#in social situations particularly the first step is the hardest but after that i can adapt/adjust decently enough to the flow

[noxtivagus]

oh man first time actually being alone at home

[japes-the-clown]

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE: AN INVERSION ON “COMING OF AGE” FILMS AND A CRITICISM OF ADULTHOOD

Hi hello hey it’s me Jericho Jay “Japes” Marshall out here with a pretentious love letter to the filmmaking on display in nickelodeons The Spongebob Movie. Yes, I know it’s a kids movie. Yes, I know it’s not that deep. But I’m majoring in english, and deeply depressed, so I need to get this OUT and onto a PAGE.

I have watched this film many times over my lifetime, a few when i was just a kid, then in my early teens, even when i turned eighteen, and now, a month before i turn 20. Every time, I grow a new appreciation for the nuances that this movie brings to the table, and on my most recent watch my own deliverance from childhood makes me relate to the core themes the hardest I ever have. The Spongebob Movie isn’t just a movie about childhood, but a movie about adulthood.

Today, I’m going to make clear exactly how The Spongebob Squarepants Movie criticizes our understanding of adulthood and how society treats the neurodivergent, while effectively turning the “Coming of Age” genre on its head, within its 87 minute runtime.

START: CONSISTENT CHARACTERIZATION

One thing a lot of films (ESPECIALLY kids films) fail to nail is consistently showing aspects of a character throughout the runtime, enough that changes to a character feel impactful and justified instead of rushed and stifled. The best examples of movies that fail to do this are often the marvel movies that people tend to not remember- the first two thor movies, the avengers age of ultron, etc. In these movies, characters certainly have traits, but their personalities and motives can be very weak and make dramatic changes feel A LOT less dramatic. This can be seen in age of ultron, when quicksilver gave his own life to save someone else, which felt like nothing because he wasn't well developed. He wasn't particularly endearing, nor did him sacrificing his life contradict a part of his character. It felt very much like the writers trying to say "Look, this character which was once opposing the avengers, is now dying for one. Please cry." No hate to the writers of Age of Ultron, but it proves itself often to be an unmemorable part of the catalogue.

In the Spongebob Movie, the characterization is ON. POINT. After the introduction, with the pirates rushing in to watch spongebob, we get so much information regarding spongebob as a character.

Pictured: Spongebob holding a piece of cheese like an operator

The first scene of the plot is a dream sequence a large crowded scene at the Krusty Krab, with a customer not receiving cheese on his patty, and it being positioned in the same way as a bomb being located. In the dream, everyone is panicked, and Mr. Krabs is visibly distressed, almost like a damsel. Spongebob comes in, announcing his position as manager, much to the relief of Krabs. He goes in, and puts cheese on the burger (again, very akin to a bomb defusal scene), bringing the perturbed customer out safe and sound. Everyone lifts spongebob up as a hero, which is interrupted by his boat alarm.

This scene is JAM PACKED with stuff that both introduces the character to new watchers and introduces the crux of his arc to everyone else. Spongebob of course is very fond of the Krusty Krab, and wants to be the manager- he wants people to see him as cool, and as a responsible adult. He wants to be the sort of person that can be trusted with big responsibilities. And we also see, most importantly, that he is extremely childish through his faximile of what it meant to be adult. Everything is scaled up; it's a very silly situation, which well suits both the joke and his character as an inexperienced kid. This is one of the most direct ways to convey someone's character, because a dream can be interpreted as a direct port into a character's desires. This being the first introduction to the character in the movie sets the tone for EVERY following situation.

In the next few scenes you see Spongebob's real life, which involves his lengthy morning routine; his life is sort of whimsical, and so too is his routine. He showers by shoving a hose into himself till he bursts with water, he uses toothpaste to clean his eyes but not his teeth, and he puts on pants which he must fold to make. Again, all pretty solid jokes, but also very telling about his outlook. He is funny, weird, and childish, which is juxtaposed by the scene where he's- he's uh- showering with squidward. Squidward is an example of the "adult" that spongebob isn't. This has always been the case, but here his normal routine makes it very clear that other people in this world aren't like spongebob. They shower normally, they brush their teeth, they put their clothes on like normal. Spongebob's world is one of wonder and without responsibility, which makes it questionable as to whether he could handle one.

Pictured: Spongebob's room, adorned with childhood imagery

Pictured: Spongebob celebrating his position as a manager, despite Krabs saying that it was squidward who got it

Even his room in this scene screams "kid". He has toys strewn about, glow in the dark stars, and pictures of superheroes on the wall. He even says "Sorry about this calendar" as he rips a page, personifying inanimate objects as a kid would. The movie is telling you, "THIS CHARACTER IS A KID", but in a way that's masked because it's also just a set up for jokes. It's done so well, in my opinion, that it would go over your head because from your perspective you would be laughing along as spongebob did his wacky antics.

On top of that, his excitement for his assured managerial position at the Krusty Krab 2 continues to be bolstered. He marked it off with a cute drawing on his calendar, for those familiar he changes his normal "I'm ready" chant to "I'm ready- promotion-", and he's even already set up a party to celebrate at his favorite chain, Goofy Goobers, a child's entertainment restaurant similar to chucky cheese, albeit replacing pizza for ice cream. He hasn't just gotten excited, but has this childish anticipation for something which isn't even assured.

Spongebob arrives at the opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where he is so excited he can't contain his glee. He breaks the silence and makes members of the crowd uncomfortable, reinforcing again that spongebob is a standout in a world of adults, and a kid who doesn't understand certain social norms, which society looks down upon. When Krabs reveals that Squidward got the managerial position, Spongebob hyped himself so much that he starts celebrating, not even noticing that he wasn't picked. He gets on stage, and begins to give a speech, to which Krabs interrupts.

The next part I think best illustrates Spongebob's clear ignorance to society: Krabs attempts to subtly tell spongebob that he isn't getting the job, but spongebob repeats everything he says into the microphone. Again, fantastic joke, grade A, but the amount this shows how invested spongebob was. He already saw himself as an adult, someone who everyone would look up to as a manager- he could take the responsibility, and isn't aware of everyone likely cringing in the audience. This is the natural step for him in his mind, especially because of his exemplary work which had been previously celebrated through employee of the month awards. This was not an option for him. There wasn't a world in his mind where he would be outclassed by squidward.

Krabs has to break to him that he lacks responsibility, and that his childishness makes it difficult for Krabs to give him such a job. This might seem harsh, but I think the intro again shows how Spongebob saw the job; he didn't understand what it would be like, fantasizing another level in the menial work structure to be an amazing adventure of a job. People in the crowd reaffirm that in the eyes of society, spongebob is just a kid, a goofball. In my eyes, this is a story not just of childhood, but of neurodivergence. Spongebob isn't normal, and is blocked by society for his ignorance of social norms and sunny disposition. He finds things fun that other people can not, and he places values in completely different things. So he is blocked from the meaningful recognition he desired, despite the obvious evidence of his commitment.

I think this is a mighty interesting dichotomy!!! Simultaneously, spongebob's understanding of the world truly is warped, often resulting in a lack of consideration for others as well as harm for himself when things don't go his way, AND he is a good worker which puts in MANY hours of work without so much of a complaint. This is COMPLEX. You have to ask yourself, as a viewer, "would I give spongebob the job?" The answer can be different and can be REASONED.

And that's JUST spongebob! There are other characters with characterization that mixes into the themes of the movie very well, but I'm going to bring up any related points in future sections.

Okay, Okay. So now you're saying "WOW OKAY GREAT so why does any of this matter?" I'm so glad you asked. VERY glad.

2: THE BREAKING OF A YOUNG MAN'S SPIRIT

THIS is the point of the movie. The obstacle in this movie truly isn't adulthood, but instead self doubt. Spongebob's whole world is turned upside down by Krab's rejection of his basic personality. Spongebob asks himself: is it REALLY okay to be who I am? Am I an adult? Is the world fair? One of the most shocking scenes in the movie is blended so well in tone with the rest that you don't really notice; spongebob eating ice cream to cope with his disappointment, akin to that of adults drinking alcohol, and appearing to be visually "drunk" and washed up. This is BRILLIANT, and a recurring theme, where the true line between adult and childhood becomes blurry and impossible to see. Spongebob, the representation of a kid, gets hungover, spiteful, and angry about the injustice of his situation. This is often how adults act in the fact of adversity, but what's funny is that this too is how a kid would act; getting angry and overindulging, feeling entitled and acting socially immature when he didn't get what he wanted. He walks in to the Krusty Krab literally just to shit talk Krabs. And it doesn't stop there.

Pictured: Plankton finding "Plan Z" and looking at it like a centerfold in a playboy magazine

Almost every character in this movie juxtaposes another, again smearing the line of what it means to be an adult. For example, Spongebob and Plankton are polar opposites; plankton is cold and vengeful, angry at the world around him, and spongebob is a happy person who tends not to take things personally, a friend to all. In planktons first appearances in the movie, he is portrayed with clear adult themes, mocking spongebob, making pinup jokes about plan z, and living in a fairly dark and grey space. But, as the story moves along, we see many similarities; both spongebob and plankton are fairly one track minded, and when spongebob's perception is broken he himself gets a little vengeful. When eugene is put in danger over this, though, we do see that he places the lives of others over his own wants. And, even at the end of the movie, we see their similarities. Plankton reuses the "Sorry Calendar" joke that spongebob used at the start of the movie, drawing another line of what it means to be an adult. Is it childish of plankton to say that? Is the inherent irony he has impactful here? His want for something that isn't his, and his disregard for others in pursuing it feels just like how a younger child may steal the toy of another, without understanding what it means to share.

Pictured: Neptune flipping his shit at his lost crown

Then, there's the character of Neptune. Neptune is a big man baby. He rules the entire land, commands the most respect, and is considered the most powerful person under the sea, and yet, we see that he gets overprotective of his property, prepared to execute anyone who even annoys him. Throughout the film, he's obsessed with chasing an image of youth, as he is bald, and ignores the suffering of the people on bikini bottom to make sure no one sees his bald head. He throws what's equivalent to a tantrum when he finds his crown is missing, and believes a very crude note written by plankton saying that it was eugene who stole it. His character is an "acceptable" child because he's in a position of power, where spongebob is an "unacceptable" child as he is just a working class member of society. And the funniest part is, that he mocks spongebob for wanting to go for the crown, when even he, the strongest person in bikini bottom, refuses to go out of fear.

We see that these "bastions" of adulthood, plankton and neptune, are the ones who are responsible for missteps of society; we're ALL children in the long run, but the strict enforcement of a perceived true adulthood creates a space where they can act immaturely yet those under them/around them cannot. Dennis makes this case even more, as the only thing he does in this movie is hurt others. There's only one thing that seems to truly denote adulthood, and it's cruelty.

Even squidward, the adult that is supposed to be more responsible that spongebob, refuses to go on the quest to retrieve the crown, as he acts mostly in self interest, even later claiming to only care that plankton was stealing the secret formula as it was hurting his own paycheck.

Spongebob is the only one willing to go, willing to defend the man who wronged him, willing to value life over his own interests. He is both child and adult, just as the adults are too children.

As he moves through the plot of this film, he becomes less confident in his disposition, with his naivete causing moments like him and patrick crossing the state line and immediately getting carjacked, or them being put into an uncomfortable situation by all the bubbles they blew when they tried to get their car back. His bright personality is questioned constantly: Only five days to shell city? BY CAR. This is man's country. But weren't we the double bubble blowing babies?

Pictured: Spongebob caught trying to take back the key to the patty wagon when patrick fails to distract everyone

This is made more obvious to him as patrick remains oblivious throughout; patrick is a mirror for him, that acts as a childhood constant, that makes it clearer for him every day the draws of his childishness. There's the moment in the club where patrick's distraction was poorly thought out, and only because he said he wanted to do it adamantly, there's the moment where patrick challenged neptune on how many days they would have to do it, which served no purpose but for his own fun, there's the moment patrick points out the free ice cream trap- he is the unemployed uncritical lens that spongebob is afraid he is.

So everything's fucked, and anyone who is childish is bad i guess!!!

But that isn't so,

3: The illusion of manhood

So we've talked about spongebob's characterization as a naive child, how this is impactful in his transformation into someone who is anxious about that aspect of his personality, and how the society around him is hypocritical in it's own immaturity. But where does this all come together?

Pictured: Planktons dystopian world, which Mindy shows Spongebob and Patrick

It's at spongebob and patricks "conversion to manhood". At his lowest point, spongebob becomes a squidward- he becomes critical of his AND patricks interests, and regards them as childish, deciding that this means that they can't make it to shell city, as it requires them to be adults. When mindy shows them the dire situation back home, she hopes that spongebob's sunny personality and care for others would shine through, but instead he turns to what society has been telling him; it's impossible. He can't do it, he's just a little kid, and there is no point to any of this as he'll fail regardless.

Thinking about it like this, it truly is one of the darkest points in the entire series; spongebob just openly admitted that there was nothing he could do, that all of his friends were goners because he was effectively useless.

Mindy comes up with an idea; she'll trick spongebob and patrick into believing they're men; she convinces them of mermaid magic (their innocence allowing them to believe) and uses kelp to make them think they've matured into adults. Notice that physical modifiers being the only key to this "fake adulthood". With this, they jump off a cliff because they believe that with adulthood, they are invincible.

This is really telling about how the society they're in thinks of being an adult, and relays that to children. There's another level, a distinct separation between spongebob and adulthood, which seemed like the difference between a squire and a knight- being an adult means that you aren't weak anymore (as though he was weak in the first place), and thus you can do things you never thought before. Is it truly healthy that this is how a society tells kids that adulthood is like, for them to enter the world and feel a truly awful financial and literal hellscape waiting for them? uh, you can, you can decide that for yourself i think.

Nonetheless, they survive the fall, and conclude that they really are invincible, able to power through a ravine with their happy go lucky attitude, eventually befriending the monsters which were once trying to kill them. They weren't acting like adults, but the labels themselves made it possible for them to soldier on with the childlike disposition they had. I find that to be powerful. If we were able to be more hopeful as adults, and power through the worst things brightly, could we do great things? Idk but these depression meds sure do taste good nom nom

After crossing the ravine, spongebob and patrick meet dennis, and have their worldview crushed as it's revealed that they are actually still kids. Dennis being the "alpha male" that he is, is characterized by violence and a lack of morality. The pair are saved by a giant boot, which is the first of two humans in this movie. Spongebob and patrick are both taken by the man in the diver suit, as we fade to black, marking the end of their illusion of adulthood.

4: Back from the Edge (of death)

Spongebob and Patrick awaken in an antique shop, realizing that they were surrounded by fish that had been killed specifically for sale as tacky antiques. They are lifted out of their fishbowl, and put under a heatlamp, as their fate is sealed to become a member among those dead fish. In spongebob's final moments, he mourns his inability to be an adult, as well as to reach shell city; but before they both die, patrick points out that they truly did reach shell city, as the crown was within their reach.

This. This is a phenomenal scene. Why? Because of what it means for spongebob's arc.

Pictured: Spongebob and Patrick on their deathbeds, finding happiness

He sees the crown, and realizes that, unequivocally, that even if he didn't bring the crown back, he made it to shell city. Every person he met told him that he couldn't even do that. and he did it. He is a kid, yes, but he's a kid who went where not even NEPTUNE dared go. Everything people said about him, about how him being a kid stopped him from success, was suddenly shattered. He has been asking himself if it's okay that he is a kid, and he saw, unambiguously, that it is. He is allowed to be happy. He can enjoy things that other people don't. He can be naive. He can be himself, no matter what anyone says. And so can you. Great things can be done by people who are "childish", who are "naive", who are kind without expecting a return, all of it. YOU are okay. Your stims are okay, your comfort series are okay, your interest in tropes are okay, YOU'RE OKAY!!!!

with that, spongebob and patrick are dehydrated on the table, and ostensibly die, the kids that they are, shedding one final tear each, forming a heart beneath them.

...

Miraculously, the tear electrocutes that lamp at it's socket, causing smoke to rise and set off the sprinklers, rehydrating the pair, and bringing them back to life. The "Man in the Suit" attempts to capture them, seeing them about to lift Neptune's crown, but the rest of the dehydrated fish come back to life- squirting him with his own glue and beating him to the ground, as spongebob and patrick run out with the crown. David Hasselhoff offers them a ride back to Bikini Bottom, and the pair begin their ride back.

5: The confrontation of Adulthood and Childhood

Pictured: Dennis looking all lame and shit

As spongebob and patrick are being swam back to bikini bottom, the boot under which dennis was crushed rockets to Hasselhoff, spitting him back out to finish the job. The appearance of Dennis, IN MY OPINION, makes him look rather goofy, with his broken glasses making him look more like a office worker than a badass assassin as he attempts to kill spongebob and patrick. Spongebob, in trying to reason with him, is able to ruin his eyes with bubbles, and then survives as dennis gets hit by a raised platform which spongebob and patrick are too low to be hit by.

Having defeated one representation of adulthood, spongebob and patrick are shot down by HasselHoffs MASSIVE MAN TITS with the crown in order to prevent Krab's fate, blocking Neptune's lazer just in time as they crash in.

All seems to be well, but plankton uses one of his mind control helmets (which we'll be getting into later) to enslave even Neptune, putting mindy, spongebob, patrick, and Krabs against the wall.

