#it seems like hes trying to get us to think izzy will be back and honestly it wouldnt fix things but its the one thing helping me rn

[scaryhaven]

I've calmed down a bit and the feeling I'm left with is the same as when your friend did something to hurt you the day before and then never apologized but instead gaslights you that it actually wasn't that bad and actually tries to justify it instead but... it really did hurt, because, I like David and trusted him, and even though I'm hurt, that feeling doesn't just magically go away, and I do hope he's okay, because if I feel this betrayed by him, I'm sure he must feel it too with so many people vocally upset. I do think he genuinely cares about the fandom and this show, I just think this was a massive mistake that wasn't thought through at all.

[krak-house]

Ok but. Mamma Mia AU.

[celluloidbroomcloset]

There's an exchange in the bedroom scene in "Man on Fire" that I think gets a little lost and is actually very important:

"You saved my life." "Well, I'm glad I could help. I'm sure you'll return the favor next time we're in a near-death situation." "How about we just avoid all near-death situations?" "Yeah, nice idea. Not bloody likely in our line of work.

The exchange gets kind of lost in the mermaid discussion and Izzy busting in, which happens before Ed can say anything more, but it's not an incidental moment. Ed’s greatest fear is always losing Stede - either because Stede is whim prone and wants to be a big famous pirate, or because piracy is dangerous and they are constantly in near-death situations. The moment comes at a time when Ed has discarded his leathers; he no longer wants to be Blackbeard, and it's increasingly clear he doesn't want to be a pirate. But the fear is still there.

Stede has nearly died multiple times since Ed met him. They meet when he’s been stabbed and is bleeding out. Izzy runs him through. Ed himself almost goes through with killing him. The English try to execute him. Every time Ed has been more or less powerless to stop it.

Blackbeard has nearly been the cause of Stede's death. The persona is what Izzy kept appealing to when he tried to get Ed to kill Stede. The night before, Ned Low almost killed them as a result of choices Ed made as Blackbeard. Ed can’t stop Stede from being hurt, even when he tries to keep the attention focused on him. It’s Stede who winds up being able to act, using the awesome power of empathetic listening and worker unionization. Ed can’t protect him and can’t save him, and Blackbeard put him in danger.

This feeds into Ed’s other fears. He spiraled when he lost Stede once, and every time he sees Stede hurt, he starts to panic. He’s been reminded, as they’re lying in bed in the safest place they could be, that their jobs mean that they’ll be in danger - that Stede will be in danger, either because of simply being a pirate, or because of Ed himself. Ed is scared of who he becomes when he has to put on Blackbeard, and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He's also now had it confirmed that Blackbeard is what puts Stede in danger in the first place.

It seems safer for him to run. If he runs, he never has to see Stede hurt, he never has to be Blackbeard, he never has to be worried about his own heart breaking, he never has to be left alone because he's the one that ran first.

But of course he does, because he goes back to the Republic of Pirates and sees the destruction and the first thing he thinks is that Stede is hurt. He hears Stede screaming for help, and he’s not there.

What Ed has forgotten is that Blackbeard has also saved Stede's life. The one time he was able to save Stede from death was by being Blackbeard—the English listen to his call for an Act of Grace because of the persona; they want the accolades for turning Blackbeard from piracy. The persona itself is what saves Stede.

In the end, Ed finds something worth killing for. He puts on Blackbeard again—he kills, willingly, for perhaps the first time since his father, in order to find and protect the man he loves. Much like Stede searching the Caribbean for Ed, there's no guarantee that he'll find what he hopes for, but he'll still hope. He's no longer watching the world burn; he's going to save Stede, or die trying.

[carrymelikeimcute]

Going over the izzy/lucius/shark exchange is so interesting in the context of this being an episode about apologies. About making concessions and trying to fix things.

(In this ep there's a lot about ed making amends/accommodating the crew's triggers and trauma. It's also about stede having to fix things when he upsets the superstitious crew by not treating their feelings as valid.)

At the start we have Ed's (probably well intentioned) but evasive, non-apology. He does an 'I'm sorry you feel that way' sort of apology about 'whatever that bad stuff was'. It's a wish to do better, but it doesn't really cover what went before. A lot of people interject here, but Izzy remains completely still and silent, off to one side.

Lucius says he never used the word 'sorry' and rightly calls this out. Roach however, says he's never heard an apology before - and liked it - so this seems like as much as it's a first for Ed to take even some accountability, it's probably the first time some of the crew have seen a captain (or anyone else) do this too.

Archie says 'They just get away with it and we move on'.

Lucius rounds on Izzy, because obviously Izzy should have the biggest grievance here. But Izzy responds to the question about Ed's apology as if it was about piracy in general - clearly showing that the cycle of abuse is a feature, not a bug. This is part of his life and identity as a pirate. This is, actually, things going back to normal. You get whipped (and we see these scars on him later) no one apologises, and you just reset to how it was before, pretending nothing has been altered until it all bubbles over again.

Ed then tells stede that he's never apologised for anything. Confirming that most of the crew's responses are in line with their past experiences.

Then Ed goes to fix the door and tells it that it's not its fault that it's broken, it was just doing it's job. This directly parallels Izzy's rant to the figurehead about it failing to do it's job. Ed could be talking about himself here, as Izzy was talking about himself - but to me it doesn't fit that well, because what 'job' was Ed trying to do? He could instead be acknowledging, indirectly, that he is aware that Izzy was doing his job - trying to make sure they all survived and functioned as a crew. Ed probably broke that door, and he broke Izzy. But he has yet to talk to him about it.

Immediately following this, is when he scares the BEJESUS out of Lucius and tells him 'it would be faster to get all this out in one go'. It sounds like a reasonable suggestion, but we know that it doesn't actually work. Lucius pushes him off the boat and it doesn't help. Because 'I hurt you, so now you hurt me' doesn't benefit the abused, it's still about making the abuser feel better - making them feel punished and therefore redeemed, even when their victim isn't healed. I don't think Ed is trying to manipulate Lucius here - both of them think it might help to 'fix things' but fixing things takes emotional intelligence that's not really developed yet.

ENTER, THE SHARK

Izzy starts working on the shark, after the non-apology. He doesn't have it in the 'candle fighting' scene obvs - but he does receive an apology in that scene, when stede says 'feet' and then corrects himself to foot. It's a simple straightforward apology, even if he does sort of laugh awkwardly. Izzy also at least attempted to apologise to Stede in ep. 3 - so he clearly sees the use in apologies - AND right after the apology, Izzy agrees to help stede. Their relationship changes. It gets better and they're no longer stuck in those old patterns. Izzy is full-on gentle parenting stede - even when he shoots down a fucking sail.

He also, notably, states that the crew's feelings on the curse are important. Meaning, how the crew feels is important to him, period.

After this, we're back to Lucius throwing Ed overboard. But it doesn't work because Ed doesn't remember the talent show thing, he doesn't really know why Lucius was so blindsided by that betrayal of trust. It's not about who goes overboard. It's about the dynamics underneath that and those can't be fixed by just trading places for a moment.

FINALLY. We see Izzy finishing the shark, and he's completely unsurprised that Lucius pushing Ed into the water didn't fix things. Izzy's done this 'tit for tat' thing - betraying Ed to the English over being banished - and it ended terribly for both of them. It escalated things. He knows it's not as simply as getting even with someone.

The solution Izzy has chosen to the cycle of his relationship with Ed is to pretend that Ed hasn't done anything to him. A shark did it. Like with the non-apology, blame is being shifted to a third party 'the bad things' the 'bad times'. Lucius (rightly) points out that this is not healthy, but Izzy's response, that's better than not moving on, clearly resonates.

Izzy's response to being hurt was to 1. Get even and 2. (when that proved deeply unsatisfying and made things worse) to put the unresolved conflict behind him. Because he doesn't think Ed is ever going to apologise or change, and wanting those things just hurt more.

Anyone who has parents/a partner/friend who's NEVER apologised for anything, knows how he's feeling. You stop trying to have it out and fix the relationship, and it starts to wither, even though the other person thinks it's healthy.

'Not moving on is worse' is a warning, and it's one that Lucius takes to heart, immediately trying to centre positive things instead of resentment and anger. He shares his feelings with Pete, and their relationship thrives.

The issue here, is that denial doesn't work. Lucius might be able to move on from what happened to him without a proper apology from Ed, but that's because he's not in a relationship with him. Izzy's the one who's really in it with Ed - he's had DECADES of this shit. That can't be willed away.

Stede's resolution to the curse conflict models a healthier method and one that I'm hoping we see in a future episode between Ed/Izzy. He validates the crew's feelings, make a sacrifice (the suit) and TOGETHER they collaborate on a solution to the issue that is mutually satisfactory - he even gets to keep the shirt, as a sort of compromise. It isn't about just making stede or the crew feel better, it's about moving on together.

This happens with Ed and Fang! Ed actually apologises once he realises what, specifically he did wrong. Fang says they're 'sweet' because he beat Ed to death (oof) which outwardly seems like retaliation working - but there has also been an actual apology and Fang wasn't retaliating against Ed, he was standing up for himself - a physical version of saying 'that wasn't OK - you need to change'.

This method of resolution is echoed in the final scene, with stede and ed. They reach an understanding about the pace of their relationship and find a happy medium (holding hands) - mutually satisfied and moving forwards.

Bottom line? I hope we see 1. Ed actually apologise to Izzy and 2. the pair of them outline what it is they want to change in their relationship moving forward, ending the cycle for good.

Thank you for coming to my Ed talk.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I used to think that the reason I wasn't satisfied with Izzy's death was because I was too attached to his perspective as a character and couldn't focus on the big picture of the season and the main Gentlebeard relationship enough. I mean, I was still convinced that his death and the way it was carried out was a shit writing decision, but everyone else outside the Izzy Canyon circles seemed fine with it, so I was starting to think that maybe they were right.

