dolls-ofthe-world

[golbrocklovely]

you know, I thought i might of been annoying with the amount of asks i send you, and that still might be true but people apparently love me… so im sticking around 😂 gotta build this aussie anon fandom… buy the merch (its just a tshirt with koala ears on the anon icon and ‘xplr me daddy’ across the shoulder blades)

also absolute fkn ditto to your post abt snc needing a villain era. especially colby. I learnt just the other day that apparently he goes thru this m drama every time he’s snapped with a girl. like every time, for years. that’s gotta be so horrible. like imagine being the constant reason your friends or dates get harassed online just for being around you. you’d feel like poison. i truly hope he finds someone who couldnt give two flying quacks abt that stuff. heck, if it were me (lemme dream, alright) and i knew this wasn’t just a once off thing… i was going to say my acct would be private and i’d have ‘message from strangers’ turned off… but i already have all that… Colby, I’m ready!!! lmao i jk i jk (or do I 👀)

anyway, back to colby fighting in the clubs. you said he’s possessive… im curious about that. like in a protective way over the people he cares about, or actually like “this is my person, back off” type? either way, hella shmexxyy

- aussie anon

omg this is such a long response so i'm sorry in advance lol

haha no you're totally okay to keep sending in asks. no one has a problem with it, especially me :)

and omg an "xplr me daddy" shirt would be hysterical and i'm surprised they haven't done one (even jokingly) before lol

and yes, it's not just girls colby is interested in either. it's EVERY girl - date, friend, stranger - it doesn't matter. if fans can find out who she is, they will send her hate. or at the very least bombard her with questions as to how she knows colby, what's he like, ect. it's honestly very embarrassing to be in this fandom sometimes strictly bc of that type of shit.

i've talked about how i've felt on colby's love life ad nauseum on here, but i don't mind speaking on it more. i genuinely believe this fandom needs a HUGE reality check. bc there are too many ppl in this fandom that believe they have a say in what he does with said love life. and now it's bled over into sam's.

the golden child apparently can do wrong now lol

like on xplrclub, they literally APOLOGIZED (half-heartedly, but still said sorry) for the pics of them with the girls leaking over new years. and that's just fucking bonkers to me. there is no reason two 27 year old men should be saying sorry to a bunch of random girls they have never met before and don't even know exist bc they are going out and having fun and dating. and what makes it worse is snc felt the need to do this. they don't need to explain anything to us, especially about their private lives.

and the amount of fucking fans i saw saying "well if you wanted to have a private life, keep it private. don't post things." and it's like…… idk how many times i have to say this, but SNC ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. them not telling you about a girl they are fucking with is not a betrayal. they don't know you. they couldn't even pick you out of a line up of two ppl. stop thinking your opinion is neccessary, especially when it comes to their personal lives. you aren't owed an explanation. idc if you've been in this fandom for years, given them tons of money, have a fan account dedicated to them on every site, repost their content all the time - NONE of that matters. you are a random person, you are a statistic. a view count. and while yes, snc care about us, that doesn't mean they KNOW you or that your opinion is VALID.

you wouldn't like a random person coming onto your account and bitching at you about your life choices, right? so why do you think snc deserve that? bc they're public figures? NOPE, not a good enough reason. you want to bitch at them about content and the choices they make on that? that's fine. but private, personal shit they do is none of your concern or business.

and i know there are plenty of fucking ppl that will call me a hypocrite bc god forbid i talk about snc's love lives - but reality is i know my opinion isn't worth shit. i'm not coming up into their comments, @ ing them every chance i get, just to give them my two cents. i do my best to keep it light hearted and silly. none of what i talk about is serious or direly needed info. which is also why i do it on a site they aren't privy to. they're not on here. me complaining into the void doesn't effect them. and i'm also extremely aware of the fact that i don't know everything. i don't know the full story, never will, and i'm not OWED it either.

sorry, that was a really long rant. but i'm just…. so done with the fandom rn lol i've been reading ppl complaining for too long about shit they don't deserve to complain about and it's just annoying at this point.

