#it just doesn't blend together correctly

[kasumingo]

hazbin hotel gives me so much secondhand embarrassment

[savingcrxws]

EYES ON FIRE | just pretend

[ next chap ]

synopsis. you and carmen start off on the wrong foot and richie stirs the pot.

word count. 3.5k

warnings. language, hardly proofread but i tried

authors note. lets goooo, this is based off of this headcanon that i would recommend reading before this chapter(kinda treat it as a prologue)--lets get to part one!

"Richie, you dick."

If you had a dime for everytime Richard Jerimovich managed to inconvenience you, you could probably buy the Bean three times over.

But this, this really takes the cake. 

“Well if it isn’t our little college graduate here in good ol’ Orleans Street,” Richie cheers, throwing his hands in the air in fake surprise as a smirk rises slowly onto his face. You feel like if you were to glare at the man any harder, you might actually make his head explode.

“What brings you here, sweetheart?”

You take a minute to try to collect yourself before you absolutely blow up in Richie’s face. Carmen stands directly across from you, just behind the bar, dressed in a dirtied white tee stained in a sauce of some kind. He’s very obviously avoiding eye contact with you, leaning over the bar and seemingly very interested in the walls around you. 

“If I recall correctly, you asked me to come here, Richie,” you grit out, gripping the tote bag that hangs over your shoulder tighter. You press your lips together before a choice few words slide from between your teeth.

You see Carmen tense up at what you said, shoulders hunching up before dropping almost as quickly. The dirty blonde brings a hand up to his forehead in what you can only assume to be pure disbelief. 

You continue. “You called me literally like, two hours ago.”

“Really, me? You sure it wasn’t another Richie? Maybe a Rick?”

“Richie, please don’t piss me off right now. I swear to God–”

A loud slam interrupts the developing argument and nealyr sends you flying out of your skin.

Your eyes dart over to Carmen, whose hands are splayed flat across the span of the bar. His head is tilted down, curls falling to cover almost all of what you could see of his face. He takes a breath before turning his head to look at the older man behind him. 

His face is a bright red, angry flush sinking down past the collar of his shirt.

“Richie, you motherfucker,” he grits out, dragging a hand down his mouth before slamming his fist on the bar counter, rattling the plates and miscellaneous cups that littered across it. Richie tenses up behind him, catching on to the anger almost radiating off of him.

"Why the fuck would you invite her here?" Carmen yells, speaking of you like you weren't only a couple feet away from him. You frown, insulted at his disregard of you.

"Oh believe me, I hardly am jumping to be here myself, Berzatto." You spit.

Richie raises his hands in defense, taking a step back as Carmen bucks up towards him. “Hey, man, don’t shoot the messenger.” He casts a stray hand in your direction and Carmen’s eyes instinctively follow, making eye contact for the first time since you entered the restaurant.

The heat of his stare was strong, something that you could best describe as a blend of anxiety and anger. You notice that his eyes trail up and down your form, not in a "checking you out way" and more of a "I cant believe you're here right now" way.

“Bug usually never responds to my messages! Honestly, how was I supposed to know she would now,” Richie continues, still trying to maintain distance away from Carmen.

Carmen seems overwhelmed, split between jumping at Richie for his fake naivete or running a million miles away from you. He curls his hands into fist, and for a second, you think he's going to throw a punch. Quickly though, Carmen steps away from Richie and casts one more look towards you.

You wait for him to say something to your face, but he doesn't.

“I’m leaving,” Carmen mumbles under his breath, taking in another deep breath before abruptly turning and throwing open the kitchen door. The swinging door flies out and hits the wall, a sudden crack that you are sure would leave a dent later.  Almost immediately, you hear the sound of distant bustling and pans clattering around. 

A voice yells out in confusion. “What the hell, Jeff?”

You bring a hand to your forehead, feeling a headache incoming. It couldn’t have been more than three minutes and simply being around Carmen had given you more stress than you’ve had in the past week. Casting a glance up at Richie, you give him a final glare. The man simply shrugs his shoulders and gives a charismatic grin. “Well, that was pleasant wasn’t it, bug?” 

“Ayo, Richie, what the fuck is up with Jeff,” a voice questions as they walk in from the path of destruction that Carmen left in his behind. The owner of that voice is none other than Tina, and for some reason, seeing her alleviates at least some of the headache you feel pulsating across your skull. Tina casts a confused glance at Richie, who simply points over in your direction. Tina’s eyes follow and when she makes eye contact with you a familiar smile drapes across her lips. 

"Oh, well now I understand why Jeff's so pissed off."

"Yeah, and then the asshole has the nerve to act all coy, like he didn't blow my phone up with messages begging me to go down to the restaurant," you complained, throwing your head back to take another gulp of the wine in your cup.

In front of you, Sugar swirled her own glass of sparkling grape juice, shaking her head in disbelief at the absurdity of it all.

Shortly after Tina had walked out, you had left the restaurant (not before flipping Richie the bird) and immediately went to text Sugar for a rant session. Being the absolute angel that she is, she agreed almost immediately, stating that she had some qualms she wanted to rave about as well. Two glasses of Merlot for you and some non-alcoholic beverages for Natalie later, you two were sitting on the two ends of Sugar's couch, the TV playing a rerun of Selling New York as background sound for your current conversation.

"Yeah, Richie is a jerk." You nod in appreciation for her understadning your annoyance.

"And don't even get me started on you-know-who's reaction? He barely even acknowledged my existence!" You throw your free hand in the air. "Speaking about me like I wasn't right there?"

You release an exasperated sigh. "The ego on that guy."

Natalie hums, taking a languid sip of her drink. "Well, that sounds like Carmy alright. A tiny little ball of asshole-ery at any given point of time." The blonde reaches a hand over and places it on your knee. "Sorry my brother is such a dick."

You give a small smile at Sugar, resting your own hand on top of hers. "No need, it's clear you took all the 'sane person' genes in the Berzatto bloodline." Your joke pulls a giggle out of Sugar, the slight truth of her statement not missing between the two of you.

"But enough about me," you place your glass down on her coffee table before continuing. "What's going on in your life Nat?"

You listen as she rants about the stress of preparing for a bringing baby into the home. She talks about how those Al-Anon meetings she regularly attends are going, and how her one coworker Bryson seems to have a vendetta against her.

After a moment, Natalie coughs slightly, eyes darting across the living room in thought before returning back to you. "And well, I hate to keep talking about Carmy but..."

The smile drops quickly off of your face as Sugar trails the last word. "But what, Suge?"

"Buttt, Carmen's trying to rebuild The Beef," Sugar peers down into the contents of her glass as she speaks, "he's rebranding it as The Bear, and I've been trying to help him and the crew get everything sorted before they start tearing the building down."

You press your lips together tight at the mention of the familiar name.

"Personally, Carm, I don't see much wrong with the restaurant now?"

"The place is held together by a roll of duct tape and a dream, bug, I don't think you have to look very hard to see some issues."

You glance up at him from your position on his chest, looking as he gazed up at the ceiling of your bedroom. While his gaze was physically directed at the old glow in the dark stars scattered across the ceiling, you could tell his head was in a total different world.

"So you want to start a new restaurant?" You question, watching as Carmen shakes his head as soon as the words leave your lips.

"Nah, I just want to make it better, ya know? For Mikey, and Sugar, and Ma."

Sugar, noticing you are distracted, stops her sentence and gives a little frown, watching as your gaze drifts off somewhere distant.

Despite the years that have past, she knows that you still have feelings towards her brother. She was there for most of it, watching as you and Carmen went from daily hangouts to a weekly phone call, to a monthly check-in text, to, well, nothing.

She consoled you through most of the grieving phase of a post-breakup, like you had done for her a couple of times before. And after a few weeks of busting into tears anytime his name was mentioned, you began to heal, and focused those strong emotions towards improving yourself.

Natalie let a wistful sigh, pulling you out of your thoughts. Shaking the fog away, you give a remorseful smile at having basically cut Sugar off midway through her spiel. She gives you another small smirk before shaking her head, dismissing your silent apology with a wave of her hand. She draws another sip of her sparkling juice.

"But Carmen has been driving me up the wall with all the shit he wants me to help juggle. If I schedule one more appointment I might pull my hair out."

"Oh no, please don't do that, honey," Pete calls out from the kitchen, very obviously having been listening in on your gossip time from the kitchen table. Sugar gives off slight grimace at Pete's abrupt callout at her obvious exaggeration, shrugging her shoulders and giving a placating call back towards her husband.

Reaching back towards the table, you grab the wine glass from earlier. "Do you have anyone to help you? You know I have some connects who can manage the money and strategy end?" You offer, more than willing to alleviate some of the stress from your friend's shoulders.

"Yeah, can I have that guy who assisted you when you managed La Raison?" Sugar teases. "I have no idea how you managed to help that business go from near bankrupt to one of the best sellers down Michigan Avenue."

"Carter? Yeah, no. That dude was an asshat. He was more useful kissing up to the store owners than actually doing his job," you shake your head at the mention of one of your old employers. Since graduating, you had taken into strategic and financial management for businesses across Chicago. La Raison had been one of your main businesses for a while, the owners soon becoming close friends of yours.

You loved what you did, though business management sounded like a right pain to most, you found joy in being able to rub your braincells together and actually make a difference. Plus, the pay wasn't too bad either.

Sugar chuckles. "Yeah, well, I wish I could just have you as a little angel on my shoulder, giving me all the answers to all of these problems that keep popping up."

Though she was joking, you can see the way her brows furrow simply thinking of all of the things that she has to do. You could only imagine the stress she is under right now. Balancing opening a new restaurant with her ever-present family dilemmas, and a baby on the way?

