#it feels like you’re in a comedy with the weirdness that transpires

[goddamnwebcomics]

Gashire

It’s a fantasy adventure webcomic by Tim Moore (AKA Trash_Moore).

It focuses on two childhood friends/lovers Sawyer and Marty constantly getting thrown into various misadventures, mainly due to Sawyer’s shenanigans. It all comes to a head when the two wind up falling down a deep cavern where they find a mysterious tree called the “Gorwood Tree” and a grumpy old bird woman named Kaw nestled underneath. Thanks to this, and the following events transpiring, it ends up kickstarting a long road trip for the two friends, guided by Kaw, to find a cure to help stop Marty from ending up turning into that same tree as well.

The comic has a weird art style that’s both uncanny and cute, like it has a disturbingly illustrated children’s book vibe and look to it. The story often feels really melodramatic and a bit repetitive (mainly with the two mains crying, arguing and getting into more dangerous situations that it eventually gets a little exhausting), but has slivers of comedy and light moments sprinkled in sparingly. Scenes can also get pretty intense and graphic, so be wary.

There’s like three webcomics called Gashire. I presume this is one you’re talking about and, jeez, I don’t see the “cute” side myself. It’s well-drawn and detailed but character designs are so simplistic it loops into being downright unappealing to look at. This whole thing sounds like the creator was inspired by Made In Abyss and I am expecting some vicious torture porn. Putting a HARD maybe on this.

[celest1all]

Hey, could I request a oneshot thats angsty (is that a word?) for Spencer Reid? Like maybe #3 I’m the angst and maybe the reader finds out that he’s been having an affair with JJ?

of course lovely!!! (apologies for this being so so late🙄)

prompt -> "What do you want me to do?" "Not lie to me?"

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

warnings: angst.

Yours and Spencer's shared apartment used to be a place of solace, somewhere you could go and almost all of your worries would leave your body. It used to be where you would go when you wanted to feel instantly happier. It used to be home.

You were currently sat on the couch in the apartment, staring blankly at the television that was showing some shitty reruns on a comedy you had seen thousand times before. There was noise rooming from TV, but you couldn't decipher what it was saying. Your mind was too busy screaming at you.

You were unsure how long you had been sat in that position, suffocating under the weight of Spencer's old Caltech t-shirt with a fluffy blanket wrapped tightly around you in an effort to protect yourself. It wasn't working. Nothing was. Not now.

"[Y/N]?" The sound of none other than you boyfriend's voice rang through the almost silent apartment. You didn't hear him come in, you didn't even hear him unlock the damn door.

When Spencer walked in and noticed that all the lights were off, the only exception being the blue light from the television, he knew something was wrong. Then the sight of you sat staring at the screen further proved something had happened.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Why are you sat in the dark?" So many questions, so many questions that you couldn't bring yourself to answer. You couldn't even bring yourself to speak. "[Y/N]."

You blinked slowly before turning and faced him, eyes void of any comfort. "How was JJ's?" Your voice lacked any ounce of warmth or happiness, a stark contrast to what it normally was.

"What?" He asks, causing you you to rolls your eyes.

"I said, how was JJ's?" You reiterate slowly, bordering on patronising.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, "I never went to JJ's."

You let out a humourless laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. You turn your head and face the now turned off TV, "You're unbelievable."

Spender put his satchel down on the floor by the door and throw the keys that were in his hand onto the kitchen table in annoyance. He went to go sit next to you but stopped when he heard you, "Don't."

He was so confused. He had no idea why you were being like this. "Okay, what is going on with you?"

You snap your head toward him so fast that he thought that you must have given yourself whiplash at the speed. "No. You don't get to do that."

"Do what? Ask you what's going on? What do you want me to do then?" He says harshly, slight venom making it's way into his tone.

"Not lie to me?" You spit out, staring daggers into his form.

"Lie to you about what?" He speaks louder than before, "I have no idea what you're going on about, [Y/N]."

You shake your head at him, a sneer making it's way upon your lips. "Let's start with how you're fucking JJ every other weekend. That seems like a good place to begin, don't you think?"

Spencer's eyes widen in surprise, his heart falling into his stomach. "That's not true..." Spencer winces slightly, so slight that it was barely noticable, but you seemed to notice.

You laugh, a proper laugh which seemed weird to Spencer since it didn't particularly match what was currently transpiring. "Even you could tell how much of a bullshit lie that was!"

Spencer let's out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to do but apologise. There was nothing else he could do. He had from your trust, your relationship, and thrown it away like it meant less than nothing to him.

"So am I..." You say quietly, pain evident. Never in a million years would you have thought that Spencer would cheat on you, especially with JJ. And it fucking hurt. Hurt more than you could ever imagine. It was like ten thousand teeny tiny needles were poking at your heart trying to make it explode.

Spencer bit his lip, "Where does this leave us?"

You fiddle with your hands, wrapping the blanket around you even more. "I have no idea."

It was true, you didn't know. One hand you wanted to carry on and act like it never happened, but on the other you knew you wouldn't be able to trust him again.

"I have no idea."

[belpheroo]

Title: A “maybe” Pairing: Belphegor x MC Summary: Belphie is guilt-ridden, but also horny. Funny how often those two things coincide when you catch feels for the girl you killed. Rating: this one is G despite that summary LOL Notes: This story kinda functions under the assumption that while Belphie was imprisoned the MC developed feels and those feels have continued on while Belphie’s are shiny and new. I may do a part 2!

There were things that Belphegor, given his passed actions, was willing to accept. The silence that overcame a room the moment he entered and even the suspicious, hostile stares of his brothers was something he knew he deserved to endure and he did so without complaint.

Anger, resentment, judgment… he had felt the burn of those emotions himself, burrowing within his body as surely as the arrows that had burrowed into Lilith’s. Each ache, each flare of pain had been as dear to him as every one of her embraces. He had nurtured his hatred like a precious flower until it unfurled in his chest with petals as black as old blood. He empathized with that. He understood that.

What he did not understand, was how she immediately cheerfully welcomed him to the breakfast table, set him a plate and asked him how he had slept.

At first, Belphie figured it was a game, a show of indifference or forgiveness of his crime in order to quell the awkward tension in the room. And yet… there was nothing indifferent in her acceptance of his request to spend time with her, or how she did not even flinch in his presence.

What time he did spend with her was usually between walls of plaster and paint, connected by the screen of their D.D.D.’s alone. Anything else was chaperoned by another brother, sometimes two or three. Belphie found quickly that all his attempts to be alone with her in person were thwarted spectacularly by Mammon or Beel often enough that he knew it was by design.

Still, Belphegor did not complain. Of all the dangers she had faced in Devildom, of all the threats… he had proved himself the worst.

Thinking of such things made his hands throb, the memory of her soft yielding skin beneath them and the rapid pulse of her throat until it had slowly… softly…. stopped.

He’d tear the skin from his palms if he knew it would make the phantom sensation of her life being squeezed out by his hands go away. Instead he’d clench his fists, holding until the joints of his fingers screamed for release and his nails bit into his palms, leaving red half-moons indented in his skin.

It would have been easier if she hated him. Feared him. He could quantify those things, he could accept them.

But this? This was torture beyond his comprehension.

She’d invited him to watch some DVD of Mammon’s with her and Beel in their shared room. She was already sitting on one end of the sofa, chattering to Beel over some nonsense that had transpired with Mammon and Asmo that afternoon.

He would have been content to sit on the other end of the couch, leaving Beel free to sit between them like a protective detail… but instead, the moment he had sat, she quickly moved across the length of the sofa and curled up next to him.

Pressed flush to his side, Belphegor felt his breath catch as she lifted up his unresisting arm and tucked her head beneath, content to let his arm rest around her shoulders. Belphie quickly moved it to rest over the back of the sofa, noting with a quick glance that at least for now, Beel had not reacted.

He was too busy putting in the DVD and adjusting the TV. After that, his twin was too busy gathering up a large bowl of popcorn and making himself comfortable next to her and she happily adjusted to accommodate being squished between the both of them.

Belphegor didn’t know why, but it made him curl his arm just a little bit closer towards her as Beel munched happily from a big bowl of popcorn. There were pretzels and chocolate candies mixed into the batch, which Beel graciously offered a smaller bowl of to her.

She rested the bowl on Belphie’s lap, happy to force him to play side table as the lights dimmed and the DVD started.

Belphie convinced himself, willed himself to believe it wasn’t that bad. This was nice, wasn’t it? Compared to hatred and brimstone and fury? Right?

And then her hand reached down into the bowl, moving it around as she scooped out the treats, every tiny movement of her fingers against the plastic barrier sending a direct line of sensation against his thighs. With an exasperated sigh, Belphie quickly lifted the bowl up and shoved it back into her hands.

“I can’t sleep if you do that.” He said in a harsh hush.

“You aren’t supposed to sleep during the movie, stupid.” She whispered back in reply.

“You aren’t supposed to talk during one either, stupid.” Belphie replied, but to his surprise he could see her grinning in the faint light, eyes dancing with unspoken humor. She put the bowl back in his lap.

He wished he was trapped back in the attic; he wished he was imprisoned in heaven; he wished he was on the fucking moon as long as it wasn’t here with her body warming his and her scent in his nose and the feeling of her throat cracking beneath his palms.

Belphie took in a deep breath and let it go slowly, quietly clenching his hand into the fabric of the back of the couch until he was certain he’d have lines imprinted on his skin. He let the memory wash over him and then recede, refocusing his attention to the film and finding it was some weird detective-comedy-romance blend. It was insipid and perfectly Mammonish, but even she sometimes laughed at the terrible jokes.

At one point, he felt her weight shift, leaning to the side as she whispered something quietly to Beel. Something prickled in his chest. She leaned further, cool air touching where she had once been at his side and without thinking, he released the couch and took hold of her shoulder, pulling her back firmly.

“… I’m cold.” Belphie offered in his defense, trying to cut the sudden surge of tension that had Beel frozen, not even chewing as he stared at his twin.

“Oh, sorry!” She said, settling back against him, “I could get a blanket and tuck you in if you want?”

“N-no!”

Heaven’s sake, now he sounded like Mammon.

“Just quit wiggling so much.”

In direct opposition of his request, she wiggled all over, giggling like a fool. Belphie instinctively held tighter until whatever seizure of defiance passed her and she settled again, breathing a bit heavier, against his chest.

There wasn’t going to be room for her damn bowl if she kept trying to half crawl into his lap. It never, thankfully, went that far. The film flickered on and Belphie felt the slow creep of sleep inch its way into his eyes and into his breathing, the demands of being the Avatar of Sloth rising up, unchecked and uncontrollable as Beel’s hunger.

He tilted his head back and let oblivion have him.

—

“You missed it.”

A voice sliced through the dark, close and warm on his cheek like the soft exhale of breath… because that is what it was. He opened one eye to spot her, whispering close to his ear. Judging by the great collapsed mass next to them, Beel hadn’t made it any further than he had, the empty popcorn bowl discarded on the floor along with several wrappers, bags and empty cans he didn’t remember having been there before.

“Tragic.”

“Beel’s in a food coma. I went and got him more snacks half-way through.”

“You got up?”

She hummed her confirmation quietly, “You got mad at me when I came back.”

“I don’t remember.” Belphie grumbled.

“You told me to ‘take responsibility’ and grabbed me by the scruff like a cat.”

At the very idea, Belphie felt his muscles tense… which drew his attention to the fact his hand was still rested on the back of her neck, fingers buried into her hair.

“… is that why you’re this close?”

“You wouldn’t let go!”

He started to, slowly letting his grip loosen all the while keenly aware of the strands of her hair tickling across his skin.

“Kinda late now.” She said in reply, quick and defensive. Did she… not want him to stop?

“I wondered if you were dreaming about throttling me again.” She said, far too cheerful. The words were like ice thrown over him, seeping immediately through his skin and chilling his blood. And yet at the same time, he let go of her as if he had been burned. He tried to repress a shudder.

“No,” Belphie managed to croak, “I wasn’t dreaming. I… I wasn’t dreaming.”

“You repeated yourself.”

“Get off me, I’m going to bed.”

“No.”

Childish, defiant, foolish. A thousand insults formed and died on his tongue before they reached her ears as he glared back at her face, still too close and too warm and too beautiful.

“… I’m scared.”

How many times was she going to strike him directly to his very soul? But this was is it, this was the punishment he craved, the anger and the fear he knew should exist between them. He was ready, braced and prepared to hear it, but what came next was… not what he expected.

“I’m scared if I let go now, you’ll never let me this close again.”

“You should be grateful.” Belphie said, more sigh than words, “And you should be scared, but not because of that stupid reason.”

“You won’t hurt me again.”

“The fact you even sound remotely sure of that makes you a complete idiot. I’m a demon, of course I’ll hurt you again.”

“Because you want to?”

“No!”

The word came too fast, too loud. Beel shifted on the couch next to them, but fell back into sleep and did not stir again.

“… you didn’t know I was Lilith’s descendant. If you’d known—”

“You don’t understand anything,” he whispered, harsh and low, “Get off of me.”

And this time, he made to make her, but her arms snaked around his chest and held even tighter. Belphie could have easily pried her off with his superior devil strength, but explaining that to Beel would have been… less than ideal.

Instead he set a tight grip on her upper arms, giving her a warning squeeze.

“What don’t I understand?”

“Are you seriously doing this right now?”

“You wouldn’t have hurt me if you knew who I was, that is the truth, isn’t it?”

“I do not want to talk about this shit—“

“Isn’t it?”

Belphie felt heat ball up at the base of his throat, so thick and so scorching his one relief was to let it escape.

“I don’t know!”

There was no keeping Beel asleep now, his brother jolting awake. She let go of Belphie then, untangling herself swiftly and instead turning a bright smile that barely reached her eyes towards Beel.

“Good morning! You missed the end of the movie!”

Beel was still mostly groggy, but alerted at the same time, looking between the two of them with wide questioning eyes.

“… why was there shouting?”

“I woke him up!” She said with a cackle, “I deserved it, probably. Anyway, it’s super late and you both got to have a nap and I didn’t!”

Standing up she gave an over exagerated stretch and a yawn which turned genuine half way through. Belphie clutched his jaw together to keep himself from doing the same.

“Come walk me back to my room.” She said, clearly meaning Belphie, not Beel. He thought to refuse, but the look in her eye said that such a refusal would most likely lead to an inexhaustible battle and he was way too fucking tired and too fucking stressed out to go back and forth with her in front of Beel.

“I can come too.” Beel said.

“Nah. It’s just a short walk. Go get in bed, it’s late and Belphie has had more rest than you. He can do it!”

