#incorrect volkner

[spacefinch]

Iono: I just electrocuted myself omg Elesa: How shocking Clemont: How do you currently feel Iono: I'm kind of amped Volkner: Watt I can't hear you Iono: I said it hertz a lot

[sinnohelitefourlore]

In a Sinnoh League Meeting…

Volkner: I’m going to fake an epileptic seizure.

Flint: You’re not an epileptic.

Volkner: That’s why I said I was going to fake it.

[volknersraichu]

*Throws more volkner shitposts at u*

[incorrectsinnohquotes]

Volkner: How long do I need to go outside for to fix my mental health? Volkner: Will 5 minutes do it? Volkner: Please say yes.

[caramel-sandiego]

After Lt Surge accidentally walked in on Volkner and Flint hooking up

Volkner: What's wrong, dad, you have a problem with me liking guys? Lt Surge: Nope, just processing the fact that I just walked in on my son getting railed by fucking Ronald McDonald!

[electrivolt]

@rockheadcd asked : "Sometimes I think about that thing. The Zoroark.." Roark sighs under the weight of a blanket, clearly winning the fight against sleep. Seems like his mind has picked a great time to mull over Hisui. It's not often he talks about the bad parts of it, but it's no surprise his morbid curiosity can outmatch the kinds of torment he endured. Something about ghost types, maybe, he couldn't stay away from.

"I wonder if it's still out there.. living off of it's hate.. how did it feel when it couldn't find me anymore?" Not that he wants to be found—or to know, but...logically... "It's already dead." If he says the rest of his thoughts out loud, he might just manifest those toxic, glowing eyes in the dark, crescents peeling open and poisoning the air around him. It could be out there in the mountains, the same as it always been, waiting for him to repeat the cycle. It was the prime example of being unable to let go, and Roark had enabled it to hold on tighter to the land of the living.

...it could be out there, even now.

Roark curls up a little.

"I don't want it to find you."

Volkner stirs and sleepily cracks an eye open, squints in the darkness of the room, and finally finds Roark's face half buried under the blanket and against pillows, rubbing his eyes before he can turn around to face him a little more properly. Sleepless nights are not that uncommon or unexpected, more so after such an agonizing year they have endured, pulled apart as forcefully as they were with no clear end in sight, if any.

He can put off sleep for a little longer, for his sake.

And at first, Volkner doesn't say anything, lets him speak his mind, quietly listens to everything he needs to get out of his head. Volkner has never pushed or demanded to know anything, no matter how much it eats at him to let Roark silently endure all of his pain, the trauma he was put through and every little reminder. He can share whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He needs to feel safe, and Volkner wants to be that safety for him.

"Hey." It comes out soft, as gentle as someone like Volkner can manage to be, and he follows it with a hand carefully reaching out to rest against his cheek, thumb idly caressing it. "I know I wasn't there— to really know what this thing was like, or to keep you safe from it, but I'm here now. We both are." Sometimes, the reminder is needed, he knows at least that well enough. "Even if it's really still out there and somehow manages to find us, I won't let it touch me. I won't ever let it hurt you again." To seal that promise, he leans in, pressing a gentle kiss against his love's forehead, lingering for a moment.

When he pulls back, Volkner huffs a little, a bit of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Besides, I'm not the only one. There's more than double the 'mons now looking out for us. We will be fine." Not incorrect either, after all they had to wait for just to see Roark again, not a single 'mon under their roof would let even just a wurmple step a little too close and out of line.

"Is there anything else you need to get off your chest? I'm here to listen, no matter what."

[zephyricd]

“Examine!” braviary :)

It's nearly impossible to get this bird to settle down—Volkner claims she's merely a hatchling in comparison to the ones he had seen. He's incorrect, but he's not wrong, a gentle graze of her down feathers reveal to him that she has molted maybe once or twice, incredibly soft to the touch. There are a couple of pin feathers beneath the visible surface, but her sheer size gives her the advantage to preen effectively. But, alas, that's the normal part to every bird.

She is Hisuian, apparently. Hisui....

