#is this a shitpost?

[disorganised-thoughtss]

Imagining Serizawa in the office with the most serious face but he’s just doing tricks on one of those mini finger skateboard things

[zichiwatchesyou]

Why does he look so zesty when he do this type of poses 😭

[starcurtain]

The Kinda Unhinged Ratiorine Fic I Want to Read

In an (admittedly very contrived) AU situation, Dr. Ratio finds out he's about to be cut out of his (mostly estranged) family's inheritance forever because of his complete lack of interest in continuing the family line. Which, all factors considered, does make perfectly logical sense. Investment of capital should go to the branch of the lineage most likely to benefit from it, and Cousin Tiberius has five sons and daughters already. Let the house and the trust fund go to them.

But the library.

There's absolutely no way Veritas could bear to be permanently parted from the staggering assemblage of paper volumes under his collected family's auspices. Not only would being separated from tomes so full of memories be heart-wrenching, but think of the devastating blow to his research! There are records in those archives that no other mortal eyes have ever gazed upon!

So there's only one solution for it: He needs to pass on his family name, immediately.

(Andddd the rest is under a read more because what is brevity?)

Problem 1: Veritas Ratio is very gay.

Problem 2: Statistically, single men have the lowest chance of being selected for adoption placement, and this Child Welfare Agent is looking at his alabaster head very, very strangely.

Think, Ratio, think. What is the most efficient way to solve such a tedious quandary?

The obvious first step is to increase his likelihood of being selected by the adoption agency, and the quickest way to do that is... Eureka! How elegant a design! He just needs to enter into a (temporary) committed and stable partnership to demonstrate a degree of domestic dedication and home-building prowess!

Problem 3: ...Where in the universe is he going to find a stable and committed man willing to marry him?

Ratio does not exactly possess the world's most endearing personality. He might... never have had any form of romantic relationship lasting past a one-night stand even, because it turns out most people don't like being scored a 2/10 on their technique during intercourse.

So he's probably not going to find a stable and committed man.

But... He might at least find someone willing--for the right price.

Enter Aventurine (stage left). He's as expensive as they come, the greatest reward saved for the highest bidder, but despite his festering ambitions, he's still trapped as nothing more than a high-class escort, owned by a company the IPC has on the books as selling everything but what they actually trade in: Avgin slaves.

Sigonians... The reputation--and sleazy men's curiosity--precedes him, and though he only has to get on his knees for the truly bold nowadays, he hasn't yet been able to make the ultimate gamble, pull the last string needed to finally gain his freedom: the freedom to live his life as he pleases--and to enact every ounce of vengeance he's been storing for decades like cards up his sleeves.

Until now.

Until an absolute madman shows up at the underground headquarters waving around an offer that no average person would possibly make: He wants to buy Aventurine and wed him.

(Because marrying a Sigonian thrall is a safe and sane thing that safe and sane people do.)

The offer is far too good to be trusted: A real marriage certificate but a perfectly fake marriage, a no-fault divorce once an adoption is finalized, and a guaranteed sponsor for his citizenship documents. A year or two of fake homemaking, this Veritas Ratio claims, and then Aventurine can walk away a completely free man, no strings--no chains--attached.

Well, Aventurine of the Myriad Stratagems has always held one skill dearer to his heart than any other: a crystal clear knowledge of when to fold--and when to go all in.

(...Problem 4: Amber Lord help him, Aventurine's new husband is the most irritating man in the entire universe.)

Alas, if only that was their biggest problem. Somewhere between learning to navigate the citizenship process, the adoption process, a truly unacceptable level of systemic racism, and also, increasingly, each other, Ratio and Aventurine discover that the circumstances of their lives might be far more entangled than they ever could have imagined from the beginning, and the same shadowy parties that profited off Aventurine's existence might have a vested interest in parting Ratio from valuable research secrets--permanently.

