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a-woman-apart · 4 years

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Separating the Boys from the Men

Yes, that title is click bait, and if you keep reading, you’ve been warned. I’ve got a lot to get off my chest, and it’s going to involve defending masculinity, femininity, and our right to BEHAVE LIKE CHILDREN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES because in many ways, we already do.

Let’s get straight to the point. As Millennials, regardless of our age, financial status, or level of “success” (air quotes 100% intentional) we have been accused of being lazy, entitled, and way too enthusiastic about avocado toast. At the same time, we have been described as having enough power to decimate the napkin industry, the diamond industry, and the concept of traditional marriage. We have been accused of a collective “Peter Pan” syndrome, because we “refuse” to cut off papa’s apron strings and get off the proverbial mama’s teats.

Wonderful to know.

Let’s unpack the “lazy” bit. Supposedly, this is tied to the fact that we have access to higher education, we [often, not always] have parents who financially support or house us well into adulthood.

So now, my question is, Gen X (the entitled ones, ironically) and Salty Boomers, YOU DIDN’T?

What do you call that “inheritance” you received? What do you call that education your parents paid for that was less than 1/3 what we have to pay? For Boomers, how do you explain the lavish weddings, cheap [and apparently nuke proof] home appliances, and “nights out on the town” that you were able to afford by working at whatever passed for a McDonald’s back in the day? Working on a farm, at a grocery store, or in retail used to ACTUALLY provide a livable wage; for us, those are a “side hustle” and we still have to get a “big boy job” that usually requires an education that can put us over $100,000 in debt by age 30.

Hate to say it, but if you hadn’t made most of your income “during the War” or in the absolute economic boom that followed it, you wouldn’t survive 24 hours in our shoes before having an emotional collapse.

Despite the disastrous living conditions of the U.S. in the 21st Century, not much has changed in how men define their level of “manliness.”

Financial gains (stocks, bonds, portfolio, bank account)

Bro “gains” (a.k.a. “gym gains”, how “Gaston” they are, including whether they want to go for the Adonis, Apollo, or Brawny boi look, or just how far they can throw something or how “boyish” they look if strength isn’t an option and they suffer from femme-levels of body dysmorphia)

Body count (since we’re in a time of peace and not literally war, this is LITERALLY a modern term describing how many people you’ve slept with, and I have never heard an adult man, regardless of sexual orientation, who isn’t a little concerned about putting those notches in the bed post, and if not that, VERY concerned about his bedroom performance: it’s quality vs. quantity)

Kill death Ratio (I know this is a video game term now, but did you know that before video games, men in England used to regularly get on horseback, get a bunch of hounds together, and chase down tiny foxes and rabbits? FOR FUN?!?!? Did you know, that before modern sports ((including Esports)), men used to just fight to the death, regularly, even if an official war wasn’t going on? It was known as “dueling”, and in less socially developed societies, men still behave like this. So the next time you complain about “male rage” and how heartless it is to make live chickens fight, note that even though we’ve quelled male anger and hostility on some level, you will NEVER be able to take away man’s urge to destroy. Boys and men will always like knocking things over, building things from the rubble, and ruling shit. It’s what they do-- and we women can and do, too, but we have a LOT more risk-aversion and self-preservation, which is a blessing and a curse for our species-- but we just need to make sure humanity as a whole stays...chill)

So what, say ye, has changed about how WOMEN define themselves now vs. in the past. I would say that very little has changed, but the level of internalized misogyny, insecurity, and good-old fashioned denial has SKYROCKETED.

Let’s look at some terms of how the majority of women value themselves.

Financial Security (few women will admit to “wanting to be rich”, because that sounds kind of “Trump”, but plenty will talk about having minimum income requirements for their partner(s), wanting to retire at a young age so they can “travel the world”, wanting to eliminate their debts, etc. It’s different language but essentially it translates to: I want to work so hard or marry into so much wealth that I never want to worry about money after age 35. #Hustle)

Looks (it doesn’t matter if you want a Kardashian butt, you’re in the body positivity movement, or you just want to “dress like a bawse” women are just as obsessed with clothes, image, and body weight/shape/size as they ever were, it is just that now that we’ve “slain the patriarchy” we have more fashion options than ever before, because “boy clothes” are just as “in” as femme ones)

Ability to attract a partner (some women, like me, “chase”, but thanks to biology, most women, regardless of sexual orientation, seem to enjoy being pursued more than being Artemis-style hunters. This is evidenced by the fact that when the feminist owner of Bumble changed the rules of the dating website to where women had to start conversations with men rather than vice versa ((a move that had ostensibly zero effect on lesbian matching)) 72% of women that she later surveyed stated that they liked it better when men were approaching them rather than the other way around. I am sure Bumble’s female CEO was shook ((as was I)), especially because she made the change to empower women, and apparently 72% of women didn’t want the power because it meant they now had the power to face rejection, and it made them uncomfortable. Big yikes. So much for #EndPatriarchy and #ChivalryisDead ?)

Playing house (this is probably going to get me some unfollows, but I’ll take my chances. Women, regardless of sexual orientation, often seem to be REALLY into having babies or just “playing house.” There’s also men like this, too, “Family men” as they’re aptly called, men in love with fatherhood ((or just being called “daddy”, and that will never not be weird)). So many women who never want to pop out a baby describe being taken by an OVERWHELMING urge to fuck during their “fertile window” ((or is that just me?)) and seeing every baby alive as the cutest human being ever once we pass the tender age of 25. The biological clock is REAL, and I learned the hard way that being bisexual and having immense fear of pregnancy and childbirth didn’t spare me from the awful truth of my biology.

I really don’t want to keep making references to modern video games, but they seem to serve the dual purpose of being deeply satisfying and helping us to quell “problematic” urges, including that one to dominate and destroy the world. For a lot of women gamers, though, our choices ((on a broad scale, every #girlgamer is different)) deviate from men’s in some interesting ways.

#1: We still love The Sims Franchise way more than guys do

Not only do we love it, but while a lot of men (again, #notallmen) tend to build elaborate neighborhoods to extensively mod and destroy them in terrifying ways, I still see women gamers taking obscene amounts of time to design homes, raise happy little families, and cause TERRIFYING blood feuds by having Sims marry Sims from rival families ((I guess we’re more Shakespeare than we thought, eh ladies?))

#2: We make up most of mobile gaming

Most male gamers think mobile games “aren’t real” and I tend to agree, but a mobile game is invaluable for when I, a woman, have time to kill between the 3 jobs I hypothetically have and I and don’t want to whip out something like a Nintendo 2DS that is both unwieldly and attracts the eyes of every impoverished, thieving human being in a .5 mile radius. #RiskAversion. These games are often low-quality, mindless, and insanely easy, but that is WHY WE LIKE THEM. Our entire life is a job. #Hustle

#3 We also love farming sims and RPGs

While we-- and most male Millennials-- beg god to not have to birth calves, milk cows, or labor in the tomato fields under the hot sun, most of us have no objection to having our virtual avatars perform the same back-breaking tasks to the tune of cheerful chiptune music. Also, even though men definitely enjoy them, too, I have never met a woman gamer who didn’t enjoy a nice RPG; why do you think we’re such avid readers of fantasy/romance YA?

We want to be transported to a different world, and if you won’t take us there, we’re happy to go there virtually ((because we probably can’t afford travel; we’re still millennials)).

Ability to murder people who threaten our young or our partner(s) (Okay this one is a bit more complicated, but I’m just going to tell you a bit about female animals. DON’T MESS WITH THEIR BABIES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Human females, are, in that regard, just as savage, if not more so, than our male counterparts.

I’ve never heard of any woman ((outside of prison, maybe)) who killed another woman for “looking at her weird” or saying “your mama” too many times. I’ve heard plenty of women threaten literal murder because another woman ((or man, we’re #progressive)) came too close to her romantic/sexual partner, or another human being threatened harm on our kids or our “squad.”

I don’t know where the meme truly originated from, but “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again” is SUCH a Mom thing to say. So much misandry is wrapped up in the idea that men are predators, and that is true, but not in the excessively sexually deviant ways you think ((that’s only sometimes true)). They just like hunting things, including people, but if you give them a toy to play with ((I MEAN ACTUAL TOY OMG)) they seem alright. Let them go play with their cars, Xbox, [insert whatever] or something. They’re men, okay, they’re easily distracted/impressed/occupied.

Women, on the other hand, have seemed to be having an EXTREME amount of trouble curbing that baby-making urge, or the Excessive Nurturing Urge, that one that makes you ask your grown husband if he’s remembered to pack lunch for work or if he remembered to pack money for his playdate with his bros, because he’s gonna need money at Six Flags and you aren’t going to bring it to him because he should’ve remembered, you reminded him 30093390 times.

THAT’S NOT HIS FAULT. HE HAS MANAGED BY SOME MIRACLE TO STAY ALIVE FOR 33 YEARS. THAT’S YOU, SWEETIE. STOP BEING SUCH A MOM. GO BE A NURSE, DOCTOR, OR SOCIAL WORKER OR SOMETHING OMG.

In summary...

What separates the “men from the boys” or the “women from the girls” isn’t the era that we were born in to, our economic status, or whether we’ve been able to “conquer” our biology. That’s definitely not possible yet, chiefly because transhumanism involves a lengthy, ethics-guided process, and even if we all turn into cyborgs, the goal is to become BETTER humans, not LESS humane. Societal advancements have done more in terms of making us healthier, less destructive citizens of planet earth than raw technology ever can and ever will. Rapid technological advancement, when not combined with respect for morality, ethical standards of living for humans and all other life forms, almost always leads to human slavery, widespread abuse of animals, sex trafficking, and environmental destruction, because the “rules of supply and demand”, when not governed by strong international trade laws, dictate that consumers should be supplied with whatever they demand, because the suppliers can profit, and their right to profit should be defended at any cost.

So, in summary, I believe that “adulting” involves giving up on entitlement. What separates a truly childish human being-- regardless of their actual age-- from someone who is, in essence, “adulting” is experience, and how much those experiences serve to broaden that person’s perspective. It is an extremely childish, self-centered view, to think that you “deserve” anything for being “a good person” or, in the case of many a “woman child” or “man child” in media and in real life, just being “not so bad.”

Grown-ups are able and willing to do something that is known as “delaying gratification” which is the simple ability to delay a temporary pleasure for a long-term gain. Grown-ups are also able to perform true “cost-benefit analyses” to determine if a course of action, business deal, or even relationship is worth their time and effort. Finally, grown-ups are able and willing and able to make an informed choice and stick to it; in essence, we don’t try to “have our cake and eat it too” we understand that once we’ve eaten that cake, the cake is gone, but we also realize that if we are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, we can earn the ingredients to make ourselves another cake to eat, even if we might need a lot of help from other adults in getting those ingredients (we call this teamwork and cooperation).

Children, on the other hand (in literal and metaphorical terms), are very impatient. They get angry when things don’t go their way, and instead of taking the steps needed to improve their situation, they storm off and return home. It doesn’t matter if their home is with their parents, with their 3 roommates, or with their husband or wife, these people throw tantrums, refuse to communicate/cooperate, and stew in their displeasure until someone feels sorry for them and fixes their problem for them. They lack the ability to work through daily life problems and refuse to take any responsibility for how their actions or inaction contributed to their dilemma.

There is one difference with an actual human child or teen, though, is that they have an excuse. Their brains are still developing, and they haven’t had the chance to live through these situations yet; these are new challenges to them. Even if they do have a “bad attitude”, with help from peers and patients, principled adult mentors and teachers, these cantankerous kids can grow into well-adjusted, able adults. The high levels of neuroplasticity in their brains actually make it so that it is easier for them to accept large amounts of sensory data and to learn from processing and practicing using it.

An “adult child” is someone who, more often than not, has been coddled instead of challenged. These people have often faced no significant hardships in life. There is a reason why, even after we have recognized the immense downsides of authoritarian parenting and have demonstrated psychological harms of corporal punishment for kids, we still call “bad kids” and “irresponsible adults” spoiled.

Authoritarianism produces rigid, scared people who often struggle with critical thinking and self-esteem or end up being authoritarian parents themselves, but that last one is actually one of the less likely options. Children of authoritarian parents often develop Borderline Personality Disorder or become defiant against authority (shocker). Overly permissive or overly neglectful parenting, though, are parental styles most associated with producing narcissists, who often become authoritarian parents, because when their kids challenge them, they completely lack the patience or emotional capacity to deal with it and resort to “because I said so”, stonewalling and/or physical abuse as forms of “character-building.”

