#it CANNOT get to my lungs
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day 3 of covid and i'm pretty fucking over it
#very strongly considering seeing if i can get paxlovid#the thing is that if i felt this way pre-pandemic i'd be miserable but not worried#and if it stayed exactly as it is i'd be miserable but i'd get through it#my worry is that i still have quite a few days to go (from what i've heard) and it's already given me some ups and downs#should use every tool in the toolbox#it CANNOT get to my lungs#(it's strictly upper respiratory now)#my posts#covid19#sick blogging
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in honor of the wicked trailer, I'm dropping this here in case anyone's never seen it before. cynthia erivo, queen
#cynthia erivo#is there a professionally shot version of her singing this at an event?#sure#but this phone video of an actual performance canNOT be beat#the sonnets I would write about her diaphragm#the epics I would write about her breath control!#truly one of the greatest musical performers alive#this isn't my favorite show in the world#but when I saw her live in it#I legit like........sOBBED during this#sOBBED SOBBED#I'm crying just watching the video now#but I was truly inconsolable#and not just because it's a gorgeous song with a meaningful message!#but because being in the presence of someone with a steel spine iron lungs and golden vocal chords#and watching them absolutely strip the paint off the theater around you#is honestly the closest I get to a religious experience#I have a lot to say about modern broadway and the vocal gymnastics that are going too far#bc people want to be able to do this shit but like - this is not vocal gymnastics#this is a craftsman being incredibly technically skilled at their craft#and an artist who understands the medium of musical theater#it's not.......pop runs you know?#other live vocal performances that made me bleed from the eyes (positive)#sutton foster singing gimme gimme at like...21?#heather headley in aida#every single fucking performer in octet#keisha setttle (?) in waitress singing I didn't plan it#and its a different flavor#but jonathan groff in everything I've seen him in#the purity of tone!!!!!!!
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Took albuterol again and at least got my lungs back in the 90s lol. Can you imagine if I went to work
#For once it is not POTS! My heart is normal! I just can't breathe lol#Like girl. I cannot get Air in my Lungs or Blood#Nurse was freaking out that I was conscious with 83% O2 sat yesterday#I can stay conscious with oxygen levels you wouldn't believe
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me, writing: why is breathing always the first thing that’s affected, why can’t steve breathe, why does eddie feel like he’s taking a deep breath for the first time in forever, why does it feel like their lungs come alive or fall apart, why does her breath get lodged in her throat, wh—
me, experiencing a single emotion: ah. that’s why
#i cannot breathe when i’m depressed why are my lungs literally sentient beings out to Get My Ass#anyway uh. i’m aware it’s fucking repetitive (everything about my words) but boy write what you know and what i know is that#I Can’t Breathe Around My Emotions#they happen in my lungs or something
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FROM THE START self-love and acceptance has been one of the major themes of the series and if ANYONE could benefit from that tigress is RIGHT THERE
#will we ever get closure over her and shifu. will we ever get to see her confront her fear of BEING feared#WILL WE EVER GET TO SEE HER LOVE HERSELF OR CONFRONT HER ABANDONMENT ISSUES#like. she's not just hardcore and untouchable. she loves just as much as everyone else and wants to BE loved#i will die so mad that they left her so unexplored#WHAT IS THE POINT OF SETTING HER UP AS TAI LUNG'S ANTITHESIS#AND AS THE YIN TO PO'S YANG IF ITS NEVER EXAMINED#like. it's SHOWN. we see how their development has affected the other but it's never focused on for more than a scene#they make me curl up all dead and janky like a spider they make me so sick and ill#and from a writer's perspective THAT'S INTENTIONAL. SO WHY AREN'T WE MAKING IT HAPPENING#kfp#im just disappointed and miss her soooo much#i knew it'd be a long shot to hope for a tigress-centered movie considering we got a short (which I love w all my heart)#but like. i feel like that will-smith-displaying-wife meme#you set up all that gorgeous heartache and we're NOT gonna go into it??#tigress#ok but if you are in need of smth like that i cannot recommend KFP: One Thousand Years of Peace enough#its on ao3 it's a tigress self-love story it focuses so wonderfully on each of the five and it's tipo and it's POETIC CINEMA
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// I ain't even gon' lie to y'all, I have 0 motivation for 100% of my current drafts. The writing bug is on vacation for the holiday season, apparently.