While struggling to maintain a charming and loving facade and struggling not to kill each other behind the scenes, Aventurine and Ratio also end up having to out-roll and out-plan a particularly dangerous enemy; something they can really only do together.

Or, tl;dr: Dr. Ratio chooses the most efficient but most unhinged method of finding a husband that intelligence could possibly contrive, only to determine that marrying a guy whose track record for unexplained deaths matches his track record for card counting really is the encyclopedic opposite of "committed and stable." Ridiculously enough, the trouble they get into is almost entirely Ratio's fault, the only one who is remotely convincing in front of the Child Welfare Agency is Aventurine, and sometimes it turns out the guy you married for the library ends up being the guy you married for life.

[cawarart]

This stupid idea came out of a conversation with @bluegekk0 , I think on my main? And would not leave my mind.

[littlebitoflexii]

Feelin a special kind of way today 🖤 maybe it’s the sun.

[bazookaboi]

No context.

[party-lemon]

because you follow parks and rec, girl what, that is just an entirely naked woman. do the pornbots even know what parks and rec is? fake fans

[sassykinzonline]

situation: obito was crushed under a rock and slowly started going crazy

context: "rock" is a common slang for crack cocaine

discussion: the series of events where obito alienates himself from his loved ones by hurting and otherwise abandoning them while carrying the intention of escaping his reality fits within the understood course of a drug addiction

conclusion: the story we're told of what happened to obito is a euphemism for him struggling with drug addiction

[maglorslostsilmaril]

wait did maglor actually commit the most war crimes out of the feanorians

first kinslaying: all eight

burning of the ships: everyone but maedhros (and amrod?)

attempted kidnapping and assault: celegorm and curufin*

second kinslaying: sons of feanor (minus amrod?)

third kinslaying: maedhros maglor amrod(?) amras

kidnapping: maedhros maglor

silmaril stealing: maedhros maglor

that brings the grand tally, from least to greatest, to:

burnt amrod, with 1 war crime

feanor with 2 war crimes

caranthir with three war crimes

celegorm*, curufin*, unburnt amrod, and amras with four war crimes

maedhros with five war crimes

maglor with six war crimes!

so uhhhh yeah. stop excusing maglor’s actions because he was described as kind or gentle. he wasn’t described as regretful until his entire family was dead and he had nothing to live for; if anything maedhros should be the regretful one. maglor is a great character because he’s kind and gentle and also a mass murderer. (also uhhh there’s a whole lot to be said about the fanon characterization of maglor given that he has stereotypically “feminine” traits but we can get into that another time)

*obviously the luthien fiasco is being counted here, if not then celegorm and curufin would sit with caranthir at a humble three war crimes

[sk1fanfiction]

sick of this Chad Tom Riddle propaganda. No he did not have a square jawline and hunter eyes. How do you think he got away with opening the Chamber of Secrets? He blinked his big stupid brown eyes obviously (source: have done this myself).

[disorganised-thoughtss]

Would you still love me if I was a rubix cube?

[ruakichan]

he waited a thousand years so let him have this ok

[dreamsy990]

more ghost roxas au doodles,,,,,

unbroken version

[skridz]

Lizarf

[artbribery]

what you can't read under the foot is definitely meant to be

"Superman's Greason's"

go read @faeriekit 's Blister Pack.

Connor getting a family in the eldritch dimension by being a lil eldritch himself.

Everyone(not u clark) giving him love and care he deserves.

DRAMA, THE FLUFF, the a n g s t, the notes,

I am enjoying the story very much 🦀🦀🦀

(I wasn't thinking about it but Now I can only wonder if this chill Old Dad King Danny still hates Christmas)

[imsiriuslyreading]

do you reckon reading wolfstar and jeggy is affecting how we see relationships (i say we i mean me like me myself and i and i already know the answer is yes) because there’s not a single chance this side of hell that i’ll accept anything other than a remus lupin who is utterly feral over me or a james potter who cries at the thought of how pretty i am etc but also men aren’t my type so there’s that and i-