Natalie was beyond used to extensive stress, so you know she won't verbally express all of her worries. But the thought of Sugar carrying all of that on her shoulders draws a slight frown on your face.

Before you know it, the thoughts are falling from your brain and past your lips.

"What if I helped you manage the place."

You honestly do not know why you offered to help manage this fuckery that is disguised as a restaurant.

Shortly after you had offered to help, it was as if Natalie had died, saw the light, and returned back to Earth. She squealed like a teenage girl and thanked you profusely. While she shaked you and explained all the things that needed to be done, you slowly began to realize the implications of your offer.

You, helping Natalie manage Carmen, your ex-boyfriend's, restaurant. A responsibility that would obviously take months.

And honestly, you were tempted to withdraw your offer despite the happy squeals of relief that Natalie was letting out. That was, until the tears of relief started pouring from her eyes.

Those pregnancy hormones really guilt tripped you.

Now, a week later, you're back at The Beef. Well, you suppose The Beef is gone officially now, the rusting sign pulled down from its former position hanging above the restaurant entrance.

"Why the hell did I sign up for this shit," you question out loud, watching as Manny and Angel pulling out a broken sign from inside the restaurant. Sighing, you reach into your bag and pull out a cigarette box, pulling one out before digging for your lighter in your back pocket.

"Mami, what are you doing here?" You turn around at the voice behind you, cigarette hanging loosely from your lips. Tina stands behind you, a smile stretched across her lips. "Seeing you two weeks in a row? Someone must be dying."

You smile, opening your arms for a hug that Tina reciprocates. "Oh you know, I'm here to save your asses from complete and utter failure." Tina gently pats your back as you pull apart, and it makes you regret not checking in on her and the rest of the crew more often.

"Missed you, T." You mutter, a small grin pulling up on one corner of your mouth.

"Missed you too, mami," Tina pats your arm before wrapping her hand around your elbow. "Now, I'm not trying to step on your toes but...you do know who your helping out right?"

You grimace at her implication, the reality hitting you once again. Behind those glass windows stands the man who took your heart and literally tossed it away like it was nothing. Took all of those years that you had spent together and wasted it away.

Broke up with you over fucking text.

And now, you're about to walk into his restaurant and help Sugar, and, consequently, help him fix this fuck up.

Talk about fate.

"Yeah, T," you start, letting her guide you towards the entrance of the restaurant, where you see Marcus and Fak carrying out some lockers. You wave towards the men, to which Fak responds with such enthusiasm that he drops some of the lockers on the ground, much to Marcus' chagrin.

You grimace before continuing. "Just helping my asshole ex because his sister is my bestie."

Sugar had texted you that Sydney, Carmen's former sous chef and business partner, had been more than happy to hire you as a strategic manager for the business. Although she didn't mention it, you knew that a certain dirty-blonde was not so excited at mention of you coming to help.

"He knows we need the help, no matter how fragile his tiny little ego is," Natalie had told you, a knowing smile on her face.

"Don't lose your head, boss." Tina teases, pushing you first through the doorway. As you finally enter the store, you take note of the pure chaos that is the restaurant.

Plywood and debris scattered across the flower, miscellaneous kitchen supplies and utilities lining the walls. Ebraheim and Sweeps were taking a sledgehammer to some random panels, while Richie was yelling something from the kitchen. As you take in the madness, Tina pats your elbow before heading back towards the kitchen.

"Welcome to The Bear!" Richie calls out as soon as he notices you. Spreading his arms out in what you assume is a hug, you only offer him a solid stare. Richie drops his arms and heads towards you despite your very clear disdain for him at the moment. "Glad you could join the team, bug."

"Richie, why the hell are you covered in black dust?"

"Inconsequential, sweetheart," you roll your eyes at his response before stepping over the debris in front of you.

"Where's Nat, Richard," you question walking behind the bar and towards the office in the back. Richie grumbles something under his breath before shouting out 'office.' Busting through the kitchen door, you note that the kitchen is just as messy as the front of the house. Stepping over black dust on the ground, you tread over to the office.

"Suge? You in there?" You call out, peering over the corner and into the office. The room is unoccupied, filled with nothing but discarded papers with miscellaneous phone numbers and sprawled writings.

You make note of what you know to be Nat's handwriting, eyes trailing over all of her notes for appointments and scheduling. Your eyes also rove over the chicken scratch that you also know to be Carmen's scribbles. Placing your bag down on the desk, you sit down in the rolling chair and decide to wait for Sugar to come in.

You grabbed a random pile of papers and attempted to digest some of the information being presented to you.

Bank statements, IRS requests, insurance, licenses, permits.

Judging by all the shit that needed to get cleared just for the restaurant to legally be open, your surprised that Mikey wasn't being physically chased down by the IRS and thrown into jail.

"Hey, Sugar, Syd and I are going to work on the chaos menu tonight so I'm going to leave the rest up to you, okay?"

Carmen slings around the corner, too focused on pulling his coat on his shoulders to notice who exactly was sitting in the office.

Instinctively, you freeze at his sudden appearance in the doorway, breath caught in your throat. At the lack of response, Carmen finally looks up and makes direct eye contact with you.

His blue eyes widen, clearly not expecting you to be the person in the chair. You rack your brain over the next move to make, the silence continuing as he just stands in the doorway and practically gawks at your existence.

Deciding that staring indefinitely at each other was probably one of the worst things you can currently think of, you clear your throat to break the silence. That seems to break Carmen out of whatever state of shock he seemed to be in; you watch as he awkwardly wrings his hands, like he was at a lost of what to do next.

You're half-expecting him to make a repeat of the last time you saw each other and storm away from you. However, Carmen just stands there, eyes darting from you to random objects in the office then you again on repeat.

Both of you are waiting for the other to say something. To yell, chastise, and start an argument.

Biting the bullet, you start. "Hey, Carmen."

He seems to be taken aback that you even uttered his name, eyes meeting yours once again. You almost forgot how blue his eyes are-so bright that they're almost clear.

He nods in acknowledgement before saying your name to greet you in return.

Awkward silence fills the room once again. While you know that Carmen is hardly a conversationalist, this has to be the most painful quiet you've ever experienced.

Be amicable, you think to yourself. He's your boss/business partner now.

You're doing this for Sugar.

"Umm..," you trail off, eyes scanning the office around you in attempts to find something else to talk about. "I tried to find Nat, but she might have gone A.W.O.L"

Carmen nods his head a couple of times, a soft hmm leaving his lips. You can tell that he wants to say something, the words on the tip of his tongue but sealed behind his lips.

"Yeah, ok-okay, yeah." He nods rapidly, crossing his arms across his chest, lowering his gaze down to your shoes.

"Yep."

God, someone shoot me now.

Carmen clears his throat. "I-I-uuhh, you know, Sugar really appreciates the help."

You nod, licking your lips out of habit. "Yeah, she's told me."

"Yeah?"

"Yep."

Just when you were about to figure out a way to turn invisible or sink into the floor, Sugar rounds the corner and lightly bumps into Carmen's back. She lets out a noise of surprise from her throat and Carmen jerks forward a little.

"Carmy, why the fuck are you standing in the fucking doorwa-" Sugar cuts herself off when she spots you over her brother's shoulder. She makes eye contact with you and you swear you see a little mischief in her eyes. She pushes past Carmen to step inside of the office, crossing her arms over chest to assess the room.

You, sitting in the office chair, papers still grasped tightly in your hands and your lips practically licked dry from your nerves.

Across, Carmen stands angled towards Sugar, almost trying to physically minimize the amount of eye contact you two share.

Natalie surmises that she just saved the both of you from a very awkward moment "Oh, shit. Didn't mean to interrupt."

"No-no, uh, you're good, Sugar," Carmen sputters out, face flushing a bright red. He brings a hand over his mouth to physically stop the word vomit that was about to fall out of it. "Umm, was just gonna tell you that Sydney and I are leaving to work on the new menu."

Sugar's eyes dart over to you again, sitting stiffly in the office chair. She raises her eyebrows in question but you subtly shake your head.

Let's not talk about it right now.

She nods in acknowledgement before turning to fully face Carmen.

"Okay Carmy, you're good to go. Me and Bug here are just gonna get some paperwork sorted." Carmen looks in your direction at the use of the familiar nickname before he hmms again.

He takes a step back and waves his hand in goodbye. "All right, bye Sugar," he's fully outside of the doorway now, but he pauses before leaving you and Sugar's line of sight completely.

He stands there for a beat, running whatever thought across his mind a couple times. Finally, like he settled on an answer, Carmen gulps and raises his head to look at you.

He nods his head and whispers out your name and a goodbye, followed by a swift exit out of the kitchen.

You're practically stuck in the chair, the past five minutes having been a complete whirlwind. The kitchen door whips against the wall in a crack, the squeaking echoing from your place in the office. Your gaze is still focused on where your ex-boyfriend had stood not even a couple of seconds ago.

"Well," Sugar starts, a knowing smile across her face. "That wasn't as violent as I thought it was going to be."

requests to be in the taglist for this fic in the replies below or send me an ask! thank you all for reading!

[two-dolla-bills]

Top 10 mechanisms songs that you can get away with playing at a retailers without too many side eyes

I got a job in retail and I felt inspired lol

Disclaimer: this is not a list of the best mechanisms songs/the ones I think deserve to go "mainstream", they're just the ones that would blend in the best

1. Sirens

This song is probably the mechanisms' least "centered" song. It doesn't mention any characters, it has no narration, and out of context it just sounds like A Song that you might hear on the radio. Sirens is to the mechanisms as you're the one that I want is to grease, you know?

2. Trial by song

THIS one. It's in the same category to me as Sirens; you can listen to it by itself and not suspect much. Unlike Sirens which can be completely separated and still make sense, this one is more like a whole new world from Aladdin. There are parts that make it obvious that it's from a larger whole, but if you just so happen to catch the "safe" parts you won't suspect much.

