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#it uh just may take me a while
abeautifulblog · 1 year
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Wanna know whats funny? I came back to your blog yesterday wondering if bdtn had updated or not.
WELL, FRIENDO, YOU ARE IN LUCK !
Come back in a few more days and I should have the first chapter of the trashy hookup AU up too. 😁
(And I am SO STOKED to finally be able to share that one -- it's a funny, smutty, angsty fuckbuddies-to-lovers high-energy rollercoaster. I just didn't want to post it until after I'd finished the canon, as it were, because their dynamic is VERY different in the hookup AU (it's uh, the Bad Timeline), and I didn't want their AU characterizations kicking around in people's heads while they were reading the last chapter of Beautiful Day.)
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badlydrawndedkidz · 18 days
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hello there! it's me, Tortilla, known mostly as Mod by the people who have been following this blog for a While!
if you've ever scrolled for a bit here, you've probably Seen that I've tried a few times to get back into posting more often and failed comically as i grappled with the dreaded Mental Eel Nesses and Executive Dysfunction, among other things. especially since ask blogs aren't as popular as they were back in the day when i made this blog (2015! turned 9 years last aug 15th! that's an entire child. jin owes me a lot of child support,)
(before anyone gets scared, no I'm not deleting anything lol gimme a sec to word this thought)
okay so like. cutting straight to the point not gonna get sentimental right now I'll save that for later: i want to keep this blog active REALLY bad, but as much as I'd like to, for multiple reasons i cannot draw as much as i did back in the day, which is like... the main thing i usually post here. so I've been pondering for the past year or so What to Do about it
my one idea is to turn this into a general kgpr blog and reblog other people's art and official stuff and the alike here, instead of keeping it Just My Stuff
but the thing is, if i DO that i would want to change my url, because reblogging art to a place that's named "badly drawn--" whatever is. i Don't Want That y'know? it's disrespectful lol
the thing is that that's soooo many links that would Break. among other things. (+ i have nooo clue what id change the name to but that's a different issue)
so like, my question here is,
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ahhhh gay ppl jumpscare 💥💥💥
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doubleedgemode · 4 months
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I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.
First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)
Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)
I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)
#this counts as a pride post because I am very gay for her#her uneven shoulders and stray eyebrow hair (like some d.bz characters <3) have captivated me#anyways sorry for being so wordy in the post... I will be wordier in the tags! sorry. feel free to skip these I'm just gonna ramble#while drawing these I realised I was accidentally doing a shitty a.b.a cosplay: eyebags. hairband. stitches and what Ishiwatari would call#morbid pallor LMAO. I admit I put on the hairband because of her <3 but the rest was unintentional. I hadn't worn one in yrs cause I don't#*didn't like how my hair looks w it plus felt kinda rigid but.. my current hair w a hairband is growing on me? prob not gonna wear it outsid#but thank u a.b.a for making me retry it <3. also the head feeling is kinda cool. though mine is of a hard material n I'm p sur hers is soft#anyways. I have one of this year's most important assignments/appointments tomorrow. wish me luck#after that I'll still have to go do productive adulting but I'll be able to sleep better n have energies n time to draw stuff n gaming#til that happens stuff is super hectic in all senses so drawing this goober is my escape valve. uh dunno what else. I'm tired#also oh I wanna take a moment to say thsnk u to all the people that like my art of her (and art in general but 95% art I upload her is her#LMAO) I don't wanna get parasocial but I do recognise your usernames and how u keep up with my kilometric tags. you make my day sometimes.#also huh my art (style?) got different lately. Idk how I feel. but drawing dif stuff is cool#wtf did I catch up the habit of drawing each hairstrand. my hand dislikes it. IMAGINE IF I DREW MILL.IA INSTEAD AAAAA#a.b.a#art tag2b named#edit for better term: thank youuu. may the homunculus obsession unite us all <3
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voltrixz · 3 months
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IM BACK IN THE FUCKIN BUILDING AGAIN (decided to take a quick break from oc refs to do rough sketches for some electroshocker doodles and argh. (now they're spinnning around in my brain at rapid speeds. AAHRHHH AHRH GRHHRH AGHRHRH GET THESE 2 OUT OF HERE!!!!)
