Wei was great! You helped the Wen Remnants—and Senior Wen!”

“And you helped win the war, didn’t you?” Jin Ling points out.

Wei Wuxian considers. “Yes,” he says finally, “I guess I did. I’m sure that the sects would have been fine without me, but…I’m proud to say that I helped them win the war in a substantial way.” As the teenagers smile encouragingly at him, Wei Wuxian makes sure to smile back, and keep his own thoughts to himself: he may be proud that he helped in the war, but he’s certainly not proud of how he did it.

Lan Sizhui, taking control of the conversation, decides to steer it into safer territory. “Senior Wei,” he says, “can you tell us about your time in the Jiang Sect?”

Wei Wuxian’s smile turns mischievous. “Oh, can I ever? Come closer, come closer—I have a few tales that Jiang Cheng will kill me for telling anyone, so, of course, I’ll tell them to you three.” Naturally! As Jiang Cheng’s (former) Shixiong, it’s simply his duty to embarrass him!

The evening wears away like that, with laughter from both sides. But—well, Wei Wuxian is a genius. He can do two things at once. So, while he laughs and laughs and laughs, he remembers.

His memories are…not complete, not in any sense of the word. Some things he remembers so vividly, and others have been ripped away, leaving behind only an empty abyss, spaces where he knows life took place, but the only evidence of it seems to be the stories of others. How many times had Lan Wangji brought something up—something sweet and kind that Wei Wuxian had done for him, back when nothing had gone wrong—only for Wei Wuxian to have no memory of it at all? Numerous, countless.

But Wei Wuxian does remember those days in the Burial Mounds the first time around. He remembers why he’d only set up the Wen Remnants in the hinterlands instead of venturing further inward, where they would have been safer from the sects. He remembers the bloody path he carved during the war, the way he once single-handedly slaughtered so many Wen soldiers that no one could take a single step without staining their boots in blood. He remembers the satisfaction of reaching into Wen Zhuliu’s abdomen and ripping out his golden core, of smashing it to dust with three fingers and laughing as the man fell.

He remembers all of this, and he remembers the only emotion that he felt at those moments: complete and utter satisfaction.

One thing he doesn’t remember is Lan Wangji—during the war, at least. He’s heard stories about the fights he and Lan Wangji had, about their rivalry, ones that Lan Wangji himself had reluctantly confirmed. They used to fight a lot. Lan Wangji doesn’t talk about it often, but sometimes, in the dead of night, when everything feels safe and warm and far away, Lan Wangji will admit things to him: the way Wei Wuxian’s laughter used to send chills down his spine, the way Wei Wuxian’s actions bleached his world black and white, the way Wei Wuxian’s touch seemed so warm—with blood that wasn’t his own.

He cries when he admits these things, when he tells Wei Wuxian that he wasn’t just scared for him, but also scared of him. All Wei Wuxian can do is hold him close and whisper assurances into his ear. ‘It’s fine,’ he says into the dead of the night, ‘you did nothing wrong. You still loved me, Lan Zhan, even after all of that. I don’t deserve you, you’re too good.’

Because, no matter what Lan Wangji tells him…Wei Wuxian knows he was a bad person. He knows he caused pain and he delighted in it. Wen Qing was lucky to find him only after the war, because if she had come to him during it…Wei Wuxian isn’t completely sure that he would have let her say a word before he took action, and that knowledge horrifies him.

As for his last days…Well.

As the juniors leave, Wei Wuxian beckons Lan Sizhui to say. “A-Yuan,” he asks vaguely, “do you remember those days before I died?”

Because Wen Qing and Wen Ning gave themselves up three months before Wei Wuxian’s death. Because the rest of the Wen Remnants died a week before Wei Wuxian’s death, the same day Wei Wuxian had destroyed the Stygian Tiger Seal. Wei Wuxian had whisked A-Yuan away with him, deeper into the Burial Mounds than he should have gone, all to buy a precious few days of time.

Because there is a week where there was only Wei Wuxian, A-Yuan, and the yawning eternity of the Burial Mounds, and Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember most of it. The few things he does remember, the few memories that he has managed to dredge up…

Lan Sizhui looks at him in confusion, then realization, and then…if someone were to ask Wei Wuxian, he would describe Lan Sizhui’s next expression as appraisal. But the smile is back quickly, as warm as ever. “Ah, Senior Wei, I’ve only remembered bits and pieces—most of my memories from before I came to the Cloud Recesses are gone.”

That is not an answer. He lets Lan Sizhui go, anyway, and as he watches his form disappear out the door of the Jingshi, all he can think about is that stare. So familiar. He can’t quite put his finger on it.

But then Lan Wangji returns and all of Wei Wuxian’s worries are swept away.

Ah, he’ll think more about it later, then. For now, for now, he’ll be happy with his husband in their home.

(Until the other shoe drops.)

[tanoraqui]

[Part 1] [Part 2]

[now all on AO3!]

As Nie Huaisang pulls his horse to a halt, as he clumsily dismounts and begs his san-ge to speak with him in private and they walk off to the side of the road together, Nie Huaisang’s eyes down and his fan covering most his face in embarrassment, he thinks very quickly, and decides faster. He’d promised himself he would do that, next time something like this happened

Here is some of what he thinks:

if the lifeblood of Qishan was power and the heart of Qinghe is strength, then the vital spark of Lanling is appearance. Nie Huaisang has always admired this, even yearned for it - imagine being born to a sect in which it was okay to just sit around and look pretty! Sure, they go a bit overboard with gilt, but who wouldn’t, if they had the money? QingheNie has a fortress in the mountains; LanlingJin has a golden tower overlooking one of the biggest ports in the empire, trade and art and culture all within reach

Conversely, they also thrive on secrets - the dark side of golden, glittering appearance. They’re not so different from QishanWen like that, because information is power. That’s why gossip is a thing 

Nie Huaisang has no particular reason to distrust Jin Guangyao, personally. He’s always been very kind to Nie Huaisang, bringing him lovely new fans and paints and a beautiful finch one time. Da-ge doesn’t trust him, for reason of some things JGY did in the war, but da-ge has such high standards for conduct that it’s a miracle he trusts anyone after the Sunshot Campaign. (And it’d help if he told NHS anything about those alleged untrustworthy “things”...) Wen Qing doesn’t trust him, but in fairness, it was her side that he betrayed. That could sour anyone. Even putting aside the possibility that she’s deliberately sowing discord for some devilish Wen reason. 

Admittedly, anything that Nie Huaisang says to him will almost certainly get back to Jin Guangshan, unless it’s of a truly personal nature - and perhaps even then. Secrets and gossip and power, after all, and it doesn’t take a genius to see that Jin Guangyao is desperate to please his father

even if the old bastard doesn’t deserve it an inch

So the question is, what is Nie Huaisang comfortable having known, and to whom? What does he want to appear as, to whom? And what is he willing to risk coming to light?

He thinks very fast, and soon as they’re well-out of earshot of his disciple-assistants and newly acquired Wen grandmother, he flings himself into Jin Guangyao’s arms, wailing. 

(it’s a little difficult, because Jin Guangyao is one of the few men Nie Huaisang knows who’s shorter than he is.) 

