#it was nerve-wracking and stressful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

myriahkamm · 5 months

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So, uh...I'm officially a homeowner.

Moving over the weekend. It's a small house (less square footage than my old 1-bedroom apartment), but it's mine, and I get a yard and a garage out of the deal or something.

Also......

I'm so nervous about this hopefully helpful new step in life. 😅

#myri speaks #homeownership #seriously more nervous than excited right now #and also #people kept telling me house hunting would be an exciting experience #it was not #it was nerve-wracking and stressful #hopefully it's ultimately all worth it

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painted-bees · 4 months

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reading through your hinote tags it was interesting to learn that Raf still likes preforming and even misses playing large shows, but avoids getting sucked back into it. As an adult, you'd think he could just return to preforming on his own terms and play any stage he wants. Does a fear of success keeps him away from it? Sorry if this was already explained somewhere and I missed it.

Sssorta haha! He doesn't want to gain too much traction and attract media attention, because it'll inevitably liken his current career/his current self to his past...And almost none of the things he had said about himself, very few of the views he presented in interviews and such, none of it was really him, what he believed, what he liked, or how he, himself, wanted to be perceived. He likes playing the character on stage, but hates the notion of that character following him and being projected onto him in day to day life. On one hand, he doesn't want random people to see him and know him accurately--which is why the stage persona is so great. But on the other hand, the media personality his mother curated is too far removed from his own tastes and sensibilities, that it feels like an ill-fitting skin and makes him physically uncomfortable to be identified as and associated with it. Increased visibility as a performer would kinda force him to contend with that in a way he really would rather not. It's not worth it for him. AND he does not want to attract his family's attention. He doesn't want them contacting him about his career. He wants to be as tiny and invisible to them as possible.

Secondly, and more acutely, though--his symptoms after a show--any show--really suck. He gets nervous leading up to a performance, but it's usually perfectly manageable. He's normally in relatively good spirits about it. Then on stage, he gets a nice little thrill and the feeling of "man, yeah! I need to let myself do this more often!" But then, once the show is over, he's in the backstage bathroom vomiting, and spends the next week struggling to recover from a depressed hangover with 0 motivation, energy, or excitement for anything. He hasn't...figured out how to avoid this extremely consistent pattern. It's weird, because he feels fine during the performance, even if there's a break in between or some such. But as soon as it's properly over, the nerves hit him hard--and once the anxiety passes, he's just an exhausted, deflated, apathetic husk with a very, very low mood about it. That's what kinda keeps him off the stage, and prevents him from doing shows on any kind of consistent basis. He can only really commit to doing them if he's feeling really good about things--and if he can afford the inevitable "crash" week that always follows. If that were less of an ailment for him, he might be more inclined to at least humor the idea of reinventing his persona and returning to musical performance on a more serious/professional/consistent basis. Alas.

#when he was a kid the performance was always the easiest part to get through #The real stress came from the post-show criticisms lectures and...general fallout between him and his mother specifically.#it was never a celebration or a congratulation esp. as he entered his teen years.#The most nerve wracking/discouraging work began once the curtains had closed.#Almost 2 decades of that and the body just kinda...goes through the motions now #regardless of the fact that there are no post-performance lectures or 'practices' or what have you anymore.#Theoretically he COULD just relax and sleep after a show if he wants but lmao his brain hasn't caught up with that reality yet.#Hi-Note #Rafael

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catastrxblues · 2 months

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know it’s for the better, the only state of mind ever

#im trying not to stress out about it so much but i just keep thinking about itttt #i think this week is going to be more nerve wracking than i anticipated #i have to pack for my uni/campus trip and make a clay statue thing and study for my ap math test #all the while trying not to think about it 😭#anyways #nadine.mp3

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siena-sevenwits · 10 months

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🕯️

#feeling stressed out but trying to turn this day around. I don’t want to let myself be unkind or nerve wracking to deal with.#I did some lectio divina with pray as you go (an app I like)#and I think it will help.#just gotta change my mindset. all is well.

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blushy-tigerrr · 2 months

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can’t sleep. feeling sad and anxious. not a good time. :(

#‼️ i am okay and i am safe ‼️#i’m simply just. feeling sad tonight #and very stressed about the busy weeks ahead #and scared of a nerve wracking conversation i need to have with my boss 😵‍💫#bc i fucked up my schedule #hhhhhh just overall feeling like i’m not doing a good enough job #and beating myself up about it 🤕#sorry for the mini vent BDJSBXJS #i just have a lot of things buzzing in my head #non tkls #vent post

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princekirijo · 2 months

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Second round interview done 0.0

#i think it went well #the person said she liked me and was happy to pass me onto the final stage anyway :]#fuckin nerve-wracking though won't lie #the next interview is gonna be the more technical one though 😭 and its an hour long...#but hey this is the first interview ive gotten in like 8 months lmao im gonna take this and run #i need money #also yeah this is why ive been kinda quiet lmao #i mean im always quiet but EXTRA quiet #stressing over this has been draining #also this has feels like a fuckin marathon LMAO why are there three rounds of interviews 💀

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fullmetalscullyy · 17 days

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wine and xfiles podcast fridays are a go besties!!! i'm so excited i've been looking forward to it hehehe

