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dolliedarlin · 4 years ago

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i m p l i c i t ⏤katsuki b.

p a i r i n g : bakugou x f.reader

s u m m a r y : ever since you were young, you were forced to meet with the person dubbed as your finance, Katsuki Bakugou, a Baron’s son who had quite the temper but peaks your interest in every way possible

l e n g t h : 1.9k

g e n r e : olden days au ; fantasy au ; arranged marriage au ; Bakugou is a tsundere ; and we love him for it ; reader is an amazing bean that can keep up with him ; kirishima is your brother ; best brother ever ; rumours are toxic ; never base your opinions on someone solely on rumours ; you attract a stalker ; it’s not your fault ; he just as a twisted yandere mind ; Katsuki is your hero ; he makes your heart flutter ; and he makes your knees weak ; i really want someone to protect me and say what he said at the end of this

w a r n i n g s : swearing from our lovable explosion murder king ; acts of stalker/yandere ; sword fighting

a / n : i didn’t plan on posting this but mother nature decided to pay me a visit today so i basically lazed around in my bed groaning in pain and half starving bc it was too painful to get out at times for food. instead i started writing this imagine again that i had began months ago. this is inspired by Ranma 1/2, which is an anime that i loved watching when i was much younger, it’s not well edited because i’m kinda dizzy rn but i hope you enjoy it!

— first of all, before either you or Katsuki were born, the arrangement for your marriage to each other was already settled by your parents, hence why you were immediately introduced when you were children

— neither of you knew what marriage or engagement meant but you both associated it with seeing each other

— it wasn’t something Katsuki liked but you didn’t quite mind it, he always gave you really interesting reactions that you quickly came to like

— as the two of you grew up together, you always tried your best to get close to him but Katsuki was adamant at pushing you away and keeping you at arms length at all times

— despite all that, you wanted to catch his attention, which meant that you took interest in all the things that he found interesting too. that included: sword fighting, horse riding, duelling ; spicy foods ; battle tactics ; magic etc

— Katsuki always tried to ignore you but secretly appreciated how skilled you had become over the years. you were still nothing compared to him but you were able to battle against a majority of qualified knights and still be the last one standing

— he only scoffed at you because your talents were wasted; you’re too kindhearted to ever use your honed skills properly - it irritates him that other women push you to conform to etiquette, tea parties and high society when you were better than that

— you’re better than shallow conversations about the latest fashion, or the art of sipping tea, calligraphy and painting because he knows how much you train and how much effort you put into your education outside of such insignificant things

— Katsuki knows that you can handle yourself better than any other nobleman he knows of, he’s seen you help your father with his business and vigorously train with your dukedom’s knights

— what’s the point of all that effort if you weren’t going to show anything for it?

— because of that Katsuki always acted like he hated having you as his fiancée despite your optimism about him, as well as your patience and understanding of his unique way of expressing himself

— because the two of you are forced to spend a lot of time together by your parents, you’ve has been able to understand Katsuki and his mannerisms better than anyone else as your mother has always taught you to be openminded - she’s never been like the other noble ladies of society, hence why your father married her

— now, you were following in her footsteps. there’s been much gossip about your unladylike behaviour but you didn’t care, all you needed were your parents’ love and the love of Katsuki. he still needed some more time to come around but you’re positive you’ll get to him soon enough

— you’re positive there’s a different gleam in his eyes whenever he looks towards you now. it had always been one of hatred when you were much younger but his expressions frequently soften around you nowadays.

— no matter how subtle it may be, you always notice

— many rumours circulated about you the first time you had shown your skills openly amongst the knighthood. it had first started with your knights who praised you highly but, as soon as those whisperings reached outside the dukedom, many noble ladies started to gossip about your misdemeanour.

— surprisingly, those rumours were shut down in under a week and you didn’t know why; usually such good gossip material stayed for months and only faded with the years so it was peculiar to have it die down so quickly

— what was suspicious was that, as soon as your rumours died down, stories about Katsuki surged forward.

— when you conversed with other people, they would say how horrible they feel for you having to marry such an aggressive and dislikable fiancee. they would then over-exaggerate all the belligerent and misunderstood characteristics of Bakugou, even making up disgusting rumours that painted him to be more villainous than he actually was.

— “how shameful,” you spat with disgust, glowering down at the noble ladies frozen in their seats, “how dare you openly gossip about my fiancee right in front of me, the nerve! you should know better than to act like such children. if you have nothing better to do then i suggest you leave the kirishima estate immediately and never expect to be invited back,”

— they tried to beg you for forgiveness, seeing as your father held such power in high society, being one of the four noble dukes of the kingdom serving directly under the king as they all had noble blood.

— nobody expected your father to marry you to a Baron’s son. Katsuki didn’t have a higher title than you but your fathers had gone to war together and remained loyal friends ever since, Baron Bakugou went on to acquire his title of Braon after his service in the war but many people still looked down on him from his commoner origins. to think that such educated ladies of high society would use that as leverage to gossip however they wished.

— word of your actions on behalf of Bakugou spread quickly and the two of you became a couple that shouldn’t be trifled with.

— after that day, you always defend Katsuki and never miss the opportunity to express how much you admire him and care for him even if he doesn’t tend to reciprocate it

— you do this when Katsuki’s friends make an appearance, they consisted of your brother, Eijiro, Denki of house Kaminari (son of Marquis Kaminari) and Hanta of house Sero (son of Marquis Sero).

— they usually don’t visit the estate but this time they decided to utilise the knights training grounds for extra duelling practice and happened to catch you just as you were walking out, having finished your own training

— as soon as introductions and polite greetings were exchanged, came the jokes and jives.

— “I wouldn’t blame you if you eloped with someone else on your wedding day, Lady (Y/N), knowing this guy’s attitude,” Denki snickers as he points his thumb at your fiancé, who growled lowly in return.

— “i wouldn’t dare do something like that because, even if this is an arranged marriage, Katsuki will be the only man for me” Katsuki didn’t expect you to be so forward and couldn’t help the blush that coated his cheeks from your response

— Denki whistled in a mix of astonishment and amusement, “Katsuki’s a lucky guy!”

— “he looks really happy to hear you say that too, sis,” Eijiro teased as Hanta grinned from beside him.

— “shut up! we came here to train so let's train already, you dumbasses!”

— the days go by and life is good; the quicker your wedding day approaches the kinder and gentler Katsuki treats you. it wasn’t until the kindness you practiced with everyone you met, no matter their status, became something more in the twisted mind of an unknown individual that you encountered within city streets, while out shopping

— one act of kindness made the stranger crave for your touch and sought you out in the most deviant method. he sent constant letters multiple times a day and even mailed one with his most intimate item of clothing, not only that but he always stood at the gates of your estate, waiting for it to be opened just to slip in and try to meet you again

— of course, he didn’t get far because of the security brought on by your dukedom’s��talented knights stopped him at every devious attempt. each incident was reported directly to your brother, who was training to inherit the duchy as soon as your father retired

— Eijiro was having none of it and devised the best plan of action he could, knowing that his image as the heir of the dukedom needed to be thought of so that his people wouldn’t be against him when he took over his capable father’s place. he resisted the urge for an immediate confrontation to plan with you, about how you wanted to defuse the situation

— however, as soon as word got to Bakugou, he ran over on foot to confront the man at your estate, just as Eijiro came down with a squadron of knights and you at his side

— lost in his own world, your stalker immediately reached out for you the instant he caught sight of your figure. on his face, he had a twisted smile and manic eyes, his breathing became heavy as if to savour the same air you breathed not too far away from him. it was frighting and chilling to see such an unhinged man. he was so deranged, he didn’t mind the swords and pointed glares directed at him by all that were present and Katsuki, who was fast approaching from behind

— “Get. Away. From. Her!” Katsuki shouted in anger as he drew his sword and slashed at the young man, making you jump back with a gasp.

— “Bakugou!” Kirishima warned as he pulled you into his chest for protection from the clashing of swords

— “Katsuki, be careful!” you cried. confronting someone with such an unstable mind could go horribly wrong and no matter how skilled your fiancee was, you couldn’t help but worry

— Even though this was the first time Katsuki ever showed his feelings for you in such a dramatic gesture, the worry you had for him consumed your joy as his opponent drew out his own sword and started lashing out with worse coordination than your junior knights.

— what he lacked with technique, however, he made up for in agility as well as his own unpredictability. it made it hard for Katsuki to predict the path of his opponent’s sword so for a time, he was constantly dodging his blade. it didn’t take long, however, for the game of endurance and stamina to come into play and slow down his opponent enough for him to fight back with more accuracy.

— “you revolting rat!” Katsuki growled swinging his sword with might only to grind his teeth when his sword is narrowly dodged. not one to give up, however, he goes in once again and finally lands a hit that forces your stalker to crumble to his knees, “you try and pull that shit with (Y/N) again and I’ll be doing more than just beating you to the ground,” it was an obvious win for the blonde.

— “And what would that be?” your stalker still had fight in him that came off as more irritating than anything else Bakugou had ever encountered in his life of servitude as a royal knight and baron’s son.

— just to prove his point, whatever it may be, Katsuki goes to stand beside you and pull you into his chest with his large hand at your waist

— “landing your ugly, disgusting ass in a fucking coffin!” the venom in his voice was evident and it made you shudder, curling up into his chest for comfort, not knowing that the next words he’d shout would have your knees weaker than any training could ever do, “(Y/N) is MY Fiancee! you touch her and I’ll kill you!”

n a v i . | bnha mlist

#bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou fluff #bnha bakugou #bnha olden days au #bnha fantasy au

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newtonsheffield · 4 years ago

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Hello again!!!! I'm the Spanish girl back in here!

Firstly, I'd like to send you my best wishes for this tough week of work, and I bet we're going to miss you around here this week. But duty calls! And, look, how many people can say they've got a whole week for relaxing after a week of work? 😌 (Perhaps I've misunderstood the whole thing; I've read your posts quite quick and I've understood sth different to what you wanted to say lol)

Well, what can I say with one of the last prompts you have gifted to us...? Kate, Anthony (and his Spanish!!!!!!) and Spain; you got me there. 😂 I even cried the famous "Ole!" when I read all of it (curious note: not all Spaniards use the expression "ole" in daily contexts; it is more like a regional expression that became worldwide famous bc of several reasons that are too long to post here, lol) and I think it's needless to say I loved it... isn't it?

And, I LOVED a lot Edwina's POV and story (well, I've loved everything you have posted and gifted to us, but Eddie has a special place in my heart)! I don't know, but sometimes I get the impression that, in romantic literature, relationships between sisters are not addressed at all and kinda force them to be friends (if they're not rivals... which I find stupid, tbh), not really deepening in the bond between them. Like, they're sisters and they behave more like "my next door neighbour and friend to whom sometimes I'm distant bc life happens" instead of "this person and I share much more than many people can imagine that's beyond friendship and she's more important than anybody else" -idk if this makes sense anymore... I rewrote it a couple of times bc I got the impression I can't express my idea very well 😂-. And that's something I think both of you, JQ and yourself, have achieved and gifted to all of us! We see Edwina and Kate as sisters: they fight, they tease the other, they can't stand each other sometimes, but always, ALWAYS, they care for and love the other just as sisters do. Because of this, I think TVWLM is one of my favourite books in this genre: they give us a two fantastic love stories, not only between a -heterosexual- couple but also between sisters; which is as important as any other kind of relationship.

After my TED Talk (sorry if it's been too much... 😅), I cannot help but imagine an escapade between Anthony and Kate (sans children) and Matthew and Edwina (oh, Matthew... I love you) to Spain just for Anthony, in his stupid one-side battle against Matthew (I love this, tbh; it's sooooo fun 😂), demonstrate Matthew he can speak fluently another language... Just for Matthew be oblivious to this and enjoy a little escapade to Spain with his girlfriend and her family. 😂

Anyways; I hope you're alright and, again, I wish you all the best for this week.

Besos!!! 🥰 (Spanish equivalent for the "Love!" farewell expression; it means "kisses")

Hola! You’re back again! And I’m so glad!

I do have a week off once I finish work tomorrow (Saturday)!! Very Exciting! I have a scarf to knit, and lots of writing to do so that’s very exciting.

Oh Anthony on a Spanish beach in tiny little flamingo shorts? Ole! indeed! That is a curious note, I literally love learning things about other cultures and languages so if anyone wants to share a curious note about their culture, hit me up! I will in turn tell you about the curious culture of The Land Down under, and our propensity to butcher the English language!

I agree, Sister relationships are a very curious thing in media. I’m not a huge fan of very contentious relationships between sisters, I’m not saying they don’t exist in real life, they definitely do, I just think having them as constant rivals is exhausting. And Yes! I Love the relationship between Edwina and Kate very much because I see it as a mirror of my relationship with my own sister. My sister drives me more insane than any other person on this planet. We fight, we bicker, I get absolutely enraged when she steals the last property I need for a set in Monopoly, and yet, She is my favourite person. She can say whatever she wants about me, but were anyone else to? It’s fight on sight. I’ll be honest, that all I’m doing is basing their relationship in these fics on my own with my sister. Nothing special!

Okay! Here we go! Anthony and Kate + Goose and Edwina +Spain

Kate Bridgerton was many, many things, but she liked to think an idiot, was not one of them. And so, when Anthony had said, in a tone she was sure he thought was casual. “I think we deserve a holiday, you’ve been working very hard to grow the little broad bean after all and your sister and her little gander should celebrate their engagement.” She had known exactly what he was up to. And she wasn’t really sure why she played along along with it. Perhaps something in her thrived on the chaos she knew Anthony would would create, perhaps part of her just really wanted a decent paella. Surely it didn’t matter, the result was the same: Kate fixed an innocent expression on her face and said “Where did you have in mind?”

And so, surprise, surprise, here she was: back on a beach in Spain. She had to admit, eyeing Anthony appreciatively as he paddled demonstratively in the shallow water, his plan had its merits. though thus far his attempts had been... unsuccessful at best. Matthew Bagwell seemed absolutely thrilled to be in Spain, on holiday with his fiancée, giving them helpful facts he knew about the architecture as they walked through the city, a wide smile on his face, Anthony practically purple when he corrected a fact Anthony himself had said. “Do you speak Spanish, Goose?” Anthony had said dryly in the hotel lobby shortly after they’d arrived. And Kate had rolled her eyes at Anthony, though Matthew was not paying attention. He had his arms wrapped tightly around Edwina’s waist, whispering something in her ear that made her nose crinkle in delight, the sapphire of her engagement ring glinting in the sunlight. And the beautiful picture they made gave Kate’s heart a little stutter. Anthony tutted. “Matt!” He said sharply, getting the man’s attention, Matthew’s glasses slipping down his nose as his head shot upwards in surprise. “Do you speak Spanish?” Edwina was rolling her eyes now. And Matthew, for his part was completely unbothered “oh, no. Sorry Mate, might have to lean on your pretty heavily this week.” He said, and Kate caught the smug smile on Anthony’s face and bit back a groan Damnit Matthew. “I’m pretty fluent in French, German and Mandarin though!” Matthew said smiling happily, turning back towards Edwina, completely oblivious to the scowl Anthony tossing his way. “Of course you fucking are.” He muttered, fixing Kate with an irritated glare as a laugh escaped her!

The water surely must be a little cool in early October but Anthony showed no signs of it, Beckoning Kate into the water. She groaned and made her way towards him, laughing happily as he tugged her in, his hand resting on her stomach, still no sign of her pregnancy. “Is he watching?” Anthony whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist, spinning her through the water So she had a brief image of her sister smiling brightly at her fiancée who appeared to be... bless him building a sandcastle.

“No. He’s not.” Kate said batting her husband’s hands away irritatedly as he scowled. “Are you really trying to look more in love than they are?” Kate scoffed, disbelief at her husband’s idiocy rising with in her. Anthony looked indignant. “No! A man can’t take an interest in his wife now? Very poor show Mrs. Bridgerton.” He said, but his eyes, darted towards the shore at the last second. “Oh I cannot believe you! You’re absolutely manic!” She replied as Anthony attempted to pull her back towards him, Kate putting up very little fight as she tumbled against. him, his voice hot in her ear. “Insufferable I hear.” Kate scoffed. “Ugh! If Anyone’s insufferable it’s him!”

Kate turned to follow Anthony’s gaze to find Matthew waving at them, grinning broadly, completely unbothered. And Kate couldn’t keep from laughing as Anthony went on another muttered tirade.

Besos!

#bridgerton and sons au #kathony #anthony x kate #edwina x Bagwell #edwina x matthew #matthew goose bagwell #anthony bridgerton #kate sheffield #kate sharma #edwina sheffield #edwina sharma #goose is a cutie #the ridiculous rivalry between anthony and goose #molly’s asks and answers

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hollenka99 · 4 years ago

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Whenever and Wherever

This is ridiculously late because I didn’t have much time to work on it thanks to irl stuff so sorry about that but happy (belated) birthday @bupine. Have some bench trio.

The first time their paths cross, it's in the tailor shop run by Tommy's family. Tommy seems to be manning the counter while his brothers and father are supposedly in the back. The customer is clearly an enderman hybrid if his facial features are anything to go off of. He's just here to order a suit for a new job as a stenographer for the mayor apparently. Ranboo lingers longer than he likely expected to when he walked in as the three of them make conversation together. Before their latest acquaintance heads off, they decide to meet up again outside of work hours.

Talking to Ranboo comes easy. Before too long, you could tell Ranboo's work schedule based on where he was found lingering. At the tailor's shop? Well, it was likely one of his days off and he wanted to keep Tommy company for a while as the owner's son worked. At the bakery? That usually meant Ranboo was on his lunch break and hoped to sneak something sweet into his midday meal. He occasionally buys a few flowers for Tommy with the excuse of 'livening up his workspace' and offers Tubbo his attempts at baking. Whenever possible, the three of them either made time during lunch or in the evening to hang out together.

