#it would have been like. not impossible for them to convince me that destiel never will.be and never was

[captain-sodapop]

Just Don't Look.

A lot has obviously transpired this weekend in the weird and wacky world of Supernatural and its fanbase, and for a myriad of reasons, this weekend's convention has sort of crystalized for me how concerned and scared I'm getting for the fanbase itself. I do not agree with a lot of people I've met over the years I've watched this show, but there is one thing I stand by and it's something that I need everybody else to start getting on board with, too, and that is that we need to be looking out for each other when it comes to interacting with this cast.

Over the years, I have heard countless convention stories about fans getting hurt by these guys. Every convention seems to come with drama. I'm 100% certain that doesn't apply just to SPN, but I feel like I can speak most comfortably about it because of how long I've been a witness to it. And I know you guys have heard the horror stories, too. You guys know I'm no fan of Destiel and think any incestuous/underage shipping is abhorrent, but what I've realized in the near year since the show ended is how disjointed the cast and crew are on their own opinions on what the show is saying, and they always have been. Or, when it comes to someone like Misha who at least entertains different ideas about the show and his character and lets fans be open about their personal interpretations of the work as a whole, he seems to be alone in that. Basically, the show needed to take a solid stance a long time ago on certain things in order to stop playing with fans and getting their hopes up. Whatever those decisions were, they needed to make them clear and known to fans so that we don't have incidents like this anymore. But they didn't do that. And they won't.

And here's the thing, guys: this isn't going to get better. They have a lot more of these to go, and there will be inexcusable behavior from all three of them at each one. One or more of them will make a wildly inappropriate joke, be insensitive to a fan (purposefully or not), miscommunicate, lead on, etc. All of the cast, crew, and fans can have their own opinions on the show, but I can understand the whiplash of going from one panel where you're being validated to not at another. Again - they needed to pick a lane a long time ago, and they didn't, and they won't, so don't get your hopes up.

These conventions are a big paycheck for these guys. They have, I believe, a contractual obligation to carry them out and show up. They get paid no matter what they do or say, and it's not like any of them have a great track record of apologizing (or at least apologizing well) when it comes to hurting fans and behaving badly. There has been very little accountability, and there will be no "sitting them down" because they aren't your friends, they aren't your family, and they are not going to listen to you. They won't listen, and they won't apologize. Ever.

So here is the best suggestion I have:

In a perfect world, people would just stop going to these conventions. Fans would stop giving them the attention they so desperately crave and the platform to do and say whatever they want without consequence. Online backlash does not seem to affect them in any way, and they never seem to realize in the moment when they have done something wrong and generally never own to it. Even with Misha, I can probably count on my hand how many times he has actually apologized for saying something shitty. They all three have said and done things that have hurt people, and it's clear that those words and actions have a profound affect on certain people and groups in the fanbase, and those fans don't deserve to be treated like that, especially if the three of them are not willing to own up to it and apologize. However, I am aware that this show means a lot to people and it would be nearly impossible for me to convince all of you to stop buying convention tickets and panel passes and photo ops. And, while it would be hysterical to hear about this cast just roaming around an empty convention center with no fans to give them that attention fix, I imagine they could still get compensated monetarily just for showing up.

If people are still going to go to these - which they are, as long as they go on - then I guess instead of just leaving the cast to sit around and stare at empty chairs, we can hit them where it hurts most in other ways: their wallets.

Don't buy any of Jared's supplements. Don't go to Jensen's brewery or buy/stream his albums. Don't buy Misha's books and stop donating and buying from Stands and Random Acts - please just donate directly to causes without the middleman and do it out of the kindness of your heart, not to get anything in return. No photo ops. And I would say the same of the rest of the cast and crew. Don't buy or stream their stuff. Stop trying to get them to notice you on social media. Quit looking to them for validation. And stop thinking you can change them! You can't because they don't want to be changed. There are some things you should never turn a blind eye to, certain behaviors that cannot and should not be ignored, but these guys are actors: they thrive on attention and they just want your money. Stop giving either of those things to them.

I'm tired of seeing people getting hurt by these guys. Even if we don't agree, it is hard to see how they treat congoers and how what they say affects people outside the conventions. They string you along and dismiss your questions and charge you exorbitant amounts of money to listen to them say the same things they've been saying for years. Instead of paying them and giving them the attention they want, turn your attention and energy from them and turn it to giving other fans the kindness and respect you wish they would afford you. This show is stupid and fun and nostalgic for many, and it is a great playground for creativity. Write fic, make art, make edits and fanvids, have discussions, curate playlists, make silly jokes about it, take the good with the bad. But you don't need the cast to do that. Your experience with the show is your own, and that is something no one can take from you and is applicable to all works of art ("art.") You can have fun with this without them, and without giving them all that money - at least not beyond any residuals.

Basically, in the spirit of spooky month, I think Paul Anka and Lisa Simpson summed up my point quite nicely in "Treehouse of Horror VI":

[gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat]

Just a stupid human tradition

Part 1 of my Destiel wedding series.

Click here for the masterpost.

Dean finally talks about his feelings and asks Cas to marry him.

@bonchickabelle thank you for inspiring me and encouraging me to post my writing, I hope you enjoy it🤗💛

He’s never really said it. It just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that he hadn’t come to terms with his feelings, he knew now for nearly a decade how he felt about Cas. It also wasn’t fear of what John – he didn’t refer to him as his father anymore – would think, or rather do, if he knew. Dean couldn’t care less about his father’s opinions these days. He was happy about who he was. He was out and proud to a point were Sam got annoyed by the amount of gay jokes Dean made. (Charly reassured him that Dean would eventually “grow out of it”, that it was completely normal to obsess about his newly embraced identity after having suppressed this part of himself for so long, but Sam wasn’t so sure about that.) So yeah, it wasn’t like anything held Dean back anymore from saying those three words to Cas. He just ... didn’t.

When he got Cas back from the empty, he immediately hugged him like his life depended on it, not entirely sure that this wasn’t just a cruel dream. When Cas hesitantly whispered his name, he interrupted him with a sigh. His right hand grasping Cas’ hair, he buried his face in the bow of his neck and grumbled “You can have me. Of course you can. Always did”. He squeezed him once more before he pulled back and was met with the same expression of pure adoration that he saw last right before the empty ripped Cas away from him. He loosened his grip in Cas’ hair and let his hand slide down to cup the angel’s face instead. Cas understood Dean’s longing glance at his lips and bridged the gap between them, letting his lips touch Dean’s ever so softly. Dean felt himself melting into their kiss, first hesitantly, then more firmly, his lips parting to taste Cas’ tongue against his own. When they stopped to catch their breath, foreheads resting against each other, Dean mumbled in a raspy voice “Never do this again, okay dude? Never leave me again.” The moment was perfect. He didn’t need to say anything more and he wouldn’t even have had the time. After the two were forced to sit through a quick obligatory welcome-back-to-life-round with the others, Dean pulled Cas into his room where the angel showed him happily what the pizza man had taught him.

He never had to say it. It was obvious how he felt for Cas when he introduced the angel as his devastatingly handsome boyfriend and bragged about him whenever he got the chance, when he woke Cas every morning with soft kisses and called him sunshine, when he somehow always gravitated towards Cas, some part of him always brushing against his partner, as if to make sure he was really there. After Cas had gifted Dean his grace in a little vial so that they would be able to grow old with each other, Dean even fed Cas with the pie he had made for himself that morning because “now that you can taste food again, I’ll be damned to waste another day without you trying some goddamn homemade pie”. Dean’s feelings were obvious whenever Cas woke up at night and Dean, although sound asleep, pulled him a little closer as if he wanted to tell him that he was safe. It was crystal clear how Dean felt about Cas because he was so openly, blatantly in love with him, it was impossible to ignore.

So yeah, Dean never had to say the big three words, because Cas knew. And Dean knew that Cas knew. It’s not like he didn’t want to say those three words. But after Cas’ speech, he felt like the bar for a romantic speech was pretty high and he wasn’t exactly good in talking about his feelings. He was sure that he couldn’t possibly express in words how he felt for Cas. How could he fit feelings this big in just three words? It wouldn’t do their love justice. He felt clumsy, like him coming out with these words for the first time would just make him sound like a sappy teenager from some crappy high school romance movie. Like they would sound silly, inaccurate. When Cas confessed his feelings, it was the most wonderful thing Dean had ever heard. Back then, he was frozen in utter disbelief that an angel could feel love this way and that THIS angel, the most precious soul in existence, could feel this way for HIM, Dean fucking Winchester. Sometimes he wished he had a recording of Cas’ speech, because even though he remembered every damn word, he’d do anything to see this moment, the moment that changed his life forever, unravel again.

Dean always beamed with happiness whenever Cas spoke those three words. Ever since he got back, he’s been constantly saying them. He said them when he woke up to Dean’s kisses, when they went to bed, when they finished up some chores, when Dean made him wear a cowboy hat to watch old westerns and when Dean made him smile with a silly joke Cas didn’t really understand. He must have repeated those words a million times, but somehow, they never lost their meaning. Cas always stated them like a fact, so sincerely and honestly, like he was stating a universal truth. And although Dean never failed to reply to Cas’ declarations of love with a kiss, a loving smile or a simple “and I you, Cas”, it wasn’t the same as actually telling Cas himself that he loved him. And Cas deserved to hear it.

Lying awake yet again, Dean ruminated about this topic yet once more. He felt so incredibly lucky, the love of his life sprawled over him, breathing quietly, Dean’s hands running through his hair and over his back. He never thought he could have this and he had been okay with it. Just having Cas in his life was enough for him. But now that he had everything he could have ever possibly wished for – living a peaceful life in the bunker with Sam, Eileen and of course Jack, who visited them whenever he could, real freedom to do whatever he wants for the first time in his life and, most importantly, the love of his life sleeping in his arms – he would be stupid to take any of this for granted. To take Cas for granted. To not show him the love and appreciation he deserved. To not tell him. A smile found its way onto his face as he checked the clock. He had been awake since 2am. Now it was almost 5am. He gently brushed over Cas’ cheek. “Cas? Wake up sunshine” Cas grumbled, clueless why Dean would wake him at such an ungodly hour, but he felt that Dean was up to something. After some very convincing wake up kisses he agreed to get up and let Dean lead him to baby. After a short drive, Dean parked at a nice viewpoint.

“Do you mind telling me why you dragged me out of bed this early?” Cas muttered, shivering in the cold morning air. Dean sat down next to him on the hood of the Impala and wrapped a blanket around his grumpy boyfriend. Dean scrambled to find the right words. “Fuck it”, he whispered almost inaudibly. Cas tilted his head in question. “You know I’m not good at this, expressing my feelings and everything...” He lifted his head to meet Cas’ eyes. “I love you Cas. And I need you to know that”. A nervous smile flickered across Cas’ face. “I love you too, Dean...” he cleared his throat “...But... I know how you feel for me. So why did we drive here in the middle of the night? Is something wrong with you? Are you ill?” His eyes scanned Dean, as if he was looking for a sign what was wrong. Dean let out a nervous laugh. “No man, look, I just... Damn it, I can’t even do this right”. He ran a hand over his face before looking at Cas again. “See, I never told you that I love you, but you deserve to hear it, even if you know it anyways.” Encouraged by Cas’ fond smile he took his hand. “And... umm... so this is just a stupid human tradition, but with you being human now maybe you’d like to... umm, so...” Dean bit his lip and exhaled sharply. “Do you want to marry me, Cas?” Without hesitation, Cas broke into a smile and nodded. “Yes, I would very much like to do that”. As the sun started to rise in the background, Cas cupped Deans face and admired him for a moment, then Dean leaned in and kissed his fiancé deeply. In between kisses, he murmured against Cas’ lips “I love you, I love you so freakin’ much.”

[verobatto]

Look at me.

Destiel feelings!

Destiel meta. TFW meta. Meta spec. 15x17 meta.

Hello my friends! Tonight's episode had been a real roll coaster, i will try to convey here is just one analysis all the thoughts and feelings I had while watching it, put the clown mask on.

The purge, the purity

The idea of resetting the world, to come back at the beginning, to put everything where it's belong, as an image of PURGE or Purity, or trying to rewrite history, is on the air since season 14 with the apparition of Michael!Dean and his idea of purity.

The orchid in Amara's hands means purity, just like the ring AUMichael carried, or the picture in Amara's room in episode 15x03: Vishnu. As I told you in my meta here, she was linked with this goddess, the hindi goddess Vishnu, who has orchids in her image.

So the idea of purge the world, is the idea of Chuck of the end. But is not gonna happen.

Jack is like Cas, Sam and Dean. But mostly, like Dean.

Jack is the representation of unity. He conveys in his own self light and darkness, Heaven, Humanity and Hell, but he also is DEAN, SAM AND CAS in one.

The writers had shown in previous episodes how Jack mirrored each one's mannerisms.

But Jack will always look at Dean to take decisions. Because Castiel considers Dean his role model. So, when Jack says to Dean: I'm like you, for the second time, he said it in episode 14x07 before dying, just like now, driving baby, remember? Dean's dad mode came back again, BUT, Dean understands is the only way: SELF SACRIFICE PATH had always been the way Dean Winchester sees the solution. Not this time.

Lie to manipulate: Billie and Chuck

The same manipulative speech we heard from Billie to TFW and now the Empty, it was like hearing Chuck talking, and this time, God used that speech again to convince his sister to be one with him.

Remember when I said I didn't like hearing Billie talking like that? And that she gave me goosebumps? Okay, I think I was right, because she's the other Villain.

Destiel mirror

Adam, the first man, a representation of HUMANITY dressed in green, was lovey dovey with Seraphine, an ang dressed in pink and blue (happiness and Cas).

Is this maybe the last Destiel mirror we will see?

It proves they went against Heaven's rules, just like Cas, but they went way forther than that. The kissing and intimacy they showed shamelessly in front of Dean and Jack, was just because the freedom from an angel choosing to be romantically involved with a human, breaking the Sacred Oath, is possible. So Dean was watching that with round eyes. I know he was learning it wasn't impossible to have that kind of intimacy with an angel.

The chalice and the Sacrifice

When Sam and Cas were searching for the key to open Billie's library, both of them touched the chalice. The chalice is a representation of sacrifice, the last dinner, in which Jesus ate with his apostles for last time. It carries the blood of Christ that saved humanity. So, my meta spec brain went, okay, Cas is gonna "die" or Sacrifice himself in episode 15x18, but Sam?

And then I recalled my other spec about DEAN REMAINING ALONE at some point in the show, remember how many times I repeated this in season 14? So... Then is Sam gonna die again? And then Dean saving us all with that thing about the reset button? A second chance against Chuck? Let's see.

Gif set credit @supernaturaldaily 👇

The angel with a crack in his chassis, and the one who gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition.

Why did Chuck say this? Just like Michael, who mocked Cas and Dean, and just like everyone who mocked Cas and Dean's relationship, Chuck did it too.

Chuck hates Castiel because he can't write his steps, the angel that never obey or never follow the script. He showed us that with these words too.

Chuck KNOWS about their love that transcends it all. And like Amara and Dean, he didn't write about it. Because they're real.

But, but, but IS IMPORTANT. Is another call back to DEAN AND CAS PROFOUND BOND.

Is a reminder of their lace. Is gonna be very important at the end of it. Is gonna be pivotal to save Castiel. Dean will find him again. But this time they will be like one.

Because when Chuck was convincing Amara to be one with him, he promised her balance, but mostly, PEACE AND HAPPINESS FOR THE ETERNITY. BE ONE.

Is the same Amara wanted with Dean, but but, is also another clue for my Destiel End Game spec: SHARING VESSEL.

Destiel Looks

Everytime Sam said something very meaningful tryng to convince Dean to not follow Billie's orders, the scene was mixed with the manipulative speech from Chuck to Amara, to show us the difference between TRUTH and LIES. But also, to show us how Dean looked at Cas and Cas looked at Dean.

When Sam mentioned EILEEN IS GONNA DIE AGAIN. Dean watched his angel. He doesn't want that to happen again, because he would be a dead too with him.

Then Sam says, will you trade me? And Dean looks at Cas again.

Your whole life you protected me: Here, Sam is calling out The Big Protector, is time to Dean to relay on other, to trust in Sam, in Cas. He needs to abbandon that weight on his shoulder of always being the one sacrificing, or giving his life, or protecting everyone. The Big Protector idea, built by his father in Dean's mind, needs to go and die. They're a family, they're all heros.

WhenDean said JACK IS NOT FAMILY, it was his way to mentally avoid the fact they're gonna lose their child again. He needed to put Jack in that position, in the NOT FAMILY place, because it hurts too much for him, and for everyone, to lose the kid.

But truth can't be avoided. Dean can't avoid the fact Jack is family, he can't avoid the fact Sam is a grown up man who can come out with the perfect plan, a second chance, a second way to do things, he can't avoid the fact HE IS IN LOVE WITH CASTIEL. Just like Dean is facing each spot in his mind, letting the truth to enlight them, he will face the fact HE LOVES HIS ANGEL. And then, we will have our so waited I LOVE YOU, in the precise time he will need to say it to save him.

To Conclude:

This episode showed us Billie is the other Villain, so, they need to find another way.

Destiel is coming, next episode we are gonna die, but then we will relive when Dean and Cas find each other again, in one vessel, to share their lives for eternity.

And if this doesn't happen, then I will write a fic to all of you.

Love you! See you soon!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @thislunarkiss @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires, October 29th 2020, 11:02 PM

[destielharlequinchallenge]

The Destiel Harlequin Challenge Master Post: 2020 Mega Bang

Participants in the 2020 Destiel Harlequin Challenge completed an amazing 20 fics and 3 sets of artwork! You can learn all about those here!

Spectre (fic by a_dusky_gold, art by aceriee)

This whole thing… this was supposed to be a fucking farce. A way to keep Nicholas Vaught occupied until the deadline he’d given Dean would run out, and he’d still get the money to send Dad to the Town Hall rehabilitation for alcoholism, because that was the goddamned deal.

There were no such things as ghosts or magic or a Book of Life. Dean knows, okay? He wasn’t the Army’s goddamned Mystery Raider for nothin’; he knows history, he knows artifacts, and he knows that the Book of Life is an ancient myth that is about as real as werewolves or vampires.

And yet.

“The Book of Life,” the man had said. Dean can’t even remember his name.

Shit, shit, shit.

Dangerous Ground by Amethystaris

Special Agents for the Department of Diplomatic Security, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have been partners and best friends for three years, but everything changed the night Cas admitted the truth about his feelings for Dean. And when Cas was shot a few hours later, Dean felt his reluctance to get involved was vindicated.

Can a camping trip in the High Sierras save their partnership?

Honour Undressed by andimeantittosting

Among his friends, Castiel, Lord Milton is everyone’s confidant and, along with his trusted valet, the fixer of problems. But there is one secret Castiel has never shared: he is in love with his valet and has been for years.

Born in the gutters, Dean Winchester was assigned as Castiel’s batman in the war, and when Castiel travelled home to take up his title, Dean followed him as his valet. To assist Castiel, Dean is not above a little burglary or blackmail. But the one thing he wants for himself is Castiel’s heart.

When Castiel’s closest friends become the target of a blackmailer, certain truths come out. But while Dean determines to seduce Castiel, Castiel is adamant that he must resist, for if there is one rule a gentleman must follow, it is never to dally with his servant.

Havenport by BlueMasquerade

Castiel cleared space on his desk by the expedience of sweeping the previous contents to the side. He set the bundle down in the center of the surface and studied the knots in the rope before expertly untying them.

The book was old, its leather bindings cracked and crumbling. He carefully opened the cover to reveal the pages within, each hand cut, the edges beautifully deckled, the text written in pen and ink.

“This is written in ancient Enochian.” Castiel looked up, gaze narrowed. “Where did you obtain a book written in ancient Enochian?”

“Is that what it is? All I could tell is that it sure as hell isn’t English.” Mr. Winchester grinned, a dimple flashing in his cheek.

an aching in my heart by contemplativepancakes

When Dean’s best friend dies, leaving behind her daughter, Dean knows he has what it takes to give Claire the life she deserves. The problem is, they’re not related by blood, and Claire’s long lost uncle gets called to take her in. Castiel Novak was bad news when he was in highschool with Dean, and judging by his blue hair and tattoo sleeves, nothing’s changed. Castiel ran out on his family once before, and there’s no way Dean’s going to let that happen to Claire without putting up a fight.

Fools and Fate by Danica_Dust

Castiel Novak fled his coven to escape the rigid, predetermined Fate laid out for him within its confines. Desperate and alone, he took shelter in the city of Sacriloga, forsaking all magic and living off whatever he could steal. There, witches like Cas are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.

When Jack, a young witch also on the run from his own coven, seeks out Cas’ aid, however, Cas finds that he cannot reject the boy, leaving him to his sure destruction. Especially after the newest visitor to Sacriloga makes his presence known: the legendary Hunter, Dean Winchester, who has been following Jack’s trail.

Sworn to the Men of Letters, Hunters live by one principle: thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Dean’s path was never meant to cross with Cas', but a desperate stunt and a single mistake forces them into an impossible union—holy matrimony.

The war between the witches and the Men of Letters is an ancient one and Cas' most dangerous enemies bring a Fate worse than fire. Unable to ignore his growing feelings, yet powerless to change what he is, a choice must be made.

A suffocating Fate on one hand. A precarious freedom on the other. And in between, the kind of love that makes fools of us all.

Ozone by Deancebra

A young magic user who wants desperately to live. A jaded recluse who has forgotten what living means. They’re each other’s only chance.

Dean’s wild magic is killing him. The mage guilds have given up on him, and it’s only a matter of time before he dies in a spectacular, catastrophic bang. His only hope is an exiled wizard who lives in seclusion—and is rumored to have lost his mind.

The years alone on his hilltop estate have not been good for Castiel Novak. After the magical accident that disfigured him and nearly destroyed the village, he drifts through his days, a wraith trapped in memories and depression. Until a stricken young man collapses on his driveway, one who claims Castiel is his last chance. For the first time in fifteen years, Castiel must make a choice—leave this wild mage to his fate or take him in and try to teach him, which may kill them both. The old Castiel, brash and commanding, wouldn’t have hesitated. Castiel the exile isn’t sure he can find the energy to try.

A Demon Like Him by EllenOfOz

Dean Winchester doesn’t want to be a warlock. The idea of working in a lab, channeling demonic magic into enchanted batteries is not what he wants to do with his life, but it’s a dangerous opinion to have—his father was a powerful and well-connected warlock, and Dean is expected to follow the family tradition.

His only way out is to fail the demon summoning class—failure means expulsion from the Warlock College. Despite Dean’s best efforts to fumble the summoning, it works. Although not the way anyone expects.

Dean’s demon, Castiel, is an incubus, but also a powerful mage on a mission to rebalance the magic that is being stripped from Demonside by warlocks.

Dean must choose: fail out of his final exam and turn his back on becoming a warlock, or help Castiel and graduate. But he doesn’t count on how hot the incubus is, or how close they have become in just a few days.