The reason why overly permissive parents spoil their kids is because kids actually do need discipline and guidance, and so these kinds of parents produce kids who are outwardly capable and confident but completely lack any of the life skills to justify it, and when they ask their parents for advice they are just met with a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo or told to just avoid the conflict rather than resolve it. These kids grow into adults who are still sad little kids inside, because they never grew up, but now they’re sad little kids who are articulate and well-spoken and now can-- and often have no choice-- but to con their way through adult life because they’ve maxed out Charisma and they have almost no points in Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom, or Dexterity.

The only parenting style worse than Authoritarian and Neglectful/Permissive is Mixed, in which a child grows up in a COMPLETELY unpredictable environment where the rules of the game change from day to day, and parents either give their children no attention at all, or they practically lock them up and throw away the key. Being raised like this is associated with the worse outcomes for the child throughout life.

So, why am I now talking about parenting styles? Because, for all that we love to trash Boomers and large swaths of Gen X on this page, we can’t forget where they came from, so we cannot allow them to forget WHO THEY MADE. It isn’t an accident that even though we live in the times of incredible economic hardship, WE are the generation (and Gen Z, to some extent) that got hooked on reality TV, video games, and social media in incredibly unhealthy ways. A lot of us 30+ millennials are growing out of it, and a lot of us have realized that it is an invaluable (and damn near unavoidable) way of marketing our products and talents. We’re often self-employed because that’s our only option in most cases.

The issue with Gen Z (who, while we called “Zoomers” now just all themselves “Doomers” and I think we should be a bit concerned about that) is that unlike us, they have no memory of “Before the Internet.” We remember dial up, we remember before that when you played outside untl the sun went down. They don’t have the privilege of being linked to that history.

Now, we have to be the Bigger Person. It’s our time to be Grown-Ups. Gen Z feels really fucking lost right now, and hearing us whine about our parents probably makes them pretty pissed off, when some of us older millennials are the parents, aunts/uncles, and older siblings to Gen Z kids. Even if we can’t be mentors, we have to lead by example, because we have a responsibility to these kids. A lot of them aren’t stupid, they see exactly what’s happening and they feel incredibly hopeless about it. Greta Thunberg is still 16 years old. She shouldn’t be out there doing that; I mean seriously, climate change is accelerating, but it isn’t even as bad as Al Gore said, it’s still reversible, but the fact that SHE FELT SHE HAD TO makes us shitty people. ALL OF US.

So you know, we all need to stop being hypocrites. We need to stop being entitled. We need to stop thinking this is about us. It isn’t. Not even close. We’re not important, even if our videos go viral or if we’re swimming in cash next to hot models by a huge swimming pool. America’s fucked up. I hate to sound Republican, but it’s because of our values. We suck at valuing what’s important, and if we don’t change that soon, it’s really going to suck to live in America.

It already does.

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missfay49 · 5 years

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Sanders Sides Theory 01/15/20

You want a long theory? HERE’s A LONG FREAKIN THEORY.

To build off an earlier post of mine here, I believe we can reverse engineer the function of the next Side by analyzing the roles of the current known Sides in the context of their correlating sin. I’ve included some flower meanings based on the shirt release but couldn’t identify them all from the photos available. Please reach out to me if you have identified all the flowers.

Pride!Logan

Logic / Craves Stability / Reaction to adversity is to Double down

Logan is proud, but not about just anything. He values intelligence, critical thinking, and the lofty goals of exploration: re: the astronomy class hype, and “what really is at the bottom of the ocean?” He prides himself in being right 100% of the time and utilizes information to do so.

When he missuses the word “infinitesimal” it is devastating to him. It is brought up repeatedly in subsequent episodes and culminates in him feeling like one mistake will prevent him from ever being taken seriously again. He hates being wrong, because he believes that if he’s wrong, C!Thomas will literally fail at life, becoming destitute and homeless. The stakes are real.

He needs to ensure success, which is why he first pushes C!Thomas to pursue more traditional careers. His arc is about accepting that success in life can take on different forms.

Sloth!Virgil

Anxiety (Paranoia) / Reaction to adversity is to Give up

Virgil is often seen promoting activities that would be considered lazy, i.e. going back to bed in the middle of the day, staying home when they could go out, doing less work, trying fewer new things. His makeup is a dramatized symbol for lack of sleep. There are multiple instances showing him reluctant to spend more time even just in the presence of the other Sides; “Now I’m gonna go be cool, somewhere else.” Ducking out is the pinnacle of sloth.

But sloth as a behavior is just a symptom of the actual condition: social anxiety and mild paranoia. Check out my short paranoia theory here. Virgil resorts to inaction as a defense against feeling insecure about something. Wanted to go to that party, but you’re too nervous to talk to new people? Well, actually, just stay in. It’s safer and you need your rest.

That’s why Virgil’s arc is not about finding the motivation to do things; that would only work if laziness was the true problem. Instead, his arc is about learning to think through fears and overcome them, so C!Thomas can do what he actually wants, which is to be more social.

Gluttony!Patton

Morality / Flower: Blue Forget-me-not / Craves Community / Reaction to Adversity is to Fake-it-til-you-make-it

Patton is about cravings. Food, pets, friends; he wants it all. He’s about enjoying everything life has to offer, gosh-darn the consequences. He wants friends so badly he’s consistently willing to sacrifice his own well-being to put them first. The concept of morality often focuses on giving instead of receiving. It’s a way to prove to them that he’s a good friend, and therefore worth keeping around. What seems like sacrifice is actually a careful prioritization of his favorite thing to indulge in: acceptance. Being happy all the time is not just a show for the other Sides, it’s for C!Thomas’ friends as well. People don’t want to be around someone who’s sad, right? Gotta be happy, so they stick around.

Forget-me-nots are about happy memories and we already know Patton is a sucker for nostalgia. One of his favorite things are memories, so he goes to extreme lengths to make lots of good memories with his friends. Patton’s arc will ultimately be Not about diminishing his craving for friendship but realizing that he can be his most authentic self without losing them. He can loosen the rules that he internalized. Real friendship does not require perfection.

Greed!Deceit

Self-Preservation / Flower: Yellow Sunflower / Reaction to adversity is Sowing Discord

Deceit, like Logan, is also focused on C!Thomas’ success. The difference is, he could not care less what that success looks like, only that C!Thomas gets it. Where Logan is all about careful planning and preparedness, Deceit is about taking risks and seizing opportunities. How can C!Thomas get the most out of life? No, don’t worry about other people. There is only C!Thomas.

Deceit’s objective is to eliminate the consequences of C!Thomas’ mistakes and increase the rewards for his effort. He will do whatever it takes, whether that’s coaching C!Thomas to lie to others, or to be more honest with himself. His stance is that since our society is built on lies, we should be willing to use lies to navigate it. Deceit believes that if C!Thomas is honest to himself about what he wants, he’ll pursue it even at the risk of losing people along the way. Simply put, Deceit must learn that no one makes it alone. The sunflower symbolizes false riches, and this explains why Deceit’s assumption is wrong. We all depend on others to reach our full potential, and a world where C!Thomas has gained everything by discarding or disadvantaging others is one C!Thomas wouldn’t want to live in. It’s more difficult, but it’s worth it in the end to work with other people instead of around them.

Lust!Roman

Creativity / Flower: Red Rose / Reaction to adversity is Denial

It’s easy to see that Roman is all about finding that special someone. Red roses symbolize love. He’s dashing, brave, and often combats mythical creatures, not for fun (although it is fun), but to prove his manliness to a potential mate! But this Side is actually one of the most complicated. He believes himself to be the most handsome Side, and he better be, because it is his duty to secure the end-all-be-all of C!Thomas’ life: romantic love. Someone to spend your life with, grow old with. The initial conflict between Roman and Anxiety is entirely because having Anxiety around would theoretically lower his chances of securing a relationship. Once he saw that Anxiety could do what needed to be done in “Accepting Anxiety”, he was able to let go of that worry.

But remember, Roman is also about Self-Love. The creativity that he pumps out isn’t art for art’s sake; it’s to bring himself joy and to fill that hole in his heart with some kind of excitement. If he can’t throw all his passion at a person, he’ll throw it onto the stage. That’s why each time his work is criticized, he’s confronted with the fear that it’s all just a distraction anyway. Yes, he is objectively good at acting and enjoys it, but part of C!Thomas uses all these creative projects to feel something he isn’t getting anywhere else.

The Roman angst dates aaaall the way back to the Valentine’s Day Episode, wherein C!Thomas decided that platonic love was important to acknowledge, too. Roman had already stated in the first episode that he would focus on loving himself. But maybe on that particular Valentine’s day, C!Thomas stopped trying so hard to find romance. Maybe he fell back on what he already had, the love of his friends, and thought to himself, this could be enough. And each time an opportunity to feel true passion comes up again, C!Thomas rejects it. First when trying to rekindle things with the ex-boyfriend, then with the big call-back. C!Thomas is putting his love life on hold to deal with other things right now, and it’s wearing on Roman.

The worst part is that it’s entirely possible, maybe even likely, that Roman (and therefore C!Thomas) isn’t sure what will happen once he’s found someone. RE: Episode #1 – his greatest fear is rejection.

In “Am I Original?” C!Thomas states that if he only ever listened to Roman, he would be setting himself up for heartbreak. That’s why Roman makes the final ruling in the court room. That’s why he quietly accepts it every time they make a decision away from love (with impromptu exceptions – “PICK IT UP!”). He both wants and fears love at the same time. Roman’s arc isn’t really about what he needs to do differently, but about what C!Thomas needs to let him do for himself. His stories aren’t about him getting his way and then finding out he took it too far. They’re about him not getting anything at all. Once he gets the green light from C!Thomas, he will do what he’s always done; Throw caution to the wind in the pursuit of love.

Envy!Remus

Creativity / Flower: Green Dahlia / Reaction to adversity is Acting out for Attention

All the “Dark” Sides were pushed away for one reason or another, but it seems to hit Remus particularly hard. It’s not fair that his brother should be chosen over him. He considers himself not even just as good as Roman, but in many ways better at being creative! His range is limitless, and he is confident in his abilities, unlike his brother. He should be the main Creativity, not that crybaby!

Remus tries over and over again to make C!Thomas notice him. He gives everything he’s got into each new idea, hoping that this one will be ‘the one’ to earn him C!Thomas’ recognition, but it never does. Remus embodies envy. It is his driving force; ALL he wants is consideration for his ideas.

Since Remus feels envious, C!Thomas does too. If Remus wants to reach new heights of fame, so must C!Thomas! From Remus’ standpoint, Roman isn’t getting the job done, so he’ll just have to keep throwing idea-after-horrifying-idea at C!Thomas until he gets through to the man.

Wrath!X?

Now for the hard part: figuring out what’s missing. (You can check out my earlier Anger Theory here.)

Let’s summarize how the other Sides use their traits real quick:

Logan is proud of his intelligence that he uses to gain financial security.

Virgil is slothful as a result of his desire to feel safe.

Patton is gluttonous as the result of his goal to make C!Thomas feel happiness and enjoy life in the moment.

Deceit is greedy as a result of his goal to help C!Thomas navigate this world and come out on top.

Roman is lustful as a result of his goal to secure a loving, stable relationship for C!Thomas.

Remus is envious as a result of his goal to get C!Thomas to make a lasting mark on the world like so many have before.

For most of the Sides, the sin is directly related to the Sides’ function. It’s their method of achieving their goals. But there appears to be an outlier. Logan seems different. He doesn’t need to be proud in order to be intelligent, at least on the surface. But, maybe that’s not true. Maybe if he didn’t feel proud when he learned new things, he would have no motivation to seek out information in the first place. Therefore, pride is essential to Logan’s function.

All the Sides rely on their sin to accomplish their goals. They first have a goal, a job that they are supposed to complete for C!Thomas. Then, the sin is their method of executing that job. The function of the Side comes before the sin.

So, if wrath is the means, what is the goal? What does C!Thomas need to be angry about in order to accomplish it?

What are all the instances where we see C!Thomas (not the individual Sides) get mad, even a little?

TOAwLS - C!Thomas gets frustrated with Anxiety popping up even when nothing’s wrong.

TMvTH - C!Thomas gets mad at Logan and Patton for pelting him with conflicting goals.

GU - C!Thomas acts mad at Patton for dreaming too much, but really, he’s lashing out at Patton because the others are pushing him too far in the other direction.

MOP2 - C!Thomas rudely disregards Logan for disrupting nostalgia-time.

SVS - C!Thomas gets mad at himself for considering lying to his friends.

If we’re being honest, this is a short list, and some of these don’t even really qualify as anger. He’s more just kind of experiencing frustration as he works through things. The most angry he gets is when it affects real people in his life; Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding. He feels terrible about it, but he’s angry for two reasons here. First, that the scheduling conflict even exists, because it’s denying him an important opportunity. Second, because the situation caused him to confront a truth about himself that he’s never been comfortable with.

