#it’s about rebuilding. redoing. trying again.

[national-hockey-lesbian]

Making an Edit for Every Team in the NHL: The Edmonton Oilers (5/32)

(original quote)

[jaimistoryteller]

Why Help is Needed 2.0

Hiya All

I hope you are all well. The vast majority of this will be under a read more simply cause it is long and covers the last few years for those who don’t know me and may wonder why I am in need of help so bloody often.

I want you all to know I appreciate all of it, whether it is share, donating, buying one of my books, commissions, or any other way it may be. Thank you all.

Jaimi

$0/902

as of 12/27/2022 10 pm

Post info on current situation

Share this post; my venmo, paypal, or cash app with a note about how it can help.

Paypal: cosmosbusinessventures@gmail .com or Paypal Me

Ko-Fi

venmo @JaimiST

Cash app $jaimist

GoFundMe: Help Jaimi Catch Up the Bills & Fix the Roof

Why 2.0? Cause half asleep me managed to delete it again. So gotta rebuild again.

Redo Timeline since I sort of deleted it, again, while half asleep. really shouldn't try cleaning my tumblr up while half asleep.

Still need to finish, but here’s a starting point!

Current Situation

Hiya All

Happy winter holidays or season, as you prefer.

It's been a long month between:

internet outages cause of snow storms

being trapped in the house cause a blizzard

sleeping more than I care to admit cause of a sinus infection, pain, and migraines [though I sometimes think it was just one long one with times it started to fade before something triggered it once more]

9 hour trip to hospital cause dad coughed so much it made his throat swell and caused breathing issues

vet appointments

doctors appointments

food stamps getting cut back for a few really stupid reasons

having to argue with the insurance multiple times

So, with all that being said, between mine and dad's account, we're $902 in the hole. While I am not as worried about his, he'll get his VA pension, I am worried about mine, as it came from getting meds, getting food, and paying a few bills. I need to get them out of the hole before the next round of bills, meds, and food is needs.

Any and all help would be appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read this.

$0/902

Money Needed History

6/16/2022 - $721

6/1/2022 - $656 [got $144 of that]

6/25/2022 - $540 electric

7/14/2022 3 pm - $36/480

8/4/2022 - $472

8/31/2022 - $1147

9/6/2022 - $50 of 1147

9/22/2022 - $1796 

10/1/2022 - $1181

11/15/2022 - $981 of which $750 was thankfully covered

12/17/2022 - $232

12/27/2022 - $902 

House Stuff Needed

I may hate amazon, but right now I’ll deal with them if anyone wants to send stuff from the list:

Stressful Times Needs & Wish List

The list has two parts, or three, depending on how you look at it, as the first and second can technically be merged.

1. Necessities

Happybuy PEX Tubing Pipe 2 Rolls of 1/2 Inch X 100 Feet PEX Tubing

Gerber Plumbing Tub & Shower Set Three Handle Chrome

SharkBite 1/2 Inch Ball Valve, Push to Connect Brass Plumbing Fitting, Water Shut Off

Thomas & Betts B120AUPC 1G 20 CU in Zip Box W/N (Pack of 100) WIRE 12/3 NMWG 250' REEL

SOUTHWIRE COMPANY #28827455 250' 14/2 W/G NM Cable

14/2 UF-B Wire, Underground Feeder and Direct Earth Burial Cable (100ft)

I recently had to replace two of my three breaker boxes, which set me behind on bills. Why? Cause they had breakers melted and shorting, some that would be in the off position but still have power going through them, others that would say they were on and not have power. But the one melted to the breaker box? That was the really terrifying one. So I need to replace the wiring, as I discovered a lot of my wiring is 30+ years old. There are sections of my house without power. Hence the reason any help there is wonderful. 

Why not go to DHS and get an electrician to help? A couple of reasons - there is a lifetime limit on how much they will help with a house if you ain’t dying. I’d be expected to pay at least half, which cost more than me getting the stuff and doing it myself. Not a fan of strangers in my house and would be worrying my service dog [and probably them since Winston is a rottie] the entire time.

The other section of the necessities list is for plumbing stuff. My pipes are a disaster, I have exactly one working sink in the house, the kitchen sink. To turn my tub/shower on/off I have to go in Dad’s room and use the access panel on/off valves since the handles don’t actually turn off, and when I was going to take them apart to see if replacing the washer would do the trick, the wall started crumbling, so I was unable to actually do so.

2. Would be Nice

Highcraft ID234x50 Half Clamp J-Hook with Nail For Pex Tubing Pipe Support, 1/2 in, Black

Owens Corning "EcoTouch" PINK FIBERGLAS Insulation for Attic 15"x25', Unfaced

Pink Insulation Foam 1/2" Thick (6 sq ft)

(30) 1/2" Brass PEX Fittings 10 Each Elbow TEE Coupler Reducer Lead Free Crimp Cinch PEX GUY

Sterilite ClearView 3 Storage Drawer Organizer

Harris Diatomaceous Earth Food Grade, 5lb

Each would make my life easier in some way while I am working on things or to lower the bills long term.

3. Things to Help with Relaxing and Dealing with Stress

Derwent Colored Pencils, Drawing, Art, Metal Tin, Metallic, 12 Count (2305599)    

Black Widow Skin Tone Colored Pencils for Adult Coloring - Color Pencils for Portraits and Skintone Artists

Fuck This Shit: A Motivational Swear Word Coloring Book

You Fucking Got This : Motivational Swear Words Coloring Book

Butts, Bleps, and Beans Cat Coloring Book

Adult Coloring Book : 60 Stress Relieving Animals Designs

Mindfulness Coloring Book For Adults: Zen Coloring Book For Mindful People

Mandala Art

Mindfulness Coloring Book for Teens

Xyron Create-a-Sticker, 5", Sticker Maker, Machine, Permanent Adhesive

Markin Arts Stretched Canvas 8x10" 10 Pack Blank Canvas Board 

I try to spend a little bit of time every day coloring, partially cause my therapist suggested it after I mentioned it can be soothing, and partly because it gives me some time not looking at a computer screen and still relaxing.

Last but not least on the list is the Lowe's Gift Cards, they make it easy for me to go buy the supplies needed for the project I am most focused on or would be easiest. Considering my list doesn’t include any of the wood, screws,

History & Timeline

There is a lot of things that have happened to cause a large part of this current situation. This list has some but not all of the event that have happened in the last few years. If I covered all of it, we’d be here forever it feels like.

2009 July 7th - car accident that started my life downwards, I was passenger, had my ankle smashed requiring surgery. The reason I now have nerve damage.