A Working Relationship by fangirlingtodeath513

The homes that Castiel Novak designs for Angelic Houses are to die for. They’re pristine, perfectly designed and organized, and they’ve caused more than a few bidding wars. It’s the perfect job—he’s organized, good with math, and he’s able to pick up on design trends relatively quickly. The only thing that isn’t perfect? His obnoxious older brother, Luke. Castiel’s been vying for a position on a flipping team for years now, but Luke has never even considered it. When a lecherous gossip reporter overhears an argument, they receive an offer they can’t refuse.

They’re invited to compete on Flip Off, a competition where two people flip houses and compete for the highest profit. Castiel wants the leverage a win would bring him, but he also wants to prove himself. Enter Dean Winchester, a contractor with his own team and one that’s blissfully unconnected to Angelic Houses, allowing Castiel to prove himself without any help from the family company.

The undeniable attraction between them certainly doesn’t help matters, but Castiel is resolute in his decision to make a move only after they’ve finished working together. At least, that had been his plan until Dean made him an offer he simply couldn’t refuse.

Crashing In by followyourenergy

Castiel Novak is convinced he’s the last unwillingly single person in Lupine Cove. Even Gabriel, his perpetual bachelor brother, has found love. It’s probably because Cas leads the most boring life in existence. He’s a gay man living in a rented, one-room cottage in the same small coastal town he grew up in, just getting by as the owner of the same convenience store he was practically raised in. The most excitement he gets is chatting with the locals or maybe, if he’s unlucky, oversleeping and rushing to work. So when a baby is left at the Safe Haven drop-off at the local fire station, he takes the opportunity to step in for the child temporarily, at least until suitable parents, plural, can be found.

Life certainly gets more interesting.

And it gets even more interesting when a handsome man comes crashing—literally—into his life.

Make Me Believe by GhoulsnHalos

Ten years ago, Castiel Novak’s stepfather disowned him, taking from him his place as hereditary heir to the head of the Hunter and Warrior Guild. Now, he’s a self-made, and celebrated, master gem and metal smith. Castiel doesn’t believe that the God’s decide your soulmate. Until he designs what can only be a gift fit for his soul mate, who in contradiction to the etiquette, if not the laws of Neffroen, must be a man.

Dean Winchester is convinced that he is a lowly, dumbass, no magic hunter who couldn’t possibly be on the same social scale as a Novak. So, why is it when he spots the jewelled torc in Castiel’s shop, Dean develops an obsession over the neckpiece and its creator? It can't be anything to do with the will of the Gods, no matter what anyone says, because that's baloney and Dean's not into men.

When Castiel’s long-lost brother turns up and suggests he ought to challenge their stepfather and that Dean is destined to help Castiel rule the clan, Castiel takes some convincing. The real problem is Dean. Can Castiel with the help of family and friends convince Dean of his place by Castiel’s side? Can Dean play the part everyone expects of him to help Castiel regain his rightful place in society?

Shielded Heart by JuniperJones

Arthos, the Infinite City, is a place of alien wonders and indescribable beauty—and, most importantly for Dean, it’s also halfway across the universe from his abusive ex-fiancé. He came to the city desperate for a fresh start, but he finds himself downtrodden on a world of aloof alien beings with little hope of finding his place—and a good chance of being kidnapped or killed before he can even settle in.

At least until he is saved by an irresistible alien with piercing eyes and a seductive smile.

Castiel is the living embodiment of temptation, and he makes no effort to disguise his desire for Dean. But when his past threatens to drag Dean into a dangerous underworld, Dean discovers Castiel isn’t who he claims to be. After enduring so much suffering, can Dean bear to take a leap of faith with this mysterious alien? Can he trust Castiel with not only his life, but his heart?

Stumble and Fall by Kitmistry

Castiel was raised to do one thing: serve his country, whether that was fighting a war or becoming an expert spy. But when his lover is charged with treason and executed Castiel defects. He has evidence that can destroy the KGB’s entire spy ring in New Mexico, he has names of scientists involved with atomic weapons who send information to the Soviets, and he won’t stop until he has revenge.

Putting all his trust in the Americans, Castiel finds himself under the protection of U.S. Marshal Dean Winchester, who is too cocky and attractive for his own good, but at least seems to know what he’s doing.

When a routine transfer to a safehouse goes horribly wrong, Castiel and Dean narrowly escape with their lives. With the Marshals compromised and Castiel being framed for murder, he and Dean are on the run from KGB and law enforcement alike. They have no one to trust except each other, and nowhere to go that their enemies can’t reach.

The Shots We Don’t Take by MandalaRose

Still nursing the tatters of a broken heart and trying desperately to stave off the terror of his impending graduation, college senior Cas Novak decides it’s time to blow off a little steam. Not just any hook-up will do, however. The last thing Cas needs right now is a distraction. On the lookout for someone he can enjoy a steamy night of passion with before leaving them behind entirely, Cas thinks he’s found exactly what he needs in cocky university hockey star and well-known playboy Dean Winchester.

Dean is gorgeous, doesn’t date, and is the singular most infuriating person Cas has ever met. He’s the perfect one night stand...that is, until Dean decides he wants an instant replay of what was supposed to be a one-time event. Will Cas’ offer of friends, sans benefits, convince the arrogant love ’em and leave ’em hockey defenseman to find an easier score? Or will Dean wear down Cas’ defenses and lure the sexy nerd in the dorky trenchcoat back to his bed?

Bullets Over the Bayou (fic by mattzerella_sticks, art by dontbelasagnax)

Everyone wants Castiel Novak to quit the force, including Castiel. But he stays on despite the toxic work environment he’s surrounded by. Still believing he can do some good despite the many lines of red tape impeding him. Luckily, a pair of scissors by the name of Dean Winchester drops into his hands, and he finally feels like he can do some good.

Dean Winchester thought he would be in New Orleans for a day or two. Identify the body of his deadbeat father and then move on. No one knows he’s here. His mother and brother are blissfully unaware of the danger his father roped him into. With a parting gift of a journal, delivered to him the same day he received word about his father, Dean has become the target of a group of people who want him dead. The same people who killed his father.

Racing against the clock, can Dean and Castiel figure out what is so important about John Winchester’s journal that someone would kill for it?

Masquerade by noxsoulmate

It had begun as such a good plan; one that benefitted them both. And masquerading as Castiel Krushnic's boyfriend during the weeks of balls, galas, and charity events certainly was no hardship. With the impending end of their arrangement, though, Dean Winchester must admit that behind the mask of an aloof CEO lies a man he could fall in love with. Or maybe, he already has…

The Medium by raths_kitten

Detective Dean Winchester hates it when his Chief sends a medium to consult on his cases. But this time, the murder is closely linked to Castiel’s world and they both need to work together to solve it.

Any Semblance of Touch (fic by saltnhalo, art by c-kaeru)

1925, New York.

Dean Winchester’s life’s work is protecting the world from the supernatural relics that could destroy it. When an amulet with the power to control the tides is shipped to New York, he must intercept it before it can be used to devastating effects. This time, in order to succeed, he needs a powerful psychometric… and the only one available has sworn off the magical world altogether.

Castiel Novak’s gift comes with great risk. To protect himself, he’s become a recluse, redirecting his magic into museum research. But with the city’s fate hanging in the balance, and faced with the power of Dean’s charm and persuasion…

He can’t force himself to say no.

The Love of a Righteous Man by SargentMom573

Five years ago, Captain Dean Winchester defied his father, Senator John Winchester. With his brother Sam, and his spaceship Impala, Dean found his place among a ragtag fleet of pirates and smugglers. Their latest mission left him with a price on his head and a scar on his heart. When a surprise attack separated him from Sam and revealed a Sith weapon, he would do whatever it took to bring his brother back – even sacrifice his own happiness.

After Emperor Michael’s death broke the psychic link between them, Emperor’s Hand Castiel Novak spent years drowning his sorrows at the bottom of a barrel. Mostly sober, three years ago he found a new purpose as the Impala’s Chief Medical Officer, and Sam Winchester’s guide in the Force. And a good friend in the Impala’s gruff but kind Captain.

Dean and Castiel must work together to bring Sam home alive. But when Castiel’s last mission is exposed, will Castiel complete it and destroy any hopes Dean had for a family? Will Dean forgive Cas’ horrific purpose before it is too late? And give them both what they really want — the love of a righteous man.

SKID by spnsmile

Dean Winchester swore off love after getting dumped and fired from his job the same day. Badly drunk, he ended up balcony-hopping until a pair of hands snatched him inside a darkened room. But it's no hero, it's someone with deep voice whispering threats with a gun pointed at his back. Dean’s too drunk to deal with life but one good look at his hot assailant plus enough beer sold him to his accursed fate. The next morning, he found himself engaged to the most notorious leader of a powerful clan, Castiel Novak.

Married life in the compound for a month was not as blissful so when he could, Dean fought for that freedom. Castiel relented and as Dean tried to put the pieces of his normal life together, getting a bike messenger job and dealing with pain in the ass clients, he now also needs to deal with the dangerous presence of his very jealous and very protective husband watching over him.

Is his life ever going to get back to normal?

[dothwrites]

Prompt for destiel where one of them saves the other from a calamity, au or canon/humans or human & angel, but they get severely hurt instead, and other gets to comfort them and help them heal, and they get to confess

---

It’s his fault. 

That’s all Dean can think as he kneels on the grimy floor, slick with Cas’ blood. His fault. 

He was the one who insisted on pressing forward with the hunt, who overrode Cas’ desires to wait. He should have listened. After all, it was just him and Cas, newly human and still a little fragile with it. He should have listened to Cas’ objections, should have listened to the little coil of unease in the pit of his stomach warning him that this was a bad idea, should have, should have, should have. 

It should have only been one demon. 

There had been more. 

The demons had fought with brutal efficiency; within a few seconds, he and Castiel were separated from each other. From far away, Dean had heard the struggles, the snap of electricity that signaled a demon’s death and the grunts from Cas that accompanied the sick, wet sounds of fists striking flesh. At least Cas was still fighting. Dean was less than useless, caught in a chokehold that slowly obstructed his airway. His joints screamed in pain while black and red crowded at the edge of his vision. 

“Dean Winchester.” His name was spoken in a sneer, contempt dripping from the lips of the leader of this little outfit. In a former life, her meatsuit must have been some kind of model--she was all lithe lines and sleek muscle and tall enough to look Dean in the eyes. Her eyes flashed black as her fingers gripped at his chin. Five bright pinpricks of pain blossomed across his cheeks as her nails dug in. Dean grunted, but wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of crying out. 

“You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? The whole world, open for the taking, room enough for everyone to spread out now that you killed the man upstairs, and you still couldn’t let us be.” A thin trickle of blood dribbled down Dean’s chin as her nails broke skin. “Well, you should have kept your nose out of it.” 

She drew her hand back, silver glinting as she moved. All Dean saw was the wickedly sharp point of her angel blade. He remembered how it felt, skin and muscle splitting underneath the force of the blow, how easily the blade slid into his body. Looked like he was going to get to experience it again, except this time without the failsafe of the Mark to pull him out again. 

“Dean! Dean!” 

The blade started to plunge down and Dean closed his eyes. They hadn’t had enough time, him and Cas, and now he was leaving Cas to the rest of a mortal life, alone. I’m sorry, Dean thought, tensing in preparation for the inevitable blow. Cas, I’m so sorry...

The blow never hit. Instead, what hit was a dervish, a whirl of blows and snarls and yelps. Somewhere, in the mad scuffle, Dean recognized the shock of dark hair and the flash of Cas’ shirt. Seeing that gave him enough strength to break free of the hold. His own blade slipped into his hand and he plunged it into the gut of the demon who had been holding him. 

He’d had just enough time to feel triumphant before he heard the low grunt of pain. 

He’d known what it was, but he still turned around to confirm. His eyes landed on a nightmare. 

A demon stood tall, blade in hand. Crimson liquid dripped slowly off of the tip of the blade to splash upon the ground. Though it was impossible, Dean would swear that he heard the impact of every drop. A sick, twisted grin spread across the demon’s face as they looked down. 

Castiel staggered backward, hands clutching at his stomach. Already, a dark stain spread across his shirt. Horrified, Dean could only watch as Cas dropped down to one knee, before he finally collapsed to the ground. 

Dean’s still not sure the exact sequence of events. He knows that he charged forward, a pained shout erupting from his throat. He knows that there’s a dead demon. He knows that his fumbling fingers managed to find his phone and call Sam, leaving bloody smears on the screen. 

And he knows that Cas is dying. 

“You stupid son of a bitch, why the hell did you do that?” He won’t cry, not here and not now, but he wants to. Cas moans lowly in pained protest as Dean drags him into his lap. He ignores the sticky warmth leaking into his jeans from the ragged wound in Cas’ stomach the same that he ignores Cas’ eyes squinting shut in agony. He’ll deal with those later, push through those nightmares when Cas isn’t gasping for air right in front of him. Dean lays his hand on Cas’ neck, fingers pressing down on his pulse point. It’s thready and rabbit-fast. 

“You have to ask?” 

“Dammit Cas.” Dean bends down low over Cas’ body, as if he could shield him from the rest of the world. Too little, too late. He’d screwed up and now Cas was paying the price, like always. “You know that I’m not worth it. You know it.” 

“Dean.” Cas’ mouth moves like he wanted to say more, but all that comes out is a dribble of blood, leaking from the corner of his mouth. His hands grasp at Dean, but his grip is so weak that it slides off without ever making an impression. “Dean,” Cas manages to say, breathing in deep and forcing the single syllable of his name out with extreme effort. “I, I--”

“Don’t you say it,” Dean hisses, pressing down hard on Cas’ stomach. The sound of Cas’ agonized cry is enough to twist a knife in his heart, and the feel of warm blood gushing over his hand makes him sick to his stomach, but at least it forces Cas to stop talking. 

“You’re not fucking dying on me,” Dean almost snarls, voice wobbling towards the end. “You hear me, Castiel? Not yet.” 

Cas’ eyes close. He doesn’t respond.

---

Dean watches the skip and jump of the heart monitor and listens to the steady beats. Like a metronome, it counts the beats of Cas’ heart. Each rise and fall, each electronic beep soothes Dean’s rough edges, as it acts as a reminder. Cas is still here. He didn’t lose him. 

Twenty-two stitches. That’s what it had taken to save him. That and some very good surgeons, some impossible luck, and a series of driving maneuvers delivered by one Sam Winchester. Dean would doubt that his brother was capable of such driving, if he hadn’t been in the back seat with him for the full duration.

They’d cut the margin of error so thinly that it was translucent. Minutes, the doctors had said, with the vague whiff of suspicion that came from bringing in a stabbing victim. If traffic had been heavier or if Sam hadn’t been driving quite so fast and furious on the Fury Road...Well, Dean would have another corpse on his hands to burn. Again. 

Dean’s attention is caught by a low groan coming from the direction of the bed. Within seconds, he’s at Cas’ bedside so that he can see the exact moment that Cas’ eyes flutter open. 

He’d been so angry earlier. Furious, that once again, Castiel saw fit to throw himself to the wolves, all for Dean’s sake. He’d been ready to give Cas an earful when he finally woke up (once they discovered that he was going to wake up).  But seeing the hazy, pained look in Cas’ eyes vanish to be replaced with a slow, pleased smile erases all thoughts of rage from Dean’s brain. All it leaves him with is sweet, clear relief. 

“Hey sleeping beauty.” Dean cards his fingers through Cas’ hair, as tentatively as though Cas were made of porcelain. “How are you feeling?” 

Cas pauses to consider. “Numb,” he finally rasps. He glances to the side, where the IV stand drips down into various tubes connected to his body. “I assume that there’s a large amount of medication responsible for that?” 

“Yeah, you’re getting the good stuff,” Dean says. He can’t stop touching Cas’ hair. It’s a little gross--Other than a few quick sponge-baths from the nurses, Cas hasn’t bathed and his hair has taken the brunt of that. It’s a little greasy, but Dean couldn’t care less about that. Not when Cas smiles up at him through a grizzled beard. 

“Don’t be angry,” Castiel says. His fingers wrap weakly around Dean’s wrist. “I know that you’re probably furious with me.” 

“Damn right I am. How many times do I have to tell you, I ain’t worth--”

“Stop.” Cas squeezes his wrist. His grip is pathetic enough that it forces Dean into silence more than if Cas had managed his usual bone-bruising force. “Nothing you say will ever convince me that you’re not worth saving. Nothing,” Cas says, as severe as his voice will allow. He strokes over the soft skin of Dean’s wrist. His eyes look at something faraway only he can see. “I sometimes think that I was created in order to keep you safe. Please don’t deny me that.” 

And what can you say to that? 

Dean lifts Cas’ knuckles to his face, brushing a gentle kiss over them. “Way to make a guy feel guilty, asshole.” 

Cas smiles wanly. “Whatever it takes.” His voice turns thin and ragged around the edges. Dean knows that it’s not going to be long before he slips back into sleep. 

“But you have to try and stay around.” Dean takes in a deep breath. The words sit on his tongue, ready to taste freedom. “It’s not fair to make me go through this without you. I love you, dumbass, and if you go off and get yourself killed just because you were trying to save me then I’m going to be really pissed at you.” 

They haven’t said it. They’ve kissed, they’ve fucked, hell sometimes they’ve even done what Sam would probably call making love. They live together and they’ve died for the other. But they’ve never said the words. Dean had been convinced that he never would. Cas knew. That was enough for him. Everything else was window dressing. 

But there in the backseat, with Cas’ limp and bleeding body pressed against him, forced to listen to Cas’ pained wheezes, and his hand pressed against Cas’ stomach trying to keep Cas’ blood inside, Dean had been overcome by only thought. 

Cas is going to die and I never told him. 

The thought that Cas could die without knowing exactly how much he’s adored has kept Dean awake for several nights. 

Cas’ eyes are wide as his fingers clench reflexively around Dean’s wrist. “Dean,” he finally gets out. He blinks quickly, obviously fighting against impending sleep. “Dean, I--”

“Yeah. I know.” Dean brushes Cas’ hair off of his forehead and leans down to press a kiss against the clammy skin. “Go to sleep.”

“You’ll be here? When I wake up?” Cas’ voice is already slurred, sleep wrapping around him and tugging him deep into oblivion. 

Dean settles onto the edge of Cas’ bed, unwilling to release his hold on Cas until he absolutely has to. Cas murmurs happily, nonsense words that trail off into silence. 

Dean runs his finger down Cas’ cheek, bristly and unshaven. It’s warm to the touch. When he pulls away, Cas almost follows after him, squirming in his sleep until Dean takes his hand in his and laces their fingers together. Only then does Cas subside into peace. 

“Yeah Cas,” Dean says, despite the fact that Cas can’t appreciate his words. “Yeah, I’ll be here.

---

[greenbergsays]

You did ittt!!! OMG I was absolutely convinced that I should not get into a new OTP after that emotional train wreck Destiel but here I am, obSeSseD with Good Omens after I all that talking of yours (had to try) My friend said my eyes looked like shiny orbs of joy when we were watching this scene with Crowley pushing Aziraphale up the wall. Frickin hell, I'm trash now. Just trash. FUUUC how do we manage these feels? I need it to be canon, just this once! It will be, right? Do you know anything?

Take my hand, my friend, let me take you on a journey.

To understand the true significance of what we’ve been given, we need to begin earlier. A little more than 6,000 years earlier, to be precise. Just after the beginning.

An angel and a demon stand side-by-side, watching as the first humans make their way across an unforgiving landscape.

Angels and demons are, as one angel will later explain to his demonic counterpart, “hereditary enemies.” They’re supposed to hate each other. They’re supposed to distrust each other. 

They are not, however, supposed to stand amiably beside each other on a wall as these two currently are. The demon, in particular, is not supposed to casually begin a conversation with an angel.

It would not be remiss to say that the connection between this particular angel and this particular demon is instantaneous. There is information shared in this first conversation that one would not normally share with an enemy.

“I gave it away,” says Aziraphale, and Crowley smiles.

It’s information that could very easily be used against the angel, but it never occurs to the demon to do so. Instead, when his companion voices worry over doing the wrong thing, Crowley comforts him and then answers that worry with one of his own: what if he’d done the right thing?

Crowley began this conversation and he is the one that keeps it afloat. A connection is forming between them, because Crowley–perhaps unknowingly, perhaps not–reaches out for it again and again.

Over the years, that connection only grows.

In 3004 B.C., Crowley once again approaches Aziraphale. He begins their conversation by gently teasing about the sword. He’s saying, “I remember you. I remember what we talked about. It’s been a while, but I haven’t forgotten.”

Something that is, we will eventually understand, important to Aziraphale. He’s dismissed by his own faction, but he is not dismissed by Crowley.

In 33 A.D., Crowley says, “Oh, no, I’ve changed [my name].” 

It’s important to note this moment. 2,000 years in the future, a demon will ask, “What’s he calling himself up here these days?”

2,000 years and his name isn’t widely known among his own faction. But in 33 A.D., he makes sure that Aziraphale knows it. It wasn’t important to him that all of Hell knew what to call him; it was only important that Aziraphale knew.

In 41 A.D., Aziraphale approaches Crowley. This is important. He hasn’t before, but now they are familiar enough that he feels comfortable doing so. And more than that, he wants to share something that he likes with Crowley. Through one little “temptation,” he tries to build a deeper connection. 

And, too, both here and in 537 A.D., we find that Aziraphale can recognize Crowley by voice alone, even through a suit of armor.

By 1601, they have an arrangement. By 1601, they have a rapport. By 1601, they can overhear Shakespeare say, “it would take a miracle,” and Aziraphale turns immediately to Crowley. His expression is beseeching, pleading, and Crowley answers that with an exasperated, “Oh, alright. My treat.”

By 1601, Aziraphale protests activating the arrangement again, because, “If Hell finds out, they won’t just be angry. They’ll destroy you.” 

By 1601, Crowley has taken to circling behind Aziraphale as they talk; something that, up until this point in their history, we haven’t seen him do. It’s a protective tick. 

He is, quite literally, watching Aziraphale’s back. He is monitoring, so that he knows the very second that things go south for them, and he is monitoring in such a way that Aziraphale won’t be harmed first, without Crowley having a chance to stop it.

By 1601, they are more than just colleagues. 

In 1793, Crowley calls Aziraphale “angel” for the first time. He could mean it as a title. He could mean it as an insult. It is neither of those things.

In 1862, they have their first real, true fight. It’s because Crowley wants a weapon that will kill him–not discorporate, but kill–and Aziraphale won’t do it.  His feelings have only grown and deepened. He can’t do anything, can’t provide anything, that will potentially bring harm to Crowley.

In 1862, Crowley hisses, “Fraternize?” because such a word has implications. It implies they are still enemies. It implies they are merely friends.

It’s impossible to know which one he is protesting. It couldn’t possibly be both. (It is both.)

