#interpersonal drama is NOT my forte

[watchmakermori]

rereading The Bedlam Stacks: my feelings six years on

until recently, I'd only read The Bedlam Stacks the once - back on release, within the span of a few days. I'd enjoyed it at the time, though not nearly as much as my beloved Watchmaker, so I thought it was time to go back to it and see how my feelings on it have changed.

back in 2017, I recall enjoying the first third of the book a lot, finding the middle section a bit slow, and thinking that the ending was a bit sudden. Having reread it again, my thoughts are similar in some respects - I still think that the pacing is strongest at the beginning, and hits a sluggish section once Merrick gets to Bedlam. My feelings on the ending are complicated, because part of me thinks that it's missing something, but part of me thinks it has the best conclusion of any Pulley book so far.

Bedlam is a difficult book for me to critique. There is so much that I love about it, so many isolated scenes and concepts that stick with me, and the prose is fresher and more beautiful than I remembered. The scene where Raphael turns to stone for 70 years is so beautifully, horrifyingly handled. The markayuq are a haunting, fascinatingly original concept. Merrick and Raphael, while hitting a lot of the classic Pulley duo tropes, stand out in many other ways - the fact that their romance is only implied, and left somewhat ambiguous, is actually a novelty against the context of her other works. They also feel more...mirrored than other Pulley pairings? Most of her romances seem to thrive on difference. Differences in class, in race, in intellectual standing, in physical strength. And obviously Raphael and Merrick have some of that, but they're also markedly similar in a lot of ways. Even though Merrick doesn't have Raphael's strength, he does have the memory of being a much stronger and healthier man. Both characters have a past of physical violence, and they are both shown to be capable of it in the narrative itself, as with when Raphael shoots the passing traveller and Merrick strangles Martel to death.

Their relationship to disability is also similarly mirrored, because both of them are haunted by old versions of themselves. Raphael is watching himself turn into a markayuq, feeling himself lose time and mobility, knowing that his transformation is impending and inevitable. Merrick also knows that he will never again be the man he was before his leg injury; he has to adjust to it, to work around it and accept that it has changed him. The acceptance of inevitability is a really interesting theme in Bedlam, which feeds all the way through Merrick and Raphael's central friendship. They don't really get the best of anything - they meet under bad circumstances, for less than a month, and they will never have enough time together due to Raphael's condition and a thousand other factors. But that doesn't mean that their friendship isn't worth something, that it isn't immensely precious.

So there's a great deal that I love about Bedlam on a thematic level, but I do think that the actual plotting of the book is quite weak overall. There are lots of isolated scenes that I love, but the connecting tissue is somewhat thin. The middle of the book involves a lot of waiting - waiting for the snow to clear, waiting for Clem to return, waiting for Raphael to tell Merrick the truth and take him beyond the salt line. Merrick does not have a great deal of intentional impact on the narrative, so it does often feel like you're sitting around waiting for the plot to come to him.

That's not to say that the plot needed to be bolder or bigger. It didn't need to focus more on the search for quinine. Honestly, I don't think high-stakes drama is one of Pulley's strengths - her forte is small interpersonal conflicts between select units of characters. In Watchmaker, the conflict and stakes don't really come from the lurking bomb threat or the police investigation - it's about Thaniel struggling with his own desires over the impulse to do the 'right' thing. Grace represents a more conventional path for him - a wife, a house, a future with children, and the money to look after his sister and nephews. But Mori is who he actually wants. And those warring desires come into greater and greater conflict as the story moves from beginning to middle to end. Thaniel's goals are not static.

But in Bedlam, there isn't that same sense of escalating tension and raising stakes. Merrick has his reservations about Raphael and whether he is dangerous, but ultimately, those reservations don't really change the decisions he makes. So much of what happens feels like it was always going to happen, which means that a lot of the tension feels somewhat...inorganic. Intangible. There isn't even the threat of discovery for most of the book, because Raphael knows exactly why Merrick is in Bedlam and Merrick makes no attempt to hide the truth. He keeps quiet about the threat of the army, but even if Raphael had discovered it sooner, it doesn't feel like it would've materially impacted how the story played out.

So it's a hard book for me to articulate my feelings on. The themes and concepts and characters and isolated scenes are excellent, but the story feels - just slightly - like it is less than the sum of its parts. At times, it seems more like a series of episodic events than a narrative, even if those episodic events are still deeply enjoyable.

But the ending is immensely powerful. The melancholy and the joy of it. The simple devotion of Merrick being there when Raphael wakes, 20 years later, with a cup of coffee - which was what Merrick had gone to make when Raphael first went into stasis. It is simultaneously an act of mundanity, and also an act of incredible loyalty and dedication - and love often does shine brightest in those small moments of devotion.

