#interest? i guess. at least to the extremities that i've seen in the past year or so

[kelprot-old]

i will be hateful about one thing tonight and that’s just how fucking big the hc community has gotten since like. season 7. growth is fine growth is good or whatever but also there is only so much 14 y/o nonsense i can tolerate before i strap a bomb 2 my chest

[goiterinthegullet]

Tuco in "The Good the Bad and The Ugly" is honestly amazing

I've been watching TGTBTU (tuguttubutu) again recently and just thinking about how, unlike any other character in the movie, Tuco is the most human. I mean, Angel Eyes and Blondie are incredible, well-acted, compelling, aesthetically-grabbing, but you've got to admit they're rather alien, in a weird kind of way.

Angel Eyes is obviously evil to a classic standard, wanting nothing but to cause mayhem for extremely vague reasons related to general self-preservation and/or greed, and his reasons are much less important to the narrative as opposed to the threat he represents. Sure, he's got a bit of a past, but we never even learn his real name. He's an excellent villain, a perfect character in one of my favorite movies ever, but like Maleficent or Ursula or Scar, he's just that. A villain, and I love it, but it's definitely not "human", at least in an emotional sense.

And Blondie? Sure, its different obviously but his whole schtick is that he literally never tells us anything about him. We don't know his name, his heritage, his backstory, hardly anything. Anything we do know is just sorta vaguely picked up or known in a more personality way, like seeing how he responds to situations with complexity while never actually divulging anything more tangible.

But Tuco? Tuco? He's a creepy little criminal with a brother in the priesthood and two dead parents he hasn't seen for nine years. He used to have a wife somewhere, his eyes filled with tears upon hearing of his parents death. He's got more names than Blondie or Angel Eyes could ever hope to carry: Tuco Benedicto Pacífico Juan María Ramírez. He carries his name and his hastily-drawn sign of the cross everywhere he goes, gleefully cheats and steals and is genuinely a piece of sh/t, but also brags about how his brother is the "leader of the whole abbey!" after being thrown out by said brother who is also hurting. He's greedy and strange and a fantastic with a gun (prefers pistols to revolvers) and will sell anybody out for a nickel, and he's just so human.

Angel Eyes and Blondie don't try to not tell you anything about themselves. They're not interested in talking, albeit for different reasons, and would probably take it in stride if you did find anything out, but Tuco? Tuco is the only person who actually doesn't want you to know anything while simultaneously never being able to shut up. It's important to not use your own name in the brutal world they live in, a statement said by Tuco himself, and yet he's constantly speaking in a pseudo third-person, naming himself in a way that reveals how much he misses the life he left behind and even regrets the life he currently leads while also, and this is very important, totally vibing with his current life of debauchery and violence.

He's us. He's me. I think when watching movies, projecting onto characters is expected and even encouraged, but it's easy/enjoyable to see ourselves in those that are untouchable. Strange. Interesting. Vague enough to be Romantically projected upon I guess. But Tuco? He's got so much stuff to him it's spilling off the sides. He's pathetic, annoying, somehow worse than Angel Eyes, and that's how I am. That's how most people are. Sure, I've got a conscience, and I can say pretty proudly I'm leading a better life than Tuco over here, but like. Hurting, a little stupid, wanting to seem like Blondie or Angel Eyes (enigmatic, stoic), but coming off as overwhelmingly talkative and annoying instead, lashing out when accidentally becoming vulnerable, a walking contradiction, feeling my faults but never actually fixing them because, on some level, I haven't taken responsibility for my own actions? Tuco. We're Tuco.

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[nayruwu]

I feel same way about ons as you :') I got into it because of gureshin it's been long since I already lost interest alas. I was wondering what do you think of characters like guren shinoa mika & krul? I really liked them back then but now I'm really disappointed with how author wrote them since past few years & weirdly fandom still tries to act as if nothing wrong with them but "people didn't read correctly"

hello!! :D

i'm sorry that so many others seem to be suffering the same way i am, but it's also a little reassuring. at least we're not alone in our misery.

and i think answering your question will be quite fun!

well guren, obviously i love guren. he's so sad and pathetic and tired and broken he's like a wet cat. the way he loves, the way he does terrible things and hates himself for it but does it anyway because he knows he has no other choice, it's so intriguing and painful. i love it. there's aspects that bother me when reading the novels, like when i cannot for the life of me grasp why he is doing what he's doing, or when he's being an arrogant asshole. but then i read the paragraphs my friends have written about him and love him with my whole heart again. i think they called it blorbo-in-law, that fits it quite well.

but i feel like i need to mention, i totally get why people got so mad with him recently. the way it was handled with the kids just immediately forgiving him again after one word was just... not good. i wasn't kidding when i said i wanted him to be more evil. it was a lot more exciting when him and mahiru first started that "let's betray everyone" stizzle and we weren't sure if he was actually going to harm anyone. it was serious, oh the suspense! now he's just our friend guren again. let him go batshit insane. please. he's not a saint, and he doesn't need to be.

at this point the only one i can trust to truly judge and be mad at him for more than half a panel is shinya. and that's a little odd. also he's currently in eeby deeby.

ohh shinoa! i used to like her a lot. it's only natural, i guess, since she is so similar to shinya. i always thought her to be a less extreme version of him - shinoa was also trained to be numb and hide herself behind jokes and smiles, but she seems to retain more of her emotions than he does. she's scared of dying, she's not much of a killing machine, and she is very much capable of developing actual romantic feelings for someone. wow, shinoa!

now, the problem is the toxic view of love that mahiru drilled into her head, and how the story will adress that, if at all. i don't mind her crush on yuu, it's her proof of not being dead inside or worthless or meant to be alone. but the way she acts on it is quite selfish. she's taking after her sister a little too much for my liking lately. "i will get yuu back, even if i have to kill mikaela to do it", alright miss mini mahiru. chill.

i would very much like someone to drill some sense into her head.

as for mika, he was my favourite for quite some time. i'm afraid i can't speak on him anymore, though, since he's kinda wiggled himself out of my field of interest. younger me would be going insane over his angel self... but now, i actually don't have anything to say about him. he exists. he's a massive scapegoat. i wish we could have seen him bond with shinoa squad.

krul is great solely because she's somehow the only female character who doesn't have a crush on some guy. hooray for vampirism! i don't have that many thoughts on her either, but i do adore her. she treated mika fairly well, she acted against vampire laws, she was more trustworthy than others. and god, that chapter where she was turned into a vampire was so awful, i loved it. more of an ashera-perspective probably, but still! as i've mentioned, i'm not a fan of her and all the black demons having been angels before, so i can't bring myself to look forward to their reunion as much as i used to. but i'd still like to see it.

[moschiola]

Skadi here, I´ve seen you grow as an artist ever since 2009, so I hope it doesn´t feel out of place for me to give my grain of sand?

First and foremost, you are absolutely within the rights to call yourself an artist, even if you weren´t as extremely good as you have become over time. Your current rendering is even better than actual "professional art".