But we have one more example to work with; the Aside. In ATHD? - C!Thomas got mad at Rico for past feelings that weren’t even specifically against C!Thomas. We don’t see it, but we see the effects. C!Thomas is so angry with himself for lashing out, and it tells us that he’s had a lot of anger before that he never released. Anger about being in the closet when he was younger. There are plenty of hints in the episode on this theme:

Roman calls C!Thomas a snowflake.

This shot from the movie: “You must learn to control it. Fear will be your enemy.”

And most importantly, the lines “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see”. Patton did purposely sing those lines of the Frozen song “Let it go”, which has often been correlated to coming out of the closet, because that was directly tied to the theme of the premier Aside.

C!Thomas had so conditioned himself to defend his sexuality that even the mention of past prejudice was enough to set him off, causing him to overreact in the situation with Rico. He was transported back to a time when he was still closeted, afraid to come out because of people like Rico’s younger self. Now that he’s older, he feels anger toward the people he knew back then, and he took that anger out on Rico.

Let’s take a step back for a second. What is C!Thomas’ ultimate goal for himself? Balance. And what is C!Thomas’ ultimate goal for others? Love and understanding.

C!Thomas got as angry as he did because this isn’t just about him anymore. The prejudice that he remembered and was reacting to is something that people continue to face all the time. As much as he struggled, he’s empathetic enough to know that others must be struggling, too, and his anger at Rico was actually anger at prejudice.

When the last Side is revealed, it will signal that the arc is closing and the series will eventually be coming to an end. Will the series have made its mark? Way back in IIADS!!, Anxiety unintentionally suggested, “using your platform to positively affect your audience the same way Disney did with you” It’s not just about C!Thomas anymore. It’s about you. Us.

The biggest effect C!Thomas could have on his audience is self-actualization; becoming the most he can be and doing the most good for others that he possibly can. Prejudice is an issue that has personally affected him and clearly affects his audience. Fighting prejudice is a cause worth getting angry about, WORTH showing a little wrath.

Logan and Virgil have affected how C!Thomas takes in information. Deceit and Patton affect how he moves through that world. Roman and Remus affect how he wants his work to be seen on a personal level. But Wrath will be how C!Thomas affects the world at large. Wrath will lead the charge for affecting real change. Wrath will close out the series and launch a generation of inspired viewers to go out into their own worlds and fight for their freedoms. Wrath will be our hero.

Thanks so much for reading! This has gone on long enough, so I’m adding some bonus theories in the links below tomorrow with other things I noticed during the research for this post. Hope you enjoyed it!

Bonus Theory now here!

Bonus BONUS Theory now here!

#sanders sides theory #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #romans sanders #remus sanders #orange sanders #pride!logan #sloth!virgil #gluttony!patton #greed!deceit #lust!roman #envy!remus #wrath!orange #01/15/20 #i've been working on this for over a month #such relief #wow

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ospreyarcher · 5 years

Text

(Previously on Honeytrap: Honeytrap introduction Gennady muses on his assignment There’s only one bed!/Huddling for warmth Gennady goes to Daniel’s childhood home for Christmas Gunshot wound with hurt/comfort and stoicism Daniel gets drunk as a skunk and kisses Gennady)

This week on Honeytrap! @ancientreader kindly donated some money to the ACLU with the hope of getting some more of Gennady’s inner life, and so hear you go. Gennady and Daniel discuss poetry, love, small town American life, etc.

***

After this, Gennady often ended the day sitting on the end of Daniel’s bed, or even lying beside him if the bed was a double. This was partly a sop to Arkady’s honeytrap assignment: he could easily work it up to sound much more seductive than it was. I was lying on his bed, Arkady Anatolyevich! I can’t imagine why it didn’t work.

But mostly it was pleasant to bother Daniel. It was nice to take off his suit coat in the overheated American motel rooms, with their radiators pouring out heat in the corner, and lie on his stomach and kick up his feet and pester Daniel till he put down his book.

Gennady liked particularly to hear Daniel talk about his childhood: hiding under the lilac bush to read the crime magazine True Story (“we weren’t supposed to read it, but everyone did”), taking a paper delivery route to save up money to buy a proper baseball glove, buying an orange Ne-Hi cola (never grape, he noticed) and going down to the creek to fish…

“Did you live out in the country?” Gennady asked.

“No, just a small town. You could walk a couple blocks from my house and hit country, but if you walked a few blocks in the other direction you’d strike the downtown. A gas station and a drugstore and a movie theater – that’s closed now; a lot of the small town theaters are closing down because of television. I’d head downtown after school sometimes to the newspaper office where my mother worked.”

Gennady sighed with contentment. This was the America of Ilf and Petrov. “I thought American women didn’t work.”

“It’s more common than you’d think from the magazines,” Daniel said. “I suppose your mother worked.”

“Oh, yes,” said Gennady, momentarily eager: he would have liked to brag about his mother, who had been posted as security to Yalta near the end of the war, during the great conference between the Big Three powers. But of course this was impossible: he could hardly say that his mother and his father and his grandfather had all worked at the GRU, given that he was supposedly not a Soviet intelligence agent at all, although the Americans would have to be dim to believe it.

“Yes,” Gennady said, falling back on generalizations. “Most women in the Soviet Union work. But they are very good mothers, too,” he added. “My mother recited poetry for me.” And for good measure, to set the conversation firmly on another path, he sat up and recited Pushkin’s “Ya Vas lyubil” in his best recitation voice.

It worked: Daniel looked fascinated. “That’s beautiful,” he said. “I have no idea what it’s about, but even so.”

Gennady could not resist bragging about this safer topic. “I won a volume of Pushkin’s poetry in a recitation competition when I was in school. Our poets,” he added, “are the best in the world.”

“Oh? Have you read any American poets?” Daniel asked.

“Do you have any American poets?”

Daniel hit him with a pillow. “I’ll lend you my copy of Walt Whitman,” he said, then looked aghast. “No, wait. I don’t think Whitman is a good place to start.”

“He isn’t very good?” Gennady teased.

“He can be – um, he’s a little obscure. It would be better to start with Emily Dickinson or Longfellow. I can still do the whole ‘Paul Revere’s Ride,’ though not as well as you do Pushkin.”

“Let’s hear it then.”

So Daniel stood and recited, and Gennady lay down again and listened with his head on his crossed arms. “There’s a galloping rhythm to it,” he said, enchanted. “That’s very American, isn’t it? A poetry of movement.”

“Yes,” said Daniel.

But he looked at Gennady so strangely that Gennady said, “What?”

“I don’t know. Most people aren’t interested in poetry, I guess,” Daniel said, and then clarified, “Most men, at least.”

“Poetry isn’t manly?” Gennady scoffed. “Like wearing a coat that is actually warm enough isn’t manly? Poetry is…” How to explain? “When there is nothing else, when all the world has gone mad, you recite poetry to hold things together, to give life order and meaning. The world is shaking, but poetry is steady.”

Daniel was nodding, like he did understand. “I was in a rear unit in Korea,” he said, “and we only got bombarded a few times. But it was still terrifying, and I recited ‘Invictus’ over and over in my head to help get through it. ‘I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.’” He grinned. “Strong words for a man who might get blotted out by a bomb at any moment.”

“Well, of course. In such times you need strong words.”

One evening, in one particularly warm motel room, Gennady rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. They had been chatting for some time when Daniel put his hand on Gennady’s bare forearm, emphasizing some point that he made, which Gennady couldn’t remember afterward because when Daniel touched him, he froze, mentally even more so than physically.

It was a brief touch, just a second perhaps or even shorter, and after Daniel took his hand away Gennady wanted it back. If that was all he was going to do, after all, that was pleasant, and it had been a long time since someone touched him – since someone he wanted to touch him had touched him.

He had heard once a rumor that Stalin used to make his Politburo members waltz with each other, and he wondered about this sometimes: if it was purely terrible, to waltz with another man while Stalin laughed at you, or if they found a kind of comfort in it, if it was good to be close to another person even though it was only for Stalin’s amusement, and even if you know that your dancing partner would denounce you the next day as a counterrevolutionary spy if the Party demanded it, and you would do the same to him.

Perhaps under those circumstances you could only be close to someone if Stalin made you do it.

Gennady tucked his elbows under his body and lay down on his arms, like a Sphinx.

“Tell me,” said Daniel. “Did you leave a girl behind in Moscow?”

“Yes,” said Gennady.

But he didn’t want to talk about Galya. When Arkady began bothering him, Gennady had put a lid on all that part of his life, everything to do with love and sex – like trapping lobsters in a boiling pot of water, and although the lobsters must be well and truly dead by now, he didn’t want to lift the lid and look at their corpses.

“She’s probably moved on by now,” Gennady said.

“You don’t think she’s waiting for you?” Daniel sounded startled.

“No, no.” She had stopped writing him when he didn’t answer her first few letters. “All this waiting around for people is a waste of time,” Gennady said. “We’re all basically replaceable people, after all, she should find someone close by.” Daniel regarded him curiously, and so Gennady went on the attack: “What about you? Do you have a girl back home?”

“Not right now. The job has kept me on the road so much…”

“A girl in every port, then,” Gennady teased.

“No, no.” To Gennady’s surprise – he would not have expected it from a man of the world – Daniel flushed. “What the hell kind of picture does that Soviet dossier paint of me?” Gennady widened his eyes with false innocence – what dossier? – and Daniel said, “Come off it, Matskevitch. I saw a dossier on you, so I’m sure you saw one about me.”

There was no safe answer to this statement, so Gennady didn’t say anything. At length Daniel let it go with a sigh. “My last steady girlfriend was Janet,” he said. “We were dating while I was at the FBI Academy a couple of years ago.”

“And then?”

“And then I got sent into the field, and she wanted a boyfriend who was home more than once every six months, so we broke up.”

Gennady smiled. Daniel hit him with a pillow.

“That doesn’t mean people are replaceable,” he said. “It’s just that Janet and I weren’t really in love, that’s all. We liked each other a lot and had a good time together, but when it got tough, we didn’t care enough to make it work. If we had loved each other, it would have been different.”

“Do you believe such a love exists?”

Daniel looked at him strangely. “That’s what love is. The will to be together despite obstacles.”

Gennady shook his head. “Bourgeois romanticism.”

“How would you define love, then?”

“A pretty word for the sexual instinct. A way to deflect the masses’ attention from the misery of their lives by feeding them up on heightened emotions and focusing their hopes of future happiness on sexual passions.”

Daniel laughed.

“What? Why is that funny?”

“You sound like the movie parody of a Communist,” Daniel said.

Gennady sat up, furious. “Well, you sound like a typical brainwashed capitalist,” he said. “How can you believe in love at your age? A teenager can believe it perhaps, but once first love is past then you know that these things never last forever, and all those heightened feelings were just a illusion built up to obscure the fact that you just wanted to fuck.”

Daniel twitched like a prudish maiden aunt at the word fuck.

“I have noticed that Americans are obsessed with the idea of Communist brainwashing,” Gennady added, “but I think this obsession is because you know in your hearts that your own Hollywood is brainwashing you to believe that love is all you need for happiness.”

Daniel didn’t reply. Gennady’s anger, deprived of fuel, lapsed, and he lay down again, resting his head on his crossed arms.

“Well, I don’t agree,” Daniel said at last. “But that just shows the brainwashing is working, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose,” Gennady said. “You shouldn’t listen to me too much,” he advised. “You’ll be happier if you stay brainwashed.”

“Well, thanks,” Daniel said, and now he was laughing again. “That’s the key to happiness, is it?”

“Delusion?” Gennady said. “Yes.”

“You don’t believe that ‘The truth shall set ye free’?”

“We are talking about happiness, not freedom,” Gennady objected.

Another pause. “I suppose I always thought they went together,” Daniel admitted.

Gennady thought that was also very American. But all in all it seemed like dangerous topic, so he changed the subject: “Did you have Fourth of July celebrations in your town?”

He had arrived in the United States too late for the celebrations, and listened enviously as Sergeyich described the fireworks and the parades – “Not as good as we have in Moscow for May Day, of course. But worth seeing! Very different!”

“Of course,” Daniel said. “Every town has them. I played the trumpet with the high school marching band and we marched in the parade every year. Boy, did it get hot in those band uniforms…”

Daniel talked on for a while. Gennady rested his head on his crossed arms, listening contentedly, his eyes drifting shut as the sleepy heat of the radiator suffused the room. He roused from his doze when Daniel poked his shoulder. “Matskevitch,” he said, “don’t you think you’d better sleep in your own bed?”