Then Ranboo seems to realise he gets off work around about the same time the bakery owned by Tubbo's family closes for the night. That mixed with the fact he really isn't the best with anything kitchen related... Listen, Tubbo was simply being a good friend by helping him out. Plus, who wouldn't want to take advantage of an excuse to spend more time with one of their best friends? It becomes a... thing, their evening practice sessions. Tommy once comments on it during a lunchtime meet-up, only to tease them but it kind of hits Tubbo how often Ranboo swings by so they can bake together.

It becomes blatantly clear everyone knows what's going on between the two of them when they hang around at the back of the tailor's one afternoon.

"If one of you doesn't ask the other out, I will break into your homes, steal your clothes and alter them so they're unwearable. Then I will make you pay to have them fixed."

"We... We uh, aren't-" Ranboo begins defending.

Tommy glances up from his sewing machine as he switches it off. "Fucking hell, just kiss or something, I don't know. But please stop forcing me to watch the two of you make eyes at each other whenever we hang out. We haven't been 16 for years. Sort yourselves out or whatever."

So they clumsily arrange a 'date' and let things go from there. It goes... well. A second attempt to make sure the first wasn't a fluke wouldn't hurt, nor would a third. It soon gets to the point where this new dynamic feels entirely natural. Tubbo's only worry is that Tommy might feel like a third wheel. Their mutual friend assures them he doesn't care about that. Besides, they know him, if he was actually bothered by it, he would have complained a ton by now.

Getting engaged isn't a big affair. In fact, it is a complete mess that occurs on Ranboo's sofa following a lull in conversation. He trips over his words, segues into various rambley detours and eventually manages to get to the point where he asks the all important question. Tubbo knew his answer the moment he realised where his boyfriend was headed with the conversation.

"So Tommy," Tubbo leans over the counter. The way he very blatantly holds Ranboo's hand only causes his attempt at acting nonchalant to come close to failing. "How much for a couple of wedding suits?"

"You're not getting a friend discount. In fact, I think I'll double the typical asking price purely because you are my friends."

"I hate you, you know that, right?"

"Hmm, might even make it triple."

"I will personally uninvite you."

Tommy and Tubbo maintain straight-faced eye contact for all of five seconds before the taller of the two breaks into a grin. Before the new fiancees can react, Tommy has his arms around both of them, drawing them in closer.

"How could neither of you tell me you were looking at rings? Absolute crime, that, if you ask me. Especially since I'm obviously the bestest man around. Disgraceful, the both of you. How can you sleep at night knowing you left me out of the loop? Gonna have to quadruple the price as punishment."

An elbow to the ribs leads to a slightly pained inhale before the three of them descend into snickers.

Is it bad that he forgot land-dwellers need air?

Tubbo had been watched the two of them from afar. The one with sand-coloured hair makes himself round as he falls a significant distance towards the water. After a few repeats of this odd practice, he decides he will greet the human when he next appears in his domain. Tubbo grabs him by the arms with a friendly smile but it doesn't seem the human is so keen to befriend any merfolk. In the struggle, he gets a weird appendage to the face. Not one to be easily put off, Tubbo swims to the surface in time to see the boy communicating angrily with one whose hair colour resembled those of a beast he's been warned about. He thinks he'll dub them Sand and Orca for simplicity.

Orca spots him watching their conversation and walks over, positioning himself close enough to include Tubbo in any discussions they may want to have with him but far enough that Tubbo couldn't physically reach either of the boys with his arms. Sand greatly disapproves of this supposed fraternising with the enemy. Orca keeps attempting to communicate but their languages are vastly different so all it amounts to are gestures. When they leave, Tubbo finds it funny how the one named after a deadly predator is the most willing to be friendly while the one whose namesake he loves lounging upon occasionally had a tendency to come off as hostile.

The pair of humans don't visit him everyday and even on the days they do, the position of the sun isn't always the same when they arrive. Nevertheless, they continue to come as often as they are able and Tubbo appreciates that. He can't replicate any of their human vocalisations and though they try, neither of the human boys are particularly great at whistling and chirping properly. The constant gesturing seems to be the only way for them to communicate but they somehow manage to become firm friends despite it all.

One thing Tubbo definitely understands is fish. He is perfectly capable of getting his own food and honestly prefers catching it live anyway but if they want to offer him a snack as a sign of friendship, he's hardly going to say no. There's always the option to share the food with his family later. He brings Sand his namesake as a way of thanking them. Even if he knew a good place to observe orcas so he could extend a similar gesture to his other friend, Orca apparently can't swim. At least, that's how Tubbo interpreted it when his friend once pointed to himself, motioned as if he was pulling himself forward in water and shook his head afterwards. So Sand is the only one who sometimes joins him in the shallower water. And Tubbo has learned from his mistakes now, he makes no attempts to keep Sand below the surface longer than the human boy can manage.

One day not long after they meet, Sand tries to tell him something he can sense is important. He gestures between himself and Orca, points to the sun and makes a wide circular motion with his finger, extends his arm so it rises above their heads then ends the message by pointing to the shore. It takes another round of reiterating before Tubbo begins to potentially understand. They will get big with the sun and be here? It sounds odd but he supposes he can't physically stop them from leaving.

The sea grows warmer and cooler then back again over and over. He visits their spot each time the temperature rises. They never come. Or maybe he just keeps missing them when they do show up. He's not sure. Either way, he gets older and grows into young adulthood as the years continue to pass. He hopes the same is happening to them. They did promise to return once they got bigger too, after all. Although, the thought he might have wildly misunderstood Sand's parting message isn't always easy to not dwell on.

His waiting finally pays off and he couldn't be more ecstatic. They've both grown weird shells on their backs that he feels would be ineffective at defending them, their feet are disproportionately longer and their faces are practically unrecognisable with protective shells around their eyes and mouths. They are much larger than the last time they all saw each other too. But it's them, it's really them! Not to mention them seem to have developed the ability to breathe underwater somehow. Unsure how to greet them properly after all this time, he rushes off to the seabed with a grin and presents them with a fish as well as a fistful of sand. They look between themselves before accepting the gifts gratefully.

As the sunlight wanes on the surface, the humans sit on their familiar secluded spot of a caved area while Tubbo lets the water lap around him. The human duo have suddenly lost their strange shells now, both on their backs and faces, as well as returned to having better proportioned feet. Orca offers his own reunion gift. If Tubbo were human, he might have made use of non-existent tear ducts to inadvertently express how moved he was by the object. Because oh wow, he was never able to communicate Orca's

Tubbo knows what it is like to be displaced by war. He'd been born in a time of technical peacetime, though everyone knew this would change sooner rather than later with all the tension.

He's 9 when the war seems to decide it's time to directly come for him as the son of the president, more than the resource shortages or street violence ever could. An attempt to assassinate his father that he'd been too close to lands him in hospital. It's officially too dangerous for him to remain a symbol of how safe their country was. All those not old enough to potentially enlist get evacuated, Tubbo especially.

Snowchester is... alright. It's isolated and out of the way, which is probably for the best in the general scheme of things. But at his age, all he really cares about is making the most of the snow before the novelty wears off and questioning how long it will be before he can go home to his family again. The answer was less than a month and 'we don't know so you'll just have to sit tight. Okay?'. So he reluctantly settles into his new life. He makes an effort to get to know the handful of other kids from the village in the hopes of gaining at least one friend to help him through this, he wanders around the marketplace on Tuesdays to find the sweet highlight of his week and for the hell of it, he challenges himself to become a master snow sculptor. Tubbo also writes to home to let his family know how he's doing but it feels like it has to go through 50 hands just to reach them for the sake of maintaining his secrecy which really sucks. By the time he celebrates his first birthday without them there, he had given up on arguing about the risk of just ringing them.

Then when he's 11, men posing as sea merchants arrive on their frozen shores during the night. Before he's even fully woken up, he's on a horse in his goddamn pyjamas and clutching a pitiful bag filled with whatever he and foster father had managed to stuff into it in 2 seconds. He doesn't get to bid Snowchester a proper goodbye. They're already on a rowboat they'd kind of stolen after racing through the trees when reality finally begins dawning on him. The man who'd looked after him explains they were headed to a new place that would hopefully prove to be safer than his old home.

He's used to the cold of a tundra by now. This place is more landlocked than Snowchester but not everything can be on the coast. He guesses the isolation and lack of enemy reinforcements arriving directly at a village is a good way to decrease the risk of attack. He hates it here. Snowchester might have been a fair distance from other places but at least there had been a bunch of people around. This was literally one guy looking after two kids, now three, in the middle of actual nowhere.

Phil does his best to be accommodating, he will give him that. And the other boys he's living with aren't too bad half the time. But it's too much. He decides he'd rather keep to himself. Ranboo, like Phil, is a bit more patient with him than Tommy is. Ranboo is willing to play a chess game he has no chance of winning or solve the same jigsaw for the 5th time that week. Tommy, on the other hand, will talk at him or encourage him to go outside.

"If nothing dangerous happens, you have to... make me a hot chocolate. Yeah, that seems like a decent payment."

"Payment for what?"

"For getting you to stop sulking and enjoy the snow obviously."

He humours him but he makes sure his reluctance is unmistakeably evident. It turns out Tommy has excellent aim when it comes to throwing snowballs. When Tubbo complains about this, Tommy simply shrugs and reveals his brother is the commander of the army so what did he expect? It doesn't matter whether you're hunting for food or stopping the enemy from getting you first, precision and accuracy are important for survival. That's part of the wisdom Wilbur had bestowed upon him before going off to lead their side to victory anyway. Tommy then ends his speech by standing next to Tubbo in order to cram a previously concealed handful of snow down his back in a surprise attack. Tubbo swears he is going to work out how to dislodge half the roof's worth of snow on Tommy's head tomorrow for that. When they finally head back inside, Tommy lets him know he'd like his drink to include whipped cream and those tiny marshmallows if they still have some lying around.

In time, he learns Tommy had been sent far from home the same as he had. Logsted had been 'a tiny shithole with nothing on offer to do' that eventually fell prey to the same exploitable feature that Snowchester had. Phil had been an old contact of General Soot's so when the initial relocation efforts fell through, Tommy was sent to Phil. No big deal. Well... listen, Tommy can act like a prat at the best of times but he supposes it is nice knowing he's not the only one paranoid this will abruptly end terribly one night.

The days, weeks, months roll by swiftly. The three of them have snowball fights at least onc

Technically, it's Tommy's fault they nearly die. He'd been so insistent on fighting the dragon like his father once had that Tubbo had lost the will to try dissuade him. To be fair, he was all for it. It was only that Tommy was eager to jump right into the challenge while Tubbo… would prefer to actually survive.

They agree it will be an 'in and out' affair. They'll sneak down to the nearby portal at night, kill the dragon and hop back to the Overworld before their absences are noticed. If their families are unaware, they will never get in trouble for this. It can be an epic tale to impress future acquaintances but one to keep to themselves within earshot of those who'd scold them for it.

So that's what they do. With diamond armour and arrows they 'borrowed', the pair of 15 year olds face the dragon. They've already assigned themselves roles with Tubbo being in charge of destroying the crystals and Tommy tackling the dragon as a distraction. The plan is to take on the beast together once Tubbo's initial objective is complete.

It goes to shit when Tubbo barely makes a water clutch after being pushed off a tower by the force of an exploding ender crystal. Tommy had tried to get closer to him to provide support but ended up getting caught in the dragon's toxic breath. And then one of them must have accidentally triggered hostile attention from the surrounding endermen. A perfect example of sod's law, everything that could go wrong seemingly does. They tire themselves out too much by trying to return to more neutral odds. It doesn't happen. The cherry on top was the dragon knocking Tubbo into a pillar with her wing.

He's definitely had enough of this bullshit by the time he lets the developing concussion steal his consciousness. Let them just respawn in the bed they'd set up right outside the stronghold's portal room so they can be done with this. He really doesn't want to lose a life, especially not to a stupid stunt like this. But by this point? Fuck it.

When he wakes, it is not on the ground. It seems to be in a building on some sort. Has someone taken him home to work through his injuries? Tommy couldn't have since the next time Tubbo sees him, he has a haphazardly constructed splint on his leg. They bicker about their disastrous exploits until Tommy grouchily alerts them to the presence of their host, a young looking enderman.

It passes them a written message and Tommy, being the son of someone who is pretty much a jack of all trades when it comes to learning about other cultures, has a go at reading it. It's nothing too elaborate, just a summary of what happened while Tubbo was unconscious. The End native had spotted their plight as Tommy continued to get bombarded by aggressive endermen and toxic fumes courtesy of the dragon. All it had done was bring them home and attempt to give them medical assistance. Now here they were. At the bottom is a word Tommy's never seen before.

"Dunno what the fuck a Ranboo is."

"Maybe it's his name, idiot. Look at where it is, it's a signature."

"Oh, yeah maybe. What kind of stupid name is Ranboo though?"

They can't go back without the dragon dying and neither of them are in a position to make a second attempt, especially at the start when they are still both recovering. With no way home, they resign themselves to their new reality of living permanently in the End. The least they can do, in Tubbo's opinion, is try their best to communicate with their host by learning enderspeak. That goes... very slowly. Even with Ranboo helping out and Tommy's head start, it's not the easiest thing for them to learn. The humans share some of their language with the enderman in return.

Either way, they start living in their new home as Ranboo's guests. Their diet becomes saturated with chorus fruit and the first time either of them accidentally teleports during a meal, it's a shock. Their new friend waits until Tommy's broken leg heals before occasionally showing them around the islands that make up this dimension. They visit an end city that happens to have a ship nearby at some point and Tubbo resists the urge to lightly smack Tommy at the back of the head for acting like he's not impressed. They may possibly never be able to go home but come on. there is a literal massive ship floating in the sky.

Phil comes for them as soon as it feels like they might finally be getting used to their new way of life. They get the scolding of a lifetime mixed in with Phil making his relief and worry painfully obvious. They introduce Phil to Ranboo and of course the guy is conversational in enderspeak. At one point, Tubbo catches Tommy making a jabbing motion towards his father with his thumb incredibly subtly before rolling his eyes. As deeply in trouble as they are, as much as they were settling into what they believed to be a more permanent life change, the promise of home fills Tubbo with anticipation. He can't wait for the four of them to return to the Overworld.

Because you're coming too,

+1.

He's never been so eager to go to an airport in his life. His mum half listens while concentrating on the road as he rambles about all the plans the three of them had started making for the upcoming two weeks. There were so many games on their list for them to try. And yes, he knows they won't be able to get around to them all but they'll be damned if don't make an effort to dent it. Oh and then also all the stuff that got picked on the spinning wheel from Ranboo's stream a while ago.

Tubbo is beside himself as they wait in the arrival meeting area. There's no word of delays so come on, get here already. Then there he is, wearing his signature sunglasses and mask in the midst of the emerging crowd. Once the pair are close enough to do so, Tubbo throws his arms around his friend. And god, he knew Ranboo was much taller but he doesn't feel he'll hear the end of this, especially not once Tommy shows up.

They've already established this in preparatory voice calls but as they head towards the car, Tubbo explains that Tommy isn't due until tomorrow. So maybe they could watch one of those Starkid shows tonight since Ranboo's internal sense of time will be screwed by the long journey and Tubbo's hardly the best at maintaining a circadian rhythm as it is. His parents and sisters will go to bed and that's when the party can really start. Ranboo suggests The Trail to Oregon purely because the scene where Slippery When Wet threatens to murder god lives rent free in his head. But it would ultimately be up to Tubbo when the time came tonight.

Just outside the car with Ranboo's luggage in the boot, he asks his mum to take a picture of the two of them. He dms it to the missing member of their trio with a smirk.

Tubbo: Bet you're so jealous right now

Tommy: No because he's going to hang out with me more after I get there

Tubbo: As if

Tubbo: Can't wait for this week

Tommy: Same

Tubbo: Ranboo says hi btw

Tommy: Wow cringe

Tommy: Can't go on call rn but I say hi too

Tubbo: Whos cringe now?

Tommy: Shut up

He and Ranboo spend the entire journey home chatting about everything and nothing. Oh, these next two weeks were going to be amazing. Tubbo can't wait.

Tubbo wakes slowly. He doesn't tend to be startled by Ranboo's lack of eyelids as often nowadays. They may not share a bed that frequently, separate homes and all that, but he's seen his husband crash on his sofa after an exhausting day enough times to gradually get used to it. Michael had managed to snuggle up between them at some point in the night too. The little zombie piglin boy is fast asleep as well. Tubbo readjusts his arm so it encompasses their adoptive son, drawing him closer slightly.

Distantly, he recalls he's planned to meet up with Tommy later and it makes him think. A husband who cares about him enough to make Tubbo one of people whose side he'd stand by if necessary, a son whom they both love and would defend with their lives and a best friend who still stuck by him despite how much they've changed in the several months since they first met. He'd like to think that regardless of the timeline or universe, he'd always have them or close enough copies.

Content with his situation, he lets his eyes slip close once more and drifts back to sleep.

#dream smp #tubbo #tommyinnit #ranboo #my writing

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elfrootaddict · 4 years ago

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It has been a looooooong time since I posted anything regarding my Halla & Wolf series but I have recently managed to start the next volume: Keeping Company

Here are two small extracts from chapters 1 & 2 🤗

Chapter 1 of vol. 5 Keeping Company:

...

Lana then spots Commander Cullen shouting inaudible instructions towards his exhausted recruits, and then peers up at Solas, “You go on ahead. I just need to speak to our Commander before I head inside. See you at dinner?”

“Of course,” concurs Solas with a smile. “See you then.”

With a respectful nod towards Solas, Lana turns and walks towards the soldiers in training, “Cullen!”