So I looked back on the rest of the season and rewatched the finale... And realised something that I'd been trying to ignore because it was too painful to admit. A huge part of why Izzy's death hit so hard (in a bad way, not that delicious masochistic pain of having a beloved character die a good, narratively satisfying death) was because throughout this season he was the only character who actually had a satisfying arc and development. Practically no one else did. I didn't actually care for Gentlebeard this season, not the way I cared in S1. From episode 1 to 8 and a half, Izzy's arc was crafted with more care, kindness, subtlety and narrative weight than the main Gentlebeard arc which, in comparison, felt like a string of choppy beads badly tied together in an approximate shape of an arc, but collapsed as soon as you looked at it too closely.

Yes, we all know this season suffered for being 2 episodes too short, but I don't think that's all there is to it. This is starting to feel like GoT season 8 all over again. Would it have been better if it wasn't so rushed? Maybe. Or maybe it would have been even worse because this season just didn't seem to know what to do with itself or the characters. The themes and symbolism are all over the place and completely inconsistent. Ed and Stede's characters are practically back at the same place they left in S1. All they did was bounce off the walls back and forth with no real growth. As soon as they took a step towards fixing their relationship or growing as people, they either tool three steps back or it just got dropped. Stede letting fame get to his head? Interesting and realistic development. And how was it resolved? It wasn't. Stede and Ed being whim prone? I'm glad they brought it up. And then they just fell for another whim and it was presented as a satisfying ending.

Ed went from the Kraken, to taking the first steps towards being Ed, then suddenly all the way to being Ed by way of a Night of Magical Healing Sex that he he didn't actually want to happen because he wasn't ready. And then all of a sudden he pivoted to abandoning Stede and piracy and becoming a fisherman... for 5 min. And then back to Blackbeard again because two fishermen were mean to him for 5 minutes. And then abandoning it again to open an inn. How was any of this even remotely coherent or satisfying? They didn't even have a single conversation about any of it. Ed had more proper closure and communication with Izzy during his dying scene than with Stede and the rest of the crew put together. Izzy's arc got sacrificed to do the heavy lifting for Ed's arc and became nothing more than a shortcut to speed run his character growth. Except it didn't even lead anywhere. "Ed, they're your family, they love you" no they don't, he didn't even have a single positive conversation with any of them except Fang. Of course this could have been the point, and Ed could have seen Izzy's death, his own discovery of found family and his dying words as a pretext to repair his relationship with the crew. But he just left them and stayed with Stede instead.

Sure, you could say this was only the second act of the story, and S3 will resolve everything. But the second act is still meant to move the story and the characters forward in some way. Yes, of course if we get S3, I imagine Stede and Ed's life as innkeepers won't exactly be idyllic. But the problem is that the conflicts they'd have will only be a rehash and repeat of the same conflicts they've already have, or were supposed to have, this season. Multiple times, even. We already know that Ed is simply unable to live with himself no matter what life he chooses. The title of S1 was literally "wherever you go, there you are". We already know Stede's love isn't enough to fix him. We already know their goals in life are completely opposite. Maybe they could have shown Stede realising, after his humiliating in S7, that piracy wasn't all it was cracked up to be or he isn't suited for it, and that's why he chose to leave it behind and open an inn, but that's not the explanation we were given. It was just another whim. They literally didn't learn anything this season. They had two baby conversations in E4 and E5 and didn't take anything from it, just kept doing the complete opposite of anything. "We're both prone to whims, let's take things slow" became "let's take things extremely fast by moving in together permanently and becoming entrepreneurs". They never talked about the actual, deepseated, longstanding trauma issues they needed to resolve before they could even begin to have a proper relationship. They literally got a heavy-handed glimpse in what their life would become if they just stuck together without addressing their own personal issues, and chose to do that very thing. It that's what S3 is going to address, then why were Anne and Mary part of this season instead of the next one?

I remember everyone saying they wanted Ed and Stede to reunite as quickly as possible in S2, and I get why. They have great chemistry together. The season is about them. But for it to work, spending more time apart is exactly what they needed. They needed to learn how to live with themselves and others, first. Romantic love alone can't fix you as a person. You have to fix yourself first. Community can help (as with Izzy's case), but you still have to put in the work. In retrospect, I'm glad that Izzy didn't get a love interest this season - because he wasn't ready yet, and had to learn how to have normal relationships and friendships with other people before attempting an intimate romantic relationship, lest he ended up falling head first unit another toxic mutually dependent relationship. That's what Stede and Ed should have tried too. Instead the show just ended up using Izzy's death as a quick surgical fix, robbing Ed of his agency and having to do the hard work repairing himself and his relationships with other people. There's a sad irony in getting exactly one character's arc just this, and then using it as a sacrificial lamb to patch over the main character's arc.

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

Hi, I still have so many feelings about this, I will never shut up. I also made a gifset out of it because watching the video wasn't enough, i need to memorize every pixel.

(These gifs are free to download & use, they literally took me 5 minutes, so... cheers~)

"It is your job to f-" still haunts me. Also the way light falls on his face exactly when he fumbles is like him getting exposed. Shining a light on his fakery so the others see through it? And then he retreats back into the shadow trying to hide again, but does so only partially? Amazing.

The quick look up at Fang, he's so adorable🥺 i think for a moment there he actually considers admiting something's wrong but backs out of it and right back into defense. The way he freezes at the end sends shivers down my spine. it's so personal to me, Con, staaahp, fr! Also we get the "unhand me" line, or rather [if you touch me now i will start crying and that's embarrassing so don't touch me] That's how i see it.

Now we get to the good shit. Looking up trying not to cry. Avoiding any and all eye contact. His fckn lips shaking. You can clearly see that he's broken by the fact they've even noticed THIS. That expression is like a defeated "oh fuck me". Him being off focus makes this bit even worse.

Actually I was looking at this bit a lot and it almost seems like he doesn't know what Fang is trying to do at first? Like he was defensive because he didn't realise Fang was going in for a hug? Or maybe it's a reflex for anything coming from behind. He's a fighter, after all.

He looks ahead, approximately where Archie and Jim are standing as if to see their reactions or maybe seek help?! But then you can see the moment he understands - he turns his head back towards Fang and leans into it, with a hint of disbelief on his face.

God, the loose strand of hair adds so much to that delicious skrunklyness he has going on. He's so pretty...

In this gif it's clear he's leaning into Fang a lot, even actively pressing his head against him. He could've easily turned away or pulled away, but didn't. He WANTS to be comforted. He WANTS to be held. The way he scans over Frenchie as if checking what he's about to do, I'm suspecting he like. Put a hand on him somewhere or something of the sort. I am so unwell from this-

For the last time he tries to produce words, but it comes out as more of a moan than anything, so he gives up and bites his lip. (im loosing my sanity, Con, what have you done)

Also Frenchie's pout is my H2O He literally went :c

Izzy looks over to Frenchie again as if to verify he's not there to mock him and when it turns out that no. He actually wants to comfort him. Izzy fully looses it and lets out the most gut wrenching puppy dog skrunkly whimper ever produced by a human man. It must mean so much to him... Those last few micro expressions are killing me. He looks up again as if to say "oh god they mean it. They don't think im stupid for this, they're actually taking me seriously" And he can't believe it, he's so dumbfounded that poor guy.

What if this was his first hug in ages? I wouldn't be surprised...

Im breaking my own heart with this why do i do this-

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Given all the really excellent and interesting talk about this recently, I wanted to write up a quick list of ways we see Izzy being consistently abusive to Ed in season 1, just so I have a handy post to link to the next time someone asks me "wait, how is Izzy abusive?"

(Again, I genuinely like Izzy. I think he's a great character, but dismissing how he behaves in s1 defangs him as a character, cheapens his s2 arc, and decontextualizes a lot of Ed's behavior.)

Izzy is shown as being emotionally abusive to Ed throughout season 1, because he:

Controls the information Ed has access to. In s1e3, we see Izzy tell Ed his own version of events, twisting them to suit his purposes. He does this so easily and cleanly it's clear he's probably been lying to Ed to manipulate his perception of events for a long time.

Isolates Ed from others. We do not see Ed talk to any crew members before s1e4, and even then, Izzy cuts the conversation short. He also prevents anyone from seeing Ed in s1e10 until Ed makes him ask for Lucius. In s2 Ed tells us that he knew very little about Fang despite having worked with him for 20 years - Izzy seems to make a habit of making Ed unapproachable.

On that note, Izzy insults and demeans Ed to other crew members, creating his own narrative around Ed's actions. He says he "massages" the crew when they're worried about Ed's judgment, but what he actually does is tell them Ed's "half-insane." He is creating a situation where Ed is reliant on Izzy for information and the crew feel like they need Izzy to interpret what he presents as the irrational demands of an insane man, even though we as the audience know Ed's behavior is never as erratic or irrational as Izzy makes it out to be.

Insults and demeans Ed to his face. Izzy is not shy about calling Ed insane and unpleasant to his face, and Ed doesn't seem surprised to hear it. I don't think it's a coincidence that Ed admits while he's in the gravy basket in s2 that he's scared he's insane - that's one of Izzy's favorite insults to apply to him and he's clearly internalized it.

Ignores Ed's feelings and wants when he's not acting the way Izzy believes is appropriate. We see Ed constantly reaching out to Izzy in s1e4 to share his thoughts and excitement, and Izzy shuts him down every time. Izzy's created a situation where Ed can only really talk to Izzy, and Ed is clearly desperate for human connection.

Pushes Ed to harm someone Ed loves, even when Izzy knows that Ed "adores" Stede and Stede makes him genuinely happy. Izzy is very insistant about getting Ed to kill Stede, even once it's obvious Ed has already deeply bonded with Stede.

