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forkanna · 3 years

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[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE: Most Japanese schools run Monday through Saturday. Also, thanks for keeping up with this story, despite my choppy update schedule!

Saturday slipped by awkwardly. That really was the best description for it, terrible as that reality was; the whole situation felt awkward.

The night before, they had parted ways at the train station. A tacit agreement had been reached that too much had happened in a single day, and they both needed time to process. They texted a few things about being glad they hung out that day, or what they were eating for dinner, but mostly they kept to themselves.

Rise had been hoping the next day would find them magically falling back together and not having to worry about how intense things had been in Shinjuku. Alas, they avoided each other. Neither seemed to want to be the one to reach out and initiate contact. Maybe they had told themselves that they were over it but clearly it was another matter to put so much raw emotion on display, then face the consequences. Plus, Ai had been very wasted and probably felt embarrassed she let it lead to so many things she definitely had not been planning for their outing. Rise could completely understand that.

But when school let out, she tried to screw her courage to the sticking-place and go find her maybe-girlfriend. Boyfriend? The whole thing still confused her, but she knew enough now to accept that said confusion did not at all mean she was disinterested. Far from it. She just had to figure out how deep her interest lay.

Ai was gone already. Probably to Shinjuku, or Okina, or Okinawa for all she knew. No new texts, either; she finally summoned her courage and sent a simple 'What are you doing?' but got no reply.

"Figures," she muttered as she stared at the screen, walking slowly toward Marukyu. "Why does she have to disappear on meeeee?"

"Who?"

"AAAH!" she gasped out, jumping into Chie's arms. The startled girl staggered and yelped as she tried to support Rise's weight, and of course, in the end they went down like a ton of bricks.

"HEY!" Hissing in pain, she shoved at Rise and said, "Get off! What are you DOING?!"

Rise hissed as well as she picked herself up. "Oww, my knee! I'm- oh God, where's my phone? What happened to my phone?!"

The two of them scrambled around on the side of the road, trying to figure out where the piece of vital technology had disappeared to. Once or twice, they even rolled down the riverside hill thanks to how slippery the light rain had made it earlier. Eventually, Chie turned up with it, and they sat panting with relief on the slope for a little while, trying to recover from the unexpected flurry of activity.

"You were… totally off in your own world, dude!" Chie panted, staring up at the clouds. "What the hell? You didn't even… hear me calling to you!"

"Ahh… hahh… I… sorry…" Chie was definitely in better shape than her. But she did finally manage to swallow and roll over to face the other girl, trying to prop her head up on her arm. "I've been… hoping Ai would text me back, and… my brain is…" She made a vague motion off into the distance.

"Yeah! Yeah, I get that one. For sure, believe me."

"Really? Because… you and Yukiko?"

"That's…" She did grimace, but finally just said, "Whatever."

"HAH! I knew it!"

"What's your problem, if you don't mind me asking? With Ai. Did you have a fight or something?"

"N-no, not really… a fight." Another deep breath to brace herself, and because she was still a little dizzy. "She told me something yesterday that… I mean, it has me really confused, and I just kinda wish somebody would tell me what to do and how to feel."

Chie snorted. "Thought Ai was really good at that. But okay, what happened?"

Rise told her, as briefly as she could. Which didn't end up being very brief. By the time she had explained the whole situation, they were stuffed into the back corner of Aiya, a couple of bowls of noodles and some sodas in front of them. The hot food would help them dry off after rolling around on a damp hill. Chie had plowed through a lot more of hers considering she was mostly listening and could let her mouth focus on that sweet sweet beef she coveted so much.

"Lembge geddiz straig."

"How about I let you swallow first?" Rise said with a wince. "I'm sorry, I just really can't understand you."

Chie nodded, chewed hard a few times, and gulped. "Ah! DAMN, do I love meat! Okay… what were we talking about?" When Rise let out an exasperated noise, she chuckled and said, "Just kidding. But yeah… I guess Ai's a guy. Weird."

"Right? Because I mean, look at her. How can she be a boy?!"

"Yeah! Like, I get what you were saying, about like… crossdressers on TV and junk. Some of them look like hell and some of them are really cute, but you can still tell. But Ai is like… he's a chick! Really, really a chick, like us! I'd never think…"

"Yeah," she agreed with a dejected sigh. "And at first I thought she was lying, Chie-chan, or trying to play a really mean joke on me, but now I don't think so. She was dead serious. And the way she talked about how hard it was for her to be herself when she was being told by everyone else she had to 'be manly'? I get that. Not that exactly but I know what it's like for everybody to be looking at you one way and wishing they could just… listen."

The tomboyish senior frowned down at her bowl as she stirred its contents with her chopsticks. "Pretty rotten. I mean, you weren't there for me having to confront my Shadow, but I used to have a lot more issues with that, too. I was jealous of Yukiko. That's stupid, she's my best friend! But she's so beautiful; I mean, you know, you've seen her. And I'm this fugly pile of dog doo."

"Aww, you are not," Rise said with a frown. "Don't say that."

"Nah, it's okay now. I mean, I know I'm not hideous but I'm not jealous because Yukiko is prettier anymore. That's just, like… I'm lucky to know her, and happy she gets attention. She deserves it." When she looked over and saw Rise's frown had completely turned upside down, she ducked her head. "Sh-shut up, I'm just happy for my friend!"

"Uh huh. But yeah… we've all been through a lot, and seen some really crazy stuff. I don't know why I freaked out so much about Ebihara now; so what if she is a boy? She's still a hotter girl than any of the rest of us will ever be, regardless."

Chie pointed her chopsticks at the idol. "Hey, watch it! You're lumping Yukiko in with the rest of us, and I know you're not trying to say she isn't the prettiest girl in Inaba!"

"Hey, hey, easy, Bruce Lee! Oh — right, did you get it?"

"Get what?"

"N-nothing." That was close; Yukiko would have had every right to be angry with her if she spilled the secret before its time.

"Riiight. Anyway, I… man, I'm really sorry for getting so cheesed off."

"You should be. I mean, you know I wasn't trying to diss anyone, I was just commenting on how pretty my girlfriend is. Boyfriend. Whatever."

"Yeah, that's gonna be a mind-fuck for a little while," Chie snickered as she took another huge bite. Where she put it all, Rise would never know. "So you didn't see it?"

"See what?" When Chie just stuck her pinky out and waggled it back and forth, eyebrows moving in much the same manner suggestively, Rise felt her face flush. "N-no, I did not."

"Awwwww, I was gonna ask about the size."

"CHIE!"

"Well, what else am I supposed to ask?!" she burst out in exasperation. "Like, clearly the rest of him looks like a chick, so that seems like the biggest difference! I just wanted to know how big that difference was!"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she finally simply sighed, "I'll let you know. If I ever find out, I mean… since she's not talking to me today."

"Aww… yeah." Growing more serious, she stuck her chopsticks in the bowl and put an arm around Rise. "Listen… all dumb jokes aside, that sucks. But he's probably just trying to sort things out, like you are. I mean, you said he can't even figure out if he's a girl or a boy, so like, on top of having the hots for his new best friend? That's a lot."

Something about the way Chie kept saying "he" and "his" was bothering Rise. She knew it was technically accurate — again, assuming this was all true, which she had decided to believe for the time being — but it didn't sit right. Didn't Ai say she had known all along she was a woman, even when the world saw her as male? But she didn't want to get too bogged down by worrying about that niggling little detail just now.

"Okay, so I'm an idol, she's a fashionista. If she is a boy, maybe it's not as weird that we hook up — like, she could be my fashion designer when I make my comeback. Right? Or… if she's not a boy, then she can be, anyway, and… we could… date secretly."

"Secretly? I thought you said you would be Japan's first gay idol."

"I'd love to be, but I also don't know if that'll work. My management might not like that I'm throwing them a curveball. And… I guess…" Rise felt her eyes watering. That was stupid. "I don't want to stop being Risette."

Chie snorted. "Pretty sure you're going to be Risette forever, even if you don't like it. Which I thought you didn't, but like, you did say you're accepting it again."

"No, I meant that… if I really am interested in women, and I come out, I won't be 'Risette the idol'. I'll be 'Risette the gay icon', or 'that lesbian singer'. Dumb stuff like that. I've been thinking about it a lot, and that could be really cool, but it also means I have to give up having fans who just like me because I'm cute and I can sing. It'll get super political."

"Oh… yeesh, I hadn't thought about any of that junk at all. That sounds like a big pain."

Whimpering, she flopped down on her arms. "But it's important. Like, I've never thought it was right that queers in Japan don't have any representation really. Y'know?"

"But they do! Well… not a lot, I mean… Ikko, like you said, and that one drag queen, Matsuko Deluxe… and I thought I heard Utada might be? Or her teddy bear was…" When Rise just cracked an eye in her direction, she wilted. "Yeah, okay, so not that many. Seems like everybody's gay in the West, and over here it's like, five people."

"That we know about."

"Yeah. I never really thought that hard about it… but I guess… I should have."

A slight smirk tugged at the corner of Rise's mouth. "Why should you have? Hmmmm?"

"Well… you know."

"See? You can't even tell me! I'm right here telling you I made out with either a girl, or a guy who wears girl clothes better than me, and you still don't feel like you can tell me the truth! That's exactly it — we just don't wanna talk about it!"

Chie was poking the tips of her index fingers into each other as she stared down at her bowl, face glowing like a stoplight. Rise knew she was being a little mean, but she also had a decent reason to press this subject.

"Alright, forget it. I'm sorry."

"No, you're right, Rise-chan. I'm…" She took a deep breath, looked around the diner to make sure nobody was sneaking up on them. Still not that brave, it seemed. "I'm with Yukiko. We're together. And I don't just mean cool for the summer because we're trying stuff out; I mean forever. She's all mine, and she loves b-being mine, a-and… and I've never…"

Oh. Chie Satonaka, badass kung fu afficionado who helped save Inaba without anyone ever finding out what they did to protect the town… was crying. Rise sat up, brow furrowing hard as she watched this unprecedented phenomenon for a moment. Fat droplets of shame were rolling down to be absorbed by the collar of her ever-present green jacket as she gripped the skirt covering her thighs. How sad that trying to force herself to admit something like this was so difficult she couldn't do it without tears.

"Shhh," Rise soothed her as she pulled her into a warm embrace. And Chie clung as if she were a life raft. "It's okay. I'm on your side, okay? Remember? Investigation Team forever. Everything's gonna be fine."

That was all they could accomplish for a little while. Even though she was hiccuping and trying to keep her voice down, it seemed now that Chie had let down her ever-present shields it was all tumbling free in a rush. So Rise just held her, trying not to add to the mess by breaking down herself. Poor thing.

She only hoped time wouldn't make a liar out of her. Because if everything wasn't fine for Chie and Yukiko… then what chance did she and her boy-girlfriend have?

~ o ~

Ai did eventually get back into contact with her later that evening, via text. Her first order of business was a heartfelt apology for blowing her off all day. They both did the dance of trying to reassure the other person that it was no big deal, and they both just needed some space to figure things out.

AI: But I really threw you for a loop and we both know it

RISE: Definitely

RISE: I'm sorry I just don't have a gentle way to agree you really fucked me up

AI: Wow do you have to put it like THAT?!

AI: Sounds like I was doing it on purpose!

RISE: I know you weren't!

RISE: Seriously… I'm sorry I just needed to figure things out

AI: Yeah… me too

AI: Look can I just call

RISE: Oh uhhhhh I guess?

No answering text. Just her phone ringing, and the poor idol dropping it and leaning away on her bed. Feeling silly that it had startled her so badly, she scooped up the phone and answered. "Hello?"

"Do you hate me?"

Rise's blood froze in her veins as she sat up straighter. Ai sounded bad. Not just unhappy, or like she had been crying, but she sounded as if she were completely out of energy. Swallowing hard, she whispered, "Ai-chan? Are you okay? What's…"

"No." A little sniffle. "I… I fucked up."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm… so I've had this… I…" Rise didn't interrupt; just gave her time to collect her thoughts. "I'm bulimic. I've been purging on a regular basis since before junior high, and I thought I had it under control, but… today wasn't good."

"Oh…" Wincing at the notion, she went on, "Oh, that's terrible, I'm sorry. I mean, I get why you would, you… thought you needed to."

Silence. Then in a quiet whisper, "It's been worse lately. And I'm not stupid, I know it's because of you and me; I'm… messed up about it, and instead of confronting my feelings, I binge and purge. And it's disgusting, and I'm disgusting, and I haven't been able to keep anything down since… Shinjuku."

"Oh. The beer. That got you started again, didn't it?"

"Like I ever really stopped," she snorted harshly. "But you're not wrong. I've been pretty good about just sticking to my diet the past few months, and now I'm stress-eating all the time, and then I have to purge because my system can't handle it, a-and…"

When her words devolved into unintelligible noises, Rise just soothed her, "Wait, wait, it's okay. It's okay! I mean, I might not get all the, um… boy-girl stuff, and whether or not we should be… u-uh… whatever we should be." Wow, eloquent; pull it together, Rise! "But I'm used to bulimic girls."

"What? I mean, you are?"

"Sure. There's a ton of them in the entertainment industry; we're all supposed to look like adorable little stick figures who are always happy. It's hard. I'm just lucky that I'm naturally kind of lean, but I still do have to watch what I eat. Other girls aren't so lucky — like you. Just like that. So…"

Ai sounded so desperate for affirmation when she pleaded, "So I'm not broken?"

"No way! I mean, maybe you shouldn't do it anymore, but like, it happens all the time. You're not crazy, and you're not 'broken'. I mean it."

"That's… that's the most I've believed anyone when they told me that in a long time." A long sigh. She still sounded weak but Rise was trying to suppress slamming the panic button. "Dad tells me that, too, but he isn't very convincing. I mean, he's my dad, he has to say that shit."

Giggling softly, she laid back on her bed and picked at a fray in the comforter with her painted nails. "Yeah, I get that. Well, with my grandma. My parents don't even call."

"Bitches." They both laughed. "Um… I think I'm gonna make myself go get some juice… but um… before I go…"

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you so nice to me? I don't deserve it. No," she cut her off, and Rise almost laughed that her friend had predicted she was going to protest. "Don't argue, you know I'm a hot fucking mess. And I boss people around, and I… but you pushed until I let you befriend me. And I don't get it. I thought you were a nerd and a glutton for punishment, and you still showed me all this gross love until I caught it. Why would you? Why waste all that time on a gender-bending jerk like me when you could have picked any-"

"You're not a jerk. You're not a mess. And you are not alone."

The next word was a sob, but she was reasonably sure what she said was "Rise". So she just waited, curling up on her sheets more tightly with the phone pressed to her ear. Waiting, until finally… "Thank you."

"Hey, no big deal. Just… don't give up, okay? I'm in your corner, and I'm always going to be. You got a friend in me."

"Why does that sound so familiar?" she half-laughed.

Curling up with a warm smile on her face, Rise purred into the phone, "I have no idea, Ebi-chan. But I mean each and every word."

To Be Continued…

#we'll face ourselves #persona 4 fanfiction #saphir de lune #p4 fanfic #rise x ai #forkanna writes #jess the writer

