#in what universe am i (a clown) supposed to know what real people talk about??

[yeyinde]

writing dialogue is the bane of my existence. the most awkward thing ever, honestly. it always either sounds like a porn parody of High School Musical or two aliens desperately pretending to be human. and failing. miserably.

[cf56]

My thoughts on episode 10

SPOILERS for season 3, episode 10 of the Animaniacs reboot

So that's great. I took two hours to write this entire review, and then with one press of control + Z, it was completely gone. Great site Tumblr. Really works as intended.

I was in a better mood, but having to rewrite this ENTIRE thing sucks so badly. I try to give my genuine thoughts as I go, and it's impossible to replicate that on the second try. I want to scream. Why can't this week just go right?

So now you're getting a negative opening for what was a super positive review. I seriously want to punch a wall. A website meant for long posts doesn't have an editor designed for them. That's just great.

I can't rewrite that whole thing. Just have a collection of screenshots and some jumbled thoughts.

I'm sorry for Pinky and the Brain fans that their final showing was so short. I didn't like Brain talking about the "endlessly repetitive formulaic rebooted franchise that relies on just a handful of tired characters." You can say it's the writers taking a shot at themselves, but it really isn't. It's not their show. They didn't create the characters. Combined with the ending, it just feels a little disrespectful to the people who put their heart and soul into creating this show in the first place, and to the fans who genuinely love these characters.

Look at them being silly!

I can't gush enough about the song. Such cute animation, such powerful music!

I teared up while listening to it this time. I'll probably do the same on every future watch.

I liked that Wakko was right about everything and had the idea that saved the day. The Warners literally saved the world and they'll still be treated like garbage by everyone around them.

The Joe segment was funny, especially the zoom out at the end. I liked hearing "Waltzing Matilda" in the background.

Dot was so cute wanting to go on the teacups, just being infatuated with the idea of spinning around in a little teacup!

This segment is the epitome of "this is my life now."

Poor Wakko has the worst luck. The SAME CLOWN just happened to be at this carnival? At least we know he got down from Mars.

I thought it was weird to have two cataclysmic endings for the reboot six minutes apart from each other. Although they say this sketch was written for season 1, I find it really hard to believe that this wasn't originally meant to end the season/reboot, especially with Dot's quip at the end. I'm not sure I would want this to be the ending, though. It would have sucked if the Warners were the ones who explicitly ended their universe and killed everyone inside. That would have proven everyone right about their destructive nature all along.

I thought this was a refreshing segment. Slappy sounded and looked great. Like I expected, it was short and there was no Skippy, but I'm happy it exists. I was surprised and happy to see that they got Sherri Stoner to return for work on the reboot.

I liked how Everyday Safety was just a never-ending cascade of total nonsense.

The Council is not pleased.

I thought Wakko's bottle song was catchy. I liked that it actually sounded like Wakko blowing. I wonder if they got Jess to do that for real in the studio?

And the ending. I wrote four paragraphs about it, and it sucks so bad because I thought I made my points quite well. Let me try again.

I understand the metaphor with the abrupt and sudden ending. I know the asteroid is meant to represent Hulu. I just don't think they should have pushed their bitter disappointment with the show ending directly onto us. They should have thought it through a lot better.

If they were going to go doom and gloom, which they shouldn't have, they should've at least given the ending some emotional weight. How am I supposed to feel anything when the characters themselves don't show any reaction to their unexpected, oncoming violent deaths? I'm not saying it should have been super depressing with crying and begging. They just should have given a genuine reaction instead of doing business as usual. The closest set of siblings in the world is about to go out in a fiery blaze, and they're not even touching each other. They're just standing near each other awkwardly. Have them embrace and accept their death with a positive remark about how it was all worth it. That would at least give some closure.

What they should have done, if I could rewrite it from scratch, is give us a satisfying, happy ending. Show the Warners finally earning their freedom from the tower after 90 years. Maybe have them gaze at the sunset together, mirroring how the sun rose at the very beginning of the reboot. Even if they didn't have time to animate new scenery for something like that, anything would have been better for this. This ending just feels empty. It lacks any emotion besides pure shock and it feels like an F you to everyone who cares about the show. The creators might have intended that F you to feel like it was coming from Hulu, but Hulu didn't write this scene. The reboot writers did, and they had the power to leave us with something better. This could be the last Animaniacs we ever see.

I'm at least happy they attempted an ending. The original didn't have one at all. It just sucks that Animaniacs had to end unexpectedly and unsatisfyingly both times it's been suddenly cancelled. The reboot was supposed to fix that.

This was perhaps the most entertaining episode of the season for me. It has one of the greatest Animaniacs songs ever, maybe the best song of the season, I'm still not sure. I still love The Island of Dr. Warneau a lot, so I'm giving this episode a solid second place in my final ranking for the season.

Episode 6

Episode 10

Episode 3

Episode 9

Episode 7

Episode 4

Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 5

Episode 8

That means that the majority of episodes this season are episodes I would consider really good. The top 4 are all episodes I would consider really great. I'll give my thoughts on the season as a whole in my collective season 3 review, but I'll need a few more days before I start writing that. I need some time to collect myself and reflect.

I'm sorry for how this review turned out. The first version felt a lot more positive, because in this attempt I just wanted to express my more well-developed thoughts, which happened to be criticisms. I liked this episode a lot. I just so desperately wish I hadn't lost that first version. It only adds to the most heavily conflicting mix of emotions I've ever felt in one week. I was feeling good, and now I'm knocked down again. I'm sorry to be the one putting so much negativity into the fandom. I want this to be a positive place for all. If I wasn't able to express my emotions here, though, I wouldn't be able to deal with them at all. So thanks to those that have been listening.

I encourage you to add to the discussion of this episode if you want. If you're from the future, please don't say anything about any of the episodes that come after this ;)

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[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

You know, thinking about it all, I have to ask myself, are studios and entertainment corpo scum bags increasing public hate towards women and minorities with the release of these sub-par shows that try to pass off as progressive? I don’t think so, but there’s a case to be made. I think the release of shit like She-Hulk and Velma don’t actually cause people to hate women, just allows people who already do and some who just aren’t outwardly misogynistic to have a spotlight and a couple good points about the media being terrible, and say it’s because of sjw’s ruining everything with minority representation.

Also, Velma was apparently supposed to be a completely original IP, but the higher ups don’t want to take that kind of risk. Still, it’s not a defense for the show, but it gives insight into how it came to be. It’s still damaging to minorities as a whole when shit like this happens because it makes somewhat of a mockery of them in the public eye and allows more bigoted ideas to flourish because they have something to pivot off of, like how conservatives love to rush to a gay pedophile, a trans rapist, or a black thief for proof that all these people are terrible.

If we lived in an any better society, shit like She-Hulk and Velma not only wouldn’t have the place to exist, because in a better society strong women and minorities in shows and movies wouldn’t be an anomaly to flex at the media with, but also because people would just see a bad show and move on. Couple that with disrespect for the source material and universe, and you have the perfect media hate storm, and maybe that’s what executives want. Why make something good when something bad with minorities in it will get so much more attention? Honestly kinda of saddening this is the landscape of media and entertainment, because it’s about publicity now instead of actually being entertaining.

And if you like She-Hulk or Velma, good for you, but I know it’s not even in your top 10 favorite pieces of media, come on now, you don’t actually think they’re quality shows let’s be real here, but it’s okay if you like them, but I don’t think that was the point. I think the point was to get people angry and talking, which is kind of scummy, cause if that was the point, they’re hanging up women and minorities as rage bait for people to throw their rotten tomatoes at and get more hate publicity, which directly puts more hate on the people you string up as a selling point in your media.

It’s obviously not coming from a genuine place of even social justice, the people who green light these shows and market them aren’t doing if for social justice or whatever, they’re doing it to rage bait anti-sjw’s and get cultishly left leaning sjw type people on board for people to hate even more (I am not some “enlightened centrist” I am a very left leaning person, but you know who the kind of people they want on board to be, if they want anyone, it could all just be for hate!). And it especially saddens me that the way companies can get rage bait now is from having minorities in their media, and oh boy they are exploiting the hate for minorities. It’s not about the ratings anymore, in this new landscape of media, it’s about the publicity, and you don’t get people talking more than when you fuck up, and they’re going to tape themselves fucking up for the whole world to see like clowns in a live circus.

It’s frankly disgusting, especially because it’s working. You’re not helping by giving bad shows publicity! You should look towards good shows instead and show companies you’re eyes aren’t magnetized to shit, because they’re just gonna keep making shit for you to gawk at if that’s all they see you doing! And if you’re not paying attention to or contributing to the publicity of a good show? They’re gonna fucking cancel it! Because they’re scum bag fucking corpo bastards who don’t care about you or what they do to the world! Fuck.

[cto10121]

Twilight Meta—Chapter 14-16

In which Edward gives his and his families vampiric backstories (abbreviated, of course), the lovers share a bed together platonically, and once again Edward does things that both are and should be illegal…and not in a legal or moral sense either. Spoilers bien sûr

Chapter 14: Edward Vampire Splains, Bosses, And Stalks.

With obvious edits and elusions, as we know from the previous books. But the gist is correct.

He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat. Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes he glanced at me—my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together.

What a nice image. That’s all. No thoughts, head empty.

“I was born in Chicago in 1901…Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.”

Would have been nice to have seen that flashback in the movie, but budget concerns. Anyway, this is the real appeal of vampires for me: Hundreds of years old, privy to all kinds of history! But of course it’s all about the teen angst and romance. I do like how Meyer’s vampires do ring believably immortal, or at least have universal personalities that fit in most every time. Most TV and movie vampires are so unbelievably modern, it’s sickening. I’d prefer too old-fashioned vampires than too modern.

“Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him—he was careful with his thoughts around me.” He rolled his eyes. “But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett…She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. I’m only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her.”

Is it me or Edward gives much more slack to Rosalie in this book than in Midnight Sun? Then again, they have a typically bickering brother and sister relationship there.

“Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place.”

Friendly reminder that the Cullens don’t always enroll in high school. I’ve heard some antis bitching about that.

“I was curious about you.”

“You spied on me?” But somehow I couldn’t infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered.

He was unrepentant. “What is there to do at night?”

Oh, no. This is so creepy, you guys. He stalked her and watched her as she sleeps. I am so appalled at this anti-feminist messaging. What kind of message is this sending to our impressionable youth—

Yeah, no, I don’t care, lol. Seriously, he’s a freakin’ vampire. Ergo—vampire shit. The same clowns who cry at Edward sparkling in the sun because “vampires don’t sparkle!!!1!1” are also up in arms about this. Creepy Vampire Stalker? Doesn’t even have the same ring as Creepy Italian Stalker. I know Edward is supposed to be the good ones, but he is still a bad boy vampire. He killed people in the past, Karen.

“You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”

“No!” I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. […]

“Are you angry with me?”

“That depends!” I felt and sounded like I’d had the breath knocked out on me.

He waited.

“On?” he urged.

“What you heard!” I wailed.

Bella is more upset over Edward hearing her love confession than his watching her. Might as well. Bella isn’t the type for guilt or shame, but she does want to keep the depths of her obsession with him as secret as possible. Give it up, Bells, it’s obvious to anyone with a brain. At least when Juliet finds out Romeo heard her love confession, she was mortified too, but decides to…just own it. Bella doesn’t play hard-to-get either.

“You did say my name,” he admitted.

I sighed in defeat. “A lot?”

“How much do you mean by ‘a lot,’ exactly?”

CACKLING. Would have loved Pattinson to have delivered that line.

He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.

“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.”

Edward being sweet and lovely right after confessing he watches her sleep is just…peak Edward. *chomps on movie popcorn* This cock is really something else.

Anyhoo, Charlie returns and he is more observant than usual. Well, Bella is visibly very excited and agitated.

“None of the boys in town your type, eh?” He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.

“No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet.” I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful with Charlie.

Bah, weak equivocation. While Edward is not a boy mentally, he is still seventeen physically and presents as such. Charlie would still call BS. Juliet did so much better getting her mother off her scent. Do better, Bells.

“Edward?” I whispered, feeling completely idiotic.

The quiet, laughing response came from behind me. “Yes?”

I whirled, one hand flying to my throat in surprise.

He lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of ease.

Now this is actual problematic shit Edward does. Bella, you have his ticket to ride. Ride before the stallion moves!

“Can I have a minute to be human?” I asked.

…I’m beginning to see the anti rationale of Bella being too dumb to function.

Well, no? she does have to put on a show for a suspicious Charlie and also make herself clean. Priorities and practicalities and all. But damn, she has ovaries of steel.

Too late to regret not packing the Victoria’s Secret silk pajamas my mother got me two birthdays ago, which still had the tags on them in a drawer somewhere back home. (p. 298)

Aaaaand I stand corrected. She’s literally thinking about putting on sexy lingerie for her vampire boyfriend. This series is literally so real.

I pulled back; as I moved, he froze—and I could no longer hear the sound of his breathing. […]

“Did I do something wrong?”

Yes, Edward, it’s you. You’re a slut created by a hetero red-blooded woman. A male Carmen or Salome. An homme fatal.

“No—the opposite. You’re driving me crazy,” I explained.

He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased. “Really?”

Like Bella, like Edward! R&J really should serve them copyright infringement papers.