Points were deducted due to Mr. Soldier's unique vocals. (Unique as in not very common in mainstream music)

3. Empty trail

This is no offense to Dr. La Cognizzi, but sometimes when she sings it's hard to make out what she's saying, which works in her favor in these circumstances. It sounds country/rock, which help it blend in with some dad rock songs. If I remember correctly, the melody was actually taken from a Led Zeppelin song, so if you aren't paying attention to what's ACTUALLY being said you can get away with claiming it's a cover.

4. Ties that bind

Although this one does mention many plot points, many fans have stated that they had no idea what the fuck was being said until the have looked for the lyrics (myself included) this, combined with it's jazzy rythm, make it able to blend in with other songs, similarly to empty trail

5. Odin

The most "normal" song out of the entirety of The Bifrost Incident. This song made it to the top five because it has similarities with Roam by the B-52's, but had points deducted due to it clearly being about an awesome space train

6. Lost in the cosmos

This might just be personal opinion, but it sounds like a church song. You can pull off the effect of it being about earth Jesus and not space robot Jesus if you have particularly bad quality speakers and a busy store w/lots of noise. Again, the lyrics kinda give it away as to not being entirely main stream

7. Stranger

Look it's a banger, ok? Many of the lyrics could be taken as just being metaphors, but I feel like you have to squint to "see" it. Pay too much attention and shit gets a little weird. Also, points deducted because it's two men singing together and not a man and a woman, which throws a wrench into the works. At kohl's it might raise some eyebrows but in like hot topic it'll blend in a little better

8. Redeath

You would think a song about a sphoenix (space phoenix) would be lower on the list but you'd be wrong. It's a really pretty song with a good original melody, and it's something that can be drowned out by a particularly rowdy crowd. Like Stranger, it would blend in better at a hot topic than at kohl's, but only slightly.

9. Elysian Fields

The melody in Elysian Fields is taken directly from the song wayfaring stranger, which has been coverd by Jonny Cash, Ed Sheeran, Poor Man's Poison, and The Longest Johns, AS WELL HAS having been featured in the movie 1917 and in the video game The Last of Us II, which make it very recognizable. Because of this recognizability, people who know the original song may be caught off guard by hearing it in a Walmart with completely different lyrics. It was originally in 7th place, but the popularity of the original takes off many points

10. Once and future king

It's a banger, don't get me wrong, but it also very heavily and clearly mentions plot points from the album, which itself is heavily base on Aurtharian mythology; something very well known in the western world (also the names are not common at all and most haven't been in fashion in centuries). In a crowded, busy space with not very good quality speakers it could potentially blend in, but one or two names might sneak out. The only reason it's on the list is because of the instrumental outro, which sounds normal enough

[krynutsreal]

my hand slipped a bit

no freaking way.... ishimondo sky au real....

ummm this took an embarrassingly long amount of time (79 hours altogether </3) so u will. look at them!!!!! If u don't know what sky au is or want 2 learn more about these sillies then I will be rambling about them rn (with extra doodles) !! lucky you :]

Kry, what is sky au ??

To put it simply, it's a (mostly) ishimondo centric au where Mondo guards over the sun, while Taka guards over the moon. Together they keep Earth in balance. Other planets (excluding Earth for now) are guarded by a being similar to Mondo and taka (aka the hopes peak students are now guardians too). They all each have their own ways of making sure that their planet/moon/etc are rotating correctly and orbiting around the sun n such !! (It's a work in progress so pls bear with me </3)

The Earth, in this case is not guarded by anyone in particular. Which gives the beings an opportunity to basically go down there and explore or just go through shenanigans pretty much. So long as they don't burn the whole planet down and are able to blend in with humans down there they're able to do whatever they please 👍

now to get some sorta like. random facts about Mondo n taka (plus the piece itself) out of the way cause !!!! the post is about them SO

Mondo: Sun guardian ☀️

Does not have a specific routine when doing his job. Usually goes with his gut feeling and continues on from there.

With that in mind, he tends to travel to earth very often to mess around n' have fun. He doesn't doesn't go out of his way to cause destruction (at least not on purpose)

But, he is more feared than liked by most of the mortals there. That does not stop him from roaming around the Earth though!

His halo can emit the brightest light that could honestly blind a regular human, but for the space beings it does not have much of an effect on em.

MF TOOK THE LONGEST TIME (42 hrs) !!! BC OF HIS HAIR. and the halo. shakes him crumples him up

Kiyotaka: Moon guardian 🌙

Unlike Mondo, Taka actually does have a routine that he carefully and thoughtfully planned out to make sure that everything goes smoothly with things regarding the moon (phases, rotations, yk)

Only goes down to Earth for educational purposes, he wants to learn more about how the moon directly affects the Earth (as well as other things about mortals and nature in general)

Does come off as intimidating to mortals, but it is mostly unintentional and therefore he doesn't hang around them much.

Is able to make little star projections with his hands and uses this to make his plans/write down stuff (good example is making that flower projection in [this] comic.)

he was the one I drew first !!! [37 hrs] (hence why he took less time then mondo) I lov his cape. umm also crumples him up

AND THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW. IF UR READING THIS THEN THANK U FOR UMM READING THE RAMBLES. I GIFT U THESE.

BYEEE!!!!!! collapses onto the floor .

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 5 Coherent Thoughts

Spoilers for Episode 5. Once again, I have not rewatched before posting.

Most of this is lokius related because I'm still a damn fool.

I want the twist at the end to be that Loki gives Mobius (and the others) back his memories to give him the choice to go back to his life, and is just really sad about it, because he expects Mobius to want to go back to his kids who don't have a mother. But he gives him his memories of his past and they're... not what he saw when he found him. Like at all. I'm not gonna speculate on specifics (*cough* Theo Bell *cough*) but he doesn't have the responsibilities of being a single parent. And Loki's like 'No, but you had two boys,' and he tells Mobius about them and they both kind of realize at the same moment that they looked like Mobius but acted like Loki. None of that was real. Mobius made all that shit up and it somehow manifested. Because he's got it B-A-D for Loki, like a middle schooler with their first crush imagining an entire life with them.

Alternatively, I saw only one other post about this but maybe it's gotten some traction by now, but maybe Mobius's wife got Blipped four years prior. So the good thing is the boys are gonna have a parent in a year even if Mobius decides to stay with Loki.

Hi hello I'm still disturbed that these very young children have been possibly left home alone for eight hours (he says his shift is 9-5), and Mobius couldn't even answer the phone when they called. We don't see a babysitter. Mobius, this is neglect. For the children's sake, I fucking hope either A. they aren't real, or B. a more responsible parent is about to come back and take care of them in 2023. (Ugh, but Love having cousins who are about her age and just as chaotic as she is would be amazing.)

I've come up with the worst Dad joke and a way for Mobius to get out of his bribery with his kid he for sure cannot deliver on. He brings OB around for dinner. OB's timeline name (if I read the subtitles correctly) is A.D. Doug. ADDOUG=A DOG. And his TVA name is Ouroboros, the SNAKE eating its own tail. (Alternatively, you now know Loki, you can borrow his sons Fenrir and Jormungandr. Blended family.)

I know it hasn't been explicitly stated, but I thought the whole thing with Alioth in season one was meant to imply that Loki now knows how to restore memories. So why the fuck doesn't he try it in this episode? Even if he's pretty sure they're all where they were prior to the formation of the TVA, it's still after for him, so why wouldn't he at least try it? When he kept moving toward Mobius in the garage scene I thought he was gonna grab his head but he doesn't. (Maybe he was interrupted by OB, but he has ample opportunity later.)

It just needs to be said because I love history. I am obsessed with Casey being Frank Morris. Both he and Loki being central to these ongoing (technically) mysteries is amazing. Like unlike Cooper it is generally accepted that Frank and his co-escapees drowned during the attempt, but no bodies identified as the men were ever found (if my shallow dive into the wiki article immediately following the episode is to be believed). OB, your boyfriend's a convict lolololol!

AD Doug is still gender-neutral though. It's 1994 but my boi can still be enby. (I'm aware enby people existed well before this but, and the wiki is not being helpful, I think the specific term was coined in the mid to late 90s or possibly later, so OB may not have been aware of it.)

I don't think Marvel is moving toward Casey/OB (at least not before the end of this season, if we get another season it MIGHT be a different story), but fuck it would be so funny if they met so much later than lokius but were able to get their shit together faster than lokius. I think it'd check out for for everyone involved. Hell, maybe they're already together and it just hasn't come up yet to the group. That'd be funnier (bonus points if B-15 already knows though).

Loki for some fucking reason: Hold on, I gotta look cool and suave for this dork of a single dad who's already informed me at least three times of his own volition that he's single.

[mothwithapencil]

These stupid pics to get your attention

Rambling about Vega, his various mental issues and gay problems, featuring vegaryuken. Copied from a discord dm, edited in my notes app, pasted here to tumblr dot com for all the vegaheads and like, 2 other enjoyers of the ship to see. And hopefully tumblr won't ruin the formatting and scramble the entire post again. Enjoy

I think Vega has trouble correctly identifying his emotions. Like they get jumbled together and it's hard for him to recognize just what it is when he's feeling a bunch of things at once. And because he's Vega it all just gets translated into I Need To Fucking Kill You

Because of their 87 gay tension encounters Vega very obviously desires Ken biblically. But he also wants attention from him and when he doesn't get it he's Upset. And he gets jealous and angry at everyone Ken does give attention to (Eliza, Chun-Li, probably Ryu but we'll get to that later). So he tries to fight Ken to "win their affections" even though it's really just Ken that he wants. Intricate rituals just so another man will touch him etc etc. So there's too many emotions at play and it all gets blended into one mess. He wants Ken to give him attention and he's jealous of people close to him and hates them because he's not them and he hates Ken for not reciprocating and he's angry at himself for having feelings and caring about someone as stupid and ugly and beautiful as Ken Masters. Well. What can a Vega do with these overwhelming feelings but claw everyone to death about it. After all he does love killing and maiming and licking blood from his claw as a way to bring peace to his mind (← canon info)

Tldr he's angry and touch starved and wants to be loved and is a little bit of a whore. And he never was allowed to properly feel and regulate his emotions so he can't tell the difference.