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lakelewisia · 5 years

Text

Mostly Real

or, How the Liminality Hunter First Came to Lewisia

a Lake Lewisia expanded story

Happy #500!

~~~

Vivian stood on a little rise of tumbled boulders and thick mud studded with the shattered remnants of trees, hand braced on the tread of one of the earth movers brought in by the rescue crews. By the light of a battery-powered headlamp, she looked across what had once been a familiar trailhead. The last time she had been there so early, she and Jackson and their other outdoorsy friends had snuck in before the park's normal dawn opening time to see New Year's first light from one of the more accessible peaks. They had all been younger and a bit more reckless then, and she wouldn't have risked a climb in the dark under normal circumstances.

The rescue crews--recovery crews, she corrected herself with a sneer--would arrive at dawn, though, and she needed to get up on the mountain before anyone could try to talk her out of this.

The first step down toward the trail had her wobbling over loose rocks. Her legs felt like jelly under her. Her arms windmilled for balance. Her head spun, brain seeming to slosh in a pool of medication. Snot slowly oozed toward her upper lip again.

"Baby, are you sure you don't want me to stay home?" Jackson had asked her, peering down into the nest of blankets she had accumulated for herself. She honked loudly at him and tossed aside yet another wad of tissues, which probably should have been the answer. Instead, like an idiot, she had said,

"'m fine. You need your mountain time." Vivian had managed to make it through the week without missing work, because she never considered calling in sick an option. Spending the weekend hiking, however, was definitely optional for her. She flapped a fresh tissue at Jackson. "Go. Say hi to everybody for me."

"It's true," Jackson agreed, though she could hear the reluctance in his voice. "My manliness will fade if I don't get out there at least once a week."

The snort that greeted that was only partly due to Vivian's clogged sinuses. "Pretty sure that's what the testosterone in the medicine cabinet is for, but okay."

"Nah, the boy juice is just to keep my beard looking full and lustrous," he said, stroking his cheeks and the neatly trimmed hair there. "The mountain is where true manliness comes from."

"You're a nut," she diagnosed, then rolled over so she was sandwiched between the heating pad and the beam of sunshine streaming in their bedroom window. It was May, and unseasonably warm at that, but she couldn't seem to get warm. "Go, leave me to die in peace."

Jackson gave her a crooked smile and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead. She leaned into the touch. The flu sucked. He asked again, "You're super sure you'll be okay?" and she agreed.

That was the last time they spoke. Five days ago.

Vivian scrubbed a gloved hand across her nose and the yet-unshed tears both. She didn't have time to be sick or sad or anything, anything but moving. The flood-altered footing would have been a challenge in full light, and a dark hike would test her abilities at her best. Waiting wasn't an option though. She used the headlamp beam to pick out the first clear path between uprooted trees and displaced rocks and headed up toward the first peak. Jackson had gone that way, so she would as well, flu symptoms and caution tape be damned.

Under her boots, the mud had already started to dry into ridges and ruts. She put her head down and focused on placing one foot in front of the other. Again and again, like any other hike when she hit the wall of her own exhaustion and had to push through. Looking only at the couple of feet illuminated by the headlamp, the trail didn't even seem that different. The last five days had all been clear and sunny and normal. The storm had blown through almost as fast as it had come up.

Almost. The news reporters had said that so many times. No warning. No reason for the storm, for thunder and lightning like a warzone being bombed. Unseasonable. Weather models showed nothing before or after.

"How's the weather report looking for Saturday?" Jackson asked, draping himself over her shoulder to see the screen of her laptop as well. He regretted it a moment later when Vivian sneezed explosively and he took a shoulder to the chest.

"Clear, low wind," she reported between sniffles. "Kinda warm, so you might need to ditch the flannel."

"Never," Jackson said. "That's the third time you've sneezed in, like, thirty minutes. You okay?"

"Prolly just allergies," she told him. She had told Dana-at-the-next-desk, her nearest neighbor at the office, the same thing after Vivian caught Dana giving her yet another faintly alarmed look while not-so-subtly leaning farther away from Vivian's workstation. "Do we have any cans of soup?"

The first peak, when she got up there, left her standing just above a sea of cloud. She hadn't even realized she was passing through the fog as she climbed, so focused just on making it up the ghost of a trail she had once known as well as the street she lived on. The sun wasn't even real yet, only the faintest hint of indigo along the horizon suggesting that light might be invented sometime soon. The fog filling the valley below her roiled in the dark like disturbed water.

Vivian braced her hands on her thighs and breathed, hard and rattling with mucus. Over her breathing, she heard a sound like the buzzing of power lines. She had always associated that sound with foggy mornings, and now her hazy head seemed to conjure the sense memory like a spirit in this place beyond the reach of power lines and cell phone signals.

The valley below had been scoured out by the flood. She could only see part of the damage between the edges of the dark and the fog. The slopes had been scraped clean of their trees, the tracery of runoff channels like veins left behind. The worst mudslide in fifty years, they said. Death toll. Cost of structural damage. Places wiped right off the map. She let her head drop forward again in exhaustion, seeing only the ground beneath her feet.

The deputy held his hat in his hands. He had on a yellow rain jacket, like the rest of the emergency responders. It was like a sartorial tic; there hadn't been another drop of rain after that single apocalyptic hour. "At this point, we're considering this a recovery effort. I'm sorry."

Vivian stood in the middle of the tent where the rescue efforts had been staging. Rescue. Because Jackson, along with who knew how many other people, still hadn't been found. She stood there, feeling stupid and childish, because all she could say was, "But his friends--you said you found--"

Her face ached from not crying. Still sick, it felt like she too was trying to breathe through mud, but at least she wouldn't cry. Crying was for people who had lost something.

"None of them survived. We don't expect--" She shook her head. She had already heard this. Their friends had been found, crushed and drowned in the flooding. That was bad enough.

"He was supposed to be with them. If he wasn't, maybe--" If they would just listen to her, they would understand. They couldn't stop looking for Jackson. He was out there. Someone had to bring him home.

"I'm sorry," the deputy told her again. He looked over her shoulder, to one of the grief counselors waiting in the wings to collect her. To make her move on to the next stage, to gently explain to her how to give up hope.

Vivian straightened up. "Where are you?" She would walk along the ridge line, she decided, and look for signs of anyone passing through. Maybe by the time she had finished with that, the fog would burn off and she could scan the valley as well.

She still heard that buzzing. She pressed a knuckle against one ear. Maybe it just needed to pop and adjust to the change in elevation. She didn't want to think about developing an ear infection as well. The noise grated on her frayed nerves. She spent a long moment in the dark flexing her jaw and tugging on her ear and losing her temper.

When she turned to hike on, he was there. Still in flannel and boots and battered canvas pants as he had been when he walked away from her sickbed five days ago, Jackson stood just ahead of her on the ridge line. His expression looked vaguely shell shocked, but no other sign of damage or distress was obvious.

The milky, almost real light of approaching dawn filtered right through him like he had been made of stained glass.

***

Vivian shook her head. The movement sent her brain sloshing around again. "You're not a ghost." The shade of Jackson tilted his head like he had to strain to hear some distant sound. "I'm hallucinating from the cold medicine and exertion."

Jackson asked with a smile, "Where do you want to break for lunch?" He didn't have a pack, Vivian noted before she could stop herself. It didn't matter, because it was just a hallucination. She stepped around him to continue along the ridge.

She let her mind spread out, loosely aware of her surroundings but focused on nothing in particular. Jackson had always been better at this sort of thing, but she had learned to read natural signs well enough. If he had survived the floodwaters--

Since.

Since he had survived the floodwaters, he would be looking for shelter and a way to summon help. He wouldn't hide his movements; he would do everything he could to make someone notice him.

"Hey, I like hiking as much as the next person who isn't you," Vivian protested as she nursed her coffee in the passenger seat, reluctant to actually step outside. No one should be awake at this hour on a Saturday morning, and they definitely shouldn't be dressed to go wander around in the cold outdoors then either.

Jackson laughed as he rooted around in the trunk with his "surprise." He had promised he would make the early morning hike worth her while. And, well, she was the lunatic who had started dating some kind of secret lumberjack, so of course she was nuts enough to agree.

"You'll learn to love it," he said.

Vivian found her protests drying up in her throat. The two of them hadn't been dating long enough to say--well, to say a lot of things she found herself nonetheless starting to think. When Jackson came around to her door with a picnic basket clutched in both hands, clearly laden with an astonishing weight of food, Vivian could only smile helplessly, charmed beyond reason and acutely aware of the emotions putting down taproots in her heart.

Every time Vivian thought she saw some sign of Jackson's movements, it turned out to be an ordinary rock or bit of peeling bark. Everything looked promising when she wanted it beyond reason, and she knew it. Worse, every time she turned back to search the next stretch of ridge line, the shape of Jackson lingered in the corner of her eye. Her heart gave a brutal kick again, just the latest of a dozen such moments since she started her search. She stumbled, exhaustion and illness and worry all wearing her down. The sight of Jackson reaching for her made her flinch and stagger onward, though.

Maybe this had been a bad idea, if she was this delirious. He looked more solid now, as real as she was. More so, actually, because she didn't feel real herself anymore. She felt cold and confused and desperate. The mountain around her in the weak light felt like a dream.

"Viv, can you hear me?"

God, his voice sounded so real and so close. She wanted to start screaming his name in the hopes of hearing some far-off reply. It would be the sort of half-heard call for rescue she expected. Not this close, conversational tone from a ghost she didn't believe in.

"Please, Jax, you gotta be out here somewhere. Just show me--" She scrubbed at her eyes as the tears began to fall at last. She had put them off this whole time, but now she couldn't seem to hold them off any longer. She wasn't allowed to grieve him when he wasn't gone. Couldn't be gone.

"Show me how to find you," she begged, voice coming out as a choked whisper no one would ever hear. Her feet stumbled forward automatically even though she wouldn't be able to search for anything with eyes full of tears.

"Viv, I'm right--Viv!" The instinct to turn toward his voice, toward that urgent tone, overrode any conscious thought.

It happened so fast. She hadn't even noticed the loose footing under her boots as it gave way before she spun to face Jackson. The pain of seeing him there, where she knew he couldn't possibly be, warred with the animal terror of balance lost. The sensation of falling toward nothingness swamped everything else in her mind. Nothing could compete with it.

No rational ideas about hallucinations. About the existence of ghosts. About grief and delusions and wishful thinking. Nothing could match the need to reach out to him as she felt the margins of the ridge sliding away and threatening to take her with it.

She threw her hands toward him. He grabbed them with both of his, planted his feet while hers scrambled against a collapsing hillside, and jerked her back upright and onto solid ground. They staggered away from the edge's danger and into each other. She collapsed against his chest--solid and real and alive.

***

For a moment, all either of them could do was breathe and be in each other's space. Vivian's hands had ended up fisted in Jackson's shirt, and she found them rhythmically clenching there. Her hard gasps verged on wheezing. Jackson's chest flexed with his own rough panting where she pressed against him.

"Holy shit. I wasn't sure that would work," he said eventually, mouth pressed into her hair.

"You're not a ghost," she said again, this time not only with hope but with knowledge. He wasn't a ghost. She pushed back to look at him, hands still holding tight. "What happened?"

A strange look passed over his face, distant and confused. "I remember thunder," he said, as though that explained anything.

"Are you hurt at all?" Vivian managed to loosen her hands enough to start patting him down, looking for any sign of injury. The layers of clothing padded out his shape, but he didn't flinch and no blood came away on her hands. He wasn't even muddy, while she had dirt smeared up her shins from fighting for her footing as the ridge gave way.

She took him by the hand and began leading him back the way she had come. This time there was no meandering, searching path; she had single-minded focus. "Come on. We're going home."

She suddenly wanted off the mountain immediately. The weirdness, the mist and the strange sounds, all seemed suddenly more threatening than it had when she thought herself alone. Once on a hike, they had been stalked by a mountain lion for some distance. That sensation of invisible threat, of being somewhere you didn't belong, of trespassing in somewhere huge and unknowable and hungry, had felt like this.

"What happened to Dave and Julie?" Jackson asked. She didn't look back, but she tightened her grip on his hand and felt his answering squeeze.

"The sheriff said--they found the bodies down on the basin trail." They both fell silent for a long moment. Their friends had been experienced hikers too, and the four of them had gone on trips plenty of times together. "Weren't they with you?"

As they wove between the trees on little more than a deer path, he said, "I couldn't find a signal where we had stopped, so I told them I would meet them up by the fork, you know? I thought I might get through if I got up higher."

"You never use your phone on hikes. You barely even remember to take it with you."

Jackson huffed. "Yeah, but you're not normally at home, dying of flu. I was worried. Wanted to check in."

She bit back her normal protests that she could look after herself. Getting to higher ground might have been the only thing that kept him alive. Random chance and freak accidents. A shive shook across her shoulders.

"I heard something weird. And something--" Jackson slowed down, dragging at her hand. She didn't want to slow down. They were only a few minutes from the level of the parking lot. They could go home.

In a halting, unsure voice, he said, "Something was weird about the phone." She tugged at him and he started walking again. Even so, she could see he wasn't really looking at where they were. "There was this crackling sound. Not--maybe it was just lightning, but--"

They stepped out of the tree line and onto what remained of the main path where many smaller trails had once converged. Vivian could see the hood of her car just ahead over the uneven terrain and the canvas of the staging tent. Then she saw the sheriff's hat moving around.

It didn't matter, she thought. Let the man fuss about her not being authorized. She had a moment of smug satisfaction--see, I told you he was alive, I found him when you couldn't--before the sheriff turned toward them.

Jackson's hand evaporated, floated away between her fingers, before the sheriff even said a word. The sheriff never looked at anyone but her, as though there had never been anyone but her on that mountain. As though nothing had changed. When Vivian looked back, even she saw no one standing behind her. Just the mountain with sunlight streaming between the tops of trees and reflecting off the CAUTION tape strung up across the trailhead.

When the lecture about safety and proper authorities had ended, when the sheriff assured her they were doing everything they could to give all the families closure, when Vivian had retreated to her car and driven just far enough away that she could have privacy--

When she had dutifully done the things she was supposed to do to keep her grief tidy and convenient, she sat on the shoulder of the road and screamed. Screamed until her sore throat was too raw to make any more sound, her face a mess of tears and snot. She hunched over the steering column, beating her fists against the dashboard until she couldn't move. Then she slumped there, panting and swallowing against the searing pain in her throat.

When she opened her eyes again, she was staring down at her feet. Mud had dried her jeans into stiff folds and flaked onto the floor mats from her boots. She could feel the faint sting where the rough ground had scraped her legs as she tried to get ahead of the sliding slope. The sheriff had told her how unstable the whole mountain would be after the mudslides. How she could fall at any time. Then they would be trying to rescue her as well.

She would have been just another flood victim, a few days late to the party, if Jackson hadn't pulled her to solid ground again.

She put her hand down and touched the mud. It chipped away when she picked at it, leaving brown stains on the denim underneath. She had started to fall. Jackson had pulled her to safety.

Vivian sat up and swiped at her face to clear her eyes and nose. Jackson had been there. He was alive and at least mostly real. He wasn't a ghost, even if something had definitely happened to him. Changed him.

And if Vivian could find him once, she would do it again.

***

Four AM on a Monday was no time for anyone to be grocery shopping, but that was what Vivian got for spending her whole weekend up a damn mountain, trying to make contact with Jackson. She got home, sweaty and exhausted, with nothing to show for her efforts but a few new blisters. Then she realized she had let her supply of food run dry. In that addled state, she hadn't been able to think of any way to turn a jar of mayo and two stale tortillas into lunches for the work week. Equally unable to bear the thought of shopping that night, she set her alarm for ungodly early the next morning.

The wheels of the shopping cart rattled, uncomfortably loud in the nearly deserted grocery store, the only one in the area actually open for business at that hour. The seemingly lone employee glared at her--or perhaps he was just squinting against the fluorescent overhead lights--then lowered his head to resume morosely mopping an isolated corner of the floor near the bakery area. Vivian hurried on before either of them had to interact with each other directly.

The last two had given her a lot of practice at avoiding people who wanted to avoid her just as badly. It had been a brutal time, if not for the reason everyone around her assumed. She had taken a week off work initially, just so she could stop getting pitying looks and cooing sympathy from her coworkers. No one had found a body, but all the authorities agreed that anyone not found yet was lost for good. So they expected Vivian to grieve.

Vivian kept expecting it too, if she was being honest. Even after the third return trip to the mountain gave her another few hours with a definitely real Jackson, she only mostly believed. She still expected to see something on the news or to get a phone call, telling her they had recovered a body or other evidence of his death.

She still expected some agent of unyielding reality to inform her she had been crazy all along.

Vivian stared at her scribbled shopping list with blank incomprehension. What had she imagined she would want to eat? Soup. Okay. Yes. Soup could be done. She leaned heavily on the cart, the muscles of her legs sore from hiking a mountain no longer tamed by trails, as she turned down an aisle. She tried to decide which section of nearly identical cans to pull from. The lights overhead made her eyes hurt, and she glared up at them. No wonder the person working up front looked so unhappy. Out in the parking lot, a car swung its lights along the length of the store windows, adding a barely perceptible glow to the endcaps.

By the time she had hemmed and hawed over soup cans, the cold of the store had begun to worm its ways through her clothing and down into her bones. It felt like she had already been shopping for hours. As she turned down the frozen food aisle in search of burritos, she thought she had definitely only been there a few minutes though. Two aisles couldn't take more than a few minutes, could they?

"Do we have any frozen vegetables at home?" Jackson's voice said, abruptly just to the right of her. She jerked sideways in surprise, the freezer door swinging around like a shield at the motion.

Jackson still looked slightly faded, like she was looking at him through the frosted glass door even after it had swung closed again. That seemed to be part of the pattern. His gaze slid over her and the two rows of glass doors full of brightly colored boxes, not quite aware of his surroundings. That too seemed part of the new normal.

"Vegetables?" Vivian repeated, feeling foolish but too surprised to manage anything better. Jackson's eyes refocused on her and that last degree of realness filled in his outline. He was there with her, in the frozen food aisle at the crack of dawn, dressed in his hiking clothes like always.

"Oh. Hey." The smile that bloomed across his face made her stomach flutter. He looked so entirely happy to see her. He looked like he loved her, and it hurt so much to see, the same way it hurt when the blood flowed back into a numb limb. "Did you say something about vegetables?"

"You brought it up first," she countered.

"Did I? Sorry, I don't remember. Feel like I just woke up from a dream." He looked around the store once more, aware this time of what he was seeing. "Huh. Why here?"

They had debated at length, last time on the mountain, what the rules might be of his situation. If Jackson could appear--manifest--teleport--whatever--someplace other than the mountain where he disappeared originally, it threw all their current (admittedly meager) theories out the window.

"Who cares," Vivian said, abandoning her shopping cart to grab his hands. "Let's go home. Right now. There's no reason you can't now, right?" She hated how much hope tightened her throat, made her sound young and desperate and so damn naive. She just wanted to take him home one more time.

And Jackson had never even tried to deny her something she asked for, when she could bring herself to ask for anything at all. So he went where she led. They made it to the end of the aisle and through the abandoned checkout line. They made it almost to the doors.

She wanted to beat the damn kid with his mop, because it had to be his fault. He was the only person around, and he still just swiped the mop around the same patch of floor in a desultory manner. The moment Vivian caught sight of him, she felt Jackson's hand fading from hers. Reality came crashing back down on her, hard as floodwaters.

She went home, and called in sick, and ate nothing all day. She hoped the kid hated reshelving more than mopping, and she refused to feel bad about abandoning her cart for him to deal with. Lying in bed for a few hours, she didn't even bother to think about how she could bring Jackson home. And that was all she ever really thought about these days. No, for a few hours, she just cried and thought of nothing but how sorry she felt for herself.

***

Vivian jogged up to the time clock, worming her way between people headed to their offices and workstations. Dana-at-the-next-desk rolled her eyes as Vivian's time stamp processed, showing mere seconds before she would be considered late. Again.

"Seriously, you've been almost late every day this week. Did you lose your alarm clock?" Dana followed Vivian into the locker area, apparently in no rush to get to work herself. Vivian tried not to breathe too hard and give away just how hard she had to hustle to avoid being actually, properly late. She tossed an apple into her locker, once again the full extent of lunch she had managed to organize.

"I had errands to run. Grocery shopping." Dana eyed the apple still rolling sadly around the back of the locker. "It's fine. I've just been busy."

Dana put on the Officially Sympathetic Expression Vivian still sometimes had to look at since Jackson's "death," when people didn't just avoid her entirely. Dana even popped the otherwise permanently affixed earbud out of its position, which was the sign for Really Listening Now with her younger coworkers. "How are you holding up?"

Vivian resisted the urge to groan. "Fine," she snapped. After an awkward beat, alone in the hallway now that everyone else had already gotten to work, she added, "Thanks."

"Right. Anyway." There was no getting away from the conversation, because everywhere Vivian had to go, her office neighbor had to go as well. Vivian made a show of getting down to business, rifling through paperwork and pulling up multiple windows of data on her computer screen, in the hopes of ending it. It even might have worked, but then Dana added in an offhand way, "Anyway, you couldn't pay me to go grocery shopping that early in the morning. It's, like, haunting central."

Vivian paused halfway through her signature, the ink wavering off into gibberish. "What?" He's not a ghost, she chanted in her head. The mantra had gotten her through darker moments than this, but she hadn't been braced against the flood of panic that hit her just then.

Dana looked up from her own work, no doubt confused by Vivian's suddenly intense tone. "You know. Liminal spaces or, or, regional gothic. That sort of thing." At Vivian's uncomprehending expression, Dana said in a slightly embarrassed tone, "It's just a thing people talk about. Abandoned theme parks and train stations in the middle of the night," she rattled off. Vivian resisted the urge to flip the paperwork over and start taking notes. "Stuff like that. Places that are sort of creepy and seem like they'd be haunted or portals to another world. It's, like, modern fairytales."

In a careful tone that tried to be casual and failed rather spectacularly, Vivian asked, "What are these called again?"

She ended up clocking back from lunch late, phone screen nearly touching her face as she researched, apple sitting on the table in front of her with one bite taken out of it. The tabs maxed out on the phone's browser as Vivian tumbled down a rabbit hole of posts about liminal spaces and abandoned buildings and ghost stories and UFO sightings.

Some animal part of Vivian's brain, geared to survival, registered shoes in her peripheral vision. She just barely managed to avoid crashing into someone coming the other way toward the breakroom. The annoyed expression on Vivian's face made the other person recoil physically before Vivian remember to get it under control.

"Oh. Hi. Boss." Vivian instinctively locked the phone screen, but she couldn't quite bring herself to put it in her pocket. That ended up the awkward pose she struck while facing down Carol, her supervisor: half hiding the evidence of her slacking off and half trying to go back to reading about a currently abandoned hospital facility up the coast.

"Vivian," Carol said, and the name came out as an exasperated sigh. "I think we need to have a talk in my office--"

"I need to take some more time off work," Vivian blurted. The words came out before she had known what she was going to say, but she couldn't bring herself to take it back. If she had, say, a week off, enough time to drive to a few different locations in succession and test the theory brewing in her head--

"I think that might be for the best," Carol agreed. They both pretended not to notice the way Vivian tuned out before they had even finished blocking time out on the calendar for it, before they had even made the walk to Carol's office, before the agreement had even been reached. Vivian had, in all the ways that mattered save one, already gone somewhere far off and strange.

***

Vivian slapped down a rubber band-bound stack of bills on one corner of the map and a coffee mug on the other. It had taken ages to track down a copy for sale online. The one at the library wasn't much use if they couldn't make marks on it or take it with them. On the other hand, the library copy had never been stored in a poster tube and so didn't have a deeply ingrained habit of rolling up if left unattended.

"Oh, yeah, this is going to be a blast to use in the car," she muttered.

No one answered--not as far as she could hear. Months of tracking down liminal spaces to spend time with Jackson and experimenting as best they could under such unpredictable conditions, and she still had no idea where he went when not with her or what he could hear. Maybe one day she would know for sure. Maybe some authority on the weird event that caused his condition would inform her he had never heard a word she said when invisible.

It still hurt less to pretend he was there, just in the next room maybe, out of her line of sight. Listening. With her. Not close enough to touch, but still close enough.

Vivian shivered with the memory of hands on her, soft folds of flannel brushing her arms as the crumbling brick of the hospital wall scraped along her back. She couldn't watch horror movies anymore or half the crime dramas on television, not without getting turned on and weirded out. Every haunted house or secret basement kill room looked too much like the places where she and Jackson stole moments together. Shaking her head, she bent over the map with a red pen in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other.

"I'm marking the train station down as a variable midnight," she announced as she drew a box around a block in an industrial area. She flipped open a journal and started writing another entry.

Multiple colors of ink and a system of symbols they had invented for themselves kept the entries more succinct. Even so, that journal had almost all the pages filled, and it would soon join the stack of other finished ones. The oldest of those had lost their cardstock covers and had their spiral binding bent and crushed from too many times getting crammed into backpacks and gloveboxes. The newest one had a removable leather folio for protection. Vivian went through too many to splurge on the notebooks themselves, but she had eventually admitted her lifestyle was pretty hard on paper goods and sprung for the carrying case.

"I think it's probably good for a few more visits, but not much more," she added, writing quickly in her cramped shorthand. "Too much routine carryover."

While those first feverish weeks of research had given her all sorts of terminology--about supernatural things she still didn't entirely believe in even when she had seen them first hand and about even higher weirdness she had so far only read about--it hadn't been systematic. It hadn't been what she needed to track the places where Jackson could appear, predict what places were good candidates for exploration, learn what broke the magic faster or helped it hold on longer. Her background in data analysis helped with all the things blogs and the New Age section of bookstores couldn't.