But recently, and maybe this is just me, because of how "pro" it looks, I failed to realize at a glance that yoour recent art was yours? Most artists have their style, which usually can be noticed even through the years of evolution as creators. But it took ME a double, maybe triple take, to realize your last depiction of Nami was from you, as the rendering was completely different from the ones you´ve made in the past. Maybe in the pursue of an objective "artistic perfection", part of you got lost in the process?

Personally, I think you could try to explore yourself through art, make personal pieces, that come from your own experiences. And definitely don´t worry whether it´s been seen/shared by 30 people or 10.000

My art was never nowhere near as popular as yours, but it still had its humble peak back in the day, and I always felt stressed to reach further, higher, better. But in the last years I stopped aiming high, realizing I´d rather please my niche interests than making numbers online. And I guess I feel happier and more relaxed when it comes to that subject, at least for now, even if only my close friends and I get to see my pieces.

Thanks a lot for your message! I've been experimenting a lot with different programs and methods of painting recently, desperately trying to get away from 'my style' because I hate it so much :') (yet another ADHD-thing) The less my art looks like 'mine' the more I like it. (I have the same issues with food, I hate eating what I cook, even though other people love my cooking). So I'm happy to hear it looks different because that's exactly what I've been trying to achieve recently, to break away from old habits and evolve into something different. (It's a LOT of work!) I do feel like my art is 'personal' in that way that i just draw what I want. Yes, for the most part it's fanart but that's because that's what I want to draw! I don't have that many original concepts or characters...

[thepixelpenguin]

Mario Kart Tour: Oxford Foray

Told you this page would be random.

I think an underappreciated aspect of Tour's city track design is their atmosphere. They don't just tour recognisable landmarks in a believable layout, they really capture the city's character! From New York's dazzling nightlife to LA's casual appeal, Singapore's extreme extravagance to Sydney's energetic simplicity, Vancouver's splashes of colour and natural beauty, Amsterdam's effortless harmony with canals and nature alike, Rome's ancient architecture with comfortable life on top, Madrid's modern bustle with impressive history underneath, Athens' proud (and hilly) past and Bangkok's humble yet hopeful future, and Berlin's seamless integration of all eras: they're all accurate as far as I can surmise. There's only a few that I think don't quite hit the mark. Paris’ modernity is smothered in quaint romanticism, though what else could one expect, Tokyo has little of its maximalist flair, but perhaps the graphics limited that, and then… London.

I'm certainly biased, it being my home country and the only city on the list I've seen for more than a day, but it seems to only hit the beats of its most recognisable icons: laudably no doubt, but the city isn't just its imposing imperial riches! What strikes me about London is its fast-paced mishmash of cultures that fill in all the gaps between the great British statements like water running over cobbled streets: history and novelty around every corner! The course gives me the impression of the former but not the latter. 

I'm not sure I'm qualified to rectify this, but I can make up for it with another English icon! My hometown has its history, but not enough to base a tour around. My current homestead, however, is undeniably culturally significant, and it's not just that. I hope I did well to convey the place as storied and not just interesting, but inviting, a genuinely fun place to stay for a day or a year. That's how I feel about it at least.

HERE WE GO

1: Our foray begins on the left side of the picturesque High Street, between Queen’s College and the Examination Schools. It’s a noticeably wide street (and a noticeably wide gothic limestone starting gate with a waving chequered flag to boot), with a cobbled dividing strip, and plenty of buses to crowd the way! As the road narrows and items are collected, there’s a right turn into the Covered Market, which has three narrow lanes to choose from, and a few opportunities to weave between.

Out of the market is a sharp right turn down a walled alley, with the lovely Exeter and Lincoln colleges adjoining. This is before a huge 180 turn with another item set around the Radcliffe Camera, an impressive dome in the middle of a big communal square. Having lost its fence, at that, so if you’ve got a mushroom and are prepared to miss out on items, the shortcut is worth it! Racers continue north past All Souls College and the Bodleian Library to reach the roundabout connecting Broad Street and Holywell Street. Remember the Bridge of Sighs to your right.

The route continues up Parks Road, a leafy avenue with plenty of boost panels, before splitting around Keble College! If you continue straight forwards, you get an easy wide road, and a view of both the Natural History Museum and University Parks. However, if you take that subtle sharp left, you can find a potentially faster cut-through that’s a bit tougher to navigate. I didn’t even have to design this one!

Both options reconvene at the apex of St Giles, where a patch of off-road leads to an optional ramp, and the road broadens to quite a degree, leaving room for a ridiculous row of coins. The abbreviated straight ends at the Martyr’s Memorial, which now has just a humble patch of grass behind it instead of an entire church, just to improve the flow.

A quick left turn introduces Broad Street, which, you guessed it, also widens out, somewhat narrowed by some of the city’s numerous bike racks. However, this one has its right half covered in short wooden ramps, for the first half! These can be useful for some trick boosts, but more coins lay the other way. Items are given at the halfway point. Before reaching the roundabout at the end, there is a conspicuous diversion past the Sheldonian Theatre (which has no fence, to make way for the race) and through the library complex towards the Bridge of Sighs. Racers may either run straight through the gate (tricking as they go) or take the grated glider ramps to make it over the bridge!

The return to the start line via New College Lane and Queen’s Lane is a winding, narrow path, walled in by the historic namesake colleges. You’ll have to forgive them for not having karts running through their grounds. Nonetheless, navigate those chicanes and a final left turn (with a sneaky cut over the pavement) brings you back to the line. It’s a long one alright!

2: As in track 1, we begin on the High Street, though this time we forge ahead past the Covered Market, the traffic turning off before the Carfax Tower, until the course swerves into the Westgate Centre. In a strikingly similar manner to Coconut Mall, the route has two walkways either side of an optional drop with escalators, before a right turn into a more open area where the drop and escalators are forced. I swear it’s coincidental! The decor is distinct at least. 

After grabbing items wherever you may encounter them, exit the mall via another sharp right turn onto open road. Make use of its breadth before you have to navigate the Castle & Prison, which is exactly what it sounds like! A couple of narrow turns later, there is a brief anti-grav uphill to wind up the Castle Mound to a big glider ramp, from which one must avoid the dreaming spires of Nuffield College and St Peter’s College some random church, or grab some of the revolving coins if you’re daring…

Though you could just drop onto the street, the Ashmolean’s grand ionic forum is a perfect landing place, where one can drift around to jump down the stairs and find themselves heading onto Broad Street once again! This time, the route heads past the theatre and turns at the roundabout, so the other lot of ramps, this time occupying the left half, can be made useful. The lap ends the way you’d expect after turning at the roundabout.

