#it would be different if i could say dressage who? I know how to sort cows and lasso cows and do cool rancher stuff

[southpark-trashfactory]

I wanna ramble about some Bunny thoughts that aren't necessarily very shippy but I guess are partially why I find them as a ship so interesting.

(CW: Child Abuse )

So, I'm of the opinion that none of the South Park parents are actually very good parents, that's the main reason I don't often talk about them, since I don't wanna let my own dislike for them as people come across like I don't appreciate them as characters.

That being said I feel like most people might hesitate to unanimously label the majority of the SP parents as outright abusive, minus for The Stotches and The McCormicks.

For me, this makes for a very interesting dynamic, because it gives Kenny and Butters some common ground that they don't have with most of the other characters.

Building off of that, their situations are similar in theme, but far from identical in execution.

Kenny is the middle child in a financially struggling household, his parents are constantly fighting and physically abuse each other as well as their kids, he's even been shown to be desensitized to his parents arguing. He's also been parentified in how he has to take care of his little sister, and is psychologically abused through his parents degrading him, either for refusing to go to church or for failing to bring home money when he got a job. (I mean forcing a 9yo to get a job in the first place is pretty yikes but you get what I mean )

Butters is an only child in (what I interpret to be) a fairly financially stable household, with parents who more often than not run their home like a well oiled machine together, they're also physically abusive but the abuse they employ the most frequently is psychological, enforcing very specific rules and very harsh punishments when they are broken. (Like when Stephen got mad at him for not organizing the pantry right, so he poured ricerroni into his coffee, even though he could have, looked at the box)

I sort of always interpret Kenny and Butters situations as a mirror of the other, with Kenny's household primarily employing physical abuse with some instances of psychological abuse, and Butters household employing primarily psychological abuse with strategic physical punishments.

Kenny's environment is chaos that he's grown accustomed to, there isn't any rhyme or reason to what he goes through, and the responsibilities he has are unfair for a kid his age. That being said, I feel like he at least has some peace of mind in knowing that it's his parents who are the problem.

Butters on the other hand, might be a different story. His environment is structured neatly and securely, or at least he's told it is, there's always a reason given for why he's being punished, even if he had no way of knowing beforehand, he's always informed of why exactly he is the one at fault. He's a very sheltered child, and though he may from time to time think he's being treated unfairly, he might hesitate to believe he could be being abused, because don't his parents treat him well outside of when he's being punished? You couldn't well say he's neglected, he plays multiple musical instruments, knows how to tap dance, and entered at least one dressage competition, all of which require lessons, so money and time from his parents. All of this considered would probably make Butters perception of his parents very confusing for him.

I know this post mostly comes across as me pointing at these two like "Hey, look how fucked up these kids are" and by no means do I feel like their shared trauma is the only merit to their dynamic being interesting, but it's something I often find myself thinking about, and rarely really see explored as in depth as I would like.

Like, to what extent do they know about each other's experiences? Could they maybe find solace in each other's experiences, or would they get hung up on the differences? Maybe a mixture of both where they find comfort in each other only after coming to terms with the fact they may never fully understand what the other went through, even if it seems similar? Idk man, I just like the idea that these fucked up kids could be happy together.

I like the idea that they might hurt each other accidentally because they're humans who have been hurt, but they make the effort to do better by each other because they care, and they want to be together for as long as it feels right.

I feel like this is just a bunch of random thoughts strung together but it's like almost 3 am

[captains-simp]

Carol Danvers ~ Impatient Acts: Part 2 (Consequences)

Part one

Carol Danvers X fem!Reader Smut

Word count: 5,129

Includes: choking, brat taming, face slapping, spanking, whipping, degrading, bondage, gagging, vibrator, edging, strap, overstimulation, anal and praise

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" You practically scream as you clench desperetly around the strap as you cum hard on the toy, shaking in pleasure as some of your white, sticky liquid escapes around the sides of the toy and spreads across your thigh as you clench them together after pulling the strap out.

You hadn't even regained your breath when Carol speaks her final words that night.

"You're going to regret that."

My Captain has ended the call.

You grinned as the memory of that night played through your mind for the hundredth time that day.

As you fiddled with your keys, trying to find the one to your front door, you considered what toy you would use later on. Since you had broken Carol's number one rule you had found yourself doing it again and again without her knowing (mainly due to the overwhelming fact she hadn't called you since).

Despite getting a release that night, it had made you even more sexually frustrated as Carol's threats seemed to follow you everywhere.

You figured if you were going to get punished for breaking the rule once, you might as well break it as much as you wanted because it wouldn't make a difference.

When you stepped into your house you were still under the impression that Carol wouldn't be back for at least a few more days. You hadn't expected her to be sitting in your house waiting for you. And you definetly underestimated how pissed she would be when you saw her again.

Before you could even think about what you would make for dinner you felt a strong presence behind you that slammed you against the wall before you could react.

You winced at the pain of the shock to you ribs and were thankful for your instincts to turn your head to the side so the wall only collided with some of your cheek.

You hadn't even been able to comprehend these issues when the all too familiar intruder pressed themselves fully against your back and wrapped their hand you had come to memorize like your own around your throat.

The intoxicating scent, glimpse of blonde hair, strong hand with slim fingers and especially the feeling of the covered bulge between her legs that couldn't press itself any further against you told you who it was.

"Hey...Carol." You greeted with a grin as best you could with your restricted airways.

Her hand was locked in an iron grip around your throat. Her fingers dug into the side of your neck so firmly you could feel her fingernail breaking and marking the skin as they pressed down on a vital part of the blood flow around your neck.

Combined with her palm threatening to crush your airways with one movement ignited a fire between your legs.

The pressure of both of these actions made you feel undeniably light headed. Carol reduced her force to allow the blood in your neck to continue towards your head when she spoke. After all, she needed you conscious for what she had planned.

"You don't get to call me that right now, brat. Not after what you've done." She said, the bitterness in her voice sending chills throughout your body that you weren't ready to take seriously yet.

"I'd say I'm sorry," you started with a smirk, "but I'm really no-" Carol didn't let you finish. She spun you around, too quick to stop, before slapping you harshly across the cheek.

You were taken aback by the shock and sting across your cheek, not expecting Carol to be in such a sadistic mood so soon.

She turned your body again towards the stairs this time and shoved you in that direction.

"Move." Was all she said before slapping your ass as a warning not to disobey.

You climbed the stairs as quick as you could but stumbled a couple of times, still recovering from the shock of being slapped so hard. Carol chuckled mockingly in response, making you cheeks burn with embarrassment.

You tried your hardest to recover from this though, trying to maintain your bratty nature as long as you could, knowing that was always what got the best performance out of Carol.

Once you stepped into your bedroom you wandered towards the bed, not sparing Carol a single glance despite your whole body fighting to see the anger filled expression that always ruined your panties.

You could hear her walking purposefully towards you. You could smell her familiar scent that overtook your senses. You could feel her hair tickling your neck as her hands glided over the waist of your blouse.

You couldn't stop yourself tilting your head to the side ever so slightly and stepping back to be against her.

Carol clearly didn't appreciate the gesture. She placed a strong hand between your shoulder blades and forced you onto the bed on your stomach.

Just as you went to move to get up in protest, Carol pinned your shoulders down with a painful strength you were futile to fight against.

She knelt one leg on the bed to lean over you and didn't hesitate to grab at the front of your blouse between your skin and the bed sheets.

There was no grace or sensuality to her movements, only a cold, silent annoyance.

Once she had a hold of the fabric, your girlfriend ripped you blouse apart without a second thought and tossed it across the room, some of the buttons scattering to places you would probably never find.

"What the hell?!" You object, frustrated by the loss of one of your best blouses.

"Quiet." She spitts before yanking at your bra, damming it to the same fate as your blouse.

You huffed quietly, both of you knowing she could have just as easily unhooked it rather than destroy the cloth.

You knew it was a way for Carol to get her point across. You had made a big mistake and you were going to regret it.

She gripped under your bare bicep to pull you up the bed so your face was hovering over your pillow. You turned it to the side to see what Carol was doing, just as she hooked her fingers under the area of you trouser waistband that was just above your ass.

She pulled them down without looking at you, only focusing her attention on your ass that was now only covered with you thin panties.

She gave the smooth skin a sudden slap that made you clench your thighs together tightly, your body fooling itself by thinking that would make any sort of difference against Carol's plans.

The captain then wandered towards your closet, leaving you to watch the empty doorway in anticipation as you lay waiting.

Your eyes widened in shock mixed and undeniable fear as she reappeared, holding a dressage horse whip in her hand. She wouldn't really use that on you...would she?

Carol chuckled darkly as she saw your fearful gaze. Your plans of continuing your bratty acts were jeopardized as soon as you saw the whip.

You whimpered as she arrived at the side of your bed and looked down at you with a now stoic expression.

Holding the whip firmly in her hand as she towered over you was enough to make you want to beg for forgiveness.

The captain radiated power and control, making you start to realise her threats weren't empty and that everything you had done you really would regret.

"Carol..." You whispered as you gave her a pleading look, ashamed that you already wanted to give in and make everything right.

"I've been saving this for a long time, you know? It's only for punishment when my main rule is broken. I always thought I would never have to use it on you. But you're starting to be too much of a brat, a brat that needs to learn her place as a whore." She explained stoicly as her hands wandered over your ass, dipping under your panties.

"I'm sorry." You whimpered as she moved onto the bed just behind you.

"Maybe you are, but that's not enough. You need to learn your lesson." Carol taunted. "If you want to prove you're really sorry you're going to take your punishment and thank me for it. Then maybe I'll stop once I've broken you into a begging, shaking, pathetic mess." Poison dripped from Carol's tone that filled you with dread.

"Tell me, how much of a slut have you been while I was away? I just don't believe you've only disobeyed me once." Of course you contemplated lying. You knew the more she knew the more she would punish you, but if she found out you were lying to her...

"A few." You whispered, afraid of how Carol would respond.

"Specify."

"Maybe...5 times?" You knew how many orgasms you had brought upon yourself, but you were so afraid to tell her.

"Maybe?"

"6?" You started to tremble.

"Don't lie to me." She gripped your hips harshly, her nails digging into your skin, before lifting them up so your ass was lifted up and displayed to her.

You automatically pulled your legs under you, knowing the position she wanted you in and hoping that by coorporating she would have some mercy.

This was proved wrong when she brought her hand down harshly and smacked your still clothed ass, despite the barrier there was still a present sting.

"13." You admitted and clenched the sheets beneath you in a tight fist in hopes of having something to help you through what was to come.

It was a number you had taken some form of pride in before Carol had forced you out of your bratty state. Now you were filled with embarrassment and despair, wanting nothing more than to take it all back and be praised for being a good girl for her.

"Such a slut." Carol growled before a sharp crack sound echoed throughout the room.

It took you a moment to understand what she had done, your body automatically registering it as shock to protect you. But the pain soon made its presence known and you burried your head into the pillows to muffle you cry.

She had whipped you. It hurt more than any other punishment you had ever received and you knew it could only get worse.

Carol's hands ran over the stinging skin before pulling you panties down. You bit your lip and closed you eyes as tight as your grip on the sheets.

"Then I think 13 strikes will suffice."

She had barely finished her sentence when Carol struck you again. This time you lurched forward and cried out loudly into the pillows while pulling the sheets close to you.

"Th-thank you." You whimpered, tears brimming in your eyes as you turned your head to the side to speak audibly.

You couldn't see her of course, but Carol was grinning sadistically at the sight of you. Your clear signs of pain encouraging her to struck again, and again and again.

You struggled to speak after each strike from the whip, but forced yourself to between sobs, not wanting to prolong the punishment or make things worse for yourself.

As much as pain always turned you on, this was a new kind that was almost unbearable. You needed easing into this level of pain, yet you felt as though you had been thrown in the deep end with no ladder to help you out. You would later figure out that was what made the punishment so effective.

After 6 strikes Carol paused to admire the stripped skin on your ass. It was already raw and sensitive to the touch. She almost felt sorry for you, having to endure the pain for a lot longer and being shown no mercy. But brats had to be put in their place. You had to learn.

"Only 7 more." Carol chuckled. Tears streamed down your face as you felt Carol's hands brushing over your broken skin.

"I'm sorry." You sobbed, lifting your head slightly. "I'll never do it again...just please...I can't take anymore." You begged pathetically beneath her.

"You're going to take this punishment or I'm going to be even more disappointed in you. This is all your own doing." Carol spoke without empathy or any emotion, making sure you knew she wouldn't stop.

She picked up the whip and brought it down on your broken skin. The intense sting felt different and told you these strikes would be etching deeper into your flesh, drawing blood to the surface only to be slapped away by the whip when it returned.

It was an unbearable pain. When you weren't thanking Carol or crying in pain you were begging her to stop, everytime thinking the next strike would hit your soul.

When Carol had finally struck you for the last time you collapsed into the bed, your legs no longer able to hold you.

You hadn't noticed her leave, but she must have as you became aware of more objects being placed near the end of the bed. You wanted to peer down in curiosity, but also knew whatever she had was for your punishment and would only bring you more dread.

Carol held your waist and moved you onto your back so you were looking up at her. The feeling of the sheets against your broken skin made you flinch in discomfort but was almost forgotten when Carol placed her hands on you cheeks to wipe away your tears. It was the only loving gesture you would get for the time being.

"Do you still want your Captain's forgiveness?" She asked, knowing the answer but wanting you to say it.

"Yes." You breathed out. "I'll do anything, I'm sorry I-" Carol cut you off by placing a finger over your lips.

She grabbed a pair of black, leather cuffs from her collection on the bed and before she could even reach for your hands you were placing them at the headboard for her.

She showed no signs of consideration of praise for the act or even recognition, but on the inside Carol was gleaming at everything you did. Your desperation to please her made her want to praise and pleasure you for hours. She had to remind herself of what you had done to end up in this situation. Reminding herself to give you the punishment you deserve for being a dirty slut.

Next, she spread you legs wide apart and cuffed each ankle to each side of the bed, stopping you from closing you legs or even rubbing your thighs together for friction.

It was then that Carol brought your attention to the vibrator in her hand. Without a word, she turned it on full and pressed it against your folds. Your leaking arousal and wanton for the vibrations allowed your lips to part for the toy and quickly engulf it into your needy pussy.

You moaned in pleasure and closed you eyes, surprised Carol was giving you this pleasure but not going to question it.

She watched your facial expressions with a satisfied smirk as she pulled her sweatpants down to reveal the sizeable strap on you hadn't yet seen.

She thought you looked so beautiful blissed out from the toy, your back arching to present your breasts and peaking nipples to her as your thighs strained against the restraints.

Her gaze was especially focused on the wetness seeping out of you, telling Carol just how much you wanted her.

"You don't get to cum until I give you permission." She stated before going to straddle your stomach.

Your eyes flickered open before widening at the sight of a new strap on just inches away from your face.

It was the largest one you had ever seen on Carol and figured she must have bought it on her trip as you had never seen it before.

However you weren't given a chance to ponder on this as she was instantly pressing it against your lips.

You opened your mouth for her compliantly and were quickly made aware you were going to struggle with the girth as well as the length.

You had your mouth as wide as you could manage and yet the strap still struggled to fit, stretching your mouth in an uncomfortable way you hadn't experienced before.

Carol watched every feature of your face as you struggled to take the strap. Not missing the look of hopelessness of getting it in as well as fighting back the distracting pleasure building between your legs. You wouldn't last long with the vibrator and you would never be able to fit the strap on in your mouth.

"I thought you wanted to make it up to me. If you can't even suck my fucking cock how will you manage it in you other slutty holes."

You tried to protest against the strap, assure Carol you could take it and try not to worry over the stretch you would experience in other body parts later on.

Carol smirked at your attempt to communicate with her, not being able to hold back further comments to provoke you.

"You really think you can take this?" Carol asked with a smirk and mocking tone. You tried to nod your head in response, painfully aware you barely had the tip in and was already struggling with it and the buzz between your legs.

"If you insist." Carol bit back a laugh as she thrust her hips towards you, the strap forcing itself into your mouth and surpassing you gag reflex in an instant.

Your eyes pleaded with her as you realised you really couldn't take the strap.

"You wanna keep going?" Carol taunted, knowing you were now physically incapable of shaking your head no.

The more you pleaded the further she sunk the strap in. You gagged and choked around the toy, eyes watering as it hit the back of your throat.

Your arms and legs desperetly struggled against the restraints as Carol finally pushed the strap in entirely.

She locked eyes with you the whole time, especially when she pulled the strap out slightly only to ram it back into your mouth to make you gag violently in protest.

Meanwhile the vibrator never faltered in its buzz that was electrifying your whole body. You knew you were edging closer and closer to that sweet release and that Carol would put you through the torture of having to hold your orgasm at bay, something you almost always failed at.

Your mouth and throat ached and you were vaguely aware of the trail of saliva travelled down your chin and either side of your mouth, you body attempting to lubricate your mouth and toy to ease the process but only adding to your humiliation.

Carol continued her bruising pace of fucking your drooling mouth as she smirked down at you sadistically, memorizing every detail of your blissed and pained face. The two sides of your battled against each other, not knowing which to give in to.

When your body finally fell limp in defeat you heard Carol chuckle as she pulled the strap out of your mouth, which apparently hurt just as much as it going in.

The moment is was out you gave a loud whorish moan, telling Carol you so desperetly needed to cum.

"What do you say?" Carol teased as she started to rub your clit in tight circles with her fingers, relishing in how much your wetness had spread.

"Please may I cum, Captain?" You begged and whimpered, desperate for your release.

"Hmm," Carol mused as she fiddled with the vibrator while listening to you struggle to hold off your orgasm. "No." She said simply before pulling the soaking vibrator out and turning it off.

Before you could whine in protest Carol looked at the vibrator in annoyance.

"Look at the fucking mess you've made, slut. Getting your whorish juices all over my toys and bed. Disgusting." She stated bitterly in an attempt to hold back how much she was internally gleaming at the mess while being able to humiliate you.

"I'm sorry." You apologised as Carol moved over to you again, slowly spreading your thighs as she positioned herself between them.

You looked down in silence, as to follow her lead, and watched the huge toy attached to Carol wander up your thigh.

You both knew you needed preparation for something that size. That on any other occasion Carol would have whispered sweet nothings into your ear as she introduced you to new sizes and girths.

But you were being punished. Everything was different. There would be no preparation for you.

"Captain..." You whispered as she lined up the strap to your still soaking entrance.

Carol ignored you as she placed her hands firmly on both of your thighs, keeping them spread for her merciless attack that was to follow.

"Be a good girl and take my cock, baby. Then maybe I'll start thinking about forgiving you." She said as the strap stroked your folds, nudging at your lower lips and separating them.

You held your breath as Carol pushing the tip inside you, instantly reminding you of the substantial girth.

You attempted to move your legs in response, automatically wanting to close them to prevent any more of the strap entering you. But Carol's grip on your thighs tightened and she held you down firmly.

In a silent concentration, she pushed her hips forward and the strap followed, stretching your walls for its entrance making you moan out and pull against every cuff restraining you.

"Ah! Captain!" You protested as she thrust further inside you, not being able to see that she was entranced by the show your wet pussy was giving her. Your outer lips opening more and more for the intruder, almost folding back on themselves as your wetness was heard around the toy, there being no space for it to leek out but still being present on the outside from earlier.

Your pussy ached as the strap sunk deeper, pushing against your walls and you having no way to stop it.

Just when you thought maybe it was in entirely, Carol gave one final thrust and the strap thrust against the back of your pussy with so much force it was bruising.

The girth and length was still clearly too much for what you were built for as it continued to push against every side of your cunt, especially at the back where it was threatening to rip through.

You moaned over and over, struggling to form words and accomdate the brutal strap. You were overwhelmed with pleasure and pain, hardly able to handle either never mind both.

You panted and drooled, not having any control over any of your body, only being a puppet for Carol to command.

She pulled the strap out slightly, only to slam it back in with force that made your whole body jerk and shudder. She pulled out more the next time, as though giving you a moment to prepare before thrusting the toy back into your still unprepared cunt.

It was as though your walls retracted every time she pulled out, making her re-entrance just as painful as the last.

Despite this, in the brief moments the strap left you your whole body yearned for it back, feeling completely empty without it.

"Your cunt's taking my cock so well, so desperate to be filled up by me." Carol chuckled to hide her moans.

Her pace never faulted, never giving you a break. Every thrust was just as hard as the last, leaving you a moaning and shuddering mess beneath her.

Her nails started to dig into your flesh as she pounded the strap into you.

In a flash, her left hand left yourself thigh and planted itself next to your head, gripping the sheets tightly and taking her fucking with a new vigour you didn't know she was capable of.

You were practically screaming everytime the strap hit the back of your pussy. Somehow Carol was able to tilt the strap at the last moment to slam against your g-spot, like it was trying to break through a barrier.

"You feel how deep my cock is inside you, slut? You want more?" You could only moan in response, not being able to vocalist with words how much you needed her.

You desperately wanted to cling onto her back as you approached your high. The feeling in your lower stomach increased and you could only moan louder in response to it, your pussy clamping down on the strap as it prepared itself for its release.

"C-Captain!" You wailed as your whole body tensed up.

You came with a scream of her name, clenching around the strap and gasping out for air. Your hips rolled, your back arched, your eyes clenched shut as you saw blanks and your pussy shuddered as it squirted your cum out of it, your now stretched hole allowing some of it to dribble down around the strap and onto the bed.

Carol could hardly contain her moan as she felt your cum spreading on both of your thighs.

She didn't give you a chance to recover. You were still being punished and Carol was far from done with you.

Her pace was unrelenting and merciless, fucking you through your high and into another orgasm.

"You clench so nicely around my cock, so needy. Do you want more?" She taunted, knowing you could barely respond and not caring if you did - unless, of course, you called the safe word.

Your body was at war with itself. You squirmed beneath but also bucked your hips up to meet her thrusts. You could focus on nothing but the intense pleasure between your legs, the pain there being long gone but Carol's nails still dug into you.

You didn't know how many orgasms she had ripped from your body. You were hardly aware of the drenched sheets beneath you. You failed to notice the hungry, lust filled look Carol was giving you through every single one of your orgasms she tore from you.

"Too much...I...can't..." You tried to say as you moved against the restraints. You were being overstimulated and it was beginning to become too much for you for you to handle.

She finally slowed her pace to a stop and pulled the strap out completely, leaving you panting on your back while she adjusted the restraints at your ankles. Even wiping some of your cum off her thigh and sucking it into her mouth when she had her back to you and you weren't looking. Not that she had to be secretive of course, your mind was blank after the fucking you had just gotten.

You only realised Carol had undone the restraints at your ankles when she flipped you onto your stomach, back into your previous position. You whimpered at the vulnerability as Carol lifted your ass into the air and spread your legs as wide as they could go before cuffing them in place again.

You had hardly gotten your breath back went you felt Carol behind you, pressing the strap against your ass.

You gulped as you realised her intentions, knowing the stretching you received prior would be nothing compared to this.

"I'm sorry Captain!" You pleaded. "I'll never touch myself again, please! I'm sorry!" You cried in a final attempt to avoid the punishment or at least have it eased.

Carol ignored you and placed a hand on both of your cheeks, spreading them for the strap that inserted itself into you.

You whined and stared down at your pillows as you felt the strap penetrate your ass, thankful for the cum still on the strap acting as a kind of lube.

The ache and stretch become apparent almost straight away. You whined louder as Carol pushed on and held you in her hands.

You tried to squirm away but your attempts were futile and you could only endure the pain of the strap breaking down your barriers.

She continued pushing onwards deeper and deeper inside you as you body betrayed you and started to clench around the uncomfortable intruder and make yourself tighter.

You continued to plead, beg and whine when Carol pushed the strap half way in.

"What's that? You want more?" Carol chuckled darkly before thrusting the strap in entirely and making you scream in protest as the pain shot through out your body.

There was a moments silence before Carol pulled the strap out and rammed it back in mercilessly, giving you no chance to adjust.

The sound that followed with each thrust made you blush in embarrassment and moan loudly, hearing your cum mixing around your ass.

"Captain!" You cried out as she pounded the strap into your tight ass and even gripped a handful of your

hair in one hand making you yelp.

You moaned and screamed into the air as she continued her onslaught, punishing you at a bruising pace you wouldn't forget anytime soon.

The sadistic blonde then forced your ass down so you were laying flat on your stomach on the bed before Carol thrusts into you again, her pace instantly picking up where it left off.

Your sounds were now muffled by the pillow under your face from Carol continuing to grip your hair and as a result, keep your head down.

You could feel your high approaching and with no way to speak this to Carol you only moaned louder into the pillow.

With a few final, harder, deeper thrusts, Carol ripped a final orgasm from your body that had you go limp on the bed.

When she let go of your hair you turned your head to the side and closed your eyes to focus on your breathing.

Meanwhile, Carol undid all of cuffs and put the strap on the floor before crawling up the bed to lay down on her side facing you.

"You did so good for me, baby. I'm so proud of you." She cooed as she stroked the hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear.

You were moments away from falling asleep but you still managed a weak smile at the words made your heart fill with joy.

"Such a good girl for me." She whispered as you closed your eyes. "I'm going to apply some cream while you sleep, baby." She assured as her hand rested inches away from your wounded ass. "And when you wake up we'll take a nice, warm, bath." She promised before kissing your forehead lightly and watched you fall asleep.

[13leaguestories]

In addition to the first questions. Why did none of the first trio bother changing their identities. I mean how did they end up as champion dragon racers without anybody coming for them shader was wanted in his hometown, why did no bounty hunter come for him. Cassius was the son of a powerful noble. How did his father not find out. Finally I would have at least thought nyx would be cautious enough to do the bare minimum and change her name.

Final question although this is sort of an RO ask for the dragon racer series. What was Shader or Cassius planning to do if a competition brought them back to their home towns. Why did Nyx join the marauders and not continue searching for the legendary rider, or did she have a reason? What would she have done if she never encountered the mc in ampleforth. Finally who was that man that who bumped into the mc at the finals who apparently made nyx concerned. Did she recognize him?

****

Adding the last two. But there was no need. Those after Shader weren't going to go on a hunt for him as he was just an accomplice, not the murderer and they had the murderer. Cassius's father thought he was dead. These people don't hang around in dragon racing circles so they would never learn of this. It's like me asking someone who doesn't watch football about a football player and them just staring at me because of course they don't know who I'm talking about. Nyx is in a totally different country that doesn't even know other countries exist, she has no need to change her identity whatsoever. Plus, the reason she was there wasn't to stay. She just let herself get swept up in a life that could be.