The irony wasn't lost on Vivian. If she had shown this kind of dedication at work, saved up her clever, middle of the night revelation about a data set for her day job, she could have been on her way to a promotion. At the very least, her coworkers might still talk to her--her friends might too, for that matter. Instead, she tapped out her PTO every time it built up enough to give her a long weekend for trips out to ruins, alone but hoping not to stay that way. If she let herself think about it, which she mostly didn't, she guessed she had about two months before Carol fired her.

She didn't have time to worry about that. They had travel to plan. Their radius of exhausted location kept expanding, which meant going farther afield to find liminality. She had reason to think some of the locations would recover--regrow--whatever it was they did when the strangeness came back. In the meantime, though, they had to plan on a minimum of three hours one-way to reach anything. Possibly they had a problem on their hands. Besides the obvious "partner no longer has regular access to physical form" problem.

"Okay, so, you said you saw a nature preserve on the road atlas, right?" She steamrolled on without waiting for a response she knew wasn't coming. Momentum was the key to creating the illusion of anything other than devastating loneliness. "Yeah, with no search results when we looked it up online. Should be right around here." Maybe one day, all her chatter would come filtering through to Jackson, a time-delayed flood of inclusion in what remained of their old life together. That would make the exercise in self-conscious rambling worth it.

The magnifying glass panned across the details of the map. It was the right area, based on the roads intersecting the highway, but nothing marked a nature preserve. Some of the streets around there didn't look familiar either, but maybe that was to be expected. The map predated the road atlas, deliberately so; perhaps streets had been renamed in the intervening years. There was a patch of green and some topographical markings indicating pretty substantial mountains nearby, but none of them had been marked further.

Absently, she took a gulp of coffee as she pondered it. The map started to roll up, and she grabbed at it with her other hand, only to bobble the red pen to the floor. "Would you please just find me another weight to put on this?"

A beat of silence.

Right. Forgot again.

"I'm getting the atlas from the car," she announced. "Maybe we're nuts and this isn't the same spot at all."

They weren't nuts--not about that, anyway. It turned out to be the same spot. Vivian checked the longitude and latitude markings, just to be sure. And it was more than just a nature preserve going unlabeled.

"Is this a hotel? That's the symbol for amenities like hotels. Nobody's going to have a hotel in the middle of a nature preserve there, are they? I mean, in a national park, maybe, but--

"Is there a secret national park no one's heard of?"

She traced a finger from their town, northward toward the mystery spot. The distance tallied up in her head, the hours logged driving, the logical stopping points to accommodate the physical requirements of the one human body between them. It would take the whole weekend just to travel there and back, whatever they found once they entered the vaguely defined zone where maps old and new ceased to match up.

"What do you think? Road trip?"

She didn't need to hear Jackson's voice to know what his answer would be.

***

It took two days to make the trip, and she had to stop to sleep along the way because Jackson wasn't there to help them drive in shifts. Tossing and turning on a hotel mattress that seemed scratchy no matter how many times she ran a hand across the seemingly normal sheets and blankets, she dreamt in fits and starts of Jackson trying to drive her somewhere. Each time, he faded out of existence behind the wheel, leaving her in the passenger seat of a now-driverless vehicle. Because they were dreams, she tried to steer by gripping the armrests extra hard. She woke up with aching knuckles and the half-memory of powerless frustration.

The donut shop down the street from the motel sold a lot of sugar and caffeine that morning to something that might have passed for a human under better circumstances.

She was still waiting for it to improve her energy two hours later, when Jackson manifested in the passenger seat. The breath in her lungs caught and stuck while she waited to see if he would hold. Since they had started this project, they had gotten better at finding spots that would let him manifest, but it was still no guarantee. Sometimes, he only flickered into view for a moment before the magic burst like a soap bubble. This time, he seemed to come back to himself like he had merely dozed off with his head against the window--hazy in his confusion for a moment before he oriented himself.

"Funny," he murmured as he gazed over at her with sleepy eyes. She smiled, even though she had no idea what might be funny, if anything. The first things he said sometimes resembled drunken rambling, sometimes the free associating of light head trauma, sometimes the random blurting of the abruptly awakened. "Isn't the car a bit too familiar?"

It was hard to make a familiar location weird enough to hold liminality. Not without doing something dreadful to the place, like burning it down to the framework or otherwise rendering it shattered and lonely. That was why she had to keep hunting, chasing her prey from one breeding ground to the next, hoping the ones she left behind would eventually respawn their stock of weirdness.

"Highway, maybe?" Vivian suggested. "I don't remember if this stretch has any special history."

"How far out are we?"

"Maybe an hour? Two? Depends on how wrong the maps were." She tried to sound casual, like she wasn't counting the seconds in her head. It might have been romantic if she could stop that ticking clock now that Jackson had appeared. She couldn't pretend he was the only reason she checked and rechecked the estimated travel times, or the reason she kept a running tally in her head of how much time she shaved off those estimates. Monday morning chased her down even as she hunted.

"Everything okay? What have I missed?"

She must have hesitated, though she didn't mean to. Her old life--she couldn't bring herself to call it "real" life--shouldn't be able to intrude here. Monday and the office were for obligations and rational choices and compromises, not here. Not here, where the heat was turned just a little too low to be comfortable and the sunlight slanted down into the windows at a blinding angle no matter how she turned her head or adjusted the visor. Not here, where Jackson's hand rested hot and real on her thigh, sweat beginning to spring up between them.

"Everything's fine," she said at last. It barely even counted as a lie when it was that transparent. In the corner of her eye, she saw Jackson turn to look out the window. Sunlight picked out the blue in his black hair.

"I need you to tell me," he said to the window. "I can't find out any other way. I don't have--You're all I get of the world, now. You and whatever you tell me. So I need you to tell me, okay? Even if it's bad."

He wouldn't look at her, but he hadn't taken his hand away from her leg either.

"I'm going to lose my job," she admitted.

"More time off?" Carol asked, staring at the computer screen and the intranet system that handled scheduling so she wouldn't have to look at Vivian. More and more, her coworkers wouldn't quite look at her. It wasn't anything so dramatic or juvenile as the room going silent whenever she walked in. It was more like the subtly widening distance people put between themselves and someone who had coughed just a few too many times.

No one, rationally, thought tragedy and grief were catching conditions. Didn't change how they reacted to the mounting evidence that Vivian had not, might never, recover from the loss of her partner. Didn't change the way they all eased themselves away from her, careful and guilty but still persistent about it.

Vivian sat quietly, apart from one foot that kept bouncing. She wanted the conversation to be over, so she could go back to stealthily checking historical records about the next round of abandoned buildings. Her boss's eyes flicked toward the movement, and she sighed.

"Maybe you should consider something less...demanding." Vivian stilled the fidgeting with an effort of will, spine going just a bit straighter at the implied threat. "You're obviously going through a hard time. Maybe this isn't the right position for someone in your--position," Carol finished awkwardly.

Jackson turned back to face her again. Behind him, trees along the edge of the highway blurred into the illusion of a full forest, rather than just a few holdouts not yet overwhelmed by the forces of development. She couldn't decide what sort of face he was making. He asked, "What are we going to do?"

And just like that, she remembered it was still the two of them. Always the two of them. She had walked off the edge of the map, off the edge of the world, to be with him. Compared to that, needing to find a new job soon didn't seem like such a hurdle.

"We'll figure something out. Try out gigs for a while if I have to. How bad can it be?" The face Jackson made at that didn't require any interpretation. "Yeah, well. You only live once, right?"

He grinned, one crooked tooth showing at the edge of that mischievous smile. "That's debatable," he said, gesturing with one hand to indicate his everything.

Surprised, she let out a bark of laughter. "Even better." So busy enjoying the moment, she nearly missed the sign. It was easy to miss, nearly obscured by tree branches, the wood overgrown with moss. Still, she saw it and read out its instruction:

"Lewisia Lakeside access, next right."

***

Most park areas had a dawn to dusk access policy. Vivian had chosen to bind her life to someone who felt most alive when hiking at dawn. So she could say from experience that Lake Lewisia's visitor parking area and the shoreline just visible when she parked in the closest space looked perfectly normal for a park area in the early morning. A couple other cars--older models, lightly muddy about the wheel wells, standard park fare--had been parked and left behind by other early morning nature enthusiasts. The normal arrangement of battered wooden information boards and heavily weathered fencing separated the parking area from the lakeshore proper.

Ahead of them, light glinted off the water's surface, the kind of blinding white light that had probably driven sailors mad in ages past and now made Vivian wish for a set of sunglasses. Thick stands of pine encircled the area, bristling up hillsides on their way to remarkably close mountain peaks. There, a few fat clouds snagged and drifted free in turns. All very normal, which would have made it no surprise if she had looked over to find Jackson once again disappeared.

Jackson, when she did look over, remained resolutely physically present. As did the lake, which absolutely should not have been there.

"Who put it here?" was the first question uttered in the car. Vivian felt vaguely pleased she wasn't the one who said it, because it meant she wasn't, say, hallucinating. It was also, she resisted pointing out, a pretty silly question--no one puts a lake anywhere--and she didn't want to be responsible for saying that either. Still, it had to be said. None of the maps had shown a lake. And this was a proper lake, not some glorified pond that got a bit overconfident after a wet winter. It just had no business being where it was. And yet.

They got out of the car slowly, like people held at gunpoint, and didn't move any closer to the water. At the margins of the north side, Vivian could just make out something moving between the trees. It looked, mostly, like a deer. It was definitely not a deer. Vivian had a faint awareness she had started holding her breath and wasn't sure she could remember how to release it again.

Jackson came around to her side of the car and slipped his hand into hers. Only like that could either of them take the first steps onto the gravel path that led down a gentle slope toward the dock area. A dark figure came into view, legs dangling off the end of the dock. Since it was the only person they could see around, they headed that way. It wasn't easy: months of hunting liminal spaces had taught them both to avoid people at all costs if Jackson wanted to stick around.

This, Vivian realized with a little thrill, might be more than just another spot to add to the rotation. More than another stopgap against separation. This was a kind of high weirdness she had only ever read about before. This--and her stomach squirmed with a mix of excitement and fear and the shame that came with wanting something more than was considered dignified in anyone over the age of eight--might be a place that had answers for them.

The dark figure at the end of the dock had a fishing pole made out of a branch and some string, propped between their knees. A hooded sweatshirt of some sort hid the details of their face and body in bulk and shadow; only their dark-skinned hands, steadying the pole, could be seen. They did not look up or turn when the combined footfalls of Vivian and Jackson echoed down the dock toward them. Rather, they ran one finger along the string, not pulling but just testing along it, until Vivian saw the moment when something tugged back.

When they reeled in the line, the hook emerged from the water with a sparrow perched on it. Tiny clawed feet clung tightly and the dark wings fluttered to shake off water as soon as it hit the air. The dark figure held the line steady, just waiting as the bird fluffed itself out. After a moment, it cocked one eye up toward the sky. The little tail bobbed. Then it took off, flitting toward the trees.

The feel of Jackson's fingers between hers still felt strong and real, so Vivian made herself speak. He would stay with her or he wouldn't, but either way, this place had to have answers for them. She couldn't hold back from asking questions just because she didn't want to risk him evaporating like usual.

"Good morning," she tried, and it came out as a question. The figure, rather like the birds, tilted their head slightly in consideration of her. She cleared her throat and said, "We were wondering if there was a visitors center or someplace we could learn more about--" She tried to remember what the sign had said the name of the lake was. Was there anything else around here?

The figure lowered the line into the water again. "You'll want to find a library, I think. Always a good place to start." Their voice had a serene sort of confidence to it. The water rippled.

"Oh. Okay. Do you--can you give us directions at all? GPS doesn't really." She paused, considering how to put it. "Believe in this place." Jackson squeezed her hand, perhaps in reprimand or perhaps in amusement, she couldn't tell.

The figure's shoulders hunched up like they were silently laughing in any case. "Oh, there's always an accidental library or two being looked after at any hour you like here or there. Try the one under the bridge at Elm Street. That one has some local guides fluttering about, if memory serves."

So there was a town, after all. That was something. She focused on that to resist the urge to ask what an accidental library was. "Right, okay, but--"

"Take the Mill Street exit when you see it. The rest will take care of itself."

That sounded like a dismissal. Jackson hadn't disappeared, which made it the only successful encounter they'd ever had with another person. And they had their next goal, so Vivian considered the whole thing a win. As she turned to walk back up the dock, though, Jackson hesitated.

"How do they get down there?" Jackson asked as another songbird broke the surface with a chirp and a ruffling of damp feathers.

"Swimming in water isn't so different from flying through air, when you think about it," the figure answered. Vivian's breath hitched again. They hadn't been sure anyone would be able to see or hear Jackson, even if he could stay present around them. If the figure found anything odd about him, though, they didn't show it. They just went on saying, "Some of the hatchlings get confused and end up lost down there instead. First flight out of the nest, straight into the water, the silly things."

The songbird let out a few piping notes and made no move to leave the hook. "Of course, penguins liked it so much, they decided to stay forever," they added as an aside. The figure tolerated the bird's lingering for a moment, then moved a finger toward it until it gave in and took flight. "But I like to remind them of the options. Just because you ended up doing something doesn't mean you have to keep at it forever."

They walked back to the car, past informational placards about historical events they had never heard of and ecological webs with impossible linchpins. They leaned side by side against the hood, looking out across the lake glowing silver and gold in the light. After a moment, Jackson gave a little chuckle that soon turned into near-unhinged laughter.

"So," he said between gasps, "that blows the haunting in San Francisco right out of the running for weirdest encounter ever."

Vivian ran a hand across her face as her own helpless giggling set in. "Ghosts are the least of our issues at this point," she agreed.

Overhead, something soared past them. Tall clouds blocked it from view, but it cast a shadow that swept across them with a wingspan that shouldn't have been possible no matter what illusions could be created by angles of light and distance. Something in the air seemed to crackle in Vivian's hair. Jackson went still beside her, his laughter dying away as suddenly as it had started.

"I remember this," he whispered. "I can't--I can't remember, but I remember." His eyes fixed on the avian shadow above. The contradiction shouldn't have made sense, but Jackson's memory had become as strange as the rest of him since the flood. More than that, Vivian remembered buzzing and the strangeness of the mountain after the flood, things she had attributed to her illness at the time and had not questioned much since. But she remembered something too.

"Come on," she said, pushing away from the car hood. "Let's find out whatever an accidental library is."

***

They made it as far as the diner before Jackson blipped out of existence again--the longest he had been able to manifest in any of the places they had tried. He had managed to stick around through finding the accidental library under the bridge. Mitzi, who served as some kind of caretaker for the living books that flapped and clustered overhead of their own free will, had been entirely able to see and talk to him.

Vivian could still feel the soft, dusty sensations of pages fluttering under her fingers as she took notes on the contents of one of the tamer books of local history. She made a note to stock up on more empty journals before her next visit. So much to learn, so many secrets to record.

Even driving the main drag of the downtown area didn't dispel Jackson, and it had been full of people. By then, it had hit the lunch hour. People stood outside the bakery with sandwiches wrapped in paper or sat on the grass of the park with takeout containers. The occasional glimpse of someone with what looked like wings or a shapeless blob of darkness on the end of a leash for a walk didn't feel as strange as they probably should have. The real weirdness, Vivian pointed out as they waited their turn at a four-way stop, was how nice everything was.

"When's the last time you saw all-metal playground equipment that didn't look like it could give you tetanus at twenty paces?" Children took turns on a tall slide; an older kid went down it upright in his socks to the cheers of the others.

Murals decorated the walls on either side of Mulaney's All-Night Diner, bright, beautiful ones that made everything around them look a bit more cheerful. The moment she stepped up to the door, she could hear and smell bacon frying and coffee brewing. It was that burst of normalcy that broke the liminal zone at last, she supposed. Diners could hold liminality, but midday with clear weather wasn't a likely time for it. And nothing quite said "everything is just as it should be and just as it always has been" like diner smells.

Looking over as she opened the door to the diner to find Jackson gone hurt, but it was an old familiar hurt by now. She didn't even break stride until a waitress behind the counter asked her,

"Will your companion be taking form again, or would you like a spot for one?"

"Oh. Um. No, probably not. Just one, thanks." A few people looked up from their food at her entrance and the waitress's words, but no one looked surprised by the idea of an invisible lunch date.

"How's the counter sound?" The waitress patted her hand on the counter in front of an empty stool, and Vivian slid onto it.

It took until coffee refill number two, when Vivian had gotten through half a turkey club that, while tasty, didn't seem to have a single weird element to it, before she asked the waitress what had been on Vivian's mind through the whole meal.

"Is this place still going to be here if I leave? I mean, will I be able to find it again?"

The waitress could have been in any diner in America if not for the tattoo flowers that slowly bloomed, wilted, went to seed, and grew again on each of her forearms while Vivian watched. She smiled and patted Vivian's hand. "It's always like that when people first find their way here." The town wasn't, from what she had seen, so small that Vivian expected everyone to know everyone. But picking Vivian out as a newcomer probably wasn't tough. "It's not a ghost town or a fae illusion," the waitress agreed.

"That's good," Vivian said, tension she hadn't been aware of easing out of her shoulders.

"It's pretty rare for the town to expel anyone after they've been allowed to find it," the waitress went on while she refilled a glass sugar container and then a napkin dispenser.

The fries Vivian had just popped in her mouth went down the wrong way, and she swallowed thickly against them. She hadn't considered the possibility of rules and expulsion. "Is that a police thing, or the town council or something?"

"No," the waitress answered with a faintly confused smile. "Don't worry too much about it. If the town let you find it, you're probably allowed to come and go as you please now." It was a comfort, and it was what Vivian had wanted to know. At the same time, she found herself wondering why anyone would want to leave if they didn't have to.

Lost in thought, she almost missed when the waitress asked her, "Do you need a place to stay for the night?"

"No," Vivian admitted, "I can't stay." That, she realized, was going to become a problem.

***

It wasn't until Vivian had parked at the main branch library for a bit of solo research that the regret hit. She shoved her cell phone back into her bag, missing on the first two attempts. That was when she also realized she was shaking. Rain poured in Lewisia that day, and she sat in her car and shook and wondered what she had done.

"I just think it's playing with fire," Jackson said, casting another furtive look back at the tarnished lump of silver sitting on the backseat. "I realize our lives are completely absurd now, but this is what we've got. And if we live in a world where curses and ghosts and who knows what else are real, salvaging mysterious metal objects, no matter how profitable, from abandoned buildings is probably--"

Vivian didn't get to find out what he thought her salvaging probably was. Jackson blipped out of existence faster than she'd ever seen. She actually swerved out of her lane for a moment in surprise, eliciting an angry horn honk from another driver. When she righted her course, she realized her phone had begun to ring.

"Who is this?" Vivian demanded when she finally succeeded in getting the phone within reach to stab the speaker button. Considering at least one other driver was probably wishing for her death as it was, she wasn't interested in taking her eyes off the road again. A hiss of open air gave way to a somewhat confused voice.

"Vivian? This is Carol. I'm calling to talk about your vacation request for next month. Requests," her boss corrected after a rather pointed pause.

"You know, this isn't really a good time to discuss work matters," Vivian said. Snarled, really, and some part of her mind could sense her boss recoiling through the phone line. Even so, she didn't back down. A cell phone. Of course that would disrupt liminality. She almost resented herself more than her boss, for not thinking to shut the phone down before starting a drive she knew might include Jackson. Almost.

"I did ask you to stop by my desk before going home," Carol said, her own tone going snippy.

"I had a prior commitment and couldn't stay any later," Vivian countered. A turnoff for some other, normal street went by. She checked the odometer and ran a quick calculation in her head. The exit for Lewisia would be coming up in a few miles--none of the regular highway signs referenced it, but she had memorized the distances between it and all the markers along the way.

She didn't know what would happen if she tried to turn off for the town while on the phone with someone outside. Maybe nothing. It might not matter. She wasn't going to test the theory today. Or possibly ever. She readied a finger to disconnect the call. She'd claim a bad connection on Monday.

While the rain drummed down on the roof of the car, Vivian shoved her hands into her hair and banged her head several times against the headrest. That's what she should have done. Just hung up. Almost anything would have been better than what she actually did, but that would have been best.

"Jax, I quit my job," she said into her hands.

After a second, she said, "I decided to find a new job." That tasted like a lie.

"I'm going to need a new job." Well, that was true enough, anyway. She gave a little shriek of frustration. Now Jackson would worry, whenever she got another chance to tell him. She had just been so angry--at the interruption, at the denial of her time-off request, at having to bow to the demands of a job that only seemed to keep her away from Jackson.

Of course, that job had been supplying gas money to go to the sort of places where she could see Jackson. She groaned. Then she snatched up her bag and burst out of the car into the rain before she could give in to any more impulses toward theatrics. It was an adventure, just like they always said. They would figure it out.

The sprint across the parking lot left her hair drenched, wet patches along her shoulders, and splashes up the backs of her legs. Under the awning at the front doors, she shook herself off like a dog. It was in the midst of that less than dignified display that the most elegant woman Vivian had ever seen popped open one half of the doors and leaned out to look at her. The look was not what Vivian would have classified as one of approval.

"Ms. Ackerman?" Vivian blinked water out of her eyes, but the woman's appearance didn't change. She wore a top hat and tails, fitted perfectly to her shape, not a thread out of place.

The woman took a step back, heels and silver-headed cane tapping on the tile floor. "I've been waiting for you," she informed Vivian, formal without being polite in the slightest.

Vivian stepped in after her, letting the door swing shut on the storm outside. "Since when--nineteen-twenty?" Vivian asked as she took another look at the outfit now that it wasn't half obscured by the door. In another context, it might have been considered understated in its elegance, not relying on a lot of flash to make it look good. Standing in the lobby of the library, where the heat had been turned on to keep comfortable anyone who needed to come in from the street for a moment or for the night, understated was never going to describe the look.

With an expression of faint but unsurprised disgust, as though Vivian had entirely lived down to her low expectations, the woman said, "I was sent by my employer to discuss the possibility of a commission."

Maybe it was the vaguely mafia-esque reference to her employer, or maybe it was the implied resources and intention behind preserving that outfit in perfect condition, or maybe it was just the same set of instincts that kept Vivian from putting a foot down on the wrong rotten floorboard or loose masonry, but Vivian got a bad feeling. She started to edge toward the inner set of doors. If she could get into the sacred space of the library proper, this person would have to stop talking to her. No one messed with the vibes in the library.

"I don't know what you think I do," Vivian began.

Expression unchanged, the woman said, "You hunt liminality," and Vivian froze.

Never once had she uttered those words aloud to anyone but Jackson. It was the title she had given to herself, to what the two of them did together. All the notebooks tracking setup and collapse triggers for liminal spaces, the habitats most likely to support that strange space where nothing seemed quite the same and so much more became possible, the things living or dead or inanimate or other that could be found in the spaces during or outside of liminality--

She was a liminality hunter, and absolutely no one else was supposed to know that.

"Who the hell do you work for?"

Something in the woman's stance changed: she stood just a bit taller, exuded just a bit more confidence in her superiority, became almost magnanimous in her condescension. "The Historical Society."

***

"You know," Jackson said with a grunt as he lowered himself through the shattered remnants of the first floor and down the climbing ropes, "I'm almost certain you can buy lamps in shops these days."

Vivian, already down on the shifting footing of broken floorboards and cracked ceiling tiles under the hole, huffed a laugh. She pulled the ropes free from her climbing rig and stepped back to make room for Jackson. "I don't think an IKEA catalog is going to satisfy the Society."

Jackson snorted at the idea but went on undeterred. "Heck, Quartz Hardware can probably build one custom, if you're feeling fancy about it." He dropped down the last few inches, boots sliding on debris until Vivian steadied him. It wasn't clear, given the low light, if this damage was pre-existing or if it had happened when the access tunnel she and Jackson used collapsed behind them. She kept her face averted so as not to blind Jackson with the headlamp she had on, but she gave his arm a squeeze before letting go. While he freed himself from the ropes in turn, she picked her way down to solid footing.

"Oh, they're feeling very fancy indeed," she said as she shone the light back the way she had come so he could find his way down as well. "You would not believe the instructions I got on how this damn lamp needs to be protected during transport. Why do you think it took me two more hours than expected to get from the Society house to the campground that day?"

Jackson grumbled into his beard some familiar complaints about the Society's methods. Vivian tipped her head back to look up at what remained of the ceiling through the rest of the lower level. It wasn't actually the basement, because what they had entered through wasn't actually the first floor. Something that looked like popcorn ceiling treatment flaked down around them, disturbed by the vibrations of their movements. The house was too old to have popcorn ceiling, though, considering it had already been partially swallowed by a sinkhole back in the twenties. Vivian decided not to think about that too hard.

According to the records in Idaho Falls, the sinkhole had entirely destroyed the house, then home to a nearly-destitute stained glass artist who had always just missed the timing on any and all style movements in his lifetime. The site had been reclaimed by the earth, which saved the humans the trouble of having to condemn and destroy it themselves after the freak accident. The whole incident made little more than a footnote in the microfiche records about the goings on of the next-next town over.