but to bring it back to your ask - i hope colby, and sam too, find a girl that fucking PARADES that she's dating him. of course, with colby or sam's consent. if i was dating one of them, i would rub in these fans' faces, and i mean that wholeheartedly. aww, you're upset i'm fucking your man? TOO BAD WOMP WOMP lmao

and as for colby being possessive, he's said it in some tweets in years' past. he's tweeted out before "Im such a protective, jealous person wow" and "I'm overly protective" followed by someone asking him "so that means if you had a girlfriend you'd protect her a lot" and he replied with "protect her with my life". so, i see him as being a very loyal person, who is protective of the ppl he deems as "his", so to speak.

in a relationship, my guess is that while he's not obsessive or demanding, he is very much like "you are my girlfriend". i don't see him to be the type to say you can't talk to this guy or be friends with these ppl, nothing like that. but he reads to me like the type to keep his arm around you while at the club, that way any guy that sees you know you're taken by him.

also side note, i know as a woman i should be like i'm my own person, i'm no one's but my own, blah blah blah. but a guy that's just a twinge bit possessive is hot. i'm sorry, it's my red flag and i know it is sksksks

[needsmorewlw]

Dylan:

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me if I could speed up our phones charging and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

the same idiot: maybe a bear cut the phone line?

me, already taking off my clothes: ryan you’re so fucking stupid

[allthingskakashi]

As a fellow Kakashi lover, I’m curious if you feel that Kakashi is pretty misunderstood by a lot of fans? I’ve seen people say that he should’ve defected the village, and that he’s messed up for hiding his trauma. (Which he could’ve been more open about, yes, but I’m not sure that he even knew how to go about discussing it at the time) He could’ve easily left the village, but instead he wanted to change things and make society better by teaching teamwork, and to value everyone’s life by putting yourselves before the mission. He never lost hope for the future of shinobi and knew that it could be better. He definitely could’ve been more open about his past, but he’s always been more of a quiet and reserved kid (even before the trauma lol) Idk, I feel like a lot of people overlook his backstory when talking about him!

Istg every time i meet another person who shares this view i just wanna give em the biggest bear hug and im boutta go OFF

Remember back in their childhood when gai was being bullied by these men one time about his dad and kakashi dropped in and whacked them? He always had the conscience to stand up for what was wrong and be there for his comrades but sakumo's death was so traumatic for him, it forced him to change his own beliefs. He became a machine and he believed that carrying out missions as instructed was his only purpose in life, irrespective of what HE felt

because GOD YES he's so so misunderstood by fans half the time and I've seen so many people throw around the term bootlicker for him just cause he didn't throw away everything and leave the village and and join some criminal cult and like no?? The fact that he stayed only shows his strength of character if anything. He could've easily left if he wanted to, he would've made a very sexy villain too but he chose to be hopeful and he chose to remain good and that shows strength of character because it took him a fkn lot to stay in the right path and continue working for the village that took away his father from him.

And it had nothing to do with him being a bootlicker because kakashi is very much his own person and he has his own morals and ideals and he's not a stickler for rules until he believes in them. Yes he did become awfully rule-abiding after Sakumo's death for a while because he saw what listening to your heart instead of adhering to the rules did to his father. He saw the extent to which a previously respected shinobi was villified that he had to resort to taking his own life

And kakashi was angry at sakumo because he was only a small boy who had just lost his father. He couldn't help resent sakumo bc he kept thinking that if only sakumo had just stuck to the rules, he would've still been there with him. that if only he had just done what the village had asked him to, he wouldn't have lost the only family he had. Those were very valid thoughts for a child whose father had just committed suicide but kakashi did know in his heart that his dad was right and that's why he wanted to teach those very principles to the younger generations later on. That's why he told sakumo when they met in the limbo that he was proud of him. But back then when sakumo had just died, kakashi was a grieving child who was angry and dealing with so much pain inside him that he decided he'd never do what cost his father his life. Because he saw right in front of his eyes what happened if you broke the rules and so he did what his 5 year old mind thought he should. But even then, that was never who he was at heart. He never believed in mindlessly abiding by rules and that's what made him consider obito's words and ultimately go back to save rin. Obito's words did not change him, they only helped him see what was already in his heart.

