#inb4 someone tries to make it out to be that i don’t know about the long history of purse dog women

[cringelock]

every filmmaker these days (and also many before that) has a little waifish woman in their projects that i assume they carry around like a little purse dog

[minrathcows]

I was not (pro)active enough in this fandom before (hopefully I can fix that after I transfer my blog and scrap these ones, and I can commit to posting consistently again), not enough to know what the thing with JC stans was, like I'd heard they were yikes but I never paid much attention as to why, so I ended up discarding it from mind. And then here I am after the donghua finale and I think I'm getting why lmfao.

I cannot believe I have to see with my own two eyes, people unironically making takes like "JC never consented to WWX golden core"... that's like the stupidest thing I've ever fucking heard in my life and it tells a lot about these people's ability to intelligent conversation and comprehension. Sure, you can say “JC never asked for WWX to do this” and it’s correct to some extent, you could see it as a 「余計なお世話だ」 or like it was none of WWX’s business but here is the thing:  

JC did say, on one front, that he was ready to do anything to get his core back, and 

on the other front, the very point of WWX's sacrifice is that is was unconditional, same as everything he has ever done. 

To frame that sacrifice, made out of love at the end of the day, as something bad - and here I am particularly uncomfortable with the phrasing “JC hasn’t consented”, and with the use of the word “consent” particularly, something we use when referring to violations, of physical, emotional, intimacy boundaries, a breach of consent implying, at least to me, a complete lack of care and dismissal of someone’s boundaries and well being - to frame that as something JC is now, aware as he is, obligated/forced/scarred to live with, when to begin with the arrangement has been a positive impact for him... that whole conversation is wildly baffling and infuriating to me.

Whether, if he had known what WWX wanted to do, he would have chosen to stop him, or go through with it same as it happened anyway, that in itself is quite irrelevant, WWX to begin with had not told JC about his sacrifice precisely because he didn’t want to be owed, not because he wanted to violate him in any way, but because he wanted the best for him without any other obligation, at worst you could bring up his guilt and sense of duty but ultimately it was a sacrifice borne of love at the cost of himself (and not at all at the cost of JC). 

If anything, that frame of mind is how JC himself sees the world, and his relationship to WWX, hence why he constantly holds everything WWX has ever done, or what he himself/his family has done for WWX in turn on a ledger to be reimbursed. WWX was similarly saved by JFM without condition, out of empathy - having a conversation about consent involving things that... characters do for each other purely out of love, without expecting things in return is just so... stupid and represents such a shallow understanding. And since I brought up this comparison, inb4 y’all are gonna start unironically asking why JFM saved WWX at all when he didn’t have WWX’s consent... hell, make it even more braindead and say WWX was a minor who couldn’t consent to being saved while you’re at it, why don’t you. I swear to fucking god, is this the level we’re at?

Anyway, this bullshit take about JC “”not consenting”” to the golden core is not only by far the most braindead thing I’ve had the misfortune to be subjected to in recent memory, it also brings the same exact emphasis JC does on relationships as transactions. And why is that, because all throughout the story JC has benefitted from having a core, but now the issue of consent is coming up, why exactly - because JC brings up “owing” WWX because of the reveal, thus now he’s not “allowed” to scream and lash out in his face anymore because suddenly JC is faced with the reality that his martial brother has always loved him and done things for him out of that love, while all he was able to return was hate and death to everything he tried to nurture.

JC owes WWX nothing, because WWX never wanted JC to feel indebted, he never wanted to be owed, his sacrifice was a result of his love and thus it never had a price to begin with, to him it was... the only thing to do for his brother/family. JC is the only one who consistently makes everything about “what the Jiangs did for you/how much you owe the Jiangs/now it turns out I owe you?”, WWX quite literally died giving all he had and all he could to the Jiangs, and then to the Wens he saved, and in general he gave so much of himself to everyone who had need of it at the cost of being hated and misunderstood. WWX was there for JC, supported him after the clan’s demise, throughout the campaign, they were together up until the Wen issue came up, at which point JC was the one that was not there for WWX anymore - even as WWX is torn between two clans and wanting to protect both.

Also since I’ve already ranted like a madman for so long, I might as well go and say that the thing with JC’s seclusion is blown out of proportion a bit in my opinion, like... based on the donghua alone... wasn’t JC’s first impulse when faced with his clan’s demise to like.. go die himself lmao. The golden core reveal obviously cannot be on par to that, but I think claiming that him running away for a bit would be OOC is a bit of a stretch since... this is the™ character that consistently runs away and throws a fit before he picks himself up. When the clan was massacred he wanted to join them in death were it not for WWX holding onto him (not to mention he didn’t even consider his sister Yanli being left alone in the world lol), before he got back a core and sprung back into action and assumed responsibility. 

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t find the thought of him running away a bit and leaving A-Ling to be that outrageous for him, he’s not exactly an exemplary uncle either, just as he’s not an exemplary brother. Also A-Ling has his other uncle now so it’s fine, I’m sure WWX won’t mind spoiling his other little one and catching up on missed opportunities with him. The seclusion being an unnecessary change... maybe... although it’s an adaptation, it has no obligation to follow the original 100% and I wish people understood that... that’s the thing with adaptations... but throwing a fuss over it and screaming that it’s OOC and going so far as to talk shit about the animation team... my dudes consider going out to feel the breeze a bit.

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails of Cold Steel III:

...I’m gonna need like a week to process that

I guess I know why people hate George now!

Could really use a good old reset from KeA right now

This is the best game in the Cold Steel series so far. Easily

I... there’s no way they’re all really dead, right? This series has been completely toothless about killing anyone who isn’t a villain until now, no way they’re permanently killing someone who’s been here since practically day 1, no way. Show me a body

And even then I’ll doubt it with all these revivals happening all over the place 

‘He’s HIDING’ I sob as I apply clown make-up 

Ben Diskin did not need to go so hard on the voice acting at Millium’s death he did not need to do that to me

My god when Angie drove into the graveyard and my PS4 popped up a little notification telling me it was a blocked scene, the tension in me... and I never saw that coming, I’ll have to see if it was foreshadowed at all by replaying CS1 and 2 some time

I saw Lughman being a baddie a mile away (a mysterious professor turning out to be evil in a Trails game? UNPRECEDENTED!) but he’s Alisa’s dad!?

Neat writing trick actually, since they probably knew we’d guess the former, they blindside us with the latter

I can’t express how happy it made me that the Rufus battle was Machias Jusis Elliot. My dream team!

Estelle and Joshua got mentioned so much I figured they’d make a surprise appearance at the end and save the day

:(

So. Characters:

Rean: Rean is once again moderately more interesting than he was before, but still the least interesting person in the game. I guess he’s got some guilt that’s actually justified now, that’s cool? 

I ship him with Crow, not because the pairing really appeals to me that much, but because being shipped with Crow would totally piss Rean off and I find that extremely funny

His relationship with Altina is the best relationship he’s ever had with a female character and it is 100% because she’s the only girl he’s never ship teased with

(I don’t have an issue with the concept of ship tease itself, I have an issue with Rean-ship tease because 1. I still truly do not understand why so many girls like him so much and 2. None of it will ever canonically go anywhere)

(Seriously I’m so tempted to write a breakdown of why every other guy in Erebonia is more desirable than Rean)

Juna: I like Juna. I realised early on that she and Kurt remind me of Estelle and Joshua, without being carbon copies, and that’s good. I also think her relationship with Rean was really interesting - ‘I don’t know how to feel about you because you saved my life, but it also wouldn’t have needed saving if it weren’t for your country’s actions, which you’ve played a major role in - but now I’m being forced to confront that you’re a human being too’ is a really complicated situation for her. It’s a lot more interesting than ‘I don’t like you because you accidentally got a face full of chest’, Alisa

I also really liked using her, I ended up loading her with the Platinum Pecky Medal and defensive stuff, and she was a wall, she took an S-craft from Arianrhod in her stride! My buff girl!

She should’ve just been the new protagonist ngl

Kurt: Kurt had a lot to live up to, seeing as his brother is my favourite minor character. And oh does he succeed, Kurt is my favourite of New VII, he’s a good straight man, he’s great in battle, I like his arc, I like his friendship with Juna, I like Kurt

Altina: I was not sure about Altina just... being a student now. But damn if she didn’t have the best character arc in the game. I only did her final bonding event on a whim, but it’s the best one I saw. My girl Allie deserves the damn world

I really, truly believe those three have a bond as well, they’re very well written as a group. This was a problem I had with Old VII, the fact that so many of them just... didn’t have relationships with each other. How do, say, Fie and Machias feel about each other? I have no idea. But this group has a fantastic dynamic and it makes that ending so much more effective

It’s like I praised Crossbell for, really - having a small core group is much more manageable in terms of giving them all equal screen time and getting me to care about them

Musse: Uh, kind of one-note and annoying, honestly. I don’t hate her or anything, but like... she’s either Being Mysterious or Hitting On Her Teacher (I hate it I hate it so much). It’s just hard to care about someone who’s clearly so fake, I guess? I’m definitely interested in her, but like... I don’t really like her

Ash: Poor boy. I thought Ash was such an interesting character (and man do I love having someone around who does not like Rean, and never really changes his mind about it). Ash is very well done imo

Alisa: Alisa is good when the issue is her family drama, and is so goddamn boring when it comes to Rean. Nothing new there

Elliot: I love his little ponytail I love it he’s so cute I want to hug him so bad

Laura: Winner of the ‘best new outfit’ award (was never that fond of her war outfit, but this one is perfect). Still good, but not notably so. I feel so bad for Laura, she tries so hard to matter, but she’s by far the character you’d have the easiest time lifting out of the game

And while I love Elliot... same situation really. You could go back to the start and have one character named Elliaura who likes swords and music and has two big-shot dads, and you wouldn’t lose much

Machias: Took down Rufus, yeah, destroy your best friend (boyfriend)’s evil family! Winner of the ‘worst new outfit’ award, AGAIN. Also winner of ‘dorkiest S-craft’. I did his final bonding event first, and according to Playstation trophies it’s the least popular one! Stop sleeping on my boy Machias guys, I know he was annoying in the first game but I love him :(

Gaius: Special award to Gaius for finally being interesting! Boy’s a Gralsritter now, did not see that coming!

And of course it happened off screen. Because god forbid interesting stuff happen to Gaius when we’re actually around

Oh also goddamn, that is a beautiful man

Emma: Don’t really like the new outfit. It’s kind of remarkable that she’s so important but I keep forgetting she exists. Exposition witch who sometimes just doesn’t deliver the exposition I guess

Fie: Still my fav girl. Wish there had been more focus on her feelings about her dad coming back to life. Like that she’s a bracer

Jusis: Wasn’t sure how to feel about his newly close friendship with Millium because I was concerned that I was meant to ship it (by far my least favourite thing about this franchise is that that was not an unreasonable concern, as it wouldn’t even be the most inappropriate relationship in this game alone). Very, very glad it was confirmed sibling-y (not that it’s stopped them before). He didn’t really get to do anything else, sadly, but he’s good as always

I did the Purebread contest with him, and he made bread from coffee beans Machias gave him, the Ferdibert Fire Emblem energy- 

“What are you doing underneath this scarlet Pleroma Grass?”

Milliam: :(

Sara: Doesn’t get much to do because this cast is bloated but like, I still really like her :)

Towa: Someone needs to check on Towa all her friends are dead or evil the poor poor girl (or uh. I guess Crow isn’t... hmm.)

Angie :(

My kids Tita and Agate are back and completely overshadowed by people teasing this almost 30-year old man about being in love with a 17 year old that he’s only ever claimed to see as a sister, I swear to god

The orbal gear looks so goofy lol

Stop mentioning Schera as just being ‘totally here, just off screen, ha ha’ give her a model! Have her be here!

Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing Josette again, I just don’t get... why? Why is she here?

Tio is back! And so is Randy, as a major character! I’m very very happy, I love them both

Michael’s fine, I guess? He’s kind of bland but I guess that’s kind of the point and I like him just fine. He serves his purpose well

I’ve never really liked Claire all that much, but she’s fine in this one again I suppose. A bit disappointed by the Lechter reveals really, I had expected more, to be honest

Aurelia is a fun character and I enjoy her as the principal. Want to see her fight Cassius

Want to see Cassius 

I love my girl Annabelle, but she’s the only reason I didn’t get all the character profiles (how was I meant to know I could even go to the highway at that point hmmm Falcom!?)

They picked a good selection of returning Thors students. Even Dorothee isn’t as annoying as she used to be. Hilarious that she’s the only one who didn’t get a profile

Juna gave a great big speech about how awesome the SSS are and namedrops everyone EXCEPT WAZY! My FAVOURITE Crossbell character! So offensive!

Oh speaking of offensive I took Machias to the Mishy show and was told he and Rean did a Mishy dance but they didn’t show it, what the hell-

Playable Olivier! Olivier back story! I could write a goddamn essay on why Olivier is such a great character. Glaring at you Falcom

I miss Mueller :(

Ada Grant is wonderful and I want better things for her

Rufus is a damn great villain just because of how much sense his actions suddenly make when you know that one little detail of him not actually being Jusis’s brother

I hate Cedric but like, in a way where I’m having fun hating him. That little bitch

Literally what do you even actually want Osbourne

I still cannot stand Elise. Something I realised playing this game is that one of the things that stops the Estelle and Joshua relationship from being as weird as it could be is that they don’t look at all alike, it’s very clear they’re not related in the slightest. Elise and Rean look like they really could be siblings, and come to think, so do Lloyd and Cecile. Which is also teased, to a lesser extent. It would be so much less uncomfortable if they just swapped Elise and Alfin’s models ngl (though still not good)

inb4 the final plot twist of the whole series is that Estelle and Joshua actually were biological siblings all along

This game looks so much better than its predecessors. Having the models being a little rounder and softer looking makes it look much more like an updated version of the original style than the complete departure that was CS1 and 2. Every time there was a flashback, Rean would be like ‘back then...’ and I’d feel compelled to say out loud ‘when we were shiny, and looked bad!’

‘Evil ancient magic corrupts people into making them do bad things!’ is... honestly a bit of a cop out that I did not expect from this series 

I found Rean telling Patrick ‘leave room for Aidios when dancing with my sister’ extremely funny. Rean would totally be a Christian summer camp counsellor in the real world

I honestly would have enjoyed it a lot more if Alfin decided to cause a scandal and have her first dance with Elise, but we can’t have such luxuries I suppose

When you get that book on dystopias, very clever to put the author on the last page. Seeing the name Gideon gave me such a start

Racquel was easily my fav new location

Leeves > Trista no doubt, maybe I’m just biased because it looks a lot like the village I grew up in but it’s just such a nicer design

Also the branch campus > main campus purely for being smaller, making the filler segments between field trips more bearable 

I prefer the longer but fewer chapters set-up, I think

There’s so many sad faces in this write up :( 

Back when I played Sky SC, I said something about how one of the themes is ‘you are not defined by your trauma’. I now think it would be more accurate to say that the theme of all the games (but especially the Sky arc) is ‘don’t let your worst experiences define you’

Because there are characters who define themselves by their traumas and worst experiences - and those characters are all villains, or miserable, or both. Like, they don’t phrase it as such, but the requirement to be an Ouroboros enforcer is ‘have trauma and define yourself by it’

And both Joshua and Renne’s arcs are about learning not to do that

Equally, the idea that ‘it’s much easier to not to define yourself by your trauma when you have a good support system that wants the best for you’ is a big theme as well

I just think that’s a really interesting idea for a JRPG series to tackle, idk

I can’t believe I’m at the last game! This series has been my life for the past near-half a year, what do I do when I finish it?