“San-ge, it’s not my fault! It’s all gone wrong! I just wanted to get out of saber practice, but then Wen Qing told da-ge something completely different, and then she made be get a baby, and - ”

The whole story comes out, in stops and starts mixed with helpless, hapless sobs. Nie Huaisang downplays Wen Qing’s successes with his brother, or at least mostly ignores them. He mentions A-Yuan’s nightmares only so far as they inconvenience himself, doesn’t comment on the Wens’ state of life at all, and generally exaggerates every terrible and bewildering situation he’s found himself in since he first happened to glance at Jiang Yanli at Phoenix Mountain

He figures Jin Guangyao probably sees through at least 20% of it, but that’s okay - that’s only deep enough to pierce the outer layer of overdramatics, which are mostly embellishments of the truth anyway, and maybe judge that Nie Huaisang has a soft heart for a cute kid

it’s a very cute kid, okay. NHS saw Nie Mingjue sneaking A-Yuan a piece of candy once. No one is safe

he doesn’t tell Jin Guangyao that

Nearly an hour later, Jin Guangyao peels Nie Huaisang gently off of his (now quite tear-damp) shoulder and smiles at him. It’s gentle, sympathetic, and the only thing it seems to be hiding is a laugh

Nie Huaisang is 99% sure of this assessment. Fortunately, he’s free to let his relief show, along with some healthy trepidation

“I won’t tell da-ge,” Jin Guangyao says, and there’s barely any humor to be seen dancing in his eyes. It’s really impressive, now that Nie Huaisang is learning what to look for.

“Really?” Nie Huaisang sniffles. “I just- He tries so hard, you know. I don’t want to disappoint him, not really.”

it really is all about using the truth. if it wasn’t so stressful, it’d be an incredible high

“Of course not.” Jin Guangyao squeezes him gently by the shoulders. “What is a san-ge for, if not to look out for his littlest brother?”

Nie Huaisang could definitely make a crack about his height smiles shakily and flings his arms around JGY’s shoulders again. “Oh, thank you! Thank you for your help!”

Jin Guangyao hugs him back gently and efficiently, then starts to tug him back to the waiting horses and by-now-dismounted companions. “Go on, get your A-Yuan’s granny back to Nie Sect and get yourself a good night’s sleep. I’ll make sure they’re both marked correctly as requisitioned for labor in Qinghe”

Nie Huaisang thanks him several more times, wiping away his tears like someone who just remembered that he’s not supposed to appear so weak in public. Jin Guangyao waves goodbye as he mounts his sword and flies away, and Nie Huaisang waves back, and then he and his assistants and his newly acquired A-Yuan’s Granny ride home

[they’re never going to be relevant again but I want you all to know that in my mind, these two dumb bastards are brothers with rhyming names, like, Xi Ping and Xi Ying or something. RIP Xi Ping and Xi Ying and their eardrums after NMJ reams them out for helping NHS do something stupid again]

And then...

they actually have peace for several months. 

Oh, the cold war between Jing and Jiang - or more accurately, between Jin and Wei Wuxian - is still brewing like fine tea, and Nie Huaisang finds himself paying more attention than usual to the gossip about it, because Wens come up as often as not. They're the prime example of the destructive power of the Stygian Tiger Seal, after all. And NHS has four of them living in his house, now

the gossip spikes deliciously when Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan get engaged, though it somehow neither eases nor increases the tension in either side

{the timeline is rubbish anyway, so it’s whatever’s convenient for this fic, thank you very much}

Nie Sect’s physicians are too proud to let Wen Qing take over their infirmary wholesale, but they don’t hesitate to consult with her on pretty much everything. Wen Ning turns out to be pretty fun to play checkers with, whether he lets Nie Huaisang win or gets invested enough to actually put up a good fight. Despite Granny’s addition to the orphan-caring staff, A-Yuan still slips away most days and follows Nie Huaisang around like a particularly persistent curse-construct. On the plus side, he’s learning how to be patient enough that the bolder birds will sit on him as readily as on Nie Huaisang himself, and he painted an entirely acceptable butterfly the other day.

Oh, and the veins in Nie Mingjue’s neck are only visible when he shouts, now, and enough time has passed that he’s forgotten about Nie Huaisang’s earlier, rash promise to practice saber for an extra half hour each day. Or maybe he’s just resigned to the fact that such promises never last. This is truly the best timeline!

And then the worst happens, out of the blue yet in retrospect inevitable: Nie Mingjue has a severe qi deviation

He’s coming back from a meeting in Lanling, which wasn’t so much a discussion conference as Jin Guangshan calling a handful of sect leaders together to bitch about the Wei Wuxian and the Tiger Seal again. Wen Qing is in the infirmary, setting a young disciple’s broken leg. Nie Huaisang is in his bedroom, trying to write an ode to snowflakes that, read aloud, is a single tone off from a recitation of curse words for the entire poem. They both hear the shouting from the main courtyard

Wen Qing has a doctor’s reflexes; she leaves the leg to an assistant and arrives in the courtyard in time to watch Nie Mingjue collapse out of the air. The disciples who accompanied him to Lanling are there to catch him, ease him down gently, but Baxia clatters to the ground

Nie Huaisang sees it from his window. By the time he gets there, his brother is laid out flat and Wen Qing and the Chief Physician are snapping clipped phrases at each other as they assess his status, in the mode of emergency responders everywhere

the Chief Physician doesn’t like Wen Qing, doesn’t like Wens, but he can respect her medical talents. Both sentiments are mutual - Wen Qing has a much more comprehensive skillset, but if there’s anything Nie healers know, it’s how to handle qi deviation

qi deviations are difficult and dangerous to treat - the spiritual energy starts cascading through a cultivator’s body, untamed and harmful, and adding soothing energy may help but it may make it worse, or even cause the chaos to spread to the would-be healer

{I actually have no idea how any of this works, and will henceforth be making up my own worldbuilding}

Nie Mingjue’s eyes have rolled back in his head, bleeding, and he shakes like a leaf in the wind, incongruous to the warrior who led attacks on the Nightless City itself. Who held his brother like a guarding stone wall at their father’s funeral. Nie Huaisang cannot breathe

they get him stabilized enough to move up to the infirmary. Someone eases up their grip on Nie Huaisang’s body so he could follow (he won’t remember until later that he was being held back)

It takes four hours to stabilize him fully (unlucky). His golden core tries to collapse three times, his heart stops twice, and his fucking saber tries to attack them once, seemingly of its own initiative. Several other healers join in as needed, even Wen Ning - he’s always been good at getting seizing patients to still. Wen Qing rates it below the 39-hour golden core transfer with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, in terms of worst surgeries of her life, but above nearly everything else, including the emergency liver transfer where the girl turned out to have all her organs on the opposite side and a side order of demon-induced pneumonia

Nie Huaisang has been sitting in the corridor outside, on the floor. Someone's put a cloak on him. He looks up when they exit, forgetting how to breath again.

“He’s unconscious,” says the Chief Physician, who is probably some sort of distant uncle/cousin. “But he should wake. He will wake,” he corrects. 

Wen Qing takes a deep breath. “We need to talk somewhere private.”

By the time Nie Huaisang has at least gotten to see his brother, get proof that he’s still breathing, the First Disciple has joined them as well (I mean, that position is sure as hell not held by NHS). Her name is Han Xiaoshi and she’s built in the same mold as the sect leader: tall, broad, wields her saber like a third hand. She leans against the closed door of the Chief Physician’s office while the Chief Physician - let’s say Nie Fengji - gives a slightly less brief explanation of the sect leader’s current state. 

(it’s not good. he’s in a semi-medically induced coma. he is bleeding neither blood nor spiritual energy. he...should wake, in his own time, if they continue to carefully feed his healing energy)

(if he wakes within three days, he will be fine. for now)

Nie Huaisang’s blood pounds hot and panicked in his ears; an unthinking fan covers his face. 

they all turn to Wen Qing, who wanted privacy. 