According to the records in Upper Bridgestone, the nearest Lewisia sister city in the area, the sinkhole swallowed the house largely unharmed. The artist, who apparently made Frank Lloyd Wright look like a child's paint by numbers kit and had ties to Prohibition-era smugglers, disappeared at the same time to parts unknown. He left behind a number of unfilled commissions, unpaid gambling debts, and it was rumored, unreleased pieces. It had been one of the great scandals of the art world at the time. If you knew the right people.

The house had remained largely unpilfered, despite the many years of abandonment, because no access point could be found to the house post-sinking. Rumor said at least one secret entrance existed, courtesy of those rum-runner ties, but no one seemed on know where or how to access it.

One thing Vivian could say about the Historical Society: they always seemed to know what no one else did.

Finding the workshop proved significantly less trouble than finding the house had been. In a few spots, torrents of loose dirt had tumbled in where windows burst under the pressure of the initial sinking and now slowed the two of them. The workshop had been built as an inner room, though, without windows or exterior-facing walls. It was, once they reached it and Vivian pushed open the door, in nearly pristine condition.

Finding the lamp itself was the easy part. It still waited on the artist's workbench, as though he had just stepped away for a moment. If she had found a still-hot cup of coffee nearby, it wouldn't have surprised her in the slightest. She looked at the lamp, of course. All this fuss about it, she had imagined a work of stunning beauty, of visionary creativity.

The patterns had the geometric look that made people compare it to Wright, sure. Vivian felt confident that none of Wright's pieces did actual harm to the viewer, though. The windows of the Robie House never made anyone's eyes bleed, for a start. After a split second, she had to look away, eyes filled with what she really hoped were only tears, vision wavering.

Vivian pulled a boxy, hard shell case out of her backpack and opened it on the workbench. She could feel Jackson peering over her shoulder, trying to get a look at what she was doing. "What is that?"

"Transportation. The lamp can't be exposed to sunlight." In the corner of her eye, Vivian saw Jackson rubbing at his forehead. She couldn't spare much concentration for his distress, though, as she focused on packing the lamp into the foam-padded case.

"Uh-huh. And what happens if it sees the light of day?"

Vivian ducked her head to hide the somewhat sheepish grin that bloomed there. Also, looking at the base of the lamp seemed safe enough, so keeping her head down meant the shade wasn't in her field of view while she packaged it up.

"Funny thing--they didn't mention that part." She snapped the latches shut on the case while Jackson growled. "Come on," she wheedled. "You only live once."

For a second, she thought he wouldn't answer. When she tipped the headlight beam in his direction, though, she could see him smiling despite himself, lips curling up even as he tried to purse them into an expression of disapproval. "That's up for debate," he finally agreed.

She pushed the case down into her backpack before swinging it back on, double-checking the straps and clips and tugging to make sure it couldn't move. "Even better." Now they just had to find a way back out past the collapsed tunnel. Back to the surface and back to Lewisia with a moderately volatile artifact with mind-bending qualities. Back to the second half of her commission money for the retrieval work.

Easy money. Time and space for Jackson to exist. Always another hunt to go on. Gas in the tank. Not bad for two people who were only mostly real these days.

#fiction #magical realism #liminal spaces #relationships #adventures #Lake Lewisia #The Liminality Hunter #bonus story

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ceealaina · 5 years

Text

Won’t You Ever Know That I’m In Love With You?

Square: TSB A4-First Kiss, IronHusbands O4-Hurt/Comfort Rating: M Warnings: Brief mentions of sexy times Pairing: Tony/Rhodey, Tony/OFC (background) Link: AO3 Summary: “The thing was, he could sleep around as much as he wanted, and it was never going to make the fact that he was completely and totally in love with Rhodey go away.” Something short and sweet for my First Kiss and H/C squares.

Tony groaned as he thrust into Mina, trying to keep his brain focused on the here and now, the feeling of her body against his, the arch of her spine beneath him. It wasn’t really working. Usually sex was a foolproof method for slowing down the thoughts in his head, for turning off and quieting the noise in his brain, but lately it hadn’t been cutting it.

Later, after Mina had come with a ‘yes, yes, yes, yes, yes’ that made him roll his eyes behind her, he lay in her bed, smoking a cigarette and staring at the ceiling and trying not to think about his impending graduation (about Rhodey leaving for basic training).

“Tony!”

He almost jumped at Mina’s sharp hiss of his name and winced when he realized she’d been trying to get his attention for a few minutes. “Sorry,” he said, giving her an apologetic smile and batting his eyes in a way that usually never failed to make the girls melt.

Mina remained unimpressed.

“Look,” she told him. “I don’t know who you’re looking for, but it obviously isn’t me. I don’t think this is working out.”

Tony blinked at her. “You just called me to come over three hours ago. You decided to wait until after we fucked to break up with me?”

She shrugged. “You’re really good in bed,” she offered, not sounding particularly apologetic. Tony scrubbed a hand through his hair, taking another deep drag off the cigarette before she plucked it from his mouth. “I think you should go now.”

“But it’s the middle of the night!”

Mina just stared impassively back at him and Tony rolled his eyes and huffed out a sigh. “Fine, whatever,” he grumbled, rolling off the bed to search for his clothes.

It was cold out, a light drizzle in the air, and he was a good thirty minute walk from the apartment that he and Rhodes had rented after their first year in the dorms. He knew he should call a cab, but it was a Saturday night (Sunday morning, now) and they were a good way from the main bar drag, and he didn’t really love the idea of waiting outside Mina’s house like a rejected puppy. Besides, being cold and wet and miserable seemed appropriate for how his night had been going.

It wasn’t like he had really expected things to work out with Mina. Quite the opposite. But still - five breakups in six months, none of which he’d instigated, was a little sad. And a post booty-call middle-of-the-night breakup was the most embarrassing yet.

The thing was, he could sleep around as much as he wanted, and it was never going to make the fact that he was completely and totally in love with Rhodey go away - and it wasn’t going to change the fact that Rhodey was leaving in just a few short weeks. Tony knew how these things went. They’d stay in touch for a bit, but they’d gradually drift apart, and probably he’d never see the other man again.

So, no. Sleeping around wouldn’t change any of this, but it did beat the hell out of lying in bed night after night, wondering what would happen if he just gathered the courage to get up, go next door, and tell Rhodey how he really felt.

By the time he made it home, Tony was shivering and ready to crawl into bed and forget the whole night. He let himself into the apartment and stopped when he spotted Rhodey on couch, laughing over some stupid late-night comedy thing, apparently still wired from the ROTC party he’d been at earlier.

“Hey,” Tony said, peeling off his soaked jacket and leaving it in a pile at the door, smiling despite himself at Rhodey’s bright laughter.

“Hey!” Rhodey answered. “Wasn’t expecting you back tonight.” He tilted his head back over the couch to look at him. “Jesus, what happened to you?”

“It’s raining out,” Tony offered, teeth chattering as he moved over to the couch.

“Yeah, no shit,” Rhodey replied, but it was fond and he was already wrapping Tony up in one of the blankets on the couch. “Why were you out walking in it? Thought you’d be crashing at Mina’s all night.”

“I was,” he admitted, calling after Rhodey as he wandered off down the hall. “But then she dumped me. And kicked me out of her house. So it was that or stand outside looking pathetic for twenty minutes while I waited for a cab. Figured I’d rather walk.”

Rhodey gave him a sympathetic look as he returned with three of their softest towels, dumping two in Tony’s lap before grabbing the third and attacking Tony’s head with it. Tony rolled his eyes, even while a secret part of himself delighted over Rhodey looking out for him.

“I’m sorry, man,” Rhodey told him. “Mina seemed... great.”

Despite the sting that he was still feeling over it, Tony snorted. “You hated her.”

“I didn’t hate her!” Rhodey protested. “I just... hated her for you.”

Tony’s smile went tight. “Yeah, well,” he mumbled. “Joke’s on me, because clearly you were right.”

“Hey,” Rhodey’s hand squeezed at his shoulder and Tony tried to ignore how good that felt. “I’m just... I’m kinda worried about you, Tony. You’ve been tearing through girls like nobody’s business lately, and that’s fine, it is, it just... Kinda seems like you’re using it to distract from something else.”

Tony shrugged, but it wasn’t like he could argue, exactly, so he kept quiet, smiling faintly when Rhodey passed him a beer. He could feel Rhodey’s eyes on him and focused on the tv, pretending not to notice. Rhodey just sighed, scrubbing a hand over his head.

“I’m just saying, you don’t gotta sleep with everyone who says something nice to you. Maybe slow down before you jump into bed with the next one. You’re a catch, Tones. You don’t have to settle. You could have anyone you wanted.”

Tony blinked over at him. “Even you?” he whispered, eyes widening when he realized he’d spoken out loud. “Fuck,” he muttered, glaring at his beer bottle.

“I.” Rhodey made a choked noise. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Tony said quickly, shoving the bottle down on their makeshift coffee table. “Nothing, I just... Had too much to drink tonight. Not making any sense.” He got heavily to his feet, brushing past Rhodey and giving him a smile that he knew Rhodey would see through. “I’m going to bed. Don’t worry about it.”

“Tony.” Rhodey still looked flabbergasted, but he collected himself enough to grab Tony’s wrist on his way by. “What. Did you. Say?”

Tony sighed, squeezing his eyes tightly shut for a brief moment before he turned to face him.

“I...” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I’ve kinda got a thing for you, Rhodes. Have for a long time. You wanna know why I keep going through so many people? Cause none of them are you.” Tony laughed, sounding high pitched and awkward to his own ears, and scratched at the back of his neck with his free hand. “Sorry,” he added, not able to meet Rhodey’s eyes. “Hell of a thing to drop on you, I know. At least graduation’s soon, right? Won’t have to see me after that.” He couldn’t make himself stop talking. “I’ll, uh. I’ll stay out of your way, till then. If you want. I won’t make it weird. Promise.”

Rhodey still hadn’t said anything, and Tony could feel his eyes burning. He squeezed them shut again, pulling half heartedly against the hand Rhodey still had wrapped around his wrist. “Can you let me go now, please?” he asked, voice dropping to a soft whisper.

Rhodey let go of his wrist like it burned him, and Tony winced as he turned away, still without looking at him. He was drunk, which was definitely the only reason that he found himself chewing his lip and fighting back tears until he was safely behind his bedroom door.

“Tony!”

Tony stilled halfway down the hall, drawing in a slow breath before turning back to face him. “Yep.”

Rhodey was off the couch and moving down the hall toward him. “Don’t... Don’t do that, man. Don’t shut me out like that. You caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Tony tried to smile, running a hand through his hair. “Well, that’s fair. Nobody expects anything like this. Can we just... write this off as a drunk fever dream. Pretend it never happened?”

“Tony!” Rhodey was grinning at him now, that fond look that he got when Tony’s ideas got really out there, and Tony was too embarrassed and too tired to figure out why. Rhodey seemed to know what he was thinking and he shook his head, laughing softly. “Yeah, man,” he said, finally reaching him and settling his hands on Tony’s arms. “Even me.”

“What?” Tony asked, frowning. Then his earlier words came back to him. “Wait... what?”

Rhodey’s grin was a little lopsided now, a faint flush on his cheeks. “Yep,” he said, a little nervously. His hand slid carefully up Tony’s upper arm, and Tony resisted the urge to shiver, hyper focused on the sensation. “Just... never thought you’d feel like that too.” His hand slid higher, curling around the back of Tony’s neck, and Tony swallowed hard at the feeling, their eyes locked.

“Oh god,” Tony blurted out. “Please just kiss me?”

Rhodey huffed out a laugh at that, and Tony giggled too and then they were kissing softly, Rhodey’s lips dry and cool against his own, his fingers tightening against the back of Tony’s neck. It lasted a few minutes before they pulled away again, blinking at each other.

“That was weird, right?” Rhodey asked.

“Super weird,” Tony admitted, eyes dancing and a pleased smile on his face.

“Come on, man. I thought you were supposed to be good at this.”

“What?” Tony protested, giggling again. “I am good at this! I’m amazing at this. If anyone needs to step it up here, it’s you. Get on my level, Rhodes!”

“Get on your level?” Rhodey repeated. “I’ll show you my level.” Then he had fisted his hands in the front of Tony’s shirt, dragging him for another kiss and it wasn’t weird at all.

@tonystarkbingo @ironhusbandsbingo

#tony/rhodey #ironhusbands #tony stark #james rhodes #get together #first kiss #mit era #h/c #hurt/comfort #schmoop #friends to lovers #brief mention of tony/ofc #fic #my fic #rating: M

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jockeyholla · 5 years

Text

Bangkok and Beyond

Happy Fall,

Despite being in one of the biggest, most populated cities I have ever been in my life, I was serenaded to sleep by a chorus of frogs last night. Torrential rains flooded the streets in Bangkok yesterday & our trip home on the boat from the weekend market was quite the wild adventure. We did fine on the metro, though it's a bit too air-conditioned for my taste. Rather like whizzing along in a super smooth refrigerator car. Just installed in the last 15 years, new metro stops are still being created, a bit of a wacky miracle in such a gigantic city.

We just barely squeezed onto the local boat taxi, packed in like sardines. I almost lost John in the fray. A woman who got on beside me at the next stop, was pushing me so hard that I thought I was going to fall over & break everything in my shopping bag. Finally< I traded places with her & became suddenly aware of why she was trying so hard to get further inside the boat. Within seconds, approximately a bucket of water came off of the roof tarp and poured right down my back. I was more soaked than the front seat of Splash Mountain, but fortunately my pirate booty from the market stayed dry. Mostly it has just been a little bit of rain now and again, beautifully cooling when we get it.

We have been amazingly lucky to have an opportunity to see a Healer here in town, who is very famous within Thailand, but virtually unknown to the western world. Like my massage practice, his healing is known mainly by word-of-mouth. They say you have to have the right Karma to come see him, so I must' have done something right at some point. The healing takes about five minutes, but the taxi ride there is anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 and 1/2 hours. Then we have to get back, creating quite a full day. Fridays are easy because the turnaround time is quite good, but on Sundays when we go & wait in line with the locals, it'''''' is usually a few hours in the healing center. We are the only "flongs," foreigners, aside from our translator, a wonderful Aussie buddhist who has been here for nearly 40 years. We receive our sessions from an esoteric buddhist healer who lived as a hermit monk in a sacred jungle cave for ten years, until he was called to heal people. I feel like that is such an amazing amount of time to be silent & still. I cannot quite imagine the wisdom that one might procure from such a practice✨

His father was very familiar with the healing properties of the jungle herbs so each week we boil some to make a tea.The first one was for detoxification of the kidneys, second for cleansing the blood and then one that helps the ligaments & sinews. He treats the seven primary diseases in the first sessions, including cancer, diabetes, fatty liver disease, heart issues, and arthritis.There is a monk who lives in a temple next door to the healing center who, after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer got treatments and he looks great.

We had a quiet week off the coast of Sumatra for John to go surfing. A beautiful island with shy monkeys and amazing kingfishers. Back to the mainland of Sumatra, a few days in the rainforest for me to see orangutans & for them to see me. We camped in the jungle for two nights, hiking straight up then straight down muddy, steep terrain. We saw some giant colorful hornbills, Thomas monkeys (my favorite new nickname for John on that trip), monitor lizards, something that looked like an iguana & a plethora of other beautiful birds. What a wonderful gift to get out of the city.

Upon our return to Thailand, we also spent a few days near the bridge over the river Kwai. Peaceful and beautiful, with a great old third class train ride 3 hours north of Bangkok.I believe it took us about 1&1/2 hours to get out of the city to the countryside & occasionally pass beautiful pools of giant lotuses.

A bit exhausted from our treatments, we spent the last week in the Bangkok visiting the Jim Thompson house, the weekend market & some other local sites. Great to get some Christmas shopping done so early.

Yesterday was our six year anniversary & we were lucky enough to get a very special Saturday “Prosperity treatment,” in between our normal routine. We dressed all in white, had special symbols called yans written in red ink on our backs, each side of our hands, and right on the hairline in the center of the foreheads. The treatment clears karma from past lifetimes & creates good fortune for the future. We asked weeks in advance for this treatment & I feel very lucky to have been able to receive it. The healer had one word after he wrote on us both & that was "clear," oh joy. I thought how wonderful & auspicious to have this fall on our anniversary. I felt so light & joyful afterwards & slept better than I have in forever. Today we are back for our Sunday treatments & tomorrow we will head north until Thursday to see the nature park, Khao Yai. If we are lucky, we will get to see elephants.

October Footnote: I have once again been delinquent in sending this & more time has passed.During our Bangkok visit we had an amazing & magical trip to Khao Yai with so many animals & insects, also a hot & beautiful trip up to the old Thai capitol, Aytthaya, visiting some ancient khmer style buddhist temples, and more down time in the city as those healings can really take it out of you. I think of it as a sort of fast forward healing from which one has to detox and catch up with oneself again.

We have finished our last treatments & travelled to a small beach community in southwest Java where I will get to relax at the beach & see tiny sea turtles released from a local hatchery. John hopefully will enjoy the surf.

Miss you and hope that life is lovely, healthy and joyous, Ahna-Kristen

HI EVERYONE,

Ahna-Kristen and I have been gone a month now. We were invited to go see a healer in Bangkok by one of her clients. The healer only sees people on Friday thru Sundays, and we go twice a week. On Fridays we get a body treatment and a facial treatment. On Sundays we get another body treatment. Fridays are super slow and there is usually no one there, or just a couple of other people, then on Sundays there are around twenty people and they have a big pot of food out for everyone to share. For each treatment we leave an offering of flowers incense, candles, these little coins and some money that we place in an envelope. Treatments are by donation only, so everyone gives what they can afford. About 98 percent of the people that see him are Thai, so very few white people go there and that makes us a bit of an oddity. We would be lost without the valuable help of our interpreter Jimmy, a 75 year old Aussie man who has lived in Southeast Asia for the last 45 years. We are staying in a hotel that is half a block for his apartment and he arranges a cab to take us the hour drive out to the treatment center. He interprets everything the healer tells us. During a treatment Anchon opens a point near my solar plexus and then lightly rubs his finger across my body. In some areas it creates extreme pain and feels like his finger is made of steel and on other areas I barely feel it at all. He is working with meridians, points and blocked energy.

As the story goes, he was a hermit monk and lived in a cave for more than ten years when celestial beings started to visit him and train him to become a healer. He said no initially, as he did not want to leave his life of solitude. They started writing on the walls of his cave, leaving him messages and teachings on how to heal people. After some time, he agreed to become a healer.

Our original plan was to see him once when we arrived, then go surfing in Indonesia for a month and come back and see him twice on the way home. After our first treatment, he told us if we came to him for a month he would send both of us back home healthy. So we decided to stay on after the surf trip. After our first treatment, we flew to Simelue, an island off of Northern Sumatra.

On my first surf paddling out I did a face plant on the lava reef while trying to duck dive a wave. Our surf trip was cut short by my accident, which took about three week for my face to heal from. This was a sign for me that I was supposed to head back for more healings. I had prepaid the surf lodge where we were staying and they where super generous, lettimg me postpone the rest of my paid stay for a week in September. That gave us six days before we could have our next treatment.

We headed up to Buket lawang to do a three day jungle hike to see the orangutangs and other creatures that live in the rainforest,

before flying back to Bangkok. We have now seen him 5 times, and are on a 12 day break back in Simelue enjoying the beach life, warm water and the quite. We will be going back to Thailand for another 4 weekends of treatment. Spending so much time in a big city like Bangkok makes me so grateful for my home in Aptos.

Well a month has passed and we are leaving for home in a few hours after spending two weeks in West Java surfing and relaxing at the beach. I had a lot of fun surf and feel really good after spending the 6 weeks with the healer. I am looking forward to being home and reconnecting with you all.

Love to you all,

John

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let-it-raines · 6 years

Text

Second in Command (Ch. 13)

Summary: Life as the "spare to the heir" isn't all that it's cracked up to be when you're the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don't know what really happens behind closed doors.

Rating: Mature

A/N: A few things about the writing in this chapter: I have been reading a hell of a lot of Cocktober fics and editing mine, so that mature rating comes into major effect here (even if I’m less descriptive in this story than the others). Also, I have been writing angst in something else plus a, like, three-day headache, so I had difficult time writing this because it’s literally fluff guys. It’s just all of the fluff, and I really, truly hope that this chapter lives up to its expectations. I would normally wait a bit longer between chapters, but maybe this will brighten someone’s Saturday!

Oops. Forgot to link the story to ao3 | here |

You guys are forever the best, and every comment, kudos, like, reblog, private message, etc. fills me with the most joy ♥️

Tag list:

@resident-of-storybrooke @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @profdanglaisstuff

@ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld

@jennjenn615 @a-faekindagirl @mayquita @captainsjedi

@captswanis4vr @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat

The New Year passes with little fanfare, just a quiet celebration at home as they watch the fireworks over the Thames on the television, glasses of champagne in hand. Emma didn’t even make it out of the living room before falling asleep, her neck twisted in a way that would keep her out of commission for a week if left that way. He simply slid her down so that she was more comfortable on the couch, not wanting to wake her by taking her upstairs. He was thankful that they’d gotten some new furniture because his old couch was not nearly as comfortable as the new one Emma had picked out while he was in Africa.

He’s already packed for their trip, his suitcase spread out in the middle of the closet, everything carefully folded, while Emma has half of her summer wardrobe simply tossed in hers. He can’t help himself from folding everything up so that it will pack more efficiently and he’ll be able to put it away in the closet of their bedroom more easily. He is meticulous in the way that he lives, and Emma is not. It drives him crazy, but it is worth it in every way.

By the time Wednesday morning rolls around, Killian is more than ready to leave the cold of Britain behind for the warmth of Seychelles and the privacy of having Emma to himself, no royal protocol or photographers or hostile family members or need to wear a suit and tie. When they escaped to Switzerland a few years ago Emma was reluctant to let him do something like this, and the nerves practically rolled off of her until they were secluded within the walls of their lodge or cautiously skiing down the slopes (see: Emma landing on her ass in the snow more often than not). Today, she is calm, relaxed even, as she sits opposite of him on the plane with her nose in a book and her feet propped up in his lap, his thumbs running across the bones of her ankles while he watches both Netflix and her.

Sometimes he is struck by her beauty. Actually, all the time really, but he’s often struck by how much she’s grown in herself since he’s known her. When they met, she was inherently kind, something no one can ever take away from her despite her protests otherwise. She was inherently kind but fighting a battle with herself over if she deserved to receive that kindness in return. She always had. She’d been subjected to things she didn’t deserve by a man who didn’t deserve her, and Killian wanted nothing more than to take away those demons and replace them with the goodness he saw in her and with the light that she brought into his life just by talking to him like he was any other guy. And as much as he knows that he did have an impact on her growth and her ability to believe in herself, it was really all Emma. It’s always been Emma.

So to see her today as she is, someone who is sure of herself even when the world has a target on her back, it’s a wonderful, beautiful sight.

She kicks at his lap with her foot to get his attention from where he was obviously daydreaming and most likely staring.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course, love, why?”

“If you look at me any harder you’re going to drill a hole in my head.”

“I’m just happy.”

She smiles at him before shaking her head and going back to her book, running her toes across the top of his thighs, and he knows this is her way of being affectionate with him even when most of her attention is focused on her book.

By the time they get to their private villa, far away from any of the other villas and on their own private beach, he almost cannot wait to be out in the ocean air and all of the freedom that provides, even if he knows that he’s got two security guards discreetly trailing behind them and staying in the small cabin next to them.

“Well shit,” Emma murmurs when they pull up to the villa, her hand slapping against his knee.

He can’t help but laugh as Emma takes in their home for the next ten days while he’s grabbing their luggage out of the golf cart they drove here in.

“Very eloquent, love.”

“Can you blame me, Killian? This looks like it’s out of a movie.”

“You’ve got to see the inside. And the view of the ocean.”

It’s like their own personal paradise, natural elements scattered across the villa with white linens and pillows that are the many colors of the sea dispersed throughout. He’d seen everything online before securely booking it, but Emma’s amazed as she’s walking around and running her hand over the balcony railing that overlooks their private pool which melds into the ocean, two types of blue becoming one. He doesn’t always feel the need for this kind of luxury, but he has the ability to give Emma this and he very much wanted to.

Especially for the sake of the ring in his carry-on.

“Damn,” she says later when she sits down on the swing on the balcony of their bedroom, a clear view of the ocean in front of her as he puts their suitcases in the closet. They can unpack later. “This is amazing, babe. Can we move here?”

“Considering the thing that lets us come here is me spending my time in Britain and getting paid to be me, I very much doubt that we can do that.” He moves to lean over her and wrap his arms around her neck, resting his chin on to top of her hair. “And I suspect that you’ll miss everyone too much. I know for a fact that you’ve already asked Abigail for a picture of Elizabeth with Alex.”

“They’re so cute, babe. And Alex cried when I left. Obviously I’m going to miss them. Don’t pretend that you don’t either. But I think I can do without them for ten days when I feel like I’ve walked into a book or a movie or something else ridiculous. How is this place even real?”

“It is one of my personal favorite places,” he admits before unwrapping his arms and moving to sit next to her on the swing, kicking his legs against the ground to sway them back and forth.

“Have you been here before?”

“With my family when I was a teenager. Wasn’t quite as romantic then.”

“I would hope not. That’d be super concerning and frankly pretty damn weird.”

They spend their first day there getting used to the place, exploring the rooms and discovering all of the hidden gems within the villa. He can feel all of the tension that’s been building in his shoulders, years of stress and worries that have accumulated and have been weighing him down, lifting and evaporating in the salt air. It looks as if the same thing is happening with Emma, her smile brighter than it’s been lately as she lounges in one of the beach chairs. They didn’t manage to get out to the beach until late in the evening, the sun setting and the temperature cooling, a light breeze causing Emma’s hair to blow in the wind as she wraps herself in a blanket and stares out at the horizon.

It’s perfect.

But then the heavens open up unexpectedly, one of those island storms that come out of nowhere, quickly drenching the earth before disappearing just as quickly. He and Emma don’t move out of it fast enough, too far down the beach to be anything but soaked by the time they get back inside, absolutely drenched as the water on them falls to the tile floor of the entryway, pooling at their bare feet. .

Emma strips out of her knit sweater, leaving her in just her bra as she grabs a towel out of the linen closet and dries off. He’s a bit of an ass, grabbing onto her and giving her a tight embrace as he buries his chin in her neck and makes sure that she becomes just as soaked as she was a moment ago.

“Killian,” she laughs, trying to squirm out of his grasp, but he just holds on tighter, breathing her in, smelling more like salt air and rain water than the flowers of her perfume or the vanilla of her shampoo. “Killian,” she whines again before wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him as he’s holding her. He can feel the laughter shaking through her chest. “You are such a kid. We’re going to stay wet forever and catch pneumonia.”