...go back and play Sky FC, maybe?

[dainobones]

it baffles me that ppl on here still send me messages about the pokemon fandom, and more specifically the g/s fandom, like i care or have anything to contribute

so lemme just. sum it up one last time and then the anons are getting blocked, along with a couple of other semi-regular questions i'm not gonna answer

i dont write fics atm bcuz i'm busy and uninspired

part of why i'm uninspired is absolutely ppl messaging me about Drama

mostly i'm uninspired bcuz other stuff i've been writing is 1000x more interesting than anything i was writing for pkmn fandom

i left that one discord server bcuz i didnt like it

there's nothing deeper to me not liking it. i thought the place had bad vibes every time i visited, so i left

i cannot tell you anything about the ppl on the server or who runs it bcuz i literally cant remember them and to my memory, never rly knew them / was never friends with them

if you think it has bad vibes too, cool, i don't care, it's got nothing to do with me how you feel about a place that also has nothing to do with me

if i had to say any one thing that annoys me about g/s fans, it's the tendency to whine incessantly about lack of content while never contributing content or supporting what there is. THAT'S why i dont check tags any more, and yes, it's a contributing factor in my lack of interest in the ship any more. i find the hypocrisy annoying and the complaining about what's there unfair. the way ppl talk about that ship and the content for it makes me second-guess why i even like it, which is sad bcuz i've shipped it since 2000, but oh well!!! i dont rly miss it i just get frustrated when ppl remind me of all this

yes i was online harassed for years and it was horrible. there is literally no reason for anyone except me to bring it up any more tho. and no!!! it does not have anything to do with that server!!!!

i literally never think about that server unless ppl are on here asking me shit about it or telling me their grievances for god knows what reason. i cannot emphasise this enough: if we're not friends, that's your personal problem, and you need to deal with it instead of dumping it on a stranger.

"do you think ppl are parasocial with you" dont be absurd. i'm too much of a non-presence for that to be the case. i think ppl are either venting bcuz they dont know anyone else in the fandom, or they think venting their fandom frustrations will make me wanna be their friend but no, it doesn't, bcuz it's petty bullshit and i dont care

"are you going to update [insert fic]" probably not

"are you going to write [insert fic idea]" probably not

"where can i find your original writing" lol it's. not hard but i'm also not gonna tell you bcuz *gestures at vague legal things*

"why dont more ppl support your original writing??" idk. have you tried reccing it? i dont promote it more than the bare minimum requirements. in part bcuz of my personality disorder but also bcuz i dont have a reason to be invested in it being successful. no i will not explain that further, the moment anyone says something about how Publishing Industries Work ppl take it as gospel but this is a very unique and localised situation. that's as much as you'll get.

i'm also not invested in my fics being read or whatever bcuz to me fics are a low-pressure low-priority hobby and it's easier to keep it that way if there arent many ppl reading what i'm writing. it's nice when ppl do!! love it when ppl do and enjoy it and have nice things to say!!!! but i write fics just to have some fun and then post them if i think other ppl can have some fun with it too. no skin off my nose if they're not read, but also: i know other fic writers see it differently, and they are completely right and valid to feel that way!!! it's MUCH easier to write with validation & attention, if you are someone who thrives from validation & attention.

"why dont you post more" bcuz i dont have anything to say

"can i follow you on twitter" if you can find the one i actually use, sure, give a go, i'll prob deny your req unless i recognise your username

and inb4

"why dont you just remake" that.... seems like more effort than this place is worth? and mostly i dont get this stuff it's like. once or twice a month and then i get annoyed

"why dont you turn off ask" bcuz mostly theyre fine and old friends/mutuals checking in and i mean. it's not that i dont LIKE attention/validation i just dont NEED it

"why are you being so rude" i'm trying to scare ppl off....... duh.....

"why is this so unreadable" i thought about formatting it better but god that's more effort than i wanna give like. just writing this is enough, and that's an effort born out of frustrating from almost two years of these messages

ANYWAY GOOD NIGHT

[autistic-ranboo]

/rp

tonight we are thinking about reclutant dad!philza, who didn't get to choose whether or not he was going to become a dad and who wasn't necessarily a bad dad but who also desperately did not want to be.

some more thoughts under the cut. some of these might be triggering but i'm not sure exactly what to warn for so proceed eith caution if this is a sensitive topic for you.

(also, inb4 someone tries to start shit: phil doesn't ever let wilbur SEE any of this. i make that pretty clear under the cut, but just in case y'all don't catch it, phil and techno are Very Careful to conceal all of this from wilbur even as he gets older. )

i am thinking about philza coming home to their house (because it was always going to be "their" house, his and techno's), only to find someone there with an apologetic look on their face and a small hand grasped in theirs. i am thinking about phil inviting them inside because he might be brutally pragmatic and have a vicious streak a mile wide but he's still polite, and he's not going to leave a CHILD out in the cold, don't be ridiculous. i am thinking about them sitting around the table, all on edge, as the person explains that, by some series of events, phil is the last available guardian for a young wilbur soot, and i am imagining phil, still barely out of childhood himself, looking at this child who's scared and lost and lonely (a feeling philza knows intimately) and knowing that he can't turn this child away with the same level of certainty as the knowledge that he's going to break this child by accident.

i am imagining techno, who's coming back from something, doesn't really matter what, when he stumbles into the conversation and sees phil looking more terrified than he was facing down the ender dragon, and i am thinking about techno unsheathing his sword, expecting a threat of some kind, only to find a child and the person who brought him to them, and i am thinking about techno putting on a joking smile to try and get the kid to loosen up.

i am thinking about that night, the first time techno sees philza cry.

i am thinking about the years after, about a philza who does his best to care for his son, letting techno fill in the gaps (and there are so many gaps). i am thinking about a philza who does his best to care for his son, and who loves him, in a way, but who did not choose him. i am thinking of a philza who lives in more fear of the pitterpatter of tiny footsteps on the hallway than an invading army at the door. i am thinking of the long nights, the frustratinng ones where phil wishes that HIS consent had mattered, too. i am thinking of the even longer nights, the ones wracked with guilt when phil cannot be what wilbur needs, his face pressed into techno's chest as he almost cries, listening all the while for footsteps in the hallway. i am thinking of how, the second he hears those footsteps, his face morphs into a smile and his tears dry and he prepares himself to hear a knock at the door, for wilbur to come in and ask to sleep with phil because his room is big and scary and for phil to relent, always, even though it means he'll get no sleep that night. i am thinking about phil stroking wilbur's hair as techno sings him a piglin lullaby in that scratchy, deep voice, and i am thinking about phil understanding that what techno means is: "you're not alone. i'm with you. we will survive this"

anyway. reluctant dad!philza >>>> just straight-up bad dad!philza imo and is how i'll probably be writing phil in the foreseeable future.

[queen-parasoul]

So um... Not sure if you take requests for stories or not, but if you do, I had a random idea where Ms. Fortune somehow ends up finding Carol and taking her in after the rejection from her parents, and Carol breaks down sobbing due to the constant pain and wanting her parents, and Nadia comforts her by just holding her and purring like a mama cat trying to calm down her kitten. If you're interested, I'd love to see this done as a short story. inb4 im sending this to the wrong guy

“…And that’s about it.” Nadia finished. “She hasn’t tried to kill me since I found her, so I think she’s fine for now.”

Irvin leaned against the wall and processed her account. The silence of the now closed Dak’kull Dubu gave them plenty of privacy to talk and peace to consider the night’s events. Even their unexpected guest was silent, though they couldn’t help but keep some attention on her.

Across the room, a teenage girl with messy brown hair sat hunched at a table. She had changed out of her strange clothing into a loose t-shirt and pants Minette had on hand, though the grim leather mask was still firmly affixed to her face. The fan of blades attached to her tailbone with a spine-like chord lay motionless on the floor, and the adults could see patches of scars and dark veins beneath her skin even from a distance.

Irvin furrowed his brow. “Was there anything else she mentioned besides Filia and Lab 0?”

“Not much that made sense. Something about a ‘Brain Drain’ and a connection being lost, whatever that means.” She shook her head. “I think she’s purr-obably going to have a hard time adjusting back to a normal life. All I did was startle her and she almost turned me into a pin cushion.”

“Maybe this ‘Filia’ girl can help. Yu Wan said he knew her, didn’t he?”

“He thinks so at least. A girl named Filia stayed here a few nights ago with an old friend of his. Hopefully it’s the same one we’re looking for.”

“Hopefully.” Irvin put his hat back on. “I plan on following this lead on Lab 0. I’ve got an old friend from Lab 8 who might have some answers, and a friend of his who can help her with her, uh…medical problems.”

“You think a doctor can fix this?”

Irvin smiled. “Trust me, he’s a miracle worker. Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

He tipped his hat and exited through the front door. Keeping a calm smile on her face, Nadia strolled over to Carol, careful to make her presence known to avoid getting a surprised needle shoved through her torso.

“Hey. How are you doing?”

“I’m…okay.” She replied, the rasp and gloom in her voice not exactly convincing.

“You need anything else to eat?”

“No thanks.”

Right. She’d demolished the complimentary meal Yu Wan had whipped up. No surprise, you could have seen her ribs through the outfit she’d been wearing.

“Don’t worry about a thing. You can stay here until we get you back to your parents.”

“My…parents?”

“Yeah, of course.”

She lifted her head, staring at the wall. “My parents…ran away from me.”

Nadia’s ears dropped. She should have known it could only get worse.

“They were scared of me.” Carol continued quietly. “They called me a monster.”

Fighting to maintain her smile, Nadia tried kept positive. “I’m sure they just, uh…didn’t recognize you.”

“Of course they didn’t. And of course they didn’t listen. Just look at me.”

Nadia did, and found Carol touching the tightly stitched material of her mask.

“We’ll get that thing off your face in no time.” She reassured. “Then they can’t paw-ssibly not recognize you.”

The younger girl didn’t respond, and Nadia shifted uncomfortably. She always fell back on wordplay to lighten the mood, but now it seemed inappropriate when she read the room. Unfortunately, puns lightened her mood too, and without them for support she felt strangely lost.

Desperately, she changed the topic. “Do you remember anything else? You mentioned someone named Filia.”

“Yeah.” Carol said, almost fondly. “She’s a friend of mine. We go to the same school together. I think I saw her during the Skullgirl attack, but it’s hard to remember.”

“Anything else?”

“Um…I remember Dog.”

“A dog? What was its name?”

“Dog.”

Nadia quirked an eyebrow but went along with it. “Alright.”

“I remember Samson too.”

The name rang a bell. If it was the same friend Yu Wan had mentioned then maybe they had a chance of finding Filia and fixing this.

“And…I remember the Medici.”

Nadia’s triumph sunk to the pit of her stomach. That name rang a bell too. “Uh-huh?”

“I thought Lab 0 took me, but Valentine-” She winced at the sound of that name, “She told me it was the Medici. But she took me to the lab and then…I couldn’t move and it started hurting. Then I was moving but not always on my own and then I was fighting and it just kept hurting-”

Her voice suddenly became harsh and angry as sharp goosbumps erupted across her arms. Nadia flinched back, hair standing up on end, but Carol shivered hard and forced her skin to settle. The two waited for the raw echoes to dissipate.

“I miss them so much.” Carol muttered. “I just want them to know it’s me.”

Nadia stood by helplessly. No food, no puns, no mercy with this girl. She wondered if she could nab Yu Wan from the kitchen or Minette from upstairs for help, but she felt like that was giving up. She knew what it meant for the world to give up on her - twice, in fact - and she wasn’t about to do that to someone else.

A thought crossed her mind, and she blurted it out. “Do you want a hug?”

Carol stopped sniffling and looked up at Nadia whose arms were awkwardly half-extended to her. The room was silent aside from the muffled waters of Little Innsmouth. Nadia briefly wondered if this was her third strike out.

“Yeah.”

Surprised but thankful, Nadia pulled a chair closer and sat beside her. Arms still clinging to herself, Carol slowly leaned over then suddenly fell into her. Nadia recoiled, but quickly steadied herself and gingerly wrapped her arms around her, being careful not to touch any sore looking areas. Once she’d determined she was safe, Carol let herself whimper and shudder that built into unbridled crying. It went on for longer than either could count as her pent-up grief flooded the night.

After a while, Carol noticed a soft strange rumble reverb against her head. The low hum was enough to distract her and cause breaks in her sobbing. It oddly reminded her of the long car rides from the beach her parents would take her on, nostalgia that soothed her without reminder of her current predicament.

She finally realized, “Are you purring?”

“Yeah, I’m a cat Feral after all. It comes naturally. Does it bother you?”

“…No.” Carol wrapped her arms around Nadia’s torso. “I like it.”

Both finally relaxed for the first time since the Skullgirl attack, or perhaps even longer than that. Carol reminisced in the kinder memories of her home, breath only occasionally hitching while Nadia mentally made plans to visit the makeshift graves of her Fishbone family. They always made sure things were alright, and so would she.

In all the time since they had been taken from her, it had never crossed her mind there could be anyone as broken and stitched up as she was. But there was, and nearly being skewered was worth it to find her.

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 162

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 14 - “Karen, The Troubled Student Council President” Date watched: 3 December 2019 Original air date: 6 May 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/ZVrof8Y Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

Karen has a big think

It’s Karen’s turn to hold the character development conch. This time, we get to see how she handles pressure from all directions! We also find out a little secret about Otaka-san and the school’s leadership. Good stuff, so let’s dive in!

The Plot

Various clubs approach Karen, aggressively requesting budget increases. The futsal club can’t afford new balls, the drama club can’t afford costumes, the judo club can’t afford new weights, the list goes on. Karen is taken aback and tries to explain the complexities of the situation to the students, but they are insistent. After trying to come up with a solution, she approaches the Vice Principal and explains her situation, requesting a budget increase for all the clubs. He is reluctant to change the budget that’s already been agreed upon for the year, but because he respects her decision to approach him, he will take it up with the principal. The VP goes to the Principal, revealed (to the audience) to actually be Otaka-san the lunch lady, but she insists that she doesn’t believe they need a budget increase, and there are still solutions the clubs haven’t yet come up with to resolve their budget woes. Komachi talks with Karen, commending her willingness to work hard for the clubs where before she probably would have simply said that the budget was already decided and they had to make do with what they had. The influence of their determined young friends is rubbing off on them.