So, rather than forcing it... I'ma just send inbox things like I normally do. <3 That counts as productivity in my eyes, lmfao.
#[ i know I shouldn't apologize. those who understand and want to wait will wait.#and those who do not will see themselves out. it's just more-so annoying.#like. i'm at home. i've had a great couple of days off from work.#literally no guests to piss me off. but i just cannot drum up the motivation to write. >:w#edit: i know why. because my husband is screaming at the top of his lungs at his game in the next room over. OTL#now watch. as soon as i go back to work on monday... i'll suddenly wanna get to ALL my drafts lmfao#anyways. i said all that just to say this: if you see me in your inbox randomly... you know why. >_> thank you for your patience#as always. <3 ]#ooc ; out of character
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SAME ENERGY
Yes please....
#good omens#stripes#david tennant#harold ramis#crowley#russell ziskey#please sir i'd like some more#i cannot get over aziraphale's face#if you can knock the air out of my lungs you get bonus points#it took me half my life to embrace this side of myself and i'm not wasting another second
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I need to organize my laundry room but I cannot bREATHE
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u know when ur hospital appointments just start piling in all at once after hearing nothing for a good month? mmm
#「 ☆ » ooc. 〉#/ imagine having to take a 4+ hour train just to get ur lungs looked at#/ and then the other referral which i'm opting to be optimistic about but i'm Terrified#/ idk . my brain is frazzled enough and it's making writing hard and i cannot Focus#/ fuck it we ball#tw hospital mention
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who 2 draw . worst art dilemma of all time ,
#every singke time i open a canvas#w/o fail i draw ww and evey single time he ssmoking and i feel so bad for whagever i put his lungs thru#but then i rmbr blr!wolfwoods ashtray and im like irs ok thats just how he is#hes litwlly so lucky 2 have those vials . 😭#idek if i want to draw trigun rn . like i do but also wht else is there 2 draw rn#like so much avtually . i want to draw elendira and ww together but also legato and vash but also knives ans maybe razlo & livio too#and then so#like of course when and also#yknow#and hren im also like hmm.maybe i want to go back 2 spiderverse for a bit since i only drew jess and miguel once#but thwn im also like ok well what if jjkay season 2 . but i also havent watched it and idr much of my read thru#unmm . literally umm rn#UKMMJ!??!???#i need some fkcing ocs . GET SOME OCSS‼️‼️#tbh i have been wanting 2 make my trigun oc idr if i talked abt him#biologist . LIKE MEEE .. gung ho sexy but literally dgaf about knives hes like i just want 2 study plants & their metabolism ok#like secure them save them free them i support u i just want 2 help these guys on a scientific level#ugh . sexy awesome and like cool and also sexy and also awesome#no but i dont like .’i cannot design people u have to hear me out im so ass @ chara design#ummm. UMMHHHU. i should wtch trigun 98 instead maybe#or maybe i shld finish that meryl sheet i abandoned T__T#or frwking maybe j should draw vash in his og leather undersuit . GOIDDDDD hes so everyuthing . my miau .. ❤️#<will fall asleep having done none of the above
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guys gguys guygsuy s ugys u im so normal about the wanderer's character i promise you i promise oh my god no don't worry abt the frothing that's just normal for me. im so average and ho-hum about this kind of thingknfjskas
#genshin#genshin impact#scaramouche#wanderer#it's the way.#that he cried???#he's such an crybaby i love him!#also his voicelines are so funny im actually reeling#he's such an shit im going to squeeze all the oxygen out of his lungs#and he's just;;;so ;;;sad oh my god#and the scene???? where he comes in front of his old self??#chills.#still cannot get over this#WILL NEVER GET OVER IT#does anyone HEAR ME#i am screaming into the void
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hey lungs could you just let me breathe today
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on my knees begging for the ground to freeze over so allergy season can finally fucking end
#pls. my lungs are dying.#my asthma symptoms are never this bad in the winter. i've needed my rescue inhaler every day for all of december#and even then i'm STILL getting symptoms all day :(#i know i should clean the whole house but that ALSO makes symptoms worse#truly cannot win#sorry for venting but there's nothing that makes me complain more than a constant asthma flare-up#my asthma isn't like. dangerous. but it's just constantly distracting and painful and makes me so tired#personal#vent
