#it was just like small details about what happens before migraines and stuff tho

[stanknotstark]

A Little Pain (And A Lil Glory)

i have to thank @high-functioning-lokipath​ for helping me with all my questions about migraines. Thank you SO much, you’re amazing 💜 Anyways! I made the reader go through all four stages of migraines (prodrome, aura, attack, and post-drome!)

Summary: REQUEST. Loki helps with your migraine.

PRODROME

You open the fridge and lightly hum as you search through the contents. Loki walks in and sees you which in turn makes him change his decision to make coffee and to instead come up to your back and hug you from behind. He rests his chin on your shoulder. 

“What is my beloved searching for?” He asks, his lips finding your neck and leaving pecks there. You sigh and tilt your head so he may continue kissing with easier access. He notices the movement is strained, as if your neck is a bit stiff.

“I’m kind of craving moon berries.” 

Loki heeds no thought to the craving and pulls from you. “Moon berries? I don’t think Thor brought many back the last time he made a trip to Asgard.” Loki finishes the sentence with a small hum. He gently moves you aside and waves his hand in front of the refrigerator. You gasp when a secret shelf appears from nowhere. 

Loki chuckles at your excitement as he opens the newly appeared drawer. “I do not share everything we bring back and if you dare tell a soul-”

You hop on your toes with excitement coursing through your body and smile at Loki. “You’ll kill me, I know!” 

Loki sputters but laughs. “No, I was going to say I will punish you. I could never kill you, my love.” 

You let out a small, embarrassed oh but gasp and hop up to kiss Loki when he pulls two moon berries from the drawer and gives them to you. 

AURA

Next, Loki becomes suspicious when you’re talking to him but keep glancing away to a specific spot in the room just over his shoulder. 

“Darling?” He questions when you glance away once more. Your eyes are quick to snap back to him at his question. 

“Sorry, I keep seeing something flashing over there, Tony must have left a tablet where the sun could shine on it or something.” You wave off Loki’s concern. 

When you’re both done talking and you have returned to your floor Loki still sits there. He gets up and makes his way to the area you had been looking at. Nothing is there but a bare ottoman. Loki realizes what is occurring because he had read up on migraines so he could better attend to yours that had grown from rare to often occurring. 

Loki wants to wave this off with doubt just because he really hopes you don’t have an oncoming migraine. He hates when you’re in pain. 

Loki can’t deny the evidence anymore because the next day you claim you must have slept on your arm wrong, it has pins and needles all day. 

ATTACK

You groan and shift further under the blankets of your bed when the lights switch on. 

“Darling, it’s two in the afternoon, you need to get up and at least eat something.” Loki chides softly as he walks through your room and comes to rest on the edge of your bed. 

When Loki slowly lifts the covers to see you, you look at him with squinty eyes, your hand coming up to shield them and practically hiss.

“Migraine.” Is all you supply Loki. Loki nods with understanding and climbs under the covers with you. When he drops the covers you both look at each other in the dark lighting. 

You wince at a particular throb on the right side of your head. It feels as though someone has hit you over the head with a rock. The pain starts from the base of your skull and climbs up towards your eye. Loki brings his hands up, between the both of you, and rests his fingers on each of your temples. You close your eyes and he begins kneading with moderate pressure. You sigh and melt into his calloused hands. 

“Have you taken medicine yet?” Loki whispers into the enclosed space. You whisper out a no to which Loki responds with a disappointed sound. 

You nearly whimper when Loki pulls his fingers from your temple. You can’t stop the way your body leans forward into his receding hands. Loki hushes at you then he’s waving his hands in the enclosed space, the blankets wavering with the movement, and a bottle of menstrual medicine appears.  

You let out a strained smile. “Do you keep menstrual medicine on you at all times?” 

“Perhaps,” Loki opens the bottle with ease and tilts the bottle. Two pills fall into his hand and he hands them to you. All these movements come off as awkward considering you’re under the covers. “You have been having more migraines recently, and I read these really help migraines...do you need water?” Loki asks you with a small frown on his face. 

“No.” You grab the pills and swallow them with practiced movements. 

“Well, I pride myself in being prepared for everything.” Loki continues as he watches you settle back down. He quickly magics the bottle away and looks at you again from his side.

“Always ten steps ahead…” You mutter as you close your eyes again. 

“Precisely.” Loki replies satisfied as he brings his fingers to your temple and begins massaging again. This time his fingers stray from your temples and knead through your hair. 

