#tell me you said no

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)

i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*

Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:

Everything everywhere is queer all at once

Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other

The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.

Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.

God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.

There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me

They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.

Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.

The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.

Terry Pratchett is not fictional.

He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.

They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.

At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.

Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.

During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.

Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.

It's all very queer, just like the fandom.

Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.

They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.

Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.

Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'

It's all ineffably queer my good fellows

Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.

There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.

The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.

There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.

There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.

Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.

The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.

Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.

Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.

Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.

Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.

[cornchrunchie]

And you told him just where he could stick it, then?

↳ Requested by @iiiflow

[dalliancekay]

What if this mirrors another conversation

Angel!Crowley: 'Aziraphale, Lucifer asked me to join them in the War, come with us, I know you disagree with how things are run. I know you don't like it. I know you don't think it's fair. I know you would love to change things.'

Azirapahle: 'What, no, tell me you said no! I can't! We can't! You are going too fast! You'll get hurt. Let's wait. Talk about it. Things might change. I don't think She will let it go this time. I have a bad feeling about this.'

Angel!Crowley: 'We can make a difference!'

And THAT was the first divorce

When they finally find safety it will not be because they changed, they truly love each other as they are, unconditionally; nor will they run away. It will be because they have destroyed the two sides. Destroyed black and white outlook.

Nobody is just one thing or another. There is a pretty good demon and a bit of bastard of an angel walking the Earth for 6000 years and they love it even when they get rained on and have to survive the 14th century and ride horses and wait in queues.

I adore them cos they are different and they still love each other. They can't be together and they still love each other, they have differing opinions and still… they don't change for each other, they change with and because of each other. I understand why Crowley didn't want to go back to Heaven but I would also understand why Azi didn't want to leave Heaven, even if they were doing things he didn't like. It's just not who he is. He is the one who wants to stay and try. Any and all the softer options. Until he can't. Then he, he doesn't even pack his stuff and go, no, he leaves everything behind and goes to fight for what he feels is right. I wonder how much they remember. The memory machinations in S2 got me thinking of how much might have been taken from them. Not just from Crowley. From Aziraphale as well. I do wonder how come they ended up on Earth together... I hope it was God feeling remorse for splitting up the very first love story...

[xdestinykey]

“Tell me you said no.”

you ever make something that hurts your own feelings?

[squorttle-pox]

[crowleyinaturtleneck]

[hansoeii]

It's about who.

[resentful-reads]

Any Way the Wind Blows By Rainbow Rowell

[with-my-teeth-so-you-know]

Break my heart 💔 why don't you

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Pt II good omens but i've still never watched it

so you crazies blew up the other post, and many of you tried to explain the plot to me. many others said there is no plot. many said i was accurate. many said i wasn't. and then i watched a few youtube edits of the angel and the demon.

I'm convinced that I know at least a little bit more now, so like the great guy I am, I decided to share how well you've educated me.

the plot is an angel and demon become alcoholics together while doing the good ol' animal husbandry

neil gaiman doesn't have social media

everyone is crying because the angel wanted to go to heaven and the demon said no

and then the demon did the kissy smoochy to make the angel stay and the angel said no

they were not married for 6000 years but they were more married than married

there is a car. it is silver and crowley likes it.

the car is then yellow. crowley doesn't like it. aziraphale does.

there's some kind of Jane Austen ball and dance

oh but also crowley gives aziraphale a more private dance in their home and he bows while making intensely sexual eye contact with the angel who is turned on and says nice and everyone is gasping about it

no one knows about god, not the fandom, not the characters, not god herself. god is ineffable. hey mum i learned a new word!

they run over an american witch

the angel likes books in a way bordering on obsessive and worshipful

the demon likes the angel in a way bordering on obsessive and worshipful

there's a gramophone

crowley says sorry a bunch of times

aziraphale keeps getting flustered and dying coz of crowley, and the fandom dies every time. crowley is also dying. everyone is dying. hopefully not literally, im now scared of this fandom.

there's a psychedelic drug trip at some point that's in the edits where crowley goes whee down a chute. either that or the sleep deprivation is getting to me. fuck you, good omens fandom.

terry pratchett is a guy

whether he is real, or a character, or like neil gaiman he is neither real nor a character, i am unsure, but he is important and people want me to remember him

crowley likes speeding

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the theatre, 1597-

aziraphale, wiping tears: what did you think?

crowley: ...

aziraphale: did you not like it?

crowley, hesitates: weeell...

aziraphale, sighs: what was wrong with this one?