2011 - had to have the metal that rebuilt my ankle removed as I developed an allergy to it after one of the screws shifted out of position, damaging a tendon and nerve as it did so. 

2012 December - stopped working full time, as I kept ending up in the hospital from simple injuries that could have been avoided if not always pushing through the pain. My right leg likes giving out cause the nerve damage.

2013 January to current - filed for disability, still fighting for it.

2018 February - my seventh concussion, screwed up my ability to use the computer or other digital devices for a long while.

2022 April 1 to June 14 - nine trips to the hospital, totaling 21 days in total, plus another 11 days dedicated to doctors visits. When not going back and forth to the doctors/hospitals was dealing with pain and sleeping a lot.

2022 June 18 to 21 - several days with migraine and migraine aura

2022 July - lots of storming, when not storming working on roof or sleeping off pain. 

2022 August & September - seven hospital trips, including one over night, and nine doctors appointments later, means I spent a lot of time exhausted when not working on finishing my damned roof up so it would not leak in the house. Two cats I hand nursed passed away as well, which was emotionally painful.

2022 October to November 14 - so much shit: doctor appointments, emergency vet appointment, dealing with migraines, power outage

2022 November 15 to December 10 - more migraines and pain, finally ended up at the clinic, had a major sinus infection, got put on antibiotics which knocked me out for the next week

2022 December 18 - spent my legal day at the hospital with dad after he coughed so much his throat started closing up. 

2022 December - that blizzard was fun

Proofs

[ID: screenshot of dad’s checking account -$571.83, my checking account -$211.90, and my savings -$119]

[ID: screenshot of my paypal $0]

[mayasdeluca]

that finale was way better than i anticipated and the marina scenes we got were so cute. i love that they are just so happy and in love with each other and can’t keep their hands off one another...they’ve come so far from the first episode of the season until now. what a journey! 

i find it very hard to believe that carina deluca wouldn’t have any other dress to wear to a fancy occasion but...the scene in the closet went from cute to sexy in five seconds flat. that kiss?!?!? 🥵🔥 will be on repeat all hiatus! bless them. 

i’m glad that we got to see them cuddling in bed and happy and talking about their future a little bit. bringing up IVF as the next step for their baby future...i really hope we get to see it. i’m curious now with the added factor of them delivering yet another baby from this woman who was giving it up for adoption and we don’t know if she made it or not??? was that intentional and are they planning to connect the two/have marina adopt? i kinda hope not because carina really wants to be pregnant and i really want to see this journey for them. just the two of them, doing this together to grow their family. but i guess we’ll have to see what they do with it next season.

i still wish we would have gotten at least one more conversation like we did at the end of 6x15 of them talking about their feelings and communicating to one another about what it was like while they were separated, what made maya not run for captain and why carina really is ready to be back home. i didn’t mind that they had spoken to others about it throughout the process but it just felt like after all the effort into rebuilding their foundation, it would’ve been nice for them to just have that one more conversation to pull it all together. i guess they might have figured that’s what they were doing in 6x15 (especially since zaiver said he had fought to ‘fix’ them in that episode) but overall, i’m really happy that we got to see them fall in love all over again essentially in the second half of 6B and we got so many parallels/redos from the beginning of their relationship. at least we’ll have some of those great scenes to hold us over until whenever we get marina back again. now we have to try and get through these several months without them. 😭

also that cliffhanger with jack seemed pretty cheap....i’m sure he’s going to be fine and it was so abrupt but...goodbye dixon. you will not be missed! 

[terriblygrimm]

really funny to me how the ahsoka show could’ve been a chance for disney to rewrite the sequel trilogy and they just aren’t gonna do that.

all this time that ahsoka has been elusive, she could’ve been silently and desperately on the hunt in the world between worlds, trying to go back in time to the point where it all went wrong. seeing the wrongs of the future (luke’s life and legacy crumbled and ruined, the first order, palpatine still alive, leia dying while her son is engulfed in darkness, bo-katan, a known terrorist, on the throne of mandalore)- and she, as a defender of justice and light (not a jedi - another thing dlf got wrong in the ahsoka trailer) is going through time and events trying to pinpoint where it all veers, thus making the sequel trilogy a non-canon, canon alternate timeline.

she ends up essentially “fixing” it, erasing the sequel trilogy events as we saw them, and they could start anew!! they announced a rey movie, right? why not have this be the NEW rey, the “right” timeline rey. she’s in this timeline restarting the jedi order - maybe she knows she’s a palpatine, maybe she knew all along & chose the light. maybe she’s a reformed darksider - who knows! maybe she’s older and a wise master under luke’s direction. who knows! and that would’ve been the beautiful, exciting thing about it! bc frankly, i like rey, but no one cares about another rebuild of the order set 15 years after a failed series. this rey movie could’ve been their redo!! ben could’ve been there, who knows! maybe they have a kid, maybe ben completed his training with luke too and he and rey were padawans together!! jedifinn! the tico sisters being badass! the point is the untold events would’ve been what pulled ppl in to see the new film!! to see the differences!!! all the while in the ahsoka series she’s like fixing these events, mando could’ve popped up as the now rightful leader of mandalore, luke could’ve popped up, anakin in clone wars flashbacks, the rebels, yadayada - all the same but with a different purpose.

but like… this was their ticket out. and instead they’re going to ruin heir to the empire by half-baking it into 6 other spinoffs only to make these sad remnants of sw characters (girlboss bo-katan, terrifyingly bad make-uped hera & co, randomly-calling-herself-a-jedi-again ahsoka, 1 cameo of young luke bc disney won’t pay for cgi and/or refuses to recast him, back-flipping grogu, and not-the-only-mandalorian-no-longer-the-protagonist-of-his-own-show din djarin fight the big bad thanos - i mean thrawn.