In 1941, an angel trusts far too easily and gets himself into trouble. A demon walks on consecrated ground–something that blatantly hurts him–to save that angel.

In 1941, a bomb falls on a church and that same demon saves a small briefcase of books.  

So much of what they’ve experienced together could be explained away. But to save his books is an act of selflessness that has no other meaning. Crowley knew that Aziraphale would be upset. Crowley knew him well enough to know that he would’ve forgotten the books in the mayhem. He made sure they survived.

In 1941, the music swells, and we slowly pan in to see realization dawning on the angel’s face. He is in love.

In 1967, Crowley plans a heist. We know what he wants from the church. Aziraphale swallows his pride and goes back on his own word–”No,” he said, in 1862, “absolutely not.”–to deliver that very thing. It’s safer this way.

None of the humans will understand how terribly vital it is that Crowley not touch the holy water. They won’t understand what it would do to him, should they accidentally spill it on him. But Aziraphale knows, and he brings the holy water to Crowley already in a closed container, because he needs Crowley to be safe.

“After everything you said,” Crowley says, because he understands how significant this moment is.

But 1967 is more than just an angel backing down so that no harm will come to his demon.

1967 is the year, the moment, that Aziraphale says, “Perhaps one day we could..oh, I don’t know. Go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz.”

1967 is the year that Aziraphale openly suggests a date. 

“I’ll give you a lift,” Crowley says in response. “Anywhere you want to go.”

Stay with me, is what he doesn’t say. We could have that date tonight.

And 1967 is the year that Aziraphale says, “You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

I can’t, he doesn’t say back. It’s too much, too quickly. I have to get used to this still. But if you wait for me…if you wait for me, then yes.

In 2008, the year that the Antichrist is born, they dine at the Ritz. It is clearly not the first time.

Aziraphale, who won’t entertain a conversation about stopping the end of the world, says, “This is purely social.”

He does not remember whose fault the Reign of Terror was, but he remembers that when they ate together, they had crepes.

In 2008, Crowley–a demon that we never see without his sunglasses, unless he is alone and safe in his home–sits on the couch in Aziraphale’s bookshop, and removes those sunglasses, the barrier between himself and the world. The world, but not Aziraphale.

In 2019, Aziraphale says, “I could entertain,” and Crowley instantly knows what he means. He groans the groan of someone who has had to sit through that “entertainment” too many times. He suffers through it again, because Aziraphale always gets his way.

In 2019, their bickering has become a familiar dance to them both.

In 2019, Crowley dismissively says, “No, I know what you smell like,” with an annoyance that implies that should be obvious.

In 2019, a blue paintball ruins a white coat that had been kept in tip-top condition for 180 years. Despite the fact that its wearer is, in fact, an angel and can miracle it away, this is not what happens.

Instead, the angel pouts at his demonic companion, his eyes wide and beseeching as he explains why it wouldn’t be the same as it would be if Crowley were the one to do it.

Crowley pouts back at him in sympathy, and then indulges Aziraphale, like always. Aziraphale’s answering smile is brighter than the sun.

Inside the ex-convent, Crowley pushes Aziraphale against a wall, ostensibly to intimidate him, but Aziraphale is not intimidated. He is not afraid. He is distracted by where the tips of their noses touch, because they are so close.

When they’re interrupted, it’s by a woman that says, “Excuse me, gentlemen, sorry to break up an intimate moment.”

They do not jump apart. They do not correct her.

When Crowley realizes he knows the woman and stops her from escaping, Aziraphale says nothing about Crowley’s previous annoyance or what he was trying to convey with his little display. Instead, he fusses about Crowley controlling a scared woman into stillness as he casually straightens his wrinkled clothing.

Crowley fusses back, and then they approach the woman together, as a singular unit.

In 2019, Crowley says, “Run away with me.” In 2019, Aziraphale says, “It’s over.”

Afterward, Crowley will go home and search for a place to go. He’ll decide on Alpha Centauri, but he won’t go there. He’ll dally. He’ll procrastinate. He’ll sit in a movie theater and brood, where he’s found by demons. Where he’s told that they finally know he’s messed up.

Will he go to Alpha Centauri then? No. 

He’ll go back to Aziraphale. He’ll beg Aziraphale to go with him. He’ll apologize for an argument that wasn’t even his fault.

Aziraphale, visibly torn, will still refuse him.

Will Crowley leave for Alpha Centauri then? No.

He’ll go back to his apartment and he’ll plan. He’ll kill a demon and he’ll trap another and then, he’ll go back to Aziraphale again. He’s been rejected twice, but he’ll try again, because to Crowley, there’s no point in fleeing to survive if Aziraphale isn’t with him.

In 2019, Aziraphale will be cornered by three angels who do succeed in intimidating him, the way Crowley did not.

One of them will say, “Don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in Hell.”

Aziraphale knows better than any of them what that word means–boyfriend–having lived on Earth this whole time, but he does not correct them.

He should. He’s clearly in trouble with his faction. If he wanted to save face with them, he would deny that that’s what his relationship with Crowley is. He’d deny having a relationship at all.

He does not.

In 2019, Crowley will find the bookshop burning and Aziraphale gone and he’ll mourn. He’ll scream into the fire and he’ll pick up one of the few unburnt books left and he’ll carry it with him, despite the fact that he’s professed that he doesn’t read.

He will, when he’s reunited with Aziraphale, call it, “a souvenir.”

As he steps out of the bookshop, the music says, “Find me somebody to love.”

It isn’t a coincidence.

Nor is it a coincidence that the next time we see him, he’ll be in a bar. He won’t care about the apocalypse anymore. He won’t care until he sees the spirit of an angel in the seat across from him. Until he learns that Aziraphale is still alive and here.

Because there’s no reason to save the world if he can’t be in it with Aziraphale.

At the end of the world, Aziraphale says, “Do something or I’ll never speak to you again.”

The very thought of it hurts Crowley. He can’t abide it, cannot sit there and do nothing and allow it to come to pass. He stops time, so that it cannot come to pass.

After the end of the world, they sit on a park bench together. Crowley says, “Your bookshop isn’t there anymore, remember? It burned down.” And he says it with more gentle compassion than a demon should be capable of. 

Because the bookshop was important to Aziraphale and only Crowley can know just how important; his reminder is said in the tones of someone who is grieving with their loved one, for their loved one and what they have lost.

They change faces, but even with Aziraphale’s face, Crowley cannot stop himself from circling his angel. It’s instinctual now, the need to protect.

They act like each other and in many ways, they’ve gotten it right, but in many ways, they’ve gotten it wrong, too.

In Aziraphale’s eyes, Crowley is suave and cool and a little bit dangerous. He’s untouchable, unmatched.

In Crowley’s eyes, Aziraphale is calm and cool and collected. Aziraphale is strong and steady and brave.

After Heaven and Hell have been dealt with, they sit on a park bench together. They laugh. They discuss, in a more serious tone, what the future might bring. It’s left unsaid that they will face it together; that’s obvious at this point.

When they leave, they don’t part ways. They dine at the Ritz.

And in 2019, at a table for two that miraculously came available at the Ritz, Aziraphale says, “You’re a good person,” and for the first time, Crowley accepts it with a little smile.

“And you,” he says, “are [enough of a bastard to be] worth knowing.”

Aziraphale blushes, his smile self-conscious, but he is ultimately pleased.

“To the world,” Crowley says, and he means, to us.

“To the world,” Aziraphale echoes, and those three words are said with so much affection, so much love, that you don’t need to be told that he means something else entirely–that he’s saying something else entirely–to know it.

“I need them to be canon,” you say. “Just this once.”

They already are. 

You’ve just been shown their love instead of told it.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 15: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 15 Summary Analysis

Cas, Dean, and Sam are all grieving Jack’s death, but Cas is reeling much more than the other two. Belphagor’s possession of Jack’s body disturbs Cas more than it does Dean or Sam. Dean’s resentment toward Cas lingers from the previous season, and he is insensitive to Castiel’s acute emotional pain. After finding out the truth about God, Dean has an existential crisis because he’s struggling to feel like their lives have any meaning. Dean repeatedly disregards Castiel’s well-being, and Cas decides to leave after realizing that Dean will not forgive him for what happened to Mary. After spending some time on his own and solving a case by himself, Cas returns to the Winchesters to help fight God with renewed vigor. During a trip to Purgatory, Dean apologizes to Cas for how angry he has been and the two reconcile. Both Cas and Dean’s spirits are lifted when Jack returns, until they find out that Jack will likely have to die to defeat God. As they get closer to defeating God, Dean becomes hyper focused, letting his anger and existential frustration overpower his love for his family, even getting close to killing Sam. Cas confesses his love for Dean, telling him that he’s the “most caring man on Earth.” Dean is devastated by Castiel’s death, but he takes his words to heart and lets go of his anger to embrace a nonviolent solution to defeating Chuck. After Dean dies, he finally feels at peace with himself in heaven. 

My interpretation: 

Cas is hurt when Dean says that nothing in their lives is real. He tries (and fails) to convince Dean that the relationship they’ve built over time is what they can hold onto as real. Castiel is able to let Dean’s mistreatment slide off his back for a short time, but Cas is deeply wounded when Dean shows that he doesn’t trust Castiel’s judgment. Cas reaches a breaking point that is compounded by Dean’s refusal to acknowledge Castiel’s difficult sacrifice of burning Jack’s body to defeat Belphagor. Because Cas has built up a strong sense of self-worth over the last couple of seasons, he knows he deserves to be treated with respect and is not willing to stay with someone who does not trust him. Dean has developed a habit of taking Cas for granted and treats him poorly without realizing the impact it will have. Dean is surprised when Cas decides to leave, but does not stop him from doing so because he doesn’t believe it’s for good. 

Cas attempts to make a life for himself away from Dean, but he can’t stop thinking about him (spending his time fishing because of what Dean had told him about its “meditative qualities”). When Cas is forced to use Dean’s phone number as a back up for his fake FBI identity, Dean takes the opportunity to warn him about Chuck because he still cares about Castiel’s safety. When Cas returns, he and Dean have difficulty being in each other’s company because they’re both still hurt by each other’s actions. When they are tasked with going to Purgatory, Cas sacrifices himself to save Dean from the Leviathans. Dean is afraid he might lose Cas for good this time and prays to him for forgiveness in an act of true emotional vulnerability. He is relieved to later find Cas alive. Cas forgives Dean’s past behavior and appreciates how hard it was for Dean to open up to him.

When Jack returns, Dean and Cas share a caring look that shows that they both know how much it means to the other that Jack is alive. Cas knows that Dean feels guilt for being so close to killing Jack, and Dean knows how hard Jack’s death was on Cas. In that moment, they are happy for each other even more than they are for themselves. When Cas finds out that Jack is likely to die, he tells Dean immediately, having learned to trust him more. Because Dean keeps the truth from Sam, Sam finds it odd that Cas would leave for no reason. Sam is surprised to hear that it did not start a fight between them again because he sees how close they have grown and how connected they have been. 

When going after Chuck, Sam is only barely able to steer Dean away from the path of violence by appealing to Dean’s love for his brother. Dean is not able to fully step away from his anger until after Castiel tells him what he needs to hear—that he is a caring man who always acts out of love. Because Sam is one of the people that Dean has cared for his entire life, Sam is unable to fully understand the burden Dean feels to protect the world, but Castiel has felt a similar burden of protection over Dean that allows them to connect on another level (to share a more profound bond).

When Castiel says, “The one thing I want. It’s something I know I can’t have,” he is referring to wanting a peaceful life together with Dean. This is impossible because of the constant danger they are in (not because Dean is incapable of reciprocating feelings). Cas and Dean have had a close relationship for years but have never verbally expressed feelings of love to each other. They have never gone to that next level of intimacy because being in constant danger has made them afraid of losing it once they had it. Since Cas knows he will die, he is able to let go of his attachment to being with Dean and fully embody the love he feels without fear of being hurt by it. He doesn’t fear losing Dean because he knows his actions will save Dean. Dean’s response to Castiel’s profession of love is to clam up because he can’t handle the thought of losing Cas.

Hearing how Castiel sees him is what pushes Dean to finally let go of the self hatred and toxic masculinity that he has struggled with his entire life. Hearing that a cosmic being thousands of years old chose to reject Heaven and save humanity out of love for him made a huge impact. Dean has continuously struggled to be truly vulnerable and let Cas into his heart because he never felt worthy of that kind of love. Dean’s intense grief at the loss of his best friend is embedded with regret for not getting a chance to tell him how he feels in return. Right before he dies, Dean tells Sam how much he looked up to him for being his own person and not bending to the will of their father, reminding us of Dean’s lifelong struggle with identity. 

In Heaven we learn from Bobby that Cas helped build the new Heaven, and Dean is pleased to learn that Cas survived. Unfortunately, we don’t actually get to see Cas reunited with Dean on screen, but we can assume that they do see each other again. We can only speculate about what their interaction would be like, but I choose to believe that Dean, having let go of his self-hatred and toxic masculinity to embrace his true identity, is finally able to verbally reciprocate romantic feelings for Cas. Reaching this level of self acceptance is the Heaven Dean “deserves.” Jack’s new Heaven allows Dean and Cas to be happy together for eternity, along with the rest of their found family. 

15.01 Back and to the Future

Dean yells at Cas for ideas, and Cas is frustrated that Dean seems to expect him to solve the problem for them: “Cas, come on, man! Ideas! Can you smite our way outta here?!” “No, you saw them—I would be overwhelmed, Dean.” Cas is adamant that Belphagor leave Jack’s body, but Dean insists that they see if the demon can help them. The lingering tension between Cas and Dean from the previous season causes them to argue about the demon.

When the gang reaches the high school, Dean asks Cas how he his, but then walks away before he can finish a sentence: Are you ok?” “Yes, but...” “Good.” Cas looks completely dejected, and Belphagor recognizes the tension: “Wow. Awkward.”

15.02 Raising Hell

Cas apologizes to Dean about not telling him about Jack, but Dean rejects his effort. Cas explains that he’s angry, too, but he still has hope, and he tries to help Dean see why their lives still matter: “Dean, I recognize that I dropped the puck.” “Ball. It’s, uh, dropped the ball.” “Ball, right. I didn’t tell you about Jack, and then after what happened with your mother...” “Don’t.” “You’re angry.” “Yes, I am angry, at everything, all of it!” “All of it?” “This mess, all the messes. It turns out that we’re just hamsters turning in a wheel our whole lives? What do we have to show for it, huh? Tell me you don’t feel conned. God’s been lying to you, Cas, forever. You bought into the biggest scam in history.” “You don’t think I’m angry? After what Chuck did, after what he took from me? He killed Jack! But that doesn’t mean it was ALL a lie.” “Really?” “Chuck is all-knowing. He knew the truth, he just kept it to himself.” “Well, now that his cover’s blown, everything that we’ve done is for what? Nothing.” “Even if we didn’t know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck’s machinations, how would we describe it all? We’d call it life, because that’s precisely what life is. It’s an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race, we made our own moves, and mostly, we did well with that.” “Did we? I’ll tell ya what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice, but I can’t.” “Dean, you asked what about all of this is real. We are.”

15.03 The Rupture

Dean volunteers Cas to accompany Belphagor to Hell. Cas is taken aback by Dean’s bossiness, but he reluctantly goes along with it: “Yeah, Cas will go. You’ve been to hell before.” “Well, it sounds like I don’t have a choice.” “Good. Great. Go team.”

Belphagor notices the disregard Dean seems to have for Castiel’s safety: “You know, your part in all this is, uh, pretty dangerous. I mean, you could die, get trapped in Hell... Your friends might not ever see you again. Funny, ‘cause, uh, they didn’t seem to think twice about it.”

Belphagor tries again to get under Castiel’s skin by suggesting that Sam and Dean don’t care about him: “You are not growing on anyone. Sam and Dean are just using you. Don’t mistake that for caring about you, because I can assure you, they don’t.” “Wow, you learn that the hard way? What is it, Cas, this, uh, seething animosity?” “You’re wearing Jack, who was like a son to me, like a coat. Every second in your presence is intolerable. It’s an abomination. You’re an abomination.”

Cas attempts to comfort Dean but is met with hostility. Dean blames Cas for Rowena’s death and cuts him to the core by suggesting that their failures are always his fault: “Sorry about Rowena.” “You’re sorry... Why didn’t you just stick to the damn plan?” “Belphagor was lying.” “Belphagor’s a demon.” “He was using us. He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and everything.” “Yeah, and we would’ve figured it out! After! With Rowena!” “The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this, something always goes wrong.” “Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?” 

Dean looks away after insulting Cas, and there is an awkward silence. Cas is visibly distraught, but not surprised. He confirms that Dean still blames him for Mary’s death and then leaves: “You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt.” “Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t wanna hear it. You don’t care. I’m dead to you. You still blame me for Mary.” Dean nods. “Well, I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” “Where you goin’?” “Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

15.04 Atomic Monsters

Sam teases Dean for calling himself the meat man, and they exchange an awkward look: “You gotta stop calling yourself the ‘meat man.’ It doesn’t mean what you think it means.” “Yeah, it does.”

15.05 Proverbs 17:3

Sam is concerned about Cas and tries to contact him multiple times (unsuccessfully), but Dean doesn’t seem to mind his absence: “That Cas?” “Yeah, straight to voicemail, again.” “Yeah, well, we gave him the heads-up on Chuck and Lilith, so what else are we supposed to do?”

15.06 Golden Time

Cas mentions Dean wistfully to someone during small talk: “I had a friend who always praised fishing for its meditative qualities. Wish I found it more relaxing.”

Sam comments on Dean’s lack of motivation: “You know what, Dean? Ever since God got back, you’ve been acting like there’s nothin’ we can do, like nothin’ matters. But we can do this. Man, this matters.” “And that’s why you’re here to kick it in the ass.”

While on a case, Cas is forced to use the Winchesters’ phone number to back up his fake FBI identity. When the sheriff calls, Dean asks to speak to his agent. Cas groans, not wanting to talk: “Hello.” “Cas, Sam’s been tryin’ to call you.” “I know.” “Did you check his messages?” “Nope.” “Right, smart. Why would you? Look, I don’t know if you care or not, but, uh... God—Chuck—is back on the board, so watch yourself. And check your damn messages.” Cas is visibly agitated when Dean hangs up.

While Cas is helping Melly find her son, she thanks him for helping her and recognizes the frustration he’s feeling as burnout: “I needed to step away.” “Burnout’s a bitch, right?” “Yeah. My colleagues and I, we, uh... I guess you could say we had a falling out with management. Well, and each other.” 15.07 Last CallDean goes off on his own after seeing Sam and Eileen happy together, and Sam calls out his odd behavior: “Just hold on. Slow down.” “No, I’m good. I’m good.” “You’re good? What does that mean, you’re—“ “It means I gotta, I gotta get outta here, okay? I just, I gotta... I’m gonna take a drive, clear my head.” “Alone?” “Yeah, you know, you and Eileen, you guys are having fun. I don’t wanna spoil that, you know?” 

Cas calls Dean and leaves a message, frustrated that he isn’t picking up: “Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I... WHERE ARE YOU?” 

When Dean returns, he and Cas share an awkward moment, and Cas has difficulty looking Dean in the eye. 

15.08 Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven

Cas feels uneasy about visiting hell to speak to Michael, and Dean is condescending toward him, implying that he’s a coward and/or useless: “Cas, if you wanna stay here, why don’t you stay here?” Cas responds by angrily glaring at him. 

Dean cuts his hand to provide blood for a spell, and Cas offers to heal his wound, despite the fact that his powers are waning and it’s difficult for him to use them: “Here, allow me...” “Thanks.”

Rowena recognizes the tension between Dean and Cas, who are avoiding looking at each other. She sees right through their denial and gives them advice, encouraging them to make up: “What am I picking up from you two? A wee tiff? Tell your Auntie Rowena.” “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” “Boys... fix it! I don’t have many regrets, but the few I do still haunt me. Making Napoleon so short was just bitchy, telling Mick Jagger he had no future when I dumped him, and, well, everything with dear Fergus. Then one day you die, you go to hell, they make you queen, and... you can’t make it right. So fix it!”

Dean and Cas continue to avoid eye contact while they’re in the kitchen discussing Michael. 

15.09 The Trap

When Dean tries to go after Sam, Cas stops him, surprising Dean with his anger: “Dean, will you stop? Just stop being so stupid.” “What?” In Purgatory, Dean suggests splitting up, but Cas refuses, frustrated. Dean reluctantly agrees.

Cas expresses condolences to Dean after they find out Benny is dead, and it leads to a spat: “Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.” “I know you’re sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom.” “I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.” “Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn’t just up and leave us.” “You didn’t give me a choice. You couldn’t forgive me, and you couldn’t move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn’t stop me.”

When the Leviathan capture Cas, Dean is upset and tries to find him. Afraid that he might lose Cas forever, tearfully he apologizes to him through prayer: “Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it’s not too late. I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know... I know that it’s, it has just always been there. And when things go bad, it just... it comes out. And I can’t... I can’t stop it. No matter how... how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And... and I... I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long... I’m sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I’m... I’m so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me.”

Dean is elated when he finds Cas alive. He pulls Cas in for a tight hug. He tries to apologize again: “Okay, Cas, I need to say something.” “You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer.”

15.10 The Heroes’ Journey

Dean has a dream sequence in which he tap dances to “Let’s Misbehave” by Cole Porter. He dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss, then dances on top of the map table while enveloped in light. Sam teases Dean about his relationship with Cas as Dean is holding Garth’s son, who is also named Castiel: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” “So kinda like the real Cas.”

At the end of the episode, we see Garth dancing with his wife, and Dean says, “You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.”

15.11 The Gamblers

When the Winchesters return home to find that Jack is back, Dean takes Jack’s face in his hand and looks hard at Cas, who gives him a kind smile.

15.12 Galaxy Brain

Dean and Cas share a friendly drink while talking about Jack’s return. 

15.13 Destiny’s Child

Cas displays a deep understanding of Dean’s character while conversing with Jack about Mary’s death: “You know, Dean, he feels things more acutely than any human I’ve ever known, so it’s possible he could work through this. One day he may explode and let it all out, and then breathe deeply and move on.” “How long will that take?” “I don’t know.”

15.15 Gimme Shelter

At a faith-based group gathering, Castiel recounts his experience breaking away from Heaven’s authority: “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond The Plan. And then, of course, when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed, something amazing. I... I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” 15.16 Drag Me Away (From You)Sam remarks on how odd it is for Cas to leave for no apparent reason (because Dean did not tell him): “Cas just bailed, I guess. He’s didn’t say anything to you about why he left?” “Not really.” “And you guys didn’t get into a fight or something?” “It’s just Cas being Cas.” “Right.”

15.18 Despair

Cas decides to go with Dean instead of staying with Sam and Jack. When running away from Death, Cas leads a wounded Dean to safety: “I’ve got you.”

