#in the same fuckin. no im not even gonna acknowledge that as a potential or ill rip all of my hair out. awful idea. i hate it

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[peachmultimusings]

KNBA MEME, part one.

These are all taken from the KNBA (knb abridged series on youtube.) 

another year, another hopeless attempt to recruit freshmen for the basketball team.

it’s only hopeless because you won’t accept applicants under 6 feet tall. 

so? 

we live in japan!

i have standards!

you have zero new members!

i have a human being in my hand !

why do you have a human being in your hand?

guy comes up to me and says ‘hey you’re tall. do you play basketball’? i mean OBVIOUSLY SMART-ASS.

what’s your name kid? 

{ name } , { first name , last name } 

well { name }, if you wanna join the team, you’ll need to make a donation. 

we aren’t exactly well-funded.

did you just drink our cash-cup?

two things you need to know about me. one, i drink alloys, two, i gotta mean hook shot.

watch this shit ! 

uh, excuse you, paper goes in the recycling. 

fuck the planet! 

welcome to the basketball team. 

you’re here because you’re over 6 feet tall or {name} made me. 

i made you take all of them.

i’m coach {name}

hi, {name}

NO. 

NO, YOU’LL CALL ME {name} and you’ll like it !

this team is like a family to me.

i’m your abusive step-dad

take off your shirts!

how does this help? 

she’s been studying the male body since she -- well, since she shouldn’t have been allowed to study the male body.

they say she can tell a guys’ dick length is by looking in their eyes.

so what can you see in my eyes? 

i want you so raw. 

what?

i think she means you have raw talent

you fucking heard me

i like it raw too. 

we’re talking about sushi right?

sushi means raw fish -- calling it raw would be redunant

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM

well, i was out getting a soda, twenty minutes ago and i just finished drinking it

*drops a can*

you gonna pick it up? 

it was a coke zero. 

it’s staining the court. 

same coke taste, zero calories 

can you just take off your shirt? before we get sued? 

okay.

well, there goes my boner. 

98.... 99.... 100 ! 

dude, your presence literally make other people worse at this game.

i don’t see the downside to that.

what the hell are you doing here anyways? 

what are you doing here?

this is my court!

isn’t this public property?

MY COURT.

I’ll take you RIGHT here to prove it.

yah ! you’re in my house now little man!

i thought this was your court. 

wow, you suck more than a-- 

than a what?

than a -- fucking --

whose fucking?

you are! you’re fucking !

how do you know?

cuz i am! this is my insult!

it’s not going very well.

no it isn’t !

look, something, something, you’re a whore, bye!

alright, i fucking love the burger store!

hi!

jesus! 

what the hell is this?

this? 

this is a milkshake.

yeah i can see that.

are you done?

finished my milkshake!

{ name } you are literally to bland to insult.

vanilla is my favorite flavor.

of course it is. 

alright ladies ! 

today we’re playing freshmen vs. seniors. 

not that kinda senior, grandpa. 

well { name} it was nice knowin’ ya. 

there is no way you’re gonna make this team.

hell yah ! get some ! how you like them apples huh!

did ya see that pass? 

why is no one acknowledging me? 

looks like we’re really gonna have to focus on that blue haired kid. 

hey! pay attention to me!

how the hell is {name} doing this? 

you can’t see him! 

the ball comes out of no where!

no points ! god you suck at basketball.

but i had 38 assists. 

and how many points did that get us?

i mean, at minimum, 76.

you think you’re better than me, with your blue hair and sense of teamwork?

I’LL KILL YOU.

oh my, a lover’s quarrel. 

i didn’t realise the basketball team was also the drama club.

{name} what are you doing here? 

why i came to check in on you, silly.

what happened to you {name}

you use to be so cool

i’m still cool

no, you’re not. 

you got hot, like, spicy.

should we break this up?

FUCK NO.

HEY!

well that wasn’t very nice

I’m not very nice-

he’s not very nice. 

would you, fuckin--

so you’re {name’s} new play toy?

you think you’re better than me? with your fangirls, and your tight-ass, and your suit jacket, and your tight ass---I’LL KILL YOU.

smooth {name}

how about you and i go a little one on one

you do realise who this is, dont you?

{name}. 

i don’t care who they are. 

he’s a stuck up pretty boy, ken doll in need of an ass-kicking and a dirt nap. 

well, hasbro, you had my interest but now you have my erection.

attention.

is what my dick is standing at. 

not even gonna get out of your suit huh?

you know it makes you look like a stay at home dad?

how appropiate. i’m about to take you to school.

oh god, i think i felt it on my face.

get in the car son.

daddy needs to take you to practice.

well, {name}, i can honestly say im disappointed. 

you had such potential and i hate to see it spoiled. 

here’s a thought-- come and enroll in my academy?

two of the six best players in all of japan teaming up on the streets -- and under the sheets -- it’ll be just like the old days. 

what do you say?

nah.

what, why not?

i like it here.

besides i have fun hanging out with {name}

WHO THE FUCK IS {name} 

the bro you just styled on

you think you’re better than me, just cuz you’re better than me?

dammit, just go!

i can’t believe that pretty boy dunked on me. 

i’ven ever been dunked on. 

fact is, i know more about them than you do. 

if we’re gonna make this work, i’m gonna need to teach you everything i can so you can beat them.

you know something {name}, but you may have a point. 

you got yourself a deal. 

what’s in it for me?

you strike me as someone who needs a senpai.

duly noted.

if you want to be the best basketball player in japan, you may have to defeat my five evil ex-teammates. 

your five evil ex’s?

teammates. ex teammates.

is there a difference?

god i hope so.

[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

[ursoself-satisfying]

All Things Must Pass

this was a request!!! hes so young here wow

Joe Mazzello x F!Reader, sad/comfort fluff

A/N: i have so little time to write this was a struggle,,, i projected a lot onto this fic, using the language i use when im in a negative headspace n such so i hope it doesnt thro anyone off,,, i went thru a lot of what i felt then wrote that cus i deal w mental health issues n tried to portray what i go thru in a semi-accurate way but not one so specific its not readable u kno??? y'all that peep my references here tho get bonus points

Warnings: none rly,,, its kinda vague n sad like dealing w not discussing whats wrong n such,,,,, nothing bad tho,, not even any language wow!!! jk one language wh00ps

The warm mug in your hand didn’t improve your mood. The steam of the drink drifted up from the contents and swirled in intricate patterns near your face. You pursed your chapped lips and blinked your drying eyes. A feeling had been swelling in you for days, but you couldn’t quite identify it yet. With soft blankets curled around you and your body folded up on the couch, you pondered it again. This wasn’t an unfamiliar experience. It had been happening for years. The bite of the sharp night air bled through a crack in your draping covers and you shivered, conserving your heat by pulling further into yourself. Though familiar, this state you were in was anything but comfortable. Even if you really were comfortable like this, you wouldn’t have wanted to admit it.

The kitchen light was the only thing shining through the apartment. It wasn’t your apartment, no. This wave had to come crashing down on you when you were far from the safety of your home. This apartment was safe It belonged to your boyfriend and he made you feel safe, but he wasn’t there right now. It was just you and the sound of minuscule little droplets of rain pattering against the window. The street lights made the storm seem like a glitter against the glass, reflecting back the business of the night.

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, but you had to remember it was ok not to be ok sometimes. “We naturally go through emotional highs and lows, everyone does,” she told you, “it doesn’t mean you’re broken if you feel bad- it means you're human.” ‘Remeber that,’ you'd thought, ‘remember it’s ok. You’re ok.’

Your drink smelled sweet and a little burnt. You breathed in the warmth wafting from it before slowly and cautiously tipping the cup to your lips. A hiss escaped your lips at the still scalding temperature colliding with your raw skin and you sighed. Your love of the cold weather had betrayed you and left you weak. The entire situation was stressful and tiring, and you’d cry if you could but for some horrible reason you just couldn’t.

Your mind struggled to focus on one thing at a time that had led to your current emotions but it mostly focused on the bad. Your mind was foggy and muddled and insisted on making a mental list of all the reasons your life was the absolute worst in this very moment. ‘Perhaps,’ you reasoned, ‘if I identify what's wrong, I can fix it.’

You were far from home. New York City was scary and big and loud and dirty and new to you. This was exciting and terrifying at the same time. You wanted to see everything, and Joe wanted to show it all to you, but of course, he still had work things and you were left alone. You only had so much time there and even less time with him. There was never any way you could have fit in every important place you wanted to see into the few precious hours you could share.

That led into your second reason, which was that you just desperately missed Joe. He hadn’t wanted to leave you alone,  but duty does call and he had to answer. “I love you, ok? I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could have planned for this but-”

“You couldn’t have known! It’s ok,” You’d smiled at him and he kissed you before he left. Every morning and every night and every time he had the chance, he kissed you. God, it gave you life. His face just seemed to fit into your so perfectly, like your hands were molded against his cheeks. You closed your eyes and could almost feel him there with you, his warmth keeping you sane, but when you opened your eyes, he was gone.

Maybe the third reason was that your relationship was fairly new and you were insecure in the commitment for a number of reasons- or maybe it’s just that the holiday season was upon you and that ‘seasonal depression’ was hitting you hard. There was so much to do, so much to not miss out on, and so little time to relax and actually enjoy this time of year. Joe hadn’t managed to decorate for anything yet and had actually planned to do so with you, but it didn’t look like you’d have the chance to now. There were no lights up anywhere, no festive knick-knacks up on the shelves, nothing.

‘Or maybe,’ you thought, ‘it’s not seasonal, it’s just me.’ This was a turning point and you were scared. Joe had never seen you in such a deep, naturally dark headspace before, and you had little explanation for it. There was no one thing you could blame for the way you felt. It was just- Everything. A vague yet overwhelming anxiety rolled through you that made your guts feel like they’d turned to sawdust and were swirling around inside you like you were the floor of some horrible workshop.

The lighter side of your mind spoke up, ‘Maybe that’s not such a bad comparison, I mean, you are a workshop, always tinkering, changing, evolving. You are a human bent on self-improvement. Recovery,’ the voice reminded, ‘is not linear.’

“But any step forward is a good step,” you said out loud.

“What’s that from?”

“Holy fuckin’ sh-!” Your entire body jolted violently at the surprise of the response and your drink sloshed over the sides of your mug, spilling all over your blanket. Thankfully, it was no longer hot. “God, what a- what a waste of a good cup of-” Your curses trailed off into angry murmurs and you stood before looking over at Joe standing in the entryway looking equally as startled.

He’d just come back from a meeting with a potential director for an upcoming film to be met with his girlfriend completely spaced out on the couch. She’d been sitting there for several minutes without knowing he’d come in. When he spoke and surprised her, he jumped nearly as much as she did. He went over to help her clean up the spilled drink with a soft, sorry expression. She’d already gotten up, though, and shuffled to the kitchen without really acknowledging him. Something about the situation made Joe feel sick and guilty. “I’m so sorry. I, uh,” he paused and breathed a laugh as he picked up a pillow slipping off the couch and looked at the form that had moved into the kitchen, placing the empty cup on the counter with a soft click of ceramic against marble.

His breath hitched and he forgot whatever it was he’d intended to say to her. She was cast in odd shadows from the lights of the streetlamps inside combatting with the yellow glow of from above the stove. The scene carried none of the normally blissfull air his lover had. It was sharp and contrasting, like the set of an old expressionist film. He thought she would look fit beside the likes of Nosferatu, her in her cloak of covers and tussled hair barely emerging from the makeshift hood that supported her neck. The way she’d cocooned herself reminded him of a lost child standing alone in the cold, one no passing stranger would stop to notice.

It was silent for a moment as the actor continued absorbing her aura. The cars driving about in the rain echoed through the building. The sounds of splashing through puddles and revving engines drifted by his ears. [Y/N] stared at the sink before slowly meeting her boyfriend’s gaze. They just looked at each other. Joe felt like he wasn’t even there though like she didn’t see him there. She stared through him with the same disassociated look she had when he’d walked in. His shoes suddenly became of great interest to him and dragged his attention from her to the grain of the floor. “I’m,” he gulped and raised his eyebrows in a mixture of guilt and concern, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here with you today.” He looked at her again and she finally seemed to notice him standing there.

His sad puppy dog eyes bore you down. You’d fallen so hard for them. Before you’d even learned his name, you knew him by his eyes. You forced yourself to process what he’d said and were quickly overcome with guilt of your own. “Oh- Oh, no! Joe,” you pleaded and sighed as you rushed to him with a sympathetic smile, “I’m sorry, I just, like, spaced out- I’m fine, it’s all fine.” You nodded lightly at him with a stretched smile and looked up at him with hands gently placed on his chest, holding tightly to the coat he’d yet to remove.

“I know you have to work and I could never-” You bit your lip as your mental search for words was shown through the frantic lines your eyes traced, “I never want to be an obstacle.” With a softened gaze, pleading for ease in the oddly uncomfortable situation, you continued, “I’m pretty sure I’m always gonna love you, and I’ll be here,” his mouth parted as you paused, “just for you. No matter how many dates you miss, as long as you’re doing your best.” A pitiful chuckle fell from your lips.

So early in your relationship, you weren’t sure when an appropriate time to address your current emotional state would present itself. Then again, is any time a good time to discuss something like this? You felt he deserved an explanation, at the very least, to ease him a bit from the stiff form he kept since he’d returned that night. ‘Where to begin’, you wondered. Before you could let another sad syllable drip from your clenched teeth, jaw tight in distracted thought, arms wrapped around you and a bristly cheek pressed against your own.

