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the-bounce-back · 4 years

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THE “WRITING CURE” - 3 TYPES OF JOURNALING TO IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Happy New Year, guys!

Yes, it is far too late to say that… but it’s my first post of 2021 and I’ve been procrastinating hella... so please kindly cry elsewhere if this is an issue. Thanks in advance!

I hope that everyone has had a fantastic start to the year despite the fact that we’re going to be held hostage in our own homes for at least another four months.

After giving myself time to throw a fit and and a little (massive and unnecessarily dramatic) strop after hearing the news about the new lockdown and calming down a bit, I started to contemplate how different it is this time around, for better or worse. Worse in the sense that it is a) the middle of f*cking winter so we can’t even enjoy being outside and have socially distanced pIcNiCs, and b) because it literally came out of nowhere so there was zero chance to mentally prepare for it. I literally woke up from a nap, checked socials and found out that we were suddenly on lockdown… Do you realise how mad that is?

Luckily, there are some silver linings with this lockdown that I brutally force myself to focus on so I don’t lose my sh*t. One thing is that most of us probably know by now how to keep some kind of structure to our days this time - because as much as binging trash tv, being horizontal for 75% of the day, eating, chatting shit on facetime for an obscene amount of hours, bunning and going to bed at 8 am was all fun and games the first time around, chances are that you realised pretty soon that your life was literally just wasting away and you have nothing to show for it… besides bedsores, losing all muscle definition and a migraine, that is. Yes, being lazy and unproductive is needed sometimes, but eventually you’re literally gagging for something to do - and this time around you probably have something creative or work-related to do that can keep your mind preoccupied.

Additionally, this lockdown comes hand in hand with the rollout of the vaccine, meaning that the end of this nonsense is coming closer and closer. Regardless of if you’re planning on taking it or not, it still means that the emotions that are a result of isolation and lack of social interaction won’t last forever - which, for me at least, is great news and makes things feel a lot less hopeless.

However, as much as focusing on the pOsItIvEs is imperative during times like these, it’s equally as important to acknowledge and feel your feelings. This whole situation f*cking sucks, let’s be real. We miss our families, we miss our friends, we miss going out, we miss going to the gym/having the option to go to the gym and making excuses not to. We miss our old lives, and the realisation that it is going to be what feels like eons until we can get back to that is bound to get people in their feelings from time to time… or all the time. I often find myself forcing myself to stay productive and creative, only to have the thought “What’s even the point?” attack me out of nowhere, and it really kills my vibe - because sometimes I can’t even think of a decent answer.

It’s dangerously easy to fall into a slump under these circumstances, regardless of how resilient and strong you feel that you are. Forcing yourself to find structure, purpose, inspiration and motivation during this time may be extremely important, but mate... it is exhausting. There’s only so much mental energy you can use to be ray of f*cking sunshine, and once that energy runs out, replenishing it is a huge task since you can’t even do the things you usually do to feel rejuvenated - because outside is locked off.

Ok, so I’m definitely projecting. But I know that a lot of people can relate to these occasional feelings of hopelessness.

This is where I’d usually remind you that these feelings are tEmPoRaRy and will pass, but I’m not going to do that because you’re probably sick of hearing it by now. Instead, I’m going to reintroduce you all to a coping method that you’ve all probably come across in your lives already - journaling.

As in, journaling with intent. I’m personally not very big on the whole “dEaR DiArY” thing where you just whine and b*tch and complain about people/yourself (but to each their own I guess), but I’m talking about writing about topics designed to aid your healing and to help you see the bigger picture of your mental health, and life in general.

I wrote a post a couple years ago about alternatives to therapy for those that aren’t keen on talking to a stranger about their problems (if you missed it, read it here), so I thought that this post could be an elaboration on that. Seeing as a lot of us may feel disconnected and isolated from our family and friends at this moment, getting into writing about your current mindstate, emotions and worries is definitely a healthy outlet that I would recommend to anyone that doesn’t want to bottle things up, but don’t feel like they have much choice.

“But Liv! I don’t have time to write endless pages about my feelings because I’m ~*extremely busy*~!”

I thought you might say that. First of all - extremely busy during a lockdown? Stop the lies please. Secondly, I’ve found that journaling is very much like going to the gym - once you’re into it and see the benefit of it you gladly set time aside to do it. However, if you view it as a gruelling chore that you’d less rather do than all the dishes currently in your sink, it’s very easy to come up with excuses to not do it. To be fair it isn’t for everyone, so if you try it and hate it it’s not the end of the world.

