#it took me a whole ass week

[renonv]

Not sure if this has been suggested before, or you have already done this, but hear me out. Little Shop of Horrors AU-

ANON I DONT NEED TO HEAR YOU OUT for you have awakened the ancient demons of the little shop of horrors au I’ve been rotating in the back of my head ever since I first saw the movie

[glowingsand]

miri is only five. sometimes she needs help with her hair

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[badchoicesworld]

masc!reader and spot just throwing compliments at eachother back and forth like a tennis ball until spot finally caves and gets flustered lol. I like seeing spot happy i think he should be happy

the spot getting flustered by masc!reader

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A WEEK TO SEE I LITERALLY JUST NEVER GOT ANY KIND OF INDICATION FOR IT ???

like i mentioned before it’s kinda difficult writing for the spot in like a way thats relevant to the plot so these are just outta context things i guess

requests are of course still open, this is first request, so very sorry if this is ass but promise im trying

ok anyway i hope this is okay in this format since you didn’t specify which is completely fine <33

TW: none pairing: the spot x masc!reader

fuckin love this image

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

if either of you had to guess who started it, you’d both be clueless .

it probably began as playful little game, throwing back and forth the exact same phrases like “nooo, you’re the best!” with more umph than the last just because that seems like a very spot thing to do

spot’s probably like “nononono, me? nononono, no. you!” while pointing back and forth at yous with his whole heart and soul (very firm four finger point)

pointing at each other accusatorially but with stupid lil grins (or spots very expressive face hole) while complimenting each other as if they're threats

he either does the "uh? talk to the hand!" thing all sassy and there's just a hole in his palm or he does the "lalalala! i cant hear you, not listening!!" thing

but the longer it went on and the quicker you ran out of oxygen from just extending the vowels, things took a personal turn like “oh, please! who’s the scientist genius here?” and spot probably is a little caught of guard to be genuinely recognised for his actual intellect but probably regains his composure pretty quickly with a silly little “oh- hey now, no fair!” then probably calls you handsome or smthn for actually looking like a person (ily strange hole man)

few more back and forth “no, you!” statements before it gets personal again, spot slaps you with a “well i’mmm not the most compassionate person in the world!” something along those lines with the most exaggerated hand gestures ever because he’s so silly

only for you to immediately counter with a once in a life time compliment that sits with him for the next decade of his life, probably something mentioning his determination, intellect, personality.. things that would typically be overlooked and all he can really do is sit and gape, before he starts to fidget with his hands a little all awkward like

hurried little “.. okay- yeah, alright, fine.. you win.” oh poor boy feels so flustered but happy deep down

looking away while tapping like the pads of his index fingers together while the rest of his fingers are intertwined, kinda like a pondering business man except he’s just a funky fella

he gets flustered, but after a bit you both die down in a kinda warm silence

some time passes where you just bask in the comfort of each others presence, but you can't help yourselves

a few more lil comments are exchanged like “smart”, “funny”, "cool", "silly"

obviously aimed at each other but it's all spot can muster now

eventually, the banter dies off for good and you're both just left feeling all sunshine and rainbows cause you got to make each other feel better

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

[femmeidiot]

being fat is literally so annoying and it's not even like the being fat part it's the stupid ass comments people make like as much as I struggle with body image I've pretty much accepted that this is just how my body is and how it is going to look but I am so tired of having people bring up stupid shit or feel like I owe them explanations about my body it's exhausting everyone should shut the fuck up and leave fat people alone forever cause we could absolutely destroy most of y'all's skinny asses if we needed to and I'm about to start physically fighting the next person who says any sort of bullshit to me

[moliathh]

integra sketch

[skarloeyspa]

WHOS READY FOR SOME CENTENNIALS!!!!!! unasked for explanations below once again

This set of designs is different from Ryan's because i basically just traced my old sketches and redid them digitally to give them colour so there are less design details (sorry lmao)

ANYWAY continuing with the "time-accurate" clothing choices, I'm hoping it's more obvious with loey and neas this time. You have no idea how RELIEVED i felt when i saw neas' third overhaul was in the 2000s. I love details but I have been working with suits for like 30 designs by now.