Wen Qing soothes hands over her skirt, still blood-flecked, and lifts her chin calmly. Addresses the First Disciple more than anyone. “Before I begin, would you please put a guard each on my bedroom and the apothecary, and my brother’s room as well?”

“What? Why?” asks Nie Huaisang, bewildered. Han Xiaoshi echoes more sternly

She smiles thinly. “I’d rather not be accused of trying to assassinate Chifeng-zun.”

Nie Huaisang’s blood turns cold

“Keep talking,” says Han Xiaoshi

Here’s what Wen Qing explains: there’s an herb grown on the same volcanic slopes into which the Nightless City is set, a grass that absorbs so much yin energy from the volcano that it carries it over into anyone who consumes the stalks, offsetting the natural balance of their spiritual energy. A closely guarded inner clan secret. It can allow for rare, advanced cultivation techniques (including demonic ones)...or it can spark a fatal qi deviation the next time the user tries to do anything spiritually strenuous. Like flying from Carp Tower to the Unclean Realm

“It’s almost impossible to detect in the blood,” she finishes. “But I recognize the pattern of its effects.” Her hands are clasped loosely in front of her. “I wouldn’t be surprised to find some planted in a place that draws suspicion to A-Ning or myself.”

“Who else would know about it?” Nie Huaisang demands, trembling even as the ice is settles into his veins 

“Someone who was close to Wen Ruohan,” she says calmly

they all know who she means

(oh, how she wants to tremble, too, too aware of every sword in the room that could be turned against her. Aware of A-Yuan and Granny and Wen Ning, her brother in the corridor just outside, and how it still hasn’t been a year since Wen blood ran in the flagstones of this castle. But Wen Qing has never been one to shake)

“There’s something else I should say,” she admits, to Nie Huaisang more than anyone. “I don’t actually know much about qi deviation - I’ve had a crash course, obviously, and I’m not a fool, but I’m mostly been treating it as a blood pressure problem - ”

“Obviously,” the Chief Physician scoffs

“ - but my Uncle Six is a true expert. Wen Zhichen - he was friends with your aunt, Huaisang-gongzi; your older sister, Fengji-shifu [the previous Chief Physician, killed in battle in the fifth month of the Sunshot Campaign]. If anyone can wake Nie-zongzhi, it’s him - ”

she could have said this earlier, could have said it weeks ago, or even from the start - but she had Wen Ning to think of before anyone else, and then A-Yuan who was too young to have accumulated crimes even as a Wen...

Wen Qing had once noted that the second son of Nie had likely never felt fear, true fear, in his life. That’s not true anymore. His brother is unconscious in the next room over and it’s not sure if he’ll ever wake. And it’s consequences catching up with him again, for real this time, this maybe-first time - was it the Wens, villainous duplicitous Wens that he brought into their home himself? Was it someone else, equally traitorous, suspicion roused to a killing intent by something Huaisang did himself?

People do a lot things when they’re feel fear deep down to their souls. They scrape and bow; they make bargains they shouldn’t, accept costs they can’t. They bend or they break

Nie Huaisang is a fop by preference, but it turns out that he breaks like a Nie

He shoves Wen Qing against the wall, hand on her throat. “Tell me this isn’t a trick. Tell me this isn’t some fucking ploy to get more Wen-dogs into my home, so you can finish killing my brother.” He shakes her, drops the fan to put his hand on the saber he's terrible with (it still hums eagerly for blood.) “Tell me.”

“I am,” she gasps

There is a tableau. Then Nie Huaisang drops her and strides for the door. “Shijie, put guards on her rooms, her brother’s, and Granny’s,” he snaps to Han Xiaoshi. “Don’t let anyone enter. Gather the Wens all in the third guest bedroom and keep them there - make sure A-Yuan has some paints to keep him quiet. And I’ll need your two fastest - no, those with the best strength and endurance in flight - ”

“Nephew - ” says the Chief Physician, and “Young Master,” says the First Disciple, a little impressed and a medium dubious

the closest Nie Huaisang has ever gotten to this commanding before was the early days of the Sunshot Campaign when there were no battle lines to hide behind yet, when he sometimes followed Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji as they tore across the country and directed the clean-up of their wake

“The best strength and endurance,” he repeats over them. The fan stays on the floor. “We’re flying to Qishan - we’ll be back with an extra expert for you in a couple days, Uncle. In the meantime, you can have Wen Qing if you need her, but otherwise they all stay in the third guest room.”

It takes a full day to fly to the Wen settlement in Qishan, at Nie Huaisang’s best pace. Starting already late in the afternoon, full of anger and terrified panic in equal measure, it’s beyond late by the time they near - and all but the anger has simmered away. Nie Huaisang lets them settle near the nearest halfway decent city instead, forces himself to lay on the ground and try to sleep, and sends one of his disciples out to buy the nicest fan they can find. He left so fast, he forgot to pick one up again

When they land in the filthy little town just after dawn, he stumbles off his sword more than lands (he is genuinely tired, at least) and runs to hammer on the door of the supervisory office, all terror and panic. “Jin-guniang! Jin-guniang! Help, help! It’s me, Nie Huaisang! I need - ”

“What?!” The captain yanks the door open (she sleeps above the office) and he very much does fall into her arms

“Ah, you have to help me!” He’s disheveled with flight and weepy with tears. “Wen Qing poisoned my brother and now he won’t wake up, so I have to find her sixth uncle - ”

“What - Nie Huaisang, what? Is she threatening - that Wen-bitch - ”

“No, no, we beat up her brother until she said - please! He’s the best at qi deviation, even Uncle Physician admitted it - ”

make sure to have Wen Ning beaten up just enough to look good, he notes in a small, back corner of his mind. in case there are spies in the castle. I’d have spies, if I could

“Okay, okay!” Jin Qixian ushers him into the office, half-holding him up. “Let me check the list of residences - sit down, Huaisang-gongxi, someone will brew tea...”

[five minutes later...]

“A different camp?” Nie Huaisang cries, fluttering his new fan in dismay

“They needed a healer...” Jin Qixian says apologetically. “But you just wait here, I’ll send someone - ”

“No, no,” Nie Huaisang gets to his feet, shaking his head. Happy to let the exhaustion of a 10-hour flight and 4 hours fitful sleep in the woods show, and the desperate helplessness that’s really not hard to fake. “I have to- Da-ge is counting on me - ”

He waves off all her attempted reassurances, bullheaded with anxiety, and accepts an officially sealed note of authority with babbling gratitude, and...

[about an hour and a half later...]

the other town the remnants of the Wen sect and soldiers have been relegated to is more of a city, really - cramped and filthy, where the other one was merely destitute and filthy. Families living all in one room or worse, and it’s okay because they’re only home to sleep; the fields are already filled with everyone old enough to work. They probably do need healers, because there’s not enough attention being paid to waste management. But - 

“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Nie Huaisang demands more sharply than he’d intended

Focus, A-Sang. It’s Nie Mingjue’s voice in his head, always, as though this was just another hated saber practice

“I’m sorry, Young Master Nie,” says the disciple in charge of this place - Jin Guangchao, another stray cousin. does everyone in that family spread seed like a watering can? “There was an incident a few days ago - ”

“He’s dead?” Nie Huaisang wails, sinking to ground

“No!” Jin Guangchao looks a little disgusted at his helplessness, but bends down to pull him up anyway. “Jin Zixun came around on an inspection and that one you wanted, he was impudent. Jin Zixun ordered him sent to the work camp at Qiongqi Pass.”

mother of fucking fucker [meaning Jin Zixun; meaning the whole situation]. the man probably made eye contact and that overbearing asshole - 

“That’s so far away!” Nie Huaisang whined, staying limp, crying into his fan

“Nie-shixiong, it is on the way - ” one of his disciples offers uncertainly (poor bastards - he’s really yanking them around. They’re not sure if they’re helping a con or offering real support)

“We’ll get him back to Chifeng-zun, and get Chifeng-zun back on his feet,” says the other, slipping her arm under his and pulling him to his own feet. “Come on, you’ll see”

(whether it’s for the con or not, Nie Huaisang appreciates it. They’ve never been this genuinely nice to him before)

there’s a conversation in the air halfway to Qiongqi Pass. It goes like this:

“Nie-shixiong, we have to rest. You have to rest.”