But when obito said those words to him, it resonated with what he truly believed in inside his heart. So yeah, he's no bootlicker, he was just strong willed enough to not give in to the bad things that happened to him. He didn't make an impulse decision. He didn't want to abandon his village. It was his home and despite everything, he loved his home and he valued the people around him. He didn't want to just leave it all. He wanted to stay instead to make the village better, to pass on sakumo's values to the upcoming generations so that they became good shinobi AND humans. To teach his students the power of love and friendship so that they didn't grow up to become the kind of people that had denounced his father. Kakashi didn't want to take revenge for sakumo's death because his actions were never motivated by hatred, but he ensured that his father didn't die in vain.

Leaving would've been much easier for him too,he may have almost even thought of it on nights that were extremely painful, nights when he was completely engulfed with pain and anger at the horrible unfair world but he would've never done it bc that's not him. He CHOSE to listen to the part of his heart that still saw good. Betraying the village that was his home wasn't an option for him

So yeah the fact that he stayed only shows his strength of character. his determination, his judgement, his will to change the village for the better. He refused to pass students unless they knew the value of teamwork. He was the only one who failed team after team and sent them back to academy bc no matter what, he never would've let students who didn't value their comrades become shinobi. Would a bootlicker do that? He broke into root and freed tenzo; when everyone in the village ostracized naruto and iruka had almost made up his mind to ask hiruzen to assign him another student, KAKASHI was the one who told iruka to approach Naruto with love instead. He always had a mind of his own. When team 10 wanted to get their revenge after Asuma's death, kakashi himself offered to accompany them even tho tsunade wasn't initially very enthusiastic about the idea. Would a bootlicker do that? He sneaked naruto off to meet the 4th raikage bc he understood that it was important to Naruto. Would a bootlicker do that? He always did what he thought was right

He realised his mistakes and he changed for the better. He had to raise himself and yet he managed to stay on the right track and make not just a great shinobi but also a great person of himself. He didn't want to leave his home. that was his very identity, that was his world. He wanted to change it, not abandon it. I'm sorry that is not a bootlicker. Danzo had even tried to recruit him or smth once but he'd had the judgement and sense to turn him down

As for hiding his trauma idk what to say to that i mean you can't dictate how someone deals with trauma?? Sure, his ways weren't ideal but what can you expect? He was only a kid. He lost everyone that was important to him before he was even 15 and it's not like he received any help from anybody to heal and get better. The one time he tried to approach jiraiya, he turned kakashi away saying he was putting everyone off by being sad. Ig after that he just decided to stay quiet and keep it all inside himself. The village treated him as a human weapon and he started to see himself that way too because he really didn't care for his life anymore. He suffered from survivor's guilt and he wished he'd die, he hoped one of these missions would kill him. And he was this way for many years but what matters is that he did slowly let himself open up. It took him a long time but he did. He taught his genin team but he learnt from them too. They grew on him, he loved them and cared for them. Sure they were a handful but he they were his handful and he adored them. He could gather up the courage to finally let gai in too and even be verbal about how much he meant to him. It took a long way for him to get there and it was not easy but he got there and that's what matters

SO YEAH PHEW

im sorry that was so long but i get v riled up when people shit on kakashi about these things like you're missing the point and essence of his character and i will throw hands goddamit

The fandom really does misunderstand and misinterpret kakashi v often and there are many instances where i don't agree w the majority so it's so beautiful to me when i see people who think the same way THANK YOU SM I COMPLETELY AGREE W YOU LY <3

[rebelwith0utacause]

thanks for tagging me @pxrxmoore ^^ This looks cool!

feel free to answer all of them or just some of them or just ignore this all together, whatever you’re comfortable with, and then tag however many people you want!