A while ago, I was lamenting that Pulley only ever gives us happy, cosy endings rather than something more tragic and bittersweet, but I don't think I was actually accurate on that. The conclusion of Bedlam is desperately sad, for all its loveliness. Because while Raphael and Merrick are reunited, we can't know how long they will have together. The story denies us that knowledge, that closure, by ending just as Raphael laughs.

I'm so glad I reread it. It is a bit of an odd fish next to all of Pulley's other works, and that makes me appreciate it much more with retrospect. This reread also reminded me, on a more general level, of everything I love about Pulley's writing - the sublime weirdness and the quirky characters and the nonchalance with which she handles speculative elements. For all her flaws as a writer, nobody is doing it like her, and I truly cannot wait for The Mars House.

[oreoambitions]

Parts 1-3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 5.5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Ao3 Kara has been away for too long. This is what she thinks to herself as she hovers over the edge of National City's furthest flung suburb, her eyes on the horizon, her hands doing a rather unsuperherolike fidget of their own accord. She was only supposed to be gone for a couple of hours. A couple of days maybe. Long enough to cool down, to get her anger under control, to make sure that Lena would never have to see her like... that. Only a couple of days has become a couple of weeks and now Kara doesn't know how to come home. "Rao," she whispers. Immediately she feels foolish - as if Rao has answered her these past weeks - but in her solitude she's grown used to speaking in prayer, and so she finishes the thought anyway. "Where am I supposed to be right now? What am I supposed to be doing?" Probably her life is in shambles. Probably she's been fired from CatCo and there are a stack of unpaid bills cluttering up the mailbox of an apartment that probably doesn't belong to her anymore. That's going to be a mess to sort out and there's no getting around it. And then there are the personal relationships she's abruptly abandoned for a month and a half without explanation. Alex will be worried sick, and angry, and rightfully so. What will J'onn say? Nia? Clark? And then there's Lena. Kara's hand moves to the thin red thread would tightly around her wrist. Ever so gently, careful not to wear it thinner still, she brushes her fingers over it. She'll have to talk to Lena. Soon. Today. The thought makes her stomach twist and seize and roil with feelings she has hardly begun to name, let alone master, but Rao, if she stays away until she's mastered them all she's starting to think she might stay away for a lifetime. But at least the anger is under control. That's the most important thing, because the truth is there is no returning to National City, no returning to Lena, without facing Sam. It's doubly true now that Sam has taken up the cape to protect the city that Kara has come to think of as her own. She has to admit, however begrudgingly, that Sam has done a good job. The city below is peaceful in that loud, chaotic way that cities have about them in the late afternoon: a dog shouts out on 4th street; someone's car won't start on Tulare; highschool students pour out of a bus downtown full of the laughter and the posturing of youth. All is well. Certainly things are better than Kara has any right to expect them to be, and that's on Sam. Sam, who made headlines when she stepped in to make it clear that Supergirl's absence would not be taken advantage of. Sam, who said she'd never wear the cape because she was afraid of what it would mean for Ruby. Sam, who should have rightly been on Argo right now claiming her birthright and her heritage. Sam, who had an obligation to protect Lena and chose to bind her irrevocably to Kara in a marriage of obligation instead. Perhaps the anger is not so under control after all, but up here there's no one to see Kara's eyes flash or her fist clench, no one to hear her heartrate pick up or the sharp breath she forces out between her teeth. Up here it's okay. It's only down there she has to worry about control. But first before control, before the appearance of reconciliation, before Kara figures out how to get Sam on board with the plan she's hatched for finding Lena a way out of this mess, first before anything, Kara is going to have to talk to Alex. Hell hath no fury like an older sister abruptly abandoned and left to fret and worry for nothing, and the longer Kara puts this off the worse it's going to be. She takes a deep breath and wishes, not for the first time, that life came with a rewind.