“But jealousy…it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” He shook his head angrily. […]

“But honestly,” I teased, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie—was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?”

Ha, legit. Mike is the Paris, and Rosalie is the…Rosaline? Holy shit, that’s close. Now it’s Shakespeare’s turn to serve copyright infringement papers.

He was serious now, thoughtful. “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”

Every so often the antis bitch about Edward remaining a virgin for ninety years, but honestly? Ninety years isn’t that long for a vampire. I mean, that’s just the 20th century. He doesn’t even remember the Victorian era. Edward is definitely among the younger side. The Volturi especially must have viewed him as a wee bby. Look at him, finding his lil’ cantante, aw. If he were 200+ years, yeah, I’d call bullshit.

“I thought you were desensitized.”

“Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet,” he whispered. “You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia,” he noted. “It’s mouthwatering.” (p. 306)

Lavender: Happiness, love, devotion, peace, distrust. Freesia: Innocence, thoughtfulness. All in all, very apropos. Bella smells like life, in other words—also, there is her maidenly innocence.

(Also, come to think of it, by contrast, Bella doesn’t describe Edward’s scent all that clearly. I have a feeling it must be something similar. Sweet is the main adjective. Probably something cold per Jacob’s reaction).

“Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, our senses.”

It is a cool idea. I mean, still makes these vampires overpowered as hell and everything, but it’s still cool. These vampires in many ways are like twisted anti-angels—like Adam and Eve before and after their fall. It’s a neat reversal.

Chapter 15: Meeting the Vampire In-Laws, the Infamous Khaki Skirt, and Vampire Baseball

“Edward! You stayed!” I rejoiced, and thoughtlessly threw myself across the room and into his lap. […]

He laughed.

“Of course,” he answered, startled, but seeming pleased by my reaction. His hands rubbed my back.

Book Edward and Bella: 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Movie Edward and Bella: *stare, no thoughts, head empty*

I hid my face against his shoulder.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“You are my life now,” he answered simply.

Love declaration at page 314! Very fitting and intense. And oh, here it goes…

I ended up in my only skirt—long, khaki-colored, still casual. I put on the dark blue blouse he’d once complimented. […]

“Okay.” I bounced down the stairs. “I’m decent.”

He was waiting at the foot of the stairs, closer than I’d thought, and I bounded right into him. He steadied me, holding me a careful distance away for a few seconds before suddenly pulling me closer.

“Wrong again,” he murmured in my ear. “You are utterly indecent—no one should look so tempting, it’s not fair.”

THE INFAMOUS KHAKI SCENE. The clownery this one scene incurred…all because Tumblr misread “khaki-colored” as “khaki” the material. Also that weird out-of-nowhere headcanon of it being ankle or floor length. And I thought R&J clownery was bad…

Anyway, if this weren’t a scene from a YA novel, this would definitely have led to a sex scene. Gives off major “bodice ripper energy.” I’ll be disappointed if there wasn’t a saucy fanfic AU on this alone.

“Look, I’m trying really hard not to think about what I’m about to do, so can we go already?” I asked.

“And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?”

“That’s right,” I answered immediately, hiding my surprise at his casual use of the word.

He shook his head. “You’re incredible.”

Bella being into that shit Part 39374782.

Anyway, there is the scene with Bella and the Cullens, the Cullens being all “do not startle the human!” and then Alice coming in all “BELLA MY BFF muah” 🤪. (Love Alice, always will). I’ll skip around a bit unfortunately because my wrists are killing me, but I’ll just highlight a few moments.

I suddenly remembered my childhood fantasy that, should I ever win a lottery, I would buy a grand piano for my mother. She wasn’t really good—she only played for herself on our secondhand upright—but I loved to watch her play. She was happy, absorbed—she seemed like a new, mysterious being to me then, someone outside the “mom” persona I took for granted.

Bella’s love for her mother always rings true. And of course, it informs her choice to help her.

“You inspired this one,” he said softly. The music grew unbearably sweet.

Bella’s Lullaby. Never particularly liked the version for the movie (hell, I don’t even remember it). My toxic trait is that I headcanon Bella’s song as Belle. Yes, that Belle.

“I have to, because I’m going to be a little…overbearingly protective over the next few days—or weeks—and I wouldn’t want you to think I’m naturally a tyrant.”

Literally all the antis and even half the Twilight fandom think you are the worst of the worst of tyrant. My take? I’ve literally read alpha male leads (including classic lit characters—oh, yeah) way more toxic. Hell, even Shadow and Bone’s Mal is worse and he’s just a regular Joe. Edward is a kitten compared to them. If anything, he is almost as much as a pushover as Bella in some respects. The rest is just your basic typical 1900s trad boy with control issues.

In any case, this is first reference to James, Victoria, and Laurent in the book. The movie decided to introduce them early on and trying to build a little mystery over missing hikers and whatnot. But that didn’t work because the movie just showed us who was eating the hikers anyway, so no mystery. So there was no point to it—maybe just to appease the antis that whine about how there is no plot until they come along? (Ma’am, this is a romance novel).

I shivered.

“Finally, a rational response!” he murmured. “I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all.”

Yeah, Bella does. She just has a disease called Being in Love. Not contagious, fortunately, but extremely common. The lengths she will go to for the vampire dick is inspiring.

Chapter 16: Carlisle and More Vampire Lore, and Vampire Baseball

Anyway, Edward then moves on to Carlisle’s backstory feat. actual Carlisle. Very interesting and oh, he was born just a few decades shy of actually being at the Globe theater in its heyday. (Not that Carlisle’s father as a Protestant would ever allow him near the playhouses, those dens of iniquity!!!). It’s just possible he may have seen revivals of Shakespeare’s plays…and then gotten whipped by his Protestant father as punishment. But ignore me, I’m a Shakespeare nerd. Continuing on.

“Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence—about ten years after I was…born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn’t sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time.” (p. 343)

“Abstinence,” “appetite.” Interesting choice of words there. Also, Edward going into his Batman phase is now terribly ironic what with Pattinson recently donning the cape.

“But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn’t escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified.”

Would have loved to have had more of that rationale. I suppose I should reread Midnight Sun sometime. It’s very detailed though; Edward overthinks everything.

“I was prepared to feel…relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn’t expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me…happy.” He shrugged, smiling slightly.

Friendly reminder that Edward lies and has lied only to Bella when he has to re: vampire secret society. He is still keeping Alice’s vision of her as a vampire from her, but that’s par de course. Bella has to choose that destiny for herself.

[throwaway-yandere]

(Nutjob anon!)

AW HECK PAL, GOOD MORNING OR NIGHT. That response to 🐠 had me crying at the breakfast bar. Some times I think I make no sense when writting an ask, so thank you for putting up with my bs, very cool of you *sobs while doing a thumbs up*

"Bullying me into writting a mafia yandere otome game" sorry but, don't pretend you aren't enjoying it(? WIFJISJS as if the foulest grin to ever be known to human kind didn't form on your face once you realised we were going to be the ones tearing at each others and sobbing when the angst dropped. The personification of "Oh no! The consequences of my actions are now after me!" ... all with love, if course! You are funny and easy to talk to, so that's also another reason why you have 1k followers now :D ("300 followers event" made me laugh a little bit)

I'm probably late to the event itself lmao it's 8 am here and ngl, I'm kinda shy when it comes to matching things. I'm a little clown waving her Clown University diploma around, idk what would be interesting to talk about me but jokes(?

Well, congrats on the 1k 😭 you deserve that and more! You have impeccable taste on music too 👌

Shjajaka wait did i forgot to edit that part out (EXPOSED) for real though, this was supposed to be a 300 follower event but i went "ah, but who would actually submit anything? No one's interested in something like this lol"... Yeah so uh that changed–

I blame 🐠 anon for that one completely our friendship is on thin ice now how dare you all make me write about dimitri dying TWICE /jjjjjj.

Also dhsjks no need to call me out. I was exposed as a major "tsundere" (hsjaoai i cannot with that label) during purple friend's birthday. There are strangers who now know me as "the person who can't admit they have feelings" you don't have to tell everyone I'm enjoying the mafia fic–

I absolutely enjoy reading the asks who are all telling me to save this, don't kill that lololol. I mean, it's not my fault right??? R i g h t??? The consequences of your actions tsk tsk. I mean– okay maybe I djd set some things up so that Alhaitham goes through those things but dw Tighnari and Cyno simps, you're all nex–. I loathe characters who are all powerful but they don't experience pain at all. Or anything that makes them more human, if you know what I mean? Yeah so I'm making these yanderes suffer we can't have them taking Ws forever, go Capo!Reader

Shsikwiw and thank you!!! Haha I never thought I'd ever receive a compliment on my music taste cuz I can't talk about it irl. Most of the people in my age group are strictly into KPOP. I have nothing against this genre I enjoy the songs (especially SEVENTEEN's lol) but I'm not too updated lololol.

[hiddleloki]

*insert Mushu “I live” gif*

Ok, so I finally watched Loki and I loved it. Loki and Quicksilver are my fav characters and I was really, really mad at Marvel for what they did to my boy Quickie, but I’m still holding out hope that they somehow fix that at some point. I mean, hello, variants? That thing officially exists now.

Luckily Loki seems to be more favored by Feige/Marvel and seems like we’re gonna see lots more of him. Season 2 and possibly even MoM. Season 2 is old news as there were already reports of it actually happening last year, and this year in January Deadline confirmed S2 of Loki with Michael Waldron returning. But I was holding out hope for Loki making an appearance in MoM (I want to see Strange interact with Loki again) and it seems like there’s a good chance of this actually happening.

Anyway, some thoughts about the show:

- I loved the show’s cinematography. It didn’t feel like a tv show at all

- Soundtrack is just *chefs kiss*

- TVA Loki my beloved. I honestly think TVA Loki might be my favorite version of Tom’s Loki so far. This show finally gave us the opportunity to really delve deeper into Loki, who he is as a person, how does he form relationships with people outside his family. It was just so fun to see different sides of him, like making a friend, falling in love? I never thought I’d ever see that. Especially not after IW

- Really liked his reaction to watching his ‘greatest hits’ and realizing his family actually loved him. Loki was always kind of a softie who genuinely cared about his family and seeing his parents’ (and his own) deaths was so emotional

- Infinity Stones being used as paperweights for the TVA will never not be funny. It broke my mind and sent me into existential crisis just as it did with Loki. 

- Loki needs to give Casey a fish at some point. Or take him to an aquarium.

- Mobius needs his jet ski in season 2. I also want to know more about Mobius and his backstory. What was his Nexus event, does he have a family, what is his real name?

- I really liked his friendship with Loki and the fact that he’s canonically Loki’s first real friend. Loki needed a friend (the W3 and Sif were never really his friends, Loki just tagged along I guess) and I’m happy he finally has one

- I need to find out more about B-15, who she was, her real name...Wunmi absolutely killed it during “I looked happy.” scene. God, that bit broke me

- Ravonna was sus to me from the start and she’s also one of the characters I want them to explore more. Especially now since Kang and his variants are also involved.

- Sylvie is probably my favorite new character introduced. I knew Sophia’s gonna play Sylvie and she’s gonna have a large role, but damn I didn’t expect to love this character as much as I do. There’s so much more left of her to be explored and I think her arc in season 2 will be amazing

- I saw that Loki/Sylvie romance coming the moment Lamentis episode ended. There were so many hints in that episode, I’m actually surprised so many people viewed them as having a sibling type of dynamic.

- I know that their love story is not a typical straightforward romance, but also serves as a metaphor for self love, but I found the idea of Loki falling in love with someone who is an au version of him, but also isn’t him both interesting and hilarious. Also, it was adorable especially that blanket scene in the void. There’s just something adorable about Loki being a complete softie for someone else. You know what, I’m rooting for them. I hope they get their happy ending, they deserve it. 

- Literally every character in this show deserves their happy ending. Like, just the idea of the variants not knowing who they are, being brainwashed and forced to work for this organisation...*happy endings for everyone please*

- Majors’ variant of Kang, aka He Who Remains was everything and is right behind Sylvie as my new favorite character. The guy absolutely killed it and I need more of him and his (many) characters/variants right now. Plus I would’t mind if we see this particular version of He Who Remains again. 

- The way they made Loki come out as bi was also so well done and I’m so happy they acknowledged that. Disney is notoriously bad with LGBT+ representation so the fact that the creators of the show managed to put that in was everything. I heard the director was fighting real hard for that to be made canon and I appreciate her effort.

- We were shown more of Loki’s abilities. It was about damn time.

- Alligator Loki is the baby Yoda of the marvel verse. I loved the theory that there’s an universe in which Alligator Loki was adopted by Crocodile Odin.

- Classic Loki.....Richard E Grant stole that episode. God, I wouldn’t mind an episode that focuses strictly on Classic Loki, he was just such a great character and he broke my heart

- I wonder if Kid Loki will travel to the main timeline and join the Young Avengers at some point

- THROG

- I really liked how they established that variants are basically their own people. Their own beings, they each have their own backstories, autonomy, clear differences that make them THEM. They aren’t copies, they’re individuals. And that they aren’t genetically related, but that they share the same soul and role in their universes (basically temporal aura) because that will also clear up some confusion with upcoming multiverse movies, for example Spiderman

- I suppose Loki confirms that all Peter Parkers in NWH are basically variants of Peter Parker, but just like Lokis, they aren’t the same, which explains why they all look different and why they also have different aunts and families. It’s not DNA that makes someone a variant of a certain being, it’s a soul. A role.