3: Unlike both 2 and 1, we start our race on Cornmarket Street (under a long hanging sign of oil paints on wood, the closest I can get to putting a pub in a kids’ game), a place I would be remiss not to include, along with its clutter of bicycle parking. If there’s one thing you notice about transit in Oxford, it’s how many bicycles are in the way. However, if you can dodge around the racks, you may find some coins or even dash panels…

Anyway, Cornmarket is a simple, if not uninterrupted, straight, which racers take south, spying once again the Carfax Tower and then the Town Hall and impressive Christ Church. You know, the big one. The road continues down St Aldates with all its traffic, but soon turns left through the open gates of Christ Church Meadow! The next half of the lap takes place in greener pastures, first down a puddle-ridden southward straightaway with sparse items and Moo Moos spectating, then when the course meets the Thames and Folly Bridge, a more wide open snaking route with grass shortcuts abound! The riverside path remains intact, but still off-road.

After doing this eastward a while, the course drastically narrows as it winds its way northward strictly following the meanders of the Cherwell. Of course, there’s nothing stopping you from driving through the river itself, but the bumpy terrain and drag force balances any advantage of breadth. A wiser path is found by jumping onto a series of punts, which can be quite hard to aim for, but offer a trick each time. They’re not hard to come by in Oxford. This continues all the way to the Botanic Gardens, which can themselves be snuck through via a gap in the fence. Those wishing for a complete row of item boxes and, of course, the exquisite surroundings, can find themselves jumping over the pond in the south section before reaching the north, where a quick right around the fountain directs you between the greenhouses to reenter the river. The river, of course, does continue past the gardens, but who would want to miss out? Especially when that part of the bed gets so muddy…

When you’ve finally made it to Magdalen Bridge, you need only drive under it to find a wide slope up to the roundabout, which is drifted around before crossing the bridge to witness the lovely Magdalen Tower! We then cross the line - the line from the other versions, that is - before sneaking past the University Church to reach the road past the Radcliffe Camera. The Bodleian Library can now be dashed through for a guaranteed double box, if you can find the narrow entry! The rest is obvious: take Broad Street one last time, westward now, to reach the top of Cornmarket Street.

So how might these all fit together if they were given the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe treatment? Honestly, probably better than the individual courses! Lap 1 takes version 1, of course, but stops short of Broad Street, instead cutting through via Cornmarket to start lap 2, with version 2 taking over by way of a right turn at Carfax Tower. Lap 3 simply commences from the High Street and doesn’t bother with the whole Broad Street diversion: we’ve already seen it!

Oh right, I also made the music for it! You'll have to forgive Musescore's playback engine, they try, bless 'em.

It too had to be truly emblematic of Oxford, and besides the obvious historical, academic, fancy vibes, no sound reminds me more of this place than the echoing of church bells! And there are choirs in every college. So I ended up with a rather baroque piece, arpeggiated bass, change ringing, suspensions and all, which certainly suits the locale, but does NOT typically suit Mario Kart's encouraging energy. Heck, they almost always rely on synths, too, let alone their melody-first composition style that is entirely unfamiliar. How did I fit the mould? By focusing on intensity of Biblical proportions! If there's one thing choirs and organs can do, it's a ramp-up of DRAMA. With enough build and release, it's got the natural energy. Slap on a drum-beat and it ends up shockingly fitting. With all the zero inspiration I had to go on, I seriously surprised myself with this one. Judge for yourself!

Oxford is quite a convenient place to work with: most cities are so massive that you have to smush all the landmarks together and the layout doesn’t quite come naturally. But this place is already so compact, and packed with unmistakable buildings! Also, I know they’re trying to be flattering, but can you believe London saw not a drop of rain?! I think Oxford should be partially cloudy by contrast, providing a gentle rainfall, but with enough streams of sunlight to pierce the depressing grey… it could make the meadow look positively angelic!

Perhaps one day I’ll try my hand at Hong Kong Hustle to address Tokyo’s plight… or Shanghai Streets, I can’t decide! And then there’s one that is so easy to make that it’d be kind of funny just to do for the sake of it. We’ll see.

If anyone wants to take the names Rio de Janeiro Jaunt, New Delhi Journey, Moscow Scoot, Stockholm Swing, Cairo Cruise, Geneva Chase, or best of all, Brussels Bout, be my guest. And if any modders feel like 3d-modelling most of Oxford for me, I would love to give it a look :D

[bronanlynch]

this week's media roundup has even more incoherent rambling about gundam than last week. that's where my brain's at I guess

listening (podcast): once again still listening to the Wing episodes of Great Gundam Project but I listened to their ep on the finale today so I just need to listen to their Endless Waltz ep and then I will be finished with that and move on to uhhh probably their 0079 episodes sorry I am So gundampilled right now. anyway. this makes me feel so much better for being confused & frustrated by the politics at the end of Wing but also kind of excited to rewatch it with my roommate (who's never seen it) at some point in our Gundam marathon because I really do think that watching 0079 first at least helps you understand what they're calling back to. like the answer to 'why is Zechs like that' is 'because he's based on Char' and I, watching Wing for the first time before any other Gundam, did not know who Char was yet

listening (music): I am perpetually just a little bit late to listen to new music but at least I did listen to new music this week. my fave thing about Mitski's I'm Your Man is how jarringly nice & pleasant the guitar accompaniment is for the first half, contrasted with the kinda eerie echo-y quality of the vocals and also like, what the lyrics are saying

reading: same things still. Rule of Wolves remains kind of mid and does not do anything particularly anything with any of the ideas it raises. Water Outlaws continues to be extremely cool and Imo does an extremely good job of expressing what would be very cool action sequences in a wuxia drama in a different medium. but also sometimes I wish I could see the cool fights because I like good fight choreography

watching: my parents visited this past weekend and one of the things we watch together is Ted Lasso, so I've seen a few more episodes of season 3 and honestly I'm kind of underwhelmed I guess? I have extremely mixed feelings about the handling of both of the queer plotlines (Keely getting a girlfriend & Colin's whole arc) that I'm not sure I care enough to type out. I like that Trent is around more though, I do like to see him

we've been watching the current season of Bakeoff (me & my roommate, not me & my parents), but it's not far enough for me to have strong favorites so I don't have much to say here other than that I do like the new host, she's fun