In another stark moment of characterization, Spongebob tells patrick that "Plankton Cheated", which prompts plankton to tell spongebob that the situation wasn't a kiddy game, and that it was the real world. This sort of distinctions in their ethos tell you how spongebob interacts with justice; he believes in "playing fair", while plankton is bitter and believes in getting what he wants.

Finally, the apex to our plot, is a musical number. Spongebob begins to make a long-winded speech, where he takes ownership of every label he was called as he stood on the stage at the beginning, the similarity between the two events being clear (holding a microphone at an inappropriate time, making a speech as he blocks out input from an adult trying to talk him down). Spongebob then busts out into the film's rendition of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock", "I'm a Goofy Goober". This results in spongebob reversing plankton's whole plot with "the power of rock and roll". Plankton is made powerless, and thrown into a little padded cell.

The final scene in the movie has Mr. Krabs freed from his imprisonment in ice, and spongebob is offered squidwards position as manager of the second Krusty Krab. He seems hesitant, and squidward offers an insightful analysis of what spongebob might be feeling (the typical analysis of a coming of age movie, where the protagonist finds out that what they wanted all along is not what they wanted, but it was what was inside all along). Spongebob refutes that squidwards fly was just down, and GLADLY accepts the job.

AND THAT'S THE MOVIE

6: AN INVERSION ON THE COMING OF AGE GENRE

A coming of age story tends to be one which is focus on the growth of a character from childhood to adulthood, asking questions about what it means to be an adult. A character reaches for their perceived adulthood, and realizes what it means to ACTUALLY be an adult, typically juxtaposing what people think (drugs, parties, sex) versus what the movie postures as the correct adulthood (responsibility). In this, I think that the spongebob movie directly criticizes the position of what "an adult" is, in the sense of how someone acts.

Like we discussed in part 2, every adult character in this movie tends to be very childish in themselves, unable to see through simple ruses, and often very possessive of personal property. I don't think we actually see a child in this movie as a speaker at any point, only really as background characters (in goofy goobers to solidify spongebob as childish, and I believe in the chum bucket as they're lead to an unsafe place by their parents, who are supposed to be responsible). Thus, what is mostly examined is how adulthood and childhood is a very thin line. Squidward, for example, going directly to plankton to accuse him of stealing the formula, instead of taking it to the top immediately, which would have ended this whole thing fairly quickly; that was rather silly, and was the fruit of his need to assert himself as an adult.

Spongebob goes through this movie FIRST not caring much about whether or not he was an adult, and it is only after the social pressure from adults does he start to chase it. He then chases his perceived image of an adult, going on an adventure, and is crushed by the fact that he isn't an adult. Instead of finding what an adult is, he instead becomes comfortable with his existence as a child, finding himself at the end of the movie able to comfortably chase after an ideal again, where in a normal movie he would humbly reject the job he was offered.

This is, truly, what we should all take from this film. Spongebob realizes that people who aren't necessarily socially adjusted or acceptable can do great things, regardless of what the people around them say, especially because the people around them are liable to throw tantrums and be actively harmful to society. He is allowed to find comfort in childish things, and to be naive, because the world needs more people willing to help others. It's a scathing criticism on the imposed adulthood that exists in a lot of coming of age films, which begs us to drop fun in the interest of doing the right thing, as though those two ideas are contradictory.

BONUS: EXTRA STUFF THAT I LIKED

The goofy goober song became really good storytelling, at first marking childishness, then marking a level of discomfort and judgement in the club, then marking spongebob recognizing that his happiness came from what he liked and not some vague idea of adulthood, and finally marking his full acceptance of his childishness, taking the form of rock, the music of rebellion. It's not as subtle as leitmotifs, but it works really well in how the same song can give very different feelings throughout, and inform how we interact with a story.

There are a lot more examples of adults being pressured into childishness, with the connected twins who liked goofy goober at the club, who were beaten senseless for absolutely no reason, which highlights the way that the society hurts people that, by all means, are just as much adults as anyone else. There's of course Plankton's helmets which created a society of people who simply slaved away with nothing to say, taking life as it came and listening to authority.

On top of that, this movie is PRETTY ANTICAPITALIST AND ANTIMONARCHY, despite those things being allowed to continue to exist at the end- monarchy is seen misusing power constantly and often for unfounded reasons, and Spongebob's diligence at work is rejected by a penny pinching Krabs, who cares only about money. Like, THE KRUSTY KRABS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER? THAT IS SOME MONTY PYTHON ASS SHIT. This year is the first year i laughed at that joke, because it's really some "capitalists are fucking dumb as shit" humor that slipped over my head when i was a kid. The villain literally being defeated by Rock and Roll, which was sung with a message against the oppression of differences in people? Yeah, I think the spongebob movie hated rich mother fuckers.

END: UH YEAH THAT'S WHAT IT IS

So yeah. The movie is good I think. There's a lot more i could go into, but I've been writing this post for hours and at this point i haven't even read it so...

I recommend going back and giving this film a rewatch!!! Pay attention to all the moments where adults act like children/kids act like adults, because it'll make ur brain pop like a zit. Anyways that's me, I'm Jericho Jay "Japes" Marshall, and I HATE facism.

[youarejesting]

Hope In The Sheets.5

[Masterlist]

Beta: @bluewhale52​ Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers,

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things. 

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: Male Masturbation, pregnancy.

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The list of repairs that this house needed was exhausting to think about. Just when one thing seemed sorted, ten others popped up, demanding money and time but you were determined, mostly to prove to your mother, who had basically disowned you, wrong. But more than that, you wanted to do this for your friends who were trying their hardest to support you. You couldn’t let them down and you couldn’t let this child down. More importantly, you definitely couldn’t let your mother be right. 

Spite was a great motivator and you felt more inspired than ever. Your friends came by before and after work, forgoing any other social opportunities just to help you out. Each of you packed countless bags of trash, dumping them in the front yard; how did this much rubbish exist in one tiny house?

It took a whole day but finally, it was finally clean. Covered in sweat and dust and god knows what else, you’d all found a place on the floor of the empty living room, eating pizza courtesy of Yuta. You’d been restricted to the healthier option, courtesy of Seokjin. Hoseok’s curious glances didn’t pass you by.

Johnny and Taeil were organising carpools to get home and it was well into the night by the time people started leaving. Yuta glanced over at you as he stuffed the empty takeout boxes into the trash.

“Y/N, do you need a ride?”

You smiled gratefully but shook your head. “Jin offered to take me home but thanks.”

Hoseok looked annoyed, but you were already being ushered to the car before you could ask him what was wrong. “I’m all worked up after that,” he said suddenly. “Jimin, Yoongi and I were thinking of hitting a bar, you know scope out the competition.” The other boys shared confused frowns but went along with it.

“Oh... okay.” Of course he had other plans. He was going after his dream girl after all, completely unaware that his dream girl was getting in a car right in front of him. You bit your lip and slid into the front seat without another word. The drive to your apartment felt longer than usual but Seokjin filled the empty silence with soft music and talk of renovations.

“You have a little money left over after purchasing the house; I think that should be enough to cover all of the plumbing and electrical.” He flashed a grin. “Lucky for you, I have connections with a contractor from university and he owes me a huge amount of favours so he can work for free. We just have to cover materials. I mean, I set him up with his wife so he owes me.”

Once you were back in the comfort of your own apartment, your worries about Hoseok almost seemed like water under the bridge. You and Seokjin settled at the table with tea, feeling a little better than earlier.

“I made a list of things we need to get fixed professionally but the rest, we can scrounge together for next to nothing.” He slid a piece of paper over to you; it was split into two columns.

“...Broken window,” you read outloud, “landscaping, the leak in the roof, plumbing, Electrical, Appliances, Paint cabinet, Bathroom renovation...It’s a lot.”

“That’s what we’re here for.” He smiled softly, his hand covering yours. “You are going to be a great mum, Y/N.” 

It took a solid week of working around the clock with the contractor but finally, the house had running water and working lights. It took another two months for the house to be in a state that could be livable and safe for a newborn but the jobs were finally complete. The boys didn’t come over often as they had their own jobs but today some of the boys were free and happy to help. 

It was nice hanging out again, Friday pizza nights were now moved to monday. Held at your house so everyone could help renovate. There wasn’t really any furniture or appliances but your home was slowly getting there. 

Jungkook’s friend Taehyung had also become a regular part of the group, he was eccentric and enjoyed helping with picking certain aspects that were really making a beautiful modern home. He really read your vibe and styled the home accordingly.

You had gone for your first scan about a week after you had bought the house and it seemed you were roughly two months pregnant. It was crazy cause you didn’t seem that far along but now at four months you were feeling particularly round.

While you were fixing the glass window with Yoongi, the window you had ordered finally arrived. He was helping because he refused to let you hold the heavy glass frame by yourself. You regret buying the maternity clothes because most of them accentuated your belly.

Namjoon tried to open the glass sliding door however he was promptly shooed out by Jimin, “I just sweeped these floors, I did not bargain with the flooring guy for you to trek mud and grass inside” Namjoon removed his boots and shirt trying to shake out any grass.

You couldn’t help but giggle. Seokjin was starring open-mouthed at Namjoon. Watching from where he stood in the kitchen helping Jungkook fit the second hand cabinets. They had spent the morning sanding and painting, each with new hinges and runners.

“Looking good Namjoon, sweat becomes you,” You laughed joking around and he blushed. “Seriously thank you for tackling the garden, I don’t know what I would have done if I was left to do it by myself,” You said stepping back as the window slipped into the runner. 

“Perfect fit” Yoongi hummed

Acting like it was nothing, Yoongi and the boys packed, ready to call it a night but not before he held your belly in his hands “Alright, be good, uncle Yoongi will be back next monday,” 

“I am beginning to think you like the little one better than me” You scoffed, slapping his hands away and huffing, lips pressed into a pout, hands folded over the top of your belly. Hoping you looked somewhat intimidating.

“I will never tell” he snickered before handing you a custard cake from the depths of his hoodie pouch. You lunged ripping open the packet and devouring it.

“You will always be my number one babe,” Jimin said from behind you placing his hands on your stomach and rubbing small circles.

“Okay I am not a buddha, hands off the belly!” You hissed and they each gave a cheeky grin and soon they huddled around you, cooing as their hands were rubbing your tummy.

The door opened and Hoseok walked in looking a little disheveled passing the others in the doorway. “You sure you want to stay in the house tonight?” Seokjin asked, getting his coat and offering Namjoon a lift home. Nodding your head in affirmation, he bit his lip, “are you sure you want to be alone though, I could stay with you if you really want?”

“No, it’s all good. Hoseok can stay, you have to go home,” you explained gesturing to Hoseok who thankfully nodded leading them all out the door.

“I will take care of her tonight” He seemed to really want them to leave.

The night was a little cool and you weren’t tired so you opened a can of paint and rolled out the plastic. Hoseok opened the window and took a roller helping you to paint the walls.

“So…” You decided to cut through the tension, “How has work been?”

“Honestly, it just gets lonelier and lonelier without you” His laugh was always the same and didn’t fail to make you smile. “I miss you, how is that new amazing job, you haven’t spoken about since you told me you got it”

“It’s really good Hobi, they are so nice. Everyone is so supportive and they know I am pregnant” You grinned “Sitting down, is nice, I wouldn’t be able to stand as much as I did at the park, I would have elephant feet”

“That’s nice,” the emotion in his voice didn’t match the words he was saying, feeling underlyingly bitter.

“Hoseok, I had to grow up, I am not a single twenty year old, who can drink every night and eat spaghetti o’s” the sigh that escaped your lips was longing for those days. “I have a baby inside me, that needs me to feed them and when they come out they will need a safe home and bills paid and food and eventually schooling”

“Look, I am sorry, you are doing amazing, I am just bitter because I miss you, you are my best friend and I feel like I went from being number one to being thirteenth, when you are still my number one” He sighed “It’s stupid to feel jealous of a baby”

“I get it, I am jealous because I literally cannot do anything fun anymore, I eat food and I puke, I can’t dance or sneeze without needing to go to the bathroom, my feet swell all the time, I cried watching lady and the tramp because I wanted spaghetti and I didn’t have a car to get it and it was too late to get it delivered.”

Hoseok was laughing, he wrapped his arms around you, “Little Darling, I will get my license and a car, and if ever you need spaghetti call me okay” 

You went to pat his back but heard the familiar splat, eyes going wide he laughed hysterically, “Did you just put paint on my jacket?”

“Hoseok, I am so sorry” You were not ready for the paint smear on your cheek and you frowned, 

It was an all out war, that ended with you pressed against the only dry wall trapped by Hoseok’s hands. He grinned down at you and something sparked between you, it buzzed fiercely and things grew warm. He was just watching you, the sounds of your breathing amplified as your breaths mingled in the inch of space between you.

He leaned in and you thought he was going to kiss you, your heart racing and head dizzy you shut your eyes. But nothing happened, you felt his warmth move away with a sigh. “You are covered in paint, you should go wash up little darling.”

When she stepped out of the bathroom all clean and scrubbed, she was wearing one of my oversized shirts, and underwear, it wasn’t weird as the shirt went to her thighs. Though as her belly was more prominent it did lift the shirt a fraction and the fabric skimmed dangerously high up her thigh catching a glimpse of her underwear as she moved.

You had a subtle waddle, that made him laugh, and as you got closer he realized he was in love with you. It wasn’t new information he always fancied you, it’s just now he truly accepted that he was in love with you.

Hoseok went for a shower scrubbing the paint from his body, but as he cleared his skin, his mind clouded with such steamy thoughts. They made his heart pound, he could almost hear your sweet cries and smell the scent of your skin as you writhed underneath him. He pressed his forehead to the cool tiles as the smell of your shampoo fogged his brain even more.

He looked down at the rather aggressive hard on, painful and red waiting for release. He hissed through his teeth as he took himself in his hand. His hand shaking he tried to suppress his moans, the sound of his hand slipping against his cock. Lathered in the same vanilla milk body wash, you used. He remembered how this scent always assaulted him when he pressed his nose into your neck when you hugged. 

He let his mind wander back to before you were pregnant, not wanting to think about you with Jin. He remembered the last night you both went to the club together, dressed in your outrageous black-light dress that was so tight. He had flashbacks of the night helping you walk home, he remembered the two of you giggling up the stairs. But what he didn’t remember was inviting another girl over. 

It must have been his imagination taking over because he was so horny, because he started to imagine making sweet love to you. Drawing his hand tightly back on his dick when he could practically feel himself sliding into you, the heat and the warmth making his head spin.

The heat of the shower only fueled his fantasies, he bucked into his hand, beads of sweat mingling with the water droplets, his hand faltered and his hips tilted forward as if he was pressing firmly inside you. Cum splattering the tiles, he felt guilt. He let the water run longer to wash away the evidence.

Dressed he saw you lying on the bed reading something on your phone. “Hey, you are still up?” Hoseok asked, walking over slowly, admiring you.

“I can’t sleep,” the sigh in your voice was so defeated. Slipping into the bed next to you, Hoseok made sure not to touch you. He felt dirty from his escapades, no amount of water could wash away the feelings inside him. There was so much room between you both. “Sleep doesn’t really happen when you are round, emotional, hungry, horny and constantly four hundred degrees” 

“You are so far away, come here” He tried to act nonchalant about the situation, not like he had been thinking naughty thoughts of you in the shower. He breathed pulling you into his arms, he could smell the vanilla scent on your skin and he felt his cock throb in his sweats.

“It’s too hot, Hobi please!” It was such a halfhearted protest, as you sank into his arms.

He pressed his lips to yours briefly, stealing a quick goodnight kiss and tucking your head under his chin. 

You sat there for ten minutes trying to calm your racing heart. Trying to decipher the meaning behind the goodnight kiss. Your mind stretches to conclusions on your relationship. Perhaps he was just tired. 

Considering he fell asleep so quickly, did kissing you not mean the same thing it meant for other men and women. Was it because you were pregnant and he was just being a cute friend. Or, was he interested?

You felt like you wanted to scream so there were so many unanswered questions. At some point during the night of contemplation you thought about the money you had been saving. 

Ready for the dreaded shop you knew you would have to make, the shop where you would buy the babies first items and furniture. The items that will solidify it all for you, that you were really pregnant. 

You were 5 months pregnant and despite the boys constantly asking when you were going to buy the nursery gear and offering you cradles from relatives. You refused telling them, you had it ordered and you were paying it off at the shop, which wasn’t really a lie. It had been paid off for weeks. You just asked them to delay the delivery as long as they could.

But as planned it was eventually delivered. It was nice to be able to sit in your home and assemble the furniture on a cool rainy afternoon. You felt safe that the roof wasn’t going to leak, or at least you hoped it wouldn’t. You had spent enough money on the house you were finally feeling like things were falling into place. That the house was becoming a home. 

Sitting in what was supposed to be a nursery you had the boxes of furniture all around you, it was when you felt it, a flutter in your stomach, odd but nothing disconcerting, until it happened again and then again. Something clicked and you realized it was your baby. The tears were running down your face as you realized.

This was real, this angel was real, inside your belly so little and you could feel them, it was overwhelmingly emotional and it was right as all the boys walked into the house. Hoseok spotted you crying and raced over, “Little darling, what's wrong?” 