There isn't really any such thing as taking the long way when you're a Kryptonian under Earth's yellow sun, but Kara makes an effort. She loops around the city twice, trying not to think about how uncomfortable it will be if she runs into Sam out here doing a similar patrol. She hovers over the L-Corp building long enough to determine that Lena is, in fact, not at work on a Saturday — probably Jess's doing, for which she’s grateful. Then she drifts gently to Alex's neighborhood, to her street, to the fire escape, to the back window always unlatched when Kara is on patrol just in case Supergirl should need to stop by unseen. Kara, of course, is not so much on patrol as officially missing, so she hesitates there on the fire escape before reaching out to tug gently gently gently on the window. It's almost a surprise when it slides open. Alex is home but the shower is running and Kara, feeling an odd sort of nervousness wash over her, slips through the window quietly. Maybe it would have been better to come through the front door, or to call ahead, or maybe it would be better to announce herself now, but now she's here trembling in Alex's kitchen and she's let herself in this way a hundred times and it's always been okay. Only this time it's different, and all Kara can think about is how angry Alex is going to be when she sees her and- The bathroom door flies open and Alex comes barreling out into the kitchen in a towel, dripping wet, the shower still running behind her. They stand there for a moment, Kara rubbing the edge of her cape between her fingers, Alex stock still as though she's seen a ghost. "Kara," she breaths. And then, "Shit, I'm sorry. Let me-" She reaches for the cupboard, then the fridge, then steps back. "Are you okay?" "Yeah," Kara says. She draws in a deep breath to spit out the explanation she's rehearsed a hundred times: I'm sorry but I was losing control and you have to understand that Sam and Lena were together the whole time and I was jealous, so jealous, but I was mostly so angry that Lena trusted her and then she put her into this awful position with the vows, and it put me in an awful position too, and I just couldn't stay and I- But Alex is nodding. "Let me just put a shirt on, okay? Don't- Just don't go anywhere. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. Two seconds." She starts down the hall and then turns back, her fingers up for emphasis. "Two seconds." It's more like forty seconds and the shower is still running and Kara is too uncomfortable to fetch anything from the fridge. All her rehearsed words have died in her throat and she's left standing there teasing a thread out of the edge of the cape and feeling like somehow this is all wrong. Kara’s imagined this encounter a thousand times but never like this, and to compound it all, something in this place has shifted. Maybe it's just the time Kara's been away but something here feels... different. Forty seconds isn't long enough to put a finger on it and Alex is back in the kitchen in a t-shirt and boxers and demanding a hug before Kara can quite track what's changed. There's an almost physical relief when Alex collides with her and for a few seconds all else is forgotten. "Are you mad at me?" she whispers into Alex's hair. "Yeah," Alex whispers back. "But it can wait." And then, as she pulls away, "Cocoa?" Alex doesn't wait for an answer. She's busy at the stove in an instant, milk out on the counter, hot chocolate mix out of a glass bottle measured by the heaping quarter cup, and Kara's offers of assistance are shooed away with a gesture so reminiscent of Eliza that she might have giggled if she hadn't been feeling slightly sick. She settles into a chair at the kitchen table instead. The cape has found its way between her fingers again; that loose thread is becoming more prominent by the minute. Then the shower shuts off and Kara glances up at Alex. "Is someone else here? I'm so sorry, am I interrupting? I can go if-" Alex silences her with a hand. "It's fine. You're not interrupting. It's just... it's my girlfriend." "Girlfriend?" The guilt sickens Kara a little further. She's been gone too long. She's missed too much. "Actually," Alex says, stirring the hot chocolate mix into the milk on the stove, "I was meaning to talk to you about it before everything happened with the wedding. It wasn't official but we'd been intimate - sorry, TMI, I know - and I thought it might be going some place. But then with everything happening it never felt like the right time, and now..." "Well who is she?" This explains, at least, what feels different about the apartment. And it seems obvious now that Kara knows what she's looking for: an extra pair of shoes by the front door, a jacket over the back of the couch that doesn't belong to Alex. But it's familiar. A jacket Kara's seen before, now that she's thinking about it. "Do I know her?" "Yeah. Actually, we should probably talk about-" Sam steps into the kitchen slowly, so softly that human ears might not have picked up her approach. She's wearing one of Alex's long sleeved tees pulled down too far over her hands, an anxious gesture Kara has seen mirrored in Lena a thousand times, and it sends an instant flash of something awful through her chest. "Hi Kara," Sam says softly. The rage hits Kara before her mind can catch up. Alex and Sam were intimate before the wedding. Alex and Sam were intimate before the wedding. Alex and Sam were- Which means- The kitchen table cracks under Kara's fingers but the words don't come. What is she supposed to say? Hi Alex, I really missed you, by the way your girlfriend is possibly cheating on you with my wife who, funny story, is only actually married to me because your girlfriend manipulated her into a binding religious marriage, potentially in order to free herself up so that she could be official with you. Any chance she's mentioned any of that? No? What comes out of her mouth is: "How dare you." Sam crosses her arms, those sleeves still pulled down around her fingers, takes another step into the kitchen. "I think I know what this looks like," she says. "And it's not. It's not what you think." Kara doesn't know what she thinks. Something about Sam's anxiety and the confusion on Alex's face is sounding an alarm, and it’s an alarm that sounds an awful lot like doubt, but the anger is louder. Anger, in Kara's recent experience, is always louder. And now it's building behind her eyes, and she knows it shows because Sam starts to move between her and Alex and somehow that makes it all worse because now it's the shame that's louder and Kara can hardly hear her own thoughts over all that noise. "I have to go," she chokes out. "I'm sorry. Alex, I-" I'll call, she wants to say. "I'm sorry," she says instead. She can smell the milk burning on the stove as she leaves, can hear Alex calling after her, demanding Sam go after her, demanding she come back. "Let her go," Sam murmurs. Kara passes out of earshot. Well, not really. But she's got enough distance that she can put it out of her head. Enough distance that she can, if she chooses, listen to nothing but the wind, and her shame, and the hammering of her own heart.