He probably goes after Ryu too once he realizes ken is in love with him. But Ryu, big sweetheart that he is, is at one with his heart and emotions and is able to be like "Hey. Lets talk about this. What's troubling you so much. Lets sit down and breathe :)" and eventually gets him to be very very pathetic and spill everything. Its okay Vega it's not your fault

[solomon-tozer]

Okay so @ra-scheln is interested in the Crozer & Hickey thoughts living in my brain, so here they (or at least some of them) are! (Because holding up our faves and pointing out all the holes is fun and we should do it more >:D)

First thing's first: Crozier is NOT a people person. He wears his rank so awkwardly, he doesn't make an effort to be friendly or approachable, he sort of :[ faces at pretty much everyone, and just... reads people pretty damn badly. Most of the men I think just put up with this (to a point) because he's Captain, but Hickey... Hickey isn't like most of the men.

So the second point is: Hickey really is not a normal guy. He's wearing the guise of one. He's trying to blend in and just get by. But he is, well before the show begins, damaged in spectacular ways. He doesn't think the same as others. His way of processing things is on a different level. He's also constantly on alert, absorbing, analysing and enacting what he thinks will serve himself best.

So, throw the two of them together, and you get... a disaster.

Crozier barely knows Hickey exists. He's one of the crew. Maybe he'd noticed the Limerick detail and heard the accent, thought 'huh that's odd', and then just... gone about his day until they met in the Great Cabin. By that meeting, they've been stuck in for their first winter, Crozier is feeling shitter than ever, he's drinking more, Sir John has invaded his space, Crozier doesn't trust him or feel listened to/appreciated/valued, and then there's this... guy... in to fix the privvy and holding a dog shit in his hand. He's just some guy. A refreshing someone/no one to just vent to for a minute or two.

Only, that's not how it should work. Hickey doesn't know his place, because he doesn't understand the system he's inserted himself into, and Crozier doesn't really care in that moment or even think 'hey this isn't an appropriate way to talk to one of the ratings'. Crozier has no idea what that interaction is going to create. At all. Probably barely even noticed who he was talking to. He got to say his dramatic lines, be civil for a minute, and then that was that.

But to Hickey? Oh boy. Earlier, there had been the whole Irving discovering him and Gibson thing. And while Gibson was freaking out, Hickey was grinning and smoking, not actually afraid. See, he'd read Irving. Correctly. He's calm about this. He's in control. Nothing bad is going to happen.

He now goes on to read Crozier. Incorrectly. Maybe a little high on that close shave with Irving and his surety, Hickey's now in the Captain's cabin, and the Captian recognises him. Speaks to him. As an equal, no less. He sees something in him. He confides in Hickey. When Hickey works Crozier to extract details about the leads/chances of getting under way again, it's easy. Crozier doesn't notice (well, he doesn't care/doesn't think, just speaks, which he shouldn't have done).

The whole moment where Crozier offers Hickey a drink, and insists, then makes that toast... Nothing to Crozier, but everything to Hickey. He doesn't need to worry about Gibson, Irving, or anything else. The Captain has recognised him, and his potential. "To ourselves." A navy man would know that's a traditional toast for a Wednesday. Hickey thinks it's a serious, genuine toast to himself and the Captain. He carrys his memory of that Wednesday right until the very end.

Of course, Gibson starts tearing Hickey's idea apart, quite brutally. So in that break-up, Hickey loses both Gibson and what he thought he and Crozier were together (a set apart, a cut above the rest, exceptional, etc - only, I think Hickey sees people in positions of power as stepping stones for his own greatness, and those people will eventually be beneath him as he rises even higher and oooh he's so deliciously unhinged). Hickey's reaction is to take a shit on Gibson's bed, and then to go through Crozier's things like a paranoid lover, where he then finds a letter that confirms Crozier was going to abandon him/them. He later talks about it at the hanging, about how Crozier was leaving everyone behind, but at the time the sting of it was that he was going to be left behind. He meant nothing to Crozier after all.

But by this point, Crozier has invited him in. There's something between them. They know things about each other (in Hickey's mind). They're still equals. Crozier, on the other hand, probably goes right back to not even thinking about Hickey until Silna is kidnapped.

At that point, Crozier goes way, way overboard. He reacts viciously when Hickey steps out of line (a result of him not being a Navy man, but moreso I think from him thinking that he and Crozier are equals). Hickey thought he was acting sensibly, as he ought to, and in a way Crozier would be thankful for! But instead Hickey becomes the focal point for Crozier's anger and malice - Hickey is someone Crozier can kick, so to speak, and Hickey keeps giving him excuses by riling him up during that scene. Maybe there is a little something of 'I don't like this guy' in Crozier at that point, but I read it as mostly being 'here's a guy who has just pissed me off, and I am the one in power and I'm going to fucking show it'. Crozier is too self-absorbed to care about anyone else, or to realise that his actions are going to have serious consequences.

One of those consequences? I'd say Irving's murder.

Okay I am reaching a tiny bit here, as Irving's murder was opportunistic, and there's already the fact that Irving is responsible for Gibson breaking up with Hickey, but I feel that there is another layer to it. In justifying Hickey's punishment in front of the crew, 'dirtiness' is tacked on the end. And were the fuck did that come from?? It wasn't mentioned when the three men were questioned! In that moment, Hickey looks in dismay at Irving, thinking that Irving has said something to Crozier. Which he hasn't. The charge would have been for sodomy, or indecendy, or something along those lines. But Hickey misunderstands. The bitterness Hickey feels towards Irving deepens. The only logical (for Hickey) conclusion that can be drawn from the extra charge is that Irving is behind it.

From then on... Well. The bulk of the crew shift to Erebus. Anyone who took the time to notice Hickey's character might realise he gets lost in the crowd. He can't operate surrounded by normalcy, he struggles in the light, but when the crowd is thinned and gasping for breath in the face of adversity? Hickey thrives. And he's left/kept on Crozier's ship. Kept close. It's personal.

How much thought and attention does Crozier give Hickey? Probably not very much. His drinking gets worse, HIckey doesn't cause any further trouble, and then Crozier withdraws to go through potentially lethal detox. I doubt he thinks about very much except the pain and misery he's in. Everyone but Jopson and MacDonald are kept away. But Hickey is still on the same ship, no distracting crowd to smother his voice, he starts to rise, to feel the power he has over Irving, become a source of comfort for Manson, to gather information and draw together those who aren't content. And we're not even delving into Tuunbaq! Because that's also where Hickey is transferring his focus/power. Crozier was weak. Unworthy. But he has still wronged Hickey, and Hickey is going to get his revenge one way or another.

Quick detour here to say that Goodsir is the only person who comes close to noticing Hickey's nature, but he does nothing with that knowledge. He doesn't share his concern, perhaps assuming 'oh they all know what this guy is like' because Hickey's sweet-talking is so glaringly obvious to him. He's the only person we see who doesn't fall for it. (But then again, why bother anyone with something the caulker's mate says? He's just a lowly seaman.)

There does come a point where Crozier finally notices Hickey. When he's sober, they've abandoned the ships, and when he has to because the dance he's unknowlingly been engaged in is about to enter its final act. Hickey was just a convenient, nameless, faceless confidant/emotional punching bag, but now he's a very real, very conniving, and very clever threat. What in the hell is wrong with him?? Why is he so unhinged? Well, because Crozier helped to make him that way. Hickey was always going to do what he could to survive and get out of there, but with Crozier it became intensely personal. Hickey is, to a degree, a monster of Crozier's creation. Elevated and recognised then spurned and humiliated... That bit during the lashing where Hickey has that transcendent moment... Crozier created that. Long before, when he raised a glass and toasted the two of them, he tethered Hickey to him.

And, of course, Hickey has to sever that tie. He has to end it. To prove he's risen above, and has won. His victory is the final victory. Crozier was wrong to cast him aside (but Hickey is right to cast Crozier aside, because he's no longer worthy).

This post is, obviously, about Crozier and Hickey, but the moments in which Crozier thinks about Hickey actually are few and far between. When they occur, they're intense, yes, but so much of this is one-sided. Crozier has other concerns, after all, whether or not he deals with them well. Would Crozier paying more attention to Hickey help? Fuck no! Crozier is utterly unable to realise what's going on with Hickey and keep their interactions professional. And even if he could? Hickey isn't reading Captian/subordinate in their interactions. At best, Crozier could have packed Hickey off to Erebus where he might have been distracted and found it harder to turn the minds of other men. But Crozier didn't think to do that. Didn't realise that Hickey was obsessed with him, and the bond he became convinced that they shared. No one noticed, because Hickey is good at not being noticed, and also because there were so many other concerns weighing on everyone (including Crozier's health and method of captaining).

Even at the end, Hickey has that little speech with Crozier. He's showing off his power and position, while concluding this chapter of his life. Maybe part of him also wishes Crozier would praise him again, and recognise him, and express regret discarding Hickey. Hickey would still cast him aside, of course, but for a moment he could toy with offering forgiveness.

Crozier won't do any of those things, of course. He no more understand Hickey than he did months ago. He sees the actions, sees the unravelling of a man, but doesn't appreciate his own part in it. He has no idea how profoundly he's impacted Hickey's life (and thereby the lives of many of the other men).