Literally "buys" Ed in return for selling Stede out. This is just gross and unacceptable, not to mention wildly racist. Frankly I think Ed showed remarkable restraint for only punching him once.

Tries to get Stede killed in front of Ed, multiple times.

Obviously, threatens and mocks Ed when Ed isn't behaving "appropriately." When Ed is starting to feel better in s1e10, and is reaching out to the crew and connecting with them, and is painting his nails and singing and generally behaving in a much more feminine and emotionally available way than Izzy would prefer, Izzy threatens him to force him back into the hyper-masculine Blackbeard persona he knows Ed hates and Ed has said he wants to move past.

Goads Ed into violent behavior and is delighted when Ed is visibly upset. When Ed chokes Izzy, Izzy is laughing and grinning and generally having a very nice time while Ed's standing there with tears in his eyes and visibly terrified. He's very happy to have gotten the reaction he was trying to provoke and doesn't care about Ed's feelings.

So, take it all together, and we can see that Izzy has created an atmosphere where he has put himself in control of Ed and has further manipulated the crew so they look to Izzy as a filter for Ed's behavior so Izzy can completely control the narrative. When he thinks he's losing control of Ed, that's when Izzy tries to get Stede killed, without regard for Ed's emotions. Izzy consistently insults Ed, ignores his desires and feelings, and prioritizes his control over Ed's feelings.

Have I missed anything?

[maximwtf]

 “What kind of a moron gets shot…”

Izzy x Reader

words: 1970

google docs pages: 3,5

warnings: blood, a gunshot wound, slight alcohol use

opening: A medic, you get shot in a crossfire. It’s only after things have settled a little that anyone has time to notice you. No one but you are used to removing bullets, so obviously the crew chose the next most experienced pirate to help you with your instructions. Izzy. 

AN// Reader can be any gender! I finally started watching this series, after putting it off for so long and oh my god do I love this man more than life itself. I would die for him. Anyway, sorry if this is a little ooc, I’m learning how to write for him ! Requests for him would also be lovely, I have so many ideas that I don’t even know what to write :D

 “What kind of a moron gets shot…”

The feeling of rain hitting your face kept you to your senses, additional moisture to the already wet wooden deck you were laying on. At least you had made it back, but that did not remove the fact that someone from the other ship had gotten a good shot at your thigh. For that reason, you didn't mind the wet fabric sticking to your skin. The waves of pain radiating from your thigh were enough to keep your mind from thinking of anything else. 

Your body curled up a little, hands going to hold the place of the wound on their own, or at least that’s what it had felt like. Like your body was moving on its own. There wasn’t much of a thought process happening in your mind, though it felt like you should have known what to do. You’d removed more than one bullet in your time, and it wasn’t a rare procedure to perform for you. But never could have you guessed the amount of pain a bullet wound caused. You’d only ever helped someone else and seen them try their best to stay still for your sake. As much as you had hoped these thoughts would have distracted you from the pain, they didn’t. The pain was still raging, making you groan and grunt silently against the deck. Or at least what you thought had been quietly up until voices became audible around you. They’d been there before as well, but they’d become somehow louder by now. Like the people that sounded further away were now closer. The crew must have noticed something was wrong.

You opened your eyes, still curled up on the deck. Most of the crew were there, standing near you. From your perspective and what was left of your vision, they seemed concerned. But probably rightly so. Most of them had become quiet, only light chatter among them. “Well, fucking someone help me.” You growled, allowing the words to come out and going back to gritting your teeth straight after. The chatter got louder for a moment before someone was pushed out from the group. By the sound of his voice, you identified him quite easily. The first mate of Blackbeard’s, Izzy. He did not sound keen on doing this, insisting for someone else to do it before accepting his fate. But you and mostly everyone else in the crew seemed to agree on him being the most experienced for this, after you. 

You knew their first idea would have been to just cut off the whole leg, but for the amount of times you’d helped them you were hoping they’d see this as owing it to you and actually helping.

Your vision was getting a little more blurry, not badly but enough to make things a lot more confusing. You tried to keep a straight head, knowing you’d have to assist Izzy while he got the bullet out. While these thoughts were running through your mind, two of the crew members of which you hadn’t seen who carried your form to the lower decks. No more of the rain, you thought. They cleared a table, and by the sound of it they must have just sweeped the items on it to the floor and placed you on the smooth surface instead. 

There was a moment of silence before through your haze you could hear Izzy’s voice clearly. “Well, fuck off? No need for an audience.” He said, and by the sound of it the people previously there made their way back up. “Cut the…the pant leg.” You said, not wanting to waste any more time. Izzy looked at you, doing as you said but with slight hesitation. “How does a medic manage to get shot?” The first man asked in a voice you wanted to believe was annoyance, trying not to find a hint of worry from his voice. You didn’t want to imagine a man worried for your life trying to save it. “Guess the bullets couldn’t resist a…a checkup.” You took a quick breath, gritting your teeth as the fabric was pulled off from over the wound. Izzy didn’t say anything to that, perhaps it had been a bad time to joke either way. You didn’t have time to waste, for anything from the bullet could leak to your bloodstream if you kept stalling. “T-take off yer belt-” You had to take a breather before continuing, but that was enough for Izzy to give you a dirty look, which you were glad you couldn’t see properly through the slight blur. “And wrap it a little higher from the wound…” You finished the sentence, trying to stay still on the table. “Gathered that much.” He said, voice still stern as he undid his belt and wrapped it tightly around your thigh. “Get yer knife…and dig..dig the bastard out.” You breathed out, closing your eyes for a moment as you braced yourself for what was about to come. 

The sound of Izzy taking out a knife from his belt opened your eyes once more. You took a weak hold of his wrist before the first mate was able to start the process. “If I lose consciousness after…take the fabric you removed and..and use it to close up the wound after cleaning with rum…” You instructed him before your hand let loose from his wrist. His eyes were on you, you could feel it. Yet, he did not say a word. It worried you, but you didn’t want to tell him that. You wanted to think that he didn’t care. As many times as you had spent time with him, he did not care for you. Maybe, just maybe, he enjoyed talking to you from time to time. 

You took a hold of the edge of the table, which was worth it. Because as soon as Izzy had dug the knife into the wound you screeched. Using the palm of your hand to cover the rest of the horrendous noises leaving you, feeling hot tears push their way through and fall down the sides of your face. The gritting of your teeth helped, somewhat. The feeling of the blade hitting the bullet sent a mix of shivers along with waves of pain through your body.

You tolerated it for a while, in a way proud of yourself for that, this being the first time a bullet was being removed from you. Though, that did not last long.

The dim lights in the lower deck began to seem darker, and your body wasn’t contorting itself the same way as before. In a way you felt more relaxed this way, though the darkness that had started to slowly surround you was something you didn’t look forward to. A faint sound of the bullet hitting the wooden flooring as the knife left your body was the last thing you heard. Your consciousness faded away, leaving Izzy alone with bloodied hands and a mess on the table. 

His gaze shook a little, but he stood still at the table. Thanking whoever had left a bottle of rum in the lower deck. Izzy took a hold of the brown bottle and took a swig from it himself. With a second to think, he poured the liquid from the bottle straight onto the wound. It felt odd not to hear you instruct him, not that he needed it anymore. But you being so silent, seemingly dead to anyone else's eye who might have walked past, it shook him a little. As many people as he had killed and seen dead, none of them had affected him this way. The thoughts of your death filled his mind for a brief second, before the first mate shook them away. He wasn’t sure how much to pour, stopping eventually. He thought you might like the rest of it once you woke up. In his experience, rum was good at numbing feelings. Just what pain was, only a feeling. 

Izzy wrapped the wound best he could, leaving the belt on. You hadn’t told him what to do with it after, and that had only now occurred to him. As much as his duties would have commanded for him to leave you with the rest of the crew, he did not want for you to wake up in the noise and smell that was the crew’s quarters. Was what he told himself, not being able to ask for your opinion. 

He might have not been the tallest man on deck, but that did not mean he was weak in any way. He picked you up easily, carrying you to his quarters. Barely a spot for sleeping fit there, but he managed. 

The first mate laid your still form onto the small bed, seating himself onto a box next to it. His eyes stayed on the bed for some time before a sigh left his lungs, turning his eyes to his hands. He placed them over his face for a while, the burning feeling of tears trying to push through all too familiar at this point. They never truly fell down, so it did not count as crying for him. A pirate didn't cry.

So he sat there, the held-back tears reddening his eyes a little as he leaned on the wall behind him and stared at the other in front of him, keeping his gaze up. He felt conflicted, more so than usual. He hadn’t thought of you, not of how much he seemed to care. Sure, the two of you had spent an odd amount of time together, but you preferred to be alone or at least at the sidelines, so did he. So, for long it had been a coincidence that you bumped in together. And during those times you spent together were almost enough to make him feel alive again. But when you didn’t, was when he truly felt lonely. And so he did now, now when you were unconscious. A sharp breath drawn by you caught his attention back. The end of it started sounding more like a hiss than anything else. Your eyes tried to open slowly, but the sheering pain forced them to snap open with yet another hiss. You curled up on the bed before your eyes landed on Izzy. His mouth was slightly agape, but soon realised to hand you the bottle from earlier which you gladly accepted. After a long swig you handed it back to him, hand shaking ever so slightly. Eyes focusing on him now, vision back to what you remembered as normal. Even with Izzy keeping his gaze quite low, you could see the slight tint of red in his eyes. The first mate hadn’t said anything yet, so you decided to break the silence. “Have you been crying?” Came out rustier than intended, but the teasing tone of voice was still clear somewhere in there. Izzy’s jaw tightened, but he must have backed away from what he wanted to say. “Sod off.” He looked away for a moment, expression much softer after from what you could tell. Though, he seemed stiff. Like he was shaken in a way you’d never seen him before. “Izzy-” You sighed, not sure what to say to him, so instead you thought of something else. His other hand was resting on the edge of the bed. Expecting him to pull away at the very least, you placed your hand on his, but he didn’t. He allowed your slightly warmer, shaky palm to warm his colder hand, badly wiped away blood dried on it. “Thank you.” You said silently, not to disturb the oddly peaceful silence that had formed from the slightest of connections. Izzy turned to you, moving his hand further on the bed, not adding anything to that. The touch was a thank you enough, more than enough to him. 