And none of the competitions ever would since neither place has teams or real stadiums for the Marauder's form of competition. Vasconi had only a dressage stadium and Thorncliffe had nothing. Plus, they can easily say they don't want to compete.

Nyx needed money because she had no idea where her brother was. She found MC's dad but he told her that she wouldn't be able to find MC due to the necklace so, she was stuck until fate brought them together. MC has a dragon and she believed that it would give MC two choices: become a dragon racer or a soldier. Otherwise they're dragon is just sitting there. She chose the racer path and kept an eye out and tada, plot coincidence. Otherwise she would've continued on for a while until she was forced to give up the search or found her brother. Nyx was living in lala land for a time.

And I want to say that the guy bumping into MC was a fellow countryman of Nyx but I would have to reread and remember my thoughts. I kinda purged DR from my brain besides the basic lore and characters, not gonna lie. Oops.

[why-am-i-here-lol]

The Bad Batch as Equestrians

This is really random, but I got the idea when I was trying to sleep last night, so... I had to. Anyway, if you don’t know, equestrian is a fancy word for horseback riders. Alright well, enjoy!

Wrecker- Barrel racing

Honestly I think this man would love rodeos in general, what with the constant excitement that comes with them. But for barrel racing, it is a popular event within the rodeo where the rider and horse must weave between 3 barrels and make it back to the starting line in the shortest amount of time possible. It might sound pretty simple, but if you look up pictures or videos of this, you’ll see the extremely sharp turns and how close the riders get to the barrel.  Honestly, the turns are so sharp, that the riders could easily touch the ground because their horses are that tilted. I feel like Wrecker would love this, because there is a lot going on at the same time. It’s chaotic. A lot like an explosion… Not to mention that his horse would be just as crazy as he is. No joke, barrel racing horses are INSANE. I have been riding for most of my life, and I would still hesitate getting on one of these horses. I just think that this sport speaks Wrecker to me.

Crosshair- Cross country and Fox hunting

I feel like Crosshair would like to be outside with plenty of room, not stuck in an arena, and I feel like he would like harder jumps and obstacles to go through. Fox hunting is basically tracking and chasing a fox with a group on horseback as well as hounds on the ground (it used to involve killing the fox, but nowadays they catch and release) Although I feel like Crosshair would like this for the tracking and the chase, I feel like he would also enjoy cross country events. With cross country, you still have to go through various obstacles like water, steep hills, and many different jumps, but now you're not catching anything, you are timed, and you are alone. His horse would have to be skilled and committed, just like Crosshair to get over some of the difficult jumps. His steed would have to put it’s trust in him, and he would have to put complete trust in it, much like how he trusts his brothers on the battlefield. 

Echo- Vaulting/Trick Riding For this one, I feel like Echo’s body would be able to handle this one. (But Tech might need to repair some things when Echo has a really bad fall)  My aunt is learning this right now, and she says that with the amount of times you fall off, your body will hate you. Vaulting and trick riding are very similar, but they do use different saddles. A vaulting saddle is like a strap with 2 handles, and trick riding saddles are more like western saddles with a big horn in the front center. Both of these sports are basically gymnastics on a horse. The riders stand (both normally and handstands), they lean off of the sides, they occasionally do flips off of the horse at a gallop... honestly there is so much to explore with this sport. Anyway, I just feel like Echo could do a lot with this because of his cyborg parts. His legs are now who knows how strong, making it easier for him to keep up with a horse and jump onto their back. He would also be able to use that strength in the tricks that he decides to show, not to mention the balance he would display. His horse would need to learn to follow directions (which Echo would have no problem teaching) and would need to know exactly what to do and when to do it. All in all, I thought this is something Echo would enjoy. 

Tech- Dressage and Show Jumping

Oh, where to start? Right now, I am studying dressage, and let me just say that half the time I don’t understand what my instructor is saying when she talks about the biomechanics of the horse, and ‘you need to get her to flex this muscle that attaches from here to here’, etc. There is so much biomechanics involved with the horse and the rider, I just want Tech to explain it all to me because obviously he would understand this immediately and in depth. I should probably explain what this is first… so, Dressage judges are looking for harmony between the horse and rider, the horse must  be obedient, and the rider must be precise (Hmmm… Maybe Crosshair would like this too…) They are looking for control and balance in both horses and riders, and I feel like Tech would really dig that sort of thing. I also think that he would enjoy Showjumping too, just because it has many calculations involved with stride length and the distance between obstacles, and Tech would destroy everyone at that. And then if he joined Crosshair in cross country, Tech would do Eventing (a combo pack of Dressage, Cross country, and Showjumping... They can be like 3 days long, with one day for each of the sports) 

Hunter- Natural Horsemanship

While Natural Horsemanship isn’t really a competition thing, (it’s a training style) I thought that this really fits with Hunter. My aunt is a trainer who uses this as her method, and has been teaching me this since a very young age. I have seen how she has this ‘sixth sense’ when it comes to horses and she can ‘read the horse’ to decide how to communicate with it.  She can communicate, interact, and respond within seconds. This is very Hunter- like to me. With his enhanced senses, I think that he would be able to communicate with the horses that are just as sensitive as he is. Also, seeing as Hunter is a natural leader, and horses are naturally followers, I think he would be able to naturally lead and understand them.  Maybe he would also enjoy some peaceful trail riding with his horses, and he might be up for teaching Omega to ride. 

[wandaluvstacos]

"If they didn't want to do it, they wouldn't do it"

So whenever an animal rights activist shows up on some youtube video of an animal performing for human delight, the usual counterargument is:

"If this animal didn't want to do it, it wouldn't do it!"

This is partially true. You cannot pick up a horse and force it to jump a jump if it really doesn't want to jump it. Horses that have no passion or ability for jumping or cutting do not make it to very high levels of the sport, and if you have to spurt/whip a horse repeatedly to get it to do the thing you want, then you're not going to get far.

However, there are many violent ways you can get a horse to do want, such as horse "dancing".

Unlike the piaffe in dressage, which CAN be achieved through ethical and compassionate means, this sort of "dancing" is done by tying a horse between two poles and whipping it until it has to trot in place. Often its knees are struck until it picks them up higher. Eventually you remove the poles and you can get a horse to "dance" like this with the rider. It tends to swing back and forth because during training, they'll tie chains to their feet, and the swaying is how they avoid being struck by the chains.

There is also soring done to Tennessee Walker Horses:

This is where you "sore" their front legs (basically by rubbing chemicals on their legs and plastic wrapping it to "bake" it in) until they're sensitive/painful. This means they step higher in the ring, as a way to avoid being in pain. It's a very different gait than the typical TWH gait.

Both of these are instances in which you actually CAN get a horse to do something against its will; it's just that only the most tolerant, patient horses end up "doing well" because any horse with less tolerance flunks out.

There's also the blue tongue phenomenon in the highest echelons of dressage. And let's not forget the hot mess that are barrel racers.

Any animal can be coerced into doing your bidding. However, it's also ignorant to say that all animals must be violently coerced into performing; plenty of horses are happy and healthy doing the exact same disciplines as the horses that are forced into it. As someone who has ridden a variety of horses, you instantly know when a horse is a "jumper" and when it's better left off as a trail horse. There is no amount of whipping you can do to turn a lazy horse into an Olympic jumper, nor a winning racehorse. A lot of them HAVE to enjoy it in order to succeed as well as they do.

I've also been thinking about these weird freak-outs top tier dressage horses have, what I would call a complete "shut down". A LOT of barrel racers do this same thing. They absolutely refuse to move forward. They act spooked but there's no clear indication of what's spooking them. Kicking and spurring does little to convince them to continue. It's like you're trying to have a conversation and getting no feedback. Some might say that horse is "over threshold."

A lot of people in the comments of these videos will say "every horse has its days". But these are TOP TIER performance horses, not backyard ponies. They've been in dressage rings just like this a hundred times. And as someone who has a horse who is hot, she has simply never reacted to anything in this way, even on her worst days.

This is the sort of shit she pulls when she's displeased about something.

Usually she states her opinion and then we continue moving forward. Usually her opinion is that we are not going fast enough for her taste, lol. In this video, she saw some horses she wanted to go visit and I told her "no", and that's why she got so upset. Notice she comes right down to a loose-reined walk, and after that there is no issue.

I took her to her first show this weekend, and it was a shit show. It was her first time being in a ring with a bunch of horses, and she was NOT happy about it. It was a walk/trot class, which is obscenely offensive to her, apparently, and any time she wanted to canter, my aids bringing her back pissed her off so much she had to do her crowhopping thing. Needless to say, we were eliminated.

However, I noticed there was another horse in the class who WON both walk-trot classes, walked into the ring to jump, and absolutely shut down. Refused to go forward, both inside and outside of the ring, spun in circles, seemed like a completely different horse. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong with this horse, or that there was any abuse. What I found odd was how two different horses went about reacting to too much stimuli. Athena never "shuts down". She reacts to the thing she's mad about (almost always me telling her to slow down), we move forward. She happily jumps anything I place in front of her. She's an INCREDIBLY frank horse. If something pisses her off, she let's me know. And we just keep moving. Despite her hot and often cautious nature, she's never just refused work. It's kind of nice, in a way. If something is hurting her or bothering her, I never have to guess.

This horse, who was so well behaved in the prior two classes, was clearly saying NO, I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. I think more tolerant horses may be more prone to this shut down. They just let minor things coast off of them, but it builds and builds and builds and then just EXPLODES. These are the kind of horses most vulnerable to abuse, because they just take it-- until they can't anymore.

It also makes me think of my other horse Dragon, who is Athena's complete opposite. He is so stoic and tolerant, so much that when he got banged up in the trailer (no real reason beyond his own clumsiness; he'll be wearing extensive padding from now on) he barely hesitated to get back on afterward. Athena wouldn't have done that shit! You'd never get her on a trailer again if she hurt herself while on one! I imagine Dragon would be the perfect horse for an abuser, and who knows, maybe there's one in his past, considering how cautious he was around people when we first got him. An abuser would have a MUCH harder time with Athena.

This is what's most sad about abusive tactics in horseback riding-- it usually only works on the nicest horses, horse you could actually train with ethical methods if your only goal wasn't winning a show. Honestly, this is why I kinda like Athena's piss-and-vinegar attitude about stuff. Yes, it's annoying clownery especially at shows, but deep down I know she won't tolerate any shit from me, or anyone else.

Anywhere, here's a pic of here from the show where she acted like a lunatic and got eliminated, lmao. We were allowed a practice run over the 18" walk/trot crossrails that she jumped at full-out canter, having the time of her life. She is NOT a hunter pony, that's for sure, lol.

[wiypt-writes]

Riding On

Ch 13- Healthy Competition

Summary: Mary decides she wants to compete in her first horse riding competition, so the family take an outing and Frank gets a first-hand experience of the world Fliss once called her life.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher

A/N:  This is very Mary/horsey heavy so apologies in advance. 

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding On Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 12

October 2018

"Lissy, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Course you can sweetie." Fliss looked at Mary as she approached the sofa, Laptop in her arms. "Everything OK?”

"Yeah." Mary nodded, “Just before, some of the other girls at the yard were talking about a jumping competition in a few weeks and I was wondering…” She sat down, perching her laptop on her knees "Do you think maybe I could take Monty?"

"Do you wanna take him?" Fliss asked and Mary nodded. "Then of course you can"

"Really?" Mary's eyes lit up.

"Yeah, it's been ages since I went to a competition. It'll be fun!"

"I wasn't sure I would be good enough." Mary shrugged.

"Mary, Monty could do a jumping course with his eyes closed." Fliss smiled. “And you're plenty good enough. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. It’s about enjoying yourself. I take it you got the website there?" She nodded to the laptop.

Mary grinned and opened it up. Fliss took it from her and quickly scanned the information. "FireAnt Farm Equestrian Centre, Tarpon Springs..." Fliss mused, quickly grabbing her phone to locate the area on Google maps.

"Is it too far?" Mary questioned.

"Nope." Fliss shook her head. "Probably take us forty minutes in the wagon. I used to travel much further."

"There's a lot of different classes to enter." Mary shuffled towards Fliss so she could see the screen too "I wasn't sure which one I would go in."

"I'd put you in the beginners class." Fliss replied as she read the details. "It's forty cm max height and you've jumped those plenty. And then why don't you try a few flat classes whilst we are there? The schedule doesn't look like they would clash."

"Flat class?" Mary frowned.” You mean like dressage?"

"Kinda, it’s about showing your pony off. You basically do a go round as a group in each pace on both reins and then you do a quick individual show. It’s easy, I used to do a simple figure of eight."

"Oh. Okay." Mary shrugged. "I never saw that before."

"Well, let's have a look." Fliss smiled, opening up a browser to YouTube. She flicked her eyes over to Alex who was fast asleep and then spent the next fifteen minutes or so showing Mary various videos of different kids showing classes on the Web.

"So Monty is a Welsh Pony." Fliss nodded.” Which means he doesn't need to be plaited, or braided, whatever. We turn him out true to type which means we just need to tidy his mane and tail up a bit. And as he's over fifteen he can go in the Pre-Veteran class. So they look at how he moves and performs for his age group. Why don't you do that which is the forth one in the morning and then do the junior rider. Then there's a long enough break before the beginners jumping."

"So I get to do three classes?" Mary grinned and Fliss nodded.

“Hey, it says here they're running a winter league." Fliss mused "Is that what you wanna do? Compete in the league or just the one off?"

"A league like they do for baseball or football?"

"Exactly that." Fliss nodded. "So you join up and it says here you get points immediately for just going in the class. They place to sixth position and award points. So you’d get ten points for finishing first, eight for second, six for third and so on. Then the person with the most points takes the Championship overall at the end."

 She pointed at the screen “Say’s here the first one is on 3rd November and they run to March next year, so there’s five overall. What do you think?”

Mary grinned “Bring it on!”

Fliss smiled as Mary gave her a hi-five.

“Why don’t you bring Bronson?” Mary asked, “Or Cap?”

Fliss shook her head. “It wouldn’t be fair on everyone there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I competed at a professional level” Fliss shrugged “It wouldn’t be very sporting of me if I entered a class full of hobbyists. I would have hated it when I was there myself. The only way I’d do it is if I went in and declared I was 'hors concours' or HC as it’s known.”

“Hors concours?” Mary repeated “What’s that?”

“It means that I’d be taking part without actually competing. So I might enter a competition to give a young horse experience or what-have-you but my marks would not be counted as such.”

“Bronson is only six.” Mary said “You said he had never done a jumping competition before.”

“He hasn’t.” Fliss pondered. “Maybe next season. This one we concentrate on you.”

Mary grinned and then Fliss turned her attention to what they needed to get her. They spent a bit of time looking at Tweed showing jackets, Mary deciding on the type of thing she liked before Fliss found a decent value second hand one on a local Equestrian Buy and Sell group on Facebook which Mary eagerly nodded at, the same seller also having a Navy Blue show-jumping jacket the same size.

“When you’re not growing so fast I’ll buy you brand new ones.” Fliss smiled, tapping in a message to the seller arranging to collect the items the following mornings. “So you have your DeNiro boots which we can polish, your short boots as well, you have a hat that will be ok, it should be velvet but for the time being it will do, so we need canary and white jodhs… a show shirt, a tie. I think we need to take a trip up to the Tack Shack tomorrow.”

“Oh, yes let’s!” Mary smiled “I have some of my pocket money saved, I can put that towards it.”

“Put what towards what?” Frank asked as he walked into the family room. He dropped a kiss to Fliss’ cheek and ruffled Mary’s hair, causing her to scowl up at him. “More horse riding crap?” he nodded to the screen of the laptop.

“It’s not crap, how dare you.” Fliss scoffed as Frank gave a chuckle. “We were talking about all the stuff Mary is going to need for her first competition in two weeks.”

At that Frank paused, looking at Mary. “You’re going to a competition?”

“Yah-hah.” She nodded and Frank smiled.

“That’s great Stack!”.

“I’m gonna do three classes. Two showing and one jumping.” She told him enthusiastically. “So we already sorted my jacket and Fliss is taking me to the Tack Shack tomorrow for the rest of it.”

“Why what else do you need?”

“Jodhpurs, a shirt and a tie.” Mary nodded reeling it off. “Oh and a new hat at some point but Fliss says the one that I have will do.”

“Why do you need another hat?”

“Well strictly speaking show hats should be velvet or suede.” Fliss shrugged “But for this level it won’t matter.”

“Sounds like another bashing my card is gonna take.” Frank grumbled good-naturedly and Fliss swatted at him. He chuckled again and stood up straight from where he had been leaning on the back of the couch, heading to the fridge to retrieve his standard post work beer.

“Can I wear the same tie for show-jumping and showing?” Mary asked.

“Hmmmm possibly. We can get two.” Fliss shrugged. “One that matches your tweed and then you can pick whatever you want colour wise for jumping. Have a look on the website, see if there’s anything you like.”

Mary grinned and took the lap top off Fliss who stood up, stretching slightly. She headed over to Frank, slipping her arms round his waist.

“She’s excited.” He stated, watching Mary as she tapped at the keyboard. His chest was warm at the utter delight on the young girl’s face as she was searching different coloured ties. “What sparked her wanting to do this?” “Someone at the yard. She overheard them talking and asked if she could go.” Fliss smiled. “She wants to do the Winter League” “They run a league?” “Yeah.” Fliss smiled “Five competitions in total. It’ll be good for her, a bit of healthy competition. I already managed to grab her two jackets. Both second hand but no point shelling out loads when she’s gonna grow out of them by the end of the season. Tweeds cost a fortune.”

“How much are the hats she was talking about?” Frank asked, taking a swig of his beer, his eyes flicking back to Mary then to Fliss.

“Erm, her size probably about eighty bucks, why?”

“Just get her one.” He smiled gently, dropping his voice “She never asks for stuff like this so…”

“You big softie.” Fliss smiled, standing on her toes to give him a kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too. And thank you.” Frank gently, bumped his nose against hers.

“What for?” Fliss frowned.

“For this.” He nodded to Mary “Doing stuff that makes her excited and happy.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” Fliss looked at him, and then for the first time she noticed the look on his face. He was watching Mary, his eyes not quite as full of their usual sparkle. “Frankie, what’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath and looked at Mary “Hey Stack, have you spoken to grandmother this week?”

“Not yet.” Mary said “I was gonna later, why?”

“Why don’t you give her a call before dinner?” He suggested “You can tell her about your competition.”

“Okay.” Mary shrugged standing up “But if you wanted to talk in private you could just ask.”

“Fine, we wanna talk in private” Frank looked at her and Mary snorted as she stood up and looked at him.

“You forget I know you, Frank.”

“Oh, trust me I don’t.” He shot after her as she laughed, climbing the stairs.

Fliss turned to Frank as he sat down on one of the stools by the breakfast bar. “Honey, what is it?”

“I spoke to Greg before.” He looked at her as she moved to stand between his legs. “He still hasn’t heard back from her father about the adoption.”

“Okay.” Fliss dropped her hands to his shoulders as his rest on her hips “That doesn’t mean he’s gonna cause an issue.”

“No, but Greg’s twitchy, I can tell. I mean if the asshole wasn’t bothered about Mary surely we would have heard by now. It’s been almost eight weeks.” Frank wrinkled his nose.

“Baby there’s nothing we can do about it.” Fliss soothed “Yeah, if he protests it’s gonna be a little more agro than we thought but…well, we’ll just have to face it when it happens, ok?”

“I know I just…well I was hoping this would be done for Christmas, that’s all.”

“It might be yet, it’s not even November. Is there anything Greg can do?”

“He’s gonna send a chaser letter but other than that not really.” Frank shrugged before he sighed “I know you’re right, there’s nothing we can do but that doesn’t stop me worrying about it.”

“I know, because you love her. We both do. I’m worried as well but like you said to me, whatever happens we face it together.” She leaned down to give him a quick peck “Now, change of subject…you gonna come with us to the competition in a few weeks? Be nice for us all to go. Can be our first proper family outing.”

“Will there be beer?” Frank pondered, his hand sliding down the outside of her thighs and back up again.

“We can take a cool box” she smiled.

Frank chuckled “Of course I’ll come. Wouldn’t miss her first competition for the world.”

******

October ticked into November, bringing with it a slight drop in temperature and still no movement on the Adoption. However, Frank and Fliss had pushed it to the back of their minds which in the grand scheme of things wasn’t that hard as Mary’s excitement over her impending first competition was infectious.

When Fliss took her to the Tack Shack and told her that Frank said she could get a competition hat, Mary had almost cried, giving Fliss a huge hug but reserving the biggest hug of all for her Uncle when she got home. She’d paraded around the family room in her show gear, showing off her outfit for both Fliss, Frank and then again for Verity and Bill, and on a video call to Evelyn.

She practiced with Fliss or Joanne every day after school. They taught her the ring etiquette, how to talk to the judge and also set up a full course for her to practice on, Fliss teaching her all about how the first round was about getting clear and the jump off also introduced the element of time. Fliss felt an overwhelming sense of pride as the girl improved day by day and found herself actually believing that she’d do pretty well when the day came.

The afternoon before the show was spent with one final practice and then Mary had to give Monty a bath. Whilst he was drying off she then loaded the wagon with her jackets, cleaned her tack and then carried that to the wagon too where Fliss placed it in the tack locker, locking it up.

Frank was under the bonnet of said wagon, checking the oil and the coolant to make sure it was ready for the trip in the morning when he heard footsteps on the gravel and he looked up to see Mary hopping up the steps into the back of the wagon.

“What’s she checking now?” He looked over at Fliss, straightening himself up and reaching for the rag that was tucked in the back pocket of his dirty jeans. Fliss didn’t reply, she was too busy scanning Frank from head to toe, and making no attempt to even disguise the fact she was perving on him. “Earth to Lissy…”

“Yeah, sorry…what?” She asked, looking at him, biting her lip.

He snorted as he wiped his hands on the rag, shaking his head “And you call me a pervert.”

Fliss shrugged “I told you, the whole dirty mechanic things does stuff to me.”

“And the dirty mechanic will do stuff to you if you give him half a chance.” He grinned and she smirked, arching an eyebrow.

“You’ll corrupt our son.” She grinned, placing her hands over his ears, where he was positioned in the baby sling at her chest. “Mind you, he’s probably already scarred for life after your antics last night.”

“Didn’t hear you complaining.” Frank smirked. “Quite the opposite in fact.”

Fliss bit her lip a the memory of a particularly good round of sex the night before, which had resulted in her on all fours in the middle of the mattress. Looking at Frank she shrugged and he snorted, closing the bonnet of the wagon.

“All set.” He nodded towards it. “Oil topped up, coolant and water levels good…”

“So you didn’t find anything to fix, like I told you that you wouldn’t.”

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure it’s safe for my girls, it hasn’t been anywhere in a while.” He shrugged

“Joanne used it yesterday to go to the wholesalers for feed and shavings.” Fliss looked at him.

“Yeah, well…whatever, I make no apologies for wanting to check anyway.” He smiled, taking the kiss she offered.

Mary jumped down from the back of the wagon and reached up to lock the back door before she trotted round and handed Fliss the keys.

“You happy you got everything?” Frank looked at her. “Seeing as that’s like the five-hundredth time you checked.”

“Don’t exaggerate.” Mary rolled her eyes as Alex made a noise and the three of them looked at him before Mary pointed. “See, even he thinks you’re an idiot.”

“Rude.” Frank grumbled.

After one last check on Monty who was sparkling white (although Fliss knew they’d end up giving him another quick clean up in the morning), they headed home and after a quick shower Frank lit the BBQ outside. The family enjoyed a good grill for dinner, before Fliss disappeared upstairs and came back with a wrapped packaged. Frank frowned, as she handed it to Mary.

“Everyone needs one of those for competitions.” She smiled, as Mary looked at her, taking it gently.

“What is it?”

“Open it and see!” Fliss rolled her eyes as she sat back down on the seat, glancing at Frank who had Alex against his chest, his head resting on his shoulder.

Mary tore the wrapping paper off and gasped as she held up the pink gilet top. It had a small horse’s head embroidered on the front right hand breast but it was what was on the back that had caught her eye. She looked at it, then to Fliss and with a stunned smile turned it round so Frank could see. It was a motif of a horse jumping her fence with ‘Mary Adler’ arched over the top in gold, cursive writing and ‘Monte Carlo VI’- Monty’s show-name- underneath in the same typeface. Small diamantes were scattered around the entire design which caught the lights that were dotted around the garden and Frank’s face broke into a huge smile as Mary looked at him, then to Fliss.

“Sally has one of these for Jackson.” She whispered. “I always wanted one, how did you know?”

Fliss smiled “Sally’s mum told me you asked where she got it from. I thought I’d get you one. It’s a bit bigger so will fit over your jackets and a hoody if you need it to. You can wear it in the collecting ring and then take it off before you go in to do your shows and jumping.” “Lissy I love it, thank you so much!” Mary stood up and rounded the table to give Fliss a huge hug. Fliss kissed her head and cupped her cheek.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“Well, come on.” Frank nodded to it. “Let’s see it on!”

Mary grinned and shrugged the gilet on over her jumper and beamed, giving them a twirl. Fliss told her to stand still and took a photo of the front and the back if it, before setting her phone down on the table.

After a little more chat, given the fact they had a busy day they all headed up to bed. Frank tucked Mary in before Fliss popped in to say goodnight, Thor jumping up onto Mary’s bed clearly deciding he was staying there for the evening with Fred. Fliss closed the door and made her way to the master bedroom where Frank was led on top of the bed in his boxers, Alex sleeping in the basinet as his dad flicked through the channels on the TV.

“How much did that gilet set you back?” he asked and Fliss wrinkled her nose.

“Does it matter?” “Not really.” Frank chuckled. “You spoil her.”

“So do you.” Fliss shrugged and pulled off her T-shirt and jeans before opening the door to the en-suite.

“But if it makes you feel better, I got a present for you too, Sailor.” She grinned, shedding her underwear and beckoning for him to follow her.

Frank blinked, smirked and jumped up off the bed, the pair of them giggling as he dispensed of his boxers and backed his future wife into the shower, shutting the cubicle door behind him.

*****

Fliss and Mary set off early the next morning, whilst Frank took a little more time making sure he had everything Alex needed before he headed out to his truck and keyed the location into his GPS. When he arrived he parked up, got Alex settled in the stroller and wandered down the yard. As he rounded the corner, he gave a blink, the place was packed with horses and people, all sorts of different competitions going on. After a little walk around he located their wagon and as luck would have it, Fliss and Mary were making their way back. He smiled, Mary was dressed in her older jodhpurs, and a hoody with her personalised gilet proudly donning her top half where-as Fliss looked every bit the cowgirl in her jeans, plaid shirt, cowboy boots and her hat.