[the-faketiccit0by]

MONTY AND LUNAR AU (Sorry didn't mean to yell) So effectively Lunar isn't made of nano goop Right? He gets hurt, badly, Falling off the catwalk in gator golf. Monty effectively looses their shit, all sense of reasoning goes out the fucking window, So they take parts off of Sun, Moon, Bloody, hell, Even eclipse (who doesn't have the star at this point in time) and Rebuilds Lunar. Suns eye shoved into Lunars damaged socket, Moons leg replacing the mangled mass of plastic and metal, Bloodmoons hands, and A few of Suns rays to cover some particularly bad gashes all along Lunars face. Monty removes every reflective surface they have, covers Lunars 'new' limbs up with gloves and Longer pants as well as a shirt that Lunar couldn't take off and tells Lunar that his new limbs are sensitive so it would be safest to keep the clothes on. Lunar eats it up because why would Monty lie to him? Eventually Lunar meets Foxy who is, rightfully, concerned about Lunars state and asks what happened to his face. Lunar doesn't know what Foxy is talking about and before Foxy can go get a mirror hes dragged off by Monty and sternly told that if he so much as breaths a word about Lunars new... accessories Monty will slowly break him down and use him for parts. Lunar goes back to the daycare to look for his brothers, then Panics when he cant find them, Calls for the Computer who wont answer then runs back to gator golf in hopes that Monty Is also there. Monty assures Lunar that his brothers will turn up soon. Every time Lunar find out about his condition and what exactly happens to his brothers, Monty removes the memory (They don't want Lunars Mind completely gone) effectively resetting this morbid game, Lunar finds out once again, and is quickly told by Foxy to not go running to Monty about it. It then becomes a race against time to figure out where the star is, and how Lunar can fix everything before Monty finds out and resets Lunars memory's again. Eclipse has been humbled enough to help as well (also peeved by Monty's actions) and wouldn't mind a whole redo on the big brother role. Earth is (obviously) still intact and helps kinda knock Monty down, trying to figure out where exactly they are keeping the star and how she can prevent this from happening again. All while keeping Monty out of the loop on whats going on, they daycare's still being running as well and Its much harder when your 3ft tall and you and your sister have little to no experience dealing with the whole daycare by yourself, Sun had split apart the daycare lists and children evenly among the three of them, and now both were trying to juggle their tasks and Suns while the Moon, Sun, and the Bloodmoon twins are MIA.

I'm going to be writing this soon on ao3, after I'm done with my current story I just wanted another persons thoughts on it.

Damn I don't think I've gotten something in my inbox this big... Congrats sir/madam/person you get the crown 👑👑👑

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Gridman Universe

In some respects, Gridman Universe was nothing like the movie I expected it to be. I came in prepared for a multiversal mashup or Trigger's series of high-concept sentai reimaginings, and that's definitely what I got. But I also got something a lot weirder and wilder, a movie that in many ways is trying to be a definitive statement on the nature of Gridman itself. It's a film deeply obsessed with its own concept and place in the world, not simply as a means of reference-pandering for longtime sentai fans but as an examination of what it even means to exist as a story like this to exist and have meaning and let meaning be taken from it that may not even be there. And yet at the same time, it's also a big goofy crossover that feels like playing with all the toys in your toybox at once without caring much about making it all make sense because isn't the point of having fun to just, you know, have fun?

Which seems only fitting. Gridman and Dynazenon have been one of the most conceptually bizarre undertakings in Trigger's history, marrying the Saturday morning cartoon spirit of Ultraman with more existential, metaphysical themes and an eclectic directing style that feels more like a proper successor to Evangelion than anything else besides the Rebuilds. It's simultaneously pretentiously highbrow and shamelessly lowbrow, while also being just kind of unapologetically normiecore somewhere in the middle with how it depicts the awkward mundanity of normal life juxtaposed with mecha-on-kaiju action and universe-reshaping cosmic high concepts. It's a bizarre concoction that by all rights shouldn't work, and yet it does? Somehow, director Akira Amemiya has figured out how to make all these disparate tones sing together in harmony, and the result has been one of anime's most singular voices in the modern era. And this movie is just that on the biggest scale imaginable, throwing all restrictions to the wind and seeing just how far it can push this absurd, experimental niche it's carved for itself.

At least on paper, the plot is simple. Gridman protagonist Yuta Hibiki is working up the courage to ask out his crush Rikka Takarada, but that's all thrown into chaos when kaiju once again start appearing in his world. It soon becomes clear that some unknown threat is starting to merge universes together, leading to the cast of Dynazenon crashing into Gridman's world and kaiju going on the rampage. So the two groups must put their giant robots together- both metaphorically and literally- to face down the new threat and put the universe back in order. It's an extremely by-the-numbers setup for a crossover movie... at least until we get into the back half and reveal the nature of what's actually happening. And then things get so high-concept and reality bending that it's honestly kind of funny. I won't spoil the reveal of what's actually going on cause it's worth discovering yourself, but suffice to say, not only does it answer a lot of long-standing questions about the nature of this world in the trippiest way possible, it also sets up Gridman Universe as an answer to the question of its own existence.

See, in many ways, the mismatch at the heart of Gridman's aesthetics is the entire thematic point it's trying to make. Why redo a simple, straightforward sentai show as something so weighty and almost intellectual in its presentation? Why attach so much existentialism and cinematic complexity to something that's still, at heart, about punching big monsters in the face? Or, more broadly, why do we, as people, seek to draw meaning from art, even art as simple as giant robots fighting Godzilla? These questions may have been floating in the background of both TV shows, but they are the driving force of Gridman Universe. There are multiple times when characters will comment on the nature of Gridman, as a character, as a concept, as an idea, as an active force with a tangible effect on the world. The ultimate reveal of what's going on entirely rests on pushing this question to its logical extreme. It's simultaneously a celebration, interrogation, and deconstruction of the lizard-brain desire for popcorn entertainment and our ability to read deeper meanings where they may not actually exist, and whether or not it matters what a piece of art "intended" as long as you found something powerful in it.

There are so many ways a metatextual metaphor this tangled and self-fellating should have fallen apart. And yet, once again, by some magic, it all makes sense. Yes, the movie seems to say, Gridman is all these things. It's absurd rock-em sock-em action that speaks to your inner child, and it's weird-ass mind-bending sci-fi, and it's genuinely grounded naturalism that perfectly captures that particular teenage mindset of half-sleeping your way through life as you figure your shit out trying to put the world's bigger, more existential questions out of mind because hay, kaiju or not, you've still got college exams to worry about, right? It's all of these things at once, and it has a right to be all of these things at once, and you have the right to find power in them no matter how silly it may seem on the outside. And it justifies it all by once again just doing it all really, really fucking well. It's a bizarre, purposefully overthought stream of consciousness that's all about the importance of letting ourselves overthink the stories we love, putting our own meaning into them and forging our own relationship with them to better understand ourselves as individuals and a collective. It's an argument for art as an active conversation, even with something as simple and silly as this.

And yet, there's a problem.

See, while this movie is billed as a Gridman x Dynazenon crossover, it's really more of a Gridman movie. The title Gridman Universe is not an accident: this movie is centered on Gridman and its cast of characters first and foremost, with the Dynazenon crew mostly playing backup and hanging around for some character banter. Yomogi, Yume, Gauma, and all the rest are bit players meant to spice of a narrative that's all about Hibiki and his desire to go steady with Rikka. And unfortunately, this ends up confirming something I've believed ever since this series started:

The main cast of Gridamn is the single most boring aspect of this entire Gridman experiment.