“This is weird.” He whispered, “Why are we weird right now?” The blankets around were nuzzled out of the way so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. His nose pressed hard against your hot skin. You were unprepared for the contact. All you could focus on was his heavy breathing beside your ear, every exhale slipping down your back and making you shiver. Cautious hands danced up the back of his neck, barely touching the airs that stood on end from the undefinable energy surging between the two of you. Molding yourself to fit perfectly in the empty cavities of space left, you were flush against him, clinging to the back of his head and letting his arms shift under yours to support you.

“I’m bad right now.” Your voice was almost a whimper, choking you on it’s way out. It wasn’t even your voice, the words were breaths you let out at all once. Joe- You weren’t sure he understood, and you didn’t expect him to immediately. He has no context yet, no reference besides what you’d carefully revealed to him. It was never your intention to hide any of your traits or symptoms or past from him, or most anyone, really, but it wasn’t exactly a hot topic of conversation.

He’d remembered briefly her using the phrase ‘when I was bad’ once or twice when referring to her mental and emotional state, but she didn’t often talk about it. Either it was sensitive or simply private, but it was fine. He didn’t push. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable or drive her away. While respecting her privacy and her past, he still swelled with concern at the thought of not knowing. It was a loving kind of fear that filled his stomach when he’d imagined moments like this; moments where something was wrong, something was off and he was in the dark. He didn’t need a reason to love and support her, but he was unsure of how to help in the best way.

“Bad emotionally,” she started in barely a whisper, though it was louder than before, “not ‘bad’ like-” There was a hot huff of air with a small laugh behind it and [Y/N] sniffled, “not ‘bad’ like- like ‘I’ve been bad, officer’- not in a sexual way-” It was punctuated with a cottony laugh.

Joe shook his head softly and gave the girl in his arms a squeeze. His smile was wide, though she couldn’t see it. Her squeak made him laugh a little and he could feel the air around them suddenly lose about five pounds. It was easier to lift his shoulders in this new situation.

After a moment of breathing in sync, cars passing by, and rain beating rhythmically against the windows, the man broke the silence. “You don’t have to say anything-”

“You know I can’t do that, Joe.” He held onto her for a moment longer then pulled only his head back slightly to kiss her turned cheek while she was still in his embrace. In the warm kitchen light, the patterns of the blanket and the shadows of the passing headlight combined like brushstrokes on the scene and turned them into the likeness of a Klimt painting. Yellow cascading down their backs and an iconic arching connection made this art.

“If you’re bad, then let's make it better.” The words were pressed into her skin by his plush lips. Before pulling away, their hands found one another’s and gripped them tightly, like he was a rope and she was dangling over the ever looming pit of her past.

For the first time, she could feel a wetness pricking at her eyes. Without effort or dismay, she could cry. There were no sobs to accompany it, just silent streaming tears. She didn’t stop them for they were a gift. The damp streaks beneath each eye bent around her growing grin as she looked up at her lover through the filter of emotional release. Everything but the earthy brown around his pupils was a watery mess in her eyes. ‘God,’ she thought, ‘This- He is a good one. He is so- He is so beautiful.’

Joe could feel the pain in his chest as his heart shook, threatening to crack at the image of his love in such a fragile form. “Let’s just-” He could have claimed the rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat but the truth is there was nothing there to get stuck, nothing to follow what he’d started saying. “Is it ok if we just,” he took a deep breath, “be together? Would that- Would that help?”

“You already help. Being here helps.” Her voice was back now, though, physically, she didn’t look in any way improved.

Joe handled his girlfriend gently and urged her to the couch with him, pulling down onto his lap so they both laid on the piece of furniture long ways. Her bundled body blanketed his and he leaned back, letting her warm him. Struggling to slip off his coat as he kicked off his shoes, Joe also snaked his arm into a pocket to retrieve his phone. He pulled it out with a small noise of pride and held it out in front of him. “A little George Harrison makes everything better, right?” There was a sleepy hum of agreement and ‘My Sweet Lord’ played softly from the speaker of his device. He nestled into [Y/N]’s and closed his eyes. He held the phone in his hands, clasped together as his arms wrapped around the woman.

The ‘hallelujahs’ seemed in time with the weather outside as the couple drifted further from the present and into their own billowing comfort. The lights still were yellow outside, as they were inside, and the cars didn’t stop speeding through the puddles. Though you doubted the return of these feelings would stop, for now, you were content. Joe was there with you and it somehow, just his presence, made some of the sadness wash away. He was like a rain on your pity parade, saving you from any continued celebration of your own inabilities. Tomorrow, there might be explanations needed, but tonight you felt blessed. He was safe. He was warm. Your mind wasn’t racing and your eyes weren’t dry. This was better than anything you’d been feeling, anything swelling inside you the past few days. This wasn’t an unfamiliar experience, and you’d hoped it would never become one.

Glancing up at the man beneath you one last time, you smiled genuinely, bliss settling in your center, and you closed your eyes. George Harrison lulled you to sleep that night, and safely asleep you fell, holding tightly to Joe through it all, just as tightly as he held you.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 3 (Cont.)

“aight fellas im here for the fortnite session where we droppin boys”

Hibiki shows up, ready to participate in this four player game of sociological tension.

“hope hibiki’s doing okay. im worried about her. ryoko, stop resting your arm on my head.”

“ryoko does as ryoko pleases baby”

Vibrates angstily.

“im missing my wife for this guys please lets just do this”

“wish i had a wife too instead of this vase filled with fucking ashes” SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORP

The squad analyzes the statistics of all Noise outbreaks over the last month to see if there’s a pattern somewhere. Somehow, Hibiki is regarded as an authority on this, despite being just a normal girl.

This is not the face of someone who has a degree in Noisology, let alone even listened to a Noisia album.

“looking photogenic while this girl describes how these horrible, lovecraftian entities butcher entire populations will look great on my acting resume”

Strained sounds of holding back laughter at this absolute clownery.

*coughs quietly*

Exposition goes on about the UN acknowledging the existence of Noise, but them existing for far longer, existing in myths as demons and monsters of long ago. This makes little sense, but fuck it, just roll with it. They also say the Noise is rare, but this being Symphogear, the Noise will be here forever, until the end of time.

“its like the noise are a metaphor........................”

Hibiki, looking dead inside as the average overnight studying student would, muses whether someone is behind the noise. She also asks if you can hear the sound of one hand clapping.

Tsubasa makes a very relevant observation that the school is smack dab at the center of all these outbreaks. In retrospect, you probably should have asked her first. She points out it may be because someone wants their get their hands on the almost complete relic hidden away in the 2nd Division: Durandal. Why anyone wants an old ass french sword is beyond me.

“yeah i can do exposition too, fuck you”

Finished relics are extremely rare and as a result extremely powerful. Incomplete ones are pretty powerful, but need to be rebuilt a bit.

“i discovered all this, conveniently, as the only person left to do so! totally not suspicious at all.”

“anime plot hurting brain. bullshit levels make think no good.”

“wish i got hired for a macross anime instead, they get to go to space”

“being meguca is suf- wait, im confusing my roles”

The exposition goes on to note that America wants the relic. This is one of the few shows that depicts America in a very serious and antagonistic light. America never cooperates in any useful way except once.

“it should would suck if someone was sending us them noise monster all on purpose-like”

“yeah............! suuuuuure would suck.... mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm...”

Tsubasa and Ogawa quietly plan idol ruminations. This animation used to be far, far worse.

This is the moment where Tsubasa becomes sword-kin. From here on out, she will always refer to herself as a sword. This is law. Literally every single season has this same deal. She believes she is a sword. I know it’s not literal, but I like pretending it is.

Succ Intensifies

“gonna get her number later after the season is over, damn”

Hibiki muses on the nature of war.

“why we gotta fight”

“cause yall suck”

Ryoko then says some very not nice things that we’re just going to walk right around because Ryoko is a little bit of a weirdo and should probably keep her flirting to the short haired lady working on the bridge.

“i will call the cops, lady”

Hibiki starts her next day at school as she spots Tsubasa during her choir class.

“forget my nintendo switch with the latest smash bros game in the classroom goddamnit”

“hibiki please tone down the gay for five seconds while we try to get through this dumb singing class in one piece”

“i smell a homewrecker”

“THE GAY CAN NEVER BE TONED DOWN, IT CAN ONLY BE TONED”

Hibiki is then fed by multiple classmates for this statement.

The Anime Janai crew is fond of Hibiki, much like a group of Lords being fond of the royal court jester. Hibiki clowns it up by working on a report she procrastinated until the very last minute. “Your life sure is an anime!”, one of them says. Hibiki then says, “I wish!”. They smile in unison at the irony.

Look at how they mock the threads of reality. Absolute monsters.

Hibiki nails the report at the skin of her teeth, Miku’s gonna get ready for the meteor shower, everyone’s real fucking happy, the evening looks peaceful, all is well.

“i cant wait to do all these fun things we promised several times over!”

Unfortunately, the worst case scenario happens.

Her tiddies start ringing.

“no.... fuck.... my tiddies... they’re ringing...”

She knows now she cannot go.

In retrospect, she probably could’ve blown them off. I mean, what are they gonna do? Fire her? She’s practically irreplaceable. Alas, her conscience is too strong. The ringing from her tiddies too loud to ignore.

“okay im back for the thing you promised we’d do repeatedly that we planned for a good amount of weeks now”

“...”

“i got fucking ghosted didnt i”

“cannot fucking believe i got ditched on my hot date with hibiki. bet its because her tiddies rang, isnt it. always her and her... GODDAMN tiddies ringing ALL THE TIME. LET ME BE WITH HER... god...”

“bae. im sorry. the tiddies rang. i have no choice.”

Miku tries to keep it together. Neither of them are happy about this state of affairs, and rightfully so, because it’s fucking stupid. Hell, it would have made more sense of Miku knew but still got jealous anyway, because she feels her job is establishing too much distance! And they talk those problems out instead of issues that only arise if everyone’s a goddamn moron about communication!

“but thats the point of the pl-”

NO! IT’S NOT CLEVER! IT’S FRUSTRATING! THERE ARE CLEVER WAYS TO SHOW A LACK OF COMMUNICATION BESIDES A CHAIN OF OBSTACLES TOO STUPID TO EXIST!

Miku takes the whole thing with grace even though I’m absolutely certain she threw her phone at the wall in raw, gay frustration.

Hibiki, understandably, is pretty fucking pissed.

“im gay. im angry, and im gonna fuck yall up for RUINING MY DATE AFTER HAVING FINISHED MY DAMN REPORT”

Hibiki fights the Noise. She’s gotten slightly better at fighting, but for now she’s still sorta trash at it. A grape themed Noise throws bombs and crushed her under rocks from a ceiling.

You’re a student. You’re the lone survivor of a concert that you got flak about for years. You go to an institution for singing with your best friend and basically get shoved into a life of crime fighting unwittingly. Your only teammate hates you and tried to kill you. You don’t get to hang out with your best friend anymore. Your teachers hate you. And you’re losing against the abominations that may have potentially warped your life negatively, forever.

This is probably the pivotal moment where Hibiki fucking snaps and decides she ain’t taking shit anymore. She’s not at her strongest yet, but mentally? She has decided to tell the world to go fuck itself.

“MY WIFE THINKS IM CHEAAAAAATING, MY TEAMMATE THINKS I SUUUUUUUUUCK, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT”

My, Hibiki, what big fangs you have. All the more to grit your teeth and beat the shit out of things with, I assure you.

Needless to say, even without having the skill, she’s starting to understand and get more comfortable with the full extent of the power her suit provides her.

She’s gotten so mad that even the illustrators are afraid of her.

To note: this isn’t just anime drama silhouette stylization. She is actually physically turning into a red eyed shadow. You’ll know why later down the road.

“YOU WANNA FUCKIN FIGHT ME NOW TSUBASA? HUH? HUH? YOU WANNA FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME?!”

Needless to say, her rampage goes on for a while.

She manages to dispatch all the Noise except for the Grape themed one. Up in the hole it made, she sees the meteor fall from the sky...

Wait, look closer. Is it a bird?

A plane?!

No, it’s...!

“i aint gonna tell her i just did a wish on her”

Sword!

“why the fuck does SHE get jetpacks?!”

Hibiki randomly yells out she wants to protect things too, for absolutely no real reason. Who would even break the ice with that. Hibiki, please.

They sorta stare each other down in a field awkwardly, like a bad high school reunion. But, a mysterious voice breaks out of literally fucking nowhere.

“didnt know they legalized gay marriage in japan already, otherwise id be showing up to this joke of a marriage sooner, you absolute buffoons”

“did this bitch just insinuate id waste my time getting married to this complete idiot, let alone even contemplate getting married in a public park as opposed to having a customized karaoke based marriage in the FUCKING HILTON?!”

“hey time out dont say that shit im already married and my wife already feels enough like im cheating so please keep those comments to yourself okay please”

“eat my ass, nerds. id tell you to come to the park in 15 minutes for an ass kicking...

but we’re already here, now aren’t we?”