- I really hope that that one rumour of various Stephens in MoM actually turns out to be true.

- Strange is gonna kill Loki and Sylvie

- Which brings me to the last take:

- Ralph is totally Peter. I am clowning yes, but lemme have this.

Overall, I really liked the show. I loved it in fact. It was really character driven and didn’t focus much on action, which is a plus for me, because I rather watch characters talk and interact with each other than action sequences. 

The bad thing is that now I’l have to wait at least 2 years to see what happens next. And I’m curious if there’ll be a bit of a time jump between both seasons.

[smolfailure]

FUCK IT, DREAM SMP HOMESTUCK AU

but it's only half shitposts and there are actual Thoughts in there.

You don't need to have read the comic to understand because I tried not to spoil anything major, but it'd help if you knew basic stuff about classpects, SBURB and the hemospectrum.

disclaimer: i'm not a good pixel artist and this is my first actual sprites ever so please be kind to my weird pixels

The Kids:

Tommy

Fundy

Techno

Tubbo

tommy, tubbo and fundy one of the kids because they're the kids in dream smp canon (with fundy being son of wilbur)

techno's there because i want to make a dave strider reference (haha get it because techno's name is also da-- *gets shot) and also because they are both coolguys except instead of using irony, techno has adhd

The Trolls:

Wilbur Soohte (fuschia)

?????? Ehrret (violet)

J????? Shlatt (purple)

Nihacu Niikki (indigo)

Skeppy Diamon (cerulean)

Quacki Tthiey (teal)

Philza Myncra (jade)

Dreame Wastkn (lime disguising as olive)

George Notfou (gold)

Sapphe Nahfpe (bronze)

Badboy Haelow (burgundy)

don't come at me saying only females are allowed to be jades and fuschias; gender is fake and this is an au

more of the AU and the talksprites are under the cut:

Tommy

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Red

chaotic. the first person to be introduced.

when he gets introduced instead of the “Zoosmell Pooplord” bit, Tommy is initially going to be the name inputted but then backspaced it and decided that Tommyinnit was better and he was fuming until he’s named Tommy.

Gives me big Blood/Hope vibes. Blood because a lot of the conflict of the dream smp connected to someone breaking his trust or harming the things he cares about, Hope because a lot of the plot of the dream smp stems from Tommy starting shit based on his ideals and what he thinks is right.

the first to instigate fighting against the trolls

bbh contacts him once and tommy keeps cursing until he disconnects from frustration rip

wields Gunkind and his only strife weapon at the beginning is the Vlog gun. He has Gunkind as his strife specibus mainly because he looked up at schlatt and he imitates him.

Fundy

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Orange

it was his idea to play SBURB but only through Dream.

he talks to dream the most among the other trolls fwt stans getcha juice this is the rosemary of the session

dream’s the one giving him exposition about the game so that’s how he knows how to play SBURB.

wilbur trolls fundy once and instantly adopts him.

“You’re my son.” “How does that even work??” “I was one of the people who created your universe. It’s basically the same thing.”

Fundy relents anyway.

Techno

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Pink

dave strider but dead-inside voice + rose lalonde english major vibes

he slices the text box when you try to name him "Dave " like in

techno gives me time player vibes (contantly on the move. his skyblock series, his “stays in the pit” monologue,) but also rage vibes (anarchy,  the “theseus” monologue, political alignment is Chaos) alas i am not sure what class

uses Tridentkind and claims "it came from god"

 it was dream, he accidentally transportalized one of wilbur’s weapon while he testing the transportalizer.

Tubbo

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Green

the jade harley of this session. the only thing keeping them from going apeshit. where would they be without him.

but also jade harley in a sense that he seems nice and wholesome but also don’t fuck with them they can mess you up

Heart/Life vibes??? someone good at classpecting help

i put them in prospit bc of the "tubbo third eye" instead of tubbo having a sixth sense or smth, they see the future from the clouds of skaia when they sleep

wields Stress-relieverKind at some point

bonus: everyone’s actual hair colors

Ideas about the Trolls

no i haven’t done their sprites yet bc it would take so much time and i’m not even sure if people wanna see more of this au skjdkdsakdfkl,, but i have Design Ideas.

events of the dsmp revolution are just a FLARP session drawing parallels to how the homestuck trolls had a FLARP session that spoiler alert: destroyed friendships. dtrio, eret, will are involved. eret betrays will's faction and wilbur's still Bitter over that.

on the context of alternia (highbloods and lowbloods) lmanburg and dreamsmp have their roles SWAPPED.  the emancipation theme thing is completely gone since highbloods are in more power than the lowbloods (the dream team) . 

wilbur made a faction called l’manburg because he wants a place where he and his fellow highbloods could make drugs vibe.they take a piece of land that was owned by the dream team. in normal circumstances, they shouldve stood down because lowbloods aren't supposed to start shit with highbloods (especially a group of highbloods that has the alternian heir among them)  but dream turned it into an activism thing about lowblood rights. the story plays as close as possible without tommy or tubbo in it (which is pretty hard ik but this is the best can do).

like in the dreamsmp revolution, dream kinda let wilbur do what he wants but this time he has more reason to because he’s in a lower caste. dream really only fought back when wilbur announced that he’d be building lmanburg on their land and calling it theirs.

eret betrays wilbur by supporting the lowbloods and wilbur and co. technically won but only because he finally called the drones in, as a reference to how lmanburg absolutely got crushed by the dream team in the smp but technically won. l’manburg keeps the piece of land and the dream team scatter away to find a new home.

wilbur soot's a fuschia because a) he's in a position that has a lot of power, b) yknow how he wrote a song about squids and his thing with sally… yeah.

eret's a violet because nobility!! dream looks down on him because he's ambivalent on fighting for lowblood rights when he's in a power to do so "you just sit there, and you look pretty that's it"

also like eridan he has a minor aesthetic mutation (herobrine eyes) that won't classify him as a mutant.

jschlatt is purple because it makes sense thematically because of the gamzee parallels (a. substance abuse b. if you know what happens in act 6, you know this already but spoiler alert, he ruins the main protagonists' lives) also he's a funnyman he deserves the clown caste

 quackity's a teal because he’s a law student. moving on--

 ok but for real it also makes sense thematically because he's the one who wrote the thing that tricked schlatt into agreeing also he gets manipulated by schlatt which also draws parallels to certain events in the comic

skeppy and bbh are BEST FRIENDS despite being highblood and lowblood respectively. initially, skeppy just wanted to bother bbh but they grew to be good friends in time. y’know like how they actually becane friends :D

philza minecraft is a jade because dad friend. also works thematically, because spoiler alert he gets to murder a seadweller for going batshit crazy. 

he also god tiers early. he dies fighting his quick undead denizen (haha baby zombie) but the consorts of his land carry him to his quest bed because he’s treated them all so well.

dream was initially going to be another caste but then i realized that means i have to make his hoodie something other than green which is unacceptable so its a good thing the fact that he's a lime works out

dream was the one who thought of playing sgrub in the first place- initially only planned to have gogy, sap, and bbh in the session but then realized that they four won't be enough so he invited more into his session

he’s also the first to go godtier ez clap blind speedrun not sure what classpect tho

the only reason why dream avoided being culled at birth for being a limeblood is because his rng is That Good. he quickly picked up the fact that he’s not supposed to exist and masqueraded as an oliveblood and kept mostly to himself to avoid suspicion.

george is still colorblind but he has lazer eyes along with it instead. dream lives with him in the same hive since being a mutant means dream doesn’t get a lusus of his own (dnf fans getcha juice “and they were roommates”) 

despite living in the same hive, he never really figures out that dream is a limeblood. possibly because a) he’s colorblind and when he sees dream bleeding he just sees yellow b) he’s just that fucking oblivious and it’s so valid of him.

sapnap’s a bronzeblood mainly because i know he’s the instigator of the pet war with tommy also because i associate him with the color orang in my mind so bronze it is

that’s the end of this long-ass post!! if you have other ideas PLEASE i want to hear them. i don’t know the other streamers i mentioned in here very well so if you have ideas that would be fitting to them like with classpect or lunar sway that would be GREAT. 

the only thing i’m confident about in here are the kids’ lunar sways. i’m not an expert in classpects and homestuck lore so there’s that too!! i just wanted to make this post because adhd means that the idea wouldn’t shut up until i finished it. This initially started as a single shitpost edit of tommyinnit talksprite but then the hiveswap 2 trailer came out and that means i have to combine my two hyperfixations.

also i have ideas about potential quadrants but idk how much of that is breaking some streamers’ boundaries about shipping (even the non romantic quads such as kismesistude, morallegiance and auspisticism) so i decided not to include it.

edit: apparently people want more so i made a discord server as a place to brainstorm!! please pm me to join!

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

------

(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

------

and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[buddiewho]

I was bored this weekend so I rewatched season 4a. Spoilers ahead. 

Honestly, I don't think things get popping until episode 3 [but weren’t actually nearly that great until the last 3 episodes tbh] and I am not even being Buddie biased or Buckley-Diaz family unit biased [this might be a bold face lie, but on second rewatch, I noticed I was paying more attention to everything else as well]. 4x03 is just a really good episode. Good old emergencies, mixed in with Eddie's paranoia over Hildy. Then from there it's Buck Begins and the whole Buckley family secret. Then of course, I feel like when we get to Jinx that starts some kind of path. The universe path, you know? There Goes the Neighborhood also continues on this path. Buck is still trying to work through some stuff; a terrible date, the bit about SAFE SPACES. Then Breaking Point. Everyone has one right? Even Christopher and getting angry or as Buck put it “ I heard you blew up at your Dad” and that’s not over yet though. Taylor needing a friend. Nearly Buck reaching one, but he managed to repair it. Eddie for the sole fact Christopher runs away. Hen and Karen actually not having a breaking point until... Chim and Maddie breaking and repairing it in regards to how Baby Mango arrives in this world. Athena and Bobby just being parents to everyone as usual. 

Fun fact. Breaking Point was on as I typed this and it's the one on one scene between Buck and Chris. "I don't want to miss anyone else," Christopher says after he names all the other people he misses first. Buck is probably also telling himself, don't make it about you Buck, this isn't about you, but you are going to promise, "I'm not going anywhere." The last three episodes (Jinx, There Goes the Neighborhood, and Breaking Point) were like some kind National Treasure bullshit; *Nicolas Cage voice* "The secret lies with Charlotte." "Paul Revere went by horse and it was two lanterns not one" or some bullcrap that movie talked about (not going to lie, I once thought it was comedic), but I just mean the overall premise of National Treasure being about secrets or coded messages and a Treasure Hunt (which if I'm correct is also a name of a potential 911 episode...?)

Can I backtrack a moment to 4x07? You know the awkward double date that Buck invited Taylor to? Buck is sitting awkwardly in that chair, wondering about his life choices and little bit of a song played. The lyrics, "There's someone else for you." Just that bit of the song, for the record and I don't think it was already playing in the previous scene to end so coincidentally over Buck’s face?

I'm also not over Taylor talking about looking for a miracle in which Buck gave to her and Eddie also called Buck a miracle worker.

Okay, the end of Breaking Point: Ana comes over to the house, like some awkward new beginning parallel to Madney being cute as they prepare for Baby Mango. Buck patches things with Albert. Then the not so happy crescendo/breaking point for Hen and Karen. Adopting Nia may not happen.

It's really coded like a treasure hunt and if there's an episode named that, well, that'll be hilarious. I'm forever going to hang onto Future Tense as a way of showing us the future, Buck and Eddie have yet to realize. So when they do realize it, it'll be soo damn good. So if the presumed treasure hunt the universe sends the boys on (with everyone else on their own kind)- but if Buddie doesn’t end with them figuring out what connects them and how they want to be connected...like if they don’t meet in the middle at the X marks the spot (or the universe tether aka Christopher) then I really am just creating this treasure hunt out of thin air and it doesn’t exist like the Dad profusely told Nic Cage’s character in National Treasure...or maybe it’s also like PLAYING DETECTIVES? Cagney and Lacey inspired True Crime podcast brought to you by Buck and Eddie two LAFD firefighters and best friends occasionally featuring their Captain of the 118; plus Bobby’s friend Michael and his partner David who reluctantly participates in these shenanigans but could provide key medical evidence/research. In my mind, they read [mostly Buck and Eddie] their cases/script for this made up podcast as 1940s detectives. Smoky voice Buck: “It’s a locked room mystery.” *1940s detective music* Smoky voice Eddie: “Correction. It’s a locked yard mystery...” Anyway...

Did I mention the clowns to ya'll? We didn't forget abut those clowns did we (Jinx might actually be my fav episode of the season after FUTURE TENSE). The clowns are so pointedly shot after Eddie mentions Ana to Buck. Okay. Then there's also the love languages thing. That's a book Buck’s therapist would've recommended right now or for some reason he’s choosing to read it? As we can see, I think the show might be reeling it back in for Buck. As Eddie put it "I don't know what inspired this software upgrade." Coincidentally, Buck 3.0 is looking to the FUTURE. Anyway, the love languages. NO one immediately thinks about the coffee machine prank. Absolutely no one so I won't even make that a thing, but I notice in that scene Buck "outs" Eddie by telling the team about Ana.