[queerfandomtrifecta]

Bottle It Up: the most tangible theme in OFMD s2

So looking at s2 through the (super fucked up) lens that Jim asking Frenchie “How are you handling all of this so well?” And Frenchie responding by saying he puts all the terrible things in a box in his mind and never opens it again was the lesson everyone was supposed to learn this season and like, that’s there in the text more than anything else and I hate that.

Frenchie is handling everything well because he’s putting it in the box and never addressing it again.

Izzy finally says he has love for Ed, everyone is worried about him, the atmosphere is toxic and suggests talking it through and Ed goes on deck and points a gun at everyone as he asks them to talk about it, and when Izzy finally does address the reality of things and speaks Stede’s name aloud he gets shot in the leg.

Lucius isn’t talking about what happened. Avoidant about the Rat Boy name at first, says he fell off the ship, can’t remember when he picked up smoking.

Stede asks Lucius to talk to him about what happened after he was pushed off the ship, and Lucius starts to and almost immediately Stede runs away saying to save the rest for Pete.

Lucius says he talks to Pete and Stede says “please tell me you held back on some of the darker stuff” and Lucius confirms he did because Pete got nauseous and started crying.

Lucius tells Stede he should look past the man he loves and examine all the awful things he did, but Stede brushes it off and doesn’t do that.

No one will tell Stede they killed Ed. (Arguably this is for their own safety as well but it fits the whole “we’re not talking about the hard stuff” theme so I’m including it)

Ed finds out Stede went home to Mary through Anne Bonny. Stede begins to try to explain but instead, Ed smashes his chair against the wall and walks off. They have a very brief conversation with mention that Stede was kidnapped by Chauncey then watched him die.

Ed gives his influencer non-apology that was clearly written by Stede to the crew, and everyone but Lucius and Izzy seem to have forgiven him. During the “apology” Jim talks about how it made them feel and Stede shushes them so Ed can keep not apologizing. Afterward, for some reason, Jim says immediately says “I thought it was pretty solid for him” Archie says that’s how it goes in situations like this, Roach has never heard an apology before so they’re all good apparently now.

Lucius pushes Ed off the ship but isn’t okay yet. We’re addressing the trauma here and trying to make it right (even if it’s in a messed up way); we’re finally talking about it directly, but Lucius isn’t okay after this.

Fang tells Ed he’s not mad at him because he got it all out of his system when they beat him to death.

The whole Lucius/Izzy exchange “A shark did this to me. Dangling my legs over the side of the ship, served me right too.” “Okay, that seems healthy. Using a bit of fiction to cover up your trauma.” “Not moving on is worse.” (Another point at which Lucius wants to resolve trauma and he’s told no, don’t talk about it)

Lucius is clearly coping poorly and tries again to talk to Pete about how he almost died and Pete says he should find him when he’s no longer thinking about his trauma (“find me when Blackbeard isn’t living rent free in your head”) and that Lucius should talk about how he lived instead. Lucius then seems to decide that he’s fine, proposes to Pete, and is seemingly okay after that. (5th point in the story when Lucius tries to talk about something to heal and is told no in some way, and here is when he finally seems to moves on and is played as “better” after this)

Izzy’s drinking a lot even after he’s not totally dysfunctional like at the end of ep4.

The only Ed apology to Izzy is “Sorry about your leg.” With no eye contact as he’s walking away. To which Izzy responds “Fuck off.” After Ed’s out of ear shot.

Stede suggests Ed can absolve himself of everything by “turning the poison into positivity” and selling his treasure he got during the time he was abusing the crew to buy party supplies. Stede later says at the party that yes, Ed has achieved turning the poison into positivity, though Ed has done nothing by throw money at the problem.

Stede ignores Ed’s warning about not being able to come back from killing in cold blood and kills Ned Low.

Stede is visibly upset and Ed goes to check on him and begins to start talking, but Stede wordlessly grabs him and slams him up against a wall and then they have sex (which Ed has requested to wait on) instead of talking about it.

Ed decides he’s leaving to become a fisherman because Stede is infamous now and Ed’s been wanting out of that life so there’s a brief disagreement where not much is said and then he leaves.

“I’m sorry I was such a dick.” Is the biggest apology we’ve gotten all season. It’s immediately dismissed as “you’re not a dick. Life’s a dick.”

No one in the crew seems to be mourning Izzy’s death and we as the audience seem expected to move on from it very fast. Avenging his death is proposed by Zheng but then it cuts to nope, we’re done with that and we’re inn keepers now instead. Put the terrible thing you’ve seen in the box and never open it again.

I’m definitely sure I forgot some of these and it felt at first that these were being set up to be played negatively because this is the don’t-bottle-it-up/healing-from-our-traumas show but that just doesn’t play out. Like so much of it’s either dismissed without reason, played as a joke, or framed as acceptable and the fact that I could pull so much more of this stuff out of the text than I could any other potential thematic element does has me just so baffled. I don’t know what to do with it.

[he-goes-down]

Our Last Summer

- irl friend req

Masterlist

Pairing:

Duff Mckagan x reader x Slash

Warnings: threesome, sex in the pool, unprotected p in v, anal, smut with plot

Second Person POV:

It was the middle of the day, the guys had invited you over for a swim, a thing they do now regularly as it’s summer and they had a pool installed in the backyard. You rocked up to their place, wearing a light purple and blue bikini under a white crocheted shawl that you used as a skirt. Opening the already unlocked door, stepping inside with two plastic bags, one with extra clothes and the other with booze. You put the booze on the kitchen counter and tossed your clothes bag in Izzy’s room as you were normally in there, being best friends after all. You got to the threshold of the door to the backyard and Izzy spotted you. Laying on one of the lounge chairs, under an umbrella, he’s such a vampire sometimes. He got up from the chair and walked towards you, and you got closer as well. “You’re wearing the bikini I picked out!” He said in awe. His eyes under his sunglasses scanning you up and down. “Mhm..” You responded with a smile as you began to untie your shawl. “Ah! You’re here!” You heard Axl from the end of the pool, ready to jump in, he was already wet so it seemed like a canon-ball competition, one he always looses. The rest of the guys heard Axl’s call and turned to your direction to look at you. All them happy to see you and all of them eyeing you up and down as they could fully see your body in the bikini. You went to the edge of the pool and asked Izzy to put sunscreen on your back as you finished lathering the placing you could reach. His hands massaging your skin, which felt quite nice. Slash and Duff we’re watching this scene, their emotions unknown but definitely not in a positive light

You got into the pool and swam around with Steven, doing laps underwater and you won every time, except once when Axl took you by your leg and pulled you back. Izzy did get in the pool at a stage, he just wanted to finish a cig before he did so. You on the other hand didn’t know he was getting in the pool, you were laughing and splashing with Slash and Duff until you felt someone come from under you and hoister you on their shoulders. Izzy was the culprit of course. You continued to fight the two others, now fighting in teams of two. But in the end Slash and Duff both gave each other a knowing nod and pushed Izzy over taking you with him. These chicken fights happened a few times as Steven and Axl joined, switching around the teams each round and for obvious reasons anyone on Duff’s shoulders were sure to win.

Although when evening started to fall you went back inside for a meal and a few drinks. Still all in your costumes as you ate and drank. It was now night, the food had all digested and sank, although the alcohol still stayed up in your head. Axl and Slash went outside again for a night swim, they were drunk enough to do something stupid but not enough to drown and sink to the bottom of the pool. You heard some yelling but then a big splash after so thinking nothing of it. Until the rest of you were called. You were last to exit the house as you put away the dishes. Everyone was back in the pool, but something was different. You saw the scattered swimming trunks in the side of the pool. ‘Jesus christ’ you thought in a laugh. “Come in doll, the water’s really nice.” Izzy cooed, calling you over. You went to the edge of the pool about to step in, but you thought ‘fuck it.’, taking a step back, taking off your bikini pieces. All of them now fully sober and paying attention to you as you got in the pool.

Now fully submerged in the water, not trying to get too close to any of them. But Izzy came up behind you, holding your waist. You blushed hard, you didn’t know what to feel. You just giggled it off as the two of you began chatting, you trying your hardest not to look at him but him trying hard to show you that he wasn’t looking but his eyes were very focused on your body. Duff and Slash noticed Izzys wandering eyes on you body as you now stood in-front of him. Both Duff and Slash swam over, talking a bit before asking Izzy to go get more drinks. Now you in between Duff and Slash all of your laid with your arms crossed at the edge of the pool. Now you were really trying not to look down at them, you had never seen them in anyway naked. You had seen Izzys once when he was off his rocket drunk and you had to change him into other clothes. Your eyes did have a quick peak at both their bodies, and something more specific. You were thankful you were in a body of water so they couldn’t notice how wet you were.

“Hey where’s Axl?” Slash asked, scanning the dark pool, the only light was the far away blue pool light and the lights of the house. “And Steven.” You added. But soon enough you heard drunken giggles from inside the house. It was now just the three of you left and the three swimming costumes on the other edge if the pool. “And where’s Izzy with the drinks anyway?” You asked. Duff shrugged but gave a secret look to Slash which he reciprocated. Again hearing another voice from inside the house, not a voice, a noise. Snoring. Whenever Izzy is drunk he will sometimes collapse into a catnap but wake everyone else up with his loud snoring. All three of you laughed as you realised the noise

After more chatting, the tension from your naked bodies close to each-other sparked dirty conversations. About experience, would you rathers, casual flirts. The pools water was now getting replaced with a pool of lust.

