#ineffable breakup

[gleafer]

I have decided to unleash The Day Muriel Had Enough comic unto my wonderful Tumblr Followers!

Thank you for the support and hilarious comments! It means so much to me and makes it easy to keep at it!

Happy holidays with all my love and nonsense!

[cornchrunchie]

And you told him just where he could stick it, then?

↳ Requested by @iiiflow

[amateur-weatherman]

BONUS:

[duchess-of-new-shire]

So no nightingales?

[itsscottiesstark]

It's been 175 days. 175 days and one moment (out of many) I haven't been able to get off my head ever since the very first time I watched it was this look.

His eyes looking at Crowley leave and then darting off to stare into the void while he quickly processes everything

The hand going up to his lips shaking

The deep breath

The look of utter despair

I am not okay and quite frankly I don't think I'll ever be okay again

[phoen1xr0se]

If you get sad today cos you don't have someone special to spend Valentine's Day with, take comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Crowley doesn't either.

[aduckwithears]

How colors make the Good Omens s2 credits split-screen scene even worse

Because that's a thing we need, right? But no, really, come with me on a magical, colorful journey of sadness and screenshots.

Season 2 of Good Omens leans into the coding of locations by color... I would say even more so than the first season. What do I mean by that?

I mean that Earth (and specifically the bookshop) is warm and colorful with reds, browns, yellows (yes Aziraphale, we see what you did there, it isn't exactly subtle to paint the walls the color of your boyfriend's eyes) and pops of blue.

As an aside... You know what has a similar color scheme (with the saturation and vibrance turned up to 11)?

On the other hand, Heaven is white and cold, with almost no color to speak of.

And Hell is dark and grimy with a green overcast.

See the contrast (also not subtle) between the Heaven and Hell coloration? The entire season is training our eyes to make those connections, and then when they drop the credits on us the show makers can divide and distance our heroes. Not only by the text crawl but also with some Hell/Heaven coloration... to really drive home the point of how far apart they are. Crowley is dark, in a slightly green tone. Aziraphale is light and drained of color.

But wait Duck! (you say) Surely this is because Crowley is in the dark Bentley with his plants in the background. Well, yes, but LOOK at how the exact same split-screen shot is lit in the first episode. I swear I didn't edit either of these images a bit. Look how much brighter and warmer and less green Crowley looks. You can really see the green (or lack thereof) on the ceiling of the Bentley.

My point is that this was a choice. The show makers chose violence by how they edited these images, pure and simple. (And it has nothing to do with dolphins)

From beyond a cinematography perspective to the meta can we say that this means Crowley is going to return to Hell like Aziraphale is returning to Heaven? I personally don't think so, I think he's just in his own individual hell here... but hey, we'll (hopefully) see!

[chaoticace2005]

Okay so with all this talk about how our idiotic angel and demon still can’t communicate- I figured I’d try my hand at breaking down some dialogue from their “divorce.” The biggest issue is the fact that both are saying things to try and be together, but the other is misinterpreting everything they’re saying. They essentially just threw what the other person was saying through google translate a dozen times and only heard what it spat out.

This is my interpretation of what the characters seemed to have been trying to say vs what the other heard. Feel free to comment if you have any differing ideas of interpretation! I’m running on like 3 hours of sleep.

A: Come with me, to heaven. I’ll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference. (We can work together and then can create a world where we can be happy together.) (We can fix heaven, I can fix you.)

C: You can’t leave this bookshop. (You can’t leave me) (What about earth? What about all the earthly things you love here?)

A: Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever. (It’s okay, it doesn’t matter as long as we can be together.) (We weren’t meant to last forever.) (this is from Crowley’s POV where he officially gets rejected)

C: No. No I suppose it doesn’t. Good luck. (I understand, you don’t want us to be together.)

(Crowley starts to leave) (it’s only at this point Aziraphale seems to realize that Crowley is turning him down)

A: “Good luck?” Crowley? Crowley come back! …to heaven. Work with me. We can be together. Angels! Doing good! I- I need you! I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you. (Where are you going?! Don’t go! We can save the world and be happy together.) (Come to heaven. We can be angels. You can become good. Once you’ve changed we can be together!)

