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ellecdc · 2 months

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All's Fair in Love & Chaos (IV)

fourth installment ( I - II - III)

a short blurb style mini-series in collaboration with @unstablereader no real plot, just vibes and comedy.

Synopsis: soulmate au, everyone's soulmate's initials become visible on their wrist when the last person in the bond 'comes of age' (I've left the age ambiguous because their may be mature insinuations later on in the story). As luck would have it, and much to everyone's horror; it appeared that you, Barty Crouch Junior, and Sirius Black were soulmates

poly!DeathStar x fem!reader

“This is getting confusing.” Peter whined petulantly as the Marauders stepped into the Great Hall and surveyed the various tables. “We used to just wake up, go to the Great Hall, and sit at the Gryffindor table.”

“It’s good to broaden your horizons, wormy!” James offered with a hearty pat on Peter’s shoulder.

Luckily for them, it appeared that everyone’s respective soulmates were sitting at the Slytherin table this morning.

Unluckily for Sirius, it appeared that everyone’s respective soulmates were sitting at the Slytherin table this morning.

“Nothing but the best for my girl!” Marlene proclaimed as Dorcas rolled her eyes fondly.

“What? Did you buy her the best medication for your various sexually transmitted diseases?” Sirius taunted as he sat down beside you earning him a heavy kick in the shin courtesy of Marlene’s combat boots.

“Don’t be crass, Black.” Dorcas drawled. “She’s throwing me a birthday party.”

“A party?” James chimed in. “When? Where? Are we invited?”

Marlene playfully (though extremely aggressively) shoved James in the shoulder, which James had to massage when she was no longer looking as Dorcas answered him.

“Yes, yes. You’ve all been invited. Or, rather, your soulmates have been invited, and they were told to bring theirs, so.”

Peter harrumphed as he poked around in his porridge bowl.

“You’re invited too, Pete; don’t worry.” Marlene called over, earning her a smile that seemed to take a bit too much effort from the Gryffindor boy.

“Where’re you throwing it? Gryffindor?” Remus asked Marlene.

“No, we’re going to have it in the Room of Requirement! Really deck the place out.” Lily answered for her, pulling out a heft binder that was well and truly over-flowing with party planning paraphernalia.

“That’ll be fun, yeah? I can pick you up from your common room and we can go together?” Sirius asked you then, only to hear a derisive scoff emanate from your otherside.

“Fat chance, Black. I was here when the invites were shared, she’s going with me.”

You opened your mouth to interject when Barty pulled you into his side. “Isn’t that right, treasure?”

“I don’t know why I should have to lose out on my date just because Remus took so bloody long getting out of bed this morning.” Sirius argued over the top of your head.

“The early niffler gets the gold, Black. I don’t make the rules.”

Sirius let out an incredulous laugh at that. “You absolutely did make that rule! And every other rule in this sodding relationship! I have to walk around on eggshells sharing her with you.”

“And what do I do? Hm? This isn’t exactly a walk in the park for me to have to listen to your constant nagging and pestering when I’m simply trying to enjoy some quality time with my soulmate.” Barty sneered.

“She’s our soulmate.” Sirius corrected quickly.

“Yeah well I’d bloody like to fix that.” Barty muttered.

The entire table was stunned silent when you suddenly slammed both of your hands down onto the top of the table and stood abruptly.

“I’m tired of this.” You beseeched as you climbed over the bench and stared defiantly at both Sirius and Barty who were now looking up at you in shock. “I am sick and tired of the bickering and the surveillance and the trade offs and the schedules. I'm tired of it! I’m living my life on some timetable that revolves around you,” said as you pointed at Sirius before moving your finger to Barty, “and you. And at the end of the day, there’s no time left for me.”

You took a shuddering breath but soldiered on, grabbing each of the boys’ wrists (quite painfully, mind you) and flipping them over to expose their soulmate marks.

“Yes I am both of your soulmates and you are both mine, but you are also eachother’s.” You released their hands and took a step back; your formidable glare falling into something more pained and vulnerable as you began picking at the skin of your nails. “And until you two realise that, or until you can at least pretend to get along for my sake, I don’t want to hang out with either of you.”

Sirius felt like the air had been knocked right out of him as you bent down to retrieve your bag and began walking away.

“Sit down.” You hissed as you spun around, watching both Barty and Sirius slowly lower themselves back onto the bench.