“Have you ever…” Duff thought of a question. “Had sex in a pool?” He finished. You answered quickly, “Not a pool but in the ocean.” Both of them looked at you quizzically. “Never again, too much sand.” You added. “What have you ever Duffles?” You nicknamed. “Twice.” “Slash?” You asked after Duffs answer. “Yep, a few times, mostly in hot tubs though.” He told you. After a few more questions on details. “Would you ever?” Slash asked. “Ever what?” Your brow lifted. “Have pool sex.” He informed. “Wouldn’t mind.”

You knew exactly where this was going. If you weren’t holding yourself up by your arms, your legs would have been so weak that you would sink. Your mind was wondering, and so with that your eyes did too. Going from the tiles of the pool, to Duff’s newly golden tanned body, to under the water your gaze fixed a bit to long on one particular position. “My eye’s aren’t under the water are they now…?” Duff said, catching you off guard and making you blush hard, if it was any harder the water around you would start to boil. “There’s no shame in it honey.” He said, now moving closer to you, turning around so his back was on the wall of the pool. “I haven’t been paying attention either.” He told you. “None of us have…” Slash began, now also moving closer, but a bit away from the pools edge, nearly behind you. You looked at Slash, silent but your nervous breathes showed your lust. Adding on as your eyes immediately went to look below the waterline, but quickly scanning up, meeting Slash’s face as a shit eating grin began to plaster it. Duff moved to be in front of you now as your nervousness made you let go if the pools edge. Duff’s back laid in the pools edge, his hands under the water feeling your waist to your hips. You subconsciously wrapped your legs around his waist. Slash in the other hand moved to be behind you, his hands in your waist as his chest pressed against your bare back. You wanted them. More than anything, you wanted them. They wanted you too, finally getting that security of being able to love you, always in competition with Izzy, but now it was final that you were theirs. In short whispers you agreeing to this.

Slash kissed your neck as his dick pressed against your ass. Duff kissed your tits as his dick was against your folds. Both of the men sucking on your skin leaving hickeys. “Please…” You pleaded for them to enter you. Your head falling into Duff’s shoulder as Slash’s thick cock lined up to your ass. “Take him baby.” Duff told you, releasing his mouth from your breasts. Slash held your cheeks apart as his dick slowly started to enter your tighter hole. “Good girl… you can do it.” Slash mumbled as his hard thick cock began to stretch out the hole. “Fuck…” his head falling back at the tightness. Your body burned uncomfortably at the harsh gritting feeling, but it soon eased as he went slowly and gently into you and stopped to rest every inch that his cock had to offer. His head laid on your shoulder and neck as he sighed bottoming out. You moaned and whined still even whilst he wasn’t moving. But you were louder as Duff began to push into your cunt. His longer dick getting pushed and pressed to the back of your pussy as he tired to get his whole length into you. Your head flung back in ecstasy feeling the two men inside you and one of then had their fingers starting to please your clit. “Fuck baby… you’re so fucking hot. Taking us both like a good girl.” Duff told you as felt your hips repeatedly press into his as Slash slowly fucked his way in and out if your ass. “Mmm, fuck so tight. So fucking perfect.” Slash moaned under his heavy sighs. As both of the men fucked your holes your orgasm was much closer and fiercer than normal.

“Mmm… gonna cum… fuck!” You whined. “Oh god baby- me too-…” and with Slash’s heavy sighs and uneven thrusts he came inside your ass. You very quickly after came abruptly over Duffs dick, cursing out and whimpering as you came down from it. Duff was very soon to finish as well, as when you orgasmed your pussy clenched around his dick tighter than anything and squeezed out his cum for him, shooting inside your begging pussy. All three of you were sighing heavily. Hot sweat dripping down into the cool as your body’s were still attached to each other. Duff kissed you as you got off his dick and Slash did too once he pulled out your ass and picked you from the water, holding you in a bridal position.

“Shit, we have to drain this pool after that.”

A/n: sorry that the end was rushed its late and I want to get to other requests and make space for newer ones

And yes I know that you have to have a silicone lubricant for water sex but I was too lazy to try add it

[fraudulent-cheese]

Actually no, i want to expand on my relative dislike of WT. Because when people talk about this season's faults, i BARELY see people mentionning the complete flatterning of like half it's cast!

Oh sure, people are super willing to throw shit at TDA and especially TDAS for it's flanderisation of characters, but outside of some rogue posts by mutuals, i don't see ANY OF YOU pointing the finger at World Tour when i'd argue it's especially eggregious.

Owen's the easiest example of this, and while it didn't start this season it got so much during it. Nearly all of his lines revolve around food, his aerophobia, or Izzy for a single episode. His relationship with Alejandro is also super indicative of this; im willing to accept the HC that he was aware of Alejandro's dislike of him and just wanted to win him over, but that's absolutely not what the writters intended, no way in hell. He's just completely oblivious to his shitty behavior when he seemed at least somewhat aware of Heather's shifty behavior back on Island, or at least able to stand up for himself (shoutouts to that one Action episode). It's not fun to watch, either.

Bridgette too had her personality reduced to one or two traits, for either comedy reasons (because apparently people making out 24/7 is funny) or story reasons (establishing Alejandro as a threat who uses flirting and his general attractiveness to advance his strategy) and it suckssssss because she was! an actual character! and World Tour especially benefits from having a 'straight man' type character that can look at the other's weirdness and react to it like a normal-ish person! That and she could be an interesting presence to have on Team Victory, with her friendships with Leshawna and Courtney for instance.

DJ too is a BIG victim of the flanderisation thing; his personality is dumbed down to just being a huge scaredy cat, and his character is just The Curse. That's all he does and that's all he is, all he talks about. And that sucks because he too, was an actual person in Island and even Action! Sure, he was sometimes a pushover and had an accident-prone bunny, but he was also kind and could actually go out of his way to play pranks on people! But all of that is just gone in WT.

There's also the characters that weren't flanderised, and more just. Written entirely out of character. Outside of the entire Love Triangle (which i will get to) the biggest example of this is Leshawna to me. The writters straight forget the episode in Action where she's entirely dsitrustful of the Pizza they were offered (which did turn out to be tampered with) due to Chef being uncharasterically nice to them. Guess what Alejandro was doing. Being overly nice to her out of nowhere. Frankly she fell victim to the same thing Bridgette did; needing to be sacked for Alejandro's villany to be better established.

Ok fuck i need to mention the Love Triangle too because while people complain about it alot i don't think they complain about the correct stuff. i'll go rapid fire because it's been talked to death however; Gwen's liking of Duncan is a retcon, her acting like this is out of character for her frankly, Duncan's out of character by trying to emotionally manipulate his ex and the lore established to justify it makes it worse (remember the "At least im straight with people" line?), Courtney is villanised from even before this point which while her anger might've been targetted at the wrong person she was justified in being upset imo, Courtney's entire character is thrown out of a window in general this season, blah blah blah.

I'll end on the whole "the writters forgetting entire character traits/arcs" Cody still hitting on Gwen this season makes no goddamn sense and is super uncomfortable to watch. He's really such a nothing character man. Sierra deserved better than being a manic pixie stalker girl.

[celluloidbroomcloset]

To talk a bit more about submission and especially Ed's trust in Stede and the erosion of that trust...

There's a fairly clear implication that Ed has never felt safe in his life - not as a child with an abusive father, not as a boy or young man on Hornigold's ship, and not as Blackbeard. He's very much the impossible bird, increasingly exhausted and sick of flying until eventually he'll just drop out of the sky. But when he meets Stede, he thinks he's found a safe place to land.

His desire to relinquish control is right there from the very beginning, though he may not even know it. He's tired, he's bored, he's not having fun being a pirate or even being a person.

He tries to show some vulnerability with Izzy, only to be first misunderstood, then bullied back into Blackbeard. But it’s revealing so much of himself to Stede, and then being hurt, that drives his heartbreak and eventually his depression. Ed trusted Stede with his darkest secrets, but also with his softest feelings - the murder of his father and his mother's silk.

What’s harsh in Stede not showing up on the dock is that he said he was Ed’s friend, and then Ed kisses him and their relationship shifts. The kiss is a declaration of desire; it's moving from the relationship they can still treat as friendship and into the space of romance and sexuality. Stede not showing up on the dock seems to say, “I was your friend but I can’t be your lover.”

Ed starts seeing those moments of tenderness and kindness throughout the first season in a different light. He felt how tenderly his vulnerability and his fears were treated, and now he wonders if he never understood the meaning behind that tenderness - that Stede really did fear him, or was just being kind, because Stede is kind.

That rejection isn't what makes Ed spiral, but it is what he dwells on throughout those first three episode of Season 2. Stede broke something open inside him, and he thinks that what he felt was never really reciprocated, that Stede was frightened of him and that Stede saw him fully and what he saw was a monster. So when Stede comes back and offers that gentleness again, Ed's naturally wary of it. He wants, badly, to give in and let himself be vulnerable again, but he's scared that he will be hurt if he does.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that Stede stops saying "I love you" when Ed asks him to, and that he slows down when Ed asks him to, and that he asks to hold Ed's hand is important. Stede is nothing if not emotionally attuned to Ed. He's saying "you're safe with me." He's not going to do or try to do anything that Ed doesn't want, and he's not going to get pissy about it.