“Hey!” She greeted him, giving him a quick kiss before she looked at Alex, her hand stroking his cheek.

“You all set?” Frank asked and Mary grinned.

“Yeah, we booked in, registered…I got my membership number...” she held up the laminated piece of paper with the digits 287 printed on “…and we got about 40 minutes until my first class.”

“So we need to get him off the wagon, quick bush down and then you can get on to warm up.” Fliss said, nodding to the ramp. Frank moved the stroller out of the way and he and Fliss undid the latches, dropping it down as Mary hopped up and undid he partition. She brought Monty down and set about undoing his travel boots and his tail bandage, taking his tail out of the braid before she hopped up to get her brushes.

“She’s like a coiled spring.” Fliss grinned, looking at Frank who chuckled.

“Yeah, she doesn’t do anything by halves.” He smiled, looking around “It’s busy.”

“First one of a season always is.” Fliss mused “There’s over twenty in her first class and 11 so far in her second. No idea about the jumping, I didn’t ask. I told her not to bother about it, as long as she enjoys herself…”

Frank smiled as Fliss gently touched his arm and set about helping Mary. Fifteen minutes later Monty was tacked up and Frank, from what little he knew about horses, had to admit they looked pretty smart. Her tweed was a dark green with a check pattern of brown and pinks, her show shirt was cream and the tie she was wearing was a green and pink striped one, matching perfectly. Fliss had braided Mary’s hair so it hung down her back and had secured it with a matching ribbon and as she jammed her new hat on she grinned at Frank.

“Looking good Stack” he smiled.

“Ok, ready?” Fliss asked.

Mary nodded and hopped up onto the small step at the back of the wagon, vaulting onto Monty, the pony simply standing still and observing his surroundings as if he did this every day.

Frank pushed the stroller as Fliss walked besides him, Mary slightly ahead as she made her way into the collecting ring. Fliss followed her in and Frank stood at the side, watching as Fliss made sure the girth on the saddle was tight enough before she nodded, spoke to Mary who also gave a nod and walked away from Fliss. Fliss stayed in the ring with her, gently giving her instructions, helping Mary to warm Monty in. And then Mary’s class was called. Fliss took the gilet off her before Mary looked over at Frank. He gave her a huge grin and a thumbs up and she smiled back before he saw her take a deep breath and follow another rider into the ring.

Fliss joined him and they made their way down a little so they could watch. Monty was easily the smallest pony in the class and Frank frowned.

“He looks tiny.” “He is only 14’2 hands high.” Fliss shrugged “But this is a veteran class, for horses fifteen and over. So they’ll look at how he moves, not how he looks next to the other horses.”

“Oh.” Franks shrugged, turning his attention to Mary, then the two women stood in the middle “Are they the judges?”

“The one in the hat is the judge.” Fliss said “The other is a steward. She basically shouts the instructions out and helps the judge.”

Frank watched as the woman instructed the group to trot on. They did a few laps around the ring before they set off into canter. Mary’s face was set in concentration as thy ride repeated the action on the opposite rein before they all lined up.

“Now they do their individual shows.” Fliss said, her eyes focussing on the action in the ring. “This is what Mary was practicing yesterday when you showed up.”

There were two horses before it was Mary’s turn. She walked Monty out of the line-up and stood him, perfectly square in front of the judge. She chatted to the woman who walked around Monty to take a look at him, before Mary set off to do her show. Frank glanced at Fliss and smiled as his girl was beaming with pride as Mary completed her show, foot (or hoof) perfect before she halted, saluted to the judge and then gave Monty a huge pat. She glanced over at Fliss who gave her a thumbs up, smiling.

All in all it took about forty minutes to work through the class, and once the last person had done they all set off in a walk as the judge was muttering something, her eyes flicking along the ponies. Eventually she nodded and the steward walked out, pointing to a large bay. A few people started clapping as the Bay moved inwards to take first place, and then next was a smaller chestnut and then she pointed at Mary.

“Fuck, Frank she got third!” Fliss almost exploded as she started to cheer, Frank giving a grin as he also clapped, Mary’s face split into a huge grin as she took her place. 4th, 5th and 6th were awarded, rosettes were handed out and then the placings took a lap of honour before exiting the ring.

“Well done!” Fliss beamed at Mary as she grinned, looking at her yellow rosette “3rd out of 20! Mary that’s amazing for your first go!”

Mary nodded, taking a deep breath, the tears filling her eyes “I’m so happy!” she spluttered and Frank gave a chuckle, looping his arm around her, giving Monty a pat.

But that was nothing compared to her reaction when she won second place in the next class she was in, the Junior Rider. Fliss really did explode at that point, and Mary burst into tears, the judge looking a little shocked before she smiled at Mary, handing her the blue rosette.

After they’d calmed Mary down, they untacked Monty as there was a little wait until the jumping started and Frank headed off to grab them a burger from the fast food van at the far end of the yard. They sat on the ramp of the wagon, Frank teasing Mary as usual, before they heard a little cough and all looked up.

“I’m really sorry to bother you.” A woman spoke shyly “But are you Fliss Gallagher.”

“Yeah.” Fliss smiled “Erm, hi.”

“My daughter…she’s a huge fan. She followed you and Charlotte DuJardin in the 2012s and she’s…well, she’s hiding over there because she wouldn’t come speak to you.” The woman bashfully admitted and Fliss felt her cheeks growing red.

“Oh…thanks.” She said, “Which one is she?”

“The blonde over there…”“Be back in a sec.” She smiled at Frank, standing up.

Frank looked at Mary, his mouth falling open “What just happened?”

“Fliss is a horse riding celebrity Frank.” Mary shrugged. “She was a huge star until her accident.”

Frank turned and watched as Fliss spoke to the teen who was clearly in awe, and then smiled and nodded when her mom waved her phone. She posed for a quick photo before she turned and started to walk back towards them.

“I feel kinda sorry for her in a way.” Mary sighed.

“How do you mean?” Frank looked at his niece.

“Well, imagine finally doing the job you always dreamed of…only to have it cut short like she did.” Mary spoke, her mouth full of burger “Half the show-jumping teams around the world have people in them that are in their sixties you know. Fliss was only 28.”

Frank pondered for a moment as Fliss approached, he hadn’t really thought about it from that point of view before, nor had he even considered for one second that Fliss might still be recognised. Either way, he felt a little warmth in his chest as she flopped back down next to him, reaching for the rest of her burger.

“Can I get an autograph?” he asked.

“Piss off.” She snorted as he laughed, dropping a kiss to her cheek.

Despite having enjoyed Mary’s flat shows, Frank did NOT enjoy the jumping. It scared the shit out of him. Fliss walked the course with Mary, now dressed in her jumping outfit of white breeches, navy jacket and a bright pink and blue sparkly tie as they examined the route she would take. And then far too soon in his opinion it was her turn to go in and he wasn’t sure he could watch.

“And entering the ring now we have Mary Adler riding Monte Carlo VI…” the announcer spoke on the tanoy as Mary trotted Monty in. The buzzer sounded and she picked up canter and pointed the pony at the first jump. Monty cleared it with ease and did the same with the 2nd, 3rd…all the way to the 11th leaving one to go.

“She clears this she’s in the jump off.” Fliss muttered. Frank took a deep breath, watching as Mary approached the small oxer and Monty took off. His back feet brushed the pole and Fliss held her breath, but thankfully despite rolling, it didn’t fall.

“Wait, that means she has to do that again, right?” Frank asked as Fliss clapped and cheered as Mary headed towards the gate to exit the field.

“Yeah, but not as many.” Fliss said, as she headed over to Mary.

Not as many, but twice as damned fast as Frank found out. The ponies where whizzing over the 5 jumps in the jump off, which were part of the course but not in order, the numbers being 2, 7, 5,9 and 8 the turns being tighter as the idea was still to go clear, but in the event more than one clear was achieved it went down to time.

The riders were in no order, and Mary decided to go a little further down the line so she could watch the others take the turns, a tactic Fliss suggested. By the time she was due to go in there were 5 clears already.

“Ok, so you’re gonna have to go for speed too.” Fliss said, looking at her “But the main thing is try and stay clear. If you want my advice, cut the corner between numbers 5 and 6. Everyone is looping round 6 to get to 9 but if you hang a right as soon as you’re over 5 you’ll have a few seconds off. Its tight, and he won’t have as many strides, probably 3 max, but let him take you ok?”

Mary nodded, swallowed and headed in. She took the first jumps easily and then after the 3rd did exactly what Fliss said. Monty put in an extra half stride, however, which threw Mary’s balance a little as he took off and for a horrible moment Frank thought she was going to fall but she didn’t, she regained her balance and turned, taking the last 2 jumps easily.

Mary secured 4th place in her jumping, the smile on her face was infectious and Frank found himself beaming along with them as they walked back to the wagon.

***** “Where’s Stack?” Frank asked as Fliss emerged into the room dropping the bag of Mary’s show clothing onto the sofa. Thor, who had been with Joanna whilst they had been out all day, flopped down onto the rug in front of the TV.

“She’s giving Monty some treats after he did so well today, and chewing Jo’s ear off about the competition. Jo said she’d watch her back over when she’s done.” Fliss smiled, reaching for Alex as he started to gripe “You hungry, Bean?”

Frank smiled as she settled on the sofa, undoing her shirt so she could feed him and he sat on the arm, looking down at her.

“She did so well today.” He said, “I never in a million years dreamed she’d be doing anything like this.” “Well, I did warn you the first time you walked onto my yard that once you have that horse smell on your hands, you’re hooked.”

“Don’t I know it?” Frank grinned, kissing her cheek.

A little while later, Fliss finished up feeding Alex and peered down at him, the baby gazing at her, waving his eyes, his lips curling up into a smile and Fliss laughed.

“He’s smiling again.” She said.

“Sure it’s not wind?” Frank teased.

“Err, no I just burped him.” Fliss scofed indignantly “They start smiling at 6 weeks, he’s smiling. I can tell.”

Frank chuckled and peered down, smiling at his baby and earning himself one back in return. He gently took him from Fliss so she could do up her top before he set him down and followed her into the kitchen where, upon examining the contents of the fridge, they settled on take out for dinner.

“So I know Mary did but did you enjoy it?” Frank asked as Fliss pulled a beer for them both out of the fridge.

“Yeah, yeah I did. You know, seeing it there, all those people competing…there’s nothing like that around here.”  “Got me thinking, maybe I could run something like that at some point down the line.” “Sandybrook Show huh?” Frank smiled as he popped the caps off their beers, settling down at the kitchen counter.

Fliss grinned “Yeah, it would be kind of cool to expand into stuff like that.” She took a drink “I’ve actually been giving it a bit of thought in general.”

“What, competitions?” Frank asked.

“No, expanding.” Fliss swallowed a mouthful of drink “The land at the back has always been available to me to buy, the old Farmer said he would give it to me whenever I want, and it would add another ten acres to the portfolio. I could grow the yard area, more stables, more grazing, hold events like that one today…” she trailed off, frowning as she noticed the look on Frank’s face. “What’s wrong? Don’t you think it’s a good idea?”

“No, I mean yeah, I do. We always talked about expanding your business.” He hesitated “I guess I didn’t realise it would be so soon.”

“What do you mean?” Fliss looked at him. “I’ve been up and running now for almost three years.”

“I mean after Alex being born.” Frank said, his eyes flicking to where his baby son was asleep in the basinet. “He’s barely ten weeks old Liss, don’t you think you’d be taking on too much?”

“I’d manage” she waved her hand “I could recruit more staff.”

 She could see from the look on Frank’s face he wasn’t convinced. She took a deep breath and turned in her seat so her body was facing his “Sailor,I can tell you’re not happy about the idea.”

 “It’s not that I’m not happy.” Frank shook his head, and that was the truth. The fact she had such drive and want to build something better was amazing, he loved it in her, but he was struggling to find the words to voice what he was feeling about it. “Ok, I’m…just gonna come out and say this and I don’t want you to fly off the handle…four weeks ago you were petrified of leaving Alex with your mom. You still don’t like being away from him now, and…”

“Of course I don’t like it.” Fliss frowned “I’m breast feeding him, and-“

“Exactly.” Frank looked at her “So you take on this extra work, what are you going to do? You wanna put him in Creche, find a Childminder?”

Fliss shrugged a little “Mum said she would have him but I don’t want to put that on her, not every day. Maybe two days a week and then I don’t have to be at the yard all the time. Joanne runs things now and I can just…”

Frank chuckled “I know you. Name me one day in your pregnancy that you didn’t pop in. You were teaching like almost until the day you dropped. And before you start I’m not saying that was a bad thing, far from it. You said yourself it kept you active and your brain engaged. I’m just saying there’s no way you’ll take a back seat. It’s bad enough trying to get you to stick to your Sundays off.”

“I know.” Fliss nodded “But that’s something I’ll have to get stricter at.”

 “Ok.” Frank took a deep breath “Whatever you say.”

 Fliss frowned “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

 “Dismiss what I said.”

“I wasn’t.” Frank shook his head.

“Yes you were, you just completely shrugged it off.”

“No.” Frank said, his voice remaining calm “I said whatever you say. If you say that’s what you’re gonna do then…”

“Don’t you want me to do this or something?” Fliss asked and Frank took a deep sigh.

“Liss, we literally just went over this. I never said I didn’t want you to do it. Quite the opposite. I just…well I think it’s too soon ok?” he looked at her “Alex isn’t sleeping through yet, you’re tired during the day as you tell me when I get home. Hell, I’m tired and my job is nowhere near as physically demanding as yours not to mention the fact I’m not the one feeding him and…” he licked his lips

“You fix boats.” Fliss looked at him, a little sullenly “That’s physical.”

“Not as much as I used to.” Frank shook his head “I’m based in the office a lot now, as you well know because you complain I don’t come home full of grease as much as I used to. We won’t mention the fact that I’m growing a little…how do I put this, softer round the edges now because of that, hence the weights in the garage”. He smiled, attempting to make a joke out of it as he could recognise only too well the look in her eye. It wasn’t full blown anger yet but if he didn’t cut the discussion off soon it was going to be. “Look...” he reached out and took her hand “We’re incredibly lucky. We’re in a position where you don’t need to rush back to work. My job pays well, your business brings you in a very decent turnover each month, we have savings…I just think that we should take advantage of that and you should take a few more months off, maybe look at going back in March, say. Take a full 6 off to be with him, enjoy being a mom.”

 “Is that what you want me to do?” Fliss asked after a moments pause.

“This isn’t about what I want.” Frank sighed, his tone now starting to betray his frustration. “I can’t and won’t stop you doing anything, you know this. I just want you to consider your options, that’s all.” Fliss took a deep breath, gave a nod and pushed her stool back, draining the rest of her beer. “Where you going?” Frank frowned.

 “For a shower.” She said simply “I need to get out of these jeans and this shirt.”

 Frank gave a groan “Why do you do this?” “Do what?”

“Every time we have a slight difference in opinion on something you clam up.” He looked at her “Let’s talk this through, Liss. Don’t walk away.”

“I’ve nothing else to say.” Fliss said, her voice ending in a little chuckle. “You’ve made your opinion on the matter very clear.”

“Yeah, and now I’m waiting to hear yours.”

 Fliss took a deep breath “I don’t wanna take six months off.”

“Ok.” Frank nodded “Then you don’t have to. I still think it’s too soon for you to be looking at expanding though.”

“I know what you think Frank, you told me.” Fliss shrugged “You don’t need to keep repeating yourself.”

“I keep repeating myself because you seem to be completely and utterly dismissing what I’m saying.” Frank looked at her.

“For fucks sake Frank.” Fliss looked at him. “Stop talking to me like I’m one of the kids.”

“Well to be honest, you’re doing a pretty good job of acting like one.” Frank looked at Fliss, his eyebrow raised as he felt his temper beginning to flare “And a petulant one at that.”

Fliss gave a chuckle of ironic laughter “Oh that’s rich, you calling me a petulant child. You’re the one kicking off because I’m refusing to entertain some stupid idea about taking 6 months off work”

“You know, a lot of women would kill to be in the position to be able to do that.” Frank looked at her and she shrugged.

“So?” she frowned “With the greatest of respects, I don’t care. Yes, I’m lucky. I get that but I don’t want to Frank!”

“And I’m not saying you have to! Jesus Christ!” Frank groaned “When did I, at any point in this discussion, ever say you have to stay at home huh? You tell me exactly when those words left my mouth….” Fliss looked at him, and blinked as her mouth closed and she swallowed. “See, you can’t because I didn’t say it!”

“Well, you might as well have.” She glared at him “You’re trying to control my decision about what I feel is right for me…”

“You think…” Frank cocked his head to one side, as he felt a flash of angry heat rush up his neck to his cheeks at her words. His temper was really brewing now, the angry knot in his stomach growing tighter by the second. “You think I’m trying to control you?”

“Well aren’t you?”

“God damnit Lissy!” Frank’s voice was loud as he stood up from his chair, “You’re downright infuriating at times. No, that’s not what I’m doing. At all. What I’m doing is trying to have a sensible discussion with you.”

“Well I don’t want to discuss it anymore.” Fliss’s voice raised “So, like I said. I’m going for a shower. Or would you like to discuss that as well.”

“Oh for fucks sake…” Frank groaned his hands rubbing his face as he let out a frustrated noise, shaking his head. “You know what, I give in. Do what you want. Shower, buy more land, work, don’t work…just…whatever.”  

Fliss shot Frank a glare, and then a small noise from the basinet jerked them both out of the stare-down and Fliss headed over to pick him up. Turning she made for the door, baby in her arms.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked.

“Going for a shower, like I just said.”

“Well leave him with me.” Frank frowned, “What’s the point of taking him upstairs just to lay him in the crib whilst you shower?”

“Because I want to take him with me.” Fliss looked at Frank. “I can leave the door open. I like him being there. Is it a problem?”

Frank snorted, his hands on his hips as he looked at his feet “No problem.” He huffed out a little laugh as he raised his face to look at her “But you tell me you’re ready to go back to work when you can’t bear to be apart for the ten minutes it takes you to shower.”

Fliss’ face fell and Frank felt a pang of guilt at what he had said, but in his mind it was true. She hated leaving him, and he didn’t want her to be in a position where she felt she needed to, whether it was to prove something to herself or everyone else. He’d never tell her this but he loved the homely feel of coming home and his future wife and baby son both waiting for him, either on the sofa or the sun lounger. It was a wonderful, caring, passionate environment that he’d never had before and if he was brutally honest he’d quite happily see her at home until Alex was back in school. She didn’t need to work, but she wanted to, he got that. And he would never stop her. But the fact was she was still on edge about their son being left with people and he could almost picture the melt down she was going to have if she rushed back.

“Fuck you” Fliss seethed at him, drawing him out of his thoughts as Alex began to cry, clearly picking up the vibes in the room. Frank sighed, shaking his head as Fliss began to soothe him

“Lissy, just…”

But she didn’t stay to listen, instead she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, Alex’s little whimpers dying in his ears as she made her way up the stairs.

The argument made for a tense family dinner. They both tried their best to be normal, talking to Mary about her day, not wanting to but a dampener on it but as ever she was sharp. When Frank tucked her in, she asked him about it and he assured her there was nothing to worry about and that it was a silly disagreement which would be forgotten in the morning.

He hoped.

Fliss didn’t really speak to him much the rest of the evening, taking herself to bed early and she was flat out when he came up a little later. With a sigh he gently brushed the hair off her cheek before he kissed her temple and settled down himself.

He woke in the middle of the night, and still half asleep reached out to Fliss’ side of the bed but she wasn’t there. He sat up, blinking and then saw that Alex’s bedside crib was empty too. Frowning, he climbed out of bed and as he headed downstairs he could head soft baby cries from the family room.  

“Hey, everything okay?” Frank asked, opening the door and looking at Fliss as she was stood by the large window seat, gently rocking Alex as she tried to calm him.

“Yeah he’s grouchy.” She said, “I’ve fed him, he’s been changed…” “Want me to take him?” He offered and she shook her head.

"It’s fine Frank, I got him. I mean, that is what you wanted isn’t it? Me, being a good little wifey-to-be and mummy, right?"

Frank blinked before he gave a groan “Really, do we have to do this now?” he sighed, shaking his head. “I never said that, at all.”

“What it sounded like to me.” “How would you know?” He looked at her “You were so focussed on your position that you didn’t listen to a damned word I said. Because if you had you would have understood my point of view instead of accusing me of trying to control you.” He took a deep breath “When are you going to get it into your head that I am not your shit bag ex?”

“I didn’t say that.” Fliss looked at him, shaking her head

“But you thought it.” Frank eyed her “I could see it on your face.”

“There you go again, presuming you know what I’m thinking.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes, you are.” Fliss looked at him “What I was actually thinking was how shit it was you couldn’t just support me with what I wanted to do.” “Baby, I do support you, and I’ll back you with whatever you want to do, but I’m not gonna lie to you and say I’m happy about something when I’m not.” Frank shook his head.

“How can you back me when you don’t agree with what I want?”

“Because that’s what being together is about.” Frank looked at her “It doesn’t matter what I think…” “It matters to me.” Frank let out a groan “We’re going round in circles…” he shook his head as Alex’s screaming grew louder “Look, why don’t you let me take him? You go get some rest, we can talk about this later.” “I said I got him its fine.” Fliss shook her.

“Oh for fucks- just let me help will you?”

“Go back to bed Frank.” Fliss blazed it him in the dim light of the family room, her brown eyes angry “You have work in the morning, I don’t. Remember?”

He words themselves were innocuous, but the sheer sarcastic way she said them wasn’t. Frank felt the weary anger from their earlier argument which he had been fighting so hard to keep buried, slowly seeping back into his veins. He’d tried to explain his point of view, over and over again but she was being too fucking stubborn to even attempt to see it through his eyes. As he watched her cradling their sobbing son to her chest he didn't have the energy to keep going round and round in circles, not at 3 in the morning anyway. So instead he gave into the frustration he was feeling, and shot a stinging barb, one simple word spoken with exasperation as he shook his head and turned to leave the room. "Bitch"

**** Chapter 14

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding On Ch 13: Healthy Competition

Summary: Mary decides she wants to compete in her first horse riding cotest, so the family take an outing and Frank gets a first-hand experience of the world Fliss once called her life.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher

A/N:  This is very Mary/horsey heavy so apologies in advance. Thank you to @southerngracela​ and @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for the beta reading and ideas. 

Chapter Song: It’s My Life by Bon Jovi 

Series Masterlist //  WIYPT Masterlist

My heart is like an open highway, like Frankie said I did it my way. I just want to live while I'm alive

 October 2018

"Lissy, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Course you can sweetie." Fliss looked at Mary as she approached the sofa, Laptop in her arms. "Everything OK?” "Yeah." Mary nodded, “Just before, some of the other girls at the yard were talking about a jumping competition in a few weeks and I was wondering..." she sat down, perching her laptop on her knees "Do you think maybe I could take Monty?" "Do you wanna take him?" Fliss asked and Mary nodded. "Then of course you can" "Really?" Mary's eyes lit up. "Yeah, it's been ages since I went to a competition. It'll be fun!" "I wasn't sure I would be good enough." Mary shrugged. "Mary, Monty could do a jumping course with his eyes closed." Fliss smiled "and you're plenty good enough. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. It’s about enjoying yourself. I take it you got the website there?" She nodded to the laptop. Mary grinned and opened it up. Fliss took it from her and quickly scanned the information. "FireAnt Farm Equestrian Centre, Tarpon Springs..." Fliss mused, quickly grabbing her phone to locate the area on Google maps. "Is it too far?" Mary questioned. "Nope." Fliss shook her head. "Probably take us 40 minutes in the wagon. I used to travel much further." "There's a lot of different classes to enter." Mary said, shuffling towards Fliss so she could see the screen too "I wasn't sure which one I would go in." "I'd put you in the beginners class." Fliss said "It's 40cm max height and you've jumped those plenty. And then....why don't you try a few flat classes whilst we are there? The schedule doesn't look like they would clash..." "Flat class?" Mary frowned "like dressage?" "Kinda, it’s about showing your pony off. You basically do a go round as a group in each pace on both reins and then you do a quick individual show. It’s easy, I used to do a simple figure of 8." "Oh. OK." Mary shrugged. "I never saw that before." "Well, let's have a look." Fliss smiled, opening up a browser to YouTube. She flicked her eyes over to Alex who was fast asleep and then spent the next 15 minutes or so showing Mary various videos of different kids showing classes on the Web. "So Monty is a Welsh Pony." Fliss said "so he doesn't need to be plaited…or braided, whatever. We turn him out true to type which means we just need to tidy his mane and tail up a bit. And as he's over 15 he can go in the Pre-Veteran class. So they look at how he moves and performs for his age group. Why don't you do that which is the 4th one in the morning and then do the junior rider. Then there's a long enough break before the beginners jumping." "So I get to do 3 classes?" Mary grinned and Fliss nodded. “Hey, it says here they're running a winter league." Fliss mused "Is that what you wanna do? Compete in the league or just the one off?" "A league like with baseball or football?" "Exactly that." Fliss nodded. "So you join up and it says here you get points immediately for just going in the class. They place to 6th position and award points according with the highest being 12 to first. Then the person with the moat points takes the Championship overall at the end."

She pointed at the screen “Say’s here the first one is on 3rd November and they run to March next year, so there’s 5 overall. What do you think?” Mary grinned “Bring it on!”

Fliss smiled as Mary gave her a hi-five.

“Why don’t you bring Bronson?” Mary asked, “Or Cap?” Fliss shook her head. “It wouldn’t be fair on everyone there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I competed at a professional level” Fliss shrugged “It wouldn’t be very sporting of me if I entered a class full of hobbyists. I would have hated it when I was there myself. The only way I’d do it is if I went in and declared I was 'hors concours' or HC as it’s known.”

“Hors concours?” Mary repeated “What’s that?”

“It means that I’d be taking part without actually competing. So I might enter a competition to give a young horse experience or what-have-you but my marks would not be counted as such.”

 “Bronson is only 6.” Mary said “You said he had never done a jumping competition before.” “He hasn’t.” Fliss said, pondering “Maybe another time. This one we concentrate on you.”

Mary grinned and then Fliss turned her attention to what they needed to get her. They spent a bit of time looking at Tweed showing jackets, Mary deciding on the type of thing she liked before Fliss found a decent value second hand one on a local Equestrian Buy and Sell group on Facebook which Mary eagerly nodded at, the same seller also having a Navy Blue show-jumping jacket the same size.

