#incorrect fgo

[kiwikipedia]

Orion: People look to tall people in emergencies. We’re the lighthouses of society

Jason: Honestly, you’re not wrong, but if there was an emergency my first thought would be “I guess I should call Chiron” and proceed from there

[fledbeast578]

[fatestaynighttextposts]

[julio-claudian-saberface]

How I Saved Faerie Britain With The Power of Love

by Morgan le Fay

Chapter 1: The Power of Love

The first step in my journey was realizing that it is impossible to save Faerie Britain with the power of love. 

Chapter 2: The Power of Incredible Violence

[akkreti]

Nobu: I think we should get a divorce.

Okita: What are you doing?

Nobu: Just practicing.

Okita: Why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

Nobu: I don't know. I'm an immortal ghost eternalized high up in the aether, I think I'm having a negative-three-quarter-life crisis.

Okita: You don't even have a partner.

Nobu: Hypothetically divorce me.

Okita: Okay, then I'm hypothetically taking half your assets.

Nobu: Well you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup.

Nobu, to Nobukatsu: It's called a prenup, right?

Nobukatsu: Yes, it's a prenup and you DID hypothetically sign one.

Okita: Who the fuck is this hypothetical nerd?

Nobukatsu: I'm her hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case.

Okita: Well then, I'm taking the hypothetical kids.

Okita, to Yamanami: Right? We can get those, right?

Yamanami: Yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it.

Nobu: Who the fuck is this guy?

Okita: This is MY hypothetical lawyer and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other.

Nobu: How could you hypothetically do this to me?!

Okita: Because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!

[madmanwonder]

“Red Dragon of Domination. I shave heard not only your perversion but your strength and determination. You will excite my cool blood.”

Scathach to Issei

[terrible-monkie-kid-aus]

The wings on my back are just for show. I could never fly, stupid.

-Tang Bajie circa season four after getting out of the scroll

[dailyfatecharlemagne]

Astolfo: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Charlemagne's birthday invitations. Roland: Well, what are they supposed to say? Astolfo: "Charlemagne's birthday". Roland: So, what do they say instead? Astolfo: "Charlemagne’s bi". Roland: Roland: Works out either way.

[ritsukakyrielight]

Thrúd: Hildr, is something troubling you?

Hildr: I'm okay, I was just thinking...

Ortlinde: Hmm, this is about Master?

Hildr: It is. I honestly kind of worry... Are there too many of us for Master to handle?

Ortlinde: Too many of us...?

Hildr: Yeah, I mean, we are collectively one servant, but there are three of us. I feel like we may be potentially confusing Master, or perhaps we're stretching her affections too thin...

Thrúd: Hmm, I think I know what you're meaning.

Ortlinde: I do too, but I think it could be the opposite. I think Master might enjoy being with all three of us. She seems to always enjoy spending time with us.

Thrúd: Very true. The way she smiles is very telling.

Hildr: *sigh* I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to feeling this way...

Thrúd: We could always ask her about how she feels about there being three of us.

Ortlinde: Yes, good idea! Master is nothing if not genuine.

Hildr: Okay, let's do it! Anything to settle my nerves...

*a few moments later*

Thrúd: Master, if you are not busy, my Sisters an I would like to— Wait, Rindr?!

Hildr: Ölrún?!

Ortlinde: Geirskögul?!

Rindr: Hiii~

Rún: Heyo!

Irs: Sisters! It is great to see you all!

Thrúd: This is...incredible! But wait...

Hildr: Now there's even more of us? *facepalms* Poor Master won't know what to do with herself...

Rún: Oh, Master? You three hadn't heard? Master is in the infirmary...

Ortlinde: Why?!

Irs: It was so odd, when we were initially summoned, Master looked at us, said "More Valkyries?!" in a very breathless manner, then—

Rindr: Then she sprung a nosebleed and fainted right then and there!

Rún: She was muttering something in her stupor as she was led away, something like, "More...mooore..."

Rindr: She was giggling a lot too...

Ortlinde: Oh... It sounds like she was...excited?

Thrúd: Excited that more Valkyries had appeared?

Hildr: That's the complete opposite of what I expected...

Ortlinde: At any rate, we must go check on Master to make certain she is recovering!

Thrúd: Agreed!

Rindr: Oh, we should all go!

Rún: Right! Let's hurry!

*in the infirmary*

Asclepius: Master, seriously, this cannot continue to occur.

Ritsuka: I'm sorry, Doc, but you weren't there...you wouldn't understand...

Asclepius: *muttering* Perhaps lovesickness is a condition worthy of further study...

Rindr: *pops her head in the door* Master!

Hildr: *pop* You okayyy??

Thrúd: *pop* Sisters, please don't excite her too much—

Ortlinde: *pop* What is your condition?!

Irs: *pop* This doorway isn't big enough...for all of us...

Rún: *pop* Is she okay—? WAOH—!

All Six: *fall to the floor in a cloud of feathers*

Asclepius: Oh no.

Ritsuka, eyes big and cheeks red: So...s-so...manyyyyyyyy~~~ *swoons happily*

All Six: *groaning*

Asclepius: *sighhh*

[miramisaki]

43(???) days until Charlie...

[lian-fang-zun]

Jason/Castor (FGO) drabble/snippet

"I made tea!" Jason announced, sauntering into the room.

Castor made a face from where he was on the couch. "I don't want tea."

Jason rolled his eyes. "I didn't make tea for you! This is my tea," he pointed out, sitting down on the other end.

“Then why are you telling me?” Castor retorted, brow twitching.

“Well…” Jason pretended to think, then smirked. “It’s a conversation starter!”

“It’s a lousy one.”

“Oh, is it? We’re talking, so…” Jason made a fingergun with his free hand. “Checkmate.”

Castor rolled his eyes.

[kiwikipedia]

Okita: Tall people: if we are walking together, please take into consideration my tiny legs.

Okita: I can’t keep up with you. Please think of my tiny legs. I don’t want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you TITANS.

Hijikata: Just get a skateboard and hang onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day.

[fledbeast578]

Anastasia: Should my family, the royal family responsible for ruling over Russia as a Tsardom, have been aware of all the peasants starving in Russia?

Ritsuka: Nah girl you're fine, who can be expected to keep track of so many things?

[avicebro]

this is the funniest line up ever, bazett please

[julio-claudian-saberface]

In which Qin Liangyu tows a social bandit across the countryside.

[akkreti]

Karna: What do you think of this coffee sampler pack?

Duryodhana: That's a good selection of all of their high-end blends.

Karna: This will be perfect for Arjuna's birthday.

Duryodhana: Wait... Arjuna? Your nemesis, Arjuna?

Karna: Yes, he drinks those garbage coffee in the break rooms.

Duryodhana: You hate him. Why would you get him a gift?

Karna: After this, he'll know what real coffee tastes like and won't be able to go back. He'll have to brew his own or stop at a fancy place each morning. This gift will cost him millions of QP a year.