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

thoughts on each nct unit

oh thats a good one... ok this got so fucking long IM SORRY

nct 127 - i love them a lot they're obv my main fandom and as individuals they're breathtaking just like all of nct but... the line distribution is always terribly unbalanced with mark and taeyong eating up the entire song every single title track. moreover i definitely have a problem with taeyong's voice ( though that's not only in nct 127 ) and it really sucks because in baby don't stop he had sung lines and his voice was perfectly fine - they're obsessed with making him a rapper and they shouldn't ? he's a great vocalist, sm should acknowledge that more often. i get wanting more rappers but like if you're gonna have a rapper idk make it one of the boys who barely get lines like sicheng or yuta lol, even jaehyun is more of a vocalist than a rapper so making him a rapper is weird... johnny's right there anyway he needs lines too and i think he is supposed to be a rapper so. i really wrote a lot just for taeyong i'm sorry skshsjsb just a bit annoyed his actual skills get overlooked by sm even though he's nct's poster boy with mark.

we need ot10 back together soon but honestly having sicheng in both nct 127 and wayv was... a terrible move. very different units, both very busy bc they're focused on different marketing when it comes to who they want to reach, sicheng will have to sacrifice more than one nct 127 or wayv comeback to be with the other group that's promoting at the time like we saw with superhuman, wakey wakey, while he was with wayv for regular and take off ( even tho he got no real lines in regular... clowns sm ). it's just a shame sm can't even stick to their actual units and give them proper managing. also nctzens need to realise taeil & doyoung aren't the only vocalists, jaehyun is amazing and in fact so is jungwoo ? nobody ever talks about his vocals but he is... great hello ? i'm gonna waste so much time on hyuck rn so hold on.

the way sm won't acknowledge hyuck's vocal prowesses also bothers me. he's been improving a LOT and if your focus is on hitting high notes this boy can hit crazy high notes just like taeil, sm just won't give him the lines bc they're milking taeil's voice and that's all they use him for ( which i hate... i love taeil so much when will sm treat his artists right lol !!! ). he's also a great dancer but i think people forgot he was great because of his hiatus and like ok but he's been back for months haha. one last thing... let the members collab w/ artists who aren't jason derulo please n thank yooou.

now... to stop criticising sm's management for now... nct 127 is a great subunit. the members have real chemistry and work off one another very well, the unit remains diverse and the songs are PHENOMENAL. i don't care what anyone says about cherry bomb or firetruck it's just that people have bad taste i won't hear it. the visuals are always amazing, except johnny's wig in wakey wakey but that's in the past... i like the differences we see from cb to cb and yet it remains true to nct 127. you know which subunit you're listening to even with the contrasts and that's Cool, yeehaw ! i think i can shut up abt 127 now lmao.

wayv - TRANSCENDENT. seven members, not too few nor too many, the line distribution isn't too bad for once ( except regular but that's just how regular is i GUESS, also ten is definitely being favoured ), the main dancers get to show their abilities ( though i'd have enjoyed more centre time for sicheng in take off bc... that was really ten's song in all aspects lmao ), i don't know about the other wayv rappers' singing abilities but chill rapper lucas was a good pick. i'll say yangyang and hendery aren't too bad either ! xiaojun's vocals make a man dreamy ( i am a man ), kun... should get more lines hehe of course he should i love his voice and he just doesn't get enough yet. like i said they really favoured ten with their actual debut, looking forward to see how they handle the line distribution in the future. the management must be a bit different given wayv isn't only sm from what i understood ? it's a bit too soon for me to properly have an opinion on wayv aside from what i said about sicheng earlier and well, the line distribution and centre time overall. ten is my wayv bias but like, the others should still get some attention, they're not idols just to look pretty in the background lol.

nct dream - as individuals i LOVE them of COURSE i do... but this subunit's concept is a bit clanky to me. the whole graduating thing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth especially considering mark just graduated which means the 00 liners will graduate this year... all four of them... and hyuck hasn't even made a cb with dream yet. they'll probably introduce new members in the upcoming months but watching it unfold makes me worry about an nct dream with just chenle and jisung, now i'd love a song with both of them but maybe not as nct dream lol. thankfully they also hope they'll be able to have nct u songs as og nct dream which is what i was definitely hopeful for so it might happen, not yet but maybe some day.

sm made nct dream but everyone including nct dream got SO attached to the og unit it just feels like it can't work, especially since it's been three years and no new members have been introduced yet. it's been og nct dream up until december 2018, there had been no changes, sm just... handled this bad once again ? lmao. idk how to explain it but that sums it up ? aside from that i have nothing to say about the line distribution and all, i think it's handled pretty well on dream's side... even though the only dream content we've gotten this year was dnyl akshdjh. i love it of course but like it's not an actual dream cb so it's a bit... yeah.

and now the one we can all agree on,

NCT U THE BITCH

this unit has SO MUCH potential. it could be used SO WELL if the management wasn't done by sm. we could get the best bg content sm could put out without shinee and ot9 exo but we are let down TIME and TIME again. i won't even develop on that because i know everyone thinks the same so i don't have to do the maths for you skhsjsdjdhdj, this just gets me so Mad i hate sm's management so much. it's like they think that bc they've got the best artists out of the big 3 and so they can just do whatever they want and it'll pass but i can't STAND THIS holy fuck bring back f(x) you fuckin uglies stop clowning rv let suju disband at LAST do SOMETHING RIGHT

tl;dr the boys good sm bad

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p22 reaction

So, John was doing something vaguely relevant to the plot.

Does that mean that whatever that was in the wallet for him to find, wasn't relevant? Or did Dirk really skip to a point in the future in his narration? I'd think that if a living person was captchalogued in the wallet, that'd be plot relevant.

If so, I wonder if it's more than one. But we're not likely to catch up with both Aradia and Terezi in one go. Also, I doubt Vriska somehow captchalogued herself in this wallet to escape the clutches of gravity. Well, except maybe if after reverse engineering the code for the wallet, she also alchemized a regular wallet besides the 8-ball/wallet combo.

But that makes me think of something else. I wonder what the max storage space of the wallet is... If it's functionally infinite, they have a functionally infinite singularity of questionable intent that might be in need of cleaning up at one point. :P Though it's doubtful.

---

"You’ve been drifting so long that you’ve lost the ability to objectively judge time or depth or distance. It’s getting hard to think about yourself as an objectively limited being. The boundaries of your skin begins to thin and disappear." Oooh, is it the lack of milestones in that plane, maybe, that's causing this introspection? Or is it just part of his ascension to his ultimate self?

"If your perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you really an individual anymore? Why shouldn’t we become gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God." Sounds like something Dirk might say - I know, funny because Dirk IS saying this, in John's stead. Alternatively, if Alternate Calliope is really malevolent, this might be her motivation to devouring everything ever. She wants to become UNIVAC.

"You scrunch up your nerdy face and furrow an eyebrow. It seems you aren’t enjoying this train of thought." John's intrusive thoughts are next level.

"Sorry, dude. That’s what’s on my mind right now. I’m having a phenomenological debate in my third ear that’s way more popping than your little hero’s journey into the belly of a quarter-life crisis." For a minute I thought he meant he was debating this with Kanaya, but he put her on hold so I was like: :? Then I realized he said "third ear", I guess that's something akin to the mind's eye, in that he's currently using the narration for his internal monologue.

"It turns out you don’t have time to worry about the voice inside your head, because you hear one outside of it." Ooh! Someone living, one we expect to be out here? And there Dirk goes, burying John's emerging awareness again, for a moment.

"At first you don’t think it’s real." ... Please don't be Alternate Calliope.

"MEENAH: yo blue guy MEENAH: get the shell down here"OOOOOH! She's alive!! ... Well, no, she's still dead, but you know. She survived Lord English, and the Black Hole. Girl's really got spunk. So, that brings her back in the running for candidates for John to give the ring to. ... Speaking of. Did John just, like, shrugged off Lord English's tooth, or is the poison still in his body?

I'm glad we saw her, it means that more people could have survived that were around before the battle (alive or dead), as well as the B2 kids that died during the battle! But uh... What even is still sustaining their existence? I mean, the dreambubbles were created to house them, only Sollux was able to leave through mumbo jumbo class/aspect magic.

"Your whirl around, upside down. You look up, then down. There she is." Hah, yeah, no point of reference, no gravity, so indeed, she could have been every where, relevant to him, that's also why she shouted "down here"!

"She’s clinging to a random server beacon, looking a little the worse for wear but still grinning. You float on down to greet her." Tsssh, she located the server running the LE code??? What could they even do with that, anymore. (How did it even survive.)

At least, I'm guessing it's that server, not the server hosting Rose's walkthrough. :P

So yeah, uh, that server was connected to Doc Scratch's study. In the Green Sun. ... Has it become a non-letal shortcut to Alternate Calliope now?

"JOHN: thank god. i was beginning to think that no one else was alive. MEENAH: im not alive" Hah! Ba-dum tssh.

"JOHN: oh right. sorry. JOHN: i’m glad to see you, is what i meant to say. MEENAH: same MEENAH: i fuckin guess" Yeah, not many of her friends will be left, probably. If any.

"She narrows her blank eyes. Her mouth twists into a frown. Not quite a concerned one, but close enough. You’ll take it." Is she noticing John has become an adult? ... Or yeah it might just be general concern, the situation is alarming enough. I wonder if she knows about Vriska? And what that exactly means to her, 16-year-old Vriska probably being dead for good.

Oh boy, but this is so cool, she's got potential for just as much as the Condesce, who had ties to Lord English. I wonder if she'll be instrumental in the final stages of the epilogues, if Alternate Calliope ends up being the/a end boss.

Can't shake the idea I'd like her to end up on Earth C, but then she'd not have a good role to play in a utopia, I think. But then what is her role in the story from here on out, exactly.

"MEENAH: damn buoy ya look like S)-(IT JOHN: yeah, i know. JOHN: i suffered a mortal wound, and then i threw up on myself." He didn't get better so much as that he walked it off.

"MEENAH: waterboat lord english MEENAH: he bite the bullet or what JOHN: yeah he’s... JOHN: he’s pretty fucking dead. MEENAH: whale MEENAH: theres that at least

There is definitely that, at least." Must feel like an anticlimax to Meenah too, probably. She wasn't around to see the guy bite it that was responsible for their own universe being forced to be scratched.

"You were kind of hoping you’d discover a survivor you could have an actual conversation with. Not that you aren’t glad to see Meenah, but you don’t /know/ her, and she’s not who you were really looking for." Funny how Meenah grew on John so much, what with how she ran him through on at least two occasions. I was thinking at first John was looking for Vriska, but that's just an automatism, a left over from when John still felt something for her. Of course, I forgot about Jade.

"That reminds you. JOHN: hey, uh... JOHN: mee... JOHN: fish? JOHN: (christ.)" Is that supposed to be a fish pun in her name, him using one cause he knows she likes them? Or is it that Dirk may remember Meenah's name (hearsay, in his case, since he's post-retcon - then again, ultimate self), but not John. :P

"JOHN: have you by any chance seen jade around? MEENAH: who da fuck is jade"PFffff, hah! Now she gets a chance as well to broadcast her ignorance in the names of the people in the other parties. 'THEY'RE ALL NAMED CARLOS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.'

"JOHN: i mean, REALLY? JOHN: you don’t know jade?" The time she spent a lot of time dreaming in the dreambubbles was before the A1 trolls ever became relevant. On the three year trip, the indication seemed to be they just met a lot of A2 ghosts from alternate timelines in their dreams.

"JOHN: jade’s like, a big deal? JOHN: i thought you were kind of important too?" Well, different circles. Top of class vs. top dog on the play yard.

"MEENAH: you didnt even know my name dog" He knew you were an alternate to Betty Crocker, though. :P

"You’ve never been accused of having stellar people-reading skills. But even you can tell the look on her face says it all right now." Well, just be glad he isn't Jake, or even a death glare wouldn't suffice.

"JOHN: wait a minute. JOHN: do you even know MY name? MEENAH: uhhh" Pfffff, hah! Actually, valid question. What with how she referred to even her friends by last name (okay, that's because they weren't revealed yet), and had all those nicknames for them (and Karkat and Aradia)... Maybe she's just really bad with names.

"MEENAH: like MEENAH: joke? MEENAH: joke somefin" Wrong bespectacled nerd, but I can see why she'd mix them up. :P Close enough, though!

"JOHN: joke is my biological father. JOHN: i mean JAKE! JOHN: jake is his name." No, I think jokes might actually have fathered you. :P What with how he's a trickster and all.

"Halfway through this exchange, Meenah pulls out a small, clamshell-shaped accessory kit, and begins to file her nails." This is starting to turn into an awkward schoolyard conversation between classmates that don't really know each other.

"She almost dislocates her jaw by yawning the moment you mention Jake." Which is funny because Jake could've dislocated her jaw when he pounced on her when he thought she was past Condesce. :P

"You decide to do her, as well as yourself, the favor of completely ruling out the possibility of eliciting any valuable information from this person." No, Dirk, I do think she still has an ace up her sleeve, even if she doesn't even know it yet. But at least maybe now they'll acknowledge the server?

"MEENAH: i aint moved from this floatin hunger trunk lookin piece of shit since i got my bass kicked" Hah, yeah, it does look like a fridge, in Andrew's art style. :P

"JOHN: well, you’re the first i’ve seen too. MEENAH: oh" I wonder who she might have wanted to find, besides Vriska.

"JOHN: so what’s your plan now?" Don't think she has any left, now. You'll have to lead, Johnnyboy.

"JOHN: you just gonna hang around here, in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing forever? MEENAH: thats what ghosts is most good at aint they" It wasn't what she set out to do, initially, though! She hates inertia.

"JOHN: you don’t have to stay here. JOHN: i can take you back with me, to my planet." Aha! It would have all sorts of implications, of course, since she didn't "win" by any measure. So the victory state would not account for her presence. It won't happen just yet, of course.

"Meenah stares at you for an uncomfortably long time. She looks you up and down, like she’s making certain calculations. On the one hand, spending infinity clinging to a fridge-like space computer circling a black hole sounds like a drag. On the other hand, will her coolness and street cred be able to survive any prolonged association with this dumb blue nerd? That’s what she could be thinking, you think. You hope not though, because if true, it would hurt your self-esteem." I give Meenah more credit than that - her attitude is part of a facade - but she could indeed be thinking exactly that. On the other hand, she might actually genuinely not know if he's "fo' real", one, and two, what she'd even do on his planet. ... Also, is John really asking a girl over to his place? He truly IS an adult. :P

"She finally appears to make up her mind. MEENAH: naaah" Hah, as if it's a drag for her. And what's her motivation then?