Hen: Ana who?... Is this the one you yelled at? Eddie: I apologized for that. Chim: Yeah okay and you still didn't ask her out? Eddie: She's Christopher's teacher. Bobby: I thought you said she got a new job. Buck: *crickets*

What's the intention behind Buck bursting this supposed secret and then not have him encourage Eddie? Like in his way, Buck could’ve said well, does she do this or that? Words of affirmation? Gift giving? Are yours and her love languages truly compatible? Oh, wait, there’s implications behind the book Buck is reading but also...there's implications behind Chim and Bobby's statements. They're implying okay so go for it. Neither Hen or Buck really do that. Why don’t we have Hen jumping on the encouragement train either? Instead she brings it back to that one unfortunate moment any of them really remembers of Ana... Hmm, it's secrets and coded messages and the one thing that Buck has said from this entire season that truly resonates with me:

Buck (directed to Eddie): The universe is screaming at you and it's like you're not even listening.

Irony is. Neither is he.

Oh wait, another line that resonates with me (and I made a recent post with it too):

Bobby (directed to Eddie): They're so focused on what they don't have that they might miss out on the chance to have something else, something real.

Something real. 

You really want me to think this line is about Ana Flores, even if Eddie thinks it somewhat is? And the foundation of it is to encourage Eddie to think about moving on, to stop being so STUCK (2x04 anyone?). If it really is about Ana then we're actually painting Bobby as the character who has no idea...? None whatsoever as to HOW CLOSE Buck and Eddie could be, if that's what they wanted. Seems fake, but okay. Bobby's line actually should highlight that they both are looking in the opposite direction when in fact the SOMETHING REAL is right in front of their faces. The something real is what Eddie came home to after his supposed date.

Just saying because to me it looks Buck and Eddie are still looking in and RUSHING INTO the PAST TENSE and have yet to understand the FUTURE TENSE. 

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

netflix shadow and bone s1 e5 pt3: peak darklina

the first kiss scene Alina is so beautiful Her little smile as she picks up his kefta after he hears him call out for Ivan to get it like ooh I'm gonna play a little trick on Alek Her making him smile with a joke that's not even funny The tentativeness of it all, them tiptoeing around each other, testing the boundaries Him being taken aback by her offering to help him put on his kefta but still wanting her to and immediately resorting to business voice asking questions about official sun summoner stuff And putting on his serious business face him trying to explain away the gloves by calling them a safeguard, not a sign of him not trusting her abilities the face he makes after saying spectacle either depicting his distaste for the showiness of the event or depicting his embarrassment at how he phrased the sentence, like what the fuck did I just say (more likely the first one) Her quickly turning around and walking away after the eye contact makes her realise how close they are and him pulling a puzzled look as she does so Just. Just how adorable the energy is. Both of them making jokes to diffuse the tension, her gripping the table to maybe steady or calm herself, the looks they give to each other as if engaged in a delicate dance; god-like Him straight up just blinking and looking down and gulping as she says 'we can offer Grisha and Ravkans hope' (could be multiple things he's thinking at this point, and all of them interest me) 'That means a lot to me, Alina.' *her turning to look at his face* 'You mean a lot...' *her immediately lowering her gaze and tracing where her mal scar used to be lmao* 'to everyone' *her raising her gaze to him again* The music swelling as she walks up to him, her barely grazing her fingers against his collar, his eyes looking across hers as if in disbelief, her looking at his lips, and then her closing the gap between them. Him being a little stiff, indubitably from being shocked, and yet giving into it almost instinctively as if he can't help it. The violin coming in powerfully yet softly to emphasize the tenderness of it all. This thing has been made with so much love and I can't contain myself about it. Him opening his eyes half a second after Alina, almost as if waking up from a dream and then, following a relaxing of his facial muscles as he clearly regains his composure, immediately looking inscrutable. Her doubting herself, not losing eye contact as he stands up from the desk, but her sudden fear, regret, and embarrassment clear on her face. Her sides of her lips slowly rising giving way his own self mirroring her and breaking into smile and composing himself and breaking into smile again before saying 'Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkov'. Her now fully breaking out into a smile, her face a picture of unguarded joy, she looks down only to have his gaze follow her face. Both of them giddy in the other's presence and the audience can feel it. It feels like he is leaning in for another one when the sound of the door opening makes them spring apart, regaining their composures and standing at a respectable distance from each other. Her poorly suppressing a smile, him looking at her visibly, her mimicking him with a glance out of her periphery, causing her to give in to her smile completely. Him looking visibly distracted as he attempts to pay attention to whoever came into the room. the Jesper of it all Jesper the mega idiot not being able to control his face from doing a thing as he realises the person who caught him where he wasn't supposed to be is the same person he was making sexy eyes at before and yet regaining his composure in record time The poor stable hand actually being interested in Jesper and being adorable with Jesper just being like charm itself Can you believe looking at Jesper Llewellyn Fahey in the flesh and having him make sexy eyes at you and then forgetting about it? Because I simply cannot. The line about light role play? Felt a little not right. GO OFF STABLE HAND WHO PUSHED JESPER AGAINST A WALL AND KISSED HIM, HE LITERALLY SAID IM POPPING OFF AND

THEN HE DID Zoya Zoya saying fuck off to the random racist comment made by one of the guests, but she was racist to Alina herself? (I mean South Asian-East Asian hate is not uncommon so idk) David omg the cutie pie adjusting his hair at the fete HEARTRENDER FUCKING HUSBANDS Fedyor insisting on Ivan eating the sweet and Ivan's solemn head shake like no babe im on a diet and Fedyor being like heart eyes please eat the sweet my love and then Fedyor holding Ivan's face to make him nibble off a corner and Ivan's face splitting into a reluctant grin Kaz the actor Seeing Kaz the actor instead of Kaz the master of trickery and plans is an interesting thing Kanej being Kanej cute banter interaction, would recommend, 10/10 hints at Arken being sus The look Kaz gives Arken when Arken leaves, I really should have known, I was simply being a clown Darkling and the dumb royalty We love the Darkling suppressing his anger at these otkazat'sya rulers dissing the grisha and the little palace Alina's entrance The soft hum that we hear when Alina enters but we don't see her face Alina's adorable peeking The Darkling's expression changing despite being done af with these mfers and instantaneously on catching a glimpse of Alina, she really has that power huh He really made it look like his pupils dilated and who knows maybe they did Him trying to call her out for not following protocol but him melting and saying 'you look lovely, by the way' Her saying 'you look like you needed saving' I can't breathe you're so cool ballroom at the little palace I must confess I expected the ballroom of the winter fete to be bigger

GENYADAVID looking at each other and pretending not to look at each other, my fucking heart Kanej being Kanej Kaz implying they're gonna try to trick the people into thinking that the fake sun summoner is real and Inej being done with his shit Alina's demonstration HER NAME IS ALINA STARKOV yes mfer The way people back away as he steps, god the power of this man Inej looking at Kaz omfg Okay him clapping the darkness into the room was cool af I love the shadow summoning effects so fucking much The first bit of light that Alina summons lighting up the gold parts of her black kefta, absolute perfection Alina just enjoying her power and then looking to Alek, his lips parting when she does Aw Fedyor looking at Ivan in a I told you she could do it way Genya and Fedyor exchanging glances as Alina besties THE CROWD SAYING SANKTA ALINA INEJ SAYING SANKTA ALINA WITH HALF A TEAR IN HER EYE DAMN THIS IS POWERFUL Jesper and Dima IMMEDIATELY TRANSITIONING TO JESPER SAYING 'SAINTS' AS A NAKED STABLE BOY GETS OFF OF HIM AGAHSJSJSJKS I CAN'T IM CACKLING AT THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW HOW ARE THEY SO PERFECT (his name's dima btw) Poor fucking Dima getting frightening orders from his superior as his hookup sneaks out with horses that are definitely not his Arken the little shit Ah Arken why'd you have to go and do this I was actually amused by you before the malyen factor omg Mal's here and someone saw him getting here apparat and faith? The apparat literally jumping out of the palace walls at Alina lol man I do love the religion angle of this universe and it would have been so fucking cool if it were explored a bit better ew apparat that grab was very violent mal/darkling interaction the darkling's reaction at his recognition of mal was so funny ah yes my arch nemesis, the other angle of this teen immortal love triangle how utterly delightful someone explain the darkling's 'are you alright' to mal, is it because Alina was worried sick, is it mind games, is it curiosity, what is it Im still don't know how to feel with them attaching a literal symbol to the sun summoner, to Alina's dreams and to the stag itself 'not until I see Alina' THE LOYAL HIMBO ENERGY IN THIS ONE ISTFG I have never known nose acting until I saw Ben Barnes, he uses his nose in his acting and it is absolutely wonderful; case in point, the 'i beg your pardon' to mal with the rage making his voice shake okay but why is every mal darkling interaction like, everything the prompt answer our baby mal gives and the satisfaction it brings to his face, fucking amazing the darkling being literally struck by this, his mouth literally agape, king this is a 20 year old lmao Baghra! OMG WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF BAGHRA'S FIRE YES Genya supremacy Genya beating Arken up let's fucking go Marie's plot influence and Racism? Yellowface? again? hmm bardugo (then again, I have no authority over this, I'm south asian) Ive already talked about how I'm interested in knowing if and how changing Marie's time and place of death going to influence the plot much because in the books it caused a chain reaction doing a lot of stuff Alina, my love Alina just, laughing with other Grisha, feeling at home, ah be still my treacherous heart Mal's confrontation scene with Alina that was in the books being retconned to Mal calling out to her body double, hmm, probably to make Mal more likeable, I don't have any feelings about this particularly Nadia and Fedyor Okay the both of them, smiling and walking, hand in hand, cute mlm wlw solidarity moment that I missed during the first watch Kanej interacting with Alina Why is Alina literally so adorable The music picking up as the Inferni catches sight of the 'limping man' (what? it was funny when he said it) Blue Irises Alina's face showing a certain sense of calm when Alek shows up Alina's face after the Darkling says 'for you' and presents her with blue irises is something like gasp okay you've got game sexy shadow man mal fite time omg I thought she was taking mal to talk to Baghra or smth not to kill him 🤡 aren't oprichnikis like

otkazat'sya or am I missing smth? Because Baghra's spy is obvs a fabrikator THE DESK SCENE omg the scene hath arriveth the fact that Alina can't stop smiling gods, the flirting 'I don't recall this, being part of the schedule' him turning back and saying 'it isn't' her hiding her face through the cover of smelling the flowers and just how coy she acts, like the literal eyelid batting Ma'am how embarrassing for you to have feelings rn these two are my absolute favs of all time the camera moving as they move from their spots on which they had to stand on to get the shot of their shadows almost kissing her nodding and smiling at him saying 'she'll probably be alright' like okay I'm ready for smooches kiss me already and him going 'don't you think' trying to savour this moment IM SORRY BUT THE FUCKING SCORE AT THE MOMENT THEIR LIPS MEET YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CANNOT COPE the way his hand is so big that he can almost hold her entire face in it the way she grips the back of his head I'm sorry I feel so disrespectful saying this but the sounds they make+I think that's a um titty grab or maybe it's just a holding someone and the placement was um unintended but I doubt it because everything in this fucking show is so intentional+ the lift up onto the desk+ the faces they make+ um god I'm going to hell for this but when they sort of grind into each other (I understand this is acting and they're just good at their job) but god does all of this make my heart race and also makes me happy I guess LITERAL GIGGLES I can't I'm soft 🥺🥺🥺 his little head shake at the knock on the door when he goes in for one last kiss before she gets off the desk and her eyes going all oy you, go get the door, I'm not going anywhere don't make whoever it is wait is so adorable and domestic her just standing there mouth agape to herself when he walks away HIM STILL FLUSHED AND BLUSHING AND HIS HAPPINESS CLEAR AS DAY ON HIS FACE WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR his gaze flits to her when Ivan says Alina was the target 'I'll be waiting' love, I physically can't anymore Little cheek hold and walk away Her little smile to herself nearly fading before he jumps back in again to her surprise and to ours to hold her face with both his hands and kiss her one last time, and yes, he does kiss like he's being drafted for the war in the morning Her little mouth open and close and then her little smile to herself after he leaves I refuse to watch the rest of the episode right now because no let me steep in the darklina bliss

[whumpbby]

I finished typing and now I feel I have to preface it with a: this is all a monologue about Jedi and Force and Lucas’ inability to show the good story he wants to tell - just a warning. This is in no way meant to contradict the other post with that quote floating around or argue against it - just my own rambling coming to a conclusion I keep struggling with when it comes to SW universe and the ways it makes no sense to me and how I feel deep in my bones that Lucas is a crap storyteller.

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I don’t know why, but for all the interesting concepts Lucas talks about, Anakin’s fall never sat well with me. In time I came to the conclusion I would respond better if the Jedi culture surrounding it wasn’t so contradictory to itself.

And if he wasn’t so heavily leaning on the concept of the ‘pure love’ that is unconditional and undemanding and ‘unselfish’. Tldr: that love does not exist outside of poetry and romance dramas and imagination. Like every other emotion humans feel, love is conditional.