“There is a baby Hoseok, I can feel them a little girl or boy, they are real” You sniffed, burying your face in his neck, embarrassed that this was what solidified it for you, feeling the baby move. You thought that you wouldn’t think any of this was really until you held the baby in your arms. But here you were crying on Hoseok’s shirt.

He soothed you, rubbing your back and swaying you both gently. Whispering words of encouragement. The sudden stir in your tummy made your motivation sky-rocket. So you had roped him in to help set up the nursery. 

When it was done you realized it was so bare, no clothes in the drawers, no toys or supplies. This baby wasn’t going to wait for you, you needed to get things ready and fast.

The bathroom soon was complete with a bath, and the kitchen cupboards installed, everything was done and it was time to have the place furnished. You searched for second hand furniture, anything cheap and in good condition was good enough for you. 

As the house came together slowly you started adding pictures to your social media. Showing the before and after renovations, and pictures with your friends. Seokjin got a picture of you standing in front of your house and you had to admit it looked much better all painted and pretty. 

You were sitting on your couch that surprisingly were in great condition considering they were being sold from another family, you couldn’t say the same for the table that had a broken leg and graffiti swears on top.

Jungkook was doing his best to repair it when he was free and you were so grateful. You made the spare bedroom and told the guys your home was open if they ever needed a place to stay.

You were hugging Yoongi and he laid his hands on your sides, bending down to speak to your tummy when he felt a wiggle from inside. “Ahh…” he squirmed, “what was that?”

Laughing hysterically you took his hand and placed it back on the area waiting, “that was the baby's foot, but I don’t think he wants to do it again.

You were bombarded by hands and coo’s and whines ‘I want to feel the baby’  before you snapped having them all line up and wait their turn, you reached Taehyung who leaned down talking to your belly. “Can you kick my hand?” He giggled and yet sadly not even Taehyung could coax your baby to kick.

Hoseok walked in and saw the boys pouting as Yoongi mumbled, “It was weird like there was something under her shirt, it wasn’t strong just weird”

“What was weird?” Hoseok dropped his coat and gave you a hug and you sighed letting your body lean heavily against him, “tired little darling?”

“Yoongi felt the baby kick but none of us did,” Jimin pouted stomping around the kitchen “what secrets have you been whispering to the baby?”

Since the night Hoseok had stayed over in your new house, he had started staying more often. He would sneak you food that Seokjin had forbidden and watch movies with you like nothing had changed, He had even started to love your random bursts of energy in the middle of the night and the two of you would put up shelves or paint a room together.

When you collapsed into the bed after everyone had left, Hoseok pulled you to his chest and draped his arm over your waist. His hand would splay out over your belly and rub soothing circles. That night you were dead tired and nothing seemed to wake you, he felt something strange against his hand and he bit his lip letting a few tears fall. 

This was your child, saying hello to him, it was beautiful but it also destroyed him knowing that he wasn’t the one with you through this. That he had let his feelings sit idle and unsaid and giving way for Seokjin to swoop in and take you from him.

He leaned over and looked at how peaceful you looked sleeping and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your forehead, he wanted to be the one for you. He didn’t see your eyes flutter open.

“Hobi, what’s up?” You mumbled tiredly, he looked down at you and brushed your hair from your eyes. You must have been half asleep because you put your hand on his cheek and kissed him. It was a slow kiss that was packed with so much emotion between you.

Things escalated and his hands clutched your body desperate for you to accept him, for you to keep him forever and not let him go. His head was telling him this was a dumb idea and he should stop but his heart wanted you, wanted you to be his.

The heat between you escalated and your hearts were beating as one, Hoseok was tearing down your friendship with every touch and kiss.He felt like everything was coming true and any thought of tomorrow's repercussions were out the window. Until his hand slid over your stomach and felt a kick. That was it, the rejection he needed.

He pulled away and laid back down behind you. “It has been a long day you should sleep” Hoseok whispered softly tucking your head under his chin and humming softly. “You are my baseline of my music, movement, my success, my life”

When he heard your tiny snores and your body relax in his arms once more, he knew it was time to go. He slipped from the bed and put on his coat, he was going to talk to Seokjin. 

He had to give the guy his apology and blessing, he had to step back and let you two live your life. He couldn’t interfere anymore. He had to grow up and let you grow up as well. The streets were cold and pretty quiet, only making him feel more alone. The nightlife and clubs had been his playground, but it didn’t seem fun anymore without you. 

On his way to the bus stop he searched for a new job, something he had been procrastinating for a long time. He applied to a couple businesses, nothing grand, just doing paperwork. The very job he never wanted to be in.

He thought about the money he had been saving for a cruise for the two of you, it was supposed to be a week holiday. But instead he thought to put the money to better use, he searched online for a second hand car. Your need for a vehicle was more important than a holiday.

The bus stopped and he walked out, heading down the streets towards the music and chatter of Jin and Tonic hoping to talk to the owner.

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[hahanoiwont]

1. What kind of relationship does WT Frisk have with Nightmare & co? Is it family-like or is it friendship-like? Does WT Frisk get along with all the bad sanses?

2. What if WT Frisk met Ink and Dream first? What would their relationship with Frisk be like?

3. I know that in your fanfic Whither then, Frisk has some kinda nonchalant attitude about dying again and again. What kinda of reactions would the skeleton bros have when finding out that Frisk has died so many times to point of Frisk becoming numb to dying?

4. I know I’m asking a lot of questions, so sorry about. But I love your fanfics and they make me happy and sad when reading them. If Frisk agreed with Red to stay immortal and stop aging, would all the multiverse sanses and Papyruses be happy about that?

Thank you so much for answering my long winded questions. 😆

oh no this was buried in my askbox, I am sorry for losing it for so long! So without further ado:

1. Does WT Frisk get along with all the bad sanses?

Yeah! I'd say in the bad sanses au (mostly readable here) Frisk gets on well with mostly everyone--those of them with specifically Frisk/Chara-related trauma might take a while to adjust, but most of them have already met Frisk before they even get to Nightmare's place. This is after Frisk and Dust have been traveling together for a while, so of course they get along. They actually have to work more on the idea of being separated sometimes, when Dust goes on missions and Frisk isn't constantly with him. They've been traveling together for several universes, and while Frisk is an independent kid, Dust has been about 3 feet from them, max, for much of that time. Mostly because he doesn't actually have any means of traveling through the multiverse himself, besides just catching on Frisk's shoulder as they go. If they'd happened to go and leave him behind, he'd be stranded. Thus, the two of them were more or less attached at the hip, especially towards the end of any given run. I think that habit would be hard to break, even when they're rooming with several new people and Dust has a sorta-kinda real job.

Likely, this starts out with Frisk just hanging out with Horror, and Dust coming with them as a matter of course while they do things he's not particularly interested in. So, Dust and Horror reach a comfortable mutual tolerance fairly quickly, mostly because Dust is apathetic and Horror is busy enjoying the reunion. But I imagine the first mission they go on is a whole stressfest for everyone involved, given Horror's abandonment issues, Frisk's abandonment issues, and Dust's discomfort with addressing social situations without Frisk to run interference. So, that would be a Time.

2. What if WT Frisk met Ink and Dream first?

Hmm. Let's say it's maybe a sort of Outertale situation, where Ink and Dream happen to be in a world that they're monitoring for Shenanigans when, lo and behold, a Shenanigan drops in their laps!

This is never covered in Outertale bc Comet doesn't know about it, but the general outcode community deals with people not being where they belong by trying to find some place they can belong in. Being as it's pretty unsustainable to try sending Frisk back to UF, they'd likely try to set them up with an AU that's expressly for homeless universe-wanderers. That way, Frisk isn't wandering through AUs that aren't supposed to have an outcode presence in them, and there's a minimum of interference. So...I think that lands Frisk in some place like the omega timeline, or haventale?

I think somewhere like that would be pretty good for them, actually--they're surrounded by people who have all also lost their homes, and loved ones, and who are also trying to build a new life after all of that. Somehow, I see them making friends with a post-genocide version of one of the swap bros? Or. actually. Disbelief!Papyrus. To my understanding that's Classic Papyrus as the survivor of a genocide run in which Sans was killed before the Judgement Hall, so Papyrus is the one to wait in the Hall and confront the human for murdering his brother. I think that Papyrus would have a lot to say about Sans as a flawed but beloved individual who is now gone forever, which Frisk would be able to empathize with after their experience with Red. I think after some initial wariness, they could be dear friends to one another.

3. What kinda of reactions would the skeleton bros have when finding out that Frisk has died so many times to point of Frisk becoming numb to dying?

Well! Not best pleased, of course--learning that a loved one has died, even if they're back to being alive now, can't be easy. Of course, the Sanses generally know, or suspect--Red absolutely knows they've died, and has some specific deaths that he deduced in fairly accurate detail from Frisk's reactions and his own nightmares/deja vu moments. Ironically, he also has some nightmares about deaths that didn't happen, and assumes that those are also real. Blue, if you recall, thought he'd killed them in a past genocide run; Black and Slim were both aware of the possibility that they could time travel but ultimately dismissed their suspicions when Frisk proved to be able to REFUSE instead. US!Papyrus has learned that they can time travel and has done his best to take it in stride, but has avoided thinking too hard about the implications of that. Shy was also intellectually aware of the possibility, but he decided he didn't want to know.

However, in terms of new information, I think Fell would take it the hardest. He would see it as an absolutely crushing failure--not only did he not keep them safe from their own brother, he didn't keep them safe at all. He would seriously start to question whether he's of any use to them at all--which, given his ideas about attachment, would lead him to feel he doesn't have a place in their life. He would definitely take it personally that they died so much when he was purportedly protecting them.

I think his ultimate decision, reached without discussing the matter with anyone else, would be that he's Definitely Failed as a brother, both to Red and to Frisk, and he's just not capable of keeping anyone safe. Clearly he is simply not meant to experience love. He can save his world from itself but he can never keep a single person from suffering. I think at this point US!Papyrus would step in, because clearly someone has to, and remind Fell that he's still extremely violent and paranoid. If it came down to a duel to the death to keep their respective siblings safe, Fell would win by a landslide. This would actually make Fell feel better. Surely, if US!Papyrus is worthy of love despite being totally unable to kill a dozen people in an afternoon, Fell must be fine. He will just do Better from now on. No One Will Ever Die Again. Which is good, considering that murder is illegal now due to Fell's extensive efforts.

4. If Frisk agreed with Red to stay immortal and stop aging, would all the multiverse sanses and Papyruses be happy about that?

Well, I think that depends on exactly how they come to be immortal...I think the easy answer would be to absorb a boss monster's soul, since boss monsters don't naturally age, and go from there. Which would be an unpopular plan, generally. Especially since Frisk is quite young currently, and not at immediate risk of dying, barring unusual circumstances. It would just seem like a drastic move for a time that's so far away.

I think it would also depend on Frisk's attitude on it--if it's something that they're relieved about, or something they were pushed into, or even something they approached Red about in the first place.

Exceptions exist--Red would be both smug (he did a Good Thing. no one else even thought of it but he did) and quietly relieved; Fell would disapprove of Red being a bad influence on Frisk if the method were particularly violent but would notably not obstruct the process and not let anyone else stop it, either; Slim would be all for as long as Frisk was alright with it; and Black would insist that it's their choice and his approval or disapproval isn't what's important here. Though he would be likely to corner Red later and convey his gratitude through terrifying and questionable means.

Sfrisks would think that all of these people are insane.

Hoo boy this got long, but,, thank you for sending in these asks! I love answering these questions, even if it takes me a while to actually get to the answering bit. I appreciate it!

[morganofthewildfire]

bad habit part 2 ??🥺

I wasn’t expecting to write a second part anytime soon, but inspiration struck so here you go! You can find part one here.

Word Count: 1591

Warnings: anxiety, smoking, mentions of drugs and alcohol

The next time she crossed paths with Rowan was at a party after one of their school’s many football games. Aelin had never understood the hype about football, never went to go watch any of it, but she never missed the parties.

They were always at various seniors’ houses, depending on whose parents were out of town or whose parents knew and just didn’t care. She wouldn’t and couldn’t ever host one of her own, but she was present without fail every single week.

The oblivion they offered, whether in the form of alcohol or whatever various drugs people snuck in, was too much of a temptation to pass up. Smoking was her main vice, but it wasn’t her only option.

This particular friday, Aelin was dressed to impress, with a strappy dark green tank top and a tight mini skirt, paired with heeled boots.  But her mood was sour as she stormed up the driveway, accompanied by her best friend Lysandra.

Lysandra didn’t normally come to the parties, having had trouble at one a few months prior that made her nervous to go again, but she had insisted on coming tonight.  Aelin figured it was because of the crush she knew Lys had on one of the football players, but she was too distracted by the fact that she would be there to question why she had decided to come.

Lysandra didn’t know.  Was ignorant to the drugs, the drinking, the cigarettes.  And Aelin was determined to keep it that way.  Which meant she would have to be careful to not raise any suspicion tonight.  Drinking was fine, because Lys would too, but she would have to stay away from the weed and other substances, and she couldn’t smoke, which was probably the hardest of all.  The last cigarette she had smoked was a few hours ago, after school, and the craving was already hitting hard.

Of course, the charade would be easier if she didn’t rely on these things in the first place, but she was in too deep to stop now.

The music was blaring as they stepped into the house, bodies packed into the main room.  Lysandra immediately started socializing, darting around and saying hi to everyone she recognized, but Aelin just went to the kitchen and searched for a drink.  

That was where she found him.

Rowan was leaning against the counter, a blonde girl pressed against his side trying to get his attention.  He didn’t look particularly entertained, was practically ignoring her and holding a conversation with other people nearby, but that didn’t dissuade her apparently.  The girl, Remelle if Aelin remembered properly, ran her fingers flirtatiously up his arm and across his shoulder, but he just casually shook her hand off by lifting that same arm to take a sip of his drink.

Aelin snorted and walked around them, heading toward one of the coolers set up around the room.  She grabbed a beer off the top of one of them, pulling it out and shutting the lid. Beer wasn’t her preferred drink, but she didn’t feel like digging around to find something else.  Taste didn’t really matter that much to her anyway, it made no difference in the end.

“Something funny?” Remelle asked, voice spitting venom.  Aelin glanced over, and found both Remelle and Rowan’s eyes on her.  Apparently her snort had been louder than she thought.  Oops.

“No, not at all,” she replied, mock innocently.  Rowan raised his eyebrows, a small smirk playing at the edges of his mouth, but Remelle just narrowed her eyes more.

Aelin popped the lid off her bottle and took a long sip as she shouldered past them, not missing the “bitch” that was muttered from Remelle as she passed. She stumbled over her next step, but quickly recovered, pushing through the crowd to head outside.  She needed the cool air.

Normally, Aelin wasn’t very prone to letting petty insults get to her.  But this particular situation brought back a very specific memory.  It was how her and Sam had finally gotten together, after months of dancing around each other.  They had been at a party, not unlike this one, and a creepy senior had been hitting on her. She had been a sophomore at the time.  When she kept denying his advances, he had called her a bitch.  But unfortunately for him, Sam had overhead and promptly punched him, for insulting her and for making her so uncomfortable.  

Aelin had wrapped up his split knuckles, thanked him for defending her, and then kissed him.  The event had led to months of pure bliss, and a relationship that got cut too short.

When she finally got out the backdoor, she found that the fresh air didn’t help as much as she thought.  Her hands were trembling, and her anxiety was kicking in, making her breaths unsteady and her panic begin to rise.  She needed a cigarette.  Needed a hit of nicotine to indulge her craving and hopefully calm her down.

She ripped open her small clutch, frantically trying to find her pack of cigarettes that she practically brought everywhere, but the box was not there.  Aelin fell to the grass, turning her bag upside down and dumping everything out.  The contents spilled onto the ground and she only saw her wallet, her phone, and her lighter.  No smokes.

She felt her throat tighten and her shaking become more pronounced.  A panic attack.  She was slipping into a panic attack.  Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes, and she braced herself on the grass to avoid falling completely over.  The noise from inside seemed muffled as all her senses focused inward, completely overtaken.

“Aelin?” she heard from behind her, a deep voice that she vaguely recognized.  Rowan.  It was Rowan.  

Rowan, who might have his own pack of cigarettes.  Instead of thinking about why he was out here, her brain narrowed in on that fact, and she shot up from her place on the ground, turning around and practically falling into him.

“I need a cigarette,” Aelin demanded, still breathless.  Rowan looked a little alarmed, but pulled out a box from his jeans pocket and handed her one.  Once it passed from his hand into hers, she fell back to the ground and snatched her lighter up, hurriedly flicking it open and catching the end of the cigarette.

As soon as the smoke entered her lungs, she took a deep breath, already feeling herself calming down.  The familiarity of the nicotine was soothing, and she closed her eyes, focusing on that.

After a few minutes, though, she was shaken from her state by another familiar voice calling out her name.  

Fuck. Lysandra couldn’t see her with this.  

Aelin quickly put out the cigarette and dropped it on the ground.  But the smell of the smoke lingered and she nervously tried to think of a solution.

Rowan still stood by her side, for some reason she couldn’t think of, but she just turned to him, an idea sparking.  

“Kiss me,” she said hurriedly, and the shock in his green eyes was almost comical, “I smell like smoke and she can’t know what I was doing.  If she sees us kissing she’ll think the scent came from you.”  Aelin latched onto his arms and tried her best to be convincing.  