Given the length of this, I'll wrap up my ramblings there, and remind anyone reading this that these genuinely are my rambling, and a meander through the meta that lives in my mind. I very much enjoy holding up my faves and pointing out all the broken bits, and it's so much fun exploring how these two interact and fuck each other up specifically. Take what you like and ignore what you don't!

[macaroni-rascal]

Part 3: La Danse, also known as The Death of Me

Idk if there's much point to going through each individual free because the issues in ice dance are above all systemic and we've already discussed them at length. That said, I think LaLa are the closest to a full package team, but even at their best, they're still at 90% of where they need to be to truly break through. They rebounded massively in the free but I think the injury early on in the season knocked their whole periodization schedule out of whack. I still prefer their overall material to anything else we saw here, but I can acknowledge that Zak in particular was off. Still, I want to be taken on an emotional journey by a program and they gave me that in spades.

Nicollage at least won the puffiest shirt competition among the Canadian men. I love them but he was so clearly struggling to keep up with her, and she was quite literally pushing him at times the way the female partner is sometimes dragged by the male one, just in reverse. I wish they'd just come up with a concept where they simply allow her to be the dominant partner. The traditional lead/follow dynamic is generally useful for social dancing with strangers but it's conveniently grounded in sexism, and what's the point of it in choreographed, practiced programs? V/M were great at letting Tessa lead once in a while (just look at their Finnstep), and that played a part in why they were so successful. The switchup in the jr pattern is a step in the right direction and it's time for the seniors to be a bit more vers as well. This FD for them feels like an afterthought, like their coaches don't know what to give them, the concept is tired and outdated, and so are the costumes. All of their FDs are starting to blend into one another. They're very smooth together and very connected, I just wish they were doing steamier material, seen as how they're the only couple in ice dance that looks like they're hot for each other. He's sooo shaky and you could see the fatigue get the better of him in the second half. With the placements from Worlds staying the same, I don't know if there's enough in it for them anymore. They need a fresh approach to the free, the RDs they've generally been great with. Her abs are +5, as always.

The Rocky I won't even dignify with an analysis because none really went into creating it, all I'll say is that Lewis is fabulous and he deserves the world, just not at this cost.

My feelings and affections about the Wuthering Heights haven't changed, I'll just admit that they've improved it since Skate Canada. It has some fantastic lifts but other than that I think it would've been way more suitable for a younger team. They just don't have the performative mettle to pitch it correctly tonally. The opening is very 80s ice dance and Paul's mullet doesn't help. It doesn't come together in terms of vocabulary of movement, it feels like they threw in each and every idea they had, so it flip-flops from retro to contemporary and back again throughout. I still despise the pink satin shirt, they need to rethink it if they want to capture the inherent inequality between the characters. They also looked shaky and tired in the second half, the flights must've been grueling. Their spin was the worst one here. Musically it has potential, though, I'd just bring in a fresh set of eyes to streamline and unify the choreographic choices. The hydroblade is cool, I just wish they weren't such awkward actors. Idk, there's something very Millennially twee about them, like they're a decade or so behind the curve.

G/F's free was my favorite here, despite it being in certain ways the most generic and predictable of the bunch. What I find appealing is the sincerity of their approach to the sport and they seem aware of their limitations and are working to correct them, unlike some other teams (ahem). For example, Charlene's posture isn't natural, but she's trying. The costuming is understated and classy, which is why I don't understand how they ended up with that goofy RD. I really like the music cut, you can't tell it's from four different movies. They're the best skaters, but their glaring lack of It factor kills them. The combo lift is based, and so are the spin positions. They're so tender and fold into each other effortlessly. They were the only team that maintained its energy throughout. I would've had them further ahead of P2, but I'll take it after the international embarrassment that was the NHK judging.

I have to say, whoever dug up that video of Evan doing the same opening pose with Emily ~15 years ago is a hero, because that tidbit epitomizes the thing that bothers me most about this program, which is that this whole concept is something a 19-year-old would think is cool. You know, when they first leave for university and they're listening to Pink Floyd for the first time, experimenting with drugs, discovering all these artists, but then they start reading about Dali being a N*zi and his internalized homophobia and the shit he pulled in his life and the whole disillusionment stage kicks in? That's where this program falls apart for me - at the lack of thought and depth. Their only saving grace is that their upper bodies move more smoothly than the other teams', but that's reversely proportional to their skating ability. Their patterns across the ice are choppy and sloppy, and their speed and glide are far inferior to their competitors. But what puts me off the most is that this is such a cynical approach to ice dance, and that's my issue with the Rocky as well - these teams aren't here to create something of value in the world, they're here for the accolades, the medals and the money, there's no deeper pursuit to any of it, and it seems like they'd rather die than give you a window into their souls. Maybe there's nothing there, we can't know. But at the end of the day, the rules are structured to prop up a team like this, so it's a "don't hate the player, hate the game" situation. Ultimately no other team has stepped up to claim the top spot a la P/C in 2015, so of course it'll go to the longest-tenured team. I just wish I could watch a competition and not yell "look how they've massacred my sport!" at the end of it. There's no emotion to this or the Rocky, it's all tricks and gimmicks, smoke and mirrors, thoughts and prayers. It feels like forever ago when the likes of V/M, P/C and H/D were duking it out, but it was a mere 5 years ago. How we got from there to here just isn't mathing. They feel fully comfortable putting just anything out there and then shamelessly relying on politics to get them where they want to go, which a slap in the face for the fans. Count me the fuck out.

LaLa were so amazing in the free, I love them so much. Agreed on all things, they easily had the best pair of programs at the GPF, that free dance makes me cry. I hope Zak can take some time between now and Nationals to rest, he did seem a little off. They always have a stellar Nats though, so I'm less worried about them.

You nailed it with the Canadanes. Imagine her with a technically proficient partner. Or, imagine if Nik didn't have knee issues. Le sigh. I don't get this free dance for them, I've watched it 3-4 times now and I cannot tell you a single moment from it. It's all-in-all quite forgettable, and that's a shame.

I don't even know what or who 'Rocky' is, so I'd be lost if you mentioned it anyway.

I agree with all parts of what you said about Gilles and Poirier but I am just going to rant about their spin for a moment: WHY oh WHY does Piper curl in on that first position? She is a skater known for her lack of posture, and instead of having her put her arm up and out to lengthen and open up her shoulders, they have her look like she's holding a giant beach ball. It infuriates me to NO end. Carol Lane, text me, we can fix this.

I won't lie, I just skipped the Italians and Chock and Bates. The former is too boring for words and the latter is too frustrating for words. You are correct on all things though, and I agree with all you said.

Nationalses here we come!

[witch-hazels-musings]

Dearest Miss Hazel,

I've been meaning to come by for some tea--though I'll also bring along some fresh sunsettia juice from Good Hunter to mix in as well. There's a drink that I've recently come across and have been trying to replicate and I think I've got it down! It's a mix of tea, sunsettia juice, fizzy water, and candied sweetflower--but before I get carried off again, I've been having some weird dreams lately...

I'll do my best to condense it so that this letter doesn't get too long! If I recall correctly, there was some point in it that I was taken back to a moment of my travels, climbing up one of the makeshift ladders in the archipelago's ruins. It was nighttime, so the stars shone bright but even though I could see them clearly, I could hardly tell what was a foot away.

Before I knew it, I was standing back on my boat! For those moments, climbing up that ladder, I thought that perhaps something might go wrong, but I'm glad that it ended up alright even if it was all a dream, hehe.

Oh, it appears that I should be going now. This letter definitely got a bit longer than I anticipated, and I told Albedo that I'd meet him to discuss some new herbs that arrived in a shipment from Sumeru! I'll do my best to write down whatever we find out so that I can deliver the notes to you (and hopefully the associated specimen if Albedo doesn't mind).

May your days be bright and heart be light,

Basil 🌱

aroma: tea (wholistic) | symbols: ladder (travel), letter (favorable news), star (protection), boat (unexpected visits)

:: albedo x gn reader | sfw - fluff | tasseography event

-- hello peep peep, i hope this letter finds you well. I must admit things have been rather busy at the shop lately. I was pleased to hear from you, and intrigued by your dream! How lively and interesting - the celestial pull at the islands in the sea tell me of your pure heart and desires to go further than most. I do hope you will have pleasant dreams again. 

in the mean time, I believe this divination will offer insight for your present, but it is up to you do carve out your future. 

- hazel 

The aroma of fresh, warm bread filled the room. The sunlight filtered through the window, a gentle breeze pushing the thin curtains and sounds of laughter followed suit. You breathed deeply and enjoyed the scent that filled you. 

A soft rap at the door drew your attention. It held a familiar rhythm, like one you’d know for the rest of your life, that you were certain to never forget. 

“Come in,” you said, the click of the door opening let you know they heard you, “I didn’t expect to see you this morning.” When you turned, you saw Albedo near the door, his bright hair and blue-green eyes scanning the room as he approached. You met him half way, stopping on the other side of the large, flour covered table. Dipping your your head, you chuckled at the intimate proximity the two of you found in the private back room of your bakery. “Hi.” 

“Hello,” he hummed, voice soft, just for you. He looked your way and you did the same. The sensation of his breath against your skin, the warmth from him and the electricity from his arm as it arched, curled, and tingled around your own. Your eyes flashed to his. When they connected with his calm, inquisitive ones, you felt your cheeks warm and created distance with love filled laughter. 

“So, what brings you to the shop?” 

“Ah, yes,” Albedo shook his head slightly, a lingering smile touching his lips. “I believe you were interested in incorporating certain herbs into your recipes?” You watched him pull out a small package from his bag, the contents were wrapped carefully. As he unfolded it, you could already smell the herbs. A hint of lemon, sweet and soft blends of spices you didn’t recognize but only because you rarely used them. As soon as you saw the contents unveiled from beneath the cloth, you clasped your hands together in surprise. 