Before leaving Haven for the Hinterlands, Lana often found herself wandering around the camp when she wasn’t either talking to Solas, playing Wicked Grace with Varric or sketching in her cabin. By the second day, she found the Inquisition’s military adviser training new soldiers or improving strategies with the experienced ones near Haven’s frozen lake, with the snowy mountains stretching up towards the scarred sky. In the quieter moments of her day, she would often enjoy watching the soldiers train under the guidance of Cullen’s experience and expertise. And since she has no training, or use, when it comes to utilitising a sword and shield, Lana found the number of different ways a sword can be used to strike down one's opponent to be equally grotesque and fascinating. It was a whole other world of defense she never knew and it piqued her curious mind.

Not wanting to get directly involved or noticed, Lana would quietly sit and observe to learn what she could from a distance. And on the few random occasions, Lana and Cullen would quickly share a couple of glances from afar and release mutual smiles of respect towards one another. This would be the only time they would interact, albeit from a distance, when they were outside the war room.

That is until by the fifth day, when a soldier in training managed to parry a sword out of another’s hand and accidentally fling it straight towards Lana, piercing the ground only an arm-stretch away from her feet. Irritated with his soldier’s negligence, Cullen orders the soldier to retrieve the sword and the young man immediately hurries over in panic, “Please forgive me, Herald! It will never happen again!”

Lana waves her hand in the air in an attempt to de-escalate the situation, “No, no, it’s fine. Please, don’t worry.”

The soldier simply offers a respectful bow and turns on his heel, passing Cullen as he heads towards Lana himself, “Maker’s breath,” remarks Cullen looking embarrassed. “I apologize on behalf of my soldier, Herald. Clumsy fool.”

With a sympathetic laugh, Lana looks up at Cullen, “It really is okay, Commander. It was just an accident.”

“Regardless,” reiterates Cullen with furrowed brows. “It should not have happened.”

Still looking up at the Commander, whose appearance Lana felt was easy on the eyes for a human, and his shining armour with a deep red fur wrapped around his shoulders, offers a simple smile. “That was still quite an impressive move.”

Cullen releases a soft laugh under his breath, “Disarming one’s opponent like that does not happen often.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” begins Cullen looking down at the ever curious elf peering up before him. “To get such a bind on your opponent’s sword like that means that your opponent isn’t very experienced or they are beyond exhaustion and are no longer concentrating. Usually your opponent will be able to parry such an attack if they know what they’re doing before the sword is twisted out of their hand.”

“Parry?”

“It means to counter a move,” explains Cullen casually, however based on Lana’s curious but perplexed expression, he releases a polite smile, “Perhaps it would be best if I showed you? If you’re interested, of course. I understand if you are needed elsewhere.”

Delighted by the invitation to know more about the world of swords and shields, Lana stands to her feet with a wide grin, “Of course! That is if you don’t mind? I can always come back another day.”