“Which side is it?” He asks softly. 

“Right.”

Loki moves his hands, one supporting the left side of your head and the other kneading into the right side. It feels amazing, so much so that you let out a relieved groan. “Thanks.” You murmur. 

Loki lets his hands work on you for a minute before he is pulling away again. “I apologize. I feel like I might actually suffocate in this heat.” Loki chuckles out. He waves his hand and you see your room’s lights flash off. Loki yanks the covers from over your heads and takes in a deep breath. “Norns.” He huffs out causing you to lightly laugh but it’s cut off when you wince and bring your hands up to hold your head.

Loki is quick to turn back to you and rests his hands over yours on your head. His face is etched with concern and bewilderment. “I will never understand why you will not just let me use magic to remedy your migraines.” 

“That’s cheating.” You spout out petulantly. You open your eyes in time to see Loki rolling his. You giggle. “I need to learn to deal with them because what if I become dependent on your magic and then one day you’re not there?” 

Loki gives a slight raise of his eyebrows, as if silently admitting you might be right. “Have you ever considered that I’ll always be there for you?” 

You can feel a dopey smile split across your lips. “Don’t make promises like that Loki.”

Loki frowns. “Like what?”

“Promises you can’t possibly keep.” You explain. 

Loki lets out a huff of breath that sounds close to a sigh then looks at you with endearment. “Darling, I promise to always be there for you.”

You look at Loki with wide, doe eyes. “For all time?”

Loki smiles. “Always.” 

You lay there with Loki for some time, time you don’t keep track of. The medicine you took earlier is not helping a lot or at least isn’t working as well probably because you don’t have food in your stomach. The nausea you felt earlier is growing stronger. Your legs begin shaking and your mouth begins producing more spit than necessary. You sit up with a swallow. Loki is quick to sit up with you, his hand fanning across your lower back. Before he can ask what’s going on you’re hopping out of the bed and rushing to the bathroom. 

Loki hears the retching begin and sighs. He had really hoped it wouldn’t get bad enough to make you physically ill. He untangles himself from the bedding and enters the bathroom. You’re quick to throw a hand up and shake your head. A bad decision because you gasp and grab your head. 

“Don’t look at me.” You plead. 

Loki considers leaving you be but it’s not even a choice. He comes behind you and kneels. He grabs your hair and holds it back so you don’t get sick in it. 

“I feel as if we are past the point of being disgusted by each other considering we’ve ingested each other's bodily fluids before.” 

Loki smiles a little when you let out a shocked laugh. “You make giving you head sound so clinical-” You gag as you speak and hurl into the toilet. 

Loki brings his free hand up to rub across your back as you heave. 

“You will have to take more medicine considering you most likely just vomited it all up.” Loki mutters as an afterthought.

When you tell Loki you’re fine and not going to get sick anymore he helps you stand, slowly, and hands you your toothbrush with toothpaste already on it. 

As you brush your teeth he moves through the bathroom. He grabs a hand towel and wets it, wringing it out so it isn’t dripping, merely damp. 

You both move back to the bed. He hands you two more pills that you swallow quickly, then you lay down. Before he lays down with you he uses a blue hand to make the damp towel cold. He lays it across your forehead and smiles when you let out a grateful moan. 

Your eyes are closed so when your hand reaches out for him it reaches aimlessly. He is quick to grab your hand and kiss it then he lays down next to you. 

“You need to eat something.” Loki speaks into the silent room as he stares up at the ceiling in thought about what you need and how to take care of you.

“I just threw up everything though.” You whisper with whining resistance.

“I know. Meaning you have nothing on your stomach. Taking medicine without food could cause things to get worse.” Loki explains in a gentle voice. He had done plenty of research for you. 

“Can we just start with drinking something? My stomach is still queasy.” 

Loki hums thoughtfully. “I’ll make some tea, perhaps the caffeine may help.” 

You pat Loki’s arm. “You’re a lifesaver, babe.” 

Loki flushes at your term of endearment. Loki is usually the one to use endearments, not you. He clears his throat and sits up. “I shall be but a moment.” 

POST-DROME

Loki finally gets you to eat some soup and bread before you lay back down and go to sleep. 

The next day you sit up and hold your breath. The pain is gone. You quickly turn to Loki who is blinking his eyes open groggily. You wince when there is slight pain at your fast movement. It’s minor compared to what was going on yesterday though. 

