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Steddie lunchbox fic I joked about but then people liked it so now I'm. I'm write it now.
"Hey, Munson!"
Eddie ducked his head down before the blow could hit. Tommy Hagan was one of those men who never outgrew his highschool jock phase, and seemed intent on dragging the rest of the world into his football role playing; not so gentle head smacking included.
He blow never came, instead the heavy metal thunk of a lunchbox landed on his desk. He chanced an eye open, and took in the neat black tin box, no two boxed which stacked perfectly and were secured in place with a patterned cloth. He opened the other eye and instead looked to Tommy, waiting for some sort of explanation.
"the missus packed it up for me," the younger man explained, his eyes off to the side where some co-workers were gathering to make lunch plans, "real pain if I'm honest, how about you take it off my hands for me?" Then he grinned down at Eddie and clapped his should, too hard, like they were regular old office pals.
It wasn't like they were office enemies, per se, but Eddie had a distaste of Tommy and while the feeling certainly seemed mutual they were srupid enough to let petty distaste interfere with their pay checks. Eddie would certainly never do Tommy any sort of favour if it wasn't by obligation to his working contract, and Tommy had certainly phrased this as if it was a favor so... So Eddie instinct screamed to rebuff him.
Except it was lunch time, and Eddie was hungry, and he hadn't packed his own lunch because his fridge had probably three things in it max and he couldn't afford to go out to eat since most of his paycheck had already been dolled out to rent, his uncle, his savings, and he only had money for absolute necessities. Even as he sat in indecision he could feel his stomach writhing and slithering in on itself. Shit, had he forgotten breakfast to?
"Sure," he responded, and then quickly tacked on,"man." There was a moment of silence that made Eddie feel like he ought to crack a joke, but Tommy seemed to decide for them both that was a bit chummy, even for his sports team larping. Instead he landed a solid whack, right where the last one had landed, then spun around and jogged to catch up with the other Alphas on their way out to lunch.
The office had emptied out in the span of their conversation and now cubicles sat still with their roller chains sprawled haphazardly as if evacuated in some emergency instead of a quick shuffle in hopes of skipping the worst of the lunchtime queues. Eddie decided to forgo the company cafeteria and instead snatched a pack of cigs out his backpack and scooped up the packed lunch. He could eat on the roof, since the fire doors alarm hadn't worked since he was hired and nobody bothered going up there in the heat of the day.
It wasn't that Eddie was exceptionally antisocial at work, or loathed ALL his coworkers. He actually had a few friends, Jeff and Gareth in the IT department would tolerate him during lunch breaks, and they'd even met up a few times outside of work. They were cool, he liked spending time with them, might even call them friends in a month or two. But spending all morning on the top floors, in marketing and branding and surrounded by other Alphas, Eddie probably wasn't much fun to be around at the moment.
The corporate world and Alphas went together like honey and ants. The opportunities to compete and peacock were nigh endless, not to mention doing well wouldn't net you a hefty income for some extra peacocking on the side. Eddie wasn't like that, his Alpha didn't operate that way. So much so even he had been surprised when his second puberty hit and he dropped fang and knot. The kids at school had snickered and called him a half-bit Alpha, while others said he only presented that way because his sole guardian was a lone omega. It had hurt at the time, but looking back Eddie couldn't help but laugh. Maybe he was a half-bit, maybe he presented wrong because of some base instinct to protect his uncle. He certainly didn't prance around like the other alphas did, bickering and shoving like little kids fighting over a toy.
But maybe that was the joke Tommy was playing on him, Eddie thought as he popped the lunchbox and saw the note sat neatly to the side. Maybe Eddie was too much of a bitch-Alpha to get a mate, while Tommy with all his flouncing and team player make belive had someone waiting at home, making him lunches and writing sweet love notes signed with a kiss. Maybe the joke was to give Eddie a taste of something he could never have.
Goodluck with work today, please bring home some avacados for guac. Love you - Steve.
Eddie stared at the note in his trembling hand. He could smell the omega- Steve - from where his lips had pressed to the paper. Unmated. Surprising, but not unusual. Plenty of couples got married first, then sealed the bite later on. Some Yuppie thing that Eddie was far too romantic to entertain. If you loved someone, wouldn't you want that commitment forever? But the again, Tommy and his sneer around the word "missus" gave Eddie the impression he wasnt the "forever" sort. Further more, a male Omega? Most people were somewhat hesitant to be associated with one, if not outright hostile to their very existence. Far too rare to be ordinary, and far too Omega to be respected male Omegas were almost never on an up and coming Alphas radar of potential mates.