When Dean blames himself for the predicament they’re in, Cas realizes that he can save Dean by summoning The Empty, and uses his final moments to tell Dean how he truly sees him: “I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.” “What’re you talkin’ about, man?” “I know... I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken. You’re... you’re daddy’s blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that’s... that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.” “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” “Because it is. I love you.” “Don’t do this, Cas. Cas...” “Goodbye, Dean.” “What?”

After Cas is gone, Dean sits on the floor and sobs into his hands, ignoring a call from Sam. 

15.19 Inherit the Earth

Sam and Dean offer to go along with Chuck’s story and kill each other to bring everyone back, and Dean mentions Cas specifically: “I’ll kill Sam. Sam will kill me. We’ll kill each other. Okay? You pick. But first, you gotta put everything back the way it was. The people, the birds, Cas. You gotta bring him back.”

When Lucifer tricks Dean with a fake phone call from Cas, he rushes to the door as fast as he can to let Cas in.  After stripping Chuck of his powers, Chuck assumes they will kill him, but Dean refuses: “Is this where you kill me? I mean, I could never think of an ending where I lose, but this... after everything that I’ve done to you, to die at the hands of Sam Winchester, of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer. It’s kinda glorious.” “Sorry, Chuck.” “What? What?” “See, that’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

15.20 Carry On

Dean asks Sam what’s bothering him after noticing he looks sad: “I’m just... I’m thinkin’ about Cass, you know? Jack. If they could be here.” “Yeah. Yeah, no, I think about ‘em, too. You know what? That pain’s not gonna go away. Right? But if we don’t keep livin’, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothin’.”

As Dean is dying, he tells Sam how much he has looked up to him: “I’m so proud of you, Sam. You know that? I’ve always looked up to you. Man, when we were kids, you were so damn smart. You never took any of dad’s crap. I never knew how you did that. And you’re stronger than me. You always have been. ... I love you so much, my baby brother.”

Bobby explains to Dean how Heaven has been improved: “Heaven ain’t just relivin’ your golden oldies anymore. It’s what it always shoulda been—everyone happy, everyone together. ... It ain’t just Heaven, Dean. It’s the Heaven you deserve, and we’ve been waitin’  for ya.” 

When Bobby mentions Cas, Dean is pleasantly surprised. “Jack did all that?” “Well, Cas helped.” Dean smiles, and Bobby raises his eyebrows knowingly. “It’s a big new world out there. You’ll see.” Dean smiles wider.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 4 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

Carly and I have been waiting for this season since we started watching Supernatural. She had been sending me Destiel posts and pictures and telling me about them even before we watched the very first episode, so I had a lot of expectations on this particular season, and on one particular character.

Castiel appears from the very beginning (I thought he wouldn’t come out so early) to explain Dean’s inexplicable resurrection. In fact, Dean died at the end of the third season and at the end of his last year on earth due to the deal to save Sam, but we already knew he would survive because the authors would never let him die at the third season and we are no more surprised by the fact that in Supernatural being dead permanently is more unusual than coming back to life after a while.

The first episode is happy and tragic at the same time: Dean wakes up in his coffin (that was pretty disquieting if you ask me) and he manages to come out and reach Bobby. At first he cannot believe he’s really Dean, but Dean convinces him even without knowing how he was saved from hell. Bobby’s pain for Dean’s death is comprehensible, as he considers him as his son, and so it is the confusion he feels seeing him again, but that’s nothing compared to Sam’s reaction. He’s been deeply broken by Dean’s death and, as it was predictable, tried in every way to take him back, and failed (as most of the fans have noticed, this total impossibility of the brothers to live without each other is quite toxic, but from some point of view their entire life is…). In fact he’s so surprised by Dean coming back from hell he can’t hide the fact that Ruby kind of took his brother’s place. She is an interesting character who emerges properly only in this season and develops through it in a quite complex way: I was never able to tell if she really wanted to help the Winchesters, as it seems in the first place, or if she was only following a mysterious path. By the way, thanks to her help and especially her blood, Sam, without Dean in his life to stop him, persuaded himself that the best way to keep hunting was by enhancing his demonic powers in order to kill demons. I’m quite sure he thinks it’s a good compromise between his two sides, good and evil, but I also think that something happens inside him the exact moment he sees his brother again. He’s so afraid of Dean’s judgement he tries to hide his relationship (also romantic, which is quite creepy) with Ruby, also because deep inside he knows what he’s doing is somehow wrong, even if he’s actually saving people. Of course when Dean finds out he gets mad at him, and that’s understandable considering how suspicious he’s always been about Ruby. However, he himself is never really sincere with Sam about what happened in hell, both because he doesn’t want to remember and somehow feel again all that pain and because he feels deeply guilty for having accepted to torture some souls, even after a long period of resistance. Also, Dean’s pain doesn’t end as he’s back in earth, because he meets again several times Alastair, the powerful demon who tortured him in hell and forced him to torture other souls (and I was quite happy when Dean had the chance to get a little revenge and torture him). Of course these big secrets lead to fights and misunderstandings to which we are used, but those issues could have been solved easily, if only they had spoken to each other from the beginning. After a while they finally do clarify their positions, and that’s a relief for us all. Sam tells Dean what Ruby has done saving him on a lot of occasions and partly persuades him to rely on this good demon, but even after this clarification, the problem is not completely solved because Dean can’t but think Sam has replaced him with Ruby and prefers following her advice rather than keep hunting with him. Deep inside Sam has always the same feeling towards his brother: he doesn’t want Dean to treat him like a child, and his biggest struggle is being considered as the little brother who needs protection. That’s why he wants so bad to break free from Dean. Although, he doesn’t understand that also Ruby is patronizing him and, as he acknowledges at the very end, she’s not doing it because she loves and cares about him, but because she needs him.

I’ll jump quickly to the final episode, as we’re talking about Ruby. The main villain of the previous season, Lilith, was not defeated at all: in the last episode we just get to know Sam can resist her, so she has to find another way to take over him. During all the fourth season we see Lilith breaking the so-called “seals”, which will allow her to free Lucifer from his cage down in hell. The boys struggle with that all the time and they don’t know how to stop her, apart from killing her. At the end, Sam decides to do that all by himself, helped by Ruby and by the demon blood he can’t stop drinking at this point, without knowing that’s exactly what he has to do to bring Lucifer back and Ruby has been cheating on him all the time. I do have to admit it was quite a shock, because I had started to like and trust Ruby and to think Dean was a little too paranoiac, and jealous, about her. Maybe it’s just that I liked to think that someone who’s destined to be a monster, like a demon, can actually have a choice and do the good thing. Also Sam always seems to hope that, because he himself has demon blood in his veins and tries to use his evil powers for the good. He mirrors himself in monsters all the time, as in episode 4, when he tries to convince Dean that a bad creature can really control itself if it wants to, but everything, even in this episode, seems to prove him wrong. Even his blood thirst is insatiable and, although he thinks he can control himself and choose the good side (as he thinks he’s doing when he accidentally frees the Devil), at some point in episode 21 Dean and Bobby feel the need to close him into the panic room to detoxify him from demon blood (and they would have succeeded, if he hadn’t managed to escape).

As I mentioned Bobby, I’d like to point out the fact that the boys seem to consider him only when they’re both alive, while, when one of them is (temporarily) dead, the other one is so lost he cuts every link with other human beings, especially Bobby, who in the contrary is always there for them. I just think he deserves a little more consideration and gratitude, because he loves the boys just as they love him and they don’t seem to realise he suffers so much when one of them dies or if he doesn’t know what’s happening to them.

To go back to the final episode, you may wonder what Dean was doing while Sam was freeing Lucifer and starting the apocalypse… To answer this question we have to go back to the beginning and Castiel.

As I said before, this mysterious character appears as Dean’s saver and presents himself as an “angel of the Lord”. Of course we’re as surprised as Dean is hearing that, because we’ve learnt to think the world is full of evil and there’s no such thing as a good supernatural creature, so we wonder what’s the truth. Well, there’s no contradiction: we soon also learn angels aren’t as good as the Bible teaches us (at least the ones in Supernatural). They do exist, so Castiel is not lying, but they just want to do their own good and they don’t care at all about humans (that’s quite paradoxical, that Sam and Dean care more about protecting humanity than angels, and as far as I know God himself, do). But that’s another thing we get to know as the show goes on and that reaches its apex in the last episode.

Of course I already knew something about Castiel (and his “special relationship” with Dean) as Carly told me a lot about him, but still I found his appearance and the whole angel thing quite interesting, especially because at first Cas tries to be solemn and focused on his duty, which is at first even a bit scary, then quite funny considering how his relationship with the brothers will evolve through the season and through the entire series. His character changes a lot not only in his behaviour towards the Winchesters, but also in his faith in God’s and angels’ plans, as he decides to actually do the right thing against all the odds and against his own father, which must’ve been really hard for him, knowing how blindly faithful he was at first. He decides to put himself into the hands of those two guys without knowing anything but they’re fighting to save as many people as possible, and that’s why we love him and consider him the only angel worth the name. The more the show goes on, the more we see the continuous contrast between Castiel’s attitude (at first just a little uncertain) and the other angels’. I’ll mention just two of them for now, Anna and Zacharia. Anna is a girl who’s perceived as crazy because she says she can hear angels speaking, and of course demons hunt her as a means to find out the angels’ plan. When Sam, Dean and Bobby find her and try to help her, they call Pamela, an old friend of Bobby’s who always helps the boys as best as she can (I think she’s one of the characters that help Sam and Dean more and that they never thank enough, considering she finally sacrifices her life to allow them to conclude a hunt successfully). Pamela makes Anna realise she’s a fallen angel, and that explains why she’s able to hear angels’ voices, and after some time, she can go back to heaven, the place she belongs to (only after having randomly had sex with Dean because why not…). Anna’s story is quite unusual compared to the other angels we met: most of them are just sort of powerful and incorporeal spirits, who, just like demons, need a human body to fit in. We see it in detail in episode 20, in the narration of Castiel’s story. I think this mechanism of appropriation of innocent human beings contributes to Supernatural’s evil connotation of angels, who seem to be even more sneaky than demons, because they take advantage of people’s faith to convince them to hold them in their bodies and do whatever they want once they’re into them. Of course this vision of both angels and demons as villains is clearly made to make us sympathise even more with Castiel, who rebelled, and with the brothers, who seem to be the only ones really caring about mankind.

Angels’ wickedness emerges in all its power in the final episode and in the character of Zacharia. That’s the time when the entire plot is solved: Zacharia, an important angel in heaven hierarchy, keeps Deans locked in a sumptuous room to prevent him from stopping Sam from breaking the last seal. Just as Sam doesn’t know what he’s doing while he thinks he’s saving the world from apocalypse, Dean didn’t know angels actually wanted the apocalypse to happen to purify the world and finally defeat demons and Lucifer. It’s quite shocking for him (and also for us) and, even though he had never liked and trusted angels, he’s led to hate them completely. He thought he was brought back from hell because angels wanted him to help saving the world, but he understands it’s exactly the opposite. In addition, I also think the worst feeling for Dean is feeling useless and not being able to protect someone he loves, especially Sam; that makes his situation even more painful, and Zacharia seems to know it well. At the end, he manages to escape, but he can’t stop Sam from killing Lilith and the brothers can do nothing but acknowledge together the beginning of the apocalypse, which will be the main theme of the following season.

I’ll go rapidly through the single episodes as usual, to highlight some I particularly liked.

I found the fifth episode, the one in which a monster fakes itself into Dracula, quite original and I appreciated the mixture of colored and black-and-white scenes, aimed to mark the difference between “reality” and the movie set up by our Dracula. In the sixth episode we are shown a hidden side of Dean, an uncontrolled fear which is of course aroused by something the brothers are hunting, but which is also credible imagine is actually an emotion Dean constantly feels in his dangerous life but can’t allow himself to show. One of my favourites of the season is episode 8, where all people’s wishes come true, because the scene of the little girl wishing for a giant teddy bear and actually getting it was so funny and scary at the same time. Episode 13 gives us another piece of the puzzle to reconstruct Sam and Dean’s childhood and youth, as they work a case in a school they had attended: apart from blaming John for making his sons change home and school so often they can’t even make friends or built a sort of life, these highlights from the boy’s past provide us even more information to understand how they became the men we see in the present and how they were, and still are, deeply different from one another.

I feel I have to mention a new character, who is quite important for the Winchesters and also recurrent in the show, Adam. He randomly comes out as Sam and Dean’s half-brother, son of John and a local woman he met during a hunt; of course at first the Winchesters don’t believe him, but at some point they have to face the truth and kind of feel sympathetic with him for John’s absence during his growth, because they’ve been through the same issues even if in theory their father lived with them. Moreover, Adam’s appearance testify once again Sam and Dean’s biggest weakness: even if they don’t know Adam at all, they can’t help but try to save him and give him love (especially Sam, I have to say) welcoming him into the family. That’s so cute, but that’s also what keeps bringing them troubles.

I’ll end my review with episode 14: the hunted monster is a siren, which, as you all probably already know, shapes itself as a male federal agent to seduce Dean. “Big hint of Dean’s bisexuality!!”, I can hear some of you scream. What I think is that the explanation the episode gives for it (the siren takes the shape of a man similar to Dean, in other words the type of brother Dean has always wanted) is quite convincing, and is not the strongest element to sustain Dean’s queerness. I’ll impatiently wait for other clues in the next seasons…

- Irene 💕

[schrijverr]

The Mystery of Castiel

Dean sets out to prove that his husband, Castiel, is an acual angel walking amongst man. He tries to convince his friends with his documentary. much to the confusion and amusement of fans.

Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series)