“When you’re not growing so fast I’ll buy you brand new ones.” Fliss smiled, tapping in a message to the seller arranging to collect the items the following mornings. “So you have your DeNiro boots which we can polish, your short boots as well,  you have a hat that will be ok, it should be velvet but for the time being it will do...so we need canary and white jodhs… a show shirt, a tie…shall we take a trip up to the Tack Shack tomorrow?”

“Yes please!” Mary smiled “I have some of my pocket money saved, I can put that towards it.” “Put what towards what?” Frank asked as he walked into the family room. He dropped a kiss to Fliss cheek and ruffled Mary’s hair, causing her to scowl up at him. “More horse riding crap?” he nodded to the screen of the laptop.

“Mary is going to do her first competition in 2 weeks so we’re kitting her out.” Fliss smiled. Frank looked at her, then to Mary and smiled.

“That so?”

Mary nodded “I’m gonna do 3 classes. 2 showing and one jumping. So we already sorted my jacket and Fliss is taking me to the Tack Shack tomorrow for the rest of it.” “Why what else do you need?” “Jodhpurs, a shirt and a tie.” Mary nodded reeling it off. “Oh and a new hat at some point but Fliss says the one that I have will do…”

“Why do you need another hat?” Frank asked.

“Well strictly speaking show hats should be velvet or suede.” Fliss shrugged “But for this level it won’t matter.”

“Sounds like another bashing my card is gonna take.” Frank grumbled good-naturedly and Fliss swatted at him. He chuckled again and stood up straight from where he had been leaning on the back of the couch, heading to the fridge to retrieve his standard post work beer.

“Can I wear the same tie for show-jumping and showing?” Mary asked.

“Hmmmm possibly. We can get 2.” Fliss said. “One that matches your tweed and then you can pick whatever you want colour wise for jumping. Have a look on the website, see if there’s anything you like.”

Mary grinned and took the lap top off Fliss who stood up, stretching slightly. She headed over to Frank, slipping her arms round his waist.

“She’s excited.” He stated, watching Mary as she tapped at the keyboard. His chest was warm at the utter delight on the young girl’s face as she was searching different coloured ties. “What sparked her wanting to do this?” “Someone at the yard. She overheard them talking and asked if she could go.” Fliss smiled “She wants to do the Winter League” “They run a league?” “Yeah.” Fliss smiled “5 competitions in total. It’ll be good for her, a bit of healthy competition. I already managed to grab her 2 jackets. Both second hand but no point shelling out loads when she’s gonna grow out of them by the end of the season. Tweeds cost a fortune.”

“How much are the hats she was talking about?” he asked, taking a swig of his beer.

“Erm, her size probably about eighty bucks, why?” “Just get her one.” He said gently, dropping his voice “She never asks for stuff like this so…” “You big softie.” Fliss smiled, standing on her toes to give him a kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too. And thank you.” Frank said gently, bumping his nose against hers.

“What for?” Fliss frowned.

“For this.” He nodded to Mary “Doing stuff that makes her excited and happy.” “You don’t need to thank me.” Fliss looked at him, and then for the first time she noticed the look on his face. He was watching Mary, his eyes not quite as full of their usual sparkle. “Frankie, what’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath and looked at Mary “Hey Stack, have you spoken to Evelyn this week?”

“Not yet.” Mary said “I was gonna later, why?”

“Why don’t you give her a call before dinner?” he suggested “You can tell her about your competition.” “Ok.” Mary shrugged standing up “But if you wanted to talk in private you could just ask.” “Ok I’m asking, scoot.”

She stood up and looked at him “You forget I know you Frank.”

“Oh, trust me I don’t.” he shot after her as she laughed, climbing the stairs.

Fliss turned to Frank as he sat down on one of the stools by the breakfast bar. “Honey, what is it?”

“I spoke to Greg before.” He looked at her as she moved to stand between his legs. “He still hasn’t heard back from her father about the adoption.”

“Ok.” Fliss dropped her hands to his shoulders as his rest on her hips “That doesn’t mean he’s gonna cause an issue.”

“No, but Greg’s twitchy, I can tell. I mean if the asshole wasn’t bothered about Mary surely we would have heard by now. It’s been almost 8 weeks.” Frank wrinkled his nose. “Baby there’s nothing we can do about it.” Fliss soothed “Yeah, if he protests it’s gonna be a little more agro than we thought but…well, we’ll just have to face it when it happens, ok?” “I know I just…well I was hoping this would be done for Christmas, that’s all.” “It might be yet, it’s not even November. Is there anything Greg can do?”

“He’s gonna send a chaser letter but other than that not really.” Frank shrugged before he sighed “I know you’re right, there’s nothing we can do but that doesn’t stop me worrying about it.”

“I know, because you love her. We both do. I’m worried as well but like you said to me, whatever happens we face it together.” She leaned down to give him a quick peck “Now, change of subject…you gonna come with us to the competition in a few weeks? Be nice for us all to go. Can be our first proper family outing.” “Will there be beer?” Frank pondered, his hand sliding down the outside of her thighs and back up again.

“Take a cool box” she smiled

Frank chuckled “Of course I’ll come. Wouldn’t miss her first competition for the world.”

******

October ticked into November, bringing with it a slight drop in temperature and still no movement on the Adoption. However, Frank and Fliss had pushed it to the back of their minds which in the grand scheme of things wasn’t that hard as Mary’s excitement over her impending first competition was infectious.

When Fliss took her to the Tack Shack and told her that Frank said she could get a competition hat, Mary had almost cried, giving Fliss a huge hug but reserving the biggest hug of all for her Uncle when she got home. She’d paraded around the family room in her show gear, showing off her outfit for both Fliss, Frank and then again for Verity and Bill, and on a video call to Evelyn.

She practiced with Fliss or Joanne every day after school. They taught her the ring etiquette, how to talk to the judge and also set up a full course for her to practice on, Fliss teaching her all about how the first round was about getting clear and the jump off also introduced the element of time. Fliss felt an overwhelming sense of pride as the girl improved day by day and found herself actually believing that she’d do pretty well when the day came.

The afternoon before the show was spent with one final practice and then Mary had to give Monty a bath. Whilst he was drying off she then loaded the wagon with her jackets, cleaned her tack and then carried that to the wagon too where Fliss placed it in the tack locker, locking it up.

Frank was under the bonnet of said wagon, checking the oil and the coolant to make sure it was ready for the trip in the morning when he heard footsteps on the gravel and he looked up to see Mary hopping up the steps into the back of the wagon.

“What’s she checking now?” he looked over at Fliss, straightening himself up and reaching for the rag that was tucked in the back pocket of his dirty jeans. Fliss didn’t reply, she was too busy scanning Frank from head to toe, and making no attempt to even disguise the fact she was blatantly eyeing him up “Earth to Lissy…” “Yeah, sorry…what?” she asked, looking at him, biting her lip.

He snorted as he wiped his hands on the rag, shaking his head “And you call me a pervert.” Fliss shrugged “I told you, the whole dirty mechanic things does stuff to me.”

“He will do stuff to you give him half a chance.” He grinned and she smirked, arching an eyebrow.

“You’ll corrupt our son.” She said, placing her hands over his ears, where he was positioned in the baby sling at her chest. “Mind you, he’s probably already scarred for life after your antics last night…” “Didn’t hear you complaining.” Frank smirked, “Quite the opposite in fact.” Fliss bit her lip a the memory of a particularly good round of sex the night before, which had resulted in her on all fours in the middle of the mattress. Looking at Frank she shrugged and he snorted, closing the bonnet of the wagon “All set.” He nodded towards it. “Oil topped up, coolant and water levels good…”

“So you didn’t find anything to fix, like I told you that you wouldn’t.” “Hey, I just wanted to make sure it’s safe for my girls, it hasn’t been anywhere in a while.” He shrugged

“Joanne used it yesterday to go to the wholesalers for feed and shavings.” Fliss looked at him.

“Yeah, well…whatever, I make no apologies for wanting to check anyway.” He smiled, taking the kiss she offered.

Mary jumped down from the back of the wagon and reached up to lock the back door before she trotted round and handed Fliss the keys.

“You happy you got everything?” Frank looked at her “Seeing as that’s like the five-hundredth time you checked.” “Don’t exaggerate.” Mary rolled her eyes as Alex made a noise and the 3 of them looked at him before Mary pointed “see, even he thinks you’re an idiot.”

“Rude.” Frank grumbled. After one last check on Monty who was sparkling white (Although Fliss knew they’d end up giving him another quick clean up in the morning) they headed home and after a quick shower Frank lit the BBQ outside. The family enjoyed a good grill for dinner, before Fliss disappeared upstairs and came back with a wrapped packaged. Frank frowned, as she handed it to Mary.

“Everyone needs one of those for competitions.” She smiled, as Mary looked at her, taking it gently.

“What is it?”

“Open it and see!” Fliss rolled her eyes as she sat back down on the seat, glancing at Frank who had Alex against his chest, his head resting on his shoulder.

Mary tore the wrapping paper off and gasped as she held up the pink gilet top. It had the Sandybrook Stables logo embroidered on the front right hand breast but it was what was on the back that had caught her eye. She looked at it, then to Fliss and with a stunned smile turned it round so Frank could see. It was a motif of a horse jumping her fence with ‘Mary Adler’ arched over the top in gold, cursive writing and ‘Monte Carlo VI’- Monty’s show-name- underneath in the same typeface. Small diamantes were scattered around the entire design which caught the lights that were dotted around the garden and Frank’s face broke into a huge smile as Mary looked at him, then to Fliss.

“Sally has one of these for Jackson…” she whispered “I always wanted one, how did you know?”

Fliss smiled “Sally’s mum told me you asked where she got it from. I thought I’d get you one. It’s a bit bigger so will fit over your jackets and a hoody if you need it to. You can wear it in the collecting ring and then take it off before you go in to do your shows and jumping.” “Lissy I love it, thank you so much!” Mary stood up and rounded the table to give Fliss a huge hug. Fliss kissed her head and cupped her cheek.

“You’re welcome sweetheart.” “Well, come on…” Frank nodded to it, “Let’s see it on!”

Mary grinned and shrugged the gilet on over her jumper and beamed, giving them a twirl. Fliss told her to stand still and took a photo of the front and the back if it, before setting her phone down on the table.

After a little more chat, given the fact they had a busy day they all headed up to bed. Frank tucked Mary in before Fliss popped in to say goodnight, Thor jumping up onto Mary’s bed clearly deciding he was staying there for the evening with Fred. Fliss closed the door and made her way to the master bedroom where Frank was led on top of the bed in his boxers, Alex sleeping in the basinet as his dad flicked through the channels on the TV.

“How much did that gilet set you back?” he asked and Fliss wrinkled her nose.

“I put t it through the account on company expenses as Sponsorship.” she shrugged. “I’m gonna order her a jacket and a hoody for Christmas.”

 Frank chuckled “You spoil her.”

“So do you.” Fliss shrugged and pulled off her T-shirt and jeans before opening the door to the en-suite.

“But if it makes you feel better, I got a present for you too, sailor…” she grinned, shedding her underwear and beckoning for him to follow her.

Frank blinked, smirked and jumped up off the bed, the pair of them giggling as he dispensed of his boxers and backed his future wife into the shower, shutting the cubicle door behind him.

*****

Fliss and Mary set off early the next morning, whilst Frank took a little more time making sure he had everything Alex needed before he headed out to his truck and keyed the location into his GPS. When he arrived he parked up, got Alex settled in the stroller and wandered down the yard. As he rounded the corner, he gave a blink, the place was packed with horses and people, all sorts of different competitions going on. After a little walk around he located their wagon and as luck would have it, Fliss and Mary were making their way back. He smiled, Mary was dressed in her older jodhpurs, and a hoody with her personalised gilet proudly donning her top half where-as Fliss looked every bit the cowgirl in her jeans, plaid shirt, cowboy boots and her hat.

“Hey!” She greeted him, giving him a quick kiss before she looked at Alex, her hand stroking his cheek.

“You all set?” Frank asked and Mary grinned.

“Yeah, we booked in, registered…I got my membership number...” she held up the laminated piece of paper with the digits 287 printed on “…and we got about 40 minutes until my first class.” “So we need to get him off the wagon, quick bush down and then you can get on to warm up.” Fliss said, nodding to the ramp. Frank moved the stroller out of the way and he and Fliss undid the latches, dropping it down as Mary hopped up and undid he partition. She brought Monty down and set about undoing his travel boots and his tail bandage, taking his tail out of the braid before she hopped up to get her brushes.

“She’s like a coiled spring.” Fliss grinned, looking at Frank who chuckled.

“Yeah, she doesn’t do anything by halves.” He smiled, looking around “It’s busy.” “First one of a season always is.” Fliss mused “There’s over 20 in her first class and 11 so far in her second. No idea about the jumping, I didn’t ask. I told her not to bother about it, as long as she enjoys herself…”

Frank smiled as Fliss gently touched his arm and set about helping Mary. 20 minutes later Monty was tacked up and Frank, from what little he knew about horses, had to admit they looked pretty smart. Her tweed was a dark green with a check pattern of brown and pinks, her show shirt was cream and the tie she was wearing was a green and pink striped one, matching perfectly. Fliss had braided Mary’s hair so it hung down her back and had secured it with a matching ribbon and as she jammed her new hat on she grinned at Frank.

“Looking good Stack” he smiled.

“Ok, ready?” Fliss asked.

Mary nodded and hopped up onto the small step at the back of the wagon, vaulting onto Monty, the pony simply standing still and observing his surroundings as if he did this every day.

Frank pushed the stroller as Fliss walked besides him, Mary slightly ahead as she made her way into the collecting ring. Fliss followed her in and Frank stood at the side, watching as Fliss made sure the girth on the saddle was tight enough before she nodded, spoke to Mary who also gave a nod and walked away from Fliss. Fliss stayed in the ring with her, gently giving her instructions, helping Mary to warm Monty in. And then Mary’s class was called. Fliss took the gilet off her before Mary looked over at Frank. He gave her a huge grin and a thumbs up and she smiled back before he saw her take a deep breath and follow another rider into the ring.

Fliss joined him and they made their way down a little so they could watch. Monty was easily the smallest pony in the class and Frank frowned.

“He looks tiny.” “He is only 14’2 hands high.” Fliss shrugged “But this is a veteran class, for horses over 15. So they’ll look at how he moves, not how he looks next to the other horses.”

“Oh.” Franks shrugged, turning his attention to Mary, then the two women stood in the middle “Are they the judges?”

“One is, the one in the hat.” Fliss said “The other is a steward. She basically shouts the instructions out and helps the judge.” Frank watched as the woman instructed the group to trot on. They did a few laps around the ring before they set off into canter. Mary’s face was set in concentration as thy ride repeated the action on the opposite rein before they all lined up.

“Now they do their individual shows.” Fliss said, her eyes focussing on the action in the ring. “This is what Mary was practicing yesterday when you showed up.” There were two horses before it was Mary’s turn. She walked Monty out of the line-up and stood him, perfectly square in front of the judge. She chatted to the woman who walked around Monty to take a look at him, before Mary set off to do her show. Frank glanced at Fliss and smiled as his girl was beaming with pride as Mary completed her show, foot (or hoof) perfect before she halted, saluted to the judge and then gave Monty a huge pat. She glanced over at Fliss who gave her a thumbs up, smiling.

All in all it took about 30 minutes to work through the class, and once the last person had done they all set off in a walk as the judge was muttering something, her eyes flicking along the ponies. Eventually she nodded and the steward walked out, pointing to a large bay. A few people started clapping as the Bay moved inwards to take first place, and then next was a smaller chestnut and then she pointed at Mary.

“Fuck, Frank she got third!” Fliss almost exploded as she started to cheer, Frank giving a grin as he also clapped, Mary’s face split into a huge grin as she took her place. 4th, 5th and 6th were awarded, rosettes were handed out and then the placings took a lap of honour before exiting the ring.

“Well done!” Fliss beamed at Mary as she grinned, looking at her yellow rosette “3rd out of 20! Mary that’s amazing for your first go!”

Mary nodded, taking a deep breath, the tears filling her eyes “I’m so happy!” she spluttered and Frank gave a chuckle, looping his arm around her, giving Monty a pat.

But that was nothing compared to her reaction when she won second place in the next class she was in, the Junior Rider. Fliss really did explode at that point, and Mary burst into tears, the judge looking a little shocked before she smiled at Mary, handing her the blue rosette.

After they’d calmed Mary down, they untacked Monty as there was a little wait until the jumping started and Frank headed off to grab them a burger from the fast food van at the far end of the yard. They sat on the ramp of the wagon, Frank teasing Mary as usual, before they heard a little cough and all looked up.

“I’m really sorry…” A woman spoke shyly “But are you Fliss Gallagher.” “Yeah.” Fliss smiled “Erm, hi.” “My daughter…she’s a huge fan. She followed all of the US team but you and Charlotte DuJardin from Team GB really hooked her in the 2012s and she’s…well, she’s hiding over there because she wouldn’t come speak to you.” The woman bashfully admitted and Fliss felt her cheeks growing red.

“Oh…thanks.” She said, “Which one is she?”

“The blonde over there…”

“Be back in a sec.” She smiled at Frank, standing up.

Frank looked at Mary, his mouth falling open “What just happened?” “Fliss is a horse riding celebrity Frank.” Mary shrugged. “She was a huge star until her accident.”

Frank turned and watched as Fliss spoke to the teen who was clearly in awe, and then smiled and nodded when her mom waved her phone. She posed for a quick photo before she turned and started to walk back towards them.

“I feel kinda sorry for her in a way.” Mary sighed.

“How do you mean?” Frank looked at his niece.

“Well, imagine finally doing the thing you always dreamed of, what you worked your whole life towards only to have it cut short.” Mary spoke, her mouth full of burger “Half the show-jumping teams around the world have people in them that are in their sixties you know. Fliss was only 28.”

Frank pondered for a moment as Fliss approached, he hadn’t really thought about it from that point of view before, nor had he even considered for one second that Fliss might still be recognised. Either way, he felt a little warmth in his chest as she flopped back down next to him, reaching for the rest of her burger.

“Can I get an autograph?” he asked.

“Piss off.” Fliss snorted as he laughed, dropping a kiss to her cheek.

Despite having enjoyed Mary’s flat shows, Frank did NOT enjoy the jumping. It scared the shit out of him. Fliss walked the course with Mary, now dressed in her jumping outfit of white breeches, navy jacket and a bright pink and blue sparkly tie as they examined the route she would take. And then far too soon in his opinion it was her turn to go in and he wasn’t sure he could watch.

“And entering the ring now we have Mary Adler riding Monte Carlo VI…” the announcer spoke on the tanoy as Mary trotted Monty in. The buzzer sounded and she picked up canter and pointed the pony at the first jump. Monty cleared it with ease and did the same with the 2nd, 3rd…all the way to the 11th leaving one to go.

“She clears this she’s in the jump off.” Fliss muttered. Frank took a deep breath, watching as Mary approached the small oxer and Monty took off. His back feet brushed the pole and Fliss held her breath, but thankfully despite rolling, it didn’t fall.

“Wait, that means she has to do that again?” Frank asked as Fliss clapped and cheered as Mary headed towards the gate to exit the field.

“Yeah, but not as many.” Fliss replied as she headed over to Mary.

Not as many, but twice as damned fast as Frank found out. The ponies where whizzing over the 5 jumps in the jump off, which were part of the course but not in order, the numbers being 2, 7, 5,9 and 8 the turns being tighter as the idea was still to go clear, but in the event more than one clear was achieved it went down to time.

The riders were in no order, and Mary decided to go a little further down the line so she could watch the others take the turns, a tactic Fliss suggested. By the time she was due to go in there were 5 clears already.

“Ok, so you’re gonna have to go for speed too.” Fliss said, looking at her “But the main thing is try and stay clear. If you want my advice, cut the corner between numbers 5 and 6. Everyone is looping round 6 to get to 9 but if you hang a right as soon as you’re over 5 you’ll have a few seconds off. Its tight, and he won’t have as many strides, probably 3 max, but let him take you ok?”

Mary nodded, swallowed and headed in. She took the first jumps easily and then after the 3rd did exactly what Fliss said. Monty put in an extra half stride, however, which threw Mary’s balance a little as he took off and for a horrible moment Frank thought she was going to fall but she didn’t, she regained her balance and turned, taking the last 2 jumps easily.

Mary secured 4th place in her jumping, the smile on her face was infectious and Frank found himself beaming along with them as they walked back to the wagon.

***** “Where’s Stack?” Frank asked as Fliss emerged into the room dropping the bag of Mary’s show clothing onto the sofa. Thor, who had been with Joanna whilst they had been out all day, flopped down onto the rug in front of the TV.

“She’s giving Monty some treats after he did so well today, and chewing Jo’s ear off about the competition. Jo said she’d watch her back over when she’s done.” Fliss smiled, reaching for Alex as he started to gripe “You hungry baby?”

Frank smiled as she settled on the sofa, undoing her shirt so she could feed him and he sat on the arm, looking down at her.

“She did so well today.” He said, “I never in a million years dreamed she’d be doing anything like this.” “Well, I did warn you the first time you walked onto my yard that once you have that horse smell on your hands, you’re hooked.” “Don’t I know it?” Frank grinned, kissing her cheek.

A little while later, Fliss finished up feeding Alex and peered down at him, the baby gazing at her, waving his eyes, his lips curling up into a smile and Fliss laughed.

“He’s smiling again.” She said.

“Sure it’s not wind?” Frank teased. “Err, no I just burped him.” Fliss said indignantly “They start smiling at 6 weeks, he’s smiling. I can tell.”

Frank chuckled and peered down, smiling at his baby and earning himself one back in return. He gently took him from Fliss so she could do up her top before he set him down and followed her into the kitchen where, upon examining the contents of the fridge, they settled on take out for dinner.

“So I know Mary did but did you enjoy it?” Frank asked as Fliss pulled a beer for them both out of the fridge.

“Yeah, yeah I did. You know, seeing it there, all those people competing…there’s nothing like that around here.”  “Got me thinking, maybe I could run something like that at some point down the line.” “Sandybrook Show huh?” Frank smiled as he popped the caps off their beers, settling down at the kitchen counter.

Fliss grinned “Yeah, it would be kind of cool to expand into stuff like that.” She took a drink “I’ve actually been giving it a bit of thought in general.” “What, competitions?” Frank asked

“No, expanding.” Fliss swallowed a mouthful of drink “The land at the back has always been available to me to buy, the old Farmer said he would give it to me whenever I want, and it would add another 10 acres to the portfolio. I could grow the yard area, more stables, more grazing, hold events like that one today…” she trailed off, frowning as she noticed the look on Frank’s face. “What’s wrong? Don’t you think it’s a good idea?”

“No, I mean yeah, I do. We always talked about expanding your business.” He hesitated “I guess I didn’t realise it would be so soon.” “What do you mean?” Fliss looked at him. “I’ve been up and running now for over 3 years.”

“I mean after Alex being born.” Frank said, his eyes flicking to where his baby son was asleep in the basinet. “He’s barely 10 weeks old Liss, don’t you think you’d be taking on too much?” “I’d manage” she waved her hand “I could recruit more staff.”

She could see from the look on Frank’s face he wasn’t convinced. She took a deep breath and turned in her seat so her body was facing his “Sailor,I can tell you’re not happy about the idea.”

“It’s not that I’m not happy.” Frank shook his head, and that was the truth. The fact she had such drive and want to build something better was amazing, he loved it in her, but he was struggling to find the words to voice what he was feeling about it. “Ok, I’m…just gonna come out and say this and I don’t want you to fly off the handle…4 weeks ago you were petrified of leaving Alex with your mom. You still don’t like being away from him now, and…” “Of course I don’t like it.” Fliss frowned “I’m breast feeding him, and-“ “Exactly.” Frank looked at her “So you take on this extra work, what are you going to do? You wanna put him in Creche, find a Childminder?”

Fliss shrugged a little “Mum said she would have him but I don’t want to put that on her, not every day. Maybe 2 days a week and then I don’t have to be at the yard all the time. Joanne runs things now and I can just…” Frank chuckled “I know you. Name me one day in your pregnancy that you didn’t pop in. You were teaching like almost until the day you dropped. And before you start I’m not saying that was a bad thing, far from it. You said yourself it kept you active and your brain engaged. I’m just saying there’s no way you’ll take a back seat. It’s bad enough trying to get you to stick to your Sundays off.” “I know.” Fliss nodded “But that’s something I’ll have to get stricter at.”

“Ok.” Frank took a deep breath “Whatever you say.”

Fliss frowned “Don’t do that.” “Do what?”

“Dismiss what I said.” “I wasn’t.” Frank shook his head.

“Yes you were, you just completely shrugged it off.” “No.” Frank said, his voice remaining calm “I said whatever you say. If you say that’s what you’re gonna do then…”

“Don’t you want me to do this or something?” Fliss asked and Frank took a deep sigh.

“Liss, we literally just went over this. I never said I didn’t want you to do it. Quite the opposite. I just…well I think it’s too soon ok?” he looked at her “Alex isn’t sleeping through yet, you’re tired during the day as you tell me when I get home. Hell, I’m tired and my job is nowhere near as physically demanding as yours not to mention the fact I’m not the one feeding him and…” he licked his lips

“You fix boats.” Fliss looked at him, a little sullenly “That’s physical…” “Not as much as I used to.” Frank shook his head “I’m based in the office a lot now, as you well know because you complain I don’t come home full of grease as much as I used to. We won’t mention the fact that I’m growing a little…how do I put this, softer round the edges now because of that, hence the weights in the garage”. He smiled, attempting to make a joke out of it as he could recognise only too well the look in her eye. It wasn’t full blown anger yet but if he didn’t cut the discussion off soon it was going to be. “Look...” he reached out and took her hand “We’re incredibly lucky. We’re in a position where you don’t need to rush back to work. My job pays well, your business brings you in a very decent turnover each month, we have savings…I just think that we should take advantage of that and you should take a few more months off, maybe look at going back in March, say. Take a full 6 off to be with him, enjoy being a mom.”

“Is that what you want me to do?” Fliss asked after a moments pause.

“This isn’t about what I want.” Frank sighed, his tone now starting to betray his frustration. “I can’t and won’t stop you doing anything, you know this. I just want you to consider your options, that’s all.” Fliss took a deep breath, gave a nod and pushed her stool back, draining the rest of her beer. “Where you going?” Frank frowned.

“For a shower.” She said simply “I need to get out of these jeans and this shirt.”

Frank gave a groan “Why do you do this?” “Do what?”

“Every time we have a slight difference in opinion on something you clam up.” He looked at her “Let’s talk this through, Liss. Don’t walk away.” “I’ve nothing else to say.” Fliss said, her voice ending in a little chuckle. “You’ve made your opinion on the matter very clear.” “Yeah, and now I’m waiting to hear yours.”