crowley, shrugs: I don't know. it was all so...depressing. I mean, they were kids, angel

aziraphale, rolls his eyes: it's romantic

crowley: it's morbid

aziraphale, shakes his head: yes but it's about the star crossed lovers. the forbidden love. the tragedy. two feuding families. you wouldn't understand

crowley: *stares at him*

crowley, incredulous: sorry, did you seriously just say that?

aziraphale, oblivious: yes. so?

crowley, sighs: nothing *takes his arm* come on, let's get out of here

aziraphale, smiles: yes, I believe I owe you a drink. for coming with me

crowley, nods: several, I should think

aziraphale: it wasn't that bad

crowley, glares at him: dead kids, angel

aziraphale, agreeing: yes, I see your point

[dumplingsjinson]

List of “things they say that makes my heart melt and my knees weak” prompts 

“I can kiss you forever,” Character B murmurs. “Yeah?” Character A says, laughing a little, only to stop when Character B leans in and presses a kiss against their cheek. “Yeah,” Character B says, “Yeah, I can. You think I’m lying?” (As I said, forever ingrained in my brain. I cannot fucking believe this isn’t just fictional shit characters in books/fics say-) 

“You make me so happy.”

“I’m just… Happy for your existence, y’know?”

“You’re going to have to teach me so many things because I’m not familiar with any of this.” “Okay. So… What do you want me to teach you? Where should we start?”

“Here, put your hand under my shirt. It’s more comfortable that way,” Character B says as they lift their shirt slightly, encouraging Character A to slip their hand underneath and letting their warm palm rest against their bare skin. 

“You’re so cute.”

“You’re so adorable.”

“You’re so comfy and cozy.”

“You’re so warm and cuddly.”

“You smell so good,” Character B whispers as they continue to litter kisses down Character A’s jaw and neck, revelling in the noises Character A lets involuntarily slip out of their mouth. 

“Mm, I think you’re the one who wants more cuddles,” Character B murmurs, pulling Character A back into their arms. “Nah, I think you’re the one who wants that. I mean, look at you,” Character A teases, settling comfortably in their arms. 

“Why don’t you try kissing my neck? If you don’t then I’m gonna kiss yours.” “You’re acting like you weren’t just kissing my neck for the thousandth time already just then.”

Character B saying “Stay for tonight?” throughout the whole thing and asking “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” as Character A gets out of bed still in a daze, ready to leave (but not really wanting to leave but they’ve already told their parents they will be home by the end of the night), while Character B looks up at them imploringly while they’re tying their shoelaces.

“Sorry, I’m just really new to this,” Character A mumbles, burying their face in Character B’s chest out of embarrassment. “Mm, that’s fine. We can take things slow. There’s no rush,” Character B reassures in a hushed murmur, carding their fingers through Character A’s hair.

“I’m not familiar with this,” Character A whines as Character B continues to hug them to their chest. “Yeah? Well, you’re going to have to get familiar because I’m going to be doing this a lot,” Character B teases.

“So… What’s the next date going to be?” Character B murmurs, nuzzling their face on Character A’s neck.

“Tell me if this is too much, okay?”

“You seem a little warm in that, you sure you don’t want to take that off?” and then after Character A says no a few times because they’re wearing only a singlet under that shirt, they say, “You can always wear my shirt instead if that’s the case.” 

“You know, you can hold my hand in public if you wanted to,” Character A murmurs into Character B’s chest. “Well… I did want to hold your hand but I wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with it,” Character B answers, holding Character A a little tighter to them. “Next time, though,” Character B tacks on affectionately. 

Saying “Let’s go back home” rather than “Let’s go back to my place” (to me it feels like they’re implying “This is your home too and you can come back any time you’d like”, even though that’s probably not what they’re saying but I’m gonna interpret it that way because I am: Delusional as fuck!) 

[buggachat]

honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.

i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue

[lazycranberrydoodles]

getting back into the untamed and i had a thought. / follow for more yllz babygirlism

[hailsatanacab]

"Well, this is a bad idea," Tim says, hands on his hips as he surveys the mess they’ve made in the cave.

"Nah," Danny replies, twirling his screwdriver in the air in what is probably meant to be an impressive trick to inspire confidence, except he fumbles it and it clangs to the floor loudly, "we good. If a younger version of myself hasn't come forward in time to stop me, how bad can it be?"

"Shouldn't it be the other way round?"

"What?"

"Normally, it's an older version of yourself going backwards in time to stop you, right?"

"Not in my experience."

Danny's grin is impossibly feral and a shiver runs up Tim's spine.

"This is definitely a bad idea."