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction? 

I think the first time I ever came across fanfiction had to be either with Paramore + other VWT bands (ATL, BVB, The Maine) on Buzznet or with Avenged Sevenfold on Wattpad. I’m leaning towards the latter because I was reading stuff on Wattpad since 2007-8 and I listened to A7X more (plus I stopped reading/listening to new A7X stuff when Jimmy died in 2009/2010 which is also around the time I became active on Buzznet). Idk, it’s been so long and that entire era of my life is extremely blurry.

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?

I once made a 10 ft macrame half hitch spiral braid out of wool. Basically just braided and braided until I no longer had wool (I might have added a bit more). I think I wore it 2-3 times as a belt, but it didn’t matter. It was something cool I could do and no one knew about it.

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)? 

Don’t have my own place atm, but def something IKEA-ish, mainly whites and/or that greyish kinda light wood. I just like stuff that look pure and clean and would let my plants be the highlight. I’m thinking green minimal with lots of DIY furniture and white linens. 

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen? 

Tbh, I feel like nothing compares to my 5sos phase so I’m gonna say 5sos. I’ve definitely been in others too (A7X, ATL, Paramore, Marvel/Tom Hiddleston, James McAvoy) but I’ve never been so immersed. Same goes for my metal bands, probably because most of them were either dead or disbanded by the time I started listening to them actively.

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself? 

I’m a Gemini-Cancer cusp sun, Pisces moon and Taurus ascendant and tbh I didn’t believe in this shit very much. But the more I started reading up, the more it clicked and made sense. I feel like I’m little bits of all, the good, the bad and the ugly but there are also sides of me that you see, sides I allow you to see and sides I keep hidden very deep inside my psyche that even I hardly see them and it just makes fkn sense.

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world?

I don’t necessarily think they do, but they might. I’m pretty sure I have a “nurse” syndrome irl so to counteract that need to help others I read fiction where others are helped (because probably deep down underneath all of that fixing I’m doing, I need someone to fix me). And by fictive fixing I mean all kinds of fixing whether it be actual wounds or psychological healing or even socialization and sex, it doesn’t matter, I’ll read it all. I’m also a very analytical person so I love doing a psych evaluation to both the characters and the writers.

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life? 

There have been many and I always see the level of impact they had on me after I’ve overcome them completely and taken a few years to just dissect what happened. So I don’t know if these are the hardest but the most pivotal in my life so far have been learning how to overcome my fear of vehicles while battling depression at the same time, as well as learning how to stop feeling like I didn’t do enough to prevent someone else’s suicide.

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)? 

This is really hard because I listen to too much music tbh, but let me see: 

- Milice by Foltin, it’s a song in Macedonian about a girl called Milica and this guy is reminiscing about the beginning of their love, it’s just such a chill fusion song. 

- Youngblood by 5sos, it basically sends me into another dimension where I feel the hurt, anger and disappointment he’s feeling as well as the helplessness of knowing you’d probably never get over this person. Yeah, his voice has that much power over me.

- Face of Melinda by Opeth, this is a part of a concept album and while the backstory is pretty dark, the melody is so soft and serene and temperamental and violent at times, I just love it so fkn much.

- Nobody’s Wife by Anouk because we all have those badass bitch songs and mine happens to be this gem, followed by You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette.

- Outlines by All Time Low, idk what’s the deal with this song but it came out during the time when I was young but felt very old and I just couldn’t find my place in the world so I replayed the shit out of it and it somehow helped me heal.

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between? 

I kinda don’t look for anything in particular I just look for traits that would piss me off and say buh-bye to those people from the get go. Like... I need ppl to be politically aware and vocal, but not politically blinded, I need them to be eco-conscious and I need them to hate capitalism as much as I do. I need them to be modern thinkers but not to a point where they believe and stand for every fad coming from Western civilization. Basically someone grounded and being able to evaluate the situation without being constantly swayed by others’ opinions. Some might call it stubborn, but I really think that globalization has made us lose the good side of our ego. The part that makes us stand for something we truly believe in and not just be another sheep in the herd. 