C: I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do. (You can’t change anything. Not the corrupt system and not me. They’re toying with you and you should be smarter than this. You shouldn’t WANT this.) (I don’t want to be with you. It’s too much work. I hate heaven too much to be with you.) (this is from Aziraphale’s POV where he officially gets rejected)

A: Well, then there’s nothing more to say. (I understand, you don’t want us to be together.) (Okay then, you can go. We’re done.)

C: Listen. Hear that?

A: I don’t hear anything.

C: That’s the point. No nightingales. You idiot. We could have been us. (Why am I not enough you? Why can’t you stay?) (You’re not enough for me. I won’t go.)

(Crowley kisses Aziraphale) (Please stay- at least understand I love you. If you’re going away this is my only chance.) (Goodbye, I’m not going with you so this is my only chance.)

A: I forgive you. (I forgive you for not wanting to come with me, you don’t want us to be together, I understand. Goodbye) (I still have to go. I forgive you for kissing me though, and for not wanting to go to heaven with me. You just aren’t enough for me.)

C: Don’t bother. (I’m not sorry for kissing you and I don’t want you to go. I’m never going to be an angel and that’s not going to change.) (No, I don’t forgive you. You aren’t enough for me. Goodbye.)

[vavoomed-for-crowley]

Living With(out) You Chapter 4: Silent Night

Out now on AO3

A little teaser:

"Aziraphale, you damn idiot!" Crowley yelled at the sky again, although this time the pain could be heard in his voice. He noticed this himself, took another long sip and just stared at the starry sky above him for a moment. Emotions were surely the least useful thing in his existence and he'd drown them out for as long as he needed to. He didn't see much in the sky, which was not only because the streets of London were too brightly lit, but also because he was already so drunk that he could barely see clearly at all. It wasn't like the stars had any answers for him anyway. They would stay just as silent as a certain angel he missed so much. And Crowley felt lonelier than ever as his back dropped against the Bentley. He exhaled deeply and looked at the bottle in his hand. It was almost finished so why waste it, he thought and finished the rest.

He had been near the bookshop every day. How could he not? The bookshop had been there for years, centuries even. And Crowley had always been welcome. It didn't matter that the last time he had been inside had been rather painful. He came nonetheless. He didn't know what else to do. They had spent the past few years together, seeing each other multiple times a week and now Aziraphale was just gone... Where was Crowley supposed to be at when not at the bookshop or at least near it?

[...]

He wished to just sleep for a few decades. And it wasn't like he hadn't tried. But something kept him awake. Or rather: someone. Whenever he had closed his eyes, Crowley saw him. His beautiful blue eyes and white curly hair. His sweet smile. Even his stupid glasses when he was reading. He felt every touch of him that was sometimes more and sometimes less unintentionally. And then... Then, Crowley saw his sad eyes before Crowley put on his sunglasses in front of him for the last time, he heard his voice that told him that he forgives him... And he had been wide awake again. And most times even grabbing the next bottle of alcohol to drown out the memories; to somehow cope with his emotions.

Crowley squeezed his eyes shut to stop any tears that were about to form and angrily threw the empty bottle against one of the walls of the buildings, luckily not hitting any window, which, to be fair, was close. "All of this for them? For heaven? You damn idiot!" 

Had Aziraphale ever loved him like he loved him? Were there ever real feelings? All those looks, the touches, the risks they had taken for each other... The peaceful existence they had carved out for themselves... Everything they had worked for over the last few years... Had it all mattered half as much to Aziraphale as it had to Crowley? 

[dont-get-axe-murdered]

Has anyone EVER mentioned in season 1 how that last time Crowley ever interacted with Aziraphale before the bookshop fire was after he hung up on him. From his perspective Azriaphale called, Crowley outright ignores him for probably the first, and later finds what he thinks is the crime scene of his best friend (and more). Crowley didn't answer once and lost everything.