Fliss took a deep breath “I don’t wanna take 6 months off.”

“Ok.” Frank nodded “Then you don’t have to. I still think it’s too soon for you to be looking at expanding though.”

“I know what you think Frank, you told me.” Fliss shrugged “You don’t need to keep repeating yourself.” “I keep repeating myself because you seem to be completely and utterly dismissing what I’m saying.” Frank looked at her.

“For fucks sake Frank.” Fliss looked at him. “Stop talking to me like I’m one of the kids.”

“Well you’re doing a pretty good job of acting like one.” Frank looked at Fliss, his eyebrow raised as he felt his temper beginning to flare “And a petulant one at that.”

Fliss gave a chuckle of ironic laughter “Oh that’s rich, you calling me a petulant child. You’re the one kicking off because I’m refusing to entertain some stupid idea about taking 6 months off work”

“You know, a lot of women would kill to be in the position to be able to do that.” Frank looked at her and she shrugged.

“So?” she frowned “With the greatest of respects, I don’t care. Yes, I’m lucky. I get that but I don’t want to Frank!” “And I’m not saying you have to! Jesus Christ!” Frank groaned “When did I, at any point in this discussion, ever say you have to stay at home huh? You tell me exactly when those words left my mouth….” Fliss looked at him, and blinked as her mouth closed and she swallowed. “See, you can’t because I didn’t say it!”

“Well, you might as well have.” She glared at him “You’re trying to control my decision about what I feel is right for me…”

“You think…” Frank cocked his head to one side, as he felt a flash of angry heat rush up his neck to his cheeks at her words. His temper was really brewing now, the angry knot in his stomach growing tighter by the second. “You think I’m trying to control you?”

“Well aren’t you?”

“God damnit Lissy!” Frank’s voice was loud as he stood up from his chair, “You’re downright infuriating at times. No, that’s not what I’m doing. At all. What I’m doing is trying to have a sensible discussion with you.” “Well I don’t want to discuss it anymore.” Fliss’s voice raised “So, like I said. I’m going for a shower. Or would you like to discuss that as well.” “Oh for fucks sake…” Frank groaned his hands rubbing his face as he let out a frustrated noise, shaking his head. “You know what, I give in. Do what you want. Shower, buy more land, work, don’t work…just…whatever.”  

Fliss shot Frank a glare, and then a small noise from the basinet jerked them both out of the stare-down and Fliss headed over to pick him up. Turning she made for the door, baby in her arms.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked.

“Going for a shower, like I just said.”

“Well leave him with me.” Frank frowned, “What’s the point of taking him upstairs just to lay him in the crib whilst you shower?” “Because I want to take him with me.” Fliss looked at Frank. “I can leave the door open. I like him being there. Is it a problem?” Frank snorted, his hands on his hips as he looked at his feet “No problem.” He huffed out a little laugh as he raised his face to look at her “But you tell me you’re ready to go back to work when you can’t bear to be apart for the 10 minutes it takes you to shower.”

Fliss’ face fell and Frank felt a pang of guilt at what he had said, but in his mind it was true. She hated leaving him, and he didn’t want her to be in a position where she felt she needed to, whether it was to prove something to herself or everyone else. He’d never tell her this but he loved the homely feel of coming home and his future wife and baby son both waiting for him, either on the sofa or the sun lounger. It was a wonderful, caring, passionate environment that he’d never had before and if he was brutally honest he’d quite happily see her at home until Alex was back in school. She didn’t need to work, but she wanted to, he got that. And he would never stop her. But the fact was she was still on edge about their son being left with people and he could almost picture the melt down she was going to have if she rushed back.

“Fuck you” Fliss seethed at him, drawing him out of his thoughts as Alex began to cry, clearly picking up the vibes in the room. Frank sighed, shaking his head as Fliss began to soothe him

“Lissy, just…”

But she didn’t stay to listen, instead she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, Alex’s little whimpers dying in his ears as she made her way up the stairs.

The argument made for a tense family dinner. They both tried their best to be normal, talking to Mary about her day, not wanting to but a dampener on it but as ever she was sharp. When Frank tucked her in, she asked him about it and he assured her there was nothing to worry about and that it was a silly disagreement which would be forgotten in the morning.

He hoped.

Fliss didn’t really speak to him much the rest of the evening, taking herself to bed early and she was flat out when he came up a little later. With a sigh he gently brushed the hair off her cheek before he kissed her temple and settled down himself.

He woke in the middle of the night, and still half asleep reached out to Fliss’ side of the bed but she wasn’t there. He sat up, blinking and then saw that Alex’s bedside crib was empty too. Frowning, he climbed out of bed and as he headed downstairs he could head soft baby cries from the family room.  

“Hey, everything ok?” Frank asked, opening the door and looking at Fliss as she was stood by the large window seat, gently rocking Alex as she tried to calm him.

“Yeah he’s grouchy.” She said, “I’ve fed him, he’s been changed…” “Want me to take him?” he offered and she shook her head.

"It’s fine Frank, I got him." "I mean, that is what you wanted isn’t it? Me, being a good little wifey-to-be and mummy, right?"

Frank blinked before he gave a groan “Really, do we have to do this now?” he sighed, shaking his head. “I never said that, at all.”

“What it sounded like to me.” “How would you know?” he looked at her “You were so focussed on your position that you didn’t listen to a damned word I said. Because if you had you would have understood my point of view instead of accusing me of trying to control you.” He took a deep breath “When are you going to get it into your head that I am not your shit bag ex?”

“I didn’t say that.” Fliss looked at him, shaking her head

“But you thought it.” Frank eyed her “I could see it on your face.”

“There you go again, presuming you know what I’m thinking.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes, you are.” Fliss looked at him “What I was actually thinking was how shit it was you couldn’t just support me with what I wanted to do.” “Baby, I do support you, and I’ll back you with whatever you want to do, but I’m not gonna lie to you and say I’m happy about something when I’m not.” Frank shook his head.

“How can you back me when you don’t agree with what I want?”

“Because that’s what being together is about.” Frank looked at her “It doesn’t matter what I think…” “It matters to me.” Frank let out a groan “We’re going round in circles…” he shook his head as Alex’s screaming grew louder “Look, why don’t you let me take him? You go get some rest, we can talk about this later.” “I said I got him its fine.” Fliss shook her.

“Oh for fucks- just let me help will you?”

“Go back to bed Frank.” Fliss blazed it him in the dim light of the family room, her brown eyes angry “You have work in the morning, I don’t. Remember?”

He words themselves were innocuous, but the sheer sarcastic way she said them wasn’t. Frank felt the weary anger from their earlier argument which he had been fighting so hard to keep buried, slowly seeping back into his veins. He’d tried to explain his point of view, over and over again but she was being too fucking stubborn to even attempt to see it through his eyes. As he watched her cradling their sobbing son to her chest he didn't have the energy to keep going round and round in circles, not at 3 in the morning anyway. So instead he gave into the frustration he was feeling, and shot a stinging barb, one simple word spoken with exasperation as he shook his head and turned to leave the room. "Bitch"

[centeris2]

Jorvik Divined Bingo pt. 4

Featuring Mountain, Fire, Waterfall, Crown, Chest, Direction, Breeze, and Swan.

Mountain - Which race is the most difficult for you?

The New Hillcrest race was by far the worst first-try experience ever. I did it on Midnightwarrior, a starter, with the best mood and good tack and everything and it was a nightmare, I remember nearly rage quitting multiple times due to the punishing times and the multiple swimming parts starting me over. Not to mention a single mistake and you have to restart, there is no room for error. I can do it just fine now, but I failed that so many times and I probably would have just left it for another day if it wasn’t part of a quest line. 

Fire - Show us something you made inspired by the deck.

I mean what else are all of these for xD

Waterfall - What kinds of places do you go to relax? 

In all seriousness, there isn’t a particular place where I feel “relaxed” on Jorvik. I enjoy places that don’t have other players, or quests/areas that hide all over players, or generally quiet servers. If I want to be social I’ll seek it out, but often times SSO is my relax/quiet place. I suppose I could have gotten a screenshot of me muting chat xD. Sometimes me relaxing is putting on music or a podcast and training or digging, just something mindless.

Crown - What was your proudest accomplishment on Jorvik?

I found all 100 spiders in under 24 hours. Fear me.

Chest - Create a treasure you think is in Jorvik’s museums. 

Okay I’m not arty so sorry no art. But I’m sure there are tons of odd pre historic relics, tools and whatnot that have odd runes etched into them. And, going with my headcanons, probably a lot of unexplained stuff that rightfully shouldn’t be found on Jorvik, tools and styles that come from all over the world but are dated to be prehistoric Jorvik. Things like bits of pottery with ancient Greek, and tombs that have Celtic imagery but have Egyptian style art, and masks that resemble ancient Mesoamerican gods. These no doubt make the Ancient Alien Theorists go crazy and support their ideas of a global economy/network system, with all these cultures apparently meeting and mingling on Jorvik because they did. They’re probably wrong... or maybe they’re right...

Direction - Create a brand new Jorvegian rune and its meaning.

Again not arty so no art for this. This is also kind of difficult because I don’t actually know what all the runes are, so I don’t know what is missing and what already has a card assigned to it. For my headcanons though, an important rune would be something like “Hands”. In its most simple version, it’s one line angled down and another angled up, reaching for each other and both bent slightly part way, in more detailed it’s a hand reaching to help another one up. In my headcanons being welcoming and helpful is the cornerstone of Jorvik culture, as for hundreds of years people arrived on Jorvik thanks to Aideen’s direct actions to save them and bring them there. People from all over the world who had no hope, who were going to die, lost in the wilderness or the ocean or exposed to the elements, suddenly brought to Jorvik where they were cared for and joined the population there. Aideen’s only real rule for her island being that you were saved by my kindness, so you should save others with yours. Assimilation and mixing of culture and language was important, kindness was to be repaid and paid forward, so the symbol of helping others would be incredibly important to the old culture of Jorvik. I’m sure there is another rune that already matches up ‘welcoming’, ‘kindness’, and ‘mercy’ though. Oops.

Breeze - What kind of rumors have you heard about Jorvik?

Where is the nail salon James? I didn’t want one, I didn’t ask for one, you’re the one who kept saying it was happening. You kept mentioning it for years, saying and promising and swearing there would be a nail salon. Where is it James??? Where is it???

Swan - How do you envision Jorvegian dressage?

Mechanically? No clue. Maybe a sort of rhythm game? Have to press the correct keys in the correct order/timing in order to perform the move? Or an updated version of how it was done in previous games with the arrows and point system?? In Game context it’d be the same as dressage anywhere else, wouldn’t it? Be weird to have Anne competing on an international level if she was raised on Jorvegian Dressage and it was somehow different from the rest of the world.

[madrivervalleyicelandics]

Personal reflections on the ethical dilemma of responsible care and decision-making for horses that can no longer be ridden:

(cross-posted from my Facebook page, here’s the link to the FB post if you’d like to interact with the post on that medium instead: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2189166171191133&id=1257596561014770&__tn__=K-R )

This is sort of a hot-button issue, so bear with me. After reading a few posts and discussion threads this morning, I decided to write about this subject, which is one that weighs heavily on my mind as a horse owner (or steward, if you prefer that word), breeder, trainer, and overall enthusiast.

We live in a country where it can be said that every good horse is just one bad sale away from slaughter. The US market is saturated with horses who cannot find suitable homes, due to age, injury, health or behavioral issues, etc, and each year thousands of horses are shipped over our borders for slaughter after running through traumatic sales and bouncing around from location to location, scared, stressed, and poorly cared for in the interim. The scale of the problem is immense, and for many owners the message is clear: keep your horse. Keep the old horse you can no longer ride, do not try to re-home it into situations where it leaves your control and may be mistreated, passed around, injured further or ultimately end up on a truck to a slaughterhouse.

It seems very simple: you've made a commitment to care for an animal, and so that commitment should be for life. But horses are complex creatures with very nuanced needs.

So this is the story of two retired mares that I own and can no longer ethically ride: Glæta and Tinna.

Glæta is a beautiful 1st prize mare who I purchased as a competition horse. She was known for being a somewhat complicated ride, but she was fully trained and I bought her at around age 11. She was diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease less than a year after I bought her, and because of her young age, her diagnosis was delayed because we were chasing symptoms and missing the big picture - we simply could not believe that our new, young, athletic mare had developed this awful condition normally associated with elderly horses. By the time we finally figured it out, her suppressed immune system (a symptom of Cushing’s) had caused her to develop secondary infections including Ehrlichiosis and then Lyme Disease. We gave her all of the best veterinary care and medication and I spent years paying for all sorts of therapies ranging from traditional to alternative, as well as giving her the best care and biomechanically correct R+ training possible (she was the first horse who sparked my interest in clicker training, and my first foray into bridleless riding and liberty work). We had more good years together and did ultimately return to the competition track, but over time, Glæta began to let me know that she did not enjoy being ridden anymore. She did everything I asked, but I could feel that she just wasn’t fully comfortable. The Cushing’s / Lyme combo made it hard to build her topline normally, and meant that sometimes she had aches and pains that she told me about with just a meaningful look. On those days, I knew not to bother her. I felt that there was no reason to push a horse who had done so much for me to do something she no longer enjoyed, so I made the decision to stop riding her. I took to ponying her a lot, but it was not really enough exercise or stimulation. She could not retire onto lush pastures, given her metabolic condition, and due to the hormonal component of her disease, she became infertile so our dreams of breeding her were dashed. Her days consisted of doing a whole lot of standing around in our paddocks. It didn’t seem like a great life, and she began to lose muscle and gain weight, even on a low-sugar, slow feeder diet and no grass.

Tinna came to me as a bit of rehab training project. She was a horse I had trained in the past who had lost the ability to trot since I’d seen her last, and she had become quite tense. Once she arrived home and I was able to have her thoroughly examined by a vet, we found a large rope of scar tissue beneath her skin, running from her elbow to almost her wither - we suspected that at some point she had had quite the injury and torn her tricep. The scar tissue had shortened that side of her body and she was very tense and reactive. Using clicker training, classical dressage techniques, regular bodywork, and scar tissue massage daily with arnica oil, I was able to retrain her to trot and to move harmoniously and comfortably. I even began to ride her again, and got her up to walk/trot/canter, some tölt, and basic lateral work. But she was only able to tolerate light work, and no matter how carefully I conditioned her, once we got past a certain point of exercise, she began to express discomfort. Ultimately we found that she, too, had contracted Lyme disease, and based on the numbers, it seemed she had had it for a very long time (which prompted my new policy of testing ALL new horses that come in for training for Lyme disease, if they haven’t been tested). Treatment did make her more comfortable, but she was still not able to be exercised normally. The amount of exercise that we were able to do with her was not enough to keep her fit, and she began to gain some weight. I knew that, without exercise, she would develop metabolic issues if she were allowed to graze on pasture, but that put her in the same position as Glæta - confined to dry lot paddocks. Not a very interesting life.

So you see my problem: I love my horses, had the means to keep my retired horses, and I wanted to keep them, and I didn’t give a damn if I never rode either of them again - but keeping them meant that their health needs were not being met. They were not getting adequate exercise or stimulation, and “putting them out to pasture” was not an ethical option, as it would have resulted in inflammation, obesity, and the further decline of their health. Neither one of these mares could be ethically rehomed, as they both required rather special care and handling, and were not suitable as pasture pals or riding horses, even for light riding.

I got lucky. I found Meadow Ridge Farm, which is a fabulous Natural Horsecare facility in Ontario that provides a stimulating lifestyle for herds on paddock paradise track systems. The horses roam all day on miles of tracks, where they have slow feeder hay stations instead of grass to graze. Their hooves largely self trim, and their body condition stays fit and healthy as they move around so much. Boss lady Jen White is very skilled in equine nutrition and feeds them mineral-balanced diets, trims and balances their hooves if they fail to self trim adequately, and provides them with any medication they may need. I continue to own both of my mares, but I board them with Jen. Both are healthy, happy, and well-adjusted - far better off than they were here at my farm.

Retirement boarding facilities like Meadow Ridge are SO needed. But for many, they are not accessible. For those owners, the question of what to do when a horse can no longer be adequately exercised becomes even more complicated. Some horses can go out to pasture, but many can’t, especially easy-keepers who cannot tolerate a lot of pasture. Some people can build paddock paradise systems, but many, like me, do not have a suitable property for track systems. Many of these horses cannot be ethically re-homed. I will say, right now, that I feel there is no shame in humanely euthanizing a horse who can no longer be adequately managed. If the choice is between the horse merely surviving (no thriving) with compromised welfare, or being sold into uncertainty, or being put to sleep while comfortable in a happy, safe environment before he begins to suffer, I feel that I would always prefer to see a horse put to sleep than forced to live in pain or be risked to uncertainty. It is my hope that, as veterinary medicine continues to improve and we all continue to learn more about our equine partners, retirement boarding facilities like Meadow Ridge Farm will become more and more common and popular. Until then, I try to always be open-minded and nonjudgemental when people run into the problem of what to do with a horse they can no longer ride. It’s too common to see snarky people snap, “well, you shouldn’t have bought the horse if you ONLY wanted it for riding,” and, as I found with my two mares, things are simply not so cut-and-dried.

Horses require exercise to stay healthy. They need to move constantly in order to have healthy digestion, balanced blood sugar, good circulation, joints, hooves, etc. When that becomes impossible, for a myriad of reasons, it creates a complex ethical question for the person who loves the horse. It’s not about RIDING, it’s about exercise and adequate welfare for the animal. Be kind in these discussions, and recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Different horses have different needs, and deciding what comes next for a horse who can no longer be exercised normally may prove very complicated. Sometimes there is no happy solution. At the end of the day, I do believe that most people want what is best for their animals.

[qqueenofhades]

Hilaryyyyy, the world is on fire and everything is terrible. Can I ask for hacktivist Sam/Miranda? Pretty please?

feel better, darling; i love you. tagging @prairiepirate as well, for reasons.

Miranda Hamilton lives in a birdcage.

It is a lovely birdcage, it always has been. Dressagelessons, private school at St. George’s Ascot and university at Oxford, handed£500 every weekend by her father (or rather, left in an envelope, as he wasn’tusually there) and told to buy herself a little treat. Etiquette and finishingat Debrett’s, summers in Saint-Tropez, winters in Saint Moretz. She was alreadyfantastically privileged when she (she was Miranda Barlow then) met, fell inlove with, and married Thomas Hamilton, an idealistic young politician – froman old titled family himself, father sat in the House of Lords, mingled withthe same serried jetset crowd, but who, like her, has managed to avoidletting it completely turn his head. No, Thomas cares. For someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he’s taken it out, passed it around, asked why he had it and everyone else didn’t. She can’t think of anyone else who would.

After an impressive career – MP for Windsor, Shadow and thenactual Home Secretary, an ambassadorship here, an embassy position there –Thomas is now Foreign Secretary, and they live in London. He has been tipped tobe PM one day, but he, for reasons of his own, has chosen not to pursue party leadership. He travels a great deal. Miranda’s job, in their partnership, is tohold down the home front. Talk to the always-a-jolly-good-time British press.Pay a visit, shake a hand, pose for a photo. Write an op-ed in the Times. Be subject to endless scrutiny ofwhat she wore at the gala and how much it cost, and of course, all the heat shetakes when Thomas proposes anything too fundamentally decent for the British Empire (they may have changed the name, butdon’t let that fool you) to swallow at face value. Why, they all wonder, havethey appointed a foreign secretary who actually seems to like foreigners?

Miranda cannot complain. She knows that she has a lifematerially more comfortable than 99.9% of the world, has never wanted foranything. And she and Thomas do good in the world, a great deal of it,especially through their new philanthropic organization, the Thomas and MirandaHamilton Foundation. There is a certain amount of affection for them among themasses, to be sure. They have appeared on Buzzfeed as “couple goals.” Mirandahas fronted Vogue, Elle, and others,and been a guest critic for the New YorkTimes Book Review. Thomas loves her, she loves him, and if that’s not quitehow she originally thought, well… it’s still them. It’s going to be.

Especially after James.

Miranda tries not to think of how he moved to the Bahamas afew years ago, about how he loved them but couldn’t stand their world anymore,how she and Thomas were too beholden to leave, and cannot help but feel thatthis birdcage takes as much as it gives.

—————–

“My dear,” Thomas says, stirring his tea. “I have someone Iwant you to meet.”

“Oh?” Miranda stirs her own tea, blows on it, and takes asmall sip. It’s early morning, and they’re sitting in the glassed-over sunroom(in England, always more of a hopeful ideal than an actual reality) overlookingtheir back garden, and the Kensington traffic rumbles distantly. He just got inlast night from New Delhi, bags not yet unpacked, still smelling of curry andsunshine and smog when she hugged him, and she supposes this is someone he wasintroduced to on the trip and wants her to vet. He rarely partners withsomeone, or hires them, or does anything else, without running them past herfirst. He trusts her judgment, follows her lead, and Miranda smiles at herhusband with deep affection. “Who? One of the Indian Young Achiever scholarshipcandidates?”

“What? No, there’s still one more round of selection to goon that, but I hope we can arrange a lunch for the finalists. No, this issomeone else. I’m thinking of commissioning him to do some advising and policyproposals for the foundation. I imagine you’ve heard of him. Sam Bellamy.”

“Sam Bellamy?” Miranda’svoice rises in startlement. This is assuredly not going to help Thomas’ 24%approval rating among Brexit voters, not that they were terribly fond of himbefore. “That’s the one – Black Sam, isn’t he? Darling, are you sure – ”

“James knows him,” Thomas says quietly. “He thinks we’ll getalong.”

Miranda feels her throat close briefly. “So,” she says, tryingto sound normal. “You – you’ve spoken to James recently, then?”

“He emailed about a week ago.” Thomas looked into thegarden, as if neither of them can admit how much they miss James Flint (as he’sknown to the rest of the world, but James McGraw to them) without wondering ifthey made the greatest mistake of their lives in letting him go. “I was askingif he could think of potential consultants, and he suggested – ” He waves ahand. “Anyway, you know Bellamy’s work. He is the sort of man I want to speakto, if I want to claim that I care about the state of the world at all.”

“Indeed,” Miranda murmurs. She can’t help but wonder if evenher bleeding-heart liberal husband has gone one bridge too far. Sam Bellamy, orBlack Sam as he’s indeed more generally known (@BlackSamBellamy to his 1.2million followers on Twitter), is a blogger, political activist, skilledtechnological saboteur, and notoriously and fearlessly outspoken Pain in theArse to the establishment’s – well, the establishment’s everything. He’soriginally from a small village in Devonshire, grew up dirt poor in ruralEngland, has lived in both the UK and the US, and made himself distinctlyinconvenient to both governments (they tend to pass him like a hot potato,shipping him off to the other when he’s poked too many bears) with exploitsthat skirt the very bounds and greyest areas of legality. He’s been arrested atleast a dozen times (he’s a hero to the Anonymous-type underground vigilantecrowd, and the darling of the left-wing internet) but they can’t quite get anycharges to stick, especially since Miranda gets the sense that they’re a littleafraid of him. Sam Bellamy is never violent, never cruel, never openlyvindictive. He’s handsome and charming and empathetic and eloquent, has a devotedfollowing that retweets all his devastatingly on-point political one-liners,has published books and done TV appearances, and otherwise is not yourno-account Manning or Snowden that can be bundled into some undisclosed federalhellhole, driven to Russia, or otherwise made to disappear. He’s a cultcelebrity and he is very good at his job, and Miranda has to admit, he’s likelyto have good advice on where to direct the foundation’s outreach efforts.Still. The Sun and the Daily Mail are absolutely going to shitthemselves.

“Well,” Miranda says wryly. “Do we meet him here, or at thesafe house?”

“I invited him for coffee this afternoon. I thought it wasbest to start off informally.” Thomas butters his crumpet. “I do realize it’srather short notice for you, but – ”

If Miranda was a different sort of woman, she might beangered by this presumption, by Thomas’ belief that she’ll just smilegraciously and play the cultured hostess to whatever scabrous renegade he wantsto drag into their house. But she has lived with him too long, and known himtoo well, to do that. She will, if nothing else, give Sam Bellamy a fairhearing-out – and after all, if she does not like him, Thomas is unlikely toproceed with the arrangement. She shares her husband so much with the world, inall his selflessness, and it’s one of the things she loves about him. And yet,sometimes in the darkness, she cannot help but wish there was part of him thatbelonged, only and intimately, to her.

“Coffee,” Miranda says briskly. “Three this afternoon?”

Thomas raises his teacup in toast. “My dear, as ever, youare impeccable.”

—————–

Miranda is not sure what she expected, exactly. Someunwashed beatnik reeking of patchouli and pot, or a too-polished salesman whoembraces the comforts of the system he rails against, or just another of thoseyoung, well-meaning people who want to change the world but clearly have noidea how it actually works. To say the least, she’s met all these sorts andthen some, and while she trusts James’ judgment, there’s also the fact thatJames himself is not far right of Che Guevara on the political scale, either inviews or in methods. Part of the reason for his expatriation to the Bahamas wasto dodge the fact that he’d probably bring down Thomas’ career and all the workof the TMHF if he stayed. He didn’t want to do that to them, and so he left.What message he might be sending with Sam, Miranda doesn’t know.

At three that afternoon, however, she finds out. There’s aknock on the door, Miranda’s assistant Abigail (the daughter of Peter Ashe, theCommons chief whip) gets it, and Sam Bellamy strides in, still tucking hisOyster card into his jeans pocket; he clearly came on the Underground and thebus. The first thing Miranda notices is that he’s tall: six feet and then some.He has a long black ponytail, artful stubble, small silver hoops in both ears,a dash of eyeliner, a leather jacket, and a shirt not quite buttoned up all theway. He looks like a glamorously grungy rock star, or as if he got lost on hisway to a GQ photoshoot, and she’s moving “pretentious douche” further up thelist of possibilities, even as she smiles politely and offers her hand. “Mr.Bellamy. So good to meet you.”

“Lady Hamilton.” He smiles at her, warmly and delightedlyand with no pretention at all, and kisses her hand instead of shaking it.Miranda is completely taken aback – yes, Thomas got a knighthood in the Queen’sBirthday Honours a few years ago, for all his political and philanthropic work,technically speaking she is LadyHamilton – but nobody except the stuffiest and most hidebound of placesactually use it. It’s what would be printed on her place card for a statedinner at Buckingham Palace, but certainly not in casual conversation, and shealmost thinks that Sam, who makes his living fighting the entire world shelives in, is mocking her. But his smile is too sincere for that, his eyesgently teasing, and he even manages the hand kiss without it being instantlycreepy, which is a further feat. Miranda is a beautiful mid-forties brunettewho has taken good care of herself and her appearance (and knows she’ll becrucified in the press if she doesn’t); she’s been shamelessly hit on before.This, though. It’s different.