"MEENAH: ok for one thing genius MEENAH: im dead" Well, that's not a problem, though she wouldn't know. John still has the Ring of Life with him. But I wonder what the other reason is.

Hah, Blaperile points out that Meenah at one point told John specifically not to give her the ring, cause she didn't like how she turned out as Condesce. Right, she might think living is no longer her thing. Which is hilarious for a Life player. Still think John might make the proposition.

Also, she thinks she might not fit in with the others, but she doesn't have to worry. They're all disasters, one and all.

"MEENAH: i wont even last on your planet ill just like MEENAH: fade away or some shit MEENAH: i dont know what happens to ghosts in real places actually but ima guess it goes somefin like that" See also: what ever happened to Aranea after Game Over. :P

"MEENAH: anyway while you was floatin there i came up with my own plan" ? There's not a lot of options here, really. The Black Hole... Mugging John... Lazying about...

"JOHN: what is it? MEENAH: cmere MEENAH: gonna whisper it to you" Option A) she screams. Option B) she mugs him for the ring. Option C) she'll stab him again, assuming he's another hologram self.

"You lean in rather credulously, and bring your ear toward her cupped hand. MEENAH: (nerd)

You pull back, unamused by the prank. What is this, you think. Fucking amateur hour?" Hah, chances are high she just swiped the ring. Or the wallet. Once a Thief... But heheh, still funny how Meenah likes to prank. Seems like Condesce and Sassacre really found one another. :P

"MEENAH: reel cute you wanna be my savior blue boy MEENAH: but the fact is you already helped me out MEENAH: got everyfin i need from you MEENAH: sea ya round sucker! 38)" She putting the ring on now? But uh, she'd spawn on Earth C, right? Or right there?

"She’s laughing her ass off. Before you can react, she jams the button down on the beacon and opens the server. She jumps into the hatch and the door snaps closed behind her." ... What! WHAT??? ... She's not in cahoots with Alternate Calliope, is she? She might just be trying to defeat the end boss herself. At least, if the server still leads to where the Green Sun used to be.

"Oh shit." ... It doesn't lead to Dirk now, does it?

"I think I know what just happened. You might want to check your pockets." So, if she took the wallet and not the ring, that means what's inside the wallet is relevant to the plot!

"Sure enough, it’s missing. The Ring of Life you stole back from Aranea has been re-stolen. Bitch just picked your pocket. You got played, man." Wow. So she's actually decided to go through with getting resurrected. ... Although it could actually be for Alternate Calliope, but then what would even the implications of her resurrection be?? It would be a parallel to how Condy worked for LE. But if there's two alive Calliopes that ended up on Earth C, I suspect there might be an impersonation at one point.

Yeah, so if both wear a Ring of Life/Void... Maybe that'd have funky repercussions as well. Not to mention they're both versions of the same "ultimate self" - although 'our' Calliope's not a god tier, there might be a bleedover again, like with Jade. But Alternate Calliope might want to dispose of Calliope, if she wants to become the only version of them. Then again, she did specifically tell her other to go and enjoy life.

---

I wonder if it'll become relevant at any point that having everyone in the dreambubbles follow you would supposedly grant you the boon of resurrection. Since there's so few people left out here, it seems like it could have become a feasible thing to do. In fact, it might be that this is represented by Alternate Calliope's resurrection, if events really play out like that: Meenah might be the only other ghost left. Unless there are still the other A2 ghosts we're missing, from the character list.

[spadedraws]

is there a reason why you like jasper and lapis so much? not mad just curious

Honestly?? There are a lot of things i love about both of them. I am in love with their complexity by themselves LET ALONE their complexity together. Lapis and Jasper always felt, so real.

Lapis was so abusive due to her pain. And she KNEW she was bad. She still hurt people dispite the fact that she acknowledges that she’s abusive. It takes a lot of damage to get that way. I know because I PERSONALLY was like that once. I felt so awful due to my past and I needed to be in control of SOMETHING (or in Lapis’s case, someone).

Whether people agree with me or not, i don’t really care. Lapis fused with Jasper to feel in power. Some say that it was to protect Steven, and i guess that’s somewhat of a valid answer, but in reality Jasper wasn’t a threat anymore. She was weakened and had been matched by Garnet. Now it was basically gonna be 1 on 3, WITH Jasper weak. Jasper stood ZERO chance. Lapis could’ve taken her down by herself (as we even EVENTUALLY SAW OURSELVES). Lapis could’ve stayed out of it. But then, Jasper brought up her pain. Jasper brought up everything that made Lapis feel like shit in an attempt to get them on the same side and fuse. It half worked. They fused, but they weren’t on the same side. Lapis took out all of her frustrations on Jasper because she had no vent. She couldn’t go home, she couldn’t stay on earth, and the only person who cared about her enough to free her, Steven, was on the same side as the people who caused her 5,000 years of suffering. Talk about feeling alone. And yet, she still DID NOT have the right to do the things she’s does. Keeping Jasper trapped in a fusion, for the sake of power is disgusting and awful.

She had plenty of chances to stay neutral or be better, and she CHOSE the actions that made things WORSE. And the best/worst part was that, she was OKAY with it, as long as she had control. That shit fuckin HITS me. It HURTS to be this self aware because again, I WAS THERE.

Then there’s Jasper. She’s complicated too. Imagine fighting for your LIFE in a war since the day you were born. Your first moments in life are a fight to the DEATH all because some crazy Quartz wants to fight for the pretty flowers and humans. She came out as the perfect soldier in a crowd of mistakes, in what’s described oh so belittlingly by Peridot as a “rushjob”. Being the best of the worst has got to hurt you. On the one hand your filled with pride for being the strongest and yet, your “just a Beta from Earth”. She’s got such an array of complex perspectives all watching her. Ultimately she’s just the one who failed her Diamond because she SHOULD have been better. Spending your life believing your absolute garbage and hiding it with a wall of pride and privilege, Jasper’s life fucking SUCKS. And then, you’re given a simple task. Go to earth, stop some dumb rebel gems, and get the status report on the cluster. In and out. It’s gotta be insulting to be on a babysitting job like this, to her own planet no less. But there she is, the gem that RUINED your life, looking weak and shameful. How could you lose to someone like THIS? And at the end of that mission, even after your finally gonna get revenge by turning in this disgrace to Yellow Diamond, her fusion friend comes and beats you in hand to hand combat and strands you back on the planet you’re so embarrassed of coming from. Your only choice is to degrade yourself by fusing to get the upper hand. Your truly at your lowest point.

Jasper hates herself so much and fights for validation at any point she can even if it means making herself feel EVEN worse. She hurts herself to try and feel better. Again, it reminds me of myself, even to this day.

And this is basically just season 1 and some 2!! I could go on and on but you get the point. These gals have been through so much and life just keeps throwing them through more and more and more. They remind me so much of the most toxic versions of myself, and seeing the characters grow, helps me get past my own issues. It helps me come to terms with how bad IM being and how life can get better. The characters have so much potential and i hope it gets addressed in the later seasons i REALLY do.

All that aside, Jasper and Lapis are also really hot LMAOOOO

[autistic-council-spectre]

writing prompts: gimme 53 for desabrudas, 75 for kryterius, and 40 for whoever u want :3c

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

What if ... Ian and Mickey had brought Mandy home?

 “Listen to it!”

“I did! It’s …”

“He’s gonna fucking kill her, Mickey!”

“Look, I know you want …”

“What I want is to bring my friend - your sister - home!”

Ian pauses his pacing to glare at Mickey and point the cell phone at him like a weapon.

“How can you just ignore this?”

“Cause she didn’t mean to call you, Ian. She doesn’t want us fuckin’ nosing through her life.”

“I don’t give a fuck what she wants! If we don’t help her we’re no better than he is!”

Ian fumes as Mickey pushes a hand tersely through his hair and looks up at his boyfriend with large, uncertain eyes. He doesn’t disagree with what Ian is saying, but Mandy made her choice and in his family they don’t interfere with each other. They’re not like the Gallaghers, they don’t crowd each other. If Mandy wanted them involved she would fucking ask but Ian doesn’t seem to get that at all. Kenyatta took Mandy’s phone and the idiot managed to call Ian and leave a voicemail recording of their fight. Yeah it was grim, it made Mickey’s blood boil to think of that son of a bitch hurting Mandy but she made her choice! They all told her not to fuckin’ go and Mickey doesn’t know what more Ian wants from him.

“Just … calm down …”

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!”

Ian throws his cell phone onto the cluttered sofa, instantly losing it amongst Yevgeny’s baby clothes that are strewn across the worn cushions. Folding his arms and slamming his back against the wall, Ian shakes his head and closes his eyes, trying to get a grip on his temper and failing.

“That voicemail was fucking horrible Mickey! The names he called her? The things he said? And Mandy! Did you hear her crying? Did you?”

“Yeah. I heard.”

Mickey says softly, averting his gaze and pinching his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger, tugging it before twisting his hand and rubbing his index finger roughly along the edge of his mouth.

“So?”

Ian demands, pushing himself upright and towering over his boyfriend, deliberately close, forcing Mickey to look up more than usual. Predictably, Mickey cranes his neck rather than stepping back out of Ian’s way. He is getting better at being open with feelings and shit like that, but years of conditioning won’t let him back down from a confrontation, even with Ian, and his fists curl loosely at his sides mechanically.

“Are you gonna help me or not?”

Ian is close enough that Mickey can feel the heat pouring off of his body. In other circumstances Mickey would be rock hard and ready to go a few rounds in the bedroom with Ian all riled up like this. Maybe they’d slap each other around a little bit first, nothing too brutal but they would get a little sore, a little bruised and it would lead to some seriously amazing sex… but Mickey is pretty sure fucking isn’t on the cards right now so he pushes it from his mind and tries to focus on making Ian see reason.

“I don’t know where the fuck Mandy even is! She won’t talk to me, she won’t talk to you … She don’t want our help! What are you gonna do? Huh? Knock down every door in Indiana til you find her?”

“If I have to.”

“Okay well that’s just fuckin’ dumb so sit your ass down a minute and let’s get a plan together.”

Mickey wrenches a crumpled packet of cigarettes out of his jeans pocket, takes one and then flips the carton over to Ian. He inhales the thick smoke, grateful for the familiar buzz of nicotine and then exhales through his nostrils, watching Ian do the same.

Swears under his breath, Mickey licks his lip, considering his options. Short of tying Ian to the bed and refusing to let him leave, Mickey isn’t going to be able to stop him. He’s gone all jutting chin and lowered ginger eyebrows and whilst Fiona might say it’s the bipolar, Mickey is pretty sure it’s just Ian’s pig-headed nature.

“Ay, alright I’ll call her from a burner. She might pick up if it’s not you or me callin’. Okay?”

Ian nods at this but his shoulders round defensively and he stubs the half-finished cigarette out viciously in the dregs of his coffee.

“Why won’t she just talk to us?”

Mickey snorts in response, already turning to rifle through his ‘stuff’ draw to find a fresh burner.

“Cause she’s a bitch and she’s a Milkovich. We ain’t the chattiest people when it comes to our problems.”

Ian’s lip quirks upwards at that, his eyes lightening just a fraction now that Mickey is helping him.

“Yeah well I did notice something like that.”

“Observent fucker, huh?”

Mickey finds what he’s looking for and flips the plastic casing off, inserting the disposable sim into the back of the cheap cell.

“Right, what’s the number?”

Ian digs around in the mess of baby stuff before coming up with his phone and reading the digits out to Mickey who thumbs them in and then lifts the phone to his ear.

“Ringing …”

He says curtly, answering Ian’s impatient expression and holding up the last half-inch of his smoke in a stilling gesture.

“Mandy? It’s me. … your fuckin’ brother? … Mickey, bitch! … No … No … fuck you! … He’s fine … he’s fine too … Yeah…”

Ian is practically crawling out of his skin with exasperation as the phone call progresses and begins miming frantically for Mickey to both hurry up and to give him the phone, which earns him a middle finger salute as Mickey turns his back on him.

“Where are you? … cause I want to know … to send a fuckin’ care package, what does it matter? … Oh I’m the asshole? You don’t answer my calls for weeks and … how is this typical of me? … Oh well excuse me for giving a shit … yes I do! … yes I do or I wouldn’t fuckin’ call … don’t bring that up … it wasn’t your fuckin’ flick-knife it was Iggy’s and Dad said I could …”

Ian can’t take any more of the sibling bickering and lunges forward snatching the phone out of Mickey’s hand

“Mandy? It’s Ian. Where are you? … Because I’m worried Mands… I know you are but please tell me… okay … yeah … I won’t, I promise. I love you. Bye.”

Ian flips the burner closed and nods to Mickey curtly

“I got the address.”

“Why the fuck did she give it to you and not me?”

Mickey asks looking truly affronted, taking the burner from Ian and tossing it back in the drawer alongside a collection of communal weapons and small baggies of powders and pills that Svetlana doesn’t let him leave around the house any more.

“I promised I wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

Ian smirks at Mickey who tongues his cheek and raises his eyebrows in response

“So we ain’t goin?”

“Of course we are. The stupid thing was letting her go in the first place.”

Ian states firmly, breezing past Mickey and heading into the bedroom to change out of his tight jeans and into something he can actually move in. Mickey follows him, rolling his eyes.

“Okay tough guy, you got the address, now what? We just rock up to Indiana?”

Ian looks up from lacing his military boots and fixes Mickey with a look that he has seldom given his boyfriend before: contempt. Mickey flinches slightly and sniffs, folding his arms defensively under Ian’s furious stare

“What?”