Take the first trilogy - I got that. The Jedi were largely missing and there was not much lore-wise, but the vibe it gave was measured and peaceful and mindful, and all the things that stood against the Empire - that represented the Dark Side in a very concise way. It wasn’t too nuanced, so we could buy it in this very simple ‘princes kidnapped b ya dragon’ story. This is as good as Lucas gets.

But then the prequels happened and Jedi became this weird, extremely specific, but conflicting idea. They are not supposed to take sides in politics - except when they do. They are not supposed to kill - except when they do, with freaking relish. They are not supposed to love or hate or allow emotions dictate their ways - oh, except when they do. And they can have sex - just not sex with someone they want to settle down with (oh boy, is that a signifier of a story written by a guy or what?). All seems to be ‘except when they do, as long as it can be adequately justified to make them look good’.

And I do have an issue with the idea of ‘Anakin was too old to join, he was already attached to his mother’ which is, when you think about it, is insane. Learning to control your emotions and letting go of your wants, Buddhist way, fine.

Aiming to train children to not be attached to their parents? What? How young a child has to be for that attachment forms? How is a meditation and repeating mantras going to help a 5-year old who is missing their mom at the temple? How do you even expect to train a child out of missing their mom??? How is it NOT better to get an older child that can reason above the instinctual and hardwired need for their mother? 

But let’s say Anakin’s attachment to his mother was ‘selfish’ from the beginning - but, that’s the thing, was it? Was it really? They were slaves and she was his only family, okay, obviously that made his attachment stronger and more layered than, say, a normal middle-class Coruscanti kid who could love their mom without constant fear that any day they can be separated forever by someone who didn’t give a shit. In that sense, yes, Anakin was desperately attached to his mom and afraid of loosing her - there was fear in him. Right, I’m there with you, Yoda.

But the movies show us that the way Jedi seem to approach these hard subjects is by not approaching them at all - oh, well, we can’t take him in. He had a difficult childhood and there are issues attached, get him out of here.

In a galaxy full of races and issues and the Force being tied to any and all creatures in any and all circumstances - this was the hard line Jedi were drawing. In essence, either only accepting kids young enough to not remember their parents (and I see absolutely no issues whatsoever that could happen here, nope) or with childhoods perfect enough not to have any issues whatsoever. Anyone else? Adults that discovered Force when they were older? Kids like Anakin with hard childhoods? Creatures that were either culturally or chemically wired differently enough that the tight reins Jedi held over their emotions weren’t possible for them? Nope. Go away. You are a bad person in the making.

If you spend a moment contemplating, you will realise this is such a white privileged guy way to think about it. And if you stick your head into the microwave for a couple seconds, you can almost understand how Lucas thought this is something profound and mystical.

No that I think about it... I always thought Sith were freaking clowns - their philosophy makes no sense, their ‘rule of two’ is hilarious, everything about them is just so badly designed and thought out, and who would ever decide to join of that creepy cult of their own volition? It made no sense!

But, as an answer to the egalitarian and contradictory ways of the Jedi - Sith make all the sense to exist. And let’s forget about the Light and Dark (that I don’t believe exist above the ways of personal emotional expression that in time trains the Force around a person in certain ways - like a person can train their brain in and out of anxiety ofr example), but focusing strictly on philosophy - yeah, being a Sith makes sense when any other way is barred form someone by no fault of their own. And barred with an excuse they are a bad seed anyway. 

“You fear/hate/desire hence you can’t access the Force with us” = “Well fuck you, then, I will access the Force in my own way, using these exact emotions!”

Like, Sith are clowns, but Jedi suck in their own very special way and their fall was just waiting to happen.

I get a strange feeling that Lucas created Jedi as a class of a warrior monk in DnD and then scrambled to create their enemies out of the simplest contradictions. Light-dark. Love-Hate. Peace-Fear. Etc. But because Jedi were so simple - once they started to gain popularity and he had to expand their lore and layer on the philosophy, he hit a wall. Or rather, the bottom of the kiddy pool. Because a ‘warrior monk’ is not an a ‘good’ class, but he wanted them to be mostly warriors, but also a force of good in the galaxy, because Star Wars is the same simple story repeated again and again with a new set of characters (regardless of how much fake politics is thrown in to obscure that fact) so this whole universe is basically built on giving Jedi reasons to fight and kill, and adequately justifying them. And then the Dark Side had to catch up by being more ridiculously evil at every turn - accidentally unmasking the way Jedi philosophy falls apart under closer scrutiny.

So like, to make a full circle, the one thing the prequels did well was to show Anakin’s fall (and I am not gonna argue, it was effective and he is a villain of this story) but they also presented - I think against the creator’s intention - why it was pretty much inevitable. Not because Palpatine was there to whisper poison, or because Force itself strived for ‘balance’ (even though the latter is a hilarious idea I love to contemplate) - but because Jedi, as presented in the movies-media around them, as a philosophy and way of life is inherently contradictory and unsustainable from the point of being a, well, a breathing, thinking being.  The ‘selfish love’ argument would work so much better if it wasn’t presented with an example of a kid who was born a slave and the people who saw it as a strike against his character, and did very little to address the specific issues that could arise from that before it was too late. 

Would it fucking kill them to let go of their strict training routine and ensure that his specific emotional needs were met? That Shimi was, I don’t know, NOT A SLAVE. They seem to interfere into politics just fine when need arises - but not when it’s a sandy planet in the ass-end of the universe no one cares about. Then no, we can’t liberate one slave. That would be acting in self-interest - not in the interest of not allowing one of the strongest members of out order to fall into the ruin we have forseen form the beginning. 

It would work better is if Anakin’s ‘selfishness’ was presented as his inability to let Padme leave him for someone else/just leave him - not to be unwilling to let her die.  

Think about it for a moment - he wasn’t presented with the idea of Padme leaving him. With the idea of his mother not loving him anymore. He was firmly and, form his point of view, believably, presented with the idea of both of them DYING. Which actually happened to his mom, solidifying the fear in his mind.

Yes, he was not meant to go on a rampage and kill the ones who killed Shimi - but wasn’t he? The Jedi are not against killing. Only killing in self-interest I guess - when self-interest is not one’s life and their political affiliation or their ‘job’ at hand, that is. Revenge is a no-no, but a military retaliation is a yes-go. Can’t kill anyone who wronged me - but I can kill those who wronged a person who gives me orders. How does that work within a Jedi doctrine? 

How, in good conscience, can you present this scenario, George, and then try to spin it into this big philosophical bullcrap about unselfish love????  Jedi murdered people over political squabbles - but I guess that’s okay because they weren’t invested??? And that’s better?!?!? George! What the fuck! You are such a bloke my head hurts!

In case of Anakin, Jedi were essentially Elsa’s parents. I pretty much despise Elsa and the film she crawled out of, and I personally don’t like Anakin as a character either, so this is not stanning in any way, but their issues scream ‘I was raised by well-meaning idiots’ and shows the level of botched storytelling I just can’t reconcile.

Which, you know what? 

Luke, who spent years studying Jedi ways and taking them into himself? 

I can believe than this Luke would try to kill his nephew at the barest whiff of the Dark Premonition instead of helping him manage his motions in a somewhat healthy way - that seems to be exactly what a real Jedi would do, after all. 

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 5

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4

4 Months Pregnant

“I need customized stickers that say Baby On Board for my purple Lamborghini and the other cars I drive,” The Joker growls at his own idea whilst sharing it with the person fulfilling his wacko trades: Franco Rossi, the leader of best underground supply chain in Gotham.

“When would you like them ready Mister J? After Y/N gives birth?”

“Nope! Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?...” Franco hesitantly inquiries about the sudden emergency since he can’t understand why The King of Gotham demands them so fast.

The Joker hates explaining yet certain people are obtuse thus they necessitate enlightenment.

“Y/N’s pregnant: when she gets in a car, the baby is also. Baby on board! Hello??” the father-to-be loses his temper.

Who can argue with The Joker’s logic? Nobody. It sort of makes sense anyway.

“Of course, Mister J. I’ll have them ready. If you drop by after 6pm, I’ll have your guns ready too.”

“Perfect!” the Joker hangs up among the ruckus coming from the office near the kitchen: sounds of shattered objects and yelling alert Richard aka Panda you’re at it again. He nonchalantly passes by in order to deliver the items to The Clown.  

“Your drinks Mister J,” he gives one cup with Starbucks caramel latte to his boss and the other is placed on the table. Why does your boyfriend require 2 identical containers? It won’t take long to solve the mystery.

“Are the lids glued?”

Strange question but there’s a purpose in it.

“Yes sir. How is she doing?”

“She’s hormonal: breaking things makes her feel better which reminds me we have to hoard porcelain objects for her to wreck. NO glass!”

“Sure, I’ll tell the crew,” Richard leaves the kitchen while texting Frost. “Hulk needs more to smash,” he types the code name they gave you in the last weeks although The King knows about it: J’s the one that came up with it.

“Hey Pumpkin,” you are greeted as soon as you pop up from the office. “How’d it go?” he scrolls down on his phone and takes a sip of hot liquid.

“Ugghh!” a frustrated Y/N swings the yellow teddy bear The Joker stole for her on their first date, hitting his hand in the process. The drink flies near the fridge and splatters on the floor with minimal damage: only a tiny puddle instead of a disaster, that’s why the lids are glued.

Safety measure for The Queen’s unpredictability.

J grabs his reserve cup of coffee, paying attention now hence he dodges your renewed attack and keeps his coffee intact.

That’s why his drinks have the lids glued, in case you catch him off guard the second time it will result in negligible destruction.

It happened before.

“I don’t think so Princess,” The Joker strong grip on the container calms you a bit because you won’t be able to win this round. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” you pout and sit in his lap.

“I bet the baby is,” the secret weapon is unleashed: J discovered such a gem by accident and it works like a charm. How can Y/N say “no” if the baby is involved? She can’t.

A plate filled with a bunch of your favorite breakfast food is placed in front of you and strangely enough you’re instantly hungry.

“Extra bacon,” he purrs. “Plus chocolate dip and honey mustard for your pickled cherries. I added peanut butter olives as a bonus.”

In your defense, you’ve been having weird cravings lately.

You place the toy on the chair nearby and start eating, ogling a Joker texting back and forth with his business partners. He chews the morsel you just offered and shivers: waffle dipped in clam juice is disgusting. Maybe he should look at the food you shove in his mouth.

“Gross,” J washes the terrible taste with coffee and gets a kiss for encouragement, yet he’s aware of the connotations. Another kiss confirms it.

Let’s put it this way: besides the hormonal episodes and food demands, The Queen has had a fresh type of craving recently - The Joker kind.

More than usually.

That’s why he has to clear it up.

“I’m flattered for being the center of attention; we gotta keep in mind that contrary to the popular belief, I don’t have unlimited stamina, Pumpkin.”

You nod in agreement and unbutton his pants, then unzip them also.

“Y/N, pay attention!” J insists since you don’t give a damn about his woes. “Think about it as a two way street: The Joker Street and I Want To Break Things Street. Are you with me so far?” he double checks.

Why is he yapping so much??! I guess you should make an effort to comprehend: he’s even doodling patterns on his phone to emphasize the speech.

“When you get hormonal, Princess, let’s try and walk on the I Want To Break Things Street instead of The Joker Street, hm? The Joker Street is sometimes closed for repairs until further announcement.”

OK, OK, this is a lecture. Something about a Joker Street, he seems upset he doesn’t have one…?... Right?...

If you were him, you would be pissed Gotham didn’t name a street in your honor when you’re so important for the town.

Another peck on his neck, then your lips go down his collar bone.

“You’re not paying attention, are you?” J mutters when it’s clear his shirt won’t remain on his body for too long.

“I am,” you defend yourself.

“Oh yeah? What did I say then?”

“Ummm…” you try to piece together words among estrogen taking over. “No Joker Street?...”

“Bingo, that’s it Princess! No Joker Street, correct! Choose the other street, yes?”

This time he kisses you, excited his idea was well received when in fact, both parties are referring to unrelated concepts.

“Wait,” J dodges your touch, “Richard is calling.”

Because he’s on the phone ignoring Y/N, she is ensuring a nice surprise for later; concentrating to the maximum to avoid misspelling, the following message is sent to Franco Rossi from her cell:

“Make a landmark sign that says Joker Street.”

The King’s conversation is prolonged more than anticipated until he discerns you’re not wiggling: you feel asleep, softly snoring on his shoulder and he definitely can’t afford to wake you up.

The doctors said your body is trying to cope with the pregnancy the best way it can: if you doze off at random hours it means you ran out of fuel and you should rest. After cheating death and surviving the accident, the future mother is at high risk of serious complications which is why each day could lead to unforeseen problems.

The Joker rises from the chair holding you in his arms and after a few steps he realizes it’s difficult to walk: thanks to his unbuttoned and unzipped pants, they keep sliding lower and lower. There’s no way he will make it upstairs so maybe the sofa in the living room is the best option. He almost trips thus he begins to drag his feet on the carpet, the pants at knee level now.

“I’m reduced to a piece of meat,” J grumbles, finally making it to the couch and placing Y/N on it so she can have her power nap.