“Ok, you got me. I don’t want to do it because writing is LoNg”

I think what puts people off journaling has to do with the image that pops into their head. To this day I still imagine Elle Woods writing in a pink fluffy diary with a pink fluffy pen on her bed and kicking her feet in the air - which may be appealing to some (me), but cringe to other (uncultured) people. But journaling doesn’t have to be done on fancy stationary - you can literally do it in a word doc in bullet point form, or even record voice memos if writing is sOoOo LoNg. The idea is that you should find a method that works for you, doesn’t feel like a burden and that you can incorporate into your routine.

With that being said, I know a lot of people reading this will still think of excuses to not do it, so let me just focus on those that are open minded enough to try something new chile. I’ll be covering my three favourite journaling “methods”, that have helped me stay sane, motivated and in touch with myself. They are very much focused on emotional, spiritual and mental growth, and will encourage you to think outside of the box when it comes to your mindset and attitude towards challenges that may (will) arise.

What’s important to remember is that what works for me may not work for or resonate with you in the same way, so I definitely encourage further research into journaling/journal prompts that are tailored to your needs. Let’s get it!

1. Gratitude journals.

To say that a gratitude journal - as far as journaling goes, at least - is imperative for your mental health during times like these is definitely the understatement of the century. When you wake up and find yourself still being held hostage, that your body is still in an absolute shambles despite all the useless hOmE wOrKoUtS you’re doing AND on top of everything it’s f*cking snowing, learning to see things to be grateful for amidst all the stress and frustration might seem like a very difficult task. Especially when you feel like setting the whole building on fire.

However, trust me when I say that taking a few moments each day to appreciate the little things that are getting you through it all will make you realise that things could actually be a whole lot worse, giving you a slight boost in your mood and outlook - because imagine how you’d feel if the thing/person you’re grateful for wasn’t there to help you through what can be a really sh*tty time?

On top of just feeling better about this situation on a day-to-day basis, keeping a gratitude journal can also help you keep yourself grounded, present, self aware of what matters to you and just more mindful about life in general. When there’s not a whole lot of options of things to do, it can be very easy to fall into thought patterns of either wishing time would speed up so the future can come, or reminiscing on better and happier times in the past. I wouldn’t necessarily say that there is anything wrong with this from time to time, but it’s important to remember that life is still passing you by. On top of that, considering what made a kind of crap day bearable will help you realise that many of what we consider to be “bad days” are oftentimes a direct result of a negative attitude. Yes, I am projecting with this one.

With that being said, some days are genuinely just unfathomably horrible for seemingly no justifiable reason whatsoever - regardless of if you woke up feeling like a ray of sunshine or not. Again, even when bad moods aren’t a direct result of your stank attitude, practising gratitude can give you the motivation and kick in the arse you need to just ride the day out and remember that nothing that happens is permanent or unfixable.

Then, of course, there are the days when everything just feels like a burden - including thinking about positive things. Sometimes slumps just dropkick us in the throat out of nowhere, and it’s okay to take some time to allow yourself to be pissed off, sad and depressed. Obviously everyone has their own preferred method of riding out these slumps (my personal favourite is wallowing in it until I realise that I need to get a f*cking grip), but I definitely recommend trying to find something small you’re grateful for to remind yourself that it will pass, as this knowledge can make heavy emotions slightly lighter.

In terms of frequency, it really is down to the individual. I’m lazy in the sense that I don’t want to write every day, so at the end of each week I just write about three things that made things a whole lot easier and that prevented me from wilding the f*ck out. And in terms of what you put in the journal, the sky is literally the limit. It can literally be anything that has contributed to you keeping your sanity; last week it was katsu nuggets, the neosoul playlist I came across on Spotify and the fact that I was finally able to switch from a nose stud to a nose ring that made me feel grateful. So, in other words… don’t worry about it having to be profound or meaningful in any way.

2. Positive affirmations.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you don’t live under a rock and that you understand the meaning of the saying that words carry energy and power, and the concept of speaking things into existence. When I first read about how the words we speak to ourselves and others can transform our internal states on a deep and profound level… all I could think about was how f*cked I am, as I literally only communicate in sarcasm, and brutal drags and insults are my love languages. In my defence, my sarcasm is a coping mechanism that has completely gone off the rails - but that’s a post for another day. The point I’m trying to make is that words have extreme power, and can, when repeated often enough, alter your attitude, perception and feelings about yourself, your goals in life and your current situation - for better or for worse.