( he recalls the land labeled on old maps that are long buried in the storeroom in the yukihane estate, what was now sinnoh... he really did go to a time that was supposed to be long past )

Hayato stares at the crest upon her head. Flame-like in appearance, they are but a manifestation of psychic abilities—not something he would have expected as a variant, and he can't help but wonder how this evolution line died out. She's large enough, even as an alpha, but her proportions indicate this variant was bigger than typical Unovan Braviary... he has to admit he's fascinated, in the end.

A hand raises up, curious, and the excitable bird brings her head down to brush up against his hand. The duality in features... her beak is tough, sharp along the edges for piercing and ripping flesh. Her talons can do the very same, if not with harsher results with the amount of muscle she can carry compared to her surviving cousins. Impressive...

( it's a wonder volkner hasn't gotten clipped by her either, he ought to ask about the circumstances )

"For all the unsolicited kidnapping you like to do, perhaps you'd benefit from having real prey to chase down, wouldn't you? Is Volkner letting you keep to your instincts or do all the berries placate you?" he hums softly, clearly not expecting an answer from her. "Some ocean could do you well, I think."

[pokemonincorrectquotes]

Volkner: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight. 
Flint: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? 
Volkner, already taking off his clothes: God, Flint, you’re so fucking stupid.

[pokemon-my-beloved]

Volkner: Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

Flint: Wednesay

Volkner: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

[spacefinch]

Flint: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for one minute. Volkner: Flint, no. That’s NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES, FRIEND. Flint: FLOOR IT? Volkner: FLINT, NO. Flint: How about 4,000,000 degrees for one second? Volkner: Flint, YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! Flint: I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

[fairyprince7]

Volkner, at his desk: Okay, I have work to do now.

Flint, on Volkner's lap with his limbs wrapped around him like a koala, unmoving: But I miss you.

[volknersraichu]

My brain really said “We’re not doing anything productive today apart from making Volkner shitposts™️”

[incorrectsinnohquotes]

Flint: So what are your religious beliefs? Volkner: I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun

[ur-favoriterecord]

Flint, not looking up from his laptop: I heard someone tried fist fighting a Tentacool today at the aquarium

Volkner, covered in ink: Well MAYBE that Tentacool was a fucking asshole!

[phantomlordreshiram]

Zebstrika Elesa: What are you doing?

Luxray Volkner: *pauses as he’s putting on black eyeliner and listening to gothic metal*

Luxray Volkner: uhhhh.... nothing?

Reshiram Ellis, walking by Elesa: I got your brother into Lacuna Coil.

[magical-awesome-kid]

I have the BEST most DUMBEST AU for Pokémon Legends Arceus.

The Arc Phone Has Internet AU.

Dawn/Akari finds the widget for the Internet DEEP in the folders. Arceus tried to uninstall it, but he couldn’t get it off because Perfect Design or whatever, so he just hid it. Akari pulls up the Internet and it’s in-time with how long she’s been gone in the future (let’s say she’s gone six months at this point? So she’s got the news page for six months after she disappeared).

And who’s on the news page? Her.

Now, for the sake of this story, Dawn’s memories are a little scrambled. Not to Ingo’s extent, but things were still missing. She couldn’t remember her first name - Dawn - but she remembered her middle name - Hikari. She goes down the Internet rabbit hole and not only finds every news article about Champion (Champion! How could she forget? Her Pokémon worked so hard for that!) but also finds her Wikipedia page, which is full to the brim not only of pictures and notes but also incorrect info (this, weirdly enough, jogs her memories as she goes to correct it).

Then she realizes Oh. Oh shit. I can contact mom and Barry and Lucas and the League!

And she does. The phone and texting apps won’t go through, but all her social media still work. Not wanting to cause total chaos, she DMs everyone she feels needs to know.

It’s chaos. She’s balancing 40 conversations with various entities and then SOMEONE posts a link and says “I made a secure discord for all of this plus we can video call” (it was probably Volkner).

As the chaos is ensuing, Akari sends one picture of herself in Jubilife Village, and she happens to catch Ingo in the background.

And then someone sends it back with a big circle on Ingo and is like “IS THAT INGO?!?”

And Dawn is like “OMG I forgot Ingo said he was from the future! Do you all know who he is?”