#although i have to be careful not to get hoolit bc i got one of my toenails removed (medically) at the start of the week and if i walk into #something or stub my sore toe i will literally shrivel into a husk of pain and disappear from this earth #its been an eventful few weeks!!#not stressful tho for once!! just exciting and nerve wracking and manoeuvring around things and healing :)#i even fit in a glass of prosecco w my pizza for my tea hehehe full on treat yo self!!!!!! i deserve it after the procedure lol #hopefully get some writing in too later on :)#emma talks

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outeremissary · 3 months

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Having one of those weeks of "is this the monthly Malaise or am I about to have a real mental health rut"

#I think I feel a bit bad for not having seen success for a bit on a large project or one for other people #my to-do list... I'm trying #think I just feel socially weird too. as usual I would benefit from touching grass #I know I've been on more than is good for me lately and I'm just trying to distract from not liking how creative projects are going #or feeling lonely but not very socially confident for a while #for me social media is generally an extremely poor substitute for other forms of interaction (including other online interaction) too #it's like candy. it's fun in moderation but the more of it making up your diet the sicker you feel #and socially ambiguous in a nerve wracking way with how uncertainly part private/part public it is #especially on tumblr where so much interaction is indirect and one way. it's not how I function best I fear #it can be fun! I enjoy it much of the time. but it can also be very stressful and confusing.#a solid 'touch grass' (or touch snow) time is likely approaching if I feel weird a little longer haha #but jeez! I should knock some stuff off the list first.#I'm up too late tonight. I know that. lack of satisfaction on projects I know #okayyyyy I'll maybe prep one last thing (sunk cost fallacy) and go to sleep properly like I should've ages ago. morning will be rough.#I do miss the ways people interacted on Twitter #rambling #you should know half the time I have some way too long tags it's because I meant to say one thing and then just kept going without thinking #I think I talk too much online because offline I don't talk very much. not many people to talk to.

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malwarewolf404 · 3 months

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Just had a stress dream that I had to shush and or ask people to leave for talking constantly during the drag performances at the gay bar. You’d think being a dishwasher at the gay bar would be the one job I wouldn’t stress over but here we are.

#come to think of it I can’t remember a single occasion where I had to do that though #most people at the gay bar knew how to behave themselves #I think my brain is just stressed because I’ve been working at the pizza shop by myself for several hours and there’s always #at least five things that have to all be done in the next twenty minutes #and they all take twenty minutes #it’s nerve-wracking

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fleshdyke · 8 months

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☹️

#not a great first day. augh.#as we are all aware a bunch of my closest friends stopped talking to me and wouldnt tell me why. so seeing them again and especially seeing #them all talk to each other and have fun stung a bit. and then my phone died and i couldnt remember what room my math class was in so i got #there late. and when i walked in when i tell you that everyone started laughing im so fucking serious.#and i just grabbed a random seat and the girls who were sitting there were i shit you not the most stereotypical high school mean girls you #have ever fucking met. like they were laughing at me when i sat down and kept looking at their friends and were texting each other and #laughing in that way you can Tell theyre bullying you. like when you’ve been bullied your entire life you can tell. but its not like i have #any proof of them doing this so i cant really do anything. and this group of boys were just openly making fun of me like 🧍‍♂️#and whenever i ticced which was a lot bc this was fucking stressful these girls i was sitting with would stare at me and then giggle to each #other like STOP. i quite literally didnt do anything but sit there and they were bullying me for fucking existing #and then the entirety of my old friend group was in my art class and its so nerve wracking being around them bc i still dont know what i did #like i want to kind of spite them by being happy without them but i also kinda wish i could just drop dead so they could know how much #that effected me. idk man. it sucks #and then theres the whole thing with getting on the wrong bus and walking home and im in so much pain rn. just. not a great start.#rambles #vent

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lupismaris · 1 year

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Right. Called friend to ask her and her husband to come hangout tomorrow evening so i have someone to grocery shop with and help 'round the kitchen for meal prepping/cleaning out foods i can't have for the next month with a big pasta night dinner. Asking for help sucks when people have shamed you for it all your life but i promise you it is freeing and essential. She didn't even hesitate she just said yeah sounds great they'll be by after seeing another friend earlier in the day what can they bring. Sometimes it's that simple.

Gonna get dressed. Try and hold off a cry. Order a pizza. Pick up pre rolls. Pick up pizza. Come home. Have a smoke. Eat something. Watch Craig!bond probably. Call with Dec. In some order.

Somewhere in the mix have the big weighty cry i feel building.

Bath. Another smoke. Back to bed.

#the bf and mil being gone for a week is honestly probably a good thing i occasionally need moments to remember how to function #when im not existing (hypothetically of course) for the service and care of others #like all my cooking and such is focused on feeding a family and all my habits are built around a household of people #so i rarely know what to do when im forced or allowed to live on my own for a while #so this should be a good thing and it is! once im through this weekend ill likely be a bit relieved in some ways #but deeply deeply lonely in others. because i dont have an established local support system yet i feel very isolated etc #and with my most reliable person not here during a very overwhelming and stressful time its frabkly terrifying #bot because i need him to do everything for me but because i am used to knowing that if something does go to shit #he is at least in the next room to hear me panic and cry or witness me need the help and try to step in #so thats where the panic is this week. its lonely and nerve-wracking not having my person within reach or even the same timezone

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cut-aare · 1 year

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Oh mein gott-