Look, I'm sorry, but Hibiki sucks. He's an utter void of character and personality, as blank a blank slate as you can possibly get. Even your average isekai potato-kun tends to come off as smug and self-satisfied thanks to the power fantasy that guides the author's writing process, and while that's definitely obnoxious, it's at least something. But Hibiki's entire existence in both the show and movie is little more than taking in information, making bland observations, and spouting generic hero motivations whenever it's time for an action scene to happen. And you could maybe justify that in the show because he's technically a dormant passenger in his own body for most of that, but now that he's back to normal in the movie, it's painfully clear that the central figure around which this entire franchise revolves is little more than featureless white noise.

And that only becomes clearer when contrasted against the Dynazenon crew. I had my issues with Dynazenon- much weaker villains, no real standout moments- but the reason I ultimately prefer it to Gridman is because everyone in its cast is full of life and personality. They're all still awkward, mumblecore teenagers for the most part, but they're believably awkward, mumblecore teenagers who come by their personalities with purpose and meaning. So you've got Hibiki and his pals bumming around not being much of anything while the script insists on putting all the focus on them, while you've got this much more interesting crew running circles around them in basically every interaction they have. Seriously, every second Yomogi is on screen is basically walking proof of how to write a "generic" protagonist well in contrast to Hibiki's extreme nothingburger of an existence. Yes, Akane Shinjou was a spectacular character, but it's clear that Gridman put all its writing chops into her and no one else, but Dynazenon spread it out evenly. And now that she's gone, there's nothing left to distract from how much the people at the core of this narrative just don't measure up to their much more interesting backup singers.

And that's not even going into the "romance" that's supposed to be the emotional center of this whole affair. Hibiki and Rikka's love story is one of the most generic "boy pines after girl until she falls for him" plots I've seen in a long time. The fact it's merely boring instead of actively painful is wholly thanks to how damn good both their voice actors are at selling the scenes between them; whatever chemistry these two have is wholly thanks to how good Yuuya Hirose and Yume Miyamoto are at playing believably low-key teenagers navigating the liminal space of a changing relationship. But the writing just gives them nothing to play off of, and it never feels like anything more than a one-sided crush on Hibiki's end, which makes Rikka's eventual reciprocation feel wholly unjustified. Which only stands out more in contrast with Yomogi and Yume's utterly natural couple dynamic and- hilariously- Rikka's own unresolved feelings for Akane. Yes, the most blatant queerbait this side of Kumirei makes another brief appearance in this movie, and the brief twenty seconds it takes up have more believable chemistry, intimacy, and yearning to be together than the entire rest of the movie trying to sell you on the watered-down heterosexual alternative. Talk about an unforced error.

Ultimately, Gridman Universe is at its best when it embraces the philosophy at its core. As a showcase of everything worthwhile about this franchise- the believable teenage moodiness, the overturned-toybox action sensibilities, the willingness to go trippy and weird and artistically ambitious- it's as good as this franchise has even been. As an argument for being such a bizarre mishmash in the first place, it's the stuff of high concept metafictional wet dreams. But if it wanted to be a true masterpiece, it needed to tie all those wonderful elements to a central narrative and a main protagonist that were actually worth a damn. Yes, we can find meaning in even the silliest of stories, but we can just as easily find even the most ambitious experiments lacking. And until Gridman figures out how to make its main cast even half as interesting as their spinoff bretheren, then this story's ability to reach me will always remain a half-measure. For that, I give Gridman Universe a score of:

6.5/10

Man, it feels good to be home again. Hopefully I'll find the energy to start watching more anime now that I'm on vacation. Fingers crossed!

[headofocs-inklesspen]

Evangelion is probably, hands down one of my favorite franchises. If not one of the most formative series I was introduced to in late middle school (doctor who being the other). I rewatch it a lot. When 3.33+1.01 (Thrice Upon a Time) was released I rewatched the entire series in order starting with the orignal anime season.

I was introduced through the rebuilds. Around 2015, Adult Swim’s Toonami block did a special airing of 1.11(you are (not) alone), 2.22(you can(not) advance), and 3.33(you can(not) redo). I remember DVR’ing them because they showed at like 3am Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in order.

There’s not a lot of experiences from my early teens I actively wish to relieve, but sometimes I rewatch the Rebuilds late at night just to try. Just to, for 2 hours, feel like I’m 14, witnessing Shinji Ikari’s three movie mental breakdown for the first time again. It’s midnight and I have the volume way down and the subtitles on because I’m definitely not supposed to be up but I can’t look away. I understand for the first time, the appeal of mecha anime, a subgenre that up to then never interested me. I also think NGE played a significant part in why I like psychological horror (and what I like in psychological horror) with the way the series systemically picks apart each major character in a uniquely way tragic.

Shinji is a loser, and he has his father to blame and himself to blame and being human to blame. And the series is about giant robots and confusing plot lines but it’s also fundamentally about humanity and human connection and as someone who, at the time was the same age as the kids, who struggled with connecting with other people despite wanting to, Evangelion hit me in a way that I’ll likely never fully articulate.

[best-evangelion-girl]

why are the things called that?

so to a lot of people who haven't spent hours reading the evageeks wiki, you're probably confused on the weird names for everything, especially with the differences between the original anime series and the rebuilds. I'm gonna attempt to explain everything to the best of my ability, and will also make it clear in all my polls whether I'm talking about something from nge or rebuilds.

so first off, what do I even mean by "nge and rebuilds"

so the anime "Neon Genesis Evangelion", sometimes abbreviated to NGE, was released in October 1995 and aired until march of 96. it consists of 26 episodes and is what is called the original series.

when the show ended, fans were really upset that there wasn't a proper conclusion to the mystery about the angels or seele, and that the last few episodes mainly focused on the mental turmoil of the main characters and them eventually coming to terms with reality and deciding that life is worth living. because of these complaints, the studio and the director of the series hideki anno decided to make a movie with an alternate ending to the series.

released in July of 97, "End of Evangelion" is considered by many fans to be the true ending of the series. the movie is a different episode 25 and 26 where everything sucks and seele invades NERV and tries to kill everyone to cause the third impact, Gendo attempts to start the third impact himself thinking he can reunite with Yui, but ultimately Rei triggers the third impact and gives control to Shinji before he must come to terms with humanity's purpose and find an excuse to live. basically, everyone dies and their souls are merged into one single entity, which means there's no more misunderstanding or confusion or hate in the world. Shinji eventually realizes that this sucks, and that life is about experiencing pain as well and joy, and everyone's souls rejoin their body. the movie then ends with Shinji and Asuka rematerialized on an apocalyptic earth in front of a sea of blood.