Eddie slipped the note into his pants pocket, and lit his cigarette before turning back to the lunch box. Black oval tins, two stacked and tied with a floral cloth. A bento, he realised, he'd seen it on the cover of house and home in the checkout line. The hot new craze in lunchboxes. Tha made him snicker a little. The floral cloth seemed odd, and stuck out against the black metal. The material was smooth and soft, like brand new. Huh. The tins themselves had some scuff marks, and one had a dent on its edge that spoke of a life of use. He set them down, side by side, on the laid out cloth. It looked fancy, but also surprisingly homey and inviting. It looked delicious.
The Omega- Steve had outdone himself. The top tin contained two halves of a prego roll stuffed to bursting with marinated shredded chicken. The meat was cradled between lettuce leaves to keep the bread from going soggy, and Eddie could catch sight of some glistening tomatoe slices in there. The second tone had an orange, peeled with each slice individual cleaned of any white hairy bits and laid on a bed of some gummy fruit candy. Apple sliced were laid in a separate tin, still shinning with lemon juice and not a spot of brown to be seen. Slid neatly into the side, half hidden, has the familiar pink white of coconut ice for desert.
Eddie could feel his mouth watering. Holy shit, did Tommy eat like this everyday? And if he did what was wrong with him that he'd give it up for some second rate slop at a restaurant? Breathing deeply he could smell the food, but beneath that something else, something tempting. Steve, his hands delicately pulling the chicken from the bone, slicing the tomatoe, cradling the bread as he buttered it, his nails catching and pulling off every white part from the orange slices. His hard work, his effort, laid before Eddie like some sort of worshipful offing. He felt high when he bit down on the orange slice, the caress of it's soft inner skin along his gums, like a kiss. The burst of flavour on his tongue, sweetness invading his sense so all he could see was orange orange orange leaving the bitter taste of citrus. He could taste, most importantly, beneath it all. God he could taste Steve. He could taste his love.
"Oh, thanks man," Tommy didn't look up from his computer as he said it, just kept tying away. "No problem man," Eddie mumbled back, eyes fixed on the lunchbox and he's straightened it on the other alphas desk. Every crumb had been kicked up, every smear of sauce sucked away. But placed gently, reverently, back in the top box was the love note. Eddie wanted to give Steve something in return, to thank him for sharing something so magical, so special with him. In the end he'd decided against it, could work up the courage to indirectly challenge Tommy like that. Instead, he'd pressed his lips tightly to where Steve's had once been, before returning it to its rightful owner.
The words Love You sat nestled in the tin as Eddie walked away.
Part 2 exists now
#steddie#Idk is this something?#I should speak to my therapist about this but people wanted the fic instead and I am but a slave to commands#It's omegaverse cause I like giving Steve a pussy#Not proofread#I wrote it you read or no extra steps babbiiieeee
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You know, I think my favorite thing about Gale's whole "watching you in battle makes me horny" scene is like. He's not wrong. A brush with danger does in fact increase one's desire for "other forms of stimulation". Studies have shown that being in situations that cause a rush of adrenaline, be that going on a roller coaster, seeing a scary movie, walking across a swinging suspension bridge, or something else, increase feelings of attraction. It's literally a Known Thing that adventurous stuff is great to do on a date because it will most likely make you more into each other.
Idk, I just love that his come-on is not only extremely nerdy, but also scientifically accurate. Feels correct and I'm glad they did it lol
#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#meta#i would pull up the studies about it but frankly it's nearly midnight and i'm halfway through a bottle of wine#and i do not feel like looking them up right now lol#sorry to get all couples therapist on main i was just going through that scene again and it really tickles me#like yes please have my sweet nerdy man hit on me with only the most research-backed of statements please and thank you#for those curious btw it's thought the reason for this is because physically speaking all arousal is basically the same#whether it's fear or horniness or excitement or whatever it's all an adrenaline response#so our brains use context clues to determine which emotion to pair with the sensation#and if you pair something scary/thrilling with a possible romantic interest your brain can get its wires crossed#and decide that instead of feeling this way because of the scary thing you feel this way because your hot for the person you're with
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for people whose job is dealing with mentally ill people therapists sure get very uncomfortable when you cry or express any negative thoughts or feelings or are suicidal or suggest you may have a mental illness
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I'm seeing les mis for a 3rd time this year on Saturday
#the turtle speaks#look at least this time it's cause my therapist made me buying tickets to something my therapy homework#cause i was doing really really bad and he wanted me to have something to look forward to#and focus on instead of the overwhelming terrible feelings in my head
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Bruh
'These sounds are very rare in languages'
'These sounds are common in disordered speech'
I wonder if these 2 facts have anything to do with each other.