“Stop acting like this is bullshit. Your baby sister is in an abusive mess of a relationship with a guy who beats on her whenever it suits him.”

“I didn’t make her fuckin’ go!”

Mickey snaps and Ian slaps his hand hard against the dresser in frustration, making the cheap wood groan and tip precariously onto its side before slamming back down.

“Congratulations, asshole! It’s not your fault! Good for you! Now man the fuck up, get your shit together, and help me bring her home.”

Mickey blinks, squares his shoulders aggressively and the potential for a proper fight hangs in the air between them. The silent tension fills the room, settling in the ceiling cracks and nestling in the folds of clothes left on the floor. Ian doesn’t move, barely even blinks, just waits Mickey out – he’s never been scared of his boyfriend’s temper and he isn’t scared now.

“She needs us, Mickey. We gotta help her.”

After what feels like an age, Mickey nods to himself and just like that, things are in motion.

*

Mickey shrugs out of his grey button down and tugs a passably clean tank over his head, grabbing his cut off jacket from the floor by Ian’s side of the bed where he dumped it last night. It’s been a while since he’s gone after someone like this but the prep is comfortingly familiar and Mickey finds himself warming to it with ease.

He runs his hand fondly over the assortment of weapons in the dresser drawer as Ian types the address Mandy gave him into Google maps on his phone and plots their route.

“Take whatever weapon you want, man.”

Mickey gestures to the drawer, selecting a couple of handguns for himself and pocketing a butterfly knife and brass knuckles.

“Fuck you, Milkovich. Think I wouldn’t bring my own?”

Ian snorts and drops to his knees beside the bed, reaching under and producing a steel baseball bat with a dramatic flourish and giving it a practice swing.

“You know, some guys just bring some clothes and a toothbrush when they move in.”

Mickey grins at him, approval evident in his tone. Ian cocks his head in acknowledgement and loops the bat around the back of his neck, resting his wrists nonchalantly over either end.

“I just packed my biggest, hardest things.”

He drawls, looking Mickey over with a deliberate slowness that has the brunette adjusting himself with zero discretion. A different kind of tension begins to creep between them but Mickey shakes his head.

“Later. You ready?”

Ian nods and shakes himself to get his head back in the game. He has been finding it increasingly difficult to stay focussed lately but this is important, Mandy is important, and with a grunt of effort, he pushes other thoughts aside.

*

In the living room, Iggy and Joey are ripping their first bong of the day but both look up with mild interest at Mickey’s bark of a greeting

“Yo! On a job. You in?”

“What is it?”

“We’re goin’ to get Mandy.”

Iggy frowns and scratches at a spot behind his ear

“Our Mandy?”

“Yeah numbnuts. She’s in trouble. Bringing her home.”

Mickey’s fingers are beating against his leg impatiently. The more often he says the words the more set they become and he wonders how the Hell it has taken him so long to do this. Any of them! Fucking Milkovichs letting their sister be fucked up by some dumb prick of a boyfriend? Shame curls in Mickey���s gut and his nostrils flare at the thought of it.

“You comin’ or what?”

His tone is harsher than he intended but it doesn’t matter because it snaps Iggy and Joey out of their contemplations and both stand up, Iggy heading into the closet.

“She with that Ken … whatever the fuck his name was?”

Joey asks, slipping a stained knuckle duster out of his jacket and slipping it on, large hands flexing.

“Yeah.”

Ian nods. Joey grunts and rolls his neck, grabbing the bong and his bag of pot off the table.

“Disrespectful mother-fucker gonna regret that then ain’t he.”

“You want him dead or just fucked up, bro?”

Iggy’s head pops out of the cluttered space and as both his older brother’s look to him for instruction, the last of the uncertainty leaves Mickey.

When he came out he thought this part of his life with his brother’s was over, family or not, he was gay and he figured that it changed things between them but here they are, waiting on his word like always. Confidence blooms in Mickey’s chest and he lifts his chin, glancing sideways at Ian before clearing his throat and taking the lead.

“Fucked up, but if the asshole dies I ain’t gonna cry about it.”

“Cool.”

Iggy nods and drops the small buzzsaw he had been holding, disappearing briefly and re-emerging with a short wooden club.

As Iggy and Joey amble out to the car, Ian beams at Mickey who gives him a reserved smile back. He doesn’t actually think Ian has ever seen him on this sort of job before and he doesn’t want it freaking him out.

“You sure you’re okay with this?”

He asks quietly, reaching up to smooth back a length of deep red hair from Ian’s brow.

“Fuck yes I am! I’ve been waiting a long time to get this prick. I want to do this.”

Ian’s smile twists into a grimace at the thought of Kenyatta and Mickey realises with a start that he has never seen Ian on this sort of job either. Iggy barrels back into the house and dives into the closet

“Best to be prepared.”

He shrugs, hefting the saw over his shoulder and lumbering out again. Mickey and Ian share one last look and then follow Iggy out. They’re ready.

*

Iggy drives, and he drives horribly. They break the speed limit and swerve in and out of traffic, following the little arrow on Ian’s phone screen, all of them cussing at the robotic voice when it kindly tells them they have missed a turn. The music in the car is blaring out, a mix tape of Slipknot and Korn that drowns out almost everything except the sat-nav app.

“Couldn’t they have got a better fuckin’ voice guy?”

Mickey glares over Joey’s shoulder at the screen, as Iggy slams the car into reverse, narrowly missing a cluster of trash cans and the group of teenagers pissing against them.

“Why the fuck are kids peeing in gangs nowadays?”

“Fuck knows. Animals got no respect.”

Joey grumbles, toking on a blunt before handing it back to Ian who takes it with grateful surprise. Whilst Iggy didn’t seem phased by Mickey coming out, Joey has given Ian more than a few unpleasant looks.

“What is it with you and respect at the moment? You keep banging on about it.”

“What do you mean? I’m always respectful.”

“Joe, you’re the least respectful asswipe I know.”

Mickey laughs, lifting his boot heels onto his seat as Joey swings a fist round trying to clip a knee or ankle.

“Fuck you! Name one time when …”

‘In 200 yards, turn right.’

“Fuck sake! Give me street names mother fucker!”

Iggy yells at the phone and Ian grins despite himself. He doesn’t think he has ever heard Iggy lose his shit before, it makes the family resemblance to Mickey much more obvious.

“You tell it, man.”

Mickey grins and Ian decides that he actually likes seeing Mickey around his brothers. He is gruffer, cruder and cockier but it suits him. They’re like a little wolf pack and Mickey is, by some weird cosmic irony, the Alpha.

Despite the high emotions and disastrous driving, they reach their destination in one piece and all four look with disdain at the run down house that their sister is supposedly living in. It looks eerily like the Milkovich house but with a mailbox and a full set of windows and that is a personal affront to each of Mandy’s brother’s for different reasons, souring the mood in the car instantly.

For Joey it feels like Kenyatta is trying to be better than them with his fancy windows and mail box.

For Iggy it is confusing to see a house so like his own in a different state and he hates it impulsively  

For Mickey it enrages him that this is the best Kenyatta could do for Mandy. Bastard couldn’t even give her a half-way decent house.

Ian just despises all of it. Every brick, window, and blade of grass.

The four men get out of the car and after surveying the street for a minute, Mickey leads them across the road and up the steps.

The front door barely withstands the first kick and gives in without protest after the second.

“KENYATTA!”

Mickey bellows, his brother’s fanning out around him. Ian keeps close to Mickey, guarding his back, his bat held high, ready. He can hear someone moving upstairs and apparently he isn’t the only one because all around him guns are being drawn and they are moving forward, Iggy and Joey take the stairs two at a time but Mickey pauses, Ruger in his right hand, his left pressed flat against Ian’s chest, keeping him back.

“Mick, what …?”

Mickey jerks his head irritably and Ian falls silent. There is a heartbeats space of silence and then all Hell breaks loose above them. They can hear Mandy screaming at Iggy, the crash of bodies hitting the floor, scrambling, cursing and then Kenyatta stumbles down the stairs, blood streaming from his nose, clutching his ribs. Mickey drops his gun and lunges upward as Kenyatta swings clumsily at Ian. They sprawl into the living room, crashing against a shitty recliner chair in a tangle of limbs. Ian throws himself into the fray and fists fly.

Every blow that Ian lands is a catharsis. At some point, he shoves Mickey bodily out of the way and straddles Kenyatta’s hips pinning him and raining punches with wild abandon and he doesn’t stop.

Not when his knuckles split.

Not when his own cheekbone is cut with a stray fist.

Not until Mandy reaches him.

“IAN? IAN STOP IT! FUCKING STOP!”

Mandy’s voice cuts through the haze of adrenaline and Ian blinks, smearing blood over his face as he mops at it with his sleeve. Kenyatta begins to sit up but freezes as metal touches his throat.

“Don’t fuckin’ move, asshole.”

Iggy warns, the tip of his saw pressing against flesh just enough to leave an indentation as Ian stands shakily.

Mandy shakes her head in disbelief and then slaps Ian’s face with the flat of her hand

“You promised me, Ian! You fucking promised!”

“Hey! Don’t hit him!”

Mickey snaps at his sister, yanking her away from Ian. Mandy turns her fury on him in an instant, pitching forward and bashing her fists against Mickey’s chest, glaring at him through bruised and bloodshot eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Look at the state of your face! You let this piece of shit hit you again?”

Mickey glares right back and kicks Kenyatta dismissively

“Stop it!”

Mandy yells, her hair is matted and she looks half-starved and it is that rather than her words that give Mickey pause. He takes in the state of her clothes and the haunted look in her eyes and shakes his head before kicking Kenyatta in the ribs, harder this time.

“Mickey! Don’t …”

“You’re fuckin’ defending him now? Jesus, Mandy! Come home.”

“Home? HOME? To that house? You call that a home?”

“It’s different now.”

Mandy closes her eyes with an almost hysterical laugh, pressing the heels of her hands painfully against them. Kenyatta makes a noise from the floor and all five Southsider’s look down at him with disgust, silencing him instantly.

“Nothing is ever different, Mickey.”

Mandy’s voice is flat and she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around her middle and stepping back from them all. Mickey glances at Ian and twitches his lip uncertainly, he’s done the part he is good at and now he is out of his depth.

“You okay to deal with this?”

Ian murmurs, gesturing to Kenyatta, his hand briefly caressing the swell of Mickey’s shoulder.

“Yeah, we got it. Go.”

Ian follows Mandy as she makes her way into the kitchen. He has done this sort of thing many times with her brother but though neither of them would admit it, Mickey is actually easier to deal with than Mandy.

“It was my idea Mandy. Not Mickey’s. I got a voicemail from your fight last night and I had to do something.”

“Crash into my home? Assault my boyfriend?”

Mandy sits down at the table and lights a cigarette with shaking hands, before offering Ian the packet.

“It’s not a home, Mandy. You’re not safe here.”

Ian doesn’t dare touch her, but he sits close and when she doesn’t move away, he lays his hand beside hers on the scarred table top.

“I was never safe there either, Ian. You know that.”

Ian nods and swallows heavily. He does know that, they all let Mandy down. Every single one of them.

“It is different now though. We’re there, me and Mickey, and Svetlana and Yev too. It’s a little fucked up but it works. It’s a safe place Mands. We could look after you.”

Dark eyes flash dangerously as Mandy glares up at her friend

“I don’t need you assholes to look after me.”

“Then let us be there while you get what you need to look after yourself.”

Ian counters and Mandy presses her swollen lips together, trembling slightly but not ready to back down.

“You can’t stay here. Not really. Not with him. He’ll kill you.”

Ian presses on despite the look on her face. Like her brother, she responds better to frankness, almost harshness in a way, a gentle approach means nothing to Mandy, she needs to cold steel of a bat to swing, not the soft comfort of a pillow to clutch. He can see that his words are sinking in and being accepted as slowly the fire in her eyes dims to a shimmer.

“What are you gonna do with him?”

“Whatever you want us to. Please Mandy. Please come home.”

Mandy nods, licks her lips, and gently places her hand over Ian’s long fingers. He picks up her hand and cradles it in his own.

*

Mandy doesn’t have much to pack and whist Ian gathers sparse possessions from the bathroom, Mickey helps her stuff her clothes into a couple of bin liners.

“This all of it?”

“Yeah.”

Mandy nods, clutching the larger of the two bags to her chest.

“Alright, give it here.”

Mickey reaches for it, gesturing impatiently

“You don’t have to...”

“Let me carry the damn bag for you for fucks sake.”

He snatches it roughly out of his sister’s hand, begins walking to the door and then stops, dropping both bags at his feet and whirling to face her, irritation and guilt warring for control of his features.

“You should have fucking called me, Mandy.”

She isn’t prepared for the hug but as her big brother’s arms fold around her, she feels her body begin to slacken in quiet relief.

“You’re here now, Mick.”

“Yeah well … just as well too! You’re skinny as fuck.”

Mickey breathes into her hair, his fingers cupping the back of her head as gently as if she were made of brittle glass.

“You’re getting fat.”

Mandy shoots back and then tightens her grip around his middle, her fingers gripping the back of his shirt for dear life.

“Douche.”

Mickey sniffs wetly and squeezes her gently

“It’s gonna be alright, you hear me? You’re gonna be okay. We got you.”

It is probably the most comforting thing any of her family have ever said to her and if Mandy Milkovich was a crier, she would have wept all the tears her body could shed. But Mandy does not cry. She pulls back, sniffs and kisses Mickey’s cheek.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“And get you some food!”

Mickey nods in agreement and grabs her bags, leading the way downstairs.

*

Kenyatta is propped up against the wall and watches Mandy leave with flat eyes, but she doesn’t look at him. Not once.