[gritted teeth] “I’m fine.”

“You’re going to fall off your sword.” (Liu Lifang, the older woman)

“Then you’ll carry me, won’t you? We’ll already have Wen Zhichen - we’ll double up.”

“Your, uh, dramatics - ” (Zhao Huandi, younger, male - there aren’t a lot of Nies, in Nie. There’s a lot of guest cultivators. There’s a lot of turnover.)

“Will be just as good, if not better, when I’m fainting from spiritual exhaustion.” [slightly bitter, mostly factual] “Don’t worry, I won’t deviate - I don’t use my saber enough for that.” [definitely exhausted] “We don’t stop.”

The work camp at Qiongqi Pass has all the bully-filled charm of Jin Qixian’s town and all the overworked labor je-ne-sais-quoi of the other one, and it’s started raining so there’s a really nice note of despair. If Nie Huaisang had any room left in his brain, he would mourn the beauty of the frescos being destroyed, grand and glorious works of art even if their glory was that of the Wens

he slides off Liu Lifang’s sword in the middle of the densest group of workers, cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, “Hey! Wen Qing’s Sixth Uncle, Wen Zhichen of DafanWen! Nie Sect requisitions you!”

the prisoner-workers all shrink away; an inspector hurries over. “Hey, who are you - ”

“You will respect Second Master Nie Huaisang,” snaps Zhao Huandi, hand on his saber while Nie Huaisang starts to cry on cue for the third time that day, and god, either they’re really getting it or he’s just blessed with a sect full of perfect straight men.

“Please,” Nie Huaisang begs, leaning on his disciple and waving the letter from Jin Qixian. “I need a healer - that healer, it’s my brother, he’s been poisoned - ”

they’re real tears of exhaustion. maybe he should have let them talk him into a rest

(Da-ge will be fine, he knows, he insists to himself and the world. He was stable 24 hours ago and Nie Huaisang left him with the most competent people he knows)

the inspector has no idea what to do with him and neither does the Chief Inspector, really, when he rides up. That’s perfect - it means their half-hearted objections are easy to push past

they’re still shit at actually helping, because they don’t know a single person in this goddamned work-prison, and all the Wens just shy away, or pick up a pickaxe and try to keep working if anyone comes too near. The inspectors seem to regard this as ideal

Nie Huaisang honestly doesn’t care right now, but he does notice

Finally Nie Huaisang has wailed loudly enough up and down the valley that one prisoner hesitantly steps forward and admits to being the Dafan Wens’ Sixth Uncle. He has Wen Ning’s ears and Granny’s eyes and the same needle callouses as Wen Qing, so Nie Huaisang calls it a day

except they still have to fly back to the Unclean Realm, a flight of six hours unburdened

Nie Huaisang’s groan is entirely genuine

Wen Qing has taken to pacing by the time the Chief Physician comes to fetch her, personally, from the third guest bedroom. Night has come and gone and come again; A-Yuan and Granny are both asleep in the bed and Wen Ning is lying beside them, though she can tell he’s only pretending to sleep to make her feel better. What a good boy. 

Sixth Uncle is sitting by Nie Mingjue’s bed in the infirmary, eating soup. There’s a couple Nie disciples in the room as well, one sending a slight stream of energy into Nie Mingjue and one simply watching the Wen, a hand on his saber hilt 

(no one’s told her if they’ve searched her or anyone else’s rooms, yet; if they found anything)

“Keep sitting and eating!” snaps Nie Fengji, the Chief Physician, before Sixth Uncle can leap up at the sight of Wen Qing. “I need you talking qi balance, not falling over again.” He mutters under his breath, “People can’t even work if you let them get so weak - can’t trust a Jin to do anything with care.”

She sinks to her knees to hug her uncle instead - and notices a cot that’s been brought in to sit beside Nie Mingjue’s, its occupant also as still and wan as the grave.

“Huaisang!” She springs to her feet. “He didn’t - ”

“Exhaustion. The boy overworked his golden core and passed out.” Nie Fengji pushes her back with a roll of his eyes. “Bullheaded as their father, the both of them.”

He rolls up his sleeves and nudges the attending physician out of the way, to take over easing calming energy into Nie Mingjue without a single quiver in the stream. “Now, you two prove to me why I should trust any sort of Wen.”

To be continued...but Part 4 really will be the last, so, that’s p good actually. By my standards of mis-estimation of how long a piece of writing will be. And it’ll definitely be a short one! Unlike this Part 3, which is...*checks* 4.5k WTF.

[isabilightwood]

The Problem with Authority - Chapter 4

Or, Sacrifice Summon! Jiang Yanli is here to make things right, be the ultimate big sister (step 1: bring back her dead brother), and maybe steal the Peacock throne in the process

[AO3][1][2][3]

“A -Su ! I’m so sorry!” Lan Xichen grasped her hands to pull her to her feet. “I wanted to give you a gift, not a bump on the head.”

He was flushed, his eyes bright and manic, his forehead ribbon dangling around his neck. His soft gray geometric patterned outer robe was hanging off one shoulder, revealing the pale blue inner robe beneath. Jiang Yanli felt strangely like she should offer to give him his privacy.

Though they were outside. In the courtyard of her house.

Jiang Yanli felt entirely uninjured, but perhaps she had hit her head after all, and was merely hallucinating the impossibility of a discomposed and rumpled Lan Xichen. “Lan-zongzhu…?”

“Erge, wait!” Jin Guangyao sprinted towards them from the direction of the guest rooms. He stumbled to a halt, doubled over and panting. “You shouldn’t talk to anyone while you’re drunk, remember? Let’s not repeat the Moling incident. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He grabbed Lan Xichen’s wrist and tugged, but the taller man didn’t budge.

“But I haven’t given A-Su her thank you gift yet.” Lan Xichen looked around, wide eyed and innocent. “Where did the rabbits go?”

Jin Guangyao sighed loudly. “We don’t have rabbits here, Erge. This is Lanling, not the Cloud Recesses.”

“But rabbits are the best gift. Wangji and A-Yuan both think so.” Lan Xichen pouted for a moment, then perked up. “Someone must have rabbits in town.”

Jin Guangyao’s face convulsed.

Lan Xichen nodded decisively. Dropping his sword so it hovered in the air, he tried to climb onto it. Combined with the alcohol, Jin Guangyao pulling on his sleeve was enough to unbalance him, so he fell backwards into his lover’s chest. Jin Guangyao stumbled backwards, but managed to hold him up.

Lan Xichen hummed, tugging on his arms to pull him closer. He seemed to have entirely forgotten his goal, content to remain where he was.

Stymied in his efforts to steal his lover away with minimum embarrassment, Jin Guangyao turned his head towards her. “Erge overindulged by mistake, my apologies. I will get him to his rooms — my rooms, I suppose, shortly.”

“None needed. I was merely startled.” Startled, yes, but also having the time of her life. Doubly so, considering the incoherent gibberish of Qin Su’s thoughts.