#Anyone who has a lisp or other 'speech disorder'#i am so fucking sorry for your natural variations in speaking being pathologised as something to be corrected#i literally just wondered 'whats the IPA for pronouncing p or m with your tongue instead of your lower lip'#and guess fucking what its not even on the standard IPA chart#i am literally making a sound with my mouth i cannot find in the INTERNATIONAL PHONTETIC ALPHABET#wikipedia at least has it#wtf#this is like the 3rd time ive looked up a sound example and the comments are full of#'oh this is a real sound? this is what my lisp sounds like i had speech therapy to stop making that sound!'#and similar sentiments#*screaming*#obligatory 'not every speech therapy is unnecessary or entirely due to pathologisation'#have a lisp and dont want to and go to a speech therapist to try and stop having one? awesome valid i love you#viewing a lisp as an inherent problem or illness that your or your child must have 'fixed'? *screaming again*#ableism#i forgot to put real tags sorry lol#cw ableism#jus in case
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unfortunately my therapist was like (and i'm paraphrasing) "hey looking for fulfilment in online spaces and only talking to the same handful of long-distance friends every single day clearly isn't working out for you so maybe we take a break from that and do something that is NOT writing or roleplaying or video games and we do it OUTSIDE of your apartment" which like she's right but it's not at all what i wanted to hear 😔
#'i miss when i could hang out in my room all day without speaking to a soul finishing novels in a span of hours and writing just for me'#'i miss having tons of online friends and rping and writing with them and feeling like we were all equally obsessed'#and then my therapist was like 'maybe instead of repeatedly banging your head against the wall trying to make things like they used to be#trying something totally new would cause less despair'#like maybe but that's scary and i don't wanna
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#well an unexpected side effect of having my dad in the hospital and seeing him to be quite honest really suffering#i have not had a single suicidal thought in DAYS#not a peep#i truly was expecting very much the opposite#like i really was braced for it and figured it would be inevitable#and instead it just...went the fuck away?#what is this sorcery?#something to talk to the therapist about apparently because this was left field af#like if anyone has experienced this please speak up because this is i guess welcome but it is also baffling as hell
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i lowkey hate the schizophrenia subreddit
#the adas speak#it's just 'call the police on this unwell person!' and 'you need to go to a doctor and get medicated!'#which. yeah schizophrenia is very serious right. i know i have a mild case or i just don't know how bad i have it#but. it sucks to see mentally ill people vouching for what is likely to lead to the harm of others like them#even when a person is actually dangerous i still don't think my first thing would be the cops. when you know they're schizophrenic#you can do emergency plans. for if/when things get really bad#like. my therapist is probably about to try to force me to get medicated. same therapist that hasn't noticed i was schizophrenic#same therapist that knows how my parents treat me and my disabilities#it's just. there's such a strong stigma and fear of schizophrenia when it's just. a thing?#and we really need to be teaching people how to handle us. like systemically and also as individuals when we can#instead of advocating for medication and cops as the only solutions. those can very well cause more problems than they solve#like. sending the cops after a paranoid person is just logically kinda dumb. sending a paranoid person to the psych ward#where they'll be forced to take medication or stay in solitary confinement is just. it's fucked up. and it probably makes it worse#like the schizophrenia itself probably gets worse if every time you experience psychosis you get treated like shit by the worst people ever#there is proof that if people are less negative/more positive about it the symptoms are less negative#so it's just wild that instead of looking at what those cultures where schizophrenia isn't this awful thing for the people who have it#we continue to talk like our society is the only option.#ig with the schizophrenic symptoms it's hard to really enact change or find the motivation for it. but idk
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At the root of my problems.
#sif personal#obviously just watched the movie so spoilers#after a failed ADHD test because the numbers were too crazy i was suggested treatment for anxiety#which i assumed wasn't the case. definitely depression and a few other medical things#I'm so good at making appointments and public speaking even if don't do it right so i obviously don't right#but the last couple weeks after the test I'm noticing when exactly my clenching gets worse instead of always there#and slowly putting a name to a feeling#and then THIS little shit in the movie#says literally everything i have thought forever#especially the reassurance that this is to help and protect me. the planning.#like i have a memory of me literally convincing my therapist it provides me comfort#even the core belief things is hecking anxiety#all attempts to help myself are like 'fear you need to slow your roll and follow this 20 step plan or you'll kill us all'#rather than consider anxiety#I'm feeling shitty? blame is on depression#I'm feeling good? it's because I'm doing so well everything is paying off! FOR NOW-#i know it can't all be broken down from this this movie but literally word for word damn#headcanon is that every suppressed anxiety attack is just another tightened muscle that never goes away#already my brain is like how can i stop having anxiety ever again otherwise i have failed?