Mickey crouches in front of the huge man and slaps his cheek lightly, almost tenderly

“My brothers are gonna stay a while, have a chat, straighten some things out with you, man. You better hope that they are the last Milkovichs you ever fuckin’ see because if not, if you try and come near Mandy again, we’re gonna have to kill you. You know that, right?”

Kenyatta nods and Mickey gives him a bright smile, beautiful and menacing in equal measure.

“Good.”

With that, Mickey dusts off his hands on his thighs, stands and walks away. Ian knows he should follow. Their work here is done, but can barely drag his eyes from the man at Joey’s feet. He knows he’ll be punished for Mandy’s treatment at his hand, Joey is more than capable but a part of Ian wishes he was the one to do it, to wreak a little havoc on the man who catapulted Mandy’s so brutally.

“Ian? Let’s go.”

Mickey calls from the porch steps. Ian tears his eyes away from Mandy’s now-ex boyfriend and begins to leave, pausing to grab his bat. The steel is cool and welcome in his heated palm and he twirls it absentmindedly, looking around the room.

He wanders over to the windows and peers out from between the dirty curtains. How many times did Mandy do this? Peer out at the world, scared either of what was coming or scared of what was already waiting upstairs. On the porch, Mickey catches sight of Ian’s movements and walks across to stand in front of him on the other side.

“What the fuck are you doing? Let’s go.”

Ian nods but doesn’t move. His fingertips press against the smeared panes and he slowly traces Mandy’s name into the grime. On the other side, Mickey cups his hands against the glass and peers past Ian into the house making sure they haven’t forgotten anything of Mandy’s or anything that Mandy might just want, hers or not.

Ian makes a decision and his lip lifts upwards in a small smile

“Take your fuckin’ hands off the glass, Mick.”

“Huh?”

“Move!”

Ian hefts the bat and Mickey reads his intention, leaping back just in time as one after the other, Ian puts the windows out. He smashes the bat through each of them with a malicious relish that he hasn’t felt in years and beams at Mickey through the gaping holes.

“You done now, Al Capone?”

“Yep.”

Ian nods, answering the arched eyebrows and amused smirk on his boyfriends face with a happy smile.

*

They leave Iggy and Joey to their business, Mickey drives and Ian sits in the back with Mandy, not wanting to leave her alone. His fingers untangle some of the knots in the tips of her long hair and she lets him do it, relaxing into the touch little by little.

“How’s Yevgeny?”

“Fat.”

“Mickey!”

Ian chides, laughing despite himself. Mickey half turns to glance back at his sister and shrugs

“It’s true. Little bastard eats, shits, and sleeps as much as Iggy.”

“He looks just like Mickey though. His eyes have gone the exact shade of blue and he’s getting a proper smirk.”

Ian smiles proudly at this and Mandy allows a small smile to lighten her own face.

“Poor kid!”

“Fuck you!”

Mickey gives an exemplary smirk around the filter of his cigarette as he pulls into a McDonalds drive thru. He orders too much food and pays with a few crumpled bills, smiling politely when the cashiers gaze lingers on his bruised and bloody knuckles.

The only free space is a disabled bay, which Mickey parks in without a second thought, heedless of the signs, and hands the brown bags into the back seat. Mandy eats with as much enthusiasm as her brother and Ian can’t help but laugh at them both, though he covers it as choking on a fry. Once she has eaten her fill, Mandy wipes her hands and face on a napkin and slumps back against Ian’s shoulder, sighing in drowsy contentment. Her breathing grows heavy as they leave the parking lot and Ian wraps a protective arm around her shoulder, keeping her close as she sleeps.

“She okay?”

Ian looks up and meets Mickey’s worried eyes in the rearview mirror.

“She will be. You did good, Mickey.”

Mickey’s cheeks turn a dusky pink at the praise and he snorts, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Didn’t do bad yourself, Gallagher.”

“We make a good team.”

Ian smiles and Mickey grins at him happily, blue eyes holding green firmly.

“Yeah we do.”

*

Months later …

*

Ian is making his way back to the Gallagher house, his hand is throbbing beneath the hastily wrapped up bandages and he is grateful for this because it lets him know that he is still alive. He can barely see, barely hear, everything is white noise and great swathes of colourless normality stretching out into the infinity of his gaze.

“Ian?”

He turns slowly and sees Mandy walking towards him, head bowed against the cold evening breeze.

“You okay?”

“Yeah I gotta …”

He trails off, lifting his injured hand in illustration of the point he can’t quite seem to make.

“Shit! That needs changing.”

“I can do it. Or Fiona. I don’t care.”

Ian sighs tiredly and Mandy links her arm through his, making the decision for both of them.

“I’ll do it. Come on.”

Inside the Gallagher house, Ian sits down whilst Mandy finds the first aid kit. Sammi hovers around them until Mandy asks for a cup of coffee, giving the needy blonde a simple task to complete somewhere else.

“Kinda matches my left hand now, huh?”

Ian says quietly, the joke feeble as he shows Mandy the older scar

“Oh yeah? How did you do that one?”

Mandy replies, rolling the clean fabric over Ian’s blistered palm. Ian draws a shuddering breath and then sighs

“Military. I hot-wired a helicopter, other stupid shit too and burnt myself. Then I ran away, went AWOL …”

“Did Ian say something? Does he want a coffee too?”

Sammi’s head pokes around the kitchen door and Mandy throws a weary look over her shoulder at the older woman.

“No Sammi, thanks.”

“Okay but I like to be included in conversation in my own house you know!”

Sammi sing-songs as she retreats back into the kitchen, bitchy but blessedly oblivious. Mandy shakes her head and presses a finger gently to Ian’s lips when he draws a breath to continue his confession.

“Not now, okay? Gotta be careful who you tell about this stuff.”

Mandy tucks the end of the bandage in and covers Ian’s hand gently with both of her own, cradling it.

“Thanks.”

Ian says looking Mandy in the eye for the first time.

“You’re welcome.”

She kisses his head lightly and stands up

“Let’s get out of here. No offence but your sister is weird and Mickey will be home soon.” Ian smiles slightly and nods, leaving Sammi behind and following Mandy home.

[madokasoratsugu]

buckle in folks, IM POSITIVELY SHOOK BY HOW GOOD THIS UPDATE WAS AND IM GONNA TELL YOU W H Y. this is also kinda weepy bc im Emotional. major spoilers for shokugeki no soma chap240 so please be aware !!

Quick TL;DR: Megumi has exponentially grown in this series, and her character development is showcased brilliantly through this one chapter via: her skill set improvement and her emotional+mental growth. Despite her loss, her character development was much better handled as compared to Takumi’s match and ultimate win. In fact, the key point of her development is seen through recognition by 1) a world class gourmet/food critic 2) Akanegakubo Momo.

ONTO THE ACTUAL POST. which is under the cut bc this got Long.

Megumi lost. Which is the most believable thing that’s happened so far in this round of matches. But the way she lost was so goddamned good to her. A lot of people are saying how detrimental to Megumi’s character development this loss is, but yall aren’t seeing the big picture here !!! Megumi has grown so much, and how this update showcased it splendidly (well. not as splendidly as it could have been but im not nitpicking here.) -  in two main aspects: her skill growth and emotional growth.

1) In terms of skill:

Megumi used French techniques. A big, huge leap from her Japanese cuisine origins, and she executed it well enough that the judges were able to be taken aback by it. She wasn’t cowed by the fact that she was using something new on the spot, by instead showcased it proudly.

This is a huge difference from the AE preliminaries, where its shown that she was nervous and lacked confidence even in cutting goosefish, the One Thing that she’s been training to do as a child.

But now, she’s able to stand her own ground !! Even when its something new and experimental, something she has no idea would even work or not !!

WHICH LEADS ME TO: 2) Her emotional growth (god i wanna die from how good this chapter has been in terms of Megumi’s emotional growth.)

This is a girl who was so nervous during her first year she was failing all her classes due to it. This is a girl who was stumbling around a kitchen even during the AE preliminaries. And now she’s able to hold her head up high, and say: this is not over yet. The timid girl who used to give up too easily now fights back tooth and nail for even a hint of a possibility, and if you can’t see that as growth idk what you’re on.

Like my girl straight up challenged Momo in her own forte. Like for god’s sake, that is such an incredibly courageous move for someone who used to be scared of her own shadow a few months ago. AND MIGHT I REMIND YALL, Megumi personally requested to fight against the 4th seat of Tootsuki. What a bamf.

HER EMOTIONAL GROWTH is so astounding. Megumi used to break down whenever she was confronted with anything remotely challenging. Her social anxiety would take over, and she was literally on the brink of expulsion (that she was very ready to accept, by the way) because of her timid nature. Megumi doesn’t give up, but she does accept very, very unfair hands dealt to her “just because”. And she’s just been beat down the lowest she’s ever been; did she simply accept her fate, like the old her was prone to do?  

No. Here’s the thing: Megumi fights back. For once, she fights back against her weak willed self that was too ready to accept everything thrust upon her. Megumi does everything in her power to give Momo a fight to remember, and when she loses, she doesn’t simply berate herself. She understands that she lost due to a lack of experience, and that she can grow stronger. She’s not the same weak person who would simply accept the fact that she can’t do anything and runs from her problems, but instead faces her problems head on and says: i’ll beat you next time.

And speaking in general about the update: this was the best possible outcome for Megumi, considering how she was up against the Elite Ten’s 4th seat.

Like i’ve mentioned before multiple times, it would have been highly improbable for her to have won, especially in a match up against Momo’s specialty. But she gives Momo a run for her money, and snatches a point from her, through her own efforts, again showing her growth as a chef. (I would much rather have Anne said that Megumi got her vote because of her dish instead of potential to truly bring out Megumi’s improved cooking skills but eh this is kinda good too.)

Let’s not forget that this meant that Megumi was literally one point away from defeating Momo, something that the old her could never have done. With this 2-1 outcome, Megumi prevented Momo from attaining a sweeping win, which could have been ridiculously easy for a professional pastissier.

But Megumi stopped that. Megumi prevented Momo from winning all three votes, while challenging Momo to her own forte. Yall are overlooking this achievement, big time.

AND LASTLY, WHAT REALLY HAD ME FUCKIN S H O O K.

Akanegakubo Momo, who doesn’t even acknowledge certain members in the Elite Ten, has officially recognised Megumi as a worthy rival and cook. (Remember that Momo adds “nyan” or some variation to anyone’s name she looks down on)

YALL MOTHERFUCKERS JUST TRY AND TELL ME THIS ISN’T PIVOTAL TO MEGUMI’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

This girl grew so much emotionally and mentally, to the point where even one of the hardest to please/impress characters in Shokugeki acknowledges her. I’m crying. Megumi didn’t win, but fucking BOY did she hit the jackpot in terms of character development for the Regiment Arc.

Head in my fuckin hands. Im in so much fuckin awe at how good this chapter was written considering all the bullshit that’s been pulled lately.

Megumi has achieved so much and grown immensely as a character, and so many people are willing to overlook it all just because she didn’t win. You are all fucking crazy.

Sure, a win would have been great, but i’ll take this satisfying character development (that hardly any character has experienced in this arc) over some half-assed plot armour win any day, thanks.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 8 - “Save Our Advantages For A Rainy Day” - JARED

https://youtu.be/lDQPmrzOKKw

Hey! So! Fuck Regan and JG! Honestly Jared and I were set up PRIME FUCKIN TIME for Merge, and so was Regan. So I’m kind of majorly pissed that she had to be such a unloyal bag of ....dice. So anyway, where do I go from here? Who knows. I sure don’t. Okay here’s the sitch. Immunity is essential. Regan has a dumbass idol. They essentially voted out the one person who would not.....have an advantage. Idiots. Idiots. I mean I’m sure I’m biased because Alex deserved to be here AND I LITERALLY TOLD ROXY I WOULDNT LIE TO HER AGAIN AND WHEN SHE WAKES UP SHES GONNA YELL AT ME which should be fun. But anyways. Besides that. I’m....swell. Had a nice rice and chicken dinner. Still have cute tricks up my sleeve. Jared pointed out Regan’s tell is when she says Ugh so I’ve been responding to everything she says with Ugh. That’s how this night is set to be ending. Honestly.....we’re fucked. But on the bright side....beat two of my placements.