“Erge, it’s nearly midnight. You wouldn’t want your uncle to know you stayed up past nine, would you?”

“But Shufu is in the Cloud Recesses. He doesn’t like crowds.” Lan Xichen said as though revealing a great secret. “Wangji is somewhere in Qishan. He doesn’t like crowds either.”

“I could always write him a letter. ‘Lan-Xiansheng, I am sorry to inform you that Lan-zongzhu has taken liberties with the disciplines. Please have him copy the rules with the novices for the next month.’”

“A-Yao, you wouldn’t.” Lan Xichen let his head loll back against Jin Guangyao’s shoulder - somehow without tipping the shorter man over — and stuck out his bottom lip.

“I wouldn’t.” Jin Guangyao confirmed, his expression turning ridiculously sappy. “Please come back with me anyway?”

“But I haven’t thanked A-Su properly yet!” Lan Xichen grasped her hands and squeezed tightly, earnestly shaking them up and down. “Thank you, A-Su! I will take good care of our A-Yao.”

She doubted Lan Xichen would ever have mentioned it, if he wasn’t drunk.

“My deepest apologies for this.” Jin Guangyao grimaced, his cheeks flushed pink. He turned to face Lan Xichen, cupping the back of his neck and stroking the front of his throat with his thumb. “I’ve arranged to have dessert delivered to my room. I’ll feed it to you, if you’re good.”

Lan Xichen perked up, dropping her hands and —thankfully — dragged him away before she and Qin Su could be subjected to anymore unwanted details of their relationship.

As they vanished from sight, headed for a discrete side entrance to Jin Guangyao’s room, Jiang Yanli felt a twinge of guilt. Lan Xichen did not deserve to be shackled to a man who had killed his own son.

But she did not feel as much guilt as she would have liked to.

Because she had told Lan Xichen the truth, and he had chosen to do nothing.

Jiang Yanli had gone to him after she learned what she’d slept through in the aftermath of A-Xian’s defection, after Luo Qingyang left the sect and Lan Wangji slipped away unnoticed. After A-Cheng left for the Burial Mounds without her. “A-Xian did not do this unprovoked. The Wen siblings saved our lives, at great risk to their own.”

He smiled in appeasement. “Be that as it may, he killed the guards, and took away all the prisoners. You must understand what this looks like.”

Jiang Yanli’s patience had been hanging by a thread, and the patronizing you must understand snapped it. “I remember starving, terrified, dirty prisoners dressed in rags being used as target practice.” She laughed, a short, crazed thing too like A-Xian’s. “Oh, but you prefer to forget things that might upset your precious peace. Even if it dooms innocents, or breaks your brother’s heart.”

Lan Xichen stared at her, and Jiang Yanli remembered she was supposed to be the level-headed, soft-spoken one. No matter how little she felt it. “My apologies, that was uncalled for. It is simply that my brother cannot do anything, without your support.

But Lan Xichen only shook his head regretfully. “Both my sworn brothers have sworn to me that only dangerous prisoners were confined to the camp. I’m sorry, Jiang-guniang, but I cannot.”

Lan Xichen had not believed her. And perhaps he had doomed A-Xian. Perhaps it would have changed nothing. But for what she had done — was doing — to Lan Xichen, she clung to her rationalizations.

What just happened? Qin Su asked.

We just experienced the reason why Lans are forbidden to drink. Strange that Lan Xichen would get drunk like that, though. Thanks to A-Xian, she knew the Lan’s rule about alcohol was really because of the main clan’s low tolerance, but —

But I’ve seen him drink before. Qin Su’s confusion was like bubbles popping on surface of her mind.

Jiang Yanli had too. A-Xian once mentioned a trick Zewu-jun used to burn it off, while he was deep in his cups and reminiscing longingly about how cute Lan Wangji looked when drunkenly attempting to straighten his crooked forehead ribbon. Had Nie Huaisang switched their cups by mistake? A prank, perhaps?

Where was Nie Huaisang?

Jiang Yanli pushed open the door to the Fragrance Hall and froze.

That answers that question.

Nie Huaisang swore as a device he was holding up to the mirrored portal to the treasure room rebounded towards his face, using both his hands to force it back to the surface. There was a focused intensity to his expression that Jiang Yanli had never seen before, a far sight from the whining puddle who’d dragged the Chief Cultivator from his own banquet.

But then, she’d never paid him much attention. No one had, save perhaps A-Xian. “Nie-zongzhu. Is there something you need from the treasury?”

Nie Huaisang startled, glaring with a focused intensity that vanished so quickly she might have imagined it, as he threw himself back from the portal. He sprawled inelegantly on the ground, covering half his face with his fan. “Is that what it is? A treasury? I really didn’t know.”

Is it just me or is that bullshit? Qin Su did the mental equivalent of narrowing her eyes.

Jiang Yanli shut the door behind her. “So you didn’t just hide a talisman-engraved device you were using to inspect the wards up your sleeve?”

If Nie Huaisang is competent, I think we can safely say everything I thought was wrong. What will we discover next? Does my  father remember my birthday? Has Yao-zongzhu been possessed by a gossip-loving spirit for years?

“I was just curious, I don’t know!”

She supposed he’d never bothered to come up with another line because this one had worked for his entire life. “Let me satisfy your curiosity then.”

He gave an exaggerated wail as she grabbed his wrist. But whatever else Nie Huaisang might be, he was not strong. Jiang Yanli was able to easily pull him through the portal. He stumbled against her, and, as she reached to steady him, bit her hand.

“Ow! What was that for? Are you a dog?” She demanded, wiping off her knuckles on her outer robe.

“You made unfounded accusations and dragged me in here!” He slumped inward, making himself look smaller. “I don’t know why! I felt unsafe.”

Sure he did. “You wanted to see inside. Now you’re inside. Take the chance or leave it.”

He took it. “Well, if you insist. There is some interesting art in here. Is this where the paintings of the Crimson Swan ended up? Tragic. I could help display them properly, if San-ge gave me half a chance. But no, it’s too soon. Half the sects would throw a fit, and Lan-xiansheng would kidnap me for remedial schooling. I can’t go back to the Cloud Recesses! I simply can’t!”

Qin Su snorted. At least some things stay the same. He’s still annoying.

Jiang Yanli watched Nie Huaisang dart around the room, peering at items on shelves and lifting curtains in what seemed to be no particular order, keeping up his narration all the while. “You know, the Wen really had some gems in their collection. This poetry collection is priceless, and yet here it is, tragically gathering dust — Oh, dear.”

His arm knocked into an ornate vase that had been placed too close to the edge of a display.

Jiang Yanli plucked a talisman from her sleeve and threw it, so it hit the vase, freezing it in place tipped halfway off the shelf.

Nie Huaisang turned, squinting at her with an air of smug satisfaction. “You’re not Qin Su.”

Nie Huaisang of all people notices? That’s it, good night. Wake me when things make sense again. Despite her words, Qin Su remained alert and attentive.

Jiang Yanli tamped down on the urge to throw another talisman, this time at him. “That’s quite the accusation.”

“Qin Su would have reached for her sword when I knocked over that vase. You stopped it from falling with a talisman. Also, she never calls me Nie-zongzhu.” He perched on a vase-free table, his hands folded perfectly, but one leg bounced to the rhythm of his thoughts. “The question is, are you possessing her, or are you using one of Xue Yang’s human skin masks?”

“Neither.” She held up Qin Su’s sword, and drew it. “Do you deny that this is Chunsheng?”