Beel looked uncertain, eyes turning toward Belphie with ill-ease. Of all the brothers though, he was most likely to believe his twin was safe alone with her, that Belphie was certain of. Sighing, Belphie stood up.

“I’ll be right back.”

Beel said nothing, that familiar tension settling over again until, quietly, Beel nodded to himself and smiled.

“Okay…”

“Make sure to brush your teeth, Beel!”

“O-oh. Right… mint does sound good right now.”

—

They had barely made it out into the hall, the door shut behind them, before she picked up their conversation as if the interruption had never happened.

“What do you mean ‘I don’t know’, huh?”

“I mighta done what I did even if I knew who you were. Maybe I wouldn’t have believed it, maybe I would have been pissed Lilith was contaminated by human blood.” He said, cold and factual.

“Is that why you’re holding back?”

“…You’re imagining things.”

She didn’t look at all satisfied, but she fell silent, heading off down the hall towards her room and pausing expectantly a few steps away. Belphie sighed and followed behind.

“I don’t think you would have.”

“Does it matter? I did. There is no taking that back.”

She tilted her head, slowing enough to fall in step with him, “I’m still here.”

“By the very grace of Lilith. And that doesn’t make it better.”

She slowed, falling to a dead stop. Belphie made it a few steps ahead before he stopped, turning towards her with a look that he hoped convinced her to give it up.

“If I told you I hated you, would you stop being like this?”

He felt his heart seize a little, jumping in something akin to anticipation.

“Could we just move on then?”

“I would understand if you did hate me.”

“But you can’t understand that maybe, maybe, I’ve weighed all the weirdness and the madness of this situation and came to the conclusion that there was a lotta bullshit flowing around and it was fate I got caught in the crosshairs? And yeah, that sucks. Being dead for real would have been really shitty and I am mad… at you and at Lucifer and at this entire stupid situation pulling me into a garbage family drama I never asked for.”

She paused, “But it was supposed to happen. Lilith knew and I know now. Nothing anyone coulda done would have changed what happened, it had to happen. It’s why I was brought here to begin with, whether Diavlo knew that or not.”

They were both silent for a stretch, until Belphie couldn’t help but laugh, cold and bitter.

“What? So it’s okay that I murdered you because it was destiny?”

“Attempted murder. And yeah, I think that if I’m gonna be mad, I’m gonna be mad at fate. You? I forgive.”

Belphie hated that word. Hated how easily it came from her lips and hushed the flame of rage in his heart to a quiet simmer. It was never that easy for him to forgive, it shouldn’t be that easy.

“You can’t.” He said, flat and simple.

“Pretty sure that is my call.”

“It’s a stupid call.”

“And it’s mine.”

“And you think that makes it all okay? You think you can just say ‘I forgive you’ and it makes everything better and we can just pretend to be friends?”

“You pretended to be my friend once.” She said, her words a whisper.

“Don’t.”

How that positively gutted sounding voice could be his was beyond Belphie’s comprehension.

“You wanna be hated? You wanna be punished? Too bad. That’s your punishment. You don’t get to be hated.”

His mind whirled, a petal black as night coming free and falling from the flower inside his chest. Wilting, dying. How many had he lost so far? How often had she shaken his resolve and in doing so, began to kill the seed of hatred and anger he had rooted so firmly in his soul?

Belphie didn’t have the strength to fight her anymore, shoulders sagging as a new wave of exhaustion hit over him, taking with it any resistance he had left in its tide.

“Fine.” He said, trying to force what was left of his resolve into that word if only to give the illusion she hadn’t really won.

“Fine.” She repeated, crossing her arms and glaring back at him.

“Can you make it to your own room now? Can I go?”

“No.”

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

“W-what?! How did that become an—! Oh… you meant…”

Belphie resisted the urge to roll his eyes… well, at least for a few seconds.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Asmo.”

“And whose dumb-obstinate fault is that?” She retorted, smiling despite the redness in her cheeks.

“Yours, stupid human.”

“Yours, lazy cow.”

A smile crooked at the corner of his mouth and he quickly tried to hide it.

“I want a hug.”

God, how did an adult woman manage to sound so pouty? Belphie could barely contain a scoff as he saw the way her brow furrowed and her bottom lip stuck out a bit more. He tried to ignore the voice inside him that wanted to set his teeth into it… that wanted to find out if she still tasted like popcorn and chocolate.

“Too much.”

“What about a pat?”

Belphie groaned, but after a moment, gestured a little with his hand to indicate she should come closer. She did so eagerly.

“Your tail is wagging.” Belphie said with a sigh, gently resting his hand on top of her head and soothing his fingers down the strands, brushing them passed her temple and tucking them behind her ear.

“I don’t have one.” She said, a look of disappointment coming over her features when he stopped touching her hair.

“Still wagging.”

He caught her under the chin with the back of his index finger, tilting her head to the side before he leaned in and pressed his lips to her temple. The touch was featherlight and fleeting, like the soft opening and closing of a butterfly wings on her skin.

“Go to bed.” He said quietly.

“I want a kiss.” She replied, just as softly and Belphie felt a whole new sensation burst somewhere deep inside his chest.

“You’ve had one.”

“I want another.”

“…Not tonight.”

“But sometime?”

Belphie didn’t answer, leaving the question an open note hanging in the air.

A someday, an almost... a maybe.

[codylabs]

My Top 10 Ships

I’m not a very romantic sort of guy, I’m not real forgiving to departures from canon, I get easily annoyed at inconsistencies, and I don’t watch much television and movies, so in order for me to ship something, it has to be a GOOD ship. I default toward rejecting ships, so to impress ME, it must be built on logic, and evidence, it’s gotta be something I can suspend my disbelief far enough to accept. And it’s gotta have story behind it, something deep, some hefty emotional weight; if it doesn’t tickle this man’s cold reptilian heart with strong beats and excellent writing, it goes straight to the trash. I absoLUTELY will not stand for any of these weird little cute, pretty, pandering, trashy crack ships that everybody seems to be clumsily throwing characters into. Most ships are trash ships. They are not good ships.

You think your ship is good? You like your ship?

You ship it?

No you don’t.

Get out of here.

You will listen to me. I will tell you. Look at me. I’m the Captain now.

Here are the 10 good ships.

10. The Rocinante, The Expanse

A resoundingly excellent ship. Unlike most ships you see out there, this thing was actually designed with realistic space combat in mind. It’s got 6 computer-controlled gatling turrets covering every angle, it accelerates in whatever direction it’s pointing, its bridge is right in the center to put as much armor as possible between enemies and crew, overall a much better-designed vehicle than most everything you see about.

That being said, I didn’t have much connection to this ship. Its crew weren’t really interesting, the aesthetic was kinda bleak, and I basically stopped watching after the phazon showed up. And the Rocinante itself has pretty poor redundancy. Enemy bullets can literally just pass through it (as is realistic for a ship this size) so how about multiple main engines huh? Absolutely tragic oversight. And its interior looks too much like an Apple product. How are you supposed to work on it? Where are the wires and pipes??? The handholds?????

9. Ares IV M.A.V., The Martian

Almost more of a symbol than a ship. A symbol of freedom, of escape. A beautiful symbol. This is what Mark Watney spends the whole movie trying to reach, with an entire world backing him up, and an entire world trying to stop him. It’s the goal of the movie, and it just looks so beautiful when he finally reaches it and sees it sitting there in the middle of the desert, ass down, nose up; a tall, proud symbol. This ship has a special significance for me because the author of the original book really did his research on the scientific requirements and details of a Mars Ascent Vehicle, and it was actually inspired by the E.R.V. in another book, ‘A Case For Mars’, which I read when I was younger. “Makes its own methane-oxygen fuel on-site by using nuclear power to break down CO2 in the atmosphere and combining it with stored hydrogen, don’t you know.” I say as I adjust my spectacles and puff my pipe.

The M.A.V. in the movie does have a few issues, such as hallway and rooms running straight up through where the fuel tanks ought to be (instead of a lift/ladder on the exterior) and a rugged, industrial aesthetic that looks too heavy and cumbersome for a ship of its type. (And you’re seriously telling me he couldn’t have used the capsule’s RCS to literally bypass the movie’s entire climax? WHY NOT? The book never mentioned him having to drain the monopropellant!!!) But I’ll let that slide. Great movie.

8. Biggest Boy, The Greatship

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name. You know what, I think it’s actually just called the Greatship.)

So it’s a starship the size of Jupiter, empty, unmanned, perfectly mysterious, that comes gliding into the galaxy a couple million years into humanity’s future. Where did it come from? Who made it and how? Good questions. It’s powered by matter-antimatter annihilation reactions from within planet-sized internal tanks, and its engines use hydrogen and fusion exhaust as reaction mass, and its hull is made of hyperfiber, a super-strong fictional material with a 4-dimensional lattice structure, able to weather impacts by spreading them out over various dimensions where the impact occurred in a different place.

I hope that after the first few entries, you didn’t get the impression that I am somehow against futuristic, far-out, impossible technologies. Quite the opposite! I love me some hyperdrive and anti-gravity and A.I. and stuff. However! Ships must be well-designed for the technology available, and must take no creative liberties except those explicitly allowed by the difference in the setting. The laws of physics don’t disappear when the magic crystals come out, the magic crystals are merely a different tool to combat them. Engineering will always exist, should start with the tools and work outward, form follows function. Star Wars ships, for instance, are trash because they don’t mount their repulsorlift arrays consistently, they’re not aerodynamic, and their engines aren’t aligned around their center of masses.

So I like the Great Ship. Although the story is pretty far-fetched, and a lot of crazy, out-there scifi events transpire deep in the ship’s depths, the book always strictly kept its own rules in mind, and never broke those rules, no matter how outlandishly crazy things got. Thanks for comprehending something so incomprehensible, Robert Reed. You inspired me miles in my own work.

7. The Ghost, The Sea Wolf

The story may be fiction, but the Ghost was as real as ghosts can be.

Jack London did his research. No, not research, he LIVED this. The Ghost is a seal-hunting schooner much like one that he served aboard during his rollercoaster of a life, and he captured every detail of its operation, of its requirements, of its mechanics, and of the incredible toll it took on the people that lived such a life. The boat is made to feel as oppressive and claustrophobic as a prison, as if it were an extension of the monster that commanded it, directly in contrast to the expansive beauty of the sea around them. My goodness, what a beautiful book. What a moving, interesting, challenging book, with such a story! This book is one of the climaxes of fiction, and one of the inspirations for Shifting Sands, if I remember correctly. I would recommend this book to anybody. Beautiful.

6. Ferbnessa, Phineas and Ferb

Okay, so I hope we can all agree that Vanessa is nothing but bad news. But that being said, Ferb knows exactly the relationship he wants, and by golly, he goes for it. Most male characters would stutter or get nervous or lose confidence around their crush, especially if that crush is about a hundred miles out of their league or if they already had another boyfriend, but Ferb? No. Not my man Ferb. He’s slighly too much of a legend to fall for such childish pitfalls. He doesn’t posture, he doesn’t creep or flirt or try to sabotage the other men in her life, he doesn’t even speak a word, he just maintains his blank expression, cranks his own already-inhuman levels of confidence and competence up through the roof to borderline olympian levels, and continues being himself. These rare moments of Ferbly passion are some of the few open windows we get into the grandiose machinations of his mysterious mind, and he uses it to bring out the best in Vanessa as well. And in the future episode, set years down the line, wouldn’t you know it, they’re a pair.

All joking aside though, this whole ship is basically comedy. It’s a super small part of the show, it’s only in like 5 episodes, it’s a running gag, it’s hilarious. It’s great. And it fits right into the tone and the feel of the show, because P&F’s entire world really is a comedy about going for it and living your dreams. So this is just the best thing ever. It’s been about a decade since then, and I still burst out laughing at how much of a pristine picture of ideal masculinity Ferb is. Become like Ferb, boys, and you will become men.

Legendary.

Eat your heart out, Dipper.

3. Shunk, Voltron

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

Huge props to the voltron team for making a female alien character (even a romantic interest) with NO BOOBS. Do you have ANY idea how sick and tired I am of artists throwing a big ol’ pair of balonkadongs onto lobsters and snakes when almost everything in the real world besides folks and cows have either 0 or 8+ of them? Everything’s gotta be traditionally sexy and recognizably-feminine and GREAT now you just canonized all the porn! Disgusteg

but now look at Shay. She’s a rock person. She’s got silicon-based biology, she probably weighs 500 lbs and bleeds sand. She’s got enormous hands and weird knees and no nose and lumps everywhere, AND YET STILL the show plays all the tropes 100% straight with her being a fair young maiden and a sweet princess. And it works because Hunk is just this great guy who’s exactly as sweet and caring, and he’s not the most attractive of the Paladins either, so he probably lives his life looking past appearances. He doesn’t care that she’s an alien rock, he cares about her as a person, and she obviously worships him right back. Even though Shay is shown in season 1 and then never again until season 7, Hunk still avoids alternative romantic entanglements, citing ‘a rock I know’, and it just adds to his persona as this infinitely loyal teddy bear. I tip my hat to this, the single ship I know that’s 0% sexy and 100% wholesome.

And Hunk is the best Paladin. He’s just the greatest. I revere him. I salute him as he walks past. This man among men. Look at this guy. I don’t even care about any of the other ships in Voltron (I mean, the Castle of Lions is okay, but it’s outriggers are kinda spindly) but Hunk and Shay deserve each other.

4. Wendip, Gravity Falls

So Dipper’s 12/13, and Wendy’s 15. That’s a pretty giant age difference. Maybe you fans have fooled yourselves into thinking it’s not, but it is. She knows it. He knows it. His sister knows it. Your mom knows it. So halfway through the show, when he finally got around to confessing his feelings to her, she told him no. Sure they’re still friends, sure they like each other, and sure they have a lot of chemistry and they still have a movie night every Friday, but at the end of the day, he’s a smelly little midget who has to go back to California at the end of the Summer, and she’s a older girl with approximately zero romantic feelings for him. So the notion that it could work out is pretty obvious to everyone, and especially to him, pretty much hopeless. And he really did handle it all pretty poorly and immaturely too, he objectified her and stalked her and simped up a storm and sabotaged her boyfriend, so perhaps he deserved what he got. Perhaps it’s better this way.

And yet.

And yet Wendy never really got a happy ending in the show. And Dipper never got a conclusive romance either. So after everything, it’s easy to think about it how he thinks about it, by wondering how things could have been, if everything were just so slightly different, if she’d said yes or if they united again. She wishes she could be younger, he wishes he could be older. She’s more dominant, he’s more recessive. She has a lot of serious issues in her life, and could really seriously use a driven, heroic, intelligent friend to help her out, give her purpose, and steer her right. And Lord knows he could use somebody with street smarts and actual muscles to have his back now and again. They complement each other perfectly. They make up for each others’ weaknesses. They’re everything they ever wanted from another, and if you do the math, their children would be actual literal supersoldiers.