So... technically we shouldn’t even be engaging in any kind of self-deprecating humor - because our brain doesn’t actually know the difference between seriousness and sarcasm/bants. All it knows is taking words at face value. BIG yikes.

With that being said, affirmations are powerful and positive statements that aim to direct your conscious and subconscious mind, as well as challenge unhealthy, negative and self-deprecating thinking patterns you might currently be engaging in. They can also influence your subconscious mind to access new beliefs - hence why saying them out loud and with intent on a regular basis is considered crucial for them to actually work. By intent I basically mean speaking your affirmations with conviction, like they are already true - regardless of how far away from them being true you may feel that you are.

In terms of writing positive affirmations that genuinely work, there are many different formats and methods out there that can be adjusted to the individual. I personally utilise a 3 step method that has been working well-ish for me so far - it’s still early days, but it’s definitely a positive habit that I’m trying my best to continue. The 3 steps are as follows:

1, Listing your perceived negative features.

Notice how I say “perceived negative features” as opposed to just “negative features”. This is important because more often than not, the things we are insecure about or don’t like about ourselves are only truly noticeable to us.

These features can literally be anything negative that has stuck with you over the years, regardless of if it’s a product of your own conclusions/internal critic or criticism/negative feedback from an external source. Usually they focus on your perception of yourself as a person, how you cope with life or the current situation you are in (e.g. home-/work-life, relationships etc).

The purpose of writing down things you don’t like about yourself isn’t to make you feel like sh*t, I promise. It’s to help you identify recurring themes in your insecurities, and to help you understand where these perceptions even came from in the first place.

2. Rephrasing your perceived negative features as a positive affirmation.

In this step, the aim is to find positive antonyms to the negative features you have listed. It’s important that the words you choose carry weight and resonate with you on an emotional level, while also feeling believable and attainable to you. This, because if you’re anything like me you’ll feel like you’re just lying to yourself if the affirmation is too over the top… which kind of defeats the purpose.

For clarity, here are a few of my perceived negative features (in the past), what they allude to and the affirmations I wrote for them:

- I worry too much about what other people will think about what I do, what I say, choices I make etc (fear of not being accepted/being talked about negatively) —> “I am feeling more empowered and self-assured as I release the need to care about others’ opinions”

- I’m too naive and keep letting people that don’t have my best interest at heart take advantage of my kindness (fear of disappointing people, fear of abandonment) —> “I am a kind, empathetic, loving person, and I am not at fault for showing kindness to people that didn’t deserve it”

- I hate the way my body is built and I constantly feel unattractive (low self esteem/confidence, body dysmorphia) —> “my body is beautiful, built exactly as it was meant to be, does all it can to ensure that I am strong and healthy and is immune to both internal and external criticism”.

3. Repeating your affirmations regularly.

This is where the ~*magic*~ happens. Yes, I am aware that telling yourself that you are that b*tch while looking into your own eyes in the mirror sounds very cringe and very coming-of-age-Netflix-original-for-tweens like. I can’t lie, it was in the beginning and I felt absolutely ridiculous… especially because a lot of my affirmations didn’t reflect how I felt about myself at the time. But as you incorporate repeating your affirmations into your daily routine, you’ll eventually start to feel a shift in your mindset towards yourself. The words you speak begin to chip away at the self-doubt and self-hate that you’ve built up over the course of your life, and you feel like you actually are stating facts instead of just trying to convince yourself.

Besides forcing myself to speak my affirmations out loud on a daily basis - regardless of how I’m feeling - I also make an effort to review them every couple of weeks to make sure that they are still relevant to how I feel about myself. Ideally, over time you’ll realise that the affirmations you made in the past confirm what you have always known deep down - that you are more than enough exactly as you are.

3. Shadow work.

Ok, so this sounds very dramatic, scary and ominous - and can’t lie, it can be if you allow yourself to be afraid of facing certain parts of yourself. In very brief terms, shadow work refers to the uncovering, processing and healing of different aspects of our “shadow” - which is essentially all the thoughts, emotions and behaviours we suppress and hide away in order to be perceived as “normal” by others around us. This might not seem like a problem, but the issue here is that the concept of “normality” and what is considered to be “normal” is in itself deeply rooted in the individuals past experiences, and especially childhood. For example, a person that grew up in an environment where expressing emotions and vulnerability/sensitivity was seen as a weakness may have problems with expressing their emotions as adults - since they have been conditioned to believe that emotions are a weakness, and are meant to be hidden away in order to be accepted.