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orcelito · 2 months
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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monty-glasses-roxy · 5 months
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Just had the idea of doing a Roxy askblog that's based on it being a secret blog she's not allowed to have and every so often if someone asks her something she just says stuff like "To the Fazspy reading this, I'm not the real Roxy." to try and throw the staff off her trail lmao
Will probably never make a blog like that, but it could be kinda funny. Maybe I bring the idea of an 'ask Roxy anything' game back where I draw the answers for it instead so it's not a whole ass blog dedicated to Roxy being a sneaky lil shit on the internet
#there's several reasons I probably won't do it but it's a fun spin on stuff#roxy exploring the closed off parts of the plex in first person lmao#taking pictures like 'look see? its right there!' and she's pointing at literally nothing because the camera doesn't see what her eyes see#could be funny!#but doing things is... I would say it's improving but not really#it's improving in a maybe it is maybe it isn't sort of way so who knows if I'll ever get to do it anyway#ANYWAY yeah I'll probs not do this. literally no one would interact with it#the people are bored of my plex history stuff anyway so like... yeah it's cool I know when something won't work#an askblog only works if it gets asks and uh yeah the amount of askblogs I've seen die off within a week here because of that is crazy#no thank you to that I think!#I'm not putting the effort into something like that just to have it die so fast#hi if you read this far go find an askblog and pester the shit out of them it's fun#I haven't seen any around for a while but I also can't view half of tumblr on my phone#so it's really fucking hard to see them even if I follow them :(#but yeah if there's any sb askblogs out there or anyone that wants to have a go at it tag me in a post.#I WILL show up to be silly in your inbox though I may not always remember the plot if there is one#again. I can't see half of tumblr on mobile and that includes blogs but I'll do my best man#askblogs are fun! they're goofy and chaotic!#highly recommend!! I haven't ran one in years but they were very fun!!#ANYWAY Roxy just making posts like 'Jerry. Sandy. I know what you two keep doing in the Gator Golf caravan. :)'#just name dropping random plex guests to be like 'I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE' for shits and giggles#'who are they?' 'oh just two morons that dont know I know Everything Ever. Don't worry about it.'#ya know?? fun! goofy shit! could be funny!#random pictures from inside the plex like 'lmao they think I cant see them' and its just a fucking wall like yeah I wonder why#maybe it's the fucking wall in the way who knows? it's a mystery sdfdsf#pop rox talks
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roseworth · 6 months
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still talking about mean girls sorry!!(<- not sorry)
this is probably the only time i will ever say this about any movie musical. but ive seen the stage show and the new movie and i can definitely say i preferred the movie. it fixed so many of my problems with the musical and honestly the story just works better onscreen to me
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hecksupremechips · 6 months
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Teehee I got hugged today 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#it was literally like 2 seconds but idk im like WOOOOO#like it wasnt long enough for me to be all satisfied touch wise nah im so starved itd take all night and day man#and also this particular person is uh. very special ahem. and it was like#i wrapped my arms around them best I could and i could just feel their hips and like their body squish under my hands#cuz theyre so squishy and sturdy at the same time it felt safe and its like. thats really scary actually#ive never ever felt safe hugging anyone this kinda thing is brand new to me#touch in general is new to me. at least consensual touch that i wanted and initiated#and i just felt really nervous cuz like i really love this person but sometimes its hard cuz like ‘guys’ dont hug each other often#or at least not in a case like this where we’re friends but theres this sorta avoidance around anything romantic#cuz we’re both very awkward and also uh. trying not to cross certain boundaries just yet we need time#but unfortunately im so aaaaa rn and touch starved and i was like im just gonna bite the bullet and ask if we can hug LIKE A DAMN GAY ASS#its like fuck i may as well propose marriage and get on all fours while im at it aaghhhhh why am i like this#but it was fine they werent weirded out or anything. not visibly anyway. and they hugged me!!!#me! of all people! im like so happy we got to hug but im also really pissed cuz it was really brief and i didnt get to memorize how they#felt and now im just like grrrrr. fucking tease why must i be so tortured i get the smallest taste and then poof its gone#i just wanna cuddle and hug them for hours and pull their hair and feel their body all over and uhhhhhhhhh#ahem. i may be getting too gay here huh. damn itttt. fuck me. how do you ask your mate if you can explore bodies#in a way that definitely isnt platonic without making things weird
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autistic-shaiapouf · 6 months
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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juniperhillpatient · 9 months
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did I just finish outlining Scream Au’s main plot points in writing only to learn that it’s gonna be roughly TEN chapters? maybe. good news for people who don’t like my more controversial plans. bad news for my brain which can’t comprehend a project that short even if the chapters I’ve rough drafted so far are 9-10k so it’ll definitely still be large novel length lmao
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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Hahahaa he's so "bright talented young man alters himself to attain greatness and escape a life he was unhappy with but despite warnings (he ignored them) fails in the end and dies while his father lives on without him"
Secondly though I also HAD to throw on some Mother Mother. Notably, Body (tbh a disabled bitch anthem imo) and Arms Tonight (y'know. Bc the end of the game). Stg I'll send you the playlists for the Arakawa's when I'm done with them. I take my sweet ass time tho v sorry hahaha 😂
Litcherallyyyyyy thats what im sayin bro..... esp when in the story of icarus his father helps him escape the island/helps him succeed and when icarus does fail his father is left imprisoned.... does that not happen to our icarus too.... does that not happen to his father also..... wild....