“No,” Gennady mumbled sleepily.

“I think you’d better,” Daniel said, giving his shoulder a shove. Gennady crawled over him, on the grounds that this was the most direct route to the other bed, and catapulted over the space between the two beds when Daniel shoved him again, and landed with a bounce. He sat up, newly exhilarated, and Daniel laughed at him again, and clicked off the lamp. “Go to sleep!” he ordered.

***

Drop me a comment or a few bucks on Ko-Fi!

#aster glenn gray #writing #honeytrap

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blackwoolncrown · 6 years

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“Socialized men ALREADY hate being alive, they think existing in a body is terrible but take the terribleness for granted” could you say more on this? i’ve never really considered that might be the case.... though it makes sense

Um… at this point in the game I feel like I’ve talked this point so much in my life, here, personally and at work, that i’m open to specific questions but I won’t be as broad in the overview as I might have been in the past.

Short version (LOL I know my ass long winded af)-

Let’s start with patriarchy, understanding it as a system that punishes and rewards simultaneously. Under patriarchy, women are punished laterally, but rewarded with that if they fit themselves into society’s expectations of women, right? Be a good, beautiful, need-less housewife with no complaints, and you’re rewarded with…security, protection, etc, even though you are still suffering the general punishments of patriarchy. (So the benefit is net 0 but I digress).

This applies to men. Patriarchy rewards men the most, giving them huge sweeping privileges, but at direct cost to their humanity and sense of self. Under patriarchy, the ‘right’ man is large, apathetic, has 3 emotions: Pride, Fucking & Anger, and is socialized to worship his own downfall- self-destructive behavior, war, fighting, violence, might, risk taking, etc. He is told that his worth exists in 3 realms, basically: His dick, his wallet, and his fists. I.e. his sexual prowess/penis size, his success in business, and his ability to take or throw a punch is in sum his identity, because the socialized male is a MAN first and a human second (though everyone but him is denied the ability to be seen as human at all).

What this creates is a person who is deeply drowned in extremely world/self-negative thought, but is stripped of the ability to acknowledge this- lest he break the ‘rules’ of manliness, because that would require empathy, self-reflection, sadness, vulnerability etc.

Why? Because remember, Patriarchy says that the world as man experiences it is right and good. Might makes right, violence is humanity’s true nature, warmth, concern and sharing makes you weak. Everything patriarchy judges as inferior is therefore rejected by its followers, and they suffer for the lack (but cannot admit it or seek help).

So you have a person whose only outlets to fulfillment are a sex drive they feel they can’t control, that must define them because VIRILITY IS MAN, an organ that can embarrass them, a world full of endless war they must either condone or not find issue with, precarious friendships that often don’t provide comfort, comfort that only comes through sex and not even then because you don’t wanna be pussywhipped, an identity based on enduring pain and not taking caare of yourself, drinking a lot to prove you can, not taking care of wounded skin because grinding your body up in work is just what you’re made for, and a world that seems like it’s always complaining about and limiting you because you identify WITH toxic masculinity instead of admitting the vulnerable fact that you’re a victim of it.

So they suffer constantly, but under patriarchal brainwashing, are conditioned to think that suffering IS their due and awesome identity, but inside they have no outlet for their pain.

It starts with ‘boys don’t cry’. They’ve been made to repress their sensitivity for so long. Repression isn’t removal, though. If you’re in a world that hurts and tells you not to feel the pain, you still feel it, you just ignore and repress it. Then they’re told to inflict it on themselves– go to the gym 5/hr/day every week to compete, start fights, don’t go to the doctor, etc etc etc. Add to this that, from my experience, men themselves say they experience their sexuality as something separate from them, their penis being viewed as something they ultimately can’t control- it might embarrass you with a boner when you’re younger or then later by just not showing up for work.

Their entire body is more accustomed to pain than general pleasure (aside from probably anything-but-tender sex). It’s a hell they can’t name, and that’s why they’re always. fucking. irritable.

So no, no retort has the ability to do shit to the catcalling male. He is already as low as he tries to bring other people with his abuses. That’s how abuse goes. In fact, he is seeking your anger, because it’s the only thing he can really feel, and often internally all he thinks he deserves. Patriarchal men are intensely sadomasochistic- emphasis here on the latter.

Everyone, in interactions, brings that person to where they are. Which is why some people uplift, and some people don’t.

#Anonymous

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darkmccns · 6 years

Photo

( i haven’t even done his theme yet but i was just so excited to write joon’s intro that i had to do this before anything else !! )

hello ! i’m beeba, 19, in pst !! it’s lovely to be back, and i’ve brought with me a new, debatable-if-improved version of my baby boy yoojoon. things have gotten a bit darker and twistier with him this go-around but i can assure you that somewhere deep.....deep........deepdeepdeep down he’s still a soft boy. HENNYWAYS ! under the cut you will find a bio, headcanons, and wanted connections !!

give this a like if you’re interested in plotting uwu. i’ll hit you up in the dm’s, or you can add me on discord @ namjoon’s “brrrrrrt” in cypher 4#2323

☾*✧･ﾟ:*「 kim seokjin. cismale. he/him. 」did you know that there’s a wizard in haneul known as moon yoojoon? they have been living here for the past eleven years and is a strategist for the hyeon mu. they are currently twenty seven and was a student at crocus institute of higher magic in the house nightshade. i heard that they are known to be unyielding, but worry not ! i heard they are also very selfless too. remember to stay out of trouble, the ju jak are lurking around every corner !

( tw for familial death, alcoholism, abuse, violence, murder, and gang activity )

BIO:

yoojoon was the youngest of four boys born ( accidentally ) to moon hojoon and moon jisoo, in the small town of punggi.

his mother was a tarot card reader/fortune teller who worked out of their home and his father a retired duellist for the hyeon mu. they lived off of his mother’s meager income and his father’s military pension that the hyeon mu provided since he was honourably discharged after a combat incident that left him traumatized.

his birth was considered a hindrance to his father more than anything else. another mouth to feed with the little they had.

hojoon was a very heavy drinker, using it as a coping mechanism to deal w/ his trauma. he often took his anger out on his sons and wife --- rarely laying a hand on them, but often yelling so loudly the house would shake.

yoojoon had a very close relationship with his mother and his eldest brother saejoon who was twelve years his senior. his two middle brothers mostly brushed him off out of fear of their father.

he didn’t begin showing signs of magic until he was five, and his mother was worried for the first few years that he was a squib, due to all his brothers showing signs of magic in infancy.

the first thing yoojoon ever did magic-wise was make a bush of azaleas in their back garden bloom out of season. his entire family celebrated his feat that night, even his father.

as he grew older and began to attend school, he decided he wanted to be a duellist like his father was. he did well in all his classes in the hopes that when the time came he could move to seoul and attend crocus to receive proper training

was a very happy, bouncy little kid with a love for flowers. could most often be found out in the garden with his mother as she tended to the seasonal blooms.

had a knack for potion making from an early age. his mother always told him that he should pursue a career in potion making but he adamantly refused because he wanted a manly job.

when yoojoon was ten, saejoon left punggi for seoul, with plans of joining a vigilante resistance group disassociated from the hyeon mu. they considered themselves freedom fighters who sought to bring an end to the ongoing war between the magi and the ju jak through methods such as peaceful protests and attempts at reconciliation.

their father was more than displeased. he told his eldest son that if he did leave he would never be welcomed back, but he left anyways with the promise of writing to yoojoon as often as he could about his “ adventures in the big city. ”

tensions in their household only rose after his brother left. his father drank more, his mother threw herself into her work. his two remaining brothers left for school, leaving him alone to handle his parents.

saejoon never ended up writing him, and yoojoon began to resent him for leaving.

at fourteen, yoojoon received new that his brother had died at the hands of the ju jak --- “ another tragic casualty of war ” as the letter stated.

the two years in between his brother’s death and him starting at crocus are kind of a blur for him. lots of heated arguments with his father over the nature of saejoon’s death that would turn into physical altercations, nights spent sobbing silently in saejoon’s empty bedroom. he was a whole ass mess, with good reason, and acted accordingly.

when he was sixteen he finally moved to seoul, having come to terms as best he could with saejoon’s death. he realized he couldn’t put his life on hold to continue mourning, and that that was not what his brother would have wanted for him.

he was put in nightshade upon arriving at crocus, and despite words of encouragement from his professors to go into potion making he stayed firmly on track towards becoming a duelist. he was now more determined than ever --- hellbent on avenging his brother’s death and taking the ju jak down one by one.

a year into his education he was approached by a group of boys who were apart of the same vigilante group his brother had been in, called the faceless ones. wanting to follow in his footsteps and aide the war effort, yoojoon joined.

attending school falls second to attending group meetings in a grungy warehouse downtown. it seems innocent enough at first --- passing a bottle of soju around a fire, sharing stories of the ones lost to the ju jak. but as time goes on and tensions between magi and humans grow further, things become more serious.

the boys don masks with magi emblazoned on the front to cover their faces as they wreak havoc in the human-populated areas of the city. they lights cars on fire, vandalize businesses, and some go as far as attacking innocent people --- ju jak or not. it takes some impressive mental gymnastics on yoojoon’s part to justify the actions of his peers, but he manages when he’s got enough liquor in his system.

his knack for potions makes him the ideal candidate for making simple weaponry --- pipe bombs, pouches full of noxious herbs, tinctures that when applied to the skin melt it clean off the bone. but working behind the scenes wasn’t what he joined to do. he joined to kill ju jak.

and so he does. indirectly at first --- more of a mastermind than an executioner --- but growing more bold as time goes on. the first time he takes a life with his own hands he’s just turned seventeen, and he hates the rush it gives him.

he attends school during the day and uses the skills he learns to kill by night. he is methodical, unlike the others, careful. he plans his attacks for days before carrying them out, and enacts his plans with professional ease. he becomes well known to ju jak and hyeon mu alike --- and both groups want him caught.

however, one poorly executed plan leads to him falling into the hands of the hyeon mu, and they give him a choice. he’s either to join them as a duelist --- because his talents, though being used poorly, cannot simply be thrown away --- or rot in prison for murder.

it’s an easy choice, and when he’s just shy of eighteen he’s officially a member of the hyeon mu.

as far as rookie duelists go, he’s considered one of the most talented. his prior experience ( though they don’t like to admit it ) gives him a leg up on the others his age, and he finds himself climbing through the ranks quickly.

he figures if he can’t change the way the magi deal with ju jak as part of a rebel organization, he may as well work on it from the inside.

he’s an accomplished duelist with a very high number of confirmed kills and arrests.

by twenty three he’s no longer a duelist --- they prefer to use his talents in careful planning over his manpower. he’s appointed to the committee of strategists that work closely with the leaders of the hyeon mu to gather information on the ju jak and plan out attacks accordingly.

he’s frickin amazing at it. it’s truly what he was always meant to do, and he makes triple what he did as a duelist without needing to be in the field.

now, at twenty seven, he’s now the head strategist with a small committee working underneath him.

he rly out here tryna revolutionize the way the magi and the hyeon mu deal with the ju jak, because he feels as though he has more relevant field experience than many of the higher ups who have simply been observing this war rather than taking part in it.

truly believes that they could be doing more, but for whatever reason are not. in his eyes the hyeon mu is not functioning at it’s full capabilities, and their efforts are sitting stagnant as the ju jak grow in number.

the most anti-government government employee you will ever meet. often accuses the president of sitting on their ass with their security detail to protect them while the common people are terrorized.

however, as much as he calls out and openly bashes the hyeon mu’s methods, they can’t afford to lose him because he rly has made a ton of progress and at this point with the amount he knows he’s irreplaceable, and too much of a liability to let go of.

so now he sits in his cushy office on the top floor of a gorgeous building, overlooking the city and planning various ways to absolutely pulverize the ju jak at whatever cost.