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines? 

It’s happened a few times, but I’m really self-reflective so those things are to be expected of me. The last one I remember was around March last year and I was in group grief therapy and the psychiatrist was basically talking about how to deal with grief and suicide prevention and how talking helps and we talked about dreams and overall health and such and during those conversations he talked about PTSD and what helps to alleviate the symptoms and get over it and my EUREKA! moment came when I realized I’ve been healing my PTSD unknowingly on my own for the past 5 years. Basically that was such a great experience and it put so many things in perspective for me. I mean I come from a society where all things mental health are brushed under the carpet as if they don’t exist. And I’m definitely not the type of person to label shit and feel helpless because I can’t fix it. If anything, I’d def get angry and try to fix it myself because I hate being in limbo. And hearing someone voice my thoughts and fears and tell me that I’ve been doing great was just... Idk, felt like a pat on the back and a tight hug at the same time. 

tagging @karajaynetoday @krindy33 @twilightmomentswithyou @tigerteeff @myloverboyash @talkfastromance4 @notinthesameguey @ashtonlftv if you want to do this or haven’t done this before :*

[isauntervaguelydownwards]

I will be there at your side

Title: I will be there at your side Fandom: Good Omens Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley Wordcount: 2843 Square filled: O2 - “One shouldn’t miss the forest for the trees” Rating: T Warnings: Lotsa pining bc they’re just Like That A/N: Title is from Queen’s Love of My Life. This was a fkn trip and a half to write lemme tell u. Link (if posted to AO3): I will be there at your side 

@as-the-saying-goes-bingo 

Aziraphale accepted the note from Crowley, and it took a second for the two words - written in the demon’s familiar scrawl - to actually register with him. It was as through an observer’s eyes he experienced the rest of the conversation, a sinking feeling swooping through him. 

It was first when Aziraphale faced even the mere possibility of something permanently hurting Crowley that he realised what he’d been feeling for so long.

Aziraphale was an angel in love with a demon, which wouldn’t hurt so much if it weren’t for the fact that he could, quite literally, sense love - and he had never sensed any love from Crowley aimed at him.

When Aziraphale storms away from the demon, he’s unaware he won’t see him again for nigh on 80 years. Unbeknownst to the angel, Crowley decides a nap is in order and accidentally sleeps for 75 years. 

Aziraphale thinks that maybe - and the thought is more than unbearable, it’s unimaginable, but he can’t help but think… what if Crowley got ahold of that water, despite Aziraphale refusing to help him? What if something went wrong and Crowley’s - gone? Worse, what if something went right, according to Crowley, and he’s gone?

When the thought strikes him, Aziraphale - for the first time ever on his own - gets absolutely souzed. He drinks himself into oblivion, because the thought of a world without Crowley is the thought of a world not worth living in. 

Time goes on, as is its wont, and every year that passes without Aziraphale even hearing word about Crowley is a year where he breaks down further, entirely certain the demon is gone forever. He may have just recently realised it, but he’s loved Crowley for a very long time, and even if the feeling isn’t returned - won’t ever be returned, for that matter - at least he had his friendship. 

The sheer relief of seeing Crowley hot-footing it into the church almost makes Aziraphale faint - only the fact that there are also three nazis in the church keeps him upright. The realisation of how much it hurts, well, that creates a seed of false hope in Aziraphale’s heart.

Then he saves the books and if Aziraphale wasn’t in love before he absolutely is now, and the seed grows roots, tiny tiny tendrils of hope.

When Crowley offers him a lift home, when he doesn’t even hint about their conversation in the park - when Crowley talks about his car, Aziraphale feels a tendril of love shoot through the demon’s aura.

The seed sprouts.

Despite himself, despite his misgivings about it, when he hears about Crowley planning a caper, of all things, just to get the holy water, well. Aziraphale gets on with blessing. Now, an angelic prayer isn’t all that much more powerful than a human prayer, but an angelic blessing performed out of love?