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: None, but I’ll be happy to tag something for you, no questions asked! :)

~~~~~~~~~~

The video opened with a grainy and moving shot of a dark hallway with lights spilling out of a doorway at the end. From behind the camera Dean whispered: “I think there’s something in my house. It feels ancient, powerful. So, I’m checking it out.”

He was close to the doorway and he took a deep breath before rounding the last corner, finally showing the kitchen.

Standing at the kitchen counter was Cas, he was in his pajamas and looked like a dear in headlights when he heard Dean enter. In his hands he held a cereal box from which he was eating dry cereal. The digital clock beside him displayed the time, 03:07. His voice was gruff from sleep as he hurriedly said: “It’s not what it looks like.”

Dean screamed, then his intro rolled. It was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

The backdrop was out of focus, but you could make out a bunch of red string and vague pictures. Dean was sitting in front of it, his hair was disheveled and he had dark bruises under his eyes. Of course, the viewers didn’t have to know that was thanks to Jessica's make up skills. He rubbed his forehead and said: “I can’t do this anymore.”

He sighed deeply and went on: “I love my husband, I do. He is my everything, but the elephant in the room hasn’t been discussed seriously and it’s eating me up. I don’t know how to start talking about it without him turning it into a joke. Which is why I am making this video, I want your opinions and tips on how to handle this or just for you tell me if I’m acting crazy. Because I really need someone to tell me what to do.”

He was now looking straight into the camera as he said: “I think Cas is either an angel or some sort of cryptid. He’s just not human that’s all I know, okay. He has to be immortal, not of this world. I mentioned this before, but no one takes me seriously.”

The video changed and a time line came into view, while Dean did a voice over: “I met Cas in September of 2010. According to him he is born in 1990, so he should be 30, if all of this is correct and he has aged just like a human would.”

A dot appeared on the line and 2013 came above it. Dean said: “I started my YouTube channel in 2013, Cas claims to have been 23 at this time and I have footage of him in one of my videos.”

A clip played of Dean telling the camera he was going to try and drink three liters of soda in one go with no break in between. In the background a man walked past.

“I now see that that might not have been the best clip, so here is a picture as well.” Deans voice was heard as a photo of a young Dean and Cas appeared. They were sitting next to each other on the beach. Dean had a beer in his hand and cheered to the camera while Cas did a peace sign in the background, bee sunglasses firmly on his face.

“To compare this to now, here is a picture Sam took of us last week.” Dean said and another photo appeared beside it. This one was taken on the couch the viewers knew so well from live streams. Dean and Cas were sitting next to each other in this picture as well, they had a blanket thrown over their legs and a bowl of popcorn on their laps. Dean was kissing Cas’s cheek while he flipped of Sam, aka the camera.

“He appears to have aged normally, although he is still dashingly handsome, if I might say so. Not the point. Anyway, since he has aged so normally most people don’t believe me, but I’m going to prove it.”, the photo’s faded and the Dean from earlier reappeared.

“I’ve been awake for days now, trying to find all the evidence I could, just to try and convince someone out there, to hear a voice back saying that I am not going crazy.” Dean said, “I am married to an immortal non-human, an angel in the biblical sense, and I need to tell someone.”

He picked up a manila folder, and opened it. He started: “Okay, so the first thing I have is his family. He grew up extremely Christian, or so he says, but I think he’s hiding behind a facade of biblical households to hide the fact that he is an angel himself and therefor witnessed everything that happened within the Bible.”

Dean chuckled: “He’s not even subtle about it. I mean, seriously. His name is also the name of an angel, Castiel the angel of Thursday. And he has eleven siblings, which makes a total of  twelve children, like twelve as in the amount of apostles Jesus had and they also all have biblical names. His brothers are Gabriel, Micheal, Raphael etcetera. He even has a brother named Lucifer that apparently no one talks to anymore, because he defied their father and is now in prison or something. That’s not a good cover story. That’s the Bible retold, but then bad.”

Cas and Dean had discussed what Dean would say about Castiels family beforehand and they had decided that this was enough. No reason to get into more detail about it. This was supposed to be funny and dumb, not revealing and sad.

“What shoots a hole in this, according to Sam is that we have pictures of him from when he was a child.” Dean said and a picture of a toddler Cas with big blue eyes and a small frown already on his face was shown, before Dean went on: “I think that Sam is wrong. If you’re a powerful entity, you can make fake pictures of a baby-you that has never existed. But I will let you draw your own conclusions about that.”

“Coming back to an earlier point,” Dean went on, “his History knowledge. This is also weird, since he knows everything about History, in particular thing about long long ago. Which as he points out is because he studied History. And that’s fair, but it’s weird.”

He rubbed his face again and groaned in frustration: “Ugh, just let me, let me put this into words better.”

“If you studied History, you know History and that’s just how it is. But what you don’t know is suddenly everything about the ancient times, no matter how much you specialized on it, which I know he hasn’t since he teaches History and you need to know more than just one period in order to do that.” Dean said, “We all on the same page?”

There was a silence, like he was waiting for a response. He acted like he got it: “Good, so why- how can he know everything in excruciating detail about that period? And he knows it like he’s been there and he has an abnormal amount of space in his brain for memories.”

A clip played of Cas, Dean behind the camera. They were on vacation, probably, and standing in a church. Dean said: “Can you repeat what you just said, sunshine?”

Cas looked over, saw the camera and shot it a tired look. He rolled his eyes and pointed at a picture of Jesus: “I said that this Jesus isn’t very realistic, because he isn’t smiling. Well, he has a smile, but it’s like this weird serene one. He was young when he was crucified. You really think a twenty-year-old had any patience or chill? I think not. He had a big happy smile,” then hastily, “probably. I think, at least.”

Disheveled Dean reappeared and said: “Tell me that is not fricking suspicious. And that’s just the one I captured on camera. He’s always commenting stuff like that.” his eyes lit up and he snapped his finger as he said: “Like, like he did in the Q&A video we did!”

The clip played of Castiel talking about the Tower of Babel.

“I mean come on. He talked about it like he knew how it had suddenly turned, because he had been there. I know what you’re thinking, it’s a story that gets told to Catholic children. And you’d be right, it is a biblical story. Yet, Mr. History talked about it like it is something that happened, even though it hasn’t been proven.” Dean explained, “And then he tried to cover it up, by saying how it would be an opportunity to find out. Good cover story, angel, but not happening.”

“And don’t get me started on his lack of pop-culture knowledge.” Dean went on, “I mean, I got him a phone. His first phone ever, for his 21st birthday. No one should get their first phone in 2011.”

A picture of Cas came on screen. He was holding up a phone, but it was all wrong. He held in with his pointer finger and thumb, a thumb that was in the middle of the screen, and he looked at it with confusion written all over his face.

“He also knew nothing about movies.” Dean appeared again, “I had to show him everything. And I mean everything. No Disney, no Star Wars, no Lord of the Rings, no Friends, no Indiana Jones, no horror movies, nothing. Almost like he had been away from earth while all of it was made and only popped down recently, which reconnects to my previous point about the specific History knowledge.”

“Another thing is his social skills.” Dean moved on to his last point, “He had no clue how to interact with people when I first met him and when I asked about it he claimed his ‘people skills were rusty’, like he used to have them, but they had faded over time. Which would be impossible, because at that age you either don’t have them or you do, you cannot have forgotten entirely.”

The screen went black again and a list appeared: “So we now have four strange things about him.”

1. Youth and Family

“His youth is filled with weird biblical details that are so accurate or strange that it couldn’t have been a coincidence.”

2. History Knowledge

“Despite his study, this is still weird and suspicious, but I feel like the evidence I showed speaks for itself.”

3. Lack of Pop-culture Knowledge

“This could also be his sheltered upbringing, but he was already out in the real world for two years when I met him, so why he had never encountered any of it is a mystery. With, in my eyes, an easy explanation.”

4. Lack of Social Skills

“Again this could be his upbringing, sure, but even then. If he isn’t lying about his family that is eleven children and parents along with an entire church to communicate with. You still pick up stuff like personal space.”

Dean appeared again and said: “I’ve laid out this evidence to some of my friends, this were their reactions.”

It cut to Sam sitting on a chair, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. Sam asked: “Do we really have to do this, Dean?”

“Yes,” Deans voice came from behind the camera, “just hear me out, okay. I get that you didn’t want to listen before, but I have evidence now.”

Sam sighed.

It cut again to Sam shaking his head and saying: “I don’t know, why you’re so invested in this. All of this has a rational explanation, you can see that too.”

“But the family thing is weird, right. It’s so suspiciously correct that has to be fake that just can’t be coincidence.” Dean protested.

“Actually,” Sam replied, “humans have a weird sense of perception about coincidence. So much happens at one moment in the world that something strange or usual is bound to happen, we classify that as coincidence, but it’s just statistics, Math. It’s very interest-”

“Yeah, whatever, nerd.” Dean interrupted, “So, you don’t believe me.”

“No, Dean. I don’t.” Sam told him, “Can I go now?”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed, before it cut to Charlie sitting in the same chair.

Dean asked her: “So do you know why you’re here?”

Charlie nodded: “Yes and I am willing to hear you out.”

“You are?” Dean said, excitement seeping into his voice.

Charlie nodded, then it cut to her reading the final notes in the folder. She bit her lip and said: “I don’t know, Dean. Some off this is pretty suspicious, but I wouldn’t call it evidence of Cas being an angel or other immortal. I mean, the church can be weird.”

“But the History thing is definitely suspicious, right? I’m not being crazy about that?” Dean asked

Charlie answered: “Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, if he had developed a special interest in ancient Christian history while growing up and if he used to be a heavy believer then I suspect he must have thought a lot about how Jesus must have been and stuff.”

Dean huffed, but didn’t respond.

There was a shaky video of Ellen saying: “Dean, I have a bar to run, I don’t have time for your bullshit.”

But then Jo was in the chair and she said: “Dean, I love you and all, but I’m not doing this.”

“Please, just hear me out.” Deans voice was tired and it cracked, Jo relented.

In the end she said: “This is all strange, sure. I might have believed a bit of it, if I hadn’t known Cas. I mean, come on. He’s a dork and a teacher. He loves you, Dean. Don’t ruin that over something stupid.”

A sigh was heard.

After that it was Bobby, who was sitting on the chair. He didn’t look all that pleased. Most knew Bobby from Deans series about Baby where he would sometimes help or appear in the background and stories about Deans childhood.

Dean said: “Bobby, you know me, right?”

“I’d hope so, boy. I practically raised you.” Bobby replied.

“Exactly,” Dean said, “so you know, I’m not one to make random claims about this.”

“I do.” Bobby sighed, clearly not liking where this was going.

“Great.” Dean exclaimed happily, “Because I have collected a bunch of evidence and I want your opinion on it.”

It cut to Bobby rubbing his forehead while he read the last bits of evidence. He looked up and said: “I think you’re grasping at straws, right now. There are more logical solutions than this, but you’re ignoring ‘em, because you want to see this.”

Significantly sadder than before Dean responded: “So you don’t believe me either?”

“No, of course not, you idjit.” Bobby replied, “I walked Cas down the isle, I think I know the damn guy. He’s not some immortal. And don’t go bothering Jody about this either, you hear me.”

Then it cut back to the disheveled Dean, who said: “As you can see they still weren’t ready to listen to me. So I turned to my last resort, Gabriel. Castiels older brother.”

Gabriel was lounging in the chair, smirk playing on his lips and lollipop in hand. He smiled: “Dean-o, it this what it’s come to? Crawling to me?”

Dean sighed from behind the camera and said: “It was either you or Michael, you’re the least worst option.”

“Ahw, you flatter me.” Gabriel said with a wink, then he asked: “So, what is this all about?”

Dean answered: “I’m trying to prove that Cas is an angel, or an other sort immortal, but main theory is angel. I figured you were the best bet to get to the truth.”

The moment the word ‘angel’ left Deans lips, Gabriels face fell although he quickly tried to cover it up. He tried to laugh it off: “You’re being ridiculous. Little Cassie is a nerd, sure, but immortal. Sorry, but that’s hysterical. Besides, how else would you explain me, or the other people at the wedding?”

“I don’t know, other angels? Actors? Lot of possibilities. Maybe it was mind control.” Dean replied.

Gabriel laughed and shook his head, but when he looked up his face was completely serious as he said: “Stop searching, Dean. You won’t find anything, just love your husband in peace and live a long and happy life, okay.”

Dean swallowed thickly and shakily said: “Okay.”

Then it cut back to Dean from before, who said: “As you can see, he wasn’t very helpful. Although he did kind of scare me, the guy nearly threatened me, but he also made Cas more suspicious. He’s hiding something, I can feel it.”

“Anyway, none of my outside resources were helpful, so it’s time to look at our subject himself, Cas.” Dean said and the screen warped to a vlog.

It was filmed in such a way that it was obvious that Dean was trying to be stealthy. It showed Castiel doing the dishes, after a second Dean asked: “Why don’t you use the dishwasher, sunshine?”

Cas looked around and shrugged: “I don’t trust it, Dean. Machinery doesn’t seem to like me and I have not come to an agreement with the dishwasher yet, maybe later.”

Dean laughed: ���The dishwasher is not a businessman, Cas. Here I’ll load it in.”

Then it changed to the living room, specifically the couch. It was a solid couch, easily a 1000 pounds. Dean yelled: “Caaaaas!”

From the distance came: “What is it, Dean?”, along with footsteps.

“I dropped my phone and accidentally kicked it under the couch. Can you help me?” Dean answered.

Cas looked at the couch and nodded. First he tried to fit his hand under and swipe the phone out from underneath it, but when that didn’t work, he grabbed the underside of the couch and lifted it as he told Dean to grab his phone, which he did.

Dean smirked at him and said: “Wow, Cas, very sexy. Have you been going to the gym lately?”

He only got an eyeroll in return along with a quick kiss, before Cas disappeared.

What the viewers didn’t get to see was the small carjack that had been carefully edited out, along with Sam, who had operated it.

Then it was Dean running up to Cas, yelling: “Smile, angel!”

Castiel turned to him like a deer in headlights and blinked heavily when the flash nearly blinded him. What was peculiar about this moment was the fact that his eyes seemed to glow an intense light blue, almost as if he was illuminated from the inside, which had been an easy edit, but it looked very cool, if Dean was being honest.

After that Dean said: “I showed these clips, along with a few others that are, admittedly, less convincing to my friends.” followed by a quick compilation of Sam, Charlie, Jo and Bobby shaking their heads and telling him he was an idiot or other variations thereof, “As you can see, they were still unconvinced.” Dean finished.

“They were unconvinced, what I have set out to do isn’t achieved. They aren’t listening and they aren’t seeing the truth. I know what I see, I know what Cas is. And they are just blind for the truth.” Dean told the audience, “So, I’m trusting you to open your eyes and see what is out there. Please, look at this and see the truth.”

Then it went to the endcard. Dean waved and said: “That was it for today. I hope you can support me and tell me that I’m not crazy. If you do, comment about it, like this video, share it to get the word out. Maybe subscribe and ring that bell, so you won’t miss out on any updates about it. Bye Hunters, see you on the-”

He was cut of by the slam of a door. He startled and looked over, but before he could get over the shock the lights overhead exploded and the room went dark. You could hear the heavy and angry voice of Castiel, who bellowed: “Dean Winchester, you have not listened to the warning Gabriel gave you. Your time has come.”

Then the video ended.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh my god is he okay?!!!?!?!?!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Pff anyone who believes this

shit is an idiot

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I know this is probably fake,

but I’m scared now

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don’t lie, who’s been a fan of

Dean since day one?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, but are we gonna talk

about Gabriel???

No?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’re not crazy Dean. I once

saw a ghost. The supernatural

is out there and Castiel can be

who you say he is. We don’t

know what the paranormal has

in store for us. Keep believing,

keep fighting!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dudes, if he had time to edit and

upload it then he’s prbbly fine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Should we call the police??

Is he ok???

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean be looking like a raccoon

and still be hella fine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cass talking about Jesus is such

a mood, my Christian ass can

relate

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

IS HE DEAD?? DID DEAN JUST DIE!!! HELLO??? ANSWERS PLEASE!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Really? After all the sweet and

loving Cas content we got, we’re

supposed to believe this??

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Get yo self a man whos willing

to make a fake docu bout you

pretending to believe youre an

actual angel

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

~

Dean was grinning as he scrolled through the comments on his latest videos. He was quite proud of it honestly and was very happy with how it had turned out and the reaction of the fans. Cas saw him smiling and asked: “So I take it, it went well.”

Looking up Dean said: “Yeah, you might have to answer some questions tomorrow, if you want those kids to trust you after ‘murdering me’.”

Cas groaned, but couldn’t suppress the smile and fond eyeroll.

Then the phone rang, Dean looked at the screen with surprise, but smiled when he saw who was calling. It was Sam, the picture of him sleeping with a plastic spoon in his mouth lighting up the screen. He picked up: “Heya, Sammy.”

Sam answered: “Dean, come save me.”

“What is it?” Dean asked, serious brother mode instantly activated.

But it was lost with Sams answer: “I know you’re trying to sell the whole ‘I got murdered by my own husband who is an angel’-stick, but you’re fans are worried and mobbing me on Twitter demanding answers.”

Dean laughed and relayed what Sam had said to Cas, who also chuckled. Then Dean turned back and said: “I’ll do something about it.”

“Somehow that’s not very comforting.” Sam said.

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy.”

“That isn’t helping.”

“I said don’t worry about it.”

“Dean? … Dean! … Dean!”

Dean hung up and turned to Cas as he asked: “Would you mind filming me?”

An hour later a video was posted on Deans Twitter and Instagram. It was off Cas walking into the living room, where an unharmed Dean was sat on the couch. Cas said: “Hello, Dean.”

Dean looked his way and smiled: “Hey, angel. What’s up? Why are you filming?”

Cas replied: “Some off your fans were worried about you after your last video, so I’m showing them you’re okay.”

Dean frowned and asked: “Why would they worry about me? It was just a dumb video doing Just Dance, not flattering, but hardly worrisome.”

“Don’t you remember your funny little video about me and some conspiracy?” Castiel asked, way too innocently.

Dean frown deepened and he looked confused and he said: “What are you even talking about?”

“Nothing, it was all just silly. Don’t worry about okay?” Cas answered, still holding onto that innocent voice.

Dean smiled at him and said: “Whatever you say, sunshine.”

Then it was over, needless to say that fans weren’t reassured, neither were the kids at school the next day, when Cas pretended he had no idea what they were talking about and shut them down the moment they tried to show him the video on their phones.

@Deanmustbeprotected posted about it on their Insta and multiple conspiracies were posted on every platform.

Dean and Cas along with everyone they’d gotten involved watched from the sidelines with amusement. Mission accomplished!

[alleiradayne]

LONG JACKET A DESTIEL-ISH SERIES

Over the last few years, I’ve seen some of the craziest shit hunting with the Winchesters and their angel, Castiel. But this story right here? This isn’t about monsters. This isn’t about the battle between good and evil, heaven and hell. I understand all that.

It’s people I don’t get. People are crazy. And we do crazy things when we’re in love.

PART V - JEANS

Summary: The fruits of their labor (well, some of their labor) pay off and the group lands a lead on the case. But once they learn what they’re up against, their odds of surviving wane. Warnings/Tags: Again, awkward flirting, mentions of rape Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Female!Reader Word Count: 1,741

“What is this?”

Sam stared at the list Dean had handed to him. “Businesses around the grocery store.”

“A barber, a record store,” Sam read aloud. “Nothing out of the ordinary. I’ll start looking into these places, see if anything jumps out.” He took the list to his laptop and dove right in.

I sat on the edge of the bed across the motel room as I flipped through local television stations. A breakfast burrito threatened to spill out of its wrapping as I bit into it, and I barely saved the renegade chunk of beef with a nearby napkin. “See anything strange last night?”

“Not a peep,” Dean stated. He was about to speak again as Castiel exited the bathroom in a fresh pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Dean’s eyes widened but a fraction, so tiny a change that, before last night, I would have missed it.

But since then, every little quirk before and after confirmed my suspicions. A quick, knowing look passed between Sam and I. Though his focus remained on his computer, he muttered through his smirk, “Must have been boring.”

“Really boring,” I added as I hunched behind my burrito.

Palpable irritation bristled from Dean, and he struggled a moment before retorting. “Nowhere near as boring as I bet this motel room was last night.”

“Oh?” I mused. “So, you met up with Detective Williams then?”

He folded his arms across his chest and grumbled a petulant, “No.”

While fully aware that I prodded a sensitive nerve, I couldn’t help myself. “Why not?”

“Because!” he shouted. “Because I didn’t want to! Happy?!”

Nerve finally struck, I dropped the subject. “Alright, I get it. What did you find at the store?”

“It was closed,” Castiel stated as he stepped between Dean and I. “As was everything else.”

“Except the fortune-teller.”

Three heads, mine included, turned to Sam with a collective, “What?”

“The business right next door to the grocer,” he continued as he pointed to the list. “I looked up Madam Drina’s Visions. She’s some sort of fortune-teller or psychic.” Silence from our rapt attention spurred Sam onward. “The hours on her website list her open from noon to 2 am. Every day,” he explained. “That’s… unless she’s got two or more people working for her, that’s impossible.”

Dean dragged the container of breakfast potatoes across the table and popped three into his mouth. “Place looked mighty dark last night. How long she been there?”

“Gimme a second,” Sam replied as he clacked away on the keyboard of his laptop. Not a minute later, he said, “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“That’s not a good sign for the fortune teller,” Dean grumbled.

Confusion clouded Sam’s furrowed brow. “Unless this is a Dread Pirate Roberts situation,” he stated, “There’s no way any of this is possible. Madam Drina’s Visions has been in business for two and a half centuries across various locations. She’s only been here a few months. But, look at this.”

Sam spun the laptop to face us and slowly scrolled through a series of images. Like a portal into another time, the oldest photos passed first, dated and worn. Sam continued to work his way through the pictures, each decade well represented in fashion, décor, and medium. But then, out of the corner of my eye, a photo caught my attention as it crawled up the screen. It might as well have slapped my face, for I launched off the end of the bed and pointed as I spoke.

“Stop.”

Sam snatched his hand back from the laptop, and the screen stilled. I reached the table in two quick steps and scrolled back through the images until I found what had struck me. Recognition flashed in Dean’s narrowed stare, and he stood, ever so slowly, to back away from the table. Sam followed, rising as if the laptop itself might attack him were he to move too quickly.

Castiel, on the other hand, leaned in and squinted at the screen. “Is that what I think it is?”

A thick swallow bobbed Dean’s throat. He continued to back away from the computer as he said, “That right there is a very rare image of a partially revealed succubus. How in the hell does this picture even exist?”

“I have no fucking clue,” Sam replied as he, too, continued to inch away. “The photographer absolutely died right after taking that photo.”

“If the son of a bitch was lucky, he died right away…” Dean stated.

Despite my having spotted the picture, I had next to no clue what they were talking about. I raised my hand and said, “Hi, junior hunter here. Care to explain what a succubus is?”

“Sometimes, Y/N, I envy your innocence,” Dean began. “And I’m not poking fun when I say that. Succubi are…”

He paused then, hesitation hitching his breath in his throat. When he glanced at Castiel, his jaw clenched and his teeth ground. I followed that look and found Castiel still staring at the picture on the computer, squinting with his head cocked to the side as if to see it better.

Indeed, the picture was quite the puzzle. Candid. Mid-conversation. Unaware. Relaxed, even. The photographer must have called out to the group hanging out in what looked like a green room. And the medium itself looked like a Polaroid right out of the 80s, well preserved and taken with an expert hand. So innocuous, I couldn’t blame Sam or Dean for missing it at first.

In many fewer words, the image was dull.

Except for the faintest outline of a curling pair of horns protruding from Madam Drina’s head. And in her eyes shimmered the faintest purple glow, easily mistaken for red-eye or other retinal reflection. Further discoloration of her skin might be the Polaroid medium, but the subtle purple hue only showed on her. And the others? Four men, all staring at her, their gazes soft and smiles so big and bright.

“She killed all of them.”

Sam’s muttered thought interrupted my own, and I found him backed nearly to the bathroom. “What? How do you know that?”

“Look at them,” Dean said as he pointed. “She’s got them, hook, line, and sinker. They’re completely in her thrall.”

When I considered them again, understanding sank to the bottom of my stomach. “I’m getting a really gross vibe. What does a succubus do to its… prey?”

A full flush consumed Dean’s face, pursed lips releasing a deep breath. “They eat souls. Suck you dry until you’re nothing but a husk. And if you’re lucky, that’s the first thing they do to you.”

My mouth dried, and I stumbled over my words. “And… what if you’re not lucky?”

Sam spoke when Dean remained silent for too long. “They take every pleasure of the flesh imaginable from you. Over. And over. And over again. They break your mind, your body, your spirit—all of it. The worst of it is, their ultimate power convinces you that you want it. That you cannot live without their touch, their attention, or their... satisfaction.”

Goosebumps raced along my arms as a violent wave of nausea threatened to undo my breakfast. Holy hell. A real, live, literal rape-demon. Never in my life had I felt such righteous anger at another living creature. “We have to kill it.”

“Y/N, I’d love nothing more than to waste a succubus,” Dean growled. “Were it an incubus, there wouldn’t be an issue. I’d go over there right now and put a stake through its heart, and we’d be back on the road before dinner.”

Castiel spoke when Dean finished. “But succubi only target men.”