Coincidentally, Nightmare is also having budget issues of a sort. Although they aren’t in a pinch, Kawarino is scolding Bunbee for blowing a lot of money without producing any results, and implies that his subordinates are useless and the whole department could get restructured. Bunbee decides to go fight the girls himself to get some results.

Back at school, Karen is still being hounded by the clubs, and her attempts at de-escalation aren’t working, so Otaka almost steps in, but Komachi is actually the one to put her foot down, startling everyone. She reminds the club leaders that they agreed to their annual budgets before the proposal was sent to the school administration, and that Karen alone cannot solve everything. With help from Nozomi, she gets them all to line up and explain their problems, to see if they can work together and figure out alternative solutions within their existing budgets.

The biggest offender is the drama club, which is going way over budget because they’ve picked a play with lots of extravagant costumes. However, Komachi gets them to work with the sewing club, who were looking for a platform to display their work, and the two split costs in this mutually beneficial agreement. The Judo club couldn’t afford to buy new weights AND new uniforms, but they also got the sewing club to patch up their uniforms so they could buy heavier weights, and donated their older ones to the futsal club. Now that she doesn’t need to buy weights, Rin can afford new balls, and donates the old ones to the art club, who find their shape and texture very inspirational.

I’d like to point out that the dumbbell Nozomi is struggling to lift is only 5 KG, that’s about 11 lbs.

With everyone’s issues resolved, the girls enjoy a moment of peace as Rin takes her new dumbbells to her club space, but on the way, Bunbee shows up to cause trouble. He turns the dumbbells into a Kowaina and taunts the girls about his own superiority. They transform and fight back, but he is pretty strong. When Mint shields one of the monster’s attacks, he launches a missile that breaks the shield, and he easily dodges when Rouge and Aqua try to fight him in the air. Dream and Lemonade have no luck fighting the Kowaina and they’re all left on the ground, defeated. Bunbee boasts about how much easier it is to do everything himself, and Aqua scoffs. She says she used to feel that way, but now she knows they’d never win if they did that, and the team springs into action. Bunbee tries to missile them again, and again Mint uses her shield, but this time Aqua also blocks it with Aqua Stream and this weakens it enough to bounce off the shield. Dream and Rouge restrain the Kowaina while Lemonade attacks it with Lemonade Flash, then the two throw it and perform their finishers. The Kowaina is destroyed and Bunbee retreats, self-justifying the day by saying you have to spend money to make money.

Back at the lunch table, Nozomi observes that Komachi might actually be stronger than Karen, which gives them all pause. Otaka comes over with a basket full of yakisoba bread, claiming the principal told her how they avoided a budget crisis, and suddenly people from all the other clubs appear, all vying for some of the free bread. Nozomi cries because the crowd beat her to the stuff she really wanted, and that’s the ending card.

The Analysis

What a fun episode. Karen’s commitment to the students is really earnest and inspiring. You can see why she’s the president, and even how much progress she’s made since the start of the show. Old Karen just cared about order, new Karen has the best interests of the students in mind and wants to meet them where they’re at. She fields the ire of the various clubs like a champ, trying not to get overwhelmed, and explaining the delicate balance that is adjusting budgets: since the budget has already been agreed upon, for her to allocate more to one group than previously agreed means the money has to come out of somewhere else, and that could put the other party in a pinch. Important financial lesson for the kids in the audience, too. And when her advice isn’t sufficient for them, she goes to bat for them by requesting assistance from the VP. My only criticism is that she probably should have asked why they needed more money first to see where their funds were tied up at, but honestly I would probably do the same thing, jumping straight to “let me get them what they say they need” and not “let me look into the situation more”.

When they get to the drama club and find out the reason they’re so over budget is because they decided to produce an expensive-ass play, I about died. LOOK AT THIS OUTFIT.

gosh I wonder why

There’s a lesson in here somewhere about working within your limitations. Urara suggests they do a simpler show like Kintarou, which would have costumes and props they could reuse in other shows, but from the club president’s response I get the impression they’ve done far too many shows like that and are sick of it. Also can’t fault them for doing something different. I remember in my junior year (11th grade), my school put on a production of “High School Musical” (this was when that was still a pretty fresh and hot property) and it sold like crazy, so the next year they were able to perform “Little Shop of Horrors”, renting the Audrey II puppets from somewhere. It’s okay to dream big, but you gotta make sure you can afford it. (inb4 ok boomer) However, working with the sewing club was a very good compromise. They get a platform to showcase their work, the drama club gets good costumes for cheaper, and they split the costs. Some of the other deals are a bit more one-sided but as long as everyone’s happy, it works.

By the way, Komachi’s restraint when the club president goes “oh yeah we spent all our budget on that one outfit and we need a bunch more” is remarkable. (I looked it up and I see similarities to Les Miserables: it’s a famous story that takes place over multiple generations and features LOTS of recurring characters) Komachi is, thankfully, very good at keeping herself in check, but if you manage to set her off, she is downright scary. That’s a common attribute for shield-based Cures, and it started here.

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, since they only have a few of the costumes done, the drama club president is only ever seen in-costume, looking like a prince with a pencil mustache drawn onto her face. If we take the bold assumption that this all occurs in one day, even one lunch period, then this makes sense enough, but it’s still kind of silly.

The first half of this episode is so good, and tells a pretty complete story, that both times I watched it I forgot what kind of show it was because I was so absorbed in the antics of the clubs, so I thought the resolution was just going to be sorting out their budgets, when that was actually only the halfway point. The fight with Bunbee in the second half, while good, feels incomplete. I’m not sure if something got lost in translation for the subtitles, because he seems to indicate he spent money on a better Kowaina mask but the subs don’t reflect him saying this, only the girls’ response that it looks the same as normal. I do like them switching up their fighting style, and it comes with one of the strangest calls to action I’ve ever seen:

previously unsaid sentences in human history

The context is that, earlier in the episode, Nozomi and Urara traded lunch items, and now Karen is reminding them all to trade opponents and work together to beat the monster. Hilariously, even though Nozomi was the one who wanted to trade in the first place, she’s the last one to get this coded message, after Rin explains it to her.

She is special.

The elephant in the room here is that Otaka-san, the humble lunch lady who always adds a million onto every order, who appears a little disheveled, is in fact the school’s principal. Books and covers, ya know. I don’t recall if the girls every learn her secret, but it’s revealed to the audience here. I assume she serves as the lunch lady in order to get close to the students and understand what’s going on without calling attention to her position of authority. That’s the thing about power, even if you act relatable, if someone knows you’re way above them on the totem pole, they’re going to act differently, so she has put herself on the level of students. It’s like Undercover Boss except she never reveals the ruse. And honestly, it’s a very good ruse. She is approachable to the students and they all love her, so she can listen to their problems and make sure that the school is running well from the ground level. Also, as the lunch lady, she wears plain clothes, an apron, and flat shoes. Her only accessory is her trademark silver brooch. As the principal, she wears a suit, her hair is more tamed, she wears lipstick and earrings. She even speaks differently between her roles, sounding more raspy in her disguise, while she adopts a more formal and stern tone while acting as the principal. It’s impressive. I know she appears in this role at least one more time in the show, so I look forward to seeing that.

As usual there were some great moments of comedy, wonderful facial expressions, and you can see those chronicled in the gallery.

Next time, in Precure Daily, Nozomi’s mom is sick, so she has to do the housework! How badly will this end?

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 kettei!

[natsubeatsrock]

Dearest Friends

I want to talk about Nalu more. I know, what a shock. As if I need an excuse to talk about this ship. But there was a line of reasoning I wrote about a few times and want to follow. (Not to mention if I don't flex now and then, I let the new crowd of Nalu haters win.)

I think that Nalu could have been a good ship. I don't know that any ship I consider of less merit than Gajevy (which is the best of the Big 4) could be seen as a great ship, especially from the guy responsible for Harelie (still an underrated top tier ship). But as far as "friends to lovers" go, this would have been a good take. I don't even put it past Mashima to bring them together during the sequel in some wat that will fall along "party lines". 

Even as I'd argue for other relationships in most scenarios being better, the cool thing about Nalu is that they genuinely grow to care for each other. It's jarring to go back to the old arcs of Fairy Tail and see some of the things Natsu and Lucy do. I know that something, something groping (I'm trying to be nice) but it's hard to see Natsu outright call Lucy useless or even treat her being captured nonchalantly as happens in a few of the early arcs. And for her part, Lucy has warmed up to (some of) Natsu's crazy antics and has, at some of their best moments, been the one planning around Natsu, even as he does the same. 

Speaking of which, another cool thing about the ship is that they have fought together. Action series are no stranger to ships involving characters that can and end up fighting together. But I can't think of too many examples of ships that fight as much as Natsu and Lucy do. More often, people fight each other and end up shipped by fans regardless of whether it makes sense to or not. Of course, that might be a problem with the media I'm currently consuming but, I'd love to see more of this is media (hopes in Yona of the Dawn/recommendations). 

The funny thing about Nalu is that others in the series do hint at them potentially being a couple. Mashima doesn't pull the trigger on them, but the characters in the series tease at the idea that there might be more to their relationship than even they believe to be true. One of my favorite chapters in the series, “Natsu and Asuka”, even almost has them kiss. (inb4 “but that’s an omake”)

What is especially interesting and helpful in thinking about this is that amazing quote from Mashima regarding another favorite chapter of mine. He described his writing of their dynamic as "more than friends, less than lovers". They have a great relationship that has a weight and importance similar to a romantic relationship, but it expresses itself as a platonic friendship. They are friends who ought to stick together no matter what. 

Now, if it sounds like I'm turning a new leaf and shipping Nalu, it isn't. I have always believed that Nalu works at its best when it is a platonic relationship. Of course, there are issues with how their relationship plays out - issues that go beyond "simple problems that happen with imperfect humans." (Sorry I broke into your house again, teehee.) However, I have tried my best not to rely on that as an argument. 

Though, on this side of the last chapter, a rather annoying pro argument for Nalu has gained traction. Apparently, Nalu did become canon in its own way. Rather than having clear romantic canonization, as many argue the rest of the Big 4 do, they became canon in a way that feels more in character for them. You know, because it would be weird to show a couple is canon with a kiss or having an obvious confession like a normal couple. 

As you can imagine, I have roasted this aspect of Nalu arguments within days of that chapter coming out. (People were making that argument back then and I found it stupid then.) I don't consider Nalu to be canon and I have numerous arguments why this is a bad argument. However, I don't think I've talked about what I'm about to enough. Part of that, I'd like to think, is because I've had time to think about the series and its ending as a whole. 

I feel that the idea that this is a kind of secret confession is an unfortunate misreading of the situation. It's been said many times that friendship is the gateway to romance. From my perspective, this is dangerous to leave on its own. To be clear, a good romance should involve an obvious level of friendship (can't say from experience) and a good friendship can become a romantic relationship (again, not from experience). But the vast majority of friendships you will likely be in aren't going to be romantic in any sense. 

The thing that always gets me in these ship discussions, especially as someone who writes about this stuff all the time, is that it's always hard to swallow that pill when it applies to your own ship. I can do that for Nalu, but if this was someone else's post on Graytear, I would have personal issues with them and their conclusions. I get that there's a level of personal interpretation that matters when this comes into any and all shipping. 

But, like, when the series creator says that his current writing of the ship in question isn't exactly romantic, that should mean something in this discussion. (inb4 "but muh death of the author") I feel like the fact that they haven't clearly become a romantic couple means they aren't a couple yet if they're even ever going to become one. There’s a difference between not liking what canon gives you and ignoring reality and this whole line of argumentation reeks of the latter.

What gets me the most about this argument is that this current state of Nalu is probably the end goal of a perfect friendship. Gaining a friend who will be with you forever? Who wouldn't want that? I certainly want something like that, even if it isn't romantic. Heck, there are (probably) advantages to that kind of friend being platonic over a lover. I’m not saying that romantic relationships can’t be expected to last forever? I’m wondering why people think friendships can’t also last forever as friendships.

In Conclusion:

That Nalu and Lucy consider each other to be their closest friend should be amazing in its own right. For all the issues one can have with their dynamic, it should be great that they can celebrate their friendship. This isn't a friendship complicated by weird rivalries or coming from different worlds. They met, grew close together, and will hopefully grow old together as friends.

[prorevenge]

Destroy me as a person, I'll destroy your entire existence.

I'm warning you in advance, this is going to be a long one. TL;DR at the end. Names of people and places have been changed for discretion. I don't expect you to believe it's true, everyone has the right of doubt. The revenge mainly goes towards my thankfully-no-longer-stepmom, but it comes with a side of fuck you to my Dad who at the time was an enabler.

This story is part of the reason I have borderline personality organization. For those who are not familiar with it, it's not a disorder. I can funtion on a much higher level than someone with a personality disorder, however not as highly as someone healthy. I'm putting this beforehand, because you need to understand that I wasn't always like this. The revenge is the result of my personality being slowly and painfully crushed, and getting a last kick out with it's last breath. That last breath of my dying personality wasn't in vain, I'm getting the much needed therapy and help, and I'm making amazing progress. Part of that progress is sharing this. I only shared this story with my therapist until now. Yeah also inb4 "why your real mom didn't help you", she left with another dude when I was just a baby and reconnected with me 2~ years after these events take place, but that's a story for another time.

Background:

You see, my dad is a little bit of a Narcissist (yeah, I know I'm saying at the start of the post that he was also enabling, which is true. He seemed to phase between them depending on situation), but at the same time he is a really intelligent and smart guy, and the combination of these traits was really conflicting. He raised me the "Dad is always right" way, while at the same time he always told me to stand up for myself and never give up. You see, he raised me to be an adult since I was a little child. He taught me everything I know, even the things I needed and used for this revenge.