and now the most important part of this post, we've been watching Zeta Gundam. man. we're 17 episodes in and I'm having so much fun. I love Kamille, I love it when the main characters are doing armed resistance against the military hegemony even though I wish I had a better understanding of the scale of any of these factions, I love Quattro's stupid obnoxiously shiny gold mobile suit, I love the concept of Cyber Newtypes because it emphasizes the stuff about exploitation and dehumanization that I wanted more of in the discussion of Newtypes. I have many complex thoughts about gender (wish it wasn't always the women who are the most outspoken about peace and/or want to settle down to raise their children, or that women got a few more options besides that and dying in battle immediately after kissing the nearest man, but also I think there's something interesting in how many of the Cyber Newtypes and honestly also Newtypes are women like so far it's mostly women and protagonists and also Char). I miss Sayla. I hate that 26 year old Mirai dresses & styles her hair like a generic 45 year old housewife, please let her keep her style & personality even though she's a mother now I am begging you. I love Quattro's extremely 80s outfit. my head is very full of thoughts about how the child soldiers from 0079 are now a little older but still stuck in the same patterns because they're stuck as the people they were forced to become during the war and now they're perpetuating that on the next generation of kids forced into the conflict. thinking about Quattro trying to mentor Kamille and turning him into a soldier, and how Char & Amuro are both so shaped by the violence they've done that neither of them can conceive of themselves as anything else, with Amuro resenting/fearing his role as a soldier but not seeing any options for what he can be instead and Char leaning into it, again because he doesn't think he has any other options. tasty narrative foil situation. they should kiss about it. also I'm obsessed with how much the Beltorchika-Amuro-Char situation feels like a love triangle. Tomino didn't have to make Amuro's love interest a blonde in a pink normal suit with a comet-related callsign but as someone who is constantly thinking about Eve Kosofsky Sedgewick's writings on triangulated desire I'm very glad he did. this section is a mess, I'm so sorry, shout out to Zeta Gundam, I love watching teenagers bully Char and I hope Kamille gets to punch more cops

playing: still working on Ace Attorney 5, still on 5-4. just met Aura Blackquill and I love her already <3 unethical science lesbian <3

making: continuing the autumn theme that I've had pretty much every week, we made an apple pie, except we ran out of flour while making it so we couldn't sprinkle the crust with enough flour to make the filling thicken so it had the soggiest bottom imaginable. still tasted good though

more importantly, we are in our gunpla era and made the Michaelis from Witch from Mercury, a suit that everyone else on the internet seems to hate but I adore. I like it when robots are purple and look like they're wearing high heels, and also Shaddiq was one of my favorite GWitch characters which I realize is also a uhhhhh fairly unpopular opinion but anyway here it is

also because I think it's funny, here's what it currently looks like on display, leaning against the wall because it doesn't stand super well on its own but we don't have a base for it yet, and it looks So short next to the Pharact & Darilbalde

drinking: Thirsty Robot Brewing's key lime cheesecake sour, a beer that tasted so good I had to restrain myself from saying "wow this fucks" in front of my parents. it had lactose in it so it was a really nice amount of smooth & creamy, and the key lime flavor was really strong

also had a cocktail that had the most tailored to me list of ingredients imaginable: lemon vodka, creme de violette, elderflower liqueur, butterfly pea flower simple syrup, lemon juice, & lavender bitters. it truly is a shame that I cannot be bothered to acquire most of those ingredients on my own because wow that was tasty. I love it when drinks are citrus-y & floral, is the thing

writing: once again thwarted by not being able to write while watching Gundam (not a complaint). I swear I'm going to finish a fic again at some point

[vro0m]

i'm curious to know which ranking you agree with more, the drivers' or the team principals'? the drivers' is much more aligned with how i would've rated everyone's season. who do you think is more accurate and why? there's a few big discrepancies between the lists. certain biases from the drivers and principals both are definitely coming into play but i'm not sure i can pin down the motives behind those biases.

Hello Anon! Let's talk about the rankings.

I'd like to start by pointing out three questions that came to me when I saw them and that I don't have an answer for but think are worth mentioning :

Is there an actual point to this besides creating headlines off-season?

Why do we have points totals for the TPs ranking and not the drivers' one?

Why are there so many ties in the drivers' ranking and none in the TPs' one?

Now let's take a look at the rankings and also add the WDC standings for reference.

The rankings actually aren't that different. Here's my analysis:

No surprises when it comes to Max and Charles.

Sergio Perez is ranked lower than his WDC result by both groups and especially the drivers. It seems to mean they think he's not actually as good as his car allows him to be, I guess. Must hurt. Carlos Sainz is in a similar situation although the difference is less steep. Still, in both cases, I feel like it shows that TPs and drivers consider them both as second drivers rather than big contenders.

They seem to also agree that Lewis' WDC performance doesn't reflect his actual abilities, but the other way around. That is not surprising. What I find interesting is that the TPs ranked him lower than George. George is very very good, that's not the point, I'm not surprised he's ranked high. Rather I think it reflects the fact that some TPs think Lewis has been lacking motivation (we've read such things during the year) and/or they might think he's past his peak. I think it's also noteworthy that there isn't a big difference between them as with the Ferrari and RBR pairs. It shows that nobody is quite clear on the hierarchy between them, we're all waiting to see how next year will go, performance-wise and relationship-wise.

Ngl, and I mean no shade whatsoever, but Lando has never stood out to me. I guess I should pay more attention as he's ranking quite well in all three standings and I know he's often considered as a future champion or whatever but in all honesty I've not seen it from him just yet. I also genuinely wonder if it would have changed something to his ranking if Daniel had had a better time at McLaren.

Alonso is such an interesting case. However much we like to hate on him, and no matter his lack of result for a good number of years, he's still consistently recognized as an extremely good driver by everybody involved in the sport. It's not a surprise to find him there. It's also interesting that although Seb is also in the rankings, he's rated lower and has not benefited from such consistently high opinions throughout his career. I'm not sure if I agree with that or not.

I was surprised at first that Valtteri did not show up in the drivers' top 10 because he's a very, very good driver, as both the TPs recognize and the WDC shows. At the same time, it's not easy to choose a driver in their top 10 that should not be there to make room for him and he did have a bad time in the second part of the season. I wonder if he’s been rated more severely because of expectations based on his time at Mercedes rather than adjusted expectations now that he’s in a less competitive car. Or maybe I’m biased because I’m currently watching past seasons in which he managed to be very competitive in a Williams lol.

I find it sweet that the drivers ranked Alex so high. I like him a lot, but tbh I wonder if it's really based on his performance this year or if it's also at least in part based on them just being happy for him to be back, because his results weren't great. He finished in the points two times more than his teammate in a bad car, sure, and he was coming back from a year out, sure, but then what about Magnussen, 13th in the WDC with twice as many points as Mick after not one but two years out and no time to train for the season? And didn't Esteban do a good job of outranking his very competitive and revered teammate? I guess it just depends on everybody's criteria.

What are your thoughts about it?

[maxmayfieldirl]

Okay so like, here's the things I think/want to happen in vol 2

Before I say anything: I am well aware that it's merely 4 hours so I know not all of this is gonna happen. I suppose this is also things I want in s5 as well.

Starting off strong with the confirmed deaths!! Who it will be we do not know yet but I have some thoughts.

Of course I'm sure y'all have seen me mention the Wheeler's quite often. I am mostly convinced it will be one of the Wheeler's who dies. I strongly believe it could be Karen solely bc of her poster--or Nancy but Nancy has been my favorite since s1 so I really hope it's not her.

As for the other deaths, Eddie bc of his string of bad luck lately. I mean. He was literally accused of murder, kinda hard to come back from that.

Max bc well. Vecna. That's my only reasoning really. That and she mentioned Kate Bush loosing her magic powers... Normally it would seem like a regular piece of dialogue but like. It's stranger things we're talking about.