Loki slowly sits up and you flush when the sheets fall down his bare chest and pool in his lap. “Feeling better?” He asks in a sleep roughened croak. His hand comes up to trail up your arm and land on your shoulder where he rubs it in a soothing circle. He rubs the sleep from his eyes with his other hand. 

“Loads better. I just feel some pain if I turn my head too fast.” 

Loki hums thoughtfully then yawns. He turns and checks the time from the clock on the nightstand. “It is seven A.M. sweetheart, do you have somewhere to be?” Loki looks back at you with a raised eyebrow. 

You shake your head and throw yourself into Loki who lets out a grunt at the impact before he falls back into the bed with you now on top of him. He squeezes you in a hug then lets his hands rub over your back. You both lay there with your eyes closed, enjoying the embrace, breathing in each other’s scent. 

“Thank you for taking care of me.” You murmur, already half asleep. 

“Of course. Anything for my beloved.” Loki says, kissing your forehead. 

“I know you really love me ‘cuz you watched me puke ‘n still look at me like I’m the prettiest woman in the world.” You slur out making Loki chuckle. 

“Go to sleep, darling.” Loki mutters. The vibrations of his words emitting from his chest make you snuggle into him more and sigh. 

“Love me, right?” You ask in a drowsy tone. 

“I do.” Loki says. He snickers when you pinch his arm. “I love you.” He whispers. 

You let out a happy noise then let sleep take you for a few more hours, wrapped in Loki’s warm embrace.

Tag list: @justfangirlthingies​ @biancablack2474​ @creeping156tin​ @ajeff855​ @high-functioning-lokipath  

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #7 (plus some small but heartening accomplishments and a few other little frustrations)

Hmm... hmm... it’s hard to say how I’m feeling right now, a strange cocktail of refreshing see sawing determination with a little kick of spicy proudness mingled in with the usual bitterness of overhanging doubt and the chill of all those nerve-wracking fears. Tastes pretty terrible, probably an acquired taste, but unique non the less. I’m no expert at all, but I’ll give it a generous 2.3 stars overall.

Last week was... it was not so bad actually (or maybe that’s just cause I’ve forgotten a lot of it already lol). I pushed myself to try harder to do some of the things my counsellor wanted me to do, what I myself wanted to do and le gasp, it happened..! I guess her hard talk really did stir something good in me after all. To put it real brief right here for now, I went out a lot more than I usually would (just mundane stuff like shopping and supermarkets tho) and I did the phone orders thing!!!1! Not once but multiple times over three days! Yaaay! But this week I need to continue it and even one up it... boooo-- uh, I mean go me!! @w@

There were times I totally copped out though and it feels bad man as usual, but I at least tried and I was able to prove some of my presumptions and preconceived thoughts mostly wrong! It’s something! It’s a big step, an accomplishment for me, don’t downplay it silly me! *pats self on back and proceeds to go in hiding again- no no!* This week is already feeling a little bleak but I just have to toast it up a little, let myself get cosy in this newer environment by just being there and exposing myself to it more. C’mon, I can do it! ^^

Okay onto the actual counselling session, which was yesterday. I literally only just made it on time, phew haha. I was a little anxious going up to the room cause there were some other people around in the corridor but w/e no1currs really and that goes for every other situation everywhere else. When you’re absorbed and focused in what you’re doing like other people are and not constantly looking around and assuming people give a damn (which they don’t) then it’s all good!

Um, anyways she did the typical ‘how are you/have you been’ and I gave her my weekly self scoring sheet but also I told her I forgot to give her that self esteem sheet and presented that too. I told her of my achievements last week and she congratulated me, told me I needed to pat myself on the back more and that she’s glad last week actually helped get me off my butt (she said she felt kinda bad about it too, but not so much now that she saw it had a good effect kind of thing too ^^). I agree last week did help, though I definitely wouldn’t wanna go through that again though lol.

We went over the cycle from before real briefly just as a reminder that actually doing things is the best way to break it and to progress and I have this homework sheet consisting of a table with columns for my preconceived thoughts of a situation (which I am to score with a percentage I believe it), my emotions and feelings that arise, and my uhh re-scores and feelings after actually facing and going through the situation. I haven’t actually looked at the sheet since yesterday so I totally winged the explanation just then lol but it’s about linking thoughts and emotions and that’s pretty much the gist of it. I’m kinda nervous about filling it in and I’m leaving it to the end of the week to do it, which is bad, but I’ll at least know what to put in it better by then hopefully.

