#it is finals week and I am struggling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

freckleshine007 · 5 months

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Szereban-Webber family portrait!

Characters:

Partisan/Niles (@doonthestair), Lore/Jonas (@charonean), Alterity/Magnus (my character :3), and Agency/Evangeline (@viridianvales)

#I love the szereban-webbers #they have taken up my entire brain #it is finals week and I am struggling #Alterity Szereban-Webber #my art #dnd #dnd art #dungeons and dragons #dnd oc #dnd character #oc art #Szereban Webber family

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skunkes · 20 days

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never underestimate a cheye's ability to think "what if this is as good as it gets" about any situation

#talkys #during my week away from home and especially after meeting that server our age i was like #yes ok. a life for me is possible. qhen i get home ill work on my resume and look for interview and work clothes #and ive gotten home now and its like. why bother. i dont think it can get better than this #my life would be largely the same except now I have to struggle even more to survive #especially since im still finding it so difficult to get used to Having to drive to do anything #i dont know. i dont know #i rly am the stayer #qhats that post about finally getting what u want and being scared.#i have a potential not even 100% certain opportunity here and im too afraid.#what if it goes wrong. what if it goes Right. idk if i can handle either. i dont think im meant to be here or anywhere #i keep getting scared. i need change but i fear change and I just want a Home

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deoidesign · 4 months

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 days

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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music #which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad #its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading #papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot #i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages #and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc #i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this #works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab #have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier #so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break #myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take #the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me #so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester #i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt #my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just #at the end of the line and it sucks #unrelated

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scribesofcalamity · 2 months

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A quick small piece of vent art.

Avoid the tags,I am putting all the Blegh stuff there. Things are rough right now and have been for multiple weeks….but I am holding on. I’m going to try and do sketches for the rest of the people I want to hit for art fight. I’m going to catch up on my work and keep doing well. I’m going to have a good weekend with my partner. I’m going to be ok. It is going to be ok.

#my art #vent art #avoid the tags I am putting things here #tw:trauma #tw:murder #tw:suicide #tw: mental health #tw:death #tw: vent #I hope that covers most of it #hopefully tumblr should cut it off #it’s just been a really really rough past few weeks #from my family basically bailing on me for my own wedding #and then getting mad at me when i got upset #and being mad i set boundaries after years of abuse #work was so rough and the burn out has been insane #I’ve felt so disconnected from my friends #it’s been my entire life but I struggle with feeling like I matter to anyone #the anniversary of the homicide is coming up and I’ve been really struggling this year #the nightmares are back #tw: ptsd #forgot that one #I’ve been so jumpy and unfocused #I had to step back from Art fight and I’m feeling so frustrated by that #I want to challenge myself and give back to the community #then our damn ac went out so another giant bill #and amid the heat a phone call that turned into #me spending the past few days in the er while my mom was on suicide watch #I’m so tired #at least she finally agreed to go inpatient so a small win

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astriiformes · 8 months

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Had a really good conversation with my therapist yesterday that has left me feeling better about life & the future than I have in... months, honestly (which also has me feeling really good about her ability to help me continue sorting through things).

I was talking about my distress about the future and in particular what I'm going to do when I graduate, since grad school isn't the most stable option, and she pointed out that since I was spiraling over hypotheticals, maybe it made sense to simply make up my mind about the first step, since applying to grad school is hardly the same as committing to grad school. And she was so right. I am so good at feeling like I need to make the right, perfect decision -- especially after making mistakes with school in the past -- that I have been worrying myself into depressive spirals over what the "right" decision is here. But making up my mind to at least apply and find out what my options are is a decision, that will give me a lot more information in the long run than paralysis over if it's "okay" to apply at all.

It'll still take a lot of work, obviously, and l don't know if I'll even get in anywhere, much less actually commit to doing a PhD if I do. But it has taken such an incredible weight off my shoulders just to say "Okay, I am going to apply, what next?" Because it means I can put all that nervous energy to actual use! Instead of spiraling the next time I start thinking about my options in the future, I can go do research on different PhD programs (without feeling guilty the whole time, like I have been until now)! I can ask my favorite professors for advice! I can reach out to current grad students to ask what they think of their advisors! All of which is actually productive and will help me make the most informed choice I can if and when the time comes, instead of ruminating endlessly on what the "best" one is!

TL;DR -- my therapist is very smart and understands me and the things my brain gets stuck on in a big way, and her advice has dislodged literal months of extremely disordered thinking just like that. Because now I feel like I've made a choice and have something to work towards. And also like I can breathe.