End of Evangelion, sometimes abbreviated to eoe, is basically Anno giving a big middle finger to all the fans who didn't like the original ending of the anime.

later, in the mid 2000s, Anno wanted to make a new evangelion story, this time a fully theatrical experience.

in 2007, "Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone" was released, in 2009 "Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance", in 2012 "Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo", and in 2021 "Evangelion: 3.0 + 1.0 Thrice Upon A Time"

all four of these movies together are called the rebuilds, the new theatrical release, NTE, and in the case of 3.0+1.0 specifically "shin eva" (similar to many other remakes of popular Japanese ips being labeled "shin", such as godzilla and kamen rider)

it is heavily implied in the lore and through external media that the third impact in EOE caused the world to reset, and this new universe that was created was the universe of the rebuilds.

the events of 1.0 and 2.0 play out largely the same as the original series, up until the end. when the tenth angel attacks, Rei is killed and Shinji risks everything to try and save her. unintentionally, his eva absorbs the angel and nearly causes the third impact before it's stopped. Shinji then wakes up about 15 years later to find that the world is extremely different, and that most of the people he knows are fighting against NERV. he comes to discover that the world was nearly destroyed, but pockets of civilization still exist. after seeing his boyfriend's head explode and understandably being traumatized, he eventually learns how to love life again by being part of a small farming community. the final movie ends with Shinji confronting his father, making him realize that his attempts to reunite with his dead wife were impossible and living in the past was only hurting himself and everyone around him, and then causes a final impact that remakes the entire world into a new world where the Evangelions never existed, and everyone is chill and also he and Mari are dating. another giant middle finger to the fans, basically saying "get a fucking life, nerds. get a girlfriend. stop living in the past."

hopefully that makes sense as an explanation for naming the anime and movies.

nge and eoe are the original series in the 90s

1.0, 2.0, 3.0, and 3.0+1.0 are the rebuilds from late 2000s to early 2020s

but what about the angels?

so the angels have names in nge but not in the rebuilds. in the rebuilds, they're just given a number. why is that? according to the lore, the dead sea scrolls were discovered by seele and laid out the plans for human instrumentality and gave names to all the angels. in the rebuilds, the dead sea scrolls were never found, and thus the angels in the rebuilds are not given names.

sure, some of the angels from the rebuilds look very similar to the angels from nge. but because a few are completely new, and they're mostly out of order, it's less confusing to just use numbers when talking about the angels from the rebuilds, and names when from nge. sometimes, when I'm talking about the angel's role in both nge AND rebuilds, I will use the name just because it's more convenient. (for example, I might say "bardiel was the angel that attacked and controlled Unit 03, which was piloted by Toji in nge and Asuka in Evangelion 2.0" even though it's called the 9th angel and not bardiel in Evangelion 2.0, it is basically the exact same thing and it's hopefully less confusing that way.

so yeah. names = original series. numbers = rebuilds

if you want me to give a shitty explanation about anything else, let me know. :3

[davidmariottecomics]

You Can Always Restart

Ahoy hoy!

I've mentioned a few times over the past couple of weeks (mostly in the "What I enjoyed" section) that I've been reading David M. Willis' Dumbing of Age. I'm all caught up on over a decade of webcomics! Woo! There are a lot of reasons that I like it. I find the characters compelling. I'm a big sucker for slice-of-life type stuff that occasionally gets spicy and that tracks multiple groups of folks all just kinda living their lives and the ways they intersect with comedic and dramatic effect. Lots of Beast Wars references and acknowledgement of how great IDW TF comics are (and the occasional nod to TMNT and Sonic and stuff too). A cartoonist with the initials DMW when I'm DWM. It's great! 

But now that I am somehow caught up, I've also decided to check out their earlier comics. I've just finished the original run of Roomies! now. Roomies is a proto-Dumbing of Age in a lot of ways and that's a big part of what has inspired this week's blog about revisiting and revising your old work. 

You Can (Always) Redo

Yes, that is a riff on the Rebuild of Evangelion titles which are also a pretty good example of what I'm talking about today. 

Sometimes, as a creator, you have a good idea. Sometimes, you have a great idea. And sometimes, you do not have the ability to properly execute your big idea. There are a million reasons for it, right?

Just to look at Evangelion. The original TV series, somewhat infamously, always had a very small staff working on it, was running up against tight deadlines the entire run of the production, had various curveballs thrown at it by both the creator and the studio that would significantly change the overall plot and focus of individual episodes while in production, and ends in a couple of really weird episodes that may or may not have had budget problems and/or time problems of being created in a major crunch. The last couple episodes weren't too well received, and so the ending got rewritten in a pair of films. And then a few years later, Hideaki Anno and Gainax decided to do the whole thing again over almost 15 years with the Rebuild movies.Plus manga and light novel adaptations/reimaginings. Plus this that and the other thing (not to mention Anno's Shin Godzilla, Shin Ultraman, and Shin Kamen Rider, which are a similar, but different thing).

All of these versions tackle the same basic material, but due to different sized budgets and teams and Anno's shifting interests and feelings as a person, they can get pretty different. One of the things I really like about it is seeing how each iteration and even just escalations within each version feel like they're usually trending toward something truer to who Anno is at the moment of creation (even if I think most of the endings are bad). 

If you have an idea you like, roll with it. Chances are, you've got something, otherwise why would you be interested in the first place. But in recognizing your limitations--be they budget or time or skill or editorial interference or whatever--know that you can also keep an idea in your back pocket to try it again, but better. 

The Walkyverse If you haven't taken the time to read all of Willis' webcomics, that's probably fine. They've been at it for like 25 years at this point, so it's a lot to catch up on. The long and short is there was an initial series: Roomies! about college roommates. That ended and some plotlines were refocused/retconned into a new series, It's Walky! That then spun-off into two other series: Joyce and Walky! and Shortpacked! And a ways into all of this, David looped back around to the initial concept of a story about college freshmen trying to acclimate to their new circumstances (and being semi-autobiographic, but now with the clarity of hindsight) and started Dumbing of Age. Most of the cast are folks from the various previous series, but reimagined and tweaked to fit the college plot. Some personality traits remain pretty true. Some ideas that just got touched on waaaaaaaay back in Roomies! are refined and actually executed deftly. 