HEADCANONS & RANDOM FACTS:

still very close with his mom !! she often comes and stays in the city with him, and he spoils the hell out of her :’)))

he has a familiar: a fat, orange cat named calcifer whom he adores endlessly.

is a hobby potion maker. it relaxes him.

loves a good vodka soda w/ lime.

while he isn’t very social, he loves to attend high society parties because it gives him an excuse to wear one of his many fancy suits.

quite a snarky asshole, will give you shit regardless of your position or status.

enjoys eating sticky rice.

public speaking is like.....a weird talent of his ? he absolutely loathes it, but he’s read in newspapers that he inspires the common folk with his passion so he just kinda rolls with it.

is rly just out here trying to make life better for the average magi. he doesn’t do what he does because he’s endlessly loyal to the hyeon mu --- he does it for the people.

basically lives in his office because he’s Always Working. he has like, a kettle and a hotplate and a mini fridge, blankets, a bed for calcifer ( who he often brings to work with him ) and all sorts of random crap that he’s accumulated to make the space as homey as he can.

keeps fresh bouquets of azalea’s in both his office and his apartment because they remind him of home and of his mom uwu

very messy, misplaces things within seconds of picking them up i swear to god. has defs lost important paperwork and spent hours scrambling to find it, just to see he placed it on top of a cupboard by accident when he got up for a snack.

has ptsd from his time in the faceless ones as well as his time as a duelist in the field. he frequently has nightmares because of this.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

literally anything bc im a thirsty thot

other ex-members of the faceless ones:

the relationship between members was a very familial one, and it’s very likely that other members were apprehended and given the same ultimatum as joonie. whether they’re now in prison or decided to join the hyeon mu, it’s very likely joonie tried to stay in contact.

current members of the faceless ones:

this connection would be a bit more messy. they would probably consider joonie a traitor or a sell-out and feel very betrayed by his actions.

his assistant:

idk why he’d have one.....but i want him to !!! we would obvs flesh out the actual aspects of it but i just think it’d be cute lol. playin mini-office-basketball ? gorging on donuts ? arguing over the filing system ? yes please !!!

committee members:

other strategists who work with joonie !! they could be chummy coworkers, rivals, u name it !!

other members of the hyeon mu:

MORE COWORKERS !!!!!!!!! someone pls gimme an angst plot where joonie slept w/ someone from a diff department and now they make awkward eye contact when they pass one another in the halls thank u

AND ON THAT NOTE !! ex-hookups:

he would have been much to involved in his work to ever have an actual relationship, but he defs enjoys a good fling every now and then and probs got down and dirty with a lot of people

current hookups:

he still gettin down and dirty with a lot of people...........lmao

friends:

even this tragic annoying man gotta have friends ig. someone to play billiards with and force him to go out once in a while.

enemies? rivals? anything angsty?

IDC WHAT IT IS !!!! JUST GIVE IT TO ME !!!!

anyways that concludes this mess of an intro. it’s 6:17am so please excuse any errors or inconsistencies, i’ll fix them once i’ve rested lmao. can’t wait to write with you all !!! if u read all of that bless your heart. peace n love xoxo, can’t wait to see u in my dms.

#haneulintro #[ tag tbd ]

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classicallyclarington · 6 years

Text

|| THE UNDERGROUND MAN ||

WHO: Hunter Clarington WHAT: Amidst personal crises, Hunter finds himself at the door of a Commons psychic medium. WHEN: 9/15/18 WHERE: Enchantments, a Commons-owned occult shop. WARNINGS: tw: death

Another day, another walk down 5th. Hunter had tried time and time again to fix things for good, to make a decent show of it. Something so rich and visually pleasing that the world would have no choice but to forgive his many trespasses, the fury of his hands. Something so wonderfully complex that they would have no choice but to admire and exalt him again. But that was emergency learning, in the truth of it all, and it wasn’t enough to make it stick. He kept disappearing.

Why did he have to keep disappearing? Why did he have to... fail? Freeze up?

He had everything he needed to have to make things better.

Right?

He tried to shake the thought away as he continued down the street. Back to dissipation, he thought. However, in the seconds following he became suddenly alert to the sound of a slow fiddle, the strong aroma of frankincense and myrrh. His olfactory investigations led him a few feet away, to an eclectic shoppe.

Inside, there were women. Twenty or thirty at the least, which crowded the humbly-spaced shop. Some stood carving sigils into candles, others browsed a collection of books and spells, moonmists and oils, enough crystals to crush twenty men together. They were Commons, Hunter realized on a breath, peering in with furrowed brows and puzzled eyes, but how could they - what were they -

“Uh - excuse me... could you, uhm -?” A voice behind him inquired. He was blocking the entrance.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Hunter nodded. He turned to go back, but...

And then he went in.

“Hi there! Can we get you started with a candle?”

“Oh - no thanks.” Hunter replied.

“Welcome to Enchantments, you let me know if you want to know more about any of these crystals in our library, okay?”

“Thank you,” Hunter called back, to no one in particular, as he wondered, bewildered, deeper into the store. They had to be Commons. But they seemed so infatuated with it all, the metaphysicality. They often appeared to be floating through the aisles, they were so deeply soothed, whispering their enchanted secrets about the angels who whispered to them from the underground.

Where were they in Salem?

Suddenly, Hunter started to the grasp of a hand around his wrist. He turned to meet the smiling gaze of a young woman. The meaning of this smile was unknown to him, and frightened him quite thoroughly.

If he was honest in himself, he would profess that he had half-expected, in the moments following, to be wordlessly led to a shaggy, rundown dwelling in the back of the shop, and ravished below the fiddle song of the spiritual world, to be sent on his way with a shove and another mysterious smile. To wonder as he stalked back to Notos, smelling through his clothes noticeably like myrrh, if she had been sent there that afternoon to read the stars in his eyes and show him some lost satisfaction.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, she said: “Can I interest you in my services?”, and pointed to a wall where they were listed, next to offensive price points.

“No thank you,” Hunter replied over the noise, and went to move past her.

“I speak to the dead now too.” She said, and crossed her arms.

Hunter paused in his tracks. Now. Huh.

“I don’t know any dead people,” He said.

It was a pointless lie. One which Hunter, again, in all honesty, had expected her to reject and counter, some witticism that smiled at him and drew him in.

That didn’t happen either.

She merely wished him a nice day and went on her way to the next customer.

It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did.

So when she found a customer and disappeared into her room in the back of the shop, he waited patiently for his turn on a stool outside. The appointment that preceded his own must have lasted an hour, but he persisted, studying the Commons Wicca in the meantime.

When she poked out of her door to see him sitting there, her eyebrows furrowed together. “Hello. Uh... can I help you?” She asked, befuddled.

Hunter nodded, “Yes. I changed my mind. You said you were a medium? Can I come in?” He asked, and she nodded, very gently, so he came in.

He didn’t quite want to acknowledge it, but there was something vindictive in his chest. He was angry at her, but why? Why on earth would he be angry at her? Perhaps it was because she was a Commons, but this was something more than the usual baseline of anger that Hunter had reserved for Commons. Then, perhaps it was because she had fallen short of his expectations - of his fantasies, yes, his fantasies. But they were fantastical, so why should he care? Either way, he had the strong urge to humiliate her about her practice for no reason at all other than to humiliate her.

He sat down at her table and drew in a breath, and she watched him steadily as she settled down herself. “I thought you didn’t know any dead people,” She said

Hunter quirked an eyebrow. “If you were a medium, you would know I was lying, wouldn’t you?”

The medium sighed. She leaned forward in her chair and occupied herself by lighting her candles. “It’s not my job to try and catch my clients in a lie, sir.”

He stayed quiet a moment, the smirk on his face disappearing after moments passed between them at the table, utterly silent. She only looked at him for a little while, looked at his face for as short a time as she could.

Then she said: “It was a man you lost.” Hunter scoffed, but she cut him off as she continued. “You’ve lost many people, women too, but it’s the man you want to talk to. He was like a father to you, in many respects,” She said, and her exasperated gaze locked with Hunter’s again, challenging him this time. The candles flickered with the draft that came from under the door, which was particular to Hunter’s attention for some reason, or none. “Stop me if I’m wrong?” She offered.

Hunter shook his head.

“Good. He’s not your father. He’s a friend you didn’t cherish. Am I wrong yet?”

“No,” Hunter said sternly, growing angrier at her demands.

“Great! Yeah, so I’m talking to him right now,” She said, feigning shallow tones and smiling too brightly, “And he totally thinks that you should - let’s see, he thinks you should be more respectful to women, and other people who aren’t like you... he thinks that you should probably try to care about how your actions affect other people, yeah, that’s in there for sure. And uh, hmm... oh wait, wait I think I’m getting something. He’s super sorry that you two didn’t get to say goodbye, but he wants to let you know that when he was alive - you were a real asshole.” She spat off, never losing her smile as her voice grew from soft tones.

Hunter’s anger got dizzier and dizzier in the swirling haze of the criticisms that the medium was lobbing at him. Each one seemed more elaborate than the last, more unknowable, until finally he realized: this wasn’t really her. It was another one of his grandfather’s stupid god damn illusions. It had to be.

“Fuck you!” He shouted as he sprung up, and moved in toward “her”. She backed away, losing the emboldened look in her eyes as she did so. “Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone, huh? Just leave me alone! I’m trying to change, I’m trying, but you keep showing up and trying to clue me in! I don’t need your fucking clues, grandpa, I’ve got it!” He felt his face growing red. He flipped the table over to punctuate his ranting, breaking quite a few items in the process - among them several crystals, expensive no doubt.

The woman looked back at him, bewildered and frightened against the wall. Tears were burning in her eyes from the screaming and the unwarranted destruction until he had said the word ‘grandpa’. Then her expression shifted. “Are you fucking crazy? Look, I don’t know what your deal is, but I’m not your grandpa.” She swore, eyes trained on him as she inched toward the door.

Hunter’s jaw dropped as he realized his mistake. Oh God. “Oh god,” He moved in again, and she went for the door but he moved their before her. The look in her eyes was like she expected him to do something terrible, and she had no reason to think otherwise, all things considered, but it wounded him deeply nonetheless. “No, wait, I’m sorry - I thought - I thought there was something going on. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled, okay? Hey - really sorry.”

She relaxed, but only very incrementally. The horror drained from her eyes and subdued anger replaced it. “Please get out of my room.” She whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Hunter said again, just as softly as her plea. Then he took out his wallet and started to thumb out a variety of bills - large bills, “Take this - please. Ah, it’s about 100,000. You can move out of here and get a real place in Manhattan, find a real job. On me. I promise, it’s real, please.” He said, offering the cash toward her with expectant eyes.

She rolled hers. “A real job? Get out.”

Hunter sighed and shook his head, pressing his hands on the door to keep her from opening it again, “Look, whatever you just did - it wasn’t magic. It wasn’t talking to the spirit realm either. I know.”

“I know too, asshole. It’s called deduction. I knew you didn’t respect women when you walked in here. I can only assume the people you make friends with are also big manly men - and you know what? You seem like you really have some daddy issues that you need to work on. There’s no such thing as a magical witch. I know people. And I would rather not know you.” She said.

“Hey, I - I do. Respect women,” Hunter returned, thought admittedly meek.

She chuckled, upper ground secured. “No you don’t. Trying to prove I’m a fake before even seeing me, telling me my profession isn’t real, that is not respectful behavior. And let me tell you why you’re offering me an obscene amount of money right now.” She said, stepping toward him with furious eyes.

“Why?” Hunter asked.

“Because the noble hero loves to save the poor prostitute.” She spat.

“You’re not a prostitute,” He said, intimidated into soft tones.

“And you’re not a hero. But in your fantasy world, where you live, where everything that comes out of your mouth sounds like it was written for a passion play, you are. And I’m the lowly but beautiful urchin selling false transactions, giving pieces of myself away to the worst of men.” She swept forward in dramatic enactment and Hunter stumbled backward, arms moving across his chest in a protective stance.

“But guess what, Hero? Those romantic fantasies you have in your head? They are only ever gonna lead to chaos. And death.” She said, feeling sorry for the man who had died in this preposterous man’s life, and wondering if he was the victim of his preposterousness, too. “I don’t want your money,” She said, finally, “I’m satisfied. Get out of my room.”

Hunter furrowed his eyebrows and put away his money. He stepped out of the room when she opened the door, and walked out of the shop back into the chill of the afternoon on the East Side.

He couldn’t help but think about what the medium had said his whole way home, and how it had been true, to some extent, and how he was sorry for having wanted to humiliate her, and how his sanity had quite broken down.

He had tried to save Sadie, but with no plan in mind save recklessness itself. He could have gotten her killed, had the right things gone wrong. Who was to say that Sadie had needed him to save her? She knew more than he did about her situation. And all his actions did was get her thrown somewhere else - somewhere Hunter for sure, and Sadie in all likelihood, knew nothing about.

Chaos and death.

The Shedim, too. He’d wanted to save the Shedim without a plan. And who could know what would’ve happened if they were found? And they would have been found.

Chaos and death.

He closed his eyes and pulled his hood over his head.

He had to stop disappearing.

#self para #//home sweet home uwu #tw: death

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micahllucas · 6 years

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Get to Know Andre Glöckner

Answers to the questions featured in this post.