Now that you're in tears, allow me to get you sobbing: Aziraphale has repeatedly ignored Crowley, hesitated to answer, and fought against him. Now, imagine you're Crowley and for the first time you understand what you want and need and you dare to ask for it. You hype yourself up to ask for more, push yourself to be vulnerable. Then, you are interrupted and cruely gutted through miscommunication and misunderstandings and conflict of interests and the toxic manipulation of outside parties. You realize you've lost, and you're desperate and you're feelings are too big for your words and you are somehow grieving something that hasn't really ended but it falling apart between your fingers. So you call one last time, you pull the most unfair and cruel stunt you can because you can't do anything else to show your love. You need him to understand the gravity of it all. You call out to him, pleading. And he doesn't reciprocate the one consistent thing you've done for 6,000 years minus one event that almost lost you everything. And you lost it again anyways.

[musingsofmaisie]

Thing is, it changes everything.....

but it changes exactly NOTHING at the same time. SIGH.

[gleafer]

He left no time to regret

Kept his dick wet

With his same old safe bet

Me and my head high

And my tears dry

Get on without my guy

You went back to what you knew

So far removed

From all that we went through

And I tread a troubled track

My odds are stacked

I'll go back to black

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to

I go back to us

I love you much

It's not enough

You love blow and I love puff

And life is like a pipe

And I'm a tiny penny

Rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to

Black, black

Black, black

Black, black

Black

I go back to

I go back to

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to black

[cornchrunchie]

After rewatching the Final Fifteen over and over again, I don't think Crowley wanted to kiss Aziraphale.

Look. I know we’ve all read a lot of different readings of ✨the kiss✨ and why it happened the way it did. It’s just that none of the posts I’ve seen so far captured exactly the feeling I was reading into the scene, so I thought I might as well share my interpretation. Because I don’t think Crowley wanted to kiss Aziraphale, actually. I mean of course he wanted to, but– let me explain.

I brought gifs and a little more heartbreak :)

First of all, I do agree with most of the interpretations going around. Crowley wanting to change Aziraphale's mind? Totally plausible. Wanting to show him what he’s losing? Probably. Taking the last chance he might get to finally kiss him? Yes, please!

What I mean when I say I don’t believe Crowley wanted to kiss Aziraphale are essentially two things, one of them being that Crowley didn’t plan on kissing him. He planned on leaving.

We know this because it’s exactly what he does.

The moment I come back to over and over again is when Crowley puts on his sunglasses and heads for the door.

Look how close they are to each other. Usually, you would expect the kiss to happen in a moment like this. All it would take Crowley is to lean forward. If he wanted to kiss Aziraphale and change his mind, he would do it right there. But he doesn’t. He nods in a way that screams: Right. This is a losing game.

Aziraphale had just told him that nothing lasted forever (so why should he stay) and he already put back his wall of defense (the sunglasses). Of course, we can't tell for sure but everything in his appearance tells us that for him, the moment between them is gone. The only chance he had decided to take had slipped through his fingers. It is time to leave. So he does.

Crowley does not stop until Aziraphale cries out his name and wants him to come back. He is not held back by his own desire but by his incapability to resist Aziraphale’s cry for help. Not that these things can’t be connected – but look at his body language, look how reluctant it seems, annoyed almost.

It looks like he really doesn't want to stay. At the same time, he doesn’t want to hurt Aziraphale. He wants him to know that he cares. It’s not easy for him either. So he stays. Listens to what Aziraphale has to say.

But it hurts even more. Crowley doesn't even bear to look at him. Aziraphale just doesn’t understand him, doesn’t understand the way Heaven works, even after all these years. At least, that’s what Crowley thinks. Everything that made the air around them vibrate, every nightingale that ever sang, is now dead silent. Crowley says so himself.

This is not him pathing the way for a kiss. This is him saying goodbye.

And then he says: “You idiot. We could have been –“

Maybe he doesn’t quite know what exactly he wants to say or maybe he does but he doesn’t know how.

“– us.”

His voice is trembling. He lets the words linger in the room between them. Note how he is already speaking in the past tense. We could have been. But we’re not.

However, Crowley admits that the possibility of them being an Us was there, hence the possibility of everything that being an Us means to him. It drips from his toungue, every moment and every feeling he connects to the sense of being an Us. You have to remember the feeling to voice it, even when you do it to say goodbye.