There aren't a lot of ideas I had when I was young that I revisit and see if I can't make work better now with my expertise and skills, but there are definitely some things that I've poked at here and there. And for some of my more recent ideas, there've been lots of things I've revisited. Sometimes it's a concept that I feel like I'm getting to the 95 yard line on but can't quite get across to the goal, and so I see if I can't run a different play and break it. Sometimes it's a particular script that I look at and even if it is recent, I feel isn't terribly representative of how I write. But when I go through these things, I always try to make it a new doc so I can still go back to the old and see just how and what I've refined that might make it's way back or that might make itself into yet another revision. 

I think there's sometimes an assumption that live performance is the only medium in which you get a different variation of a work every time. But you can absolutely revisit your older comics works and ideas and find some new angle on them or reason to bring back something that never quite clicked when you did it in the past. 

Wrap It Up 

In some ways, you can even do this in licensed or corporate comics. Brian Cronin has a fun series over at CBR called Wrap it Up! Each entry looks at two comic series wherein the plotline of one series ultimately had to be resolved in another. I think the most recent--at time of writing--was about Adam Warlock's series getting canceled and some of those plots getting resolved in Hulk. I bring this up because while obviously starting from scratch is an option, sometimes you'll be given a chance to finish your story in another way: be it a different series or a one-shot or OGN. I've even occasionally seen stories more-or-less wrapped up across universes by using similar characters (I swear one of the Wrap it Ups is about a Namor story that gets "resolved" in Aquaman because it was easier to do a light retelling and then resolve the story there than it was to get new Namor stuff going at Marvel). 

A good idea shouldn't go to waste, and there's often going to be some way to circle back around to it. It's just a matter of keeping those ideas in sight so they don't get lost. 

And, as an extra little note: I have said before, when I'm scripting, I tend to practice bad habits. I do a lot of one-and-dones where I take a single pass and then have someone else read it and only make revisions after I've had someone else do a pass. I also do a lot of batch scripting with rewrites--which is where I will write say the first 5-10 pages of the script, leave it for a bit, plot out the back half, reread that first section and do my first round of rewrites, then finish the script having sometimes almost completely rewritten the first batch of pages. Unless something is actually egregious, I tend to believe you shouldn't revise until you've finished a draft and can see the thing in it's entirely. And, no, you probably shouldn't just get stuck revisiting and rewriting the same script or redrawing the same page again and again until you get it right. But maybe down the line, you'll get the chance to truly do it all over again, the way that reflects you now.  

What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Craig of the Creek (Cartoon), Honkai Star Rail (Video game), My Adventures with Superman (Cartoon), The Broken Room by Peter Clines (Book), Crime Scene Kitchen (TV show), Dumbing of Age (Webcomic), Solve This Murder (Podcast), Cruel Summer (TV show), Praise Petey (Cartoon), The Loveliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen (Album), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (Movie).

New Releases this week (8/2/2023): Nothing from me!

New Releases next week (8/9/2023): Nothing from me! Couple of slow weeks, but lots coming up the pipeline! 

Announcements:  I've mentioned it a couple of times, but I'm largely done with the con circuit for the year. There might be a thing in a couple of weeks, and if so, I'll be letting folks know ASAP! We're not going to be at Tucson Comic-Con this year. Love that show, but just didn't work out right. And at the moment of writing, I don't *think* I'll be at NYCC. 

This is kind of a soft announcement following them mentioning it on their Twitch stream, but Becca and I are working on a comic. We're co-plotting, I'm scripting, they're drawing, and their friend Duke who has lettered a bunch of their smutty stuff is on-board when we get to that part of things. If you're curious to learn more...

...Maybe join my Patreon! You get to see developmental stuff from this, and other work-in-progress projects. Plus this same blog, but without the part plugging my Patreon! And even more extra stuff! ORRRRR... join Becca's Patreon because they're also going to be sharing some of this comic developmental stuff! 

Pic of the Week: The neighbor's cat was chillin in our complex's courtyard and I managed to sneak some pets. The kitty is pretty nice, but often doesn't let people approach, so it was a nice treat. Or maybe it was the kitty's way of apologizing for frequently coming and hanging out on our landing and driving my cats wild. 

[the-resurrection-3d]

rambling thoughts on the finale now that I've watched it again (spoilers, of course)

Even as I was watching initially on the discord, I was shocked by how quickly things were going by -- Luz gets murked not even 25 minutes in, for instance. I've been thinking over the series's cancellation -- I've seen it argued Dana should have cut more stuff out, but in fairness, it's hard having to make drastic cuts in a short amount of time, especially when cutting out certain characters would have meant redoing plot elements, not to mention skipping over or rewriting entire characters' backstories.

I think about Luca vs Encanto -- Luca had a lot of ideas pulled out, whereas Encanto very obviously tried to cram an entire mini-series into one movie. I like Luca better than Encanto for a bunch of different reasons, but I have to ask, Should you try to tell a simpler story better or a truncated story as best as you can? The answer seems apparent, but there is something to be said about Dana putting as much as she could on the table and all but outright asking fans to enjoy rebuilding her vision in their own. It's one thing when certain characters and ideas can be taken and made their own standalone stories, but not everything can, and given the state of the animation industry, the chances of that new show happening would've been slim, anyway.

A show like The Owl House -- a queer story cut short by a company that funded homophobic politicians while chasing woke brownie points for good publicity -- feels like the best-use case for Jenkins's idea of fanfic as repairing culture, as fans are now left to take this obviously compromised text and show our love by doing the reparative work of trying to fill in the cracks. Even if you don't engage with the fandom much, your perception of the text is still informed by these cuts, so there really isn't a reason not to think of the show as the sum of its canon and your own reparative fandom experience.

I compare TOH to SU a lot in my head, and the reason I'm willing to be so forgiving towards TOH for having a lot of dropped threads and blank spots is because, unlike SU/SUF, I don't feel like the creators wasted their time. Arguably there are episodes in season one that can be cut, but it's nothing like SU, which spent just so many episodes across every season prioritizing Steven's relationships to the humans in Beach City and neglecting its actual main cast, only for SUF to then stand up and admit it was all for fucking nothing.

Speaking of SU, though, the Collector fucking off back "to the stars" at the end gave me similar vibes to Spinel leaving with the Diamonds, though I will give SU the point here. Literally why is the Collector leaving when they've just NOW found a support system and friends? When their powers would be immensely helpful for rebuilding the Boiling Isles? "to the stars" TO SEE WHAT. WHOM. even on my first watch I thought this was fucking lame.

My main issue is that I felt like there was a big Belos-Luz beat missing, especially when their confrontation in the throne room was just him saying "oh you can't beat me." I would have rewritten that line, at least. I needed just a little extra, especially since he ended TTT with telling Luz he's doing this "for the good of [her] soul." I loved the death scene though (he's so mentally ill <3), as well as Arin Hanson's Titansona responding to Luz asking if they're "just as bad" as Belos with "do you smoke crack?"