Other potential deaths but I don't feel strongly enough about them:

Steve bc he gets the shit beat out of him every season so he's not far off from death. I don't have much to say other than its just a gut feeling. Something bad is gonna happen to Steve, he's a fan favorite.

Dustin, why? I dunno, a gut feeling. He told Steve something along the lines of "if you die, I die". Also he hasn't really had a lot of personal run ins with the upside down. Too good for too long I say. I hope I'm wrong though, stay good Dustin

Jason bc he's so insistent on this all being the work of devil and his gf literally just died so why wouldn't vecna pay him a visit? He's so invested in this, he's seen a death with his own eyes he just can't seem to see the truth. It'd definitely be interesting

I am hoping for a mutual Mileven break up, I just. I like them as friends. They worked together so much better as friends. We see it in s1, they get along so well but as they start dating it just. They're not really getting along? They do but not the way they did before.

Of course I need sibling interactions!! Byers family (which seems to happen!!! Woo!!!), Wheeler family, Sinclair family!!!! I need it!!

A Mike and Nancy hug!! Them literally acknowledging each other's existence and not arguing please!!!! I need it!!

Big Brother Lucas™️ protecting Erica. Like I just want them to interact for more than a minute. Like a sibling moment without others. A soft sibling moment!! They bond!!! A hug...? Come on Duffers!!!

Byler. I don't need them to get together this season. I just need them to interact more. I just yeah. They can get together next season. Yeah

Core 4 party members literally just existing in the same room together we've been robbed. I miss their friendship, they seem to get divided a lot.

Flashbacks!! I want to know more about the pasts of the characters and the upside down. What were they like years ago, before it all happened? What is the full story of the upside down? Maybe just a little tease.

El and Hop reunite, an extremely emotional one too. If not that than El at least has to find out Hop is alive. Please she needs something good in her life.

I know I've strayed away from theories but I feel like it will end on a cliffhanger and pick up from s5. I'm pretty impatient so I don't want this but it would be interesting. I believe it build up to everyone going in the upside down and fighting their very last battle there. My guess is they start s5 with the final battle there and the last couple episodes is the aftermath.

I know the Duffers mentioned a time skip but they've lied about other things so.... Plus it'd be pretty cool.

I am 100% fully convinced the final battle will be everyone against vecna in the upside down.

Maybe Hawkins will be swallowed whole by the upside down. The show seems to be leaning towards the end of the world type thing but maybe it's just me.

I also wanna know what Max's letters said. And what Erica found under Lucas's bed, I believe that's what it was.

It's getting late and I'm getting a little too tired to think of other things rn so I'll leave this here, feel free to add your opinions and what not. Do be respectful about it.

If you'd like to hear more things like this, my ask box is open ^_^

[akajustmerry]

hi Merry, I’ve been following your blog for a while and I love your thoughts on tv and film. I saw Thor Love nd Thunder recently, and I read your review of it (great piece btw) and I was wondering what your thoughts were on the decision to kill Jane at the end of the movie? personally, I felt like it came out of nowhere and I hated it

hello! thank you 🥰

look, i'll be upfront with you on this one, I've never been a jane foster fan (or a natalie portman fan). i don't hate her or anything, i simply don't find her to be a particularly interesting or compelling character. largely because she's the sort of character things happen to, rather than the type to make things happen.

i did appreciate that love and thunder finally gave her a more active role than what she'd had in the past, but i still personally find "lady versions" of any typically male character to be extremely condescending. and.....this was no different. also to dangle the concept of a "lady thor" in front of people that do care about it only for her to die is disappointing.

again i am not a jane fan by any means but i also felt the cancer plotline and the way it was handled was just..........cliched to say the least and out of nowhere, for sure! i know its in the comics, but in the mcu it's been 10 years since we the audience have even seen jane on screen. to make like she'd been at the forefront of thor's mind this whole time felt unearned. especially, when val is right there.

i couldn't write any of this in my review, but what i will say is that I thought the focus on jane was VERY white feminist which is especially insane since val is literally king of asgard. They can't even give her a NAME in canon because god forbid we take the focus off a palatable white woman being empowered!. a powerful asgardian warrior woman has been by thor's side as his equal since thor ragnarok. but i guess valkyrie wasn't white enough.

as for the dying itself?? i think its justified enough in the narrative in a convoluted and condescending way. Still, ultimately it's very on-brand of the mcu to literally just dangle the concept of women being important in front of you before killing/sidelining her. they've done it to every single woman in the mcu. even the one's lucky enough to get solo films/series.

in short, i hated it too, but as someone who doesn't like jane i never expected to like it so 🤷🏽 i hope tessa moves on from this franchise. she's absolutely wasted and disrespected.

[viaravt]

There's just some stuff I need to get off my chest I think. Time to bitch into to the void I guess.

In 2021, I had an arthritis flare which lasted for nearly a year. I'd already been quarantined for about a year because of the pandemic. Nobody really came to see me. I was extremely lonely until I discovered fandom and RPing on discord.

That kept me going for the entire year, until I got on medication which made the pain stop. Now, while I can leave the bed and even walk without a cane, I still can't leave the house because my immune system is suppressed from the medicine.

Things were kinda good for a while, actually. But this past month, I feel like everyone is just too busy or not interested in me anymore. People I used to chat with every day don't even send me a single message, even when I try to reach out.

I'm lonely again. I'm having the bad thoughts again. And there's no one I have left to talk to except my partner, who is going through his own shit.

I'm not a danger to myself or others. For now at least. But I'm not doing well either. If this is all there is, if this is all that there's ever going to be, then why WOULD I want to exist?

I know, I do, that I feel this way now and I will not feel this way soon.

I know that the aphorisms, even if I hate them, are right.

This, too, shall pass - blah blah,

Darkest - blah blah - dawn.

And I know, it's rude to leave your messes for someone else.

But consider also that I'm a mess, and I make people deal with me pretty constantly.

Consider that most of every day is me crying alone in a car or bedroom.

Over nothing.

Goddamn nothing.

And consider this is supposed to get better as I get older

And it's getting worse.

No one warned me that I would just get more anxious.

Consider the future, and how I've seen it.

And maybe it's not worth seeing again.

[tiramisiyu]

Yeah, chapter 7.2 was pretty disappointing. About the CCTVs, their figures would be easily captured because of infrared even with dark clothes. Then, I think it's alright for Rosa to decide to put Irene in jail, but they did not make her struggle with this nearly enough. Rosa hesitated to submit evidence with Pedro but not Irene? Why? Bc she's a murderer? They definetely simplified the case wayy to much. Also, Rosa sounded so condecending, telling Irene to have hope after tricking her in court.

ohh interesting point about the CCTVs lol, i guess they just wanted to put in the extra step and get the players involved with the reasoning game? and yep, this case had a LOT of nuance to it where the past theme of "victims become the aggressor" (also seen in ch.2, 3, 6) comes up again and stronger than ever in a very realistic situation... but that depth gets flattened into "well you killed so it's jail for ya. nah, we're not gonna consider the circumstances that lasted for over a decade that drove you to this point." I saw a comment somewhere that with Irene's situation, she really should've been placed in a special facility that prioritized mental help, considering her circumstances, and I agree.