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Webcomic Chapter 118 Review: Best-Laid Plans vs Saitama

Summary

Short version:  Men propose.  Saitama disposes. 

This chapter opens in the immediate aftermath of the fight we saw in the previous chapter.  A dying Gale Wind addresses Sonic and Flash, telling them about the Ninja leader “That Man” and painting him as a ghoulish figure to be greatly feared.  One that will definitely hunt down the two of them once he hears of the Heavenly Ninja Party’s demise. 

Flashy Flash and Sonic are a little less than impressed. 

Indeed, they head to Sonic’s hideout to kill the leader in person, talking along the way.  Sonic gives us another perspective of what happened in the run up to Flashy Flash’s extermination of the Ninja Village, which was that the day before Blast had showed up and killed off the junior ninjas.  Talk about another brutal bombshell just lobbed at us as if it’s a tennis ball. 

Wow -- now that’s clear moral blue water between Blast and Saitama.

Once they arrive, what greets them is going to be a CLASSIC panel for the ages: 

Yup, Saitama has stripped the ninja leader of all his weapons and smacked him into a hole halfway to America (or at least where America might be if it existed).  Saitama gives each of them a sword, saying that it makes him and Flash even and leaves. 

Unfortunately, if Saitama thought it settled things, he’s wrong.  Sonic is more determined than ever to defeat Saitama and Flashy Flash is more convinced than ever that Saitama is his disciple.  Heh heh, your hangers-on, they just multiply, Saitama.  There’s something I want to say about that too. 

Speaking of multiplying pests, meanwhile, back at the Hero Association HQ, a board meeting is hearing out Amai Mask’s new plans for increasing the popularity of the Hero Association.  He’s proposing a hero recruiting show.  And his proposed star, yup, you’d never guess: Saitama! 

What could possibly go wrong? 

Meta

OMG, quite a bit to talk about.  Let’s keep it to three, shall we? 

1. Sonic’s hatred of heroes

I love this thing that Sonic said

“I hate those who think highly of themselves just because they possess great power.”

Something that was (emphasis on was) dear to Sonic’s heart was that his fellow orphans ought to be freed from their brainwashing and rehabilitated.  Not processed into machine-like monsters nor summarily executed as hopeless.  He explained this at great length in chapter 115.  When Blast killed the juniors, the idea of heroes as noble people died for Sonic.  If they’re different, they should protect people. All people.  Not use their power to be superior and enact their judgement on them.  From Sonic’s perspective, heroes are just ninjas who are clumsier and do violence for less pay.  And preachier: ninjas know they’re just in it for the money. 

It’s not a totally fair way to see heroes, but one thing that I have spoken of before in One-Punch Man is that ONE makes extensive use of the fact that everyone has their own perspective.  Which is good, but in OPM, he emphasises that people believe their perspectives to be complete, which is where its comedy and tragedy both spring from. Link  I can see Sonic’s point of view.   His pointing out that Flashy Flash cannot be said to have broken free of his programming either, is very fair.  Effectively, Flashy Flash’s rebellion consists of killing people for no money. 

Of course, Sonic’s hands are none too clean.  In the aftermath of the Ninja Village’s demise, he went with the default of being the very thing he’d wanted to escape: be a ninja.  It’s great that he hasn’t stopped thinking and wrestling with his beliefs on how people ought to be.   I look forward to seeing what concrete actions his thoughts finally turn into. 

Other than chasing Saitama, that is. 

2. Saitama sucks at confrontation.   It’s been on my mind for a while, but this chapter makes it blatantly clear that Saitama really, really cannot do interpersonal conflict.  Ask him to protect someone?  No problem.  Defend his principles?  Sure.  But for Saitama to actually push back for his own sake?  Ah, now that’s a problem.   The first time we saw this was back in chapter 37 when Tatsumaki was insulting Saitama and rather than answer her, he asked Genos to take up the quarrel on his behalf.   It’s also been interesting to see how Forte and friends quit hassling Saitama the moment Genos showed up and evicted Forte.

repeatedly, Genos gets to be Saitama’s mad dog who gets him what he wants without his having to be ugly about it

The sensible thing to do when he gave the ex-leader’s sword to Flash was to tell the latter not to see him any longer.  Instead, he left it at ‘we’re even’ which just sounds like he’s making good on a wrong and wants to continue a relationship with Flash. 