[thevindicativevordan]

"Have never grown ebond their role as Titans"-Wally and Dick exist, and what does that mean? Cyclops has never grown beyond his role in X-Men either.

Wally is more associated with the League than the Titans on account of Morrison JLA and the DCAU, but I’ll concede that he counts. Dick though? Nope, he’s just as much running in circles as the rest of them. Taylor’s current Nightwing run is (or was) popular but it is redoing the same Nightwing stories we’ve been getting since Dixon. Once again Dick’s trying to topple Blockbuster’s criminal empire, and juggling a complicated romance with Babs. Arguing that Taylor needed to reestablish Dick and get him “back to basics” after the Ric Saga makes sense except we are almost 13 issues in and barely anything has actually happened other than Dick getting a dog.

The Titans are trapped in an endless loop of rehashing the same tired plot lines, just like the X-Men were before Hickman revamped them. It’s a zombie franchise that continues to exist because it’s too popular and profitable to die, but has yet to produce a modern run justifying it’s prominence. Shaking the franchise up, maybe even blowing the whole thing up and rebuilding it from scratch is required because these half-steps they keep taking just aren’t working. I’m not a big Titans fan but who exactly is pleased upon assessing the current state of the franchise? Not many going off of all the complaining about DC’s treatment of the franchise!

[equinoxts2]

Sorry for venting but...

Invisible purple soup is getting increasingly frustrating in Kulo Seeri, so I’ve decided to ditch the idea of a subhood. I’m also trying to cull as much of the CC I’m not using as possible. So far I’ve got my Downloads folder down by about a third of its previous size... I hope that will be enough!

I’m also craving a new project but I refuse to build while I’m ill. I get so sick of redoing the same thing over and over, then getting new ideas and adding more stuff that screws it all up, and having to rebuild again. I want to do something different, but something that still enhances the Seeriverse in some way. But I can’t abandon KS and I’m frustrated.

[silentsighs-ffxiv]

if they could hit redo on a single past event in their life what would it be?  would they do it if it meant changing the present?

So, this comes with the extensive caveat that I am breaking my own dang rule here and I know I am, but this involves a canon character and I suppose that we will call this a hilarious crackship but I cannot get it out of my head and I'm gonna run with it.

Quick recap: Nutone (this incarnation) is effectively a vessel crafted from some poor woman that Naunet (Kotone's god) plucked off the beach during a walk and drowned, then offered a new life - and when that was accepted, everything that Naunet knew of Kotone was slammed into the head of the poor woman while rebuilding her body.

Naunet was so disgusted with herself that she has retreated - leaving Nutone without a paddle, because the woman that she was still exists and all her memories are at war with Kotone's. Not only is this having some interesting impact on her aether, but it regularly sets her up for confusion as memories from both filter in and out. /end recap

I haven't spoken very much about her, but I'm going to start doing so - let's talk about Sameera's greatest regret.

Sameera was a refugee that ended up on her own in Radz-at-Han, and during one particularly entertaining night as a teenager, she ran into a young man who showed her a little spot of kindness. They became very fast friends - her the devil on his shoulder, and he the gentle hand trying to guide her to do better in the world. He taught her how to handle a sword, she taught him how to read people better. He taught her to dance, she taught him how to tell a better story.

In time, Sameera grew to love him - and she had no doubt he loved her. They both led impossibly different lives, and after a few unfortunate altercations, Sameera and he were barred from seeing one another. It did not stop either, and they snuck out as often as they could to steal moments on the rooftops just to watch the stars.

During one such night before a very important day for both of them, a question was asked that would have changed both of their lives. It was a question with great weight behind it, especially for Sameera - and she feared the change that would come, and did not think herself worth it. She declined, and for a time the hurt was so deep that the two did not speak.

It was some years before the two crossed paths again, as he encountered her in the markets. Life had not changed them too much - though she jested his scales were whiter than she remembered, and he teased that she claimed she'd never wear her hair long. They fell easily back into friendship and affection, and again came love - though that had never really died. Not for either of them.

He asked her to meet him one night on the beach when the stars were at their brightest, and she arrived before him - and that is the night that Naunet stole her from the shores. It was not just fear that forced Sameera to accept the offer of the goddess - but an intense desire to return to that beach and give the answer she should have given years ago. The answer they both deserved.

... Kotone has no memory of this, but nor has she heard the news. I wonder, so very much, how Sameera's grief will manifest when her vivid dreams of Radz-at-Han and starlit rooftops are mere memories tainted by Ahewann's death.

We'll never know what could have been.

[springagainafter]

Beat Fallen Order (again)! Endgame thoughts:

BEAT MALICOS without lowering the difficulty; I was so proud. Random person on Reddit is correct and Force Push is the way.

Cal and Merrin's conversations before and after that fight, my heart. "We were peace keepers." :(

There's a lot of fun dialogue you can get by zipping around post-recruiting Merrin.

Postgame plans: Cere's going to teach Cal to play the musical instrument she has that she hasn't played in ages (aw), Greez is going to take Merrin and Cal to see his homeworld, Cal and Merrin are going to the Wookie homeworld to go see the giant tree/giant friendly bird that Cal got to rider around.

Cere knighting Cal is one of my favorite moments in the game. Force theme!

Merrin makes a joke about how hiding the Mantis will require a sacrifice, like one of Greez's arms, and Cal is the only one besides her who thinks it's funny (Greez is all "wait what" and Cere's all :| and Cal just goes :D :D).

Props to Merrin to putting the idea of "hey, aren't we putting these kids at risk by taking the holocron away from where it's hidden" in Cal and Cere's heads. She mentions that and they both just look at her like "but....but rebuilding the Order."

Found Cordova's workshop and his lightsaber hilt and Cal and BD-1 had a nice chat about that.

Cal watching through the window as Cere tears through bad guys in the fortress just like he watched through the window as his old master tore through clones during Order 66, excellent.

Fought Trilla a few times and then went "no," lowered the difficulty to story mode, and beat her that way with no regrets. Which is what I think I did last time. I do appreciate that it's theoretically beatable by dueling her with a lightsaber as opposed to KotoR, where if you don't play a Guardian then your final boss strategy is just "run around the room screaming and throwing your lightsaber."

Cere and Trilla :(

VADER

Forever proud of Cal's reaction to Vader commenting that he would be wise to surrender ("Yeah. Probably." *does not surrender*).

Failed at escaping Vader a couple times. XD Accidentally made Cal jump into lava as I was trying to figure out which way to jump, accidentally did it again as I went "oh, I wall-run!"