“Well, I’d quite like you to be wet all the time.”

She scrunches her face, her nose becoming a wrinkly mess and her eyelids closing.

“That’s the worst pickup line you’ve everused on me.”

He laughs against her shoulder before kissing it and releasing her, shedding his own clothes as he reaches for another towel and dries her down, slowly moving the towel down her body while she runs her fingers through the water droplets falling off the top of his hair until he takes the time to dry himself off.

By the time the two of them have changed clothes, he looks outside to see that the rain has stopped falling while the night sky has fully emerged, white stars contrasted against the black canvas of the sky, and he falls back onto the living room couch with a bit of a huff of frustration.

“You’re being cranky over a bit of rain, babe.”

“I am not.” She rolls her eyes. “Okay, then maybe my thighs hurt from running on the uneven sand.”

“Your fitness is going to have to be better than that for the plans I have for you and your thighs this week.”

A laugh passes through his lips before he reaches his hand out to grab hers on the armchair she’s sitting in beside him. “It’s a good thing we’re already together because we apparently have lost our touch when it comes to flirting.”

“I don’t think you could ever trulylose the ability to flirt. That’s, like, you’re second language.”

“That would be French.”

“Ah, yes, the language of love.”

She lets go of his hand, their fingers falling from each other while she walks into the kitchen and out of his sight so that he’s left to look out at the night sky again through the floor to ceiling windows, the wind blowing the palms as the aftereffects of the storm blow through.

When he awakes the next morning, Emma’s staring at him, green eyes peering into blue, with her head propped up in her right hand as her left trails over his arm, small little taps that he wouldn’t feel if he wasn’t so in tune to Emma’s touch.

“I’m still going to be here if you blink, Nolan.”

She rolls her eyes before moving closer to him, folding her body into his, the heat of her automatically washing over him as she rests are head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around her waist to keep her as close as possible.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

She shakes her head up and down against him, nuzzling further into his shoulder if that’s even possible. He noses at her forehead, encouraging her to look up at him even if she doesn’t listen.

“So you’re simply being extra affectionate this morning?”

“You are incredibly warm today, and while I’m loving this whole open concept feel of this place, us not closing the windows last night was not our most brilliant plan.”

“Ahhh,” he sighs before snaking his arm around her to rub at her back, sneaking underneath her top to find the bare skin of her back. Her skin is cold where it’s usually warm, and that just won’t do, his hand moving up and down to try to bring heat back to the skin. “Well,” he purrs, dipping his head down to capture her lips in a lazy kiss, “I think we can change the temperature with a little bit of physical activity.”

“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” she tells him, somehow managing to not roll her eyes, when he pulls back from her, “and neither have you.”

“Has that ever stopped us before?”

“I also need to shave today.”

He raises his eyebrows while his lips tick up to one side. “Has that ever stopped me before, my hairy little love?”

She laughs before crawling out of his grasp and sliding her shirt over her head, her breasts encased in the most raggedy bra that she owns. She loves that thing, and he sees it more than he sees any of the satin or lace she keeps in the closet.

“Looks like I can still flirt if I’m getting you out of your clothes that quickly.”

“Baby, you’re just lucky we don’t have to schedule our sex because we’ve been together so long.”

She crawls onto his lap, her knees on either side of his thighs before hooking her arms behind her and snapping her bra off, the tan straps falling off her shoulders and exposing herself to him before she begins nibbling on his jaw.

“Is this not our scheduled monthly morning sex?”

“Oh no it is,” she giggles as he starts running his fingers up her sides, hitting underneath her armpits like she absolutely hates, “so you better do your best work, my love, because this is it.”

He stops tickling her arms then and cups her breasts, his fingers ghosting over her nipples as he dips his head to the side to whisper in her ear, “I have a feeling I can renegotiate our terms.”

He leans back and grabs onto Emma’s waist, tossing her forward onto the bed so that she bounces against the mattress, her hair spreading out behind her like a golden blanket as she laughs and smiles up at before bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

“You are the most stunning woman alive,” he coos as he lowers himself on top of her, aligning their hips and their lips, the softness of both driving him wild as she moves against him. Emma may not know how to waltz, but they have this dance down, so well-practiced that even through the cloudy haze of passion, they both know exactly what to do to drive each other crazy. “Just, everything about you is wonderful.” He leans back down to slant his lips over hers, running his tongue along the line of her lips until she allows him entrance, the slick slide of her tongue against his making everything else in the world blur away only to leave Emma.

He quite likes it that way.

Emma runs her hands against the skin on his back, her nails scratching red lines into his skin as his scruff mostly likely rubs similar red marks into her chin, his lips moving from hers to run across her jaw and behind her ear, running his tongue below the lobe a biting until she whimpers. When he chuckles at her whines, she digs her nails a little further into his skin and pointedly rolls her hips against his so that he’s whimpering as well.

Oh gods that feels good.

“It’s not so funny now, is it?”

“You’re a bloody minx.”

She laughs against his shoulder before her hands inch down to his boxers, thumbs moving the elastic down until the cool air hits his skin. He lifts his hips to help her get him undressed before doing the same thing to her so that their skin is pressed together, her softness pressed against his hardness while he checks to see if she’s ready for him, slowly sliding into her when he feels her slickness, a gasp escaping from Emma at her sudden fullness.

“You ready to renegotiate our terms now?” he whispers before moving inside of her, her walls always so tight that it takes everything in him to not lose himself completely right then and there.

“You are an idiot,” Emma laughs before wrapping her legs around him, her heels digging into his ass to push him further inside her and bloody hell. “You are an idiot, and I love you to pieces.”

He dips his head down to kiss her, murmuring I love you against her lips before increasing his pace, thrusting in and out quickly as they whisper quietly, or not so quietly, mixtures of loving little nothings and dirty little things into each other’s ears, pants and moans echoing throughout the room and out the open windows so that the sounds of them rocking together are mixed with the rocking of the waves, slow and fluid at one moment only to be harsh and demanding the next.

Emma falls before him, her teeth biting into his shoulder as she whimpers beneath him, and he’s not long after, spilling himself inside of her before collapsing on top of her, knowing that if his weight becomes too much, she won’t hesitate to tell him. Instead she kisses his shoulder, her tongue soothing her bite mark before sighing beneath him and closing her eyes when he rubs his scruff against her cheek, the harsh hair blending in with the softness of her skin.

“So only once a month in the morning, huh?”

“Ugh,” she grumbles, pushing him off of her, not that she can really do that without a little help from him, so that he pulls out of her and tumbles onto his back. “You are impossible, and you really know how to run with a joke.”

“I may be impossible,” he kisses her collarbone before crawling out of bed to get her a towel, “but you love me for it.”

“Aye,” she mimics in his accent, propping herself up on her elbows and smiling at him like he’s the reason the sun is in the sky and the ocean is at their feet, smiling at him like he’s everything to her in the way that she’s everything to him.

He lets Emma sleep in for a little while longer while he takes the engagement ring out of his carry-on and slips it into the sole of the shoes he’s going to wear for dinner tonight. Yeah, he could just put it in one of his pockets, but Emma’s been known to slip her hands into his pockets when kissing him and he just can’t risk keeping the ring somewhere she’ll find it.

So he slips the ring into his shoe and dresses in his swim trunks and a button down, going downstairs to fix himself some coffee and eggs, knowing not to bother fixing Emma anything because she won’t be up for at least another hour or two. She surprises him, though, coming down the stairs dressed for the beach not thirty minutes later, and she doesn’t even teasingly berate him for not fixing her something, instead grabbing a fresh muffin the resort provides and sitting out on the deck to watch the ocean roll in and then roll back out, the sun glittering across the water.

If he didn’t so love his home country and wasn’t required to be one of the faces of the nation, he’d move somewhere like this like Emma jokingly requested last night, a place near the sea where everything is romanticized just the tiniest bit, where he can watch his girlfriend drop crumbs down her shirt as she sits in a swing with her hair curling in tight ringlets because of the salt of the water.

Killian likes to think that he’s a bit of a romantic, always making sure that Emma has fresh flowers or leaving her notes when he leaves the apartment for the day. He likes to think that he’s a romantic as he tells her he loves her for the seventh time in one day or when he readily (most of the time) admits that he’s wrong when they’ve gotten into an argument because one of them did something stupid. More often than not, he’s the one who’s done something stupid. He likes to think that he’s a romantic despite the fact that they’ve been together for nearly six years, or maybe even because of it. He likes to think that he’s a romantic in the little, everyday things, the ones that truly mean more than the big gestures, but today is a big gesture kind of day.

Today is an asking Emma Nolan to marry him kind of day.

He’s nervous.

So damn nervous.

Marrying her is all he has wanted for the past five and half years, and he has no doubt that she’ll say yes, but as they tan on the beach later that day all he can think about is his plans for later that night and the ring resting in the bottom of his loafers.

She’s so beautiful in every way, but right now she’s got nothing on but the tiniest pieces of blue fabric, her skin sparkling as the sun beats down on the mixture of lotion and sweat, and her hair is falling over the top of her chair so that the tips mix with the white sands of the beach. She’s got a book in her hands, and he idly wonders how many she brought with her because she reads more than any person he’s ever met, especially lately.

She’s beautiful and he loves her, and he’s so nervous for this evening that he thinks he might need to have a small, or large, glass of rum before he asks her. Does that make him awful? How do you love someone this much and still get nervous?

He must have been noticeably staring for too long because she turns on her side and reaches her hand over to run her fingers across his torso, resting them at the curve of his hip as she continues to read, only stopping when he returns her action and places his hand on her hip, her green eyes peering over the top of the pages after she pushes her sunglasses to her head.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re staring again.”

“It’s difficult not to stare at you.”

She puts her book down on the ground between them, making sure to mark her page, before crossing the small gap between their chairs and crawling into his side, half of her resting on top of him, her bare legs running up and down his calves while she props her head up on her forearms that are resting on his chest.

“What?” he questions, wrapping his arm around her to tug her more fully onto his body, a heat spreading across him that has nothing to do with the sun.

“Nothing.”

“You’re staring.”

She smirks, pressing her lips against his chin before pressing her lips against his own. “It’s difficult not to stare at you.”

“Darling, you have to come up with your own compliments.”

“Okay,” she says, her foot tapping at his. “You’re hot as hell.”

He throws his head back as much as he can in laughter while his hand squeezes her ass cheek for, well, her cheekiness. She’s not the kind of funny where everyone in the room knows it. It’s usually more subtle, nuanced, but he thinks she’s the most hysterical person he’s ever met, especially with her not-so-eloquent flirtations.

“That’s much better.” He kisses her nose before shifting her so that she’s at his side while he grabs her book from the ground. “What are we reading, love?”

“A trashy beach novel because I finished all of my good ones.”

He flips through the pages, skimming the words until he gets to her bookmark and begins to read where she left off, continuing until Emma yawns against his neck and her skin begins to pink.

“So what exactly does our date tonight entail?” Emma questions later as she runs her brush through her hair, smoothing out the curls she just put into it with her curling iron.

“It’s a surprise.”

That’s the understatement of the century.

“Killian,” she whines, leaving her spot in the bathroom, clad in nothing but her robe, to sit on his lap and wrap her arms around his neck. He likes relaxed, beach vacation Emma. She’s extra affectionate, and that’s going to work well in his favor tonight…hopefully. “What have I told you about surprise dates? I love them, but I need guidance on my clothes and if I need to eat beforehand because I’m not going to like the food.”

“This is like our first date all over again.”

“What?”

“You asking me for help on your outfit. You didn’t know what to wear.” He presses a kiss against her temple. “Darling, I own the same suit pieces in multiple colors. You dress me all the time. And while I would be perfectly okay with you wearing your birthday suit, I know that whatever you wear will be fine. We’re going to be out on the deck, and I promise you’ll like the food.”

“I still can’t believe I had to ask you for help that day.”

“It was endearing.”

Emma ends up dressing in a white sundress, and it’s almost comical how appropriate that is for the occasion. The entire evening is nice, the resort delivering grilled fish and bottle of wine as well as setting up candles and fairy lights that keep the area illuminated even under the canopy of trees. He’s especially glad for the wine, not getting to have his glass of rum earlier, and with every fidget of his foot, he can feels the ring in its protective bag under the arch of his foot in his shoe.

“Emma?”

She’s looking out at the water, her glass of wine swirling as she absentmindedly holds it out beside her. “Yeah?”

He doesn’t say anything else for awhile, still trying to run through the words he’s been rehearsing for weeks now, until she looks over at him, sweet smile on her face as her head falls back, hair tumbling down the back of her chair.

Instead of proposing, he blurts out, “Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Sure.” She slips her sandals from her feet before stepping onto the sand, looking at him curiously as he stays in his shoes. “You don’t want to take your shoes off? Those are nice ones. I wouldn’t want you to mess them up.”

“Um,” he scratches behind his ear and hopes that his internal grimace doesn’t become an external one, “it’s fine this way.”

They walk silently for a little while, their fingers twined together, and even though their silence has been comfortable, like most of them are, he has to break this one. He will not chicken out of this moment.

“You know,” he begins, trying not to have to take a deep breath because that will most definitely give him away, “the day I met you I was pissed beyond belief at my father. I don’t even remember what about, but it led me to going on one of my walks and to meeting this fiery blonde lass who has just…who has just become my entire world. So you could say I like my walks like this.”

He looks over to her, her lips slightly parted, and he can see the gears running in her head by the way her brows are furrowed together. He knows the moment she’s figured out what’s about to happen, one corner of her mouth ticking up and her eyes widening the slightest bit as her brow unfurrows, but he soldiers on, confident that this is going to go well.

“Emma, I have loved you for five years, four months, and seventeen days…”

“Did you count?” she laughs, interrupting him like only she could in a moment like this.

“Of course,” Killian confirms, stopping their walk so that he can stand in front of her, the moonlight making her hair look almost white. “I have loved you for that specific amount of days, so long that I cannot remember what it’s like not to love you. You’re everything to me. You’re the love of my life and my partner in everything. You’re brave and you’re kind and you’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.”

He finally gets down onto one knee, and when he looks up to Emma, she’s nodding her head in encouragement while she absolutely beams down at him.

“You’reit, my love, and…hold on, I’ve got to get the ring out of my shoe.” He reaches down to take his left shoe off, struggling to get it out from underneath the sole, and when he does finally get it, Emma’s squatting down in front of him trying to hold back her laughter at his scrambling. He has to kiss her then, totally out of order of how this thing is supposed to go.

When they part, their foreheads resting together and their lips so close that when Emma speaks, her lips brush against his. “Killian, ask me.”

He does.

“Will you marry me?”

She nods her head against him before closing that small distance again and slanting her lips over his, and he can feelher smile. He’s sure she can feel his.

“Yes, Killian, of course. A thousand times yes.”

She peppers kisses across his face before her lips land against his.

“Bloody hell, you said yes.”

“Did you think I’d say otherwise?”

“No,” he laughs, grabbing her left hand so that he can finally slide the ring on her finger. It looks right, like it belongs there. Probably because it does. “But this is nerve wracking, sweetheart. I’ve felt like I was going to pass out all day.”

She chuckles before leaning back and holding her hand up against his shoulder, looking at the ring for probably the first time since they’ve both been a bit distracted. “Babe, this is beautiful.” She cups his cheeks, and he can feel the metal from both of her rings against his skin. “You’re beautiful, and I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Can I call my mom?”

He barks out a laugh before tugging Emma into him with such a force that their teeth clack together in their kiss, his hands threading into her hair while her hands grab the collar of his shirt, little whimpers emanating from her throat as he moans into the kiss, not breaking apart until he feels the sand at his back and Emma on top of him.

She’s breathing heavily, harsh pants that match his own as their foreheads press together, her nose pushing into his cheek as his does the same. “Is that what you wanted to call your mum for?”

She shakes her head against him, her nose brushing over his while he moves his hands down to hold onto her hips. “We’re getting married,” she sighs against his lips. “Babe, we’re actually going to do it.”

“I know,” he grins, the feel of her smile so near his lips and the skin of her thighs underneath his touch making him feel like his entire body is tingling. She said yes. She bloody said yes. “I cannot wait to marry you, Emma. Absolutely cannot wait.”

“I can’t either.”

Eventually the do make it back to the villa, and while he’d never planned a beach proposal, never meant to do it down by the water, he’s glad that it happened that way. He’ll probably have sand in his hair for years, but he doesn’t bloody care. After celebrating their newly engaged status with just the two of them, Emma calls her mum, bubbling over in so much excitement that he thinks she might burst.

“I’m nervous,” she whispers against his shoulder as they sit out on the chaise on the balcony, her phone ringing as she dials her parents.

“Don’t be.”

“Did they know it was happening?”

“I talked to your dad about it a few months ago.”

“Oh that was smart not to tell Mom,” she laughs, not hearing the phone click as someone answered the call.

“What did we not tell, Mum?” Mary Margaret asks through the speakers, and Emma practically jumps out of her skin. “Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation, sweetie?”

“I have something exciting to tell you.”

“Oh my God, I’m going to be a grandmother.”

“What?” Emma gasps, looking down at her stomach, still flat as ever, like Mary Margaret can see her even though this is just a regular phone call instead of a video message. This is going about as well as he thought it would. Mary Margaret is likely to scream bloody murder when she finds out the real news. “Why is your first guess that I’m pregnant?”

“Well because you and Killian are obviously sexually – ”

“Mom,” Emma groans, and he just leans over to kiss the top of her head as her face goes red, “please just let me tell you so that we can nothave this conversation.”

“Okay, go. I’m all ears.”

Emma takes a breath, looking over at him and kissing the side of his jaw before holding up the phone to her mouth and whispering, “Killian asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”

The phone is silent for a minute before Killian hears Mary Margaret sob on the other end of the phone.

“Mom,” Emma prods, “Mom, are you okay?”

“My baby is getting married,” Mary Margaret absolutely wails through the phone, and he imagines she’s going to give Emma the tightest hug when they get home. Probably give him one, too. “I’m so happy. Ooooh, I cannot wait for your father to find out. I’m assuming I can’t tell him while he’s down at the pub?”

“Probably not the best idea. You’ll have to keep a secret for at least a few hours. You can text me when he gets off, and I’ll call him, too.”

The conversation lasts for a few more minutes, Killian joining in every now and then before they let Mary Margaret go, Emma curling into him and resting her left hand on his chest. He likes that, seeing the shine of the diamond reflected against his chest, and when they fall asleep later that night, it’s with her left hand resting on his chest instead of the usual right.

The next morning Emma wakes him up with a kiss before he even manages to open his eyes, her tongue running across his lips and then suddenly pulling away so quickly that he thinks he’s dreaming until he opens his eyes, hazy from his late night, and sees her clothing her bare skin with a sports bra and a pair of leggings.

“Darling, are you going somewhere?”

“For a run on the beach because apparently I hate myself and still feel the need to exercise when on vacation.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

She shrugs. “Only if you want to.”

“Give me five minutes.”

By the time they’ve been running for twenty minutes his legs and his lungs are burning, not used to the uneven terrain of the sand and the water, and it takes Emma a moment to realize that he’s stopped running, hunched over with his hands on his knees. Maybe those kids in Africa were right. He is out of breath quickly for a healthy, twenty-nine year old man. Emma does eventually notice that he’s fallen back, turning around and jogging back to him until she’s standing in front of him, her lips upturned as she smirks.

It’s that smirk that sparks an idea in his head, and before Emma even has the chance to run away he’s got her thrown over his shoulder.

“Killian,” she warns even as he carries her to the water, smacking her ass when she pinches his side in retaliation. “Killian, that water is going to be ice cold. I swear, don’t you dare throw me in there.”

He doesn’t listen, and he doesn’t care how much trouble he’s going to get in with her later, he gets knee deep in the water, and she’s right, it’s damn cold, but he’s still throws her into the water before diving in after her, making sure to pop up right where he tossed her to make sure she’s okay.

When he surfaces, she’s already above water, slicking her hair back while her lips twitch, eyes bright even as the salt water brushes over her brow, maybe especially because the salt water brushes over her brow and reflects in her eyes.

“You are a dead man.”

“What a way it’ll be to go.”

“You,” she swims over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, her tennis shoes sinking into his back, “have got some balls, Killian.”

“You of all people would know.”

He kisses her nose before wading them back to the shore, their clothes already weighing them down the more he exposes them to the air instead of the water, and if he’s going to regret doing that, it’s going to only be because now he’s walking them back to the villa, their clothes heavy even with Emma quitting her squirming by the time he is halfway back. This is a hell of a better workout than their run, and his heart pumps at a faster rate with the way Emma’s nibbling at his pulse point, her tongue soothing her bite every few seconds.

Getting engaged is bloody brilliant for one’s libido.

He manages to get her all the way upstairs and to the stone shower, putting her down right outside of it, his arms screaming in protest even as he strips down, finally getting his wet shoes off and reaching into the shower to get the water started, a steady stream falling onto the light stones and darkening them as he steps in, letting the water fall over him, his hair matting down as the sand falls off of him

Killian looks over to see Emma staring at him, her bottom lip between her teeth as her hip rests against the wall, still dressed in everything but her shoes.

“You like the view, sweetheart?” he teases, slicking his hair back so that it doesn’t fall in his eyes.

“I do like it,” she seductively purrs before peeling out of her soaked thru sports bra, the material getting stuck when she gets it over her shoulders, and he barks out a laugh as her seductive strip tease transforms into a struggle of simply getting out of her clothes. She eventually gets it off before snapping it at him for his laughter, her hair falling in wet waves down her back when she bends to strip off her leggings, laughing and mumbling something about stupid spandexuntil she finally steps into the shower with him, her hands running up his chest until they land on his shoulders, her body tightly pressed into his.

If all early morning runs ended like this, he’d go every damn day.

“That was quite the little show you put on there, darling.”

He reaches around to grab her bottom, pulling her even closer to him so that his growing hardness can get some friction while her hardening nipples press into the hair of his chest. He backs her up to the wall so that the water is only hitting at his back, his body shielding Emma from the spray getting into her eyes as he dips his head down and kisses her, little moans coming out of her throat as he devours her, rolling their hips together and making himself moan, too.

“I like this being engaged thing,” she breathes while he runs his mouth across her jaw and her hands simply hold onto his neck and card through his hair while his travel over her stomach, down her thighs, against her core, feeling the wetness that’s starting to pool there that has nothing to do with the water in the shower. “It makes you extra sexy.”

“Are you saying I needed incentive to be extra sexy?” He bites at her ear lobe and pushes against her clit with the heel of his hand simultaneously, and all of the air rushes out of Emma as she gasps and leans her head against his shoulder while her body reacts to him.

“No, babe,” she kisses his shoulder, peppering kisses across his collarbone before running her tongue across the underside of his jaw, her hands snaking down to stoke him while he fingers at her folds and fuck, she’s amazing. “You are always sexy,” she presses up on her tip toes to reach his ear, “saucy even.”

He chuckles at their inside joke, and at that she runs her fingers across the underside of his length before circling the tip and his laugh is dispersed into a moan, his heavy breathing only increasing the more she works him up…and down.

“Turn around, darling,” he grits out, kissing her temple before she turns and he can kiss at the back of her neck and down her spine, his hands tracing down her sides until he’s kneeling on the ground, edges of the stones cutting into him as he licks a stripe against her folds, his tongue teasing at the soft ridges while Emma grapples at the wall, pushing her ass up against him so that she can get more friction.

“Baby,” she moans when he gets into a particularly good rhythm, his forearm holding her stomach and pushing her back into him as his fingers toy with her bundle of nerves. “Babe, I can’t – I can’t hold on. I need…I need you to ah – fuck,” she whimpers, her voice cutting above the sound of the water beating down when he harshly smacks her bundle of nerves and her legs fall out underneath her as her release finally hits her. He works her through it while holding her up and keeping her from falling in any other way but the pleasurable one.

It’s bloody amazing.

Once her legs have gained their strength back, Killian rises from the ground, kissing his way up Emma’s back before capturing her lips with his in a bruising kiss and lining himself up to her entrance and sliding into her, her walls fluttering around him, little aftershocks from her previous orgasm.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips as he starts to move inside her, dragging himself in and out before harshly pushing back in, his arms supporting Emma under her breasts and at her waist while he rolls his hips against her backside. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, my darling.”

It continues like that for awhile, the sounds of wet skin slapping against each other mixed with moans and the fall of the shower water beating against Killian’s back and to the floor, the heat of it waning the longer they’re in there. When Emma falls for a second time, Killian isn’t far behind, suppressing his moan against the skin of Emma’s shoulder while he holds both of them up, all of the sounds blurring and muting as he attempts to come back to himself.

Eventually Emma manages to turn in his arms and push them back underneath the shower spray, grabbing the shampoo and condition to wash the sand, the sea, and the sweat out of their hair.

“You’re right, love,” Killian says later when they’re both wrapped up in towels and Emma is twisting her hair into two fishtail braids.

“I mean, always,” Emma teases, “but what am I right about this time?”

“That ring on your finger makes you extra sexy.”

They just had sex in the shower, but her cheeks still go red. He loves when he can still make her blush.

“So how many official duties are we going to have when we get home?”

“A hell of a lot,” he sighs before shuffling around in his suitcase and pulling on his swim trunks for when they eventually get to the beach, handing Emma one of her bikinis and a cover-up, “but we don’t have to worry about any of that this week. And we won’t have to announce it to the world for at least six weeks, but there will be behind the scenes things to do.”

He steps forward to twist his fingers through the tips of her braided hair, and when she scrunches her face, her nose wrinkling, he leans down to kiss her forehead.

“But today, my future wife, today we eat whatever the hell we want because we have done quite a bit of physical activity this morning and then we bask in the sun so that we can rightfully complain about having to wear several layers of clothes when we get home.”