When I was around 9, we moved to a set of islands in a hispanic country, let's call them Palm Islands. We moved here because my Dad hated our country and wanted to flee. This is important to the story, because he didn't want to move back at all costs. So the island we were staying on at the time is island A. Island A was nice, I quickly learned Spanish and fit in pretty well with the other kids. There were at least 50~ nationalities in our school, so being a foreigner wasn't an issue. My Dad was single, so he was pretty active on dating sites. On these dating sites, he met Lilith (I found this name fitting, look up it's history if you are interested in a demon from the Hebrew mytholgy that kills babies). Lilith was a true Narcissists, in all the aspects you can imagine. She was a teacher, but never had kids of her own even though she wanted. She was from island B. The funny thing is that she catfished my Dad. It was a nice surprise when he went to pick her up to the airport, and was greeted by around 110kg more than he was expecting. Anyways, they got together, and everything seemed fine at the beginning. That's when the big 2008 crisis hit, and it hit really hard in hispanic countries. My Dad was let go at his job and was unemployed. Lilith offered for us to move in with her on island B. My Dad accepted without hesitation, because he didn't want to go back to our country. So this is where the issues start. The first problem was, when we moved to island B, we moved to a really rural and small, xenophobic little shithole of a town. They absolutely hated ANYONE that was not form a latin origin. Well, guess who was the ONLY non-latin foreigner (apart from my dad who didn't move out of the house, as he was unemployed for 2 more years). If you guessed me, you guessed right. It was hell. I didn't even get the chance to fit in. I was bullied all the time. Not just by students, teachers did it and even fucking encouraged it. I was beaten on my way home every week or so by 3 or 4 students, and I remember a time when I was lying on the floor, getting kicked by fuck knows how many kids, when I noticed one of the teachers passing, shrugging, and moving on. There was "go back to your country fucking nationality" graffitied in the town's playground. In the 3 years I lived there, there were several graffity removals, however, this one never got off... As this wasn't bad enough, here comes the fun part. Lilith. Now you are wondering why I named her after a demon that kills babies. Let me answer that for you. If the bullying from school wasn't enough on it's own, Lilith made sure I hated my life. She couldn't stand that my Dad loved me more than her, so she made really fucking sure of it. And why my Dad didn't intervene? Remember I said he didn't want to move back to our country at all costs? The cost of seeing my life destroyed was one he was willing to pay. So he just sat and watched as I suffered. You see, Lilith would always ground me for anything. Lilith would give me really specific instructions for really specific tasks, that were impossible to follow. When I obviously failed, I got grounded. Grounding me meant locking me up in my room with all forms of enjoyment taken a away. All forms of enjoyment for me, meant books. I got my books taken away. All I could do was look on an empty wall and swell in my suffering. Lilith would hold me in constant psychological terror. I was always berated, insluted and talked down on. I heard daily, that my worth is the equivalent to piece of turd, that I am even worth less than that. That nobody loves me and no one ever will. That all that I'm getting is because I deserve it. That I am a waste of space, a piece of human garbage. All the things you can possibly imagine that you don't want a kid to be told. And one last thing to add to the list, starvation. You see, she starved me, even though it wasn't starving in that little piece of garbage that she calls brain. I can't eat crude tomatoes. Not I don't like it and I don't want to eat it, I literally can't. As soon as I feel crude tomato flavor in my mouth, I start to puke. I can't control it. She decided that she will cure this by only feeding me tomatoes for 3 days. Guess how that worked out.. And my Dad? Just looked the other way. I was 14 at the time, and I tried to kill myself 3 times. If any would have been successful, I wouldn't be here telling the story, so hold on to your seats.

This seemingly endless nightmare got a bit better when my Dad got a job at island A and we could move back on our own. But I wasn't the same anymore. I was having serious depression, anxiety, panic attacks. I started smoking and drinking. I couldn't fit in again. I knew that if I wanted to get my life together, I would need to move back to my home country. But you see, being underage, I couldn't do it and my Dad didn't want to move back. Even though we moved back to island A, we still was relying pretty heavily on Lilith financially, so I knew if they broke up, we wouldn't have other choice than to move back.

Just a quick recap about Lilith: a sour lady in her late 40's who is morbidly obese while being really short, around 150~cm, is a teacher but never had kids of her own even though she wanted, was unhappy with her life in general, and being the true Narcissists she is, she blamed everything on the world. She hadn't dumped my dad because she is well aware of her physical traits and knew that if they broke up, she would most likely end up alone. This is where I wanted to hit.

So as I knew some psychology, knowing her personality traits, I somehow suspected that she will try to compensate for the above mentioned with cheating. But cheating is hard when you are a fat and ugly motherfucker, so my next guess were sex-chats. Boy, was I right. I simply installed a keylogger on her computer, and after 2 weeks I had a plethora of sex-chat logs to show my Dad. However, this didn't go as I expected. Instead of breaking up, my Dad got in a position of power after confronting Lilith about it. This was a serious miscalculation on my part, as I should have expected that my Dad won't break up because he doesn't want to move back, but rather use this in his 'games'.

I knew I had to go all out on this one if I wanted to break them up. So I hatched my master plan.

But I wasn't just going to make them brake up. Even after all the things that the place and her have done to me, I had a little fight in me yet, which at the start I referred to as the last breath of my dying personality.

I was out for destroying Lilith's entire life in the process and make my Dad do what he didn't want to while seeing me suffer.

The setup:

Remember when I said my Dad was active on dating sites? Well, he was really active again once we got back to island A. He was relentlessly cheating on Lilith.

First things first, I bought an extra SIM card for my phone. I needed a new phone number for a new WhatsApp account. You see, I knew that if my Dad deemed a lady from a dating site worthy of a fuck, he would ask for a phone number so they don't lose contact. As I couldn't imitate a woman's voice, I opted for leading him on over WhatsApp. Next I set up a dating profile on one of the sites I knew my dad was actively searching on, and I made his idea of a perfect woman, in every aspect, come to life. I spent days fabricating every aspect of her personality and life. This character was named Paula. Paula was a tall, blonde, thin, beautiful, intelligent and nice lady, who worked on island B as a make-up artist for the local news. She grew up in a family with 4 brothers (which I added because I wanted to have a quick and easy excuse if my Dad noticed any male-ish mannerism while speaking to him as her), loved sports, philosophy, and psychology (remember when I said my Dad taught me everything I needed for this revenge?) The pics I used for Paula were from a mostly unknown 30-ish South American actress from a really bad and unknown latin soap-opera (I don't know if it's the correct term in English as well). So I had really nice make-up photos worthy of a local news make-up artist, while having more normal and everyday pics as well. The little twist is Paula is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Lilith in every possible way. It was perfect. One more important thing to note is that my Dad was hooked on a sport that we'll call Squannis. It's a mixture between Squash and Tennis, hence the name, really popular in latin countries at the time. There were familiar Squannis tournaments with Lilith's family, who were really involved in Squannis as well. Also I hope I don't have to explain how extensive a hispanic family is. Important to note that we were the only foreigners in the family. With this information at hand and my WhatsApp and dating profile setup as well, I was more than ready to unleash hell upon those who wronged me.

The execution:

I started surfing the dating site. As with dating sites in general, you can't search for a person in specific, so I had to go over 200~ish profiles to finally find my Dad and mark that I'm interested in him. That same night, we get matched, and we start chatting. He is loving Paula. Every single bit of her. While chatting, I steer the conversation to make him say things like "even if I had someone I would break up with her in an instant to be with a Goddess like you", "you are my perfect ideal in every way", "where have you been all my life", these sorts of things. The sorts of things I know would get through Lilith's narcissistic wall of protection, and hit her in the very core. My dad was making comments on how she just met the perfect woman in a dating site. He spent basically an hour worshipping why she is perfect for him in every way. Guys, it was the hardest thing to not grin like I just hit the fucking jackpot. He was hooked, like a heroin addict. Next day, all day speaking about Paula. Then comes the third day. He asks for a mobile number, he wants to hear Paula's surely angelic voice. I was prepared. The conversation went something like this:

Dad: I'm having a really nice time talking with you, and I'm really afraid that you might just dissapear - as happened with others - so what if we exchange numbers?

Paula: I'm having a really nice time as well with you, but sadly I've been catfished a lot, and I'm really cautious when it comes to strangers on the internet...:( But anyways, as I'm really liking you, I'll make a kind of exception. Give me your phone number, we'll communicate on WhatsApp, so we don't lose contact, but promise me that you will not call me until I say that I'm feeling ready!

Dad: I can totally understand that, and I respect it. So let's do it your way. :)

When I pressed enter on the catfish message to send, I felt like I was pressing the button that dropped the nuke on Hiroshima. I was feeling the justice enter my pleasure receptors slowly, bit by bit. It was the best thing I had felt every since Lilith entered my life.

This goes on in WhatsApp, I'm taking a screenshot of everything that I think will hurt Lilith. After a week of talking I have everything that I want to send her. But I needed to make it believable, otherwise it will be an obvious catfishing, and I'm sure my Dad eventually would have traced it back to me. However, I had a plan for this as well. Remember when I said my Dad plays Squannis and Paula loves sports but lives in island B, where Lilith and faimily are located? You better do, because this is where it becomes important. Naturally, as any girl who is interested in a guy, will try out his interests. In this case Squannis. So Paula, after my Dad told him about Squannis, decided to get a lesson from a friend of hers, so when she meets with my Dad, they'll be able to play together. But would you know, on a little fucking hispanic island with extended family all over it, this friend happened to be related to Lilith's family. And would you know, Paula was telling him about this new guy she met on a dating site, who is from XX country and that's why she's taking lessons. After more chit-chat, the friend realizes that this guys is indeed my Dad, and proceeds to tell Paula that he has been in a relationship with Lilith for a few years now. So Paula confronts my Dad about this, who is in complete shock and panic mode. My absolute favourite thing was telling him the lines "I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE THE SAME CHEATING PIG AS ALL OTHER MEN". After getting the last kicks in I blocked my Dad from every possible way of communication on all of Paula's accounts.

But here comes the sweet part. Lilith. My dear, dear Lilith. I tell her the same story about Squannis that I told my dad, then proceed to send her every screenshot, every piece of conversation that I knew would hurt her. Every sentence where my Dad describes the perfect ideal of a woman, and it's exactly the opposite of her. Every message where my Dad says things to Paula that Lilith always wanted to hear but never got. Sweet fucking Jesus, it felt good.

The aftermath:

After being in a position of power, and being the saint that never cheated in the relationship, my Dad got confronted by Lilith. By confronted I mean traveling to us on island A, knocking hysterically on the door at 2am, while I can't make out anything of what she says because of the fucking tsunami machine that her face has become. Oh, and the screeching. It was like a group of younglings racing on who could scratch the blackboard harder to make to most unpleasant sound. I'm loving every tear, and every moment of it. She is truly suffering. I destroyed the very pillars that held up her personality. I went into a porcelain shop with a fucking sledgehammer. They break up. Lilith is throwing punches. Police is called. In a fit of rage Lilith makes the mistake of hitting one of the officers. I've never seen 180~kg slammed into the ground with such grace. It was truly glorious. As police is escorting her out, I'm looking her dead in the eye. I can see into her soul, and I can see that the person she was is destroyed. As I'm looking her dead in the eye, I'm having the most shit eating grin a human can possibly enforce on it's face. Ultimately, we moved back to our home country.

Oh, and guess who has lost her teaching licence? If you guessed, Lilith, you guessed right. Turns out after this incident she had to go under a really strict psychological examination, which was a long time coming imo, where they determined she is unfit for teaching. Big fucking surprise.

TL;DR: Dad moves away from country and dates maniac, lets maniac viciously abuse son so Dad doesn't have to move back. Son reveals Dad is cheating, crushing Maniacs soul and indirectly causes Maniac to lose job and livelihood, and forces Dad to move back.

(source) (story by shiny-poopstorm)

[panelshowsource]

you are both silly! i am a goat! 🐐🐐🐐

well taskmaster has always had an art theme — you may have noticed the taskmaster’s portraits in past seasons:

so it seems this series has an “anime” kind of theme, hence the screen, for example. this is pretty standard — you can see in s4 when they did van gogh that there are sunflowers on the table behind hugh. just a little extra way to spice things up!

i thought it was fun! i definitely wasn’t as pessimistic as a lot of other people because i knew joe thomas, iain stirling, and paul sinha would definitely be endearing (i know people were/are on the fence about lou sanders, and i didn’t know sian gibson before tm) and 3/5 is good enough for me, so i’m glad it turned out the group has decent chemistry so far. i loved seeing iain get worked up about the puppets for example; this was the biggest downfall of s6 imo: they just accepted all of the decisions the taskmaster made without really caring how things turned out. i love when there’s a bit of competitive tension! probably why i liked s2 so much, since almost all of them were really points hungry >:) i think this will be a super pleasant series, i’m looking forward to the rest 🖤❤️

ps. it’s not new taskmaster season without a little thirst!! fly that freak flag anon!

that doesn’t surprise me at all, though i never thought of it myself. jen aniston has always been pretty hoighty-toighty, but maybe not in such an endearing way as victoria. but i really enjoy the comparison 😂

oh anon you fell into the pit...welcome... i think i have exactly what you need right now: just desserts!

i’m sorry too anons :((( it’s bittersweet but honestly i have been so impressed by his acting recently (especially journey’s end and howards end) and would be elated to see him really pursuing that more seriously as a matured actor. he really, really has the talent and the more effort he puts into it, the more we will hopefully get to be witness to that! plus this might mean another female host and i would love to see that! we were luck to get so many great years out of him 💙

i don’t anon, but why not use a youtube proxy? there are so many, i use this one on eu4

HAHAHA you think?? hmm interesting... he’s done so many programmes with dara, and i wonder if anyone would describe dara as “witless”? that said, dara was all over the place at that time. who knows, and dm may have even changed his mind since then! i could never imagine him being friends with someone like micky flanagan but alas! as he gets older, he becomes more and more unbothered...and i kind of like it :’)

have you seen james & jupp? sooooo fun and adorable, what an underrated brotp! (three of these files are .mkv so you need to download to watch)

hahaha i haven’t had time to watch it but i promise i’ll let you know when i do! maybe i’ll even make some gifs for it if it’s good quality? i’m so glad to hear you think it’s good! the cast is epic 💘💘

ps. inb4 where can i watch ghosts (oops too late)

live footage of me watching ass sandwich, roisin going in on piers morgan while he tries to defend himself, and ian hislop vs. john prescott:

i’m sorry to disappoint but i promise more vcm content is on its way! the queen reigns!

i will never close the floodgates but what you’ve written is honestly just plain sweet, not the perverted and sinful thirst that some of these animals think is appropriate to anonymously message me at 2pm on a tuesday

hahaha oh anon but he has been kissed! here and here for example, and who could forget a sweet peck from an original panel show otp

they’re quickly becoming my followers’ favourite brotp tbh 😂

oh you’re sweet anon, thank you 💛 i hope the new era of the news quiz can be just as witty and wholesome as it has been with miles, and i wish all the newcomers luck because it really is a welcoming and good programme!