What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? Andre is a French name, despite Andre himself being German, and it means something like “manly”. In the story he was named for his uncle (mother’s brother) who died in childhood. I named him after the actor I picture him as

What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? He experiences auditory hallucinations and is afraid to tell anyone about it because he thinks they will think he’s crazy, so he’s very insecure about it

What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? He likes his hair, I think. He’s not the biggest fan of his face as he suffers from acne

What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical) His favorite psychological trait about Bea is that she’s understanding, and his favorite physical trait is her brown eyes

Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? I think he’s definitely more of a confident type, but he’s not over-confident or anything like that. That’s something that he’s not really self-conscious about

Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? He doesn’t really have time for hobbies as he’s always throwing himself into his work to distract himself from the voices in his head. The strangest thing he ever did because of the voices was build a pipe bomb, though he never intended on using it

Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? No, I don’t think Andre has a catchphrase

What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it? His biggest flaw is his quick temper, and he is well aware of this issue and has taken great measures to correct it

Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Andre likes winter the best because he enjoys the snow and the way nature looks when it’s covered in ice

Is your character more feminine or masculine? Andre is a masculine character and is very secure in his masculinity

What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? It honestly doesn’t take much to set Andre off, as he is very quick-tempered and can be aggressive. Typically if the voices in his head are loud that day he will be much more irritable and easy to set off

Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? He participates in track and pole vaulting, and it is what keeps him distracted from the voices so I definitely could not see him giving this up

What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? He is quite the heavy sleeper. He sleeps on his stomach with his hands shoved under his pillows, doesn’t move in his sleep, and is basically dead to the world until he wakes up again

Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates? Andre lives with his parents. His two older brothers have since moved out, so he is the only child at home over the course of the story

Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear. Andre has a great many people he can’t stand, though for a while he couldn’t stand Micah Byers before the two remedied their relationship and became friends

Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? Andre is very athletic. He actually participates in cross country, indoor track and field, and outdoor track and field. He’s quite busy! So he’s definitely in good shape physically

Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? He doesn’t think he’ll get married or have children. He is more worried about getting his mental health in order before thinking about his plans for marriage, children, etc.

What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode? Andre typically envisions himself living in New York in an apartment with his cat, Creampuff

Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily? Oh yes! Andre is always down to fight with anyone. In his freshman year of high school he got in a fight so severe that they had to pull him from Bunnell High and transfer him to Stratford High. He’s pretty good at holding his own in a fight

Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Andre definitely likes animals, and they tend to calm him down quite a bit. Andre owns a cat named Creampuff who is actually a therapy cat. He definitely likes cats more but has nothing against dogs

What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear? Andre’s biggest fear is people finding out what goes on in his head and abandoning him and/or hating him for it

What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have? He doesn’t have any freckles, but he has some significant acne during his teenage years

What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? He does his schoolwork religiously and works quite hard at school, as a way to distract himself from his auditory hallucinations. He used to get in a lot of trouble for getting in fights, or having outbursts, but he’s worked hard at remedying his behavior

In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? “She’s more than I deserve.”

Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? Andre’s life has been relatively trauma-free. He’s had lots of violent incidents in his life though he’s never been the victim of them.

What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc? Bea is definitely interested in some like, kinda messed up stuff? She likes it rough. That’s all I know how to describe. He doesn’t really know what to do with this first but he comes around to it

If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? He’d beat the shit out of somebody, definitely. He still hasn’t got that temper under control

If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? I imagine he’d want to be a track runner, though in the book I know he wants to go into the army. I know fate has something else in store for him, if I ever decide to continue this character’s story following LAF

What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one? Nothing comes to mind, actually. Maybe I’ll have an answer later on

When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like? He has a collection of films he really likes down in his room (the basement)

Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? I feel like Andre is the most capable of killing out of all the characters in LAF. If he was particularly agitated and the voices in his head were telling him to relentlessly, I imagine eventually he’d do it to shut them up

If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? Andre is down for pretty much anything, honestly. He’d be fine with a super romantic dinner or just chilling in his room watching movies with her. Any dream date would end up going well and he’d feel closer to his girlfriend

If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? Andre’s bedroom is in the basement of his house, so he typically has the whole basement to himself. If he locked the door leading to the basement no one would be able to bother him down there

Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc) Andre really likes pasta, despite his family coming from Germany and cooking several traditional German meals. He does really like the Spätzle (Egg noodles) his mother makes, though, and Kartoffelkloesse (Potato dumplings)

Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? Andre would not fear death until he was in a situation that would bring him close to death

Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? Andre suffers from auditory hallucinations that haunt his daily life and can often cause Andre to act irrationally in attempt to shut the voices off. He also takes Zoloft (the max dosage, I think) to help with his anger issues

What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? Andre is annoyed by many things, especially repetitive noises, such as people chewing or tapping fingernails. He is disgusted a lot by spit and phlegm and other things of that nature

What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? Andre prefers cloudy days that are slightly cool

When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Andre is a pretty nondescript guy, I feel like. Like you could meet a lot of people that would remind you of him. Maybe they’d assume that he’s unhappy because he never smiles while he’s at school

Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others? This isn’t really a guilty pleasure, or something he does often, but it is something he doesn’t want anyone to know: the voices in his head bothered him quite relentlessly about building a pipe bomb and eventually he did, and hid it in his dresser

Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? His parents are German immigrants, so his lifestyle is definitely influenced by them. He wasn’t too close with his older brothers because of his violent nature in childhood, and his brothers eventually moved out. His parents did check up on him quite a bit during his teenage years, so he did feel a bit smothered at times

Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change? He does regret building the pipe bomb as it caused him a lot of grief with his parents, and also regrets stabbing his brother with a pair of scissors as a child. He thinks this is what stopped a relationship from developing with his brothers

Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? He typically doesn’t open up to other people, but while he’s in a relationship with Bea, he gradually shows her more and more of himself as he feels more comfortable around her. She is the first person to know about his voices

Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Rejection from his loved ones

Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? As I said, he doesn’t open up to people, so he’s definitely not one to wear his heart on his sleeve

What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? He puts his arm around her whenever they’re near

Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? I feel like he’s more outgoing around other track runners but more introverted around anyone else. He could be the leader, but he’s not the one to be dragged along. Somewhere in the middle, I think

Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Andre’s not really the jealous type. At least I don’t imagine him to be

What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? He has nightmares (while not frequent) of abandonment and rejection from the people he loves

If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? I feel like it would be awkward for him to talk about his emotions, though if the person really liked him back they would think it was sweet

#love among freaks #andre glöckner #spoilers #get to know #long post

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the-record-columns · 5 years

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June 26, 2019: Columns

She pulled "A Kenny"

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

It seems as though that I am, on a regularly irregular basis, having to once again chronicle something monumentally stupid—or even if not exactly monumental, nonetheless stupid—things I have managed to do that either scared me to death, injured me, or potentially might have even killed my fool self.

You know, like the time I tried to light my gas grill without raising the lid—after a lighting attempt had already been tried by another person. A ball of orange flame hit me in the face and burned off my eyebrows and over half of the hair on my head. Actually, it was minimal damage compared to what could have been.

And, there was the time I tried to beat a train in Lenoir on my way back to school in Cullowhee. I was driving a 1957 Studebaker with a little hot water six-cylinder motor that wouldn't even pull a string out of a cat’s butt. Of course I got to the point of no return and I will never forget the sound of that train whistle as it bore down on me with neither one of us having any chance of stopping in time. Obviously, I made it, but only the good Lord knows how or why.

Then there was the fall from a ladder onto my deck which is 35 feet in the air—saved only by falling to the left, onto the deck; and not right, onto the street below. After which I was gently reminded of the "belt-buckle rule" by one Lester "Kingfish" Burns, about not leaning past the ladder's standards.

On it goes, even something as simple as spraying wasps in one of The Record's newspaper boxes, about got me stung to death when I attacked them with roach spray instead of the long-distance wasp spray I thought I had purchased. Just for the record, roach spray only angers wasps.

Well, I guess things just add up after a period of time, and the inevitable was bound to happen.

Recently I was talking to my dear friend, Nancy Sorbello, when she recounted her own "Perils of Pauline" kind of a day working around her house. After mentioning a few trials and tribulations, including burning her hand, she was telling me about going out on her deck to clean out a wading pool her grandchildren, Dillon and Lacey, to play in.

Her next remark is what sticks in, my mind, when she said, “The minute I stepped into that wading pool, I pulled 'a Kenny' and landed flat in that pool and got soaked."

The notable part of Nancy's statement is the part which says "...I pulled 'A Kenny.'"

It was at that moment that I realized I had become a generic term for a calamity of one kind or another.

Well, at least I’ve lived safely for a while, and thought I’d perhaps outlived my reputation. That was until this past Sunday afternoon. It was then that I decided to clean up after some work that had been done on the deck which is attached to my apartment above the offices of The Record. This involved a fairly large pile of sawdust and small wood scraps. Clearly, I should have swept it up with a broom, but noooooo! I had to go get the leaf blower and attack the sawdust electrically.

Literally at the second I cut on that blower and put the nozzle at the base of the sawdust pile, a breeze shifted and blew every bit of it straight back on my face, into my hair, my ears, my nose, on my clothes, and—the worst part—into my eyes.

To one extent or another, all my life something foreign had occasionally gotten in an eye and was shortly washed out naturally by the simple production of tears.

Not this time.

I had half of a rough sawn 2" x 8" x 18' board (a very old board from the American-Drew plant) in my right eye—or so it felt.

As I’ve noted here often, I do not suffer very well and Sunday was no exception. I splashed water on my face over and over, even took two showers just to let water wash my eyes, all to no avail.

As the evening progressed, it hurt worse and worse. I tried not to rub my eye, but it was almost an action of reflex. Finally, at about 10:30 p.m., I managed to drive over to the Emergency Room at the hospital where it was numbed, washed out, and the sawdust removed. After a long night of no sleep, I went to see Dr. Danny Payne on Monday morning and he checked my eye again and ordered what I needed for relief.

Sweet relief.

I say a special “thank you” to the folks at Wilkes Medical Center on Sunday and to Optometrist Dr. Danny Payne on Monday for their help. All is now better with no apparent lasting effects.

And yes, there is a nice set of goggles hanging in the C Street warehouse.

The moral of this story? Be careful. Don't pull "A Kenny."

We hold these truths to be self evident…or not

By HEATHER DEAN

Record Reporter

Next week Americans, whether by birth or by naturalization, will be celebrating what is considered America’s birthday.

But do you know how that came about and why? It’s not all fireworks, hot dogs, and Kenny’s famous chicken recipe. The question is not to insult, rather to educate, as it came to my attention last week that a high school graduate had never heard of a little ditty called “The Declaration of Independence,” or when it was signed, and was shocked to learn it was why we have fireworks and parades.

But don’t get me started, lack of our youth knowing history is another soapbox, I mean column, altogether. .

It seems to me that in this country’s current state of divisiveness in news outlets and social media about trade wars, who is, and who is not welcome in this country, which political party is at fault, accusing those who need government as just working the system, and what rights are actually being infringed on, that we may need to actually revisit these documents that are in fact, the law of this land, otherwise known at the Constitution.

Timeline: CONGRESS,

JULY 4, 1776.

The would be founding fathers were throwing down the gauntlet, after already being in a war against England for their independence.

Let’s peruse the infractions charged against the so called tyrant in charge of the nation at the time, and see how much history has changed. Or not. Here’s how it reads:

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America when in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

- That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

- That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

- Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

•He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary

for the public good.

•He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing

importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

•He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

•He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable,

and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

•He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

•He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

•He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

•He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

•He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

•He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

•He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

•He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

•For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world: For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

•For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

•For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring

Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

•For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

•He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large Armies of Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

•In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a

Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.”

In observing the politicians currently on the hill, it seems the aristocracy has risen again, and these words, 242 years old next week, still ring true.

Will you be a Patriot in the true sense of the word, as it was writ, and bring the power of America back to the people, or be on the wrong side of history, siding with tyranny?

The Church and the Chosen

By EARL COX

Special to The Record

In its infancy, the Jewish sect that came to belief in a Messiah who, to this day, is revered around the world, separated from its Jewish beginning. This separation marks the Hebrew roots of the modern church of believers.

In its nascence, Gentiles also came to believe and, over time, the separation of Messianic believers from the Jewish people accelerated. Whether from the evil inclination, yetzer hara, or an outside influence, satan and his fallen angels, (let the theologians sort it out), so began the woes suffered by Jews at the hands of a people eventually to become known as Christians.

However, persecution of the Jews did not begin with Christians. Persecution began much earlier, back in Egypt, and some historians claim even earlier. Nevertheless, the Jewish people have been harassed and assailed for thousands of years by both Christians and non-Christians. Even within the lifetime of many still living today, the Holocaust years of death for 6 million Jews are vividly remembered. The tattoos on the arms of survivors were readily seen for many years in America and around the world but, as these survivors grow old and die, the tattoos, those visual reminders, are becoming a fading memory.