“Wow!” 

“I did some research while in Sumeru, a local botanist was very helpful at supplementing my interest. This,” he started, pointing at the plant with vibrant red buds attached in a bundle around densely packed stems, “I’m told it has a sour taste, much like lemons. This,” he moved onto another plan with rich green leaves that held on tightly to dark brown multi-star shaped beds, “when dried, the seed can be added to dough or other pastries. I was able to sample a few, they are quiet good.” 

Excitement filled you as you ran your fingers over the samples he brought. You’d have to do some research as to not waste them, but being able to try new recipes with spices you rarely worked with was thrilling. 

Carefully, you danced over to the shelves that held all your herbs and spices, you found a few bottles that were empty and brought them back to the table. Albedo had already laid them carefully on the surface and went to work at assisting you in filling the once empty jars. 

“Thank you, Albedo.” You hummed, practically sang as you capped the jars. You were originally sad that you couldn’t make the journey to Sumeru with Albedo but it was difficult for you to travel as easily as he did. You smiled at the thought of Albedo conducting through research to identify what he would bring back, the questions he had to have asked to make sure he knew if these spices and herbs would work. It made you giddy to think that you were in his mind even when you weren’t by his side.

Albedo was still working when you glanced over at him. His face relaxed but focused, his eyes drifting over his work as he trimmed, organized, and stored the herbs. He smelled a bit like them too, and other scents you weren’t familiar with. It was like the trip lingered on his skin, like his travels and everywhere he went clung to him. It wasn’t until you realized how long you’d been staring at him that you were thinking about how lonely it had been when he was gone, and how happy you were now that he was back. 

“Albedo,” 

“Mmm?” 

He didn’t look at you but you didn’t mind. With a gentle hand, you touched his shoulder, leaned in and placed a kiss to his cheek. “I missed you.” Albedo turned toward you, his nose brushing against your own at the movement. 

There was a comfortable silence. The ticking clock of your timer, the smell of baking bread mixing with the ingredients on the table, chalk and spices, yeast and flour. 

“I missed you,” he whispered above your lips and when he kissed you it tasted like sugar and citrus. 

all works & ideas created by Hazel, recreations, reposts not allowed even with credit provided

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

*throws the yandere x pirate snippet au thing we created at an unholy hour at you* catch (i also added more to it! :D)

--

"Don't worry, captain-" Tsunagu pulls out a knife, and Shinya stiffens up, even through his suffocation via rope.

"Wait-" The knife comes down. Shinya's voice was strangled, raspy, and there are healing bruises around his neck. Tsunagu doesn't like that. Doesn't like that someone other than him had hurt Shinya at all, and, well.

Very convenient that he'd just been cursed, and with the curse, comes the ability to manipulate water, doesn't it? People drown all the time. One or two -or maybe even ten- more bodies in the ocean wouldn't cause anyone to bat an eye. He smiles, and wrenches the knife out of Shinya's flesh.

"We'll have you out of this rope in no time," Tsunagu says to a trying-to-heal corpse. "Don't worry. I'll make it quick."

The bone takes a few seconds, and Tsunagu has to make a hacksaw out of water to do it, along with chipping away at the bone, but eventually- he's holding Shinya's head in his hands. Literally. For a second, he's tempted to see if the body can regrow from this, but… no. Too risky. Maybe another time, when Shinya hasn't been suffocating in the dark for hours and maybe even days.

Another time. Tsunagu opens up the sewing kit he has, and pulls thread through the eye of the needle, making sure to double-layer it. He sews the head back onto the neck, using the stitch made for suturing skin together, pulling on the end to make sure only the barest bits of thread could be seen, and making sure to put the bone back correctly. Shinya's eyelids flutter, after two agonizing, too-long heartbeats, and he snaps awake. "-Tsunagu!"

"Morning, Shinya," Tsunagu says, giving the newly-undead captain his nicest, prettiest, smile. "How was hell?"

"Very warm. Blue fire, you'll like the aesthetics when you go downstairs, don't worry. You'll even blend right in," Shinya shoots back, raising a hand to prod at the unneeded stitches he'd put in. "Why-?"

"I didn't have a collar." Tsunagu reaches a hand out to gently trail across the green-blue thread embedded in Shinya's neck. "And this was the next best thing. They even match my eyes." He hooks a finger around the end, thread not-quite pulled tightly all the way. Tsunagu yanks, relishing at the gasp of pain and the drops of blood staining the thread. He ties it off. "There. Now I'll always be under your skin."

Shinya reaches up. "You don't need thread to do that, Tsunagu." He pulls an odd expression and gingerly moves his head around. The stitches hold. Tsunagu had used the surgical thread, a new invention- it would dissolve into the... stitchee's(?) blood after a few days, carrying a healing potion with it. He'd stolen it off the bodies of the people who had captured Shinya.

Tsunagu doesn't say any of this out loud, but he offers an elbow to Shinya. "Come on," He says. "Let's get out of this basement. And then you're treating me to some food, I spent days looking for you."

---

im not gonna lie, the dynamics in this have kinda stolen my heart (pun intentional)

-story anon

HEHEH-

Their banter after literally getting decapitated and coming back <333

[seajellyx]

YUUSONA: YUUSONA

RAMSHACKLE

Lanyi Yu 

He/they, bisexual, masculine terms

Indochinese, Nigerian

Human

Grade/class: 1A

Dorm: Ramshackle [Prefect]

Birthday: March 18 [fun fact: the day TWST Jap was released!]

Age: 16

Height: 5'5

Dominant hand: Right

Homeland: Earth

Club: Light Music Club

Best subject: Alchemy

Hobbies: Art, singing, gardening, MMA

Pet Peeves: Rudeness, failure

Favorite Food: Pho

Least Favorite Food: Durian

Unique Magic: "Beast Taming"

Want to learn more? Here's 20 facts about my OC!

Other Information

Nicknames: Prefect [Most people,] Monsieur Filou (Sir Trickster) [Rook,] (Mantis) Shrimpy [Floyd,] Omnivore [Leona,] Child of Man [Malleus]

Lanyi was transported to twisted wonderland after committing suicide. 

He's androgynous, and simply lets everyone assume he is male. Though sometimes he likes to dress femininely, and it causes some confusion. As he enjoys making people confused- the little shit- he lets people think what they want, and will often dodge the question of his gender. 

Crowley introduced him as Yu and now everyone calls him that, he doesn't mind, in fact, he prefers it.

At first glace, Yu is reserved, witty, charismatic, kind, and put together. Though he's not unmemorable, he kind of blends into the background. 

Once you get to know him- or if he decides to let a little bit of personality slip through- he's mischievous, self serving, a little bit sadistic, and suspiciously conniving. 

Though he's not unkind, he's very intuitive and a great judge of character. He likes to help people he thinks deserve it, and he'll make your life very difficult, or straight up fight you, if you've done something to warrant it. 

He's a strong character, confident in himself and his abilities, and uncaring of what other people think, though he knows that reputation is a helpful tool. 

Yu could get along with anyone, since he’s tolerant of most things, and is stubborn enough to not let people walk over him.

He’s a lovable asshole, really. But if you behave, he’s actually quite lovely to be around, and fiercely loyal of his friends (or most of them, he thinks Ace, Grim, and Sebek deserve to learn their lessons the hard way.) 

He’s at the top of his class despite a. having no magic, b. being from another world, and c. never studying. His secret is that… he just listens in class. Yu only remembers things he finds interesting, and since all the classes at NRC are very interesting to him (being from a completely different world) he just absorbs that shit like a sponge.

In classes, he’s pretty much always doing something else, whether doodling, bothering his friends, or doing something on his phone. But he answers correctly when called on, and passes all of his tests with flying colors.

In terms of popularity, he's known across the school as "that weird magicless prefect with the crazy familiar." And since he seems to have a habit of being dragged into other people's messes, he knows quite a bit of the student body. And Yu likes it this way.

Since he's a beast tamer, he has a few familiars, Grim being the closest to him. His other familiars are a small faedragon (based off of the Jabberwocky), an insanely large crow (based off of Maleficent's and the Evil Queen's birds,) a moray (based off of Ursula's familiars,) a serpent (based off of Ja'far's staff,) a particularly intelligent rat (Ratatoullie, Master Chef Event,) and a couple of bugs (not really based on anything. Savannaclaw arc.)

Yu's unique magic allows him to temporarily use his familiar's abilities, links their consciousnesses, allowing them to work in tandem, allow him to see through their eyes, and understand them. He can use any of these talents separately. The length of time he can use his magic and the amount of power he can harness depends on how strong the bond is.