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Yknow. There are many, many, MANY things my parents are not normal about. But I'm pretty sure when I say "I wish my parents were normal abt sh" what I am really saying is "I wish they would follow their typical pattern of not caring about any of my struggles so it included not caring when I hurt myself, but they Do care and it pisses me off" because, unfortunately, they Do actually have the normal response to sh and I am the fucked up weirdo in this situation.
#filed under 'things I should tell my therapist instead of the internet' lmao#prolly delete later im just tired of hiding it but dont want to deal with their reaction to it again#esp bcuz they'd prolly go thru with having me institutionalized fr this time lmao#I mean I'm an adult I don't think they can actually do anything without my consent but I wouldn't put physically forcing me to past them#armchair speaks#tw sh#tw sh mention#sh mention#uhhhhh hopefully that covers it? this prolly won't b up long but just in case lol
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crazy times. everyone is depressed. is it because of school, is it because of winter, is it because of Life. who knows. mystère et boule de gomme.
#some girl in my class is having a solid three mental breakdowns per week + having BPD#another guy is sleeping three hours per night because of stress and running on sheer will and cafeine#lots of us do not eat lunch anymore. staying in class to work instead. some of us stopped sleeping too to get more work time#at least four of five of us for forty students are seeing a therapist and are under medication#people are literaly fighting for their lives with the second row of exams coming#lots of us are fantasizing about dropping and going to uni#not even speaking about the Scholarly Losts that do absolutely not know where they are going or what they want to do and feel like they are#doing all of that for nothing#even the teachers are worn out lmao what is this#they didnt lie that third year can really beat your ass#anyway#i kind of enjoy it. the suffering of my people. make things more fun like none of us think they are doing good. it is funny#the global Wtf are we doing atmosphere gives some sense of fraternity#i will miss it when its done
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#I am being so civil and mature about this asshole in my class#but every day I have to hear him speak is a day I get a little closer to killing a man with fire#he hasn’t even tried any shit since he decided to go off for ten minutes in front of the whole class about how much he hated my art#but like. he so clearly loves the sound of his own voice and he’s so full of shit so hearing him talk makes me so mad#man clearly has issues which I get but also work that shit out with a therapist instead of taking it out on your classmates#like damn dude sorry you’ve never had an original idea in your life but that’s not my problem leave me alone and check your fuckin ego#anyway. so glad I’m almost done w the semester and then I’ll never have to deal with him again#delete later
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love not being in a conversation so not knowing for sure if something is directed/about me, but there's something so specific that it might be, but since I'm not part I can't ask
#personal#I've overheard two conversations lately of stuff that is generic but also very not#and like the speaker is currently being a child and refusing to speak to me about anything anyway#but like a comment about a sister with cancer and hanging out with extremely old men seems pretty fucking targeted#and yeah I could be looking for reasons to be a bitch but the cancer one is so specific so i don't think so#and my therapist would be like 'well why don't you ask?' and the answer to that is bc what the fuck do you say#'hey do you have a problem? wanna grow up and talk to me instead of right outside my room to be a baby?'#fucking hate it here I can't wait to graduate so I can be done with freshmen for the rest of my life
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why do showers give me 10 minutes of galaxy brain and then it's right back to 1 braincell??
#anyway. shower epiphany.#maybe not talking to my therapists about things that i knew would have made me cry so hard i wouldn't have been able to speak and#thus would have been 'wasting precious therapy session time'#wasn't the Smart and Sensible decision i thought it was at the time#same goes for not talking about things i was afraid would make me look pathetic and stupid#maybe therapy wasn't supposed to be me trying very hard to show my therapist that i am Good at Mental Health or like.#being a really smart and easy patient??????#maybe exposing my therapist to 30-50 minutes of me ugly crying would have been okay#(olivia barton voice: and i didn't have to call myself ugly while i'm crying)#i think people were lying to me and there IS a wrong way to do therapy and in my desperate attempt at doing therapy Exactly Right and#getting the best grade and a gold star maybe i did it Wrong instead#whelp let me file that away for next year when my insurance is going to cover more therapy sessions
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girl help i am experiencing vulnerability
#there is no help. the only way out is through#this sounds really maudlin lmao i promise it's not!#i am just learning what it means to feel vulnerable and lean into it instead of closing myself off again bc it's Uncomfortable and im Scare#and since im no longer in therapy i can't tell my therapist so she'll be proud of me hahah#kiwi speaks#personal
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screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!
#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite#the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life!#and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were#near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!!#i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and#have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and#are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without#realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time!#i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you#and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day#knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit#that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020#but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will#i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had#and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty#but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger.#and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now.#guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!!#HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON!#ann with an ie#<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again
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