*************

6:02pm

You accompanied The King to a meeting with Seraphim, the best hacker/strategist J uses: they’ve been plotting for a while concerning D.A. Kevin Winchester. The politician is becoming a huge pain in the butt for Gotham’s underworld and something must be done; either annihilation or blackmail, it truly doesn’t matter since he’s bad for business. Due to a total lack of interest in the subject, you are exploring the surroundings quite angry The Joker dragged you here.

Luckily there’s stuff to do.

Bam! you punch the fragile glass sculpture and it splinters into a million pieces on the lavish marble floor.

Seraphim jumps at the noise, immediately recognizing his beloved possession:

“That’s…,” he gulps, appalled. “That’s a Vitriol!”

Yup, the one and only Degas Vitriol, the latest sensation taking the art universe by storm.

“She’s hormonal,” J sneers. “She breaks shit!”

“That’s valued at 150,000 dollars!” the hacker breaths in much needed oxygen regarding the atrocity unfolding at his hideout.

“So??!!” your boyfriend sucks on his teeth, irritated. “Serves you right for buying that asshole’s artsy fartsy crap!”

The Joker actually has 4 Vitriol masterpieces at the mansion yet you were strictly forbidden to destroy them, alas he gave you the office for your rampages.

You continue your exploration as they talk about God knows what until you perceive an alarming detail: Seraphim is literally screaming having a gun pointed at J.

You sneak behind him then in a split second you strike the pistol out of his hand and your fist lands on his temple with such brutality it knocks him out unconscious.

“What the hell are you doing, Y/N???” The Clown hisses at your erratic behavior.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing??!!!” he repeats, annoyed.

“S-saving  you…,” you stutter, confused on why J is mad. “He was yelling and…mmm, had a gun,” you wince in pain because your knuckles hurt from the impact.

“The guy’s half deaf and sometimes he raises his voice without noticing, or did you forget??!! Now I have to wait until he comes to his senses and that’s a waste of my time, Y/N!!! Seraphim wasn’t threatening me, he was showing me his newest collectible!!! I suppose someone with half a brain can’t acknowledge the mess they’ve created!!!”

A lot of accusations thrown your way still… the last sentence brings tears in your eyes.

“I…” you bite your lower lip. “…I don’t have half of brain…”

“Wanna bet??” The Joker bites more instead of leveling with your logic: you though he was in danger and took action. If it was a real emergency, yes, you would have been the hero; it’s not and apparently he can’t appreciate your fast intervention in these circumstances.

“Y-you’re stupid…” you whisper, frustrated. “You don’t understand anything…”

Here it is -- the cataclysmic event of the century: someone called The Joker stupid. He’s beyond outraged with nothing better to utter besides a very childish:

“You’re stupid!”

Y/N turns around and stomps out of the house leaving a trail of destruction outside: she slaps the bottled water out of The Shark’s hand, kicks Panda’s shin and snatches Frost’s donut basically inhaling the sweet treat.

“I want to go h-home!!” you shout and enter the first vehicle you see, slamming the door so hard the window on the passenger side cracks.

“Jesus…” Jonny mumbles and being the sensible man that he is you are offered the whole box of pastries he purchased for his family. He can acquire more, but there’s no way in hell he wants to endure Y/N in the state she’s in.

Gotta keep Hulk calm somehow…

**************

3 Hours Afterwards

You sulk when The Joker strolls in the master bathroom frantically searching the cabinets.

“Did you see my shaver?” he asks.

“Hm?”

“Did you see my shaver?”

“I…I wouldn’t know. I only have half a brain,” the surprisingly eloquent phrase queues J his woman is holding a grudge for his earlier statement. Why wouldn’t she? He was a complete jerk.

At least you didn’t catch on to the obvious: The King of Gotham doesn’t own a shaver; hair just grows on his head.  

He glimpses at Y/N soaking in the bathtub with a kid’s book in her left hand and the right hand fingers sunk into a bowl filled with ice placed at the edge of the Jacuzzi. The Joker leans over and switches your book since it’s upside down.

You huff at the unwanted help and stare at the pictures expecting he’ll look for his shaver and disappear.

You’re not that fortunate today.

“Imagine my surprise when I drove the main alley and detected a sign that says The Joker Street,” he brings up the topic.

Franco Rossi was super-efficient …sadly you ordered the item before J ran his mouth at the hacker’s place, otherwise you wouldn’t care he wants a street with his name.

“You said no… no Joker Street,” you stammer. “Now you have one,” the bitter tone makes him roll his eyes: Y/N’s brain got what it could from his monologue, he should have known better than to make it complicated.

“Excellent…” The King starts rubbing your tummy, “… precisely what I was aiming for. I’m washing the baby, not you!” he underlines when you move farther from him.

You scrunch your face displeased but let him do it because it’s for the baby.

“I know what you’re doing,” Y/N gives him a cold gaze. “U-using the baby… I’m not stupid!”

Busted, The Joker thinks. The schemer in him won’t accept defeat though.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Yes you did!”

“You said it first!!!” he reckons, antagonized. “Therefore two stupid people put together gotta make up for a smart one!!’

“I… I don’t wanna make out…” you frown at his suggestion.

The Joker sighs, deciding not to correct the trajectory of your judgement; it sure sounds like an opportunity.

“Why not?”

“I’m tired and…and I h-hate you,” your heavy eyelids close.

“Both viable reasons, even if I have to admit you striking Seraphim like that got me quite worked up. He’s no small fry! I had to wait for one hour for him to recover; you got a mean punch, woman! The more I reflect on it, the hornier I get. Which reminds me, Pumpkin: guess what?... … … I’m hormonal too.”

No answer, Pumpkin’s out.

“Of course nobody gives a damn if I’m hormonal!” he complaints while grabbing you from the bathtub. You cling to him for a few moments prior to drifting back into your dreams.

“Thanks for getting me all wet,” J snarls at the cruel reality of having his favorite Prada suit ruined.

“You…you’re welcome…” his Queen replies in her sleep, somehow her mind clutching to reality amidst pure relaxation.

This is what two hormonal individuals are reduced to: one’s dozing off, the other is suffering in silence, although being the proud owner of the tiniest road in Gotham compensates for the mishap.

It’s a two way street.

 Also read: Masterlist

You can also follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho. 

[cctinsleybaxter]

2020 in books

2020 was a year of changed reading habits; people reading more than ever or not at all, some changing their tastes and others turning to old comforts. While there weren’t any huge overhauls on my end, more free time did mean a total of 32 in a wider range of genres. In the past couple of years I found a lot of the things I read to be kind of middling and ranked them accordingly, but this year had some strong contenders in the mix. With college officially behind me I love nonfiction again, and I really need to stop being drawn in by novels with long titles that ‘sound interesting.’ A piece of advice to my future self: they will only make you angry.

The Good

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky I loved the BBC radio play when I first listened to it back in 2017, but didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of actually reading the 700-page book, especially since I already knew the plot (spoiler alert: this had no effect and I gasped multiple times despite knowing what was going to happen; Fyodor’s just that good at atmosphere.) The story follows Prince Lev Myshkin, a goodhearted but troubled man entering 1860s Petersburg high society and meeting all of the wretched people therein as he navigates life, laughs, love, unanswerable questions of faith, and human suffering. I care about it in the same way I think other people care about reality TV shows and soap operas. I’m so personally invested in the drama and feel so many different emotions directed at these clowns that it’s like being a fan of Invitation to Love (with an ending equally upsetting to that of the show ITL is from, Twin Peaks.)

Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlanksy I adored this book. The first half reads a little like a Wikipedia article, and I was worried that it was leaning too clinical and would be disaffected with colonialism and indigenous peoples, but even that oversight is corrected for as the text goes on. It’s not going to be for everybody because it really is just the world’s longest encyclopedia entry on, well, salt, but it’s written with such excitement for the topic and is so well-researched and styled for commercial nonfiction that I think it deserves any and all praise it’s gotten. We have to talk about that time Cheshire was literally sinking into the ground, and companies who were over-pumping brine water to steal each other’s brine water said ‘no it’s okay it’s supposed to that’ so were legally dismissed as suspects.

Midnight Cowboy by James Leo Herlihy Cried. 10/10. The plot of Midnight Cowboy is very classic and actually has a lot in common with The Idiot, as 20-something Joe Buck moves from the American Southwest to NYC and meets myriad challenges as a sex worker. I’ve been obsessed with the movie for a few years now and the book made me appreciate it anew; I think it’s rare for an adaptation to take the risk of being so different from its source material while still capturing its spirit. The movie doesn’t include quieter moments like the full conversation with Towny or time spent in the X-flat, nor does it attempt to touch Joe’s internal monologue or his and Rico’s extensive backstories, but these things are essential to the book and are some of the best and most affecting writing I’ve ever read. Finally! The Great American Novel!

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones I would firmly like to say that this is probably the best horror novel ever written. The setup is very traditional in that it’s about a group of friends facing supernatural comeuppance for a past mistake, but delivery on that premise is anything but familiar. A story about personal and cultural trauma that raises questions about what we owe to each other and what it means to be Blackfeet, with a cast that’s unbelievably real and sympathetic even at their absolute worst. Creepypasta writers trying to cash in on the cultural mythos of lumped-together tribes wish they were capable of writing something a tenth as gruesome and good as this. It could very well be a movie the visuals and writing style were so arresting, and I can’t wait to read whatever Jones writes next.

Found Footage Horror Films: Fear and the Appearance of Reality by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas This is the least accessible title on the list since it’s a college textbook for people with background in film, but it was so nice to read a woman unpacking film theory with the expertise and confidence it deserves that I have to rank it among the best. I had an absolute blast reading it and am going to have to stop myself from bringing up the horror of 1960s safety films as a cocktail icebreaker.

Blood in the Water: The Attica Prison Uprising of 1971 and Its Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson

The year’s toughest read by far, but also its most rewarding. Thompson uses mountains of documents, government-buried intel, and personal interviews to explain what happened at Attica from beginning to end, and does a fantastic job of balancing hard facts and ‘unbiased journalism’ with much-needed emotion and critical analysis. It’s more important reading in the 2020s than any kind of ‘why/how to not be racist’ book club book is going to be, and the historical context it provides is as interesting as it is invaluable. The second half drags a bit in going through lengthy trial processes with some assumed baseline knowledge of legalese (which I did not have. All that criminal minds in 2015… meaningless), but aside from that editing and prose are some of the best I’ve seen in nonfiction. 

The Bad

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn A friend and I decided to read this together because I’m obsessed with how insane the author is and wanted to know if he can actually write.

He cannot.

The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All by Laird Barron Barron is an indie darling of the horror fiction scene, so I was excited to finally read one of his collections but can now attest that I hate him. If you’re going to do Lovecraft please deconstruct Lovecraft in an interesting way. I had actually written a lot about the issues I have with how he develops characters and plots, but one of the only shorthand notes I took was “he won’t stop saying ‘bole’ instead of tree trunk” and I feel like that’s the only review we need.

Bats of the Republic by Zach Dodson Look up a photo of this author because if I had bothered to glance at the jacket bio I honest-to-god wouldn’t have even tried reading this.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone I went in with high expectations since this is an epistolary novella I’d seen praised on tumblr and youtube but oh my god was there a reason I was seeing it praised on tumblr and youtube. This is bad Steven Universe fanfiction. Both authors included ‘listening to the Steven Universe soundtrack throughout’ in the acknowledgements, and to add insult to injury there’s a plug from my nemesis Madeline Miller.

The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton The premise of this one plays with so many tropes I like that I should have been more suspicious. It’s a dinner party with stock characters one would expect of Clue, and rather than our protagonist being the detective he’s a man with amnesia stuck in a 24-hour time loop. Body-hopping between guests, he must gather evidence using the skillsets of each ‘host’ until he either solves Evelyn Hardcastle’s murder or the limit of eight hosts runs out. I read a lot of not-very-good books, and it’s so, so much worse when they have potential to be fun. This is how you lose the most points, and how I abandon decorum and end up writing a list of grievances: • Our protagonist can only inhabit male hosts, which I think is a stupid writing decision not because I’m ‘woke’ but because wouldn’t it make sense for him to also be working with the maids, cooks, and women close to the murder victim? • Complaining about the limitations of hosts makes some sense (e.g- there’s a section where he thinks that it’s hard to be an old man because it’s difficult to get to the places he needs to be quickly), but one of his hosts is a rapist and one of his hosts is fat. Guess which one gets complained about more. • One of the later hosts is just straight-up a cop with cop knowledge that singlehandedly solves the case. We spend some time being like ‘wow I couldn’t have done it without the info all eight hosts helped gather’ but it was 100% the detective and he solves the murder using information he got off-screen. • The mystery itself is actually well-paced and I didn’t have a lot of issues with it (e.g, there’s a twist that I guessed only shortly before the end), which makes it all the worse that the metanarrative of this book is INSANE. No spoilers but the reveal as to why our unnamed protagonist is even in this situation is stupid. I just know they’re going to make it into a movie and I’m preemptively going to aaaaaaaaa!!!

Trust Exercise by Susan Choi The fact that this was the worst book I read all year, worse even than the bad Steven Universe fanfiction, and it won multiple awards makes my blood boil. I could rant about it for hours but just know that it’s a former theater kid’s take on perception and memory, and deals with sexual abuse in a way that’s handled both very badly and with a level of fake deepness that’s laughable. Select fake-deep quotes I copied down because at one point I said ‘oh barf’ aloud: -I’m filled with melancholy that’s almost compassion. It’s sad the same way. -[On a friendship ending] We almost never know what we know until after we know it. -Because we’re none of us alone in this world. We injure each other.