Saitama’s reluctance to advocate for himself isn’t going to go well with the third point.

3. Fame.  That Amai Mask was profoundly impressed by Saitama in the wake of the Monster Association raid is something we’ve known since chapter 97, where we learn what he thinks of as beauty.  Power.  The power to combat evil, by which definition Saitama is the most beautiful hero he has ever seen.  His wanting to raise Saitama’s profile is understandable.

Creepy but sincere

Amai Mask is right about one thing -- you can’t force people into the Hero Association. If it’s to survive, it needs to be seen as a desirable place for prospective heroes to come to.  However, the way he’s put the two reasonable things together, to make Saitama the star of a hero recruitment show, is such a bad, bad idea. 

It’s bound to end in tears.  The terrible thing is that Saitama is unlikely to turn it down right off the bat -- he’s been so desperate to be better known that he’s once stripped himself naked and fought a monster in the buff.  But stand up, be made up, read an autoprompter and participate in publicity gags and fakery?  It’s all going to go downhill, sliding sideways and on fire.  

Wait... Amai Mask... tears... If it were only Amai Mask who would end up looking foolish, I’d be all for it.   But it’s going to hurt the Hero Association too, which does do really good and important work for all its faults.  

Ah well, bring on the drama!

[mittensmorgul]

anarchiana replied to your post “I rewatched S14 this week. In 14x19 there's that harsh line from Dean...”

@mittensmorgul Hi Mittens! Thank you so much for answering, I should have checked your previous posts first before asking my question, I’m sorry! I read the posts you linked now, thank you for linking and for your insights.  <3  I really should know by now to read your posts before I watch an episode. This show is such a minefield of mindfucks, my brain blue screens me when I think about all the spirals and mirrors and layers and whatnots... ����

@mittensmorgul One thing after reading your posts. Do you think that we are supposed to think that Dean and Cas don’t talk about the harsh words between them; that they don’t need words to get over their shit; or that they somehow talk about it and we simply don’t get to witness those scenes? Or it doesn’t matter because that’s not the focus of the show?  Thank you ��

Hi there, and no worries! It’s probably an excellent time for me to have gone back through all of that anyway. :D

I think we absolutely are being told that they DO talk offscreen. And that they do it frequently. That was a major theme of the last few seasons, going back to at least 12.19 with the Mixtape Revelation.We learned at at some point, Cas and Dean had at least one (1) offscreen conversation that we never knew about before, and not only that, but the implications of the nature of that conversation based on the fact that it culminated with Dean gifting Cas a freaking mixtape, well... that’s a personal conversation, you know?

Then 14.18 doubled down on that with all the flashbacks of Mary’s life since her resurrection, which began with Cas’s recollections of her from a time shortly after the events of 12.03. So this “things have happened that you didn’t know about” has been applied to everything, not just Dean and Cas’s interpersonal stuff. But Dean and Cas’s interpersonal stuff has still been at the core of this particular theme, and most of these “we talked about this while the cameras were off” situations ARE about Dean and Cas’s personal interactions. Mixtape, they casually watch movies together, they casually spent several weeks holding down the fort at the bunker together while Sam took off to avoid dealing with the grief of 14.14, etc. These are such TINY moments sometimes, we don’t really stop to think about what they’re actually telling us, repeatedly.

The hard truth is that while we LOVE these sorts of acknowledgements, they constitute the C plot of Supernatural, you know? The A Plot is the mytharc, the B Plot is the MotW and larger individual character arcs, and the C plot is... their relationships. So on the playing field of the story, this is just never gonna take center stage you know? Not that it’s not important, or doesn’t have a significant impact on the larger story. Like I said above, the themes these plotlines are being defined with are also defining the larger story as a whole. By nature, that MAKES them important.

It’s just that they will never (or at least not until right near the very end of the road) supersede the A Plot, and the B Plot. At that point, after the series-long A Plot has been resolved, we will be able to measure the true import of the C plot, you know?

But in some ways, the fact the show is repeatedly reminding us that these offscreen conversations are happening makes them more and more important. We’re being repeatedly badgered to just KNOW they’re happening, because the show has spent several years instructing us to make those logical jumps from what we saw last and what we’re seeing now, you know?

I remember the OUTRAGE from early s11 that Dean and Cas never talked onscreen. We felt we’d been PROMISED this conversation from the PR. Things such as “Dean and Cas resolve their differences,” and “they’re on the same page again” were dropped during the filming of 11.06, and many of us believed we were owed an onscreen conversation where they apologized to one another (Dean for 10.22, Cas for 11.03). And then the feeling of letdown was so powerful, for WEEKS some folks thought there was a conspiracy involving a cut scene that we never got. BUT WE DID GET THE DEAN AND CAS VERSION OF AN APOLOGY.