Nothing holier.

What took the longest, however, was finding a tartan thermos. He could have miracled one, of course, but that would have made it all feel cheap, somehow. Then again, the tartan thermos flask wasn’t expensive, but the effort he had to go to to find one made it feel… more, somehow.

Handing it over feels almost like signing his own death warrant, rather than signing Crowley’s - but somehow, it feels almost like it’d be better if it’s holy water Aziraphale himself has blessed, instead of holy water from a church. Who knows how badly blessed it’d be, anyway?

No, better he die by love, if he necessarily had to. 

Aziraphale had a hope that he’d know when Crowley used the water, if it was his own - and Aziraphale had access to hellfire, if necessary.

A world without Crowley was not a world worth living in. That, Aziraphale felt, was an undeniable truth.

“You go too fast for me, Crowley,” he said, having given the demon the flask that could spell both their ends. Between one blink of an eye and the next, Aziraphale is gone from the car. He had felt a sense of wonder from Crowley in the moment he was handed the tartan flask, a feeling that renewed the little seed that sprouted over two decades earlier.

That sprout is a tiny sapling of desperate hope, nourished by every angel Crowley utters. 

All of it - the ridiculous hope, thoughts of what might happen, all of it - takes a backseat when Crowley calls, and all of a sudden time is at a premium. Eleven years. That hopeful sprout honestly takes the backseat in a car fifty cars back in a mile long queue.

Aziraphale didn’t have a single clue what on God’s green earth made him agree to raising the Antichrist, but something did. What possesses him to be the gardener is even more inexplicable.

Crowley adores Warlock, despite himself - Aziraphale can feel the love Warlock feels being mirrored, amplified, returned by the demon. The sprout moves a few cars closer. If Crowley can love the Antichrist, can love what seems a human child, thinks Aziraphale, mayhaps he could…

Aziraphale isn’t ashamed to admit (if the right entity asks) that the years he spent as Brother Francis are the best of his existence - not because it was rewarding (it was, raising a child and all) but because he gets to spend so much time almost close to Crowley. They’ve spent the ages orbiting one another, and during the Dowling estate years their orbits come close enough to be almost one and the same.

Warlock had asked, in the innocently curious way of children everywhere, if he was in love with ‘Nanny Ashtoreth’. Aziraphale found he couldn’t lie, not about that. As an angel he shouldn’t be lying, period, but - sometimes, white lies were better than the truth. He tried to deny it, of course he did but he loved Crowley too much to ever say the opposite, even in the guise of a gardener and a nanny.

“Why don’t you marry Nanny, Brother Francis?” Warlock asked, and Aziraphale choked on nothing. “If you love her, shouldn’t you marry her? That’s what mummy and daddy did.” Aziraphale, very carefully, didn’t let his thoughts about Mr. and Mrs. Dowling’s loving (or lack thereof) marriage show on his face.

“B’cause, m’dear boy,” Aziraphale said, voice thick with unshed tears, “while I adore Nanny most ardently, she doesn’t return the feeling.”

In return, Warlock had only given him a long look, mannerism older than his years, and shook his head before dropping the subject. Aziraphale didn’t know quite what to make of that, so he put it out of his mind in favour of showing Warlock where a sparrow had her nest.

Armageddon came ever closer, all of it culminating when the hell hound didn’t show up. They had officially lost the Antichrist (and probably traumatised another child, all for nothing). Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to regret any of it, however; he’d been allowed, almost encouraged even, to spend a lot of time in close quarters with Crowley - what was there to regret?

What Aziraphale did regret was that he didn’t have time to tell Crowley where the Antichrist was - and therefore where Armageddon was happening - before he was discorporated. Thankfully he didn’t meet any of the higher up angels while indisposed, so making his way back to Earth worked out quite well, despite it all.