“Sounds like a plan, my future husband.” A beat passes. “Oh God, we’re that cheesy couple aren’t we?”

“Absolutely.”

The day passes in a blur of food, fruity alcoholic drinks that are almost obligatory when visiting an island, the sun beating down on pale skin changing to tanned, sand between the toes, and nothing between Emma and Killian as they lounge on the deck or in the pool, drifting off into the ocean almost as naturally as they drift to sleep later that night.

He wakes around two in the morning, the moonlight causing Emma’s ring to shine as she runs her left hand over the exposed hair of his chest, her delicate fingers pressing against his skin.

“Hey,” he whispers before running his fingers down her back and tugging her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her hair. “What are you doing up?”

“I’m just thinking.”

“Would you like to share with the class?”

“Hmm,” she hums before kissing his chest, right over where his heart is beating. “It’s nothing big. Just life.”

“Life isn’t something big?”

Even in the darkness he knows she rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’d rather you tell me.”

“I’m simply thinking about how lucky I am,” she sighs, her fingers still toying with his hair, “how lucky we are to have this life. And not necessarily the fancy vacations and the nice things, but to have each other. I think about all of the things that had to go wrong, and more importantly that had to go right, for you to walk in that door that night…and for you to keep coming back.”

“I like to think I was too stubborn to not come back. You fascinated me. Still do. Probably always will.”

“Killian, you know everything about me.”

“Aye, but we’ll change as we get older. We already have in the past few months, but in a good way, you know?”

“Yeah,” she exhales, leaning down to kiss his bicep, “I know. Everything about this is so crazy, but you and me, we make sense, don’t you think?”

“I know that we do.”

They eventually drift back to sleep and don’t wake until mid-morning, the sun shining brightly even with the curtains closed and shrouding them in the hazy light. He’s got a day scheduled out on a ship for them, and while he promised her he’d take her sailing, he couldn’t manage to get anything other than a motorized yacht, but she seems fine with it as the wind blows through her hair while they’re driven out into the sea by one of the resort officials, a day’s worth of food and drinks stocked in the kitchen below deck.

It’s a wonderful day, even if it is a little awkward having the driver and his security onboard with them. At one point he and Emma jump off the back of the boat just to get away from the others, letting the salt water wash around them while they wade in the ocean.

“I think my skin is going to be completely wrinkled by the time we get home.”

“Aw,” Killian coos before swimming over to her and wrapping his hands around her waist under the water, “my own little old woman.”

Emma scrunches her face, and he tries to swoop in and kiss her, but she squirms out of his hold and ducks under the water to climb up the ladder to get out of the water, her bottoms clinging to her.

“Your ass looks amazing, love.”

She turns to look at him still down in the water, her lips slightly parted in surprise before she smirks and hooks her finger to call him toward her, and he scrambles out of that water like a man possessed.

The rest of their week goes like that, mixtures of salt water and alcohol or sand and sex, not necessarily in those combinations. Killian hasn’t been this carefree in years, and when he zips up their luggage the morning of their flight home, he feels a legitimate sense of melancholy wash over him at the thought of leaving and having to go back to his real life with duties and work, no matter how much he’s missed his bed and not-so-surprisingly-anymore, his family. Emma simply smiles and squeezes his forearm, lugging her suitcase down the stairs before he gets the chance to carry it for her.

She walks out the front door on her way…their way…home.

Together.

#second in command #captain swan #cs fic #cs ff

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

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okay. well today was pretty good. I had no reason to get up at any specific time, so I just slept for a while and eventually woke up at like 12:36, and then kinda laid in bed and pet NICKZANO for a while before actually getting up. I spent a bit of time on my computer getting some stuff done while also messaging this guy from this silly dating app I’m on who wanted to go out tonight and I was like okay sure, so we made plans to meet up at 5 at this restaurant that’s like a bar and pizza place, with like, individual pizzas, not slices. After I got some stuff done I got dressed and stuck my old sodastream in my cart to go to the UPS store. I think I neglected to tell you the story of what happened yesterday. Basically about two weeks ago, my sodastream somehow lost the ability to hold the bottle up like it’s supposed to do, so I called their support and they said well it’s probably defective so we’ll send you a new one, just send the old one back when you get it. Okay fine, the new one got here yesterday and I’m setting it up and go to stick the bottle in....and I have the same problem....so it’s the bottle that’s the problem, not the machine. At this point I remembered that when we were at the ren faire two weekends ago we had left our water bottles in the car and they got super hot, and I remarked afterwards that it felt like the plastic at the top of the bottle had been warped in some way when I was putting the cap on. So I tried the new machine with a different bottle and it worked, and I tried the old machine with a different bottle, and it also worked. WELL FUCK. I still had to return one of them to them, with a slip of paper saying it was defective, so I’m hoping they’re not going to like, follow up to make sure it was defective in the exact way I told them it was, and to be fair I called their support and described the problem and this is the answer they gave me, so it’s not really my fault. Just another example of my complete lack of common sense to figure really obvious things out. Sigh. But anyway, I stuck the old one in my cart and went down to the UPS store. I didn’t have a box that could fit it and they didn’t want you to use the one they just sent you the new one in because it’s all marked up from being in the mail system already. So I got there and told them what was going on, they weighed it and got a box, and I gave them the shipping label, then just paid for the box and we were good to go, so I’m glad that’s done. I came back home and chilled for a bit watching 30 Rock before getting ready for tonight around 3:30. I did fairly basic make up, and caught the bus around 4 so I’d have plenty of time to get there, which was a good choice because that bus route goes directly through Wrigleyville and the Cubs had a game tonight, meaning it was swamped with traffic and people, so it took forever to get through there. I eventually got there at like 5:15, but he wasn’t there yet either so I didn’t feel bad about it. He showed up a few minutes later and we got a table, one of the high ones with chairs that have no backs which is like, my two least favorite set up at a restaurant, but I don’t really care that much. We get drinks, he gets a beer after I assure him I couldn’t care less if people drink in my presence despite me not being able to have alcohol. we decide to order a mozzarella breadstick appetizer, which I originally just expected to be normal mozzarella sticks (yay for reading comprehension, right?) but was actually just breadsticks topped with cheese, which is also a good option so I didn’t really care. They somehow turned out to be like, super filling, to the point where I was like I don’t even wanna get a pizza at this point lol. Conversation was going pretty well, we talked about a bunch of different stuff as these things tend to go, we touched on politics and what a shitshow it is, a bit about our families (he’s from India and the rest of his family is still there), and then some commentary about the college football playing on the giant tv screens on the wall in front of us, and how we both prefer soccer to football lol. The work I want to do did come up and I described my current job predicament, and ended up getting into a mini-rant about the issues in the foster care system, but I kept it pretty limited as far as these things go lol, I could’ve gone on a lot longer. But yeah, I enjoyed talking to him, it was nice. We ended up just ordering dessert, which was a funnel cake, which we only ended up eating like half of because we were both full lol. He paid, I didn’t protest, just said thank you. Once we left he wanted to walk me back to the bus stop I was taking home, even though his place was a few blocks back. I’m gonna be out of town next weekend, but since it’s a long weekend I said I’d let him know if I ended up being free on Monday, but that I may end up having plans. When we were saying goodbye he asked if he could kiss me and I was like ah what the hell so I said yes, so we shared a brief kiss. I have a lot of feelings I’m trying to work through with all this (and other shit I’m not sharing on here for certain reasons) and I’m just trying to figure shit out with all of this, so I had kinda mixed feelings about the night overall. I got on the bus, which took me pretty close to home, unfortunately about 5 minutes before my stop it started downpouring, which makes this the second time in the past week where I’ve had to walk home in the downpouring rain, so that’s always fun. I had my umbrella thankfully, but that doesn’t do too much good with the water gathered at the sides of the roads are like, 4 inches deep and it’s took big to get around it, you’re just going to end up getting soaked up to your ankles. Thankfully I was wearing sandals, which are much less annoying than having to do so in like, socks and sneakers. I made it home without getting too drenched, just had to dry off my legs and feet a bit. Once I did that I went through a few packages I got today, one of which being a certain shirt I found online for a certain cosplay for HVFF NJ next weekend which I’m currently keeping a secret because y’all are gonna lose your shit when you see how great it is, lol. So that was cool. I then went to the couch and watched a few episodes of 30 Rock before starting to get ready for bed and here we are. It’s a bit past midnight and I do have to get up for church in the morning, so I think I’ll end this here. Goodnight my friends. Hope you had an awesome Saturday and will have an even better Sunday.

#daily journal #September 2018

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ac-ars · 7 years

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What if you are my favorite surprise?

very domestic what-is-plot canonverse (note that in calendar)

have fun

other ficweek fics

Day 2: “You are just sneaking into my house definitely too late for you to be here and your parents probably have no idea, what were you thinking?”

What if you are my favorite surprise?

Matteo can’t say that he doesn’t like his girlfriend coming over to his place, but when she does it late afternoon on Saturday he gets slightly confused. She’s standing in his doorstep with this troublemaker grin letting him know she did something not completely right while her hair is dripping just like her dress, and she’s bouncing happily on her feet.

He can only shake his head moving away for her to get into the apartment. “Please stay just here, I will get you a towel, otherwise you will make a mess everywhere.”

Luna sends him a kiss because she knows he’s teasing her and waits patiently. Matteo goes quickly to his closet getting her usual towel since it’s the fluffiest of all he has at home and hurries to her. He throws it over her shoulders rubbing them slightly after taking off her backpack and leaving it on the floor.

“You are freaking out as always, it’s just a little of water, snob,” she mumbles visibly trying not to laugh at his concerned face.

“At least tell me how you got to be all wet.”

Luna smirks giggling. “I do believe it’s always because of you, but I think you meant the rain, didn’t you?”

He rolls his eyes and even blushes softly. “I meant exactly the rain, you dirty minded girl.”

“It’s all your fault,” she sticks her tongue out at him. “Rain caught me when I was walking here from bus.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that I don’t like you over, because I really do, but what are you doing here?”

“We are having a movie night I believe.” Luna bats her eyelashes at him, and he knows it’s one of her amazing spontaneous ideas.

“Are we?” He chuckles cracking a smile a little.

“Well, we don’t have to, but that’s what I told my parents.”

Matteo almost chokes. “They did let you come to my place for a movie night?”

She shrugs as he starts to slowly dry her hair with the towel. “Apparently. I didn’t lie, I told them that I was going to you and I didn’t add Simón or Ámbar or Nina so maybe they just chilled with my graduation.”

He looks at her not really convinced, because he doesn’t want her father to hate him suddenly for corrupting his little girl, but she looks serious before stealing a kiss from him and giggling. “Can I get something dry to wear or at least sit down?”

Matteo chuckles distracted. “Of course, but not in this dress. I will get you something and you can go to bathroom now.”

Luna nods reaching to her back and after few seconds she slides straps of her dress letting it fall to her feet. Matteo blinks surprised as she steps out of it and reaches for the fabric before heading to the bathroom as he told her.

“Can I leave it there?” she asks not looking at him but laughs as soon as she moves her eyes to him. “You said yourself I could feel here like at home.” She just adds when she disappears behind the bathroom door.

Matteo feels like he is going to die tonight since Luna walking around in her underwear makes any thinking impossible.

She leaves wearing this long sleeping shirt she left here the other day while her hair is brushed and half dry. He smiles at her opening his arms for her to come closer and when she sits down he pulls her to his lap. Luna rests against his chest and kisses him softly.

“I didn’t get my hi kiss,” she mumbles pouting and he kisses her again still grinning while she starts to play with his hair.

Her hands are super cold, his usual cold, so he pulls away with small frown. “Aren’t you freezing?”

“No, why would I?” Luna answers him with a question back and he reaches to catch one of her feet making her squeal. It’s as cold as her fingers and he looks at her annoyed, but before he manages to speak she shots quickly. “I’m really warm, I swear.”

“How am I supposed to believe you now?” He asks softly while kissing her nose. She shrugs hiding in his neck when he pulls the cover he has always on his couch over her bare legs, wrapping it tightly around them.

“I could offer you your long pink fuzzy socks if you want.” He raises his eyebrow at her.

Luna laughs leaning her head to his arm. “This shows how much of my stuff you have in your apartment.”

Matteo nods smiling and moves his hand over her covered thigh. “Definitely much much of it, but without your stuff it wouldn’t be my home either. What do you want to do?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. We can actually watch something, if we get hungry we can order some takeout while you cuddle me all the time.”

He shakes his head at her amused. “I see you planned it all.”

“Of course, I really missed you.” She wraps her arms around his neck tightly and kisses his cheek.

“You’ve seen me three days ago, delivery girl.”

“Exactly, that’s too long. Maybe for you, adult, independent student with cool friends from uni it’s not much, but for little me it is.”

“You’re the biggest and the best little you and I’m sure that my ultimate favorite. I was just studying around.”

“Well, if you were studying, you should continue while I can sit next to you and do something. I just really want you close, that’s all.”

“It’s fine, I was already done with it all, overreacting and you saved me from going crazy over this shit.” He kisses top of her head. “You are always welcomed here.”

“Are you sure?” Matteo sends her weird look. “I mean with the studying.”

“Yes and end of the topic because I will have to shut you up.”

“How would you do that?” Luna asks blinking innocently making him sigh powerless and brush his lips over hers. She kisses him back immediately smiling when his tongue reaches for her lower lip demanding her to open her mouth for him. Luna does it automatically and he feels her gasp when his tongue reaches for hers slowly. He lays her back down until she rests on the pillow and kisses her a little harder. Matteo’s fingers tickle her waist through thin fabric of her shirt. Before he pulls away he bites on her lower lip with a smile when she hums annoyed and looks at him.

“If that’s how you shut me up, I still wanna talk.”

He snorts kissing her quickly once more before asking: “How long are you staying?”

“Until you kick me out, I guess.”

Matteo moves the hair out of her face softly. “I’m not sure if you want to stay that long.”

She bursts with giggles. “I love you, silly.”

“Of course you do, who wouldn’t?” He winks at her in this charming way making her blush.

“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I do.”

“I love you too, delivery girl, I’m happy you are here today.”

She flicks his nose softly. “See? Only I get such great ideas. Your brain is already fried by going to uni and being adult.”

“It’s fried because of you today, I still have trouble with focusing after your walk without the dress.”

Luna smiles moving her hand up his arm, reaching under the sleeve of his t-shirt and caressing his skin with her fingers. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me in less, so what’s with that?”

Matteo just shrugs and stirs on the couch, changing their position and his head is under her chin while her legs are thrown over his bent knees. He presses few small kisses to skin of her neck as she takes her phone from the coffee table checking notifications and playing with his hair absentmindedly. “Look, Gastón sent us new pic.”

He looks up at her phone screen. “Oh, I’ve seen it earlier. Look at his grades. I’m super proud of him passing first year on Oxford without a problem.”

She sighs resting her cheek on top of his head. “Same, but I still miss him.” Matteo tightens his grip on her waist nuzzling his nose in her neck.

“You’ve heard, he’s coming here for vacation. I even offered him crashing at my place.”

Luna smiles zooming the pic. “What a great boyfriend you are for him.”

“I’m the best boyfriend.” He says with a grin making Luna roll her eyes and sigh.

“Well, you’re not that bad I guess.”

Matteo blinks at her offended opening his mouth, but she laughs and kisses him. “Stop whining, I’m sure your ego doesn’t need more fueling. Can we watch a movie now?” She asks and he reaches for the remote.

“I’m picking it since you are gonna fall asleep soon.”

“You are evil, Matteo.” Luna pouts.

“I will pick three and you can choose one of them, how about that?”

She moves under him to look at his face. “Sounds fair. Later we can eat something and watch anything you want after I shower.”

Matteo bites his lower lip watching her carefully. “Can I go with you?”

“Will you make me breakfast?” She asks seriously.

“And lunch, deal?”

“Deal.”

#lutteoficweek #soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #my writing #mylutteofw

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flamepoint-runner · 7 years

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My first marathon: race recap

[Ridiculously long post ahead....]

Hoo boy - so one week ago I ran my first marathon - Revel Big Cottonwood. I had signed up for the race in April, and as you know (if you scroll back through my posts) i’ve been very on-again, off-again about actually running the damn thing. I finally truly committed to it at the start of August after some not-the-greatest training this summer, and I managed to pull it off and cross that finish line. Here’s a recap below the cut:

Firstly, it was a long week at school leading up to the race. It didn’t matter that our training (tapering) runs were only 2, 3, and 4 miles. We had to get them done in the early mornings before school. That plus after school commitments meant for some very long days leading up to the marathon. Friday afternoon we drove in for packet pick-up and took some time to check out the out-and-back portion of the course. I finally got home that evening close to 8pm and had to set my alarm for 2:30am Saturday. Not a lot of time to sleep...but it is what it is.

Saturday morning: up at 2:30 to eat something, make coffee, and get myself ready. My friend L picked me up at 3:30 to drive in - the race was about 45 min drive away from our town. We got there and boarded one of the buses to take us up the canyon around 4:30am. Once on the bus I was like, “okay, this is it. You’re really committed now...!” Yikes! It took us almost an hour to get up the canyon to our starting spot. We were behind one of the half-marathon buses and had to wait for them to unload at their starting spot, then drive another 10 miles up the canyon.

It was cool out, but not super-cold while waiting for the race to start. We both got in line for the porta potties right after getting off the bus. Then we just found a place to stand along the road and kinda keep moving while waiting. Had a banana and finished my sports drink thing (I forget what it’s called right now, but it’s supposed to help you mentally focus as well...) Got back in line at 6am for a last porta potty use - then it was time to turn in our drop bags and get ready to go!

The race officially started at 6:45am. It was kinda weird. No national anthem - no energizing music, and not even a countdown (that I could hear). Just...people starting moving towards the start line, and then running once they crossed the timing mat.

It was really crowded for the first few miles, and i had a hard time regulating my breathing. A combination of anxiety and adrenaline I’m sure. I ran with L until about mile 3 when there was a steep uphill part. I knew by looking at it that I wouldn’t be able to run the whole thing - especially with my difficulty breathing at this point - and that’s where I lost L. I was hoping to run more with her and not be so far behind at the end....but yeah, that dream died on this hill.

ANYWAYS. So I knew from here on out, I was near the back of the pack of marathon runners. Fine. Deal with it. You’re still running the damn thing, right? After the uphill at mile 3, we did a little loop and came back down the steep road which was nice. I saw a person carrying a big flag heading up the hill and i think this was the back-of-the-race pacer person. I think. So I saw that...and thought...I gotta keep ahead of him. My main goal was to finish this race in under 6 hours, which was the official cut-off time.

The first 18 miles of this race are down and out the canyon. Some parts are steeper, and sometimes it flattens out a bit...but it’s mostly just a gentle downhill. Aid stations every 2 miles - I always walked through and grabbed water. I was able to keep my pace around 11-12 mins per mile which is a bit slower but still okay I guess. I stopped once to use a porta potty but other than that I just kept moving. I’d say I ran 95% of the canyon part - just a few short walking breaks to stretch out my back, or walking the aid stations.

After the canyon was the out and back part. More uphill. Along a road next to a gravel pit with trucks going in and out and stirring up dust. Yuck. A lot of people were walking at this point - both ways!! So I was somewhat encouraged because I was walking most of this chunk too. My hip hurt and I knew I had some awesome blisters on my toes and feet...but gotta keep moving. I saw L coming back down the out and back, and i knew she’d probably finish the marathon in under 5 hours. [I am super-jealous and thus hate myself a little bit more at this point...]

Mile 20.5 was the turn-around and here I tried to take a gel. I had my gatorade chews with me and had been having a piece or two as needed. They seemed to be the only thing my stomach can handle on long runs lately. But, I was really hoping I could get some much-needed caffeine from the gel here. Tried one little sip/squirt and NOPE. Not gonna work :( Pitched it, took some more water, and headed back on the other side of the road. Positive part: there were a good number of people behind me yet! I got to see (and count) all these people as I was heading back towards the main road. Felt encouraged that I wasn’t the absolute slowest person.

At this point, the clouds were moving in pretty good and i was thankful. It was somewhat sunny in parts of the canyon earlier and i knew I would have been absolutely miserable to be running (walking) this last part in the sun. Clouds plus a few rain sprinkles = perfect. The last 4 miles I would run a chunk, walk a chunk. No specific number of minutes or distance - just whatever i felt like I could do. Right as I finished mile 24 there was a nice downhill part again that started off kinda steep - good momentum - and then slowly leveled out. I was able to run that pretty well which felt good. I was also getting pretty emotional by this point - and actually trying not to cry - like, I was just overwhelmed with thoughts: “oh my gosh I’m almost done - running a freaking MARATHON!”

When I could see the finish line and hear the announcer - it was so exhilarating! I’m almost there! Of course...it’s little bit uphill into the finishing chute (WHY PEOPLE, WHY?) but I ran that stupid little thing and FINISHED! Still a good number of people at the end, cheering you in, etc. It was good. I got a bottle of water and someone put the medal around my neck...and I’m thinking “Wow - I just ran for XX time and went 26+ miles!” There was a bit more rain coming down now...and the finishing line festivities were kinda packing up. I got my drop bag and went to change into my recovery sandals and some clean/dry clothes. L and I took pictures in front of one of the cool backdrop pictures with our medals and grabbed some free mixed-soda drinks (yay sugar!) and then walked back to her car to head home.

My emotions kept flipping between glad “yay I did it” and crappy-annoyed-depressed sort of thoughts for the rest of the day and weekend. Like...I did enjoy running down the canyon and I had some really blissful moments. And yes, I’m proud of running 26 miles in one go. But I’m also super-pissed that I had such a crappy finishing time (compared to L) even though I’ve got legit reasons like my hip slowing me down. It’s super-dumb, I know, and i need to let it go and just be happy that I did a marathon. But I kind of wish L hadn’t run it as well...so I wouldn’t have anyone to compare to (and the other teachers/friends at my school wouldn’t be able to compare us as well).

My mindset when signing up and wanting to run a marathon was to do it just for me. It was a BIG fucking goal and I wanted to like...prove I’m a runner by doing it. Of course I wanted a good finishing time. But really, any time should be good enough for your first one. So it just kinda kills me inside that L can just decide to “oh yeah sure I’ll run a marathon, why not” more casually, and then finish a fucking hour ahead of me like...no big deal. And her attitude just kills me as well. Because it’s easy to say “Oh our times don’t matter! No one needs to know” when you’re the one with the better time. I used to be the better runner. I used to just LOSE her when running down the canyon for our casual runs. But now I’m fatter and slower. And I know she’ll never say it to my face, but I get this sense that she really enjoys beating me in every race we do and every training run we did. And she’ll say “good job” when I catch up sometimes - and that just pisses me off more.

YES IT’S STUPID, I KNOW. I need to stop being so jealous and just do my own thing, and focus on myself becoming a better runner. Which is the plan from here on out. I’m not going to sign up for races with her. I’ll plan out and do my own. I’m not going to do any specific training with her. Maybe, every once in awhile, we can run on a Saturday morning. But not every week. Just once in awhile so I can check in with my progress. I’m going to beat her someday. I have her marathon time burned into my brain, and I’m going to fucking beat it. I know I can. [I just need to get my hip issues sorted first] - and i can train better.

I’m going to sign up for this marathon again next year. And maybe a different one before then - who knows? At least some other half marathons. But definitely going to do this one again - and I’m already looking forward to it - gonna crush my time by A LOT.

If you’ve read all this...holy cow. Thanks. Definite brain-spilling going on.

#my running #my marathon #personal #mental struggles #long post

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ezra-blue · 7 years

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Week 33

Sorry I forgot to post this this morning, I hope I’m not cluttering up anyone’s dashboard now. Under the cut!

Last Week: 131 This Week: 131

So, I’ve been bad. I’ve gotten into the bad habit of weighing myself every weekday I’m at the gym. I try not to weigh myself on weekends, but Monday (my actual official weigh-in), Wednesday, and Friday, I’m monitoring. I know I shouldn’t because it psyches me out, but it did tell me that for whatever reason, my weight spiked two pounds on Wednesday. I have no idea why. I’m honestly just happy to be maintaining at the open of this week. I worked hard and watched my diet closely in hopes of getting back down. I hope I can actually lose again next week.

We went to Ren Faire on Saturday, and you know what that means! Corsets! Pirates! Stunt shows! Archery demonstrations! And every kind of food imaginable fried and available on a stick! Not even kidding. Fried cheese cubes, fried mac-and-cheese balls, fried green beans, chicken-fried-steak fingers with white gravy, not to mention pocket pies and heavy sandwiches and gigantic turkey legs THE REN FAIRE IS A DIETARY MINEFIELD IS WHAT I’M SAYING HERE. I did find a good option: there was a Chinese food stand that had rice bowls. Steamed veggies, grilled shrimp or chicken, rice, and you add your own sauce. Luckily the portions they give weren’t huge, either. I did allow myself a warm chocolate chip cookie because my friend got a cone and wanted to share... I mean, it was warm and the chocolate was melty. Plus, I did spend the day tromping around the woods combined with my usual morning walk. I know the “calories in, calories out” balance is a fallacy, but... I need to let a little loose sometimes. (I followed it up with a healthy salad for dinner and some yogurt and berries for dessert.) I was planning on going back with just the husband in October, and I think I’ll budget a little more wisely for lunch.

It’s weird to think a single chocolate chip cookie or a few tiny fudge samples count as “letting loose.” However, I seem to gain weight at the drop of a hat, or for no actual reason at all. Sometimes I feel like I could do everything right and see no progress, or not as much progress as I think I earned. I have no real way of knowing for sure what’s up with my body. My metabolism just sucks. I’ve got normal thyroid function, I eat a healthy breakfast every morning with regular healthy snacks to keep my metabolism firing, I’ve looked up tips, but I’ve got no clue what I’m doing wrong.

I do know that I’m doing more to get my workouts in! I still can’t get Mr. Blue to jog with me regularly, but I’m getting my afternoon walks in at work. It’s supposed to rain this week, but I’m going to watch it. If it’s dry in the morning, I’ll walk after breakfast on weight-lifting mornings, and just wear a hood and touch up my hair with the flatiron so I can still look cute despite the humidity. I’ve got a nice half-hour walking route near home that’s just enough to get the blood pumping and boost my step count. It’s awesome. I do hope I can get out to the park again during the afternoon lull so I can walk around the pond again. That was awesome, I’m going to have to take pictures of the pond. <3