“So that is Qin Su’s body, but you say it’s not a possession. Hmm. Did Wei-xiong find a way to permanently inhabit a living body?” Nie Huaisang jumped disturbingly close to the truth with his second guess.  “Are you Wei-xiong? But no, Wei-xiong wouldn’t have chosen a nice woman like Qin Su.”

Aww. He thinks I’m nice. So long as he’s just a sneak, I forgive him for the deception.

“I’m definitely not A-Xian.” Jiang Yanli realized her mistake even as it slipped out. She clapped her hands over her mouth, her eyes widening.

“Jiang Yanli!” He cried, delighted. “Oh, I have to know how this happened.”

“I don’t know what —”

“No, don’t protest. You’ve been caught. But don’t worry. I’m certainly not going to tell anyone in Koi Tower about you. What would be the use of that?” Nie Huaisang was positively gleeful, and she didn’t trust him for a second.

Qin Su didn’t disagree, but sighed. Unfortunately, I think you’d better tell him.

“Take a seat.” She hung up a talisman to alert her if anyone approached the portal, and checked under every curtain, just in case. Once she was certain the room was secure, she knelt across from him. “You were correct that it was A-Xian’s work that made this possible, but it was not his doing.”

“Obviously, it was Wei-xiong’s invention. His most powerful imitator is Xue Yang, and he has the creativity of a sea slug.” Nie Huaisang sank gracefully to his knees, balancing his fan across them. Seeing him now, a stranger would never guess his reputation. “Now, who is this mysterious benefactor? Do tell.”

She briefly detailed the mechanics of the array. From his performance in the Cloud Recesses, she would not have expected him to understand it, but he nodded along without interrupting. “Qin Su found the wrong journal at exactly the wrong moment. Now I’m in her body, and she lives in my head.”

Was it the wrong moment? Qin Su wondered, and digressed before Jiang Yanli could contradict her. Insult his fan for me, that’s sloppy work. His mountains still look like Jin Guangyao’s hat.

Dutifully, Jiang Yanli repeated her words.

He gave a startled laugh. “Ah, Qin Su has long been my worst critic. Sadly, this revenge business leaves little time for developing my painting skills.”

“Revenge? Does this have anything to do with why you were trying to break in here?” If so, his grudge could only be against —

“Naturally. Jin Guangyao killed my brother.” Nie Huaisang asserted this claim as though it were common knowledge. “He also set up yours, which seems relevant.”

Jiang Yanli stiffened, lightning racing though her veins. “A-Xian? Didn’t he lose control?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I can’t be sure, I wasn’t there.” He said lightly. Jiang Yanli was beginning to believe he was allergic to acting serious. Dropping this on her as though it didn’t shake her entire worldview. “He is, however, the reason Jin Zixuan went to Qiongqi path that day.”

Jiang Yanli could have sworn she heard a dizi playing as she died, when Chenqing was hanging loose in A-Xian’s grasp. But she had been dying — that memory was not to be trusted. And just how clever would Jin Guangyao have to be to plan all of that? Surely not everything that had gone wrong could be laid at his feet.

Maybe we should consider the possibility anyway. Qin Su, for whom all the greatest cruelties of her life could be laid at the feet of that same man, suggested.

Jiang Yanli was uncertain that knowing would do anything more than make their losses hurt more. She sat in stunned silence for a long moment, and wished for a plum to let her retreat and reset. A reply to Tan-daifu’s latest letter was overdue, she thought hazily.

Tan-daifu would say that the truth helps. Qin Su seized the chance to turn her own nagging about Tan-daifu’s advice back on her, which didn’t seem fair.

But the truth would only help if she was ready to face it.  Jiang Yanli still woke every day expecting to see A-Xuan beside her, was thrust back into sepia-tinged memories of afternoons on the Lotus Lakes at the distant sound of adolescent laughter.

She would not be ready until the day she saw A-Xian again.

What day? Yanli-jie? Qin Su asked, but Jiang Yanli was uncertain why she’d thought that. A-Xian was dead. She could not simply trade someone else for him.

“How did you learn this?” She asked, finally.

Nie Huaisang looked up from a book he’d snagged from a nearby shelf while she was lost in her thoughts. “I have my ways.”

“You have spies.”

He picked up his fan to flick it dismissively. “Just a few informants. Mostly, we Nies are simply very good at out-drinking people.”

She had a feeling he was downplaying the extent of his network. “What else have you learned from your spies?”

“I just ask people to keep an eye out, it’s hardly espionage.” He insisted.

“Sure.” She said, seeing this was a hill he would die on.

Mollified, he continued. “Jin Guangyao also killed his father.”

“I’m aware. Shockingly, I’m not actually upset about that one.” Perhaps Nie Huaisang had finally run out of shocking revelations.

But no, he had another left in store. “Who is? No, the interesting part is he left a witness. A little bird told me that somewhere in Koi Tower, there’s a woman trapped in a hidden room.”

Jiang Yanli would never get used to having to sit side by side on the Peacock throne with Jin Guangyao. She had been meant to share it with Zixuan, as not only his wife but his equal.

She hadn’t expected her husband to want her as anything other than the mother of his children. Not until their second engagement, when his earnest, awkward attempts at wooing her had turned to learning each other over the course of honest conversations that slowly grew less stilted. Finally, their words had begun to flow like a mountain stream thawing in spring, and Jiang Yanli knew her heart was right to choose him.

A-Xuan had listened, and confided he needed her help, not only with things like courtesy and public speaking, but in knowing what needed to change.

Jin Guangyao, she thought, was so certain that he was the smartest person in the room, that he didn’t notice his wife-slash-sister was an entirely different person.

Qin Su had nearly always sat in silence during conferences, listening perhaps half the time as she thought about lesson plans and inspected the attendees’ robes and ornaments in case anyone had discovered a talented new artisan. So for the moment, Jiang Yanli did the same, albeit paying the debate her full attention.

No matter the length at which Sect Leader Yao complained about issues that did not remotely involve him (Gusu’s high land tax rates), internal sect matters not on the conference agenda (how a small temple sect and town sect on his lands kept driving yao and gui into each other’s territory), or were entirely out of left field. “See! There’s proof! The Jiang have been hoarding the Yiling Patriarch’s inventions for themselves!”

A-Cheng, who had just reached the point in his status report regarding Yunmeng’s taxes, blinked. Clearly used to  Sect Leader Yao, he didn’t even get angry, merely rubbed his knuckles against his forehead. “The Jin have all of Wei Wuxian’s heretical writings. I explained this last conference. And the conference before that.”

Sect Leader Yao continued to prove himself the least astute cultivator in the room. “But you’ve never let anyone into Lotus Pier to check for themselves!”

At that, the flush of anger filled his cheeks. But in an impressive-for-him show of control, A-Cheng only snapped, “What, exactly, are you insinuating, Yao-zongzhu? Would you like to share Xixia’s cultivation techniques with the class?”

“I see that Yunmeng’s recovery is continuing ahead of schedule. Let’s move on to…” Jin Guangyao blanched, as he realized who was next. “Qinghe. A-Sang, if you please.”

Nie Huaisang got to his feet, looking around with what she had to assume were faked nerves, clutching his fan close to his chest. He stuttered through the beginnings of his presentation, before swaying and kicking a bird cage hidden beneath his table into the center of the room. It spoke, in a disturbingly accurate imitation of A-Cheng.

And all right, that was entertaining. But mostly, the conference continued to star Sect Leader Yao.

At least today, A-Ling was perched on the wide throne beside her, making it a little more bearable.

Leaning into her side, his tongue caught between his teeth, A-Ling scribbled on each new sheet of paper. Ostensibly, he was practicing his calligraphy. And he did do a bit of that, with messy strokes, but only when he noticed her looking down. Mostly, he scribbled blobs that he proudly declared were all the dogs he would someday own, when she asked.