I agree that Rosa sounded condescending as well, partly because of their positions. Irene is someone who has suffered severe abuse for years and years on end and was driven to extremes after the world kept failing her. Rosa has lived a pretty good life with love and opportunities. Is she really in any position to tell Irene what she should've considered and why her actions were wrong, when everything was against Irene ever since she was a 6-year-old girl?

It's kinda like when Marius told Jun "yeah, that kind of goodness DOES exist in the world because I'VE experienced it". Horrible as Jun is, I was pretty annoyed at Marius bc bruh, you didn't realize that his situation is not nearly as good as yours? It came out as pretty tone deaf. But at least Jun called him out on that. Irene didn't for what Rosa said to her, and she would’ve been within her rights if she did.

[seilon]

i know i havent been checking my messages for like two weeks. dont ask me why i dont fucking know either dude. i really dont know whats wrong with me i really dont know why im like this. believe me if you think you're the only one ive ghosted recently you're not. its everyone. literally everyone. no reason whatsoever. its very easy to do when you literally have no friends that see you in real life ever and havent seen anyone more or less since december of 2021. so like. yeah. whats anyone gonna do? no ones going to come to my fucking door to see if im okay or just to break into my isolated nightmare box. no one has an interest in doing that. ive had to plead to get anyone to consider seeing me and theres really no point and its not their fault either because it is a major inconvenience because i am so so so far from anyone and its so so so much easier to just. not try to get anyone to do anything. its so much easier to exist in stasis even if it kills me. like i said no one will do anything about it. nothing will stop me from slowly destroying myself. i wont stop me either. i hate every task i have to complete and everything in my life that could break my constant nothingness despite the fact that i hate my constant nothingness at the same time. there's no way to win and theres no way out and theres no point to anything. really seriously no point. the further removed i get from everyone and everything the easier it is to fade away completely if i so choose. im basically there already. i wish i'd do something drastic to myself to make the world feel real again and to make my life feel like it has any kind of real odds to it and a selfish disgusting part of me wishes i would because of the oh so common reasoning of getting people to treat me like i have any importance instead of me always having to beg pathetically for anyone's attention in real life. i exist almost solely in my own head these days. im only able to handle fiction and i bury myself so deep in it that maybe, hopefully i can forget my life as a real person, and i can feel things even if they're for stupid imaginary reasons. its been like this for a long time but its to an extreme right now. i dont want to remember who or where i am. i dont want to be reminded i exist and the world exists around me. i dont remember what its like to have friends in my everyday life that i dont have to worry about disappointing or annoying or embarrassing. its been so long. much longer than just the time since ive moved. its been at least a few years. it seems nice, thinking back on past experiences, at different times in my life. but unfortunately it doesnt seem like i was built to maintain friendships, let alone to make them. i'm manufactured to fail or sabotage myself. i am built to be unlovable, regardless of who may like me on the internet, or like me on a shallow level otherwise. anything deeper than that has lead me to more pain and complication than if i didnt talk to anyone at all, so i guess it makes sense why i'd end up here.

my relationship is doomed and has been for a while now, and i cant make myself care that much anymore. he doesnt talk to me and i dont talk to him. he doesnt know what i do and i dont know what he's doing, other than that he has a life and people he cares about more than me on an everyday basis by a long shot. hes almost a stranger to me at this point. he wouldn't notice if i was fucking dead unless someone were to contact him about it however long after the fact. i know this because i havent spoken to him in days if not weeks and he couldnt care less. i am not a part of his life anymore and i cant help that. i've numbed myself to it for now. who knows what my mind will think of it on some other day but as it stands right now i dont know him and i cant push myself any longer to try and be a part of his life when he clearly does not care if i am or am not. he very easily can exist without me and has been doing so for quite some time. he has other people, i dont. that's just how it is. im not a good person to put faith into in a relationship in general, friendship or otherwise, because just look at me. ive ghosted everyone i know for like two weeks for no fucking reason and with no warning or explanation. i dont even know what the explanation is. i am fundamentally empty and with the bleakness of everything over the course of the last however many years i've given up hope that that emptiness will be filled in a more than superficial way. in a more than fleeting way. no one's going to do anything for me. there's no point. theres nothing in it for them. why would you go out of your way for a husk of a person who cant give you anything of value in return. whos not reliable or stable in any way shape or form. who cant function like a person no matter how many fucking antidepressants and stimulants and whatever the fuck else he takes. writing all of this i feel like a normal person would be crying. i feel like i would be crying at some point prior in my life. but i havent at all, nor have i felt any urge even close to doing so. i think that tells you how empty i am and how much i am resigned to whatever this is. i've wasted three years of my life rotting in silence and solitude, why think anything's going to change? and what's worth changing anyway? again, there's really nothing here to salvage. i wonder how much time i have left in me to just sit here and hate everything and dissociate and dissociate and dissociate because at this rate i doubt its much.

i'll go find something to distract myself with like i always do. spend my time on mundane tasks because they're reliable and take up space in my otherwise empty life. i doubt i will do anything productive that involves thought. i want to avoid everything more. i hate myself for it and i hate my life for it. i dont wish to die so much as i wish to not exist. they overlap of course but i feel the need to clarify that because its less about self loathing and more about the loathing of life as a whole, existence as a whole. it's not meant for me. i am not built to be sustainable. my head hurts.

[rei-caldombra]

2023 Anime Year Review!

Happy New Year! I'm gonna start by doing my best to list all the anime I watched this year. I felt like putting them in alphabetical order, so I did. 

The anime I watched in 2023 are: Attack on Titan Final Season, Buddy Daddies, Crash Course in Naughtness, Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Swordsmith Village Arc, Don't Toy with Me Miss Nagatoro 2nd Attack, Dr. Stone: New World, Frieren Beyond Journey’s End, Helck, Hell's Paradise, Jigokuraku, Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2, Mashle: Magic and Muscles, My New Boss Is Goofy, My Hero Academy, Ranking of Kings: The Treasure Chest of Courage, Reborn as a Vending Machine I Now Wander the Dungeon, Spy x Family Season 2, Tomo-chan Is a Girl!, Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead.

For manga I have been keeping up with Bocchi the Rock, Bocchi the Rock Hiroi’s story, Call of the Night, Chainsaw Man, Demon Girl Next Door, Don’t Mess With Me Nagatoro, Mieruko-san, and Shimeji Simulation. 

Now I'll be giving some thoughts on the year as a whole and mentioning specific ones in categories. There will be no spoilers. 