What do the other characters think of them? [Under works]

Grim:

Ace:

Deuce:

Riddle:

Cater:

Trey:

Jack:

Leona:

Ruggie:

Floyd:

Jade:

Azul:

Kalim:

Jamil:

Epel:

Rook:

Vil:

Ortho:

Idia:

Malleus:

Sebek:

Lilia:

Silver:

Gallery

[katierosefun]

listen listen but like. imagine there's a serial murder case/a string of previously unconnected cases that joo won figures out are somehow tied to mythology/some story. and he somehow makes the connection based on some obscure artifact found with the victims/the way the victims are buried/whatever, and maybe he's able to guess what happens next or has suspicions. and he doesn't tell anyone because he's. quite insecure about being wrong and made fun of because of his knowledge of folklore and fairytales and stuff but then his suspicions are confirmed somehow so he decides to tell dong sik and that's how dong sik learns about his fascination with folklore and also thinks he's right and encourages joo won with the investigation and it turns out to be all correct

also also all this made me think of zone blanche (black spot) which I don't know if you know of but it's a french crime show that slowly turns supernatural/folkloric and is also really good and honestly heck netflix if they don't renew it for a third season. it just has the perfect vibe and a small town and a string of murders (and if I remember correctly a prosecutor? inspector? who caused the death of a witness which he's haunted by and that's why he was sent to this small town......and also has quite a few other issues...like germophobia......) and it's slowly revealed that there's something sinister and mystical lurking in the forest and just.........yeah, definitely not thinking about a similar au setting for beyond evil, not at all djdjdjjdjd

ohhhh i love that! i was a little reminded of inspector koo, in the fact that the killer likes to base some of her murders off fairytales that she liked. but zone blanche sounds really cool! i love when people combine supernatural/folklore with the thriller genre. just. in general, the idea of genre blending is so lovely to me, so i think the fact that dong sik and joo won would slowly getting into a case because he's got a little bit of a hunch regarding folktales and fairytales makes me so ! ! ! the fact that he would be able to put all the clues together makes me so ! ! !

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S1 e10

I too would call Misty if I needed help hiding a body to be honest

You know how when you cook sometimes you take a nibble out of the food you're preparing? Are cannibals tempted to do that when preparing human meat? Like, did one of them start to gnaw on an ear and then stop herself before getting any further?

Misty could take over the world if she tried

I don't like that that they're blaming Misty for all of this. Misty is technically not the one who drugged them. Though she was trying to drug somebody else which is wrong, technically Mari is the one at fault for this because stealing is bad. Ngl I just don't care about Mari, if you have to eat one of them, I'd rather it not be the one who can sew you back together. But if you're gonna take shit from the doctor of the group, why would you not check if it's medicine first? Honestly would have probably been a godsend when they were stitching Van up.

Oh shit, a bear! Van, run! 😭 She didn't fare so well with the wolves.

I guess the food shortage is solved now, at least.

Oh she's THAT Allie! The one I completely forgot about 🤣

She's talking about trauma bonds but like, she wasn't there...

With the name and everything, all I could think about was Alison DiLaurentis talking about how the dollhouse thing affected her when she wasn't even there ☠️

Honestly a lot about this show reminds me of the dollhouse arc in pretty little liars. Stranded in the woods, alone, starving and parched. Dressed in formalwear and throwing a fake ball? Yellowjackets did it better though.

The showrunners would explode before they ever considered showing Emily with a single armpit hair, let alone a full bush.

But I digress...

I could watch just an hour of Misty interacting with people.

"this feels a little more you" he writes as he gives his wife -who was lost in the woods- a floral printed dress 😭 that's a little too on the nose there buddy.

My god they look stunning though.

If I don't see all the surviving members at the reunion I will cry.

It's so nice to see Misty accepted.

So shitty to see her cop the blame for the shrooms when that was 100% on Mari for appropriating shit from the group medic without permission.

The entrance to the reunion was great but that's mostly to them not being dicks to Misty for once. They're kind of all over the place with her and I just want them to pick a mood so I know how I feel about their relationship. The way they ice her out can't just be from the mushrooms after all the time that's passed since that.

Shauna reading Randy the riot act was way more exciting than it probably should have been. But then again they're all goddesses, so...

Nat: hey guys, I think Lottie might be psychic

Jackie: just cause she's correctly predicted a bunch of things doesn't mean she's psychic

Jackie doesn't seem to be aware just how close she is to getting on the menu

The gang is starting to get a lil culty, huh?

I say starting like they didn't almost ritualistic ally sacrifice Trey last episode.

I feel like for every one time I'm in Mari's side there's like ten where I can't stand her guts. She's a bigger dick than Jackie, she just blends into the group well enough to not stand out and be targetted.

Oh good, a slideshow of the soccer team. Assuming this is a memorial thing, we'll finally get to figure out who lived or died, right? I've been waiting for something like this.

This fight was a long time coming.

"you read my journal!" You were the one dumb enough to write you slept with your bff's bf in your goddamn journal. That's one you could and should have taken to the grave, honey.

Misty's still eating in the background, I'm ☠️

"get out" she says, like she owns the cabin they're squatting in.

They're both right but both assholes and the coach is so irrelevant he's practically part of the furniture so for him to act like he has any authority is kind of hillarious.

It must really sting for Jackie to be looking up at them as everyone's all "her ex and her bf getting together is what she would have wanted! 🥹" Like I wouldn't be surprised if her spirit is not haunting them considering all this shit.

Are they really playing kiss from a rose right now? ☠️

Like you know Misty fears nothing when she leaves a whole hostage in her basement to go to a reunion.

I know I'd be an idiot to trust the reporter/fixer but I'm warming up to her. I hope she doesn't do anything stupid as we all know what happened to the last person outside their little circle who overstepped.

I think it's safe to say Taissas's marriage is over...and she'll probably get supervised visitation at best with the kid.

There's no way she's really gonna let her go, right?

Really?

I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack

Is Jackie gonna freeze to death or get eaten by wolves or?

Oh shit, I forgot about his kid brother

The kid is probably dead by now...

Tell me Nat and Tyler don't get back together though. I don't want to have to sit through their stuff again.

The music in this show is pretty awesome, I'm not gonna lie.

Oh good. I knew she couldn't be that dumb.

Shauna WOULD be a cat lover. Meanwhile she's married to a golden retriever.

Imagine if Taissa actually won though? It's the kind of plot twist they'd probably throw in right about now.

Poor Jackie though.

Though some of the sentiment was lost on me cause Anastasia's 'left outside alone' was stuck in my head the whole time

They mentioned the dead guy!!! In front of her daughter!! 😮 They're really pulling the big guns out for this episode.

Why are they showing Simone go down to the laundry? Why is the music so tense? Tell me Taissa didn't kill the dog and stash his body down there 😭 this is making my stomach hurt ☠️

WHY WOULD SHE CRAWL INTO THAT? THIS IS THE KIND OF STUPID SHIT THAT GETS WHITE PEOPLE KILLED IN HORROR MOVIES! SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

At least Taissa won. She'll need the rise in pay to pay for her wife's therapy because WHAT THE FUCK TAISSA?

I was right about her killing the dog though so I'll try to take solace in that.

Nat better not be planning on shooting herself.

At least Shauna tried to make up with Jackie.

Okay but they're surely not going to leave the fire unattended, right?

Are they gonna try to convert her or murder her? Also is she still alive or having a dream like the little matchstick girl did before she died?

Oh she's hallucinating, isn't she?

She's dead?!

Frozen to death?

That was heartbreaking.

No, because she was dying and instead of dreaming she was home with her parents or a celebrity eating lobster, she just dreamt she was inside the cabin with her friends drinking chocolate milk. All she wanted was to be accepted in the end 😭😭😭😭😭

Also side-note; I guess they found the little guy because him and his brother was there when they found Jackie. I only noticed cause I was thinking "if Nat and Taylor survived outside while Jackie froze to death I will be pissed" but I guess they got back at some point and possibly walked past Jackie dying and did nothing, which I guess adds to Nat and Tyson's guilt and stuff, but still. It's super fucked up.

Honestly I'm starting to dislike Nat a tad. She's usually the one showing empathy but she's just as cliquey as the other girls. She can be just as mean and just as horrible. She thinks she's morally superior and magnanimous but she's just as quick to turn on others when slighted.

This is really a story of double standards. Nat calls out the gang for nearly killing Tyrell and that's fine but when Jackie does it it leads to a cage match.

Mari throwing mushrooms in the soup is fine but Misty gathering them is a problem. Like they really pick and choose who they want to blame for shit. They almost raped Tyler but it's when Jackie has consensual sex with him that's an issue?!

And don't get me started on that shitty coach. Like he gave them some hunting tips and that's it. That's his input. He's let them go along with every harebrained scheme they've concocted and has taken no care or responsibility over anything when he's the only adult.

Like there's no way he should have let her go out there alone. There's wolves and shit and they're creeping up on winter and even if it didn't snow it could still grow cold enough to freeze someone to death. Or she could have caught a cold and tell me how they were planning to treat that then.

It honestly made me so angry. Sad but angry because all of these were completely avoidable deaths.

So does Lottie become like the leader of their cult? I guess I thought it would be Misty...

Lottie, Van and Misty

Tell me that's the best heart and not Jackie's 😭

So Lottie didn't fall in that pit?

Honestly I would kind of be happy if it was Mari. She'd been a shit stirrer and she's the only character whose name I remember who hasn't been accounted for as an adult and had dark hair.

Something tells me things would have been better off if it was Lottie though.

Speaking of Lottie however, on the one hand she seems like a bit of a pushover but on the other she definitely has a lot of influence right now.

Van seems to have already subscribed to whatever cult thing is going on. Most of the other girls too out of fear and necessity. Taissa is probably the most sceptical next to Nat and Jackie and is only seemingly going along with it to appease Van. Shauna is more ambivalent and seems to only be siding with the group to get at Jackie and now she's kind of stuck with it. The guys are just accessories at this point. Nat is probably the only one who could go either way but while she kicks up a fuss she just goes along with everything. So I guess we have the cult origin story now.

Sad for Jackie. Shauna's reaction was gut wrenching too. You could tell that while they fought they still both really love each other. They're just dumb teens making bad decisions in a setting where that's more likely to cost them their lives.

As bad as things were before it feels like they're just gonna go downhill from here. Every time it felt they hit rock bottom things got worse.

The season is over. The acting was phenomenal. The whole show was amazing. I have a tonne of questions and theories. Like whoever is behind the murder is clearly one of them or connected to them enough to know about those symbols and stuff. And they're probably the ones who kidnapped Nat. Or at least that's what we're being led to believe so there's probably some twists and turns coming next season.