“Considering that they’re a particular kind of demon that needs to eat souls to survive, they’re damn picky,” Dean spat. “Bigoted bastards. I fucking hate ‘em. I hate ‘em all.”

Though wildly uncomfortable with the entire situation, I knew what I had to do. I had rarely felt such contempt for someone. Something. God, my skin crawled just thinking about it. Resolved, I spoke.

“I’ll kill it.”

Dean regarded me as if I’d sprouted a second head. “No,” he declared. “No way, we’re not sending you in there alone.”

“Back me up,” I interrupted. “I can distract her, and you take her out.”

“One of us should be bait,” Castiel determined. “I could. I am most likely immune to her powers.”

“Most likely?!” Dean bellowed. “You’re not even sure?! No way. If anyone’s going in there to be bait, it’s me.”

Castiel jumped up from the bed and shouted, a rare sight. “Do you have a death-wish?! Why are you always so willing to sacrifice yourself?!”

“Because it’s the right damn thing to do!” Dean barked.

“Hey!” I shouted, “Calm down! Both of you!” Neither Dean nor Castiel would budge an inch until I demanded, “Now!” Dean turned back first, and while Castiel remained where he stood, his stare dropped to his feet. “Christ, you two need couple’s counseling or something, this is getting ridiculous.”

“What?! We’re not—”

“Dean, it was a joke,” I interrupted. “Look, since none of you are guaranteed to survive as bait for a succubus, I am going in. End of—”

Nothing could have prepared me for the look I found on Sam’s face at that moment. Conflict raged beneath the surface, contorting his too pretty face. All my confidence fled in that instant, abandoning me to freeze in its chilling wake. And in its place, guilt and shame and distrust swelled for a cocktail so potent, the room spun.

“Are you sure, Y/N?” Sam asked.

No. Not anymore. But I heard myself say, “Yes.”

His conflict twisted into pain in his reddening eyes. But he acquiesced, nodding silently and heading for the motel room door. Over his shoulder, he said, “We should get this over with tonight. I’ll start prepping.” With that, he strode through the door, presumably for the Impala.

Dean followed him without a word. Though I knew Castiel yet lingered by my side, I startled when he spoke.

“I trust you, Y/N.” He placed a confident hand on my shoulder. “Whatever happens, we’ll be there to help, should the need arise.”

“Thanks, Cas,” I replied.

“Any time,” he said as he led me to the door. “Let’s give the guys a hand.”

Anything to take my mind off my impending doom. I strode through the door into the mid-morning sun and wondered if the weekend could get any more fucked up.

Reblogs and feedback are awesome. If you want in on the tags, send me an ask or a DM!

LONG JACKET MASTER LIST

ALLEIRADAYNE’S SPN MASTER LIST

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Monster At Your Door

(10x04/10x09/10x10/10x11)

Hello my dear fandom! This is another meta from my Destiel Chronicles.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this analysis, thank you girl!

And thanks to @destielle for editing this! 

This season doesn't have a lot of Destiel in it and was mostly Dean-centric.

So you will see me talking about how our hunter perceives himself as a monster.

Brothers and Sisters

In episode 10x04 ‘Paper Moon’ we saw Kate and her sister, two female werewolves, as mirrors of Sam and Dean.

Kate, the one who was trying to save her sister (Sam), and the little one Tasha, becoming a real monster (Dean).

After getting to know about Tasha and Kate's story, and Kate trying desperately to get her sister back, the Winchesters decide to help her. But there was a little piece of dialogue  between Sam and Dean that caught my attention…

SAM: Right, but how can you possibly blame Kate for fighting for her sister? We do it all the time.

DEAN: Well, yeah, and that's worked wonders for us.

The ultimate effort to save Dean Winchester at the end of the season will cause a huge cosmic consequence we all know: Amara. So, this quote here that could be read as very Winchester like is kind of a premonition of what is about to come next season.

And then, this scene… it points us at how Dean is really feeling inside.

KATE: But she can be saved!

DEAN: [blunt, but in despair] No. Tasha's in too deep. You don't ever come back from that, not ever.

How disturbingly painful it must be for Sam knowing his brother is losing faith in winning his battle against the mark.

There’s another interesting dialogue, now between the two sisters, where we can dissect the foreshadowing of Sam trying to get through to Dean in the last episode of this season.

KATE [pleading] T., I can help you get better.

TASHA [sneering evilly] Oh, I am better. And smarter and stronger… and awesome. I'm a freakin' superhero.

KATE Who kills innocent people? No, that's not you. You were a good kid.

So, Sam will try to save the innocent and good side of his brother, with all his power.

Because even if Dean perceives himself as a monster that can't be saved, Sam will always try to convince him otherwise. Just like Castiel…

You are a role model

Episode 10x09 ‘The Things We Left Behind’ is a beautiful episode that talks about GUILT. Not just Dean's guilt (we all know about that one, right?) But also Castiel's GUILT and his REGRETS.

Castiel visits Claire Novak, because he knows he hurt her a lot by possessing her father. So he tries to help her. But, because his PEOPLE TALKING SKILLS are ‘rusty’, he’s not able to communicate it the right way. So he helps her to escape instead.

In the middle of this episode we have this cute scene:

Dean watching TV, reflecting that innocent side I was talking about first, and Sam staring at him with sadness in his eyes, being worried about the mark. This situation points out their priorities.

Back to Castiel and Claire. There’s a very meaningful scene in which Cas talks about his experience as a human and what he has learned in that time…

CLAIRE: You’ve changed. The Castiel I met? He was crappy. Like super stuck-up and a dick and you just wanted to punch him in his stupid angel face.

CASTIEL: I don’t think I was THAT bad.

CLAIRE: You totally were. And now you’re just … I don’t know. Nicer. And kind of a doof. No offense.

CASTIEL: Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst.

This is amazing because Castiel is shouting out the important insights he has gained from being a human. This is character development at it’s best. Cas is not the same Castiel that possessed Claire's dad. She says he is nicer. Castiel has changed, for good. But the guilt of taking her family away from this girl is eating him up inside.

And it’s the same thing that eats Dean up inside as well.

Dean sees an opportunity to stay alone with Castiel on kind of a date with him. Both of them sitting in front of their burgers. We know Cas doesn't have to eat. So the scene is very cute and comfy.

The question whether or not ketchup is a vegetable and Dean answering Hell yes is demonstrating that Claire and the hunter are very alike.

This date is also a chance to put back the dot on the I again. Because… remember Cas and his ‘female in the car’? Well… our hunter needed to reinforce his ownership over the angel. 

But mostly… the guilt needs to be put on the table:

DEAN: (...) All right, so spill. What’s with the family reunion?

CASTIEL: I don’t know. I’ve just been … thinking about people.

[Dean glances around, then switches their plates, taking Cas’ burger and setting his empty plate in front of Cas.]

Okay, pause here, sorry but this is extremely cute… and Dean looking around like an innocent kid, it’s such a beautiful scene that I adore.

CASTIEL: No problem. I’ve helped some, but I’ve … I’ve hurt some.

DEAN: So you’re having a midlife crisis.

CASTIEL: Well, I’m extremely old. I think I’m entitled.

It’s so amazing each time Castiel reminds us he is an ancient creature that decided to spend his days with us…

DEAN: Cas, listen to me. There’s some stuff you just got to let go. Okay? The people you let down, the ones you can’t save … You got to forget about them. For your own good.

CASTIEL: Is that what you do?

Okay, here Dean is sensing Cas is feeling guilty, a territory he knows very well, so he tries to help him and give him advice, an advice Dean doesn't follow himself. And Castiel knows that too well. Because he can read Dean Winchester like a book. And we all know he won't let go Charlie's death.

And then… this jewel…

Dean is not used to receiving compliments. But Castiel is always calling him nice things. Because Cas sees the good in him, he knows DEAN IS SPECIAL. So Dean, Cas’ TFW teacher, is a role model for him. Of course he is. 

Look at Dean's flustered face, he has to avoid Castiel's tender gaze because he is feeling awkward. It looks like a don't say things like that to me on our date, bro- face.

One of my fave scenes ever.

Let's go with another one…

As I said, Castiel reads Dean like a book. So he knows when Dean is lying. He just knows Dean is not feeling well. And again, Dean is… enraptured by this. By how well Cas knows him. Look at his face… if I was telepath, which I'm not (yet) I would say, Dean ponders whether kissing him or not in that moment. It’s like… stop flirting with me or I will kiss you, bro. He even checks out Cas and stares at his lips. Gah!

Then, coming back to reality… Dean needs to know if Cas will kill him bc he is terrified of becoming a monster again:

DEAN: If I do go dark side, you got to take me out.

CASTIEL: What do you mean?

DEAN: Knife me. Smite me. Throw me into the freakin’ sun, whatever. And don’t let Sam get in the way, because he’ll try. I can’t go down that road again, man. I can’t be that thing again.

Dean is asking something impossible for Cas to do. As we will find out in one of the last episodes from this season. Castiel would never hurt Dean, even if he goes dark side.

Two Faces

After Dean is losing control, turning into the monster he was so afraid of becoming, killing Randy and those gangsters… nothing will be the same anymore. This bloody scene is a premonition of the end of this season, when Dean will eliminate the whole Stein family.

Episode 10x10 starts with this image:

Cracks in the mirror which are reflecting how Dean is feeling inside: broken.

This is an episode where light and shadow play a big role in the visual narrative, we can see Dean's face divide in one half lit and the other half drowned in shadows. Those halfs represent his two faces, his inner fight between ‘our’ Dean and the monster brought by the mark.

This episode was directed by Misha, so when we see Cas telling Dean he’ll be sending emojis… that wasn't OOC, that was just Misha 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Now, the important part of this episode is Claire trying to convince Dean to come by saying: ‘Castiel seemed to trust you, a lot’.

That was the signal for Dean. You drop Cas’ name, count Dean in!

But now let's jump to episode 10x11 because the game of the two faces is represented here again in the form of two Charlies, a good and an evil one. They are a metaphor for the way Dean feels inside, in fact the whole episode is a mirror of it.

The parallel between Dark!Charlie and Dean is blatant, because Dark!Charlie is seeking for revenge, just like Dean will after Charlie's death.

Charlie had to release her darkness to win a war, the same thing will happen to Dean. In order to win the war against a whole family (Stein) he will have to release the monster inside of him. At the end of the episode Dean and Dark!Charlie are having a fight, a fight between good friends as a foreshadowing of the Destiel fight in episode 10x22.

To conclude:

The monster inside Dean is on the threshold of being released. The episodes we were talking about showed us a lot of examples, mirrors of and parallels to that.

The symbolisms of two faces and broken mirrors were very interesting.

The synergy of light and darkness is also a foreshadowing for the next season with the appearance of God (light) and Amara (darkness).

The Destiel burger date was too cute, and Dean not knowing how to react to Castiel's compliments was even cuter. To Cas Dean will always be special and a role model, that's why he will be incapable of harming Dean in any way.

Hope you like this chronicle, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

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If you want to read the previous metas From season 10, these are the links...

LI, LII, LIII and LIV

Buenos Aires March 31 2020 10:03 PM

[bre95611]

Dean and Castiel in Season 4: Part 3

Before I get started, this is the 3rd part of a series, so to read from the beginning, go here, or you can find the masterlist here. Thank you to all who have been reading from the get go, my first meta after joining the fandom, and thank you to all of you just now reading. I hope you enjoy. This one is real real long, so bear with me. Look below the cut for my extensive ramblings about these to Dumbasses. Here we go!

First things first, let’s look at the timeline of the Anna and Dean relationship. Keep in mind, the entirety of their romantic relationship took place in the span of a 2 episode arc. A lot of this is just a reiteration of Part 2, so have a refresher:

They first meet in episode 9, while Anna still believes herself to be a human. We discover the first thing she hears on Angel Radio is about Dean, specifically him being saved.

Now, in 4x10, after Anna gets her memories back, the group has a little chat, trying to figure out why Cas and Uriel have orders to kill Anna. She disobeyed, she fell, which we are told is almost the worst thing an angel can do (we learn much later what IS the worst thing - a human/angel relationship that produces a nephilim). After Pamela goes home, Dean and Anna have their first conversation alone.

This conversation was overloaded with interesting insight to Dean Winchester, which I go over in Part 2, but let’s look at the broad strokes of what they discuss that leads directly to them getting it on in the backseat of the Impala.

DEAN: Feelings are overrated, if you ask me.

ANNA: Beats being an angel.

DEAN: How’s that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don’t doubt yourselves or God or anything.

ANNA: Perfect… Like a marble statue. Cold...no choice...only obedience. Dean, do you know how many angels have actually seen God? Seen his face?

DEAN: All of you?

ANNA: Four angels. Four. And I’m not even one of them.

DEAN: That’s it? Well, then how do you even know that there is a God?

ANNA: We have to take it on faith… Which we’re killed if we don’t have.

Here we go! Bonding over some lack of faith!

ANNA: I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just...watching...silent…invisible...out on the road...sick for home...waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can’t begin to understand. So don’t tell me that - 

DEAN laughs.

ANNA: What is so funny? What?

DEAN: Nothing. Sorry. It’s just… I can relate.

Followed by some Daddy Issues! Cool. First two big stepping stones in their relationship. Think about how similar Anna and Dean’s situations “growing up” were, Dean working a job that no one knows about, saving people that didn’t even know they were in danger, never actually having a home, and John, the unknowable father that Dean strove to gain approval from.

And then in true Sam “Interrupting Moose” Winchester fashion, he breaks up the little potential love fest because he found Anna’s grace.

Fast forward to after we find out Anna’s grace is gone and the angels are going to throw Dean back to Hell if they don’t hand her over.

DEAN: Hey, let’s can the “thanks for trying” speech, you know? Participation trophies suck ass.

ANNA: I don’t know. Maybe I don’t deserve to be saved.

DEAN: Don’t talk like that.

Alright. Let’s jump over to “Lazarus Rising” real quick.

DEAN: And why would an Angel rescue me from Hell?

CAS: Good things do happen, Dean.

DEAN: Not in my experience.

CAS: What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.

Similar, huh? In these situations, Dean and Anna are filling the same role. Dean is attracted to that connection he feels in her, especially when you take into account the distance he is feeling when it comes to Sam, considering the Ruby influence (Yellow Fever meta, a huge part of Dean’s fear of Hell is rooted particularly in Sam moving closer to the “darkside”, i.e. when hallucination!Sam flashes Yellow Eyes). He’s desperate for some sort of common ground. And here he finds it. Anna thinks she deserved death, where Dean thinks he deserved to stay in Hell. The both have demanding, impossible-to-please fathers, that they used to follow in blind faith, until they lost that faith, resulting in a falling out.

ANNA: I got to tell you something. You’re not going to like it.

DEAN: Okay, what?

ANNA: About a week ago, I heard the angels talking… About you… What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn’t your fault. You should forgive yourself.

DEAN: Anna, I don’t w-want to, uh… I don’t want to.... I can’t talk about that.

ANNA: I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That’s all I’m trying to say.

ANNA kisses DEAN.

DEAN: What was that for?

ANNA: You know… Our last night on Earth… All that.

DEAN: You’re stealing my best line.

So what do we get from this? What are the key moments here? Anna brings up Dean’s time in Hell. So she is one of how many people that know that Dean went to Hell? Know what he did while he was there? Angels know. So Cas and Uriel. Only angels we have met thus far, so the only ones narratively relevant. You know who doesn’t know yet? Sam. The most important person in Dean’s life does not know that he was tortured for 30 years and tortured souls himself for another decade. And as I mentioned in the “Yellow Fever” mini-meta, Dean’s time in Hell is VERY DEFINING for him, especially this early in the season, so soon after coming back. One of the most important traits of Dean at this point in his life is what he did while in Hell (at this point, he has spent nearly 60% of his life there), and Anna brings it up. And tells him to forgive himself for what he did. 

There is also the lovely part where Anna steals Dean’s best pickup line. 

SO! What happens between Anna and Dean that leads to sex in the backseat?

Lack of Faith

Daddy Issues

“Don’t deserve to be saved.”

Dean’s time in Hell

“Last night on Earth” pickup line

Moving onto the timeline of the Dean/Castiel relationship! Everyone still with me? Great!

Back to Lazarus Rising, we have this:

DEAN:[ …]I mean, what are you?

CAS: I’m an Angel of the Lord.

DEAN: Get the hell out of here. There’s no such thing.

CAS: That is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.

Castiel immediately calls Dean out on a lack of faith. Looking at the overarching plot in the Kripke era, it’s very interesting, Castiel bringing this up right off the bat. If you go back through earlier episodes, Dean’s faith is brought up multiple times, in season one where the faith healer’s wife had bound a reaper, and again, specifically in the context of angels, in season 2 with the episode “Houses of the Holy”. Dean does not have faith. That’s basically his shtick. So to have an Angel of the Lord appearing in front of him, claiming to have pulled him out of Hell and telling him that Heaven has “work for him to do” (an entirely intentional throw back to the pilot, I’m convinced), it makes him question all of that, instilling in him a large portion of his personality in season 4, his “lack of faith”. 

Why is this important, though?

I’ll tell ya why! Because it is bonding material. And the writers use that as a way to find common ground between Dean and both Cas and Anna. With Cas, right off the bat, and again in 4x07 “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester”. And then with Anna in 4x10 “Heaven and Hell”.

Shortly after we have this:

Now the following episode keeps a beautiful consistency with the themes of lacking faith and being saved.  4x02 opens up with Dean reveling in his lack of faith, showing that despite pretty explicit proof of angels existing, Dean is still skeptical. Then from there, it doubles down on the very first Destiel conversation, taking the line “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?” and making the whole next episode about all the people the Winchesters couldn’t save. These two defining bits of episode 2 draw even more attention to these defining moments of relationship development. SO while it isn’t a heavy Destiel episode, it has its purposes in the romantic narrative, subtly boosting the biggest bits of their existing relationship.

Let’s jump up to 4x07 “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester” and look at the tail end of the conversation between Dean, Cas, Uriel, and Sam about the witch trying to raise Samhain. Uriel has just brought up “purifying the city”.

CAS: We have no choice.

DEAN: Of course you have a choice. I mean, come on, what? You’ve never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both, just a couple of hammers?

CAS: Look, even if you can’t understand it, have faith. The plan is just.

SAM: How can you even say that?

CAS: Because it comes from Heaven, that makes it just.

DEAN: Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.

CAS: Tell me something, Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn’t you obey?

Sassy Castiel is just my favorite. While Anna presents her Daddy Issues in a softer way, emphasizing not knowing hers, Cas leans into the soldier side, how John was when he was there. This is an interesting difference, where Anna was already lacking in faith, God is directly paralleled to the angel’s faith by his absentee status with her, but with Castiel, who has faith in God, he’s bonding with the militaristic aspect of John’s treatment of Dean, bonding on his presence.

Next time we see these two Idiots in Love interact, it’s at the park. The bench scene. Imma be real with y’all, this is my FAVORITE Destiel scene, and contains my favorite Destiel line.

After Cas admits that their true orders were to follow Dean, not save the town, we have this:

DEAN: So I failed your test, huh? I get it. But you know what? If you were to wave that magic time travelling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I’d make the same call…

CAS: You misunderstand me, Dean. I’m not like you think. I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

DEAN: You were?

CAS: These people. They’re all my Father’s creations. They’re works of art. And yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken, and we are one step closer to Hell on Earth for all creation. And that’s not an expression, Dean. It’s literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means.

Whoa, buddy! Cas knows what Dean did last summer. Or whatever season it was. I already talked about why this is important. At this point in the narrative, very very few people know what Dean did during his stint in Hell, so this is a Big Deal. Cas just peppers it into the conversation like its not important, which I like. Cas is showing Dean right now that despite what he did, Cas doesn’t look at him differently. Cas doesn’t look at him as evil or broken, which is undoubtedly how Dean sees himself. Cas views it as just something that happened, an unavoidable speed bump in Dean’s life. That one sentence is all we get about Cas’s view on Dean having been to Hell and what he did there, showing us how negligible it is to Cas. In his eyes, Dean is still the Righteous Man, through and through. 

To complete this lovely timeline of the early Destiel relationship, we have to jump way ahead to season 5. In episode 3 “Free to Be You and Me”, Castiel is searching out Raphael the archangel. We have this glorious little bit of dialogue.

DEAN: So last night on Earth. What are your plans?

CAS: I just thought I’d sit here quietly.

DEAN: Come on, anything? Booze, women?

CASTIEL looks at DEAN, and away, uncomfortable.

DEAN:You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?

CASTIEL rubs the back of his neck.

DEAN: You mean to tell me you’ve never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?

CAS: Look, I’ve never had the occasion, okay?

DEAN: All right.

DEAN grabs his jacket.

DEAN: Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let’s go.

Oh, Dean, your eternal love for a celestial wavelength of intent is showing! So there we have it. Dean used canonically his best line on Cas. And not only did he use this line on his totes platonic BFF, he used it in conjunction with “Bert and Ernie are gay.” Good Lord. 

So there you have it! The timeline of Dean and Anna’s relationship is just a condensed version of Dean and Castiel’s. Let’s just talk about how entirely intentional this is for a second. Before I have a whole other rant’s worth of parallels beyond these. So Misha Collins was originally slated to be in 3 episodes. What are the first 3 episodes he was in? Literally the first 3 of the season. The 2nd and 3rd episodes were fairly sparse in interactions between Dean and Cas, but damn if that first episode didn’t surely establish Destiel as the ship to end all ships(I’ve seen a post floating around actually that talks about how the very first Destiel fanfiction was posted less than 24 hours post premier of “Lazarus Rising” so...draw your own conclusions there). So when Misha finishes his filming and is gone for episodes 4,5, and 6, I’m sure people started getting all worked up, worried about just what had happened to everyone’s favorite angel. So they brought Misha back, and a handful of episodes later, Anna is introduced! The earliest parallels in the relationship are all Anna mirroring things that had happened already between Dean and Castiel. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL. This was to show us the early canonical plan to begin subtextually writing Dean and Cas as a couple. I think a lot of it has to do as well with the Cockles conundrum of Which Came First, Cockles or Destiel? Cause Jesus H. Christ, the chemistry.

So there we have it. At the basest level, Destiel has been intended from the get go, and real talk, the deeper into this current season we get, the more absolutely convinced I am that we’re going to get in-story, explicit confirmation of Dean and Castiel’s romantic love for each other. Like, they're going back to Purgatory. I can't handle it. 

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Those crazy ol’ writers didn’t just stop there with the parallels between these two couples. With the introduction of Anna’s character, as I laid out in Part 1 of this meta series, they wanted to make sure we, the fandom, would Get It, and doubled down, displaying a subtextual relationship between Anna and Castiel. And you know what? Those crazy bastards just kept the parallels and mirrors coming! 

Up to this point, I’ve been focused mainly on the relationships from Dean’s point of view. But what all is going through Cas’s head?

Let’s look at 4x10 “Heaven and Hell”.

Some important background information, for those of you who haven’t been obsessively rewatching season 4 in hopes of inspiration for your season 4 based meta series (What? Just me?), the last time we have seen Cas is in 4x07, during the bench scene. The scene where Castiel confessed he was experiencing doubts, and we see for the first time how Castiel feels about humanity. 

CAS: ...I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

DEAN: You were?

CAS: These people. They’re all my Father’s creations. They’re works of art.

Even at this point, only the 4th time we have seen Cas, he establishes he is in love with humanity. He always has been. This entire scene, as I said earlier, is one of, if not my favorite, Destiel moments. And it’s because of this soft Castiel, digging deep to explain himself to this human he carefully pieced back together after fighting his way through Hell to save him. Cas confiding in Dean is so important, showing us how much Cas cares for Dean and how quickly that has all happened. Cas has always been amazed by humanity, so all the comments throughout the seasons showing Cas being in love with humanity is textually true. Cas calls them works of art. However, following this statement of love for humanity followed by showing his feelings for Dean by confiding in him ("If I tell you a secret will you promise not tell another soul?" Come on what is that?) is really telling of how Cas's love of humanity leads to him falling in love with Dean as well. He was already in love with humanity. Not that hard to just capitalize the one letter.

This scene though, Cas confessing his doubts, his growing lack of faith, leads to Cas being reset. Next time we see him, the last minute of 4x09, he pretty quickly establishes he has been “reset”. Spot on acting from Misha. Knowing what we do about Naomi constantly resetting Cas, it makes this obvious looking back on the season.

This cycle of doubting, confiding, and then being reset all over again doesn’t just happen with Dean. It happens a bit later, but this time with Anna!

Jump ahead to 4x16, and Cas is once again experiencing Big Doubts about God and Heaven. This time though, he turns to Anna, his ex. 

ANNA: The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he’d ask this of you? You think this is righteous?

CASTIEL can’t meet her eyes.

ANNA: What you’re feeling? It’s called doubt.

Now let’s jump back to 4x10, specifically the first Anna and Dean conversation. Throwback to Part 2, where Dean’s side of things in so rich and beautiful and a perfect look into Dean’s psyche at the time, going so far as to spawn and entire separate meta about Dean’s fears. The flip side of that, however, shows us more than just Anna’s insight on angels. It gives an interesting parallel to Castiel and what he would consider “worth falling for.”

ANNA: I don’t know. There’s loyalty...forgiveness...love.

DEAN: Pain.

ANNA: Chocolate cake.

DEAN: Guilt.

ANNA: Sex.

These are all things that the Winchester’s have shown Castiel over the year. Loyalty, Dean rooting for him in season 6, hoping he hadn’t betrayed them. Forgiveness, oof. Cas has made mistakes. They all have, and every time, they forgive Cas. Love. I wouldn’t be writing this if it weren’t for love. And then we have chocolate cake. That’s Cas’s PB&J, before it starts to taste like molecules again. And then there’s sex. Once again. Dean. Duh. 

And if that scene weren’t damning enough, let’s look at this from 4x22. 

What did Dean say about humanity to Anna? Confused, afraid, pain, guilt. God, I quit. This show is just ridiculous. In 4x10, he is talking bad about humanity, putting it down. Let’s not forget that Dean IS humanity. He was being about as self-deprecating as it gets, fresh out of Hell, believing he doesn’t deserve to be saved. And then we have this. Dean trying to convince Cas that humanity is worth saving! And what does Cas do? He confirms what Dean thought earlier. Dean continues to play Anna’s role, pro-humanity all the way and it shows us some growth!

DEAN: You can take you peace...and shove it up your lily-white ass. ‘Cause I’ll take the pain and the guilt. I’ll even take Sam as is. It’s a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.

Wow, Dean. Talk about a 180! This is literally a complete flip from his conversation with Anna! Such a beautiful scene. They throw in the “good soldier” line, and this response from Dean is essentially just him talking to his past self via Cas. Anna, Cas, and Dean are in a constant revolving parallel/mirror. They all fill each other’s role in a different way every scene and I LOVE IT.

Back in 4x10 we have a few lovely and iconic lines. 

DEAN: Don’t normally see you off your leash. Where’s your boss?

URIEL: Castiel? Oh, he’s, uh… He’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you. Time’s up boy. We want the girl.

DEAN: Wouldn’t try that if I were you. See, she got her grace back. Full-blown angel now.

URIEL: Wouldn’t that be a neat trick, considering… [takes out a necklace]... I have her grace right here. We can’t let Hell get their hooks into her.

DEAN: Well, then why don’t you just give her back her angel juice?

URIEL: She committed a serious crime.

DEAN: What? Thinking for herself?

So they’re talking about Anna, an angel that fell for humanity, and they’re talking about Castiel’s absence, due to him being in love with Humanity. Cool. Heaven knows that Cas can’t be around Dean, who has already caused Castiel to need to be reset twice since their first meeting. Castiel is another Anna just waiting to happen.

After the demons duke it out with the angels, we don’t see Castiel again until the tail end of 4x15 “Death Takes a Holiday”, after he captures Alastair.

DEAN: So, what now, huh? The people in this town, they just gonna start dying again?

CAS: Yes.

DEAN: These are good people. What, you think you can make a few exceptions?

CAS: To everything there is a season.

DEAN: You made an exception for me.

CAS pauses, then looks at DEAN.

CAS: You’re different.

Can you feel the gay? Can you? Ugh. 

This is the first conversation they have alone, since the park benches. Since Cas has been reset. If you look at the Dean and Cas relationship through that lens, specifically looking for when Cas has most likely been recently reset, it changes your whole view of early season Castiel. I don’t know about you all, but my first time watching this show, I didn’t see Destiel AT ALL. It wasn’t until the second time through, seeing those early episodes with the two of them knowing that Castiel has been reset, knowing that that is even something the angels have the power to do. It really changes your perspective on their early relationship, and makes up for the discrepancies in the plot hole of Misha’s “hot and cold towards Dean” acting. 

Episode 16 “On the Head of a Pin” revolves around Dean’s time in Hell. This is the first real mention we get of it since he confessed to Sam what happened, going more in depth as to what it was that Dean did when he was there. The first Dean and Cas interaction of this episode is very interesting. Let’s look at a quick timeline of when Cas has been reset thus far, that we know of at least. First, we have a gap from episode 4 to 6 where Cas is not there, and not really mentioned either. Saving Dean, and those first few interactions with each other did a number on our poor angel, bringing out the questions. In episode 7, we have the bench scene confession, prompting the angels to need to intervene. So Cas gets reset. Next, we see him again in episode 9 and 10, where we meet Anna. Being around Dean again, coupled with his ex, so the 2 people that have started to sway him away from the will of Heaven and show him the benefits of Free Will, fast tracks his doubts all over again, leading to another lengthy stint in Naomi’s office during the events of episode 11-15.

When Sam and Dean walk back into their motel room to find Uriel there with Cas, Uriel is the one standing front and center, Cas off to the back, practically in a corner, despite being the typical go between for Heaven with the Winchesters. Even when Dean tries to bait Cas with a comment about how he remembers Pamela, as he is the one that burnt her eyes out, we get no sort of response from him except for a pretty solid bitch face. Then he finally speaks up, after Uriel meets Dean with nothing but disdain and rudeness.

CAS: Dean, we know this is difficult to understand.

URIEL: And we-

URIEL gives CAS a significant look.

URIEL: -don’t care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight. 

Cas is now under orders to “Shut the fuck up and stop talking to your boyfriend” basically. And Uriel is there to enforce it. That look is Uriel telling Cas to watch it, that he’s once again getting too close to Dean. One thing that the transcript doesn’t show though, is Cas after Uriel gives him that look. You can literally see him slip back into the “good soldier mode”, watch him turn rigid and cold and distant from Dean. And you can see the way Dean’s eyes flick back to Cas, hoping he will stand up to Uriel, put him in his place like he has done in the past. And you see it not work. Oof.

And then, when Cas finally starts talking again, visually moving himself into the conversation (as if they already planned for him to be the one to ask Dean, taking advantage of Dean’s obvious attachment to Castiel), he tells Dean he’s their only hope to crack Alastair and find out who’s been killing the angels. 

DEAN: No. No way. You can’t ask me to do this, Cas. Not this.

He pleads to Cas. Obviously he would plead to Cas. The first person to ever mention knowing what happened in Hell to Dean. The one responsible for pulling him out of there in the first place. And honestly, I like to headcanon it was a straight up battle. And part of Dean remembers his rescue, remembers Cas saving him. Maybe Cas saw him in action? Maybe Cas saw him at his lowest and still chose to rescue him. Ugh. They’re precious.

And then they zap Dean away, and we have Cas comforting Dean, essentially. Making sure he knows that Alastair can’t hurt him this time. And Dean is still ready to bail, because duh.

DEAN (to Uriel): ...You can make me do whatever you want. But you can’t make me do this.

CAS: This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it.

Why does Cas know it’s too much to ask? CAUSE HE SAW DEAN IN HELL. No one else has been presented to us as having any intimate knowledge of what happened with Dean in Hell, except this episode just keeps smacking me over the head about how Cas knows better than anyone that Dean can’t torture again. Let’s think about who knows real quick: Cas, first person to ever bring it up, and then throughout the season it comes up more and more, Cas talking in a knowing way as if he is intimately aware of the level of trauma Dean sustained there. Then Uriel brings it up, not in front of Dean. And surprise, he’s a dick about it. Trying to use it as leverage with Sam. And then Anna says she heard it mentioned on Angel Radio. And her telling Dean it’s okay, as I talked about in Part 2, her saying he should forgive himself, it pushed them straight into the backseat of the Impala. And then Sam finally gets clued in about it all during the scene Jensen should have won an award for, cause good lord, the crying while sitting on the Impala? God bless.

Of the people that talk specifically to Dean about Hell, Cas was not only the 1st person to bring up he was aware of what happened in Hell, he is also the only one with firsthand experience. Anna was clued in by Angel Radio, and Sam was told by Dean. This gives Cas a completely different perspective, but he has also been fairly recently reset. So while part of him, the part already head over heels for Dean is trying to shelter him from as much pain and difficulty this situation is bringing, he also has his orders. 

DEAN: What’s going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?

CAS: My superiors have begun to question my sympathies. 

DEAN: Your sympathies?

CAS: I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I’ve begun to express emotion. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgement.

So we all know from the bench scene that Cas was past the doorways to doubt. He is full blown already putting his faith in someone other than God. He’s been putting his faith in Dean for a while now. Maybe since before Dean refused to let Uriel destroy the town, even. Maybe since he pulled Dean out of Hell? Who knows. It is explicitly stated that it wasn’t just humans, not just humanity in general that was causing problems with Heaven for Cas. It was just Dean. He says he was getting too close, beginning to express emotions. What emotions might those be, Cas? Surely not the beginnings of an undying love and affection for Mr. Humanity? And interestingly enough, as soon as Cas is reminded of the fact that he isn’t supposed to be close to Dean, what does he do? Turns to stand facing away from Dean, looking off in the distance, chin up, stock still. The same stance from earlier in the hotel room when Uriel reminds him of this same exact thing. 

DEAN: Well tell Uriel, or whoever...you do not want me doing this, trust me.

CAS: Want it, no. But I have been told we need it. 

DEAN: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you might not like what walks back out.

CAS: For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

Oof. This scene always wrecks me. “Good Soldier” Cas can’t even look at Dean, Dean can’t look at Cas. It’s heartbreaking. But god, this is so romantic and tropey. It’s like the scene where the like, retired spy or ex-con has to get back into the game, and trying to convince his wife or something it’s a bad idea. 

God and that line Castiel has?  “I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING.” Oh would you? Would you sacrifice everything for Dean Winchester? We been knew. 

And then the framing of the scene where Dean walks into the room to start torturing. Oh man, Cas, framed like the angel on Dean’s shoulder in the background, and then the door swings shut, covering Cas perfectly. Essentially saying “this is not holy” and some bad shit is about to go down. Gorgeous.

And then Dean starts to torture Alastair, and Cas can hear it. The look of pain on his face. Yikes.

We have a little baby mirror when Anna shows up, lights flickering, one of the bulbs breaking, very reminiscent of Dean and Cas’s first meeting. 

And then let’s jump ahead to when Dean is in the hospital. He just got the shit beat out of him by Alastair, Cas tried to save him, failed, and Sam came in to save the day.

DEAN is in bed, heavily bandaged with a breathing tube and an IV drip. SAM sits next to him. CAS appears at the doorway, pauses, and continues down the hallway. SAM follows him out of the room.

CAS: Sam-

SAM: Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now.

CAS: I can’t.

SAM: You and Uriel put him in there-

CAS: No.

SAM: -because you can’t keep a simple devil’s trap together.

CAS: I don’t know what happened. That trap...it shouldn’t have broken. I am sorry.

SAM: This whole thing was pointless. You understand that? The demons aren’t doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers.

CAS: Perhaps Alastair was lying.

SAM: No, he wasn’t.

SAM goes back to DEAN. CAS looks as though he has been slugged in the face.

So here we have Cas feeling responsible for Dean’s current condition. We find out shortly after that Cas made the devil’s trap himself, which is why he was so sure Dean would be safe. Sam demands Cas heal him and he says he can’t. After he seeks out Uriel and confesses he thinks God might not be the one in charge anymore, who does he seek out? Anna. He seeks out Anna in regards to his wavering faith. He went to Dean first though. Dean being incapacitated, he sought out the next best person, his ex, who he had planned on falling with years ago. Cas tells Anna that for the first time he feels. Whatcha feeling there, buddy? Love? His conversation with Sam, demanding he heal Dean, seeing Dean hurt like that and finding himself unable to help, it broke through reprogramming with a quickness, and prompted Cas to seek out Anna in hopes of some direction as to where to go from there. Every time Cas considers disobedience, it’s in regards to Dean Winchester. Back in 4x07, Cas begins to show us this mindset when he confesses that he was hoping Dean would save the town. And from then on, Cas just considers disobedience faster and faster post reset every time.

And then, after Anna kills Uriel, we see Cas sitting fucking vigil at Dean’s bedside. I’ve definitely read that fanfiction before. 

CAS: Are you alright?

DEAN: No thanks to you.

CAS: You need to be more careful.

DEAN: You need to learn how to manage a damn devil’s trap.

CAS: That’s not what I mean. Uriel is dead.

DEAN: Was it the demons?

CAS: It was disobedience. He was working against us.

Disobedience, huh? Textually, we have Uriel being disobedient, killing angels and recruiting for Team Lucifer, but what did Cas say to Anna? “I’ve been considering disobedience.” He killed an angel.

DEAN: Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?

CAS: Yes. When we discovered Lillith’s plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you-

DEAN: Jump-started the apocalypse.

CAS: And we were too late.

DEAN: Why didn’t you just leave me there, then?

CAS: It’s not blame that falls on you, Dean, it’s fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.

DEAN: Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don’t you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!

CAS: I don’t know.

DEAN: Bull.

CAS: I don’t. Dean, they don’t tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.

DEAN: Well then you guys are screwed. I can’t do it, Cas. It’s too big. Alastair was right. I’m not all here. I’m not- I’m not strong enough. Well, I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It’s not me.

DEAN begins to cry.

Learning from Alastair that he is the reason all of this is happening is HARD. Dean has been struggling for a while about his time in Hell. Think back to my Yellow Fever companion meta for a bit. Dean’s biggest fear is his time in Hell, if he is actually all there now that he’s back, and coming to terms with what he did. Daddy Issues is on there too, and hearing that his dad never caved, that once again, Dean is shown to be a disappointment to John, breaks him all over again. And god, when Dean starts crying with Cas there. He barely hides it from him, so overwhelmed, hoping for some sort of support. Think back to when Dean tells Sam about what happened in Hell, he spends most of his time turned away from Sam, hiding his break from masculinity, but with Cas, he embraces his emotions, and says he can’t do it. This reminds me so much of the bench scene, but flipped. It’s Dean’s turn for a confession, Dean’s turn to say he has no clue what to do, Dean’s turn to tell Cas something if he doesn’t tell another soul. And to tie it all up with a bow, Dean throws in some shared trauma with the mention of both their dads being disappointed. Cas understands Dean’s ties to John in a way that no other character can. And as I talked about earlier, it is a key point in their relationship. Anytime these two talk about their dads, it is just tying them even closer together.

In the Yellow Fever meta, I established Daddy Issues as one if Dean's 3 largest fears. I also talked about Dean's closeted bisexuality. So let's talk about that closeted bisexuality in context of Cas. In 4x10, while talking with Anna, Dean talks about confusion being a part of being human. I talked in Part 2 about that confusion in regards to Dean's time in Hell, but I think it's especially poignant when coupled with Dean having just been talking about angels. I think a lot of the Anna/Dean relationship is Dean wanting Cas, and not knowing how to deal with that attraction. His subtextually homophobic father has recently died, something Dean absolutely hasn't dealt with, just got back from 40 years in Hell, where, especially looking at the conversation between Dean and Alastair in 4x16, it's heavily implied Dean was sexually assaulted as part of his torture, and then to top it all off, his savior is smoking hot. As Yellow Fever shows us, Dean is not comfortable in his sexuality, particularly being open with it, and now hes being constantly put in sexually and emotionally charged situations with the sexiest angel in the garrison. Dean is confused about this doubly forbidden attraction (angel and male presenting). So when he meets a female ex-angel that manages to check all his boxes, of course he goes for it! It's a way to live out his fantasy in a safer way. 

And there you have it kids! Dean and Cas were intended to get together from day fucking one. Anna’s relationship with both of these men pretty explicitly depicts that over the course of her handful of episodes, and the writers of this show wrote all three relationships beautifully through the parallels and mirrors.

Thank you all for supporting me throughout the writing of this series. I know my sporadic posting has been hard to keep up with, and real life delayed the writing and posting of this SO many times. Specific shout outs to @agusvedder​ for gifs and encouragement, @verobatto-angelxhunter​ for so many kind words, and @theirprofoundbond​ for all her help getting this out there to all of you. I appreciate all of you guys that take the time to read, like, and reblog my Destiel dumpster fire ravings on season 4. 

[amwritingmeta]

Perdition

The Stuff: canon compliant, pre-Lazarus Rising S4, Destiel, first meeting, first kiss, Castiel POV, Hell, that time when there was gripping and raising Warnings: torture, blood, Dean being violent (but it’s Hell so) Words: 3548

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There are barely any fires to heat the pit. They burn in some corners, but the embers aren’t enough to spread any light or heat. Hell is a cold, dark place. The air is dry, scentless, as barren of distinction and of actual life as the place itself. It’s enough to drive anyone mad. Half the screams are from souls not even in the throes of torture. They scream because they can’t remember who they were, or why they’re here. All they know is that they’re alone in a cell and no one will tell them why.

One by one they silence when the light of his grace chases away the surrounding darkness. 

Their eyes widen with mute hope, their hands reach out, palms up, as if in quiet benediction, and one by one they fall to their knees. 

It happens over and over. 

They believe he’s their salvation, but he’s not come to save them. They’re all here for reasons he cannot govern or interfere with. His mission has to do with saving one soul, and no more. 

He knows he’s closing in on it. He can sense it, like a breath ruffling the delicate feathers of his wings: the soul of the righteous man. Already broken, like the seal he represents, and further breaking himself against the pain and suffering he has endured. 

Every gash and every wound the soul has had inflicted upon it, every injury it has itself inflicted after it was taken off the rack, have been felt by the host of angels ever since they entered this forsaken place, experienced like damning ripples of action and reaction. Despite it, they have known all is not lost if they can reach the soul, and salvage enough to at least bring something back with them. 

And now he’s almost at the end of the journey. 

For there, at the end of the corridor, sits a closed door. 

“Castiel,” Benjamin says, and Castiel turns his head to his second in command, giving a nod as a signal for his kin to veer off.

Benjamin will bring the rest of their garrison with him to stave off any renewed attempts by Hell’s final defence to retaliate.

It doesn’t matter now. They’re much too late. The war is lost.

The sense of triumph he feels, resting his eyes on the closed door before him, is difficult to contain. After spilt grace and unspeakable sacrifice and a long, arduous final battle, here he stands, at last victorious, ready to step into the room that holds not only what they have come for, but the only thing that can conceivably bring Heaven to true glory.

Now is the moment when he has no choice but to come completely into himself. 

His preferred state of existence is spreading himself out, stretching across several dimensions at once. Mostly because it’s a nusiance to stay contained in one single dimension - it leaves his insides itchy and strange - but for this moment, for this confrontation, it’s necessary. Even in an adapted form, away from his true splendour, it’s quite possible that the soul on the other side of that door won’t be able to concieve him, let alone communicate with him on any meaningful level.

As Castiel begins to pull himself together, the illusion surrounding him stutters. 

Hell is not walls and cells and corridors. Hell is black, inky shadows where no oxygen exists. Nothing survives here because nothing is meant to. It reeks of death and fear, and he has loathed the stench ever since first setting foot through the gates and starting upon this quest, but now, as he leaves the upper dimensions to come fully into this one, the overpowering scent of terror, eminating from the lost and tortured, is overcome by the more provocing and immediate scent of fresh blood. It’s still a part of the illusion, an illusion put in place by the Devil to push at the soul’s lingering perceptions of reality, underpinning his delighting in slowly driving them insane, but it is a very convincing one, especially now that Castiel finds himself on the more basic cellular level, close to the level he has been whenever he’s had cause to take a human vessel. 

At this level, the scent of blood is prevailant because the belief that blood is being shed on the other side of that door, a belief that is held firm by the torturer doing the shedding, is strong enough to trace itself around Castiel, like a crimson pattern of quiet foreboding, signalling that the soul is so trapped in the illusion around it that it believes the illusion to be its reality. Convincing it otherwise, in order to bring it willingly out of this place, may yet prove the greater challenge of this entire enterprise. Forcing the soul out against its will could leave it in tatters.

Castiel fixes his eyes on the door, and with nothing more than a thought, he erases the spellwork keeping the illusion of it in place. 

The force of the disillusionment makes the wood splinter inwards in a cascade of sharp pieces and he walks through the doorway without any hesitation, already sensing precisely what carnage is about to greet him. He’s not mistaken.

Dean Winchester is wearing what are meant to be clothes, but the garments are so caked in dried blood they appear more like a thick secondary skin. Before him, stretched out on a slab of stone, is the soul of another man, and the slender knife in Dean Winchester’s right hand is just finishing its task of carving a pattern into the man’s stomach. The torture is felt in every single part of the soul, and it is left screaming from such a deep point of pain that it comes out as no sound at all, merely a contortion of the face, mouth gaping.

Castiel watches as a tear teeters in the corner the man’s staring left eye, before spilling over, sliding down his temple to join with the sweat and previous tears soaking his dark hair. 

Castiel can feel the despair eminating from the soul, like a chain wrapping itself around his chest, tightening with every second, bidding him to release it.

He cannot.

The knife is pulled out, dripping from it onto the floor as Dean Winchester steps back to admire his handiwork. He is so far gone. 

Ever since Castiel first set foot in hell he has felt what he’s feeling now, the fury of the righteous man, the raging need of retribution, like a slow pulse against his being, but the almost-thing before him is inches away from contracting black eyes, the demonic influence of his guards clearly having proved too overpowering. Castiel expected something less than what was sent to Hell, but this… There is barely any humanity left in him.

“Dean Winchester,” Castiel speaks with force, knowing that if Dean Winchester’s soul doesn’t listen to its mortal name, then there will surely only be shrapnel left, scattered pieces of memory where most of its life on Earth has been completely forgotten.

He’s unsure of how easily or accurately a soul in pieces can be put back together again. He’s never heard of anyone ever even attempting it. Could God mend a broken soul? Would he mend it?

Castiel’s wings are taut along his back for the seconds it takes the soul before him to react.

Dean Winchester has yet to acknowledge him in any way, even as he stands in the middle of this space. The soul didn’t pause when the door shattered, nor did it react at the intrusion as Castiel made his way into the room, but at his name being spoken, Dean Winchester’s brows furrow and he turns his head to Castiel, finally a query there of who exactly it is that’s come to interrupt him in his work. 

The frown only deepens when his eyes meet Castiel’s. 

Castiel relaxes a fraction, in spite of the incredulous scrutiny he’s under. At least this is a start, but there’s a faint scent of sulfur hanging in the air. The infestation of the place like a sickness flowing through the soul before him. Tainted.

Finally Dean Winchester speaks, but Castiel is perturbed by how he’s taken by surprise, something that’s rare for him, and especially as he’s taken by surprise not only by the words spoken, but by how they’re delivered. 

With the frown never leaving Dean Winchester’s face there’s not a glimmer of reverence, not even a trace of intrigue - merely annoyance - as he asks:

“And what the hell are you supposed to be?” 

His voice is deep, commanding, utterly lacking fear. He feels this is his territory. He feels he has the upper hand. He doesn’t understand. And Castiel is slightly thrown, because the soul acts as though Castiel’s Heavenly light isn’t visible to him at all. The soul is reacting as though Castiel is an equal, meant to be challenged. This is highly unusual. Even though human perception of angelic grace is limited to a very small number of exceptional recievers, Castiel is still accustomed to sheer and immediate awe at the moment of revelation. 

Castiel ruffles his feathers without meaning to, bristling at the lack of understanding that the righteous man is looking his salvation right in the eye.

“I am an angel of the Lord,” Castiel replies, with as much command.

To his utter disbelief, all it does is produce a lopsided grin.

“A what now?” Dean Winchester asks. “You hear that?” he adds to the soul still contorted on the slab before him, leaning forward so that the man’s eyes widen an impossible fraction more in absolute terror before he adds: “Next he’ll tell me Sasquatch is real.”

He spins the bloodied weapon thrice between nimble fingers before raising his arm and bringing it down with awesome force, making the tip of it stick in the stone before him, leaving it to quiver in place. The improbability of a knife cutting through stone doesn’t seem to bother him. He’s accepted the illusion completely, then. He’s become part of it. 

Castiel realises, with mounting concern, that this soul will most definitively not come willingly. The taint has been brought on by years of servitude and the soul has made peace with it. It believes it belongs here.

“Dean Winchester, you are to come with me,” Castiel states, begging no question.

Of course - there are questions.

“That right?” Dean Winchester says, looking amused more than anything else. “And why’s that?” he adds, pulling a dirty piece of cloth out of one pocket and drying his hands off of any wet blood, all the while keeping his eyes steadily in Castiel’s.

Castiel very much dislikes it. There is a calm strength surrounding this corrupted soul that is making Castiel feel discombobulated, the power of the soul’s convictions making the illusion of the room, the slab, the traces of drying blood all over the floor, feel real, even as Castiel knows it is not.

“Because God has commanded it,” he now replies, back straightening with the words, with the heavy duty that has come with this mission, with all that’s depending on its successful outcome.

“God?” Dean Winchester repeats. “Get the hell out of here. The big guy himself. Wow,” he continues, nonsensically, but offering some sort of clarification when he says: “Well, you tell that dickwad next time you see him that I don’t take well to ‘commandments’.” He puts his fingers up, hooking them around the word as if to give it certain significance and Castiel realises he’s staring, his mind working furiously to keep up with what exactly is happening. “Kinda had that habit beaten out of me. Actually kinda never had the habit,” Dean Winchester finishes with another lopsided smile. “Not exactly the get down on my knees and pray type, if you know what I mean.”

Castiel understands the meaning of that sentence well enough - the lack of faith in this soul is beginning to resemble something like a wall between them. Invisible, but impenetrable all the same. It won’t do.

“I will drag you out of here if I have to,” Castiel says, not meaning it to come out as a dare for disobedience, especially since he’s not meant to do anything of the sort and, in all honesty, barely even knows where the impulse to speak the threat has come from, but that’s how it leaves his mouth nonetheless.

“Whatever rocks your boat, man. Drag away,” Dean Winchester replies, holding his hands up dismissively.

Castiel moves his wings again, shaking the feathers out as a warning that only another angel would really understand, and doing it mostly as something of a deterrent for himself.

Because Castiel knows, with everything in him, that he shouldn’t approach the soul. He’s not meant to make unnessacary contact. In fact, he’s not meant to touch the soul at all. If the soul was willing, he wouldn’t have to even consider it, but if the choice is to leave the soul here or take a chance at raising it out of Hell and only bringing remnants with him, then there is no choice. He can’t leave it here. He must at least try to bring something, anything, back with him or face the failure as his, and his alone. 