Crowley, dear, beloved, unbelievable Crowley. Aziraphale was for the first time happy he can’t see the demon. He could hear him, and that was enough. Crowley was drunk enough that had he been human he’d be dead by alcohol poisoning, and he sounded wrecked. Aziraphale didn’t know who the friend was, but Crowley was clearly torn up about it happening. Yet, the demon had managed to save the book, the only book that actually mattered in the long run.

Then, Armageddon. The sheer relief Aziraphale felt, seeing the blazing inferno that had once been an immaculate Bentley driving up to the army base - nothing had ever come close. 

In the middle of a battle for the rest of the world, an angel threatened a demon, and time stopped. When time started again, humanity had two occult beings and the Antichrist on their side - and not even the Great Plan could beat that. It was simply ineffable.

Going on advice from a seer 400 years dead might seem, well, inadvisable, but that was all they had, so they did. Hell was awful, and Aziraphale swore to himself he’d do anything in his power to prevent Crowley from going back. By the looks on the faces of the assembled demons, he’d pretty much managed, too.

When everything is said and done, faces swapped back and the world toasted, they go back to the bookshop that is miraculously standing, as is their wont. Aziraphale resists the urge to catalogue the contents in favour of corking up a beautiful bottle of ‘97 Napa cabernet sauvignon. 

They’re well into their fourth bottle by the time Aziraphale brings it up.

“I am sorry, dear boy, about your friend,” he says, not noticing Crowley’s eyes widening behind his glasses. He does notice when the demon chokes on the mouthful of wine he’d just taken, though. “Whatever is the matter, Crowley?”

“My friend? What on earth are you talking about, angel?” Crowley’s too shocked to manage the scorn he was going for, ending up somewhere around worried instead.

“You said you lost your best friend, and you were grieving and,” the angel in question says, a bit too drunk to care about how worked up he’s getting over a being he doesn’t even know. “And then I had to interrupt your grieving and, well.”

Crowley opens his mouth to say something, closes it again. Raises a finger as if to say first of all, but changes it to whipping his sunglasses off, tucking them into a pocket and rubbing at his eyes with the other hand. He picks up the glass of Bordeaux that burns like tequila going down.

“Are you daft? You really are the stupidest clever person I’ve ever even seen,” Crowley finally says, serpentine eyes focusing (with difficulty) on the angel on the other side of the table. Aziraphale feels like he should be offended, but he’s a bit too drunk to actually manage the effort for feeling anything but relief. “It was you, angel. I’d lost you. The bookshop was burning and I couldn’t feel you anywhere, and I genuinely thought I was too late.”

Aziraphale’s glass of pinot noir turns into a rather surprised tumbler of whiskey without him noticing. A sprout, smothered by the events of the past eleven years, turns green again. He sternly tells that useless hope to quiet down, please, nothing for you here.

“I’m sorry, dear boy, what - me?” If Aziraphale knew anything about computers, he’d liken his current mental state to the infamous blue screen of death.

“Of course you, who else would it be?” Crowley put his glasses back on. Aziraphale mourns the hiding of his absolutely beautiful eyes.

“You said - on the phone - old friend?” Aziraphale feels at a loss for words, a first while in the company of Crowley. 

“Hastur and Ligur - well, only Hastur by then, I’d melted Ligur,” Crowley says, waving it off as if he hasn’t rocked Aziraphale’s world to its foundations in only a short conversation. 

“But - even though I said all those - I was mean, Crowley!” He knows he’s more or less working himself into a fit, swallows the Bordeaux-turned-whiskey in one go, not that that’s likely to help. “I shouldn’t be a - a priority! Especially not in the middle of Armageddon!”

They’re both really drunk by now, which is probably the only reason Crowley says what he does.

“Well, I’ve been in love with you for six thousand years, angel, a little spat isn’t gonna change that, is it?” It takes a minute for it to dawn on them what he just said, Crowley a second quicker on the uptake and therefore a second quicker to sober up. When Aziraphale’s sober again, Crowley is halfway to the door.