Or at least that’s the way a lot of people see it. There’s been immeasurable mountains of fanfiction and fanart from people who are just so sad that in a show full of happy endings and dreams coming true and old regrets being resolved and children growing up, that one ending would never be happy, one dream would never come to pass, one regret would stick with you forever, one child would never grow up. Maybe if you extrapolate out the story they’d end up together? Or maybe they’d find other, better partners? Maybe romance isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, and this is the best ending there could have been? Perhaps, perhaps not. But in any case, there’s a lot of very rich storytelling potential for the untold journey before them, and for the paths that could have been.

Stop drawing fetish art of Wendy, you insufferable heathen actual donkeys.

3. Kataang, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Now HERE’S a serious relationship. Not just a romantic ship, (though it is that,) not just some cutesy, funny thing or some ship-war fodder, (though it is cute and funny and did spawn a ship-war,) not just a matter of certainty and destiny, (though it is certain and was destined,) this is a real, TANGIBLE relationship, that these characters built together over a solid year of on-screen adventuring and fighting. They’ve helped each other through trauma, they’ve been there for each other in their darkest moments, they learned martial-arts together, they’ve fought back-to back against grown men, they’ve worked front-to-front sawing through steel girders, they’ve saved each other’s lives, he once ACTUALLY DIED and she brought him BACK. They end up respecting each other, and valuing each other in the intimate way that only true friends do.

And they’re shown working through all their imperfections and mistakes too. Aang sometimes oversteps boundaries and says stupid stuff because he’s a kid, and Katara sometimes scolds him and controls him because she’s motherly and orderly, they get jealous of each other, but none of those things drive them apart, and they deal with them, and they conquer them, and they keep a very legitimate and multi-faceted friendship going, and that’s the key to it all. The fact that this friendship becomes romance is just proof that it was a friendship of quality.

I think people tend to overlook or forget this ship because the last few episodes of the show found them in a pretty dark place, needing to deal with matters of life and death and justice in very different ways, and unlike all their other issues, we don’t really get to see them reconciling these differences before the story ends, which kind of leaves a sour taste between them. And Katara goes on a couple missions with Zuko around the same time, so now half of all people want Zutara, when in actuality, Zutara is a trash ship, which is a true science fact.

2. Serenity, Firefly

Only reason this ship isn’t #1 is because it isn’t constructed using a proper aerospace philosophy; it’s made of bulky machinery and steel beams and chunky plates, it looks more like an ocean vessel from the inside, and is WAY too big for its 6-12 person crew and light cargo capacity. Plus it doesn’t have any room for fuel and its got no wheels on its landing legs and no downward-facing windows and its reactor is just too dang SMOL and its engines are attached too flimsily. This all wouldn’t be too much of an issue if they were going for a far-future aesthetic, but if you’re trying to do something grounded and semi-contemporary, you need to lose some weight girl, I’m sorry.

But by gosh does it make up for it in heart. The entire inside of this ship was mapped out and made on set, with so many homely little decorations and touches to make every room feel like the person who inhabits it, sterile professional blue for the doc’s medbay, warm happy red for Kaylee’s engine room, all-serious-business-but-also-plastic-dinos for Wash’s cockpit... It hit me hard when this baby it crashed in the movie, and it felt almost real when River pretended to mind-meld with it. This ship has more soul in one buffer panel than most shows have in the entire cast, enough to make it seem like its own character, even in a show crowded with charming characters. I love this ship intimately, even if I would have built it differently.

1. Colonial Vessel 46.18′\, Gravity Falls

(I don’t know the ship name so I had to make up a name)

You didn’t think I’d leave out this one, did you? After all the fanfiction I’ve written? This is basically my ship at this point. Anyway, enough about me; the vessel beneath Crash Site Omega really is the quintessential alien ship; its perfectly cliche flying-saucer design taps into all the audience’s pre-existing fanciful notions and imaginings and disbelief-suspension, meanwhile its presentation isn’t cliche or fanciful in the slightest. 

There’s not much to say about it from a technical standpoint, besides personal musings: it would need anti-gravity to stay airborne without thrusters, it would need a FTL drive to cross the distances it did, its drones would need to be made of some kind of semi-liquid to move like they do... But these sort of out-of-the-box, never-before-seen, world-expanding brain-knocks are exactly what makes this ship special. It’s an alien ship, built with technology unknown to people, forged from materials that people don’t possess, and inhabited by beings we will never meet. For all we know, this ship could be perfectly sound from an engineering standpoint, and no engineer in the audience could claim to prove it otherwise, because unlike something like the T.A.R.D.I.S., they never try and fail to explain it away with science buzzwords or canonize its details or show off some fancy glowy reactor. This ancient husk is left as a yawning pit in reason, and that’s beautiful.

Moreover, this ship is an amazingly powerful narrative tool, and a mind-blowing surprise to drop in as a setpiece during the show’s final episodes. This ship embodies everything that made the show’s mysteries special: the evidence presented so early and so consistently, the creativity in creature design, action, and worldbuilding, the yawning depths of unknowable lore, and most of all the burning, unquenched desire to know more... The imprint this ship made in the cliffs over the town has been hanging over the characters’ heads the entire series, and its hull was below their feet from day one, so when they finally revealed it, and explored it, it felt invigorating. Rewarding. This ship, and the glorious feelings and thoughts it represents, have inspired to no end, and haven’t ended yet.

Honorable mentions:

Westley and Buttercup, The Princess Bride

Ooooh man I tell you what, it was really hard trimming this down to 10 for the list, and this one just barely didn’t make the cut, and that mainly because I have a sweet spot for animation and for warrior women, and this sweetness ain’t animated, and this damsel is as distressed as they get. And they don’t have a whole lot of chemistry? I don’t know how to measure that, but I feel like there was a lot of friendship stated that was never shown? Is it sacrilege to say that about True Love? I guess I’ve never exactly had True Love, so what do I know?

The entire plot centers around his devotion to her, and her love for him, and the lengths they go to for one another. He studies fencing and wrestling and wits and tactics for years on a pirate ship as he tried to return to her, and she refused the advances and the offers of an actual prince for as long as she could, even though she thought him dead, and was ready to kill herself when she knew him to be alive and not to be hers. And just such excellent action and characters and humor and story in the entire book surrounding it. Possibly an even better movie, somehow. Happy happy happy happy. They don’t make movies like this no more, why is that? Sad.

Endurance, Interstellar

Actually a pretty realistic design, all considering. They nailed the aesthetic, and the cinematography, and the feel.

It does lose points though, firstly because the shuttlecraft require a booster stage to make it into orbit when leaving Earth, but for the rest of the movie, whenever they’re landing on planets with similar gravity and atmosphere, they can just fly away like it’s no big deal, which is a big inconsistency, both with real life, and more importantly with itself. And how did an under-equipped and struggling space program put this thing in orbit in the first place, anyway? And why don’t their ships land on their asses like proper rockets? And why not tell the crew members the full plan before leaving? See, it’s little things like that, little inconsistencies made for the sake of fitting with story beats and simplifying it for the audience’s sake, that sours this ship for me. I don’t mind creative liberties, but actual plot holes? This thing has a few plot holes, and plot holes are absolutely yucky. So although most of this ship is very yummy, the yucky parts make it all yucky.

Yucky.

Plus its heavy cargo shuttles are about the least-aerodynamic things imaginable, and that’s also yucky, and there’s porcelain tiles in the stasis bay, like what?

Couldashouldawoulda been yummy.

The Hermes, The Martian

This ship. This friggin’ ship.

A beautiful ship. A well-conceived ship. A mathematically sound and engineered ship. It had so many many good ideas behind it. So much math went into calculating its thrust and orbital dynamics for this movie, so much work went into making it fit a contemporary space aesthetic, the panels, the heat sinks, the tanks, so much PRESENTATION I could KISS IT HMWA, but taken as a whole, engineering-wise, the whole ship falls flat on its face, because it just doesn’t fit together. It doesn’t make sense. Look at all those countless modules along its length. What do they do? They don’t do anything! It’s a quarter mile long, and it’s built for only 6 people? It’s meant to carry a lander? Where does the lander dock? Why are the useful airlocks so far off the center of gravity? Why does it have a cockpit? Why is the forward airlock so looooong? Why is the entire ship so loooooong? Why is the ring spinning so slowly? It’s not hard math to figure out how fast it needs to spin! You’re telling me you did ORBITAL DYNAMICS but not the SINGLE physics 101 equation needed to figure out how fast the ring needs to spin??

Btw, let’s talk about that rotating section in the middle! Think about the rotating section! That rotating section means that the front and the back of the ship aren’t actually connected! There’s just a pair of ring-shaped slip-slidey bearings bridging the ship’s middle, slip-slidey bearings that electricity, computer signals, and water and air pipes can’t cross. Why did they design it that way?? In the book the entire ship spun, which makes so much more sense! Why does it have solar panels when it has a reactor canonically capable of 40 times their output? Why are the fuel tanks so small? Why is it always facing prograde even when canonically burning retrograde? Why? WHY? BLRRRRGGGGGRGGGRGGG

In Conclusion, Ships Are Neat

[unkemptcastiel]

SPN Finale

I try to limit w/ank on this blog so in the midst of reblogging posts that share my discontentment for the series ending, I don't want to end this show on sole negativity, because it means so much to me. So I'm gonna sum up my feelings on the ending, good and bad. Then I’m going to try to focus on having fun, reblogging memes and reliving good memories with the show and the fandom. 

Good:

As far as the show has communicated, everyone is happy. Dean, Sam, Bobby, Rufus, John & Mary, Cas, all apparently happy. Yay!

I like that heaven's walls were taken down. That's something that never felt right to me and seemed indicative of heaven's problems in general- like the fact that everything was so harshly ordered to the point of isolating humans in farces of happiness-bubbles of recreated memories, that all just felt a bit fake and like a symptom of the larger problem of how angels viewed and treated humans. So I'm happy they changed that! :)

I like Betty as new Death.

OH I also liked the brief re-intro of the two archangels. It may have been a little wasted, (but this is the positivity section!) but it was a dynamic I wanted to see for ages. Also lucifer calling michael a cuck: Amazing.

I'm glad Jack didn't die. He's my son and I love him.

Also the thing with the dog & chuck.. pure comedy gold. Amazing.

Confusing:

I'm a little confused what happens to the dimensional "repeat" characters, like.. are there two bobby's chilling next door to each other in heaven, of bobby and apocalypse-world bobby? It's not a huge issue it just wasn't really addressed.

I'm also wondering if angels are basically extinct now? Like Cas is apparently ok but last we heard there were like 7 whole angels left. How's that goin. Hello?

I'm assuming hell is operating per usual? It's been a while since we've seen Rowena but I think she's still running things. A little unsure of where the balance lies between heaven and hell just due to how decimated the angels are.

I'm assuming Jody, and Alex, and Claire and all them are good? Would've liked a check-in of some sort on the recurring characters tbh. There was a lot of me and my friend asking "... So what happened to them?" about side characters who we never really got any goodbye for.

Also same with Amara being kinda written off.

Speaking of, was the woman Sam ended up with Eileen?? It was unclear to me. If not, I wish they would've mentioned her; she's a character I care about a lot.

Bad (Let’s say “Critique”):

The shows writing has dipped each season imo, and this season often felt particularly hollow. I'm not quite sure how to better communicate it beyond... The way it was shot, the dialogue, every behind-the-scenes choice just felt... Off. It was very off-putting, all season for me.

The "Destiel" thing: I’m sorry, it still felt queerbaiting. I'm queer myself but I've never personally really shipped destiel, nor any ship amongst the main trio. So, while not being very invested in a romantic form of Dean+Cas's relationship, I still felt that the confession was used more as a last-minute ploy to attract queer fans who may have since left the show, or in some attempt to make everyone happy, make it ambiguous so both queer and het fans wouldn't feel like their understanding of dean & cas was infringed on. I understand that, from a show-ending perspective, especially from a show that owes so much to its fans, that they'd want to please everybody. Unfortunately, queer representation is still lacking enough that anything outside of clear, unambiguous GAY that no one could argue is anything else, is still sort of regressive and potentially harmful to the LGBTQ+ community. So it ended up feeling like a throw-away, last-minute-gays but still semi-hetero cop-out situation, sadly. (I also think the release of the script was very deliberate in stressing that Dean cannot reciprocate whatever feelings Cas has. It communicated to me "MAYBE a non-human character could be ambiguously-maybe-queer but one of the two leads? Absolutely not.")

On that note --perhaps as a result of the confession scene-- the boys' relationship with Cas felt really weird in the end. For someone they've known and fought with for 12 years, the idea that they wouldn't even look for a way to save him ... It felt OOC, painting Dean and Sam as kind of heartless. I also feel that having Cas saved off-screen and never reappearing on-screen was generally.. a little disrespectful to Misha. His performance of Castiel literally changed the show for the rest of its run (if you're unaware, he was supposed to have a few episodes in s4 and that's it. His performance floored fans so much that he was signed on as a recurring character and eventual series main). So treating him as an afterthought felt callous, both in-show-universe and out here in the real world, show business-wise.

I don't care that Dean was killed by "a nail." I don't care lol. As long as the character didn't die of dysentery or something it doesn't read as stupid or humiliating, imo. I saw it and was like "ye shit happens." And Sam left to live a normal life- Good! My boy’s happy. 

My primary issue with how Dean & Sam's lives and deaths went was this:

They make the entire show seem pointless.

To explain: the way that Sam and Dean's lives were going before the events of the pilot were: Dean is hunting primarily on his own, Sam is lined up to live a normal and happy life and eventually start a family of his own. It is discussed many times early-seasons that Dean expects to die early, due to the dangers of hunting, even though it is revealed that he also deeply wants a safe and happy life, he feels it is unattainable. Sam loves his family, but just wants out, and is getting to have that. 

Usually in fiction, if an arc is set up then change is to occur to resolve the arc in a new and hopefully better place than it was originally. 15x20 however, looked at s1 Dean and Sam and said "Yep you guessed it exactly right." In-universe, their lives were on these paths once Sam left and went to college, which was a pre-pilot event. The "inciting incident" of the show, which acts as the pilot and which causes the rest of the show to happen in the first place, is Sam leaving his path for normality and returning to hunting. By ending this show with Dean dying on a hunt like he always expected, and Sam leaving to live a normal life with a family like he always originally planned: this arc is negated. We’re basically put right back in a pre-pilot spn world.