We went over some of the things I wrote on the self esteem sheet, some of my examples for the unhelpful negative behaviours and we discussed them for a while but only got through a few. She said she’d go over the other ones next time, we agreed I should continue to do what I did last week but maybe try even harder. (There’s lots of small details in the discussions which I can’t remember properly or can’t place in the right time slot rn oh welp ><”)

Then the session ended there (15 mins early) idk why though. But now that I think about it, maybe there was nothing else left to say or not much plan or other things needed to discuss in particular for the last 3 sessions so maybe just try and stretch what content we have on hand to discuss kind of thing? Or maybe she needed to go somewhere like the toilet? lol who knows xD 

I was feeling the session felt pretty short (my explanation also), but wasn’t all that bothered about it tbh, I’m not paying for it or anything and it gave me a little time to do other stuff before meeting with my sis. I plucked up the courage to go to a shop on my own again, I had a few things in mind that I actually wanted to look for which like the counsellor has said before will make it easier to motivate and immerse myself into doing things. I think I might write about this experience on the feelings-thoughts sheet. 

So, I went in, a little uneasy at first, but not as much as if it would have been a place I’ve never stepped foot into before. I perused at my leisure and tried my hardest not to be overly conscious of other people around, which I noted to myself do actually going about their own stuff and don’t pay you any mind at all which lessened the nerves a lot. I found some things I wanted, and this was another relief as I always get that niggling feeling that if I leave without buying they’ll think I stole something (but looking around the internets randomly, I came to know that this is a super common feeling which is comforting and I shouldn’t worry about it too much because so what if I didn’t buy anything, I just couldn’t find anything I wanted and that is totally fine!).

Partway in the last leg of my perusing, my sis phoned me and told me to hurry up and all that stuff and it kinda made me feel real antsy. I continued looking though at a slightly faster pace but she ended up calling outside and told me to hurry up even more and was waiting for me outside so I cut my browsing short and hurried to pay and felt pretty down about it. When paying I queued up behind a group of guys and felt self-conscious but well, they no care really and I got over it and ignored the thought. 

I went to the self serve till (the only kind open, so I wasn’t avoiding or anything) and proceeded to pay and I’m so glad I know how to use them as we use them most of the time my sis goes to the supermarket with me lol but I still was feeling pretty self-conscious and the ‘unexpected item in bagging area’ still gives me nerves and it happened twice to me but the assistant came over and fixed it straight away without me saying anything (which was a relief because I was feeling a little cowardly by then, but I would’ve been a little prouder of myself for actually asking).

I went with my sis to some other shops after that, I voiced that she was being quite mean on the phone and later she apologised, she was in a pretty bad mood in general and also the car park time wasn’t much and most of the bad feeling was dissolved. We then went to some other other shops with my mum in addition and I went off on my own to peruse which was nice though I couldn’t find anything I wanted, but it’s best not to waste monies on things I don’t need anyways. I got kind of sickly on the way home which wasn’t great but the general day was pretty alright.

There was somewhere else I wanted to go and me and my sis planned to go soon after but it was delayed and later I just kind of chickened out and took a nap instead :/ I was really tired and still sickly feeling though. I hope to get this sorted out this week still though, maybe I’ll tag along with my parents this time round, it’ll be okay! ^^

I also went to see a specialist doctor, I got a phone call for the appointment two days before the actual day (probably someone else cancelled) and I took it. I could’ve said no and waited even longer, but I didn’t, because health is important and should be dealt with asap! I wish I could bring myself to apply this to some of my other worries, but I’ll get there. Anyways it went alright, the typical general treatment route, but at least it’s something, now I’m waiting on my regular doc for the next steps. 

The kind of funny thing is though (in reference to my last post or maybe the one before it), is that I have been recommended to take anti-depressants (BUT not for depression) they happen to help with migraines and oversensitivity which affects me all the time pretty much. A lot of medicines help with other conditions they were not primarily made for, I only realised this in the recent years lol. I’m a little wary and I’m hoping that it’ll help, maybe even kill two birds with one stone, but if it doesn’t then oh welp and onto the next thing they recommend. I want to get better every way I can and there’s no harm trying (except maybe side effects ugh) it’s just the stigma thing again, it’s... complicated .__. But it’ll be okay!