And take your time with your playlists, no rush ! A dude knows what its like tryin to make it Just Right
#snap chats#the icarus comparison is more ironic considering in the story icarus plummets to the ocean and drowns...#And If We Say Irony. Since Arakawa Was Dumped In The Ocean. lol....#but noo i gotta be so guilty since growin up i always took Body as a trans allegory. or at least adjacent#and ik i havent breathed about it in Months but aoki did evoke trans energy... to me... to my delulu-ass brain...#but then i feel bad cause aspects of him that Yell trans to me are actually about his disability so i feel like im disregarding it#even tho thats not my intent i was just too silly playin y7 the first time around 😭☠️☠️ its generally why i dont talk bout it tbh..#too delulu.. and i feel awkward talkin bout hcs like that BUT MOVING ON THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT#either way body Does fit. esp with the whole Take My Lungs Take Them And Run bit ☠️#Take My Tongue And Go Have Some Fun can also be representative of aoki’s influence and- apparently- the publics inclination to follow him#I.E. with His Tongue anything can be passed or anything that has his backing can be validated#BUT IM NOT HERE TO DO AN ANALYSIS ON MUSIC AND AOKI even if i really want to.........#i will say tho... im 90% sure theres a line about Taking Eyes but i cant look it up rn lest my tumblr app reser and i have to type all this#but anyway That Refers To This Bitch’s Eyesight Getting Worse#im gonna go listen to that song now its stuck in my head.. uh oh...#everyone always say Mother Mother is Basic and that may be true but so am i so let me listen while i be sad THANK YOU.#ok bye <3 ive prattled too long and my phone will surely die soon and i want One (1) listen in <3
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karinyosa · 3 months
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starting to think something more than adhd may be wrong here
#been acting and feeling weird since i started meds. might take a week off them just to see? is this a good idea? theyre only 1 miligram#karinyo.txt#like obviously theres the ocd but im starting to think it may not even be adhd#either that or the meds and the weather are really fucking Getting to me#i mean idk. maybe it's just poor emotional regulation. it feels like thats been particularly bad since i started meds#been having moments where i just feel very strongly one way for a while. like im a little emotionally heightened#im good at not letting it interfere with the way i act toward people but i feel like Something is happening?#but like poor emotional regulation Is a symptom of adhd and ocd so i might be wrong#there are moments where im like maybe i Am actually just depressed or maybe it's something else#also dw i am recording all this day by day and am gonna tell my psych#meds were great the first day idk what happened 🥲 lol lmao#it's like they don't fix my inattentiveness unless im active that day or something#which is annoying bc most of the time im trying to write or apply for jobs from my home. i am Not an active person#too much room for procrastination and getting nothing done#the heightened emotionality thing is in contrast to me just constantly being unaware how i feel from moment to moment off meds#i understand that nothing is a full on fix it but. feel like it's beginning to be the same as before im just#kind of more tired and emotional now#the meds are also no longer making me sleepy lmao#uh oh! this man is immune to sleep
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deci-doodles · 6 months
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Could you tell us more about Tesey and Kirena?