As you can probably imagine, going through life with these false truths ingrained in your mind have a tendency to eventually come to the surface in some way in the future. Constantly feeling like you are restraining certain parts of yourself - regardless of if you’re aware of this or not - can manifest as issues such as mental and physical illness, feelings of low self-worth/esteem, addictions and many others issues that affect our life quality severely. These repressed aspects of ourselves are referred to as our “shadow selves”, and if we don’t “bring light” to the shadow - i.e. face the qualities we have that we have held back for so long - it can truly hold us back from reaching our full potential in life.

With that being said, shadow work encourages you to force yourself out of denial about certain aspects of yourself, accepting it, and working on unpacking and bettering those aspects without judgment from your ego. I personally struggled a lot in the beginning of my shadow work jOuRnEy because it was infinitely easier to think of myself as a victim of others doings, rather than a combination of other people’s actions and how my ego and shadow self chose to react… if that makes any sense. I used to hate doing shadow work, because I felt so ashamed and angry at myself for allowing my ego to be distorted by lies and other peoples’ projections for so long.

However, when these feelings arise and you feel like quitting - because WHY should healing be so f*cking painful - it’s actually a sign that you are headed in the right direction. Messed up, I know. But over time, you’ll become so used to sitting with your negative feelings towards yourself that they don’t even really phase you anymore, and you can admit that your shadow self and ego has caused you to form unhealthy habits and thinking patterns that can be detrimental to your mental health. Over time, you’ll develop a great sense of self awareness and self compassion, as well as great psychological, emotional and interpersonal maturity.

Trust me. Being able to admit and accept that you are flawed without being harsh on or hating yourself is a BIG flex, and makes you unf*ckwittable. I actually dare someone to come and drag me for something I haven’t already dragged and forgiven myself for, because I haven’t had a good laugh in a while.

So, the bottom line with shadow work isn’t to bring light to your flaws to feel like shit about yourself (although you definitely will). The point is to bring said flaws to the surface, understand where they stem from, consider why and how it has affected you, and becoming aware of your triggers. Setting time aside a certain time each week to do this work and understand yourself on a deeper level gives you power over your ego, shadow self and triggers, because doing the work helps you see and understand that they don’t really have power over you unless you let them.

In terms of format, I really just do whatever feels right when it’s shadow work o’clock. If I’ve had a particularly sh*tty week and can assign the blame to one of my shadow aspects, I literally just freestyle and write whatever comes to mind (my journal has SUFFERED this lockdown, honey). If nothing comes to mind, I like to make use of journal prompts that are designed to get you thinking and reflecting. I literally just get them online because I’m lazy, but here are some good ones to get you started:

- How judged do you feel on a daily basis? How much of said judgement is real and how much is imagined?

- What does it feel like to have your emotions belittled and downplayed?

- What has fear held you back from? Do you blame yourself or others?

- In what ways are you inauthentic?

As you can see, these prompts do not f*ck about. They’re going to get you in your feelings, make you feel weak and vulnerable and cry like a little b*tch, if you’re anything like me - not that there’s anything wrong with that! But the best part is that once you’ve finished writing, sat with all your negative emotions, accepted them and decided you are ready to move forward and heal, your triggers become less and less powerful - until the day comes when they’ve dissolved completely.

So, there you have it - three tools to help maximise your inner connection to your mental, physical, spiritual and overall wellbeing. As previously mentioned, there are tonnes more different journaling methods that can trigger a positive change in your mental health, and I definitely recommend looking into this and trying them out… wHeN yOu HaVe ThE tImE.

On that note, I want to reiterate that journaling shouldn’t be feeling like a time-consuming burden that you have to put a gun to your head to do every time - because brutally forcing yourself to do it is just going to make you feel sh*tty when you don’t/can’t/won’t follow through. It’s all about finding a time during the day, week or month (whatever frequency is best for you) that you set aside to really get in touch with and sit with your feelings. At the end of the day, it truly is a commitment that you make to yourself - and only you can decide how seriously you want to take this commitment. I will say this though - being inconsistent, procrastinating, skipping or making excuses to not do it only leads to distrust of the self. And If you can’t show up for yourself, how can you expect others to show up for you?

Check me out, leaving you all with food for thought and sh*t (and like I haven’t been ignoring the deadlines I’ve been setting for myself for weeks. Hypocrisy is and always will be my favourite pastime!). It’s giving Eckhart Tolle and I love it. The bottom line is that journaling can be a very powerful tool in your healing process, and it’s up to you to make it work for you.

Until next time!