I decided to invest in a new fall coat, since I had a coupon, and it got kind of cold last week, and I get cold super easily. I was trying a few on at the store, but because other people had the same coupon, pickings were slim. I favor an army-green jacket for fall, but they didn’t have any of the style I wanted to try in a medium, which I’ve been wearing. So I tried the small. It fit. Almost. It was just a little tight in the chest! (Apparently the girls still hold some sway, pfft.) The fact that I almost fit a small is pretty awesome, even in theory, because I was wearing an XXL four years ago! I’ve nearly dropped four sizes! It’s just wild to me that I did that. (For the record, I ended up getting a black one in medium because the black with the gold buttons looked super nice.)

I still owe myself a 40-lb reward. I meant to get myself something nice at the Ren Faire, but nothing jumped out at me. Maybe when I’ve got a little more in my bank buffer at the end of the month, I’ll feel a little more freedom to treat myself.

I’m trying a new medicine this week, something that my GI doctor recommended to help with my chronic tummy troubles. Hopefully it doesn’t affect my weight loss. I’m honestly hoping it might help. Wish me luck!

#blue goes on a diet #personal #long post

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noona-la-la-la · 8 years

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Conditioned (Part 3)

(Tae questions whether his desire for you is futile but continues to let his lust drive all his decisions.)

Warning: Around 9000 words. Lots and lots of dirty stuff happens. Female dom, male sub. Oral. Dry humping. Non-traditional sense of sexual morality.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

“I should have known you had an ulterior motive for coming here. This place was too far away from home to come for lunch.” Tae eyed Jin from across the table. Jin had stopped by his apartment earlier, asking Taehyung to go eat at a new restaurant across the street from the mall. Tae had been reluctant to go, preferring to spend his day off from work at home playing video games and ordering delivery instead of venturing out into the rain to go across town to eat. However, Jin was insistent, saying he had a coupon that expired today and offered to pay for everything.

Now that their meal was over, the truth was coming out. Jin had just asked the waiter to bring another order of food, wrapped to go. “There’s no ulterior motive. I just thought that since we were eating so close to Youngsook’s store, I’d get her some food too. It’s one of her favorite places to eat.”

“If you wanted to see your girlfriend, you didn’t need to bring me along. Why didn’t you just bring her here on her lunch break?” Tae knew there had to be more to this story.

“Saturdays are their busiest day, so she never leaves to get a proper meal. She usually just gets a coffee and some bread from the bakery next door. I’ll look like hero coming in with an honest-to-god meal from her favorite restaurant.” Jin fidgeted in his seat while looking at Tae. “Plus, I need you there with me when I deliver the meal. She won’t throw the food at my head or yell at me if you are there.”

Tae crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, raising his eyebrows in a silent question towards Jin.

“She might be a little mad at me,” Jin continued. “She hasn’t returned my calls in two days and she might think that I was flirting with her sister.”

“Why would she think that, Jin?”

“Because… maybe… I might have been a little too nice and complimentary to her sister when I was over at her place the other day. And… maybe… just a little bit… um… well, I might have spent a lot of time staring at her boobs.”

“Jesus, Jin! Really? You were gawking at her sister? No wonder she’s pissed.”

“It’s not my fault!” Jin protested. “I hadn’t seen her sister in probably two months and then she shows up at Youngsook’s place while we’re hanging out and apparently, she got a boob job since the last time I saw her. Youngsook never said anything to me about it, so I was surprised when her sister suddenly appears and has these humongous tits. I couldn’t help but to stare at them. This is all Youngsook’s fault! She should have warned me! Anyway, she got all mad and called me a pervert and was convinced that I’m not happy with her body… it’s a mess. I need to get back in her good graces.”

Taehyung sat back in his chair and rolled his eyes, “I can’t believe you need me to come with you as a body guard so your girlfriend doesn’t beat you up.” Silently, though, Tae was happy for the excuse to go to Youngsook’s store with Jin, as he hoped you would also be working today and he might have a chance to see you. It had been another two weeks since the day he went to your apartment to help hang pictures. Every day since then, Tae had thought of you and what you looked like, naked and spread out before him, and relived the sweet agony of not being able to touch you or even touch himself.

He wanted desperately to see you again, but he was afraid to call. What would he say if he could find the courage to contact you? You had made it clear that dating was not something you were interested in and there was no doubt in Tae’s mind that you were in charge of anything sexual that happened between the two of you. Honestly, Tae would be happy to accept whatever time you were willing to give him, but he wished he could be sure that he would see you again. An incidental meeting at your job might be exactly the opportunity he needed to garner an invitation to spend time with you.

Jin and Tae entered the shop with a steaming hot meal boxed up and ready to be eaten. Youngsook was behind the counter ringing up some patrons while Miri was organizing racks of clothing near the entrance. Miri saw the men first and walked over to greet them with a smile, “Hi! What are you guys doing here?” She looked at the bag in Jin’s hand with the logo of the restaurant printed on it and nodded knowingly, “Have you come to make amends? I heard about the fight.”

“She told you about that?” Jin looked embarrassed.

“She’s been moping around the store for the past couple of days, acting all depressed. I asked her what the problem was and she told me what happened. For what it’s worth, I told her I thought she was over reacting.” Miri looked over her shoulder at Youngsook, who only now looked up from the cash register and took notice of Jin. “I think it’s good that you are here. I’m pretty sure she was hoping you would make the first move. I think you guys will make up pretty easily.”

Jin looked over at Youngsook who started to smile at him before remembering that she was supposed to be mad and quickly hardened her facial expression into a scowl. “I’m going to go talk to her. Wish me luck.” He walked towards the back of the store where Youngsook stood, leaving Taehyung and Miri alone together.

“It’s good to see you again, Tae. How have you been?” Miri fussed nervously with the hem of her blouse as she asked the question.

“Good. Busy. Work’s been crazy,” Tae answered the question vaguely, feeling awkward about making small talk with her. “You look a little different. Did you do something with your hair?”

Miri smiled shyly and tucked her hair behind her ears, “Yes, thank you for noticing. I got it cut a little shorter and added some highlights. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. It looks nice. Although it looked nice the other way too.” Miri’s eyes lit up at the compliment, but Tae barely noticed as he started looking around the shop, taking note of the several customers scattered throughout the room. “Are you and Youngsook working alone today? It seems kinda busy in here for just the two of you.”

“There’s a new part timer working today too. She’s unpacking the new stock in back room. It’s her first day, so things have been a little rougher than usual, but it’s not too bad. It’s actually pretty slow for a Saturday.” Miri tried to catch Tae’s eye while she spoke, but he looked around distractedly.

“So, it’s just the three of you here? No one else?” Tae inquired.

Miri sighed knowingly. “She’s not here right now, if that’s what you are asking.”

“Who’s not here?” Tae asked, trying to play off the question as if he wasn’t actually fishing for information about you.

“You know exactly who I’m talking about, Tae. There are always guys in here asking for her. I don’t get it. I mean, she’s pretty and all that, but so are a lot of people. I’ve never seen men falling all over themselves for other girls the way they do for her. It feels like there is some man coming in to talk to her or to give her his phone number every other day.” The smile was gone from Miri’s face as she continued, “I don’t mean to put her down, because she really is very nice to me, but I don’t understand what’s so special about her that men who barely know her are willing to embarrass themselves for her all the time. She never really gives them any attention. Even those times Jimin came by the store, she totally blew him off.”

“Jimin came to the store looking for her?” Tae was surprised to hear about this for the first time from Miri, as Jimin had never mentioned it.

“Yeah. A couple weeks ago, he came by twice. The first time we were super busy, so she really couldn’t pay him much attention and I didn’t think anything of it. But the second time there were no customers at all and she practically ignored him. I know they hooked up that night at the bar, but I guess it didn’t go well because she showed no interest in him at all while he was here.” Miri tried to sound pleasant but couldn’t mask her feelings of disappointment. “I guess guys just want what they can’t have. It’s like that night we all met at the bar… she and Jimin were all over each other, but you couldn’t stop staring at her the whole night.”

Tae cringed a little thinking about how his behavior must have looked to Miri. “I probably wasn’t the friendliest person that night. I just had a lot of stuff on my mind. I’m sorry if I gave you the cold shoulder, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” Miri noted with a touch of resignation in her voice. “You can’t help who you are attracted to. Like I said, she’s very popular. She’s on a date with some new guy right now…”

“A date?” Tae tried to sound disinterested, but couldn’t hide his curiosity. You had been so insistent that dating wasn’t something you did. You had rejected Tae’s invitation to go out without giving him a moment’s consideration and it sounded like you did the same to Jimin. Which just made him wonder, what kind of guy did you actually go on dates with?

“Yeah, I think she said they were going to a museum or something. I don’t know. I have a hard enough time getting a guy to even look at me and she’s always going out on dates,” Miri pouted.

“I don’t believe for one second that you don’t have plenty of guys looking at you. A cute girl like you must be very popular.”

Miri’s face softened at the compliment. “Well, I’m doing something wrong, that’s for sure. She’s practically going out with a new guy every week. I need her to tell me what her secret is.”

A new guy every week sounded about right; you had been pretty explicit about the fact that you preferred to keep a variety of lovers. Tae was sure these dates were likely just preludes to sex. He wasn’t bothered by the idea of you sleeping with all these different guys as much as he was frustrated that he didn’t know if he would ever have the opportunity to even see you again. Tae knew he was probably wasting his time constantly fantasizing about you when you clearly had better things to do.

While he contemplated this, Miri excused herself to go attend to a customer. Tae watched her walk towards the checkout counter and noted the sway of her hips, thinking that under any other circumstances he would have been all over a girl like her. Miri was just as pretty as you, but different. She was perky and friendly, and her attraction to Tae was written all over her face. He thought about how you even encouraged him to ask Miri out, right before he watched you strip naked and finger yourself. A slight grin spread across his lips as he remembered that day; you were overwhelmingly sexy and unpredictable… and maddening. He shook the thought from his head and told himself that what he really needed was to get on with his life and start dating normal girls again. Girls like Miri.

Tae looked around the shop for a few minutes, realizing that Jin and Youngsook were both missing. As he considered whether he should continue waiting for Jin or just leave and grab a taxi home, he saw Jin step out from a door by the dressing rooms. “Thanks for waiting for me. Youngsook and I worked everything out, problem solved,” Jin said with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

“I guess so,” replied Tae, looking at his disheveled friend, who was tucking his shirt back into his pants and trying to smooth his hair. “You might want to wipe that smear of lipstick from your mouth before we head out.” As they walked towards the door, Tae waved good-bye to Miri who smiled and waved back.

“You know, Miri’s single,” Jin mentioned as the two men got into Jin’s car. “I can get her number from Youngsook for you, if you want. She told Youngsook that she thinks you are really good looking.”

“I don’t know. There was this other girl I was interested in, but it’s not really going anywhere. I should probably take you up on the offer, but I’m just not sure.” Tae shrugged his shoulders and he and Jin drove home in silence, both lost in their respective thoughts.

It was almost 11 o’clock at night when Tae’s phone rang. He was slightly annoyed that someone would call that late and almost chose to ignore the phone, but when he glanced over and saw your name on the screen, he couldn’t answer fast enough. “Hello? Hi. It’s been a while. What’s up?” Tae tried his best to sound casual while his heart beat rapidly in his chest.

“Hi Tae. I heard you stopped by the store this evening looking for me.” Your voice sounded luxurious over the phone, smooth and confident. “I thought I would call and see what it was you wanted to say to me.”

Tae stood up and paced the room while he talked. “Oh, that. Jin and I were just having lunch in the area and stopped by the store so he could see Youngsook… but since I was there, I thought… you know… I thought I would check to see if you were there too.”

“And if I had been there, was there something you would have said to me?”

“I… don’t know.” Tae wondered what exactly he would have said had you been at the store, he hadn’t really prepared anything in advance. “I wasn’t really going there specifically to see you. I was just tagging along with Jin. But I hadn’t seen or heard from you in a couple weeks and it might have been nice to say hello and see what you are up to these days.”

“Well, it would have been nice to say hello to you too. It’s too bad I wasn’t there.” Tae smiled to himself, pleased to hear that you would have welcomed his visit. “What are you doing right now?” you asked him.

“Nothing, really. I was just watching tv.”

“It’s Saturday night, shouldn’t you be out doing something fun?” you asked him.

“Normally, I would be. But I just felt like a quiet night in this weekend.” The truth was that Tae was bored, but his friends all had other plans, leaving him alone. “What about you?”

“I was out earlier. I should just go to bed but I’m wide awake right now. I was thinking about having a glass of wine and watching a movie instead. You’re welcome to join me if you are interested,” you offered.

Tae pumped his fist in excitement at getting an invitation to your home and then steadied himself before responding, “I’m very much interested. I’ll head straight over.” Immediately upon hanging up the phone, he rushed to make himself more presentable and get to you as quickly as possible.

When Tae arrived at your door, he was wearing a brand new shirt and a little too much cologne. He carried an overpriced bottle of wine that he picked up on the way, one that the shop keeper said was well liked by women and sure to impress. You, on the other hand, wore shorts with an oversized hoodie that obscured your figure, your hair pulled back, and no makeup.

Despite your dressed down state, Tae thought you looked beautiful, even innocent, until he saw that knowing smirk cross your lips. “You didn’t have to get all dressed up to just hang out with me,” you advised him.

“I didn’t. I just grabbed something out of the closet so I could look half way decent. I didn’t want to give the impression that I was a total slob.” He failed to tell you that his bed was covered with different shirts he put on and subsequently threw off for not making him look cool enough.

“Well, hopefully you aren’t insulted that I didn’t do the same for you.” You leaned in closer to Tae and inhaled deeply, causing his heart to start palpitating. “Nice cologne.”

“Th-thanks.” Tae thrust the bottle of wine he was carrying towards you. “Here, this is for you.”

“Thank you. I’ll go pour a couple glasses for us. You can go have a seat on the sofa and maybe check to see what movie you are interested in.” You disappeared into the kitchen while Tae sat down, wiping his sweaty palms on the legs of his trousers.

“Did you have something particular you wanted to watch?” Tae called out while flipping through the options.

“No horror. I won’t be able to sleep because I’ll be all freaked out when I’m alone in bed later.” Tae was well aware of the implication of your words, that he would not be spending the night in your bed with you. You came out of the kitchen with the open bottle and a pair of wine glasses, sitting next to Tae, you poured a glass for each of you. “A comedy might be nice. Today was a bit of a disappointment over all.”

“Your date didn’t go so well?” Tae asked you before taking a sip of the wine.

“Ah. You heard about that?”

“Only that you were on a date with a new guy. I was a little surprised. I thought you said you weren’t the dating kind.”

“I’m not. At least not in the traditional sense. But it’s not like I don’t enjoy going out to eat or going to the theater or whatever, so I’m not completely opposed to letting a guy take me out before I fuck him later on.”

Tae choked a bit on his wine. He wasn’t sure why he was always surprised to hear you speak so plainly and openly of your sexual activities, but it still caught him off guard. “Does that mean that you and the guy from earlier today… you guys… um…” Tae hoped you wouldn’t make him say it outright, but you just stared at him, waiting for him to finish his question. “Um… you know… did you have sex with him?”

“I did. Does that bother you?”

“No, not really.” Tae answered honestly; you had been very clear about your intentions to sleep around with a variety of men, so he never even considered you to be someone he could have exclusively to himself. But he did wish he better understood what exactly you wanted your relationship to be and if he was ever going to be one of those men who got to fuck you. “I’m mostly just curious what makes you want to go out on a date and have sex with one man and but not with another.”

You looked at Tae while twirling a lock of hair in your fingers. Your silent gaze made him nervous and he quickly finished off his glass of wine before pouring another one. In what felt like hours but was probably less than a minute, you spoke, “Why don’t you ever just ask me the question you actually want an answer to, Tae?”

“What question is that?”

“Why haven’t you got to fuck me? Isn’t that what you really want to know? Why is it that he got to stick his dick inside me and you haven’t?” You raised an eyebrow and waited for his response.

“That’s not the only thing I want to know,” Tae stared into his wine glass, unable to meet your eyes. “But the thought has crossed my mind. Why those guys, but not me?”

“You need to not compare yourselves to those other men, Tae. They are all just there to satisfy a momentary urge on my part. It’s like having an itch I can’t reach on my own – one that can only be reached by having a man’s dick shoved deep inside me. The guy hardly matters, he’s just there to do a job for me and then when the job is done, we part ways and that’s it. But I also have an interest in cultivating something of an on-going relationship with certain people who I can call on from time to time. People who are willing and able to do more than guys like the one I fucked tonight are able to do.”

“So, does that mean that I’m one of those people you are cultivating?”

“That means that you are an old neighbor who I invited over to my home and whose company I have enjoyed so far and I hope to keep enjoying, but time will tell. We’ll just have to see where this thing goes. But if it makes it easier on you to have things spelled out, I will not be fucking you tonight and I expect you to keep your dick in your pants this evening.”

While he was disappointed that the opportunity to have sex with you tonight had been shut down so explicitly, it was a bit of a relief to know where he stood at least for now. Between the two glasses of wine and the realization that he would not be fucking you right away, Tae started to relax a bit around you. “On another note, I’m glad you called me. I was starting to worry that I’d never hear from you again.”

“Why didn’t you just call or text me yourself, Tae? You have my number after the last time I contacted you.” You turned your body to face him, tucking your legs casually under you.

“I didn’t think I was allowed to. I didn’t want to break any rules or do something that you didn’t want me to do.”

Your trademark smirk reappeared. “Most guys act on impulse and do what they want in the moment. But you’re special, Taehyung. You always have been. I have high hopes for a developing a friendship with you.”

A smile broke out across Tae’s face at the praise and he poured another glass of wine for the two of you. “I guess I have some high hopes too.” His eyes lingered on your lips as you drank; for a moment, he let himself imagine what it might be like to kiss you, wondering if it would be soft and gentle or deep and passionate. He thought about how he would have already kissed you if you were any other girl, he was generally unafraid to make the first move, but with you, Tae waited for you to set the pace. He wasn’t even sure if you kissed people. Did you kiss the guy who you went out with today? Had you kissed Jimin?

The silence lasted a little too long and you asked him, “What are you thinking about? You seem distracted.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. You said today was kind of a disappointing day… what happened?”

“The day started with an argument with my mother over the phone and then that date turned out to be less than satisfactory.”

“What did you and your mother argue over?” Tae inquired.

“Just family drama.” You quickly changed the subject back to your date. “And that guy I went out with this afternoon, was a total dud. He was fighting me for dominance the whole time and he was really sub-par as a fuck. The only way he would have been worthwhile is if he was tied to the bed and gagged so I could get myself off using his pretty body and not have him mucking things up by actively participating. I’m usually a much better judge of character when I select someone. This is the second guy I’ve let take me out that didn’t know how to submit properly. At least the first guy tried and I was still able to cum, but this guy today… totally useless. I feel like I’ve been off my game a little bit. Back in the States, I had established routines, relationships, networks of people I could call on. Now that I’m in Korea, it’s like I’m trying to build my life back up from scratch and things are different here. I gotta admit, I miss the consistency of my old life back home.”

“What would you have done today if you were back in the US?” he asked.

“Well… today is Saturday, so I probably would have slept in until 10am because I would have been working at the strip club the night before. I’d go to the gym for the 11am body sculpting class and then come home, shower, make myself something to eat, maybe read a little. By 2pm I would be in my studio painting. The late afternoon sunlight was really good back there. And then around 4 or 5pm, I’d eat a snack and start getting ready for work. Saturdays was private show day. Bachelor parties mostly, but sometimes other events, house parties, guy celebrating his divorce, a few times it was even at a celebrity’s house. That’s always interesting.

“Anyway,” you continued, “Mike, that’s our regular security guy, would pick me and Susanna up at our homes and drive us to the site. And from there it would depend on what they paid for, but mostly it would be a couple hours, you start by working the room, some clothed lap dancing, grinding on them, then a slow striptease, then dancing with each other while in various states of undress, and then the grand finale where we would eat each other out while everyone in the room watched. I think I liked Saturdays the best of all the days. Susanna always made me cum, I never had to fake it for the sake of the show.

“After that, Susanna would usually offer guys blow jobs for a little extra cash, so she would set up shop in a bathroom or back bedroom or something. She really wasn’t supposed to be doing that, but she’s married to this douchebag with a gambling problem, so she is always looking for ways to make more money to pay their bills. It’s sad, really.”

Tae just looked at you, unblinking. The idea of watching you having your pussy licked by someone was causing his dick to stir in his pants and he shifted in his seat to try to keep his burgeoning erection from being visible. “So, you didn’t do that kind of thing? I mean selling off blow jobs?”

“Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, I tried it a couple times when I first started out and I really needed money, but I hate the way it makes me feel to let other people use me like that. I use others, they don’t use me. That’s my rule. I’ve got no qualms taking money for sex. But I want to set the terms of what happens. Every once in a while, I might see someone I have interest in and I would approach him for sex but I make him pay for the pleasure of my company. That’s how I met this guy David who was one of my regular friends. He would pay me once a month to peg him in the ass. I mean, I totally would have done that for free, but there is just something that makes it a bit more sordid to make him pay to have me defile him. That just turns me on a little extra.”

Downing the last of the wine, Tae looked you in the eye and said, “I don’t think I could ever pay for sex. It just seems so wrong and unnecessary.”

“Are you sure about that? You might be surprised what you would be willing to do under the right circumstances.” You let your eyes fall to Tae’s crotch, licking your lips, before returning to his face.

Tae felt the heat rising in his chest to have you look at him that way. He knew you were just teasing him, since you already said that he had to keep his dick in his trousers tonight, and Tae was quite sure that you weren’t the kind of woman to change her mind easily. He pulled a throw pillow onto his lap in the hope that if he covered himself, maybe he could forget the stiffness growing between his legs.

“You know, Tae, I’m remembering how disappointing that guy from earlier today was. I really wanted to get off today, but his incompetence made that impossible.” You leaned in a little closer to him as you spoke and he couldn’t help but stare at your lips, carefully watching how they moved as you formed every word. “You wouldn’t leave a girl unsatisfied, would you?”

“No. Of course, I wouldn’t.” Tae licked his lips, as he wondered what you might taste like.

“I know you wouldn’t. You are a gentleman, a good man.” You leaned over to set your glass of wine down on the side table. “You want to kiss me, don’t you?”

Tae’s heartbeat started to drown out all his thoughts. “Yes.” He began to lean in towards you, but you deliberately turned your head away from him, preventing him from getting closer.

“I don’t think we are in a kissing kind of relationship just yet. But I would be very happy to let you put your lips to work in a different way.” You turned back towards him and could see the look of confusion in his face. “I’d love to see that gorgeous face of yours buried between my legs, working hard to make me cum. Is that something that you would be interested in?”

His pulse quickened and he could feel his cock jerk upwards at your request. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, he nodded his head vigorously to indicate his enthusiasm. He couldn’t believe his amazing luck that he would finally be able to touch you.

You untucked your legs and positioned yourself comfortably on the sofa, facing forward with your thighs spread wide. “If you want to do this, then come here and kneel between my legs.”

Tae scrambled off the sofa, pushing the coffee table out of the way, and lowered himself to his knees. Looking up at you from his position on the floor, he asked, “How do you want me to do this?”

Your smirk returned. “I want you to start gentle. Touching with the hands should be minimized, the focus is your mouth against my pussy and any additional touching should be avoided. That includes touching yourself, by the way.”

Tae looked at your shorts and wondered if he was allowed to use his hands to remove them. He wasn’t sure and was afraid to ask. He moved his hands slowly towards your waistband, hovering over it, waiting to be reprimanded, but you simply raised your hips to make it easier for him to remove the clothing. As he pulled them over your hips and down your legs, he was acutely aware of his fingers barely grazing your thighs, soft and smooth. He folded your shorts neatly and set them on the sofa next to you, while you settled in comfortably, propping yourself against the cushions and spreading your legs wide.

Your pussy lips looked soft and inviting. Tae lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss at the top of your slit. He thought about how this was his first kiss with you and it was not happening the way he thought it might. But then again, nothing with you went the way Tae thought it would and he considered whether or not he should just give up having expectations altogether.

He inhaled deeply, trying to capture your scent. Relishing the musky scent of your arousal before he dove in, letting his tongue slip through your folds and tasting the salty sweet center. With a soft, flat tongue, he licked up the length, dragging it against your clit. He could feel the small nub under his tongue and circled it slowly while gazing up at your face.

You threw your head back and closed your eyes. “Keep going like that. You’re doing a good job.” Tae watched as you slid your hands under your shirt, grabbing at your own breasts, massaging them, possibly pulling at your nipples, and he wished you would let him do that too. “Do you like being able to taste me? Do you enjoy having your tongue deep in my cunt?”

Tae moaned in appreciation with his lips tight against your clit, hoping you could feel the vibrations. There had been at least a dozen or more women that Tae had eaten out in the past, but he only did it as foreplay, as a way to get a woman warmed up for his cock. The objective was always to end up with his dick inside the girl. But with you, he knew fucking was not an option tonight, so, for the first time, he really focused on getting you off, enjoying the softness of your flesh, exploring the crevices and folds between your legs, enjoying the textures under his tongue. Tae wrapped his lips tenderly against your clit, kissing it repeatedly before he started sucking at it. He could feel the bud swell slightly under his ministrations.

“Shit! That feels good! I should have called you over here sooner to do this.” You sat forward a little and spread your pussy lips apart to give Tae better access and allow yourself to see what he was doing. “Your mouth looks so pretty against my pussy. I really wasn’t planning on any of this when I called you over here, but looking at those gorgeous lips of yours, I really couldn’t resist.”