Recognizing their mistake by failing to stand in defense of the Jewish people during WWII, there now seems to be a welcome change in attitude by many Christians toward the Jewish people and Israel. Though this phenomenon is not well understood by Jews, they are coming to embrace our friendship although not without a degree of suspicion, and rightfully so.

What is this new phenomenon from certain Christians the world over causing the feeling of compunction over Jewish pogroms of history? Why do many Christians seem to be making some kind of restitution toward Jews? Many millions of dollars have been donated by Christians to large Jewish organizations to help fund Aliyah, which is the immigration of Jews to their homeland of Israel.

What are we to make of these certain Christians who, by the millions, are pouring into Israel as tourists? These same Christians are actively seeking Jewish teachers and Rabbi’s to teach them Torah, from the depth of 3,500 years of wisdom. These same Christians are defending Jewish Israel from boycott, divestment and sanctions. They are standing against anti-Jewish agitators and militant anti-Semites who also hate Israel.

When I encounter such Christians in Israel and in America, their motivation for supporting Israel and the Jews is not, as some would claim, due to any attempt to fulfill Bible prophecy or hasten end-time events. This new-found love that Christians have for Jews and for Israel is for no other reason than God’s supreme His chosen people - the Jews, and for His special land – the land of Israel. God’s love and His love alone is the reason why so many Christians are stalwart protectors and supporters of Israel.

So, who are these certain, particular (peculiar) Christians who number into the tens of millions who support Israel without a principal agency to give them voice? These are Evangelical Christians who are distinct from those who generically call themselves Christians.

Evangelical Christians have an unyielding belief in the veracity of scripture, which begins with Genesis, not Matthew of the New Testament. It is the Bible that serves as the underlying well-spring of knowledge, including the moral and ethical way of living, that unifies Evangelical Christians, in addition to their unwavering belief in the Messiah.

Generic Christians will declare their belief in Messiah and scripture, but doctrinally may remain aloof to the Jews and their land. On the other hand, there are layers of opinion within generic Christianity which include support for Israel.

The fact that Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East and, by extension, provides greater freedoms to its citizens, garners support from Americans, religious or not.

None of these words represent a screed or judgement on generic Christianity. They are written to help the Jewish people better understand who Evangelical Christians are and why we openly and publicly support Israel and the Jewish people.

Eagles and Flags

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

I remember visiting the Carolina Raptor Center for a story about its work. As it happened, an American Bald Eagle was scheduled to be released on the day of my visit. Naturally, we included that in our segment. I had not witnessed such an event before, and I don’t think I will ever forget the experience.

I have always prized seeing our flighted national symbol soaring above. I don’t know how you feel about it, but it gives me a feeling of awe and patriotic pride.

The American Bald Eagle can reach flight speeds of 35 to 43 mph and dive speeds of 75 to 99 mph. They tend to mate for life and their nests are the largest of all birds. Native American tribes have honored the eagle for many generations, and in 1782 the American Bald Eagle officially become part of the American identity.

I was aware of some of this history before I witnessed the release of the rehabilitated eagle. Learning about the medical attention and rehabilitation that was required to release this amazing animal back to the wild was amazing and inspirational.

The environment was charged with excitement and anticipation as the moment drew near for the release of our symbol of liberty. Our crew was within a few feet of the eagle’s wings; we did not want to miss anything. We could see every movement and hear every sound. We wondered which way he would fly. We were reminded that he was wild, and he would go where he wants to go.

It was time. Three, two, one…and there he went, it seemed like, within inches of where we stood. You could hear the exhales and then the applauds from the spectators.

We were all wowed by what we had just witnessed. At that moment I became committed to learning more about this majestic animal.

We are a nation with many symbols that stir our emotions.

Not so long about I was visiting with a friend who has one of those charming Southern front porches lined with white rockers. He is a US veteran, and he always has the American flag flying. I noticed that the flag was a bit weathered, and I told him that I would be honored to purchase a new flag for display.

He said, “Well, this one is not so bad.” He went on to tell me the story of the flag and how it had made its way to him after flying over our nation’s capital. He then told me about another weathered flag that he flies on special occasions. It is from friends at the US Coast Guard, and it flew when they were stationed in Iraq.

He and I are good friends, but he said to me, “It’s not good to mess with a man’s flag.” I told him I understood, but to say that it gave me something to think about would be an understatement.

I have heard a lot of stories about flags, uniforms and medals. I have had short and long conversations with men and women who have served our nation. Not all the conversations have been comfortable, and the short ones where short for a reason. Some memories carry a lot of pain and for some people they are better left unrecalled.

I do not pretend to understand the complexities of the emotional realities of everyone; I’m not sure I understand my own. However, I am sure of this. I am inspired at the sight of the American Bald Eagle, I love our American flag and the many things that it stands for and I am grateful for the men and women who keep them both flying.

NC Early College Futures Hang in the (Budget) Balance

Heather Dean

Record Reporter

North Carolinas Early College High Schools (ECHS), also called cooperative innovative high schools (CIHS), are usually found on a campus of a university or community college. These partnerships expand students’ opportunities for education success through high quality instructional programming, are aimed at students who are at risk of dropping out of school, first-generation college students, and students who can use the extra attention and accelerated atmosphere provided by the schools. In the five year program, students receive their high school diploma and tuition free two year degree. Only 15 out of 100 counties in North Carolina do not have an Early College High School.

Currently, 97 of the state’s 115 school districts have 133 Cooperative Innovative High Schools, including 114 funded partnerships: 117 partners with community colleges, 11 partners with UNC institutions, and 5 partners with independent colleges. They are among the state’s most successful high schools, with high graduation rates and school test scores, and consistently outperform on state exams and college readiness as compared with other schools. The SERVE Center at UNC-Greensboro found among ECHS students, an increased high school graduation rate with students getting a two-year associate’s degree and that those students were getting a four-year college degree faster. According to SERVE Centerstudies, each graduating class of early college students could bring an estimated $92 million in increased lifetime benefits to society, such as through increased tax payments and reduced incarceration costs.

In North Carolina, statistics for the 2017-2018 school year show 100% graduation of the 26,090 students in the program; 72% of the early colleges received a school performance grade of A, compared to 6.5% in regular public school. Yet, even with those impressive numbers, State Senate budget writers are proposing cutting $26 million in extra funding, and over the next three years, cutting all funding together, making ECHS’ in the poorest counties and with the most need facing closure. Some may argue the budget cuts won’t have a drastic effect as these schools get more state supplemental funding than traditional schools get, but if the budget cuts go through, they are ultimately doomed, as there is not sufficient county funding to makeup the loss.

The state used to provide each early college with $300,000 a year. But in 2017, state lawmakers reduced the funding to between $180,000 and $275,000 a year, depending on the wealth of the county where the school is located. Tier 1 counties, the poorest, received $275,000 annually. Tier 2 got $200,000, and Tier 3 received $180,000.

The Wilkes Early College High School has been in operation since 2009, and has accepted over 600 students during that time. They accept an average of 60 children a year and currently have approximately 260 students, and are a Tier 2 level school.

Michelle Shepherd, Principal at Wilkes Early High School said “Our goal is to help students prepare for career ready, college ready, and life ready skills. The jeopardy of losing supplemental funding would surely be detrimental to our program. I think the term “supplemental” is very misleading; it should be seen as essential funding. We must have this funding to help with college textbook purchases, personnel, and supplies. We are seeing the program have significant returns to our community. One such example is a returning student to Wilkes Early College as now an English II teacher. We have to tell our story and see the returns of our investment to our community.”

Wes Martin, Wilkes County High School Drama Department teacher said “I think dropping the early college would be a terrible thing. I believe it gives students the opportunity to get a two year degree that they otherwise might not get. Also the seniors and super seniors coming out of the early college or some of the most mature kids I’ve ever worked with.”

An online petition started by Natasha Gouge on Change.Org, to NC House of Representatives and Senators, has garnered over 3,000 signatures already, with many of those being from students and educators from across the state.

Jane Semler from Dover, TN, signed the petition and said “Top students need recourses just as much as those on the bottom end of the curve. Each child deserves a public education that meets their learning needs, including the need for high achievers to grow. Typically, public schools do not have the means to meet those above grade level needs, particularly for high school students. Early college meets those needs and should be available at no additional cost for high achieving students whose needs can no longer be met by their public high school.”

Senate Majority Whip Jerry Tillman, R-Randolph, chairs the Senate’s education appropriations committee said “I’m not for that particular cut; I’m trying my best to get it back.” Budget writers from the Senate and the House, are working on a compromise budget. You can email him at [email protected].

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To the Editor:

There is talk of possibly cutting state funding for Early Colleges. One early college, the Marine Science and Technologies Early College High School, has recently been voted out by their local Board of Education as they were under the impression that such a program would not only have county funding, but state funding too.

As an Alumnus of the Wilkes Early College High School, to hear of budget cuts for this program and to hear of counties resulting in having to close them, is disheartening. Growing up and living in a rural county like Wilkes, it was understood rather quickly that options are limited. I had applied for one spot out of sixty at the behest of my parents and was accepted. For the next five years, I worked towards both a high school diploma and a two-year college degree. Those five years were some of the best. I had developed a true sense of self, formed lasting memories and relationships, and was academically prepared for when I went to ASU.

These Early College programs work. They prepare students for life outside of high school and I hope the funding for these programs stay intact.

F. Hernandez

North Wilkesboro

#We hold these truths to be self evident…or not By HEATHER DEAN Record Reporter Next week Americans whether by birth or by naturalization wil

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curtisandlewis · 7 years

Text

The Dork House

Dean and Jerry

Safe for work

Synopsis: (3,584 words) In this story Dean and Jerry are the same age and they graduated high school as best friends. Dean always talked about them becoming fraternity brothers but there’s a snag in the plan when Jerry gets kicked out of the fraternity.

This was the moment Jerry knew his best friend Dean had been waiting four years for. Hell, it was the only reason he made it to college in the first place. Dean would have dropped out after ninth grade if it wasn't for the thought of them becoming fraternity brothers. And of course Jerry night after night making sure Dean hit the books.

"Welcome, Pledges to the Alpha Phi Beta house,” Said the head of the fraternity. He was blonde, had light blue eyes and the physique of an athlete. Standing before them was the perfect Hollywood cliche. “Through these doors you entered as boys and after this week a select few of you will prove yourselves to be men."

Jerry didn't like the sound of that. That guy reminded him of far too many from high school. The kind of guys Dean had to protect him from. He looked over at Dean standing beside him. Dean turned to him and smiled. Jerry smiled back. He figured if Dean was happy then he would be too.

Pledge week wasn't exactly fun and games. Some of the stuff they excelled at. Jerry was the first to wrestle Dean to the ground. People always underestimated how strong he was. They kicked everyone's ass at touch football even impressing the seniors. Other stuff only Dean excelled at. Jerry wasn't much of a drinker. He only had one or two beers with Dean a couple of times tops. The fraternity wanted him to drink half a keg. He got through a few beers worth before passing out.

When the time came to dress in drag Jerry couldn't have been happier. Though he wished he had brought his red gown with the sequins that was always a show stopper. They looked through the rack of dresses that was provided for them. "Why haven't you picked a dress yet, Dean?"

"Because all of these make me look fat."

"Oh they do not," replied Jerry.

"That's easy for you to say. You haven't got any fat on your body."

"And what do you call this," Jerry said while grabbing his rear.

"That's different," Dean replied. "It's an ass-set" Dean couldn't control his giggles.

Jerry rolled his eyes and handed a dress to Dean "Here, this will bring out the blue flecks in your eyes."

"I have blue flecks in my eyes?"

"Yes, bubby. Especially when you giggle."

Dean almost blushed and looked away as he slipped the dress on.

"I wish I had your problem,” said Jerry. None of these even fit me and I doubt the fraternity has a sewing machine." Jerry sighed then grabbed Dean's hand. "Let's do your make up."

There was a pile of make up on the table all the other boys were using. Jerry pushed it out of the way to make room for his case of show make up. He put on some powder first. Getting a spot here and a spot there. Then he picked up a bottle of mascara and applied it to Dean's long eyelashes as he would his own. "Keep your eyes open Dean."

He didn't apply any eyeshadow because he didn't want Dean to look cheap. Ironically when he started smudging in the blush on his cheeks Dean said, "easy on the rouge I don't want to look like a French whore."

"I put on you the exact same amount I wear," replied Jerry.

"That's why I said I didn't want to look like a French whore."

Jerry stared at Dean while he reached for a powder puff and loaded it up with far too much powder.