#it is probably not a coincidence that i finally feel like i've 'clicked' with a therapist again who also is knowledgeable about OCD #because i think this is a very OCD problem and very OCD solution #stuck worrying about a totally hypothetical choice? make a non-hypothetical one so it becomes real and actionable instead!#i am literally going to file this away for all major life decisions; i get so stuck on this kind of thing and it's so smart #genuinely cannot overstate how much i've been struggling with this for months and how much it's just. gone now #like i'm having a good week mentally ('maybe it's the start of the semester / maybe it's vyvanse' joke - but actually)#so i am not going to pretend this fixes everything forever #but also it was constantly hanging over me and now it's. not #anyways! i have no idea if academia is the right choice for me! but i'd kind of like it to be! so we'll see what happens!#and in the meantime i will do productive things instead of self-flagellating about being interested in an unstable field!#i love. therapy. love when it works

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legobiwan · 11 months

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So at one point I had this hilarious notion that I was somehow going to be able to pull off Whumptober. This obviously did not happen. However...the semester is winding down and I am finally getting back to figuring out how to write again. So...a concept from a wholly different short idea. I need to write more of the Bleck gang, they're fun.

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“I wasn’t aware we were now in the business of taking prisoners,” Dimentio hums, eyeing the dazed, green-clad man who is trailing the twin set of Koopa guards as if he were a child who mistook strangers as his parents. “My, my," he tuts, "how the Count’s morals have slid since the sham nuptials of the beast and the princess.” A sly smile slants across the jester’s features. “However do you cope, Nassy?”

Nastasia growls, brushing Dimentio away with a sour look, taking a moment to adjust the perfectly-wrapped bun atop her head. “The Count is only doing what is necessary, okay?" she says, waspish. “Restoring order to the universe is his priority.”

#hello there #writing #the eternal struggle #dimentio #nasatsia #oh boi i am rusty but i'm also finally not 1000% sleep deprived and working almost normal hours in a week #almost

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seventh-district · 5 months

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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

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tswwwit · 2 years

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psst listen listen listen i know you've probably got 30k+ WIPs but do you think you might ever grant us the blessing of some confessing it from bill's POV? (like when they were on a break, etc?) no pressure just curious!!

This is by far the most requested Bill POV from Confessing It, so rest assured it's on my list of stuff to get to!

#answers #The end of this year has not been very productive writing wise :/// I am forging onward anyway #I was also under the weather for part of this week but I'm feeling better!#Now to get back to WRITING #It's that horrible 'it's 90% done' where I gotta make the final push to complete the thing #That Octobill thing is also half written but it's lacking something so I've been stuck #Confessing It ending has been like one-third completed but I'm having trouble with some of the flow setup #Writing is a series of endless struggles #The task never ends only adds more and more

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makkie-is-screaming · 11 months

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#Okay so tw cuz im gonna rant about suicide #so back in July I planned on killing myself today #I told myself I needed to try n get better n if I couldn’t that was it #and I’ve tried I really have #and I’m obviously still struggling but not to the extent I was #like I’m depressed n my ed is getting worse #but I’m finally hanging out with D n she’s just so much fun to be around #im calling my bestie more and she sounds genuinely happy to hear from me #im doing a bit better with my parents to n im seeing my cousin more who I’ve missed so much #I have plans for break for the first time in years #im finally getting piercings #it’s crazy cuz even just 2 weeks ago I didn’t think Id be ok today #but I am like today isn’t gonna be another attempt I’m gonna make it #and that’s wild to me bc I was so bad over the summer I was constantly debating it that’s why I set the date #And I don’t think I’m fixed and there’s a big chance I’ll attempt at some point in the future knowing me #but right now I feel like I have a reason to try and I haven’t felt like that in a long time #okay I’m done now just wanted to say that #screaming #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #kinda

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minnaci · 5 months

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also Yes the gojomega collab fic is coming i was just hit by the worst wave of depression that i've experienced in a while and i am still recovering from it :') please forgive me for being a little late

#thinkmin!#i always feel a lil bad for missing deadlines #but. this time. i. yeah. the brain hasn't been the best place to be for the past few weeks i have been struggling to be stable and normal #that being said. gooj beloved hopefully soon IT'S NOT GOJOVER!#(i say soon but. it might not be for a few more weeks bc i am failing a class n i need to ace the finals next week to pass)#(yes the failing is also depression related i think. go figure)

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mishtershpock · 5 months

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