I knew perfectly well that Vader was going to come through that door a bit later and still screeched and then failed the button prompt and had to redo it. XD

BD-1 IS THE BEST DROID

Cere's Force bubble-shield move is extremely cool.

Greez hovering around and being there when Cal wakes up, aw, and Merrin hugging Cal.

Slicing the Jedi holocron in half is a GOOD CALL.

[orlandoskilledlabor]

Getting Discounts On Home Improvement Materials

While installing new carpeting or flooring is often left to professionals, there are kits available that make it easy for the uninitiated to install new flooring over an existing covering. This allows you to pay out a minimal amount for materials, while saving hundreds by doing the work yourself. Of course, if you're not even ready for a home improvement on the scale of installing new flooring, consider just a good deep cleaning.

High-traffic areas in your house will quickly start to look worn and ugly. Rent a carpet cleaner and give that rug a good deep scrubbing. You'll be amazed what an improvement a little cleaning can make. Here again, you don't need a major home renovation to add a little life to a much-used space. Perhaps replacing a few chipped tiles and giving the grout a good cleaning will brighten up a dingy looking bathroom. If you have a little more to invest, try changing out an old, out-dated sink or toilet for one that is more attractive and efficient. Buy a new bright set of hand towels and toss the old faded ones.

Are you planning a makeover for your old residence? Do you want to remodel your house or have you been wanting to do up your basement? Are you still anxious about how to arrange for a lump sum in order to remodel your kitchen? There's a wide array of home improvement financing options available to help you out with finances any time. Home improvement financing schemes are especially favored because it is a way to increase the value of the property. Whether its redoing your master bedroom or adding a few grand touches to your living area or fixing up the leakages in your bathrooms pipes- the finance for home improvement will cover all.

You should ask yourself a few questions before taking a plunge to remodel your home. First you need to look at which is more profitable for you, the renovation of your old house or the purchase of a new home? What may be the total cost of doing the improvement altogether? This is not really a great idea, because they are left to rely on the current value of their home and if the value decreases over the years it could leave them without the money to pay off their loan. Therefore, it is best to use a home equity loan for improving the value of your home so there is never the chance that the value of the home would decrease below what you borrowed in the first place. These are just a few things to keep in mind when thinking about getting a home equity loan.

You do not want to be indebted because you wanted money for home improvements. Home improvement projects can greatly increase the house's current value and be good investments for the long run. You should always go into a loan office with a keen mind to avoid making any bad decisions that could very well cost you your home. Home improvement grants are probably the smartest, most profitable, and satisfying way to get those long overdue repair projects underway without draining your bank account in the process. From something as minor as weatherproofing your basement windows, to wallpapering a single family home, to an entire new plumbing system in a multi-unit apartment complex, there is obtainable free government funding available to all who qualify.

Growing families are receiving free government money to build additions to their homes in order to accommodate additional family members. Some are reconstructing large dwellings into rental properties for supplemental incomes and qualifying for home improvement grants to finance the rebuilding. Landlords in particular are likely to qualify for exorbitant amount of funds, on a regular and ongoing basis, to maintain their properties to insure tenant safety. The government is big on that for obvious reasons, and this also helps insure available housing and stability in the neighborhood's property values. Whatever your reason, large or small, for home improvements, reconstruction, remodeling or repairs, there is certain to be a government funded home improvement grant that will help, if not completely finance it, if you qualify. Millions are eligible, and you may be too.

undefined

[biboywizard]

I think love is about learning how to love someone. Love is about accepting and rebuilding and on some days I find this very frustrating and tiresome. I want to love and be loved easily and I have to learn it.

On some days it is also the most romantic thing ever:

Love is me sitting cuddeling with my brother gushing about Eldenring graphics and hearing him tell me abt weapons and lore till I can see his fascination. When he tells me what he does and doesn't lack in the relationship with his friends after I rant to him about the emotional impact that yoonmin fic left on me, bc it reminds me of a past relationship.

It's asking my parents about their lives as young adults untill the tell me about their own parents with love and relief and withheld pain and stuck up frustration. The love of learning where someone's coming from and therefore how they will feel in different situations. I read a lot of books on communication and looked for the clues that means a person wants to share with you like this for so long. Hearing how they experienced life as a child and being absolutely awed soo so much development happened between this and how they raise us. The joy of being trusted by a parent as you are trusted by a friend.

Oh manye it's just a bunch of situations that happend after you loved someone for so long and try to like and understand them

Meeting with my best friend from school and talking for hours. Sometimes effortless, sometimes working through the fact our lives are very different and getting on the same wavelength again.

Texting one of my best friends who won't text me by himself or arrange a meeting but will cuddle with me for hours and swap stories about parental trauma. Who will remember I like the glutenfree pizza his mom makes on thursdays and always bring me a piece to uni on friday.

It's fixing. It's fixing a relationship after fighting when you knew each other for ten years prior and never fought. It's starting the conversation with "I don't really understand why we don't talk, like we used to, but I love you (there's a softer word in my language)and please let us stay best friends" after you dated your best friend and broke up and work through that. It's validating your siblings for their struggle with their own friends treating them poorly until they feel well, later on bringing up they used to do a similar thing to you years ago and asking and getting: )) the apology and acknowledgement of your hurt you forgot you wanted. It's talking to your parents and telling them your not sure how much they support you being a boy since they are very sceptical of all things following that and getting assurance you are loved even though they are critical of your schedule.

It's working with yourself. It's looking at a boody that is physically uncomfortable and deciding to love it as yours. It's looking at your relationship with yourself and redo it after every change so you still love yourself. It's realizing you are still so hung up on feminity because you rarely know how to love different or be loved as something that is not a daughter or a sister and loving this fear yet also reworking it into something that allows change. It's taking small breaks evertime you start or end something"Do I love myself right now?""Why do I feel unsatisfied"?"

Love is emotional labour

It is also physical one I might add. Love is me sending you a mental health tiktok and maybe one abt history and a funny one. It's me leaning into different embroidery techniques because I loved this fanfic so much and this 30cm embroidery (I designed with the symbolism of it and sappy scenes I like) is the way I can pour my love and admiration for the author, with whom I won't ever interact more than my comment into something. It's liking selfmade gnocchi because your friends taught you how to make them and it's significant to them bc they're from italy and their grandma taught them. Putting away the bottles the people in my dorm left partying last night. Wearing earrings I like to fidget with. Trying to be careful with myself even though I feel like academically I am not doing as well as I used to. Socially too. Keeping yourself from buying another dress bc they are giving you dysphoria but you also feel so pretty. Saving my dad a slice of lemon cake to try.