First off, Cas was trying to save Dean in 10.22, and got hurt because he refused to hurt Dean when he was so obviously going off the rails and not in control of himself. Dean was trying to save Cas in 11.03, and got hurt because he refused to hurt Cas when he was so obviously going off the rails and not in control of himself. PARALLELS! HOW THE TURNTABLES! wait I have that gif...

This is how the show deals with this sort of interpersonal drama... turnabout is fair play and all that. It was an eye for an eye, and they both knew they didn’t need to apologize, because they’d each experienced this painful walk in each other’s shoes, as it were. Neither of these incidents were “he was mean to me wah wah wah” that NEEDED an apology. Call it instant karma. Whatever. In the language of Dean and Cas, THEY understood and forgave each other, because neither had ever blamed the other in the first place.

But the show has expanded that language in very deliberate ways since then. Of course there are things they haven’t yet clarified for each other, but at this point, so close to the end, they’re standing right on the precipice. They’re at a point where ~actually having that conversation on screen~ will knock the whole wall down, you know?

Whatever is standing between them in early s15, I’m betting it’s something that will be clarified in 15.01. It’s probably built on the foundation of that conversation in 14.18, because that wasn’t just Dean telling Cas he was dead to him if Mary was dead... because Cas clearly isn’t dead to him. Dean didn’t even cold shoulder him for the rest of the season, you know? But the REAL foundation of any potential rift between them will be from Cas’s side, and the fear he described in that conversation:

Castiel: I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I... I believed that he was -- he was good. I -- I knew that he would be good for the world. And he was good for us. My faith in him, it -- it never wavered, and then I-I saw what he did. It wasn't malice. It wasn't evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. Dean: The snake?! Castiel: What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good. And I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn't want to lose that, so I thought I could... fix it on my own. Felt like it was my responsibility. So I left. And I didn't tell you. If I could go back and just -- just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can't, Dean. I failed you.

THIS IS WHAT CAS FEARS MOST. That as much as he talks the talk that he’s part of the Winchester family, he is terrified that he really isn’t. He’s not “useful,” he’s not really family. He doesn’t understand that yet, and seriously, at this point, all it would take is a five minute conversation with Dean to resolve that... so obviously the show is gonna avoid resolving that for a while to drag out the drama, because that is literally the core character issue Cas has been dealing with since 4.01. That’s his entire character arc, and they won’t let him find peace until they’re done, you know?

So... instead, they have given us these important reminders that even though these character interactions between Dean and Cas aren’t crucial to their overall character development, at least not like That Big Conversation would be, or in a “we should take up precious screen time showing them kicking back and watching movies and having casual human interaction” sorts of ways, that they are important enough to tell us about, repeatedly. It’s important for us to know that their relationship is so much deeper and broader than what we see onscreen, you know? Like, they’re actually friends offscreen, who hang out and talk and do fun stuff for fun. THAT is all we really need to understand about them. Because that’s what adds that huge weight of depth to their relationship, you know? And all they have to do to maintain that is to keep surprising us with these little casual mentions of Things We Don’t See. What I like to call “The Other 364 1/2 Days.” Because our window into their lives is only open 42 minutes a week, 20 weeks a year (now, we used to get 23 weeks a year). That’s 840 minutes a year. There’s over 525,000 minutes a year we DON’T see. And the fact they repeatedly tell us how Dean and Cas spend their free time together seems significant within that tiny sliver of their lives, you know?

So it’s not really a matter of “important vs not important,” but priorities within an incredibly limited constraint on storytelling time.

[ladyjmontilyet]

merbird replied to your post “In Anthem there’s a radio play called Crimson Lancer and I am 90% sure...”

would you recommend it for players that are not really into the multiplayer stuff? Is the story good?

I’m loving the story so far! Basically you’re trying to help uncover the secrets of the “Anthem of Creation” which was wielded by a superior species called the Shapers who don’t seem to be on the planet anymore. There’s a lot of interpersonal drama with all of the characters in Fort Tarsis (which is a solo only area). If you’re not used to first person in the Fort it might take some getting used to, but it really heightens the conversation camera (which was one of my biggest issues with Dragon Age: Inquisition).

Also, future conversations with NPCs in the Fort are shaped by your previous conversations with them. Which I find interesting because, in a game like this, I didn’t expect my small choices to still have an impact.

I’ve played over 10 hours so far, completely solo. I will probably try a Stronghold later which is impossible to do solo but otherwise I haven’t had to even look at another player. I’ve been playing on Normal difficulty by myself and it’s been manageable. If you’re not used to shooters (I play Overwatch regularly) then you can just switch to Easy and it shouldn’t be a problem.