It definitely looks like a lot, but I know I have watched more in the past. It's tougher finding as much time for anime now, but I desire to give more new shows a shot in 2024 like I usually would. There are a lot of sequels that I watched this year! The new shows were pretty good, with most of them fitting into the realm of being pretty good but not extraordinary. While the continuations on the other end had a lot more extremes, with most of the mainstream shows fitting into the realm of having moments I really liked in between stuff that was lukewarm or frustrating. 

My single favorite is Dr. Stone: New World. Dr Stone continues to be very consistent and have a bit of everything, providing good visuals, fun characters, and interesting applications of science. This season really stepped it up when it came to the story. The climax of this season is the best I've seen this year. It really keeps up the intensity and leaves you guessing what happens next. It got me very excited for what’s next. It’s great on all fronts. 

Most underrated I would give to Reborn as a Vending Machine. I think it's very solid and on the better end of isekai shows. It’s truly a unique premise and worth checking out if you like fantasy and slice of life shows. 

Biggest surprise hit I would go with Mashle. I had not heard of it before this and went into it just thinking it was going to make fun of Harry Potter over and feel like a rehash of One Punch. I figured I’d enjoy a few episodes then drop it when the schtick got old. But it's genuinely funny outside of its magic parody, and does do some genuinely cool magic stuff at the same time. I liked it a lot more than I expected to. 

Biggest disappointment I will give to both Demon Slayer Swordsmith Village Arc and Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2, specifically the Shibuya Incident Arc (yes they are the same season but they are fundamentally separated in the story and in release). Reason being that their issues are very similar. They both have some really cool moments that are surrounded by boring and frustrating shonen action style tropes. Such as dragging fights out dialogue and flashbacks, emotion baiting, and convenient power ups that don’t feel satisfying or earned. Both of the primary villains in these arcs are not very interesting to me. Neither of these shows are terrible, as they still had the core aspects that made me like them initially. But for me they have many disappointing and frustrating aspects. 

What new shows I’m looking forward to in 2024 as of now: Mashle season 2, Dungeon Meshi, Konosuba season 3, My Hero Academia Season 7, Yuru Camp season 3, Sound! Euphonium 3, Solo Leveling, and the new Spice and Wolf. I do want to watch some anime in 2024 that have been on my list, which are the following: Baki, Honey and Clover, and Chihayafuru at least. Baki I know is super fun and super up my alley. Honey and Clover is by the same author as March Comes in Like a Lion (one of my favorite anime), which is enough for me to watch. Chihayafuru comes highly recommended, and from what I know I am confident I will enjoy it. I've wanted to watch these for a while but with following the seasonals it's hard to get to them.

One anime I’m still holding out hope for is Dorohedoro season 2. I do still think we will eventually get it, but I really hope it's soon. An announcement in 2024 would be SHOCKINGly lovely. Another announcement I'd love would be an anime adaptation of Shimeji Simulation. The manga just recently ended and is very good (a post on that is coming soon). 

I really enjoyed this year of anime and manga! I hope you did as well and are looking forward to next year as much as me! I'd also like to mention that I started blogging about anime this year and have really enjoyed doing it! I plan to continue to please stick around! Thank you for reading!

[schraubd]

New York Primary Predictions

New York Primary Predictions It's primary day in New York (and Florida), and there are quite a few interesting races on tap. I'm not going to predict all of them, but I figure I'd lay a marker down on a few Democratic races. NY-10: This is a complete free-for-all with at least six candidates still in at least plausible contention, none of whom have broken beyond the high teens or low twenties in polling. That said, Dan Goldman, a relative moderate, does seem to be very slightly pulling ahead, and he might be benefiting from the inability of the field to unite behind a single alternative. Carlina Rivera might have been the mild front-runner at one point, but seems to be fading down the stretch. Yuh-Line Niou is the progressive darling in the race who strikes me as having a very Bernie-like high floor/low ceiling profile, but that could actually work to her advantage in a highly fragmented field. Rep. Mondaire Jones is probably my favorite candidate, but he doesn't seem to quite be able to get out of traffic. Ultimately, I think Goldman probably will win a very, very divided vote (I'm guessing Niou will poll second). I'm not super confident in that prediction. But I'm far more confident that if Goldman does win, he will not lose to Niou in a hypothetical general election rematch where the latter runs on the Working Families Party ticket -- some extremely wishful thinking from lefty commentators notwithstanding. NY-12: A slugfest between two thirty-year veterans in Reps. Jerry Nadler and Carolyn Maloney, with newcomer Suraj Patel trying to sneak in between the two. Though Maloney represents more turf, she's been notably vulnerable in recent primaries (Patel held her to a tight race last cycle), and Nadler seems to be pulling away. I don't see Patel able to pull the upset, and I do think Nadler is going to end up prevailing. NY-16: Rep. Jamaal Bowman has shown a bit of vulnerability in late polling, but he may benefit from a split in the anti-incumbent vote as both Vedat Gashi and Catherine Parker are waging credible campaigns. Gashi has gotten far more attention, but the only poll I've seen has Parker in the lead. For my part, I think Bowman will end up surviving, albeit with less than 50%. NY-17: Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney pushed Rep. Mondaire Jones out of his seat, but then encountered an energetic primary challenge from State Sen. Alessandra Biaggi. Biaggi took down one of the IDC schmucks a few years back, so I have residual goodwill for that. But I also don't think she has the firepower or local base to take out the well-resourced Maloney. She also made what I consider to be a truly boneheaded decision to embrace the view that women past "childbearing age" won't care about reproductive rights, which seems outright suicidal in a contested primary. As to the Florida race, I won't venture predictions on any of them, but I do want to keep an eye on the Republican contest in the FL-11, where incumbent Rep. Daniel Webster is facing a challenge from certified crank and absolute shonda Laura Loomer. It would be a tremendous embarrassment if Loomer wins (and if she wins, she's absolutely entering Congress in this strongly GOP district). But what is the GOP today, if not embarrassment persevering? via Blogger https://ift.tt/cg57Unz August 23, 2022 at 03:10PM

[hotch-stufff]

Love is Complicated

gifs by hqtchner & ncis-season-

Pairing: Hotch x reader, Gibbs x reader

Warnings!: angst, pining, kissing, fluff

Request: "well i was thinking about a criminal minds x ncis crossover, where the reader has a big crush on gibbs but then she meets hotch and she is really confused 😿" @wolviesbabes

--------

Your hand scribbled yet another word on the endless stack of paperwork that littered your desk. It really did never end. You set your pen down. You needed a break. You looked up and your eyes instantly found him. He was hunched over his desk, probably doing the same thing you were doing.

But God, did he look good doing it. Although in your opinion he looked good doing just about everything.

You noticed that about him over the past couple months on the NCIS team. You had been transfered from another similar unit in New Orleans on the recommendation of Dwayne Pride himself. Gibbs was quick to accept you to the unit, but he remained cold to you for the first couple of weeks. It wasn't until you saved him from a, for lack of better words, crazy gunman did he warm up to you.

After that, you two had gotten extremely close. So close that you developed a small crush on the man. Although, you hid it rather well. No one, atleast not to your knowledge, knew about your crush. And you intended on keeping it that way, but it was so hard when he was just sitting right in front of you, looking all handsome and just... him.