no idea anon! it would surprise me if he hadn’t since he’s been an actor for a long time, but you’d have to ask him ;)

richard says a lot of things just because he wants to be the only one to have said them. of course no comedians came out and said the lineup for tm s8 looked like shit (comparatively), so richard did. of course no comedians asked an interviewee if they wanted a hand made out of ham, so he did did. this is really typical richard behaviour, and tbh i see why some people find it offputting. when it’s completely surreal, and he’s getting comedians to talk about things you could never imagine hearing them talk about, i’m all in and i think it’s a hilarious waste of time. but when it crosses over into the real world, where richard is giving out his political opinions or begging comedians to get him on tv, he just has no tact. sometimes he strikes a good balance and other times he doesn’t. i thought frankie hated him a while back and it might have resolved itself (like it may have with corden), but apparently not lmao (that is a great interview btw and i can’t get over how eloquent he is in his defense of female comedians...i love him...). but i’m glad your positive spin on this ask is that miles can save anything, because i agree and would like to add that spin to this response, hehe! i imagine the reasons frankie hates richard are the same reasons he loves miles ;)

well i’ve seen cold lasagna live three times, so what he said on rhlstp compared to what he explains in that show was really disappointing to me. i understand he couldn’t get into everything that had happened and is currently happening, or do the routine there, but it sounded like he only mentioned “i was suicidal lol” and didn’t really give any context to how he’s been doing (which is not great, unfortunately). obviously it’s not our place to demand information about his personal life, and i wouldn’t want to, but to just briefly mention something like that and then gloss over any details or context seemed like a big misstep to me — tonally and otherwise — and richard clearly didn’t know how to deal with it despite doing a half-decent job with stephen fry a couple of years ago. not that any of us have much faith in richard as a serious interviewer lmao. then they didn’t even brighten the mood much by talking about taskmaster (which richard berated), off menu, or doing many emergency questions... it felt really short and shallow, and i actually found it quite boring ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you need to see this immediately as an induction into this blog’s official religion whose only deity is The Great Sandi Toksvig

i don’t see it coming up in the usual places — just go here and make a request, and i’m sure you’ll have it by the end of the night :)

anon i think about this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! i think my first choice would be the same team on bfq tbh but seeing them on the same series of taskmaster would probably change my life. but honestly i’m SO thirsty for this i will take anything. even just david on the new heresy...please god......

lmaooo anon i still laugh about this to this day. i wish i could ask you a million questions about real life father sean lock but i’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate people harassing his kids’ friends for details about his private life lmao i’m just glad to hear he sounds like a good dad and he’s a nice guy!! you’re always free to let him know that we here on the interwebz love him to death

i can’t say for sure anon... i like that she’s so willing to speak up on big panels and take advantage of being thrown to, because a lot of women and/or newbies tend to be polite in this respect and speak briefly when it’s “their turn”. but i really need to see more before i could form an opinion!

hello anon, this is the new world order tag. to be fair, it’s not a panel show, so it’s not very high priority for me, though i do watch it. always been a big fan of frankie!

nope!

f.a.q. // tags // watch links masterpost

[nightcoremoon]

some guy asked me for a hug. I turned and looked at him. he was a big black guy with a lazy eye and three huge duffel bags and a rainbow painted on his cheek and a light and gentle voice that sounded affected by some developmental disability related to mine. i figured hey why not and said sure, but he kissed my cheek; I was like ok whatever he's probably just affectionate. at least he didn't kiss my lips or grope me or any of that weird shit. just a harmless little cheek kiss.

me and two of my people had just gotten up to go get food, and I told him that. he asked me if he could walk with us because he just needed a friend. my little heart broke because I had felt the same way when I went to another pride alone a few years ago. I said sure he could walk with us but we were gonna get food.

he asked me if I could carry one of his bags for him. he was drenched in sweat and he had like 4 bags that were the size of me so I figured why not, I'll carry something for him. it was really heavy though, for someone like me with muscular dystrophy. still, I should be nice because being nice is good to do.

we got there and we walked past some girls (and guys) in a twerk-off or something, idk maybe they were just dancing to what the dj was playing (stuff from wiz khalifa to kid cudi to flo rida, a good selection). he said something like "yeah, get it girl!" I assumed that was an big city black culture type of deal and figured, okay that's probably a normal thing because it happened and nobody really seemed to vocally have a problem with it, so I shouldered on.

he asked if I could buy him something to eat. I said yes thinking sure I'll pay $5 for a corn dog or nachos or something. dude straight up asks for a $10 philly cheesesteak AND a drink, which costs $5. it's okay, that's fine, I have extra cash, and I'd feel better if he ate something in case he didn't get to eat very often. so I did it. I got him the cheesesteak and a drink. when I came back he was flirting with some other girls. I'd thought nothing of it, he's probably bi and just super friendly. I gave him the food and so he could eat I carried another bag. which weighed way more than my shoulders could handle but it wasn't too long of a walk.

I collapsed and he sat down and was like. hey y'all I need a place to stay tonight. I was like. okay. this random stranger I just met doesn't immediately seem threatening, BUT if I were to offer him an accommodation I would still put all of our valuables into the room he wouldn't be in and have all the guys be in the room he was in purely for safety in the worst case scenario. I would be safe and methodical and rational about it. I told him I would put it to a vote with my group. it was a UNIVERSAL FUCKING NO. obviously.

now, I was gonna tell him that the people who were in our group and not immediately present had all said no anyway just to gauge what his reaction was gonna be. now uh. he didn't react too well. he started throwing out a bunch of possibilities. I'll sleep on the floor, ask them again, convince them, tell them I'm homeless and the cops are after me, I was like. I'm not gonna lie to them but I will talk to them. and in the chat I was literally in the middle of typing "okay guys I told him that y'all said no and he didn't react well so nvm it's fine" when he said:

and I quote:

"if you don't let me stay with you I'll kill myself."

...

Fuck.

That.

so I delete what I was gonna say and I tell everyone he just threatened suicide so hell fuckin no, this situation is dangerous so I'm gonna tell him that the majority said no anyway and if he doesn't back the fuck off i'm gonna tell him that it's because they're racist. which would probably work, right? he wouldn't wanna stay with a bunch of racist white people even if some of them weren't racist. probably.

that was the plan. I tell him okay look I asked everyone again and they still said no. the 3 of us who are here at this table have no problem but the 4 of us who aren't said they're not ok with that and majority rules so sorry man I can't help you but there's plenty of people around here who might be able to help. but he asks again, why can't I lie to them? he'll just sleep on the floor, he just needs a place to stay for the night.

so one of the people at the table with us who saw the group chat and heard me say the spiel about how the THREE OF US WHO ARE HERE would be fine with him but the FOUR OF US WHO ARE NOT HERE would not be, straight up says "look, I'm not comfortable with sharing a hotel room with a random stranger."

I'm like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT NOW HES JUST GONNA GET DEFENSIVE AND LASH OUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? but well she's been to chicago a lot and knows the urban culture. even though I fucking lived in indianapolis on weekends for a decade and know the culture more than she does. anyway this fucks up the plan majorly. she then tries to kindergarten teach her way through empathy 101 and tell him suicide isn't the answer and it's not a tool to use to guilt trip people. I'm like. WELL HOW THE FUCK DO I SALVAGE THIS GARBAGE FIRE NOW WITH ALL THIS JET FUEL YOU JUST BLASTED ONTO IT???

but it's fine, he's probably smart enough to figure that we're all smart enough not to let a stranger stay with us. the other girl with us who doesn't have a smartphone who I was texting to keep her in the loop then says she's uncomfy and leaves even though earlier she had just gotten upset about our party splitting up and not being able to find each other. so I'm like. alright time to disengage.

the girls leave so I go in front of him and I'm like. look man, I wanna help but my people wouldn't be okay with it. I reach out my hand to shake it and I say I wish him the best and I hope that someone here lets him stay with them, but at the very least he won't be hungry. he just glares at me, rolls his eyes, and looks away.

the fucking bitch.

you disrespect my charity, my grace, my fucking charade to not just blow you off, and this is the thanks I get? I spend $15 so you get a free meal, and you're pissed at me because I won't cram you and your four bags into my cramped car to go to my cramped hotel rooms when I don't even know you? ASSHOLE.

so we leave. a few hours pass and my chicago friend (who I bear no ill will towards because she's only 19 and I value her as a friend) and I are sitting and waiting for our friends to watch Lizzo perform. some other guy sits by us. I introduce myself, his name's jake, he's a cool guy. he plays league, I play dota, we talk about video games and the topic migrates.

eventually mr manipulative asshole saunters over and sits next to him, trying to get in on the conversation. my chicago friend moves away prompting jake to ask me what happened so I write on my phone what the other guy did. jake then proceeds to turn his chair and turn out square into a triangle that's leaving out the dickweed. we talk for another while. the dickweed eventually sees two girls kidding and is like "ayy little mamma bring them tight asses over here". so my friend is like. that's not cool bro, that's sexual harassment. we're gearing up to leave and he tells her to shut the fuck up.

jesus was with me in that moment because I about beat the absolute dog shit out of him. instead, I just give him a disappointed look and say "don't cuss at my friends."

I so wanted to rip into him. "you ungrateful disrespectful asshole. i bought you dinner, I considered letting you stay with us until I realized you're just a disgusting freeloading pig, and emotionally manipulative to boot, and how dare you treat us like this when I fed you. and how dare you ask for the most expensive thing on the menu. and how dare you speak that way to my friends. I oughta beat you senseless and turn your other eye lazy. so I hope you do kill yourself tonight." that's what I wanted to say. the primal urge was there but I kept my cool. and we left. that was the end of that.

jake walked with all of us to our car. he is a cool guy. he added us on instagram. we're all safe.

so uh. yeah.

if I have one fault, just one, it would be that I'm kind to a fault. I will walk with you if you're lonely. I will feed you if you're hungry. I will house you if you're homeless. even if you're just a manipulative freeloader with no respect for women, because as an autistic person I've got a really bad ability to sense evil. I would have helped him. I would have let him stay with us. this dangerous asshole I would have let be in my hotel room. if I have one fault, just one. it's that I'm willing to put another person's potential comfort on a higher priority than my own financial well-being and personal security.

I may be stupid. but at least I care about others.

inb4 someone accuses me of making this up and I literally have to post screenshots of the group chat to prove that I'm not just making an imaginary strawman to further a white feminazi agenda or whatever. guys why would I make up a story that proved that I'm a big dumb moron?

[ludacryst]

Survey Says..

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I'm 5'3, but I sometimes wish I was shorter because of how cute it can be in a relationship. I've watched too much anime, okay?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Well, @warpedbelief didn't help me figuring this out because his dragon idea was really cool. However... I'll just stick with cats. I love cats. (I also love dragons..)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Comfortable. Lol. I mostly wear PJs.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Final Fantasy series in general. 7 & 9 Specifically. My heart was always with Zelda ALTTP though.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Erwin, Wiggles, PoF (Power of Friendship, so my friends/family.)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Caution : Speaks her mind far too often. No filter. Bossy af. Does not cave easily.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I don't know.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Melancholic.

9: Are you ticklish? .....No...?....(Yes)

10: Are you allergic to anything? Lots of stuff. There's a list uploaded somewhere.

11: What’s your sexuality? Heteronormative Bisexual. I used to call it straight with a twist until I figured out there was an actual term for it. Basically, I'm emotionally attracted to men and commonly see myself in a relationship with men. (My Husband, HI.) However, I have similar attractions physically to women, but have never seen myself in a relationship with one other than physically.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa or Tea, but I'll drink any of em.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat. 1000% They're chill just like me... once they're older.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf, probably. I love nature, I hate being allergic to it though.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Nah, I just skim youtube from time to time, no favorite.

16: How tall are you? 5'3.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I'd probably keep it in the realm it's already in. So, I'm Crystal. I go by Crys (Chris) so probably Christina.. or anything that could shorten it to Chris of sorts. It's just me.

18: How much do you weigh? 175-190, depends on if I've ate fast food recently or not. More averaged at 186, but it's jumped a lot the past few months. Goal weight is 125.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Sure. I don't disbelieve. Had a thing when i was a kid a few times that make me think something exists.. whether or not we know what it is.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space. Stars. I love water don't get me wrong, but I'm more curious about what we can't physically reach.

21: Are you religious? Nah.

22: Pet peeves? Liars, people who try to grind my gears, people saying "I'm going to do it just to spite you." I'm tired of toxicity of people.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal. I'm defaulted to Nocturnal, so just eat some edibles and we're in bed by 10pm! :)

24: Favorite constellation? Leo ;)

25: Favorite star? Sirius, it shines the brightest.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don't like dolls. They're creepy.

27: Any phobias or fears? Irrational : Dolls, Being around people. Rational : Heights, Closed Spaces t-t

28: Do you think global warming is real? Fucking. Is this seriously a question? Of course it's real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I actually like to. It gives me hope there's something after death.

30: Favorite movie? I'm not sure I have a favorite movie...

31: Do you get scared easily? Nah, but I love a good jump scare.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Christina - My first doggie, passed away when I was in 4th grade. She was a mini collie~ Alexi - My green/yellow parakeet. Passed away at roughly 2-3 years old. Jiggy - My gray/white beautiful DHS big boi kitty. (2006-2016) Momma - My loving calico who picked me over everyone. ;o;  (2006-2018) Wiggles - Adopted from my family, he's a tyrant! He loves his dad more than me tho... [rude] (2016-???)

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] You CC please.

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue. Blue is always relaxing, especially softer/darker blues.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Travel wise, I want to visit a lot of places. Germany, UK, Canada... more specifically Niagara Falls.. Live wise, if I could, I'd live in Canada. However... I just want to live in the midwest, or east, somewhere more affordable in the US.

36: Where were you born? Ohio!

37: What is your eye color? Blue-gray.

38: Introvert or extrovert? 1000% introverted.

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they're amusing as fuck. I don't believe/follow them 100%. I do like to imagine what it would be like if they were right though. I follow zodiac stuff way more than horoscope.

40: Hugs or kisses? xoxoxo - Preferably hugs, they're for everyone! *HUGS*

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Scotty! ( @warpedbelief )

42: Who is someone you love deeply? @hyphenhero - My husbando.

43: Any piercings you want? I really dunno any more. The only one I've been considering lately is Daith.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don't dislike tattoos and piercings.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? Cigarettes are disgusting. Be more descriptive of your "smoking." I have marijuana vapes I enjoy.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Well, I married him.

47: What is a sound you really hate? Anything pitchy. My ears have been killing me the past year or so.

48: A sound you really love? Meow.

49: Can you do a backflip? HAHAHA No.

50: Can you do the splits? Almost did them on accident the other day. It really hurt. (No)

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Do voice actors count? Because then I'm between two. Johnny Yong Bosch and Matt Mercer.

52: Favorite movie? Wasn't this asked already? I don't have one.

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I really want to bleach it blonde again.

55: When did you feel happiest? Maybe when we first moved into our second apartment? The rent was cheaper, it was nice. I miss freedom. Though, I also miss having a full guild of friends and getting along and having fun together.. Man I'm getting old.

56: Something that calms you down? Marijuana primarily. Hugs. Kittens.

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] Anxiety, Depression, Memory issues xD Honestly you should just ask if there's stuff NOT wrong with me.

58: What does your URL mean? It's a nickname a friend gave me 11 years ago. Holy crap. It's been 11 years.

59: What three words describe you the most? Sassy, Bratty, Mom-ish.