Oh sure! Not sure what you’d want specifically so I’ll just post a dot point compilation of random bits about them that I don’t think have been mentioned yet lol, if there’s anything else (from anyone) you’re more than welcome to ask
- Tesey loves syrnyky, it’s something that gives him a lot of comfort especially when he’s overseas (he has similar feelings with varenyky). Kirena’s favourite food is pork knuckle/golyashka since it wasn’t something they had very often as kids especially
- Tesey loves learning things and adored reading as a kid (he did get an Akasha in Sumeru, and yes he very much enjoyed being able to use the internet lmao), Kirena preferred to play outside, running amok and climbing trees and all that (their mother tried to encourage her to play with dolls more and be perceived as more ladylike, but she was too soft to fully enforce it since Kirena really didn’t like that). Sometimes they played role playing games with Illya and Ajax (Ajax especially adored these games), Kirena always volunteered to be the dragon
- They all learnt an art from their dad: Kirena is able to twirl shashka like Ajax, Tesey happens to be a good singer (he’s always been p shy about it though, he mostly sings to himself)
- Out of all the siblings, Tesey’s the one with the most negative view on the Fatui whereas Kirena is like Illya (doesn’t exactly approve of or like what they do but are otherwise indifferent and have accepted it as something that is part of their lives regardless).
- They’re both fluent in their parents’ mother tongue, standard Snezhnayan and Teyvat common. Tesey’s more proficient in languages though as he’s also able to understand Fontainian, some Liyuenese and also Sumeru’s main languages
- Both Tesey and Ajax have a traveller/Podorozhnytsya motanka made by their mother, Kirena’s necklaces are also primarily hand me downs from their mum
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shotmrmiller · 6 months
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johnny dates your friend and then asks her if she's got any friends (you) for his friend (simon). but simon freaks you out. he can't hold a conversation— or won't, you're not sure; you're lucky if you get monosyllabic grunts out of him as if he were a neanderthal. the only times you've seriously heard him talk is to bark out words at either johnny or the bartender.
he walks around with a poorly concealed weapon on his hip, almost like he is expecting trouble. he wears all black, which is completely fine, but then a skull balaclava that he refuses to take off, even to drink his liquor. you don't try to hide the grimace on your face when you watch him sip through the thick fabric. he's got skeleton gloves on his hands too, like some sort of shit cosplay to match his mask.
and he fucking stares, unashamedly so. it is unblinking, scrutinizing, intense— his dark eyes, pools of midnight, keen. he stares at the people walking in through the door, stares at johnny when he takes your friend to the dance floor, and when you tell him out of courtesy that you're going to go get another drink, you can feel him boring holes into the back of your head as you walk away, piercing flesh and bone.
the phantom fingers of his gaze trace icy paths along your spine, erupting your skin in goosebumps. you find him immensely creepy, and you thank the fucking stars you're only here as a favor for your friend. you don't think you want to do this again. he's either a wanted serial killer or just a goddamn freak.
a heavy arm wraps around your shoulders once you're at the bar, and with a sneer on your lips, you turn to the owner of said offending limb, only to come face to face with johnny. he leans into you, close enough to where you can feel his stubble grazing the shell of your ear. (back up, brother.)
"listen, bonnie!" you wince; it's really not that loud in here for him to be yelling like that. "ah ken, ghos— er, simon, might no' be yer average man. he can be a little off-puttin'—" a little? if he doesn't follow you home and skin you alive, you'd be incredibly fortunate— "but ah promise ye, while he may no' be boyfriend material, he's an incredible fuck."
excuse me? he's got to be positively pissed. "maybe you should slow down, yeah? you might already be three sheets to the wind if you're gassing up your unsettling friend's cock. no offense."
"naw! ah'm tellin' ye. long ago, we had a mission tha' ran everyone tight, 'n so we relieved tension the only way we could— big, strong guy like him had me limpin' for a few days after."
you're about to ask for an angel shot because there is no way in hell that your friend's boyfriend is making casual conversation about him getting absolutely railed by—
"give 'em a try. jus' the once, i swear he don't bite," johnny pauses-- the rosy flush on his nose and cheeks vibrant, "unless ye ask nicely. yer friend said ye needed to get laid, anyways." oh, you're gonna fucking kill her, that long-tongued cretin.
"right!" you drink the remainder of your cocktail in one big gulp, liquid warmth trailing down your throat, before not-so-kindly shrugging him off. "i'm gonna go, you, uh— we didn't have this conversation, for the sake of my friend." you gesture at the bartender. "one more, please. i'm gonna need it."