This ending was all already lined up to happen pre-pilot. This was ALREADY going to be their lives before the show ever started in 2005-- as a result, the show's events were just a bunch of messiness and conflict in the middle; but spn still ended for the boys the way it would have if basically all the events of the show 2005-2020 just never happened.

So it makes the show seem superfluous, and to me as a viewer it felt insulting because it felt like we ended right where we started, or we went backwards, and it implied that it was a waste of time to even watch the show if it was always going to end the same no matter what events transpired in between. THAT'S what upset me by this ending.

tl;dr: The show's writing felt rushed, confused, and emotionally hollow. As such, we didn't get to see much on the many side characters we care about, which was disappointing. The disappearance of Cas made him seem insignificant and the way each brother's life went was exactly as they were going before the events of the pilot, thus their lives were filled with extra needless pain and turmoil before ending the way they always expected, making the entirety of the show's events and its existence seem useless. Because I loved these characters and invested near a decade into them, this feels insulting to me on the characters' behalf, and on my own behalf as a viewer. That's my issue with the 15x20 ending.

However, I still take more positivity out of this show as a whole than negativity. I’m grateful it even existed in the first place, and that is what I want to try to focus on. 15x20 is one episode. Are there more episodes I dislike? Sure. But they are still a minority in a show that will hold my love for.. the forseeable future. So to every fan, those who disliked the ending and those who loved it, you’re valid, I’m glad I got to know some of you, & 

[star-spangled-eyes]

Winner Take All: Part 3: The Name

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: Senior Year of College for Drake, Leo, Bragnae and Madeleine in the United States  

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC / Leo Reese x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this series: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, sex

Series Description: Bragnae Bennett sought adventure when she first went off to college. Now, navigating through her senior year, she finds herself befriending two gorgeous guys, Drake Walker and Leo Reese, who engage in a seemingly innocent bet with her during a game of pool that leads to a surprising threesome.

Their intimate evening prompts deeper feelings than they all expected to arise, and Bragnae is suddenly swept up in both of their charms, unique to each man himself. Through the pressures of college, work and maintaining a social life, which man will prevail and win Bragnae's heart?

Master List

A/N: Oooh man! I am really enjoying this series so far! Why do I love Love Triangles? Sheesh! I really enjoyed writing this part and can’t wait for the next. I hope you enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!

Warnings for this chapter: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language

Word Count for this chapter: 3567 

Setting for this chapter: Drake and Bragnae watch a movie together, and sparks fly…

Permatags: @burnsoslow @cora-nova @dcbbw @thorfosterlove @emceesynonymroll @edgiestwinter @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @msjr0119 @notoriouscs @drakewalker04​ @pedudley​ @desiree-0816 @choices-lurker​ @kingliam2019​ @loveellamae​ @drakexnadira @flutistbyday2020​ @indiana-jr​ @moonlightgem7​

Series Tags: @yukinagato2012​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @nomadics-stuff​ @ravenpuff02​ @texaskitten30​ @themadhatter1029​ @randomfandomteacher​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​

Part 3: The Name

Heat rose on the back of Bragnae’s neck as she looked at Drake standing in her doorway. He was so handsome in every way. Tall, muscular, hair casually styled but somehow still irresistible.

“Hi, Drake. Come on in.” She stood to the side to let him in, closing the door behind him.

“I, uh, brought some beer. Thought it’d go well with the pizza.” He took two out of the cardboard case, setting them on the counter before putting the rest in the fridge.

“That’s great. Thanks. Bottle opener’s in the drawer next to the fridge.” She walked over to the cabinet retrieving two plates. “I brought home a meat lovers. Figured that’d be okay.”

Drake popped the caps off of both beers, handing her one. “That’s actually my favorite.” His fingers brushed against hers as she took the bottle from him. A shiver went down her spine.

“Well, that worked out,” she said smiling as she clinked her bottle against his. “Cheers.”

He smirked before lifting the bottle to his lips for a swig. His eyes lingered on hers for a moment, a residual smile still hanging on his lips. Drake opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but looked away instead taking another drink. “Should we eat?”

So, it was awkward after all. Bragnae knew they might have to work through this obstacle after last night, but couldn’t help but hope they could roll right past it.

“Uh, yeah.” She put the plates and a few napkins on top of the pizza box and carried it over to the coffee table in the living room. Drake brought her beer over for her, setting it down on the table before taking a seat on the couch.

Bragnae turned the television on and immediately opened the Netflix app. “Any preference on what we should watch?” She continued to scroll through the options as she waited for his response.

“I trust your judgment. Whatever you pick is fine.” Drake leaned back on the couch. She could feel his eyes on her making her feel a bit tense. Not that she didn’t want him to look at her, but there was an undefined energy in the room between them, and it felt weird.

Drake had been her friend since last semester when they first met in their English Composition class. They immediately got along, and any time they hung out, things were easy going, playful and flirty at times, but it wasn’t ever awkward like this. Of course, she understood why it was now. Just 24 hours ago, he had seen her naked, kissed her, held her body against his as he intimately connected with her. Those were all things that would certainly shake things up.

Their friendship went in a completely new direction, and there was no coming back from it. Bragnae thought since Drake asked to hang out tonight that he had a plan for not making things awkward, or not letting what transpired between them last night get in the way of their friendship. Now, she had no idea what was happening. Maybe it was too soon to hang out.

Drake had given her carte blanche on the movie. She would pick something she knew, something safe. Something without any sex scenes or love to avoid any more uncomfortable tension than there already was. She spotted The Hangover, and decided a comedy would be best to lighten the mood.

“Good choice,” he said before opening the pizza box and grabbing a slice.

“Yeah, it’s a classic.” She pulled a piece onto her plate as well, and got comfortable on the sofa sitting cross legged. There was at least a foot of space between them.

Thirty minutes into the movie, they had enjoyed the pizza, nearly demolishing the whole thing while occasionally laughing at the movie. At the same time that Drake shifted to put his empty beer bottle on the table, Bragnae unfolded her legs making them touch. The split second physical interaction was still enough to give her goosebumps. He glanced at her quickly before clearing his throat and moving a few inches away from her.

Bragnae exhaled a somewhat frustrated breath. “Okay, can we talk about this?” She paused the movie, and turned to look at him.

“What?” His eyes full of alarm with the sudden silence in the room.

“The elephant in the room.” She paused only for a moment. “About last night. I assume you’re thinking about it, too?”

Drake sighed. “Yep.”

A breath of relief left her body. At least he was being honest about it. “It definitely… changed things. I mean, it’s usually not this weird between us when we hang out.”

“No, it’s not.” He wet his lips, turning away as his eyes dropped to the ground. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

“What do you mean?” She hoped he didn’t regret what happened because she didn’t.

He took a deep breath before pivoting his body on the couch to face her. “After last night… well, things did change for me. I… I really enjoyed being with you.” He swallowed, watching her reaction carefully.

“I did too, Drake.”

His brow relaxed hearing her words. “I wanted to hang out tonight so I could tell you that I didn’t agree to the three way just for some sexual conquest.” His eyes bore into hers. “I did it because of you. I wanted to know what it felt like to be with you even if Leo had to be there.”

An involuntary smile crept over her lips as she took in his words. “What happened last night was so not like me. I never thought I’d ever engage in a threesome with two guys. Like, ever. But you two were hard to resist.”

He looked down at the sofa, his forehead creased as he thought to himself. “It wasn’t my intention to disrupt our friendship over this, so I hope we can move past it.”

I wonder what he means by that. Did he get his fill of her, and now he wants things to go back to the way it was before they slept together? She wasn’t ready for that. “I’m curious about something.” He lifted his eyebrows, looking at her expectantly. “If you wanted to know what it was like to be with me, why didn’t you try to do something about it before last night? I mean, why wait for an opportunity where you’d have to share me with someone else?”

Drake sighed before pursing his lips together. “I guess… I never worked up the nerve.” His eyes searched her face, casually trailing down her body before rising up again. “When we first met, you were dating some guy. I liked you then, but even after you stopped seeing him, I wanted to give you space. And by that time, we’d been hanging out a lot, I introduced you to Leo, and I thought you saw me as only a friend. So, I didn’t push it.”

“That makes sense,” she nodded. “Can I ask you something else?” He gestured for her to continue. “Have you and Leo done something like that before with another woman? I only ask because you two seemed rather comfortable and organized with it all.”

A hesitant smile transformed his lips. “We have. Only once before. It was about a year ago.”

“Oh.” She couldn’t say she was surprised to hear that, but part of her felt like knowing his past made her experience with them seem less meaningful. She had to be real with herself. It was a threesome. She didn’t expect them to express their undying love to her. It was supposed to be casual and fun. But she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment that she was just another girl in a routine they had practiced before. However, Drake made it clear earlier that it wasn’t about the threesome itself. It was about her, but it still felt a bit… cheap.

“I hope you don’t think less of me knowing that.” He dipped his head down to meet her fallen gaze.

“No, of course not. I mean, I was a willing participant in a three way, too. How could I judge someone for doing that? It was… amazing, and fun. I can’t blame you for wanting to partake in something like that when the opportunity presents itself.”

“Well, it’s not something I make a habit out of. The first time we did it, we were both really drunk, and we had met this girl at a party who suggested it to us. Being guys, we weren’t going to turn it down.” He paused, his expression turning to something deeper. “And when Leo brought it up last night as part of the bet, I thought for sure you’d say no, but I was really hoping you wouldn’t. It wasn’t like the first time we did it. It was different, like I said, because of you. There’s a reason why I wanted you to face me, Bennett. I wanted that connection with you.”

Bragnae was taken aback by his confession. It meant so much to her knowing Drake looked at their sexual experience as more than just a chance to get off. She placed a gentle hand on his knee. His eyes were immediately drawn to her touch. “I wanted that too… with you. And I felt it. You were so tender and caring.” She swallowed. “It was really nice for me.”

Drake covered her hand with his. “I’m glad.” His hand slid up her arm, simultaneously pulling her towards him as he leaned in to brush his soft lips against hers. The stubble on his chin lightly scraping against her skin.

It felt like the night prior all over again when he kissed her. Normally, he was such a tough and rugged guy, but when he kissed her, there was a certain gentleness that poured out of his lips making her melt against him. She cupped his cheek as their kiss deepened. After another moment, he drew back slowly holding her gaze.

He smiled softly. “I’m going to grab another beer. Do you want one?”

“I actually wanted another kiss, but a beer sounds good, too.” She chuckled through her nose.

Lightly grabbing her chin, he pulled her into another quick kiss before getting off the sofa. “You’re something else, Bennett.” She watched him walk away, her eyes admiring how his legs and ass filled in his light-wash jeans. He grabbed two more beers from the fridge, removed the caps and headed back to the couch.

“Hey, why do you call me Bennett?” She asked, taking the bottle from him. For as long as she’d known him, he’d always called her by her last name. They were laying everything on the table tonight, so she thought she’d ask.

Drake laughed a little. “Well, it’s sort of embarrassing.” He sat down, closer to her this time, their legs brushing against one another as he stretched an arm across the back of the sofa in her direction.

“Well, I have to hear this. Why is it embarrassing?” She shifted a little closer to him.

He took a drink, grinning to himself before looking at her again. “If you’ll recall, we were paired up in English class to do that peer review for our paper. Mind you, I already thought you were hot, but I hadn’t had a chance to talk to you yet. So, when the professor assigned us together, I was excited because I’d finally get to talk to you and learn your name.”

Bragnae smiled, remembering the day he was describing. She was also thrilled the teacher put them together. After all, it had brought them to this moment.

He took another drink. “I was trying to be casual about it and not seem too eager, so I thought I’d just figure it out once you gave me your paper. And then… I looked down and saw the weirdest fucking name I’d ever seen.”

Bragnae laughed out loud. “Yeah, you can thank my parents for that.”

He smirked at her before continuing. “I had no idea how to pronounce your first name. Not even one clue. And in an attempt not to embarrass myself by trying to say it or worse, asking you how to say it,” he paused, giving her a look. “I know, I’m apparently an overgrown child who can’t ask pretty girls simple questions.” He shrugged as he continued. “So, I just decided to call you by your last name the next time I saw you. Bennett – easy enough. Plus, it sounded casual, and I wanted you to see me as this cool guy who didn’t give a fuck if you wanted to talk to me or not. Even though I really wanted you to.”

She shook her head, still giggling. “You are a complicated man, you know that? Didn’t you hear the teacher say my name before?” She looked at him incredulously.

His eyes widened as he shook his head. “Nope. I was either not paying attention, or didn’t quite catch it when she said it.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me Bragnae.”

Drake put the beer bottle on the coffee table, so he could rest his hand on her knee. “It just became a habit after that. But I will say this. When I heard how your first name was actually pronounced, I thought it was the most beautiful name in the whole world.”

She beamed. “Thank you. I love my name. It’s Celtic, super old, and the spelling is crazy, but it’s totally me.”

“It sure is.” His fingers traced gentle circles a few inches above her knee, his eyes concentrating on the path his fingers took.

Bragnae’s breath quickened and her heart beat faster as she reveled in his touch. A tingle warmed her core as the room felt very quiet, but comfortable all of a sudden. She took a subtle deep breath, adjusting her body closer to his.

He looked up at her again, his fingers still working a slow dance over her thigh, inching their way up casually. His deep voice was low and calm when he spoke. “Do you want me to call you by your first name?”

Bragnae put her beer on the side table next to the couch. “It depends. I don’t know what it sounds like coming from you.”

Drake leaned in, his face inches from hers. “Allow me to enlighten you then, Bragnae.”

A shiver shot down her spine as goosebumps covered her skin. There was something so sexy about hearing a man use her name, especially a man who she really liked. “I like it. My name sounds nice over your tongue.”

Drake broke into an irresistibly wicked smirk. His eyes flicked to her lips. “I can do other nice things with my tongue, ya know.”

Bragnae gently bit her lower lip. “Prove it.”

The hand that teased her leg moved to rest on her waist, while the other shifted to the base of her neck drawing her in as he met her halfway. Drake took her mouth ardently, pressing his lips against her in such a way that left her breathless. The passion of the moment prompted her to part her mouth to him. His tongue glided over her bottom lip before sliding inside to sensually stroke hers.

She ran a hand through his soft brown hair as the strength in his arm pulled her in close. As his tongue momentarily retreated, hers followed after. Drake closed his mouth around her tongue gently sucking on hers prompting Bragnae to moan in delight. As he released her, his teeth nipped at her bottom lip before pulling back.

Bragnae’s eyes took a second to open again as her mind left the blissful trance his kiss led her into. “You were right.”

He grinned. “Did you really doubt me?”

“If I did, that was a mistake.” She pulled him in this time, connecting their mouths once more. Heat began to rise throughout her entire body. Kissing him just wasn’t enough. Keeping their connection intact, Bragnae pushed Drake back against the sofa and straddled him.

He groaned as she rested her weight on top of him. His hands ran down her back resting on her butt, while she hungrily took his mouth. Her insistence captured his attention. She felt him pull her hips into him causing her to break their kiss as a gasping moan escaped her lungs. He placed hot kisses on her neck as she caught her breath. She could feel the stiffness in his jeans between her legs, and it reminded her of how wonderful he felt last night. And she needed to feel that again.

She panted his name before returning her lips to his. After another heated moment and just before Bragnae was going to remove her top, Drake pulled back.

“We should probably stop, Bennett,” he said breathlessly.

She blinked at him in confusion. “Why? I think the cat’s out of the bag, Drake.”

He swallowed, taking a second to look at her body on top of his with admiration. “Look, it’s not like I don’t want to – because I really do, but I just don’t want you to think this is just about sex for me. It’s more than that. And maybe we should take this slow.”

Bragnae sat back feeling rejected and like she did something wrong. “Drake, you’ve been inside me. And I liked it. So, why do you want to take it slow now?”

His expression softened as he raised a gentle hand to her cheek, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Last night was a different story. I just think you deserve better. That’s all.”

Frustrated and still confused, Bragnae crawled back to her seat.

“Bennett, I’m sorry. I didn’t come here with the intention to sleep with you tonight because I didn’t want you to think that’s all I was after.”

She couldn’t help but feel dejected over this sudden change, but a part of her understood where he was coming from. She didn’t necessarily want a relationship based solely on sex. A meaningful, healthy relationship was what she craved, but she also intensely desired to be with Drake again. She already knew she liked him and his personality, so what was the big deal? The night was going so well. Why did this happen?

“It’s okay, Drake.” It took all of her strength to look at him without hurt in her eyes. “I understand why, and I appreciate your honesty.” She exhaled a sharp breath looking away.

He put his hand on top of hers in an effort to console her, which made her mad for some reason. Now, she felt like a person only in it for sex, and he was just letting her down easily. Rejection sucks. She thought she made it clear that she liked him too. Having him stare at her in this uncomfortable silence was becoming unbearable.

“I think I’m going to go to bed now.” She looked at him with no emotions, so they couldn’t betray her.

He looked surprised at first, but then nodded. “Okay. I guess I’ll head out, then.” He stood up and headed for the door. She walked with him not wanting Drake to feel like she was completely ignoring him. He opened the door and went to take a step, but looked back at Bragnae instead. “I… I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I promise my intentions were better than that.”

The sincerity in his dark eyes was hard to ignore. “I believe you. Thank you, Drake.”

He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Can I call you soon?”

She nodded in agreement. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Bragnae.” She inhaled a sharp breath as he said her name before leaving her apartment. She closed the door and leaned her back against it.

She knew Drake was a good guy – very respectful, but she just didn’t understand why he wanted them to stop. She felt his desire for her, and she sure as hell wanted to be with him again. Why didn’t he just give into what he knew they both wanted?

Feeling overwhelmed with emotion and disappointment, Bragnae went to bed.

The next morning, she was awoken by a text. It was half past ten, and she had slept in. Blinking her eyes awake, she grabbed her phone to see a message from Leo.

Hey, pretty lady. Wanna meet me at the quad today? Say, around noon? It’s a beautiful day. Maybe we can practice some self-defense moves.

Bragnae giggled at the Kung Fu Panda GIF he’d sent with the text. She shot off a reply letting him know she’d be there, also noticing she didn’t have any other calls or texts from Drake. Remembering he was working this morning, she figured he didn’t have the time anyway. Or maybe he didn’t want to talk to her. She felt a bit embarrassed after last night, and regretted sending him home just because he didn’t want to sleep with her. How childish. She’d make sure to reach out to him later on to let him know how sorry she was.

But first, she needed to get showered and dressed to meet Leo. He always made her laugh, and she was in desperate need of that today.

[creative-horror-network]

The Fog Report - Los Angeles Haunted Hayride 2019

Welcome back, intrepid listeners! The season is drawing to a close but that hasn’t deterred me from hitting a third haunted locale, although in this one the haze you’re walking through is less fog and more kicked-up dust. Probably has something to do with that weird-looking fairground tucked away in the trees there…

Started in 2009, the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride has taken up residence in Griffith Park, in and around the grounds of the Old LA Zoo. Already a fairly eerie place with its trails past abandoned enclosures and cages, the Hayride has consistently utilized the environment to create terrifying tableaus and vignettes, seen and experienced from a tractor-pulled trailer - something done for Halloween in many other parts of the country but a relative oddity in the big city. Though its themes have shifted and changed over the years, this year new owners Thirteenth Floor Entertainment have given the Hayride a unifying story and a setting from which to place their event: a cursed town called Midnight Falls.

Anyone who has read my last two articles about Dark Harbor and Knott’s Scary Farm (or who just knows me in general) should guess why this alone finally pulled me to the event. This was my first ever visit to the Haunted Hayride, so my expectations were not so effected by previous years; it’s all fresh eyes and raw opinion here.

The Event

Before I even get to the venue itself, can I just say how enjoyable just the walk there was? Unless you’re parked in one of the upper lots, you’ve got a little bit of a trek through a nighttime park ahead of you, and I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said this was “tucked away.” in the wilderness. The natural darkness and night noises certainly helped me get into the mood as I trudged up the path and saw the flickering orange glow in the distance.

Once you do get there, you find yourself in the town square of Midnight Falls in the midst of its 13th annual Halloween Festival, 1985. The Hayride itself, as well as three mazes, several concessions and a handful of slight-up charge escape rooms can all be accessed from here, but as a zone in itself the town square is well worth wandering around in. The roaming monsters - townsfolk who have been cursed but seem to be in good spirits - are more interactive and funny than outright scary, engaging visitors with humor and giving Midnight Falls the character of a cheesy 80s horror-comedy. Each character is an archetype of the era and each is a very distinct, from a jock werewolf to a hook-nosed Miss Midnight Falls to a snappy goblin server from the local diner (hi Reggie!), just to name a few of the myriad citizens.

This feels like a genuinely happy medium between the heavy thematic elements of Knott’s and the party atmosphere of Dark Harbor. You’re at an in-universe fair, and they play that up without it detracting from the scarier elements. It certainly evokes the spirit of a local Halloween: I spent a good chunk of my teenage years in the small mountain town of Idyllwild, and they also have (had?) a Halloween carnival, so I can say big props for reminding me of that feeling. Couple that with the amount of atmosphere and the commitment of the actors in their improv with guests and each other, and you have a nicely immersive, if tongue-in-cheek, experience.

It’s also good to know that the event is small, considering what it actually offers. The night I visited I managed to get there right around opening and was able to get through most everything in two hours. That doesn’t mean its not worth visiting, but don’t expect a marathon session like a theme park haunt.

The Hayride

As stated before, the hayride is the namesake and main draw of the event, a chance for Angelenos to board a hay wagon (and sit in real honest-to-goodness hay) and take a ride through the Old Zoo, now the outskirts and foothills of Midnight Falls. This attraction is presented as a sort of weird origin-story, demonstrating how the land fell under the Halloween hex and riders in the midst of it happening.

This is a wholly different kind of trip than one would make on foot through a maze, and is a proper ride in every sense, with each scene being staged in such a way that it only transpires as the hayride passes. The main ingredient is the live actors lurking in the dark that rush at the trailer and menace the riders, usually after a theatrical beat in a scene plays out, I’d never done anything like this before and it was honestly impressive, each scene having its fair share of startling surprises: highlights for me were a ghostly girl leaping from a cliff (possibly reenacting a suicide), a werewolf gang unleashed from some of the old animal cages, a amorous couple in a convertible being mauled by a Sasquatch, a close encounter with a ghost train, and a giant spider emerging from a stone structure.

I wasn’t able to take any picture while on the hayride, mainly out of respect for not ruining the moment and trying to present for it. Trust me when I say that even if the scenes seem a little cheesy, the fact that they’re part of this spooky hayride experience makes it fun. I actually feel like this is a decent entry point for people leery about going to a haunt, as it struck me as being less intense than being in the midst of a maze. Pro tip for first-timers: sit in the middle. The folks on the left and right get all the attention, so the heat’s off if you stick to the center.

The Mazes

As an added bonus, Midnight Falls has three mazes as part of its spooky neighborhood. Each is fairly short but exceptionally well put together for something built in the middle of Griffith Park, and I walked away from each fairly impressed.

The first maze I visited, Midnight Mortuary, takes you through the town’s funeral home, its backyard, morgue and chapel. The monsters here are a mix of the ghoulish staff and some goat-masked figures in white robes; perhaps a cult of some kind? More Victorian Gothic than grisly and gory, creative use of space and good set design are strong in this maze, and the startling finale helps put the random goat-people’s presence into perspective.

My favorite maze was definitely Trick or Treat, simulating a trip through a Midnight Falls neighborhood where every house has a resident surprise. This outdoor maze is unique because anyone visiting can actually ring the doorbells of the houses to see what wacky scare emerges. Since almost all the scares are guest-driven, the reward for courage comes when most of the monsters give you real candy! It’s a cute detail, and it really plays on the horror-camp and the tropes of Halloween: my favorite bit is the Devil-themed “home haunt” at the end that looks like some earnest kid built a strobe-light maze through their yard and garage. Big props for creativity.

Rounding out the three is Roadkill Ranch, ensuring no meat goes to waste in Midnight Falls… because if it’s good enough for your tires, it’s good enough for their fryers. While the effort was there, I’m personally very tired of the bloody Hellbilly theme for mazes as a whole, so this one did not really impress me. It did have some choice scare moments and a good strawbale layout in the back of it, making you weave through while masked ranchers hid in the dark, but I just think the trope has been done to death.

Final Thoughts

Though small in stature, the LA Haunted Hayride is big on personality and dark charm, offering a main attraction that isn’t offered anywhere nearby and a collection of scary sides to go along with it. The overarching setting of Midnight Falls is a huge boon to the event, and I hope it sticks around for the foreseeable future, along with its cast of characters. I’d love to see what they can add to it if it continues to expand.

What gives this an edge for me and makes it stick out, even from its larger competitors, is the festive quality of the Hayride. Halloween is not just the backdrop of the season here for spooky stuff, it’s positively dripping with Halloween flavor. Not many haunts actually make the holiday their front-and-center, and I’m super grateful that this does. It’s hard not to feel spirit (pun intended) of All Hallows Eve here, and I didn’t realize how much I missed that kind of vibe until I was there.

If you’re local and you can make it, the LA Haunted Hayride is worth a visit. Come kill a couple hours here and feel a bit of that Halloween magic, both terror and humor - trick and treats, if you’ll pardon the expression. And hey, if you’re not anywhere near LA, go see if anyone near you is doing a haunted hayride. It might help kindle that jack-o’-lantern flame in your soul too.

Anyway, I’ve got a lot of Midnight Falls dust to brush off my clothes. Until next time, I’ll see you in the fog.

The Los Angeles Haunted Hayride runs most nights in October and every night during the last week until November 2nd, from 7 to 10:30 or 11pm depending on the night. More details and tickets can be found here.

[kwamiwayzz]

Citrus Fanfic (Rec-ish) Masterpost

Hello Hello! It’s been about two weeks since the Citrus manga ended and while it leaves some of us fans thirsty for more content, Saburouta did say she’s planning for a spin-off that’s coming up in Winter 2019 :D 

But since that’s 4 months away, I figured I could create this fanfic list that could keep y’all busy in the next few months ^^ 

Keep in mind, I actually haven’t read some of the fics on this list, but have added them here since I’ve heard good reviews from other people and thought why not add them on here too~ 

Also, if any of y’all are starting out reading Citrus fic you should definitely start here lol I actually have this a top rec on this list and have recommended it before but everything smx writes is absolutely amazing and in-character

Alright, I’ll possibly add some of my thoughts and opinions on some of the fics included in this list so...here we go~ 

Valentine’s Day by mikotyzini

Citrus: Fantasies by epitomeofdisaster

Milk and its Derivatives by Joebagadonut & WhyMeiTalksWithPigeons

Warmth by Ennju

Into the Gremlin’s Den by AlexIsOkay

A Fresh Coat by mizutanitony 

Citrus - A Compilation by mikotyzini 

My Papa by Shmehua1

Sweet and Sour by Cynical-Banshee

Tenderness by ArcanicSoul 

Market Fresh Citrics by MCMulch

Dates Like Detentions by AlexIsOkay

The Price of Pretending by AlexIsOkay

[More under the cut since I know it’ll get really long]

Citrus schtuffs by angel0wonder - Yeah, I know I’ve recommended this before countless times in the past, but honestly, I can’t help it. I love it too much and it was the Citrus fic collection that introduced me to Citrus fic and eventually inspired me to write my own. Every chapter has nice little moments of fluff and comedy that the manga is in dire need of and every character included is in character that I can almost imagine Saburouta writing this herself! There’s some angst in it too, like chapter 41, but even those ones are a great read! If you want to know my favorites to start with, I can suggest reading chapter 9, chapter 16, chapter 25, chapter 33, CHAPTER 39 (pls read this one), chapter 41, and chapter 43. There’s a lot more and I love this collection dearly, but those chapters are my absolute favorites ^^ 

Uncomfortable Truths by mizutanitony - Okay, so confession time. I was actually really, and I mean REALLY hesitant to read this fic at first because of the premise. It’s basically a sequel to a bad end if Mei chose to marry her fiance Udagawa, leaving her and Yuzu separated for almost 2 years. The fic itself actually takes place 5 years after those events transpire and Yuzu and Mei are engaged and taking care of their son who’s the biological son of Udagawa. One thing I can say to why I was hesitant in reading this at first is because I thought the drama would be way too drawn out and/or I thought the premise was mostly going to heavily focus on flashbacks that have Yuzu and Mei still be separared and Mei trying to deal with herself being married to Udagawa. But when I did give this fanfic a shot, I was surprised and honestly glad I read it. The characters are all in character, and while there’s heavy drama here and there I feel like with the situation presented, it’s necessary and justified without being too overblown. Much of the focus on this fic is Yuzu and Mei trying to manage their relationship as adults, their respective jobs, and how to take care of a child. I could actually see this be a potential route if Mei did end up marrying Udagawa at the end of the manga and did try to do everything she could to win Yuzu back. And honestly, the parts where Mei and Yuzu talk out their relationship, the parts where they’re struggling mentally (especially) in figuring out where to go from where they are, especially knowing how much their past still hurts them, is the best thing I love out of this fic. Also 12/10 the smut scenes are hot. The fic itself is almost over but the chapters themselves are really long and can give y’all something to keep yourselves busy! Give it a shot! 

Skipping a Beat by BluBerserker - I binged this fic during my stressful first week of school and I really like the direction the author is taking this story! I’m not really sure how it’s gonna pan out, but I was interested in the premise. Yuzu being sick and learning how to deal with living with a heart condition? Mmmmyes I can feel the angst. One thing I love about this fic is the chemistry established between Yuzu and Mei, especially after Mei finds out about Yuzu’s brugada syndrome and ends up feeling guilty for causing her more pain than necessary. She really starts to loosen up around Yuzu and comes to terms with her feelings a little faster and earlier than where the manga went ^^

Neapolitan Ice Cream & Secrets by DoorIsAjar - aAAAAAAAAAA, this one!! I love this one! This is the kind of fluff that I used to write during my earlier days getting used to writing Citrus fic for this fandom. It’s basically about Yuzu taking care of Mei after Mei gets her wisdom teeth pulled out and is loopy on nitrous-oxide. There’s just a charm and endearing appeal to this fic in particular, and while Mei has a more childlike demeanor because of how loopy she is, it’s actually very in character and just absolutely adorable. I’m just surprised Yuzu didn’t drop dead after the many times Mei has been too cute for her! >u<

Grandes Esperanzas by YuzuAihara1993 - I actually have not read this for the sole reason that...well, it’s in Spanish and I can’t read Spanish ^^; BUT don’t let that stop you! The reason I’m adding this on this list is because I’ve heard from different people, mainly smxmuffinpeddling, how amazing this fanfic is and how it made her cry. She actually translated a portion of this fic and even said she’s in the process of translating the fic itself! As for those who already can read Spanish, try this one out!

Studies With Wolves by punklobster - I just really like this one, okay? i wrote a gigantic ass review on AO3 detailing how much I loved it. It’s basically a Wolf Children-esque AU where Yuzu meets Mei in college but notices she’s not a student there. Just read it. Please, it’s amazing 12/10 in character and 20/10 would read again.

Dinner at Aihara’s by fishnspice - This was one of the very first Citrus fanfics I read on AO3 and it has this nice atmosphere established between Yuzu and Mei that I sometimes find myself reading over and over again. 

Daughters and Lovers by LittleElisa - Okay, I need to recommend this one. This one, while kind of intimidating to read at first because of the formatting, is actually really nice and really in-character. I found myself re-reading this fanfic about 4-5 times after the first time I gave it a chance. It takes place around Volume 3 (back before we knew what the heck would happen, so this fic is pretty old), and takes a route where Ume finds out about their relationship pretty early on and...does not take it well, leading her to separate Yuzu and Mei. She doesn’t play the “non-understanding” parent and does actually feel bad for separating her daughters like that, but realistically I felt like this is what she would do after dealing with the shock that...well, her two daughters are making out behind closed doors. Everything else about this fic is actually amazing. I think I even remembered smxmuffinpeddling beta-ing this fic at one point! Give this one a shot! Unfortunately, the fic is unfinished and hasn’t been updated in years so like...if you like cliffhangers, well...good luck ;u;

Love Like You’ll Never be Hurt by vyoria - This one takes a bit of a different route compared to most other Citrus fics I’ve read so far. It’s basically where Yuzu and Mei don’t meet until they’re much older, like possibly in their late 20s, early 30s, and Mei is married to Amamiya. Unfortunately, because of the author’s busy schedule, there’s only been 1 chapter out so far. But the premise is nice and even if it is just one chapter I suggest y’all check it out! 

i have died everyday (waiting for you) by forbiddenquill - This fic...boi, back when I read this fic I didn’t really know what to expect from it aside from it was named after a really cheesy and endearing love song from Twilight. I think the thing that gravitated me the most towards this fic was the atmosphere the author set up between Yuzu and Mei. It had been a couple months since they’d last seen each other, and you can really feel for that sense of longing they both crave while also understanding the tense atmosphere they feel around each other because of the awkwardness from being apart for so long. You know Mei wants to be with Yuzu but doesn’t know how and yet Yuzu still reaches out to her one more time just to talk. Honestly, I don’t know where this author has been but they pretty much predicted the last chapter through this fic (almost). Spoiler alert: you kinda have to read it through to know what I mean XD 

And that’s the most I could think of so far! ^^; If you guys have any other fics you feel should be on this list let me know! 

I’ve also written my own Citrus fics, but like...it feels weird self-promoting myself XD. I’ll just say that if you’re curious to read some of my stuff, I’m Zoop Top on fanfiction.net and Rolex on AO3 

;D 

[shirlleycoyle]

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited

In November 2007, an entirely contextless video of me being punched in the face went viral. You might have seen it. It still does the rounds every couple of months, often when something notably bad happens that warrants a response of disbelief. In these strange times, it’s managed to remain endlessly prescient.

For the uninitiated, the video in question is an 11-second clip in which, aged 16, I appear wearing a dressing gown cord around my head, a chain necklace, some children’s sunglasses and a black T-shirt. I sit down and address the camera, ostensibly about to tell the viewer what I was thinking. I am immediately interrupted by my friend Tim, who appears stage left and lamps me. Rather than react in pain or anger, I err more towards disappointment and dismay, bewildered that something like this could happen. “Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this,” I said. End scene.

It’s been nearly 14 years since I uploaded the original video and to this day it still prompts questions. Who was the guy who got punched? Why did he get punched? Who punched him? What was he thinking? Why did he react that way? Why did he leave YouTube?

In recent years I’ve come to appreciate and even enjoy its bizarre status as an enduring piece of internet history, but my relationship with the clip in the decade that followed its inexorable rise hasn’t always been easy. To understand why, it’s useful to remember that the internet in 2007 was, for better or worse, a very different place.

Having spent the best part of my school years filming stupid skits with mates instead of studying, there was something semi-appealing about the prospect of being able to put videos online to share with friends. It began in mid-2003, when myself and a group of friends would have been in our early teens. Inspired by the likes of Jackass and Bam Margera’s CKY movies, our impressionable young selves set about ignoring all relevant safety warnings, hurling ourselves out of trees, riding scooters into curbs, and racing tyres down hills on skateboards.

At the age of 14 or so, I had envisaged cutting the footage into a chaotic feature-length video of “stunts.” I’d probably have soundtracked it with music from the Tony Hawk games, alongside countless other homemade skate videos people made circa 2003 that probably featured a mix of Ace of Spades or Guerilla Radio. I still have a box full of VHS-C tapes kicking around somewhere, which can only be viewed on one of those absolutely insane VHS adapters. Having not watched any of it in well over a decade, I can safely say that the content contained within those tapes is unequivocally shit.

All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in.

Looking back, the whole endeavour was entirely aimless, but aside from coming away with mild head injuries from time to time it was an innocuous way to spend my childhood. At the very least it also means I have a bizarre, tangible record of my youth that I’ll be able to laugh at one day when I’m old and wizened.

By summer 2004, we had started filming on Mini-DV, which opened up a whole new world of editing possibilities. Plugging a video camera into a computer and capturing footage directly to editing software is pretty much a given for today’s generation of content creators, but back in the early 2000s, this was revolutionary.

We’d eventually gravitate away from ‘stunts’ towards more structured skits and sketches. Nothing was ever scripted per se, but we’d usually start out with a rough idea of something and see how it played out.

There was an ambitiously misguided 'silent horror' short, soundtracked by Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells, in which someone chopped off ‘my cock’ (a banana) with a garden shear. We considered this to be the absolute pinnacle of comedy.

There was an ill-advised 'Ballers' skit in which we ventured out in sports gear to make a mock training video taking the piss out of a guy at school who fancied himself as a bit of a gangster; this painfully middle-class white kid who listened to rap metal and liked basketball. He obviously never saw it and there's no question that we looked like idiots filming it at the local park. It’s probably quite offensive in hindsight.

The author at the Bristol Climate Change Protests in September 2019. Image: Shanya Buultjens

There was a James Bond 'spoof' that involved misquoting portions of dialogue from that scene in GoldenEye where Q gives Bond an exploding pen. It was funny to about three people. One of them was my mum.

One time a mate of mine fell out of a tree when he tried to swing from a branch. He landed on his back and ended up coughing up blood. He didn’t go to the hospital even though he probably should have. He’s now a doctor and a father.

Mercifully, none of this stuff ever made it online, but I did sell a couple of DVDs to people at school who rightly/probably/hopefully never watched them. In an ideal world, I'd own the only copies. I'm also fully aware that writing about this now only makes it more likely that one of the four people that still have a copy will dig theirs out. Please do not do that.

In 2005 and 2006, YouTube was very much in its infancy. This was the time when clips were limited to about 100mb and you could only upload about 30 seconds worth of footage at a time, which basically made it perfect for bursts of frenetic, inane content. As the platform grew, it became a dumping ground for skits and footage that we’d accumulated over the preceding years. Much of it went completely unnoticed until late 2007, at which point things started to get a bit weird.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it.

The clip that people have come to know started out as an aimless skit filmed in Summer 2006. We hadn’t planned anything, least of all me being punched. In the footage building up to the event, I pushed Tim off the chair, he fell and hit his head on a filing cabinet off-camera. Rather than react to Tim, I sat down and proceeded to ad lib something that I’d venture to guess would have been considerably less funny than the act of violence that followed. Unprompted, Tim upsided me and I reacted with an inexplicable, completely incredulous response, which has followed me online ever since.

The footage sat on a tape until July 2007 when I decided to upload a brief segment under an ambiguous title. Fast forward to November and the video had somehow blown up, had its comments section relentlessly spammed, been ripped countless times and had offensive Wiki pages written about it. I also received a few direct messages which could at best have been described as ‘worrying’ and at worst ‘threatening,’ which was nice.

To this day, I’m none the wiser as to how it blew up in the way it did. I originally uploaded the video under the title ‘ ___________’ but the video somehow found its way onto 4chan where it spread like wildfire. The earliest mirrored link I could find was from January 2008, by which time it had been re-uploaded by multiple accounts, the most prominent of which had already clocked up almost double the number of views compared to my original upload.

At the time, going viral wasn't really comparable to any other experience and it certainly wasn't something I could discuss in solidarity with my friends. All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in. After yanking down several other videos on my YouTube channel, I opted for the latter.

When the video blew up, I got a call from a friend who informed me that the video had made the front page of Break.com. I peripherally knew what that meant: they offered a buyout scheme for videos that made the front page, which meant that I could make some money from it.

As it transpired, this wasn’t such a great idea. After signing a release form with some pretty appalling terms, over the following months I had several unnerving interactions with researchers for various TV shows looking to license the clip. Each offered far more favourable terms than those of Break. One of them harassed a bunch of my mates on Facebook. I think he even offered to pay one of them for my contact details.

By that point, it was all too apparent that I had completely fucked it. Break had the rights and I couldn't do anything with it even if I wanted to. At just 18 years old, I had sold out. In the short term, I used the money to buy a TV, which was great, but I soon started to get the creeping feeling that this was a decision that would come to haunt me. At that point, it was easier to disassociate myself from the clip, abandon YouTube, and move on with my life.

And yet, for the best part of 14 years the questions have kept coming: no, it wasn’t staged or scripted, it wasn’t a set-up, I didn’t know it was coming and, yes, it hurt. It was also very funny, which is presumably why I felt the need to upload it in isolation in the first place. Incidentally, Tim and I are still friends and contrary to some of the absolutely insane comments people leave on YouTube I can confirm that neither of us are in prison, the punch wasn’t a reaction to some sort of disagreement and he’s a lovely bloke.

To be clear, the lack of context wasn’t a deliberate choice to add intrigue either. I’d never even considered the possibility that anyone outside my circle of friends would see it. To me it was just another daft clip that a few mates would find funny.

Around the time I’d started to make peace with the issues around ownership, in 2018 it came to my attention that Break had shut down and its owner Defy Media had gone bust. The site was subsequently purchased by Yeah1 Network, but to this day I have no clarity whatsoever on my legal rights to the video. Any attempts to receive guidance have either turned up dead ends, or led to suggestions that I speak to IP lawyers, whom I have neither the means nor the time to deal with. Incidentally, if anyone has any insights in that area, I’d love to hear them.

Having said this, there’s something quite empowering in taking something embarrassing and admitting to it before someone else can point it out to you—a bit like taking ownership of an amusing surname. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what gags can be made from the name ‘Weedon,’ but I learned quite early on that if you make the jokes yourself and beat others to it, no one can fucking touch you. It’s much easier nowadays to hold my hands up and admit that I shouldn’t have sold the rights, make a joke of it and move on. At the very least, it makes for a good anecdote at parties.

As I suspect is probably the case for old content creators, if you can even call us that, the real story about I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This isn’t in how it’s aged and endured, or even how it’s impacted my life. For me, it’s tied up in issues of rights, ownership, and monetisation. As mercenary as it might be, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t regret missing out on a slice of the pie when it came to YouTubers being able to monetise their content sooner. On the one hand, that's probably a very cynical view for something that was created by a bunch of teenagers who were fooling around making videos for fun in the noughties, but on the other, that's just the world we live in now.

Perhaps the strangest thing about my experience with it nowadays is the way people engage with it on a day-to-day basis. The comments vary from young people discovering its origins for the first time, surprised to discover that it is in fact a 14 year old video and not a recent creation filmed for Vine or TikTok. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are incredulous that someone with a video that has 9.2 million views and an account that’s amassed over 15,000 followers without really trying would step away from the platform and not want to make content.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it. I love seeing how it’s been re-interpreted in modern mediums and that positive association has made it easier to accept. Charles Cornell turned it into a sad song. It got sampled in a KIll The Noise track. I had a nice interaction with The Sidemen about it. Will Smith even featured it in an insane Instagram post during the pandemic. I DM’d him to say thanks and he obviously didn’t reply.

To that end, a small group of us have recently started work on a film project exploring the nature of the meme, how it grew, its impact on my life and my relationship with the internet at large. In doing so, the hope is that, while answering some of the burning questions that other people still seem to have, I’ll ultimately be able to make peace with the whole thing.

@Twotafkap

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[aclockworkfilmsnob]

Thoughts on Britannia Hospital (1982)

Anyone who has seen a good chunk of Lindsay Anderson's films knows that a common trademark of them is having, let's call them, unorthodox moments. Events that transpire in a much more strange and experimental fashion than the rest of the movie. They completely lack subtlety and the statements being made are on a Paul Verhoeven level of obviousness. Some of these moments are great and enhance the film, like the sheep scene in O Lucky Man! and the spider scene in This Sporting Life, while others leave a lot to be desired, like the predatory coffee shop scene in If…., or the silent film techniques utilized in select scenes of O Lucky Man! Whatever the case may be, these moments are undoubtably strange, and to some they may be a major turnoff for Lindsay Anderson's filmography. I can't help but feel like some stuck up critic lambasted him for this one day, telling Lindsay that you can't just sprinkle in moments of absurdity into an otherwise cohesive film. In turn, he decided to make an entire film built on the foundation of outlandish scenes, and Britannia Hospital was born. If I haven't made it clear enough, this is not a primary example of a cohesive movie, for better or worse. The last thing I would say about this film is that it's predictable, or in any way traditional. But that doesn't necessarily warrant praise for its originality. Britannia Hospital is easily the weirdest Lindsay Anderson film I've ever seen. I'd go as far as to call it even more cynical than If…., or at least just as much so. Just about every main character in this movie is an awful person. The only exception I can possibly think of is Mick Travis, played once again by the incomparable Malcolm McDowell. The thing is, he's barely in the movie. I dare say he's in it as much as Mark Hamill is, which is not a lot at all. Anyone who hasn't seen the past two Mick Travis films will find themselves somewhat underwhelmed by how flat this guy is, the only thing we EVER find out about him being told to us through one quick line of expository dialogue (which may or may not hint at this being a direct sequel to O Lucky Man! but it really doesn't add much to the film at all) and fans of Mick Travis will be even more let down by how little of the film he's actually in. This movie would have been so much better had it centered around the journalist Mick Travis sleuthing through the dark unrests of Britannia Hospital, giving us a legitimately sympathetic character to work as a catalyst for the audience to discover the shocking and absurd truths of the facility. But this is only one of many subplots in the entire movie, and without a central character it really falls apart. The beauty of the other two Mick Travis films is getting to see different ways this guy interacts to his horrible surroundings, but in this movie you don't even scratch the surface of that. Yet still, he's the most entertaining part of the film, because you're never emotionally disconnected from him. The rest of the subplots really leave a lot to be desired. There's a lot going on with union workers, media men, Hospital higher ups, and a borderline mad scientist Doctor. For a film that's less than two hours long, this movie has a LOT of subplots to juggle, and it doesn't do an amazing job at it. I barely ever feel for any of these characters, and thus I'm left more or less uninterested in what's being done to propel the plot and what statements are being made throughout the story. Yes there are some interesting and admittedly funny moments, but barely anything that ever sticks with you. All of these sub plots could be divided into separate movies of consistently good quality if they were just given time to breathe. Hell, I'd say that the Mick Travis subplot would have made for a GREAT film, or at the very least a phenomenal short film. Of course this movie has a lot to say about society, government, corruption, and all that wonderful stuff, and I really appreciate the fact that it handles this subject matter in a hyperbolic and tongue-in-cheek way, but as a whole it just doesn't work as well as it could have. There are ideas buried in here that are downright brilliant, and in some cases there were comedic bits that had me audibly laughing. But the moments of comedy and satire miss more than they hit, at times you're really left scratching your head wondering "What is this movie trying to say? Why is it trying to say it this way? Is this really necessary?" I appreciate the cynicism and the fact that it's outwardly provocative towards every touchy subject it brings up, but I refuse to hail this as a masterpiece solely because it didn't sell out or try and appeal to the lowest common denominator. Something I've noticed about all of the other Lindsay Anderson films I've seen so far is that the weird moments are almost never total highlights for me. Don't get me wrong, I've liked a lot of them, but none of them have ever made me go "this is my favorite scene in the whole film." Britannia Hospital, as I've made clear many times, is a weird movie. But there is one moment that REALLY sticks out as just being totally bizarre and out-there. I won't give it away, all I'll say is that it involves Mick Travis, and I absolutely loved it. It was by far my favorite scene in the whole movie, I was jovially laughing and even started to clap at how much I was enjoying it. If you think I'm being cryptic, believe me, you'll know it when you see it. The ending of the film is definitely memorable, but I'm not so sure it was all that great. While most of the film totally feels like A Clockwork Orange in its cynicism, satire, dark comedy, and even moments of ultra-violence, the ending of Britannia Hospital goes full on 2001: A Space Odyssey. It really sets itself up to be some wonderful comedic pay off, but it just ends up being strange and somewhat philosophical/deep, but not necessarily brilliant. In fact, I'd call it more preachy than anything, the only moment in the movie I would actually call pretentious. It just feels so out of place, and I'm still struggling to determine whether or not it was intentionally pretentious, because I wouldn't rule out that possibility. It's not a horrible ending, but it's kind of unsatisfactory. I think I get what they were going for, but it's just tonally out of place. The thing about the film is, I really can't call it lazy. There is no point in this movie where you can look at it and go "oh that's a total cop out" or "it's clear that no one tried hard when making this." It is so abundantly clear that everyone working on this movie (save for maybe the sound designers, their work didn't exactly wow me here) was trying their absolute hardest to make the best, most original and entertaining film they could. You can look at just about everything in the movie and understood why people thought this was great, why they thought it would work. It's certainly a cautionary tale for any aspiring filmmakers out there, especially screenwriters. I could easily see myself being the writer of this script and thinking to myself that it's just pure perfection, and it's kind of daunting to think about. I definitely can't say I have contempt for this film, I'm certain it was made with heart and dedication, and I believe it shows immensely. I can see people loving this film, praising it as a masterpiece, and demanding a Blu Ray release. I am just not one of them. This film was an overly ambitious mess, a culmination of so many great ideas and entertaining scenes that could not mesh very well. It's an admirable attempt, and some moments are genuinely great. It's well acted and well directed enough to prevent me from getting mad at it, and I do recommend Mick Travis fans check it out for closure, but I do not see myself rewatching it anytime soon. 6/10

[gryndboxstudios]

Annihilation (2018) Review

by Matthew Arce-Phillips

   Firstly, this review is going to be as non-spoiler as possible. I truly believe this movie should be experienced by everyone with absolutely no idea of what it’s about. I will be giving some plot points and some minor details, but nothing that will give the movie away on a grand scale. Secondly I’m going to try and give the review a more paragraphical style instead of one big blob of text. I’m hoping it’ll ease the pain of reading the long ass things.

   Annihilation is a fucking fantastic movie! I had no knowledge of this movie prior to watching it and I’m glad! I had no expectations, no ideas, no anything and it surprised the hell outta me! If you didn’t know Annihilation is directed by the same guy who directed Ex Machina. Both movies have their underlying tones. I don’t want to explain too much, but Ex Machina is about existential crisis, finding meaning in life, and creating something we don’t fully understand. Honestly, it felt like a modern day Frankenstein with technology. Annihilation has to deal with the way we corrupt ourselves, those around us, and the planet we live on. Both movies are totally different, yet play off of each other so well; Like two sides of the same coin. Creation and destruction.

   Here’s a quick synopsis to help move things along. We find our main character Lena, biologist and ex-military, in shock when her husband comes back from a 12 month long mission with no knowledge of his absence from home or where he was at. In order to find out how to help him, she decides to go into what’s called “The Shimmer” and find out what really happened to him. That’s all you need to know! It’s so hard for me not to go into detail about what transpires because it’s so damn good! Sci-fi is my favorite genre of movie to watch wether it be fantasy, thriller, horror, or even comedy. It’s all great! But this movie is a cross between suspense and a little bit of horror, not in the kind you think. It’s starts sort of slow, giving you only what you need to know, making you question everything that you see and hear. It gives you the impression that not even Lena can be trusted, and in the end it plays off immensely. Towards the middle you feel for her and the struggles that she goes through, but remember how this movie is about corruption? By the final scene you’re left in complete shock and awe, questioning the events that you just witnessed and what really even happened.    I was honestly mad when it ended because my mind was completely blown. Annihilation is originally based off a book by Jeff VanderMeer, who is known for writing weird and scary fiction. It’s a three part series known as The Southern Reach trilogy with Annihilation being the first part. I really hope the other two get made into a movie after this one’s success. I plan on purchasing the books to take a read for myself, of course they’re going to differ but taking in the author’s original ideas and thoughts will be way more exciting. Except for one thing... Practical effects. My favorite fucking thing in any movie is practical effects! The best example of this is the move The Thing (1982). Every single creature, monster, terrifying thing in that movie was created by someone and put in actual use. If you haven’t seen it, please stop what you’re doing, go watch it, then come back and finish reading this.    There are only two monsters in Annihilation, a albino molting crocodile and a decaying giant bear. The croc isn’t so scary and the only part that is real is when Lena and the crew kill it then inspect the monster up close. But the bear.. holy shit, that bear scene gave me fucking chills. At first we only get a glimpse of the creature when the Lena’s team camps out in a abandoned army camp after entering “The Shimmer” after a few days. With a blink of the eye the monster snags one of the crews members and is gone without anyone knowing what really happened. We don’t get the full effect of what it really looks like till later when the movie really has its build up. In short, one member of the team goes crazy as ties up the rest to chairs as she determines what’s real and what isn’t. While this all ensues, we hear screams for help that makes the one crazy member believe it’s the girl that died earlier come back looking for them. Boy is she wrong!!! Somehow, using genetics and not spoiling the movie, the bear literally fucking absorbs the girls, screams into itself and uses it as a lure! Like who the hell thought of that? When they see the bear creep up, the remaining crew tied as it tries to make them react to the noise up close and personal. The bear is shown molting and rotting away, half of its skull is completely showing; there’s even a piece of human skull embedded into the left side of it. This gave me chills, nightmares, and made me cringe as I sat on the edge of my couch waiting to see what was going to happen next. I’m not kidding you, after watching the movie I stayed up another hour trying to erase the image out of my head before falling asleep and seeing it in my nightmares. I wish I could describe it as well it looks, but my words do not do it any justice. If you haven’t decided to watched this movie yet, at least consider it after reading what I’ve explained about the Nightmare Bear.    In closing, Annihilation really brings out the best of imagination and story, telling with its beautiful creations along with a complexing suspense of reality. By the end you really begin to question what the hell happened, and what’s going to happen to the rest of the world. It does end on a bit of a cliffhanger, but it just works so well with everything we’ve learned about what exactly happens in “The Shimmer”. To be honest, I think something is still missing from what they’ve shown us. There’s a bigger picture waiting to be unraveled, more story to explain, and more creatures to be created. I really love and recommend this movie to everyone and anyone reading this! This is definitely a movie I will be rewatching to try and get all the little details I missed the first time. Believe me, I tried keeping up with everything as the movie got better and better. It was first recommended to me by my friend Nick, who had only gotten half way through the movie. I am now going to shove the movie down his throat until he finishes it that way we have something to talk about during lunch. I give Annihilation 10 Nightmare Bears out of 10.

Movies by Matt is the newest part of GBStudios’ team, looking to provide entertaining and informational reviews on all our favorite movies. You can follow @movies_matt and Gryndbox Studios on Twitter!

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 2

A better followup with actual characters.

And They All Lived Happily Ever… Oh… starts off with some better-handled exposition than we were given last episode. In this one, it seems more to work into Goku's character than simply for the sake of getting the plot established and out of the way. We also get more development here, where it becomes apparent that apart from being just "the idiot" he's also "the annoying idiot". Sure it's hilarious to watch, but from the point of view of anyone else in the show, his dense and naive nature can be infuriating (more on that later though...)

Also the genesis of the yoshi joke. Though I just realized, in the background during this is a faint rustling sound. This is either the background noise of a bad microphone or great sound design of the rustling of clothing as they fly through the air. I actually only noticed it because it stops so abruptly when Goku asks if he could ride Piccolo. Not sure why that is.

After the title sequence, we're back to Raditz immediately peaking his microphone with poor voice acting. Gohan is crying for obvious reasons, and an annoyed Raditz chucks him into the soundproof timeout pod.

To TFS’ credit, they seemed to have picked up at least some of the problems the first episode had, as Goku directly calls Raditz on revealing plot points that haven't been explained yet, specifically Raditz referring to Piccolo as a Namekian.

This is both fourth-wall breaking and tongue-in-cheek jab at themselves. It really seems like it shouldn't work, but honestly I think it does. My reasoning is because it's funny. It in fact only works because of how badly they screwed up in the first episode with the writing. It might also hint at some kind of humility or the ability to laugh at themselves, which is the absolute heart and soul of improving with comedy.

Returning to the plot, Piccolo casts off his cape and it makes a big thud when it lands. Goku asks if Piccolo wears weighted training clothes as well, and Piccolo responds in deadpan, saying no, he just loves to get naked around Goku. Raditz however, takes this literally.

This whole exchange is a little weird. It almost works, especially with the Harvey Birdman zinger at the end, but the bad "Shut up!" afterwards kills the momentum. It would have been much cleaner and smoother if it had immediately transitioned into the fight scene after Harvey Birdman.

Speaking of, the fight scene has no lip flaps. I don't know how I feel about this. On the one hand, this is way, way before TFS started splicing lip flaps from other scenes or having Kirbopher draw up new ones. On the other, it's a little weird to hear a character speaking out loud and then not see their lips moving. Goku's incessant, futile attempts to attack Raditz also make me feel like he's not just stubborn, but also too dumb to quit... which might not that far off from canon Goku.

Raditz fires a Double Sunday (or whatever name you want to call it) at Goku and Piccolo. Goku taunts Raditz for missing him.

"My bad."

Into the dirt with you, Goku. When their fast-paced material hits, it hits hard.

It's then revealed that Piccolo has lost his left arm to that attack. Goku begins an awkward series of "high five, handshake, thumbs up" but keeps cutting himself off, rather like how Raditz cut off Piccolo's arm. This doesn't work however, as all of the examples given can be done with the one arm Piccolo still has. The delivery does more than the actual line does, to MasakoX's credit.

TFS then takes a direct line from the Funimation dub - "Has anyone seen my arm? You can't miss it, it's green". I'm sure they do this a few times, perhaps more than I'm aware, but this just sort of seems... I wouldn't say it's bad, because it's a funny line that can work with the scene, but it just feels lazy to me. Like they needed to give Raditz a line, and said "Eh, why not?"

Piccolo then begins what might the ultimate brick joke when he tells Goku to stall Raditz for five minutes while he charges the Makosnuffleupagus. This whole scene is probably the best in the episode. From Piccolo's explanation of the situation, to Goku's background screams, to Piccolo singing Mahna Mahna.

Goku manages to catch Raditz by the tail twice, the context of which is not explained: Raditz as a Saiyan becomes crippled with pain if his tail is squeezed. He simply asks "please" and then "pretty please" to be let go, and Goku obliges. This further expands Goku's character as someone with the capacity to see redemption in anyone, but also how incredibly gullible he can be. And stupid. Verrrry stupid.

Goku is now flat on his back with Raditz crushing his ribs. Speaking of stupid, Goku tries to correct Raditz that Piccolo is not a Namekian, but a Yoshi. He does not understand what sarcasm is and wants to eat it.

Raditz peaks his microphone again and Goku pulls a Homer Simpson - "I think you broke my--!! Mmm... Ribs..."

It's at this time that Gohan completely smashes out of the space pod and headbutts Raditz, cracking his armor. The "We get it, you're from space!" joke was born here, but it honestly isn't funny. It's out of left field and isn't really warranted, since "space pod" makes sense but "space armor" is just a forced non-sequitur to prompt the punchline.

Goku is completely shocked, as so far with the combined efforts of himself and Piccolo, the two strongest people on the planet, they have collectively done Jack and Shit. To say, four year Gohan just outperformed both of them with a single blow. Though to say he's a good father is a stretch, as he seems a little more focused on Gohan's fighting ability than his safety as the shit-wrecker of the week is currently looming over him. Yes, enjoy it while you can, Raditz, this is the only episode where you're not a joke.

Raditz then backhands the ever loving shit out of Gohan. This was a risky play, kind of like this episodes version of the voice actor fight in the first episode, but I still find this holds up fairly well. Raditz is clearly an evil character, and the KaiserNeko voice-over crosses the line twice when it tries to address the scene in the fourth wall. Is it necessary? I'd say yes. It needs to happen to set up the next sequence of events. The pause and voice-over works to address it head-on and really twist the nail in rather than just letting it fly by and have the viewer go "Wait, did that just happen?"

Goku once again showing his great father skills by worrying about what his wife will do to him if Gohan dies, rather than worrying about Gohan dying. Raditz prepares to mind-crush the four year old, and Goku suddenly activates hero mode and full-nelsons Raditz with quite a few broken ribs. Cue a rather funny scene of Raditz struggling to break free of something so inconsequential to the rest of what's transpired.

Oh yeah, Piccolo's still a thing. And his Mekkacockadoodledoo is done charging. Goku warns him to let him know before he attacks Raditz, because he’s right behind him.

Piccolo however plans to kill the both of them at the same time. But can you blame him? The characterizations this episode have kind of set the scene for this to happen, and it's not out of left field or at all out of character for either of them: Piccolo's maniacal plotting and Goku's oblivious, trusting nature.

The pronunciation of the "Special Beam Cannon" attack's Japanese name is also a fairly long brick joke, but on its own it's funny enough just because of the ridiculousness of the attack's name - Makankosappo for those who can't be bothered to look it up on Google. Using this, Piccolo takes out Raditz, Goku and their brand deal.

Raditz dies with a cheesy "damn you hindsight" and Goku dies because there's apparently a hole in his esophagus (there's not). Piccolo regrows his arm with an insanely metal yell, nicks Gohan, and then fucks out of there. The Krillin Owned Count then goes up to 2 because Roshi tells him to shut up... Yeah, not getting good use of this so far.

Conclusion

Much better than the first episode, actually. Though still with its own issues, it seems there’s either more to work with or TFS was trying a different, more successful approach to writing.

Characters are more developed whereas Non-Characters are staying as Non-Characters. Goku gets the most in my opinion, as he was just the “plot vehicle” in the first episode. More of Piccolo, who was still stellar in this episode, and... some Raditz? He has some hilarious lines and zingers but we don’t really get to know more about him aside from he’s an evil dick. Everyone else still gets nothing.

Writing is... Okay? It’s definitely not bad, and parts were genuinely enjoyable, but I wouldn’t say its very good overall. There were about as many or even fewer “misses” as far as punchlines, jokes or spoken dialogue compared to the first episode but and MANY more “hits”

However, unlike the first episode, there wasn’t a satisfying conclusion. The episode ends like a limp noodle and peters out immensely once the fight is over. The Special Beam Cannon is the climax of the fight but that doesn’t mean everything has to be stale after it.

Microphone quality seems inconsistent across the cast, but is mostly still terrible with Raditz.

Score: 68

Passing Thoughts

"Now I can just sit back and- [BEEP BEEP BEEP] -beat the crap out of whoever's coming. Sigh. Great." - Probably Raditz's best line/delivery so far. It's so sarcastic and weary in tone that I can't help but love it.

"Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy. No, no not cunning. What's the opposite of that?"

"RETARDED?!" - A joke that’s probably no longer in their style of writing, but it’s one of the better ones of Season 1. Political correctness aside, it’s just so sudden and blunt that it can’t help but make me burst out into laughter.

"A full nelson? That won't work on me. I'm Raditz!... Okay let go... Seriously this is starting to piss me off!"

"Riiiiicola!"

[rebekahsremarkable]

Molly

When I was in elementary school, there was a girl named Molly in which for several years, I had her in several of my classes. Molly was very different than the rest of the girls at school. She didn’t care much about anything except her happiness. I think, deep down, I admired that about her.

Even as a young adolescent, I had yearned to be accepted by my peers. When the popular girl in school, Kelly, started tying her shirts in the back- I quickly followed suit. When she started wearing army pants and flip-flops, I started wearing army pants and flip-flops. When the popular clique in school started playing volleyball- I begged by Dad to pay for lessons.

But Molly wasn’t like that. Molly was weird. She did weird things, like eat lunch by herself and talk about grown-up things like boys and what penises were. “What is a penis?” I remember thinking. “It sounds like a toy. And why do only boys have them? That doesn’t seem fair.”

One day, on the playground, I remember the girls and I watching Molly practicing for the school’s talent show. She twirled around for everyone to see. There was no music, and every mis-step she took, onlookers could witness.

The HBIC of Turner Elementary, Kelly, stood up and walked over to Molly’s designated dancing area. As the girls and I approached behind Kelly, Molly stopped dancing.

“Hi, guys!” She smiled, and opened her big blue eyes wide, as if we were there to accompany her in her dance routine.

“Hi, Molly.” Kelly said, with a blank tone. “Did you know that me and some of the girls were dancing in the talent show, too?” She asked, almost sarcastically.

“Yeah! I saw in rehearsal the other day! You guys are so good.” She smiled, waiting for a returned compliment of approval.

“Listen,” Kelly said, sternly. “I’m saying this, because I’m your friend. And no one else has the guts to tell you...” The girls nodded in sync. I looked at each of them- wondering what was happening. I was confused. Kelly said she was saying something as a friend, but somehow it still felt threatening. Is that a thing all girls can do- or is that some super power only Kelly could acquire?

“You look like an idiot. And I know that sounds mean. But how do you think you will look? Especially after the girls and I dance? People seeing... Whatever you call that. I just don’t want you to be embarrassed.”

“Yeah, she’s right.” The girls said, almost collectively. They all giggled.

I watched as I could almost visually see Molly’s pride disappear from her face. Her big, blue eyes lost their happily independent twinkle. Her grin dissipated. I could see her free-spirited heart break.

“I’m glad we had this talk.” Kelly said.

The girls and Kelly walked away in their herd, and I stayed back for a second. I saw Molly quietly cry for a moment, and then huff in the rest of her feelings. I went to walk away- but stopped myself for just a moment as we shared a glance.

“I...” I stumbled to say. I looked down at the ground, ashamed.

“Go ahead.” she quietly whispered.

And go I did... I followed the herd inside the school as the end-of-recess bell rung.

I sat back at my desk, and wondered what had just transpired. I didn’t participate in mocking Molly, but I still felt shitty. I didn’t laugh at Kelly’s remark like the other girls, but I still felt just as guilty.

But I did watch. Yes, that’s exactly what I did. I watched as the girls made a innocent, confident girl- into a jaded, self conscious child. But I didn’t participate. I didn’t say anything...and as Mrs. T handed out the spelling list for the week, I came to a fourth-grade revelation:

Maybe watching is just as bad.

*******************************************************************

Making new friends to me is extremely important. For some reason, when other girls like me or say I’m funny, I get a high much similar to shooting meth in my arm (is meth shot up, or is it ingested? Will google later).

Sure, boys think I’m funny. But boys also want to sleep with me; and while some women may feel the same way, I feel a sense of validity when another girl likes me. It’s like- Woah! You’re not in competition with me? You’re not trying to tare me down? You LIKE me? I must be one hot potato.

So imagine my surprise when meeting Leanne’s brand-new, super hip and pretty Denver friends. There was three: Yasmine, a gorgeous, round-eyed makeup connoisseur; Margie, a coworker of Leanne’s, stone-faced and extremely fashionable; and Tabitha, a shy, alcohol-friendly introvert.

We sat in the extremely expensive, young-people friendly lobby of Leanne’s apartment complex waiting for the handsome men they acquired at the mall earlier that day to finish their game of pool.

As a bottle of expensive vodka got passed around the room, I noticed the girls were on the other side, and I was sitting against the wall. I had made an observation as the girls whispered and giggled to each other:

This is the first time I had been in the same room as Leanne and we  weren’t sitting next to each other. Or touching. Or laughing. Or hugging. In her niche, I watched her and her new found lady wolf pack bond from across the way. I wouldn’t say I felt jealous- but I definitely just wanted to become a part of it.

Feeling frisky, I took the pool stick and shot a ball into the corner pocket.

“Nice,” one of the handsome suitors said.

I slyly dabbed and the boys laughed.

For the rest of the night, I decided to be myself. I drank wine instead of vodka, made funny “That’s What She Said” quips and danced when a song I liked came on. I was un-apologetically myself, as Leanne always inspired me to be. In this instance, looking back, I was un-apologetically myself, by myself.

I had work in the morning, so I retired to Leanne’s bedroom alone, laying in her bed with the comfort of knowing I made three new friends. I hope they liked me. I wanted us to be Sex and the City, essentially. I imagined us all sitting around a table, at a fancy Sunday 10 am brunch, drinking mimosas and talking about penises. Who would be the Samantha? Who is Charlotte? No one is Miranda. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

My imaginative brain almost drifted to sleep when I heard Yasmine say my name.

“She’s nice, I guess. Some of her remarks seemed a little passive aggressive.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Margie said. “She just seems like, insecure.”

“She likes attention.” Tabitha replied. “Which is fine, I mean... every girl likes attention. She just tries too hard to be funny. And she gets really um...”

“-Passionate.” Leanne finally chimed in.

“Right. Passionate.” the other girls chuckled.

I tried my hardest not to keep listening. I begged for sleep to take me away. But I kept hearing each girl back-handedly give me ‘compliments’.

I kept waiting to hear Leanne’s voice... But it never came.

When they finally found a new topic, I found myself feeling a gaping hole in my chest. What did I do? What was passive-aggressive? It was like being present for your own Comedy Central Roast, but no one else knows your there and the jokes are really just your biggest insecurities.

But though it felt like I had just looked into a Magic Mirror similar to the one in Snow White (except instead of telling you you’re the fairest off them all, it tells you your shittiest qualities), I found myself noticing the main reason why I was hurting wasn’t because of the things the girls said. It was what Leanne didn’t say.

She didn’t say anything, so how could I be mad? She just watched. Then I thought about fourth grade, and I thought about Molly... No, Leanne didn’t say anything...

But maybe watching is just as bad.

**********************************************

I packed up my belongings the next morning and left as everyone slept. I made myself a quick pre-workout cocktail, and scurried out the door before anyone could see I was upset.

Before leaving the parking garage, I typed up a Facebook message to the girls apologizing for being ‘passive-aggressive’, and how I looked forward to getting to know them better. My exit must have awakened them, as the message went to ‘read’ quickly after I hit send. I never received a response.

On the forty minute drive home, I recalled my fourth grade talent show:

Kelly, (who told me, after careful deliberation, I could not be a part of their talent show dance), was instructing me when exactly to pull the curtain closed as the girls made their final pose in their choreography. It was too late for me to be the ‘talent’ in the talent show, so I volunteered to be a part of the stage crew.  

When it was finally the girls’ turn to perform in the show, they danced to a Will Smith party anthem that seemed, in hindsight, a little too edgy for a couple of eight year olds. I pulled the curtain precisely as instructed. The girls all peeked out the curtain and bowed to their raving applause, and were clearly fan favorites.

Ms. Marshall called out for the final act. “Has anyone seen Molly?”

I wondered if she’d show.

“Here! I’m here!” Molly said. She was dressed in all white, with a bright pink scarf tied to hip of her capris.

She smiled big as she walked passed the girls and said, “Wow. You ladies did a great job!” And ran to the center of the stage.

Ms. Marshall walked in front of the curtain and started speaking into the microphone. “And now, for our final act, we have Molly performing a dance she choreographed herself.” She awkwardly clapped herself off stage, and I pulled the curtain open accordingly.

There stood a posed Molly, her feet confidently planted on the ground, her hand on her hip. There was a moment of silence, and, almost suddenly, a tune called “Accidentally in Love” played.

I watched Molly dance, completely in awe. It was as if what had happened days earlier didn’t even phase her. She moved to a song that everyone in the room could visibly see she loved, you would thing she wrote the damn song.  She jived, she used jazz-hands, she did the monkey, and most of all- she smiled. She shined.

I felt myself notice the difference between Molly and I in that moment. This whole time, I had vied for acceptance from my peers- and I never got it.

Molly had never asked for acceptance, she never conformed, and there she was, the star of her own show.

Where was I? I was pulling the curtain. Where was Molly?

She was dancing to the rhythm of her own song.

***********************************************

Thanks for reading! I’ve been getting some responses in which people get mad at me for posting certain things on here... I kept my writing secret for a long time. I even stopped entirely after I was told I wasn’t good at it, or that it was me vying for attention. For awhile I got really depressed and honestly, the only thing that pulled me out of it was writing. It gives me a sense of purpose. It lets me bend reality in a way that makes sense to me. With that in mind, readers need to understand that though there are certain things in life my writing may be inspired by, the occurrences in the blog are entirely fictional. Are there certain things that may remind you of someone in my life, or of an occurrence you may of been a part of? Sure, but my writing is far from the truth. My writing tells a story. A story that I want to be relatable the many(okay, like 5) women who read it, and that requires me to make something that has a message and a plot.

So if you’re my friend reading this, thank you for supporting me and understanding this. If you’re someone who feels they have been mis-represented on here, well, you’re wrong. Because my writing has nothing to do with you. This is the one space where all it has to do with, is ME. It’s my world to manipulate. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.