A lot has been said about Calypso's birthday, because it is certainly the most vulnerable Ed has ever been, likely with anyone. When he's sitting on the bed and looking at Stede, you can see that in him - it's a moment where he's finally willing to trust Stede again, and let him take control, and trust that Stede won't hurt him.

That look is of such exceptional vulnerability, not just because they’re going to have sex but because of what that means as an expression of the love and trust that Ed is willing to give. He’s really letting Stede see all the softest parts of him, even allowing Stede to have control over them, and he’s got to be certain that this very gentle man isn’t going to use that to break him.

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

The longer I sit with it, the more I find Ed considering Izzy family actually really fitting and poignant. As a queer person, I feel like probably most of us have family like this? Izzy, in season one, violently rejects and sabotages Ed's queer relationship, and Ed's beginning to embrace a not traditionally masculine gender expression. And there's something in Ed's Kraken turn that still reads like a detransition arc to me. At the very least it's a trying to shove himself back into the closet, playing up the parts of himself that Izzy approves off. And it's stifling in the closet, it's killing him, he can only be happy if he comes back out and gets to be his true self and together with his boyfriend.

And Izzy eventually sees that. He starts out rejecting all parts of Ed he doesn't want to see, that don't fit his own headcanon of what Ed is supposed to be, and for a while, even looking at Ed being utterly miserable, he thinks he's doing him a favour! But then he realises, no, this is wrong, this is hurting Ed so badly, and he opens up to it. He starts letting Ed be himself, he begins to accept Ed's boyfriend, he eventually encourages Ed to embrace his own softness, to start over and live his life the way he wants.

And this is, like, an experience I have made with family members. I think this is an experience a lot of us have made: a family member reacting really negatively to our coming outs, trying to turn us "back" into a more acceptable version of ourselves. Sometimes, we lose this family member, because if they can't change their minds and accept us, we just have to eventually cut them from our lives if we want to be free and happy. But sometimes it doesn't go quite as bad, sometimes the family member changes their mind and grows to accept us, and Izzy grew to accept Ed. And even independently of Izzy's own story of overcoming his repression and getting to be loved and soft and accepted while he sings in drag, this story of "a family member who rejected your queerness comes around and learns to love you as your true self" is a very fitting story to tell within a narrative like OFMD.

Not all family members love you unconditionally at all times. Not all family members accept you out of the box. In my experience, coming out to people who have been in your life a long time, who never really knew you closely, but saw you around and assumed they know everything about you, is so much more complicated and conflicted than coming out to friends. Family isn't always happy. It's often complicated. But it's also complicated because you love them! Even when they don't seem to love the real you, even when they hurt you and you'd die for them to see you and your pain and your needs, you still love them. Because love is messy. Because family hurt us, people hurt each other in families, sometimes someone hurts you and then you hurt them back, sometimes a family is toxic, there's so much baggage in families, they're not inherently a safe space of acceptance. But sometimes they can grow into that. Sometimes the love is enough and we can move on from the hurt and be a better family together. Sometimes we can forgive each other. Sometimes we get to hear "hey, there you are, I see you now, and I want you to live in a way that makes you happy". And it seems so important that Ed gets to hear that from his only remaining family.

[angelst4re]

heyy!! so I was wondering if you could do a like a oneshot of being enemies with jace and him teasing you about liking him and then it ending with him eating the reader out?? IM SO SORRY ITS VERY SPECIFIC LMFOOAOAOAOOA 💀💀

hi love!! ahh i had so much fun writing this!! i was tired when i wrote this so i got a bit carried away at the end and kinda turned this into an enemies to lovers... but i hope you like it!!

Heavenly Fire- Jace x Fem!Reader (he has too many last names.)

summary: in the request!

warnings: NSFW!! smut! porn with minimal plot... oral (f recieving)(jace is the king of giving head), fingering, first time(?), but no actual sex </3

notes: i couldn't think of a title for this :( fun fact: my shower isn't working right now that is what inspired me to write this! also i feel like i nailed jace's personality in this one, i always find it hard when i'm writing for jace because of his personality but this one...

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“God! Do you ever shut up?!” You turned around to Jace, who was following you towards the kitchen as Isabelle had just made lunch. 

“Now, I know I’ve been called heavenly, but a God? I’ve not heard that before.” He teased, earning an evil stare from you. 

“What are you talking about?” Isabelle asked, placing some bowls on the table of what appeared to be soup? 

“Jace is being a-“

“Y/n confessed her everlasting love to me, we’re getting married next week, I better go and inform Alec and Magnus-“ 

“Oh shut up, Jace! You know I don’t like you!” You gave Jace a shove before you sat down at the table. He snickered as he sat down opposite you, clearly happy with your reaction. 

“Keep telling yourself that, love.” He said under his breath before Isabelle joined the two of you at the table. 

There was no denying Jace was attractive, it was almost annoying how he always looked perfect. His perfect blonde hair and his perfect eyes and his perfect smirk and his perfect body- But that wasn’t why you hated him. You hated him because he was such an asshole all the time. He knew he was good looking, and he was overly confident- or so it seemed to you. He never had an issue when it came to one night stands, but you noticed he could never hold down a relationship. You would never see him with the same girl more than once, sometimes twice on the odd occasion. Even you had longer relationships than that (although Isabelle would say being together for 5 days didn’t count as a relationship.)

After finishing the soup Izzy had made, you gave Jace one last glance before standing up and placing your bowl by the sink. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After a long day of training, it was no surprise that you were sweaty and needed a shower. So, naturally, you headed to your bathroom, locked the door and began to undress. But there was a problem. 

Your shower wasn’t working.

You sighed and stepped back out, taking your robe which was hanging up by the door and slipping it on, tying it up, and unlocking the bathroom door again. 

You hoped that Isabelle would let you use her bathroom, as the spare bathrooms were tiny and quite frankly disgusting. But as you got closer to her room, you could hear music being played, and as you put your ear to the door you heard not only Isabelle’s voice but also Simon’s. You quickly dismissed this idea. 

But that meant you only had one more option. Jace. 

Alec was most probably at Magnus’ apartment, so you could use his shower- but you wouldn’t want to do so without asking him first. So you had no other choice. 

You felt a strange buzz of anxiety in your belly as you knocked on Jace’s door, all you wanted to do was have a shower, there’s nothing to be anxious about!

As he opened the door, you were met with a shirtless Jace, his hair damp and slightly wavy, his-

“Come to discuss our wedding, love?” He teased you, eyeing you up and down, trying to figure out if you were actually wearing anything beneath your robe. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding and shook your head. 

“Jace, look, my shower isn’t working and Izzy has Simon over. I didn’t want to have to bother you but-”

“You want to take a shower with me? Without taking me to dinner first? Wow-”

“No, no! I meant, I- You-” You suddenly became quite flustered, unable to think of anything other than the sight of him in the shower, hair dripping, the way the water would fall on his body- Stop! You were sure you were blushing now, and as you looked back up at him, he confirmed it with a devilish smirk. 

“What’s got you so pink in the face, sweetheart? I thought you hated me?” He taunted you, and you couldn’t take it any more. The throbbing between your thighs was becoming almost painful as you wrapped your arms around his neck and captured his lips with yours in a needy kiss. You couldn’t help but think about what this would do to his ego. He was going to become unbearable to live with, but in the moment you couldn’t help yourself. He was so fucking hot, you could never truly hate him. 

You pushed him backwards a little, so you were both in his room with the door shut. If Isabelle saw the two of you right now, she would never shut up about it, telling you I told you so. You always denied your feelings towards Jace, hiding them with hatred, and he always expressed his feelings through teasing you, causing you to ‘hate’ him even more. 

Quickly, you pull away from Jace before he had the chance to rest his hands on your waist. 

“Oh, fuck!” You hid your face with your hands, turning away from Jace. You were such an idiot. 

“What is it? Did I do something wrong, I-” Jace genuinely seemed confused, and quite panicked by your sudden change in attitude. 

“No. Well, actually, yes you have. You’re such an asshole, Jace. But I can’t help every time I see your perfect fucking face, or your… What I’m trying to say is this was a mistake. I-” You were shut up by lips crashing into yours once more, this time more passionate than the last. His hand cupped your face as the other held your waist, leading the two of you closer and closer towards the bed. He must have seen the way your eyes were so lust-blown only a few moments ago, as his hand creeped towards the place where your robe was tied, and within seconds it had fallen to the floor. 

You would have felt nervous, even anxious about your body being on display like this, especially in front of Jace as he pulled away from the kiss, but as soon as you saw the way he was looking at you, your worries disappeared. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes half-lidded, his chest rising and falling as his breathing became heavier. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his hand gently placed on your shoulder. He slid it down your body, touching you for the first time. He gently caressed your breasts, massaging the soft flesh as small whimpers left your lips and your eyes fell shut. He took a moment to toy with your nipples, and that was when you let out an almost pornographic moan. At that, he dropped to his knees, his hand sliding down your torso until it rested just above your cunt. 

He placed kisses along your thighs before looking up at you, as if asking for permission. You eagerly nodded your head, you desperately needed him to touch you. 

He moved slightly and took one of your legs, lifting it over his shoulder to put your slick pussy on full display for him. He parted your lips with two fingers, before leaning in and swiping his tongue along your clit. The action was so sudden that your knees buckled beneath you, so he moved once more and pushed you down onto the bed. As your back fell onto the mattress, he pulled you closer to him so your knees were hanging off his bed. Then, he resumed his attack on your clit. 

“Oh fuck! Jace!” You groaned, slapping one hand over your mouth and tangling the other in his hair as he ate you out. 

He sucked you clit between his lips, earning a string of moans to fall from your lips, and that’s when he decided to trace his finger over your hole, before replacing it with his thumb. He eased the tip of his thumb in before pulling it out again, watching as your hole pulsed, begging for more. 