Rowan hesitated, clearly unsure about the request, but he nodded soon enough, and she immediately pounced, catching him by surprise again.

His lips were surprisingly soft against hers, and she moaned slightly as his tongue reached out and parted her lips, slipping into her mouth.  His hands settled on her hips and her nerves were set aflame as he brushed against the bit of exposed skin at her waist.  Her arms came up and wrapped around his neck, holding him to her as their mouths moved together, the feeling like nothing she had felt before.  Aelin had kissed plenty of people, but nobody had kissed her like this.

“Aelin?” she heard again, from much closer than before, and she reluctantly pulled away from Rowan, immediately missing his warmth.  

Lysandra’s eyes were wide as she glanced between the two of them, but she didn’t comment as she continued.  “Can you drive me home?” she asked.  Rowan stepped away and lifted a hand in farewell as he wandered back inside.  Aelin pressed a shaking hand to her lips, still tingling from the heated kiss.  “My parents texted, and they’re coming back tonight instead of tomorrow, and I’m supposed to be home right now.”

Aelin nodded and Lys took that as answer enough, heading to the side of the house to avoid having to go back through the crowded inside.

Sooner than Aelin realized, they were back in the car and she was driving down the street, heading to drop Lys off.  She was still so dazed she didn’t even hear the radio that her best friend was fidgeting with, and almost missed what she said next.

“Gods, why do they all have to smoke so much?” Lysandra said, judgement clear in her voice.  “I can smell it on you.  And speaking of that, don’t think I’m not going to ask you about that later.”  

A small sigh of relief slipped from her lips.  Her plan had worked. Lys didn’t see through it.  She guessed they had been convincing.  The smell could’ve easily transferred from him with how wrapped up in each other they were. But despite the kiss being just a ploy, Aelin couldn’t help her desire to kiss him again.

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[pitiless-achilles-wept]

2020 Can Take My Hair, But Not My Hope

My hair started falling out on election night.

I thought at first it might be the anxiety, that I was literally pulling my hair out with worry over numbers I already knew were not going to be definitive before the night wore into morning but which I stayed up until 3:30am watching anyway. I tweeted rapidly, reassuring my jittery timeline that not only had we all known that the night would bring no results but that we had even expected Trump to lead in key states because of the greater number of mail-in ballots from urban areas that would largely count for Biden. We knew. We all knew. But we were all terrified, flashing back to 2016 and already dreading another four years of living life on high alert, in constant survival mode.

I posted a selfie with a tweet that read, "Could be the last presidential election I vote in (blah blah stage 4 cancer blah blah) and I wish it were better and clearer than this but it's a crucial privilege to have voted. Remember, whatever the outcome, the last thing they can take from you is your hope."

To me that last sentence has been a mantra for these years and for my treatment. I have consistently refused, despite overwhelmingly terrible odds, to lose hope. The story of Pandora's Box tells us that the very last thing left inside was Hope--that even once all the demons were out in the world there was that tiny, feathered creature left to hang on to. It hasn't been easy, but I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet (and if you doubt this just ask anyone who's ever fought me on anything!) and it has turned out to be a saving grace rather than an irritating personality trait. Feeling like the world was trying to take my hope away made me angry. And when I get angry I will fight back.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like we entered some kind of alternate nightmare timeline on election night 2016. To that point, despite periods of immense personal difficulty, nothing truly terrible had happened to me. Then, in short order, my marriage ended and I was diagnosed with and began being treated for a terminal illness, all against the backdrop of a regime so deliberately hateful that it was truly incomprehensible to me. Then, a global pandemic and national crisis swept away the small consolations I'd found in my new life with cancer. The temptation to feel hopeless was strong and I struggled with it, particularly in the isolation of quarantine. I'm struggling with it now, facing a winter of further lockdowns, social isolation, continued chemo, and the added indignity (and chilliness!) of not having any hair. But somehow the coincidence of my hair loss with election night seemed like a good omen for the future, if a sad thing for the present.

I heard the news that they had called Pennsylvania for Biden at a peaceful Airbnb in the Catskills after stepping out of a shower where lost hair in handfuls. It felt oddly like a sacrifice I had made personally. I joked about this with friends on the text chains that lit up and that (despite my promise to myself and my writing partner that we'd "go off the grid") I responded to immediately. Instant replies, with emojis and GIFs, participated in the fiction: "Thank you for your service!!!"; "We ALL appreciate your sacrifice!"; "Who among us would NOT give up their hair for no more Trump?". The feeling was real for me, though. It was as though the good news demanded some kind of karmic offering. You never get something for nothing, I thought, and really it was a small price to pay.

The rest of the weekend passed too quickly, with absorption in the novel I plan (madly, given that I also work full-time) to work on for "National Novel Writing Month" (NaNoWriMo), walks in the unseasonably warm woods, and nighttime drinks on the back deck under the stars, watching my hair blow off in fine strands and drift through the sodium porch light. My friend and I read tarot and both our layouts contained The Tower, the card for new beginnings from total annihilation, the moment of destruction in which (as the novel's title says) everything is illuminated. "This might sound dumb," he said, "but maybe yours is about your hair." It did not sound dumb.

[shaved heads, the 2020 election, and a couple pics under the cut]

There is probably no more iconic visual shorthand for cancer than hair loss. It happens because chemo agents target fast-proliferating cells, which tend to inhabit things that grow rapidly by nature (hair, fingernails), or that we need to replenish often (cells in the gut), as well as out-of-control cancer cells. But not all cancer treatments, not even all chemotherapies, cause hair loss. In my 20 months of being treated for cancer and my three previous treatments (four, if you count the surgery I had) nothing had yet affected my hair beyond a bit of thinning. This despite the fact that my first-ever treatment (Taxol) was widely known to cause hair loss for "everyone." I had been fortunate with this particular side effect in a narrow way that I have absolutely not been on a broader scale. "Maybe," I had let myself think, "I can have this one thing." The odds were in my favor too; only 38% of people in clinical trials being treated with Saci lost their hair. I liked the odds of being in the 62% who didn't. But--as we all felt deep in our gut while they counted votes in battleground states--odds aren't everything.

I had come to treat the "strength" of my hair as a kind of relative consolation (though as with everything cancer "strength," "weakness," and the rhetoric of battle have nothing to do with outcomes). I treasured still having it, not just out of vanity (though I have always loved my hair whatever length, style, or color it has been) but because it allowed me to pass among regular people as one of them. I had no visible markers of the illness that is killing me, concealed as first the tumor and then the scars were by my clothing. "You look wonderful," people would tell me, even when I suffered from stress fractures from nothing more than running or sneezing; muscle spasms in my shoulder and nerve death in my fingertips; nausea that I swallowed with swigs from my water bottle that just made me look all the more like a hydration-conscious athlete; and profound, constant, and debilitating fatigue. Invisible illness had its own perils but I would take them--take all of them at once if necessary!--if only I could keep my hair and look normal.

It was not to be. A part of me had known this, since a lifetime with metastatic cancer means a lifetime of treatments a solid proportion of which result in hair loss. But I had hoped. And I had liked the odds.

The hardest thing for me is having to give up this particular consolation before knowing whether or not my new treatment is also working on my cancer. Unfortunately, there really isn't a correlation between side effects like hair loss and effectiveness of treatment. If it is working then I will feel that--like the election to which I felt I had karmically contributed--it was all completely worth it. Yet, even in this best case scenario, there's a new reality for me which is that while I am on this treatment I will stay bald. When you are a chronic patient you hope for a treatment that will work well with manageable side effects. And if this treatment works--and if the other side effects are as ok-ish as they are now--then I will remain on it.

It's that future that I am furious about more than anything else. I want to continue to live my life, of course, but I don't want to have to do it bald! In part that is because I don't want to register to people constantly as an archetypal "cancer patient" when I know that I am so much more. It is also in part because I don't want to think of myself as being ill, and living every day having to disguise my absent hair will make that all the tougher. I have already noticed that I feel, physically, as though I am sicker because of my constantly shedding hair. How could I not, in some ways, when every move I make and every glance at myself (including in endless Zoom windows) shows me this highly visible change?

For that reason, I'm shaving my remaining hair tomorrow (Wednesday). It's a way to feel less disempowered--less like hair loss is happening to me--and wrest control of the situation back. I will try to find agreeable things about it: wigs, scarves, cozy caps, bright lipstick, statement earrings, and a general punk/Mad Max vibe that is appropriate to 2020. But I don't want anyone to think for a second that I find this agreeable, or even acceptable, or that I don't mind. I mind a whole hell of a lot. My hair was my consolation prize, my camouflage, my vanity, my folly, and my battle cry.

I dyed it purple when I was first diagnosed because I knew (or thought I knew) that I would be losing it soon. I didn't, and I came to cherish it as a symbol of my boldness in the face of circumstances trying to oppress me, to make me shrink, to tempt me to become invisible. I refused and used it to "shout" all the louder in response. Because of what it came to mean to me, I'm nearly as sad about losing the purple as I am about losing the hair itself. It both symbolized the weight I was carrying and also that I would not let that weight grind me down. It was my act of resistance and my sign resilience all at once.

I sent a text to my friends, explaining this and offering, as an idea, that I could "pass the purple" to them in some way, small or large. It would feel more like handing off a torch or a weight (or the One Ring) than anyone shaving their head in solidarity. (After all, if they did that it would just remind me as I watched theirs grow back that, in fact, our positions were very different.) You're welcome to do it if you'd like too, internet friends, with temporary or permanent dye or a wig or a headband or one of those terrible 90s hairwraps or whatever. But I don't require that anyone do it because I feel support from you all in myriad ways, all the time. (But if you do, please send me pictures!)

It's November 2020. The election is over and Joe Biden has won. I still have cancer and I'll be bald tomorrow. I hope it's a turning point, both personal and global, because it feels like one. We've given up a lot in the last four years and I cannot say that I feel in any way peaceful or accepting about having to give up yet one more thing. But in losing my hair I absolutely refuse to also give up my hope.

(On our walk we did also seem to find a version of The Tower, all that was left of an abandoned house)

[theluckyyyoneee]

Guise

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (ft. Namjoon)

Genre: Angst/Fluff(in later parts)

Word Count: 2.4+k

part 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 |

SoulmateAU! Where he hides his soulmate tattoo from everyone, especially you.

Twirling your mechanical pencil around between your middle and pointer finger of your right hand, you zoned off into the great distance, eyeing the chipping paint on the walls as you felt utterly drained and exhausted, in all physical, mental and emotional senses. 

The life of a rushed college student trying to find the right balance between studying and self care and also incorporating enough of a social life to remain sane was seemingly impossible, and you were terrible at time management as you proved to yourself time and time again. Especially when finals were approaching at a fearful rate and you felt like you hadn’t prepared nearly as much as needed to ace the exams.

Huffing as you collapsed onto the desk in front of you, you heard the throaty chuckle besides you as you peered at Namjoon through your lashes and a few strands of wild hair that crept on your cheeks. “Take a nap, I’ll wake you up in thirty minutes. I’ll make sure no one bothers you.” He sweetly offered, his dimples popping through as he eye smiled at you through his own fatigue.

Propping your head on your hand with your elbow resting on the table, you couldn’t help but observe the deadly handsome and gentle man next to you. 

He was such a good guy, you mused as you watched his profile, his own tattoo placed behind his right ear that would eventually bond him with his ‘soulmate’, a being who the universe had decided all on their own that would complete and make the other person happy. You wondered what kind of person his soulmate was. 

Namjoon and you were so close, you two had bonded over each other’s respective clumsiness and forgetfulness in your freshman year of college, yet you found it a bit odd how you didn’t really know his stance on the whole soulmate thing. He never talked about the physically minuscule mark on his body that would have an enormous role in his life. Always presented a stoic, almost indifferent expression when he laid eyes upon the numerous couples along campus, never had expressed any longing towards a significant other either. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

He childishly snickered a little and gazed down at you with that attractive little smirk (authors note: omg imagine if he rlly looked at u like that id be dead) he did when he was about to tell a predictable joke. “You just did.” You mouthed the words along with him and rolled your eyes at him, a smile finding your lips anyway. He nodded at you and waited expectantly and suddenly you found yourself the tiniest bit shy.

Briefly pondering what would have happened if the two of you somehow shared the same tattoo, if somehow the two of you were each other soulmates. Would he had hid it if he noticed it before you did like Yoongi? No, you reasoned, he wasn’t that kind of person. He preferred to confront situations head on. Maybe you wouldn’t have hated the idea so much if you had a soulmate like Namjoon.

Instead the universe deemed your ‘perfect other half that will definitely complete you’ as an egotistic, douchebag named Min Yoongi.

“What do you feel about the whole soulmate thing?” Your voice was as small as a mouse and you saw his face drop a bit from his peaceful expression, making you tilt your head in confusion. His jaw tightened and his overall presence and posture suddenly became very rigid.

Clearing his throat, he turned his attention back to his studies as he answered with stiff casualness, “I don’t really have an opinion on it. I’ll worry about it when it happens.”

You could tell that he seemed very uncomfortable with the topic and you wanted to apologize for ruining the light atmosphere. It all of a sudden felt thick with tension between the two of you and you had no idea why.

So you hummed as nonchalantly as you could and turned away, “Ah, I see...” reminding and praying that you remembered to try and get Namjoon to open up a bit when he was ready.

But for now you turned away to your own notes and thought of your own predicament you were dealing with.

Keeping your lips sealed after what happened in that cursed classroom a few weeks ago, you had told no one and determined that it was just a bad nightmare, an irrational and delusional nightmare you wanted to forget ever having. 

Namjoon was Yoongi’s friend... kind of. Well, you knew that they at least tolerated each other. 

Should you just tell Namjoon what had occurred and ask for advice about what to do next?

No, let’s not make him even more uncomfortable, you sighed and laid your head back on the desk and allowed your dreary eyelids to shut as you recalled what happened that dreaded afternoon. 

You really did not want to believe it.

Even if it turned out to be true, you wanted to run away even if it was cowardly but before you even knew what the hell you were doing, you were taking large strides to Yoongi’s frozen figure in the seat, both gasping at the shock and warm sensation you felt from finally making physical contact for the first time. 

You had heard people talking about it, how the two persons involved felt electrified and so connected to each other and their bond. And although you couldn’t really argue with that statement, you didn’t feel particularly too connected to him at that moment. You guessed the emotions were consequences of the particular revelation.

Yes, his skin was smooth and warm to the touch, and an insane part of you had the idea to run your fingers down his wrist to meet his own in an intertwined embrace. Until the more rational side, your preferred and more dominant side, clued in the jagged and broken pieces as best as it could and suddenly everything made sense, heart thundering in your chest as you broke down your late epiphany as best as you could.

Throwing his arm down harshly, you couldn’t get the image of your tattoo out of your head-the one slightly bigger than an inch-the one you somehow shared with the man in front of you. Only now were you able to decipher the strange intricate lines-it had been both of your initials in some abstract handwriting.

Looking back at it now, you felt like such an idiot to not see the MYG that was so blatantly and obviously there, mocking you, forever etched on your skin, not at all welcomed there.

Releasing a shaky exhale as you tried your hardest to remain calm, you stared at Min Yoongi, that damned loon that somehow thought it a good idea to keep such an important detail to himself, had still not moved from his frozen stature and had dark, wide unblinking eyes stare frightened back at you. 

“You’re my soulmate?” As soon as the words escaped your lips, it felt all wrong. “How long have you known?” 

How long had you known him for?

Why was it him?

Imitating a fish, his mouth opened and shut numerous times before uttering, “Since the day we met.”

The memory burned fresh in your brain. You had been completely and immediately enamored with him at the first glance of him, and had the vaguest feeling that your feelings were mutual. When he had suddenly grew even paler than he already was and his lovely eyes widened to their maximum extent, you wanted to ask what the matter was, your soulmate tattoo subconsciously in full view.

Until he gazed at you like you had just cursed him out with your finest curse, most disgusting insults. It had oddly felt like he took part of your soul with him when he disappeared that day. 

It had seemed he was avoiding you every time he caught a glimpse of you, there was no chance in hell you were going to get to know him better if you couldn’t even get closer than twenty feet of him. One second you were making eye contact with him, then the next he was pressed against some girl all the while keeping gazes with you, not understanding why your stomach would knot in jealousy and loneliness, when normally you were not like this at all.

“You...” He had known all this time. Of course, why would he suddenly start to wear all those hoodies and sweaters in this scorching heat, with beads of sweat clinging to his temple? How he always seemed to claw at his sleeves whenever you were near? How the gorgeous girls he had flirted with in front of you filled with such insecurities just from looking from afar?

Min Yoongi was your soulmate?

What a joke.

“You knew this whole time?” You stupidly had finally spit the whole phrase out into the open air, the silence deafening as the two of you faced each other, each heart thundering in your chests. 

Yoongi had finally risen from his fixed posture at the desk and stood up, taking a tentative step forward before stumbling back a few shaky steps.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You hated that you sounded so pathetic, so desperate even to yourself. 

It wasn’t as if you had even wanted to meet your soulmate, the fact that he hid it from you probably meant that he didn’t want you, right? So you should be happy you weren’t tied to someone who was going to tie you to him, but why did the thought of him possibly not wanting you break your heart into pieces?