Dawn’s thread is flooded with news articles and wikipedias on Nimbasa’s subway system and the bosses there.

She pulls over Ingo and, after explaining what a phone is, he’s scrolling like a mad man.

It’s not like an instant snap back. Everything sounds so right and familiar. It’s not until Dawn gets a video call from the Unova League does it start to take hold.

Emmet, who has spent the last three years hoping, praying that his brother was out there, who was trying to cope but still held hope, who refused to do a funeral, even a symbolic one, because his brother couldn’t be officially ruled as dearly departed yet, is bawling into the line with Elesa and all their Pokémon (it’s clear in the background that they’re in one of the conference rooms of the Nimbasa Gym to get everyone into the shot).

Ingo ends up recovering a lot faster now. Talking over things with Emmet or Elesa or Drayden or just about anyone in his past life makes it solid, gives him a ring to hang on to, and he gets back on track. He’s still forgetful sometimes, but he doesn’t feel like he’s lost everything precious anymore. Because Ingo doesn’t have an Arc Phone (they’re still unsure how it happens to him, but some of the international police, who have experience with missing memories, suggest Ultra Wormholes), they just have Ingo and Hikari be a relative hunting pair. Ingo enjoys talking about his memories with anyone just to make them more whole, but Dawn is the only one who understands. Dawn is relieved to have an adult just… understand and be there to help her (she’s been through a ton for her age and she’s def cried to Ingo about how her “pokemon adventure” has turned out). They’re also trying to avoid a space-time paradox what with their future knowledge.

Hisui falls in line with Sinnoh time, but Unova is many time zones away. A nearly 12 hour time difference. Ingo doesn’t care. He’s always been an early riser, so he calls in the wee hours of the morning, when it’s dinner time in Nimbasa, and he shares breakfast while they eat dinner and talks for at least an hour. He promises to be prompt the next day, and it no longer feels so far away, his home.

Dawn always checks in with her mom and everyone in the later evening. Her mom is one call, Barry and Lucas another, League messages and specific requests from Cynthia and Various Professors to document the past and see about bringing some DNA samples back to the future (fossil resurrection is a very common thing after all). She’s almost begging Cylene and Komodo to give her other work so she can say she’s busy not screwing up the timeline.

When a plan is in place to get them back to the future - Professor Oak mentions his own adventure with Celebi and believes she’ll be easiest to find and convince to help - Ingo and Dawn take their time thanking everyone and getting to say good bye. It seems rather bittersweet going home…

But Rei follows them.

Rei, who has always had a sharp eye for these things, points out what he’s learned about the Strange Device that Akari has and that he’s heard her arguing with no one a few times in her lodgings (she blushes at the implication of how loud she was). Deciding Fuck It Being Here Has Already Fucked The Timeline, she plops the phone in Rei’s hands just as Celebi arrives at their pick up point. She explains that the phone must always be kept on him and, if it starts ringing, click the green button. She disappears with Celebi, leaving Rei confused.

Rei uses the phone over the next day, just trying to figure more out. He catches onto the photography feature immediately, realizing why Laventon loves pictures so much. It’s such a great way to document things.

And then, almost exactly 24 hours after Hikari and Ingo left with a strange Pokémon, the phone rings.

Rei hesitantly answers.

Dawn is there with Ingo. They’re in a strange room with strange people and Pokémon, but it’s like looking into a little window to another world.

(It is, in a way).

Dawn explains what’s going on and, after swearing Rei not to totally spill the beans (they approve a list of people that could know - The Professor, the Clan Leaders, maybe Cylene in time) they catch up on all that’s happened. The man who refuses to get his feet off Ingo’s lap is Emmet, his (annoying) twin brother, that’s Dawn’s excitable best friend Barry and her newfound cousin Lucas, her mom, Ingo’s best friend Elesa, and SO MANY Pokémon in the background. When Rei asks, Lucas has to shut Dawn up from revealing too much about the future.

Rei swears to try to keep out of Hisui history via the Internet, but he does look up more ‘modern’ stories and discoveries. In turn, Rei goes across the region and beyond to explore his own world. Dawn and Ingo learn how the modern world works once more.

So yeah. The Arc Phone Has Internet AU.