Without any warning, he slipped his middle finger into you and curled it upwards in a ‘come here’ motion as he continued sucking, lipping and nipping at your clit. Your back arched and your legs wrapped around the man between your thighs, pulling him impossibly closer to you. 

“Shh, it’s okay, angel. Think you can take another one?” He teased, bringing a second finger to your entrance. 

Jace had assumed you were a virgin, and he was right. However, he knew you had touched yourself before. Occasionally, you would think you were home alone and your hand would travel between your thighs, small moans and whimpers would fall from your lips as Jace passed by your room. It took all his strength to simply walk past, especially when you would moan his name.

He slipped the second finger in, and you felt that familiar feeling in your belly. However, this time it felt ten times stronger. You were worried that you would actually explode when you reached your high. 

“I know you’ve been wanting this, angel. Coming undone on my fingers, my tongue. Pretending you hate me, but I could see straight through you. I knew all along you were just a little slut, isn’t that right? I knew just how jealous you would get whenever a girl would come home with me, just how angry it would make you. But it’s okay, they never meant anything,” his thumb replaced his mouth on your clit as he spoke, and his words went straight to your core, “I knew all along you wanted to be my girl. Cum for me and I’ll make your wish come true, cum on my fingers, darling, I know you’re close. 

Just as your orgasm washed over you and your thighs began to tremble, Jace leaned down and captured your lips with his. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips, followed by strings of profanities as his fingers continued to pump inside you, working through your high. You had never felt so… wonderful. You were gasping for air but Jace’s lips were still on yours, you could even taste yourself on his tongue. 

You wrapped both of your arms around him and held him close, hoping he would lie by your side when you finally came back to reality. However, he escaped from your arms and went into the bathroom to retrieve a soft, damp cloth to clean you up with. 

“Stay still for me, darling.” He chuckled as he spread your legs to clean up your messy cunt, but your thighs kept pressing together. However, he managed to clean you up and threw the cloth to the corner of the room, to a pile of clothes that needed washing. 

He helped you up the bed, so your head was against the pillows, and lied beside you, pulling you close to him in a warm embrace as your head rested on his chest. 

He stroked your bare back, causing you to shiver slightly as it tickled, which seemed to amuse Jace. 

“So what does this mean?” You asked, moving your head to look up at Jace who was sitting against the headboard, one arm behind his head. 

“What does what mean?” 

“Everything you said, about being yours?”

Jace took a moment to think, and you were filled with a sudden panic that he didn’t mean what he said, that it just felt right in the moment. 

“You can use my shower, sweetheart. When you’re finished, get changed into something nice, or not- but I don’t think you’d want to wear leggings and a hoodie on your first date.” He said, a smirk creeping up on his lips. 

“Are you, the Jace Herondale- who never dates- asking me out on a date?” 

“No, I’m not asking you,” he chuckled, playing with your hair, “darling, I’m telling you.”

[veeagainsttheday]

Ed, Killing, and the Kraken in Our Flag Means Death S1 and S2

This meta contains a whole heckuva a lot of spoilers for Our Flag Means Death seasons 1 and 2. Thanks to @petrichorca who gave it a read through and left some helpful comments!

When we first get to know Ed in s1e4, the episode concludes with him telling his first mate, Izzy Hands, about his plans to murder Stede Bonnet and steal his identity so Ed can retire from piracy. Ed and Izzy discuss the plan in a casual manner, like this act isn't shocking or deviant from previous conversations and schemes Ed and Izzy have had before. This is consistent with how other characters, especially Black Pete, have described Blackbeard in previous episodes (‘when Blackbeard kills man, woman, or child…’). While Black Pete is (probably) lying, Buttons was with him until the flip. 

As the song ‘The Empty Boat’ by Caetano Veloso plays, Izzy tells Ed, 'You've still got it' and Ed says, 'I know,' turning away to face the empty deck. Only the audience witnesses his true facial expression - the Blackbeard mask falling, a kind of dead-eyed exhaustion (echoed by the lyrics of the song) taking its place. 

In s1e5, we see Ed threaten violence against the French captain, but he doesn't actually hurt the man himself. We also see him act as if he's about to go kill the French partygoers before Stede steps in and 'handles it'. At this point I think we the audience would, if asked, have said that Ed seems to have a casual attitude towards killing that you would expect from 'the legendary Blackbeard'. He's scary ('next one goes through your fucking eyeball') and almost cartoonishly violent ('skin him. And use the snail fork'). So we the audience maybe make some assumptions about where the show stands on violent killing - not only that Blackbeard is familiar with it, but that it's a commonplace act for him.

Then we come to a pivotal moment. In s1e6, Izzy pushes back on Ed for not killing Stede, there’s the conversation about doggy heaven, and Ed promises Izzy that he’ll be the one to do the killing. We see Ed hyping himself up (‘You’re a killer bro. So kill.’) and then holding his knife while standing next to Stede behind the curtain in the captain’s cabin. They’re interrupted by Lucius cutting off his finger. Ed doesn’t go through with it; the moment passes as Stede exits the curtain to announce the entrance of the Kraken. 

At this point, I as an audience member fully believed that Ed couldn’t kill Stede because of his feelings for him. I wasn’t yet sure what those feelings were, but I knew that Ed had a deep affection for Stede, and for a moment I believed that was all that was holding him back. Then, of course, we see Ed have a PTSD/panic attack trigger from the Kraken fuckery that sends him into Stede’s bathtub, hiding underneath Stede’s robe, where he and Stede have what I believe is the most intimate moment of the entire first season (a reading supported by s2e3). Ed tells Stede, ‘The Kraken didn’t kill my dad. I did.’ We are shown the flashbacks to the way Ed’s father abused him and his mother, and the Kraken story he told on deck earlier is shown again with the figure of the beast in the water replaced by himself, as a young teen, on the dock. 

Then Ed tells Stede, ‘If I’m being honest, I haven’t killed another man since.’ Stede tries to comfort him by reminding him how much he loves a good maim, but Ed is still preoccupied with how the fact that he killed his abusive father as a child means that he’s not a good person, and that this is why he doesn’t have any friends, aka, isn’t loveable. Stede tells him, ‘I’m your friend,’ in essence, To me, you are loveable, and Ed reacts by saying, ‘No,’ and banging his head against the tub.

The next important point happens in s1e8, when Jack invites himself to breakfast and regales Stede (very deliberately, as he’s trying to push Stede and Ed apart) with the tale of Ed setting a ship alight and killing many people. (Also note - the show’s first mention of Hornigold! ‘He treated us like dogs! Worse than dogs!’ and ‘Ground us down into nothing!’) While Jack emphasises the horror and brutality of what Ed did, Ed’s demeanour completely changes - ‘No, Stede doesn’t want to hear about that.’ Jack obviously doesn’t listen to Ed; Stede’s face passes from horrified listening to Jack to squinting at Ed like, ‘Is this - true?’ Ed looks thoroughly guilty as the story continues and Stede asks him, clearly doing his best to preserve Ed’s secret in front of Jack, ‘I thought you’d, uh, given up the killing?’ Ed surges forward in his seat and, not making eye contact with Stede, says, ‘Yeah, well, technically the fire killed those guys. Not me.’ The camera then cuts to Jack looking at Stede with a bit of an incredulous expression as if he’s both gauging Stede’s reaction to the entire thing and thinking, ‘Wow BB’s in deep here if he’s making up some weird story about not being the one who lit that fire.’  

I don’t think the show intends for us to believe that Ed was consciously lying to Stede in the bathtub scene in s1e6. Instead, we see the complex way that Ed - who is shown to be both brilliant and possessed of an internal monologue that just cannot shut up - has constructed mental barriers to protect himself from the trauma of killing while still achieving the highest possible status in a very violent profession and existing in a world marred by colonial violence perpetrated specifically against people like him. 

S1e9 shows Ed continuing to posture to everyone but Stede as Blackbeard, seasoned killer (for example, telling Chauncey that he barely remembers killing Nigel because he’s ‘a real “life is cheap” kinda guy’). At the Academy and briefly after, in the beginning of s1e10, Ed seems set to have given up killing and violence for real, but Izzy’s threats in the cabin in s1e10 send Ed reeling back to the Kraken persona he assumed when he killed his dad. The season concludes with him pushing Lucius off the ship and Krakening up to sail, rob, and raise hell forever - but the final shot shows Ed crying alone in his cabin, his Kraken makeup streaking down his face. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s one of my favourite scenes from a character perspective. Imagine if the season had ended with Ed fully transformed into the Kraken, rather than clearly miserable and heartbroken under his mask? 

Season 2 begins with Ed trying to set a record for most consecutive raids, working his crew to death under brutal and traumatic conditions. His list of crimes on his wanted poster certainly suggests a lot of violence and killing, yet the show is careful to show us Ed himself only seeming to kill one person - firing a gun into a man’s back during a raid - and if you look closely, you’ll see that the man was already dying with a dagger through his body. It feels vital to me that the only direct ‘killing’ action we see Ed taking is shooting a man who we presume he can justify as having been already on his way to death. 

In s2e1 and s2e2, Ed can’t kill Izzy, though he does try desperately to get Frenchie to do it for him. He can’t even kill himself, trying to get Izzy to do it instead. When he thinks Izzy has committed suicide with the gun he gave him, he says, ‘I loved you, best I could,’ as if any love Ed could give would by its nature not be good enough. 