“Crowley! Crowley, stay!” he says, not half as loud as he tried but apparently loud enough. The demon stops, defeat in the slump of his shoulders. Aziraphale crosses the shop floor quickly enough not even he is certain whether he used a miracle to do it or not. He reaches out to touch Crowley, but the demon flinches away before he makes contact, turning around and drawing himself up. Aziraphale gets the feeling he’s trying to make himself larger, more intimidating - less likely to be hurt.

“What, Aziraphale?” he hisses, glaring - not that Aziraphale can see that, but he knows him. Knows how he will be glaring behind the glasses, knows that he’s hurting simply by the way he’s hissing on every word. Knows that Aziraphale loves Crowley and - Crowley loves Aziraphale? “You don’t feel the same so let me go home to lick my wounds in peace and then we can have dinner in - a year or something, when I’m past the embarrassment.”

“No, dear, I just never thought…” he trails off, raising a hand to hover uncertainly between them.

“What? Because I’m a demon, and I can’t feel love?” Crowley takes a step back, and Aziraphale lets the hand drop. 

“Of course you can feel love! You love the Bentley, you loved Warlock, you even love feeding the ducks!” His tone is strident, he has to make Crowley understand. “I have felt your love for one thing after another for centuries, Crowley, so your ability to love was never the question!”

“Then what! What is so surprising about the fact that I love you, have loved you and will continue to love you until She sees fit to remake the universe, and I can’t guarantee that will make me stop loving you?!” Crowley says, taking several steps forward until Aziraphale is forced to back up or be walked into. It’s the same as when they were at the former convent, not even a week ago, yet the air is charged in a way it wasn’t then.

“Because I never thought you could feel the same for me as I feel for you, dearest.” The words bring Crowley to a halt.

“...what?” 

“I love you too, Crowley. Have for a very long time.” Again, Aziraphale brings his hand up, this time Crowley doesn’t flinch back, so he puts his hand to his cheek. “I never felt an inkling from you, that you would feel the same - never did I dare hope.”

Crowley turns his cheek into Aziraphale’s hand, brings his own up to hold it, to keep it there. He doesn’t resist when the angel reaches up and takes his glasses off, and Aziraphale’s breath catches at the look in his eyes. 

Crowley leans down, hesitating a hair’s breadth from Aziraphale’s lips, the two of them sharing unneeded breaths - Aziraphale can’t take it anymore, leans up and closes the last few millimetres between them. As he does, as he kisses Crowley like he’s wanted to for two hundred years, he can’t help but whimper. 

Aziraphale can feel Crowley’s love for him, and all of a sudden he realises that the reason he’s never felt it is simply because he’s been missing the forest for all the trees. The love Crowley feels is so all-encompassing, ever-present, that Aziraphale’s been so enveloped in it he hasn’t even noticed.

They’re so in-sync that they don’t know who pulls the other closer, who deepens the kiss, but they stay there, kissing in the middle of the bookshop, for a long time. When they eventually break the kiss, Crowley leans his forehead to Aziraphale’s, eyes closed but with a small smile on his face.

“If I’m dreaming, angel, please don’t wake me up just yet,” he murmurs, running his fingers through Aziraphale’s hair. Aziraphale can’t help but lean into it, is as close to purring as a non-cat ever gets. Nonetheless, he’s the first of them to pull away.

“I am so sorry, dearest, that I didn’t tell you, but - well, I think I just didn’t see the forest for the trees, and well,” he says, watching as Crowley opens his eyes. For the first time, he sees the love shining in them for what it is. The smile on Crowley’s face is fond, and Aziraphale can’t believe how he never saw it before. “I could never believe you’d love me like this.”

“You’d better believe it, angel - and now I’m definitely not ever going to stop loving you.” 

As declarations of ever-lasting love go, it’s maybe not the flashiest, but it is the most sincere Aziraphale has ever heard.

An angel and a demon go to bed together in a flat in Soho, for the first time daring to cuddle close and whisper sweet nothings that have been on the tip of their tongues for almost as long the Earth’s been around. 

I do not play dice with the universe; I play an ineffable game of My own devising and this - this was always one of the sidequests.