And I think – we’re getting to the essence of this post – I think what happens is that Crowley gets overwhelmed by his own words, or rather: by grabbing his feelings and putting them into words, by the implication of them as an Us and everything he imagined it would have been for them. And what it means to lose it.

And I don’t think he consciously decides to kiss Aziraphale. I don’t think he wanted to kiss him in the sense that he didn’t want to take this step and actually do it. He had already lost.

(We could have been us but we’re not.)

They are still too far away from each other.

(We’re not. But we could have been.)

Eventually, Aziraphale averts his gaze, and turns his head to the side.

And this! This is the moment Crowley steps forward! Let me emphasize it once again because I do believe it’s crucial to Crowley's change of heart.

Aziraphale looks away. And Crowley snaps.

He snaps like a rubber band you pull at for too long, like the clip of a ballpoint pen cap you push too hard upside. It’s not a conscious decision. It’s a reflex. Like closing an app on your phone and opening it again directly after. Like someone calling your name and you turn your head in the direction of the voice. You don’t think about it. It just happens.

And I think Aziraphale looking away was the last straw that held the rubber band in place. The last thing that kept Crowley from falling once again. I genuinely don’t believe he would have kissed Aziraphale if the latter had continued to look at him. Too scary, right? Too real. Too close.

So this is the second thing I mean when I say that Crowley didn’t want to kiss Aziraphale. Of course, he wanted to but he didn’t make a deliberate decision. He just … gave in.

And when he pulls away, he knows that everything between them has changed. He waits for Aziraphale’s reaction, everything about him is tense.

And if he dared to hope for anything at all, it surely wasn’t this.

Forgiveness.

"I forgive you."

I forgive you for giving in.

Don't bother.

So Crowley does what he wanted to do in the first place – and leaves.

He didn’t plan on kissing Aziraphale. He wanted to leave, maybe even to prevent this from happening. And when it happened, I don’t think it’s because of ulterior motives like changing Aziraphale’s mind or grabbing the opportunity as it presented itself to him.

I’m not saying these motives aren’t there – in fact, I pretty much believe so! I'm just saying that maybe he didn’t think about them when kissing Aziraphale and that he didn’t decide to kiss him because of that.

Maybe this is more than obvious to everyone else already and I'm stupidly rambling to myself. Also, I'm truly sorry if I overlooked another analysis of this.

I just don’t think there was time in Crowley’s head to reflect on any of his feelings.

I think he was just not holding back anymore.

[amateur-weatherman]

poor guy

[unidentifiedlyingobject]

Bad Hair Day

Post-breakup Crowley growing his hair long:

[itsscottiesstark]

Heaven isn't built to house a love like you and I - So please don't take my feelings I have found at last

"Hi," he spoke tentatively, not quite trusting his words at the moment. He spoke about it on one of his letters, but he still felt as if every time he laid eyes on Crowley it was the very first time. His breath would get caught in his throat, all saliva production would cease immediately. He would seem to freeze in his place for a few moments and, sometimes, his hands would go numb, too. "Um, yeah, hi," Crowley responded, and he found that he experienced the same things Aziraphale described in his letter, upon seeing him. Some stupid voice at the back of Aziraphale's head screamed at him to go, he was causing Crowley more pain, he clearly didn't want to see him, he wanted nothing much to do with him. It was telling him the only reason he was writing these letters in the first place was to make himself feel better, and it was actually quite selfish of him to give them to Crowley, putting him through more grief, day in and day out. Taking a deep breath, Aziraphale mentally gave the finger to that little voice, and for once listened to the meaning behind the erratic beating of his heart, giving him hope once again. Yes, fear was banished. Aziraphale would embrace hope from now on.

Second to last chapter of my first (long) fic is out now. This has got to be one of my favourite chapters so far, if I'm honest.

We got some more angst, but we also got love letters. And feelings. A lot of feelings. Muriel has come so far in understanding emotions, the sweetheart. And Crowley just wants some love. Give him love. As for Aziraphale, he finally figured out a way to express his feelings without stumbling over his own words.

Show some love 💘