You looked as though you were going to turn around and leave again, but your eyes caught onto one member of the group.

“Peter.” You called much more gently than you’d been speaking to Barty and Sirius. “Would you like to go to Dorcas’ party with me?”

“Yes!” Peter whispered excitedly, which was nearly drowned out by the protest that was going to come from Sirius before a hand smacked itself over his mouth.

You smiled softly at Peter before you turned and left the Great Hall with not so much as a single glance in Sirius’ (or Barty’s) direction.

James let out a slow whistle as Sirius shook the hand that was over his mouth, finding himself even more aghast to realise it had been Barty’s.

“Junior! Get your sodding hands off of me!”

“It wasn’t exactly pleasurable for me either, Black.” He spat back.

“You should have said something! Now she’s going to the party with Peter.”

“Yeah, yeah. We can kill him later.” Barty muttered indignantly.

“I don’t want to kill one of my best friends! I want to go to a bloody party with my girl!”

“Yeah well, your girl doesn’t want anything to do with you.” Marlene taunted with a smile on her face as she leaned into Dorcas’ side. “That was kinda hot, actually.”

“Bugger off, McKinnon.” Barty and Sirius spat in unison, only to glare severely at one another.

“Merlin’s tits; is this what you’re every time you’re around each other?” Lily asked incredulously, to which Sirius quickly said “no” at the same time Barty replied “pretty much, yeah”.

“She must be a saint, then; I would have dumped the two of you by now if I were her.” Regulus added in a bored tone, never looking up from his copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Yeah well, we’re all thanking our lucky stars not to be matched up with you, Reg.” Barty sneered, earning him a snort of laughter from Sirius before he realised what he’d been doing and immediately went back to scowling.

“Pettigrew!” Barty called as he leaned around Sirius. “100 galleons to not attend the party with Y/N.”

Peter looked equally fearful for his life and resigned to his death. “I don’t want to stand her up…”

Apparently, even Barty didn’t have the heart to have you - poor, shy you - attend a party solo. “Buggering fuck, fine.” He spat as he stood and grabbed his bag. “Pick me up in the Slytherin common room at eight pm sharp. And for the love of Merlin, bring me a sodding boutonniere!”

The group watched as Barty disappeared around the corner and the Great Hall returned to its normal volume.

“He does know this is a semi-casual event, right?” Marlene whispered to Dorcas. “Boutonniere's aren’t required nor encouraged.”

Dorcas simply snorted and returned her attention to her breakfast. “Marly, you come to learn to pick your battles when it comes to the likes of Barty Crouch Junior.”

But when Sirius turned his attention away from the door of the Great Hall, he saw her staring directly at him.

“Duly noted.” He muttered as he loaded up his plate in resignation.

Looks like I’m going on a date with Junior.

…

Never in a million years would Sirius have ever bet even a single knut that one would find him standing outside of the Slytherin common room dressed in his best trousers (that absolutely hugged his arse in all the best ways) and a simple button up shirt that he failed to button up all the way, leaving a sinful trail of skin along his chest.

Yet, here he was.

Standing outside of the Slytherin common room, dressed to impress awaiting his date…who was none other than bloody Barty Crouch Junior.

Sirius honest to gods thought about obliviating himself and just going back to his dorm for, say, maybe ever? But Barty chose that moment to step out through the door looking utterly delectable.

“See something you like, Black?” He taunted with a haughty grin, causing Sirius’ eyes to narrow challengingly.

“I don’t see Y/N around anywhere, so no.”

Both of them sighed as they considered each other.

“Well?” Barty asked then.

“Well what?”

Barty scoffed and rolled his eyes dramatically. “Circe’s tits, aren’t you going to tell me I look nice? You Black’s have horrid manners.”

“You’ve not told me I look nice!” Sirius retorted.

“I didn’t run to the nearest loo to pour bleach in my eyes; you’re so hard to please.”

“Merlin’s saggy balls- let’s go.” Sirius muttered as he turned on his heel to head all the way back up the stairs he just came down towards the Room of Requirement.

“Uhm, aren’t you forgetting something?” Barty asked as he grabbed Sirius’ wrist.

“What, you want to hold hands on our way up too?”

“My boutonniere you git.” Barty replied as he pointed to his chest.

Sirius gave a dramatic eye roll of his own as he pulled a small box from his pocket and returned it to its original size.