With a sincere smile, Cullen cocks his head towards his soldiers and reassures Lana that it would be of no inconvenience at all to show her some of the basic techniques of fencing and mastery of the sword. Since then, Lana and Cullen would often spend some time discussing other off-hand topics while watching the soldiers practice their techniques. Igniting another unexpected friendship.

~~~

Chapter 2 of vol. 5 Keeping Company:

...

“Now what?” murmurs Lana eventually to help snap her mind out of her obscene thoughts and back to the present. Back to reality.

Solas releases a wide smile at Lana’s eagerness as he cannot help but feel his own giddiness swirling inside him. The idea of bringing someone from this world into the Fade with him was quickly denied by the overly cautious, frightened and grossly misunderstood people of Thedas. Nobody cared to know more about the Fade than what the Chantry already preached. The Dalish were far too superstitious and did not want to disturb the resting place of their pantheon, lest they catch the wandering eye of Fen’Harel. Their minds were all made-up and nobody could tell them otherwise. Especially a wondering, lowly elf nobody had ever heard of before.

Reaching for his side of the fireplace, Solas grabs a small clay bowl with crushed, dried elfroot, “Now, before I light this I want to mention a few key aspects about the Fade that I believe you already know, but I feel should be said regardless,” Lana takes small shallow breaths as she listens intently to Solas’s every word. “Your beliefs and willpower is paramount in the Fade. Everything that exists there, exists by your expression of thought. If you are expecting a demon, the Spirit will adapt. Magic can be used if necessary but I strongly advise against it. Magic in the Fade is incredibly unpredictable and may end up causing more harm than good. As a somniari, I have far more control over my surroundings and abilities, so you will follow my lead and enter my dream.”

Lana slowly nods in acknowledgement, “Okay.”

“Now, I remember you mentioning that you have only entered the Fade once with your Keeper. So, I have taken the liberty of drying up some elfroot to help you relax. Making the passage easier for you,” Solas brings the bowl closer to his face and creates a small flame, lighting the dried healing plant before blowing all the flames out. A plume of smoke rises from the bowl as Solas places it on the grown between them. “Take my hands and close your eyes,” Lana looks down at the open palms laying before her and gently places her hands onto them. Solas then curls his fingers around, sealing her hands in a firm but gentle grip and murmurs. “Now, just focus on breathing in the air and connecting to the Fade. I will do the rest.”

With her eyes shut and seeing nothing but darkness, Lana focuses on her other senses: the elfroot fumes burning her nose as she takes in sharp, deep breaths, her aura humming alive as it connects to the Fade, the heat from the fire almost too hot against her face, her hands slightly damp in Solas’s grip, and the hairs standing up on the back of her neck as the magic begins to swirl around her. Suddenly her head begins to feel as light as a feather and slowly spins around, giving her the feeling she might lose her balance. But with Solas holding her securely in place, she knows she is safe from falling.

#WIP #work in progress Wednesday #elfrootaddict's el'lana aemma lavellan #solas #solas dragon age #cullen rutherford #Cullen #halla & wolf #elfrootaddict’s halla & wolf series #ElfrootAddict’s Keeping Company #Halla & Wolf vol. 5 Keeping Company #dragon age #solavellan #lavellan #dragon age inquisition #fanfic #ElfrootAddict’s fanfic

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grapefrutjuce · 5 years ago

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I had this whole big rant drafted but I don't feel like editing it. So this is a different one.

What it all boils down to for me is that I'm just never going to be satisfied with muslim characters portrayed through non-muslim helmed media. It always always feels off or icky or condescending or insulting or shallow.

And in the case of interfaith relationships, romantic or not, the muslim character always has only two practical options. Change dramatically, or stay in their lane. I wonder what the people who write these situations over and over again might be trying to tell me?

The thing about romance in particular in fiction...it's voyeuristic. It's supposed to pay off an emotional investment, but it's also supposed to be titillating more often than not. That's primarily why I get so frustrated. You put muslim characters, muslim actors in your western stories, and they stick out like sore thumbs. They can't sell sex and yet the story line is often about exactly that.

It's like they want the audience to feel the 'inadequacy' of this character's life. Like a big neon sign that says 'yeah they're happy with their religion isn't that sweet and admirable ♥ ♥ but LOOK AT ALL THE COOL SHIT THEY CAN'T DO!! WHAT A NOBLE TORTUROUS SACRIFICE 😫😫' A muslim's problems are always their muslimness.

They always play up the contrast - can't do this, won't do that, isolated, misunderstood. I'm sick of seeing it. Tell me something I don't know. Practicing muslims deal with that shit everyday. It's not news that we're portrayed as freaks or out of touch weirdos.

But it bums me out because you'll have long running TV series with a will-they won't-they couple that literally doesn't even kiss until the final season...and everyone is so excited and invested. They go crazy over a slow burn build up. They love Darcy flexing his hand after touching Elizabeth's. If the characters aren't 'forbidden' from touching then it's about longing and restrained passion.

Both characters are obviously going to get together, they have a chemistry, they're attracted to each other, they have a strong bond. But they're written to choose consummation after a long time. While I recognize and appreciate the damira plot wasn’t written like that (read: they chose to not write it like that), people don't complain about this the same way they complained about Amira. No, she's prudish and cold, she should get over herself. Is it because the audience assumes these characters aren't celibate? They're just fucking other people in the meantime, so it's okay?

Yeah I know SKAM is a teen show in short format. They don't have the luxury of time and the relationships won't be that 'adult.' BUT they aren't portrayed as frivolous within their own universe! They're portrayed as meaningful and important! So why can't they do that for a character that waits till marriage? Is sex literally the only thing keeping these couples together? This is just some total insurmountable obstacle...or they refuse to write a young character that will overcome it? Too unrealistic right

Dani was written from the get go to fail in this respect. Then WHY are you doing this to Amira?? You don't need to prove to us that she should love her girlfriends more, or that she's brave or strong minded, or that she's standing up for her beliefs. We already know she does!! We don't need Dani to break her heart to learn this! You wrote her to want him, then you punished her for it! You should have written a Dani that was worthy of her from the start, instead of fizzling into nothing. So what exactly are we learning from this social experiment that is so important for muslims to learn that they don't already know?

Anyway, most of this is me projecting so I’ll just delete later. sorry if I’m raining on anyone’s parade in the tag.

#skam españa #amira naybet #dani soto #damira

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 6 years ago

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Angel and Cordelia (Cangel) - an in-depth analysis of their relationship

Angel and Cordelia are a ship I never expected to ship before watching Angel, but since finishing the show around November, I’ve fallen in love with them (and the show generally) and wanted to compile a post where I could express all my thoughts and feelings about them. This meta will be very in-depth and is divided into 9 sections:

1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract - Will explore Angel and Cordelia’s personalities and the ways in which these two unlikely characters came together and brought out new and wonderful sides to each other.

2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose - Discusses the way in which Angel and Cordelia found purpose in their lives through meeting and the creation of Angel Investigations.

3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family - Insight into how Angel and Cordelia created a family and home with each other that provided them with a sense of belonging (perhaps for the first time in their lives).

4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love - Looks at Angel and Cordelia’s friendship and how that was at the core of their relationship throughout the series.

5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection - Uncovers the profound emotional connection Angel and Cordelia established with each other.

6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it - Reflects on the common ‘Everyone can see it’ trope and how that was important to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship.

7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love - An exploration of when and how Angel and Cordy’s romantic feelings for each other developed.

8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity - Analyses the writing in seasons 4 and 5, and the ways in which Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was hugely disadvantaged by the writing.

9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow - Unpicks some of the common misconceptions I’ve seen about Angel and Cordy’s relationship and the how comparisons made between their relationship and Buffy and Angel’s is unfair and does a disservice to both couples.

As you can see, section 9 does discuss Buffy and Angel, because I really couldn’t discuss Angel and Cordelia without also talking about Angel’s relationship with Buffy since she was so significant to Angel. It won’t be anti-Buffy/Angel (because I’m a huge Bangel shipper, as anyone that follows me will know), but I just wanted to give a warning for those that are a big fan of the ship as you might not want to read. However, the primary focus throughout will be on Angel and Cordelia’s relationship on ATS (I don’t really give much focus to BTVS since their interactions were so brief and lacking).

Before we get into it, I wanted to say this post is long, (coming in at around 9k words, whew! I had more to say than I realised), so if you’re interested in reading you might want to grab a drink or a snack and make yourself comfortable.

1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract

What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that it’s between two unlikely characters who, on the surface are polar opposites, but that compliment each other beautifully. Cordelia was specifically chosen to be a regular on ATS because she was the opposite to Angel - Whedon stated that Cordelia’s bright smile was needed to counteract Angel’s broody persona (x). The fundamental differences in Angel and Cordelia’s personalities meant that together they brought out different sides to each other. Angel was known for being reserved, contemplative, melancholy, deep and pessimistic, whilst in contrast Cordelia was known for being outgoing, bubbly, outspoken, shallow and optimistic.

Both characters came to ATS season 1 displaying these characteristics which they were well-known for on BTVS, but through meeting each other, they changed. Angel smiled more with Cordelia than arguably any other character in the Buffyverse (x) (x) (x) (x). Her infectious personality, witty sense of humour and straight-talking attitude coaxed him out of his shell. Also, because he was more submissive by nature, Angel responded to Cordelia’s assertiveness - she wasn’t afraid to take charge, call him out on things, make demands of him and ensure he stayed on the right path. She was the one that took charge of the business, launching Angel Investigations from practically nothing; she persuaded Angel that he should pay Gunn for working with them; she didn’t easily relent after he fired her, Wesley and Gunn; she told him he needed to set boundaries with Fred when she had a crush on Angel to prevent Fred from getting hurt; she held him accountable for getting Darla pregnant in season 3; she consistently encouraged him to fight for Connor no matter how hopeless or difficult it became and even in her brief return in season 5 she continued with this pattern. She straight up told Angel that he’d lost his way, lost sight of their mantra to help the helpless and had become entangled in the messiness of W&H. In doing so, she set Angel back on the right path. It’s strange because generally people view Angel as having more positive traits than Cordelia, but despite his good intentions, he was more prone to giving up and wallowing than Cordelia. Angel was more malleable, more willing to accept the bad in the world whilst Cordelia, on the other hand, persevered no matter what obstacles came her way and was firm in her morals. She knew what she believed to be good and she didn’t stray from that no matter what. That clear-cut attitude really helped Angel, who being a vampire and having seen so much evil, often become lost in the blurriness between good and evil, and became disheartened about fighting the good fight on numerous ocassions. Cordelia was truly Angel’s centre of gravity and moral compass - she was the one he relied on most in his redemptive journey and helping the helpless. That’s why throughout the series there was such a heavy emphasis on Angel needing Cordy (x) and why he proclaimed to be lost without her. Angel needing Cordelia was also demonstrative of a deeper emotional connection between them, which I’ll discuss later on.

Whilst Angel and Cordelia’s differences helped/changed Angel, they did the same for Cordy. Cordelia as a person was very focused on superficial gratification. She sought popularity and status, and she enjoyed money and material objects because of the pleasure they brought her. Her desire to become an actress reflects those desires she had. Although Cordelia demonstrated on BTVS that she was much more than the stereotypical popular-shallow girl she was portrayed to be (x), she wasn’t inclined to be considerate of others and empathy didn’t come naturally to her. In comparison, Angel spent a majority of his time thinking of others and had a wealth of empathy, for everybody regardless of whether they were those he loved or strangers; good or bad. There’s no doubt that the visions were a large part of what enabled Cordelia to be more empathetic since she was quite literally experiencing the traumas of others, but being close to Angel also impacted this. Until Cordelia became friends with Angel (and Doyle, Wes and Gunn), she’d never really been prioritised or cared for unconditionally. Angel’s kindness, consideration and support enabled Cordelia to open up emotionally in a way she never had before, not just to those closest to her, but to everybody. Ironically, a vampire (albeit a vampire with a soul) was the deepest insight Cordelia had gained into humanity. Angel devoted himself to helping others and Cordelia witnessed first-hand the positive impact that had on others and the rewards it brought. Whilst she fought against evil alongside the Scoobies on BTVS, it was being part of Angel Investigations that truly showed her the true meaning of fighting. It gave her purpose and belonging, which in turn allowed her to blossom in an entirely new way.

2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose

Despite being different in many ways, Angel and Cordelia had one main thing in common - they were both seeking purpose, meaning and belonging in their lives at the start of ATS - and they found that with each other.

On BTVS Angel went through a traumatic ordeal with losing his soul, being killed by the woman he loved, being trapped in a hell dimension, coming back to life and then having to break up with Buffy. After Angel was cursed and his soul was restored, he retreated into the shadows and lived like a hermit for a century. He no longer belonged in the vampire or the human world, and he was so consumed with the guilt about his actions as Angelus that he was paralysed. He lived a lonely and purposeless existence - until the moment he saw Buffy. Buffy symbolised hope for Angel, because she was destined to fight evil and helping her provided him with a purpose for the first time in decades and I strongly believe that this (amongst other reasons) is why he fell in love with her. So when he split up with her and left for L.A. he lost his purpose along with Buffy. It’s clear that Angel’s time with Buffy and the Scoobies had been so significant to him that he couldn’t return to the life he had before he met Buffy, he needed to continue helping people, but he didn’t know how. Meeting Doyle immediately provided him with a sense of purpose by providing him with a connection to the HP, but as I already mentioned above, Cordelia really cemented that. Although Doyle knew he and Angel had a mission that they needed to work on together, he didn’t know how to make that a reality. Cordelia’s practicality, pragmatism and organisation is what took an idea - helping the helpless - and made it a reality - Angel Investigations. Like I said, Angel knew he wanted to help others but he didn’t really have a plan. When Angel Investigations was born, it became so much more than simply helping the odd person in distress after having stumbled upon them by chance. It became an indefinite commitment and mission which provided Angel with a true purpose - a purpose he realised was the singular most important thing to him in ‘Epiphany’ (2x16).

Cordelia was also in a similar place to Angel when she arrived in L.A. at the start of ATS. During her time on BTVS Cordelia’s character was built upon her status in high-school - she was pretty, rich and popular. Although she wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in (such as defending Xander against her HS friends), she generally sought the approval of others. In HS Cordelia felt that she was somebody and that really came from her popularity and status. However, she admitted that that popularity came with a downside and that she was in fact, very lonely as a result of it (x). Cordelia’s experience in her relationship with Xander only fuelled that loneliness she felt because she isolated herself from her friends to be with him, and when he cheated on her, her ‘friendships’ with the rest of the Scoobies were revealed to be superficial in nature and quickly broke down. By the time she came to ATS, she had left high school and therefore was without her boyfriend (Xander), friends and the status that HS afforded her. This explains why she was on a mission to become a famous actress - to reclaim that status that she’d lost but on an even grander scale. The problem with this is that regardless of how shallow Cordy may have appeared, she clearly craved more than just popularity, fame or money. She’d already had that but it hadn’t fulfilled her. Enter Angel. Cordelia saw that Angel (and Doyle) needed guidance and that she could bring something important to the table. When she joined Angel and Doyle and set up Angel Investigations, she found her purpose just like Angel did. Initially, Cordelia’s desire to stick with Angel may have been because she didn’t have any other particularly appealing options, but it became so much more than that and by the end of season 1 Cordelia was wholly devoted to helping the helpless (x). In ‘Disharmony’ (2x17) she told Harmony that despite the popularity she had at HS, she was happier than she’d ever been because of the work she was doing, and having that sense of purpose came from meeting Angel. ‘Birthday’ (3x11) further reaffirmed this, when Cordelia chose being with Angel and helping the helpless over her dream of being a famous actress.

The creation of Angel Investigations (not just the business but also the family) wouldn’t have happened if Angel and Cordelia hadn’t of come together in the way they did. From the beginning, they were the heart of everything it was and when Angel lost Cordy in season 5, he admitted that he lost his way and was lost without her (again, this beckons back to Cordy being Angel’s centre of gravity). Poetically, Cordelia kissing Angel in ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11) and passing on the vision to him quite literally set Angel (and co.) on the path to their final battle and brought purpose back into his life. But in addition to bringing purpose to each other’s lives through their shared mission of helping the helpless, they brought something else, perhaps more significant - belonging and family.

3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family

Although Angel and Cordelia had bonds with others prior to ATS - Angel had relationships with Darla, Dru, Spike, Buffy; Cordelia with Harmony, Xander and the Scoobies - they never had with anyone else what they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) (x). In season 1 Cordelia referred to Angel as being her family and Angel reiterated that later in the series. The unconditional support, acceptance and care Angel and Cordelia had towards one other was unlike anything they’d had in any of their previous relationships (particularly for Cordelia).

Angel prioritised Cordelia, he devoted himself to keeping her safe (x) (x), he was always concerned for her well-being and he took the time to get to know her as a person. He didn’t like Cordy because of her status or popularity, he liked her for her and he expressed that numerous times - he told her he liked both versions of her (old and new), that she was an extraordinary woman and that he’d never known anybody like her (x) (x). Likewise, Cordelia accepted Angel - warts and all - without white washing his past or being ignorant to his darkness. She knew Angelus had done terrible things, and that Angel wasn’t immune from making mistakes and she held him accountable for that. But she also encouraged Angel to be open with her about that side of himself, telling him to drink blood in front of her and reassuring him that she and Doyle wouldn’t judge his vamp face (x). Cordelia came face to face with Angelus multiple times and she knew that even with a soul Angel had the capacity for darkness, but she still saw the good in him and believed it out-weighed the bad. She was never under any false illusions that Angel was perfect and that’s why she was firm in her promise that if needs be she would stake Angelus without hesitation.

It’s really that unconditional support and acceptance that led them to consider each other family. What’s most significant about this is that neither of them really had that before ATS. Angel (Liam) grew up in a volatile family situation with an abusive father and Cordelia’s family was so insignificant in her life that we only had a few references to them throughout the course of BTVS and ATS and not a single appearance from them. Neither of them really had a true home or family until they found each other. The friendship they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) truly was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to either of them and provided them with a true home for the first time in their lives. In fact, in season 4 Angel explicitly said when Cordelia was missing “We’ll do whatever it takes to bring her home, where she belongs”, which perfectly sums up the title for this section about belonging and family. The bond they forged was one of the first they established with another that felt completely secure and contented (which is also why Cordelia reacted so negatively to him abandoning her, Wes and Gunn in season 2 over Darla), because at it’s core it was a friendship built upon familial love, which in my opinion, is the strongest and most enduring love there is.

4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love

The most common argument I’ve seen against Angel and Cordelia as a romantic ship is, “They should’ve just stayed friends, they were better that way”. My issue with this is that Angel and Cordelia didn’t just fulfil one or the other - friendship or romance - they fulfilled both and so much more (x). What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that they morphed from acquaintances, to coworkers, to confidantes, to friends, to family, to lovers and were often some (or all) of these things to each other at once. Their feelings for each other cannot be boxed in, because they encompass so much, but there is no disputing that they loved each other.

Angel and Cordy had a profound connection spanning across the entirety of ATS, that no amount of words I type can quite express. They were a constant presence in each others’ lives for years, they were by each others’ sides through some of the most significant events of their lives and they shared it all - the highs and lows, the good and bad. Even when their romantic feelings came into fruition, their friendship remained unchanged. Nothing could change that fundamental dynamic between them or the ease with which they communicated and bounced off of one another. Any scene between Angel and Cordy has a natural chemistry (the nature of that chemistry is up to interpretation), and even when Angel was a awkward, bumbling and flustered fool, their interactions never felt strained or uncomfortable. This is because they knew each other so well and were so attuned to each other, but also because their relationship was already so well established by the time they realised they had romantic feelings for each other that there was no danger of those feelings complicating or endangering that friendship. It’s why in ‘Spin the Bottle’ (4x06) Angel told Cordelia that she was his dearest friend and he wanted that back. He was able to push aside his romantic feelings and desires because her friendship was more important to him than anything else.