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damn. now johnny's got you thinking about getting your back broken by simon. maybe you really are just down horrendously, or maybe it's the alcohol in your system that has decided to toss all self-preservation out the metaphorical window because now you can't stop noticing him.
he's real tall— enough to have him slightly tipping his head to walk through a doorway. his shoulders are mountainous, his hands the size of a bear's paw. his physicality is undoubtedly impressive and well, you've always been weak to burly, commanding men.
you make eye contact with johnny from across the room, his bright blue eyes alive under the dim light of the dingy bar, and the bastard shifts his gaze from simon to you, giving a cheeky wink.
lifting your glass, you drink the last of your liquid courage— the taste of it bittersweet. it has been a long time since you've gotten laid.
double damn.
"hey." you lean slightly toward simon, cupping your hand around your mouth. "you and i both know why we're here. take me home?" the way he looks at you has you shifting restlessly in your seat. did you perhaps make a mistake? oh, fuck. did you just throw yourself cunt-first at someone who is not interested? your face burns with embarrassment, heat licking up your cheeks. maybe the earth will split open, right here ri—
"let's go then." oh thank fucking god. you don't know what you would've done if he'd said no. shrivel up and die, probably. "uber'll be here in 4."
when it arrives, he places his leather jacket around your shoulders, cocooning you in its warmth— the heady scent of nicotine clings to the garment— and leads you outside with a hand on the small of your back.
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the world outside the car blurs into a hazy painting as the driver navigates the streets. colors blend together, once sharp outlines now dissolved. the rain gently taps on the window, a soothing sound that could easily lull you to sleep until you start when a roughened palm suddenly glides along your thigh— fingers slowly tracing intimate patterns on your skin.
simon's hand is hot, and it only burns hotter the closer it gets to your center under your least favorite skirt. he cannot be serious right now. you place your hand over his, short nails biting into him because there is no way you're about to be fingered in an uber—
his voice is deep, a deliciously thick rumble, right by your ear. "nice kitty." you've never been one for pet names or anything else for that matter, but the pulse of arousal that shoots up your spine has a shaky exhale leaving your lips, a ghostly breath fogging up the window.
the tips of his fingers tease the seam of your knickers, a generic cotton fabric that clings to your dampening cunt like a second skin— desire trickling onto the gusset. your whimper is drowned out by the terrible music the driver is currently playing when his small finger grazes over your slit, featherlight.
"so wet already? i've barely even touched ya, love." again with the cunt-clenching nicknames. he has no business purring them out like that. "i can smell your sweet pussy from here. you really must be achin' for it." of course the time he chooses to be vocal, it's to spew filth. "don't worry, i'll treat ya good."
somehow, you actually manage to choke out a response. "i'm sure. johnny-" you hiss through clenched teeth when he slips under your knickers, a finger brushing along your slick entrance, "said you had him walking side to side once." you buck your hips, seeking the friction you need, but it only makes him pull away a bit; how unsurprisingly cruel.
"only because he was bein' a brat. you're not a brat though, are ya? gonna be good f'me?" your tongue is heavy in your mouth, words lodged in your throat— all you can give him is a slight nod. "i expect verbal answers. i'd hate to spank your arse raw. how would ya sit down after?"
the idea of being bent over his strong thighs, face pressed into his couch as his firm hand takes you into the needy subspace you crave is too much, or maybe not enough because you're tucking your face into the side of his neck in an instant. "please," you warble, unsure of what you're even begging for.
he curls his finger, slipping between your lips, and when he finally brushes your clit— a fleeting, tantalizing touch— your eyes threaten to roll into the back of your head. "needy little thing. i bet there's a damp spot right where you're sittin'. drippin' all over my fingers—" your breath is ripped from your lungs when he abruptly pulls his hand out and away, the sodden material of your knickers snapping against your heated skin. you're about to snarl out a vicious what the fuck, but the once-blurred scenery outside sharpens into focus.
the driver parks and looks at you from the rearview mirror. "we're here." you mumble a muted thank you, stepping out with quivering legs and a drenched cunt. a crisp breeze dances across your skin, a refreshing contrast to the stifling heat from inside the car.
as soon as the car drives off, you're hoisted onto a broad shoulder. the world tilts, and you fist the back of simon's shirt for stability. "highly unnecessary. i can wa—" you let out a squeak when he slaps the back of your thigh, the sharp bite of it sending a jolt straight to your throbbing center.