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Too much spam/boring content. Stuff I'm not interested in. Sometimes inactivity for years.

62: What makes you follow a blog? Stuff I'm interested in typically.

63: Favorite kind of person: People I can just talk to about anything. I like to talk. I don't like to be pestered and felt bad about not responding right away. I enjoy helping people. So I'm mostly a listener. I like to talk about stuff we're mutually interested in. Sometimes I love people I can debate with but not hate after (reasonable debates.) I guess I'm going to be that guy and copy what my friend said.. "Engaging, but not too much that I’m constantly tired. I like doing nothing, but doing nothing with the right person."

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats. All the cats.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I don't really actively follow any specific blog in particular! :x

66: Favorite emoticon: :smirk: (use it on discord... though if you played maplestory, it's an F3 equivalent... )

67: Favorite meme: You said that tho?

68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ-T

69: What is your star sign? Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No dog, but you'd be damn right to guess I'd train them.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? Any of the fluffy pjs with a thin tank top.

72: Post a selfie or two? https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/me https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding

73: Do you have platform shoes? Nah. I don't have heels either.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? My memory is absolutely shit in most situations.  However, in certain and RANDOM AF situations it can be clear as day. If I want to learn/remember something? Forget about it. If I could not care less about something? You'll be damn straight I'll remember it.

75: Can you do a front flip? Lol, no.

76: Do you like birds? Yeah, cept the annoying high pitched ones T_T

77: Do you like to swim? I used to love to. I can't really be in the sun for long any more though.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Never been Ice Skating! Always wanted to try. I'd probably equally enjoy both.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Mosquitoes, Cancer, Violence. On the violence part... It's mostly guns. If we had swordsman style fights - It'd be more interesting.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Cures to incurables. Cancer, Epilepsy, Autism, etc. (I'm an epilepsy survivor.)

81: Piercings you have? Had an eyebrow piercing, lost it the same month I got it to pink eye.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Watching television. I miss reading. I have a hard time focusing on reading now.

83: Favorite person to talk to: I have 3! Erwin (@hyphenhero) - My husband~ and my friends Scott (@warpedbelief)  and Brandon.

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? What the fuck is this and why do people use it? inb4 I replaced wordpress with it.

85: How many followers do you have? I don't really check. My Tumblr is mostly for me... and I just restarted fresh these past few months.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I tried. Used to be able to run one in 6.

87: Do your socks always match? Yeah.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? HA, Never could.

89: What are your birthstones? Peridot, Sardonyx, Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Cat? Yes. Spoil me.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Tulips.

92: A store you hate? Umm.... I don't know if I avoid any stores in particular....

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1-2. My stomach gets pretty upset.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. Definitely. I get lost in my own mind enough.

95: Do you like to wear camo? Situationally.

96: Winter or summer? Winter 100%. Hate the heat. Love the snow.

97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. Like 30 seconds maybe?

98: Least favorite person? They who will not be named. It gives them too much attention.

99: Someone you look up to: I used to look up to my mom a lot. Now I'm more-so my own person, I just do what I can to do right by me and my hubby.

100: A store you love? Uhm.. Any cheap store... I don't really have a favorite. I guess amazon for saving me gas?

101: Favorite type of shoes Skechers.

102: Where do you live? California.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nah. I love ham too much.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Cubic Zirconia actually. It's so undervalued but so pretty.

105: Do you drink milk? Used to. Not really much any more.

106: Do you like bugs? Sometimes. But not in the house.

107: Do you like spiders? Sure, they get rid of the bad bugs.

108: Something you get paranoid about? Being followed. Bugs crawling on me.

109: Can you draw: Used to be able to. Not any more.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don't know, I usually tell people anything they ask lol.

111: A question you hate being asked? Any question I had previously already answered, and they just weren't paying attention. Anything related to me/my own working/schooling.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I can remember.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yeah, it's really relaxing.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy, 100%

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I would like to cuddle Momma right now.. Why you gotta go and make a girl sad for survey thing? (My calico that passed away last year..)

116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulus, Cumulonimbus, and Nimbostratus. Yes I googled them for their names.

117: What color do you wish the sky was? I honestly love the colors the sky is/can be, especially at sunrise and sunset.

118: Do you have freckles? Yes, but you can only see them when I have a tan. So to anyone who hasn't seen me since I was 10, you'd never know I had them.

119: Favorite thing about a person: How they treat people. If they're kind to animals. Eyes. Definitely eyes.

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits @_@

121: Something you want to do right now: Play Zelda - BoTW on Hard - but... I'm lazy.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean. But they look best together.

123: Sweet or sour foods? Candies or actual food? Food, sweet. Candies, sour.

124: Bright or dim lights? Dim as you can go without causing me to have seizures over tiny little things.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? I wish. Dragons would rock my world.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Yahoo owning it.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: The freedom it USED to have.

128: What do you think about the least? I dunno, I think about it the least... so it won't naturally come to me.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Carpe Diem ....heheheh.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Why would I name them? Again with the attention thing.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My Epilepsy. It's shown me who really gives a fuck about me, but also it's taken a lot from me.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No, I hate my teeth.

133: Computer or TV? Computer, it offers more.

134: Do you like roller coasters? Never been on one, definitely want to try.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Sometimes motion sickness, never got seasick tho.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attatched.

137: Do you believe in karma? I like to believe in Karma, but I really feel like people don't get their just desserts :(

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Crys, Crysti, Cryssi, Crysii, Ludacryst, Toxie, Punky, there's probably more but effort.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I am unsure.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. More than one therapist.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Yes.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving.

144: What makes you angry? Lots of little things. Dumb things. Mostly the way medical/doctors are here... Our president... a lot of things really.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? I can barely manage English, you want me to learn more?!

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I kinda answered this earlier.

147: Are you androgynous? No.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: I'm more willing to let people go if they make my life worse. I used to be terrible at that.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. My Mom, Scooter, Matt Mercer.. (shh)

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ANY ERA WITH KNIGHTS AND KINGDOMS AND WEEEEEEE............ (I like a lot of oldie based shows.)

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Eh.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] MapleStory. Not even remotely kidding.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes. I'm a very touchy person if I trust the person. I prefer hugs on most though. Forehead is pretty sentimental to me.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Sometimes, yeah.

156: What embarrasses you? My teeth, my weight, a lot of things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: People. Crowds. Planes. Heights. New Doctors.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: If it's the biggest lie I've ever told, do you think I'm going to out myself on social media?

159: How many people are you following? Fuck if I know... I'm too lazy to check.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

163: Last time you cried and why: It's been over a lot of things. My health, my families health, my cat, hurting myself, etc.

164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium?

165: Longest your hair has ever been: Just below my shoulders.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? Neutral mostly, because you can't prove or disprove a god exists. Just because you haven't seen something does that mean it's not there? Also, just because you believe in something, does it mean that it exists really? I'm agnostic. Though Wicca seems like a more reasonable religion in most aspects (I've dabbled in research, I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. I just care if it's gonna blow up before I die.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Like? Not usually, it just helps me feel a little better sometimes.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? As much as I could.

[dramarising-replacement]

As much as i love this game, this community is on every possible level one of the most irredeemable abusive shitholes I’ve ever had the infinite misfortune of being forced to share space with. There’s so much horribly wrong with everyone’s heads here that i don’t know where to start and if i tried to type it all out i would eventually find out whether or not this text box has a character limit. It is with full confidence that i can say that this community, and by extension tumblr, is absolutely the political spectrum opposite’s clone of 4chan. Possibly even worse in some ways. This community’s habit of witchhunting and dogpiling pure venom on anyone who so much as blinks in a way considered too different from the majority is disgusting even by human standards.

Every single person I’ve ever met on here was either an absolute scummy prick scammer(most of these turn out to be in plague and light, looking at you IA), a walking tumblr SJW stereotype who makes a thread every time their cat yawns(most of these turn out to be in shadow, arcane, light, and wind, prone to making posts to complain about phobias whenever something new is released), an impressively out-of-touch greedy airhead who puts way too many smileys on everything(most of these turn out to be in light and occasionally earth, especially prone to “no one ever gets dom because they’re just not trying at all lol git gud” mentality), a spoiled 9 year old with 0 reading comprehension who vanishes into the aether after two days of playing(evenly spread), someone who acts like a spoiled 9 year old with 0 reading comprehension to get free shit on the forums(evenly spread but a lot move to shadow, likely to be an older player’s alt), a walking collection of pink heart emojis and glitter who screams about cultural appropriation every time they get a turban popping out of a chest and doesn’t think that there’s any difference between “criticizing art” or “Saying you like this art better” and “viciously attacking this POOR DEVELOPING ARTIST CHILD’S FEELINGS YOU HORRIBLE HEARTLESS DOUCHEBAG”(evenly spread but tend to jump between arcane, light, water, wind, and nature, most likely to have an OCD breakdown whenever the official art on something is updated), an incredibly devoted nature user with vegan stuff and possibly bible quotes all over their profile proudly proclaiming that their dragons are vegan too and carnivore breeds can just go fuck themselves and starve and probably had a goddamned moral meltdown where they threatened to call peta when someone exalted their fodder hatchling(mostly nature, rarely light or water, likely to have a hatchery with a whole novel worth of anti-exalt rules bolded in red at the top), a just flat out asshole who thinks they’re being cool by snarking at and threatening anyone who tries to have a civil conversation with them and then playing the victim(mostly plague and fire, sometimes light, second most likely to have an ocd meltdown when old art is changed, most likely to spite exalt just for fun, just as likely as the scammer type mentioned above to falsely report someone and gloat at them for the lulz), an utter recluse who’s been on since 2013, has a 2 page lair of all basic dragons with no apparel, and probably thinks that “Forum” is a kind of sandwich, the lucky bastards(surprisingly common in lightning and to some degree in fire and nature, also seen a few in wind), or some unholy crossbreed of the above.

I assume that just by statistical probability alone there must have at some point been at least one half decent person and/or actually mature adult on this entire forsaken website, but ya know what if i meet them i’ll let ya know. Best i can tell? Everyone with a scrap of sanity in their skulls has been driven off entirely or at least partially assimilated into one of the categories above by now. Same as every other petsite that has ever existed. It’s awful. Unbearable. Taking one look at any part of this site where you can input text gives me a sickening feeling of being in some twisted nightmare dimension where everything is assbackwards and the halls are covered in glitter and stars.

And dom? Oh god, don’t get me started on that. Sports team culture? Fused with a hint of racism/nationalism for extra flavor? That’s nearly impossible to build up the manpower and money to win without having the bonuses from having already won?(And don’t start me on that “oh it’s just pennies” bullshit, pennies build up fast any you know it. If someone can sell an item for a profit of one gem and the person next to them can sell it for a profit of one and a half because they get a discount buying it in the first place, sure it’s not a big difference, but if they sell exactly the same amount of items then by the end the second person will still have made significantly more profit than the first. And then when the next round comes? That extra money can buy extra fodder and lair space for extra dom push, which means not only that they are far more likely to win and have an easier time doing so but also that when it’s over they’ll be able to buy even more items than the first person to resell for profit, and still likely save money from that dom discount. And this is just what happens with the “pennies” bonus of one single dom round.)Was this faction discrimination-riddled cesspool not toxic enough already? I legitimately can’t think of a game addition that could possibly have been worse for this record-breakingly immature bully culture than some goddamned dragon-themed imitation of sports team rivalry fused with a global cold war and a touch of monopoly.

(Also inb4 someone in the comments says something like “i think the problem is really with YOU if everyone you meet is bad” or “i think YOU’RE one of the rotten ones” or “lmao if you hate it so much leave” or “someone’s salty because ______ didn’t happen to them” or “SJW? i bet you’re the type who thinks racism doesn’t exist/911 was a conspiracy/immigrants are stealing our jobs/barney the dinosaur is going to bring the nuclear apocalypse/ect too” or “You’re not perfect/you don’t sound like such a nice person either” some such thing. I never claimed to be perfect bruh, or even good. The only thing I’m claiming to be is pissed off.)

It’s not like i can “just leave if i hate it that much” either. Have you ever actually seen a good dragon petsite beyond FR? I’ve looked. THEY DON’T FUCKING EXIST. FR DOMINATES THE MARKET ENTIRELY. THERE IS LITERALLY NO SIGNIFICANT COMPETITION WHATSOEVER. THERE. IS. NOWHERE. ELSE. TO. GO. And there will likely NEVER be anywhere else to go, because petsites tend to be the sort of market along MMO lines where there’s only room for one successful title at a time. If i want to play with dragons at all, this is my only possible option. And i don’t believe for one second that if a decent competitor site ever managed to exist that it wouldn’t immediately be overrun by the same types of people that are ruining everything here. There’s so, so much more that pisses me off but the pure rage and disappointment bathing my brain right now is fucking with my ability to think straight enough to list it.

I love this game, and i don’t want to stop playing it, but my tolerance for it’s player’s shit is holding on by a thread. I’ve been drowning in so many assholes with not one genuinely decent person in sight for so long, and I’m starting to think they either all fled, assimilated, or went into hiding. Are there really any good people on here? Please tell me there are and they’re just buried under everyone else. I just want there to be some glimmer of hope that this community isn’t an entirely lost cause, but I’ve found no evidence of such a thing. By all my observations it only becomes more toxic and abusive by the day and that doesn’t look like it will ever change. I’m nice to people, I’ve never been involved in any drama, i always complete my business transactions quickly and politely, yet all i ever get in return is snarky fake smiles, manipulation, scams, and flat-out dickishness, and when i look around at others i see more of the same happening to and being perpetuated by them aswell.

Please help me I’m trapped in this glittery insane asylum hell of backstabbing and toxic clique culture and all i have with me is a book full of stamps shaped like dragons and an increasing sense of general misanthropy

Please tell me that nice people really exist here even the fucking people I’m related to that play this game are all textbook “smiley fake sweet ‘git gud lol’ airhead” types

*SCREECHES IN ENDLESS AGONY*

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE TWO

“I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game.” - dem

HOH: Josh C UPSIDE DOWN: Nick & Joshua NOMINEES: Emma & Nash POV: N/A FINAL NOMINEES: N/A EVICTED: Dem (Expelled)

EMMA

I been struggling in this game which is sad i want to have fun but yesterday made me feel like maybe having a meltdown and leaving 90 percent of servers was a good idea for me i really hope not i just really want to have fun and win for some reasons i always have trouble prejury in games trying to find my footing but at jury and late prejury i always know how to rise ASDFGH the people i really like rn are Jakey loml jev loml aria queen saira queen and also joshua is easy to talk too!!! nathan is also great

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSgjyUhGTng

NASH

i simply think men should stop winning hoh and trying to nom me. its week 2 go target someone else j*sh. jev and i are cool now though <3 love him

DEM

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game. I think I'm not in anyone's bad graces so far, which is good. But I really need to win one of these next HoH's so secure my social relationships. My plan moving forward is to see win HoH's. I want to win the next to HoH's I'm eligible in back to back. I also want to try to secure my relationships with Gina, Jev, and Jake. Those are three people I want to be close with in this game. Also maybe Joshua? He's pretty cool and chill.