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one day i’ll write an articulate post about why the gavin brothers are the most emotionally repressed people in ace attorney and maybe ever but in two entirely separate ways but as of right now whenever i think about that very concept i feel like screaming into a bottomless well so that idea is on hold
#saturn.txt#but you guys know the post right#the one about how the most emotionally repressed person is the one who#acts extremely friendly and shows surface level acceptable emotions#but never the true emotions underneath#you know that post right. you know klavier gavin right#klavier gavin who i can only imagine has perfected his emotions to a t#here is what he can get mad at here is what he can't#he can't cry unless it's picture perfect and he's always amicable for the right people#you know how kristoph gavin has the black locks right#how even at the end he won't talk about why he did what he did#THIS is why ic an't write either of these characters in a satisfying way#because they're so fucking complicated when it comes to emotions and and and#screaming at the top of my lungs only one of them will likely have the chance to open up again#but will he do it? would he do it?#how does klavier gavin even begin to untangle his emotions#did hiding them away from the world make them manifest in major outbursts?#does he just dissociate instead? what has happened what happened#rattling him back and forth#i love the other characters in AA but you cannot tell me that anyone is more repressed than the shit these two have going on
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literally every time i have a flare this bad i end up desperately googling terms like "stop widespread inflammation" "tips to stop widespread inflammation" "treat chronic inflammation" "manage chronic inflammation" and i always get recommended the exact same articles all telling me to do the same generic things i am already doing (eat certain foods, take certain supplements, use NSAIDs, don't smoke, exercise regularly, make a doctors appointment if that doesnt help, etc) and i'm like. well. thank you for confirming that i haven't done this to myself through stupid life choices. i love to be validated about how god himself hates me. but could you please for the love of GOD just GIVE ME A MIRACLE CURE,
#it would be one thing if it was just joint pain but it's EVERYWHERE#it's in my LUNGS. it's in my CHEST. i cannot BREATHE. it's in EVERY PART OF MY INTESTINES. it's in my GODDAMN NERVOUS SYSTEM#god i HATE that i'm at a point where i catch myself getting angry and resentful toward spoonies who 'just' have chronic joint/muscle pain#for obvious reasons of suffering is not a competition but also because CAN YOU STOP AFFECTING MY INTERNAL ORGANS. FOR FIVE MINUTES#ooooooooh my god i am having such an Experience right now#if it's in my head again i'mm potentially in trouble and it FEELS like it is but i don't have a migraine yet so i'm like#just don't. just don't. just don't#just be chill. just be cool. stay the fuck away from me#just don't do this. just leave me alone. PLEASE just leave me alone#autoimmune tag#negative
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I really feel like people don't take my sensory limitations and sensitivities seriously.
I'm not just being picky, actually! Strong scents cause my respiratory system to flare up!
I actually CAN'T tune out stimuli. Its just A Thing. I've never been able to do it in my whole life because my brain Just Isn't Wired Like That
So when I say "Can you not smoke here?" or "Please only get unscented trash bags" or "I really need you to be using headphones, please" I am expressing a Very Real Need and if you're just going to ignore that I have to resign myself to the fact that I just can't trust you.
#it just... fuckin happens a lot#hey Autistic Bitches website y'all get me right?#but like#essential oils of basically every variety make me wheezy like I'm being forced to breathe cotton balls#menthol is TOO STRONG it makes my nose run and my lungs itch#cigarette smoke even in very small doses makes my lungs flare up#that's before even getting to the stuff that makes me just 'a pussy'#get accused of being lazy or a wuss or whatever when I say “No its below 0°F I physically cannot haul cargo outside or shovel or w/e”#and like I can handle people thinking I'm a huge pussy that's fine everyone has always thought that about me#but frankly nobody takes me seriously and then they get all butthurt about me taking the necessary steps to protect myself#sorry I got born with a Catastrophically Defective Body#believe me if it could help I'd peel this motherfucker apart with my bare hands#Catch me with robotic parts just ripping shit out without disconnecting a damn thing#so I can spot solder things back together or shave a gear or whatever#I'd do it with the meat suit too but it doesn't work like that
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