"hush."
you sputter indignantly as you hold on tighter, breaths coming out in short gasps, syncing with each step. "i beg your pardon?"
you yelp when he gives you another slap, this time closer to your cunt. "then beg." you're rendered speechless.
wow. maybe you've actually bitten off more than you can chew.
the wet cement under you is a blur, the texture lost in the rush of his movements until he comes to a stop, and you hear a familiar jingle of keys. he bursts through the door, the hinges groaning in protest, and you're staggeringly planted on both feet.
"nice place." a lie. it looks unlived in— brand spanking new. you vaguely hear the lock behind you as you take in your surroundings. a perfect, leather couch, not a crease in sight. the rug under it is pristine and bland, a cream color that matches the rest of his flat. impersonal. not an ounce of real personality anywhere. you begin shrugging off his jacket when you're suddenly pressed against the cold door, simon bent at the knees in front of you, his dark eyes— sharp as blades— lock onto yours.
"gonna beg?"
the fire in your lower belly reignites at the sight of his unmasked face. ash-brown hair in a simple crew cut, thick brows with the right one bisected by a pink, gnarled scar. slightly crooked nose, broken one too many times, and thin, pale lips. a countenance to match his rugged personality.
you're pulled out of your thoughts when he licks a hot stripe over your covered slit and you mewl at the sensation. "i asked you a question."
the words rush out of your mouth before you can even think of stopping them. "yes, yes! please, god, i don't- just- please let me come! i-" his thumbs hook into the waistband of your knickers and tug them down slowly, strings of arousal sticking to the gusset, smearing on your inner thighs.
"alrigh', since ya begged so prettily." your vision goes white when he throws one leg over his shoulder, and his slick tongue slides through your folds, the tip flicking your clit lightly. he laps at your cunt like it drips milk and honey— nourishing and sweet. simon groans into you, the sound crawling up your vertebrae and into the base of your skull.
he begins to draw lazy circles around your pearl, every swirl of his tongue has your back bowing as if winding it, inching you closer to the precipice. your toes curl in your shoes, hands finding purchase in his coarse hair, knuckles staining white as you start the feel the familiar tightening in your lower belly.
and then he pushes one thick finger into you, down to the scarred knuckle, and crooks it. the squelching noise your dripping pussy makes when he presses on the tiny patch of rough skin inside is loud and obscene; practically echoing off the dull, ivory walls of his flat.
"gonna come f'me? make a mess all over my hand?" simon adds another finger, a slight burn nipping at the heels of the pleasure coiling under your navel.
"c'mon. give it to me, pet." his lips encircle your clit, giving it a light suckle and it's—
the coil snaps, a sudden release of tension. it is violent and oh, so exquisite. white noise in your head, your ears, coursing through your veins. it prickles, it stings; it's pleasure and pain. your soul sinks back into your body— like a feather returning to its nest— and you blink, momentarily unbalanced.
"ya with me?"
you breathe deep— the taste of salt in the air, the scent of sweat-slick skin, your heart pulsing with life. "yes. i'm here." the man took you to the stars and laid you on them. jesus.
"good." the room spins, and you're weightless, nestled in his arms. it'd seem innocent if it wasn't for the stickiness in between your thighs, or the prominent bulge in his jeans occasionally pressing into your arse.
simon kicks a door open, knob bouncing off the wall with a crack, and quickly places you on the bed before tugging his shirt off. the belt and jeans come off next, and—
"you don't wear pants." why would he let that monstrosity just hang like that?
"good observation. is water still wet?" he asks, tonelessly. you narrow your eyes at him, pushing your tongue against the back of your teeth.
"fuck me for having eyes and using them as intended, i guess," you mumble under your breath. he grabs you by the ankle and tugs the skirt off, then your shoes, "ouch, i like my feet where they are, thank you," and literally rips your shirt in half. "you'll be giving me on of yours before i leave as recompense."
he holds himself up with his arms over you, your thighs burning as they cradle his hips.
his cock is a heavy, hot weight on your stomach— ruddy, leaking tip right under your navel. you're not small by any means, but he's going to tear you in half. there's no surviving such an onslaught. he's not just leaving you with a limp, he's going to turn your two smaller holes into one big one.
he tears into a golden wrapper with his teeth, and expertly rolls the condom on. simon lowers down to his elbows and nudges your jaw with his nose. "i'll stop the moment ya call it. tap on me if you're feelin' overwhelmed."
that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to you, and the fact that it comes from a massive creep who stares at people like they owe him money has you a bit dumbstruck.
his stubble grazes the side of your neck as he glides his cock along your slick folds; once, thrice, until the head catches on your swollen entrance. simon pushes in slow, agonizingly slow— you don't know if it's better or worse because you feel every devastating inch of his length as it forcibly wrenches your walls apart.
your senses are solely focused on him: his body enveloping yours completely. his breath, sweetened like malt, wafts gently across your skin. his thick waist that you can't fully wrap your legs around. everything about him is big— his physicality, his presence, his cock.