There are also bad sex scenes that I can’t quite make fun of because I think (HOPE?) they’re supposed to be a melodramatic take on how teenagers view sex, but I very much wanted to die. Flowers were alluded to. Nipples were compared to diamonds.

Honorable/Dishonorable Mentions (categorized as the same thing because, well,)

The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North This book was frustrating because the first third of it is fantastic. It’s set up to be a takedown of the manic pixie dream girl trope, jumping from person to person discussing their relationship with the titular Sophie, and indirectly revealing that she was just some girl and not the difficult and mysterious genius they all believed her to be. Then in the third act, BAM! She was that difficult and mysterious genius and she’s now indirectly brought all the people from her past together. I wanted to scream the plot beefed it so bad, but the good news is I really liked this octopus description.

It was the size of a three-year-old child, and it seemed awful to me that something could be so far from human and obviously want something as badly as it wanted to get out of the tank.

Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore Cool new nightmare speedrun strat is to hear a 2-second anecdote from a documentary that people used to get radium poisoning from painting watch faces, be curious enough that you buy a book to learn more, and be met with medical and legal horror beyond anything you could have imagined. This was almost one of my favorite books of the year! Almost.

Radium Girls is very lovingly crafted and incredibly well-researched; one of those things that’s hard to get through but that you want to read sections of again as soon as you’ve finished. The umbrage I take with it is that it’s very Catholic. The author and many of her subjects are Irish and their religion is important to them, but it casts a martyr-y narrative over the whole thing that I found uncomfortable. Seventeen-year-old girls taking a factory job they didn’t know was dangerous are framed as brave, working-class heroes, but there’s not a set moral lesson to be gained from this story. Sarah Maillefer didn’t make “a sacrifice” when she agreed to the first radium tests, she agreed because she was terrified. She didn’t think she was helping she was begging for help.

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Tsing Tsing is an incredibly skilled researcher and ethnographer; there are so many good ideas in this book that I’d almost consider it essential leftist text… if I could stand the way it was structured. Tsing posits that because nature is built on precariousness she will build her book the same way, allowing it to grow like a mushroom, and thus chapters don’t progress linearly and are written more like freeform poetry than a series of academic arguments. Some people are really going to love that, but I’m me and a mushroom is a mushroom and a book is a book. I don’t think in the way Tsing does, and while I tried to keep an open mind it’s hard to play along when something is this academically dense and makes so many ambitious claims. As if to prove how different our structuring methods are, I’ve made my own thoughts into a pros and cons list

Things I liked: • ‘Contamination’ as something inherent to diversity • ‘Scalability’ as a flawed way of thinking (Tsing has written whole essays about this that I find very compelling, but a main example here is that China and the US have come down on Japanese matsutake research for being too ‘site specific’ and not yielding enough empirical data) • Discussing how Americans were so invested in self-regulating systems in the 1950s we thought they could be applied to literally everything, including ecosystems • “The survivors of war remind us of the bodies they climbed over- or shot- to get to us. We don’t know whether to love or hate the survivors. Simple moral judgements don’t come to hand.” • Any and all fieldwork Tsing shares is amazing; I especially liked reading about the culture of mushroom pickers living in the Cascades and their contained market system

Things I didn’t like: • Statements that sound deep but aren’t, e.g- “help is always in the service of another.” (Yep. That’s what that means. Unless an organism is doing something to help itself which then nullifies your whole opening argument.) • A very debatable definition of utilitarianism • “Capitalism vs pre-capitalism,” which seems like an insanely black-and-white stance for a book all about finding hidden middle ground • A chapter I found really interesting about how intertwined Japanese and American economies are, but it tries to cover the entire history of US-Japan relations. Seriously, starting with Governor Perry and continuing through present day, this could have been a whole different book and it’s a good example of what I mean when I say arguments feel too scattered (the conclusion it reaches is that in the 80s the yen was finally able to hold its own against the dollar. Just explain that part.) • A chapter arguing that ‘true biological mutualism’ is rarely a focus of STEM and is a new sociological development/way of thinking which is just… flat-out not true

For all the comparisons art gets to ‘being on a drug trip’ this anthropology textbook has come the closest for me. Moments of profound human wisdom, intercut with things I had trouble understanding because I wasn’t on the same wavelength, intercut with even more things that felt false or irrelevant. I can’t put it on the nice list but I am glad I read it.

[slightlymore]

Soft boyfriend | Part 1

Genre: Series | Fluff | Fic for when you feel the sudden, intense, gut-eating urge of having Doyoung as your soft boyfriend and that OP (a clown) didn’t definitely write as a coping mechanism :) Pairing: Doyoung x Fem Reader Warnings: None as for part 1 Words: 2.2k Summary: You move into a new apartment and you become (very conveniently) Doyoung’s parents’ neighbour. 

This is part 1 of a series. As a whole, it’s going to have fluff, angst, smut etc. As for now only fluff as the momentum is being built. Stay tuned lol

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

MASTERLIST TO-DO LIST

The door opened with a beep. You let out a sigh and looked around for a few seconds before grabbing your suitcases and entering your new apartment. It was a nice part of the city, the building was new and fancy and even though changes usually made you nervous, this time you were actually excited to start a new chapter of your life. People said you were extremely lucky to have gotten in the company you started to work for, and you believed them, although no one mentioned that you must have worked hard first, before getting lucky.

All your life you felt as if you haven’t been working hard enough and that things happened randomly, without you having a say in it. It wasn’t true and lately, you decided to try and accept the fact that you do work hard, you do matter and that you do deserve the good things happening to you. You took off your shoes as soon as you entered the hallway and placing your hands on your hips you wondered what the plan should be from now. You anticipated having to clean all day, but your company was kind enough to send someone over beforehand, so now you looked helpless at the bright and spotless floor as you walked around. The furniture was all assembled, the books all on their rightful shelves, even your bed was freshly made. You shrugged in acceptance and decided to head downstairs to at least buy groceries. It was a nice walk. The store was nearby the apartments complex and you enjoyed the fresh evening air, the fallen golden leaves and people walking busily around you. It didn’t take you long to browse the store though. You were still used to your previous life of being frugal, so even though you had the funds to buy more, useless, stuff, you didn’t. In less than ten minutes you were already at the cash register waiting in line. The woman in front of you was taking a little bit longer as she was having difficulties bagging her groceries. Her left arm was, in fact, in a cast. “May I help you with those?” you asked. The woman lifted her gaze and looked at you kindly. “Oh, my, I would be very thankful” she replied. You smiled back and quickly bagged her stuff. She thanked you again. “If you wait for a second, I can help you carry that, even if for a bit,” you said, hoping it didn’t sound too weird. You were used to helping people in need, but you didn’t know yet if it was a thing in big cities or not. You probably sounded reliable though as she thanked you yet again and waited for you to bag your own groceries after paying. “You are a very kind young lady,” she said as you both exited the store. “I live in that big building right there, and I didn’t need much stuff, so I decided to come and shop by myself” she added as to explain why she was out there alone with a broken arm. You looked over to where she indicated and smiled surprised. “I live there as well; I’ve just moved in today” you let her know.  She looked delighted as she heard the news and after asking you which apartment you occupied, it came out that you lived on the same floor. “What a nice coincidence. I’m glad we finally have a neighbour. That apartment was vacant for a long time” she said. You walked slowly and had a lively chat. The woman said that you could call her Mrs Kim. She wasn’t old but not quite young either, maybe in her 50s. She said that her husband was still working and that her two sons already moved out of the house. The younger one still came by often, as he didn’t live by himself but in a dorm. Still, he was so busy lately that they haven’t seen him in a while. As you entered the lift, Mrs Kim invited you to stay over for dinner. “You’re a new neighbour, it is a tradition to welcome you with food. And you even helped me to carry my groceries”. You looked at her helpless. She was so sweet that you couldn’t bring yourself to refuse. As she opened the door and let you in, a voice startled both of you. “Mom, I can’t believe you actually went to buy groceries by yourself with that arm of yours”. It was a young man, roughly your age, wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants. His arms were crossed on his chest and his expression was irritated. Then he noticed his mom wasn’t alone. “Oh, hi,” he said bowing his head a little, then looked over to his mom as to get an explanation. “Dongyoung has always had a temper. This is Y/N, our new neighbour. She was so kind to me today and helped me carry my bags” said Mrs Kim talking to you first then to his son. “And this is my dear, sweet, child, Dongyoung. He’s the youngest”.   The guy rolled his eyes.  “Nice to meet you” you managed to say as he said the same thing at the same time. You were still holding all the bags and you couldn’t even take off your shoes yet. You felt awkward and didn’t know what to do with yourself. Mrs Kim was already headed over, what you supposed was, the kitchen when she realized you were still near the entrance door. She shook her head and clicked her tongue in disapproval. “Dongyoung, what at you doing? Help her carry those bags inside” she said. He looked dazed as you did but moved quickly and made you hand over the groceries. “Sorry,” he said. “Please come inside”, he added before following his mother. You sighed in relief (you didn’t notice how heavy those bags were while carrying them) and took off your shoes. Their house looked exactly like yours besides the fact that the apartments on that side of the building had another bedroom and bathroom. You headed over the kitchen as well, not knowing what to do, where you found Dongyoung putting your groceries in the fridge. You smiled. “Actually, those are my groceries,” you said at his back. He looked around surprised. “Yeah, I was actually wondering since when does mom buy wine” he chuckled at his mistake. “Oh my, I forgot to tell you that,” said Mrs Kim trying to take out a pot. “Mom!” said Dongyoung. “What are you doing with that heavy pot, put it down and go get some rest” he added looking at her severely. Mrs Kim smiled and rolled her eyes. You guessed it was a family trait.  “He said he is going to cook dinner tonight,” she said to you in a whisper as if to not be heard by Dongyoung. You chuckled. “That’s very sweet. May I help you, Dongyoung, or am I just in the way?” you asked. He looked over at you. “Oh, call me Doyoung, please”.

You weren’t a great cook, but you haven’t died yet from your own cooking and it usually tasted good. Following Doyoung’s directions, you were actually doing pretty great. It was fun and it helped you relax as you chopped away vegetables. Doyoung was talking a lot, probably to make you feel at ease, and it was very soothing. “So are you studying?” you asked after Doyoung finished expressing his opinions on the school system. “Oh, no, I’m working” he replied while stirring the soup he was preparing. “What do you do?” you asked again. You already talked about your company for a while but he didn’t say much about himself. “I sing,” he said quietly after a while. You jerked your head to look at him surprised. “You’re a singer?” He smiled nodding. “Are you famous?” you kept asking as you finished chopping and laid the knife on the cutting board. Doyoung laughed embarrassed. “I guess” was his reply. That was a dumb question, you realized, but you were so surprised that your jaw was almost on the floor. You’ve been talking to a famous person this whole time and your dumb ass didn’t even know. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been living under a rock because of university all this time and I had no idea” you excused yourself. Doyoung shook his head amused as he took the vegetables from you. “It’s actually nice to talk to someone that doesn’t know me that way” he replied. “There’s less pressure” he added.  You were about to ask more about his job if he was comfortable talking about it, but the sound of the door alerted you that Doyoung’s dad was home. He was a sweet middle-aged man and looked pretty much like Doyoung in a few decades. Mrs Kim came along and you had to shyly assist as she showered you yet again with praises and Mr Kim thanked you a few times. Soon enough Doyoung ordered them to get out the kitchen and to lay the table, as the food was almost ready. You smiled. He looked like the real mom in that house.