Black flecks of ink spattered the front of her robes, but Jiang Yanli could not bring herself to care. She’d missed so much. She’d take every second with her son she could get.

Jiang Yanli’s continued efforts to pay attention were stymied by Qin Su’s running commentary on everything from the tackiness of the gilded everything to the dust bunny that had attached itself unnoticed to Sect Leader Ouyang’s beard, taking the chance to say everything she’d never been able to.

It’s a shame I never tempted Ouyang-zongzhu’s tailor away. He doesn’t deserve her. And oh, look, Su She’s imitating the Lan more obviously than ever. It’s almost like he sold them out to the Wen or something and misses the status. The off-white and teal blue of Su She’s robes were at most a single shade away from Lan colors, and the wave embroidery on his hems was suspiciously cloud-like.

The most notable detail of Su She’s presentation was the way the Lan disciples — save, of course, for a slightly off-color Lan Xichen — pretended not to snicker as he claimed the peasants in his lands were superstitious about musical cultivation.

She’d ensured Sect Leader Ran was next to him, and noted the two of them speaking quietly during one of Sect Leader Yao’s disruptions. This time, he was one insult away from starting a cat fight with Sect Leader Tang, over some minor territorial dispute. Jin Guangyao actually got up and went over to them to smooth ruffled feathers, though his efforts were stymied by A-Cheng’s utter apathy over whether his young, hotheaded vassal stabbed Sect Leader Yao in the eyes with her chopsticks.

It’s not a cultivation conference if no one tries to murder Yao-Zongzhu. Someday, someone will take one for the team and actually do it. Qin Su sighed wistfully.

From the way Jin Guangyao’s dimples twitched when he returned, he’d contemplated it.

During their break for lunch, Sect Leader Ran approached the Peacock throne. As she’d expected, he asked directly for a meeting with Jin Guangyao to negotiate terms for the implementation of watchtowers.

Sect Leader Zhai’s approach was more surprising.

“Xiandu, Jin-furen.” Sect Leader Zhai bowed to each of them. “I would like to request a private meeting with both of you before I leave Lanling. Jin-furen brought up some interesting points yesterday that I would like to discuss further.”

“Both of us?” Jin Guangyao was a man who planned everything himself, who seemed to believe that seeking a second opinion meant smiling and nodding and then explaining why the other person was wrong.

The implication that his here-to-fore apolitical wife had made a better offer appeared to have broken him.

“I think that could be arranged.” Jiang Yanli said. “A-Yao?”

He recovered quickly, gesturing for his assistant to put a note in his schedule. “Yes, of course. I believe tomorrow, immediately after dinner would be an ideal time.”

“Excellent. I look forward to it.” Sect Leader Zhai bowed again and turned away, without waiting for their dismissal.

Tempers frayed in the afternoon, and Jiang Yanli had to pass A-Ling off to his minders for a nap. As Sect Leader Yao rose for his actual turn to report, Nie Huaisang made his move.

He screeched, jumping to his feet as though bitten, and bumped into Sect Leader Yao hard enough to knock them both to the floor. The wine jar in his hand shattered, sharp edges lacerating his palm. He stared at the cuts for a long moment as they began to bleed. And, clutching his wrist, he drew in a deep breath, and howled.

The majority of the room promptly began to find their teacups or the nearest tacky golden peacock drapes utterly fascinating. But his elder brother’s sworn brothers were at his side in an instant.

“A-Sang, please. Let us see.” Jin Guangyao pleaded.

I think Jin Guangyao really does care about Huaisang. He’s never going to see him coming. Qin Su said, and they both winced at a particularly high-pitched cry. Nie Huaisang should have been born to a theatrical troupe.

“Oh, that looks —” Lan Xichen caught only a glimpse of the injured hand before he had to let go to avoid Nie Huaisang’s wildly swinging other arm.

“Ergeeeeeee,” Nie Huaisang wailed. “I’m bleeding out, aren’t I? You can say it.”

“No, no,” As Jin Guangyao finally captured the flailing hand, Lan Xichen pressed down on the wound with his own handkerchief. “You should see a healer, just to clean and bind it properly.”

“Will you take me?” He sniffed, his eyes wide and filling once again with tears as he looked between the two men.

Jin Guangyao exchanged a pained glance with his theoretically secret lover. “I can’t leave right now, can you?”

Lan Xichen shook his head. “I’m scheduled to speak on our findings about suppressing ghosts summoned with spirit flags next.”

“Right. Right.” Jin Guangyao stared into the distance for a moment. Qin Su hoped he was watching his plans for the conference crumble before his eyes. “Huaisang, you’ll have to go with one of your disciples —”

Nie Huaisang sobbed harder.

That was her cue.

“I’ll take him to get patched up.” Jiang Yanli offered, already striding towards them.

Jin Guangyao looked around at the determinedly apathetic audience, then back to Nie Huaisang. He sighed. “Thank you. A-Su will take good care of you, please let her take you to a healer.”

Nie Huaisang kept up his whining until they were out of sight and earshot of the hall, though still under an awning away from the downpour outside. Then, with a glance around to make sure no one was watching, he plucked a vial of salve and a bandage out of his robes. He only asked her to pop open the salve, but she took it and the bandage from him, gesturing for him to hold out his hand.

“I can do it myself.” He insisted, the vapid act vanishing in an instant.

Jiang Yanli rolled her eyes. “Bandages are more secure when someone else wraps them. It’ll help stop the bleeding.” Cultivators were always such babies about receiving help.

“All right.” He gazed at her with wide and uncertain eyes. As though no one had offered to help him without something in return, or a fit of hysterics, in a long time. Yet even as she finished tying of the bandage, that incongruous seriousness took over once again. “We have at least until the end of the evening banquet, though it would be better if you returned for that. The house should be near the kitchens, in what looks like an empty space.”

They walked back and forth past the kitchens several times, but found nothing. The hems of their robs were soaked from the rain, the line between wet and dry creeping higher with every step.

“Right. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.” He pulled one of A-Xian’s Compasses of Evil out of his pocket. “Only Demonic Cultivation could hide a building like this, but it must be shielded somehow, or people would notice a cluster of resentment in the middle of Koi Tower. I wonder… hold this.”

He thrust his umbrella into her chest, expecting her to hold it over his head. Bemused, she did so.

“A lightning talisman, perhaps, to imitate the effects of Zidian.” He mused, sketching in the air with his injured hand as though it didn't pain him. “Yes! It’s this way.”

As they walked, she watched him closely. “I had no idea you were so…”

“That I’m in possession of a working brain? Yes, I prefer it that way.” He said brightly.

Being underestimated had its advantages, but that didn’t stop it from hurting.

“I was going to say that I thought you didn’t cultivate beyond the basics.” Jiang Yanli corrected. “Cultivation has no bearing on intelligence. I would know.”

“Yes, I suppose you would. I’ve always preferred talismans to sword cultivation, much less those horrible life-draining sabers, despite Dage’s wishes. Did you think Wei-xiong was only friends with me for my sense of humor?”

She hadn’t spent much time thinking about their friendship at all, not when she was occupied watching A-Xian fall in love.

What sense of humor? Qin Su said. Teasingly, so Jiang Yanli repeated it, earning an insulted gasp.

But Nie Huaisang’s methods bore fruit, his compass leading them to their destination.

