#incorrect top gun maverick quotes

[indybob]

Need I say more?

[do-some-of-that-pilot-shit]

Maverick: Whenever Ice is mad at me, I tighten the lids on all of our jars so he has to ask me for help.

*sound of breaking glass in the background*

Maverick: It hasn't worked yet but I'm optimistic

[incorrectopgun]

iceman: [stroking mav's hair] you're so tiny and adorable

maverick: [half asleep] i could kick your ass right now

iceman: [fond] i know

[roguefankc]

(The Dagger Squad are all in the rec room in Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and Tom "Iceman" Kazansky's house, watching the TV when Maverick runs into the room in a panic, before quickly closing the door behind him before leaning against it, worried)

Maverick: Who wants to make 100 bucks?!

(The Daggers look at Maverick with suspicion and confusion)

Callie "Halo" Bassett: How?

Maverick: I need someone to take the fall.

(Iceman is heard from the next room)

Iceman (shocked): What the fuck?

(The Daggers are now more confused)

Robert "Bob" Floyd: What did you do?!

Maverick (desperate): I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.

(Iceman is heard from the next room, now louder)

Iceman (angry): What the fuck?!

Jake "Hangman" Seresin: Make it 500.

Maverick (instantly and relieved): Done!

(Maverick opens the door, and now Iceman is heard screaming from the next room)

Iceman (in terror and horrified): WHAT THE FUCK?!

(Maverick places his hands on Hangman's shoulders)

Maverick (grateful): You're a good man, Jake Seresin.

(Maverick then grabs Hangman by the collar of his shirt and drags him off to the next room to Iceman while the Dagger Squad watches wordlessly)

Maverick (yelling to the next room): I got him, Ice! I got him, don't worry, honey!

[callsignmav]

Mav tried and failed.

[js4440]

Mav: *laughs at Ice's joke*

Ice: You know what, actually it is a terrible joke now. Just because you laughed at it. You suck. *storms off*

Mav: What did I do now?!

Sli: Don't worry, he's just flirting with you...

Sli:

Sli: In his own sorta pathetic way...

[fangirling-tussisque-noncaelatur]

[As soon as Cyclone steps out of Top Gun]

Maverick: Sir, I was...

Cyclone: *wearing sunglasses* It's the weekend. I don't know you. You do not exist.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Is there anywhere a fic like that ↓?

Mav and Rooster at med bay after mission:

Mav: no matter what let's agree not to say real reason we both are here to Ice. Especially about you not listening to the oders. And definitely not about how I saved us

Rooster: absolutely 100% agree

Ice in the doors: too late to plan anything I already know everything

[wearerandomlyyours]

Iceman: *Texting Slider* I just walked in to the O-Club and someone yelled 'Dibs!'....

Maverick: *Texting Goose* HELP I FUCKED UP I'M DRUNK AND A REALLY HOT GUY JUST WALKED IN AND I YELLED DIBS!

[nightmareglitter]

Hangman: sometimes my husband and Phoenix have sleepovers, in my bed, with me in it

[indybob]

Some Top Gun Maverick memes because why not??

[do-some-of-that-pilot-shit]

Ice: Me and Maverick are getting married.

Slider: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

[incorrectopgun]

rooster: you saved me, i owe you my life

hangman: yeah i’ve seen your life, i think i’ll pass

rooster:

[roguefankc]

It's Flu Season! And because Maverick would be the biggest baby if he got sick...

(Penny, Wolfman, Slider, Merlin, and Hollywood run though the front door of Iceman and Maverick house, with Iceman tiredly sitting on the couch in the living room)

Wolfman: Ice?! what's wrong?! We all got your message that you needed help!

Iceman: It's awful! The whole house is sick! First Hangman came down with the flu, then Phoenix, then Rooster, then Payback, and then all the rest of the Dagger Squad! I was running a sick ward all weekend!

Merlin:...wait, why isn't Maverick helping you?

Iceman (flatly): Because then came Monday...

(Maverick comes out in his bathrobe, hair tousled, pale, clammy, and half-asleep and in his hands a bottle of pills)

Maverick (whining): Ice, honey? Can you open the aspirin for me?

---

(The whole 80s Top Gun team and Penny stay to help Iceman run the house and take care of Maverick and the Dagger Squad)

(Maverick is in bed, weakly ringing a bell)

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room helping Coyote): Give me a minute.

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room): I said I'm coming!

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

(Slider rushes into Maverick's bedroom in a panic): What?! What?! What?!

Maverick (weakly): My pillow needs poofing.

Slider (eye twitching):...Mitchell, I don't think you want to put a pillow in my hands right now.

---

(Maverick is in bed, whining and gasping for breath)

Maverick (weakly): I'm dying, Hollywood. I'm giving up the ghost. Every cell in my being is crying out in anguish. It was a good life while it lasted, but this is it. Hello, Grim Reaper.

Hollywood (with a bottle of cough syrup and a spoon in his hands): Cut the bullshit. The medicine doesn't taste that bad.

Maverick (weakly):...Goose? Dad? Carol? Is that you?

---

(Maverick is in his bathrobe, still sick, and in Iceman's home office while Iceman is frantically typing away on his keyboard)

Maverick: Ice, sweetie? Can you heat up some chicken soup for me?

Iceman (stressed): Mav, sorry but I'm really busy right now! I need to approve this contract in twenty minutes! Can't you just fend for yourself?

Maverick (whining): But I'm sick, honey...

Iceman: Mav, for fuck's sake, we're not talking brain surgery! All you have to do is open a stupid can and dump it in a pot!

(Maverick disappears into the kitchen and then come back a minute later. In his hands is a pot, and in the pot is a can of chicken soup. The can is open but the contents of the soup are still inside the can)

Maverick: Now what?

Iceman:...now, we talk brain surgery.

---

(Maverick stumbles in the kitchen where Penny, Wolfman, and Merlin are making soup and orange juice for all the Dagger Squad)

Maverick: Is it time for my aspirin yet?

Wolfman: No, Mitchell.

Maverick: But my throat hurts...

Merlin: Maverick, go back to bed. It hasn't been four hours yet.

Maverick: But my head hurts! My joints hurt! My eyes hurt! My body hurts! (in a baby voice) My itty bitty widdle pinkies hurt!

(Penny sighs and opens the aspirin bottle)

Maverick (smirks): I knew I'd win with that one.

Penny: These aren't for you.

(Penny gives two pills to herself, Merlin, and Wolfman and they all gulp them down immediately)

---

(BONUS)

(Cyclone is back at headquarters in his office, feet on his desk with a small glass of bourbon)

Cyclone (smiling): What a peaceful, quiet day.

[bb3667]

Iceman: Will you do anything at the weekend? Maverick: I dunno. Iceman: You're lucky I know. You have a date with me on Saturday.

[topgunzen]

*iceman sitting in the backyard with slider*

slider: such a calm and easy day don't you think?

iceman: yeah

iceman five seconds later: maybe to calm...

slider: what do you mean?

iceman grabbing his phone: where are you and what did you do?

maverick on the other side: hey love, why do you always think i did something? the lack of trust in this relationship is killing us-

X: MITCHELL TO MY OFFICE NOW

maverick: yeah well... i may need your help with something my love...