Okay honestly...... all im saying is that I KNEW we weren't merging, but I'm also really really sad that Alex is out of the game and im PISSED that people wouldn't let him do well. I feel he's so nice and does a lot for the community that he's the kinda guy who deserves to make the jury, and considering it sounds like ruben and roxy are inactive now (which i believe) alex just shouldn't have gone, but some people decided to be SHADY *eyes regan and jg* The only good think about this is that we didn't merge, and I know my position in this tribe is beyond incredible, and if we lose immunity, I'm going to be fine. I'm in an alliance with literally everyone (oops) and I know that Augusto and Ricky would go after each other if we were to lose ANYWAYS!! But I also really wanna win immunity so I can potentially go to ghost island bc I think that'd be epic. I'm also surprised at who keeps going home from that tribe, but next time i'm fairly confident it'd be ruben and roxy......................... unless regan gets more power hungry and tries to split up the couple. i'd actually piss myself I want Regan to win so badly right in this very moment this isn't a joke like  lol

Soooo JG leaving is really sad just because no one should have to go through personal life stuff it sucks ): Selfishly I’m happy and sad tho. I’m sad bc that’s another original Malabar gone. Like FUCKKK. But I’m happy because that means my current tribe didn’t have to go to tribal which means I wasn’t #exposed yet for playing all sides. It also means that my current tribe has numbers going into merge. But unfortunately I’m almost sure someone on the other side has an idol or two especially bc all the people who have gone to ghost island are on that tribe. I am just happy that I’ve hopefully made it almost made jury. That’s an accomplishment that I have not had yet in my ts career. As long as I make jury my unfinished business is finished and I can start being a literal crack head in this game again. I’m so pumped hehe :~)

https://youtu.be/g6stw70lF9w come join ur favorite drunk dad in the bath

Feels good to be back! I want it to be for the long haul though, so I'm not wasting anytime. Quickly fired up all the old convos and touched base with people. I don't think I can get the outcast vote, so I'm trying to make a deal with Drake where we get him into the game from our side, and the merge tribe votes me in. I think the old alliances will help me out, and I might have a shot with Regan. It'll be tricky. Alex seems to think he has it, but I'm not sure. I'll keep playing until the end though.

https://youtu.be/2-ZNQ5KNc-8

So am I like aligned with everyone left????? Hahahahahahaha I’m literally laughing. Johnny is still my number one so he OBVIOUSLY found out about this alliance that was made with me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto. He wasn’t shocked, which I expected he wouldn’t be. This means that I now have 3 big alliances lmao Me, Ricky, and Johnny Me, Vilma, Johnny, and Augusto Me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto This is a mess!!! Another mess? Me about to vote Alex Crooks back into the game lmao. What a fucking mood hahahahaha. We talked and he’s actually nice? This story arc is unreal. But I feel like I’m sitting kinda pretty rn so that’s pretty hot. I guess good things do come to the pretty ones! :~)

Ok. If Reagan wanted Drake back in the game so badly she should have just fucking voted for him. God damn everyone is so fucking dramatic.

Okay first off woooooo we merged...... we love expectations Anywho, I'll make a merge confessional later, this is about y'alls bitch ass twist that you threw in that is TAKING AWAY the fact that I was two tribals from single digits again....... now i'm four                                                                         uwu Honestly, when I saw the returning players come back, my initial reaction was that I wanted Zach or Alex to come back, and it would've been nice to have both of them, but then lowkey I got ANNOYED because I got seen as the person in the middle (along with Augusto, Dan and Vilma...... ironic right #goldengirls), and I kept getting messaged the whole day about saving Alex vs Zach, and it was getting annoying because, even though I was in a physical alliance with Zach, I know that he had chats with literally everyone in the game, and I know he had two with me, and was really not even selling himself that well. Zach coming back would've been a mess because I'm trying to build more bonds with the people who want to vote Alex back in, and I'm not worried about people like Ruben and Roxy wanting me out because I think that I have a good relationship with both of them.... Now this just comes down to how good of a job I can do at saving them? eep                                uwu anywhom. the part that REALLY got fun for me yesterday was when I lowkey finessed my way into the outcast vote to try to make sure that Drake didn't get back in....                                                              uwu T B Q H. I like Drake a lot, but he is from this other community we're both from, where he acknowledges me as this character of johnnyscott1127, and wouldn't probably want to get to know ME in the realm of the game, and he'd start calling me a target and a big player, when in these games I try to keep a really low profile until it's time to strike, so Drake coming back wouldn't have been great for my game.                         THE HOUSE BURNS IN THE MEADOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I spoke to Crooks, let him know all the work I was doing to get back into the game, and I sold to him as to why Frankie was way less threatening to come back into the game. The other tribe all had alliances with Drake when he was in the game apparently (I didn't specify this to Crooks, but I heard this from Augusto), and I kept selling the fact that Drake would be the kind of player to be gung ho on getting out anyone from OG Lazare, and he just had to go because of that.............. THEN I started talking to Frankie, and it all made sense to try to push bringing Frankie back into the game, so then when Frankie returned I got psyched. I'm not too sure what Frankie is going to do, and if he'd even work with me or not, but I'm going to try really hard with my social game to try to get Frankie on my good side. I've got a good feeling about the two people that returned, and I genuinely think that it was acredited a bit to myself.                         sometimes I sleep on my face, and only my face. Now I have to get back to a real merge round....... oye vey. god speed to me :)

me: just a quick confessional me: talks for 7 minutes https://youtu.be/G-SSmhcWQmA

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://youtu.be/clUNEh2XzoU

I went from feeling so confident going into this group of 13 and now I’m worried??? Idk I feel like bringing Alex back wasn’t great now? If he’s still connected to Nicole and Jared, and everyone else is too I might be fucked??? Idk I’m trying not to be crazy and work on just getting to jury bc I’ll be damned if these fuckers take that away from me. Everyone seems set on Ruben or Roxy this round which is fine, but also like they’re so inconsequential to this game imo. I barely talk to them, but they have approached me with concerns about a big alliance on the other side? The issue is, me, Johnny, and Augusto are so in the middle at this point that it might be stupid to try to make a big move at this point. We just need to really figure out where Asya and Ricky’s heads are at. I wanna talk one on one with Vilma too and maybe expose some stuff to her to bring us closer together.

Okay so like honestly..... I kinda wanna do a whole merge confessional, and just go over the entire merge, now that we're officially merged as a group of 13 people, but I'm really not sure if I even want to do that officially just because #laziness This is where we're at. Ruben has apparently been inactive for far too long, he's been to like..... one tribal all game? and he just isn't active, and since we've been back I haven't gotten too deep into a conversation with him. I have tried to fight for him, to a few people today, but apparently this is the case of a big name player from another community coming in and not trying that hard. I am sad about it because I really trusted Ruben and thought we'd be able to actually make it pretty deep this time, but it just seems like literally everyone wants him out and idk what to do about it EYE (emphasis on the ME ME ME) wanted to get out Roxy. She has relationships with everyone, and is being grouped in with Ruben, and also she has backstabbed me in TWO games without me even coming close to seeing it coming. Like she would talk to me the same way she is right now, but then she'd just snake me when it's time to go, and I'm really not about that life OR her being here, much longer, but I don't think she's going anywhere today, or potentially for awhile. I spoke to Regan, Augusto and Dan about the pros of getting rid of Roxy over Ruben, but I got shut down, and it seems like everyone wants Roxy, so it is what it is IN OTHER NEWS, i went on a call with Alex last night to confirm that we were going to ride out this entire game together (this was more him confirming with me, but ofc im going to treat him like my #1), and I openly told him that I had another person already that I was REALLY gung ho about, and that I am dedicated to him, but he just has to know I am just as dedicated to one other person........... and then he tried to GUESS who that person was, and I just knew I had to deter all attention away from Augusto, so when Alex guessed, he guessed Vilma and I said no, and then he guessed Dan and I decided that was the right time to remain silent, and he just figured it was Dan (I kinda confirmed it verbally). I told Crooks I would watch out for Dan, making sure that Dan wouldn't go after Alex, but the thing is, is that Dan thinks that we've got a really tight one on one relationship as well, so it even more masks my relationship with Augusto if I really was trying to do so. I've got Augusto as my obvious #1. I am intending on telling him nearly everything this game, with caution ofc, and then I've got Dan and Alex, and lowkey Vilma, who also think they have that like "rock solid" #1 relationship with me, so I'm getting nervous about the amount of relationships that I've got in the game, and I'm nervous that it may come back to bite me SOOON!!!! I've got: Finnanut - nicole/jared Golden girls - dan/augusto/Vilma Power bottoms - Asya/Vilma Jeopardy stars - Ricky/dan Flops icons - Regan/augusto OG jerzy crew - Ruben/Roxy F2 with alex F2 with dan F2 with augusto yea I need help................. I have too many relationships and this is not good at all. I don't really know what to do about it, BUT I do think a lot of people in the cast are just so intertwined with one another, and so many alliances have been made that it's kinda crazy to think about The only people I really don't have any alliance or relationship with are........................ Frankie? Yea this is bad. I've fucked myself big time haha. Ready for another bitter jury szn

I don't understand why the HELL Ruben, Roxy, Dan, Augusto, and Regan voted me back into the game. I'm not complaining though. I am complaining about Zach though. Because he literally threw me under the HARD in an attempt to get back into the game. He told everyone that Asya/Ricky/Me/Jared/Nicole were in a five person alliance. Which... we are. But he didn't actually know that. He just happened to guess it. A lot of people kinda assumed it to because of how much they wanted me back in. I talked to Johnny last night and I had a fever/sick dream about turning everything on its head this tribal. A ton of folks are gun ho on getting Roxy and Ruben out first. And while that is fine and dandy, that’s too easy. Johnny mentioned it’ll get messy once they’re gone because the two easy ones will be gone plus Frankie. That puts us at final ten which makes it risky for rocks. And if they try to break up the supposed five that Zach leaked they’ll try and make a mark against one of me Asya Ricky nicole and jared. And in hopes of trying to keep everyone happy and not leave an angered soul I could easily get out at 11. So like... Why am I agreeing to get out ruben and Roxy first. I'm agreeing to get Ruben out first because he annoys me. But after that? We'll see.

I'm going UTR on this vote, not doing too much swaying of anything. I have the people I trust the least being targeted, and that is all that matters. Roxy and Ruben. Nicole and I an save our advantages for a rainy day. We have strong relationships out the HOOHA!

Ashen went home in a unanimous vote, which is more than I can say for Malabar cause their tribal is deadass a yikes on bikes. I’m over here having been to 5 out of 7 tribals yet all of them have been unanimous and they are like PLAYING the game. It’s interesting to say the least because those very game players are people I will face (hopefully sooner rather than later). Also, the fact that we did not merge directly into 12 is TRASH like waiting another round sounds awful plus like…. I’m worried for my future in a sense? Don’t know how to explain it, but I’d love to merge so I can hide behind certain people. All in due time, I hope.

(A LITTLE LATER)

So JG just left the game due to an emergency and that makes me super sad like JG doesn’t deserve any of that plus I feel like I’ve been giving him a bad rep as this super inactive person that he doesn’t deserve, so that sucks. I hope this puts into perspective that the game is supposed to be this fun little escape from reality cause it can be quite harsh for some people like JG. I don’t know, I just wanted to say that. On a more sadly selfish note, we’re now down to eleven people in the game and this means a merge will be coming and that a new chapter will begin and change isn’t SUPER fun but I’m oddly excited to kick the game into a higher gear and just have a blast.

(THE CAMERA HE STOLE HAS TO RUN OUT OF BATTERIES SOON)

The merge IS HERE AND QUEER! Okay Seychelles, let’s get sickening! Seriously though, I’m just super proud of myself for making it to the merge like I wouldn’t have been shocked if I had left early, but I’m here! <3 I also get to reunite with allies like Regan, Jared, Nicole, and see new people such as Ruben. My approach to this stage of the game is to be wildly calculated if that makes sense. I wanna play the middle, I wanna be social, and I want to play a crazy game because if my unfinished business needs finishing, I’m here to do it in any way I can. I have the tools to do so since I have a final two with Johnny, a close duo-type relationship with Jared, a duo-like relationship with Regan, close to Dan, have The Golden Girls with Johnny/Dan/Vilma, have that Great Lakes connection with Roxy, was super close to Nicole on NuLazare, and then I’m starting to talk to Ricky and Asya more. Ruben is really the only person who doesn’t fit the equation but I gotta talk to him more to see what I can work with.

(I MEAN THOSE ARE SOME DAMN GOOD BATTERIES)

Fuck my drag and my chances to win right? Okay so the host decide to shake things up with a little #TwistosTwist and now there’s a group of Outcasts who can come back into the game. So I think this is awesome that the pre-mergers get another chance in a season all about redemption and finishing what you started, BUT it does not help that I’ve voted out 5 of the 7 people who can return. Those votes were all unanimous, but I was still a part of them leaving so it’s not too exciting. It is a cute little throwback to Bhutan though since I was in the position of the Outcasts and had to beg to return to the game, which didn’t exactly pan out but hey I’m here so I’ve been doing something right. My gut tells me that Drake should return to the game since I never voted him out and we were working together on OG Malabar, but there’s also another person returning so I’m not sure where to really go with that vote.

i hope i don’t go home haha

I totally forgot to finish the confessional before I sent it lol I hate myself ANYWAY I think Ruben should be the vote tonight but I'm counting on him pulling out some weird ass advantage and one of us getting rocked out, or voted out. Like... that dumb man aint gonna go down that easy. He's been a thorn in my side since DAY ONE, and I will not miss him if he leaves. Also, Alex, Asya and Ricky are proving to be great allies so I kind of feel bad for being so hesitant in the beginning. At this point I have done a lot better than I did the last two times I've played and had more fun, so really if I go I go. But, it's been super fun so far and I feel like although I'm struggling making individual connections, I can stand a good 90% of this group and that's honestly a plus.

Call me the bank because people stay depositing their information to me and like no worries for them cause I’m keeping it locked up in the safe. So Regan and I were on call and the good sis gave me a rundown of the NuNuMalabar dynamics and also the fact that she has an IDOL. I now know where all 3 Hidden Immunity Idols are located and that’s insane to me. If I can’t have an idol, at least I know who does! Zach and Ruben also gave me a rundown of all sorts of information despite me just barely meeting them, which is pretty awesome. I caught up with Jared as well and then Johnny always has a bit of tea for me, so I’m happy in that sense! Also an alliance was created between Jared, Nicole, Regan, Dan, and myself which is a solid group that I could work with for a bit. This also pulls me a bit closer to Dan, which is never a bad thing. My only worry is how I can play the middle since the merge again might be a Jared/Nicole versus The World situation, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. In terms of the Outcast vote, it’s looking to be Alex and potentially Drake. While Zach and Ruben want me to vote in Zach, I feel like I can protect my position by voting in Alex as Zach is so gung-ho to target the couple. I also talked to Ashen about everything that happened when they left, which was nice. I also reconnected with Samantha which is always fun (she was super robbed). I do hope that like things seem this natural (?) for the long haul.