Maybe there was such a thing as a soulmate bond after all, if your whole being was being torn like this, this much.

His demeanor seemed to change in an instant, and he had lost all past vulnerability and uncertainty. Jaw clenched and eyes narrowed on you he spat out, “You think this makes sense?” He gestured between the two of you quickly, trying to keep his voice low in case any other students were lingering out in the halls, although unlikely, and you could sense his shame from where you were standing. “Us? That you’re my soulmate?”

It was like the roles had reversed and now you were the frozen one, an ache formed deep in your stomach as you registered his words. But they were the ones you had wanted to say to him a few minutes ago, so why were you feeling this way?

“I’ll tell it to you straight,” he continued, not giving you a moment to collect yourself. “I don’t want people finding out you’re my soulmate. It’s embarrassing, and since you never bothered to hide it, I have to.” He bent down and grasped his discarded hoodie from the ground and shook it in your direction. “Do you know how fucking bothersome is it to always have to wear this twenty four seven? In this weather? Huh?”

You didn’t bother answering, feeling yourself get worked up over his words had you breaking out of your moment of dejection and nodded, exhaling harshly. Right, you could overcome this. But first you had to show him that you weren’t just going to stay silent and weak when he was insulting you.

Embarrassing? He was embarrassed of you? He should have just told you when he had first found out, that way things wouldn’t have been this twisted. The two of you could have coolly and casually gone your separate ways, but for some reason you felt betrayed. 

“Look, we have nothing in common, and to be honest, this whole soulmate shit is really fucking unfair.” It seemed he was becoming a bit drained, like his newfound energy had dissipated as fast as it had come. 

“I wouldn’t say we have nothing in common,” you trailed off, meeting his glare with one of your own, though his faltered a bit at your unexpected words, looking at you the tiniest bit puzzled. A bitter smile gracing your lips, you raised your eyebrows a bit as you continued, gaining a bit of satisfaction at the look of surprise on Yoongi’s face. “It’s not like I want you, either.”

“Y/N wake up.” You were being shook gently back and forth by Namjoon, his dimpled smile being the first sight you see when you open your eyes. He chuckled under his breathe as you sluggishly lift your weary body up, and groaning in pain as you feel one your ribs were pressing on the edge of the table, an ache forming and stabbing every time you moved. Sitting up, you noticed a very familiar light cardigan draped around your shoulders, and you gaze starstruck and touched up at Namjoon, silently thanking him for covering you, knowing you always got cold when you slept. 

He ruffled your hair affectionately in answer as you attempted to rub the remaining sleepiness from your eyes and fix your appearance so it was more presentable, handing the cardigan back to him. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you,” he smiled apologetically. “but the library is closing soon, and I’d feel better if you slept in your own bed instead of this stiff chair.”

It was only then you noticed the lack of people around and you felt heat crawl up your neck and cheeks, wondering why if you had slept so long why you felt even more exhausted than before. “Thanks, and sorry for making you study by yourself...” you trailed off, standing up and slinging your bag on your shoulder as the two of you slowly made your way out of the library, nodding politely to the librarian behind the wide oak desk.

“No worries, but I do expect some coffee from you tomorrow, just saying.” It had gotten a bit dark and there was a bit of a breeze and you froze as Namjoon suddenly draped the cardigan over your shoulders once again. Your fingers met when you both fixed the collar and it made you grip the fabric tighter around yourself when he quickly pulled away, clearing his throat and avoiding your gaze. 

You agreed to his proposition as casually as you could and stumbled a little when you made eye contact with the one and only Min Yoongi, who was also just seemed to leaving for the day, his strong gaze alternating between you and Namjoon, and the cardigan around your shoulders.

wow i have not written this much in a really long time so i’m actually pretty proud of myself lol. lmk what u guys thought down in the comments or messages! as always thanks to everyone who is reading and to everyone who left those supportive comments they really made my day and i appreciate all of you!!<3

T O    B E    C O N T I N U E D .  .  .

tag list: @hoodiebangtan​ @xanny91​ @babeejeon​ @chocolatemilk1221 @fuckthatfeeling​ @cremextart​ @secretlypg95​ @littlegryffindorsavage​ @paracii​ @tragicrosemoons​ @sunshinein17​ @xxluckydreamsxx​ @skzleaf​ @lidda​ @thesugatoyourtae​ @marycarabell​ @pawschimchim​ 

[iplaymatchmaker]

Hi there, me again, if I read the rules correctlyyou said we could do a separate ask for a separate game. If I read incorrectlyplease just ignore this, if not if my first ask wasn't to much I'd love to ask for an ikerev matchup as well! I'm bi, female (she/her) sagittarius sun, virgo rising, libra moon, ENFT. I'm 5'2, chubby/curvy w/ great boobs, I have longer  brunette hair w/ peekaboo highlights (they've been every color, but currently pink), brown eyes, glasses/contacts, 7 piercings & 26 tattoos. I'm very empathetic (sometimes to a fault) and have sever anxiety and depression. It takes me awhile to warm up around new people and be myself. I often feel intimidated in big social settings, such as parties, and often use alcohol for some liquid courage to help me let loose and be me in those situations. I've suffered some emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a step parent which has left me with some trauma and triggers; people raising their voice at me or making quick movements toward me or in my direction usually result in me crying and secluding myself for awhile. Oh and I have daddy issues, thanks absent father. That said I also don't do great with authority, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told no. I can put up with a lot of shit, but eventually it usually becomes a 'straw that broke the camels back' situation and I fly off the handle and then break down. I am also extremely generous and do all I can to help my friends and family when they need it. I have some self confidence issues from weight gain, and I usually feel my best when I'm dolled up with my makeup on and hair done, usually with a dress and heels. I'm a Ravenclaw thats hates to read, but I love learning & know tons of trivia; like I know so many random facts about so many things from history, to movies, to graveyards, and much more. I often correct people on things, which some perceive as me belittling them, but its never my intention I'm just trying to share my knowledge and trying to help them. I am very creative I love crafting; resin art, macrame, cross stich, those are just some of my favorite things to do art wise, I also enjoy coloring books. I love to laugh and think I'm pretty funny, I usually have a dark sense of humor, if you don't like humor we won't vibe together, and if you can't make me laugh we will not be a good relationship match. I like to go to the bar and do karaoke, it's one thing I've learned I'mvery good at. It took me about 2 years, but I've since learned to be confident with my singing and now its one of my favorite things to do. I drink, obviously, gin and tonic is my favorite. I also smoke, I love my hookah, and I've had my medical card for about a year and it's done wonders for my insomnia and cramps. For about 2 years I've been getting severe cramps and stomach pains, and after 5 er trips in a month they didn't find anything, its still a mystery but at least the bud helps the pain. l'm very into the witchy aesthetic; my style is either very Stevie Nicks, pinup, or 2009 emo/scene depending on the day. I collect animal skulls and bone, taxidermy, crystals, and plants; I also practice the craft & love to make spell jars for people. I love tarot and really enjoy doing it. I live for Halloween & enjoy all things macabre! My favorite show is That 70's Show and if I could live in a replica of the Forman's house that would be my dream. I am also very sex positive and rather adventurous in bed. I'm a brat and a voyeur, I'll get down with just about anything. My love language is giving and receiving gifts. I put alot of thought into holidays like Christmas, I plan months in advance to make sure I get everyone the perfect gift; but I also will sometimes see something that just reminds me of someone and have to get it for them. That is all I can think of right now to add about myself. I'd love 4 and/or 10 for the prompt part. And again thank you for doing these, I'm such a ho for them, and again I'm sorry its long.

I match you with

Edgar!

Thank you so much for requesting 🥰🥰! I’m sorry this took so long, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it ❤️! I Hope you don’t mind the sprinkle of angst in the second ask.😅

I was thinking Ray at first, but I ended up going with Mr smooth, since Ray is too predictable after Nap.

Edgar is known among the red army officers as the person who will make you feel safe, especially during your first encounters with them, before you find out they’re all dorks.  What he doesn’t expect is how at home he feels when the two of you are together. He never feels like he’s being judged when he’s around you and he lets himself go, despite the indoctrination by Claudius that he should always keep people at a distance to avoid being viewed as weak.

Not long after the two of you met, he decides to take you out along with Kyle for a drink, to help you get more accustomed to Cradle and its people. When you realize how much Kyle loves to drink, you follow suite, the two of you very quickly getting tipsy. Edgar laughs at the two of you for a bit, happy to see a new side of you as you allow yourself to grow more comfortable with them. Eventually he leads the two of you outside of the pub and arranges for a carriage to take you all back to headquarters, trying his hardest to tame the both of you.

He absolutely loves it when you sing to him, especially after a particularly hard day of work. He relaxes at the sound of your voice, often drifting off. It touches him more than he would like to admit when he finds you’re still there when he wakes up.

You are a light in his life and he wants to give back in kind, often dedicating his days off entirely to you. He loves giving you gifts, or surprising you with a romantic dinner to show his appreciation to you, for being there and understanding him.

While he doesn’t have the creativity to participate in most of your hobbies, he loves to watch you do it. The amount of passion you show for your art, the way your eyes light up when you’re working, is a picture perfect moment that he could look at for hours.

Prompt 4: Meet cute:

You couldn’t stop fidgeting as you stood outside the Red Army Headquarters, waiting for Kyle to fetch someone to help you. After you told him about burglars breaking into your house he insisted he get one of the officers to help you, despite you doubts. It was hard not to worry as you considered the prospect of having to turn to Jonah for help, knowing how hard he could be to communicate with, capable officer or not.  

When Kyle finally emerged, it wasn’t Jonah walking next to him, but a man you didn’t recognize.  

“Sorry for the wait. He’s not easy to find.” The man stood a few heads higher than you but his softer features and aura helped to make him quite welcoming. You begun to relax at his presence, wondering if he was as smooth as he seemed.

“Edgar Bright, at your service.” He offered you a gloved hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. His grip was soft but secure. He was smooth.

“Kyle filled me on the details but I’ll need a statement from you as well.” You tensed up, the idea of an interrogation being especially daunting considering you didn’t know much more than they did.

“No need to worry, it’s simply protocol. You can trust we will find whoever did this without any turbulence.” There was something very reassuring about him. Something that makes you think everything will be all right.

“Thank you.”

 The two of you left Kyle behind, retreating to Edar’s room to discuss the details of the investigation. After he poured two cups of tea he took the seat opposite you, as if the two of you were about to chat about the weather.

“Could you give me the details of what happened? It would be very helpful to hear it straight from the source.” You took a sip before starting with your statement, hoping to calm your nerves.

“I don’t know much more than you do. I was out for work most of the day and when I came back the place was a mess and many valuables were missing.” he seemed to have switched to work mode, completely focused on you.

“What time did you leave for work that day? And when did you return” he scribbled down on a piece of paper, his hand practically moving on its own.

“I left around 8 and came back around 6, I think.” When he put the pen down his attitude returned to relaxed gentleman status.

“I will start with asking the people who might have been present at the scene. I’ll get back to you once I’ve made some progress.” The conversation was over but you found it hard to leave. It didn’t feel right letting one man do the investigation on his own, despite it being his job. It was your house that had been rambled after all.

“I want to help as well. I know my way around the area, I can get in touch with some people.” His eyes widened, seemingly taken aback for the first time that day. He quickly composed himself, smiling again. You noticed something different about it now. Something in his expression told you he was more interested than before.

“I wouldn’t say no to a lady.” You smiled for the first time after the incident.

“Let’s get going then.”

 Prompt 10: Admission Of Feelings.

You continued working on the investigation for the next few weeks, the two of you growing closer by the day.

“There don’t seem to be any witnesses, but it’s unlikely no one was present. The break in happened in the middle of the day.” He rested his head on his chin, not touching the parfait sitting in front of him.

“Maybe they were there but didn’t notice anything. It’s not hard for a professional to pick a lock discreetly.” They two of you sat in silence for some time, both lost in your own theories of what happened that day.

He must have realized your worries, turning on his comfort face.

“We’ll find them. Don’t worry.” Usually you found his words comforting, but you couldn’t keep the frustration from your voice when you looked up at him.

“Realistically speaking, it’s probably not going to happen. They made a clean escape and left nothing behind. You don’t need to baby me, I can put two and two together.” Despite the harshness of your tone, you found him smiling, after the initial surprise wore off.

“You never cease to amaze me.” He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never left him, his eyes turning to the window. He was up and out of the café before you could ask what he had seen.

“What the-“when you looked in the direction of the culprit, you shot up, following after him.  

A man stood outside your door, seemingly fighting with the door. When he noticed the two of you approaching him, he dropped his bags, taking off before you could reach him.

“Stop!” Edgar run after him, his speed taking you by surprise, making it hard to catch up.

The man took a sudden turn, heading towards the narrow alleys of Central Quarter, giving you an important disadvantage in the chase.

Your legs ached and your heart was threatening to burst out of your chest. When you thought you couldn’t keep going, you rounded a corner to find Edgar, sitting on top of the man, pinning him in place. If he was tired from the chase, it didn’t show.

“I suppose I don’t need to ask if it was you who broke in a few weeks ago?” his gaze was cold and his grip was tight on the man’s shoulders.

“I- I just- I-it wasn’t me!” Edgar ignored him, turning towards you. Something flickered in his eyes, but loud footsteps coming your way didn’t let him act on whatever it was.

“The Jack? Sir, what happened? We heard the commotion and came to investigate.” A handful of Red Army soldiers stood in front of you, their eyes switching between Edgar and the man under him.  

“Take this man back to headquarters. I will interrogate him later.” Edgar pulled the man up, pinning his hands behind his back.

“Yes sir!” when the men led the thief away there was silence. Edgar’ kept his head low, not looking you in the eye as he tried to calm his breathing, the adrenaline of the chase slowly fading away. You knew you should be happy the man had been caught, but something was wrong in the atmosphere. You weren’t sure if you should speak up, or let him ride whatever it was out. He didn’t give you time to think on it, finally walking toward you. His hands were shaking when he reached out to touch your shoulders, a mixture of frustration and worry in his eyes.

“You…. Why…” you weren’t sure what to say, so you put your arms around him instead, hoping it would offer him some comfort. You stayed like that for some time, until his hands stopped shaking.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” His words were muffled by the fabric of your shirt. When he lifted his head again, something inside him seemed to snap.

“You shouldn’t have followed me. What if something happened? You could have gotten hurt.” He looked away, his eyes shut tight. You wondered what image was going through his head to cause him so much pain. You cupped his face, forcing him to face you.

“Edgar, look at me.” And he did. The sight of you seemed to calm him down.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m right here.” It took some time for the words to register, but when they did his face moved closer to you. You encouraged him, pulling him closer, your lips connected in a brief kiss. When he pulled away he took a step back, as if scared he had hurt you.

“I-I’m sorry.” You moved closer, smiling up at him.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Except maybe pulling away.” You laughed. When he realized you might feel the same way he took your hands in his.

“You’re an amazing woman.” He paused to gather his breath before meeting your gaze again.

“If the thought wouldn’t be appalling, could I see more of you, outside of work?” you couldn’t keep the laughter inside.

“Appalling? Edgar, do you think I would kiss someone I find appalling?” you pulled him back in, hoping to get your point across.

“I’ll never get enough of this.” His smile was brighter than you’d ever seen it.

“I’ll hold you to that. Because we’re just getting started.” The moon was bright above you as you laughed, your happiness overflowing.