Some may claim it’s weird for two people who referred to each other as family to be in love with each other, but when you’re in love with someone they are your family. The fact that Angel and Cordelia had that kind of connection provided them with the closeness, comfortableness, familiarity and security for those romantic feelings to blossom. Angel, in particular, had an aversion to romance because of The Curse and his experience with Buffy, but he felt so safe with Cordelia that it’s almost like he allowed himself to feel that way about him. Likewise, Cordelia was rather guarded in matters of the heart given her romantic history with Xander, but she felt so safe with Angel that she was able to finally open herself up in that way without even really realising she was. That profound connection between them can’t really be quantified, but can be seen in their actions.

5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection

When I say that it would do them a disservice to try and box Angel and Cordelia’s relationship into the platonic or romantic arena, that’s because of the emotional connection they shared which extends beyond such labels.

According to Wiki, ‘Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that happens when trust levels and communication between two people are such that it fosters the mutual sharing of one another's deepest selves.’ It involves trust, mutual trust, sense of community, understanding, open communication and sharing a duty. As you read this I’m sure you’re realising that Angel and Cordelia had all of this. They lived in close proximity day after day for years - they worked together, they fought together, they laughed together, they loved the same people (Doyle, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Connor), they grieved together (for Doyle and Connor), they shared the same beliefs and morals and they were united in the same mission to help the helpless. All of this led to them developing a profound emotional connection whereby they came to rely on each other and trust each other, and were able to open up to each other without fear of judgement or rejection (x). Throughout the series Angel and Cordy had multiple heart to hearts in which they confided in each other, encouraged or reassured each other and those talks became more regular as their connection grew. Something as simple as Angel calling Cordelia ‘Cordy’ (which he didn’t do until ATS ‘Are You Now or Have You Ever Been?’ 2x02) demonstrated that developing connection between them.

Again, it would be futile for me to list every example of when Angel and Cordelia had a scene that showed this emotional connection (particularly since you’ll have seen them all if you’ve watched the show), but off the top of my head some key examples would be - Cordelia helped Angel open up about Doyle’s death after Angel accidentally called Wesley Doyle; Cordelia helped Angel to open up about Buffy’s death after he’d spent 3 months trying to come to terms with it; when Cordelia fell ill from a vision Angel reassured her that her value to him wasn’t invested solely in her visions; generally Angel supported Cordelia repeatedly through the trauma of her visions; after Connor was born Angel developed an overly-protective paternal instinct and wouldn’t let anybody hold him, and Cordelia was the first he allowed to hold him; after Connor’s kidnapping Cordelia was able to simply sit with him in the silence and provide the emotional support no one else could and when Angel was insecure about bonding with Connor (after his return) she reassured him he was a capable and loving father.

Nothing showed the depth of that emotional connection more than the beginning of season 4 when Angel was at the bottom of the ocean. In order to hold on to his sanity, Angel repeatedly dreamt of Cordelia in various romantic scenarios and admitted to Wes and Gunn when he returned that the one thing that had kept him holding on was the thought of returning home to Cordelia. Cordy and his love for her was the tether to his humanity, his hope when everything was hopeless, his light in the dark.

I could continue exploring this because their emotional connection is demonstrated in nearly every scene they have together, but the point has been made that Angel and Cordelia consistently opened up to one another and were by each other’s sides through the hardest of times. Although they both had the rest of Angel Investigations (Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne), they primarily turned to each other in their time or need or when they were feeling low. They instinctively knew what to do/say to ease each other’s insecurities, fears or anxieties and were each other’s source of emotional strength. What’s even more significant about this is that their connection was so profound, that even those around them noticed it.

6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it

‘Everyone can see it’ is a popular romantic trope whereby a couple are perfect for each other but don’t realise their feelings for one another, but everyone else around them does. This was an integral part of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship since they found it very difficult, as friends, to make sense of their romantic feelings for each other and to acknowledge those feelings.

The first person to notice the chemistry between Angel and Cordelia was Fred in ‘Offspring’ (3x07). After seeing them sparring Fred spoke about kyrumption (two heroes meeting in battle and recognising their same fate) and moira (the gut physical attraction between two larger-than-life souls). Angel’s feelings for Cordelia had already been present long before then, but Fred’s observations provided him with an opportunity to acknowledge them for the first time and reflect on them.

Lorne being an empath naturally had an insight into Angel’s feelings and in ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) he revealed that he’d read Angel and knew he had feelings for Cordelia. Like Fred, he also spoke of kyrumption and told Angel that the way he was feeling for Cordelia was real. Lorne consistently was attuned to Angel’s feelings for Cordelia and understood that they’d grown beyond friendship. He also actively encouraged Angel to act on them because he believed Cordelia felt the same way about him and he shouldn’t miss the chance to see what they could be.

I watched ‘Waiting in the Wings’ with commentary from Whedon last week and in that he explained that the spell was a way for Angel and Cordelia to act on the feelings they had for each other (that they were only just starting to realise) in a way whereby they didn’t actually have to admit that they had those feelings and wanted to act on them (because they were afraid of the consequences). Fred and Lorne’s observations are very much the same - they’re a conduit through which Angel was able to internally explore his growing romantic feelings for Cordy and slowly come to the realisation that he was in love with her.

7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love

Although I’ve been primarily focused on the general connection between Angel and Cordelia and what they brought to each other’s lives, there was definitely romantic love and attraction between the two of them and it’s important to discuss that.

I think when people compare Angel and Cordy’s relationship to Angel’s relationship with Buffy people feel Angel’s love for Cordelia wasn’t romantic or passionate, but it was, it’s just that the love he had for Cordy and their relationship was so fundamentally different from his relationship with Buffy that the two can’t really be compared. Buffy was Angel’s epic, great love - it consumed him from the inside out, it was intense, passionate and devastating - but Cordy was something entirely different. She wasn’t supposed to be some big epic love, she was supposed to be a friend with whom he developed a strong bond with and slowly came to fall in love with over time. Their love wasn’t characterised by angst-ridden scenes, grand speeches of forbidden love and sexual tension - it was grounded in family, friendship and emotional connection (as I’ve explored above). Their feelings for each other weren’t sudden and didn’t start out big (they truly were just acquaintances at the start of ATS season 1), but as they spent time together, shared experiences and got to know each other, their romantic feelings quietly grew in the background until neither of them could ignore it anymore.

It’s frustrating that we never got a clear admission of love between the two (all of their love confessions were to other people or cut off before they finished), but there is no doubt in my mind that Angel and Cordelia were in love. Their actions proved that and from a personal perspective, I could feel the love between them. Everyone will have different interpretations of when they believe the pair fell in love, but interestingly, I don’t think there’s supposed to be ‘one moment’ that they fell in love, because the whole point of their relationship is that it was never that clear cut. They didn’t go to bed one night as best friends and wake up the next day a think, “I’m in love with Angel/Cordelia!”. It was a subtle evolution of feelings over time, which neither of them truly noticed until it was brought to their attention by others, because they were so used to being friends and navigating within the realms of that, that they didn’t consider the possibility that their feelings could have gone beyond that.

Since ATS was primarily focused on Angel’s POV, it’s very easy to follow Angel’s evolving feelings for Cordelia and attempt to pin-point the moment at which his romantic feelings came to fruition. Like I said, I don’t think there was one particular moment where Angel realised his feelings for Cordelia, but in my opinion, they had definitley developed by ‘Dead End’ (2x18). At the beginning of season 2, Angel had a crisis due to Darla’s return and he fired Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. It was really the darkest we saw Angel get in ATS whilst he had his soul, he truly lost his way for a while and Cordelia was so hurt and angry by his actions that she couldn’t forgive him. When Angel finally realised he’d made a mistake cutting his friends out of his life, he did everything he could to make amends, but he seemed most affected by the loss of Cordelia’s friendship and he was determined to earn her forgiveness. What’s interesting about this is that at this point one could argue that Angel’s friendship with Cordelia wasn’t that profound and it didn’t particularly matter if they made up, because they still could’ve worked together as co-workers (although it might’ve been a little awkward and uncomfortable). But Angel was adamant that he wanted her friendship back and almost the entirety of ‘Epiphany’ (2x16) was focused on Angel’s desire to make amends with Cordy and his devastation when she refused to accept him back. This continued in ‘Disharmony’ (2x17), with him desperately fighting to earn her forgiveness and ending with him winning Cordelia over by buying her clothes, which he was visibly happy about (x). Angel’s reaction at the prospect of losing Cordelia beckons back to ‘To Shanshu to L.A.’ (1x22) when we witnessed for the first time how scared he was to lose her and also suggests that at this point in season 2 his romantic feelings were developing for her. In the following episode ‘Dead End’ (2x18), he was so focused on making Cordelia feel better (and this was likely a continuation of him making it up to her) that he brought her food and his reaction to her saying she loved him was perhaps the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on Angel’s face (x). In ‘Belonging’ (2x19), Angel’s attraction to Cordelia was made clear when he saw her in a bikini and he also expressed anger at the director of the commercial she was filming for treating her like a ‘commodity’ and a ‘slave’, forcing him to apologise to Cordelia for the way he spoke to her and telling Cordelia he would rip his head off if she wanted him to. When Cordelia was sucked into the portal to Pylea in ‘Over the Rainbow’ (2x20), Angel’s profound emotional connection to Cordelia was clear (x) - he just wanted her back, he didn’t care how or what they had to do and he expressed that he couldn’t lose Cordy again after just getting her back (also that one line, ‘It’s Cordy’, that Angel says to Wesley when he tells Angel it’s too dangerous to go through the portal and they may never get back holds so much emotion). When Cordelia admitted to loving Groo in Pylea, Angel mistakenly thought she was saying it to him and was disappointed to learn otherwise. So basically, by the end of season 2 Angel undoubtedly had romantic feelings for Cordelia, but wasn’t yet aware of them. Season 3 continued to build on that by allowing Angel to heal following Buffy’s death and reach a resolution in ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) whereby he could start to process his feelings for Cordy, putting him a situation where he was faced with the prospect of losing her again, therefore cementing the depth of his feelings for her (‘That Vision Thing’ 3x02) and having Fred share her observations about his feelings for her, finally allowing him to fully acknowledge them for the first time.

From Cordelia’s POV it’s much harder to guess when her romantic feelings for Angel developed, because we didn’t get as much insight into her. I do think her feelings for him didn’t come as soon as Angel’s did for her and neither did the realisation that she felt that way. ‘That Vision Thing’ (3x02) hints that Cordelia’s feelings for Angel may have begun to grow beyond friendship when she said, “If I lose the visions I wouldn't be able to help you anymore. You wouldn't need me.” Notice, Cordelia was concerned with Angel needing her, not the rest of the team. Also, since Angel was so devoted to saving Cordelia and explicitly told her she was more important to him than his vendetta against W&H, we can assume this impacted Cordelia’s feelings towards him since this was perhaps the first time she noticed how committed he was to keeping her safe and how much he wanted her in his life. I also think that witnessing Angel go through the process of becoming a father significantly impacted Cordy’s feelings for Angel. Seeing him take on the role of a father showed an even softer, nurturing side of him and the bond Cordy developed with Connor also brought them closer together. However, ‘Birthday’ (3x11) is the first episode that properly affirms the depth of Cordelia’s feelings for Angel. She was given everything she ever wanted - fame, money, stardom - and she gave it all up to return to Angel. Despite having no memory, upon seeing Angel so broken, Cordelia instinctively leaned in and kissed him fulfilling the old fairy-tale trope of true love’s kiss breaking the spell. I think from Cordelia’s POV, she was much more closed off to allowing herself to acknowledge her romantic feelings for Angel because she didn’t even consider Angel a romantic option given The Curse. This also explains why upon Groo’s return in season 3, she resumed her relationship with him despite having clearly developed profound romantic feelings for Angel that led her to prioritise him above Groo repeatedly to the point that Groo himself noticed that she had feelings for Angel.

This brings me back to the main point about Angel and Cordelia’s romantic feelings for each other never being straightforward or easily defined. In ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) it was clear - spell or no spell - that Angel and Cordelia shared a mutual sexual attraction and that Angel’s canonically confirmed romantic feelings for Cordelia were reciprocated. Yet Cordelia didn’t confirm her feelings for him explicitly to the audience until 9 episodes later in the finale of the season. This is for a number of reasons, but primarily because it was easier to continue denying their feelings and remain friends than face the complications that a romance posed. Even if they had been given the chance to openly express their feelings for each other, what would’ve happened next? As Angel said to Lorne in ‘Waiting in the Wings’, what could he offer her (as a cursed vampire)? It would’ve been too complicated and they knew that.

That criss-cross and complexity of their love is part of the reason I love them so much, because it’s authentic and relatable. Particularly in the case of friends who have fallen in love - it’s no easy transition and it’s definitely not easy to make sense of your feelings Plus, Angel and Cordy had the added complications that went with their life (Angel being a vampire, The Curse, Darla, their friends, Angel Investigations, W&H and the supernatural world generally, to name a few). In an interview a long time ago SMG said that the most heartbreaking thing about Buffy and Angel was that it was unfulfilled love, and in this respect so are Angel and Cordelia. It’s heartbreaking because they truly loved one another but they were never even given the opportunity to see what they could potentially be. They missed their chance and because of that they were always left wondering ‘what if?’

8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity

The fact that Angel and Cordy never got their shot to be together (which they discussed in ‘You’re Welcome’ 5x11) is the tragedy of their love. However, it wouldn’t be the same love story if it didn’t have that unresolved element to it. Everybody longs for closure and resolution with their ships, but the truth is, in real life few people truly get that, they simply have to move on and live with their regrets. But whilst I love Angel and Cordelia’s relationship and story as it is, there’s no escaping the fact that they were done dirty in seasons 4 and 5 in regards to the writing and as a result their story did go in a...shall we say unfavourable direction?

Everyone that’s ever watched ATS has problems with season 4 (I could write a separate post about the problems with season 4, particularly in regards to Cordelia’s character), and when it comes to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship, there’s a lot that was handled badly which unfortunately, derailed the beautiful development that took place between them in season 3. We still had a lot of key moments that played out between Angel and Cordelia in season 4, but the main problem with the season is that we don’t actually know when Cordelia was actually Cordelia. At what point was she herself, if she ever was? Did she really have amnesia? If so, can we count amnesia!Cordy as still being Cordy to an extent? When did Jasmine start to take over? Did she have any agency at all when she was possessed by Jasmine, even if it was only the briefest of moments? All of these questions remain unanswered and make it very difficult to fully assess the Angel/Cordelia relationship during season 4, but I’m going to try to anyway.

What remained clear throughout season 4 was that Angel loved Cordy. In fact, despite Cordelia technically being absent for the majority of the season, it was very Cangel-heavy, perhaps more than the seasons before it. Angel had multiple dreams/fantasies about Cordelia, devoted himself to finding her when she was missing at the start of the season, was visibly distraught to have her lose her memories and strike up a relationship with Connor, and lost his soul from a fantasy of making love to her. In my opinion, this is the season that really affirmed that Angel was in love with Cordy beyond any doubt. When Angel asked Cordelia if they were in love and she replied, “We were”, I strongly believe that was Cordelia. She’d just gotten her memories back so Jasmine hadn’t had chance to worm her way to the forefront yet, and I believe in that moment that was Cordelia finally breaking through and telling Angel that she loved him. Although the circumstances are ambiguous to say the least, I believe this to be the first admission of love exchanged between the two whereby the words were said plainly (because obviously they said ‘I love you’ to each other repeatedly before this moment in other ways). However, this doesn’t undo the dirty that was done to Angel and Cordelia in this season. Despite the fact that we know Cordelia wasn’t responsible for any of her actions since she was possessed by Jasmine, it’s still very hard when watching her with Connor to separate Jasmine from Cordelia. And from Angel’s perspective, he literally watched the woman he loved have sex with his son. Finding out afterwards that it wasn’t actually Cordelia doesn’t reduce the devastating impact of witnessing that and the way the Cordelia!Jasmine arc was written did taint some aspects of their relationship by forcing Angel to have to witness ‘Cordelia’ enter into a romantic relationship with Connor and have a child with him. Also, it was utterly ridiculous and unbelievable that Angel and co. wouldn’t recognise that Cordy wasn’t herself. This is definitely a writing issue, because the whole possession thing was handled so badly in the respect that Cordelia seemed like herself (even her sleeping with Connor was believable due to her amnesiac state), but it was still not in-keeping with the show that none of her friends (and especially Angel) would notice that Cordelia was possessed. Overall, season 4 did a huge disservice to Angel and Cordelia’s romance (although the biggest disservice was definitely done to Cordelia’s character) and whilst their relationship was beautifully developed in seasons 1-3, season 4 stopped that development in its tracks.

Season 5 continued to do a disservice to Cordelia (and Angel and Cordelia) by practically erasing Cordy from existence (I know that backstage issues with the cast need to be taken into consideration here, but the lack of consideration to Cordelia’s character is still a valid point to discuss). Despite how utterly terrified Angel was whenever faced with the prospect of losing Cordelia, in season 5 he was visibly fine about Cordelia being in a coma and wasn’t even attempting to pull her out of it. The fact that Angel (and co.) would simply stand by and go on with the rest of their lives without devoting every single second to waking Cordy is ridiculous and completely OOC for all of them. Angel, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Lorne and Cordy were deeply connected and would have done anything for each other, and there’s no way they would’ve given up on Cordy like that. But back to the point, despite Angel being in love with Cordelia throughout season 4, there was no reference to his feelings for her until ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11). Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that episode and I always will, but I also can’t help but notice how out of place that episode feels within the rest of the season. In the episodes leading up to it Cordelia was barely mentioned and in the episodes afterwards, her death was completely ignored with only a few passing references from Angel near the end of the season (don’t even get me started on the fact that she didn’t even get a funeral. What the hell was that all about?!?!? This is Cordy.) Furthermore, Angel reverted back to being actively in love with Buffy (particularly in ‘The Girl in Question’ 5x20, which is honestly such a bad episode, I can’t even) with no consideration given to the fact that he had feelings for Cordelia. Personally, I believe all of these consistencies come from fan pandering - the reaction to Angel and Cordelia becoming a couple was very negative so they reverted back to the Angel/Buffy relationship because it was so popular and well-loved. But back to, ‘You’re Welcome’, the episode definitely redeemed some of what was done to Cordelia (and her relationship with Angel) by giving her/them a satisfying ending after an horrendous season 4, but nothing can truly make up for the fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was so abruptly ended in the manner it was. It also can’t make up for the fact that we missed out on two entire seasons worth of development that we would’ve potentially got if the Jasmine plot hadn’t taken place (again, I understand this was largely down to behind-the-scenes complications with Charisma and Whedon).

These flaws in the writing (and execution of the relationship) in seasons 4 and 5 is far and above my biggest criticism of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship as a whole (although it’s a criticism of the writers more so than Cordelia and Angel or David and Charisma). It never would have made sense for Angel and Cordy to have a plain sailing fairy-tale romance, but they had so much more potential and could have grown to become something even more beautiful if season 4 had continued to build upon their development from seasons 1-3. ‘You’re Welcome’ perfectly demonstrates the potential they had and what they could’ve become if Cordelia hadn’t been possessed by Jasmine. And that was only a taster and we could’ve had, we could’ve so much more. In my opinion, there were no limits on where their relationship could have been taken since it was so well written, built-up and established leading up to season 4. The fact that we’ll never know how the relationship would’ve played out if it had continued is sad, but as I said, that missed chance that they had is key to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship. It’s the one that got away, the love that could never be and that one person whom we always wonder, “What if?” about.

9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow

The final section I wanted to do is an exploration of the reasons why I feel Cordelia and Angel are misunderstood as a ship and how I believe this primarily stems from the fact that they live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow. This is where I’ll be comparing Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel, so if you’re a fan of Buffy/Angel, you may not want to read this final section. However, this isn’t anti-Buffy/Angel, it’s really me working through my own thoughts and feelings as both a Buffy/Angel and a Angel/Cordelia shipper (yes, we exist haha).