Off guard, but trying not to showit, she invites him out to the porch. A little sun is peering through the glassnow, and Sam shucks his jacket and sits down at her gesture. Abigail goes toassemble the coffee tray, and Miranda expects Sam to fiddle with hissmartphone, fire off a few more witty tweets before the meeting starts, but hedoesn’t. His attention and regard is completely on her, genuinely curious andopen. He hasn’t yelled, “Capitalist pig!” or started flinging poo yet, not atall. What does she look like to him, in her silk blouse, her matching pearlset, her Chanel No. 5, her flawless makeup? A person, or a lovely porcelaindoll?

They make light conversation asthey wait. Sam knows that Miranda graduated with a 1:1 in English literaturefrom Christ Church, Oxford, and has apparently read her book reviews for the NYT. He has intelligent things to sayabout all of them, and Miranda doesn’t even notice for several minutes thatAbigail has brought out the coffee and biscuits. Flustered, she pours two cups,hands one to Sam (he takes his black, makes a joke about it), brushes his handmomentarily, and doesn’t know why it makes something constrict in her chest.Yes, well, he’s as charming and engaging as advertised. As of yet, that couldstill only be the surface.

They talk for almost three hoursstraight. The coffee gets cold, the biscuits only half eaten. Miranda has neverknown anyone as easy to talk to. Thomas, of course, but it’s not quite likethis even with him. James, bless his heart, is entirely a man of action – hetalks when he has to, but it’s secondary. Sam, on the other hand, is finishingher sentences forty-five minutes into their first acquaintance. He knows shelives in a posh, privileged bubble – though she knows more about what is outside it than some –but he never once belittles or mocks her for it. He’s like Thomas. He cares. Injustice is a deeply personal,driving affront to him. He just cannot stand the way the world is now, if hecan do something about it, and he spends every day doing just that. He hasn’tbeen to university; he left state school at sixteen with his GCSEs. He is justtwenty-eight years old.

The patio has gotten dark, the sunset, by the time they finally wake from their reverie. Miranda stands upreluctantly; it’s past six, the Underground will be commuter crush if Samleaves now, and Thomas will be at Downing Street until at least nine, as he hassome subcommittee or other to chair. “Do you want to stay – stay for dinner?”

“I couldn’t possibly impose,” Samsays.

“Oh, no. It’s no trouble at all.”

Thus assured, he graciouslyagreed, and they head into the expansive kitchen. Abigail has gone home, sheonly stays until five, and it’s just them as Miranda tries to think what shecan whip up – she does like to cook, doesn’t want to be that rich woman whocan’t boil an egg for herself. Sam leans on the island as she makes casserole,and it feels so completely, impossibly familiar that Miranda almost wants topinch herself. A Caesar salad and two glasses of red wine later, supper isready, they sit at the smaller dinette instead of the formal dining room, andshe cannot help but be too aware of Sam sitting across from her. She glances –unobtrusively, she hopes – at his left hand. There’s no wedding ring there,though he has others. “So,” she says, as lightly as she can. “How do you knowJames?”

“Ah, well.” Sam takes a sip of hiswine, slightly sheepish but completely unabashed. “To be honest, we slepttogether.”

Miranda has been wondering if thatplayed into it somewhere. “Oh?”

“And we work on similar causes, sothere’s that.” Sam eyes her curiously. “He talks about you a lot, you know. Youand Thomas.”

“Does he?” Miranda’s voice is notquite so steady this time.

Sam’s dark gaze is a little toounderstanding. Quietly he says, “He misses you a great deal.”

The casserole sticks in Miranda’sthroat, and she has to swallow it down hard. Not looking up, she says, “I misshim too.”

Sam reaches unexpectedly acrossthe table and puts his hand on hers. Startled, she meets his eyes, and in thatmoment, the question she was trying to find a remotely tactful and subtle wayto ask – if it’s only gentlemen that are his preference, or there is room forappreciation of the ladies as well – has an answer. She was fairly sure fromearlier, but now it’s definite. Sam Bellamy talked about women endlesslyearlier, about his four sisters, about his female colleagues, about theiraccomplishments, their interests, the respect he has for them, his sheerdelight in their existence in a way that goes far, far beyond what men usually,superficially, value in them. Just then, Miranda is seized by the unshakeableconviction that if she leaned over and kissed him right now, it would taste andfeel more like home than anything shehas ever known.

She is unsettled, to say theleast. She doesn’t kiss him.

The thought does not go away.

——————-

“So,” Thomas says, the nextmorning. “What do you think?”

Miranda, of course, does not needto ask what. Her hand trembles slightly as she lifts her cup. Thomas broughtback a particularly good Darjeeling, and she savors it for a few moments, asmuch to give herself time to think as in appreciation of the flavor. “He’s…very easy,” she says. “To like, to talk to, to be around. And very intelligent.We could do worse.”

Thomas gives her a gentle smile,as if reminding her that at this time yesterday, she had quite a differentopinion. “Achieved all that in one meeting, did you?”

“It was productive.” Mirandaraises an eyebrow. “I assume you’ve met him?”

“Yes. We had lunch together theother day. My impression was the same as yours, but I wanted to be sure.”Thomas is clearly off in transports of how much he can do and think of anddream with someone who can get the sorts of results Sam can. “So the next stepis – my dear, what?”

Miranda isn’t sure how to voicewhat’s on her mind. Doesn’t want to ask Thomas if he thinks James sent them Samas a sort of consolation prize, a parting gift, a pretty new toy. If they aredoing something wrong in letting him in so quickly, or if there’s some sort ofcatch. There generally is, after all. She doesn’t think James wouldintentionally set up a sting, or anything else ill-spirited, but just now,Miranda Barlow Hamilton is forced to face the secrets that lie at the center ofher world. The reason Thomas wants to be Prime Minister, has thought longinglyof all the more good he could do with such a position, but has chosen not tostand for party leadership. Because at some point, the details of their privatelife would be spilled, and his entire administration would be brought down bythe scandal, and they would never be free of the hounding. Because it would befoolish to try to create such a thing, knowing it would be destroyed. Nearly asintentional and malicious as murder, and far longer-lasting.

Miranda looks away, over thegarden. Thinks of afternoons with James in their bed, when it was sometimesjust him and her, sometimes just him and Thomas, sometimes the three of themalike. James was not the first man that she and Thomas have shared, but he wasthe first that both of them fell in love with, and whose absence stillresonates like an open wound. She knows as well that Thomas felt James was histruest love, his deepest soulmate, the person who gave him the parts ofthemselves that Miranda, through no fault of hers or Thomas’, cannot. She andThomas love each other dearly, and they have a physical relationship in otherways, but she has been married to a gay man for two decades, and as often asshe thinks she understands it now, she can entirely accept it, it turns, itchanges. That was what James was for. A man who could love both of them equallywell, bridge them, fit into that third piece of their shared souls. She doesnot want Sam to be only his pale shadow, his second-rate replacement. Does notwant Sam to think he comes second to anything.

(And what does it say, that she isalready thinking this, after only one day?)

Thomas is watching her worriedly.“My dear?”

“I’m fine.” Miranda looks up,smiles, shakes her head. “We should absolutely proceed.”

——————–

Sam continues to come by theirhouse, sometimes for meetings with both of them, sometimes just for Miranda. Healways has stacks of suggestions, of papers, sketches, ideas, as they sit inthe sunroom and sift them through. However long he stays, it never seems to beenough, and when he’s gone for a fortnight, Miranda tries not to pine. Shekeeps waiting for the moment when the mask slips, the curtain falls, when hebecomes as ugly and grubby and flawed a petty mortal as the rest of them, butit doesn’t. This is, apparently, who he actually is, and their connection onlydeepens. Miranda has spent so long making sacrifices, stepping aside, sharingThomas, sharing James, being the politician’s wife, giving more, giving up. Sheloves the people she’s given the most for, and knows they love her too, but Samis the first person who pours so generously into her soul with absolutely nopain or struggle in doing it. He loves because he breathes, does not give asingle shit what anyone thinks of him, cares for her, worships her in glancesand fleet touches and passing moments, makes her feel as if she’s standing inbrilliant sunlight, and he never asks for anything or expects it. Simplybecause she is, in herself, that much of a strange and tender miracle to him.It is unfathomable.

“You know,” Thomas says softly,about five months in. “Of course I would not mind if you and Mr. Bellamy wereto… see each other more often.”

Given that they already see eachother at least three times a week, Miranda knows that he is not referring toincreasing Sam’s workload for the TMHF. Her heart skips a beat, as if she’sboth wanted and feared that Thomas would say this. “O – oh?”

Thomas looks at her withconsummate tenderness. “You don’t need to ask my permission, Miranda.”

Her heart twists again. Of coursehe wouldn’t, of course he’d feel it foolish that the notion should cross hermind, that her husband might have an opinion on whether or not she slept withsomeone else. After all, it is easier to have an open marriage when you andyour spouse are sleeping with the same other person, and you all know abouteach other and are set up comfortably in a ménage a trois. She and Thomas havealways shared. They’ve never had a lover exclusive to only one of them, and itoccurs to Miranda that this is perhaps what Thomas is suggesting – that the twoof them become three again, and take up together with Sam. She isn’t sure howshe feels about that (and, quite obviously, how Sam feels about that). “Is this… Thomas, do you mean to suggestthat we – ”

Thomas holds up a hand. “I am certainlycapable of appreciating Mr. Bellamy’s charms,” he says dryly, “and flattermyself that he is not averse, at least in theory, to the idea of mine. But bothof us know it’s not like that, this time. That he could be – he should be – yours.”

Yours. Miranda turns away. The idea of having something forherself, someone – it is almostunspeakably odd, and yet something she wants so dearly she cannot breathe.Wishes, as much as she appreciates Thomas’ open and easy willingness to let herpursue the idea of something withSam, that he did want her to ask permission. That there could be that piecebetween them as well – true, they would never have had James in their lives, orat least not in the way they did, if they could complete each other on theirown accord. She and Thomas have built so much together, done so much, and theydon’t want to leave each other. They never have; on the contrary, theiraffairs, communal as they are, only bring them closer. But to propose that Sambe hers, just hers, and not theirs… that’sdifferent. That’s new, and strange, and challenging.

But God. How she wants to find outwhat that might look like.

Hesitantly, Miranda says, “Are yousure?”

Thomas reaches out and takes herhand, as their fingers lock. “I know what you’ve given up,” he says, almost ina whisper. “I don’t want it to be him too.”

——————–

Miranda is quite sure this is aterrible idea.

She’s changed out of all herdesigner clothes, let down her hair from its elegant updo, dressed in a simplejumper and jeans and trainers, looks like any other ordinary middle-aged womanon the District Line from Kensington out to Ealing. She clutches her bagtightly; it’s been years since she rode the Underground, she can’t help butfeeling like a creature pried out of its shell. Sam might not be home, or hemight have someone else over (she can’t help the twist of jealousy that writhesin her innards at the thought, to which she has no right) or she might havecatastrophically misread the entire situation, and he will be only pitying andbemused when his work colleague appears to NottingHill herself on his front step. Miranda isn’t sure what would be worse. Shealmost doesn’t get off the Tube at Ealing.

Shaky-legged, she taps out of theticket barrier and follows the directions on her phone. Sam lives a few minutesaway from the station, in one of the plain brick rowhouses. Miranda has neverbeen out here before, or at least not when viewing it from behind the window ofa car as she rolls on through. This is a neighborhood of ethnic grocers andcheap electronic repair shops, Nando’s and chain pubs and off-license conveniencestores, as far away from the glittering world of Kensington as can be imagined.She might have taken a wrong turn. No, this should be it.

She heads up the walk, has tobrace herself, closes her eyes, raises her hand, lowers it, raises it again. Thinksone more time that this might be a terrible mistake, then knocks.

There’s no answer at first, andshe considers just turning and leaving. But then she hears footsteps, thedeadbolt rattles, and Sam opens the door.

He’s shirtless and barefoot, onlywearing jeans, black hair loose on his shoulders and a towel draped around hisneck; it looks as if he just got out of the shower. To say the least, he issurprised to see her, and concerned. “Miranda? Is something wrong, are you allright?”

“I’m fine.” Her lips feel halfnumb. “I can come back later.”

“No, it’s fine.” He steps back,making an inviting gesture. “If you don’t mind – I mean, it’s not what you’reused to, it’s not very – ”

Miranda steps in against herbetter judgment, as if her legs have decided to carry her forward without hervolition, and he shuts the door. He doesn’t appear to have other company over,at any rate. It’s a small flat, crammed to every corner with books and papersand half-assembled bits of gadgets, his laptop and his other laptop and abattered stack of notebooks and all their files from the TMHF. There are a fewpotted plants, and a few empty food cartons, which he hastens to chuck away. “I’mnot the world’s greatest housekeeper, it – ”

“It’s wonderful,” Miranda says. “It’s.. . it’s you.”

Their eyes lock, and she feels itdown to her toes, to the back of her spine. She thought she was going to haveto say something, she thought this would be an utter ordeal, she thought, she thought – but in half a moment more,they cross the floor toward each other, they almost collide, her arms lockaround his neck as she strains on her tiptoes, and he’s kissing the breath andthe daylights and all remotely remaining sense out of her. He shoves her upagainst the door, her hands full of his damp hair and his face and the strengthand solidness and scent of him, as he lifts her effortlessly off her feet and shewraps her legs around his waist. They keep kissing as if they cannot getenough, they cannot stop, they’ve waited so long to begin and there is so muchtime to make up. She presses her nose against his, to his forehead, as theyshare breath and space and soul. “Miranda,” he murmurs. “God, love, God, I’vebeen… love, are you sure you…”

“Please,” Miranda whispers, andshe has never laid herself so raw and open to anyone as she does just then, asthe sheer need shivers gooseflesh down both of their spines. “Sam, please.”

He answers her with another kiss,carrying her down the hall to his room, kicking the door open and backing in. Heclearly wants to clean up a bit here as well, not expecting to have companytonight, but Miranda doesn’t want to let go of him long enough, and she doesn’tcare anyway. They sink onto his bed, his hands tugging at her jumper anddrawing it over her head, as she unbuttons her shirt and he unclasps her braand then they are clawing into each other’s arms again. Her hair falls in athick brown curtain around her face and his, his hand on the back of her head,mouths open, turning and gulping and devouring. He tastes of more than home. Hetastes of flesh and soul and sinew, and stars.

He feels like the world insideher. He feels like everything, as Miranda gasps and lifts her knees and ridesjust as hard back against him, the muscles of his back straining, the onlysound their gasping and muffled swearing. As they roll over and over, and shetakes him deeper, and deeper still, and his mouth is a burning brand on herbreast, moves up her throat, kissing and licking and biting. It’s too much, it’stoo much, she is only a mortal creature and she will wither to ash in suchblinding sunlight. Such prayers are too secret to be spoken aloud.

Afterward, they lie still, herhead on his chest, her hand resting low on his stomach, as the headlights ofpassing cars cartwheel on the ceiling. It’s started to rain; she can hear thedistant sigh and hiss on the roof. Sam’s arm rests around her shoulder, pullingher close, until tears prickle in her throat for no reason she can name. Hold onto me, never let me go.

Miranda Hamilton lives in abirdcage, yes. That does not change now. She still does.

And yet she thinks – she hopes –she might have turned the key.

[eating-rocks]

I was tagged by @tameholly (I’m so honoured, I never get tagged in these kinds of things)

rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people 

the last:

1. drink: Water, probably. I keep one 1.5 L bottle by my bed and one at my desk

2. phone call: Mom, our apartment’s pretty big so it’s easier to call each other when you need something

3. text message: *Picture of a rainbow shining onto my living room floor*  (to my bff)

4. song you listened to: “Real Life”-Duke Dumont, but I didn’t actually listened to it, I just put on a random “Absolute hits” playlist on Spotify because I don’t like quiet

5. time you cried: Probably when I watched Shadowhunters the other day (I started watching this series just last week and I’ve been obsessing over it) and Magnus broke up with Alec in episode 19 

have you ever:

6. dated someone twice: Yes, biggest mistake of my life 

7. kissed someone and regretted it: No, I haven’t kissed that manny people. I regret times that I didn’t kiss someone more 

8. been cheated on: Yes, “biggest mistake of my life“ started dating someone else without properly breaking up with me, the second time. This is why I have trust issues 

9. lost someone special: Technically, it’s a long story  

10. been depressed: My life is literal hell, who wouldn’t be depressed  

11. gotten drunk & thrown up: I can’t get that drunk because I take meds that can compromise my liver function, amongst other things, when combined with alcohol 

favorite colors:

12. Pink

13. (Sunset) Orange

14. Green

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: Kinda, I’ve started talking to some new people on the internet but I’m not sure if I’d call them friends yet (I’m quiets hesitant to call someone a friend)

16. fallen out of love: Did I even fall IN love?

17. laughed until you cried: Me and mom almost ever night

18. found out someone was talking about you: No

19. met someone who changed you: Yes, I think

20. found out who your friends are: I suppose

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: No, I don’t think so

general: (Mun)

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them

23. do you have any pets: Two beautiful little cats, and hopefully a dog too in a few months

24. do you want to change your name: Yes and no. I find it rather bland, but I kinda like it because it means “torch”/”the one who lights up the way” and I think that’s beautiful 

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Went to a “crafting fair” were I bought some cool new beads, ate at a semi-fancy buffet and slept for a few hours afterwards

26. what time did you wake up: I first woke up at 10 (am) which is when my alarm goes off, but I didn’t feel well so I fell asleep again and woke up around 14 (2am)

27. what were you doing at midnight last night:  Either scrolling through Tumblr or watching Youtube 

28. name something you can’t wait for: Graduating High School

31. what are you listening to right now: Nothing

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Idk, maybe 

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Any version of “You’re so good, I could never do that”

34. most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube

35. hair colour: Medium blond-ish (I’m born light blond but it’s slowly turning brown) and red (coloured)

36. long or short hair: Undercut with about shoulder length on top (it looks shorter, though, because it’s semi-curly)

39. piercings: None, not even in the earlobe. I plan on getting at least the ears pierced at some point, though, but I don’t know when I will get around to do that

40. blood type: Don’t know actually, but I’ve been told it’s likely some type of AB

41. nicknames: My name’s rather short so I don’t really have one. Although, my bff sometimes call me Eli or “little rat” IRL. On messenger I’m called “Pussy” (with my bff), “Buuuuuuutt” (childhood friend) and “LGBTQueen” (church buddy)

42. relationship status: single AF

43. zodiac: Aires 

44. pronouns: They/them but I don’t really care what you call me 

45. favourite tv show: Currently Shadowhunters 

46. tattoos: None, yet

47. right or left handed: Both. I write with my right hand, though

48. surgery: 1/2. Removal of 4 teeth under general anaesthesia, because my head is tiny and they didn’t fit. 

49. piercing: Why is this written twice?

50. sport: Former Equestrian girl. Started when I was 3 years old and quitted when I was about 16 because I started High School and that took a lot of energy. Competed in dressage a few times but I never made the podium

51. vacation: Is this asking where I want to go or where I’ve been this year? I visited London this June, and I would very much like to visit Japan or Italy (I’ve visited Rome, but I want to see more of Italy)

52. pair of trainers: I realised the other week that the sole had a huge hole on both of feet, so I currently don’t have any

more general

53. eating: Food is life, but I’m usually too tired to cook. I’ve had a smoothie so far today

54. fav drink: Coffee or “elderflower drink”

55. what you’re up to: I was playing Mass Effect 3 before I started doing this 

56. waiting for: Uhh, Idk. I order some stuff of “Wish” a few weeks ago, so I guess I’m waiting for them to arrive 

57. want: ??? I don’t know...what??

58. get married: Maybe, it’s not a life goal precisely but it would be nice  

59. career: High School student, and almost a business owner on the side 

which is better:

60. hugs or kisses: I don’t really like either 

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: Taller. I’m 162 cm, I need someone who can reach shelves 

63. older or younger: Neither 

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms (lift me up and flip me onto the counter, daddy)

65. hook up or relationship: For me or my opinion in general? Because I’m too shy for a one night stand, but I’m not judging those who like sex without strings 

66. troublemaker or hesitant: neutral

have you ever:

67. kissed a stranger: No

68. drank hard liquor: *Insane laughter* I’m from Sweden, we have vodka or moonshine in our coffee (not really, but there is a semi-popular cocktail here that’s basically Irish coffee on steroids)

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t have glasses. I have reading glasses, though, and I forget that I’m wearing them constantly so I walk away with them on instead 

70. turned someone down: Maybe by accident 

71. sex on the first date: No. I haven’t been on many dates at all and I’ve only had sex once 

72. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so

73. had your heart broken: Rewind to “biggest mistake of my life”

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: I’ve never had someone close enough die, not a physical death anyway

76. fallen for a friend: I’m not 100% sure if it was love or if I just suddenly started appreciating her more 

do you believe in

77. yourself: I try

78. miracles: Sort of 

79. love at first sight: No

80. santa claus: no

81. kiss on the first date: Yes??

82. angels: I’m not really sure

83. current best friend’s name: “Dick” (messenger name and the one displayed in the conversation screenshots I’ve posted here). She would’t like it if I revealed her real name 

84. eye colour: Multi-coloured. Brown around the pupil, grey in the outer corner, and some faint green. They appear to be different colours depending on the lighting and if I’m wearing makeup, but usually look blue-ish  

85. favourite movie: Not sure I have one, maybe the Harry Potter series  

I don’t really know if I can tag as many as 20 people, so Imma tag as many as I know (mostly people who reblog from me quiet often) and if someone who’s not tagged wants to do this, feel free to do so and say that I tagged you

@fandom-traaash @my-ships-my-rules @pluttskutt @myfavoritebisexual @charcoalvoid @xxprincesslancexx @meimagino @ok-panduh I’m sorry if you’ve already been tagged in this 

[canterpole94]

5.22.19 Lesson

Alright, lets get into this lesson! Just as a foreword and a little bit of a gushing moment, this is my second ever ride on Diesel, and although I got a taste of how much of a steady eddie he was last week, this lesson truly solidified it. The previous evening we had had a pretty serious thunderstorm, followed by huge gusts of wind going pretty much all day. In pretty much any barn I’ve been at previously, I would be dealing with a feisty and fresh horse, and would spend a good chunk of the lesson getting their brains focused on the ride at hand. Guess who broke that trend in every sense of the word? My perfect little ginger nut! Diesel could literally care less; he was around flags billowing every which way, canopies flapping uncontrollably, and mini gust dusts coming up under his belly, and didn’t even bat an eye. Tickle me pink and declare me smitten, just another of many reasons why I’m in LOVE with this horse!

So to begin, after I had free walked Diesel for a little bit my trainer started me off in a two point for a lap or two so I could stretch down into my leg and heel before sending me off into a rising trot. I kept my focus mainly on keeping him moving forward and in front of my leg, ready to gently remind him with a tap behind my leg with a dressage whip if I didn’t feel him respond and move forward as he should (not an often occurrence, just every so often I’ll feel him getting laggy off my leg,) and started off putting him through a few circles and changes of direction so we could both warm up each way. I did this for a couple of minutes before my trainer called me over to her observation deck. From there we talked about what she was seeing going on in my body that we needed to work on. The main challenge that I’m having at the moment is that I’m very stiff with my body, which overall hinders my ability to progress with my riding, and prevents me from moving with Diesel in a way that is both appealing to look at (I more look like I’m riding on top of the motion, rather than with it.) In order to really kick my stiffness to the curb, I’m going to have to learn to departmentalize my body and figure out how to soften each individual part of my body. My trainer was very frank with me that it is extremely difficult to get rid of my stiffness totally, nearly impossible in fact, but not totally impossible! Which of course kicked my determination into high gear. So, she sent me out again for the next five minutes with instructions to get a feel for what works to get different parts of my body to loosen up. I started in walk and trot, and experimented with pretty much everything under the sun. If I felt stiff in my shoulders, I would roll them around or do a quick shimmy. If my lower back felt stiff (which I think is a big area where it does, I would walk until I could feel my back rock with the motion of Diesel’s walk. If my arms felt stiff I would try and make my elbows bend with my post (open elbows when rising, close elbows when sitting.) If I could feel my legs getting locked up I would take my feet out of the irons and wiggle my ankles, kick my legs back and forth. If I tried to sit trot and felt more like I was bouncing everywhere - which I am, because Diesel somehow has one of the hardest trots to sit- I tried everything at once. Basically, if there’s a weird move you can make with a body part, there’s a good chance I tried it. It felt just as silly as it looked, if not more so, but when I went back to my trainer for a quick chat, she said (thankfully) that she could notice a difference in my body from my hokey “dance moves.” It’s still a very, very, very conscious act, and the sitting trot in particular needs a LOT of work, and it will probably be that way for a good while, but it’s a good start to know that everything I tried made some sort of difference. With that, she sent me out again to try the canter.

Now the canter, despite feeling a bit harder for me to best feel the moments of relaxation, actually looked a lot better than the trot. My main points of focus were around my shoulders, hips, and arms. For my hips at the seated canter, I tried to find the feeling that they had unlocked, for lack of a better term, and were not stuck to just one part of the saddle. Shoulders and arms definitely came easier since I’ve always felt like they need to move more so than in the trot (at least up until starting riding with my current trainer,) so it mostly came up to a shoulder shimmy or making sure I could feel my arms opening and closing with the motion of Diesel’s canter. The half seat was a little bit of confusion for me. I figured that you’re really not supposed to have your hips unlocked the way they are at seated canter, so I worried a bit less on that, but kept focusing on my shoulders and arms, as well as feeling that my legs and heels really felt like they were absorbing the shock from the rest of my body in addition to the feel of the canter, rather than just feeling like they needed to look a certain way and that they had to be like that. Like I mentioned, it felt more difficult for me, but my trainer definitely liked that it looked like it was easier, or at least that I found the right “tricks” for me quicker. A bit later on with my playing around though, Diesel’s downward transitions began to cause me some problems. As he is a Quarter Horse, he’s built a bit downhill so if he’s not supported what he goes from canter to walk it sometimes feels a bit more like I’m getting pulled down onto his neck... and sometimes I was, not gonna lie haha! But this is definitely something I can work on quite a lot, which is what I spent the end of my lesson doing. The biggest things I need to remember (in addition to all the relaxation tricks I have already mentioned) is that I *need* to make sure I’m settling all my weight in my heels and that my upper body is prepared to be strong if I need to hold him off his forehand. It was a bit of a mish mosh of executing it pretty darn well, and getting surprised by the transition down and not helping him at all. But, the most important thing was that I was learning how to best deal with it, and my last downward transition was the best out of all the previous attempts.