You wanted to tell him. You really did. But he was way out of your league, and you weren't even his type. But a girl could dream.

Vance suddenly came out of his office and called Gibbs up. He stood slowly and walked away. You prayed this wasn't a case. You really did not feel like dealing with a case right now.

He came back out a few moments later, a scowl on his face.

"What is it Gibbs?" You asked, he jerked his head towards Vance's office.

"He wants the team to attend an interagency gala on Saturday night." You scoffed. Of course he did. "FBI, CIA, and NCIS teams are all expected to attend. Including us." His scowled deepened at the thought of having to deal with other agencies.

"Great, just great." And you were so looking forward to a quiet weekened.

* * *

The night of the gala had arrived much quicker than expected. And of course Abby had insisted on going shopping for dresses. She herself had gotten a long black dress, with a slit. She said she would add a few things to make it more like her, and you couldn't wait to see it. You had gone with a more subtle dress. A long emerald green dress, with spaghetti straps and an open back. The front dipped slightly.

You had brought it with you to the office so you could get ready with Abby and as you were heading to the elevator to go to her floor, you heard Gibbs on the phone. Now you weren't one to eavesdrop, but you really couldn't stop yourself.

"I know, I know, it won't take long. I promise. Bye." Was he with someone else? You stood there frozen as he emerged from the room he was in.

"Hey y/n. Whatchtya doin?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh, um nothing Gibbs, thought I heard you and wanted to say bye before we left, I didnt think you would actually go to the gala tonight, so I thought I could just stop in and-" he cut you off.

"Slow down, you're rambling. You okay?" You needed to get out of there.

"Yup, just been a long day. Alright well bye." You rushed off to Abby office. Once you got there, she instantly asked what was wrong. You explained everything. Your feelings, the conversation you heard, just everything.

"Awe, y/n/n. I'm so sorry. He's stupid if he doesn't see whats right in front of him." That made you smile.

"We should get ready." You stated standing up to grab your dress.

2 hours later, you and Abby walked up stairs looking amazing if you did say so yourself. Wolf whistles were heard coming from Tony as you two walked towards the group. You rolled your eyes, catching Gibbs smirk.

His eyes dragged up and down your body, which had confused you greatly. He had never showed any interest in you before, why now? Maybe he had and was just better at hiding it.

"Well, we should get going." You nodded, you all walked out to the SUVs ready for the night ahead of you.

* * *

The gala was interesting to say the least. Each agency decided to stay away from eachother, like elementary students. Each group taking up their own circle around the room.

You had spotted a rather handsome man who you had recognized as Aaron Hotchner sitting at the FBI tables and couldn't seem to take your eyes off of him. You new you had feelings for Gibbs,, but something about this man just drew you in. You had previously met him on a conjoined case with your old team, and you had developed the smallest of crushes on the man. You never expected anything to happen, and he was only in New Orleans for about a week.

Suddenly Gibbs popped back into your head, and you huffed slightly, turning to search for him. Finding him at a table nearby, talking with a woman. You scoffed and he looked over at you.

In a moment of impulse, you tunred away and walked across the empty dance floor straight to Agent Hotchner. He looked up from his conversation as you neared his table.

"Hi, NCIS Agent Y/l/n. We worked together on the Williams case about a year back." He nodded in recognition.

"Of course. Its great to see you again agent y/l/n." He paused looking you up and down in a way you welcomed. "Can I help you with something." He asked, not unkindly at all, but rather friendly.

"I was wondering if you would like to dance." He raised an eyebrow at you. "Someone's got to break the chill in this room." He nodded and stood up slowly, his team staring on in awe. You figured he didn't do this very often.

"I would love to." He took your hand bringing you to the dance floor as another song began. You two danced for about 10 minutes before more couples began to join you. You smiled in triumph and Hotchner laughed at your face.

"What? It worked didn't it?" He smiled shaking his head.

"I suppose it did." You two began talking and laughing and just getting to know each other. You soon found yourself at a table as you continued with your conversation.

"Okay but, im just saying if Strauss is anything like Vance, they would be perfect together." He laughed at this rather loudly, catching the eyes of a few people near by.

"That would never happen. If Vance is anything like Strauss they would drive each other crazy." You giggled softly. Soon it was time to leave, and Agent Hotchner, or Aaron as he had asked you to call him, offered to walk you to your SUV where the rest of your team was waiting. They all eyed you as this strange man walked you over, handing you a card and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. You had blushed profusely and walked over, getting in the car.

"So y/n, whos the hottie?" Abby began interrogating you as soon as you shut your door.

"Thats Agent Hotchner. He's the Unit Chief of the FBI's BAU." You smiled to yourself.

"Must be an ass if he's from the FBI." Gibbs remarked, another scowl gracing his face.

"He was actually quite the gentlman." Was your only response before turning to look out the window. Gibbs was the one being an ass. You had just spent the night with a wonderful man and Gibbs just had to ruin it by spouting some snarky comment that only confused you more. The rest of the ride was spent in silence.

* * *

Once back at the office, Gibbs had called you to the elevator, not giving you a chance to respond. You had of course listened, and as soon as the doors shut, he had pulled the emergency button.

"What is it Gibbs?" You asked softly. He just walked closer to you, cupping your face. "What are you doing?" He leaned in slowly bringing his lips to yours.

And you had expected it to be perfect and explosive and passionate. But... it wasn't. He pulled away after only a moment.

"Hang on, let me try that again." And he leaned in once more, pressing his lips to yours. But once again, there was nothing. He pulled away.

"That was ... strange?" He asked, more to himslef than anything.

"I uh, that-that was-"

"Not what I was expecting." He finished for you.

"You know Gibbs, I've been pining over you for months, and I'm guessing you felt the same. But I think we both met someone else tonight that changed our minds." You recalled him spending the whole night side by side with the woman you had seen earlier. You smiled shyly at him. "Call that woman you were with tonight. Tell her you want to go out on a date." He smiled looking into your eyes.

"Only if you call Agent Hochie, or whatever his name was, and tell him the same." You laughed at not only his comment, but the absurdity of the situation. For the past 5 months you had been yearning for a man who ended up not being what you wanted at all. It made you think that maybe what you really wanted, what you both really wanted, was someone to love. So you latched on to the person who had become closest to you.

"I love ya y/n." He whispered as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I love you too Gibbs. Now go get her." He stepped out of the elevator, pulling out his phone. You did the same, pulling out Aaron's card. It rang once. Twice.

"Hotchner." You giggled at his formal greeting. Taking a deep breath before going for it.

"Hey Aaron, I was just wondering if you were up for dinner?" He smiled.

"Of course. You know, I'm really glad you called."

"Me too." And you walked out of your office that night, a date with a man you had never expected, and a smile on your face.

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Not sure how I feel about this one, but I loved the request. Let me know what you guys think!! Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.