Well idk what's going on My main two allies are Jared and nicole Then I have an alliance with Johnny and Augusto Then an alliance with Jared, Nicole, Augusto and Dan called the Malabars and Nicole And Ruben is going and I feel bad but like he doesn't come online

Color me shook cause I did not expect this to happen in the slightest. Alex returning 11-0 was a given but Frankie returning was a surprise especially since I was so sure it would be Drake. Frankie returning is…. Interesting because I feel as though Ashen could’ve potentially ruined my future in the game with Frankie since Ashen wanted Regan out when Frankie left but Drake and I suggested not to. Plus, Frankie and I were actually somewhat close before he went home but it kinda feels off this time around. Drake really deserved to come back after how swap fucked he was, but you can’t win them all. Regan exploding at Frankie is a major yikes though since I want Regan to get as far as she can and THIS is not the way to do it. Also, Alex returning is a question mark since I feel as though he does have options and it’s unclear if I’m one of em, ya feel? We’ll see in due time because both him and Frankie are immune for this first tribal.

https://youtu.be/oZSe415LhOo

Ruben is back tribal is in 21 minutes i feel the angina creeping through my veins

I love somehow being decent in a challenge! Vilma winning immunity was dope since I’m in an alliance with her, plus it means it isn’t any of Jared/Nicole/Ricky/Asya/Ruben/Roxy who are all likely candidates for the boot this round. I mean, I say that only because they are somehow prominent pairs in the game and have all been part of moves in the game (less Ricky/Asya), so it’s a no brainer. I’m leaning towards Ruben just because I haven’t played with him at all whatsoever yet and I have no previous connection like being on a tribe with him to default to. Although, jury management on my end would be kinda bad but it’s just the beginning of the merge so who knows. Again, I need to save face with certain people to gain trust so that when I do kind of swing back and forth, I have more footing to work with. Roxy and I also reconnected which was cute, I did express to her how she is being perceived (inactive, in a tight alliance with Ruben) just to be honest but to also gain her trust a bit since we haven’t been able to play the game together. She was really receptive to that and dismissed the fact that her and Ruben were a tight duo but rather that they sort of got lumped together, which I can believe. With her and Ruben likely being on the chopping block, I hope Roxy can stay out of danger since she’s more beneficial to me than Ruben. Although, Johnny disagrees as he stated in the newly made Iconic Flops alliance with Regan, Johnny, and myself. I don’t really agree with him but hey, as long as it isn’t me hgjfdks

GUYYYYSSS WHYYYY I CAN'T KEEP UP TALKING TO 18 PEOPLE AT ONCE THIS IS A NIGHTMARE First of all I woke up to approximately 19827961487 messages And they were mostly from people who had already been voted out I was like Did I get eliminated while I was asleep??????? I don't know which is worse This or surprise elimination It's almost tribal time and I'm kinda busy and don't remember what I wrote last time but there was a twist and two people re-entered the game and I obviously wasn't a fan of that. The remaining players voted in Alex and outcasts voted in Frankie which I was shocked about because Drake was pretty much convinced it was going to be him. Then I accidentally won immunity: I hate that thing how did it win I think Alyssa summed it up perfectly It's just a mess I definitely prefer Asya and Nicole's I think I have to throw the next challenge I hope it sucks I just realised the same thing happened my original season I accidentally won the merge immunity Last time it was the hex challenge This probably means I'll last a couple more rounds max until I become a target and die I'm happy because merge boots are usually intense but on the other hand it looks like this vote isn't going to be that intense after all, everyone has kinda just agreed to vote out Ruben due to inactivity. I guess I'm okay with that but I definitely don't think it would be my best interest to get out both Roxy and Ruben in a row. We're entering the point of the game where I have to start considering who I'd like to take to the end with me and so far I definitely haven't played a winning game because my social game SUCKS. I'm just so bad at starting conversations it's sad really. I don't think I'd win against most of the people who are left so I definitely need to start spotting the goat-y people and try to keep at least some of them around... I'm kinda concerned about the whole Jared/Nicole/Alex/Asya/Ricky group because I don't feel especially close to any of them and hope at least one of the group would get voted out soon so they wouldn't get too much power. Sorry about the messy confessional I'm in a hurry because tribal starts in 3 minutes I hope I can write something more insightful soon.

[kasaneteto]

my thoughts on persona 5

ive had this in my drafts for like a month and i just now finished it so TAKE IT

THIS ISNT SPOILER FREE!!!! so only read this if you’ve finished the game/don’t care about spoilers. im gonna be comparing it a lot to persona 4 (and 2 / 3 to a lesser extent) so if you haven’t played it and dont want spoilers DONT READ THIS!!!!

i went into persona 5 with high expectations. i’ve been a big fan of the entire series for many years, and like everyone else, had been eagerly awaiting the delayed release of the game; and for the most part, i wasn’t let down. there are very few real issues i have with the game, and despite my bias toward persona 4 i can definitely say that this is the best installment in the series so far.

persona 5, much like p4 did with p3, takes the best things from p4 and improves upon them. you can tell that a lot of care went into this game to make it as polished as possible. all of the things that made p4 a great game are present and more. the characters are very fleshed out and diverse, just as in any persona game. the game also does an excellent job in making you feel connected to the characters. when the characters were plagued with anxiety, so was i. when the characters were depressed, so was i. it really made me feel immersed in the world.

the graphics are also obviously an incredible step up from the previous persona games. the game in general is absolutely beautiful. it’s so vibrant in it’s colors and constantly gives the impression of a bustling city environment. not to mention how stylish the UI is. it’s really apparent that the persona team utilized their resources to their full potential in how fluid all the menus are alone. the way loading screens and menu changes transitioned into each other was so stylish that it had me sifting through menus just to watch the animations. over all the art direction for this game has surpassed all other persona games so far. everything is so incredibly polished, from the cutscenes to the normal gameplay. i can only think of two or three occasions in which a texture looked off to me, and that’s mostly me just nitpicking.

i love the concrete theme of the game as well. from the personas to the social links, everything feels as though it ties together under the thief motif. i really loved that every social link fell under the theme of “someone who has been ostracized by society” and how it enforced the idea that the phantom thieves were necessary in this world. the way each social link has a coinciding mementos request made the social aspects of the game feel a lot more connected to the battle aspects, as well as the fact that social links can now grant you special battle abilities. the fact that they added this aspect is one of the best things added to the social link system in my opinion. it gives you more of a reason to try and max a character’s social link if you aren’t particularly interested in the character to begin with. (however, personally, i didn’t find any of the social links in this game to be uninteresting.) the way they incorporate maxed social links into new game+ is incredibly useful as well. it helps make you feel as though you really accomplished something in your previous play, as well as making you feel motivated to finish the things you were unable to last time.

the battle system and the dungeons are LEAGUES better than any previous persona game. the flow of battle is so much more fun; the baton pass ability brings a whole new aspect into battle. that and the ability to easily ambush enemies makes you feel as if youre really in control of your battles and makes it a lot more fun. i also love love love LOVE the battle aspects that they brought back from persona 2. demon negotiation was one of my favorite things about p2 and i was ECSTATIC to learn that they brought it back with p5. not only does it give you the ability to get exactly what you want out of battle, but it makes you really excited to fight new enemies!!! i was always really excited to get into a battle in a new area to see what personas i could recruit. the fact that youre battling the actual personas rather than the same palette-swapped shadows every dungeon is also super cool to me. it made me really excited to see a shadow that i recognized and be all “OH THAT’S SHIKI-OUJI!!!! I NEED THAT GUY!!!!”

dungeon navigation is so much more fun too. i can’t even begin to express how happy i am that they incorporated puzzle elements into the palaces. it made navigating them so much more fun compared to previous games where you just ran around hallways opening doors until you found the stairs. it made every dungeon feel different and unique, and most importantly really fun!! another thing i really appreciated was the ability to switch party members in the middle of a dungeon. it really encouraged you to use every party member rather than just sticking to a select 3 like previous games, in addition to making it a lot easier to keep your teammates balanced and around the same level. i found it really convenient to be able to just switch someone out when they were low on SP compared to having to either leave or use SP recovering items on them. it also made it a lot easier to finish palaces in a single day (if possible).

most of all though, the story telling elements in persona 5 truly live up to the standard set by previous persona games. my god, was the story telling in this game amazing. the foreshadowing was PHENOMENAL. every once in a while i was able to pick up on something small, and then when they pieced all those little things together at the climax HOLY SHIT. i was literally hyperventilating when they flashed back to goro mentioning the pancakes. the part where he first joined the thieves had me second-guessing whether someone else mentioned pancakes in that scene and i was just overthinking it. but when it turned out to be a real thing I WAS SO EXCITED!!!! not to mention the twist of the fucking century with igor being a fake. the entire time the tone of the velvet room felt off compared to the previous games, but it really didn’t become apparent until the true igor returned. once he did, and lavenza became herself again, i seriously almost cried because of how at home i felt in the velvet room. speaking of crying though... this game had me in fuckin tears on so many occasions. the character writing and development is so much. the way it makes you really feel like all the characters are good friends makes me so emotional. it’s such incredible writing, the way it sneaks up on you and before you realize it you’re fighting yaldaboath and you realize how much you love every single character in this game and you don’t want it to end.

now with all that praise out of the way, i do unfortunately have a few qualms with the game as well. 

my firstt issue is how similar the structure of the story is to persona 4. the characters are all quite different, and the environment is drastically different, but the narrative, namely in the latter portion of the game, is strikingly similar to p4. that isn’t necessarily a bad thing per se, p4 is really good and p5 did an excellent job of improving upon something already great, as previously stated. however, due to my familiarity with p4 i was pretty much able to predict how the end of p5 was going to play out, more or less. because of this i actually was convinced that i had to call everyone up again to fight through one more palace on the last day, like with izanami in p4. it’s not the worst thing that they could’ve done, but i guess i just would’ve liked to see them create something a little more different.

now my BIGGEST issue is just a personal thing that im sure not everyone can sympathize with. however, it honestly kind of ruined the end of the game for me. nobody so much as mentions goro after his death. sae brings him up, like, once, and shido talks about him before you fight him, but.. thats it. he wasn’t even in the credits along with everyone else. it honestly broke my fucking heart. it felt like they all forgot about him. goro is my favorite character in the game, so im definitely biased, but still... i would have liked to see them at least bring him up in some of the more climactic moments of the ending, or just had some kind of mention of him other than “he’s missing”. i felt so empty when the game ended. it was a wonderful ending, dont get me wrong. i just... wanted goro to be there. im not saying that he shouldnt have died, (i mean, i would have liked it if he didnt, but it wouldnt have been necessary to make the ending satisfying for me) just that they at least acknowledge him more after his death. idk. maybe im just being nitpicky, but that really dampened the ending for me.

anyways thats it like comment and subscribe thanks

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”

so to speak is right, phoenix :T

-

“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”

ok rayfa. easy there.

-

aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad. 

hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy

at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever 

-

...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?

.....i don't like it

-

ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!

-

“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”

ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents. 

-

WHOA OK GRAPHIC 

-

well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.

“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???

-

rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?

either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME

-

ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain. 

something tells me this will be useful later.

-

again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.

-

“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”

I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.

-

every time she kisses his picture i cry 

-

Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism. 

-

they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

-

katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue 

-

hey um mrs. inmee

you've got a little something on your wrist...............

-

“Puhray always prayed a lot”

the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid

-

“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”

um... a lesson in tolerance i guess

-

“I didn’t know him very well”

you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.

-

i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers

and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya

its the little things that make this game liveable 

-

everybody loves steel samurai!!!

-

“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”

yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.

-

“tentacled hag frog”

what is this, last airbender??

-

“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”

well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!

genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/

-

“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”

actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.

... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.

-

“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!

-

“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”

Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.

-

“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”

the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom. 

id say you can panic now.

-

in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.

meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.

Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??

-

are we legit going to search for Datz

-

ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.

-

further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.

-

boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere

-

i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.

-

alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!

-

I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????

-

AAA WE’RE IN

WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER

IM YELLIN

-

...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare 

OH GOD 

OHHH GOD 

fuck....

i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police

-

he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.

this, truly, is a man to be feared

ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine

-

>phoenix likes apples

further proof he is a good boy

-

wow thats even worse

i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS

again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?

-

“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”

clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix

-

“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”

>doubt

-

OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST

-

if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason. 

-

LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.

-

fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be. 

-

he really is rebel!larry isn’t he

-

so Dhurke has a power glare, huh? 

GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH

-

“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”

pfffttt edgy 

-

hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.

-

i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house

-

...no way is he actually doing to

i...

like

i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you? 

like i 

sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so 

phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.

-

“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??

actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!

-

yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient 

i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/

-

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

-

somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh

-

yay psyche locks!

-

YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE

Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.

-

yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen

feel even stupider about that jacket now?

-

“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”

well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions. 

this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.

-

“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”

if that was how things worked, America would loath actors. 

-

“why does he have to jump like that before running off”

cause he’s a cartoon character 

-

“Well I guess we’re friends now”

oh phoenix 

my lonely baby

-

also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.

and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.  

-

well that was exactly where i thought it was

-

WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK

“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH  SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”

OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP

BRILLIANT!!

PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.

-

ohhhhHHHHHhhhh

well well well well well well

this is interesting

-

“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”

hhhnnngghhhh

-

search every nook and cranny eh

-

“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”

while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY

-

“What’s this? A bloodstain?”

Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...

-

CURSED NOISE

CURSED NOISE

TURN IT OFF!!!

-

this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like

Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering

-

well we’ve come to the end of another investigation 

tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game

it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?

Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again

[survivorwakea]

Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like.  This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

________________________________________________________________

Taylor is voted out 3-1.