SAIRA

I'm still getting a sense of how the game works but I feel pretty good, there are some people that are much easier to talk to than others but everyone is still so nice! i feel good about josh c as hoh! we get along pretty well and I don't THINK im in any danger but you never know! imma be honest, I don't have an actual plan, i'm mostly playing this by ear, just talking to people, bullying beck when the chance arises, and being myself! 

JOSH C

HELLO GIRLIES!

well, we won HOH and that's really EXCITING. i probably didn't need to win this week but i figured that i'd get a win under my belt while nominating people would still be EASY. i can establish trust with some people and get a "i didn't nom you, please don't nom me" situation going on. i also feel like the two people i'm going to nominate would have NOMMED me anyways because we just haven't talked..

who those people are? nash & emma. (vl don't hate me for only nominating women i didn't want it to come to this either)

but i just.. both of them have really only put in any effort to talk to me now that i'm HOH and i don't really LOVE that tbh. i've already told a few people that's who i'm thinking so i kind of accidentally locked myself in on these noms because there isn't any sense in throwing out more names than i have to!!

i have an alliance with kiki, brianna, jacob, jake, and aria. (i think that's the people in it? i wanna say that's right. LKFMSDG love this game for me) and i feel pretty good in that because i like all of them enough and they're people that will watch out for ME and each other. but i know my social connections go beyond that so i'm feeling pretty good with my spot in the game? i have a solid relationship with almost everyone in the game and i think i should be able to play a cute lil utr game for a few weeks. i don't think that i'll get targeted first if my alliance gets outed and if so.. i have ENOUGH faith in my comp strength and relationships to save me against MOST of the cast.

people kind of want me to nominate DEM because apparently he starts drama with people and has been a bit inactive. he's talked with me more than other people so im not super keen on throwing him on the block RIGHT AWAY but i'm thinking he's a good replacement nom because if people think he's MIA then no one other than him will be upset with me. maybe a backdoor? could be spicy..

i don't really know what else to say here so.. i hope this is enough! love u guys <3

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/mJw3qxsZ-Bg

JEV

Okay so I feel like pretty comfortable this week because me and Josh have gotten pretty close and bonded over our mutual love of Lucas HOWEVER he's just let me know he's gonna be nominating Nash and Emma which isn't GREAT since I'm in alliances with both of them and they're the only 2 alliances I have so I really wouldn't want to see either of them go home this week, this SUCKS ASS

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt2xRQqqax8

ARIA

how is it ONLY week 2 i feel so hecking exhausted fhsabfd, but that might also be the fact that is 2 am so,,,oop. Um okay recap time!!!! Recaps are so hard because theres minor details that i still want to note without seeming super annoying so heres a minor list of things im noticing 

-Dem wants to "start playing the game" I told this to Jake (wish i could bold names ugh)

-Gina & dem told me they were gunning hard for hoh- i told nathan/monty/nick/,,,,and someone else this

-emma feels unconnected from cast

-Jake doesnt like Gina

-Josh likes Me Jev Kiki (told joshua)

-emma knows alliances are starting to form

-joey can get pwr hungry and chaotic + good comp ability

-told gnia my thoughts on the sides being "connected v unconnected" and other tidbits of info

-GIna (potentially joshua) doesnt like nash

-Nathan/Nash ARE CLOSE!!!!! WEE FUCKING WOO!!!!

-Told Jake that Jacob has the power (and the bs excuse he told gina pretending he doesnt have it,,,sure jan)

-jake is GREAT at lowering his threat lvl im sick

-Jev-Josh-Nathan-Nash all bonded p well on vc potentially an alliance

-jake tried to get gina nominated

-Emma Nash noms

-Jake doesnt want emma to leave

So,,,thats what you missed on GLEE! Honestly glee sucks but yeah thats all my info i would weave everything together with cute transitions but im TIRED and lots of this information doesnt really connect well so,,,have a bullet list! 

okok nvm heres some general thoughts bc JUST a bullet point list is so boringgg im honestly not too sure what i want to do this week bc i think emma doesnt have a lot of people (although she has jake apparently,,,she might just be putting up a front of being unconnected ffs) so i would rather keep her around based on our relationship alone esp compared to nash whose been busy w/ irl things to reply i think (nash would prob do gr8 in old school bb,,,but new school is a whole other beast) HOWEVER!!! I need to protect gina who isn't the best conversationalist (sorry bb ily but its true <3) and keeping nash around ensures people have another "inact" target besides her but also nash is such a god connection for people like nathan and jacob and i would rather get her out sooner than later before we have another renee on our hands ...

Also i havent talked to the pasio peeps (omg if we ever make an alliance,,,that should be the name hehe) in a while and idk if theyre distancing themselves or if theyre just busy fndsjafd god im too paranoid for this game its awful. Also i think i mentioned the alliance with josh kiki bri jake jacob last time and it still isnt made and im PRAYINGGG it never gets made bc i have SUCH an awful feeling like SIX FUCKING PEOPLE??? S I X?? THAT IS GOING TO FAIL AND BLOW UP!!!! but i cant say no to an alliance so here i fucking am :/ also im trying to think of my longevity in this game and like,,, idk im nervous. I mean ive mentioned going to the end with multiple people but i have such a bad feeling im gonna go out 9/10 as a big move and i REFUSE to let that shit happen, not on my fucking watch no sir!! Not sure what to do about it yet but i feel like monty in particular doesnt trust me and i need his ass OUT! or maybe not if he comes around but like??? sir pls talk to me- i mean this phase of the game is early im setting up the pawns for later, but before later theres gonna be a couple explosions of my game which i'll have to deal with,,, or maybe not actually i mean in my first org i did a really well mastermind game with it- nvm it did explode on me once FDBSHFDS yeah so theres gonna be an explosion period but i think im getting good at dealing w/ the backlash from it and reintegrating myself..

oh also yeah im safe this week lol

anyway sorry for rambling so much LMAO have a trust ranking!

1.Gina (MY QUEEN!!!!!!!! i LOVE her!)

-BIG BIG FUCKING GAP-

2.Jake (listen,,,my thoughts go back and forth but he did tell me the noms so,,,have some rights)

3.Saira (we never talk game but i dont think she talks with anyone about game beyond maybe nick and also shes nice and im a sucker for nice girls)

4.Emma (if this isnt all just a front shes gonna make a great number for me,, might need to fact check some of her statements tho)

5.Joshua (honestly? i love him hes so funny and i think he has my back although he could be more act)

6.Nathan (literally havent talked in 3 days but also i have a soft spot for him <3)

-GAP-

sorry the Js are just kinda scary lmao JFNSDKF

7.Nick (!! we gotta an actual connection folks!! heck yeah!)

8.Josh c (im safe! but he D E F trusts others more than me such as Joshua and Jacob)

9.Jev (honestly a king but hes a little quiet although his reccs are the BOMB)

10.Jacob (i know youre being sneaky,,,idk what youre being sneaky with but im getting the vibes)

11.Dem (might be weird but i think he trusts me? at least a little bc he ranted about losing to me so O.0)

12.Brianna (youre adorable and deserve the world but everyone likes you,,,is this how people view me omg fhsabfhds)

13.Kiki (youre SO hecking sweet and actually u probs have a connections to nash but we havent talked ANY game yet)

14.Nash (p,,p-please talk to me uwu)

15.Joey (i dont trust you at ALL! Why? good question-)

was that mean? sorry in advance ilyall but also its 3 am brain empty no filter

NASH

i think jev and nathan might end up being good allies of mine (inb4 betrayal)! despite the mistake he made nomming me, talking to jev has been lovely so far he's getting me into loona LMFAO. and i just love nathan's energy & i feel like as the season goes on i can see him winning comps. i'm excited :3 hope josh c does not end my existence this week

JOEY

I feel FANTASTIC about Josh being HoH. I’m making sure that others are coming to me about gameplans, and I’m making sure I don’t come off as too pushy or aggressive in PMs. With most of the players, I’m trying to give them all the same energy and hype. It seems kinda weird to say this, but I’m not concerned about being nominated at this point. What I need to ensure is building my social relationships with people outside the “Crackhouse”, and yes that big ol friend group moved to Discord in 20 minutes like 6 months ago. 

This is the first major game I’ve ever played with Skinny Nick(yes, I’m absolutely confused as to what to call them, I’m so used to calling Nick “Eve” that its going to take time to adjust.) Speaking of Nick, my social relationship with him is actually surprisingly similar. In the past, I felt as though it would be as “on-sight” as Tom & Jerry, and it actually isn’t turning out that way, which is surprisingly refreshing. Every day, I’m making sure I send Nick something different to diversify my social game with them. Yesterday, I asked Nick about his preferred streaming services for music and TV, and I discovered we have the same music service(Apple Music).

I’ve played one game with Monty before, but it was a disaster. We were in pairs, and it felt like we were on different planets. I did tell him to not worry about personal feelings when it comes to this game, because I compared the relationship of BB Netflix and the Crackhouse to the separation of church and state. I made that comparison because the two entities of church and state should never cross, but when they do it becomes disastrous, and I feel as though that same principle applies to this game.

Overall, I feel good, Emma may be going up on the block, but it shouldn’t affect me that much. We’re in the early stage, I want to make sure I’m good with everyone.

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeox7LM1-E

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkZ-BIIjTU

HOUSE MEETING

https://youtu.be/BZMorvWvyKY

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT WEEK 1 & 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc-iMpkfrdw&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=3&t=0s

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 4: “Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where”- Austin

I kinda wish our tribe would lose just so I could see where the lines are tbh. Also I have a bad feeling that at a swap/merge our tribe is gonna be picked off because we’re going in with the most numbers and on a base level that’s dangerous; however, I do think it could be deeper than that because of the preconceived relationships and I’m looking forward to seeing who goes home tonight and where we go from here.

This round was a little wild for me. Austin has been my fave since the beginning and we finally created an alliance. We both liked eve so that was easy but we wanted one more person. This is where things got a little complicated. Him and eve both liked isaac but honestly i wasnt feeling isaac and love pat. But i didnt want to push too hard so we just went ahead with isaac. 

BUT we also talked to pat and will have ANOTHER alliance with him (so austin, pat and me). SO basically im working with everyone right now except keaton. Im glad our tribe has been killing it because that means no TC wooo 

We tribe swapped so that is fun. It's always interesting to have a switch up. I have still yet to be screwed by a tribe swap in my entire history of playing ORGs which is something I am happy with. This is one of the best iterations of a tribe I can think of actually. I can forge a closer bond with Xander and Dylan, because now if we lose I won't need to vote one of them out, they become my core 3. So, right after the swap I made an OG Malakoff chat with myself, Xander, and Dylan. I just wanted the immediacy to show that I was serious in wanting to stick to that, which I am. I have communicated several times that I want to work with Isaac, so ideally Austin will go in the event that we lose. I feel bad because he is a sweetheart, but he doesn't fit into my strategy, and if anyone understands game being game, he does.

I love my new tribe??? Not only is nick still here so that gives me a safety net, the sammy I like is here. Pat is here. No idea who eve is but that’s okay too. I’m loving this. Inb4 I get voted out next Bc they actually really fucking hate me :^). Byebye payton it was nice kinda knowing you? Hello ~hopefully~ friends <3

I forgot Austin has a date with Mary Jane daily so Im gonna have to cut him some slack.

Tribe swap....just what I didn't want to happen . I dont ha e my #1 ashley with me but at least I got issac here. Jared is on my tribe now too so that could go either way for me because he knows how I play the game. Gonna have to pull something out if my ass here .

This is for Alyssa you dumb ugly fat white bitch why you keep asking me for a confessional with trifling dirty white racist ass big fat bitch x Anyways. Made an alliance with Pat and Sammy! V excited to work with them but we’re snapping in immunity so, I don’t see why we would need to vote off Vi.... I mean someone at tribal! Hehe

Well....we got our last handed to us. I'm not happy going to tribal bc I feel I'll be the one going. I talk with jared and issac the most but I feel jared will stick with xander and dylan. Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where.

I have been busy the past couple of days so this challenge being a endurance/speed comp was a struggle. And it looks like my team didn't do much. To help... It's fine we can get out one of these other two dead weights. Speaking of them. Im glad the swap merged me with two allies but the other two just suck to talk to... And that's coming from me .. Jess knows what I'm talking about. Anyways I don't want them here and want them gone. As for my allies. I like Jared a lot we are getting along and enjoying ourselves. He's definitely the one I trust most in this game and hopefully it gets me to merge where I can start phase 2 and hopefully get far. Dylan is fine .. he's offline a lot but he's from old tribe so like it helps. 

Just finished the challenge, OH MY GOD i suck at trivia but thankfully sammy snapped and we won, thank u sammy love u so much!!! Still dont believe he is straight tho x IM JOKING PLS DONT KILL MEDFHNSJFDH

I hate confessions. That’s my confession for the round... jkjk. Eh there isn’t much to talk about now that it’s tribal time. I hope whoever from our og tribe stays safe but I forgot who is there so oops. Sammy killed it. I still call bs on the centipede question but oh well. It wouldn’t have changed the result. It would have just made the gap close by 1. 

LOVE MY NEW TRIBE. So happy we swapped. I’m with actual love of my life ASHLEY!!! And Chloe is amazing too. Aidan popped off in the challenge. Keaton is Keaton. This is a good group and I’m glad they did rlly well in the challenge. I love this kind of thing but I wasn’t able to constantly be on my phone all weekend bc that’s rude :( so I’m glad it worked out. Hoping the tribe swap works out in our favor and Xander jared and Dylan stay together for the vote. Idk if Isaac and jared are friends??? I hope Isaac leaves because he knows I’m a ‘threat’ in games and because I think Ashley yelled at him once. Idk who Austin is but Ashley likes him. But idk how likely that is if Isaac and jared have a connection. As long as jared stays safe ifgaf who leaves.

Yowza. We got absolutely wrecked in the challlenge. I don't WANT to lose any challenges, but I believe in the long run I should be happy to take this L. As another way to show my loyalty, I decided to give my idol progress in the chat with Xander and Dylan. I noticed Dylan never reciprocated so that gives me 1 reason to be wary. Then, Dylan posted a very inappropriate joke in the tribe chat in reference to Survivor Thailand, and the word "rape" was used, so that was the 2nd thing to make me uneasy. At first, Dylan and Xander had no opinion on who to vote, so I voiced that I would like to vote Austin- then Dylan remembered who Isaac is and said "he can go." I eventually got things back on track to target Austin, but Dylan better be careful- it's 3 strikes and you're out with me. I have a good relationship with Isaac so I wouldn't be surprised to see Dylan go if we lose again.