So, all in all, this was a huge lesson for me to keep in mind going forward. Learning how to departmentalize my body and learn how to be able to relax my individual body parts is definitely going to be an ongoing challenge, and I know there are going to be ups and downs along the way. That being said, I’m determined to defy the “nearly impossible” connotation, and work my butt off in every single ride I have to get to that point. It goes without saying that it definitely helps that I have the horse that I do to work on the early stages of this journey. I don’t know if any of the horses I’ve ridden before would allow me to work on myself to the intensity that I was during this lesson, and just happily boop along for the ride and not take advantage of me, let alone on a blustery day like that. Diesel is genuinely such a blessing for my riding, and I’m so thankful that I will have him to help me grow for however long I will be his part mom. And also aside from the riding, he’s just such a joy to be around! Like I had said, this was only my second time really even spending time with him, and he’s already reaching for cuddles and NICKERING at me when I walk past him! No treats needed, no bribing for love, he just wants love and wants to be your friend! I could cry (and almost did after he nickered at me for the first time.) I am just so excited for my journey with this sweetheart of a horse, excited for my next ride on him, and excited for the day where I can look back and see how everything I’ve learned in this lesson has come together. Until next time, safe riding!

I mean look at that cheeky face, how can you not love it! And hopefully in the future I’ll be able to get video of my lessons! Not really having anyone there to take them makes it harder, but I’ll do my best to get some!

[bending-sickle]

random question meme i found on @misskillamarmalade‘s lj as i was trying to catch up

Are you named after someone? nope. and not named for anything in particular. my mom just liked the sound of it and she and my brother won out the vote against my dad, who wanted alejandra. (later, i’d meet an alejandra who was almost given my name, in a similar fashion) When was the last time you cried? three hours ago? it’s been a shit day.

Do you like your handwriting? i have lots of different handwritings...  i generally like most of them. What is your favourite lunch meat? spanish lomo, although spanish ham wins out if it’s the good kind, and i appreciate a slice of mortadella.

Do you have kids? nope If you were another person, would you be friends with you? i would likely not know i exist, or only have a passing dealing with, because i am a hermit who goes nowhere there are people. more likely, i’d exchange puns over the internet. Do you use sarcasm? do i use sarcasm? i don’t know, meme, do i? Do you still have your tonsils? yepper. Would you bungee jump? my first instinct is no but...y’know what, put me in front of one and i might just say, fuck it.

What is your favourite kind of cereal? i fondly remember cinnamon toast crunch, but haven’t had it in, gosh, a decade and spare change, probably. chocolate rice krispies and honey nut cheerios also come to mind. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? yep. Do you think you’re a strong person? what, like physically? mentally? metaphorically? eh. yeah, sorta, and *derisive laughter*

What is your favourite ice cream? coffee. and if i can have two, then hazelnut. the best combo. What is the first thing you notice about people? are they responsive. like, if i smile at them do they smile back? do they care that i said hello or do they give me a glare? are they approachable? What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? none and none. it’s 28.5 in my room. y’all are lucky i’m wearing clothes. What are you listening to right now? the neighbours talking and the swallows chirping.

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? unmellow yellow. manatee. turquoise blue. Favourite smell? petrichor. wood smoke. hay. horse. a sun-warmed dry field in the summer (the smell of my childhood). four o’clock flowers. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my brother, although “spoke to” is a bit generous. more like “awkward silences”. and he wanted to talk. but i ran out of topics and he was all “anything else?” and i knew, just knew, he meant job-wise, and i was like fuck that so “nope” Favourite sport to watch? showjumping, dressage, floor gymnastics, snooker, rugby. Hair colour? dark brown with so much white, old dark copper dye remnants, and two turquoise streaks.

Eye colour? "hazel” which is to say green with brown center streaks. Do you wear contacts? yep. have since... oh god, um. early teens. so almost two decades now. Scary movies or comedy? ...horror, i suppose. if you make me choose. Last movie you watched? i saw the light (2015). i was awful. What colour of shirt are you wearing? three shades of blue (navy, some sort of like, sapphire, and sky)

Summer or winter? rainy season. Hugs or kisses? hugs

What book are you currently reading? Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (2003) by Lundy Bancroft

What is on your mouse pad? HOW OLD IS THIS MEME??? What is the last TV program you watched? i’m currently half-watching monty python’s flying circus and before that orphan black which i think i’m going to abandon because augh

What is the best sound? heavy rain on a tin roof.

Rolling Stones or The Beatles? neither. both. idec. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? furthest from...where? or like, the longest distance? i suppose costa rica to spain (via miami) would be that...

Do you have a special talent? nope. i work hard for my mediocre skills. Where were you born? Braine-l'Alleud which is just a hop away from brussels and misspelt on all my documents because of it was handwritten in my parents’ family book (the official document where marriages and children are written) and when it was typed up, they mistook the u for an n. which. fuck. (i mean, i could get it fixed but eh.)

[cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog]

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[yolandadsims]

WORLD CUP DRESSAGE – A POTENT WORKOUT !

I recently had the good fortune to attend the Longines FEI World Cup Jumping and FEI World Cup Dressage Finals in Paris – which was RIGHT up my street! My formative years were spent living on a farm in the rural south of Sweden, and as a young child (then into my teens) I was a so-called ‘stable girl’, as my friends and I would spend all of our free time in the stables, combing the horses hair, cleaning their boxes and of course riding freely across the rolling fields. My walls were plastered with pictures of ponies – alongside the occasional Mariah Carey and kitten poster. Back in Paris, the FEI World Cup event is the pinnacle of equestrian competitions, their ‘Wimbledon’ or ‘America’s Cup’ equivalent if you like, so it was a real honor to have been invited the 10-year-old girl in me was overjoyed; watching the most decorated equestrian athlete of all time, Isabell Werth, dispatch a masterclass was a thing of beauty! This post is a behind-the-scenes account of the weekend, along with interviews with three riders, who reveal just how much of a physically and mentally demanding discipline this is. Click MORE to take a look at the fitness angle of world-class Horse Riding…

PREAMBLE:

Now, I realise that not everyone has ridden a horse, and I’ve encountered the misconception surrounding the sport, that horse riding is ‘easy’ and female-oriented. I would challenge any seasoned gym-goer to mount one of these huge beasts and control its power – it takes more than just brute strength, but also technique and the ability to communicate more subtly with the horse. It’s a ‘new’ meta-language that bridges the communication gap between human and animal. Once you’re able to ‘converse’ with your horse, you work as a team. The partnerships these world-class riders have with their horses is truly fascinating – it represents mutual respect, understanding and unconstrained drive to accomplish victory and be the best.

In an age of virtual reality, smartphones and social media, with most of our hours spent indoors, horse riding is more relevant that ever before, as a reactionary and liberating escape into nature. Getting on a wild animal and riding outdoors delivers a thrill unlike anything else. It’s a great way to truly switch off and be present.

BACKGROUND INTO THIS ANCIENT SPORT

The roots go deeper than almost any other sport which comes to mind. Renaissance Europe is the birthplace of the modern classical equitation (riding in harmony with the horse), though scientific and artisitic accounts of horse riding date back to about the 4th century B.C. with Xenophon, the masterful Greek general, whos treatises On Horsemanship show the concept of Parade Horses, and how to care for them. The Hittite civilisation, over a thousand years before even that, were participating too.

More recently, horses were the mainstay of the medieval battlefield, with an obedient and well-trained cavalry horse making the difference between life and death. They were trained in kicks, leaps and tears, to counteract any footsoldiers who were too close when the knight had been un-horsed. By the Victorian era, riding was a fully-fledged art; times have changed again, but today’s Dressage discipline still makes use of the ceremonial movements practised by the Ancient Greeks and the Medieval Knights – piaffe, passage, the half-pass and the pirouette.

The word Dressage originates from the French word dresser, which in this context, pertains to training or dressing a horse. It’s a super-organised discipline with strict etiquette, perhaps stemming from military heritage. Riders enter the 20 x 60m arena and perform a suite of manouevres with increasing levels of difficulty; they’re marked on their execution of these ‘tests’, as well as their horse’s gait, submission, impulsion and the rider performance. From what I can tell, the performance has to look gentle, quiet, harmonious, supple, loose, confident and attentive, all at once!

But don’t take my word for it; here follows an account of my discussions with three celebrated equestrians; Ellesse Jordan Tzinberg, Carl Hedin, and Mattia Harnacke.

FIRST UP: MY INTERVIEW WITH ELLESSE JORDAN TZINBERG, MODEL AND FEI WORLD CUP DRESSAGE FINALIST!

F.O.T: What got you into Dressage? 

EJT: I started off as a show jumper but about three years ago I really committed to Dressage – it’s always something that I’ve done especially in Asia, you only have so many shows that you can do a year and so if you only do one it’s quite limiting to your opportunities. So I’d always done both and been pretty good at both, and then three years ago I wanted to fully commit to one. I’d never been in a program for Dressage so I wanted to at least try it, so I could say I tried it, it failed!

F.O.T: Have you ever been interested in any other types of sports?

EJT: I used to play basketball quite a lot, both in college and high school. We have university sports in America but then you also have intercollegiate, which is not as competitive as NCA but it’s still quite competitive. So I played basketball a lot, and also was into fitness. I box a lot still. I’ve been boxing since I was really young so it’s something that’s always been in me. If I was younger maybe I would’ve committed to that instead of riding but it’s something that’s also been a big, big part of me.

F.O.T: What sort of sport specific fitness training do you do to complement your riding pursuits?

EJT: For Dressage, I love Pilates and I think it’s really great for all riders. Yoga is, of course really great for riders but I know that maybe not all riders like the pace of yoga. It’s quite slow, and we work with horses so we tend to like fast pace. For me Pilates is a bit more mentally my pace, I do that a lot and that really helps with posture. Dressage is so much about the core working, and so much so that you don’t really want to be seen moving very greatly, everything is about very minuscule movements – very strong small movements so Pilates in my experience really trains those muscles. Then I always thought boxing was great for all riders just because you’re using your entire body, you’re using you balance, you’re using coordination, hand eye coordination, speed, controlled movement, and there’s a lot of rhythm. You have to stick with the rhythm and there’s a lot of combinations – it’s the same with riding where you always have a rhythm whether your jumping or sound Dressage, you have a rhythm that you keep to and you don’t want to break that constant rhythm. It’s quite musical as well.

F.O.T: Why do you love yoga so much?

EJT: As riders we’re in the same position for hours each day. A lot of riders aren’t very flexible. They get quite used to using the same muscles every day, all day. And we sit in that same position. You talk to a rider and most of the time it’s always like their hamstrings and hip flexors are super tight as well as lower back. I like slower, more meditative yoga, as it also works on opening the hips up. It calls for a lot of mental strength too and the same goes for riding – mental patience, and mental strength. Yoga is practical for that.

F.O.T: How do you structure your training week?

EJT: A lot of professionals ride five-to-eight hours a day so that’s quite draining. It varies depending on the horse but normally you’d ride one horse for 30 minutes to an hour. Some days, you do end up really exhausted. You and the horse will always have a day off so I think it’s really essential to do something that’s going to change which muscles you’re using, to do something else with your body. Then I think it’s really important even if you’re riding 8 hours a day, to take care of your body so you’re training those other muscles that support the muscles you use whilst riding. So whether you do some plank work or core exercises, stretches, I think any little bit helps.

F.O.T: A lot of people who’ve never ridden may not realise the immense amount of strength required for horse riding…

EJT: I can definitely tell when I ride more horses or not. It does take a lot of strength, they’re such giant animals first of all; also, of course you immediately think you have to be so strong to handle these big animals but also because I’m like 56/57 kilos I’m never going to match up to a horse head to head so you have to find ways to use your muscles in a more practical way and being able to have your core strength and being able to be quick and hold, let go very fast… so it’s about being able to use what we have most efficiently also.

F.O.T: What do you do to really chill out and recover from training?

EJT: Massage!!! In Wellington which is where I live in Florida, I’m very lucky that there’s a wonderful massage lady there who I try and see every week. I think it’s so important for your body. Also someone with that profession feel things that you don’t know. They might notice that your hip flexor or spine is a bit crooked, so you need to have that expertise. Besides, getting a massage is just really relaxing too! 

F.O.T: In terms of nutrition, so you want to stick to a certain weight?

EJT: For the benefit of the horse, it’s nicer to be a lighter rider. I also think that there are some riders who are light but they ride very heavy, and there are some riders who are a little heavier but they ride very light. Of course you want to be your fittest self whatever weight that may be – the fitter you are the better you are for your horse I think. I know that for the jumpers, it’s a little more essential for them to be lighter. For me, when I first got the horse that I have right now, I felt very weak compared to him because he’s a bit of a different ride. So for me I focussed a lot on getting strong in creating parts of my body – like my core, being able to have good balance whilst still being able to use my core and my upper body. It really varies on the type of horse and it’s personality.

F.O.T: I’m Swedish; I know you spent some time there too…

EJT: Yes! I lived in Skåne for two years, and that’s where I moved to from California, but it was a huge culture shock. One winter there and I thought ‘I need to find somewhere else warmer’ and that’s why I went to Florida – warmest place to do it! I moved there and that’s where I really immersed myself in Dressage. The horse I have now is from Sweden it’s from a Swedish rider. I still have a special place in my heart for Sweden.

F.O.T: Is there a benefit between switching horse?

EJT: I think so because really the horses are just so different. Personally if I look at the Grand Prix horse I have now, compared to my last one, they are completely different rides. The last one was very nice in the sense that he was so soft and light, I really didn’t have to be very physically strong, however I had to be a little bit stronger in my legs and I had to ride him in a more forward aggressive way. Whereas with this one I have to be very strong to control his energy. His energy is already there, so it benefits me to be able to swap from different horses and be able to change in that situation or adjust the way your style is.

F.O.T: What would you say makes Dressage so special? 

EJT: I think as far as fitness goes, it’s an amazing workout. I’ve had friends who are huge fitness buffs, soccer players, tennis players, and when they’ve gotten on a horse, the next day they literally can’t walk. So it’s definitely a great workout in terms of strength, but I also think it’s so special compared to other sports because it’s really the only Olympic sport where you work with an animal, so that brings this whole other element to it. You’re not only training yourself you’re training a horse and then you’re training yourselves together. I’d say if you like mental games and mental sports it’s definitely one of them but from a little bit of a different aspect.

I have my own horse with whom I compete and then I work for a show jumping rider and I train his horses in Dressage. A lot of jumpers will tell me ‘oh you still go to the gym but you do dressage’ – they think it’s so much more of a physically intense discipline. You do have to be enormously strong to compete in Dressage.

SECONDLY, MY INTERVIEW WITH CARL HEDIN, DRESSAGE RIDER & INSTAGRAM PERSONALITY!

F.O.T: What got you in to Dressage?

CH: I started riding at riding school, when I was 7 years old in Sweden. I’m not from a horse background. My parents have always been very clear though, this is my passion, they’ve always supported me, and said that it was my ‘thing’. At first at riding school I just wanted to be like a cowboy riding out in the woods and doing three day eventing and all of that. So I started off doing eventing and then when I was 16, I realised I wasn’t any good to be honest! I was always very good in Dressage though – I’ve always been a perfectionist and I loved training with horses, and understanding how you can teach them, and just the whole behavioural aspect of riding really. Then when I was 16 I did some two star shows at eventing and hadn’t really caught a break for eventing so then I said to my Mum, ‘I think I want to do Dressage full time’, because somehow whatever horse I would get on, whether it would be an Irish pony or anything, it would just end up as a Dressage horse so I thought ‘why fight against it, just go for it’. That’s when and how I started Dressage!

F.O.T: What goes in to training a horse?

CH: I think there’s different aspects of that. The easiest way I would divide it up is into three parts. You have the rider and the horse as two singular units, and then you have the partnership between those two. These three aspects all need to collaborate in order for it to just work. So if you have a really good rider but not such a good horse, that won’t be a fit and you can have a really good horse but not such a talented rider that wouldn’t work either. Sometimes you might have a good horse and a good rider but it s still not working because you don’t have the chemistry, and the third factor isn’t really there. I think those are really the three aspects you need to look at.

F.O.T: You mentioned ‘the behavioural aspect’ – what do you mean by that?

CH: I think it’s important that when we work with live animals, that we can never expect animals to understand our language. Instead, we can just try to adapt to their way of communicating with each other. Therefore I think it’s amazing – it’s a new language that you understand little by little, how to read a horse, and how you build that trust and relationship, for you both to do these amazing things.

F.O.T: Have you always been an animal person?

CH: Yes, absolutely! I can do all the lines from National Geographic, I’ve always been so into animals since I was really really young. It falls naturally for me to work with horses.

F.O.T: Can you read the horse emotions, for instance can you tell if and when your horse really enjoyed a ride together?

CH: Yes I think that’s a very important part of being a professional rider, and to work with horses – you can always try to understand what’s going on in their minds, or you won’t have that third aspect of the ‘partnership’. 

F.O.T: In terms of training, what do you do in the lead-up to competition?

CH: It starts from the age of three really, when the horse is very very young, and you start with very easy exercises. Just to carry a saddle for a horse is very unnatural, so that takes quite a long time. The horses that we see her at the FEI World Cup finals will have been training for maybe ten years. In the short period of time before a competition I’d say that most horses will have been training almost everyday that can vary a little bit in terms of how they’ve been trained.

F.O.T: What does the training look for a rider like yourself?

CH: It varies a lot. I work professionally with horses so that means I’ll be riding from 8 o’clock in the morning until like one o’clock in the afternoon, non-stop more or less. So that is serious training in itself. Then there’s the fact that you have to work hard to be a top athlete; you have to work with strength, conditioning and stamina. So yes we do train a lot. I’ve been running a few marathons myself! My best time is 3.26 I think that’s pretty good. I think a lot of riders nowadays take their own physical health into consideration because there’s a long career. Maybe it’s not vital that you are in top shape just for your single performance, but it matters in the long run because you have to be able to go to the stables everyday and stay fit and healthy.

F.O.T: What are the most common injuries would you say?

CH: Back and hip injuries are the big ones, but also knees – especially for show jumping because they are standing up a bit more in the saddle so they tend to ruin their knees if they’re not careful.

F.O.T: What do you do to relax and ensure you get the best recovery?

CH: I think that’s a weak point for the equestrian community – we’re very good at taking care of our horses, having all kind of treatments and therapies and physios and all of that but we are not so good at looking after ourselves: that’s an area that can and should be improved.

F.O.T: Nutrition wise do you follow any particular diets or ways of eating?

CH: I have for periods of times been quite strict with my diet but right now I think that, I wouldn’t say it has so much to do with my equestrian career but my general life wellbeing. I do look after myself, and try to watch what I’m eating and be careful of what I do. I think that’s also something that can be improved. I like to be aware consumer of meat so I like to know what I eat and where it comes from, and I pick my days. I rarely buy my meat for my own household but if I go out to a nice restaurant and I can ask where the meat comes from. I try not to eat as much meat because I don’t think there are that many benefit to it.

F.O.T: For anyone who may be considering riding, what would be your main reasons for giving it a go?

CH: I think that riding is the most wonderful sport! In a modern day society, we have all the virtual realities and social media and all of that and in that world I think that equestrian sport is such a beautiful activity where you still have the element of the real animal! You can only get one horse, you can’t copy-paste a horse. You can’t produce them like an iPhone X on a factory line, with a million copies of a horse. That would be great in some ways because we could all compete against each other more equally, but they’re all individuals just like you and I, that’s the beauty of working with a live animal! Give it a try…

FINALLY, MY INTERVIEW WITH MATTIA HARNACKE, A CELEBRATED MALE MODEL, AND TALENTED SHOW JUMPER

F.O.T: How did you get into Dressage?

MH: I got in to Dressage when I first started riding at 8 in Italy. I started with jumping but found that all the horses I owned could never jump. So by default I got into Dressage which I really loved, and now I have my Dressage horse, but I do want to get a show jumping horse when I move to the Netherlands too. I jumped a few times and really want to get into it, it’s the next thing for me but I still want to do Dressage. I think it’s good to have a bit of variety.

F.O.T: What does a typical week look like in terms of training?

MH: It depends because my schedule is unpredictable; I model and I fly a lot. So if I’m in Australia [home], I usually ride 5 times a week and I get one or two lessons with my coach, Denise Rogan. I like to have a really good balance between riding and my normal life because horses can take so much work – as much it gives back, but I’m the kind of person that I would never want to say no to something that I won’t do because I’ve got to ride ten horses; that’s not the kind of life I want. I want to be able to pick up and go and make the most of every opportunity and then also still enjoy my horse!

F.O.T: So five times a week and how many hours a day would that involve?

MH: Well, I’m the kind of person, I’m quite slow because I like the process. So I like go there, I enjoy racking up, spending time with them, doing a few fun things before I ride and then I ride for maybe like 45 minutes.

To give you a sense of my life – I had maybe 9 months out of Australia last year, I’m constantly back and forth, and I like to commit to an animal and do it right so I can’t have ten horses – so one is enough just to manage between me and my coach.

F.O.T: Would you say there are any benefits of riding different horses though in terms of improving your riding?

MH: Absolutely, every horse is different, it brings out different skill sets in you as a rider but I’m very content with just one.

F.O.T: How did you find your horse?

MH: I sold my first horse and I was going through the last year of school, so I was focused on my studies but as soon as I sold my horse I was so lost. Horses were always part of my life, and it was such a coping mechanism for me as well when I struggled with things. I was very down, I lost a bit of purpose so it took me a year and a half to find my horse. I travelled all of Australia, flying, looking, I checked three horses and they all failed so I was like really bummed out. And then I was at a competition one day and I bought a horse, just a fun project horse, and then at the competition I realised this is not what I want to do, I still want to look for like that horse to be more competitive on, to really set myself up some goals. I started looking and this ad came up, and I saw his ad on Facebook and I saw that this girl in Australia who buys a lot of horses had made a comment – so I was like damn it I’m not going to have another horse bought from underneath me so I said I don’t want to see photos, videos – when can I just come and see him?! Then I saw him, he’s massive, he’s 17.2, which is 176cm at the shoulder and then you still have the neck – and he’s quite big there as well. So I was like; wow this is a very big horse and I’m like 6,3 so I kinda needed something like that. We clicked straight away, he feels like a brother in a funny kind of way. He’s always testing the boundaries a little bit, like pushing. He’s very cuddly but he’ll bite every now and then just to be like cheeky, not painful, just playful. He’s super interactive with humans in general. He just craves attention. If I go on the paddock he’ll come and eat the grass just beside me, just under my feet, he loves that. The people who work in the stables, they’re in there doing the racking out, or cleaning out the stable and he’s biting their hair or pulling their clothes. He just loves attention! So that personality aspect really won me over, and the fact that he just so big and he takes care of me when I ride, that’s very important to me too.

F.O.T: It’s fascinating to hear about that connection you share with an animal!

MH: That’s the thing, it’s almost like a person, you have to hang out every single day and you do things sometimes when you both can’t be bothered, but I always think you got to train with a horse and you got to be happy – but the horse isn’t going to want to train everyday. It’s like picking a flatmate – you want someone that you can live with. You can’t just see them once a day for a couple of weeks you know. It was a very special partnership to find.

F.O.T: Does your horse ever have bad days when you just think, he’s not in the mood?

MH: For sure, but I’m the kind of person, I don’t need to win. I don’t need to be like Grand Prix so if it’s a bad day I literally just get off. I’m like it’s just not worth it. There are some days when I get up and have to go for a ten kilometres run – it’s not fair.

F.O.T: That’s really interesting, how do you complement your training? Sport specific stuff on the side of horse riding? 

MH: I used to go the the gym quite regularly but now that I travel it’s been a bit interrupted. I’ve got to stay quite lean as I do the fashion circuit, so I’ve got to stay quite skinny.

F.O.T: How do you recover in terms of training? 

MH: We have physios who come for my horses, we ice the legs, the place that I’m going to now has a walker, you have a treadmill and a water treadmill. I think for the rider, a lot of riders have back and hip problems as well. I think if you ride as well 6-7 horses a day it affects you. It’s all about riding correctly. Keeping up your fitness like doing something else – weight training as well. Yoga is great too. I come at this from a different perspective I’m not a professional rider. That’s great to see because if the sport only had professional riders there would be like a tenth of what there is now. What we do as equestrian influencers as well is showcase these massive events for amateurs, who aspire to one day compete, or even who are competitive, and want to achieve higher goals with their horse!

F.O.T: Does weight play a role when riding?

MH: It doesn’t matter too much within Dressage but with jumping it would matter a bit more. There are still some heavier riders who do well but of course the lighter the rider for the horse the better for the horse, ethically as well, I think.

F.O.T: What are the basic things to look at for anyone who’s never ridden or is new to Dressage?

MH: So Dressage at a higher level is about ‘collecting’ and thats a hard concept to understand. The horse if it’s carrying a rider needs to work in a certian way so the muscular are working with the rider, so you want the horse to be through the back – which means instead of having a hollow back they round in the back so they carry the weight, distribute the weight evenly, it’s not pinching down on one spot. So the head, which is connected to the spine, it’s all connected to the the rounding of the neck and bringing the back up and engaging the hind, which kind of gives you that rounding. To make it simple, Dressage is a horse moving through certain movements without you seeing the rider do anything and I think you have to show a lot of passion behind it as well.

F.O.T: Do you think, perhaps a bit of a controversial question, but are there instances where horses are mistreated in Dressage? 

MH: Absolutely, in anything – in racing, in dressage, in show jumping – this is the sort of thing that the FEI try to monitor thoroughly because in any sport that involves money (though it doesn’t always have to involve money), people will do anything to get away with winning. That’s also the case in the Olympics where people are engaged in doping, it happens anywhere but when you involve an animal, the welfare of the animal could come second to the win or selling it for money. Just like any sport it has it’s dark sides.

F.O.T: But the bigger question; ‘Is Dressage cruel?’ 

MH: I think going into this, we need to understand that riding is a selfish sport. There’s no way of denying that, but if you’re giving a horse a good life, looking after it, and if you’re training it the right way, a lot of horses really enjoy it. Like my horse really enjoys the work. If you’re doing it correctly and you’ve got the right training and you respect the animal for what it’s giving you, there’s no reason my horse has to go round everyday in the arena form. I respect that, and I train him the correct way – there are certain things that you don’t do. I think if people understand that then it’s definitely not the case that dressage is cruel.