What I also recommend, if you don’t know whether or not you want to buy it, is to buy a month of Origin Access Premier for €15/$15 which gives you unlimited access to the game for the month. (Just remember to set a reminder to cancel the subscription so you won’t be charged for more). I think there’s also a service like that on Xbox.

[mikie925]

Appreciating You

Just a cute little moment between Lapis and Peridot I came up with at 3AM last night and banged out in a single sitting this afternoon. So apologies if it ain't that great! I'm very happy with it, so I hope you will be too!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Steven Universe or any of its characters I use within this non-profit story. It belongs to Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network respectively. Please support the official release!

"So?"

Lapis had been nibbling on her fingernails for almost fifteen minutes by the time she couldn't handle the anticipation any longer and spoke up.

Sitting across from her in their shared living room space sat a young blonde, green eyed girl with hair a triangle of a mess that contrasted Lapis' more neatly dyed blue hair and skin so pale she practically glowed. In her lap rested a black laptop covered in a random assortment of stickers, its glow reflecting off of the glasses the young blonde wore. Within those reflective lenses Lapis could just barely make out the tiny digitally printed words the other occupant of the room was so intently focused on.

"Peridot, you're killing me," Lapis whined, feeling like she was going to explode when the blonde did not answer her previous inquiry.

Peridot, as the blonde has been revealed to be called, held up a single finger. "Hold on, almost done," she said, never once letting her eyes stray from the words on the laptop.

Lapis huffed, crossing her arms. Patience had never been one of her virtues, but she had no choice in this situation. She was asking for a favor, and it wouldn't be polite to demand hastiness in such a situation.

Didn't mean she had to smile about it, though.

As she waited, she examined Peridot's face. It was currently in a neutral expression, her green eyes flitting back and forth as she read. Her lips pursed just the tiniest bit as she concentrated on the screen in her lap, a cute little habit Lapis had long since noticed she had. They were both dressed in their nightly wear; Lapis in a white tank top and blue sweat pants, and Peridot in a green tee with the words I Believe printed across her chest in simple text and black shorts. They were seated across from each other in their small apartment's even smaller living room, Lapis on the loveseat couch and Peridot on the computer chair she had pulled over from the desk nestled in the corner behind her.

Lapis would have preferred Peridot join her on the loveseat as she could cuddle the girl while she read, but Peridot had insisted they keep a small distance between them so she could focus. Lapis had wanted to protest, but had been silenced when Peridot had begun reading, her anxiety kicking in.

What if Peridot didn't like it? What if it was garbage? What if she couldn't pull it off? What if-?

"Okay," Peridot hummed, straightening up in her chair as she disengaged from the laptop. She stretched her neck muscles, having been hunched slightly while reading, sighing when she felt a pleasant pop! on each side of her head. "I'm done."

As Peridot's words reached her she placed the nails of her right index and middle fingers back into her mouth as her anxiety spiked even further.

"Well?" she tentatively asked, not sure if she was ready for the answer.

"It's very good. Very well written," Peridot hesitated, her face scrunching as she fought to find the right words. "It's very descriptive, very in-depth, very detailed-"

"You hate it."

Peridot winced, as if Lapis had just swiped at her. "No! Not at all! Why would you think that?"

"Because you basically just said the same thing three times in a row just with different wording," Lapis pointed out. "And you're making that face."

"What face?"

"The face you make when you're trying to hide what you're actually thinking from me."

Peridot groaned. "I like it! I really do!"

"The face!"

Peridot pulled at her hair, producing a string of odd noises, very obviously fighting off one of her famous fits. Lapis knew her girlfriend too well for her to be able to hide anything from her.

"Lapis-" Peridot tried, but she wouldn't have any of it.

"Just tell me the truth," Lapis pleaded softly, pouting her lips in the way she knew Peridot couldn't resist for extra effect. "I want honest feedback. Please?"

Peridot gave a long sigh, knowing she had lost the battle the second Lapis puppy-dog eyed her. "Alright, alright," she relented. "You really want my honest opinion?"

Lapis nodded eagerly. She valued Peridot's opinion so much more than anyone else's, even if she wouldn't ever actually say that to the girl. Would just inflate her already ginormous ego.

"I wasn't lying when I said it was well written," she began, "I really do think it's expertly descriptive. You have strength in describing scenery and a character's appearance and how they're feeling."

"But?" Lapis prompted.

"But..." Peridot hesitated. She was always so supportive of Lapis, so understanding and patient with her. Lapis could only imagine the internal struggle she had with trying to give her constructive criticism and not coming off mean sounding. "Why Sci-Fi?"

Lapis gave a frown in response to this. "What do you mean? I thought science fiction was your favorite genre?"

"It is," Peridot acquiesced. "District 9 is my kryptonite. It's just it's not your favorite genre. To watch, to read, or to write in. So why are you steering away from your normal contemporary dramas for it?"