Day 9 on the survivor tribe. My thoughts are about toes and only toes. They are consuming my entire day. I exist merely to think of toes. 

Also Chloe...

Okay so I’m just gonna throw down some of my thoughts right now since I’ve been very quiet in confessionals. I fucking hate these small ass fucking tribes. It makes the thought of going to tribal terrifying because your odds of going home are increased. Since the swap ive actually really been enjoying my time, I really like my new tribe and I feel I can actually connect with these people better than on my first tribe. I am glad to actually have Aidan with me because he’s like THE person I want to work with from my og tribe, along with Vi. I still have my reservations on Nick even though I think he’s nice I can’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I really feel that the trivia challenge brought us closer together as a tribe since what’s a better bonding experience than yelling at Jess that she’s wrong 50 times in one day. I think we’re all collectively quite strong and I really hope that means we can slide past for a while without going to tribal. 

Honestly i always forget what i confess from last time but i still think I’m in a good position in the game. However I really do not want to go to tribal because I don’t want to show my cards. Eve and Pat both want me to work with them so we have an alliance and then Vi and Nick approached me and want to work with me as well. This was completely surprising to me bc I felt as if I would just be an easy vote out if we were to go to tribal since I’m a lone wolf. However I’m in the middle and I feel somewhat powerful knowing that people want to keep me and want to work with me. Me and nick have had a rocky relationship in past games but i think he’s a great person. He’s just a wildcard. I love vi and i think she’s the sweetest person to have ever existed but my gut is telling me to work with pat and Eve atleast for the first vote. Hopefully I don’t have to make the decision but who knows. That’s all I have for now other than I think the idol system isn’t anything I keep getting zapped. I feel like a fly in a southern home...ZAP.

I couldn’t remember the day so I put 69. I hate this tribe with my whole heart and my whole bussy. Jared is the only one giving me any sort of shot at making it passed this round. Austin is a slime ball who will do anything to save his own skin, Xander is dead apparently, and Dylan has been tracking down places where famous people died. I feel like this is my own personal hell and while I’ve been assured that Austin is going home (which I wouldn’t be surprised was a lie) I still have to make a swap or a merge and with the clowns on this tribe being inactive and never talking about anything but Star Wars or not talking at all I don’t know how possible it is to win a goddamn challenge. 

*insert Da'vonne pretends to be shoocked gif at a swap* Since it didn't happen at 16 I wasn't surprised too see it at 15 but I'm glad because three tribes provides for much more buffer. My initial reaction to my tribe was positive as I saw that I had Chloe and three new people in the mix. I'm not gonna lie that I was getting bored on my old tribe but I do hope that Nick is doing alright. He's one ally that I'd love to connect with again... Vi is alright too but I don't know how strong of a connection we fostered. First impressions of my new tribemates: Keaton - I heard he was fucking with my friend in another game so my guard was up but I tried and he seems aloof and random with his contributions but it makes sense since he's playing 4 games at once. Will probably work off of the others who contribute in challenges? We'll see. Ashley - Sweet and seems like a hard worker. Not too much of a read on her yet Owen - He seems nice and genuine but not much of a read from a game perspective yet. It seems the split is 2-2-1 on my tribe from previous tribes but I don't know how strict to tribal lines people are going to play but I can feel some aloofness with Keaton and Ashley is traveling so... that's that on that. If we were going to tribal I have no idea what the fuck would happen but I want to strengthen connections. Honestly I think we can make it to the merge without hitting an elimination but who knows. THANKFULLLLLLLY my ass had a lucky night on the railroads and jumped to spot number fifty and apparently found a STEAL A VOTE. This is what I DESERVE. Thank you Old West Gods for blessing me, the star, with this iconic power. I'm glad I have it in my back pocket and I'm not telling a fucking soul. If it needs to be used, it will be flaunted and I will pop shit. Hopefully I can save it for after merge but if I need to control a pre-merge vote just to get my way, I'm going to do it. 

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-ep-2

[fabrickind]

Revolutionary Girl Utena Episode 3 Liveblog

Join me this week for episode 3: social anxiety, heteronormativity, authenticity, and schools with way too much goddamned money for their own good.

This one starts again with the fairytale framework, which was missing in episode 2. I’m making a note of this because I’m going to keep track of which episodes have this opening and if there are any similarities between them. inb4 ‘this is the episode where Nanami is introduced and that’s why there’s the fairytale since her episodes tend to have that opening

For this episode, I think it’s a combination of things. One is the somewhat obvious answer that we, as an audience, need to be reminded of this backstory. I think that it also speaks to the themes of this episode, though, in reminding us that Utena’s goal is to become a prince. Of course, as we come to find out, both the flashback and the goal of becoming a prince are false ideals, and the brilliance of this show (as I keep saying) is that it outright tells you this from the start, but in a way that makes you want to take it at face value. We will keep this idea in mind throughout this episode -- everything is precariously constructed, there’s a lot going on behind what we actually see, but we’re cued to take it all so earnestly, at face value.

And here we introduce one of Utena’s major concerns for the first arc: Anthy has no friends! We should give her some friends!

On the questions raised last liveblog about whether to take Chu-chu at face value or not, I think that we should take Anthy’s assertion here fairly literally, and this is one of the few times that I think I’m going to advocate taking anything in this show literally. I think that Chu-chu is her friend.

This exchange is interesting to me

Utena asks Anthy to stop calling her “Utena-sama,” and all of Utena’s fangirls call her that, but Utena writes it off as “a joke.” This scene seems to be calling attention to a weird sense of performance going on here. For the fangirls, it may be a joke on the surface level, but there seems to be something more authentic underneath that, especially considering that they all do it and that it seems to be a recurring thing. Oh, and Wakaba exists, of course. I’m not sure if this is Utena wanting to think that the probable actual thirst of the schoolgirls is a joke, or if it’s seen as a joke on all sides but they’re actually quite parched.

With Anthy, this seems almost inverted. Sure, she’s completely serious about being the Rose Bride. But she has no actual respect for Utena at this point, and while on the surface it may seem like she’s being deferential to her fiancee, deep down, she’s simply performing a surface-level role. It’s much more a “joke” to Anthy than it is to the fangirls.

(On a side note, my browser is flagging “fiancee” [the feminine form] as possibly incorrect spelling when I place “her” in front of it, but if I place “his” in front of it, it doesn’t. I get what it’s doing, but it’s still quite the heteronormative spell checker!)

Speaking of heteronormativity

Throughout this series, especially early on, “normal” and “heteronormative” seem to fully converge. Here, Utena wants to be seen as perfectly feminine (despite her clothing choice and fiancee) and as, more importantly, straight. To her, “normal” means “wants a boy rather than a girl.” Yes, there’s shades of “this whole dueling system is weird and I’d rather have a lover I met in an everyday way than someone I accidentally won in a duel” but I feel like the emphasis is placed on the gender of the love object here, and on Utena fitting into a model of heterosexual femininity.

Of course, no one believes her. At least, I don’t. The way to seem “normal” isn’t to parade around in a so-called “boys” uniform and declare your desire to be a prince. Her actions are seriously at odds with her words here.

  And then this asshole shows up.

That hair says otherwise, Touga. That’s major character hair right there.

And Utena provides one of her better reaction faces at what has to be one of the worst pick-up lines in anime history.

[insert joke about Anthy knowing him in the biblical sense]

(Though maybe that joke is more appropriate for the movie, where that’s actually a major plot point)

I wish I could edit out the snippet of video where Touga tries to play with Utena’s hair and she slaps him away and dramatic music plays. Everyone in this series is so extra and I love it. 

Oh no! Touga is wearing the ring! We have to go from “this guy is a total fuckboy who deserves to be slapped” to “could this guy be my prince?????” in the span of a few seconds! I guess Utena being the most oblivious character ever is part of her charm, though...

[insert joke about how Touga definitely means it in the biblical sense]

In this Student Council meeting, Miki uses the stopwatch almost right away, after Touga says that Saionji lost again. I think he’s timing when his own line should be. As per last episode, Saionji himself is still not present. Also still no weird antics at the meetings.

Anthy slap count: 3 For those participating in the drinking game ;]

So the latest Anthy rumors are about “what she did to a popular boy” (Saionji), which...middle school rumors often get things wrong, yes, but this is also the role of the Rose Bride. She’s taking on the blame for everything that went wrong, even if Saionji is the one who was an abusive asshole and is now being dramatic and refusing to leave his room.

This does make me think, though...do you know? do you know? Doesn’t that sound like the start of someone about to share some juicy gossip? I wonder how much of the Shadow Girls plays are basically the level of highly allegorical, surrealist rumor, and if we should take them as such?

I am a firm believer in the idea that Nanami is the only other character in this series who has the potential to be a protagonist, only she’s the protagonist of the wrong show (that and she doesn’t interact with the system in the way that Utena does, which is what allows for Utena to make it to the end of the dueling game). (I never said these liveblogs were spoiler-free :P) I think that her introduction here is an indicator of that -- she’s introduced in much the same way as Utena is, only without quite as much pomp and circumstance to her unveiling. There’s a strong visual parallel here, though, and to my memory, the only other character to be given this type of introduction. That is, she’s given the slow tilt up her body, starting at her feet, with the spinning rose frame, much like Utena was. Other characters may have the rose frame, but not that same level of “self-important theme music and the slow reveal of the character” that Nanami is given here.  (I know Juri has her very sad theme music mostly used in highly emotional moments, Anthy has theme music but she’s a more major character, Miki sorta has theme music but it’s mostly used in other places...do Touga and Saionji have theme music at all? Do any other side characters have theme music to the level of Nanami? Maybe Nemuro [not Mikage]? It seems as it it plays almost every time there’s something related to her on screen.)

I always go to beat up girls I don’t like with the school’s Forbidden Forest™ in the background.

Actually, I wonder if this is some sort of really weird foreshadowing -- that’s where the dueling arena is, and this is pretty much a cropped (and daylight) version of the shot that opens the Shadow Girl plays for this arc. I’m probably reading too much into it and it’s just a nice, convenient location to get into fights at. You know. In front of the big, ominous forest that all schools have.

The editing and angles in the next scene are nice -- of /course/ Anthy is playing cards with Chu-chu and Utena is just sitting in the corner, stewing. Isn’t this how most friends spend their evenings?

That is exactly the reaction I have to all of the party dresses in this episode.

Utena insisting that Anthy go to the ball and make lots of friends is an interesting moment for me

There’s that fake Anthy smile we all know and love.

I can’t remember my first watchthrough of the series and how I reacted to this particular moment. I wonder how many first-time viewers (who don’t yet realize just how complicated Anthy is) take this response at face-value, and how many realize that Anthy is quite literally obeying orders here, even if Utena didn’t intend it as such?

This scene seems to really align us with Utena’s perspective, though, in wanting Anthy to go and make friends, and having us feel sorry for Anthy for being shy, not for...well, being the Rose Bride and having been abused and tortured her whole life. Utena is trying to make Anthy into that perfectly normal girl that she so desperately wants to be herself, and is coming at this from the perspective of having average problems, not highly symbolic magical problems.

The Shadow Girls play here is a bit obscure. On the surface, it’s about how the ball is just an excuse to catch a man, and how the girls are shameless for wanting to do so, and yet our actors move back and forth between playing the town gossips and actually participating themselves as the prince and princess archetypes. That all seems relatively straightforward -- words not lining up with actions, judging others but having the same desires (even if someone queered by the fact that the prince is one of the same actors as before), setting up what happens between Utena and Anthy as explicitly romantic.

But why are there two dogs? There’s one dog when the SGs are playing the town gossips, and then two dogs when they’re the prince/princess at the ball. 

Another question of “just how rich is this school?”: they sure do seem to have a /lot/ of fancy dress parties. No industrial-looking cafeterias or gyms strewn with cheap steamers and girls in JCPenney dresses here. Nah, we have classical music and champagne. I bet the tuxedos the boys are wearing are ones that they own, not even rented.

On the point of the fangirls “joking” about calling her “Utena-sama”: clearly, they’re all /hella/ thirsty. I don’t think they’re joking as much as Utena wants to believe they are.

Yes, Utena. Yes it is.

Besides being one of the best visual representations of social anxiety I’ve ever seen,

this is also something to keep in mind come episode 34. As we get more information about her backstory, this comes to be a surprisingly authentic reliving of trauma for Anthy, and not just a display of anxiety or shyness for its own sake.

I’m actually fascinated by these moments, since they seem to be one of the few places, especially this early on, where we are allowed to see something authentic from Anthy rather than the mask she wears. Of course, we don’t realize it yet. I wonder how much of this is her allowing the mask to come off for a bit, and how much is that her trauma is too difficult at this moment to keep hidden? She does a very good job of hiding it the rest of the time, so it’s interesting that we get this scene. Or is it simply a performance of trauma, and not authentic at all?

Back to shitposting: Yuuko is the only one in the entire goddamned episode who has a passable dress.

I’ve actually looked to see if there’s a fabric that dissolves in alcohol, and the closest I can find is a rare type of rayon that dissolves in a combination of alcohol and...something else, ether maybe? It’s been a while since I’ve looked it up. Still very impractical for a garment, and nothing is going to dissolve that quickly unless that dress was made of rice paper or something.

Though, it’s mostly to give Utena an excuse to act the Prince and save her girlfriend from being humiliated and naked in front of a bunch of strangers.

I love these kinds of early series pranks, though. I feel like as we get further into the series, the whole thing becomes almost like a giant prank somehow (the cars. the cacti. the severe shortage of men wearing shirts.), but all of the problems are very serious and heavy, so it’s interesting to see the early episodes seem to take themselves so seriously and yet all of the problems are things like “someone spilled wine on someone at a party.” 

I would do the [insert obligatory joke about how she was wearing the uniform underneath that dress somehow], but that’s not actually what happened here. She’s not in her school uniform. She had her magical girl transformation. 

Of course, this is to visually set up the idea that she’s acting as the prince here. But it begs the question: whose powers cause her transformation to happen? Does this solve the mystery of why only Utena seems to get a transformation, no matter who is in possession of the Rose Bride, if those powers are somehow inherent to Utena, not to Anthy? And if so, what would that mean for the framework of the show?

Cosplay goals: make the tablecloth dress actually out of a tablecloth. Is it possible? No. But I can try.

Actually, the quick change seems to be another magical girl transformation, rather than an actual outfit. ~Suspension of disbelief~ is overrated.

And our main ship is established. Now, for the delicately constructed life of these two to come crumbling down over the course of the next 35 episodes once we learn more.

That concludes this week’s liveblog! Congrats if you made it to the end, as usual. Next Sunday (July 2nd) is the scheduled date for our next liveblog. 

A quick closing note, since I never actually talk about the next episode bits unless they’re somehow important -- it seems significant that Utena mentions that Miki has only fought one duel before this, but I can discuss that next week. Or, probably, the week after.