Ed wakes in s2e3 in the care of his old captain, Hornigold; of course, he’s really in the gravy basket and Hornigold is serving as a Jacob Marley-esque psychopomp. They key to Ed realising that he’s really [Buttons voice] ‘down in the old gravy basket’ is the conversation that concludes his attempts to be Jeff the Innkeeper. Hornigold tells Ed that he’s not good with people - after all, he did strangle his father. Ed reacts first with disbelief then cold fury, saying he never told anyone that; Hornigold reminds him that he told one person and Ed flashes back to telling Stede in the bathtub in s1e6; then Hornigold reminds him that the one person he told left him, and we see Ed crying under his Kraken makeup at the end of s1e10. Later, when Ed (finally, even Calico Jack would have had it sooner) realises that Hornigold represents himself, he says that he’s unloveable. Here’s the crux of it - he believes that he is fundamentally unloveable because he killed his father, because he is the Kraken, the monstrous beast capable of lethal violence. That’s why Stede left, his brain is telling him even as he’s dying. 

Then Stede actually proves him wrong by returning, saving him from death, and telling him that he ‘love[s] everything about [him]’ in rapid succession. Whether or not Ed fully accepts this information, we do see him very quickly, yes, melt back into Stede’s arms. Which brings us to s2e6, and Stede’s killing of Ned Low. 

Quick digression into killing and Stede: Stede accidentally kills a man in s1e1, is haunted by his ghost in s1e2. He’s so haunted by dead Nigel that he spends a lot of s1e2 asking first Oluwande and Jim for advice on being a ‘mur-der-er’, and then asking Black Pete how his former employer, Blackbeard (!!!) handled killing. (How Pete says, ‘When Blackbeard kills man, woman, or child-’ lives in my head at all times, Matt Maher with the line deliveries of all time.) Finally in s1e2, during his court-mandated therapy with the tribal elder, Stede admits that he doesn’t feel bad about killing Nigel - he was a horrible person even when he was a child! Stede's guilt is coming from somewhere else. We see this again in s1e9, when Stede says it is time for him to face the consequences for what he’s done - it might seem like he means for killing Nigel, since that’s why he’s about to face the firing squad, but we know that Stede’s guilt is about abandoning his family (the people he’s hurt!). Similarly, when Stede kills Ned in s2e6, he seems to get over it very quickly. Ned is clearly a bad guy, and although the act of killing him was traumatic for Stede (much like the act of killing Nigel), Stede presumably reconciles it by knowing that he was protecting Ed and his crew (and avenging Calypso’s birthday). Stede as a character is shown to have a tremendous amount of natural resilience. We later see him immolate a guy and dispatch a number of British soldiers without hesitation. Stede is also one of the two main protagonists of the show, and his attitude towards killing seems to reflect the attitude of the show itself - killing colonisers and torturers to protect your loved ones is ok, actually. 

(Side note but I found this idea about how zero tolerance policies actually hurt victims very informative on the topic of why it's ok that Stede killed his childhood bully; I got that link from this very interesting post where several people are in conversation about how Ed is not Izzy's abuser.)

Back to Ed in s2e6. He asks Stede not to kill Ned; when Stede does anyway, Ed is visibly saddened and ignores Izzy telling him to give Stede a moment; instead he goes immediately to check in on Stede in his cabin. He knocks on the door and in that soft voice that he only ever uses with Stede, he starts to say, ‘Hey. You okay? Look, I was a wreck after my first kill as well.’ Then he pauses, before rambling, ‘I mean, well, it was my dad, so there's that,’ which feels like a little moment of self-reflection. Like. Yeah. Ed. Baby. You might be super fucked up about the act of killing because the first guy you killed was your dad, when you were a literal child! Also, Ed has never been to (as far as we know) court-mandated tribal elder therapy, so of course his decision to kill his father fucked Ed up for decades! Also as a very clever friend pointed out, we don’t know anything about what the consequences of that were for Ed - how did his mother react, is that why he ran away to sea, etc.

There's another important thing here that the audience knows, but that Ed has never told Stede (or, we have to assume, anyone) which is that the catalyst for Ed becoming the Kraken to kill his father was abuse. The audience is shown through his panic-attack-induced flashback that Ed's father physically and verbally abused his mother and presumably him too. All Ed has ever said to Stede or anyone about it, as far as we know, was his joke to the crew during scary story hour that his dad was a dick. Stede can probably infer roughly why Ed killed his dad, but he doesn't know the details, and he loves everything about Ed anyway, and now Ed knows that Stede does too. 

So Ed and Stede have sex, and as many metas have pointed out (like this one!), it's so meaningful that Ed feels safe enough to give up his Blackbeard/Kraken identity the very next morning. He attempts to get Stede to see that it might be nice to not be pirates anymore due to the high chance of death but Stede manages to completely misread it and laughs it off. (To be fair to Stede, they're both horrible at communicating and Ed is not saying what he wants in any direct manner.) Ed proceeds to have his big beautiful brain start to spiral out of control as Jackie points out how popular Stede is becoming as a pirate; Ed panics, tells Stede he doesn’t even know who he is, and leaves to become a fisherman before he can get left (again!). 

As Ed rows away from his failed career as a fisherman in s2e8, his boss Pop-Pop (who he has managed to recreate a fucked up father-son dynamic with that like so many things in his show is played for laughs but has pretty dark undertones) yells after him, 'If you were ever good at anything, go and do that, you bum.' Ed rows back into the port of the Republic of Pirates and sees the destruction Prince Ricky has wrought upon the pirate community. Ed's first thought is, Stede, and then he imagines Stede calling for help before straight up murdering two British soldiers. He remembers Pop-Pop's words and says, 'Have it your way,' before diving into the sea, retrieving his leather, putting it on underwater, and emerging from the waves fully dressed. It's fantastically hot and the exact level of drama I expect from this man. The Kraken musical cue is playing as it happens. 

We now see Ed murdering British soldiers in the coolest ways possible, demonstrating his skill at fighting in hand to hand combat. One way to read him taking Pop-Pop's advice is that this is what he's good at - killing and violence. 

But you know what Ed’s even better at? Protecting the people he loves. His mother, himself, and Stede. Each time Ed becomes the Kraken, he fulfils that. He protects his mother from his father, himself from Izzy after being warned that ‘[Edward] better watch his fucking step’, and Stede from the invading colonisers who want to destroy their freedom. But something has changed the third time he does it - this time, he can tell Stede that he loves him and he doesn't mean it as a tainted thing, but something that he knows Stede will treasure. He's both loveable and capable of loving. He always has been, of course, but now he knows it. The Kraken, the part of him that is capable of killing, was always a defence mechanism for Ed, but the third time he understands it and himself enough to know that it doesn’t make him a monster. 

[avelera]

Huh, just had a random thought about Stede's reactions to people asking him about Ed this season and sort of had a revelation:

Stede isn't used to people asking for his opinion.

There was this interesting observation in this post that when Izzy asks Stede to "give him his worst" after he learns of Ed's death, it's Izzy trying to deal with Stede the way he'd deal with Ed. He senses there's a blow-up coming so he prods it to make it detonate and then directs the vitriol towards himself. It's what he did on board when Ed was threatening to shoot himself during the "toxic atmosphere" confrontation. Give the captain a target for his anger so we can all move on.

But, as the post notes, Stede isn't Ed. There's a lot of delicious, wonderful character-driven reasons that Stede's reaction to Izzy goading him like that is just pained silence, a topic for another day, but suddenly I started thinking about Zheng and her whole, "Girl how are you?" moment where Stede is similarly silent.

Then it sort of hit me: unlike Ed, Stede really is at a loss when people open the floor for him to talk, when they solicit his opinion. And when you think about his background, it makes a horrible kind of sense.

Ed's the fearsome pirate captain Blackbeard, he's used to people asking about his opinion (or fearfully about his intentions).

But remember when Stede and Ed first met? Ed asks if Stede knows what it's like to be waiting to drown, Stede cautiously answers yes, and Ed just bowls right over him. But Stede doesn't seem offended. If anything, he seems wearily accustomed to giving his mumbled answer and having it ignored. When he answers his father about marrying for love, Stede is also ignored.

When Stede does offer his opinion, it's in a very sort of grand, challenging sort of way, usually to his subordinates. But there's a feeling of interruption to his declarations. He knows no one is really asking, so he makes his statements to the air. Part of his pirate captain power fantasy is to have Lucius take notes about what he's saying. But there's very little... hmm, conversation? As someone with ADHD who has to consciously remember to let other people speak, which leads to a sort of stop/start conversation style, it feels a bit familiar. Stede is either making statements about his hyperfixations and getting mocked or ignored for them, or he's silent and his mumbled answers to questions are ignored.

He doesn't really expect to be asked a question and then listened to. He's used to questions as rhetorical devices for other people to talk about their wants and opinions and ignore his. (And I'm sure there's exceptions to this, I don't have perfect memory of ever line of dialogue, but I'll wager there's a status differentiator to who he declares to vs who he shyly defers to, his crew vs. people of higher status like Ed.)

Ok so to bring this back to Zheng and Izzy, who are sincerely trying to weigh in with Stede about what's going through his head with all these revelations about Ed... he's really kind of baffled. He doesn't think Izzy is sincere or benevolent (reasonable, after the end of S1) but I'd wager Zheng isn't being obtuse there. She's set up to be hyper competent. She is asking the important questions. Stede is just so unaccustomed to anyone of status listening to him, or asking questions of him that are important, that he looks actually a bit stunned and unsure how to respond.

Anyway. To fully back this up might require a full re-watch, I'm sure it's a bit more nuanced than this. But I really am mulling this now, about how rarely Stede is listened to. How he says "Talk it through as a crew," as an aspiration, perhaps based in a life where no one ever listened to what he was really saying or what mattered to him, but even with the permission to do so, he never, ever in S1 or S2 really opens up and answers the question himself except under extreme duress. Monologuing while alone to a picture of Ed (and getting VERY flustered and offended that Ricky is eavesdropping on this baring of his heart) is about as much honesty as we ever get from Stede.

Stede really really struggles to speak or answer questions about what's really going on with him. Maybe because before, no one ever really cared.