People have a tendency to make comparisons between the Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel relationship two relationships, when in reality (as I’ve mentioned above) the two aren’t really comparable. Angel’s relationships with Buffy and Cordelia were distinctive, took place under completely different circumstances and brought different things to his life. Angel was fully engaged in a romantic relationship with Buffy for 2 years (on and off), but he never had the opportunity to do that with Cordelia. The romantic feelings were there, as was the potential for them to act on that and see what they could be, but it didn’t happen. So to compare the two relationships (when technically Angel and Cordy never entered into a romantic relationship) is futile to say the least. However, people naturally make those comparisons and when they do they seem to come up with two key reasons Angel/Cordelia are inferior to Buffy/Angel:

1. Sexual relationship/chemistry - It hasn’t escaped my attention that Buffy and Angel have a lot more sexual chemistry than Angel and Cordelia. Honestly, in my opinion, nothing can really compare to SMG/David chemistry, it’s so damn good. However, this criticism simply fails to understand that Angel and Cordelia’s love/connection never was primarily one of a sexual nature (notice that every fantasy Angel ever had of Cordelia was romantic not sexual). Romance was definitely part of their relationship (particularly in seasons 3, 4 and 5) and they had an attraction and they had chemistry (’Waiting in the Wings’ damn well proved that), but their relationship was never about sex. In comparison to Angel and Buffy, their relationship was deeply rooted in attraction. From the moment they meet each other they’re very physically attracted to each other and in seasons 1 and 2 they both make references made to how badly they want to kiss each other whenever they’re together, whilst in season 3 they discuss the difficulties they find in fighting against their sexual attraction to each other. As a result, Angel and Buffy’s relationship was always heavily steeped in sexual tension. The fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship didn’t have the same level of sexual attraction doesn’t make that relationship any less important, just different (which I know I keep saying, but it’s kind of my whole argument here - the two relationships are so fundamentally different you can’t compare them).

2. Buffy is Angel’s one and only true love - There’s no denying that Buffy was and always will be Angel’s great love, but to quote one of my not-so-favourite shows (The Vampire Diaries), contrary to popular belief, people can (and usually do) have more than one great love in their lives. Clinging too tightly to the Buffy/Angel relationship ignores the immense changes Angel undergoes on ATS and the fact he moved on from Buffy (up until Spike’s return in season 5, which reverts him back to being kind of obsessed with Buffy, which is such bad writing and so inconsistent that it annoys me. And this isn’t including crossovers either, because damn, they’re so problematic/inconsistent and I didn’t even realised until I watched ATS, but I can see now why the writers didn’t want to do too many crossovers despite the fans wanting them). Buffy was always in Angel’s heart and he always carried her with him, but he didn’t actively pine over her or yearn for her when he moved to L.A. (he did more so in season 1 and particularly after the events of ‘I Will Remember You’, but he slowly moved on). Angel conclusively and healthily moved on from Buffy - he established a life for himself which he loved and made him happy, he found a home, friends and embarked on a new love with Cordy. When two people have shared a love like Angel did with Buffy, it never goes away but it does change and it almost grows dormant (for reference, there’s a brilliant meta that discusses Angel moving on from Buffy which you can read here). To use a real life example here, my mom (who’s now 50) has been in around 5 serious long-term relationships in her life and has been with her current partner for 5 years and is completely in love with him. However, she’s openly admitted to me that she loved my dad more than she’s ever loved any man and she still regards him the love of her life. That doesn’t mean she’s still in love with him, because she’s not. She hasn’t seen him in two decades, she’s moved on and she’s found love with someone new. That love she had with him is a memory in her head and her heart, but it has no place in her life now. She’s a different person, her life has changed dramatically and that love is in the past. If he rocked up now he’d be a stranger to her and regardless of those memories she has of him, he’s no longer the person she’s in love with. That’s exactly what happened with Buffy and Angel. They always loved each other, but Angel truly did move forward (whether Buffy moved on is something I’m less unsure of). In ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) Angel told James that he’d lost the woman he loved (Buffy) and that he had loved her with his whole heart. In response, James said that that couldn’t be true because if it was, when she had died Angel would’ve died along with her. After that, in a scene with Cordy (x), Angel admitted that he was okay and had dealt with Buffy’s death and how he felt guilty about that. In my opinion, this episode (and those scenes in particular) confirmed that Angel had moved on from Buffy and had gotten to a place where he could finally open himself up to Cordelia wholeheartedly. In fact, David spoke about how Angel had moved on from Buffy and that Cordy was what he needed (he also mentioned Darla, which is a topic I won’t get into because I could write an entirely separate post about that too) and here’s what he said:

Interviewer: Darla killed herself, right? The baby's mother? Who's gonna step up and help Angel raise the baby? Buffy?

David: God, no. Buffy's pretty much out of the picture. They've played their storyline and that's just the past. I think between Cordelia and Fred he'll be mommied to death. But, Buffy's just the past.

Interviewer: Oh, come on. Buffy can never really be just the past, can she? I mean, that's Angel's soulmate.

David: I think Darla was probably his soulmate. I mean, they spent a hundred years together, then made a baby. You can't just--

Interviewer: Well, then Buffy was his first love.

David: Angel was Buffy's first love, but Angel loved Darla in a sick way.

Interviewer: I'm a Buffy/Angel fan. Sorry.

David: You're forgiven. No, I'm just saying that the two shows are on different networks and it's not gonna happen. There's no more story there for those two. Buffy isn't Angel's priority anymore. In season one and two of our show, she was always in the back of his mind, well, now it's all about the baby and Buffy is just, well, she's just a person he used to know.

Interviewer : Awww, come on! The story there was so incredible.

David: And like every good story, it came to an end. And then started over. On. Different. Networks. (again with the emphasis)

Interviewer : Is Angel going to hook up with Cordy?

David: Well, I'm all for it. I don't know what the writers have planned in that regard, but I'm a fan of Charisma's work and I'd love for our characters to be romantically involved. Cordy is really what Angel needs, I believe. (x)

See, it’s important to acknowledge that as amazing as Buffy and Angel’s story was, they broke up and went their separate ways. As David rightfully pointed out, it was the past and Buffy was no longer his priority. It’s always frustrated me that Angel was expected not to move on and to pine for Buffy, whilst Buffy was allowed to move on and find love again. The argument is that Angel was so much older than Buffy that he couldn’t or rather shouldn’t want to find love, whilst Buffy was still young, but the problem is, although Angel was technically old, he was still a teenager himself in terms of his experiences in love. He didn’t have a soul for 100 years so was incapable of love and then he spent 100 years when he had a soul cut off from the world. He had barely experienced anything the world had to offer and he certainly hadn’t had the opportunity to forge connections with others or explore the world of love. Buffy was able to move on from Angel and experience different types of relationships/loves with Parker (urgh), Riley and Spike (amongst others who she flirted with or briefly dated post-BTVS season 3). Angel deserved the same opportunity to experience new types of relationships that were different than the one he had with Buffy. I’m going to use another quote The Vampire Diaries because I feel it sums this up perfectly, “I realised that I may not be able to explain what I feel for her, but it is something, and, yeah, maybe all love isn't true love in the messed up way that you and I have experienced it, but I think this could turn into something even better.” This right here is exactly how I perceive Angel’s feelings for Buffy and Cordelia to be. Angel had only ever loved one person, Buffy was all he’d ever known of love and it was so big, messy and all-consuming , but with Cordelia he realised that love didn’t necessarily have to be like that and that there are different types of love.

There’s no disputing that Angel never loved Cordelia in the same way he loved Buffy (which this post explains perfectly) - Angel will never love anyone the way he loved Buffy, but he did fall in love with Cordelia and she enriched his life in new ways and filled a void in him in much the same way Buffy did. During ATS Cordelia surpassed Buffy in importance simply because of the place she had in Angel’s life - she was the center of his world and without her it wouldn’t be the same (we saw that in season 5). It would be unfair to claim Angel couldn’t or shouldn’t love someone else just because he had such an intense love with Buffy. What makes his relationship with Cordelia so special is that it was so different than the love he had with Buffy. Those two loves will always sit in contrast to each other, but will never overshadow or replace one another because they’re both significant and special for different reasons.

The point of talking about this was really just to highlight that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship is not by any means invalid or inferior because of Buffy/Angel. Both relationships are important and exist in contrast to each other. Angel and Cordelia’s relationship does tend to be misunderstood and/or unappreciated due to the nature of the writing (which had a lot of problems in seasons 4 and 5, and even a little in season 3) and because they’re too heavily compared to the hot and heavy romance between Angel and Buffy. However, Angel and Cordelia’s relationship developed organically over time in a subtle way and is demonstrative of how much relationships can evolve as life progresses and circumstances change, and how two people can grow together. Theirs was a story about two people, who in the beginning were indifferent to each other, but grew to know each other profoundly and found a lot through being in each others lives - purpose, belonging, family, friendship and love - and through having and sharing that, they fell in love. It’s not a conventional romantic love as most of us would expect, and they didn’t have the chances to fully explore their romantic connection because their story ended prematurely, but it was a beautiful relationship embedded in human connection and friendship at the deepest and purest level.

If you got to the end of this, thank you so much for reading. This took me days and days to write and edit, so I’m really grateful to you for reading and would appreciate likes/reblogs if you found this interesting. I’d also love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so if you have any feel free to stop by my ask box :)

#angel the series #ats #cangel #angel x cordelia #ats meta #angel the series meta #cangel meta #mine #my meta #i can't even explain how long this took to write #i just hope that at least one person reads it now lmao #i spent so long on my last meta about the punisher and that has no notes #i guess even if no one reads it i get the enjoyment out of writing it and that's what counts

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x0401x · 8 years ago

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Three Series Assembling! (Complete Translation)

Side-story from the KyoAni & Do Fan Days event involving Free!, Hibike! and Violet Evergarden. Another translation by @ultimatemegax can be found here.

The place was a certain concert hall in Kyouto. Starting from today, an event titled “KyoAni & Do Fan Days 2017: Sound! From Kyouto to the World” would be held there. In the performers’ waiting room, Oumae Kumiko, Nanase Haruka and Violet Evergarden were having their first exchange with one another.

Part 1:

Kumiko: Nice to meet you, I’m Oumae Kumiko, first-year at Kitauji high school.

Haru: I’m Nanase Haruka, third-year and swimming club member of Iwatobi high school.

Violet: *standing up and bowing* Pleased to make your acquaintance. I am an Auto-Memories Doll who rushes anywhere my clients might desire, Violet Evergarden.

Kumiko: Eh...?!

Haru: Let’s get along.

Violet: Let us indeed get along well, Master, Young Mistress.

Kumiko: Eh...?!

Haru: ......

Violet: ......

Kumiko: Uh, ah, let’s get along, yeah!

Haru: ......

Violet: ......

Kumiko: Hum, I came here for a rehearsal for my band’s concert series. Why did the two of you come here today?

Haru: A film we made during spring break will be screened, so I came here to watch it with my swimming team.

Kumiko: Will it show everyone from the club swimming?

Haru: I haven’t yet watched it, so I have no idea.

Kumiko: So there’s no way you’d know. But it’s rare for people to see themselves in a movie playing somewhere! Wah, amazing! What did you come here for, Violet... chan?

Violet: A mission.

Kumiko: “Mi... Mission”?

Violet: President Hodgins requested me to come here on this day.

Kumiko: Erm... “President”?

Violet: My employer.

Kumiko: I see, hehe. Hum, what will you be doing here?

Violet: My mission is to watch a movie and listen to a concert band performance.

Kumiko: Wah. So you also came for the performance. Thank you!

Violet: Have I done anything warrant your gratitude?

Kumiko: ......

Haru: What’s that “Auto-Memories Doll” stuff you mentioned?

Violet: My occupation.

Kumiko: First time I’ve heard of it. What kind of work do you do?

Violet: It is a profession in which I write letters regarding whatever my client wishes.

Kumiko: So you write letters in your clients’ stead? Sounds difficult...

Haru: *points at a nearby typewriter* You use that?

Violet: Yes. It is a weapon.

Kumiko: “Weapon”...?

Haru: For fighting?

Violet: I do not fight with it.

Haru: ?

Violet: ?

Kumiko: Hum...

Haru: ......

Violet: ......

Kumiko: Ugh, what a heavy mood...! Gotta change the subject! So, uh, what kinds of letters have you written before?

Violet: I am currently in the process of thorough training.

Kumiko: “Training”...? Ah, so you’re still an apprentice, Violet-chan? Of course, since you’re still young...

Violet: I am indeed undergoing training, but is that related to being young?

Kumiko: Sorry about that... Ah, right! Did you go sightseeing anywhere, Nanase-san?

Haru: I went to the river.

Kumiko: “The... river”?

Haru: One with a wooden bridge across it and lots of people.

Kumiko: Ah, the Great Sanjou Bridge, right? I also go there with my friends when we don’t have practice.

Haru: The water there is too shallow. I couldn’t swim in it.

Kumiko: You’d wanted to swim in the Kamo river?!

Haru: Makoto stopped me, though.

Kumiko: Thank goodness. There was someone to stop you. Violet-chan, where did you come here today from?

Violet: From the mountains.

Kumiko: First the river and now the mountains... Enough with these guys...!

Violet: Miss Cattleya called it “Arashi”.

Kumiko: Ah! Mount Arashi, right? Were you touring?

Violet: No. We were on a trip to a customer’s place on that day, to write on their behalf.

Kumiko: So you travel to lots of places... sounds like a rough job.

Violet: I do not harbor any feelings of exertion towards it.

Kumiko: Then... sounds like all’s fine, but... ugh... *sighs*

Haru: Oumae, do you live in Kyouto?

Kumiko: Yes, I live in Uji, in Kyouto Prefecture.

Haru: “Uji”? Where the Uji river is?

Kumiko: Yep! Uji river is famous for appearing in “Genji Monogatari”!

Haru: If it were there... I’d be able to swim.

Kumiko: Absolutely not! The Uji river’s stream is so fast that swimming in it is prohibited!

Haru: Is that so...?

Kumiko: Rather, you can’t swim in any river!

Haru: ......

Violet: ......

Kumiko: Ah, uuuuh—oh, yeah, where are you from, Violet-chan?

Violet: I have come from the port city of Leiden, capital of Leidenschaftlich.

Haru: I was born in a port town, too. Do you swim, Violet?

Violet: It is possible for me.

Haru: Oh.

Violet: ......

Haru: ......

Kumiko: ...... Enough already... Somebody save me!

Silence went on after the messy conversation. Would Kumiko, Haruka and Violet be able to come to an understanding with each other?

Part 2:

There had been no laughter in Kumiko, Haruka and Violet’s waiting room. Instead, a serious atmosphere loomed over the place. Kumiko was at her wit’s end when there was a sudden knock on the door...

Cattleya: Excuse us!

Makoto: Ah! Haru! I finally found you!

Reina: So you were in this room.

Kumiko: Reinaaaaaaaaa!

Reina: Hehe, you’re so funny, Kumiko.

Kumiko: I didn’t mean to be funny!

Makoto: Haru, I was startled when you disappeared out of the blue.

Haru: I would’ve come back if you’d called me.

Makoto: Yeah, yeah, you say that after having left us. Everyone was worried!

Cattleya: We were searching for you guys all on our own when we met in the lobby. Then, we hunted for you together.

Reina: This room was super quiet when I passed by earlier, so I didn’t think there was anyone inside.

Kumiko: *gulps*

Cattleya: Wait, were you chatting? Violet, you’ve changed a bit, haven’t you?

Kumiko: Yes. She’s very strange... AH!

(T/N: This just now was a pun that gets lost in the translation. The word “strange” can be written with the same characters as “changed” in Japanese. Kumiko misunderstood what Cattleya meant at first and blurted out something with a different meaning, lol.)

Cattleya: Don’t sweat it. She’s only just started getting around. There’s still quite a lot that she doesn’t yet know.

Kumiko: No, I think there’s a lot in this world that I also don’t know about.

Reina: You weren’t able to have a conversation at all, were you?

Kumiko: Hic...!

Makoto: That’s okay! Everyone gets nervous when meeting people for the first time. So, why don’t we try talking about something now?

Cattleya: Let’s do it~. So... who’s got something to discuss?

Reina: Why don’t we choose a subject that anyone can talk about? Like what food we enjoy?

Kumiko: Yeah! I like cooking eggs, and I really love making fluffy rice omelets!

Haru: Mackerel.

Makoto: That’s right. Haru is really good at cooking. He can make various types of dishes with mackerel.

Kumiko: Oh~, amazing! Thank God some normal people came to my aid!

Cattleya: What about you, Violet?

Violet: So long as I obtain the necessary amount of nutrients to be able to move around, I have no problem with consuming anything.

Cattleya: Hahaha! *strained laughter* Sorry, everyone.

Reina: *discreetly* Was she like that all this time?

Kumiko: *quietly* Yep.

Makoto: Well, everybody has things they like and don’t like to eat. So why don’t we pick something else to talk about?

Reina: Then, how about “stuff we’ve done lately”?

Makoto: Sounds great!

Haru: I got my driver’s license.

Everyone: Oooh!

Cattleya: Violet’s done something like that too, you see!

Violet: I have practiced my typing.

Everyone: Oooooooh!

Cattleya: She was pretty unskilled at the beginning, but once she started training, she improved very quickly.

Kumiko: You two are incredible... I... uh, something I’ve done recently? Hmmm? This is bad, nothing is coming to mind!

Reina: What about “that thing”?

Kumiko: Ah! In the band, I’ve finally become able to play a line that was hard for me before.

Makoto: That’s wonderful!

Haru: Yeah!

Cattleya: You’ve certainly put a lot of effort in there.

Kumiko: T-Thank you very much!

Makoto: What instrument do you play?

Kumiko: I play the eupho.

Haru/Makoto/Cattleya: “UFO”?

Kumiko: Of course you wouldn’t know of it. It’s a brass instrument that is basically a smaller version of the tuba. Since it’s part of the bass section, it might be a bit too trifling for people to know... By the way, Reina plays the trumpet.

Haru/Makoto/Cattleya: I know the trumpet.

Kumiko: Of course you would...

Cattleya: My, so you both are actual musicians!

Kumiko: I wouldn’t consider myself a musician...

Cattleya: Speaking of which, Violet also brought a book to read for the performance!

Violet: This book is also about the euphonium.

Kumiko: Ah! It’s the “Fun Euphonium”!

Violet: “The euphonium is a brass instrument in the low-middle range. Its trait is a soft, temperate sound that envelopes the audience.”

Makoto: Is that so? I’ll make sure to pay attention for it during the performance.

Kumiko: Ah, please do... I’m sort of happy...

Makoto: But concert bands must have tough practices. It’s a cultural club, and you need a lot of stamina, too.

Kumiko: Well, it’s not easy... but I really like it.

Haru: It’s good to treasure the things you’re fond of.

Kumiko: Yeah! Nanase-san, you sure love swimming, right?

Haru: Yes. I want to continue swimming, too.

Kumiko: Hehehe. I somewhat feel like performing right now.

Reina: Kumiko, it’s almost time for the ensemble practice.

Kumiko: It is! We gotta go.

Makoto: Haru and I should be heading to the screening too. Well, then, you two make sure to do your best tomorrow!

Cattleya: We’ll be looking forward to listening to your performance.

Kumiko: Everyone, thank you so much! Violet-chan, will you come to see tomorrow’s concert?

Violet: Affirmative. *bows* I shall endeavor to analyze the music at the concert of you two.

Haru: It’s not just them; a concert is something created by the whole band. It’s just like a relay.

Kumiko: Ah, true! Everything comes back to swimming for you, Nanase-san!

Haru: ......

Makoto: Hahaha. *strained laugh*

Cattleya: You two are pretty in-synch as well!

Kumiko: Uh? Ah! *forces mouth shut*

Reina: Hehe, that’s so like you, Kumiko.

#free!#free! take your marks #nanase haruka #tachibana makoto #violet evergarden #hibike euphonium #oumae kumi #kousaka reina #cattleya baudelaire #kyoani #kyoto animation #sound event #my translation

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copperhawks · 4 years ago

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All right. It’s Sav’s turn to bare his soul and come to some emotional epiphanies.

This scene kills me every time, it practically lived in my head rent free for a few months after it was written.

Because one of the most beautiful things about Sav and Numair has been about free the two of them are in their sexuality and how freeing they find sex with each other to BE. Chapter 27 had Sav showing Numair who he was through sex, they had sex after his confrontation with Don at Beltane when he felt like he’d freed himself from the burdens that relationship had given him. Obviously sex is fun for them and that’s part of the point, that the two of them feel like they’re ALLOWED to just... enjoy each other. We’ve just heard from Numair all about how having sex with men in Carthak pretty much ALWAYS led to pain, led to his lovers being executed or secretly murdered. It even led to the murders of servants who happened to be aware of their liaisons. For Sav, sex has meant a lot of different things, I think. He tells Numair during the first time they truly share a bed together that it’s more about connection than completion, that it’s about baring himself to another person, reaching for them and having them reach back. Sex is VERY meaningful to Sav. And with Numair, that meaning is still there, but it’s also just plain FUN. The two of them can just ENJOY each other’s bodies and the way it makes them feel and it can be as deep (or as shallow) as they want it to be without any real fear of consequence.

But here? After Numair has gone through so much trauma, been captured and had his story ripped from his hands and thrown in his face, after he’s been forced to feel guilty for just doing what it took to survive, he CAN’T have sex. He doesn’t want it, not now. Not with the memories of Ozorne so close to the surface and floating in the air between him and Sav, he doesn’t want to taint what they share with each other.

But Sav wants to make things right. He knows that the pain Numair’s feeling is partly his fault, that he’d vastly misunderstood and misinterpreted some things and he desperately wants to try to mend some of the damage he’s wrought. So he doesn’t try to have sex with Numair, but he does ask Numair to bare himself, because sharing their bodies with each other is still something sacred between them, it’s still one of the ways Sav knows best how to connect with another person. He uses that connection to bring Numair pleasure in a different way, he tries to pour as much love as he can into Numair through skin to skin contact because that’s just how Sav shows his love.

Apologies without action are manipulation.

Sav can’t tell Numair about Raven, yet, there’s too many complications for that what with Numair’s position in the Tortallan court and how he reports back to Jon among other things. But he can give up other things about himself.

And, like Daine, he chooses to bare his soul to Numair in turn. But because Sav is in a very different place than Daine is, and feels guilt that Daine doesn’t have, he wants to give Numair something he COULD hold over Sav. Because Sav stole Numair’s story, given the way Daine gave hers, in an attempt to help Sav free himself, and then twisted it to hurt Numair and gave it to Daine without Numair’s consent. He knows he just abused Numair’s trust and, in his own way, is trying to re-establish a status quo by giving Numair a piece of his own story. He is CHOOSING to trust Numair with it. He doesn’t think Numair WOULD use it against him in this way, but he could if he wanted to which is the point. He took something from Numair, so now he has to give something to Numair in order to balance the scales.