In terms of my own art and online dabblings, I actually spent two of the days I did phone orders doodling and editing stuff a little. I wasn’t really going to draw anything seriously but my non serious doodle started off pretty alright and I continued it and finished it, which I kind of felt proud of as usually I start things and never finish them because I get scared to mess it up or think it’s not good enough. It has its flaws of course, I’m such a nit picky person and I know I need to improve, but looking past these things, I really like what I did and am glad I persevered and completed it.

I also tried posting something online, not on here, but I actually did it for once at least! It was nothing amazing, in fact it was really really lame, just a scrawl from another time but I still like it and that’s all that matters, right? Right! I was really struggling over what to write in the descriptions (much like how I spend ages agonising over writing comments) and still keep feeling iffy about what I wrote but it’s actually all fine, so I should stop worrying about it! Hear that silly me? Don’t fret and don’t regret, it’s fine so keep going! :D

Some people (very few) even liked my picture and one person even commented some thumbs up emojis. It’s really nice of them ;w; I don’t think they were bots and I looked at their pages too. The person that commented has a page full of beautiful art and idk I just felt like omg ahhhh they’re so much more amazing then me and super intimidated and wasn’t sure what to do about the comment and still haven’t done anything and it’s been a few days .__.

They probably like loads of peoples stuff though, and also there’s no obligation to have to like their stuff back (though I have a feeling that’s probably why they liked my awful doodle in the first place, to draw attention to their own page, but I shouldn’t assume, that’s bad, maybe they really thought my doodle was okay and kindly wanted to encourage, who knows). I think maybe I’ll like the comment at least, I don’t want to be rude >< I’m just scared that if I do go and like their stuff, I’ll feel obligated to always do it kind of thing, I’m still just so scared of interacting with people (also this person doesn’t speak english it seems and language barriers are my death, but this person didn’t mind it, so uh uh wait I’m being such a baby again ;____;)

I’m seriously overthinking things way too much again!! I get this feeling when I think of people that may have taken their time to read my posts or even the few people that have liked a post or two. I’m seriously very very grateful and would hug you if I could but I don’t know what to do from then and it just keeps swirling and nagging me inside and I’m so sorry >< Overthinking and social awkwardness will surely be the death of me. I need to stop all the uncertainty and what ifs and silly assumptions and just do what I feel! Why is it so hard..? ;^;

I actually got so scared I didn’t post the next small doodle I wanted to, but I need to get over it and just get it done and continue and post the things I’ve really really been wanting to post for months. No one actually cares about all the silly things I think they do, I can’t read minds and I can’t go one thinking that I can. The same for just people in general irl. I was actually a little proud that I was so self-conscious out in public as much recently, that I noticed people are too busy in their own world and that I’m silly for thinking they would expend the brain energy to linger on me negatively. Another mantra sort of thing I’ve been thinking is ‘IDGAF (and no one else does)’ lolol for reals, but it seems to be pretty effective so imma keep it! :>

Losing motivation and becoming disheartened is so easy. I’m going to continue small and simple and build up from there in every aspect and it’ll get easier and I’m gonna keep my grip real tight on that motivation and determination and soak in all my accomplishments no matter how small or insignificant they seem and convert them into even more positive energy! Imma do things!! Imma do lots of things and not get mad at myself even if I don’t manage to do some of them! Baby steps is the way to go! c:

Like always I get a bit apprehensive when writing these or even thinking of doing so, but they are actually very useful! I can sift through and explore my thoughts better now and I can help re-motivate and re-direction myself with them and I even think my writing and expression in general has gotten better! It’s a good thing, it’s an achievement! Be happy silly self! ^^

Worry just makes the world seem all the more scary. Break the cycle, break the cycle, snap it to pieces, crush it into dust and let it fly away in the wind and never return! >< Keep going, reach higher, climb further (without forgetting to take rest stops in between and continue onwards with renewed vigour) past the sky and the stars, you can do it! Moar fancy fancy motivation!! x3

I guess I’ll stop here, I think I’ve got most of the stuff down and there’s stuff I wanna do now that I’ve pieced my motivation back together some ^^ When I go to my drafts to write, I see the to do/dream list I wrote last time and it reminds me of all the things I could do, it definitely needs to be tidied up but it’s nice seeing it! I’m pumped! :3

I hope things go well for myself and everyone out there, go go!

Have a great evening! C: