#it’ll only get here by the end of the year tho so I’ll have to hold me excitement

[blondrenjun]

gave myself an expensive planner for the first time because 1 i deserve it 2 I really wanted to try one of those

[mattitties]

Can you please do one where the reader dreams that Matt’s cheating and she founds out because he posts the other girl on his Instagram…So after she’s awake she’s upset and tells real Matt about her dream. Matt just cuddle her and says his sorry even tho his not dream Matt and then he orders to the house white roses for her (the note from the flowers should say something like “dream Matt it’s an idiot and I’m deeply sorry about that bae…I love you”

🥹

Bad dream - matt sturniolo

“I’m so, so sorry. It was such a mistake but I swear to God it’ll never happen again,” he pleads. “I love you so much baby, please.”

All I can do is cry. I’ve never felt so fucking betrayed in my life. We’ve been together for over a year, we’ve talked about kids and marriage and the rest of our lives together, and he didn’t even care enough. He ended it all with one stupid night. 

“You don’t care about me. You don’t love me,” I sob. “I hate you! Get the fuck out!”

He opens his mouth to say something but ultimately decides against it. I watch as he opens the door to my apartment, turns around to look at me for the last time, and leaves.

I suck in a breath as I jolt awake. My heart is pounding, and my face is wet with tears. I turn my head and see my boyfriend, Matt, sleeping soundly next to me. It was just a dream. He would never cheat on me. I know he wouldn’t. I have never had an ounce of distrust in him, but that dream just felt so real that my anxiety won’t come down. 

I quietly get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, turning on the sink so he won’t hear my sobs. I don’t even know why I’m crying; it was a dream. It was fake. He’s literally in the room right next to me, and he never fails to prove his love to me. But there’s this annoying little voice in the back of my head screaming “What if? What if?” and it won’t shut off. 

After a few minutes of crying and trying to keep my anxiety at bay, I go back to his room and lay down next to him, but there’s just no way I’ll be able to fall back asleep anytime soon, so I pull out my phone and start silently scrolling through TikTok.

The brightness of my phone must have woken him up despite it being all the way down. “Baby?” he says, wrapping his arm around my stomach. “Why are you up?”

“Just can’t sleep. I’m sorry, go back to bed,” I say, pushing his hair out of his eyes and trying to hide my tear-covered face. But of course, he notices. He always notices.

“What’s wrong? Were you crying?” he sits up and wipes my tears, which only makes me start crying harder. “Shhhh,” he consoles, pulling me into him. “What happened?”

“It’s so stupid.”

“If it’s making you upset, it’s not stupid. Tell me.”

I take a breath. “I just had a dream. And it made me anxious and sad. That’s it.”

“What was the dream?” he urges softly. 

“You just… you cheated on me. And it was so bad because I’ve been cheated on before and it was so humiliating and it made me so upset and I just thought you’d never do that to me and I know you wouldn’t but–”

“Baby, baby, slow down,” he tilts my head so I can look up at him. “I love you. So much. And I would never, ever, ever cheat on you. You’re it for me. Okay? Dream Matt is such a fucking idiot but real Matt, the one right here, is not. I mean, I can be sometimes, but definitely not enough to cheat on you.” 

I nod and give him a little smile. “Yeah. You’re right. Sorry for freaking out.”

“Don’t apologize, you’re fine baby. I love you, okay?” he says softly before kissing me in a way that reminds me just how much he really does love me. “Go to sleep baby, I’m right here.”

I wake up the next morning in the same position we fell asleep in. I check my phone and see that it’s only 10 AM and Matt won’t be awake for at least another 3 hours, so I quietly dip out to the kitchen to make some breakfast. I always check the front door when I wake up to see if there’s any mail, and today I almost miss the large bouquet of white roses I see sitting on our front stoop. 

I pick them up and take them inside, extremely confused and slightly concerned that a fan found our address and sent roses to one of the boys. I set the vase down on the kitchen table and read the note attached.

I’m sorry dream Matt is so stupid, but your real Matt adores you and would do anything to make you happy. Dinner tonight at 7 as an apology? Love, your wonderful loving boyfriend ;)

I just about curl into a ball and start sobbing right there. How did I get so lucky?

I head back to our room and snuggle back into him, kissing his cheek softly.

“Hmmmm,” he hums, still half asleep. 

“I love you,” I whisper. “When did you order the roses?”

“I love you too, baby. Last night after you fell back asleep,” he replies, his eyes still closed and his groggy morning voice evident. 

I give him one last kiss as a thank you before we fall asleep for the rest of the morning.

[searchingfor-affection]

Part Two // Found

Pairing: Natasha x Fem!Reader  Word Count: 2760ish Warnings: obnoxious reader ;), Angst, longing, NSFW mentions or insinuations, Depression undertones, Happy ending tho x timeline diverges from cannon.

Artwork from Maxy Art on Instagram which found on Pinterest x

“HEY RHODEY!” You yelled from the garage.

“WHAT?!”

“CAN I TAKE YOUR SUIT FOR A RIDE?”

“WHYYY?”

“PLEASE, I GOT A HOT DATE AND I NEEDA DRESS TO IMPRESS”

He walks into the room laughter on his lips as he finds you standing before his suit, a bowl of coco pops in hand and a mischevious smile spread wide across your face.

“Right, the iron patriot, is not datewear. Hands off” He eyed your bowl of cereal comically and watched you screw up your nose.

“Come on dude, it’ll be so suave. I’ll walk up to her, pop open the helmet and be all like ‘Hi there miss are you lost? Cause heaven is a long way from here.” Your friend burst out laughing which was abruptly silenced when your eyes flicked up behind him.

“Try ‘If nothing lasts forever will you be my nothing?’” Her tone was sour and her expression even more so. Natasha had been a jealous woman. Maybe territorial is more accurate and she had always been there to take on anyone who flirted with you. This was not the first time you'd seen her and you were sure it wouldn't be the last but every time you do, your heart breaks a little more.

You hadn't been prone to illusions previously but after a run-in with

---

When you turn and see her jealous but cocky smile you feel your heart shatter. You are torn between throttling your cereal at her and running into her arms. You turned back to Rhodey who was now standing beside you looking shocked and concerned.

“Is she really there or am I hallucinating again?” You grabbed Rhodey’s shoulder in an effort to stabilise yourself. Your eyes grew watery and you held your cereal bowl tighter. Only Rhodey could see the concern and guilt that flitted over Natasha’s face. He was silent as he tried to figure what you were going to do. It had been three years since you had returned to find her gone after the Accords. It had been two years since you stopped looking for her. You’d found Steve, Sam, and visited Clint. You had even met and befriended a hesitant Bucky. You couldn’t find Bruce but no one could. Thor you figured was doing his MC Hammer gig out on Asgard. Everyone but her and none of them could tell you where she was. You had been distraught, absolutely and undeniably fucked. Now you were emotionally constipated but having fun. This, this felt like everything that currently held your heart together had been severed. Everything that kept you together, functioning, alive… it was all gone now.

“Mmmhmm. I’m gonna get the limo ready for you because you won’t kill her in that,” He turned to you and it broke his heart to see how undone you already looked.

“We’ll see about that” you whispered your reply. You tried to gather yourself, ground yourself. 5 things you can see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell and one thing you taste.

Before Rhodey left intending to initiate Operation Damage Control he pulled you into a hug. “You’re ok Y/N. You are going to be ok”.

Operation Damage Control consisted of a nurse on standby, stocking up on your favourite foods and Mortal Kombat at the ready.

It was just you and Nat. You stood still. That deathly kind of still that sits in voids accompanied by the darkness of black holes. You tried to reign in your emotions. The anger, the sadness, the betrayal were all stampeding through you. It felt like you couldn’t breathe but it also felt like for the first time in three years the air was clean.

“Y/N-” Before she could say anything you turned around and threw your cereal bowl at her. The bowl smashed against the wall behind her but most of the soggy bits and milk hit her. She stood there awkwardly as the milk and cereal dripped off of her. Her green eyes were murky and regret filled them. She didn’t know what to do because you seemed to have changed so much. She didn’t know but she cared too much to say something and screw up now… again.

“Don’t you dare say my name like that. Not after three years of nothing.” You rushed out of the room before she could say any more.

1:58am - Day Two

The sound of your harsh punches hitting the punching bag echoed throughout the gym. You hadn’t been able to find the gloves and the pain funnelling through you took you straight to the bag. You punched and punched and punched till your knuckles started to crack. The bag jolted less after the next punch and you stopped to see if she was the one steadying it for you.

“Hey,” Rhodey said gently, “You ok sis?”

You wiped your nose, sniffling and nodding before you began to punch the bag again. You sped up as the anger rushed through you. You attacked the bag relentlessly and bit your cheeks as you tried to hold back tears. Your hands grasped at the bag, banging your fingers against it manically. Rhodey was quick to take you into his arms. You cried and he held you.

“You’re ok. It’s ok.” He whispered repeatedly.

Day Three

Natasha had never been bothered by the cold before you. She had never been bothered by the lack of romantic affection in her life but after you? She ached for your touch. She longed to worship your body with her lips. She craved the warmth of your body against hers. No one could compare to you. She sat in a trance on her bed, her favourite memory of you playing. You were stirring a big pot of sauce for lasagne with one hand leaning on the bench. She walked up behind you and wrapped her arms around your waist so you were flush against her. You smelt soft and sweet and you laughed as she kissed your neck. You maintained the contact as you stirred the sauce and moved your free hand to entwine with Natasha’s around your waist. It was as if you melded together and had become two halves of one whole instead of two individuals.

It is an understatement to say Nat worried that her absence would haunt her. She felt where your lips had once touched hers. She remembered how it felt to have your hands caressing her. Her body remembered how it felt to watch you come undone. The sheer beauty had stunned her at first but soon she came to crave it. Natasha could almost feel where your fingers had once been as she moaned your name. Her skin tingled and her heart ached for you, for your touch. It didn’t come. All Natasha could try to do was get your attention. All she could do was try to talk to you and she had no idea how she was gonna do that so she went into the kitchen and made herself a bowl of your favourite coco pops. You are what you eat right.

“You know if she catches you eating that you’ll be wearing it again right?” She heard Rhodey say as he emerged from another room.

She nodded and took another mouthful making Rhodey roll his eyes.

“I just need her to talk to me,” She replied, her tone void of emotion but her eyes drowning in it.

“Uh huh, good luck accomplishing that while you consume what is possibly her most favourite thing on this planet.” Rhodey laughed as you entered the room.

“Hey Rhodey, for an upcoming mission I need… well not need want. I would like a stakeout buddy. Wanna come?” You ignored Natasha entirely not a peep not a single glance in her direction.

“Yeah, I’m down. When is it?”

“Not till next week. I gotta do a few minor surveillance missions and I have reports to fill out.” You grabbed the two boxes of coco pops from the cupboard. Muttering to yourself, “unbelievable, the nerve, you don’t just go into your ex-girlfriend’s cupboard and take her cereal.” Rhodey thought he could hear Natasha's heart shatter as you referred to yourself as her ex-girlfriend. Her mouth dropped. Her mind racing at how far screwed she was.

“Haha, sucker. You gotta do reports.” He laughed trying to ignore the tension that sat heavy in the air.

“Pfft so do you.” You continued to ignore Natasha as she cleaned her bowl.

Rhodey laughed, “this is true but not right now. Right now I get to eat a delicious lettuce and ham sandwich.” He chucked the ingredients on the bench as he said them. His eyebrows raised as you made to leave the room with your two boxes of cereal.

“What? My cereal is very important to me. Surveillance mission one? Don't let the coco pops be compromised.” You basked in Rhodey’s laughter and when Natasha chuckled over at the table you let yourself smile. It reminded you of late night chats, movie nights, dates. It reminded you of a life you thought you had left behind. Your smile didn’t go unnoticed.

Cereal still in hand, you made your way to your room muttering as you left. You put them on your dresser and returned to your office.

That night you were in the middle of kicking Rhodey’s butt at Mortal Kombat and after you had won for the fifth time he quietly asked you “do you really consider her your ex-girlfriend?”

You let out a heavy sigh. Did you? Did you really? The answer was no. You hadn’t broken up but the silence, the distance, the strain on your relationship had made it feel almost like you had lost a loved one. Or like they were missing.

“No, I don’t. It feels more like she’s missing or dead and I’ve just grown accustomed to the pain of losing her.” Rhodey nodded thoughtfully before responding.

“Do you think you’ll reconcile?”

“Maybe. I think at this point it depends on what she does and if I can get over my own bullshit. I need to forgive her but I can’t at the moment. In my soul, I hope we get over it because I love her so much it hurts but in turn I am really, really hurt. When I came back all I had was you. You’re my one consistent dude. Which is ace and all but that’s a different kind of love.”

“True and either way you guys are gonna need time before you can decide if you stay or if you go?”

You agreed with Rhodey and pretended you didn’t see her silhouette in the kitchen listening, still as a statue.

Day Six

Natasha still hadn’t spoken to you. No. No. No. Instead, she wore, spoke, laughed, moved in ways she knew would fluster you, make you smile, force you to chuckle. It had been three days of the most beautiful torture. It made the coldness inside you melt. The thought that she would do so much intentionally just to get the smallest response from you, it softened that wall you had put up all those years ago. It made you feel as if it was 5 years ago and all was well.

Natasha could see that her work, which it was, was working. You had brought your cereal back out into the cupboard, you sat and ate at the table with her. You had even spoken and eventually, you stopped looking like you were in pain every time you saw her.

Sure you could still often be found training alone at the crack of dawn, not having slept a minute. You still attacked equipment, kicking and punching it till either you or it broke. But afterwards you didn’t go for a run and you didn’t feel the need to run. You were working through what you faced in your home.

One afternoon after a successful mission Rhodey and Natasha were flying back.

“Are you going to actually have a conversation with her? Maybe Apologise” Rhodey asked hesitantly. He was over the tension in the house. He’d had to deal with so much of it during the accords and he was over it.

“I’m working on it. I don’t think she wants me. She tolerates me.” Rhodey scoffed.

“It’s not that she doesn't want you. It’s that she wants you so hard, she longs for you with every fibre of her being. For three years she searched and all she has reaped from her efforts is pain.”Nat froze in response. When she looked up at him he saw that she felt the loss, guilt and regret of leaving you.

“She’s usually training late at night and I know you’re up. You better figure something out. I’m not here to be a mediator but my best friend, my little sister is hurting bad. She deserves an explanation and you deserve a chance. She’ll give it to you. You just have to earn it.”

3:32 am

“Mi amour? Mi amour are you there?” Natasha watched as you tossed and turned in your sleep. Were you looking for her? Were you wondering why she left? Why she avoided you? What had she done? As she thought about how she might reconcile this, you sat up eyes wide sweating and puffing and her instincts kicked in.

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re ok.” she said as she sat beside you and pulled you into a hug.

It burned, it burned in the most beautiful way. It set your heart on fire and it pumped faster and faster and you weren’t ready. So you ran from her arms, you didn’t know where to and you could hear her behind you so you ran faster. You ran until you found yourself panting on the roof.

“Y/N?” She called softly. So softly you almost felt as if she still loved you. You almost forgot she left at all because in her voice you feel the longing for that oneness that you had once shared. As if all that you had been missing was behind you calling your name.

“Please, I’m sorry.” She called it out with a slight tone hysteria in her voice. She needed you to say her name. Anything to her. Anything at all. She just wanted to explain, she just wanted you to see how she longed for you. She needed you to see how much she still loved you.

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“Why?” You called out sobbing and crying. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? Why didn’t you let me find you? Why did you leave me Nat? Why?” You sobbed. Tears streamed down your cheeks and you felt weak in the knees. The wind seemed to pick up and coldness cloaked you. It was a coldness that had drawn out your nights and ruined your dates. She cautiously walked till she stood beside you.

“I don’t understand.” You turned to face her and even dared to look her in the eyes. All the emotions you had pushed away were bursting at the seams of your heart. Natasha cautiously took your hands in hers as she began to explain herself.

“I left with Steve and then I went to find Bruce and I was trying to find my team and each and every night the cold kept me awake but I was sure that it was my mission to recover my team. My family. When I found out you were looking for me, I didn’t want to face you without a reason. I wanted to come back and show you that you weren’t abandoned in this mess. I wanted to be whole for you. I wanted our family to be whole for you.” Her voice cracked and she went silent as she watched your face. You looked disappointed but you let out a bitter laugh as you cried.

“You mean to tell me. That you broke my heart, trying not to break my heart.” She winced at your accusation. “You idiot. All I wanted was you. I could find everyone. Our team, our family is just that no matter where they are. All I want is you.” You sniffed, moving your hands to her cheeks as she moved hers to rest on your hips. She leaned her forehead against yours and you rested there for a moment. You felt like you were home, you were whole.

“And all I want is you.” She brought her lips up to yours and you melded together. You caressed her jaw and as you moved your hands so they were around her neck she slid hers over your ass. She pulled you closer as her tongue danced with her lips against yours. You had wanted, longed, dreamed of her body against yours for so long and your need drove you till you pulled apart only so you could take a breath.

“Mi Amour, never let me go again. Promise?” You asked in a breathy whisper.

“Never again, Lyubimaya moya,” She whispered a smile on face. She finally felt whole, as if the connection between you had been repaired, as if you were two halves again. Whole now that you were together.

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ april and may 2023

i didn't do one last month so we get a double feature today!

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 6 214 in april; 9 425 in may

projects worked on: once again only wrote for Andromeda Rogue but did a lot of plotting and planning for The Gemini Heist

proudest accomplishment: i've resisted chucking everything i've ever written into a shredder

books read in both april and may: A Rival Most Vial be @ashen-crest; Planetfall by Emma Newman, and Rogue Protocol (Murderbot Diaries #3) by Martha Wells

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

i went super hard in the beginning of april, burned out majorly for several weeks, then went hard again in the last 2 or so weeks. april ended in the middle of my burnout so that's why i didn't have an update last month. it just didn't seem worth it.

i'm also trying to make a soft return to writeblr! it's not working.

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2)

this might be a stretch but the 2 year (2 year?????!?!?!!) anniversary of me finishing the first draft of AR1 is coming up on June 13th... so wouldn't it be grand if i finished the second draft by then? a guy can dream.

right now this draft is sitting at nearly 73K, which means i've almost reached the wc of draft one. and i still have a few more chapters to go!

unfortunately i've also left all the Hard Parts up until now becuase i love to make myself suffer!!!! pray for me y'all.

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (planning, i guess?)

well the good news is that i actually have the skeleton of an outline! i have 7 acts and a vague idea of what happens in each of them!

the bad news is i can't seem to get myself to actually write any of it! all i've been doing is anything EXCEPT writing. backstory developing, worldbuilding, creating menial lore... but not a single word added to my draft. when will my suffering end.

i did post a fun drawing + worldbuilding thing tho, if you missed it!

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

i'm pretty sure i posted this excerpt from AR already a loooong time ago... but it's gotten a small upgrade ever since. you see, back when i first wrote it, i didn't know how long the gang's trip would take. but then i developed a standardized formula to calculate travel time and just happened to end up with the funniest possible result... which lead to this.

Valyan, meanwhile, plopped themself into the co-pilot’s chair. 

“How long have you been able to do that?” they asked, eyes sparkling. “Why don’t your powers look like the Hepplings' from the Order of the Vine? Is it just the healing thing you can do, or can you do other things? Like use the plants as a lasso, or—”

“Look, kid,” Finneas interrupted, “here’s the deal. If you leave me alone for a few hours, I’ll answer every question you have about my… powers. Okay?”

Valyan narrowed their eyes. “How many hours is ‘a few’?”

“Um… seventy?”

“Nice try. That’s about how long it’ll take us to get back to Sayntagnesia. And it’s actually sixty-nine hours.” They grinned. “Nice.”

Of course that would be the one fact they’d remember. “You got me. How about six?”

“Deal.”

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.

general taglist:

@nicola-write @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation@chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @chaylattes @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa @outpost51

gemini heist taglist:

@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51

[haechannabelle]

hiii today is bad my hair is messy but we out here i guess. lots of very negative venting under the cut yayyy (it’s okay tho venting made me feel better)

i’m just frustrated because my stupid job where i have to stand on concrete floors for 7 hours a day has ruined my knees, i have the knees of like a fucking 60 year old and i’m not even 30, like i can’t exercise and i keep gaining weight from my medication and idk what to do about it

and i made an appointment to hopefully get a doctor’s note so i can sit at work but because i’m on medicaid my doctor was like yeah earliest i have is in three months and even then he’ll have to refer me to a specialist to get anything done about it

and my arm has also been bothering me since we moved in august, it’ll go away but then it comes back worse. so of course i’m worried about that too

and NOW my foot is all fucked up on TOP of that stuff and because they’re doing stupid construction on all the public transit i’m walking like an extra 3 miles some days which obviously isn’t helping anything…and i had to leave work today because i couldn’t stop crying because i feel like my body is failing me and i can’t afford to take time off of work and also fuck the healthcare “system” in this country, i just had to pay a $750 bill for dental work so who KNOWS how much it’ll cost if i need treatment for my knees OR arm OR foot OR all three of them

anyways i’m sad and in pain and im freaking out about how i’m gonna get it all fixed or IF i’m gonna get things fixed and how much i’ll have to pay if i do…. it’s just not a good situation and it’s only been building as i tried to ignore the problems and hope they would go away, so now i’m directing anger at myself for not taking care of myself

but whatever my partner will be home soon and he’s gonna drive me to the doctor tomorrow and i know he’ll have comforting things to say. i know it’ll all be okay i’m just upset and what is tumblr for if not long sad personal posts and also selfies riiiiight ???

in other news tomorrow is 4/20 and i WILL be ceremoniously ending my 3 week T-break and i cannot fucking wait. i read four (4!!!) books in that time which is 4x as many books as i had read in the previous 5 years so,, i’m doing good in other ways !!!

everything is gonna be okay, it’s just hard right now. shoutout to anyone who read this far i am virtually giving you a fresh baked cookie 🍪

[mysteryman-17]

* I miss that old life, darlin'. * The glitz and glamour, the fame and fortune! * The... birdbrain I used to feud with. * And your death is JUST THE TICKET to getting that back. * So ready or not... * LIGHTS. CAMERA. * ACTION!!

Time’s End is an AHIT/Undertale crossover AU of sorts, taking place in the aftermath of a timeline where you lose the final boss fight against Mustache Girl. You can find the write-up here! In addition, you can find the write-ups for the Neutral Endings and TimeWarp Route Requirements on Google Drive! The incredible art in the thumbnail + DJ Grooves’ new design were both done by @bittybattybunny. She's an incredible artist, be sure to check out their work here on Tumblr and over on Twitter!! Also, this track was commissioned from the insanely talented musician Nahg (also on Twitter.) Be sure to check out his work, he did a fantastic job, especially given the equipment he had to work with!

Motifs:

The Big Parade

Picture Perfect (B-Side Remix)

Battle of Award 42

You can also listen to this track in high quality on the AU’s SoundCloud here! The rest of the description (including the character blurb) is underneath the Read More.

DJ Grooves takes the role of Papyrus. Even in spite of his forced exile from Dead Bird Studios, he seems to have a very happy life in the Alpine Skyline... at first. But as the story progresses, Bow Kid notices more and more strange breadcrumbs (Hat Kid's up-and-down friendship with him being only one of em,) and by the time Bow reaches the end of Alpine Skyline, Grooves fully lets the cat out of the bag. He's been biding his time for years, waiting for an opportunity to attempt seizing Mustache Girl's Time Pieces, and he's realized... killing Bow Kid would give him just such an opportunity.

HAPPY (belated) NEW YEAR Y'ALL, BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS HUH? Anyhow, the first of several tracks in what I'll call a "commission backlog" (for simplicity's sake) has finally come to fruition: the Bonetrousle for the AU! I ALWAYS wanted to completely and utterly wreck the formula with this pair of tracks from the moment I cooked up Time's End, but I wasn't entirely sure of HOW for the longest time (even to the point of me attempting to start... and even scrapping one or two shit ideas.) It was only relatively recently that I realized "hey. LEAN INTO THE DISCO VIBE THAT GROOVES HAS, DUMBASS! also fuckin uhhhh spend some kromer and support an awesome musician to boot." And Nahg did a FANTASTIC job bringing this life; we'd be here all day if I tried to go in depth bout what I like, but just for a small thing, the fakeout at the very start with the Nyeh was a very nice touch on his part. Y'all should DEFO commission him if you get the opportunity to, he was awesome to work with and it's more than worth it! Without further ado tho, I hope you all enjoy! (P.S. It'll take some time for me to put everything together, but I figured that I'd let you guys in on what the "proper" 100 follower special for the AU SoundCloud is going to be: a release of MIDIs and applicable FLPs of tracks that have been done for the AU, both by other people and myself. Am working on other projects in between my short off time from work, but I'll keep y'all posted on this!)

[tomystar2]

My opinions on the GMMTV 2023 trailers

Enigma - looks kinda good but I’m not sure what it’s about. I hope they don’t put the student with the new teacher - Will I watch? No

A Boss and a Babe - I feel like they just gave away everything that will happen on the show and ending 😂 it seems simple and cute - Will I watch? Probably

Find Yourself - They give away too much in these promos. Is the whole plot that he’s 15 years younger than him? Age gaps in shows get weirder when they mention it every 5 seconds. It’s called find yourself tho so I’m gonna guess at the end she finds herself - Will I watch? No

Double Savage - Brothers fighting. Not interesting to me (unless it was a comedy) - Will I watch? No

Hidden Agenda - Seems cute. A popular guy helps a nerdy guy (who he likes I’m assuming) get his ex gf and they fall in love - Will I watch? Probably

23.5 - Love it already! A popular girl is in an online relationship with someone she doesn’t know. And it’s actually a girl who isn’t popular from her school. Classic. I love their height difference - Will I watch? Yes

Because You are My First Love - Seems boring. I guess it’s about a woman who meets her first love again after a few years - Will I watch? No

Cooking Crush - I don’t care that this is off and guns 7 billionth show together this looks good! I hope they for us on the 3 friends at least some what because that seems like a great dynamic and hilarious. The one character charging the other for cooking lessons when he can’t cook is so funny - Will I watch? Yes 🫣

Wednesday Club - Group of friends who band together because they are all middle children? Seems interesting. I hope they all are the main characters and they focus on all of them individually instead of 2 like it seems - Will I watch? Maybe

Last Twilight - Maybe they should’ve got an actual blind person to play the character - Will I watch? No

Loneliness Society - This seems interesting and funny! She accidentally pretends she’s someone who just got hit by a cars girlfriend. When he says he doesn’t know her, they think it’s memory loss. A whole mess. I love it - Will I watch? Yes

Only Friends - YESSSSS THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WANTING! IT WILL BE SO GOOD I JUST KNOW IT. That trailer? I WAS LIVING!!! OMG It’s gonna be such a HUGE MESS. I AM HERE FOR IT! There seems to be a lot of dynamics going on. I CANNOT WAIT FOR IT! They better film this one first - Will I watch? YES OF COURSE

Faceless Love - Love is gonna “cure” his facial blindness? Also why did she need a makeover? - Will I watch - No

Dangerous Romance - The trailer was all over the place to me - Will I watch? No

The Jungle - There were no subs

Midnight Museum - No idea what it’s about but that trailer was weird and cool. I’m intrigued - Will I watch? Probably

Our Skyy 2 - I didn’t watch the first one and don’t even know what it’s about - Will I watch? Probably Not

BEAUTY NEWBIE - I don’t think I’ll like it - Will I watch? No

Main Critique - I was seeing way too many of the same faces as leads. Does one person need to be the lead in like 5 shows a year? No

Most looking forward to - Only Friends, 23.5, and loneliness society

Can’t wait for like 4 of these to actually get released. It’ll probably be the ones I don’t wanna watch too

I would love to know all of your opinions so please send me them!

[haeresyys]

Gonna just rattle off some of my general Dottore thoughts + headcanons here

THIS IS KINDA LONG LMAO I’M SO SORRY IN ADVANCE ENJOY MY FUCKIN... MADDENED RAMBLINGS IG??? This bitch has been living rent free in my fucking head for months now and I don’t know how to evict him

We haven't gotten confirmation either way on how the Segments work I don't think, so I'm headcanoning them as at least partially organic until further notice jgksdjgk

Also I know we got that shot of that weird THING where Dottore's eyes should be when his model got posted, but you can pry red-eyed Dottore from my cold dead hands !!!!

(I personally think they just fucking slapped some textures under there because we're not supposed to see what his eyes look like yet. Think Kaeya's eye under the patch)

The way I draw him, he does have scars around his eyes underneath his mask, though I've probably tweaked how they look about half a dozen times by now. I'll post him later probably

My idea with that oneshot I wrote is that, despite his best efforts not to, Dottore is still capable of feeling emotions. Beyond basic things such as anger though he is... Not very well in touch with them. He insists he doesn't feel guilt in disposing of the other Segments. (If anything he almost sounded happy abt it while talking to Nahida bc it sounds like they never shut the fuck up lmfao) It only starts to sink in that maybe he does have some regrets when he starts having those nightmares.

He had countless pairs of eyes to give himself different views of the world, and now he only has himself. But he keeps pushing onward and shoving it back down, because to accomplish his goals, no length is too far. Dottore is completely and utterly ruthless, I think we all know this by now.

That also lends credence to how he could end up playable as well. I personally see him eventually getting a Cryo Vision, as (iirc) it's been shown that basically every Cryo user we've gotten so far has gotten theirs due to family conflict. And when you think about it, what he did to the Segments could be interpreted as him effectively killing his brethren or maybe some kind of extremely convoluted suicide WHDFHDSF it could honestly go either way

It's still too early to say on the Vision front tho lmfao it'll likely be a good year before he's playable

Moving back onto the Segments for a moment, the reason he gives in-game for creating them is... A lot more understandable than I expected. Giving himself multiple views of the world and effectively stopping time for that version of himself. The lengths he goes to in pursuit of knowledge are genuinely fucking impressive, and also go to show how utterly unhinged he is.

I saw this on Twitter first, but Dottore is extremely focused on preserving the past. Even outside of the Segments, there's lore in artifact descriptions and the like that point back to him as well, and though he keeps it under tight wraps, his conversation with Nahida gives a lot more insight into his mindset + who he is as a person than at first glance.

He says it himself: Humans have a hard time making peace with themselves. Wouldn't that also imply things like the passage of time? Growing older, and one's own mortality?

CHRIST I KNOW THIS IS A LOT BUT I THINK DOTTORE IS THE MOST INVESTED I'VE BEEN IN A CHARACTER IN A LONG FUCKING TIME LOL I AM FILLED WITH THOUGHTS™

There's a lot of potential with his character, and I think that's part of why I love him so much. He's just so fucking fascinating to me. Like. I know I haven't done RP shit in a long ass time (definitely FAR less than I used to), but Dottore is the closest thing I've had to a muse in years. Getting into his head is so unbelievably fucking fun for me

Anyway rant over lmfao back to your regularly scheduled whatever

[decembermoonskz]

{rest.} ✉️

hey guys update time. this was honestly coming pretty soon, but not being on tumblr the past couple of days made me realize that i need another break. this was actually probably going to happen some time this month anyway due to this week being hella busy and also bc i’ll be starting school again. 

i also really just want to write without much distraction and tumblr has become just that without it meaning to. so i’ll probably be less active for a while and post infrequently. edit: it’s the 22nd now so I’ll be able to post a bit but still like it says before this, just infrequently.

i’ll go on with some more explanation under the cut as i have a couple others things to say but it’ll get pretty long, so this is the tldr! :D i hope you guys all stay well and i’ll miss you guys and checking in regularly, but know that my inbox is still open even if i’m less active although i don’t think it’ll have a ton of messages or anything haha alright take care for now!! <33 i will be back keep that in mind !!

navi

so one of the other main reasons that i’m taking time off from tumblr is that it really overwhelmed as i mentioned in a prev vent post. if you didn’t read it i basically said that seeing the (for me) overwhelming amount of support and understanding of the struggle for interacting with ccs actually did the opposite for me and overwhelmed me along with making me feel supported. it began to be too much as it was the ONLY THING BEING REBLOGGED ON MY BLOG. none of my fics were even noticed anymore and recently they’ve only gotten likes anyway, since deleting that post to ease my anxiety, none of my fics have been reblogged (literally, there has been zero reblogs in my notifs). it all became too much to the point i deleted tumblr off my phone. i know to some of you this may be a silly reason to be overwhelmed but for me it caused me a lot of stress and anxiety and made me overall feel really weird about my whole blog for a moment. like “should i keep writing these fics?” or “why am i posting at all?” and i hated feeling like that. so i had to put a hard stop on everything.

in the end it was the best thing for me and so i know that taking a break from here is also a much needed thing in my life right now. i just want to write my stories in peace and just enjoy them without the worry of the effects of social media and so on and so forth. 

as for any fic updates. i will still occasionally come on here to update my wip trackers as that is a personal thing i’m doing for myself. you can check my wip trackers in my navi if you’re curious about them. my main focus is to write my remaining collabs that you should expect to see posted in october for halloween, and the next part of gold and silver is also a priority of mine. as for tenth feather and dragon dahlia (my other two wip trackers) those will be done in time as well as they are not my focus tho you may not see them till the end of the year or so. my updates with fics will be slower right now so please do not expect anything. i am considering opening requests as a way to celebrate the blogs 2 year anniversary but that is not guaranteed, it’ll all depend on how i gauge my business for this semester. 

i think that’s really everything this time haha so if you’ve made it all the way down here congrats thank you for reading. for mutuals, you know where to find me if you wanna talk, and i’ll see you all when i’m back. i’ll make another post at some point to let people know i’ll be active again, but for now this is a hiatus i’m going 

[dreadfutures]

my junior and senior year of college i had this mad crush on one of my grad student friends who also ended up TAing a bunch of my upper divs and we bonded over a ton of music and we matched on Bumble and everything and then it turned out he was into a friend of mine and he ghosted me and i was sad

and honestly it was probably the last time I had a really good stupid happy crush and I was just thinking this morning about how with so many emotions i intellectualize as a coping mechanism and distance myself and don’t allow myself to feel them fully because like. what am i going to do with those things? when I’m so angry i want to bite something because my dog shit on my floor even tho i took him out on two long walks because I KNEW he needed to poop, what am I supposed to do? bite something???? no. a what’s the point and b what could i do to express that emotion harmlessly and c it’s not proportionate to what’s really happening in life to warrant that feeling

but crushes? crushes? i can fully allow myself to be swept off my feet by affection and fondness and accept the irrationality of it and keep it to myself or express it as much as i want and who knows how it’ll go but it’s okay. and i miss that feeling and the only reason i haven’t felt that feeling is because of how isolated it is here.

i’ve felt that way about one other person since then but it was marred by this underlying grief and restraint i had to show, but it was the same deal.

anyway camden’s song is Agnes by Glass Animals and I was obsessed with them before he told me it as his favorite but now whenever i hear it i think about him and love even though it’s the saddest song in the world

and i had never watched the music video but:

dear friends…nervously excited to share with you the video for Agnes. it’s hard to explain exactly how it feels inside a human centrifuge. you sit in a small egg-like pod about the size of a horse which hangs off a 50 foot steel horizontal frame. It looks like something out of a bond villain’s lair. it’s claustrophobic and uncomfortable and also incredibly hot.

slowly the whole thing starts to rotate like a helicopter blade. Faster and faster until every part of you becomes crushed under the extreme gravity. its like being slowly sat on by an elephant, or like your whole body being punched in slow motion. you have to flex every muscle and use every ounce of strength you have to keep going. breathing requires serious effort. movement becomes incredibly strained and almost painful. everything that once weighed 5 kilograms now weighs 50. its difficult even to keep your eyes open. it hurts in places you really didn’t know existed. veins and capillaries burst under the pressure and bruising begins. its a rapid physical overdrive.

the blood rushes from your brain making it impossible to think rationally or focus. your eyes are also drained and you get tunnel vision…only able to see small circles of the world directly infront of you and your sight goes completely greyscale…no more colour. your balance and spatial awareness goes and the world begins to spin like you’ve had way too much to drink. but the most striking thing is the way that the machine pulls on your heart. you can actually feel it struggling to beat and changing shape…flattening inside of your chest. Its similar to that horrible sinking, tugging heartache that comes only with complete and overwhelming sadness. and then you pass out.

we ran the centrifuge 18 times while i tried to sing along to a song which i find difficult to listen to at the best of times.

this was probably the most intense video-making experience I’ll ever have. But its the only way that we could just about begin to simulate for a moment what happens within Agnes.

speak soon,

dave

I dunno there’s something about this expression of the centrifuge and that feeling that is so viscerally familiar to me and I get it man, I get it. and that’s another emotion that I have allowed myself to feel fully and completely and those are the extremes of life, you know? the whole range of human beatific revelation lies within those bounds.

[m-i91]

I’ve heard writing things down and getting you’re thoughts out on paper is very good for you a bunch over the years and have never actually tried it. I’m pretty sure nobody I know and follow uses this anymore so I guess I’ll do it here seeing as my laptop apparently doesn't have Microsoft word anymore. It’s hard for me to start this off,I’ve never been one for sharing whats inside of me with anybody really. I type that but I was probably way better at it earlier in life. Thats  probably fairly common tho in this world, grow up and start getting the shit kicked outta you cus this world is so fucking brutal and start getting stomped on by people over and over and naturally we all would start keeping things inside ourselves more. Enough on the craziness that i cant change tho. laughing while writing this because it feels a bit ridiculous but I bet it'll actually be helpful think this is basically the same as therapy and i fucking hate talking to people. The past probably ten months have been extremely fucking trying and I'm not going on like this much longer. I met somebody that i really liked and naturally i did what i always do, i fell way too quickly and went too hard once again for somebody who was repeatedly telling me she wasn't looking for anything serious. I know i know, she told you that and you didn't listen so too bad so sad. i know, its just how I'm wired. I've basically never not been alone in my life. I've had a very small friend group my whole life and idk i probably have a few that would say they consider me a good friend but i feel like theres only a couple people out there that would even notice if i was gone. I know everybody says shit like that and I've been saying it to myself since the second grade, it is what it is. growing up with barely any friends over the years and constantly getting picked on, it gets old. I grew up having absolutely zero confidence. i was the kid in school who ran between classes cus i didn't want to run into the wrong people and i wanted the day to get over as fast as possible. i got to senior year of high school and had never kissed a girl and plenty of people knew and teased me about it. That definitely bugged me but like not much cus i knew i had literally no confidence anyway, like i couldn't even have an actual conversation with an adult and look them in the face. Honestly senior year of high school was like my first time hanging out with anybody in my class outside of my small friend group over the years and i wanted to shoot myself in every one of those social situations. it sucked and i just wasn't cut out for that, if i wasn't smoking and drinking a bit at the time things would have been even darker. i survived high school barely, made a couple new friends and lost some at the end. the new ones all ended up being temporary but anybody thats ever come into my life that didn't leave it on bad terms ill always have love for. my time at 4cs, looking back on it was fucking awful. i have a couple fun memories with my buddys but they mostly involve taking bong rips in the parking lot before class, not very responsible but i was so unhappy. i cant even remember if i was there for one year or two at this point, all i know is my dad told me halfway through a semester that me living at home wasn't working any longer and to pick a state school and get in and he'd send me. the 4cs days were the first time i ever really got my heart crushed. it got badly tattered in 8th grade when i told a girl id been friends with for a long time that i liked her and she said ill talk to you tomorrow and then i went to school the next day and shed told all her friends and i never heard from her again, just got laughed at  the entire day, especially that extra special mrs simpson math class. i moved on from that and did my own thing for a long time. somebody at 4cs showed some interest in me and she was beautiful so naturally i did what i do and went way too hard way too quick and she naturally ran. that one stung. again did a few months by myself and tried to work on me. ended up meeting somebody a few months later and hit it off at first but that relationship turned toxic and i made myself stay way longer than i should have. i was alone for a long time after that and had some very dark days, very down on myself. i moved in with some new ex friends at i believe 15 westwind road and i believe those were the days where i started basically falling in love with anything female with a beating heart that showed any slight interest in me. i was seriously fucking struggling and me not dealing with my pain properly caused me to hurt some people that i really cared about and do some really stupid shit in a small period of time. after a bad ending at westwind i had another year where i really tried to focus on me and work on myself but i was definitely still fucking up and making bad decisions. my second year on comme ave was better and i was making some progress. the beginning of covid hit and i got pretty down, seriously dark days then too. i met E jeez i don't even know, sometime in the winter in the beginning of covid. we talked for a long time before we ever actually met. we talked about going on a hike at one point but me not currently having a car ended up being a deal breaker on that and that sucked but we talked for another few months and things were still going well and at one point we ended up deciding we’d meet for a red sox double date with one of her friends and one of mine. its sad how bad my memory of this is when it wasn't even long ago but i guess thats what happens in these situations. probably plenty of stuff I'm trying to suppress combined with a lifetimes worth of weed and booze since but that doesn't help. after that first date i feel like we were inseparable. she had emphasized at the very beginning that she wasn't looking for anything serious but when you spend that much time with somebody and build memories like that and speak with them every second, when they become your best friend you forget that conversation that they aren't looking for anything serious. And remember this, if they tell you that theres a reason. Even if you think there isn't, that is almost always code for (......with you). i mean we spent like fifteen months spending tons of time together and speaking every day and she goes back to school and two weeks or so after id seen her last she asks if she can call me and tells me theres somebody else at her school and thats it and she's posting pictures with said person by the end of the week. Should i not be upset? So theres that, and while all that was going on we have this. I had this friend, we’ll call her G. we’d matched and talked for awhile years ago but i was going through a really tough time and she came on a little strong and i think i essentially told her to leave me alone. Not a great look on my part and i wouldnt have been surprised if i never heard form her again. i never forgot about this girl and years went by, covid starts and id been working on myself for over a year and was feeling good and wanted to meet some new people. i matched with G again the day after matching with E and naturally we started talking again and probably a bit more than i was talking with E since we already knew each other. I was super busy and talked to a bunch of people for a little while, just making friends but not actually meeting anybody. I met E and we had a lot of fun together but when she left for school she stopped talking to me and i figured there was somebody else that she met at school. it sucked but it is what it is. Me and g started to grow closer and she shared with me some very personal things. i felt very close to this girl, i still do. I thought i was in love with e and if what i feel for g isn't love then idk what it is.. I'm sure itll take a few more months alone to actually know. G had divulged to me that she probably cant have children to me at one point and i felt horrible for her because she loves kids and shed be a great mom. e came home from school and we spent a few great months together and i decided i was getting a little too close with e (probably shoulda reminded myself about the IM NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS deal but hey I'm  not a couple douche, or so i like to think) and i told g things are getting serious with this girl I'm friends with and i just wanted to be up front with you about it. in the back of my mind the kids thing was probably in my mind a bit which I'm a fucking idiot for, I'm way too young anyway and looking back on it this girl was probably my soulmate and i blew it, you find a person like that and you decide you want kids, adopt a fucking kid and give them a good home. I'm so not stable enough yet anyway to be handling the funds required to raise a little one but i just feel like id be a good dad. so she told me to delete her off everything naturally and we essentially haven't talked since. e told me there was somebody else in february and in may i was going to texas alone and hurting real bad and a girl got on my flight who looked just like g and i was shellshocked. this girl sits down in the aisle in front of me on the right and i stared at the back of her seat the entire flight and couldn't help it. I sent her a message like i know you don't want to hear from me but i have to ask that wasnt you right and she replied with essentially a don't talk to me and here i am(shrug emoji). were sitting here july 7th, i just walked outta a dentist appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed cus these guys weren't gunna put me under just sedate me and sorry but I'm not iron man. they basically called me a pussy and i walked off. I'm fucking lost. this world doesn't make sense to me and I'm fucking sick of being a part of it. my life along with this world cant continue on the way things are going. i don't get how mass shootings and hundreds if not thousands of unnecessary deaths on this earth happen every day. were all fucked if the world continues this way but i won't be a part of it much longer anyway if things continue the way they've been going for me. I'm going to make some serious changes and adjust, i had a heart to heart with my dad not long ago and it broke my heart to hear it but he basically told me alright dude if you think nobody in this world likes you then maybe its time to change who you are. it made the tears come even harder at the time but maybe he was right. I think thats all i got for today. i hope nobody actually reads this. until next time

[tadpolesonalgae]

Hey Tabby! how's your day going/ if you're reading this at night—how was your day? i hope you had a good one!

i think I saw you mention once that you don't get to read as many fanfics as you'd like to?(sorry if I'm remembering wrong tho🥲) so when you do, do you have preferences in ships or maybe AUs?

but I mainly wanted to ask if there were certain rarepairs(idk if I'm using the right term here, I'm kindof a noob when it comes to fanfic slang🥲even tho I've been reading them for years now) that you enjoy?

I once read a Feyre×Gwyn fic that I really enjoyed even though I'd never thought of the ship before/come across it. and then there were these 2 fics that were Feyre×Lucien that I really liked (but couldn't find more of🥲), which ik might sound kinda weird after acomaf but I think I'd read it right after the first book?? so😶... there are a few more that I can't think of at the moment but do you also have ships that might seem a little odd at first but you personally think have potential or are just a guilty pleasure?

also, what's your favourite ship to read or write about in general? thoughts about TamSand?(sorry if this has already been asked before)

—🫀

Hello hello!!

My back and fingers are aching but I’m good for the most part! I think my cycle is coming up though which I’m not looking forward to—I’ve been having trouble sleep this last week :/

‘i think I saw you mention once that you don't get to read as many fanfics as you'd like to?(sorry if I'm remembering wrong tho🥲) so when you do, do you have preferences in ships or maybe AUs?’

That was me, yes 🫠

So on the rare occasions I have the time and inclination to read fanfics, it’ll usually be by someone I trust? If that makes sense 😭 If I’m reading to relax, I want to know the writing will be good and the story will be enjoyable, so I’ll stick to people I trust for that. But if I have time and I’m interested in having a nose about, I’ll usually be more interested in female characters rather than the male ones (since, well, you know👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤭) I’ll also read some female character x female character fics instead of x reader from time to time if I can’t find anything new, but I struggle to find those too 🫠

‘but I mainly wanted to ask if there were certain rarepairs(idk if I'm using the right term here, I'm kindof a noob when it comes to fanfic slang🥲even tho I've been reading them for years now) that you enjoy?’

Girl I’m with you there, I have no idea about proper tags 🫠 I only recently (this week) found out apparently there’s a happy ever after tag? So people I guess can settle into a fic knowing the ending?

Anyway, I guess gwynlain? If I came across a fic with that pair I’d probably give it a go, but it’s not often my interests go in that direction :) though I’ll stay away from male x male character fics since they just rub me the wrong way for personal reasons—as a general rule :)

‘there are a few more that I can't think of at the moment but do you also have ships that might seem a little odd at first but you personally think have potential or are just a guilty pleasure?’

Not really, I don’t think? I mean again, I quite like gwynlain but I don’t frequently or actively search for things under that tag :)

I do think it’s fun however when people have their own corner of chaos where you can find some odd ones (I would consider Amarantha x Lord Devlon and odd one—though I don’t know if that actually exists or not 🤭)

‘also, what's your favourite ship to read or write about in general?’

Favourite ship to read would probably be Feysand? And to write about it would probably also be Feysand :) pretty straightforward 🧡💛

‘thoughts about TamSand?(sorry if this has already been asked before)’

I enjoy seeing fanart of it, but I think I’m more on the side of it would be nice if they began mending relations so neither of them have to constantly deal with their resentment to one another since I think it takes a lot of energy to hate someone :)

[adaricruz]

hi! usually scared to send asks to people but i would like to hear your connor headcanons because i want to know the lore behind all of your extremely pretty connor drawings

HII omg dont be !! pls feel free to send stuff whenever !! ok so i have TONS of connor hc’s ( i’ve been writing as him & for him for years now ) but here’s my faves + the ones that are usually present in my art . ( gotta mention that some are very personal & self indulgent bc i see myself in connor a LOT 😭 ) tw for a quick mention of razors .

- i made a post abt this hc here but i’m adding it because it’s the main reason why i use a certain color for connor’s hair , & that is that connor is a ginger ( just like zoe & cynthia ) & he dyes his hair a darker color so he doesn’t look much like them ( & he doesn’t get associated with zoe much at school ) he usually uses a dark brown or even black , but it’s usually very sloppy so his hair ends up being patchy in some areas or just not dark enough .

- connor uses he / they pronouns mostly bc they’re very detached to his gender identity because they don’t feel human most of the time . connor looks in the mirror & doesn’t think ‘ boy ‘ , most of the time he thinks ‘ failure ‘ , ‘ disappointment ‘ , ‘ monster ‘ . he’s also unlabeled & mostly finds male presenting ppl attractive but has been with female presenting ppl a few times . ( i’ll mostly use he / him in tags but in my writing i will use both set of pronouns ! )

- ik freckles have been a recurring headcanon for connor throughout the years in the fandom but i wanna add it too bc his freckles mean so much to me . a connor without freckles is like an angel without its wings likeee ! ( i usually add freckles to charas that i like tho ) they are usually more present over his cheeks , shoulders & chest . some on his hands & thighs too . for a while , connor fucking HATED them , & i once wrote a lil thing where he even tried to remove a particularly big one near his lip w a razor . ( i add it to my drawings a lot , if you check it’s above the right ( his left ) corner of his lip )

- his hair length varies a lot in my stuff bc i’ll sometimes get carried away & make it longer for aesthetic or composition purposes , but i do believe connor would def let it get longer than shoulder length ( not small of his back like in some of my stuff , but definitely to half of his chest maybe ? ) larry def gives him shit abt it & only encourages him to keep it longer & longer .

- this is also a recurring hc but imma mention it too & that’s eyeliner . & tons of it . i’ll sometimes make it smudged bc connor will prob cry & it’ll run . once he’s done he’ll just apply more over it . & black nail polish too ofc .

- I LOVEEEE music headcanons for connor & here’s my faves ( keep in mind my connor is mostly set in the 90’s )

• nine inch nails ( very self indulgent bc i love them sm ) his fave album is pretty hate machine ( mine too 🧍🏻)

• alice in chains

• cowboy junkies ( this hc is a reference to my ship with tate from ahs & the movie natural born killers )

• the offspring

• the cranberries

• suicidal tendencies ofc

• pearl jam

• adolescents

• bad religion

• & the canon ones ( shown in the buttons on his messenger bag ) being dead kennedys , circle jerks , misfits

obviously tons more ( my connor playlist has over 200 songs ok ) but these are the most present ones in his record collection <3

- born in april 20 & is an INFP ( idk shit abt the mbti stuff ok i had to ask a friend & stuff to figure it out LMFAOO this one sounds right tho , for my version for connor at least )

SO YEAH these are the ones that can be seen in my art ( besides the music one ) & ofc if i added all my hcs it would be impossible to scroll down thru this post 💀 tysm for asking this btw ! just so u know my connor art is under the tag ‘ connor murphy ac ‘ & i sometimes add part of the lore & hcs under them ! if u wanna know a specific one lmk i’ll be more than happy to share more of my silly lil hcs with u 🖤🫶

[aotvfilm]

Holiday Pal is here! Bringing you presents and good cheer! :D So sorry about my late replies, my late asks.... grrr. I would like things to mellow out, now!

It was quite a short rainstorm, unfortunately! Rain is my favorite too-- do you enjoy doing anything in particular when it rains outside?

I am sorry to hear about family things; not too serious on my end, just that my mother is freaking out over the holidays and my sibling and I must do a lot to make sure things go smoothly for her. I hope that when the holidays are over, I can be here for you if you ever need to vent or just want to chat! :Dsdlkjfskjf!!

I am going to read this fic ASAP it looks so amazing, thank you Becky!!! <3 I have something for you toooo x wish i was good at art, but I was wondering if I could write you a little drabble for when I reveal myself! And that could be a little Christmas gift for you!

If you might be so kind as to tell me some favorite tropes or some prompts, I'd love to give you something genuine and full of love!

Questions!!

Cinnamon or ginger? I loveee ginger, so ginger haha! I did buy nutmeg and cinnamon today for something special hehe!

Jam or buttercream? Buttercream because it's really wonderful-- it's the frosting on certain types of cake!

Favorite kinds of food, either savoury or baked goods? CAPRESE IS SO GOOD OMG! How do you prepare it? Yes riceeee!

My answer is so different lol, because I very much like savoury foods and I like meat a lot ! But veggies are really good too, so I'd say anything salty with meat and potatos and veggies

4. Do you bake/cook any special meals for the holidays? I'm so sorry about your neighbour, that is a truly kind gesture! Yeah, for me it's gingerbread and cranberry sorbet which takes a full day to make, ummm potatoes au gratin, and this year is beef of some kind for the central dish. I did want to make a yule log but I always get shot down because it's "too much work!" haha!

Are you listening to any good music right now or podcasts? How are you feeling about the holidays coming?

Sending you more love, and that you can expect better and quicker answers from me!

<3 <3 <3 xxx

HIII HOLIDAY PAL IVE MISSED YOU <<<<3

i love when it rains because it’s cloudy and dreary and idk it just feels right to me. maybe that sounds sad but i’m a mellow person so the whole atmosphere feels nice. i’m jealous that you had a rain storm! we’ve had an awful lot of snow lately. i love snow too but rain is my favorite.

hopefully everything calms down for you & your family! it’s so sweet that your sibling & you try to make the holidays easier for your mother. have you done all of your holiday shopping?

i hope you enjoy the fic!! :) and oh my gosh i would love a drabble!!! you are the sweetest ever. i’ll have to spend some time thinking of a gift back to you! as for my favorite tropes: i love famous/famous or famous/non famous. i also love any iteration of exes/friends/enemies to lovers! or anything canon that gives like a little peak into what life might be like or was like for h&l. but really i’m willing to read anything though so don’t feel constrained! i’ll be more than happy to read whatever you write x im so very excited :)

what did you buy nutmeg & ginger for? are you making a treat? 🍩 🍰 🧁

i think i’ve only had crappy store made buttercream frosting. i bet homemade is much better though!

i love caprese sandwiches! i toast part of a baguette the put pesto & argula & mozzarella & tomato & balsamic glaze! now i’m craving one haha

haha, we’re complete opposites with our favorite foods! i dislike anything salty & im a vegetarian. what’s your favorite type of meat though? i always loved fish (ik ik not technically a meat but im counting it. i don’t eat it anymore tho ): )

ooo, a cranberry & gingerbread sorbet. i have never had anything like that. send me some in your next ask, ok? and go for the yule log!!! it’ll be a fun experience and maybe a new tradition for you!

as for podcasts/music: i struggle with finding podcasts i like! my favorite is ancient history fangirl though. i’m a history nerd! how about you, what podcasts do you listen to? any recommendations? not gonna lie, i listen to fitf about once a day. when i’m not listing to louis i’m usually playing sam fender. he just released a new live album so i’ve loved hearing some of my favs recorded live. oh and i’ve been listening to a band called mac saturn! i just bought tickets to see them in february so i’m excited. have you been listening to holiday music?

for me it doesn’t really feel like the holidays are coming. my partner & i exchanged gifts already so all that’s left is to give a few to my younger family members. plus, i work the 24th & 25th so it’s like ehhhh. i miss being little & looking forward to christmas so much. are you excited & ready to celebrate yule? :)

sending you all of the love back x i cant wait to hear from you! and i’m so excited for your drabble. xx

also i just reread my answer before posting it and it made me laugh how all over the place it is. we have so many lines of conversation going - i love it!!

[baekhvuns]

Use this ask to hide my next MASSIVE text 😅😭

-🤗

i gotcha!

ok first of all, ur doing so well bestie, ur pushing thru it but ur doing so well! <333

But I will be looking into moving to a city. There’s one city I can request next year that wouldn’t require much effort. But if I wanted to move to a bigger city like Seoul or Gwangju I’d have to redo the entire application process 🥴 Or reach out to schools directly, which sounds exhausting to me 🥲😭 I just wanna be where some action is. I’m bored as hell.

i think u should move to the city! im sure you’ll have a better time there not only for ur personal health but also for making more friends! ahhhh i think u could maybe reach out to one or two schools directly in case but als apply for the one city so at least you’ll be able to have a choice! GO TO CAT/DOG CAFES!!

hear me out, maybe try out some cafes you can work at? esp since christmas is coming im sure many would be hiring in like the downtown areas! you can also do the part time where they ask for extras on the sets of shows and itll not only be related to your degree but it’ll be a chance to meet may others!

😪 I think this is all something I’ll have to figure out along the way. Maybe I can eventually look at Germany for English teaching jobs. I’m not ready to leave Korea yet tho. For some God forsaken reason, I still feel like I’m supposed to be here, even if I’m just in limbo.

😭😭😭 you’re right! but also don’t force feelings just let it happen and if one day ur like “yeah no, not doing this anymore” then just go for it, don’t stay for the sake that oh i’ll have to move again or ill get questions on it! IN A LIMBO DBNDBD omg u can always go to italy, i know a few ppl who teach there and they say tho it’s like any other job,, theres a bit more life there you’re not always stuck staring at buildings! or omg come to canada 🔫

im glad u have ppl to talk to about it and if u see that mf again, if u don’t beat him up im on my flight to sokor 🔫

Girl, if you wanna help proofread or give me ideas for the Prince San fic 🙏🙏🙏 I have a beginning and an end planned but I got stuck in the middle. Also, I write like I write scripts 😅😭😭 It’s so dry 😭

omg absolutely !!!! imma need to know what trope ur doing, what kinda personality san and the yn has, im gonna put some links here for ideas u can get one , two, three! JCBSMDBC AND IF THIS SAN FIC OF URS ENDS UP TURNING INTO A IRL KDRAMA BC U MET A PRODUCER THEN WHAT THEN WHAAAAT

[wmarximoff]

Okay, pick a time and I’ll be there. 🥰 I am… ugh, there are certain things I’m fussy about (food touching on my plate can be one of them sometimes, depends on my mood). You find it cute, everyone else calls me a hassle. 😪 I am not. 🫣 (you can’t say that. I’m older than you… by a few years. You’re the baby. 🤧)

We’ll be spontaneous, just go with the flow. It’ll be fun, no stress just making the most out of the day! I’ll do my best to awaken your soul and fill you with affection, make your chest flutter like it’s natural. Oh, but then your tough facade will go out the window and everyone will see how soft you are. You don’t need a reason, love. Steal as many kisses as you like. But fine, you squish my cheeks and I’ll force you to walk extra slow as I warm my hands in your pockets.

I know, I know, being disguised has given me so much courage it’s insane. I thought there would be no consequences but there is and now I’m in deep. 😩 can’t say I’m complaining though. I like back rubs 🥺 and whispered sweet nothings.

(Oh, then I’m proud of myself, 😌 I bet you look so sweet when you’re flustered. But I’ll be your ego booster, cocky is a colour I’d love to see on you.)

No, nope. Just no. You’d never bore me, if anything I’d bore you to death. But it doesn’t matter what you think, your company is an ultimate high!

(Flatterer. 🤧 Mm, I can’t express how much I’d enjoy that — but you probably have a decent idea. But yeah, not here. My kinks can be a private topic at some point.)

-🌸

This thing of picking a time never works for me because I have this weird habit of being late for absolutely everything… But I can always try lol 🫠. And you're not a hassle, honey! I could literally physically fight anyone who says that about you 😤 (…well I don't care 'cause I'm taller so automatically you're the baby. Also you're a sub. My sub. So, baby… just take it).

Honestly I don't know how to behave on a date and the last time I went on one I literally had to get drunk to make it to the end so…please let's just have the best time of our lives. I need it. But secretly I also like the idea of saving my soft side for you and you only. This is almost a cliché, I know, but… deep down I like clichés, oh well. Not me acting like the idea of this date isn't making me absolutely ecstatic haha. It totally isn't. But it's so unfair that we're not doing it, like, right now.

Warm your hands in my pockets while I kiss you then, how about that? 😌

Oh my, the consequences of your actions LMAO. But it's ok, I understand… I think. Don't question it, I just understand.

(Oh no I don't look sweet when I'm flustered, I look like the type that will push you to the nearest surface and make you pay for making me feel things - how dare you!)

But trust me darling, I could bore you to death. I literally have the soul of an old person, boring as fuck. Sometimes it surprises me that I still have friends.

(I think I have a vague ideia, yeah…god, the things I want to do to you. But not here. Not here. Hope that someday I can know about these private topics, tho 👀)