The next morning you found yourself awake quite early a for a few seconds you didn’t know where you were. Then you remembered that you moved in and chuckled to yourself as you gazed around your room. After a while, as you lazily rolled around your bed, the memories from yesterday’s dinner came to mind and you smiled. Having the Kims made you feel at home and taken care of. You thought that you must prepare something to thank them with. After roughly an hour you were already in the kitchen, flour all over the counters and eggshells on the floor, as you were baking a cake. You were so into working the batter that you almost didn’t hear the doorbell. Wondering who that might be you sprinted towards the door. In front of you, with a little steamy pot in his hands, was none other than Doyoung. He was about to greet you but for some reason, he stopped and looked at you from head to toe, surprised. “Mm?” you wondered yourself and looked at your clothes: full of flour. “Oh, damn” you managed to say. Doyoung laughed loudly. “I guess you didn’t look in the mirror either” he added. You instinctively brought your hands to your cheeks and started to rub. “Oh, God” you murmured. “I’ve been baking” you explained as you walked over the kitchen. Doyoung followed suit and put the pot he was holding on the cooking stove. “Oh, I can see that,” he said, still very much amused. “My mom made, even if I told her to stay put, some breakfast soup, and we thought you would like to taste some” he added regarding the pot. “Oh, that’s so so kind. Thank you and thank your mother as well, please. I’m so lucky to have you as neighbours” you replied removing the lid. It smelled amazing. “Actually, the cake I’m baking is for you all” you added shyly. “I hope you like sweet stuff” you wondered unsurely. Doyoung looked over at the batter and all around the counter. “Oh, we love sweets, but you shouldn’t have bothered”. You shifted your weight from one foot to another anxious. Was that a kind way of refusing? Were you too messy? You were a pretty organized person; you had no idea you could get that messy while baking. “It might look ugly, I warn you, but I promise it’s going to taste good” you tried to encourage him. Doyoung looked over at you and smiled. With a swift movement of the arm, he swiped some flour off the tip of your nose. “I can’t wait,” he said. “I’m going to help you, though. Move” he added. “You do have a lot of books”. Doyoung was looking over at your shelves while you were having breakfast. You didn’t have breakfast yet? And you’re telling me that now? he said, offended. The cake, that became also pretty and not only tasty thanks to Doyoung, was happily baking. The house smelled of vanilla and chocolate, outside started to rain and you thought that you’ve never felt cosier before. “A lot of them are just about school stuff” you managed to say, avoiding talking with your mouth full. Doyoung got up the couch and grabbed a random chunky book, looking at it, reading the title, then putting it back on the shelves as if disgusted. You chuckled. “Doyoung,” you said as the last grain of rice was consumed. “Mm” he said without looking at you and just browsing the shelves. “Would you sing something for me?” you asked quietly. You really hoped he wouldn’t get mad at you. Last night, curious, you searched his name online and listened to as many songs as you could find before falling asleep. It was that type of voice that you definitely had to listen in real life, at least once, before dying. His arm stopped in mid-air before falling to his side. He then looked at you, almost shy and surprised at the same time. You looked over at him as well, with hopeful eyes. He smirked as if annoyed by the request, making his dimple show up, but you knew he didn’t mind and smiled even more. “Is there a song in particular that you want to hear?”

[generatedreflection]

Some thoughts on That New Game About Shibuya will be in this tag; spoilers below. (Days 5-7)

I didn't know much about Nagi and she turned out to be...idk, a bit too standard chuuni for me? I'm sure I'll warm up to her, but I feel like I have seen every single trait of hers multiple times before.

Fret is a delight, I enjoy him immensely, and he is bi.

I appreciate the number of scenes where Rindo is completely lost in his own head while other people are talking. Big mood.

Overall, I'm definitely curious to see how they're going to handle characters in this game (which I mentioned before the game even came out, and is the reason why I'm trying not to expect like...the original game again). The original game WAS the characters, and the lore was basically optional. This game doesn't really seem to be doing that, but I'm also not very far in, so

Finishing Day 5, I really like how everybody's unique psychs work together

Imprinting also feels much more fleshed out; the memes keywords are a bit less obvious, you can get them in different ways, and it doesn't feel like I'm getting like, two choices.

(Day 6)

Huhhhhh ok. I've been wondering about the Ruinbringers and like, the destruction of Shinjuku

My brain is almost connecting dots...the reversi metaphors...flipping...Inversion...hmmmmm

Anyway, I know how we're getting multiple weeks now? (My previous theory was that Rindo would restart the whole week, which I suppose isn't off the table)

Them: hmmm rindo's pin looks different

Me: !!!!!!! WHERE IS MY BASTARD SON WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME

Also that rules out the "Josh pulled them into the UG" theory? Bc that was my one problem with it, that Josh only gave Rindo his pin. What is he up to?? Where is he?? Where are my children!!!

I don't trust the DRS 😅 Sorry guys, I am going to stab you in the back now

UDAGAWA???

CAT!!!

The mystery of Swallow is a good one...I can think of plenty of ideas but can't narrow it down to someone I feel sure of. The emojis are throwing me off bc it sounds like a girl? Who would text like that and also be able to text from the UG?

Meanwhile, this person with the computer. Who are you talking to?? You are blond??

I am so hungry for news of my Hachiko kids

(Day 7)

LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!!

Oh I totally called it. Minamimoto is way too powerful to be a permanent party member. I'm guessing we'll get, like, Neku on week 2 and Shoka on week 3? (Judging by the cover)

NEKU NEKU NEKU NKRU NEKEU

He looks...kinda feral? Neku r u ok

Ok, my thought that Swallow might be Hype-chan is gaining ground. I don't remember her name exactly, but Tsurumi or Tsugumi makes me think of birds?? (I'm not looking it up in case I'm right.) Pretty sure she's the one by the computer. If she is Swallow, tho, her personality isn't what I expected, at least not via text.

Also, I'm going to reveal what a clown I am and say that I was really worried that the game would somehow be like...really short? I think I got burned by the last two "super long wait" games from SE, with FFXV being super short and KH3 spoiling literally everything in the trailers. There's no rational reason for it, but I was like "oh no, what if it's a parallel universe? what if we never find out what happened to neku. what if joshua has only one line. what if it's only a week. what if, inexplicably, it has absolutely nothing to do with A New Day. what if it's just a fun little game with none of the original characters and no stakes" I think it's just a testament to how much I care about this game; it's like I was instinctively trying to keep expectations low. And I still am tbh, but I think part of it is also just that the marketing, like...didn't spoil everything for once. For once I'm not as hype because I genuinely don't know what to expect, and my brain has translated that into expecting nothing.

But I think that'll make for a much more enjoyable experience than when hype brainworms get me so worked up that I inevitably crash when I play the real game. This is honestly really nice 😭

[sardonicnihilism]

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 5 The Older Woman

Chapter 5

The rest of 2018 and 2019 passed in fairly unremarkable fashion. The kids kept seeing the counselor, Jerry's behavior and grades improved until he was one of his grades top students. Tabatha, likewise, did extremely well academically. Jerry joined the school soccer team and took up violin, and Tabatha took up piano, guitar, and drums. While life continued with its normal ups and downs, it really did seem like the worst was behind them.

Even when 2020 hit like a meteor, it still didn't affect Shannon and her family that much. Both Sam and Shannon were deemed essential workers, and therefore kept their jobs. The schools shut down, but Shannon did home lessons over the summer and the kids did remote learning in the fall. Jerry struggled, having a hard time staying focused, but Tabatha did exceptionally well.

It was November when things started to go to Hell for them personally. Shannon started noticing a pain in her right chest and shoulder. It would constantly ache, and if she moved too fast, bolts of sharp, white hot pain would shoot through her body. At first she thought it was just muscle strain from lifting too much (she had gotten back into weight training to lose weight), but when she had taken a week off and there was no improvement, she knew she had to see a doctor.

Here appointment was in December, the week after Christmas. The doctor checked her out and then chewed her out. She was 47 years old and had never had a mammogram. Shannon reluctantly agreed to have one and her doctor made the appointment.

Shannon got her mammogram the second week of January at 8:50 AM. By 3:30 PM, she had three messages saying she should contact them immediately. Shannon had breast cancer. More than that, it had already spread to other parts of her body. After a consultation with the entire family, they decided on an aggressive treatment plan. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Shannon's health declined rapidly. Most of her hair fell out and she shrank from 252 pounds to 110. She was week and tired all the time. She mostly laid in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom; usually to vomit. It was decided that she would enter the hospital for her final days.

Sam would visit everyday. At first he brought the kids with him every time, then every other day, and then they would only come once a week on Sundays. By the end of April, it was clear it was only a matter of days.

Sam's last visit was on a Sunday. It was a perfect spring day. It was so warm and sunny that it made Sam angry. It seemed like a cosmic insult to everything he and Shannon were going through. However, he had managed to purge himself of his bitterness by the time he had gotten to Shannon's room.

She was staring out the window, a contemplative smile gracing her gaunt face. Her hands were folded in her lap and she looked almost transcendent.

"How's the most beautiful woman in the world doing today?" he asked with forced happiness as he entered her room.

Shannon turned to him and smiled as happy a smile as she could. "I don't know. I haven't seen her today," she joked back in her weak, hoarse voice.

Sam grabbed a chair and sat beside her. "How're you sweetie?" he asked with a hushed sadness.

"I'm ok. Best as possible I suppose. I was just thinking I beat mom by a month. She passed in April, I made it all the way to May. Of course she beats me on years though." Shannon's sense of gallows humor was not only still there, but had become stronger than ever.

"I tried to get the kids to come out, but they just couldn't," Sam said apologetically.

Shannon just waved her hand. "It's ok, my family never did do death well."

She turned back to the window and started talking as much to herself as to Sam. "I was going to ask you to make a recording of me saying my farewells to the kids, but then I thought if I really wanted this to be the last and forever image of me; a sad, shriveled up husk of a human being - an image of sadness and loss? That just seems too cruel. I'd rather be forgotten if that is the case."

"You'll never be forgotten," Sam tried to reassure her.

She turned back to him, smiling even more. "We're all forgotten eventually darling." She then reached out and took his hand. "It's been a life, hasn't it?"

"It sure has," he said, trying to smile, but tears were already starting to run down his cheek. "And I thank you for being the love of mine."

"As you are with mine," she said in a peaceful voice.

"No, you don't have to say that. You don't have to pretend." He shook his head as he spoke. He didn't want their potentially last moments to be filled with lies.

"Who's pretending?" Shannon said, sounding almost happy, like he had just told her a joke. "What? You think because I'm not romantically or sexualy attracted to you, that means you're not the love of my life? People put so much emphasis on romantic love. Darling, you were far more than a lover. Being a lover is easy. You were a friend." She then brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

Sam was now weeping heavily. "The first time I met you in the library, I knew I loved you," he choked out.

"When I was a little girl, I asked my grandfather why he kept the dogs outside. He said because animals don't belong in the house. That night, my biological mother, left me in her car while she went into the bar. I was alone, freezing. I wondered if maybe I was an animal and that's why I was being left alone.

"My entire life I felt alone, unloved, unlovable. I was angry and bitter and I hurt anyone or thing I could so they would feel what I felt. I caused so much pain.

"Then I met Jen and I thought I found love. I loved her and I thought she loved me, but she only loved what she thought I was. When I turned out not to be that, she turned her back on me and I went off the deep end.

"And then there was you. You made me laugh. I could talk to you about anything. I felt safe around you; not physically, but emotionally. I became a better person because of you.

"Even when I came out to you, you didn't turn me away, throw me out, which I would have understood if you did. You never stopped being my rock, my shoulder to cry on, the clown to make me laugh when I was crying. You never stopped being my friend."

"And I never will," Sam barely choked out.

"And that is why you're the love of my life."

Sam got up and they embraced. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she gave him one the cheek. They spent the next five hours just reminiscening and joking.

"I better get going, I suppose," Sam said reluctantly. "I can't leave the kids alone all day, but I don't want to leave you alone either. Not to die at least."

"We all die alone honey, even if we're surrounded by people," she said with a smile. "Go. You're a father and your kids need you. I'm already dead. The only thing the dead need is rest. Just, just tell the kids I love them."

"Always," he said tearfully.

A couple hours after he left, she began to feel really tired, her fingers and toes started going numb. She knew the time had come.

She started thinking about tombstones. A name, a dash, and another date. Everything she was, everything she had been, reduced to a small line, carved in a stone that would survive long after she had been forgotten. It seemed unfair, cruel even.

She then thought about something else, something she had learned back in college. She thought about quantum entanglement, how two atoms can become entangled, linked forever across time and space, eternal mirrors to each other.

Her mind then darted to the concept of the multiverse. How there might be infinite universes out, each with their own version of her. What if two versions could be linked somehow? Entangled? What if her mirror was out there? Could she reach her? Could her mind link across dimensions to one of her other selves to share her story?

*Please, please, if can hear me, please tell my story. Please don't let me be forgotten!*, she thought over and over to herself, trying to reach out to anyone who might hear until her brain ceased to function and she passed away.

**************************************

Shannon Brown was born on November 22, 1975 to a single, alcoholic mother. He was taken in by his grandparents and his aunt Mary who raised him as her own. It is Mary who he considers to be his real mother. His biological mother, Kathy, would have two other children, a girl named Tracy (1977) and Paul Jr. (1979).

By about 4 or 5, Shannon knew that he wasn't a he, but a she, but having no language to express this, she kept this to herself. Shannon grew up alone, morbidly obese for most of her life, she never really had any friends and was constantly bullied and picked on. This made her angry and she would often act out in horrible and usually, self destructive ways.

She did manage to lose weight and was thin from 19 to 24. It was at this time she met her future wife, Samantha Hopwood online. Samantha, an Australian citizen, eventually moved to the United States and they got married in 2001. In 2009, their first child, Joshua was born.

It was after that, Shannon came out to Samantha as transgender. It caused a lot of pain and anger in their marriage, but they were able to work through some of it so that they had their second child, Tara, in 2011. In 2020, after years of being partially closeted, Shannon came out to everyone on Facebook (much to the horror of her wife).

It was about this time that Shannon discovered an app called FaceApp. It could change your photo to look like a child, old person, even the opposite physical gender. Shannon took a picture of herself, femininized it, and then took that new picture and reaged it from a little girl to an old woman. As Shannon stared at the pictures, she couldn't help but marvel over how real they looked! These looked like real pictures of an actual person.

"Who are you?" she said to herself. "Who are you, what is your story?" The more she stared at the pictures, the more she could almost hear this stranger call out, "Please, please, tell my story." It was then Shannon knew what she had to do. She opened her Tumblr app, hit the write symbol, and began-

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 1: The Girl

Chapter 1

*This story is dedicated to the memory of H.P. Lovecraft; a horrible man, but great world builder. This wouldn't exist without him.*