And so, in the middle of deliberation he begins to walk forward, before he can question it, making the decision on the fly, feeling as though he’s breaking through some unseen obstacle as he approaches the soul, thinking it the right decision thanks to that impression, but as he reaches out for Dean Winchester, the righteous man suddenly steps to the side, making Castiel’s touch move through nothing but air as Dean Winchester grasps the knife, his movements like water, spinning a half-turn and sinking the weapon deep into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel looks at it for a moment, before he grasps the hilt and pulls it out, eyeing it for another moment and then dropping it unceremoniously at Dean Winchester’s feet, eyes meeting his and suddenly Castiel wonders exactly what it is Dean Winchester sees when he looks at him. Is Castiel truly appearing as just another soul to him? 

And he finally understands: this is not the first time this has happened. 

Dean Winchester held out for thirty years, waiting for salvation, no wonder he’s no longer equipped to recognise it when it arrives. He let go of the hope that it would a long time ago.

“I’m not part of the lies they’ve fed you, Dean,” Castiel braves calling the soul by first name only, knowing some would feel it breeching the code of conduct, but he needs to reach him. “I am of Heaven,” he continues. “And I’m come to bring you home.”

There’s a spark. It’s brief, but Castiel sees it. Recognition. Possibly even yearning to believe it could be true. The dying hope not quite yet dead, the need for faith not entirely beaten out of him. It emboldens Castiel further, until Dean speaks again.

“I am home,” he says.

“You don’t belong here,” Castiel says, for the first time, in all the years he’s spent wanting to reach this exact place, truly believing it himself.

Dean smiles a broad smile then; it lights up his eyes, even in the dimness of the room.

“Says who? God?” he asks.

“You doubt me,” Castiel says, realising to his own surprise that he doesn’t want this doubt, that he doesn’t deserve it, and that he wants, more than anything he’s ever wanted, to show Dean Winchester how wrong he truly is.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Dean says.

There’s a few breaths where Castiel merely eyes the other, wondering why the salvation of this soul is morphing from an external necessity to something he feels throughout his entire being as the only right thing and should he fail, he doesn’t think he will be able to bear it.

“There’s only one problem, Dean,” Castiel says.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I’m not the one lacking faith,” Castiel replies, and before Dean can move away again, Castiel’s touch places itself gently against Dean’s left shoulder.

This was always the objective, Castiel tells himself. This is the only way for him to lift this soul and for him to bring it with him, and he’s breaking protocol by not waiting for consent, but they didn’t know the soul was this far gone. They will understand that he had no choice, surely. 

Before he can even really begin to fully question his following the impulse, his thoughts are interrupted by the impressions hitting him all at once, like a pulsing heart beat that transfers itself from the center of Dean Winchester’s soul into the center of Castiel’s grace.

With every beat comes a new sensation until all the new is a jumbled mess of rooted fear and defensive anger, with compassion surging, flowing like a river, deep and unyielding to any other emotion, and somewhere there’s tentative joy and formidable loyalty and a longing Castiel can’t quite understand, only its within him now, all of it within him too, as the illusion around them finally falls away and they begin to rise, together.

Dean Winchester’s eyes are in Castiel’s, and Castiel stares back, wanting to reassure the soul, wanting to make certain it is coming to the understanding of the truth, and wanting to reassure himself that he wasn’t mistaken, that the flicker of hope truly was hidden behind that wall he had to step through, and then, before Castiel’s astonished gaze, the soul begins to brighten, the taint slowly rising off it, like wisps of dark smoke. Castiel barely dares believe its him doing it, but there’s nothing else to produce this sudden state of grace, and then…

And then Dean kisses him.

They are both made of nothing but light, both floating in energy and in spaces between dimensions without human form, but this kiss is something Dean Winchester wants and so they’re kissing, the sensations are something Dean Winchester knows, and so Castiel knows them too. Lips against lips. And then Castiel’s lips part to allow Dean’s tongue to lick against his, and Castiel’s eyes are open wide in alarmed surprise at the cascading glittering strangely unbidden rivulets of heat spreading from the tips of his wings through his entire being and he closes his eyes. This is no more than the soul expressing overwhelming trust, gratitude and happiness. This soul is rejoicing at being set free, at being brought home. 

But something is shaking itself loose within Castiel that has been wound tight for so long that he didn’t even realise it. An echoing longing of his own. To know more, to learn. To feel. To feel freely. With it comes a fear he’s never before experienced, and he finds himself clutching at the soul, holding on for everything he’s worth.

Then, in a blink, they’re pulled apart.

The light of the soul, the warmth of its closeness, is gone, but Castiel knows instantly where its been sent, as the lingering connection allows him to experience the moment when the soul rests back into its body. It happens as Castiel rises out of a clearing where the trees have been felled outward at the surge of power when he and the soul were disconnected.

Another blink and Castiel is unceremoniously yanked back into himself and slammed onto a hard surface, seated before his superiors, who ask him a hundred and one questions before telling him that Dean Winchester won’t remember anything of the rescue, or of him, and that he’s to introduce himself to the human, keep him safe, and await further instructions. 

Castiel basks in the commendations for a job well done, but, once he’s left alone, there’s a gnawing in his chest that won’t leave him be, soft thrills through his wings, because the longing didn’t dissipate with the loss of that immediate connection. Instead, what it’s given way for, is slowly creeping doubt. A doubt that fans the fear into an ever spreading confusion. 

He doesn’t know what to do with it.

What he does know is that he’s been charged with the safety of Dean Winchester. He’ll focus on that. It’s what he should do. It’s all he can do. He’ll keep his distance, as is expected of him, and he’ll guide the human as best as he can and only physically interact if it becomes absolutely necessary. He feels he’s interferred enough as it is and, surely, given enough space, the gnawing will stop, the unbidden thrills will go away, and the doubt will fade. Everything will return to normal. The thought makes him feel better. And yet, he does wonder…

He knows he let his touch linger for much too long, distracted away from the absolute power contained within the soul, power that is enough to burn even a soldier of Heaven. He should have gotten them to that clearing faster, but he missed his aim. It’s why his superiors interfered - he was never meant to stay with the soul for as long as he did, and especially not in the connected state they were in.

It’s bound to have left a mark.

[havenoffandoms]

Heartbreak

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14170854

Pairing: Destiel

Warnings: break-ups, implied mpreg, parent Destiel

Summary: When she was sixteen years old, Victoria Charlie Winchester experienced her first heartbreak.

When she was sixteen years old, Victoria Charlie Winchester experienced her first heartbreak. However, her parents, Dean and Castiel Winchester, did not know of this until the day after Victoria’s boyfriend had broken up with her, for she did not leave her bedroom all day, not even when Dean tried to lure her out with a still warm apple-pie that had just come out of the oven. Refusing food was highly unusual behaviour for Victoria, and that’s when Castiel decided to check on her. He went to knock on his daughter’s bedroom door, hoping he would get a reaction from her. Although Castiel could have easily appeared inside Victoria’s room, he would never abuse that power. Her bedroom was her private space, her sanctuary and her parents needed to respect that (although Dean had already threatened that if Castiel’s plan was unsuccessful, the door would be kicked in).

“Victoria, sweetheart? Are you okay?”

Castiel had not expected an answer, so it was unsurprising that he was met with complete silence. It did not discourage the fallen angel.

“There’s a slice of pie for you in the kitchen still, but if you don’t hurry your dad will eat it instead… he’s had his eyes on it for the past hours”

Still, no answer. Castiel thought thoroughly about a way to get his daughter to talk to him and decided that honesty was probably the way to go. Anything to keep Dean from breaking into her room and upsetting her even more.

“Sweetheart, your dad and I are worried. You haven’t spoken to us or came out of your room since yesterday when you came back from school. You did not even come out to feed Lady Snowball, you usually like to personally take care of her. So, if there is any way that we can help, please Victoria let us know. We are always here for you”

Thinking about it, Lady Snowball has been strangely quiet since last night. Castiel waited a couple of seconds outside the door, hoping to hear his daughter move or speak, but to no avail. Sighing heavily, Castiel decided to try his luck later and as he turned around to brief Dean on the situation, he heard the lock of Victoria’s bedroom door click. Castiel stopped instantly and smiled knowingly to himself. Victoria was signalling that she needed someone to talk to without openly asking for it. She resembled Dean in that regard, not wanting to seem vulnerable and always wanting to appear strong to anyone around her. Castiel understood and knew how to deal with the situation. He had done so far too often in the past with his husband, and even long before they were together. Confidently, Castiel stepped inside his daughter’s bedroom and closed the door behind him.

“Afternoon”

Victoria lay on her hundred pillows, covered with a fluffy turquoise throw and wearing her cosy pyjamas. Her hair was in disarray and her laptop open next to her on the bed, paused on an episode of Jane the Virgin. Castiel noticed that Lady Snowball was purring on his daughter’s lap, which meant that Victoria must have snuck her in through the night for comfort and the fat Scottish fold seemed quite content with that arrangement. Castiel and Dean were convinced that this cat only liked Victoria. His daugher’s eyes were red and puffy and Castiel deducted that she had been crying (and thanked Chuck that Dean that not been the one to come talk to her, for he would have taken out the hunting gear and vowed to chase whoever hurt his little princess down).

“We were worried about you, sweetheart” Castiel said, getting straight to the point, “may I sit here?” Victoria nodded her approval and reassuringly pet Lady Snowball’s head when the cat hissed at her father. Castiel shot the animal a glare before sitting next to the upset teenager and putting an arm around her, pulling her close.

“Now, tell me what’s been troubling you” he asked softly, giving Victoria as much time as she needed to explain her recent attitude. Instead, the young girl handed her phone to Castiel after unlocking it.

“Read it”, she instructed. Castiel took the phone from her with, looking rather confused at the turn of events. His understanding of teenagers was that they did not, under any circumstance, want their parents to know what was going on in their personal lives and that included the conversations on their smartphones. Touched by the trust his daughter exhibited in him, Castiel began reading:

We need to talk…

About what?

Can I call you?

I’m at Joyce’s place right now. What’s up?

Look, I didn’t want to do this over text, but I just don’t think it’s fair that we carry on this way. It’s hurting the both of us. I know what I did, and it was wrong. and I know you said you forgave me, but I don’t think that it is totally true. And I hate that whenever I take my phone you give me this look of mistrust… I hurt you and I know I am still hurting you and that’s not what I want. So, I think it’s best for us to end things. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and know that you were one of the best things that happened to me and anyone would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend.

Castiel’s heart sank in his chest. From what he gathered, Victoria had had problems in her relationship for a long time and had not even told them. Her boyfriend, Andrew, had broken up with her.

“He cheated on me with a girl from school a couple of months ago, and I forgave him. I should have ended then. It would have been painful, but I would have been the one to end it. I would have kept my pride. I would not be where we are now” Fresh tears welled up in Victoria’s eyes and streamed down her face. Lady Snowball meowed pitifully when she noticed her owner upset again and rubbed her whole body against Victoria’s cosy pyjamas.

“Why did you not come to us?” Victoria snickered humourlessly.

“And have dad tell me that I had to break up and that he would go kill Andrew? Please, I thought you’d understand…”

“I suppose you’re right”, Castiel conceded, “I understand why you didn’t tell your dad earlier, but why did you not come to me?”

“Because”, Victoria explained through her handkerchief she was using to blow her nose, “you would have told dad.” As simple as that. Castiel felt silly for not getting to that conclusion himself.

“I’m sorry that is how you feel, sweetheart. I’m sorry that is how we make you feel. But now that it’s out, if you need to talk just know that I am here, okay?” Victoria nodded and sniffled miserably. It would take another couple of weeks, maybe months to get over Andrew, but at least this time, Castiel and Dean would be there.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can you make sure dad doesn’t freak out?” Castiel smiled and kissed his daughter’s forehead.

“Of course. I’ll talk to him” Castiel stood up, determined to talk to his husband but halted when he reached the doorway. He turned around and looked at Victoria with a small smile.

“You know, sweetheart, he was your first boyfriend. And even though he’s done things that are terrible I agree with something he says: anyone would be lucky to have you. And there will be someone else and you will learn to love someone else again…” Victoria looked away, surely to hide the fresh tears welling up in her eyes. She shook her head helplessly.

“No, I won’t. I can’t love anyone the way I loved him, it’s impossible”

“Victoria, nothing is impossible. Especially not in our family. I mean, your dad hunts demons, rogue angels and even the devil himself. Your dad was a demon and then became human again. I was an angel, and technically your grandfather is God… and you’re really trying to tell me that you finding someone else to fall in love with is impossible?”

Unexpectedly, Victoria laughed out loud, a sound that warmed Castiel’s heart. He wished he could freeze time and behold this moment of sheer happiness.

“I love you, daddy”

“And I love you too, Victoria. Now try to get some rest” Castiel left the room and was met by a worried-looking Dean standing suspiciously close to the bedroom door. He had obviously heard most of the conversation and the hurt look in his eyes told Castiel that he, too, felt bad that Victoria had felt like she could not tell her parents that she was going through this. In Dean’s eyes, as expected, was also a hint of rage.

“Don’t you dare, Dean! Victoria will be fine, you should not under any circumstance meddle with her affairs by showing up at that boy’s door, do you hear me?” Dean looked at his feet and nodded begrudgingly.

“Unless she asks you… if she asks you, hunt that bastard down…” Castiel whispered. Dean looked up and smirked at his husband, obviously satisfied with the deal.

“Of course. I have some contacts in hell that would love a distraction from the dull everyday life of a demon…”

[mittensmorgul]

I was watching 9.18 this morning, and meanwhile I'm sitting here thinking about stories and their meanings, and how we engage with them in ways both healthy and unhealthy... THANKS METATRON!

I was gonna postulate two distinct reactions I’ve noticed: People who go in to any piece of media with an open mind and engage with what actually pans out in the story, and people who go in with a checklist of impossible expectations and are therefore never gonna be satisfied with what the thing actually *is*.

Like people who are *irate* over a particular theme not being addressed "properly" in canon, like Cas's depression. Or Dean's ptsd, or Cas never having expressed his grievances to Chuck, or whatever thing people just absolutely get hung up on, expecting it to happen on screen and NEVER being able to just let go of the fact that all these things are still being addressed, just not the way they HOPED they would be.

That the show is never going to have an episode where characters just flat-out TALK about all this stuff, because that's not how storytelling WORKS. This isn't journalism, you know? They're not going to synopsize all the characters' long lists of issues and tick them all off point by point with actual conversations about these things. It's just... it would be awful storytelling.

(heyo... "If the scene is about what the scene is about, you're in deep shit.")

Much as people want satisfaction on these things, they're unwilling to let go when it's demonstrated that the characters HAVE let these things go (like the apologies between Dean and Cas after 11.03...) Folks got SO hung up on them having an explicit conversation that there are STILL people absolutely convinced that the scene was written and filmed, and then cut.

(I mean, I was one of those people who were hung up on it, but by 11.07 or so I realized I had unrealistic expectations based on what was ACTUALLY HAPPENING ON SCREEN, and then let go of my toxic obsession and insistence that the issue clearly hadn’t been resolved just because it didn’t pan out with a specific conversation I felt the show “owed” me... because I am an adult with critical thinking skills and understand how fiction works as compared to how these things are best dealt with in real life, and can accept that fictional characters are not real people, and that we also don’t have a 24/7 portal through which to view the characters’ entire existence, and can safely assume if they begin acting as if their past disagreement has been resolved, then we’re being informed as an audience to accept that their past disagreement has been resolved)

It's frustrating sometimes, but this is how stories work.

I often wonder just how genre savvy people who complain about things like the glacial pace of destiel actually are. Supernatural was and still is a HORROR narrative. It’s not and never has been (and hopefully never WILL be) a romcom. We don’t WANT it to become a romcom.

Yes, they borrow tropes and themes from romantic stories, but they will never be the focus of Supernatural, and they will never play out the same way they would in a romcom.

I've explained this to people, and they still insist that it would be easy to include that sort of storyline anyway, but that would change what the show *is* and people hate to hear that.

THIS is what it means when the showrunners say they’re not writing it that way, or when the actors say they’re not acting it that way. They’re not denying the ship, nor the romantic themes and tropes, they’re denying that they’re writing a romcom.

BECAUSE THEY’RE STILL WRITING A HORROR.

[expurgatedversion]

Self-Rec Fest

Welcome to the Self-Rec Fest, where we encourage authors to celebrate their own works without shame. Fandom: Supernatural. Pairings: Destiel, Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins Warnings may apply, and summaries may be edited from the original.

Summer Blue Skies by @destimushi RPF - Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins. Complete. Rated E. Part 1 of a series.

The mission was to infiltrate. Jensen knew the consequences of capture, and when it happened, he was ready to die for his country. Misha Collins was the master of torture, and it shouldn’t be difficult to hate him, but the interrogator was hot and cold, and Jensen soon found the boundaries between love and hate blurring.

Between the Folds of Submission by destimushi Destiel. Complete. Rated E.

Castiel races against the clock as the killer ups the ante, but Dean—rich, drop-dead gorgeous, and a famously unconventional Dominant to boot—proves to be a distraction he can’t afford. As the danger grows, Castiel finds himself torn between upholding his beliefs and giving in to his desires. Can he resist his urges long enough to find the killer, or will his biology consume him?

Music To His Ears by HollyBlue2 @envydean Destiel. Complete. Rated E. On the way home from work, Castiel hears the lilting tune of a piano and eventually goes to investigate. When he does he finds his mate in Dean Winchester, who rejects him right off the bat, sending Castiel into a debilitating heat.Ending up in hospital, Castiel and Dean finally meet again...

Lazarus Writing by @jemariel Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Castiel is an author struggling to come up with his next novel. Luckily for him, a gift arrives in the mail from his publisher: a fancy new notebook and pen set with a note that promises to “bring new life to your writing”. It’s all fine until Castiel decides to write his grocery list in the back of the book… only to find the items have materialized in the kitchen. So, Castiel is in possession of some freaky magic which could be pretty amazing… if it weren’t for the fact that he just started a new novel in that book and the contents are not something he wants to see in this world.... Five Days in May by Dangerousnotbroken, @kreweofimp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. The unseasonable hurricane wasn’t the only force of nature on the beach that night. Dean counts himself lucky that the beautiful blue-eyed stranger was there to save his life. He never could have anticipated that a nameless one-night stand in a tiny storm-tossed shack would change his entire life. Like Catnip by KreweOfImp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. It's one thing to be pissed off that Cas was up late gaming and didn't come to bed when he said he would. And yeah, Cas pretty much figured there was gonna be some sulking and he was gonna have to do some groveling to make up for it. He maybe even could've foreseen the desire for a little revenge. But did Dean really have to involve the cat? Cumulonimbus by KreweOfImp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. In which Cas watches snow, Dean watches Cas, Sam is a jerk, things get out of hand, and Dean is taken in hand. Written in the Stars by @lunastories Destiel. Complete. Rated M. Castiel, one of the last of the Celestials, descended onto Earth by orders of his garrison leader. What he finds there is the soul he lost long ago, the other part of him that he'd been searching for.

Dean was a normal guy, living his life and trying to take care of his errant researcher brother. When his brother asks him for a favor, claiming that an alien wants to speak to him, he's of course skeptical.

He didn't expect that meeting to change the course of his entire life, throwing him into a war that he wasn't prepared for. Love me to Death by LunaStories Destiel. Complete. Rated M. There once was a man who feared Death. He feared him so much, he tried to seek immortality but his efforts were in vain. Eventually, he learned to love Death and everything he represented. This is the story of a mortal and a god and their love for each other. Mermen and Mistletoe by @robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated T. When Cas draws his long-term crush's name for the office gift exchange, he is determined to find the perfect gift. Unfortunately his co-worker Meg has an unconventional suggestion. Signs Point To Yes by robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated G. A series of coincidences conspire to remind Dean of his New Year's resolution—To ask Cas out. Lifestyles of the Weird and Sexy by robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated E.Dean's roommate Castiel is a pretty weird dude. He's also hot as hell and Dean might have a bit of a crush on him.The problem is Cas might be a witch. And finding out the truth isn't as easy as Dean thought it would be. I Don't Know Why by @saltnhalo Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Dean gets home from a long job to find a note on his front step. He knows exactly who it's from and what it means; it promises fun and danger and a fucking good time, and there's no way he can turn down this invitation. He can never say no to the Angel. Roll With It by saltnhalo Destiel. Complete. Rated E. For two years, Dean’s been slaving away beneath his boss – many label him a secretary, but he fucking hates that and feels like it only applies to someone wearing a pencil skirt, so he insists on his title of Executive Assistant. And for what? In the vain hope that one day he’ll manage to become an editor for Sandover Publishing, and that he’ll see the manuscript that he’s slaved over since college finally realized in print. That’s the dream, anyway. Right now, he’s fucking late. From Grace and Uniform by saltnhalo, thepopeisdope Destiel. Complete. Rated E. When FBI agent Dean Winchester was first assigned to the Ghost’s case, he was expecting it to be the same as any other serial killer hunt--frustrating dead ends, a trail of bodies, unending paperwork. What he wasn’t expecting was for it to be interrupted by a mysterious alpha calling himself Cas, knowing far too much about him and offering up not just a lead, but concrete information on his mother’s killer. As the two set off in search of justice for Mary Winchester and the countless other victims of Azazel Masters, Dean struggles to come to grips with himself. Despite his whirlwind attraction to Cas, he knows that exposing himself to his colleagues as an omega instead of the beta he pretends to be would be a mistake. Nothing can happen between the two of them; not without Dean losing everything he knows. Waiting in the Wings by @seraphwrites Destiel. Complete. Rated T. Castiel an injured hunter stumbles into a town and meets an angel who may just have be having the same rotten luck he is. Written for the Hey, Sweetheart 2018 challenge. spinning (series) by @reallyelegantsharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated T-M. “Listen up!” Dean hollers, louder than necessary in the small space. “We are spinnin’ this bottle, and then we’re going to do some kissin’! Happy New Year!” suckerfish (series) by sharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated E. At some point in the last couple of months, Dean became friends with the monster in the lake. traveling light by sharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Cas is, impossibly, far more gorgeous in person, and he’s taller than Dean expected, and he moves with this casual grace that makes Dean’s brain short circuit. So Dean thinks he probably looks a little like a deer in the headlights when Cas catches his eyes from the door of the restaurant. He breaks out into a smile, the full, wide one that never came out in his pictures, and Dean actually goes weak in the knees. “Cas,” Dean says. “Hello, Dean,” Cas says. Sealed lips. Tied hands. by @sternchenchas Destiel. Complete. Rated G. Dean Winchester doesn't look forward to his first day of school, but it's not because of your usual teenager problems. He would be glad if he had to deal with dates, grades and rumors about his love life. Instead, he struggles even to communicate. In a world where everyone talks in sign language, his hands are tied. He's a happer. One of those weird people who have a hard time figuring out what others say, and can't express what they want to tell. But one good deed might save him because he helps Castiel Novak. A boy who might be just as different and weird as Dean. A boy who understands even when Dean's lips are sealed. Reality of Dreams by sternchencas Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Dean Winchester has been living a boring life. At least until his brother is missing, the police think he has something to do with it, and a group of people who call themselves 'Liberi Somniorum' and live in an underground bunker ask him to join them so they can teach him how to use his dreaming abilities. As if that isn't bad enough, the police also took his car and then there's this guy in a trenchcoat who's guarding him, and some dark secret. Dean does his best to convince himself it's a dream. But somehow, sometimes, dreams can be very real, and this time, he just can't wake up. Porch Light by @surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated N/A. Before he could think too much about it, Dean had reached over his duffel bag and skated his knuckles across Cas’s cheek, just once, before dropping his hand and his gaze. “I’ll leave the porchlight on for you,” he had mumbled. (Dean and Cas reunite in Lawrence after meeting in Boston 6 months prior.) Brambles by surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated T. “You like the dirty mechanic look, Cas?” Dean says, winking.Cas steps back to let him in. “Not particularly.” Dean’s grin falls. He swipes an arm over his sweaty forehead. “Well, get used to it, bud, ‘cause I’m your neighborhood dirty mechanic on the days I’m not the neighborhood drunken arsonist.” Criminality by surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated T. In which Dean accidentally breaks into and falls asleep in Cas's car, and Cas accidentally kidnaps the stranger who had been eyeing him all night at the bar.