[kiyoominous]

starburst matchup 

exchange with @haikyuu-matches​

hello! thanks for doing this with me, i think it's such a cute idea! i hope you don't mind that i've went with a more narrative approach with this matchup, i have never done one in my life D: 

you have been matched with komori motoya! 

falling for you!

komori met you at a community volleyball club. he doesn't visit too often, with the responsibilities of his own high school club, but he likes to play when he can. one particular day, he entered the community centre and saw you in all your 5'6 glory. the last time he came, he didn't see you in the crowd of familiar neighbourhood faces. you stood further towards the back of the hall, fidgeting with your fingers. this image looked all too familiar to komori, the cousin of a particularly standoffish ace. a sympathetic pang in his chest and he walked over to you, smiling as your eyes met his. 

you both traded names and he noticed that you were a little quiet. that was okay, he could talk around that. and he did, asking you questions and trying his hardest to make you feel comfortable. taking glances at your face, he saw the corners of your mouth turn upwards and noted that it was working. 

was it weird that he was enjoying it? 

komori doesn't remember too many things about that day. the volleyball match was fun and he remembered doing a really good receive. the rest of his memories from that day were filled with you. you and your shy smile, you and your dark chocolate eyes, you and your cute jokes. sure, you could've been the same as every other girl he's met in his life but there was something so discernibly about you. something so outstanding that he felt couldn't be matched. he couldn't put his finger on it so he made it his mission to finally put a name to this feeling. 

he found that the second he mentally declared his manhunt to define his thoughts on you, he was seeing you everywhere. he spotted you at the convenience store, he bumped into you at the dog park and he saw you at school. he saw you at school? komori was mildly surprised to see you in the cafeteria of his school, which was your's too. you weren't all too shocked, you knew about him through volleyball monthly but you didn't want to tell him that you did. 

five minutes of conversation and he discovered that you were both in different classes. no wonder why he never saw you around. or perhaps he did but he never took notice of your sleek black hair. he was always accompanying sakusa anyway so he didn't really notice anyone outside of his club or his class. 

somehow, someone mentioned the upcoming exam season. you declared your conflict with standardised testing, he proclaimed his struggle with revising content in return. it became very obvious to komori that his chance to understand you more intently was here; he could ask you to study with him! talk about killing two birds with one stone. you agreed to his plan with a gentle smile and he felt his heart flutter. was it the satisfaction of your agreement or was it something deeper? 

he decided that the answer would come to him later, not now. 

after the much anticipated study session came another one, and another one, and then studying morphed into free time. and then free time morphed into a weekly friday night hangout. unbeknownst to him, one of the beloved friday nights would become a vehicle for his romantic epiphany.  

komori enjoyed this turn of events. as much as he wouldn't admit it out loud, komori realised that he enjoyed your presence too. maybe a little too much. every second he spent with you, he felt his heart racing faster than it ever did after a volleyball match. it didn't help that your accidental touches made it accelerate even more. he didn't think that was even possible. it was impossible to not drink in the sight of you. the glow of your face, your silky dark hair, your gleaming brown eyes. perhaps you might’ve found them boring and painfully average but he thought you were the prettiest person he’d ever had the pleasure of perceiving. 

his fixation on you extended past your outward appearance and dove right within your mind, your heart, your very soul. he loved the sound of your laugh, the noise was melodious to him. he loved your sense of humour, all of those puns and dad jokes were right up his alley. hearing them made his heart flutter even more. he loved your hardworking nature, your love for the rain, the passion you put into everything you adored. 

he loved you. 

komori saw your widening eyes in his vision and suddenly he was brought back to the cold of your living room, back to the dark of the midnight sky, back to where he was sitting right now; next to you on the timber floorboards. the neon light of the television reflected on your pretty face, the movie playing on the screen long forgotten in favour of you. 

the realisation that he said that out loud hit him right in the chest and he felt like he was going to pass out. komori felt the air enter his lungs again when he heard you reciprocate loud and clear. 

you loved him too. 

the relationship dynamic!

you're both the most entertaining pair to be around, the gemini/leo combo makes for a fun relationship. 

the two of you are one of those couples that people want to be around, wishing to stick around to laugh with you and just see you so in love. 

with your mom friend energy and his dad friend energy (which i know he just has), you both become the designated parents amongst your friends. whether its a blessing or a curse, that's up to them to decide. 

the two of you are constantly on the same wavelength. 

it’s never too loud or too quiet with komori, just the right balance of both. 

he loves your sense of humour and thinks you’re one of the funniest people on the planet. it helps that he’s absolutely enamoured by your puns and dad jokes. sometimes he’ll shoot one right back at you just to hear you laugh. 

you both like poking a little fun at each other, giving teasing remarks or sarcastic quips. 

komori cares so much about you. 

he understands your need to recover in social situations and gives you the time that you need. he’s willing to be the pillar you run to whenever your social battery’s running low. 

though he admires your hardworking nature, he won’t hesitate to stop you if you overwork yourself. he always encourages breaks and offers to do your work for you if that’s what you need. not necessarily a nagging type of person but if he needs to take physical action, he’ll do it. it’s mostly just him stealing your laptop and pulling you into his lap for a cuddle. 

he doesn’t hesitate to remind you that you don’t have to be a people pleaser. an understanding man, he knows that it’s hard to just get over it so he tells you that he’ll be with you every step of the way, always giving you a gentle reminder of how cool you are to him and that you can say no. 

komori wants to be the shoulder you lean on whenever you’re facing something you don’t like. loud noises? he’ll hold you close and rub your back, telling you that it’ll all be okay. confrontation? he’ll confront them for you. injuries? he’ll keep an eye on you to make sure that you’re never going to be hurt. on the off chance that you do earn a wound, komori will ensure that you’re fixed up as soon as possible. he has a whole mini first aid kit on him specifically for this reason. fear of losing? he’ll always remind you that your efforts mattered more than the results and give you a kiss on the top of your head. the unknown? he’ll waddle through the unknown with you. he’s scared of it too but he won’t tell you that. violence? he’ll cover your eyes and guide you away with strong, gentle arms. 

he loves indulging himself in all of your interests.  

on lazy days, he’ll sit with you and take turns reading a book to each other out loud. sometimes it’s a whole novel, sometimes it’s a manga you’ve picked up from the library. he thinks it’s cute seeing your eyebrows furrow while you concentrate on the words in front of you. 

the study dates don’t end. whenever one of you is struggling with a subject, the other visits to be their personal tutor. it ends up being you a lot of the time, since komori loves your studying method. 

komori loves to read your writing. there are days where you go over to his to hangout and sit in silence. he adores that he can be that relaxed around you and lounge around on his phone while you sit up with your laptop propped on your lap. you’re always writing up a draft of a new creative piece whenever he glances at your laptop. he graciously offers to be your beta reader and indulges in every word you’ve typed. komori thinks that your writing style is so beautiful. 

one day, you told him that you like the french language and he spent a week trying to learn how to say ‘i love you’ and maybe a couple of other phrases to surprise you out of nowhere. when he saw your shock, he giggled and wrapped his arms around you. from that moment on, he would occasionally whisper je t'aime into your ear. he loves you so much omg. 

you play sports together. it doesn’t matter what it is; be it volleyball, tennis or soccer. you’re both a power duo in every game you play and everyone’s scared to play again the two of you. it helps that your boyfriend is one of the most notable liberos in japan. 

komori likes watching anything with you. sometimes when you’re both too tired to go out, he’ll set up his tv to watch whatever you’re in the mood for. one day you might catch up on my hero academia. another day you might be sniffling at a romcom. he likes romcoms more than he’d like to admit but he tells you about this guilty pleasure to appease your love for the genre. 

you mentioned to him once that you liked handwritten letters and komori made it his personal mission to write one for you personally once a month. they’re always so heartfelt, a clear reflection of him and his emotions towards you. he enjoys writing them as much as he enjoys the expression on your face when you read them. 

he seems to be the greek mythology enthusiast himself so he loves talking to you about it. and by enthusiast, i mean that komori was one of those kids who owned the whole entire percy jackson series. since the most that he knows about greek mythology is whatever is written in the percy jackson books, he lets you sit with him and educate him on the extensive lore of the gmcu (greek mythology cinematic universe). 

he loves hearing you talk about astrology and gets into it himself. he can’t help it, especially with the bright smile you hold on your face whenever you talk about it. when he first found out about your astrological compatibility, he was over the moon. the grin that he had on his face was so big that you thought that it looked like the moon itself. he’s downloaded co-star and reads his and your horoscope sometimes. 

date idea! 

komori decided to take you to a cat cafe after you mentioned the idea of it to him once. it’s a very him thing to do, to remember something you’ve told him offhandedly once and immediately make something big out of it. 

the second you step in, your eyes glimmer with delight as they land on the multitude of cats in the vicinity. you don’t even look back to him at once, swerving your attention to the cafe’s residents. at least you’re holding his hand still, he thinks. maybe he’s a little jealous but hey, the visible joy on your face beats his concern over being prioritised after felines living in a cafe. 

after what seemed like hours of cat-petting, you both sat to order, the food arriving in a pleasingly timely fashion. the lunch items were delicious, the desserts were divine but komori was even more drawn to the soft look of adoration on your face as you stared at a calico cat that frequently passed by the two of you. 

this might’ve been his best date idea yet, he thought. 

[thatssokatsuki]

Boys Will Be Bugs || Katsuki Bakugo x Reader

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo Song: Cavetown - Boys Will Be Bugs Summary: You have a crush on a particularly ...fiery... ash blonde boy, and little do you know that under all that agression lies a big softie,  Warnings: Fluff, cliffhanger (because i can) Word Count: 3,009 A/N: If you’re on mobile, I’m so so so sorry, not all of the formatting is crossing over ㅠㅠ

I'm a dumb teen boy I eat sticks and rocks and mud I don't care about the government And I really need a hug

Its your first day at UA and you can’t believe that you’ve actually made it! Its what you’ve always wanted to be part of the hero course ever since you were little, so it meant so much that you’re actually here. You were even more surprised to find that you were put into class 1-A, and be a student under Eraser Head. Little did everyone know, he was actually you’re favorite Pro-Hero. You had always thought his quirk was the coolest and that he didn’t need to be in the limelight, and rather that he just wanted to help people. He was what most would call a true hero, rather than one that just went into the business for the publicity or the money. He was never the #1 hero in terms of the public eye, but he was the #1 hero to you, which is why you were so excited for your first day! What you didn’t expect however, was how strict of a teacher he would be, nor that you’re class would have a very... headstrong student amongst them, and you were only really using that term to be nice. If you were to describe him honestly, you thought he was a major asshole. You’ve come to find during the first assessment test, that happened on the first day no less, that his name was Katsuki Bakugo, and it seemed like he had an ego sky high and a hatred for almost everyone. He hadn’t even properly met everyone in the class and he was already talking down to them and calling them extras. You were, however, immediately drawn to Midoriya and Ururaka. They were both more your speed, being more on the quiet and friendly side. Later on in the day you became friend with a slightly older boy named Iida, who you found interesting because of how much of a stickler he was, but you also admired his tenacity and intelligence and found him to overall be a really nice guy. In fact everyone in the class was nice! The ones called Kirishima and Kaminari were a bit on the dense side, but they were really funny and seemed like they wanted to befriend everyone. Mina and Hagakure were a bit to hyper for you, but they seemed like major fun, and everyone else just seemed super sweet, even if the Todoroki boy seemed a bit on the colder side and Mineta being an obvious pervert. All this being said, Bakugo (or bakubastard as you would come to call him in the presence of only yourself and your thoughts) stuck out like a sore thumb. He had quite the temper and the quirk to match, and you couldn’t wrap your head around how someone could both have such an inflated ego and be such a dick. Needless to say, you didn’t like him one bit, and couldn’t understand quite why a certain handful would try so hard to befriend him when he wouldn’t even bat an eye at anything other than his own training. 

I feel stupid, Ugly Pretend it doesn't bother me I'm not very strong but I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs

Eventually, as time went on, you began to understand. You saw the fire in his eyes and his drive to be his best, even if he wasn’t the best at social interactions. In a way, you began to admire him, albeit from a far,, and you’ve come to realize that there may be more there than you had originally assumed, and you kind of beat yourself up over not realizing that hes more complex than just anger personified. You know you shouldn’t have, but you began to speculate why he was the way he was. Did he have a traumatic backstory? Did he start of being bullied? Was it social standards turning him into such a.. well, to put it plainly, a dick. You also began to wonder what was up between him and Midoriya. He got it the hardest from Bakugo, and it would seem that he doesn’t quite know why either. You never thought you would say this, but you actually want to get closer to the fiery boy.

It's getting cold down here underneath the weather I skipped class to sit with you I really like your spotty sweater,

 Principle Nezu has finally implemented dorms, and you’re both really nervous and really excited! On the bright side, you get to see your friends everyday, but it would also lead to you realizing your crush on Bakugo, which was honestly the last thing you expected. The way you even found out how much you were actually starting to like him, was through a study session that Kirishima invited you to. You were pretty sure Bakugo knew you were coming, but the look of shock on his face said otherwise. “Whats this extra doing here, Shitty Hair?” He asked Kirishima, and if you didn’t know either of them you would swear Bakugo hated him. Kiri responded with a simple shrug and an “I invited them, thought you wouldn’t mind”, which earned a mischievous glance and smirk from Mina that only Kiri seemed to notice. Bakugo huffed and rolled his eyes so hard you thought they would roll right out of his head. “Okay, asshat, what do you need help with?” He asked, almost glaring at you which earned him a look of confusion from you. You simply stated that you didn’t really need help, and that you didn’t know this was gonna be more of a tutoring session. Another eye roll from bakugo lead to a few hours of silence outside of when either he or you answered questions the others had. Everyone ‘went’ back to their dorms, leaving you and Bakugo on the opposite couches in the common area. About half an hour into more silence and small glances you would take at eachother without the other notice finally had Bakugo speaking up almost without thinking. “Hey, asshat, that sweater doesn’t look as shitty as the other one you wear.” You continue staring at your book, eyes wide and hoping that the position you’re in would hide the blush creeping up onto your face and managed to squeak out a “thanks, its new”

if ladybugs are girls How do you make kids together? What's it like in a female world I bet it's just so much better

Mina happened to catch what happened and immediately ran to her room after hearing you close your books and say that it was time for you to get some sleep. Once she reached her room she giggled to herself thinking that her little plan was working. She could tell early on that there was something between you both, and figured that neither of you had caught on to your own feelings. She managed to wrap Kirishima into her plan as well, and considered tonight a step in the right direction. The next day she caught up to you and invited you to a girls night later that evening, hatching phase to of her plan which would be to at least get you to admit your crush on Bakugo even if it wasn’t to him. The hours pass and the girls night is finally here, and thus the boys are left to either go to their rooms or go somewhere else because the common area belonged to the girls for that night, and once it was cleared of boys, the talking began. First it was small pro-hero gossip, talking about studies, just trying to ease into a game of truth or dare. You all went round robin until it was Mina’s turn to ask you the fated question, truth? or dare? You wanting to seem brave answered dare, and were immediately met with a “I dare you... to confess to your crush!” You immediately get flustered and counter her with a retraction of dare and an answer of truth, but you should’ve expected her response to ask you who in which you liked. The girls’ ears all perked up as they looked at you expectantly. You begin to try and explain that you don’t like anyone, but your blush and the way you talk with your hands told them otherwise. You were met with various versions of “C’mon! You can trust us!” So you took a look around to make sure none of the boys could hear, leaned in, took a deep breath and closed your eyes tight. “...Bakugo” you had barely whispered, only loud enough for the girls to hear, and open one eye to see some had gasped and others had their jaws dropped. Mina had giggled to herself, proud that she got you to at least acknowledge that you liked him.

I just turned fourteen And I think this year I'm gonna be mean Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate

The days after went on as normal, you sneaking glances at bakugo, and him unknowingly doing the same to you, everyone but the girls and Kirishima being oblivious to at least half of the situation. Mina and Kirishima were still trying to set up phase three, but with everything happening they hardly had time, as the days went by fast with hardcore training, and the risks of another villain attack on the school, and with the upcoming provisional hero license test, all of 1-A was so hyperfocused on making sure they can pass. Bakugo was still an ass as per usual, but that was normal, he just seemed a bit more.. different with you. Yes there were more huffs and annoyed side glances, but he was just subtlely more chill with you regarding his words, although the only ones that would notice that are his close friends. 

Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry Ain't that how its s'posed to be? Though it isn't me Boys will be bugs right?

Another side effect of how hard everyone was training, was that Bakugo was training so hard, even in his room, that he usually left everyone that texted him on read, but you were none-the-wiser as to why. You were honestly scared that he had found out about your crush and started avoiding you, not knowing that he was doing that to pretty much everyone. At this point, its important to mention that you were considered part of the Bakusquad which is why you even had his number in the first place. With that being said, Bakugo didn’t even notice most of his texts, or that they were even from you. He had so much going on that all he wanted was to just get stronger and pass the upcoming exams, and he had a lot on his mind with his recent abduction by the League of Villains. He wasn’t considering joining them or anything, but rather he blamed himself for that happening, thinking he wasn’t strong enough. So all his time went into training and only training,, justifying his recent lack of communication with his friends and you to “I’m going to be #1 so I don’t need anyone else.” “I don’t have friends.” “All that matters is my training.” etc. thinking no one would really care about his absence as long as he was in class.

I'm a dumb teen boy All I wanna do is quit My mum told me that she's worried And I couldn't give a shit I have friends who understand me Their names are spider, beetle, bee They don't say much but They have always listened to me

With time, Kirishima, Mina, and Kaminari managed to work their ways back into Bakugos life, Kirishima being the one he allowed the closest. He didn’t talk about his feelings at all, but they managed to get a better read on him and understand him more, if that was even possible with how little he let them know about his personal life. All they would know are little bits and pieces like “my mom and I argued over the phone today.” “The league is getting more popular and I need to beat them” “Those damn assholes trying to make everyone hate heroes.” They can see hes getting tired though, because of how hard hes been pushing himself. Mina and Kirishima specifically want to tell him to get over his ego and start spending more time with you, but they know its not the time yet, but they hope that this doesn’t last. 

The other boys at school Think it's cool to hate your parents But they're lying all the time The bugs advised that I should let 'em And if you wanna cry Make sure that they never see it Or even better yet Block it out and never feel it

On your side, although Mina and the girls promised he doesn’t know, you’re still scared and started trying less and less to even start a conversation, and it was apparent to Mina and Kiri that both you and Bakugo were suffering for it. You weren’t as cheery and he was a lot more... grumpy than usual, almost sad. The quiet between you both becoming more and more apparent as each day passed, both of you blaming yourself, thinking you had screwed up somehow. You thought your crush was too obvious, and he thought that he may have been to harsh on you. So he tried pushing forward on his own path even more, just as you did. 