But I'm sure these four weren't the only ones that made it out of there and my hope is that next season we'll get to see some more of them. It's interesting we've seen characters like Lottie and Van but mostly from other perspectives, as side characters to other people's stories so far, so maybe we'll go deeper into them next season.

I really want the group to expand cause right now with there being four, it's giving pretty little liars. Though the cultish, cliquishness reminds me of rule of rose. It's very good nevertheless and I like that they don't seem to try to throw in twists and turns that don't make sense just to get one over on the audience.

Like, Taissa killing the dog was something you could have seen coming a mile away. Jackie being iced out (though maybe not literally) was set up from the beginning. The girls met up behind her back to address what to do about Allie choking in their game, and Taissa led the conversation just like she led the group most of the season. And this pattern continued all throughout the season.

I love the little breadcrumbs they threw in there for us to follow. That they set things up early on and left us breadcrumbs to follow, rather than red herrings. It's nice. A lot of mystery shows do the opposite. They give you no info so their detectives seem smart when they throw around a bunch of exposition based on information you never got. We got the information and got to react to it accordingly and come up with our own conclusions here and I love that. I hope they keep it up. I just hope next season doesn't end with a cliffhanger, what with the writers' and actors' strike.

[lakemacquariefencing]

9 Reasons To Paint Your Fence

Painting a fence is an important home improvement task that should not be ignored. Whether it’s a picket, privacy, or chain link fence, there are numerous reasons to give your fencing Newcastle a fresh coat of paint.

From improved curb appeal to added protection from the elements and pests, here are some reasons why you should consider painting your fence.

Added Protection

One of the most fundamental reasons to paint your fence is to provide added protection against the elements and pests. Exposure to sunlight, rain, wind, snow and other environmental conditions can cause premature aging and deterioration of wood fences or rust on metal fences. Painting or staining your fence will help create a protective barrier from these forces so that it lasts longer without requiring frequent repairs or replacement. Adding a preservative coating can protect against termites and other wood-destroying organisms as well.

Enhance Curb Appeal

A freshly painted fence can do wonders for enhancing the overall look of your home’s exterior. Do you have an old rusty chain link fence? Give it new life by painting it with vinyl-coated steel paint or matching the colour of your house trim for a more traditional look. If you have a wooden picket fence, consider giving it an updated look with a pop of colour such as yellow, red, blue or green – this also adds interest and contrast to your yard landscaping! 

Increase Property Value

Painting or staining your fence may also increase the value of your property by adding visual appeal while protecting the structure from damage due to weathering elements or pest infestation. This doesn’t just apply to those looking to sell their home; if you plan on staying in your current residence for many years down the line then it still pays off to take care of maintenance tasks like this now rather than later on when more serious damages might take place due to neglect. 

Low Maintenance

Contrary to popular belief, painting a fence does not require much maintenance once applied – typically only needing touch-ups every three years depending on how much sun exposure they get (plus any additional cleaning needed due to spills/stains). This is much less work compared with other types of materials like wood which require re-staining every year to maintain their integrity over time – making painting an ideal option for those looking for minimal upkeep costs associated with their fencing needs! 

Varied Color Options

Paint comes in a variety of colours so there are plenty of options available if you want something unique that stands out from typical shades like white or brownish greys (which dominate most residential fences). We suggest going bolder with eye-catching hues such as yellow ochre, deep blues and greens – these will bring out texture and dimension while providing enough contrast against nature's backdrop so that it doesn't blend into oblivion! You may even consider using two tones together like black against white if you want something truly special!  

Quick Application Process

Fences can be painted surprisingly quickly– usually within one day as long as all materials are prepared correctly before beginning (this includes sanding down rough spots on wooden boards/poles). This makes painting one of the fastest ways to upgrade outdoor features - especially when compared with installing panels which may take anywhere from several days up until weeks depending on the complexity level required! 

Reduce Sun Damage

UV rays can wreak havoc on wooden fences but fortunately, they can be greatly diminished by applying paint which acts as a measurable barrier between surfaces and direct sunlight exposure (much needed during summer months when temperatures soar above 80 degrees Fahrenheit!). Additionally, certain pigments within certain paints offer additional resistance against fading which helps keep colour vibrancy alive longer too - perfect for those who don't want their investment pieces showing signs of wear anytime soon!  

Improved Resale Value

If you’re planning on selling your home at some point in time then investing in painting services now could be beneficial since potential buyers often consider outside amenities first before anything else - including fencing conditions! Not only does this make them instantly attracted but could add thousands onto the final asking price when all is said and done too - a great way to make a return on investment almost immediately after completion of work! 

Increased Privacy & Security Benefits

Last but certainly not least if privacy is desired then adding a few coats of paint goes far too - dark shades can reduce the visibility of those walking past while others allow just a bit of light to shine through so neighbours aren't completely shut out either (making perfect solution for anyone seeking both safety and security needs!). Furthermore, certain specialized paints come tailored to fit extreme weather conditions such as cold climates where an extra layer of defence is necessary to ensure structural integrity held up even the strongest gusts of winds thrown its way!

[sofiadragon]

Fat Mom Stress Bake

Set a 1/2 cup stick of unsalted butter on the countertop. Have a cup of a comforting beverage while it reaches room temperature. 🍵 🍷 Gather the usual suspects to make a cake. If you use the vastly superior metric system you can use this time to figure out the proportions. It takes you lot so much less time to convert liters to milliliters than it does me to go from gallons to tablespoons that I'm sure you have the time to plug the measurements into an online calculator. Preheat the oven to 350° F - AKA Medium heat.

Cream together the softened butter and 1 cup golden sugar until smooth. Golden sugar doesn't have all the natural molasses processed out, so it tastes just that little bit richer than white sugar. You deserve gold today.

Add one whole egg and two egg whites. Treat the extra yolks like your childhood dreams: keep them safe in the fridge for another day or toss them directly in the garbage. Try to feel good about your choice. If you fail at that don't worry, there will soon be cake to plug the hole inside you.

Add 1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste and 1 teaspoon pumpkin spice to the mixing bowl. "Pumpkin spice" is really a blend of spices that used to be called "Sweet Spice" and has been used in all kinds of baked goods since well before Europeans ever saw a pumpkin. It is popular because it is objectively good. If you don't have a home-made blend or a store-bought 10 pound drum of pumpkin spice ready to go like a sane person then just use cinnamon with a dash of ginger and nutmeg, but know that this is the sadder path because cloves have a numbing effect and that is what your soul needs if you are baking this recipe.

Add 1/2 cup whole milk. You can go plant based if you like, but for lactose intolerance you can either get filtered milk or drop a tablet of lactaid into a pint carton the day before. No 2% nonsense - whole milk has less sugar and more fat per volume and this cake has plenty of sugar in it.

Add 16 drops red food coloring, 4 drops blue food coloring, and two drops yellow food coloring from the McCormick droppers that look like Gnome hats. 🔺️ You know the ones. We're going for a dusty rose color.

Beat that bitch. Imagine someone's face. Work out some anger. Work up a sweat or revel in the whirring of your stand mixer. You are an agent of creation or destruction as you see fit.

Get 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1 and 1/8 teaspoon baking powder and 1 and 1/2 cup flour ready in a seperate bowl. Add slowly. You want the batter to be floofy and we're developing a little bit of gluten. We're also developing as a person every day in a thousand ways big and small. You're more than the sum of your parts and so is this cake.

Below is a picture of two 8" round cake pans. They are sprayed lightly with oil and have a round bit of parchment on the bottom. You can't see that because the floofy batter is in there too. Nobody can see all of what you have inside either.

Put them in the oven and fuck off for about 25 minutes. The average person takes a little more than seven minutes to fuck off, but today is special. Take your time and fuck all the way off.

When the timer goes off stab it with a stick. If the stick is clean take the cake out of the oven. If it isn't make a cup of tea and try again. If it isn't ready after half an hour in the oven then either something is wrong with your oven's thermostat or instead of fucking off after it was in the oven you fucked up before you put it in. Adjust your expectations accordingly: you are now making cake pops instead of cake. I can not follow you where you go, but I respect the path you are on. God speed, and may your chocolate always temper correctly.

For the love of all that is holy: DO NOT PUT FROSTING ON HOT CAKE. 99% of those epic fail memes are people who tried to decorate a hot cake. Just go to bed. Take a nice long nap or read a bit. If you are in a rush you will only destroy all your good work. Be kind to yourself by pacing yourself.

You won't get a picture of my cake decorated because I'm typing this while it is still hot. It's spice cake so you can put whatever the hell you like on top. My favorite is whipped cream stabilized with marscapone, but that's pricy and I don't always have it. Instant pudding is always in my cabinet, works just as well if not better at stabilizing whipped cream icing, is cheaper, and comes in tons of flavors. White chocolate or vanilla work well, but you do what feels right in your heart.

Sometimes, I drizzle honey on it and have it with some sliced fruit or ice cream. You can pour whiskey on it like it's a fruit cake or soak it in espresso. It's sweet spiced cake: it just tastes good. You can't really mess this part up. Well, aside from the whole "put the toppings on while it is still warm" thing. Exercise some patience with yourself, you deserve to take time for you, and if you wants to put sliced banana and Nutella on the cake then you can do it when it is fully cooled.

A crumb coat, a night in the freezer, and then a glossy mirror glaze or tempered chocolate shell turns this from a self care cake into a cake that says "fuck your onion-filled tuna salad, I've got the best thing at this [potluck, church event, BBQ, assorted homemaker pissing contest.]" It also works on your ex's new sidepiece snooping your social media. You can ask me how I know, but you can already guess.

Oh, one last step:

Eat it. Eat all your feelings and be free.

Swallow it down, digest what is good and valid, and shit out whatever isn't useful enough for your body to absorb. Feel good and don't apologize.