"take a deep breath for me, pet. feel everythin' i'm givin' you."
your lungs expand as you do, and when you exhale, your muscles slacken. rapturous pleasure begins to bleed through the delicate membrane that separates it from the bite of pain, until boundaries are blurred and—
and he sinks into you like a rock breaking the surface tension of still water, bottoming out in one, smooth stroke. you can't help the mewl that falls from your lips nor the way your walls clamp down around him.
"fuck, there it is. so bloody tight, this greedy cunt is takin' my cock like it was made for me."
there isn't a single coherent thought in your head and you're glad for it. finally, someone to fuck you stupid.
simon gives you an experimental thrust, dragging his length along every single one of your nerves, and then another— desire overflowing from where he stuffs you to the very brim. "good. ready?"
he takes your tiny nod as an answer this time and begins to fuck you in earnest. it takes everything in you to not black out from how perfect it felt.
simon puts his weight behind every thrust, a steady pull out, and a spine-jarring push in. you can feel him deep in your stomach, a delicious pinch of discomfort each time he presses against the plug of your womb.
"so fuckin' wet, your cunt's droolin' all over me." he hooks an arm under your left leg and lifts, the angle he's put you in tittering dangerously on the tightrope of rapture and ache.
it's so good, so fucking good, your slick walls fluttering as he carves himself into you, your soul, your cunt when you feel a tight snap inside.
simon pulls out in an instant, taking your breath with him as he does. you look down at his cock and notice that—
"the condom broke. i've got another in the drawer, gimme a sec."
there is some weird thing that lodges in place somewhere deep in your sternum when you realize that he's been nothing but considerate and attentive to you since he brought you home and hasn't fussed over anything once. it's an extremely low bar, you are aware. rewarding what should be the bare fucking minimum is sad, but you're not completely altruistic in your motives anyway. you want to feel his bare cock inside as he rearranges your insides.
"no!" he quickly turns to look at you, "no. it's okay. i'm clean and i'm also on the pill. if that's okay with you, of course."
a man his stature should not move as fast as he just did, blinking from one side of the room to the other. he quickly throws both of your legs over his shoulders, heels resting on his back when he sinks back in, this time letting out a guttural groan as he does.
you can feel the ridge of his flared head, the warmth of his cock seeping into your tender walls— a new level of intimacy. he fucks you with fervor now, a precise snap of his hips that has your teeth clacking with every thrust.
your climax takes you by complete surprise, crashing into you like waves on a rocky, jagged shore. burst after burst of blinding pleasure threatens to consume you whole, and when your limbs are loose and syrupy— body limp— only then do you realize that he came just as fast. thick white ropes of viscous spend cover your stomach and trail down to your abused cunt.
your hamstrings already hurt with delayed onset muscle soreness. you might actually need a wheelchair to go back home.
(thank god your hips held out, and no, you don't care that it's essentially sacrilegious of you to even think that.)
his breathing comes out in ragged bursts, beads of sweat dripping onto the valley of your breasts.
and he's back to the fucking staring. "simon."
"pet."
"please stop looking at me like that."
he huffs and dips his head to flick your hardened nipple with his tongue, making you hiss with over sensitivity.
"make me."
-
as dawn breaks, the world begins to stir awake. hues of pale pink stain the sky, the first blush of morning. light and shadow begin to blend in the bedroom.
your phone vibrates under the pillow, simon's arm tightening around your soft waist at the buzzing sound. his lips press a light kiss on the sensitive skin by your ear, and his large hand begins to weave its way downward, pads of his fingers gathering the evidence of last night (or early morning) and gently parts your folds, brushing light strokes on your clit.
when he places your leg around his hip and sinks into you from behind, your phone buzzes again-- alone and forgotten.
good morning!!! i expect a full, detailed report by lunch or so help you god.
sent 5:30 am
about time you got laid, you're not you when you're horny.
sent 5:49 am
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