Sliding his tongue into your hole, Tae attempted tongue fucking you for a few moments, then returned to your clit. He listened carefully to the changes in your breathing and the way your body tensed or relaxed depending on what he was doing. His dick was beginning to throb but he tried to distract himself by focusing more on you, planting his face fully against your pussy, his nose pressed against your clit, sucking your labia between his lips, stroking you with his tongue, your juices beginning to drip down his chin. In time, you began to rotate your hips, grinding into him. Tae held tightly onto the sofa cushions to keep himself steady while you rode his face, sliding your pussy over him, his cheeks now glistening with remnants of your pleasure.

“Fuck! I’m close… but I need something more.” You raised your leg and pressed your heel against Tae’s shoulder, pushing him away from you. “Wait here,” you told him as you stood up from the sofa and walked back to your bedroom. Tae took your momentary absence to adjust himself, gripping his cock through his trousers, looking for a more comfortable position as he tried to ease the pressure of his erection. Seconds later you reentered the room and Tae quickly removed is hand from between his legs, hoping you hadn’t noticed what he was doing and feeling a little guilty for having defied your rule.

As you sat back down in front of Tae, he noticed you were carrying two items in your hands, a penis shaped dildo and a bottle of lube. “As much as I love the feeling of you licking me, I feel a little empty. I need to have something inside me and unfortunately, we’ve already agreed that it can’t be you.” You handed the two items to Tae, “Lube that up for me, will you?”

Silently, he opened the bottle of lube and poured some over the tip of the silicone cock in his hand. “Is that enough?”

“You have to rub it in, Tae. Make sure it is completely coated. Do it like it was your own dick. Use the lube to stroke it.” He did as he was told, imagining that it was his own cock in his hand, gripping it firmly and sliding his palm over the length, distributing the lube over the surface. “Is that how you touch yourself when you think of me? You do think of me, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I do, I think of you a lot,” Tae confessed. You were the center of all his fantasies lately. Not a day had gone by since seeing you again after all those years that Tae didn’t end his night rubbing himself to an orgasm, thinking about you. He would remember the things he had seen and the stories he had heard. He would think back to the nights of peeking through your bedroom window, remember seeing you having sex with other men, only now in his memory, you looked like the grown woman she were today and not the girl you were back then.

“That dildo is pretty much the same size and shape of the guy I went out with earlier today. It’s even the same color.” Tae looked at it carefully, it was only slightly thicker than his own dick but quite a bit longer. “It’s almost like you are stroking his cock. It’s like you are getting him hard for me.”

Tae let out an involuntary moan at your words. It was so wrong… but he couldn’t help himself.

“Let’s see if you can do a better job fucking me with his cock than he did.” You threw one leg over the arm of the sofa and propped the other against the seat cushion, leaving you spread wide. You further opened yourself up, pulling your labia apart, so that everything was visible and available to Tae.

Lining the head of the dildo up with your entrance, Tae slowly pushed it into your vagina. He watched the head disappear into your body, then the shaft, until it was stopped by the fake silicone balls pressed against your core, and then he slowly pulled it out again. “Is this okay?” he asked.

“Is this how you would fuck me if I let you?”

It wasn’t. If Tae had been allowed to fuck you he would have not been able to control himself so easily, he would have wanted to pound into to you as hard as he could. He began to move quicker, sliding the dildo in and out more vigorously, listening to the slight squelching sound it made as your pussy sucked it in. He tilted it upwards slightly, aiming for that spot just behind your clit.

“That’s better.” You returned your hands under your shirt and half way closed your eyes. “The only thing I need now is for you to go back to sucking on my clit while you keep fucking me like that.”

Tae fastened his lips to your clit, sucking at it, concentrating to keep time with the thrusting of the dildo. It felt almost like a meditation to focus all his energy on pleasuring you, and he was rewarded with the sound of your breathing getting shallower as you got closer. In that moment, all Tae wanted was to make you cum, to prove to you that he was worthy of your attention, to ensure that you would allow him to opportunity to see you again. He couldn’t see your face from his position, but he could see your belly from where your shirt had ridden up slightly, he heard a faint whimper escape your lips and then saw the muscles in your abdomen contract and your breathing temporarily stop. It got harder to move the dildo in and out of you as your pussy spasmed and tightened around it. It was through these signs that he knew he had made you cum. Tae wished he could have truly made you fall apart into a writhing moaning mess, but he also doubted someone who insisted on so much control ever let a man see her in that state. Still, he felt proud that he had caused you to orgasm.

You pushed Tae back with your heel again and took the now dripping wet dildo from his hand and ran your tongue up the length of it, licking your juices from it, while staring directly at Tae. He groaned at the sight and shifted his weight on his knees, once again uncomfortably aware of the way his dick pulsed and ached, in desperate need of his own relief.

“You did a good job, Tae. Thank you.” You grabbed your shorts off the sofa and slipped them back on. “You can get up and sit next to me on the sofa if you like.” Tae stood up slowly, stretching his sore legs from kneeling for so long. Standing in front of you as you sat, your eyes were level with Tae’s crotch, you tutted when you saw him and pointed your finger directly at the bulge straining in his pants. “That looks like it could be quite the distraction. Will you be able to enjoy watching a movie with your dick that hard?”

Tae laughed slightly, having completely forgotten about the plan to watch a movie in the first place. “It will be very hard to concentrate on anything right now. Are you offering to help bring me some relief?”

You sucked the air sharply through your teeth and responded, “I’m not sure, Tae. I think relief is something that is your own responsibility. It’s too bad you aren’t allowed to take you dick out of your pants or touch yourself while you are in my home.”

“Are you telling me I should leave?”

“Of course not! I invited you over here because I thought it would be nice to watch a movie with a friend. I was just thinking I could open another bottle of wine and pop some corn while you pick the movie and get it started. I will never make you stay, I will never make you do anything that you don’t want to do. You know that, right? You always have the right to say no and you always have the right to leave. But I would like for you to stay.”

Tae nodded and followed you into the kitchen as you busied yourself making the popcorn. Your juices had dried, but the scent of you clung to him as a constant reminder of what had just happened. Tae licked his lips searching for a lingering taste while his eyes fell to your bare legs. While he was eating your pussy, he at least had something to concentrate his overwhelming lust on, but now the only thing he could think about was his own dick, and how badly he needed to cum, how much he wanted you to touch him, how he would do anything to alleviate this pressure.

“Yoo-hoo! Tae! You didn’t answer my question! Are you in there?”

Shaken from his thoughts, Tae raised his eyes from your legs to your face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“I asked if you would rather have beer than wine. I’ve got soda too, if you don’t want alcohol.”

Tae watched your mouth move, but was unable to make sense of the words. That was the mouth that sucked his friend’s dick. Jimin had described it so vividly that the image was now burning in his brain. He pondered how it was possible that you would willingly go down on Jimin after only meeting him once and yet you preferred to see Tae suffer. What would he have to do to someday feel your lips wrapped around his own cock.

You stepped closer to Tae, so you were mere inches from him. “This isn’t going to work, is it?”

“What isn’t”

“You. Your brain is addled with lust right now, isn’t it? You can’t quite handle the denial and it’s going to interfere with our evening.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what you want me to do.” Tae sounded exasperated. “I’m trying really hard here, but I’m not used to this. Whenever I’m with you I feel like I’m a fucking sixteen-year-old again and my body feels like it’s on fire!”

“Maybe I’m being unfair to you, Tae. I mean, after all, you did just do something very nice for me. I think I’ve got an idea of how you can take care of your little problem and still abide by the rules I’ve laid out for the night.” Your eyes dropped to his crotch as you directly addressed the bulge in his trousers. “Do you want that?”

“Yes, p-p-please,” Tae stuttered, nervous of what you might have in mind.

“You say you feel like a sixteen-year-old? Do you really remember what it was like being a sixteen-year-old boy? Constantly horny, ready to explode at the slightest touch? Uncontrollable erections? Grinding against anyone and anything who would let you? Dry humping because you couldn’t get a girl to go all the way with you?”

Tae remembered all too well. He spent most of his sixteenth year lusting after you. Half the time with his hand thrust down his pants and the other half wishing he could stick his hands down his pants. “What did you have in mind?”

“I would be willing to let you grind against something until you cum. Maybe you could grind against the arm of that chair out there? Or would you prefer a pillow? You can choose any object in the apartment.”

He wondered if you were mocking him. The idea of having to hump a pillow to get off in front of you felt degrading. He should have been turned off by just the suggestion, but here he was actually contemplating it. “I don’t know if that would work.” Tae remembered his teenage self, the year after you left Korea. He had a girlfriend who let him grind against her while they kissed in the woods behind the school. At the time, he thought that was the pinnacle of sexual gratification. “Maybe it would work if I was grinding against a real person.”

You laughed out loud at Tae’s suggestion and he blushed in embarrassment for bringing it up. “You’re obviously starting to feel more comfortable around me to ask for such a thing. How about this? You pay me 20,000 won and I allow you to hump my left leg from the knee down?”

“Pay you?” Tae recalled how earlier you had chided him for saying he would never pay for sex.

“Do you really think you can just ask for me to do something for you and not give anything in return?”

He wanted to say that this was wrong, and hypocritical; he had just performed oral sex on you, certain he would get nothing in return. But instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing the money over to you. This was not a relationship of equals and Tae knew it. As humiliating as it was, he would take whatever you were willing to give him, at any price.

You crooked a finger, urging Tae to follow you back into the living room, where you sat in a chair, leaving your left leg outstretched. “Take off your trousers, but leave your underwear on. I don’t want to get scratched by your zipper.”

He let his pants drop the floor and knelt before you once more, straddling your leg. With only his gray cotton undies covering his cock, Tae’s erection was even more pronounced, pushing the fabric forward to form a tent. He reached out to grab the back of your calf, but looked up at you first to make sure it was okay to touch you. You nodded your assent and for the first time ever, Tae placed his hands firmly on a part of your body, gripping the firm muscles of your calf, feeling the smooth warm skin under his fingers. Just the act of touching you caused his breath to hitch, but when he pressed his cloth covered dick against your shin, he moaned aloud. The feeling of his sex bearing down against you felt electric; he felt enflamed, craving more contact. Within seconds he was rubbing himself up and down your leg, humping you like a dog in heat. He felt like a dog, a mindless animal fixated on making himself cum. The dry friction of his underwear and the boniness of your shin hurt slightly, and Tae was sure he would end up red and sore for days after this, but at this moment he didn’t care. Nothing mattered more than what he was doing right this second.

“I guess you really were horny. You poor thing.” You looked down at Tae and for a fleeting moment he felt himself blush, embarrassed by how he was willing to debase himself in front of you. “I can feel how hard your cock is right now. This must hurt you. But sometimes a little pain is the price we pay for pleasure.”

Tae looked down unable to meet your eyes for very long. He thought about all the other men you had been with and wondered if you treated any of them the same way you treated him. Despite his frustration, his libido raged and Tae would not have been able to stop himself if he tried.

As if you could read his mind, you responded to Tae’s thoughts. “You really are special, Taehyung. Most men fight too hard for control, they fight to make sure they get everything they want as quickly as possible… and they miss out on all the pleasure that is available to them by relinquishing control. If you are patient, I think you’ll find that many rewards await you.”

Despite your words, Tae’s only thought was his immediate release. He craved physical gratification, but satisfaction still felt out of reach. “Please,” he begged you, “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Focus. You’ll be fine. Here,” you said pulling your leg away slightly and lifting your foot a few inches from the ground, “try this.”

Tae grabbed on to your foot, pulling it tightly against his distended cock and gyrated his hips, rubbing circles into the sole of your foot with his erection. The sensation was different than pressing against your shin. It was softer, yet still firm, and the bones did not cut into him. The friction was still intense and felt like a fire was burning between his legs, but the enjoyment was much greater. He started to feel the orgasm he had been chasing finally get closer.

“Honestly, Tae, I think it’s so hot watching you do this. I love seeing you desperate and needy. Fucking that guy earlier today was nothing compared to watching the debauchery you are displaying for me here. God, I can’t wait to see you cum in your pants like a fucking teenager. I know there are so many women who would happily spread their legs and let you do whatever you wanted to them, but instead you are here humping my fucking foot like a degenerate.”

Degenerate. Pervert. Weirdo. That’s how Tae felt, but the shame seemed to only fuel his lust further. The heat in his loins intensified and he could feel his balls start to lift, he could barely control his breathing, and then it happened… with a final grunt, his cock jerked violently and his seed spurted out and was absorbed by the fabric of his underwear. Tae fell back on his haunches and his body shook slightly from expending so much energy while he came.

Looking down, he saw the wet spot growing on his underwear and he started to laugh. “I don’t know how you do this to me. I’m not like this with any other girl.”

“Maybe you’ve been spending your time with the wrong kind of woman.” You stood up from the chair and looked down at him. “I’m finally going to go make that popcorn I promised while you go select the movie.” You changed the subject casually, as if everything that had taken place moments ago was completely normal and not worthy of further consideration. “Since it’s so late, maybe an action film would be better. That way I won’t fall asleep while watching. Nothing too gory though, I don’t like a lot of blood.”

Tae watched you as you slipped back into the kitchen. He thought, Maybe I have been spending my time with the wrong kind of women, but I still don’t know what kind of woman you really are.

#bts smut #taehyung smut #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios

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whereisyaya · 6 years

Photo

Reykjavik

A quick trip to Iceland has been on my bucket list for a while with all the super cheap tickets and deals I kept seeing. I wanted to save this trip for a long weekend since I had heard that Reykjavik is not that big. This year, my friend J and I finally decided to book a trip to this wonderful city for Labor Day weekend and it certainly turned out to be the perfect weekend getaway abroad!

Lodging:

Now! The thing with Iceland is that although getting there can be super cheap and you will pay yourself on the back for the airfare deal you snag; everything else in Iceland (especially once you get there) is super expensive. It is literally the opposite of Asia when it comes to travel planning.

When we started to look into hotels and lodging, we realized very quickly that this was going to be an expensive booking. We were also probably not going to get away with staying in separate locations and decided to share a room to cut costs.

J handled the hotel reservations after I told him my budget and we found a cute and tiny – emphasis on tiny – hotel in the heart of downtown called the City Center Hotel. It was within walking distance to city hall so the location was pretty good!

Airport:

Keflavik Airport is pretty tiny and getting through customs etc is usually a breeze. You are usually able to get out within 30 minutes. Unless you have the bad luck that I did!

I was actually banking on the quick exit because my flight landed at 7am and my tour for the Golden Circle left at 10am from City Hall. However, a bunch of flights got in at the same time and there was just utter and complete chaos all around the airport. No lines, no organization - just a massive crowd of people slowly following the crowds to what they believed and hoped was the customs area. Quite strange because for the most part, everything else in Iceland is very organized. I just chalked it up to a rare occurrence. Needless to say, I got through customs and the exit in about an hour and then I had another hour and 15 minutes to make it to my hotel.

The best option to get to any destination from the airport is to take the Flybus which operates daily and is timed according to the incoming flights. The ticket counters are right next to the terminal exit and I got a one way for about 30 bucks. Welcome to Iceland. Everything is expensive! =) You can book in advance on their website but I just went with booking the day of. When you book at the counter, you tell the person which hotel you are trying to get to and your ticket is color coded. I believe mine was blue. That is because the bus takes you to the main bus station and from there you get on one of the several mini shuttles that correspond with the color of your ticket and they service the area your hotel is located in.

I was on my bus by 8am and was hoping to be at the hotel by 9:30 at the latest to freshen up and run to the tour bus. The drive was pretty and scenic and the driver dropped me off in the general vicinity. He was even kind enough to spark up his own google-maps app and guide me to where my hotel was. I walked into the room just in time because J was getting a little anxious as he thought I would miss our tour bus. Since the bus was picking us up pretty close to where we were staying, I had more than five minutes to freshen up, grab a quick cup of coffee from the lobby downstairs and then we made our way to City Hall where we hopped on our bus and headed off for the Golden Circle Tour!

Below you will find some helpful links on how to get to center city from Keflavik airport!

https://www.thepoortraveler.net/2016/12/keflavik-airport-to-reykjavik-city-center-bus-fare/

http://www.flybus.is/

https://airportexpress.is/?AffiliatePass=448ca543-ae2c-489e-8ea0-c22d78ad3a33

Public Transport!

Everyone knows I absolutely adore subways and metro systems and look forward to experiencing them when I travel. Unfortunately, Reykjavic is not really a public transportation city. Of course there are buses etc, but no metro systems. That is primarily because Reykjavik is a pretty small city and if you are staying in the city center, you can just walk everywhere.

And that is exactly what we did.

Main attractions like the Golden Circle Tour and Blue Lagoon are pretty far away and out of the city limits so most people grab tours to visit them or rent a car. We had booked tours for both those attractions which worked out well and when we were back in the city, we just walked the quick 5 minutes to wherever we were going.

Phone Communication

So when it comes to phone communication, I have to be honest that although I did some research, I ended up going with the “phone-free” for the long weekend. I used my whatsapp messaging etc on my US phone while on airplane mode.

Of course, there were moments – like when I was walking around looking for my hotel – when I would have killed for a smart phone but after a day passed without a phone, I figured it was not worth it to get a SIM card.

For those of you still interested, there is a SIM package for about 40 bucks that people can use and if you want to use the SIM package only for data, it can go down to 30 bucks. If you are flying Iceland Air, there may be an opportunity to purchase a SIM on the plane but you can also buy the package at the duty-free store at the airport when you arrive.

Golden Circle Tour:

A few hours after I arrived in Reykjavik, I was already boarding a bus with my friend for the Golden Circle tour. One of the things I must mention is that I usually travel to big cities where I would never have to rely on tours to explore its landmarks. I prefer doing that on my own by adventurously navigating a city’s metros, subways and public transportation.

In Reykjavik however, I had to put my aversion for tours (and my love for public transportation) aside and do in this city as most tourists do!

Tours!

There are many tours to Golden Circle and The Blue Lagoon so you can research on the ones that works best for you.

My friend had booked the tours for us in advance so I went along with the ride. Literally! It took us about an hour to reach our first destination which was the Pingvellir National Park! It is also the where many of the Game of Thrones scenes were shot so if you are a GOT fan, you will love this place. Personally, I have never seen the show so I could not experience that particular joy but still the sights were breathtaking. Walking around the rock formations and the mountains was truly an experience.

An hour later, we all piled back on the warm bus and headed over to the Geysers where we were scheduled to have lunch at the Hotel Geyser.

The lunch was delicious and much needed. We all drank gobs of coffee to warm up on such a cold day. Please note that it will be cold in Iceland, so definitely dress in warm clothes and layer up with something that is preferably waterproof. You WILL get wet when you visit the waterfalls.

After lunch, we walked around the geysers and it was a blast waiting around for the geysers to sneeze! I spend quite a while trying to get the perfect selfie but the sneeze is so short-lived that I never succeeded. I did get a few non-selfie photographs. Some bursts were definitely larger than others.

Our last stop was at the Gulfoss Waterfall. I must admit, those waterfalls were some of the largest I had ever seen in my entire life and was definitely a popular spot of the Golden Circle Tour. We all got pretty damp so I am glad I brought a rain poncho with me! I was cold but I was smiling.

An hour later, we all piled back on the bus and headed back downtown with a quick stop at a local bakery where I grabbed some tasty treats. I slept the entire way home and then grabbed a second – much needed – nap at the hotel room as well. Once, I was rested and well-slept, J and I headed out to enjoy the city’s nightlife!

I highly recommend Yulia’s blog Miss Tourist as well as Miriam Risager’s blog Adventurous Miriam for some great tips about the Golden Circle Tour.

https://misstourist.com/iceland-road-trip-part-1-south-east-and-south-iceland-in-4-days/

https://adventurousmiriam.com/driving-icelands-golden-circle/

Some helpful tips

Admission: No admission however you would have to pay for a tour,

Tips:

- Try to book a tour which includes lunch.

- If you are a Game of Thrones fan, you will particularly enjoy this tour.

- Wear something warm (gloves and all) and wear something waterproof

Blue Lagoon

If someone were to ask me what my favorite part of Iceland was, it would definitely be hard to pick but, I would have to say, The Blue Lagoon!!! My favorite memory in Iceland!

We were scheduled for our Blue Lagoon tour on Saturday and the forecast said that it was going to be a chilly day. I was praying for no rain. And YESSS! My prayers were answered. Even though it was cloudy during the day, the sun came out by the time we reached the lagoon.

I was exhausted from the night before since J and I decided to check out the local nightlife and were pleasantly impressed by the DJ. Still, I woke up in time to grab some coffee from the lobby and we boarded our tour bus at the designated stop at 10:30am. Once we arrived, we were all given a key to a locker and a towel. Admission is usually 70 to a 100 bucks but once again our tour included the bus ride, the admission ticket and lunch so it was quite a good deal.

Also, the water was so nice and warm that even though it was cold outside, it felt like a giant hot tub with blue water. It was very shallow and I was just walking around all over with friends from the tour. You can swim up to different corners – some corners are warmer than others – and there is even a swim-up bar as well as a swim-up lotion station. You get free silica mud masks which is great for your skin. The station has additional masks as well that you can purchase. The water from the blue lagoon is supposed to be great for your skin however it does dry your hair quite a bit. I wore a baseball cap the entire time but some people also condition their hair prior to getting into the water.

I should mention that I did not do the Blue Lagoon on the way to or back from the airport because that is how our tour was set up. However it is highly recommended to schedule your Blue Lagoon trip either the day you arrive from the airport or when you are on your way to the airport. The reason: it is located right between Reykjavik and the airport so you would not have to travel too far out of your way. That sounds like a great idea and friends who opted for that option loved it and had no issues. Still, for me, the Blue Lagoon was such an important plan on my agenda that I did not want to risk missing out in case my flight was delayed etc. So I was ok with the travel time. It really is not that much. Just an hour!

Blue Lagoon sells out quick so it is not a good idea to schedule a tour or a ticket the day of your visit and sometimes even on that weekend. I recommend purchasing your tour or you ticket in advance. If you miss your tour, finding another option for the weekend may be very difficult.

Another very important tip! Pictures! We all want to capture the perfect memory. It is not like we get to visit Iceland every weekend and the Blue Lagoon is definitely a memory we would want to capture with a selfie or an “Ussie”. However, smartphones are not always waterproof and it is never a good idea to dip into the water with them. I left my phone in the locker for that very reason but it was so hard to wade around knowing that I was not able to capture even one shot of this lagoon. So I ran up to the locker. Grabbed my phone. Gave it to one of the staff members hanging out in the dry area and they were more than happy to take a quick picture for me. Then, I jumped out. Quickly dried my hands and returned my phone to my locker. Later, I waded around the pool happy and content. If I had known, I would have definitely invested in a waterproof case for my phone. Totally worth it! I believe they do sell them at the Lagoon but you could probably find a much cheaper version of the same thing on Amazon before your trip!

Here are two great blogs about The Blue Lagoon. Miriam Risager’s blog the Adventurous Miriam lists some great tips on her blog titled “10 important tips for visiting the Blue Lagoon.” Also The Inspired Hostess also lists some equally helpful tips on her blog.

https://adventurousmiriam.com/blue-lagoon-iceland/

http://www.theinspiredhostess.com/travel/15-tips-for-visiting-the-blue-lagoon

Admission: 70, 90, 500

Address:

Hours: 10:30am to 2:30pm

Tips:

- Try to get a waterproof cover for your phone for good pictures.

- Best to do to or from airport.

- Sells out quick so get your tix in advance and schedule in advance

Food:

So obviously I have to get my grub on in every city that I visit. Hence, I had arrived in Reykjavik with a long list of local fare that I just couldn’t wait to try.

Puffin & Whale

Or just whale. However I must admit. I did not try this. A friend messaged me on Facebook and lectured me on consuming extinct animals and made me feel so bad that I decided to opt out. But if you want to still go for it. No judgement from me!

Meat Soup

Mostly a hot Lamb soup. If you are lucky it will come in a bread bowl. I pretty much ate a lot of this from an amazing place called Icelandic Street Food Café. More about that later.

Skyr Yogurt

A cheap on the go option where you get to try a local favorite grocery store item. Some amazing flavors too. Crème Brulee was my favorite. You can stock up on these from a nearby store to keep in your hotel room and just devour on the go. Yummy, good-for-you and a quick and easy option. Oh, and while we are on the subject of local manufacturers. Applesin is a local soda drink which I absolutely loved. Do give it a try.

Hakarl (Fermented shark)

Now you know I had to try this! Why? Because the faces everyone made when they documented their first bite on their youtube channels, gave me FOMO. Apparently locals don’t really eat it anymore and it is supposed to taste terrible. Luckily the bar at the Icelandic Street Food Café had it. For free too. They get so many tourists, they always have some lying around in Tupperware for the brave and curious tourists.

When I asked to pay for it, the friendly bartender remarked “Mate its free. I can’t get rid of it. No one wants it!” Challenge accepted. I only had a little piece. Because that is what you are supposed to do but my initial thought was that it definitely smells worse than it tastes. However, don’t speak too soon. The kicker is the aftertaste. That is what really gets you!

Ice-Landic Hot Dog

Mostly contains pork so I could not try it. But it was a popular after-hours bite for the drunken tourists. Pylsr is apparently the place to go – although you can get them anywhere – and it is best to make sure that you have the correct change because there is a bit of a line sometimes.

Icelandic street Food Café

So my best find in Reykjavic was the Icelandic street food café. It is less of a café and more of a place owned by a very generous person who just wants everyone to have fun, enjoy their food and leave happy. They had amazing deals. Some so inexpensive you wanted to thank everyone who worked there. My favorite was the “all you can drink” lamb soup. Yes, you heard me. You pay once and can return as many times as you want. On a cold day, it was just what you need in a bread bowl. Seating can be limited but they also own the bar next door where many customers carry their bowls to and from for refills while enjoying a beer and some board games. In addition to that they also have free brownies and macaroons (even waffles in the morning) for their customers. I loved this place and I recommend it as a must-visit!!! On my last day there, when I left after breakfast, an excited backpacker turned to me and remarked “Can you believe this place? Too good to be true”. I smiled at her and agreed!

#goldencircletour #bluelagoon #reykiavik #iceland

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