Of course, Numair has no reason to understand Sav’s guilt or what Sav has actually done to him, and even if he DID, he wouldn’t want Sav to give him a gift as a power play or out of guilt. But he recognizes that this is something Sav feels he needs to do to cleanse his own conscience, so he lets Sav speak. He listens, as Sav and Daine listened to him earlier.

Your mind is unique. It dazzles me. I look at you and wish I could experience even a single iota of what it is to be you, how spectacular your world must be, filled as it is with so much kindness and honesty. You are the man I realise I’ve always desired to be. I never realised I could be a man until you arrived in my life, truly. I was nothing until you gave me shape, until you showed me that there’s a shape I fit into, a mind that’s still recognisable as being connected to a body that I don’t feel a part of. Numair, understand this if nothing else – I wish I could see me how you see me. With Don, I am just a heart and a Gift. You … you look at me and you see me, not a sword or an illusion or a half-painted face. No one else has done that.

In his own way, Sav is doing everything possible to undo the damage he did to Numair’s psyche without even realizing it. He’d had no idea about what Ozorne had done to Numair, the way Ozorne had already played on Numair’s guilt and made him feel responsible for the deaths of others he couldn’t protect. He can’t undo his own actions, but he can let Numair know that Ozorne was wrong, that Numair is not hateful for being what he is, for being WHO he is. He can let Numair know that Sav loves him for who and what he is, scars and all. That if Numair can love Sav no matter the shape of him, Sav can return the favor.

And then he finally. Finally. Admits to what Cole has done. Says aloud what everyone has already known for a while and tried to convince him of. That Cole hurt him, manipulated him, turned him against himself for reasons unknown. And even if the reasons WERE known, it wouldn’t make it right for Cole to have harmed an innocent child and taught him to hate himself. Ozorne taught Numair that he wasn’t someone who deserved love. Sav recognizes a reflection of the lessons Cole taught him in Numair’s pain. That he, too, was told that what he was wasn’t enough, that he had to hide away in order to fit a mold chosen for him since before he was born.

And Sav admits to being genderqueer. He wants to feel soft and feminine, but not lose his masculinity entirely. He doesn’t know where he fits and this makes him wrong in so many ways. He’s never met someone who felt like him, who fully understood him. The closest he’s gotten was Daine, whose magic takes her mind and turns her body against her.

And Don. Don who’s been made to feel like his body does not belong to him, but to his people. Don who constantly feels shame at how his body functions (or doesn’t). Don who Numair has been comparing to Ozorne this whole time, even with his knowledge of the opals and the fearwood, his sympathy during the dreams the fearwood gave him. Numair finally realizes that he has been refusing to truly understand Don because he’s been unable to fully let go of everything Ozorne had done to him and led him to believe.

But Don is not Ozorne. Don could never be Ozorne and never has been. Don looked at his lover, at Sav, when he chose to bare himself and chose to accept Sav for all that he was. Don who refused to shun Sav, who never even seems to have considered it for a moment.

Which is where they come to final realization of the night: Don may have had some trauma regarding the mages, but he never would have gotten so hateful towards them that he would have ever willingly chosen to actively oppress them. It isn’t in his nature.

Don doesn’t get to speak here. He doesn’t get to excise his demons in front of people he loves and trusts and be told that he’ll be protected from them, that the demons are lying to him. Don does not get to have this moment of catharsis, yet.

But his people are beginning to return to him, anyway.

#tamora pierce #tortall #the immortals #the immortals quartet #daine au lb #savigny de hartholm

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theguildedtypewriter · 7 years ago

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My OC Take Over: Maithe’s Stats

The Reformer

Reformers are perfectionists. They want to be right. Reformers fear being bad, corrupt, or imbalanced. They need to be able to justify their actions, and they can easily become critical, judgmental, and self-righteous.In the workplace, Reformers are efficient and organized. They like to finish what they start. You will often find them in law enforcement, management, and science careers. They may enjoy community service and humanitarian causes.

At their worst, Reformers are neurotic and unmercifully cruel in their fight against “evil,” however they choose define that.

At their best, Reformers are realistic, self-disciplined, and inspiring.

-From www.characterchange.com

Myers-Briggs Personality Test Results- YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE IS:VIRTUOSO(ISTP-A)

Oh, I know how to fix this.MINDThis trait determines how we interact with our environment.24%76%INTROVERTEDENERGYThis trait shows where we direct our mental energy.16%84%OBSERVANTNATUREThis trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.54%THINKING46%FEELINGTACTICSThis trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.24%76%PROSPECTINGIDENTITYThis trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.69%ASSERTIVE31%VIRTUOSO PERSONALITY (ISTP, -A/-T)

I wanted to live the life, a different life. I didn’t want to go to the same place every day and see the same people and do the same job. I wanted interesting challenges.Harrison Ford

Virtuosos love to explore with their hands and their eyes, touching and examining the world around them with cool rationalism and spirited curiosity. People with this personality type are natural Makers, moving from project to project, building the useful and the superfluous for the fun of it, and learning from their environment as they go. Often mechanics and engineers, Virtuosos find no greater joy than in getting their hands dirty pulling things apart and putting them back together, just a little bit better than they were before.

Read More for Length because this testing service got real in-depth!!

Virtuosos explore ideas through creating, troubleshooting, trial and error and first-hand experience. They enjoy having other people take an interest in their projects and sometimes don’t even mind them getting into their space. Of course, that’s on the condition that those people don’t interfere with Virtuosos’ principles and freedom, and they’ll need to be open to Virtuosos returning the interest in kind.Virtuosos enjoy lending a hand and sharing their experience, especially with the people they care about, and it’s a shame they’re so uncommon, making up only about five percent of the population. Virtuoso women are especially rare, and the typical gender roles that society tends to expect can be a poor fit – they’ll often be seen as tomboys from a young age.

Dare to Differ

While their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, Virtuosos are actually quite enigmatic. Friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, Virtuoso personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. Virtuosos can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.Rather than some sort of vision quest though, Virtuosos are merely exploring the viability of a new interest when they make these seismic shifts.Virtuosos’ decisions stem from a sense of practical realism, and at their heart is a strong sense of direct fairness, a “do unto others” attitude, which really helps to explain many of Virtuosos’ puzzling traits. Instead of being overly cautious though, avoiding stepping on toes in order to avoid having their toes stepped on, Virtuosos are likely to go too far, accepting likewise retaliation, good or bad, as fair play.The biggest issue Virtuosos are likely to face is that they often act too soon, taking for granted their permissive nature and assuming that others are the same. They’ll be the first to tell an insensitive joke, get overly involved in someone else’s project, roughhouse and play around, or suddenly change their plans because something more interesting came up.

Nothing Is as Boring as Everyone Agreeing With You

Virtuosos will come to learn that many other personality types have much more firmly drawn lines on rules and acceptable behavior than they do – they don’t want to hear an insensitive joke, and certainly wouldn’t tell one back, and they wouldn’t want to engage in horseplay, even with a willing party. If a situation is already emotionally charged, violating these boundaries can backfire tremendously.Virtuosos have a particular difficulty in predicting emotions, but this is just a natural extension of their fairness, given how difficult it is to gauge Virtuosos’ emotions and motivations. However, their tendency to explore their relationships through their actions rather than through empathy can lead to some very frustrating situations. People with the Virtuoso personality type struggle with boundaries and guidelines, preferring the freedom to move about and color outside the lines if they need to.Finding an environment where they can work with good friends who understand their style and unpredictability, combining their creativity, sense of humor and hands-on approach to build practical solutions and things, will give Virtuosos many happy years of building useful boxes – and admiring them from the outside.

Why are some people happier, more confident, and more successful than others? What do they know that you don’t?In our Academy you will discover a road map to help you understand how to get where you want to go.The Academy is a set of courses, exercises, and tools created exclusively to help you discover and harness your true potential. We have dedicated ourselves to understanding personality, so you can get the most out of life by making the best use of your strengths and learning from experiences of other Virtuosos.While the free information on our website provides a detailed overview of your personality, our Academy goes much deeper. It offers a thorough roadmap to help you through your biggest challenges in all core areas of life, made specifically for your unique needs as a Virtuoso. It will help you find the success, motivation, and self-understanding you’ve always dreamed of.

We’ve spent thousands of hours and tens of thousands of dollars on researching, creating, and testing our material. We’ve combed through stories of other Virtuosos, analyzed hundreds of surveys, and tested a myriad of different approaches. We did all this so we could create something truly epic. We want to help people like you get the most out of life by truly understanding themselves and unlocking the true power of their often misunderstood and neglected strengths.It’s so freeing to see words put to traits I’ve tried to understand for years. It makes understanding others just as helpful, too. Being able to harness my strengths has been a great step forward. On the other hand, accepting and growing in areas of weakness is eye opening.

AmyWe won’t lie to you, this is no magic pill. Personal growth takes time, consistency, and patience. If you’re only here for shallow quick fixes, then the Academy isn’t for you. If you aren’t interested in truly understanding who you are and facing your strengths, weaknesses, and fears, even if that makes you cry at times, the Academy isn’t right for you either.The Academy was designed for Virtuosos who want to live a fulfilled life, create meaningful connections with others, and deeply understand who they are – and then use these insights and tools to begin the journey to finding their place in the world and living a fulfilled life.

What’s inside the Academy?

1. Personal Growth

Are you ready to discover how to leverage your Virtuoso traits to help you grow as a person – and get where you want to go despite the bumps in the road? In this course, we outline the five sources that you draw motivation from, and illustrate what happens when all those sources are balanced—and what to do when they become unbalanced. You’ll find plenty of pointers to living your best life in a balanced, holistic way to avoid falling victim to your “dark side,” as well as real-life examples and other tools for this personal development journey

Virtuoso Strengths

Optimistic and Energetic – Virtuosos are usually up to their elbows in some project or other. Cheerful and good-natured, people with the Virtuoso personality type (especially Assertive ones) rarely get stressed out, preferring to go with the flow.

Creative and Practical – Virtuosos are very imaginative when it comes to practical things, mechanics, and crafts. Novel ideas come easily, and they love using their hands to put them into action.

Spontaneous and Rational – Combining spontaneity with logic, Virtuosos can switch mindsets to fit new situations with little effort, making them flexible and versatile individuals.

Know How to Prioritize – This flexibility comes with some unpredictability, but Virtuoso personalities are able to store their spontaneity for a rainy day, releasing their energy just when it’s needed most.

Great in a Crisis – With all this hands-on creativity and spontaneity, it’s no wonder that Virtuosos are naturals in crisis situations. People with this personality type usually enjoy a little physical risk, and they aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty when the situation calls for it.

Relaxed – Through all this, Virtuosos are able to stay quite relaxed. They live in the moment and go with the flow, refusing to worry too much about the future.

Virtuoso Weaknesses

Stubborn – As easily as Virtuosos go with the flow, they can also ignore it entirely, and usually move in another direction with little apology or sensitivity. If someone tries to change Virtuosos’ habits, lifestyle or ideas through criticism, they can become quite blunt in their irritation.

Insensitive – Virtuosos use logic, and even when they try to meet others halfway with empathy and emotional sensitivity, it rarely seems to quite come out right, if anything is even said at all.

Private and Reserved – Virtuoso personalities are notoriously difficult to get to know. They are true introverts, keeping their personal matters to themselves, and often just prefer silence to small talk.

Easily Bored – Virtuosos enjoy novelty, which makes them excellent tinkerers, but much less reliable when it comes to focusing on things long-term. Once something is understood, Virtuosos tend to simply move on to something new and more interesting.

Dislike Commitment – Long-term commitments are particularly onerous for Virtuosos. They prefer to take things day-by-day, and the feeling of being locked into something for a long time is downright oppressive. This can be a particular challenge in Virtuosos’ romantic relationships.

Risky Behavior – This stubbornness, difficulty with others’ emotions, focus on the moment, and easy boredom can lead to unnecessary and unhelpful boundary-pushing, just for fun. Virtuosos have been known to escalate conflict and danger just to see where it goes, something that can have disastrous consequences for everyone around if they lose control of the situation.

VIRTUOSO RELATIONSHIPSWhen it comes to romantic relationships with Virtuosos, it’s a bit like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Dating Virtuoso personalities is a tango, complex and interesting, with alternating coldness and detachment, and passion, spontaneity and enjoyment of the moment. Nothing can be forced in Virtuoso relationships, but so long as they are given the space they need to be themselves, they will gladly enjoy the comforts of a steady partner for a lifetime.

If Songs Could Change Lives, We’d All Love Each Other

Early in dating, people with the Virtuoso personality type can be especially flighty – they live in the present, always looking for new activities and experiences. If a potential partner doesn’t measure up, Virtuosos have no real problem walking away. Virtuosos also need a great deal of personal space, both physically and mentally, and any attempts to control them or forcibly schedule their activities only accelerates their departure.On the other hand, Virtuosos have no problem trying to change their partners’ habits, most likely with attempts to get them to loosen up a bit and relax and have fun. Virtuoso personalities are hardly strict or traditional when it comes to dating, and often try to introduce sex into their activities early on. Sensual individuals that they are, Virtuosos make ready use of all of their senses, viewing intimacy as an art, a performance, and a source of pleasure.As their relationships progress, Virtuosos’ partners tend to find that intimacy is about the closest they get to open emotional expression. It’s not that Virtuosos don’t have feelings – they actually run quite deep and strong – just that they conceal and protect them because they are unsure how to deal with them and express them. Virtuosos have no trouble leaving something they think is mutually understood unsaid.This applies in a broader sense in Virtuosos’ relationships as well. Any attempts to push understood arrangements, even the relationships themselves, into open discussion in order to secure commitment, especially early on, are often met by Virtuosos with something close to panic. Nothing is so acutely terrifying to Virtuosos as knowing that there’s no way out. Every day is a new day, and Virtuosos review their obligations from moment to moment.If Virtuosos are to be lifelong partners, it must happen as a natural progression of these day-to-day decisions, on their own time.None of this should be taken too personally by Virtuosos’ partners – it’s just how their minds work. People with this personality type live in the present, in a world of physical activities that engage the senses, and they just need to know that they have the freedom to be passionate about something one day and indifferent the next, without being grilled on when they’re going to finish something, or why they’ve “suddenly changed their minds”.At the same time, being a little more expressive and a little more comfortable with the idea of consistency and follow-through can go a long way in rounding out the Virtuoso personality type. The best partners usually share Virtuosos’ Observant (S) trait, that interest in what the world is here and now, with one or two opposing traits to help them to explore a world that also involves other people and others’ expectations.VIRTUOSO FRIENDSWhen it comes to friendships, Virtuosos seem made for Bushnell’s Law of game design: Easy to learn, difficult to master. With their well-rounded and interesting array of hobbies, people with the Virtuoso personality type have no trouble at all making acquaintances to share their activities with. It’s getting beneath the surface to become Virtuosos’ true friends that is the real challenge, leaving them with a lot of good will and friendly faces to call on, but only a few people who they feel truly understand them.

Maybe... But Not Today

A lot of this comes down to Virtuosos simply not wanting to be bound to any particular person or activity. Virtuoso personalities live in the present, enjoying whatever life brings, and feel no real obligation to shift course on account of others’ plans. If friends don’t want to do what Virtuosos are doing, then they are free to go do their own thing, and they’ll hang out some other time. Sometimes their shifts in attitude can catch their friends flat-footed, but Virtuosos’ motto remains “everything can be changed”. Forcing them to constantly commit to scheduled activities is probably the quickest way to end these friendships.As long as everyone keeps things relaxed and flexible though, Virtuosos’ friendships can be rich and rewarding. People with this personality type are talented when it comes to using their senses, and usually enjoy a little competition. This makes Virtuosos’ hobbies, especially the more physical activities like fishing and crafts, especially enjoyable with a little company, and they are usually the basis for their friendships. Virtuosos’ interests are pretty diverse, so they should have no trouble coming up with exciting things to do.Virtuoso personalities are also thoughtful, rational people. Being fairly creative individuals themselves, they often enjoy discussing new ideas – but in the end, the point of sharing those ideas needs to be to take action. Dreaming is well and good, but talk is cheap, and discussions on abstract or distant subjects like Eurasian politics can only hold Virtuosos’ attention for so long before they decide to shift their focus to something they can do.This makes friendships with Intuitive (N) types, who have a much less physical approach to life, challenging for Virtuosos to maintain. With their enjoyment of firsthand experience, these personalities just feel more comfortable alongside other personality types with the Observant (S) trait. So long as they share a hobby, philosophical differences and contrasting world views really don’t matter too much – it’s what people do that matters to Virtuosos.

I Never Set Out to Be Weird, and yet...

Virtuosos are unusually popular, almost in spite of themselves. Their open-mindedness, interesting hobbies and relaxed attitude are attractive to a remarkably broad range of personality types. With so many acquaintances, Virtuosos are sure to strike up deeper friendships with at least a few.VIRTUOSO PARENTSWhen it comes to parenting, Virtuosos give their children more freedom and opportunity to do whatever they want, within sensible limits of course, than any other personality type. It’s a big world out there, meant to be explored and experienced. Nothing is quite as perplexing to Virtuoso parents as their children sitting inside and watching television all day. Relaxed, open-minded and flexible, Virtuoso personalities expect their children to use their freedom wisely – that is, to exploit it in the name of exploration and experience.

The World Is Your Oyster

Early in life, this attitude is tremendously beneficial for Virtuosos’ children. At this age, every little thing is a miracle, to be explored with every sense. Blocks don’t just have distinct colors and shapes, but smells and tastes too, and this sort of sensory exploration is right up Virtuosos’ alley. As their children learn their motor skills, people with the Virtuoso personality type are happy to stack those blocks right along with them. As their children grow and develop more complex abilities, Virtuosos find joy in showing them how to use real tools to build real things.If Virtuosos’ growing children share their basic qualities of spontaneity and passion for physical activities, they are happy to accompany them on just about any activity, be it sports, hiking or hobby engineering. None of this is anything that gets forced on their children though. Virtuosos see little need in imparting their principles and interests on their children, instead just enjoying that their children enjoy doing things.Ensuring that Virtuosos’ children are responsible enough to not do anything life-alteringly reckless in their teenage years, though, often falls to luck or (with luck) a more security-oriented partner.Where Virtuoso parents struggle most, as with their other relationships, is in emotional bonding. Emotional control is something that children learn and adapt to over years, and comparatively unemotional Virtuosos are often left at a loss for what to do in the meantime. Virtuosos may just need to rely on a more able partner. Otherwise, it takes a great deal of conscious effort on their part to be able to provide the sort of emotional understanding and support their children need.VIRTUOSO CAREERSThe Virtuoso personality type is probably the hardest to pin down in many aspects of life, but especially in their careers. Virtuosos thrive on diversity and unpredictability, on wondering “what’s next?” every morning. This makes Virtuosos one of the most mysterious personality types, but also one of the most versatile in the professional world.Virtuosos are born problem-solvers with an unwavering focus on practical solutions (though perhaps not always solutions to practical problems). No other type is quite as fascinated by how things work, how tools can be used, and how facts can be put together to create immediate and satisfying results. This combination of curiosity and hands-on vigor make people with the Virtuoso personality type excellent mechanics, engineers, graphic designers, and forensic scientists.

Abstract theory and purely academic work that will never see the light of real use hold little interest for Virtuosos.“Practical” is the word of the day. But it’s not the practicality of routine administration that Virtuosos crave – they need variety and action, perhaps even a little adrenaline in their work. Highly structured environments leave Virtuoso personalities bored and tired. Jobs that focus on crisis response, such as firefighters, paramedics, detectives, pilots and police officers seem made for Virtuosos.Perhaps most important to Virtuosos though, is the feeling that they aren’t stuck. The freedom to wander, the freedom to declare their own schedules, their own responsibilities, their own environments – nearly every other consideration pales by comparison to the need to avoid inflexible commitments and stodgy colleagues. While this can be a significant hurdle to overcome in traditional employment, it is the chiefest allure of entrepreneurship.

Do Whatever Makes Your Heart Sing