My horse had a tumorous growth which we had to get surgically removed, so we’ve definitely assisted; it’s just about managing that and making sure you have the horses best interest at heart.

F.O.T: Finally what would you say to anyone who is considering horse riding for the first time? 

MH: When people tell me horse riding is easy I always say it’s like playing soccer but the ball has it’s own mind and feelings – it makes it ten times harder.  On top of that you have, injuries, emotions, feelings, nerves. You may have worked your whole life, spent millions of dollars and you get to the olympics and your horse freaks out; there are people who get in the arena and they freak out and don’t even do their test. The road to getting there is hard, so hard, so competitive and so costly. Purely because of the fact that all this is going against you; how costly it is, and then you’re training a horse you get to the olympics, and it can take ten years to get in shape, but in that ten years, one injury and you’re done – the horse is gone – it happens a lot.

But if you’re considering riding as a hobby, there are a lot of benefits to it, and I actually used to be a coach at a riding school in Australia. I got the certificate so I used to coach a lot of young kids. I think from a child’s perspective, there’s so much personal growth that goes with it. Responsibility. For me it gave me a lot of confidence as well. I think handling these big animals who have so much presence was very scary at first, but you get used to it, and it really boosted my confidence as a child. Then moving on from that when I had to manage my own horse I had responsibilities of looking after it, and it really made me grow as a person. 

But I think for anyone who wants to start, have a lesson and see how you go. It is costly so it’s something you want to think about especially if you want to buy a horse. What I always tell people is  that it’s not actually the first outlay of buying a horse which costs the most; it’s maintaining it, and keeping it, giving the horse the best lifestyle you can. The vet bills, I just had a bill of 10,000 for surgery. Things like this happen and you just have to be ready for it.

If I ride – and this is why I feel like riding is so emotional for so many people – it’s the only time in life when you are 100% living in the moment. You don’t think of anything else, you don’t do anything else, all your emotions are concentrated on the outcome you’re seeing straight away. I don’t know any other time in my life when I have that. It’s crazy, that’s why I can get off a ride and just feel like I want to cry, if things go bad, it’s just because you’re so involved. And when it goes happily, you’re on cloud nine. And if you have a bad day it ruins your whole day. It’s one of those things, I can’t think of one other thing that gives you that. Even when I work and I model I’m thinking of other stuff and planning other things. My emotions aren’t there and if the shot doesn’t come out great, I can be of course maybe not 100% thrilled but it doesn’t affect me as much. Riding is crazy like that!

The post WORLD CUP DRESSAGE – A POTENT WORKOUT ! appeared first on Fitness on Toast.

from Health And Fitness Updates http://fitnessontoast.com/2018/04/26/world-cup-dressage-a-potent-workout/

[muscledemandsrespect]

WORLD CUP DRESSAGE – A POTENT WORKOUT !

I recently had the good fortune to attend the Longines FEI World Cup Jumping and FEI World Cup Dressage Finals in Paris – which was RIGHT up my street! My formative years were spent living on a farm in the rural south of Sweden, and as a young child (then into my teens) I was a so-called ‘stable girl’, as my friends and I would spend all of our free time in the stables, combing the horses hair, cleaning their boxes and of course riding freely across the rolling fields. My walls were plastered with pictures of ponies – alongside the occasional Mariah Carey and kitten poster. Back in Paris, the FEI World Cup event is the pinnacle of equestrian competitions, their ‘Wimbledon’ or ‘America’s Cup’ equivalent if you like, so it was a real honor to have been invited the 10-year-old girl in me was overjoyed; watching the most decorated equestrian athlete of all time, Isabell Werth, dispatch a masterclass was a thing of beauty! This post is a behind-the-scenes account of the weekend, along with interviews with three riders, who reveal just how much of a physically and mentally demanding discipline this is. Click MORE to take a look at the fitness angle of world-class Horse Riding…

PREAMBLE:

Now, I realise that not everyone has ridden a horse, and I’ve encountered the misconception surrounding the sport, that horse riding is ‘easy’ and female-oriented. I would challenge any seasoned gym-goer to mount one of these huge beasts and control its power – it takes more than just brute strength, but also technique and the ability to communicate more subtly with the horse. It’s a ‘new’ meta-language that bridges the communication gap between human and animal. Once you’re able to ‘converse’ with your horse, you work as a team. The partnerships these world-class riders have with their horses is truly fascinating – it represents mutual respect, understanding and unconstrained drive to accomplish victory and be the best.

In an age of virtual reality, smartphones and social media, with most of our hours spent indoors, horse riding is more relevant that ever before, as a reactionary and liberating escape into nature. Getting on a wild animal and riding outdoors delivers a thrill unlike anything else. It’s a great way to truly switch off and be present.

BACKGROUND INTO THIS ANCIENT SPORT

The roots go deeper than almost any other sport which comes to mind. Renaissance Europe is the birthplace of the modern classical equitation (riding in harmony with the horse), though scientific and artisitic accounts of horse riding date back to about the 4th century B.C. with Xenophon, the masterful Greek general, whos treatises On Horsemanship show the concept of Parade Horses, and how to care for them. The Hittite civilisation, over a thousand years before even that, were participating too.

More recently, horses were the mainstay of the medieval battlefield, with an obedient and well-trained cavalry horse making the difference between life and death. They were trained in kicks, leaps and tears, to counteract any footsoldiers who were too close when the knight had been un-horsed. By the Victorian era, riding was a fully-fledged art; times have changed again, but today’s Dressage discipline still makes use of the ceremonial movements practised by the Ancient Greeks and the Medieval Knights – piaffe, passage, the half-pass and the pirouette.

The word Dressage originates from the French word dresser, which in this context, pertains to training or dressing a horse. It’s a super-organised discipline with strict etiquette, perhaps stemming from military heritage. Riders enter the 20 x 60m arena and perform a suite of manouevres with increasing levels of difficulty; they’re marked on their execution of these ‘tests’, as well as their horse’s gait, submission, impulsion and the rider performance. From what I can tell, the performance has to look gentle, quiet, harmonious, supple, loose, confident and attentive, all at once!

But don’t take my word for it; here follows an account of my discussions with three celebrated equestrians; Ellesse Jordan Tzinberg, Carl Hedin, and Mattia Harnacke.

FIRST UP: MY INTERVIEW WITH ELLESSE JORDAN TZINBERG, MODEL AND FEI WORLD CUP DRESSAGE FINALIST!

F.O.T: What got you into Dressage? 

EJT: I started off as a show jumper but about three years ago I really committed to Dressage – it’s always something that I’ve done especially in Asia, you only have so many shows that you can do a year and so if you only do one it’s quite limiting to your opportunities. So I’d always done both and been pretty good at both, and then three years ago I wanted to fully commit to one. I’d never been in a program for Dressage so I wanted to at least try it, so I could say I tried it, it failed!

F.O.T: Have you ever been interested in any other types of sports?

EJT: I used to play basketball quite a lot, both in college and high school. We have university sports in America but then you also have intercollegiate, which is not as competitive as NCA but it’s still quite competitive. So I played basketball a lot, and also was into fitness. I box a lot still. I’ve been boxing since I was really young so it’s something that’s always been in me. If I was younger maybe I would’ve committed to that instead of riding but it’s something that’s also been a big, big part of me.

F.O.T: What sort of sport specific fitness training do you do to complement your riding pursuits?

EJT: For Dressage, I love Pilates and I think it’s really great for all riders. Yoga is, of course really great for riders but I know that maybe not all riders like the pace of yoga. It’s quite slow, and we work with horses so we tend to like fast pace. For me Pilates is a bit more mentally my pace, I do that a lot and that really helps with posture. Dressage is so much about the core working, and so much so that you don’t really want to be seen moving very greatly, everything is about very minuscule movements – very strong small movements so Pilates in my experience really trains those muscles. Then I always thought boxing was great for all riders just because you’re using your entire body, you’re using you balance, you’re using coordination, hand eye coordination, speed, controlled movement, and there’s a lot of rhythm. You have to stick with the rhythm and there’s a lot of combinations – it’s the same with riding where you always have a rhythm whether your jumping or sound Dressage, you have a rhythm that you keep to and you don’t want to break that constant rhythm. It’s quite musical as well.

F.O.T: Why do you love yoga so much?

EJT: As riders we’re in the same position for hours each day. A lot of riders aren’t very flexible. They get quite used to using the same muscles every day, all day. And we sit in that same position. You talk to a rider and most of the time it’s always like their hamstrings and hip flexors are super tight as well as lower back. I like slower, more meditative yoga, as it also works on opening the hips up. It calls for a lot of mental strength too and the same goes for riding – mental patience, and mental strength. Yoga is practical for that.

F.O.T: How do you structure your training week?

EJT: A lot of professionals ride five-to-eight hours a day so that’s quite draining. It varies depending on the horse but normally you’d ride one horse for 30 minutes to an hour. Some days, you do end up really exhausted. You and the horse will always have a day off so I think it’s really essential to do something that’s going to change which muscles you’re using, to do something else with your body. Then I think it’s really important even if you’re riding 8 hours a day, to take care of your body so you’re training those other muscles that support the muscles you use whilst riding. So whether you do some plank work or core exercises, stretches, I think any little bit helps.

F.O.T: A lot of people who’ve never ridden may not realise the immense amount of strength required for horse riding…

EJT: I can definitely tell when I ride more horses or not. It does take a lot of strength, they’re such giant animals first of all; also, of course you immediately think you have to be so strong to handle these big animals but also because I’m like 56/57 kilos I’m never going to match up to a horse head to head so you have to find ways to use your muscles in a more practical way and being able to have your core strength and being able to be quick and hold, let go very fast… so it’s about being able to use what we have most efficiently also.

F.O.T: What do you do to really chill out and recover from training?

EJT: Massage!!! In Wellington which is where I live in Florida, I’m very lucky that there’s a wonderful massage lady there who I try and see every week. I think it’s so important for your body. Also someone with that profession feel things that you don’t know. They might notice that your hip flexor or spine is a bit crooked, so you need to have that expertise. Besides, getting a massage is just really relaxing too! 

F.O.T: In terms of nutrition, so you want to stick to a certain weight?

EJT: For the benefit of the horse, it’s nicer to be a lighter rider. I also think that there are some riders who are light but they ride very heavy, and there are some riders who are a little heavier but they ride very light. Of course you want to be your fittest self whatever weight that may be – the fitter you are the better you are for your horse I think. I know that for the jumpers, it’s a little more essential for them to be lighter. For me, when I first got the horse that I have right now, I felt very weak compared to him because he’s a bit of a different ride. So for me I focussed a lot on getting strong in creating parts of my body – like my core, being able to have good balance whilst still being able to use my core and my upper body. It really varies on the type of horse and it’s personality.

F.O.T: I’m Swedish; I know you spent some time there too…

EJT: Yes! I lived in Skåne for two years, and that’s where I moved to from California, but it was a huge culture shock. One winter there and I thought ‘I need to find somewhere else warmer’ and that’s why I went to Florida – warmest place to do it! I moved there and that’s where I really immersed myself in Dressage. The horse I have now is from Sweden it’s from a Swedish rider. I still have a special place in my heart for Sweden.

F.O.T: Is there a benefit between switching horse?

EJT: I think so because really the horses are just so different. Personally if I look at the Grand Prix horse I have now, compared to my last one, they are completely different rides. The last one was very nice in the sense that he was so soft and light, I really didn’t have to be very physically strong, however I had to be a little bit stronger in my legs and I had to ride him in a more forward aggressive way. Whereas with this one I have to be very strong to control his energy. His energy is already there, so it benefits me to be able to swap from different horses and be able to change in that situation or adjust the way your style is.

F.O.T: What would you say makes Dressage so special? 

EJT: I think as far as fitness goes, it’s an amazing workout. I’ve had friends who are huge fitness buffs, soccer players, tennis players, and when they’ve gotten on a horse, the next day they literally can’t walk. So it’s definitely a great workout in terms of strength, but I also think it’s so special compared to other sports because it’s really the only Olympic sport where you work with an animal, so that brings this whole other element to it. You’re not only training yourself you’re training a horse and then you’re training yourselves together. I’d say if you like mental games and mental sports it’s definitely one of them but from a little bit of a different aspect.

I have my own horse with whom I compete and then I work for a show jumping rider and I train his horses in Dressage. A lot of jumpers will tell me ‘oh you still go to the gym but you do dressage’ – they think it’s so much more of a physically intense discipline. You do have to be enormously strong to compete in Dressage.

SECONDLY, MY INTERVIEW WITH CARL HEDIN, DRESSAGE RIDER & INSTAGRAM PERSONALITY!

F.O.T: What got you in to Dressage?

CH: I started riding at riding school, when I was 7 years old in Sweden. I’m not from a horse background. My parents have always been very clear though, this is my passion, they’ve always supported me, and said that it was my ‘thing’. At first at riding school I just wanted to be like a cowboy riding out in the woods and doing three day eventing and all of that. So I started off doing eventing and then when I was 16, I realised I wasn’t any good to be honest! I was always very good in Dressage though – I’ve always been a perfectionist and I loved training with horses, and understanding how you can teach them, and just the whole behavioural aspect of riding really. Then when I was 16 I did some two star shows at eventing and hadn’t really caught a break for eventing so then I said to my Mum, ‘I think I want to do Dressage full time’, because somehow whatever horse I would get on, whether it would be an Irish pony or anything, it would just end up as a Dressage horse so I thought ‘why fight against it, just go for it’. That’s when and how I started Dressage!

F.O.T: What goes in to training a horse?

CH: I think there’s different aspects of that. The easiest way I would divide it up is into three parts. You have the rider and the horse as two singular units, and then you have the partnership between those two. These three aspects all need to collaborate in order for it to just work. So if you have a really good rider but not such a good horse, that won’t be a fit and you can have a really good horse but not such a talented rider that wouldn’t work either. Sometimes you might have a good horse and a good rider but it s still not working because you don’t have the chemistry, and the third factor isn’t really there. I think those are really the three aspects you need to look at.

F.O.T: You mentioned ‘the behavioural aspect’ – what do you mean by that?

CH: I think it’s important that when we work with live animals, that we can never expect animals to understand our language. Instead, we can just try to adapt to their way of communicating with each other. Therefore I think it’s amazing – it’s a new language that you understand little by little, how to read a horse, and how you build that trust and relationship, for you both to do these amazing things.

F.O.T: Have you always been an animal person?

CH: Yes, absolutely! I can do all the lines from National Geographic, I’ve always been so into animals since I was really really young. It falls naturally for me to work with horses.

F.O.T: Can you read the horse emotions, for instance can you tell if and when your horse really enjoyed a ride together?

CH: Yes I think that’s a very important part of being a professional rider, and to work with horses – you can always try to understand what’s going on in their minds, or you won’t have that third aspect of the ‘partnership’. 

F.O.T: In terms of training, what do you do in the lead-up to competition?

CH: It starts from the age of three really, when the horse is very very young, and you start with very easy exercises. Just to carry a saddle for a horse is very unnatural, so that takes quite a long time. The horses that we see her at the FEI World Cup finals will have been training for maybe ten years. In the short period of time before a competition I’d say that most horses will have been training almost everyday that can vary a little bit in terms of how they’ve been trained.

F.O.T: What does the training look for a rider like yourself?

CH: It varies a lot. I work professionally with horses so that means I’ll be riding from 8 o’clock in the morning until like one o’clock in the afternoon, non-stop more or less. So that is serious training in itself. Then there’s the fact that you have to work hard to be a top athlete; you have to work with strength, conditioning and stamina. So yes we do train a lot. I’ve been running a few marathons myself! My best time is 3.26 I think that’s pretty good. I think a lot of riders nowadays take their own physical health into consideration because there’s a long career. Maybe it’s not vital that you are in top shape just for your single performance, but it matters in the long run because you have to be able to go to the stables everyday and stay fit and healthy.

F.O.T: What are the most common injuries would you say?

CH: Back and hip injuries are the big ones, but also knees – especially for show jumping because they are standing up a bit more in the saddle so they tend to ruin their knees if they’re not careful.

F.O.T: What do you do to relax and ensure you get the best recovery?

CH: I think that’s a weak point for the equestrian community – we’re very good at taking care of our horses, having all kind of treatments and therapies and physios and all of that but we are not so good at looking after ourselves: that’s an area that can and should be improved.

F.O.T: Nutrition wise do you follow any particular diets or ways of eating?

CH: I have for periods of times been quite strict with my diet but right now I think that, I wouldn’t say it has so much to do with my equestrian career but my general life wellbeing. I do look after myself, and try to watch what I’m eating and be careful of what I do. I think that’s also something that can be improved. I like to be aware consumer of meat so I like to know what I eat and where it comes from, and I pick my days. I rarely buy my meat for my own household but if I go out to a nice restaurant and I can ask where the meat comes from. I try not to eat as much meat because I don’t think there are that many benefit to it.

F.O.T: For anyone who may be considering riding, what would be your main reasons for giving it a go?

CH: I think that riding is the most wonderful sport! In a modern day society, we have all the virtual realities and social media and all of that and in that world I think that equestrian sport is such a beautiful activity where you still have the element of the real animal! You can only get one horse, you can’t copy-paste a horse. You can’t produce them like an iPhone X on a factory line, with a million copies of a horse. That would be great in some ways because we could all compete against each other more equally, but they’re all individuals just like you and I, that’s the beauty of working with a live animal! Give it a try…

FINALLY, MY INTERVIEW WITH MATTIA HARNACKE, A CELEBRATED MALE MODEL, AND TALENTED SHOW JUMPER

F.O.T: How did you get into Dressage?

MH: I got in to Dressage when I first started riding at 8 in Italy. I started with jumping but found that all the horses I owned could never jump. So by default I got into Dressage which I really loved, and now I have my Dressage horse, but I do want to get a show jumping horse when I move to the Netherlands too. I jumped a few times and really want to get into it, it’s the next thing for me but I still want to do Dressage. I think it’s good to have a bit of variety.

F.O.T: What does a typical week look like in terms of training?

MH: It depends because my schedule is unpredictable; I model and I fly a lot. So if I’m in Australia [home], I usually ride 5 times a week and I get one or two lessons with my coach, Denise Rogan. I like to have a really good balance between riding and my normal life because horses can take so much work – as much it gives back, but I’m the kind of person that I would never want to say no to something that I won’t do because I’ve got to ride ten horses; that’s not the kind of life I want. I want to be able to pick up and go and make the most of every opportunity and then also still enjoy my horse!

F.O.T: So five times a week and how many hours a day would that involve?

MH: Well, I’m the kind of person, I’m quite slow because I like the process. So I like go there, I enjoy racking up, spending time with them, doing a few fun things before I ride and then I ride for maybe like 45 minutes.

To give you a sense of my life – I had maybe 9 months out of Australia last year, I’m constantly back and forth, and I like to commit to an animal and do it right so I can’t have ten horses – so one is enough just to manage between me and my coach.

F.O.T: Would you say there are any benefits of riding different horses though in terms of improving your riding?

MH: Absolutely, every horse is different, it brings out different skill sets in you as a rider but I’m very content with just one.

F.O.T: How did you find your horse?

MH: I sold my first horse and I was going through the last year of school, so I was focused on my studies but as soon as I sold my horse I was so lost. Horses were always part of my life, and it was such a coping mechanism for me as well when I struggled with things. I was very down, I lost a bit of purpose so it took me a year and a half to find my horse. I travelled all of Australia, flying, looking, I checked three horses and they all failed so I was like really bummed out. And then I was at a competition one day and I bought a horse, just a fun project horse, and then at the competition I realised this is not what I want to do, I still want to look for like that horse to be more competitive on, to really set myself up some goals. I started looking and this ad came up, and I saw his ad on Facebook and I saw that this girl in Australia who buys a lot of horses had made a comment – so I was like damn it I’m not going to have another horse bought from underneath me so I said I don’t want to see photos, videos – when can I just come and see him?! Then I saw him, he’s massive, he’s 17.2, which is 176cm at the shoulder and then you still have the neck – and he’s quite big there as well. So I was like; wow this is a very big horse and I’m like 6,3 so I kinda needed something like that. We clicked straight away, he feels like a brother in a funny kind of way. He’s always testing the boundaries a little bit, like pushing. He’s very cuddly but he’ll bite every now and then just to be like cheeky, not painful, just playful. He’s super interactive with humans in general. He just craves attention. If I go on the paddock he’ll come and eat the grass just beside me, just under my feet, he loves that. The people who work in the stables, they’re in there doing the racking out, or cleaning out the stable and he’s biting their hair or pulling their clothes. He just loves attention! So that personality aspect really won me over, and the fact that he just so big and he takes care of me when I ride, that’s very important to me too.

F.O.T: It’s fascinating to hear about that connection you share with an animal!

MH: That’s the thing, it’s almost like a person, you have to hang out every single day and you do things sometimes when you both can’t be bothered, but I always think you got to train with a horse and you got to be happy – but the horse isn’t going to want to train everyday. It’s like picking a flatmate – you want someone that you can live with. You can’t just see them once a day for a couple of weeks you know. It was a very special partnership to find.

F.O.T: Does your horse ever have bad days when you just think, he’s not in the mood?

MH: For sure, but I’m the kind of person, I don’t need to win. I don’t need to be like Grand Prix so if it’s a bad day I literally just get off. I’m like it’s just not worth it. There are some days when I get up and have to go for a ten kilometres run – it’s not fair.

F.O.T: That’s really interesting, how do you complement your training? Sport specific stuff on the side of horse riding? 

MH: I used to go the the gym quite regularly but now that I travel it’s been a bit interrupted. I’ve got to stay quite lean as I do the fashion circuit, so I’ve got to stay quite skinny.

F.O.T: How do you recover in terms of training? 

MH: We have physios who come for my horses, we ice the legs, the place that I’m going to now has a walker, you have a treadmill and a water treadmill. I think for the rider, a lot of riders have back and hip problems as well. I think if you ride as well 6-7 horses a day it affects you. It’s all about riding correctly. Keeping up your fitness like doing something else – weight training as well. Yoga is great too. I come at this from a different perspective I’m not a professional rider. That’s great to see because if the sport only had professional riders there would be like a tenth of what there is now. What we do as equestrian influencers as well is showcase these massive events for amateurs, who aspire to one day compete, or even who are competitive, and want to achieve higher goals with their horse!

F.O.T: Does weight play a role when riding?

MH: It doesn’t matter too much within Dressage but with jumping it would matter a bit more. There are still some heavier riders who do well but of course the lighter the rider for the horse the better for the horse, ethically as well, I think.

F.O.T: What are the basic things to look at for anyone who’s never ridden or is new to Dressage?

MH: So Dressage at a higher level is about ‘collecting’ and thats a hard concept to understand. The horse if it’s carrying a rider needs to work in a certian way so the muscular are working with the rider, so you want the horse to be through the back – which means instead of having a hollow back they round in the back so they carry the weight, distribute the weight evenly, it’s not pinching down on one spot. So the head, which is connected to the spine, it’s all connected to the the rounding of the neck and bringing the back up and engaging the hind, which kind of gives you that rounding. To make it simple, Dressage is a horse moving through certain movements without you seeing the rider do anything and I think you have to show a lot of passion behind it as well.

F.O.T: Do you think, perhaps a bit of a controversial question, but are there instances where horses are mistreated in Dressage? 

MH: Absolutely, in anything – in racing, in dressage, in show jumping – this is the sort of thing that the FEI try to monitor thoroughly because in any sport that involves money (though it doesn’t always have to involve money), people will do anything to get away with winning. That’s also the case in the Olympics where people are engaged in doping, it happens anywhere but when you involve an animal, the welfare of the animal could come second to the win or selling it for money. Just like any sport it has it’s dark sides.

F.O.T: But the bigger question; ‘Is Dressage cruel?’ 

MH: I think going into this, we need to understand that riding is a selfish sport. There’s no way of denying that, but if you’re giving a horse a good life, looking after it, and if you’re training it the right way, a lot of horses really enjoy it. Like my horse really enjoys the work. If you’re doing it correctly and you’ve got the right training and you respect the animal for what it’s giving you, there’s no reason my horse has to go round everyday in the arena form. I respect that, and I train him the correct way – there are certain things that you don’t do. I think if people understand that then it’s definitely not the case that dressage is cruel.

My horse had a tumorous growth which we had to get surgically removed, so we’ve definitely assisted; it’s just about managing that and making sure you have the horses best interest at heart.

F.O.T: Finally what would you say to anyone who is considering horse riding for the first time? 

MH: When people tell me horse riding is easy I always say it’s like playing soccer but the ball has it’s own mind and feelings – it makes it ten times harder.  On top of that you have, injuries, emotions, feelings, nerves. You may have worked your whole life, spent millions of dollars and you get to the olympics and your horse freaks out; there are people who get in the arena and they freak out and don’t even do their test. The road to getting there is hard, so hard, so competitive and so costly. Purely because of the fact that all this is going against you; how costly it is, and then you’re training a horse you get to the olympics, and it can take ten years to get in shape, but in that ten years, one injury and you’re done – the horse is gone – it happens a lot.

But if you’re considering riding as a hobby, there are a lot of benefits to it, and I actually used to be a coach at a riding school in Australia. I got the certificate so I used to coach a lot of young kids. I think from a child’s perspective, there’s so much personal growth that goes with it. Responsibility. For me it gave me a lot of confidence as well. I think handling these big animals who have so much presence was very scary at first, but you get used to it, and it really boosted my confidence as a child. Then moving on from that when I had to manage my own horse I had responsibilities of looking after it, and it really made me grow as a person. 

But I think for anyone who wants to start, have a lesson and see how you go. It is costly so it’s something you want to think about especially if you want to buy a horse. What I always tell people is  that it’s not actually the first outlay of buying a horse which costs the most; it’s maintaining it, and keeping it, giving the horse the best lifestyle you can. The vet bills, I just had a bill of 10,000 for surgery. Things like this happen and you just have to be ready for it.

If I ride – and this is why I feel like riding is so emotional for so many people – it’s the only time in life when you are 100% living in the moment. You don’t think of anything else, you don’t do anything else, all your emotions are concentrated on the outcome you’re seeing straight away. I don’t know any other time in my life when I have that. It’s crazy, that’s why I can get off a ride and just feel like I want to cry, if things go bad, it’s just because you’re so involved. And when it goes happily, you’re on cloud nine. And if you have a bad day it ruins your whole day. It’s one of those things, I can’t think of one other thing that gives you that. Even when I work and I model I’m thinking of other stuff and planning other things. My emotions aren’t there and if the shot doesn’t come out great, I can be of course maybe not 100% thrilled but it doesn’t affect me as much. Riding is crazy like that!

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