Lapis flushed slightly at the question. It was true science fiction had never really been her forte. When she had begun her writing career three years prior she had steadfastly stuck with interpersonal drama-type novels and stories with the occasional crime/thriller subplot. Her publisher ate it up like freshly cooked salmon, her fanbase clamored for it, and it was thanks to it that she was able to keep up with her half of the rent. So it was understandable for Peridot to be curious as to why, all of a sudden, Lapis was jumping ship.

"I don't know," Lapis shrugged, hoping it seemed nonchalant, unable to meet her girlfriend's eyes. She played with the ends of her bangs, noting how she should probably get her dye touched up soon.

"Now you're using your face," Peridot pointed out, a little too smugly for Lapis' liking.

Lapis playfully hissed at her, crossing her arms over her bosom. "I just wanted a change of pace, ya know? Try something new. Test my skills."

"Mhm," Peridot stared, not wholly convinced.

Lapis said nothing to this, continuing to play with her hair, hoping Peridot would drop the subject. But Peridot just kept staring, causing Lapis to sweat, relentless in this just as she was in everything in her life. Maybe if Lapis took her top off, Peridot would be too distracted to further question her motives.

"Wait," Peridot suddenly exclaimed before Lapis could reach down to the hem of her tank top. "Is the reason you're writing this because it's my favorite genre?"

Lapis froze, a deer caught in headlights, which gave Peridot all the answer she needed.

"Oh my stars, it is!"

"N-No!" Lapis defended, a little too late. "I'm just trying to stretch my creative muscles a bit! I swear!"

"Face!"

"Ugh!" Lapis groaned, running a hand through her hair in resignation. "Fine, yes! You caught me. I was trying to write something specifically for you, okay? Happy now?"

Peridot beamed in triumph, always one to enjoy her victories boastfully, but then immediately flushed after at the total realization of what had just been admitted.

"Lapis," Peridot said softly, leaning forward to catch her attention. "You don't have to do that. I love all of your writings; you don't have to cater to me ever."

The blue haired authoress sighed, letting her arms dangle at her sides and leaning back into the couch as she spoke, "I know, it's just..." she blushed, fighting to find the right words to say. This was so much easier on the computer, she thought. "I know what I usually write isn't your favorite style, but you read it anyway to support me. That means so much to me, ya know? I just wanted, for once, to have something that was specifically set for your tastes, to thank you for everything you do for me and my writing."

"Lapis..."

"I wanted to write something you'd personally be able to reread over and over again. I wanted to give that to you, to show just how much I appreciate you. Because I do, a lot."

Peridot stared at Lapis, taken aback by her sudden vulnerability. Lapis had never been able to easily express her feelings before, which was one of the main reasons she had taken to writing so quickly. It was a medium where one could openly express themselves without actually talking - where she could describe her feelings in a way that detached herself from them entirely but still got them out. It was a beautiful art, one that Lapis was blessed with having the power to perform.

So for Lapis to be sitting there, speaking from the heart in a way that didn't involve tapping furiously away at the keyboard, had Peridot stunned slightly.

Finally, Peridot found her voice after a solitary moment of silence, and used it to chuckle.

"You're too much sometimes, you know that?" Peridot chided, not unkindly.

Lapis caught on quickly to Peridot's meaning, and snorted, still blushing from her speech. "After all these years you're just realizing that now?" she quipped.

Peridot shook her head, closing the laptop and placing it on the seat of the chair as she stood, making her way over to the couch to settle down next to Lapis, the taller girl's arm instantly wrapping around her shoulders to pull her closer.

They sat like that for a moment, just enjoying one another's company on the couch. Lapis enjoyed this aspect of their relationship the most: the times they could just hold one another and be quiet, nothing needing to be said between them. They understood each other in a way no one else did, so attuned to each other's feelings they were easily able to call it out when one of them was lying or hiding something. It was a better relationship than Lapis could have ever hoped for as a teen. She knew she had found the one the day she met Peridot.

"You never have to thank me, just so you know," Peridot said into Lapis' shoulder, breaking the silence. "Even if it's not my favorite genre, I still love your novels. I enjoy getting to be the first to read them. That's all the thanks I need."

Lapis smiled, kissing the top of her girlfriend's blonde head. "You're such a sap," she teased.

"Hey, you appreciate this sap," Peridot shot back playfully, causing Lapis to snort out a laugh.

"That I do," she relented. "That I do."

Peridot once again gave her smug little smile, snuggling her face into Lapis' side to get more comfortable. Lapis would have greatly enjoyed closing her eyes and enjoying the moment longer, holding her beloved so close and so intimately, but there was one last question that burned in her mind.

"So, it was that bad, huh?"

The response was immediate, "Planet Arium? Seriously?"