Love,

Liv

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browngurl-stuff · 4 years

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TBH

idek what I'm gonna write here..like literally. please ignore my language because I haven't put my feelings into words for a loong time...its suffocating in a way..because the reason why I'm not writing is obviously privacy issues..

okay, first things first., I haven't studied a single word in this whole year!!! and yes I mean literally..this has to be the most UNPRODUCTIVE YEAR of my life..! I have never been sooo slacked of since I can remember.. I used to at the very least dance my heart out but haven't really done that in like 3 years? lots changed in those 3 years!! in a way I cant or don't want to explain.

I learnt that having family comes before friends.. and to once in a while calm down and just go with the flow..its okay to loose some friends along the way.. at least I tried to own up to what I did wrong.. I TRIED.. but idk whether that was enough..BUT HEY, nothing ever turns out perfect in life, you make mistakes, you loose by those mistakes too.. if the friendship was meant to be.. it wouldn't have broken in the first place.

I have discovered the art of being lonely. and I DONOT mean it in a bad way at all. I have realized that being alone is alright. I mean for me, for now, its okay.. I don't mean that I have absolutely no friends or anyone, I have few beautiful souls that have helped me get through with this lockdown.. but still not being around with someone, even if its online, for 24/7 is okay. I have a life too uk..they have to understand that and if they cant its their problem not mine. I'm not being rude, but I have given up being the only considerate, loyal, matured one in the group.

lmao that few lines of that paragraph may have sounded like it came out of nowhere but ill just keep it there because it came out of my mind just like that.. I wanted to put those feelings to words so bad.. so ill just let it be there

I have understood that being social is a very important thing in our, no , in MY society.one HAS TO talk to everyone and be social with everyone. even if you’re not comfortable doing that. ‘why?’ you ask, ill tell you. because.. they f-ing think that you clearly have some attitude issue and that you think highly of yourself.. like hello..being antisocial is also a thing uk.. ugh.. I cant even. btw those who are completely extrovert and say that you are an introvert.. please stfu.. because clearly you don't know what introvert means..

making new friends is hard but maintaining friendship is harder. no offense but in my experience with friends, maintaining them is the hardest part.. because you can only know ones true colours only after few days,weeks or even months. after that in order to maintain it forever one needs to put ‘effort’. Okay I kind of understand that part..but is it really necessary to put that much effort to a point were you feel exhausted and messed up? I think more than effort what every relationship needs is trust and only trust.! with trust one can maintain any relation for ever..!!

talking about trust, trusting someone in todays day and age has become the most challenging thing. I don't know whether I'm the only one having these issues but now everyone is hiding behind their screens.. a friend shares a meme the other responds with an ROFL and a gif but in real life is that person really rolling on the floor laughing? obviously NOT. this is just one example to explain what I'm trying to say..one can say ‘I absolutely understand’ and not give a damn at the same time. but is there a solution for this issue? idek. but we can, by truly connecting with that person. instead of ‘wassup’ texts and ‘nm’ reply everyday ,lets try calling the person thrice, twice or even once in a week. I think that's how we can truly connect. that's how new bonds should be build. the connection should not be measured by how fast our network connection is but by how fast we open up with that one phone call.

after 8 boring and annoying paragraphs I have realized that this is turning out to be a throw back to 2020. but its okay.. ill keep it that way then.

I have learned so so many things this year and mostly life lessons.. which are really important btw. I clearly still don't know how this shit works but it must go on. ending things is like giving up and I don't think ill feel very well if I give up. I don't have any future plans but I do hope for a really productive year. I hope I can make my parents proud again. though I have to start working on it this very moment..but still I can dream and hope for the best no? its called optimism and over confident my friend.. and being over confident in yourself is not bad.. I mean you should trust yourself once in a while...though don't show your over confidence to others.. that is not a good idea.. trust me.. been there done that.

soooo yeah I guess I can wind up now.. um if you are still reading it..

HEY YOU! NEVER GIVE UP ON LIFE. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL AND ANNOYING WORLD THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN BUT THINK OF IT AS A GAME. YOU’D NEVER WANT TO GIVE UP SUCH AN ADVENTUREOS GAME RIGHT? I KNOW YOU WONT. LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT ITS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY, ITS OKAY TO BE ALONE, ITS OKAY TO BE OR FEEL A PARTICULAR WAY IT, ITS OKAY TO RELAX AND BREATH. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU HAVE YOUR FAMILY,FRIENDS, AND ME.

XOXO. <3

#life #tbh #tb #tb2020 #lifelessons

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anyu-blue · 6 years

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