From the outside, the building looked like a shed. One of the many near-identical buildings that housed tools or out of use decorations, albeit with an unusual amount of space on either side. But when she looked closely, Jiang Yanli glimpsed a shimmer of golden energy, mixed with writhing shadows. Wards, and made from a combination of resentful and spiritual energy at that. No wonder neither of them had so much as glimpsed it before.

Jiang Yanli stepped forward to inspect the wards in detail. They looked to be designed to hide the building, and keep someone in. Though the details looked overly complicated for concealing a single person, she and Nie Huaisang agreed. Keeping anyone who knew it was there out would require a level of intricacy that risked collapsing the entire ward every time someone passed through.

Their presence would not be detected.

Still, Nie Huaisang stepped through first, claiming, “I can talk my way out of this, if we’re wrong. You, on the other hand…”

When Jiang Yanli stepped through, there was a wave of disorientation, like stepping onto solid ground after hours on a boat. It passed, and a two-story pavilion of modest size stood before her. Far less elaborate than her own, she thought it might once have been used to house servants, before it was repurposed into a prison.

Keeping out of sight of anyone who might look out, they approached the open windows on either side of the door. Jiang Yanli plastered herself to the wall, and peered inside.

She and Nie Huaisang had agreed that if they found the woman’s prison, they would only scout from the outside.

But what Jiang Yanli saw through that window changed everything.

A young woman in linen servant’s robes knelt at a table, her shoulders hunched over as she methodically ground herbs into powder. A text depicting the anatomy of a human body was open to her left.

The woman looked up, and Jiang Yanli was certain she was seeing a ghost.

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

This trip was for Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen. It was their closure. It was their first step on a  road to really healing from their own hurts. 

It’s not right for them to have to deal with my burdens too. 

It’s not about me. 

So I just… kinda sat there. I don’t think I’ve processed it yet. 

I have Gamby’s phone number now. And I know where she lives. 

Maybe one day I’ll be able to call her. To have  a real talk. 

But first I want to make sure Lan Zhan is okay. 

We stayed at Lan Xichen’s that night after a long drive home. They let me stay the night with them. I was glad for that. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want them to be alone. 

I did my best to comfort them. It helped me not think about what had happened. Lan Zhan looked so….

Lan Xichen was better at hiding it. I think he’s a lot like me when he smiles. Like if you can smile through it you can trick the world into being alright. 

I talked to him for a while in the kitchen. It was nice to get to know him more despite the circumstances. He helped me fix up something for Lan Zhan to eat. Another good thing because, as I’ve said before, I’m not the most handy in the kitchen. I can cook alright but it’s so hard to resist adding all the spices. 

Fortunately, I guess, Lan Xichen’s taste runs very similar to Lan Zhan’s so there weren’t many spices to add. Temptation averted.

Maybe if I laugh it will be alright. 

I learned more about them. The Twin Jades they used to be called. Sometimes they must still be called that. They DO look rather alike. And they’re both so GOOD. 

Maybe if I joke it will be alright. 

I got Lan Zhan to eat something. Slowly but he did eat. He let me hold him. I hope I brought him some comfort. 

Maybe if I pretend it will be alright. 

I went home after that. I didn’t want to intrude. But I didn’t want to be alone. 

I started to type all this but couldn’t post it because I didn’t have any wifi. 

I didn’t want to be alone. 

I didn’t want Lan Zhan to be alone. 

I texted him when I just couldn’t stand it any more. I offered to stay with him. To keep him company. Only if he wanted. If he needed to be alone I’d respect that but… if he wanted company… 

I didn’t tell him how desperately I needed that company. I cried when he said I could come over. 

With Lan Zhan… With Lan Zhan it IS alright. 

He told me to bring something to do so I wouldn’t get bored. I told him the truth. I’m never bored with him. 

Besides this wasn’t about me. I didn’t want it to be about me. 

I brought my paints anyway. I thought maybe he’d like me to draw him something. 

I took a cab to get there so that he wouldn’t have to wait any longer than he had to. 

I wanted… I wanted to take care of HIM for once. Repay him for the kindness and stability he’s put into my life. 

And he let me. 

We stayed together the whole night. He was quiet for most of it so I filled the silence with chatter. He didn’t tell me to be quiet so kept going. 

I drew some and showed him some of my projects that I’m working on. He didn’t say much but I could tell he was interested. 

I cooked for him. A recipe Lan Xichen had given me that he said used to comfort Lan Zhan when he was little. I don’t think I got it right but I hope he understood what I was trying to do. 

Eventually I combed his hair. I’d never seen him so disheveled before. I’d love to see it again for happier reasons. But I thought he’d feel better if he was groomed. 

It seemed to perk him up a bit. 

Eventually he took my hand and led me to his bedroom. I paused at the door. I was amused that for once his bed seemed to be rumpled and lived in. He seemed to be a bit embarrassed then because he left me at the threshold to go and make his bed. 

Silly Lan Zhan. 

I never got the point of that. Making the bed. Why bother when you’re only gonna mess it up again? Especially in this instance. We were getting ready to USE the bed. Who cares if the pillows were out of place?

Besides. My LIFE is a mess. Who am I to judge someone for rumbled blankets?

Ah well. 

Once he was satisfied he took my hand again and pulled me further inside so he could give me some pajamas. We changed in different rooms but soon we were back together. 

My heart was pounding even though we’d done this before. Fallen asleep together. 

I don’t know.

This was different.

This was deliberate. 

He held me close. I could hear his heart. 

This…. I don’t know how else I would have been able to sleep. I came to comfort him but his very presence is a balm to my soul. He held me close and for that moment I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to force myself to laugh or smile for everything to be okay. It just WAS. 

With Lan Zhan everything is alright. 

And then… 

And then he kissed me. 

A lingering kiss on my forehead. 

Gentle. Warm. 

He kissed me. 

I laid there for a long time after, my heart in my throat. 

I waited until he was asleep before I kissed him back. The same spot. Just above his eyebrow. 

I didn’ know how I was gonna sleep after that but I did. The sound of his heart beats is better than any lullaby. 

I dreamed that night. I dreamed about mom and dad. I dreamed about playing blocks with Lan Zhan. I dreamed about that kiss. 

When I woke up it was to Lan Zhan bringing me breakfast in bed. I nearly cried again. I didn’t but it was pretty close. 

He climbed back into bed to eat with me with these cute little trays that are actually DESIGNED to be used to eat in bed. 

I can’t imagine him doing this other than this one special time. Why does he even have these trays? 

Maybe he uses them to read. 

Either way they were fuckin’ useful. 

We didn’t have too much time to laze about. Lan Zhan had closed the shop for a couple of days but it was open again now and we both started at 10. 

I asked him how he was doing after we finished eating. If he wasn’t feeling up to it I wasn’t gonna let him go back to work yet, even if we had a new hire. (Wen Ning I’m so proud! I know I haven’t mentioned that but there… there’s a lot. I’ll talk about that later.)

He assured me that he was feeling better thanks to me. My heart jumped in my chest at that. He really honestly seemed to mean it. 

He started clearing away the dishes and.. And

There was a key under my bowl. A key to his apartment. An honest to god fucking KEY.TO HIS HOME.

He told me I was welcome to come in and stay whenever I wanted. Just like that. 

I tried to give it back. It was too much. It was… just… But he wouldn’t take it back. 

So I made him promise to tell me if he needed space. This was still his home and I didn’t want to impose on him. He agreed but I think it was just to comfort me 

I hugged him tight. How am I supposed to repay this kindness? He’s already done so much for me and now this? 

He held me tighter and told me I don’t owe him anything. 

God was that just this morning? 

I can still feel the warmth of his lips on my skin. 

I wish I could taste that kiss. 

I wish….