I just turned fourteen And I think I know everything Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry Ain't that how it's s'posed to be? Though it isn't me 

At this point, it would take a miracle for that rift to repair itself. Luckily that miracle had a name. Two in fact, but if anyone was paying attention, they would know what those two names are. Mina and Kirishima finally managed to put together phase three, although its.. going to be a lot of work. First they have to get you both to believe that you still had a chance, and then get you guys in the same room and to actually talk to eachother for more than five seconds at a time which will be.. much harder than it sounds. Mina took the task of talking to you and Kirishima talkling to Bakugo. Both of your reactions practically mimicked eachothers except Bakugo insisted there would be no way you wanted to talk to him because of how harsh he is, and you insisted because of how awkward you considered yourself. They both ended up saying that it doesn’t matter and to just have you guys meet them in the common area later that night, not knowing the other would be there. Mina asked you to the kitchen because thats where all the food was, and Kirishima invited Bakugo to the couches for another study session. Once you both were down there, neither could leave because that would go to show that you didn’t want to be even in eyesight of eachother which was the last thing either of you wanted the other to think. Eventually with enough quiet pushing from the other parties, you both decided to walk up to eachother and talk, but he got up before you finally agreed to go talk to him, and when you turned he was a lot closer than you expected (thinking he was still on the other side of the room) causing you to bump into him. 

Boys will be bugs...right?

“Hey..” you both said, after he had helped steady you, and you put a small amount of distance between eachother. “look, I’m sorry.. I thought-” you both stated at the same time yet again. “No you-”, awkward chuckling commences before a brief pause. Mina takes this moment to leave without you noticing and joins Kirishima on the side lines, wanting to see what happens next. You squeezed your eyes shut, a habit you had whenever you had to be bold, and spoke up first. “I’m so sorry, I thought you caught word that I liked you and just didn’t wanna be around me anymore..” His eyes went wide, as did yours. Did he hear you correctly? Did you actually just say that? Suprise, it would seem, jumped you both with the words you had just said. You take another deep breath, gently bouncing your wrist off of the counter a few times before stating that you should probably go, and apologized for making him uncomfortable. As you go to pass him all you hear is one word. “Dont.” He stated, not looking away from where you were. You paused for a second, waiting to hear what he had to say next. “Dont..go. Please?” You looked up at him, and walked back to where you were, looking up at him unsure of what was happening. “I--...” He grimaced a bit, leaving a huff, but you could tell it wasn’t aimed at you, but rather at himself. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” He said, this time looking at you, causing you to furrow your eyebrows, looking confused. He looked back to the side and said three simple words that would change your life exponentially, although you admittedly didn’t catch it the first time. “ilikeyoutoodumbass” He mumbled, a little to quickly if youre honest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that..?” “What are you, deaf? I said I like you too” this time, a bit louder and quite a bit more aggressively. “So.. will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, a lot softer than the previous statement, hesitantly looking into your eyes.

[therucrap]

Holler at me I know you know me! Holler at me I know you know me! Welcome back to another RuCrap!

Our feisty test subjects hobble into the Werk Room after Kahmora’s emotional elimination and Kandy immediately seizes the opportunity to pull the wig off the elephantt with two T’s in the room by quipping that Elliott should have been in the bottom two instead of Denali. It’s an OMG-did-she-just-say-that observation that others obviously agree with but weren’t comfortable enough to blurt out as not to offend and divide but luckily for us Kandy isn’t tethered to such strict limitations of social etiquette and, to the benefit of the show, doesn’t mind sending a jolt through the group every now and then. Kandy also claims that Symone is her biggest competition and Tamisha immediately pipes up to say that Kandy is arrogant because of her initial placement in the A Team and that she hasn’t seen enough of Porkchop’s junior varsity squad to count them out. They exchange words but before it’s resolved the queens de-drag and save this one for another day.

Say what you will about Kandy, and the internet definitely has, but the show is all the more watchable because of her unabashed gumption and of the show’s few lightening rod contestants she best serves as the proxy for the audience. Tina’s perpetual meddling in other peoples’ business feels like producer-prompted pot-stirring and Tamisha comes from a motherly place of I-take-no-shit that keeps the kids in line but it’s Kandy’s uncanny ability to watch from the outside in and impolitely state the obvious that steers the plot forward and encourages necessary conversation like the messy Magellan she is, no matter how chaotic her map. Is she perfect? No. Is she self-aware? Ish. But does she light the right fires on a show that is already overflowing with couture gowns, pristine hair, and glossy production value that needs that sharp pinch on the ass to really seal the deal entertainment-wise? Yes ma’am Pam.

The next day our ruffled queens arrive for their latest fever dream of a mini-challenge which is twerking while dressed as babies because Toddlers in Tiaras has been off the air for far too long and we deserve this as a society. Lala Ri is determined to be the twerkiest baby, an honor that is perhaps greater than any prize but still she’s been rewarded with $2,500 worth of Fierce Drag Jewels. Wahwah indeed.

Ru introduces the Bag Ball which will require a punny look with bag in the title, a boss bitch look, and a look made out of various bags that have been dumped in the Werk Room. The queens get to ripping, glueing, and sewing the sleeping bags, dollar store gift bags, and Santee Alley purses and we learn that Lala is technically American icon and legend Tamisha Iman’s drag daughter because she put her in drag the first time. We also learn that Lala can’t sew but that shouldn’t be a problem because there’s plenty of hot glue and she’s thankfully chosen about 12 small pink and purple gift bags to make an entire dress out of so that’s surely going to result in an elegant couture gown, right?

Ru-na Wintour enters to check in with the queens (read: encourages them to doubt themselves even though they’re already half way through creating their looks and pepper in a healthy amount of her new signature 45 second fake scream laugh that the queens dutifully chuckle and nod along to despite the fact that it appears seemingly without prompt) and surprises them with a video from the awkward executive director of Coach who introduces a new element to the challenge with the charisma of a hostage video. He informs our amateur seamstresses that they’ll also be required to decorate a new and particularly clunky Coach clutch the size of a goddamn shoe box with their DIY outfits which is unfortunate because having to Frankenstein together these looks is hard enough but having to make this hideous bag fashionable is truly a burden. While the queens paint, Kandy takes a moment to flirt with Joey who she thinks is cute but has horrible taste in fashion which... boys... am I right ladies? The subject turns to Black Lives Matter and Lala breaks down into tears sharing the story of Rayshard Brooks who was tragically murdered by police at the Wendy’s she goes to every day, a pointless incident which she can barely even talk about through sobs considering how close it hits home and of which could have happened to her. It’s a doozy but it does provide a welcome glimpse into Lala’s world that we haven’t previously seen.

It’s runway time and the bubbly Nicole Byer joins the judges once again for this whopping 36-look super-challenge which really allows Rosé, Utica, Symone, and GottMik to show off their fashion prowess. My personal favorite is Utica’s expertly tailored sleeping bag dress but Mik bags the win and the judges come down hardest on the questionable fashion decisions of the aesthetically confused Joey, surprisingly plain Tamisha, and Lala whose truly baffling hot glued pink and purple gift bag incident looks more like a scrapbook mishap than an outfit and is noted as maybe the worst look in the show’s 13 year history. Lala and Joey face off to Iggy Azalea’s seminal homosexual ear worm Fancy and Lala’s paper bag situation immediately collapses and disintegrates but her high-energy dance and disarming smile elicits giggles from the judges while a more stoic and technical Joey dances her ass off. Lala knows how ridiculous this looks and can still make light of it which turns around her bleak situation and in the end she shockingly charms her way into a win but is told to step her pussy up and the lovable Joey Jay is sent packing her bags! I don’t know if I necessarily agree this time but this elimination is a good example of how the judges reward gumption and showmanship over technicality and I guess that’s just how the bag crumbles!

Join us next week for another RuCrap and please share and like!

[portable-wing-wang]

Gender, Sexuality & Me

Right, here goes.

I've never properly talked about my gender or sexuality on here and feel as if I need to clear things up for friends, family and even myself.

Of course I'm very gender positive, I think everyone should explore themselves thoroughly in order to better understand their place in this world. What I experience will be different from other people and I may even disagree with others who share my experience as everyone is different. Just good to clear the air before we continue.

My name is Will(iam) Kirton. I was born at 1:04 AM on the 10th of April 2000. I was born with male attributes and was such designated a "boy". I have little problem with this. A baby knows itself very little and cannot comprehend itself properly and so adults assign labels which, for the most part, do help with development as a child is introduced to social spaces (schools etc.).

When young, gender means little and so I thought little of it. I never felt apart or different from my schoolmates. I did however feel uncomfortable and didn't know why. Constantly feeling as if I wasn't explaining myself properly and getting confused easily. I was bullied for this by many of the other boys and when trying to defend myself, I was made an outcast. This led to me to very female dominated spaces.

I tried my hardest to join the other boys (as I thought I was supposed to) but time and time again, I'd be pushed away. I did, however, make good friends with a few boys a couple of which I'm still friends with today. But my fondest memories come from my friendships with the girls and how they shaped me as a person.

I didn't know it then but through them I began to question myself, sub-conciously at first but very soon after it started to dominate my thinking. By the age of 14 I knew something was off for sure, but I didn't know what, so I started researching to find an answer.

First, I started to look at trans-folk and see how they saw it."Trans," Such an illusive word. To me it seemed so simple to begin with. Someone wanted to be something else because they felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable. "Maybe there's something in this?" I thought, so I kept digging here and there with little motivation until I was about 15 when GCSEs took over and I didn't have time to think about it much until the summer of 2016. The thoughts came back in a big way. Why? I started going to parties.

Now it may seem a little silly but getting drunk and forgetting to hide myself allowed me to express myself in ways I'd never had the chance to before. Mannerisms began to appear that I wasn't controlling intentionally. I started speaking differently, stopped feeling like I had to explain myself and started having fun. This was the next big step of my self-discovery.

I then started playing DnD. Now, laugh if you wish but I had a human bard character names Steve who I categorized as a projection of myself if a little exaggerated. While playing as Steve, those mannerisms I gained started to take over even when sober. This was the last proof I needed to know I was queer but I didn't know what labels to use. I settled with saying I just had "queer tendencies" and left it at that but I still felt uncomfortable when I wasn't playing Steve.

So, I'm definitely queer, that's for sure but what kind?

I'm researching properly now. And not just gender, but sexuality as well. Bi, pan, gay, ace, etc.. I looked up everything and kept finding new labels. To help ease my brain, I focused on sexuality first. I knew I liked girls but I also liked boys however both in different ways. I timidly said I was bi for a couple years and then came out properly soon after my 18th birthday. I felt comfortable. For now . . .

I was still, however, confused. I couldn't work out whether I was a boy or a girl and it kept making everything else seem so confusing. At this point (16 or so) most of my good friends were male, I was decent at sports and I had a big ol' bass voice. BOY, right?

But there was something still bugging me.

I couldn't figure it out. Not until the summer before Uni, something slipped into place. I had completed my A Levels, I was out as bi, my shitty friends had left me, all was good. Wrong. I was more tense than ever. All I could think about was gender. Gender this, gender that. Constantly thinking, even with the distraction of the Edinburgh Fringe. I was also listening to a lot of Steam Powered Giraffe who, of course, have a trans woman playing the "Rabbit" character. I was obsessed. I wanted to find out everything about her and luckily, she posted a whole set of videos cataloguing her transition and thoughts all the way through. Finally, someone was essentially saying to me clearly what "trans" actually meant. Things began to make sense. I knew then that I was probably not cis but i didn't really feel comfortable saying I was "fully" trans, if you get my meaning.

But then I went to Uni. I finally had a chance to express myself freely and boy oh boy, did I do just that. I became so much more feminine than I ever had been in my life. It was so freeing. But I still didn't feel trans.

Then, someone introduced me to the concept of being "non-binary". A new term. I hadn't heard of it before. Is it like being trans? Or something completely different. I dived in head-first and came out the other end with even more answers but so many more questions.

Finally, I took the plunge (I'm sorry for so many swimming metaphors).

One evening in February 2019 after Uni I was in the loo before a musicals rehearsal. I hadn't felt well all day and was wearing something particularly feminine and caught myself in the mirror. I studied myself for a good few minutes. Each detail, each curve, how my body felt and looked in the clothes I was wearing. I stood there staring. Luckily no one walked in on me.

And something just clicked. After so many years of worrying and tensing, I finally understood. I was genderqueer.

Now, I should explain (here I go again), I didn't just decide then and there. I few months prior, my new uni friend "tom" (she goes by a different name now) had introduced me to a youtuber called Contrapoints. Before anyone says anything, I know she's caused a lot of discourse but I don't feel as if this is the right time to make any cases. Anyway, she didn't used to be openly trans and used to go by the label genderqueer. At the time, she made a very comprehensive video explaining what is and what it meant for her.

It intrigued me so, naturally, I did some more research and found that it fit my situation quite adequately but I didn't feel comfortable falling myself "genderqueer" yet either.

For those who don't know, genderqueer is an umbrella term for a wide range of traits which are either predominantly female, male or androgynous. It doesn't necessarily have a perfect definition and can be different for anybody who identify themselves as such.

My own genderqueerness could be described as a complete rejection of the male binary and so I carry more female and androgynous traits. This affects the way I speak, move my body, dress and my perspective on greater society. I also experience gender dysphoria. Now, to some, this would mean I was most likely just trans and using this a stopping-point before going further. This I feel is not the case. Whilst I am made uncomfortable by my flat chest, copious hair and broad shoulders, I do not feel the same about my genitalia or Adam's apple.

There are also more political connotations with the term genderqueer over non-binary. Genderqueer is a lot more aggressive but it gets the point across more clearly but I wouldn't say I wasn't non-binary. In fact, I think they're one and the same in practice but I do use my identity as a statement and so the genderqueer label feels more appropriate.

So yeah, I came out as genderqueer that February evening. First to my partner, then my friends and only now, almost a year later, am I attempting with my family.

I am so much happier for it too. I kept myself hidden for so long and have only now started to just accept myself and give in to the voice in my head telling me to let go. I'm much more relaxed too. Since coming out and using more neutral and even feminine pronouns, my dysphoria has become less of an issue. I still get it and I have bad days of course but for the first time in a long time, things are looking up.

I can't change the world, but I've been able to find myself in it more clearly and that helps a bunch.

TL;DR: I'm genderqueer. I'm bisexual. I've been out for a considerable time now and feeling better because of it.

Anyway, if you did read the whole thing, thank you. I'm not saying this'll be the same forever but this is me now and I'm still breathing so come get me world!

Feel free to reblog this, I hope it helps others realise themselves too.

[vermiculus-incipiens]

OOC INFORMATION:

What’s your name? Kay!

Preferred pronouns: she/her

Timezone: Arizona/MST/GMT -7

IC INFORMATION:

Character Name: Andromeda Eirene Black Tonks - She has always felt that her name was particularly fitting for herself. Andromeda, the chained maiden; she always felt trapped in her family, even if she couldn’t identify the feeling until she was older. Trapped by her family, by their reputation, by the weight of expectations. Eirene - meaning peace, a trait she has always attempted to embody. Even at home, as much as she tried to be unseen by the rest of her family, she equally tried to bring peace when there was conflict. She has left behind her maiden name, choosing to shed her Black identity as easily as she shed the expensive gowns that she left behind. Instead, she revels in being Andromeda Tonks. Ted has and always will embody all the good that she sees in the world and she wants nothing more than to attempt to imitate him to the best of her ability.

What’s a hobby or pastime that your character enjoys? Andie began learning to cook after she married Ted; before, she never needed to cook. So with Ted, she learned to cook the Muggle way and discovered that she loves working with her hands in that way. She cooks herself as much as possible, and loves any type of cooking. Her favorite thing is to bake cookies with Dora but whenever she’s worried, she’ll disappear into the kitchen to cook and alleviate her stress that way. (A controlled outcome, something she can predict and determine, is very important to Andie. Relinquishing control is very hard for her, and there is very little that she can control anymore.)

Do you have any preferred ships or anti-ships? I am and always will be a Tedromeda shipper. I think they have the most beautiful love story and I always have enjoyed the chance to write it. The changes she goes through in order to be with him are so fascinating and compelling to me. (Sorry, this has deviated a little from the actual question but long story short: there is no other ship that I can see for Andromeda.)

What do you think your character’s Boggart would be? If their greatest fear isn’t something that could easily take a solid form, what is it? Why? Andie is most afraid of her sister Bellatrix. She doesn’t want to see her other family members (well … Narcissa, maybe, because the only guilt Andie has ever held for her choice to be with Ted is the fact that she had to abandon her younger sister to be happy) but there’s far more fear of her older sister than anyone else. She has no doubt that Bellatrix could and would hurt her if given the chance, and Andie will do everything in her power to protect herself - and more importantly, her new family. So her boggart takes the form of her oldest sister, attacking Andie’s family.

What’s your character’s biggest pet peeve? Sloppiness - whether that’s the form of an actually dirty house or room, or just someone looking ill-kempt or slovenly. It is not unusual for her to be found moving around the room when there’s an Order meeting at the Tonks home, tidying up after their guests even while they are in the middle of the meeting. She doesn’t go so far as to make them remove their shoes (although it’s thought that has been given a lot of consideration) but she’ll pick up glasses and set coasters under them, or run a rag over a sticky spot on the table during the meeting (not even a glare from Moody himself is enough to stop her; he’s not that intimidating, not compared to Cygnus or Bellatrix Black. She will stop at a look or comment from Dumbledore, of course).