Because I did these back in october I don't really have proper ref images but if you googled men's fashion for each of their respective eras you should get pretty good results and if you don't im sorry💀

Not sure if it's obvious but they're supposed to "age" with every overhaul, yea im aware my ability to draw people older than 40 is nonexistent-

On that note, I have a more in-depth hc for how the "human" of an engine appears which would explain how loey and neas can "age" but the short version is the "human" is a combination of the maturity of an engine's mentality and the engine's actual age

I do not know enough of the Skarloey Railway lore to back my headcanons but I hc that during their early days, the SR was more strict with appearances, hence the suit jackets and whatnot (kinda like how RWS SR engines all have the same livery)

Towards the SR's later days, the change of directorship and the increasing diversity of their rolling stock led to much more relaxed regulations on appearances. The jackets that the overhaul 2 designs are holding would look similar to the jacket that overhaul 1 loey is wearing, which would bear the engine's nametag and the signature red shoulder pad designating an engine's gauge

Also the nametag and specifically the number badge were details added later when I finished my handel and petah designs, yes I love it a lot that's why i mentioend it.

Overhaul 1 neas is particularly different from overhaul 1 loey because for one they're two different decades, but also the time between his first and second overhaul was when neas had to run the line on his own (not to mention the world war woah...)

I haven't really figured out specific height hcs yet but neas and loey are around the same height as each other but grow a tad with each overhaul

ok das it for this one i think, thank yall for the wonderful reception of ryan im so happy yall loved him😭🥹also thanks for making it to the end next time it's probably gonna be handel and petah<3

[romanitas]

i did it..... i finally finished rereading blood of olympus for the first time since it came out..... it took literally all month, but i am a champion....

still utterly baffled by how utterly anticlimactic this book was, especially when you compare it to last olympian LMAOO. so many things i could say but i am simply choosing not to bc it's been ten years

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

[jellypawss]

I’m going to be very transparent for a sec. I’ve had two alcohol induced psychosis events happen to me in the past week where I attempted to harm myself and ended up talking to police officers. I’m a recovering alcoholic that tries really really hard but keeps relapsing. I’ve tried AA and therapy and nothing is helping because they keep telling me to look for “my higher power” and I’m not gonna lie, in my opinion, that shit is wack. I’m struggling a lot and faith is the last thing on my mind. Anyways, I wanted to make this post to thank y’all for being one of the main sources of happiness and support for me. I don’t get a lot of people outside of this community that reach out to me when im hurting so im very grateful to have y’all in my silly little phone. I promise I will be back to making mods and what not soon but I’ve been really enjoying making music, it feels almost therapeutic. But yeah, thanks for being here for me y’all. I love you guys.

[azucar-skull]

Me: *gets done with a nice little vacation after all the hecticness*

FCAU: heeyyyyyyyyyyy

Me:

You guys ready for FCAU?

[todayisafridaynight]

Hey so Snap this is going to be so fucking weird, but honestly don’t care. So I was watching a clip of Drag Race Philippines and it was the make over episode and I think they were making over family members and this father was all about getting into drag. So, I just wanted to tell you never forget how much of a lovely loving kind and caring father you have, who loves you and protects you and makes you feel heard. That’s all.

i'd have to die before i forget how great my dad is thank you for the opportunity to brag about him again anon

[necromancy-savant]

That one poll reminded me of how one time in high school one Ms. Pease saw me quietly listening to my ipod in the hallway waiting for my next class and she just ripped it out of my hands. And I was staring in pure dumb shock for like 30 seconds and she was like "are you coming or not." She then proceeded to explain, once we walked the whole fucking school to her shitty little office she shared with 15 other people, that ipods aren't allowed in hallways. Which was news to me on account of everyone had them or cd players. She was known for being horrible for no reason but damn. I wish it was her who got arrested for cocaine

[alligaytorswamp]

*hands them out like candy*

[thedawner]

"I'm using a tutorial that's 'Idiot proof'. All Blender tutorials should be like that."

"My first rig was a disaster."

[thingswhatareawesome]

what the everliving fuck? did i do so wrong? i tried difficulty ONE of swarm disaster, says for team lvl 66, i took in 4 80s, and on the second stage kafka pasted my entire party?? (trl phys, qq, dhil, and luocha). i just...that is the literal BEGINNING after the tutorial?? what the fuck? how did i fuck up so *badly*