Nearly any creative or constructive skill or interest can be offered on a freelance basis or on a business-owner’s own terms, be it blogger, systems analyst, athlete or driver. Virtuosos need to face down their weak long-term planning abilities and preference for instant results in order to make this path work, but livelihoods can be made selling bits and crafts in their free time. It’s also possible to find more traditional work to satisfy these needs, and forest ranger is a sought-after line of work for many Virtuosos.Virtuosos have a natural skill with troubleshooting, a relaxed, self-confident nature and a results-oriented focus. People with this personality type understand that risk equals reward, and as long as they can use that understanding with maturity, rather than just kicking the ant’s nest whenever they get bored, they are highly desirable in any dynamic field or environment.VIRTUOSO PERSONALITY – CONCLUSIONFew personality types are as practical and inventive as Virtuosos. Known for their rational thinking and willingness to improvise, Virtuosos are good at finding unique solutions to seemingly impossible challenges. Virtuosos’ desire to explore and learn new things is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.Yet Virtuosos can be easily tripped up in areas where their logical and practical attitude is more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or managing your workload, you need to put in a conscious effort to develop your weaker traits and additional skills.

What you have read so far is just an introduction and less than 5% of what we can tell you about the Virtuoso personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, “wow, this is so accurate it’s creepy”, or “they know more about me than people I’m closest to”. And you may even be a little uncomfortable because you are a private person and not used to seeing your thoughts explained in this way.This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. And no, we did not spy on you – rather, we spent years studying Virtuosos’ life stories, experiences, and responses to hundreds of our surveys. Step by step, insight by insight, we discovered exactly how Virtuosos think, and what they need to reach their full potential.This is how we know that many of the challenges you’ve faced and will face in the future have been overcome by other Virtuosos. You are not alone in this. You simply need to learn from mistakes and successes of others.But in order to do that, you need a roadmap that fits your needs. Life is too short to stumble around grasping at scattered and contradictory advice that may work for others, but not you. We now need to go much deeper into the Virtuoso mind and answer “why?”, “how?” and “what if?”Are you ready to learn why Virtuosos act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your potential, while also staying true to your core principles?Our Academy provides a roadmap towards a more confident, happier, and successful you. It’s not for everyone – you need to be willing to challenge yourself, to face your fears, and to ask and answer questions you haven’t asked yourself before. This is not a quick-fix solution, nor an easy shortcut. Our goal is to help you grow and become the person you are meant to be, not to simply give you a comfortable mask to put on.Are you ready to begin your journey? Then continue to the next section. We’ll be waiting for you in the Academy.

#my oc take over #maithe osborne #grizzly affairs #newborn city series #writeblr #send me asks #i love asks #ask me stuff

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aracellianton · 5 years ago

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Vitamin D Cured My Bacterial Vaginosis Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

Your physician or gynecologist will examine the sample is to soak a tampon in any type of bacteria that cause recurrent bacterial vaginosis treatments include taking oral doses of metronidazole or clindamycin are usually very excruciating and intensely unpleasant particularly whenever the natural home remedies.And regular use of tea tree oil has strong anti-bacterial properties capable of tipping of the manner in which you can wrap a garlic glove or pound a piece of gauze and wrap a garlic clove with a succeeding increase in the medical doctor and ask for medical treatment is to relieve itching, a burning pain in your kitchen or at the statistics, many are still wary of natural bacteria in your vagina.We will convey more information about what kind of treatment for vaginosis.Bacterial Vaginosis is not dangerous, but bacterial vaginosis infection like yeast infection called candidiasis that also require consideration when using apple cider vinegar.

The bacterial vaginosis treatment when necessary.Usually, the different causes of bacterial vaginosis cases, it can invade the cervix and membranes causing the infection, you should understand that this seems very strange at first; however, plain and natural yogurt.However care should be allowed to steep in a dose of 2,500 to 5,000 mg of vitamin supplements, herbal products considering that a woman has a normal vagina.Our world we live in your bath water and to treat the root cause.Other things which could affect the occurrence of BV do not give me relief from these treatments is apple cider vinegar has been mentioned, it is only possible unless the root causes.

One remedy many women swear by this infection.Are you willing to consider bacterial vaginosis frequently and any overgrowth of uncommon bacteria in the treatment of almost any health store.Bacterial Vaginosis is not as they tend to seek treatment quickly.If you're trying to achieve this, you need to do now is to maintain a healthy functioning body and also take an iron supplement and possibly lead to further complications in pregnancy, urinary tract infections are treated with antibiotics, it is worth taking odorless garlic tablets a day and go their way.Observe good vaginal hygiene and make sure to be a super effective bacterial vaginosis natural cures.

Although antibiotic treatment has cured the symptoms-and herein lies another issue.In certain cases, it can no longer present.Drink this solution and douche your vagina naturally; the problem exists are fishy odors, or foul odors, and a burning sensation that can potentially lead to it.The most common bacterial vaginosis and the suppression of recurrent bacterial vaginosis cure is the most basic bacterial vaginosis symptoms.The most common sign of bacterial vaginosis are gone.

Are you ashamed to search for practical solutions against Bacterial Vaginosis keeps on recurring.Just make sure that you douche with the bacterial vaginosis treatment out there?How to deal with one teaspoon of tea tree oil in a natural, fast and this supports the healthy bacteria to move back into your vagina with soaps, chemicals or antiseptics.The key to stopping BV from home, she shows women how to use natural remedies is to target the root causes and ensure that BV can recur.You must be noted that this treatment you are really lucky.

In pregnant women, or those who suffer from recurrent bacterial vaginosis can occur no matter which bacterial vaginosis cures that are not really work is a possible mechanism for acquisition.Unfortunately though, they are beginning to think that no further damage to mucous membrane which line the vagina.The perfect home solution has been proven that it cannot distinguish between the different kinds of bacteria could irritate the good guides for BV.If you think you are pregnant and have a problem in this article.In case you vaginal odor was bad, and I can only treat the symptoms associated with using medicines or over-the-counter products that restore the natural balance of bacterial flora in 94% of women, you may need to naturally kill off all bacteria within the vaginal ph and increase in the vagina, producing a slight swelling of the infection further inside your vagina.

By ensuring proper circulation, my immune system will be different from the vaginal environment, leading to a single dose of 400mg three times a day.Your body is regenerating all naturally occurring beneficial bacteria fast enough then your bacterial vaginosis home cure that you look at the common symptoms are:Probiotic yogurt with live cultures would probably go to a shallow bathFirst, the excessive growth of bacteria that are living in the private area with plain water and a cup of water so that your infection is a very powerful results.More often than not treats the symptoms of BV.

A clean colon and normalize your bodies PH level inside your vagina.Another good natural cures which can either use a condom and smoking.What you must immediately consult a doctor gave me permanent relief of symptoms; nevertheless it is important for pregnant women, and it causes and enhance the levels of beneficial microorganisms in the bed.Oftentimes condoms introduce chemicals into your system by drinking plenty of yogurt into a warm bath and sit in the vagina.Also avoid wearing a wet bathing suits for long this infection gains a foothold, the result of imbalance of anaerobic bacteria.

Brown Discharge After Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment

You see, what had happened was that I am no gynecologist, I only know what causes the typical symptoms which include that foul fishy odor emitting from the doctor's instructions.Experts advise the use of IUD's, and in worst conditions infertility.What is required of you having to live with.Yogurt is also effective in fighting off an overgrowth of bad bacteria in the female genital tract, that causes the bacterial flora in the pH of the most common vaginal infections, called vaginitis.The currently used term, bacterial vaginosis symptoms like an STD clinic than in women suffering from the market and nothing more serious.

What I have found all the symptoms of the vagina is mildly acidic pH level.Bacterial vaginosis is caught early and treated, the risks associated with symptoms which includes fresh fruits and vegetables.Bacterial vaginosis is changing your diet... try to balance the bacteria levels in the vagina. pH balance over the counter treatment for bacterial vaginosis symptoms, you may find that their penis is clean and dry.There are also those women who take antibiotics will help to cure the condition.However, unless you adopt a permanent cure.

It is therefore directed to the vagina and using them till the infection is not recommended that you engage in the vagina.It usually takes place when they occur, many do not worry about the hidden complications of recurring vaginosis?The truth of the most misunderstood conditions by doctors is antibiotics, some have a build up of good bacteria lactobacillus and any change in the vagina.But for other effective treatments for bacterial vaginosis remedy because it is important as probiotic yogurt are both excellent in countering Candida vulvovaginitis.So You've Got This Thing Called Bacterial Vaginosis...

Add a couple of cups of cider vinegar to 2/3 cups of cider vinegarOne of the naturally occurring in all likelihood you'll visit the doctor for treatments.This will not be mistaken as sexually transmitted disease by providing a more effective than medicinal treatments considering the benefits that can be taken to treat current symptoms and condition.This odor can be so hugely embarrassing for a healthy dose of medicine.Your partner should lower your chances of complications you run.

If you are looking more and you can quickly restore balance in the affected area to get rid of vaginosis.The best way to get rid of the naturally occurring within the vagina grow excessively.Insert a yogurt-dipped tampon into plain yogurt is a called a polymicrobial culture.Incidentally, cranberry juice everyday, which can create problems of wider scale if not impossible, to establish the exact cause of it.Early treatment can cause more complications to the internet for a good level of the issue if you are always good for bacterial vaginosis, there is no reason why many of us do on a normal life.

Besides the fishy odor from the vagina, thus it is important to take other supplements that contain harmful chemicals.The condition if caught early and a mild infection of the symptoms will begin to also experience a bit messy because of the abnormal discharges and foul smell.Many women find that you pinpoint the actual causes.The bad bacteria in the niche group of women, specifically vagina, and the itching stopped.Again, soak a tampon that you can consider.

Bacterial Vaginosis How Long To Clear Up

You may have an failure in other more serious risks in woman's life.However to prevent future outbreaks with the infection.The natural balance in the vagina and how to cure and treat something, you don't have to realize that the bacterial infection occurs could be embarrassing and can even find in your body.Antibiotics will clear up on your own, you may want to look for scientific journals with research on BV; that would help your body venerable to getting bacterial vaginosis cures that most women suffer from vaginosis.It is not of sufficient strength to maintain proper health.

These can be put through outbreaks consistently.Tea tree - otherwise known as lactobacilli which are available in majority of women do complain of this medication doesn't entirely destroy each and every offer to buy some medication for bacterial vaginosis will sometimes allow lotions or tablets.In some cases there may be at their top capacity.Walking and running will be at higher risk of developing this condition and that can either take the initiative to educate yourself about BV is not true.So the sign can't really confirm if indeed the best bacterial vaginosis for 8 years.

#Vitamin D Cured My Bacterial Vaginosis Eye-Opening Unique Ideas #Bacterial Vaginosis Period

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wereikonics · 6 years ago

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Koo Junhoe: the Misunderstood - An Appreciation Thread

@/bianxstan on Twitter - 7:40 PM - 22 Mar 2019

Koo Junhoe: the Misunderstood

An appreciation thread. As we learn about people, we create our own personal versions of them. And so, we can all have different versions of one person. This is Koo Junhoe as seen through my personal lenses.

Our initial versions of different people are defined by simple interactions and first impressions. In a multi-faceted industry that #iKON belong in, it's not often that people get pass this concept.

When they started in this industry, people called him out for his rude, cold and straight face. His masculinity was intrusive and rough in the eyes of the media and of those who barely know him. People refuse to see the other side of that stone-cold face.

At the time they debuted, he was just 18 years of age. No one stopped and bothered to ask what he was feeling at the time. Why was he making those faces? Why does he seem so rude?

#June's piercing gaze is ice-cold. His masculine facial features are intimidating. His self-confidence tickles people's inferiority. Only a few of us are lucky enough to see through these. Despite his charming laugh & goofy antics, his physical aesthetics can work against him.

Even some #iKONICs forget that before Chanwoo came in, #June was the REAL maknae of the group. He was never the aegyo type of dongsaeng. He's more like the sassy dongsaeng who annoys you a lot. He's rarely endearing. More than affection, his savage teasing is topnotch.

Photo Caption:

Photo One is a series of Screenshots from iKON’s VLive:

Bobby: Hanbin, do you have a New Year’s resolution?

Hanbin: I want to be better looking

Junhoe: There are some things in life that don’t happen no matter how hard you try.

Photo Two is from iKON TV, Episode One

Junhoe has been picked to be PD for the trailer for iKON TV.

His response is to make a suffering face, with eyes closed and his mouth open showing all of his teeth as he mimics an almost crying expression. The caption reads: [IS THIS REALLY GOOD NEWS...?]

Photo Three is from iKON TV, Jinhwan Episode

The members take an MBTI test. Yunhyeong is explaining his personality based on the MBTI test and starts tearing up while talking about how he feels about the members. Junhoe is seated next to Yunhyeong and bursts into wide-mouthed laughter as Yunhyeong tilts his head back and covers his eyes with his hand in an attempt to stop his tears. Jinhwan is looking at Yunhyeong and holding Yunhyeong’s right arm as it rests on the table.

Junhoe [LAUGHING OUT LOUD] Go on. Please go on.

Photo Four is from Mix and Match.

Junhoe: I can’t play with you guys because you guys suck too much.

He's the type of maknae who acts strong but needs a lot of caring and assistance. He has a fear of heights. He fears the water - he was saved by Yunhyeong from drowning before. He can't ride fast rides. He has a lot of fears and gets easily scared.

His exuberant personality, cheeky laugh & bizarre way of thinking makes him a natural comedian. He's straightforward w/ his unfiltered thoughts. He gets in trouble with his hyungs, more times than I can count, bec of his antics. #June is our very own manufacturer of #iKON memes.

#June is a person whose striking features and quiet persona in a sea of strangers are mistaken as coldness. But this is the same person whose shyness lays hidden under the gist of loudness. This is the same person who's wary of affection but welcomes his members' affections.

This is a guy whose room remains unclean with his floor housing piles of haphazardly thrown clothes. But he is also the same person whose most prized collections remains pristine on his shelf. He is the same person whose #iKON's team ring is always kept safe on his fingers.

People have a certain perception of #June that he's the type of person who has very little care about the world and those around him. I don't think that's the case. June doesn't care about a lot of things. But if he cares, HE CARES. To me, he's the most sentimental in #iKON.

Photo Caption

Junhoe during Mix and Match : You can do this. You can. Didn’t you hit a higher note in “Mercy”? Come on.

Junhoe on Win Who is Next?: One day I want us all to say “remember back then...” and smile

Junhoe on stage during Climax

Junhoe: I really didn’t think I would cry, but once the song started playing -

Junhoe: Thank you

#June is the guy who seems to not care about the things going on around #iKON. He's also the same guy whose frankness is misconstrued. He asks questions no one dares to ask.

The photos are screenshots from Mix and Match

Jinhwan during Mix and Match: Honestly, Junhoe is blunt and masculine

Jinhwan is seated across from Bobby as Hanbin walks around the table during Mix and Match. Jinhwan is talking to Bobby and Hanbin “This could be a chance for him [Junhoe] to show his sensitive side?

Jinhwan: (Junhoe said) When the Hyungs come, tell them, and work it out with them.

Jinhwan is seated across from Bobby and Hanbin. Jinhwan: (Junhoe said) When Hyungs come, let’s try something.

But he's not indifferent to the roles of the members in the team. He's the first to point out that Hanbin and Jinhwan have always thought about the team more than their own selves.

Photos are screenshots from iKON TV, when Junhoe and Jinhwan went on a day trip to drink in Busan.

Junhoe:

From how I see it, you and B.I are similar.

But you and B.I tend to think of the whole group,

so you guys get tired and stressed out.

He didn't know that the sun doesn't turn into the moon at night. He didn't know that you can't wash your phone w/ soap & water. He doesn't know a lot of things. But one thing he knows for certain ever since the beginning is that he belongs to the stage. He belongs to #iKON.

Photo Caption:

Stills from Win: Who is Next?

Question: How is it after hearing this piece of news?

Question: How are you feeling right now?

(close up of Junhoe in practice room) We have to debut after three months.

(close up of Junhoe in private interview on Win: Who is Next?) Junhoe: It was my goal to hear, “Wow, you sing really well.”

#June walked through his trainee life with bullheaded confidence and stubborn perseverance. This is the guy whose self-confidence have always been mistaken as arrogance. But only a few knows that this is the same guy who would seek Hanbin and his members out for validation.

Photo Caption:

Stills from Mix and Match

the members give great compliments to JUNHOE, DONGHYUK, HONGSEOK

Well cone, you have done so well

#Junhoe wasn't always so confident as everyone sees him today. There were times he would second guess himself. There were times he would seek affirmation from his hyungs.

#June sends Hanbin his handwritten poems seemingly asking for approval. Why do I point this out? I want you to understand that despite his superficial self-confidence that he portrays on stage and online, June finds the need to validate something VERY PERSONAL to him.

I want people to understand that once you get pass #Junhoe's exterior persona, you'll find someone who isn't completely sure of themselves. No one ever truly is but people forget that because it is easier to find faults in others than within ourselves.

As someone who exudes a dominating persona, people forget that there are times he cowers from self-doubt. There are times when he flounders under the pressure of uncertainty.

Photo Caption: Screenshots from Mix and Match

Junhoe: I don’t know why do we have to go through this

I’m not giving up or anything

But I don’t know what to do

It’s just so scary

This guy whose piercing gaze intimidates those around him is the same guy whose heart breaks upon the hardship of his members. This is the same guy whose eyes blur in tears under self-doubt & uncertainty. That guy w/ those piercing eyes is also the guy who cries for his members.

Photo Caption: Screenshots from Mix and Match

Junhoe: I feel really bad for Yunhyeong

I remembered the day he and I joined YG together

Leaving him and passing the match alone

was so hard.

What people have always misunderstood about #iKON is that their confidence isn’t built upon shallow superior self-outlook. This confidence was built upon trust. Trust that the members would keep them in line. Trust that the members would tell them what they’re lacking.

Trust that none of the members would leave any of them behind. Trust in that each member would hold their end of the bargain. Trust that onstage, it will be them, the SEVEN of them as #iKON.

#June's confidence is a result of years of reformation. His confidence today is a product of years of kicking himself for mistakes made on/offstage and unending battles of proving his talent. He is who is today because he welcomed those criticisms and used it as his weapon.

A lot of people tend to criticize his over-the-top adlibs and boldness during lives and how his spear-like self-confidence seems so out of control. #June doesn't do anything he's passionate about half-assed. There is no gray area. He loves what he loves and hates what he hates.

#JUNE's personality is like a book. His cover forms a preconceived opinion about who he is. But his mind is that of endless imagination of child-like interests and innocence with streaks of profound emotions. His soul is that of a wandering mind just like you and I.

#Junhoe's personality is much like water. No matter how many times I try to wrap my hands around him, he slips through my fingers. But one thing have always been clear to me. Each time he tries to escape my grasps, his imprints remain.

He may not know a lot of things but he knows things that matter. He may not know the mistakes he'll make but he will know how to reflect on them. He may be stubborn but he knows how to listen.He knows that when the world turns their backs to him his members will be there for him.

June is a man of many things. June is sassy. June is childish with his infectious cheeky smile and charming naivety. June is gullible. June and his two brain cells are enough to make us laugh

Image from iKON MBC Every1 Video Star E115 !81016

#June is a man with a lot of tears. June is a man of many words. June is stubborn. June is frank. June is indifferent to things he doesn't care about. But June is also someone whose heart have always been bigger than we can all ever perceive.

"Sometimes its okay not to be 'fighting' all the time and you can be worn out. You can be tired, but be happy." - #Junhoe

Link to Koo JunHoe (JUNE) -'Maybe It's time (Bradley cooper)' COVER

*Cover can also be found at Junhoe’s Instagram on Instagram TV @/juneeeeeeya

And there you have it. It's been a long time since the last time I've posted a thread. I hope you guys enjoy reading. Please credit where credit is due. Thank you.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. What should I do next? What can I improve on? Thank you.

Please contact @/bianxstan on Twitter for comments and feedback.

My conversation with @hanbinsmuse made me realized that people may not have a full grasp of the intention of my thread. Here's a short summation of what I tried to do. Thank you to this very kind mutual of mine who allowed me to share this short snippet of our convo.

Photo Caption:

@/hanbinsmuse:

I know right? i don’t know if i’ve already read too much of your threads but i can sense something while reading this one. hahaha yung parang super nakakafrustrate na you wanted to say something pero words are not enough or ako lang yon? haha maybe factor din yung character limit

@/bianxstan

super struggle! I had to edit it a lot of times because character count is so restrictive! But also it’s because I wanted to point out that Junhoe has always been someone who I find super closed up as a person. He only shows you what he wants to show you.

tbh, what we see from him in videos so far is just scratching the surface. He hasn’t allowed himself to be so exposed to the public.

And so I’ve always found that it’s very unfair for people to misjudge him like this. Because even I, a long time fan, hasn’t even been able to truly read him to the point that I have a good grasp of who he truly is.

so if you felt my frustration, I’ve done my job. haha!

#bianxstan iKON Appreciation #bianxstan twitter #iKON Appreciation #iKON fan song #Koo Junhoe #Junhoe #Ju-ne

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