What would you consider to be an eccentricity of your character? Andie is very particular about the aspects of Muggle culture that she takes into her life. For example: cleaning and cooking the Muggle way is acceptable and enjoyable; Muggle travel is totally out of the question, except when it’s absolutely necessary. She finds Muggle money absurd, and has little wish to be in Muggle cities, but she loves Muggle fashion and prefers it to anything she wore as a Black. The wireless is fascinating, and the cinema (she loves watching films), and the television, but she doesn’t like or understand the need for a telephone. And don’t get her started on pens or pencils; quills are highly preferable and she consistently refuses to use any of Ted’s writing utensils except in extreme circumstances.

What is/was your character’s favorite subject in school? Why? Andromeda always liked potions. It was a controlled form of magic, something where she could predict the outcome. Follow the steps, make the potion. She also got along fairly well with Slughorn and enjoyed that aspect; not all the professors were as easy to befriend and while she never disliked a class because of a professor, liking her professor helped a lot.

What time of day is your character’s favorite? What time of year? The best time of day, in Andie’s opinion, can be divided into two specific moments of the day. First, the very early morning when she and Ted are up together, making breakfast or just sitting and enjoying their tea, before Dora joins them. It’s important to Andie that she and Ted have moments to themselves, to remember their relationship apart from their daughter. But she also loves the early evenings, when she comes home with Dora and together they start making dinner. She loves to hear everything Dora has to say about her day and what she’s done. Her favorite time of year is summer, when she and Ted and Dora have longer hours to do things in the evenings after dinner. She doesn’t particularly like being bundled up for the cold and revels in the chance to wear shorts or dresses without added layers.

What’s your character’s Patronus? If they can’t conjure one, what would it be if they could? Why? Andie’s Patronus takes the form of a tiger. She conjures it with the memory of the first time Ted told her that he loved her. (The tiger symbolizes an independent person who doesn’t like to show weakness to others and is a bit cynical due to their past, all of which Andie embodies. Information found here.)

What is your character’s biggest vice (bad habit or immoral craving)? Andie is arrogant. It’s a bad habit, and one she has tried to break, and also one that only affects certain things (for example, she doesn’t view any group of people as better than others; she isn’t the sort to think she’s better than Muggleborns, for example) but it’s certainly there. She grew up being told that her family was the best and that’s a hard lesson to shake off, no matter how false she knew it to be. So even though she knows she isn’t better than anyone else, she’s still shaking off that arrogance that seems to be born into the Blacks.

Is your character an introvert or extrovert? How well do they handle social situations? Andie is an introvert. She prefers to be at home with her family rather than out with other people. She learned how to handle herself in social settings though - she didn’t like all the attempts to teach her how to be a pureblood lady, but she learned them very well. Now, it’s extremely rare for her to let on how badly she wants to be alone when she’s surrounded by people. If they’re at her house, she wants them to leave, and if she’s out, she wants to go home. She can circulate and make small talk with the best of people though, so no one would know her inner turmoil.

What is your character’s diet like? What’s his or her favorite food? Andie has worked very hard to learn how cook healthy meals for her family (and encourage Dora to eat and enjoy them, although she settles for just seeing Dora eat the food at this stage in life). Their meals are almost always homemade, as Andie turns her nose up at most restaurant meals (with the exception of a few places, or the times Ted really works to sweet-talk her into a family night out.). Meals are also quite varied, as she likes a challenge in the kitchen and is always looking for something that her daughter will enjoy. She’s never really sat to think about her favorite foods though. However, Andie loves popcorn and often pops some for her and Dora and Ted to enjoy after dinner.

How do you think your character’s psychological issues have manifested and changed your character up to this point? Andie is becoming more and more brittle as the war progresses. She is, at heart, a soft person, the kind with seemingly endless optimism and hope for the future, who can forgive and love and welcome people into her life with open arms. However, much of that was ruthlessly squelched under her family’s influence, and now is fading even more as the war progresses. Andie values her poise above almost everything else; she sees a lot of self-worth in how well she can handle a crisis without falling to pieces and the thought of actually cracking under the pressure she feels is unbearable. Where she was once more cheerful and hopeful, she has become more fearful and pessimistic. She hides it as much as she can, and her spectacular poise means it’s hard to see past the polite expressions to the true turmoil underneath. Perhaps the hardest part is the distance she feels from Ted now; at Hogwarts, she felt like they were inseparable, that nothing could ever come between them, that she could go to him with anything and that he felt the same way. But she’s seen his struggles and though she’s waited for him to come to her, he withdraws instead. Andie has never handled rejection very well, and seeing his withdrawal only makes her withdraw as well. She wants to turn to him and be supported and offer support, but she doesn’t know anymore how to bring it up. It’s starting to wear on her, and Dora is starting to realize something is different at home. She’s empathetic but it means that she has taken a very heavy burden during the war (one of the reasons she couldn’t work at St. Mungo’s was because the weight of working with all those people would be too much for her; it’s easier to work privately, offering aid as she can to a select group of people).

Give us a headcanon for your character. Anything is acceptable. Andie is a clean freak. She has always kept her things tidy, and when she left her family and joined Ted, she learned that cleaning the Muggle way (much like cooking the Muggle way) is very rewarding. She has a strict schedule for cleaning their house (it isn’t very big, but Dora generates a lot of chaos and mess) and rarely deviates from the schedule. When she’s especially stressed, she can often be found scrubbing the baseboards or beating a rug, something that requires more exertion from her. It is not unusual these days for her to wake in the middle of the night and turn to cleaning when she can’t fall back asleep.

[briangroth27]

Ready or Not Review

I really liked Ready or Not! It’s a very entertaining horror adventure with a healthy dose of comedy and a great lead in Samara Weaving. The supporting cast is on point too and everyone involved more than capably delivers a really fun thrill ride!

Full Spoilers...

Weaving's Grace is hoping to find a family once she marries her fiancé, Alex (Mark O’Brien), but everything goes wrong when his family tradition of playing a game each wedding night leaves her running for her life. Weaving imbues Grace with a winning way that makes her easy to root for, which is very important since we don't learn much about her interests or aspirations outside the family here. Her interactions with and reactions to the members of the Le Domas clan (along with her struggle to survive) give us a good grasp of who she is as a person (and that's just as if not more important as her biography), but I would've liked to know what she wanted out of life beyond a family and a solid home. Given no one in the movie really gets those details, however, it doesn't feel like she was slighted or underwritten. Her drive to have a family after living through foster homes was strong enough to give her a relatable goal and to fuel the tragedy that what she wants demands her death. The movie sends her through the ringer and Weaving absolutely sold Grace's growing confidence and grit in the face of so many would-be killers. She wasn't ever helpless or short of the ability to defend herself, but carving out an independent life apart from what she wanted was handled really well as the metaphorical component to her literal struggle to survive. I really liked that her most deliberate murder was the one that also eliminated any chance of a happy marriage to Alex, since she kills his mom Becky (Andie MacDowell), whom he loved her more than his new wife.

The script and direction did a great job of balancing Alex’s wish that he was different from his family with the dawning truths that he really did believe as they did and that he would choose them over Grace. The very act of putting her in a situation that could lead to her death without telling her—even if the Hide & Seek card hadn't been drawn in 30 years—was a huge red flag and I'm glad they followed through to the conclusion of that plot point. The romantic music swelling when he told Grace he'd proposed to her because she'd leave him otherwise didn't convince me that he was a good guy (he would have explained why they couldn’t get married or just let her go rather than risk her life if he really loved her), so I was happy the movie used the romantic music as a trick instead of a true emotional beat. There were other small hints at his turn along the way, so his was a nicely-constructed and acted arc too.

Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody) was initially drawn as sleazy and unlikable, so I wasn’t expecting either of the moments where he helps Grace escape. I definitely didn’t think he’d turn out to be the best of his clan, particularly given his role in the last Hide & Seek game they played. However, I fully bought his turn after Brody and the movie showed the toll his choice back then had taken on him and how exhausted with everything about his family he was. Most of the Le Domas family were pretty affable on the surface (accounting for niceties at a wedding), and the actors and writers crafted a nice blend of reasons for them to stick with the family as well as some very entertaining comic relief within the group. Like Grace, we don’t hear a lot about their goals or dreams, but through the writing and performances it was easy to see who these people were from their actions and interactions alone. I did believe that they were truly hoping the Hide & Seek card wasn’t pulled and not just because they knew they’d all be terrible at hunting a person. That obviously doesn’t excuse any of their actions—they still put Grace in that position and immediately went through with trying to kill her to save themselves and the family business—but I liked that the movie took the step of giving them a bit of humanity before carrying out their ritual. That actually made them scarier, since people who do evil, selfish things are still people and pretending that only inhuman monsters are murderers (or racists, sexists, white supremacists, etc.) is dangerous.

There are some solid foils set up for Grace amongst the women of the Le Domas family. Becky is who Grace might want to be: the outsider welcomed into the family so that she can build a large one of her own and in doing so, find a stable home. They have the closest bond, come from similar lower class backgrounds, and the movie makes note of them both being smokers, providing another small connection between them (even if Grace lies about it to impress Becky). The ironically-named Charity (Elyse Levesque) is the cliché reflection of Grace (and possibly how we’d expect a wealthy family to see someone joining them from the lower classes): she’s literally there for the money and security that being part of this family provides. Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) is Grace without her grit (and what Grace hopes the family doesn’t see her as): a screw-up in over her head who has no idea what she’s doing, but who’s desperate to impress the family. Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni), on the other hand, is who Grace could be if she were all grit and devotion to the family. Looking at them this way had me wondering if the men in the Le Domas clan are foils for Alex as well. Daniel is set up as the red herring evil brother and their trajectories are opposites: Alex left but never really “left” the family while Daniel stayed, but that only allowed him to stew in how terrible they all are. Fitch (Kristian Bruun) does bring up cutting and running once, but ultimately he’s fully willing to go along with the ritual and between Alex fleeing the family and Daniel drinking himself into snark, before Alex’s turn Fitch is kind of the best son Tony (Henry Czerny) has (even if he’s a son-in-law, ensuring he’ll never be treated like blood). Tony’s devoted to the ritual and will absolutely kill to protect his family, though he wishes he didn’t have to. He’s what Alex probably would have become had Grace pulled a different card. Emilie and Fitch’s sons Georgie (Liam MacDonald) and Gabe (Ethan Tavares) also mirror Daniel and Alex, with one of them being hidden for most of the movie and the other taking part in the family’s ritual “because everyone else was doing it.” 

Since I saw the first trailer, I was hoping Mr. Le Bael would be a real demon, so I absolutely loved that he actually was mystically sustaining this family’s fortune in exchange for this ritual! Just before that reveal, when it seemed nothing would happen to the family for not killing Grace before dawn, the family’s awkward “well shoot…what do we do now?” moment was played perfectly, so that was a bit of the best of both worlds. I thought Grace was going to have to fight off the whole family at once somehow, since they’d still have to kill her to get away with it. However, the parade of exploding devil worshipers that followed instead was a fitting end to these terrible people: they’re all brought down by the thing they thought would make their dreams come true (which is a nice parallel to Grace’s biggest dream turning into a nightmare). I thought Mr. Le Bael might offer Grace a deal of her own for surviving the night, but I’m glad he just gave her a nod of approval instead.

The violence throughout the film expertly walks the same cartoony/serious line that the tone of the whole movie does. That’s very hard to do while still keeping the stakes high, but this movie completely and consistently pulls it off. There’s a lot of gore (though not too gross-out graphic IMO) that’s used well to comedic effect, until Grace starts getting injured and it takes a turn to decidedly not comedic; then they play the seriousness and pain of those injuries just as effectively. While the accidental deaths are comical, I wish they weren’t solely reserved for women (Hanneke Talbot, Celine Tsai, and Daniela Barbosa, who play the Le Dormas maids), though I suppose that’s the comment on these villains: this rich family didn’t care about their value beyond bemoaning how well they’d served them.

Criticisms of the upper class like that are effectively deployed throughout the film, from joining/maintaining a ridiculously wealthy family being the only way several characters think they can have a good/secure life, to the only non-white people associated with the family being among their hired and quickly-forgotten help, to their fortune being built on games rather than socially-helpful endeavors (not that diversions aren’t important) as if they’ve never had to take anything but this ritual seriously (not to mention the literal deal with the devil alleviating any hard work they might’ve had to do to make said fortune), to the flimsy “this is just how I was raised” excuse Alex and Georgie give. Given that the butler Stevens (John Ralston), Tony, and Helene are the most effective/vicious hunters, there’s also a vibe that the old white people are the ones fighting hardest to maintain their traditions (sometimes even if they know they don’t make sense anymore) and way of life by using the younger generation as expendable pawns and targets. Even when outside authority figures are trying to be helpful, they’re ultimately playing into the Le Domas family’s interests instead of the common person’s, like when Grace explains that she’s being hunted and the family car’s security agent Justin (Nat Faxon) turns the car off (since it’s been reported stolen) while offering half-meant hopes (and prayers?) that she makes it out alive. 

The score is fun (and the Hide & Seek song is very creepy!), while the production design of the Le Domas mansion and the movie in general feels perfectly fitting for this kind of story (as others online have pointed out). The pacing is excellent, giving us enough time to get to know Grace and her new family in the first act before everything goes crazy, which also gives her a glimpse of the life she wants before ripping it away and lets them play some relatable “dealing with the in-laws” gags. Once the game begins, the comedy and thrills don’t stop until the end!

Ready or Not continues the steady build of solid horror movies heading into the Halloween season this year! I can’t wait to pick it up on Blu-ray. It’s definitely a blast and it’s more than worth a trip to the theater to see it!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!  

[almostnoisydonut]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓣𝓸 𝓓𝓸 𝓐𝓽 𝓝𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓣𝓻𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓐𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮?

What can a person do at night when traveling alone?

I am particularly interested in what to do at night when traveling alone.

During the day, being alone is not unusual. But at night, it seems that everyone, travelers and locals, is going out with friends and having a good time.

Fortunately, solo travelers do not have to be left out of night-time fun.

We’ll be the first to encourage anyone to travel alone, but it does have it’s difficult moments. Those social hours in the evening can be a lonely time, especially if you’re in a quiet place without a nightlife scene. Follow these tips to make the most of your evenings and keep the adventure going after dark.

Many cities around the world are beautiful by night – in fact, some look better than ever after the sun goes down. Go for a walk before or after dinner to swoon over lamp-lit streets and listen to the buzz of busy tables outside bars. Park yourself up on a bench or at a cafe and people watch by night, one of the best times to do so. Gaze around at couples walking by hand-in-hand or friends catching up over cocktails. Notice the way they move and interact, it could teach you a lot about local culture and customs.

If you’re not travelling in a city, it’s of course not a given that you can go for a walk at night. We’re by no means suggesting you wander off into the middle of no where through darkness, but even a local village could prove entertaining for a stroll. Do some research about potentially dangerous neighbourhoods to avoid at night and ensure you stay safe.

These are by far my favorite evening pastimes! Night market, night bazaar, walking streets, block parties, street fairs… they’re all pretty much the same fun. Haggle for cool local craftwork and souvenirs or dive into the local foods and snacks, watch street performers jangling for change or fuel up with local cuisine at an outdoor restaurant.

Night markets for local folk can get a little more gritty, less sparkly with a feeling more foreign. Foods are authentically made for local taste and shopper’s items are aimed at more practical and household variety. Interesting nonetheless!

Watch your money though, it’s sure to drain fast.

While the thought of visiting restaurants as a solo traveller might fill you with fear (and you might be tempted to live on fast food to avoid awkward situations), put that fear aside. Fancy establishments are fantastic places to dine alone. Waiters are happy to help solo diners who smile and say, "I made a special trip just to eat here. What do you recommend?" Social folks might want to eat at the bar, but there's no shame in taking a table for two.

The marvelous thing about travel is the variety of ways you can sample street dining. With street food, you can eat standing up, sitting on a plastic stool on the sidewalk as motorbikes zip past you or amidst the cluck of foreign chatter. It’s real dining just the way locals do it:  authentic food and cheap prices!  Next time you visit street foodie capitals, like Thailand, Kolkata or Taipei, dare to step outside the tourist box and experience it local style.

Making photography a mission, even if it's just snapping odd little details you notice about a place, gives structure to your day. Your friends back home will appreciate your perspective and the stories behind the pictures. It's also a great way to reminisce after your solo travel adventure and remember what you've achieved.

Live music is a great one because you don’t need to understand the language to enjoy it. You don’t necessarily need to seek out a big concert. Plenty of local bars and pubs have open mic evenings or host the occasional band which is ideal if you’re looking for something low-key social to occupy yourself with. All you need to do is sit back, relax and enjoy the music. Like cultural performances, you may even be treated to some real traditional music of the country you’re visiting or find yourself humming along to some well-known tunes.

Either way, listening to live music is a great way to experience the nightlife for solo travellers because you get to see the local talent and you feel like you’ve done something productive with your time.

Solo travel can be both safe and rewarding, but be mindful of safety concerns just as you would travelling in a pair or group. Take care in large cities at night, watch your drinks, be aware of any local scams and keep a close eye on your valuables.

While it's certainly challenging, the hardest thing about solo travel is making that initial leap to do it. After that, all you need is a bit of know-how, an eagerness to explore, and these tried and tested tips on how to travel solo. An incredibly rewarding experience awaits.