He carefully pulled out the selection of flowers and batted Barty’s hands away when they reached for them.

“What in the bloody hell are you doing?”

“You don’t pin your own corsage, Junior.” Sirius responded tiredly. “Purebloods raise gentlemen afterall.”

Barty fell quiet at that as he watched Sirius’ face as he pinned the flowers to his black button up.

“Green? ‘Cause I’m in Slytherin?” Barty asked derisively as Sirius admired his work.

Sirius’ eyes flit up to Barty’s before falling back to the corsage.

“Green because of your eyes, Junior.” Sirius admitted quietly before he turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. “Hurry along; I want Y/N to see us walk in together looking like perfect tens.”

And though Sirius couldn’t see it, he could certainly feel Barty’s gaze fall down to his perfect arse as he took two stairs at a time. “Speak for yourself, Black. I’m an eleven.”

The party was well underway by the time Sirius and Barty made it up to the Room of Requirement which was, indeed, well set up for the party.

Sirius knew it was likely more thanks to Lily than it was to Marlene, but he also knew Lily would likely let Marlene take all the credit for it.

“Where is she?” Barty asked, leaning into Sirius’ side so he could speak into his ear. Sirius fought back a shiver as he made for the familiar sight of the bar table. “No idea, but I’m gonna need a drink.”

They found you not long afterwards; Sirius’ heart nearly stuttering to a stop when he spotted you twirling around with Peter looking so carefree as you threw your head back in laughter and caused Peter to do the same.

And by the way Barty’s jaw fell slack, he was sure he felt much the same.

“She’s kind of perfect, isn’t she?” Sirius asked then, watching as you and Peter reorganised yourselves for a new song.

“Kind of perfect? You’re way off, Black.” Barty shot back, but when Sirius turned to give him an incredulous glare for being so damned contradictory all of the time, he was surprised to see a soft smile on his lips.

Ah, Sirius thought, humour - I know a thing or two about that.

“Should we show her what she’s missing tonight?” He asked Barty then, ridding himself of his cup and holding his hand out to his date for a dance.

“It’d be my pleasure.” Barty said with a smile as he accepted Sirius’ hand and followed him to the dancefloor.

“Is she looking at us?” Sirius asked as he fought every single urge to look at you.

“How could she not? We’re the hottest couple here.” Barty responded easily, surprising a bark of laughter from Sirius.

“Did you just call me attractive, Junior?”

“I may find you completely horrid and annoying but I’m not blind, Black.” Barty bit back, though Sirius could see a blush forming across his face.

“Don’t you two make a handsome couple.” Lily offered as she floated by, offering Sirius a wink as she headed for you.

“Keep your eyes off my date, you trollop!” Sirius teased with a smile, relishing in the pleasantly surprised look adorning your face when you spotted the two of them dancing together.

“She’s looking!” Sirius whispered at Barty then.

“Don’t blow it, Black.” Barty hissed back, pulling Sirius flush against him.

Sirius rolled his eyes (albeit fondly) and opted to rest his head against Barty’s shoulder.

“Does this mean the two of you are, like, together now?” James blurted then, surprising Sirius and causing him to straighten up and break away from Barty as if he’d been caught doing something naughty.

“What!? Of course not.” Barty snapped quickly.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sirius added.

James’ eyes flit between the two of them as his brows inched closer together. “Really? ‘Cause it sort of look-”

“Well, you should probably get your glasses checked, Potter, because what it looked like was two blokes who share a soulmate working hard to ensure their soulmate doesn’t up and leave them.”

“Right!” Sirius agreed quickly.

“Listen; do I think Black always looks like an off-duty model? Sure.”

“And do I think Junior is by far the hottest bloke here? Sure.”

“Exactly! I could do much worse than Black, here.”

“And do we make one hell of an attractive couple? Yes.” Sirius paused when his yes was chorused by Barty. “But that’s all it is.”

“That’s all it is.” Barty agreed with a shrug of his shoulders.

James considered the two of them a moment longer before letting out an inelegant snort. “Sure; whatever you say.”

“He doesn’t get it.” Sirius said simply then, turning back to Barty to continue their dance.

“You’ve got dumb friends; can’t even understand two attractive people not being completely revolted by one another.”

And Sirius couldn’t help but agree; James really was dumb if he couldn’t see that Barty was, indeed, the hottest bloke at this party (Sirius excluded, of course).

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