"Easy, Jer I was just joking."

Jerry raised the powder puff as if ready to attack then set it back down. He licked his index and middle finger and scrubbed Dean's cheek. Dean squirmed and complained about the pain. "You're lucky I don't lick it off." Jerry took a look at Dean's face and all that was left to do was a simple color to bring out the lips. "Pucker up, Bubby." Dean pursed his lips and Jerry ran the lipstick across in short strokes. "Open wide." Dean made the ahhhhh sound like he was at the doctors getting a check up. Jerry told Dean to smoosh his lips together and go mwah! "Gorgeous! You're the prettiest boy here."

"Really?"

Jerry looked around the room at the boys with crooked wigs, smeared lipstick and caked on blue eye shadow. "There isn't much competition," said Jerry in a hushed voice. "You were the prettiest the day we arrived."

Dean turned his head and batted his eye lashes like Jerry would "You really think so?"

"Once I get this wig on you there will be no doubt that you are second prettiest in the room."

"Hey! second to who?"

"Me," Jerry said adjusting Dean's wig. "Now go out there and prepare to win second place after they see me."

Jerry still had to get ready He grabbed a red silk dress off the rack and rummaged through his box. The only thing he found he could use was a sewing kit with just a single needle and thread. Jerry had pulled some miracles with stage out fits before. Like that one time in Toronto where the rip in the dress was so high he would have revealed more than the strippers. But this was cutting it close even for him. The boys were filing out as Jerry was still feverishly sewing.

Jerry walked out to find the head of the fraternity talking to Dean. “Did you think you were competing to be Miss America?”

“He had help,” Jerry said in his best feminine voice and prayed his stitches would hold the back of the dress tightly together.

“Getting help from a woman could be grounds for disqualification, Dean.”

“Don’t be too hard on him. It was my idea,” said Jerry walking up to him. “I didn’t want him to look like a drunken drag queen who fell asleep in the gutter.”

“Well, I guess, I can go a little easy on him. After all, I can’t expect a woman to know Fraternity rules,” he said smiling.

“Oh you’re too kind,” replied Jerry.

“What’s your name miss?”

“What you don’t even know the names of your pledges,” Jerry said in his own very unique voice. The head of the fraternity looked horrified. Jerry gave him a wink and an air kiss. “I guess that means I win,” Jerry said smiling at Dean.

“Get Out!”

“What?”

The head of the fraternity pointed at Jerry and said, "He can't be in this fraternity."

"Why not," said Dean.

"Because it is against the rules to allow women to join a fraternity."

"Jerry aint no broad! He's just real convincing in a dress is all."

"Exactly! We don't make it a habit at this fraternity to accept men that are convincing."

Jerry could see Dean’s cool exterior fade into anger.

"I don't care if you are the head of this fraternity you better watch your mouth, pal."

Dean didn’t get angry very often but when he was you better watch out. Jerry tried to stop him by squeezing his arm.

"Let go of me, Jer," he said slipping out of Jerry’s grip. "Let me tell you something. Jerry is everybit as manly as I am,” Dean said while brushing back a stray hair from his wig.

“That’s really saying something,”mocked the head of the fraternity.

“Jerry is an entertainer. Putting on a dress is how he pays his tuition.”

Jerry bit his lip while all the fraternity boys stared at him.

“He’s so good at his job he fooled you. Get over it! That’s showbiz. It may not mean much to you but show business means a hell of a lot more to us than your snooty little club. That man’s name has been in lights and he's performed all over the country. If you saw him on stage you would know how amazining he is and give him the respect he deserves. One day I hope to join him."

"What did you say," said Jerry looking up at Dean.

Dean bit his lip and smiled. "What's a boy/girl act without a boy? And maybe the audience can see you out of your dress."

Jerry gasped. "Just what kind of an act do you think I do!"

"I meant they'll see you in your boy clothes or I could keep the dress and we'll be a sister act." Dean smiled "I was going to wait till after school but there's nothing here for me except you."

Jerry was stunned.“Joining this fraternity is all you ever talked about in High-School.”

“We're a packaged deal. I don't want to be a member of any club that won't accept you. I want to be your partner."

Jerry felt his breath catch. I want to be your partner. He dreamed of being partners of not being alone out there anymore but Dean couldn’t have meant it. “What about football? The big game? I was going to cheer you on."

“Don't you see, Jer I'm talking about something much bigger than playing the big game. Let's get in our car and stop at every night club we find along the way. Booze and broads and getting laughs and you and me. It's everything we ever dreamed of."

Jerry wanted so badly to say yes to his proposal. It would have been just like a fairytale. A fairytale that would never come true. He held back the tears that were forming in his eyes and said, “no Dean, you’ve worked too hard to throw it all away. You belong here. I should leave." Jerry turned to walk away before Dean could see the tears in his eyes.

"Jerry!"

Jerry didn’t look back.

Jerry sat on the steps of what looked like an abandoned house. He sobbed into his hands. What was he going to do? Where was he going to live? He hadn’t felt this lost since he was a small child. The dark days, he called them. A time before he met Dean.

The door swung open behind him. “Excuse me miss, are you in need of assistance?”

Jerry nearly jumped out of his skin then he realized it was just a boy a few years older then him, probably a senior. “Yeah! My fraternity kicked me out and I need a place to live.”

“Fraternity?”

“Oh.” Jerry took off his wig revealing his long black hair tightly secured in place. “That’s why they kicked me out. I’m too convincing. So now you know you’re not going to get a kiss go back inside and leave me here to cry in my dress.”

“Why are you wearing that dress? Was it apart of pledge week or something?”

“Yeah you could say that but the truth is...I am a drag queen. This isn’t what I do on a dare it’s what I do for a living. The make up and the wig is mine and the dress is theirs with my alterations. I didn’t pack any of my good dresses. I’ve done drag since I was twelve. I’ve been opening for strippers since I was fourteen. That’s how I met Dean. People can say whatever the hell they want but I won’t ever apologize or feel shame. It’s served me well and I’m damn good at it. You got a problem with that buddy?”

“Why would I have a problem?”

“You don’t think a man in a dress is a joke?”

“Not unless he does something funny. Otherwise, he’s just a man wearing a dress.”

Jerry wiped away the tears and smiled. “What’s your name?”

“Matthew Honnors. What’s yours?”

“Jerry Levitch.”

“Nice to meet you Jerry Levitch. Did you really sew that yourself?”

He must have referred to the buttons lined down the back that held in the extra fabric. “Yeah my grandma taught me to sew. I’m afraid it’s not my best work.”

“Listen, Jerry you’re sitting on the steps of a fraternity. My fraternity to be exact. If you need a place to live we got room.”

“Really? would I be the only pledge?” Jerry looked dubious. He thought this guy could turn out to be crazier than his family says he is.

“No there’s lots of guys. Come in I’ll introduce ya’”

Without thinking Jerry put his wig back on and followed him in. To his surprise there were other boys there. All the boys looked up from their books and stared at Jerry.

Matthew introduced him to the fraternity members.

“Jerry Levitch? That’s kind of an odd name for a girl.” One of the boys said.

Jerry took that as his cue to take the wig off. The room gasped.

“Jerry will be living with us as the newest Dork House member.”

“Dork House?” That doesnt sound very Greek,” said Jerry.

“We don’t do things the Greek way.”

“I like the sound of that,” replied Jerry.

“The Dork House was founded for anyone who didn’t fit into the Greek system. Whether you love comic books or watching Westerns there’s a place at the Dork House.”

“hmmm. So am I the first person to get kicked out of the Greek system for being too pretty?”

Jerry was stretching after cheerleading practice. He felt really sore since the first game. It must have been the third cartwheel that did it. Jerry bent all the way backwards to stretch out his back. That’s better.

“Hey Jer,” said a familiar voice.

“Hey, Dean” Jerry got back to standing posiition as fast as he could and gave himself a headache in the process.

“It’s been awhile.”

“A week,” replied Jerry.

“Yeah. We don’t have any classes together. This is the only time I get to see you.”

“My new fraternity keeps me pretty busy.”

“You know the guys call it the nothing house.”

“Yeah I heard...Seems like a perfect fit doesn’t it?”

“Jer, I didn’t mean...I don’t know why I said that.” Dean hung his head.

“How do you like it at your fraternity?”

“I’m miserable,” replied Dean.

“They won’t let you read comic books will they?”

“I have to hide them. I’m miserable at college. I don’t belong here.”

“Bubby, of course you do. You worked so hard to get here.”

“Why don’t we just hit the road, Jer? You can’t honestly tell me you’re happy at that house.”

“I’m happy, Dean, honest.” The look on Dean’s face broke Jerry’s heart. “Why don’t you stop by later today and see for yourself.”

“Get off the couch,” Jerry said to the boys as he fluffed each pillow. The doorbell rang and a pillow went flying out of his hand. He ran to the door but stopped in the corner to take off his apron before opening the door.

“Oh I love the new hair, Jer!”

Jerry felt the top of his head as Dean walked in and threw his head wrap to the ground.

Dean looked around. “Wow, this is a lot nicer than I was expecting.”

Jerry smiled “You like?” He spent a week scrubbing the place from ceiling to baseboard.

“Yeah. The outside though looks abandoned.”

“That’s the next project. Why don’t you sit down, Dean”

They sat on the couch together. “So this is what makes you happy? Doing house work and wrapping up your pretty hair so it doesn’t get mussed.”

“I do a lot more than that, Dean. I cook breakfast and dinner and I mend the boy’s trousers too.”

“Oh I had no idea,” Dean teased.

“They need me here and I like feeling needed.”

“That’s right! Jerry is our fairy god mother-father-thing...person?” said one of the boys.

“You can’t blame him for being confused Jerry. Afterall, you did show up in a dress and even I had an asthma attack thinking a girl was in the house.” said Will. “Hey! You’re Dino Crocetti! You won the game.”

“That’s my name but you can’t prove I did it.”

Will laughed. “Do you think we could throw the ball around today?”

“You like football?”

“Oh yeah! Jerry’s been teaching me how to play. I can throw the ball in a straight line now.”

“Well you have one hell of a good teacher.”

Jerry beamed.

“Hey Jerry you want to play ball with us?”

“You bet! But later.” Jerry turned and yelled, “Brad!”

Brad came running down the stairs.

“You go to the store this morning?”

“Of course. I always go every Tuesday.”

“Fork it over.”

“You don’t read comics,” Brad said handing over the latest issue from his back pocket.

“You’re right. Here ya go, Bubby,” Jerry said as he handed the comic to Dean.

“Dino Crocetti football star likes comic books!?”

“Correction, Dino Crocetti loves comic books. I bet he knows more about em’ than even you.”

“That’s highly unlikely.”

“You can quiz each other later. You don’t have to hide those here bubby. You can come over anytime you want and read them.”

“Huh,” Dean said looking up from his comic book.

“I said you can read comics here any time you want.”

“Boys! Dean! Breakfast is ready,” Jerry said as he poured the freshly squeezed orange juice into the ten glasses arranged around the table. He turned to the toasters lined up in a row. Holding up the plates one by one he caught the toast as it flew in the air.

Dean was the first one at the table. He looked away from his comic book long enough to say good morning. Jerry cleared his throat giving Dean the signal that comic books aren’t allowed at the breakfast table. Dean handed it over and Jerry took off his apron just as the rest of the house sat down.

“Jerry, can we play football tonight,” asked Will.

“I’m sorry I have cheerleading practice.”

“I’ll do it,” said Dean.

“Thank you Dean,” replied Jerry warmly. Dean was always so helpful with the other boys.

“Don’t mention it,” Dean said chewing on his eggs. “I need him to help me with my homework anyways.”

Jerry stood in the backyard watching Dean play football with Will.

“I thought you had practice today,” said Dean

“I can’t get rid of this feeling that I’ve been very stupid.”

“If you left practice everytime you had that feeling wouldnt you never practice,” Dean teased.

“Dino, I think the solution has been staring me right in the face all this time.” Jerry approached Dean. “But I was too busy thinking what a normal person would want. I didn’t stop to think what a dork would want.” Jerry held Dean’s hand then dropped to one knee.

“Jer, whadya doin’?”

Jerry looked up at Dean “Are you happy in your fraternity?”

“Not at all. I have to hide my comics, they’re all a bunch of rich brats, and worse of all you’re not there.”

Jerry felt a lump of emotion in his throat. “Dino Paul Crocetti will you do me the honor of being my fraternity brother?”

“That’s all I ever wanted,” replied Dean

Jerry was so happy he leaped into Dean’s arms.

“What the hell took you so long,” Dean said then gave Jerry a big kiss on the cheek.

“Oh there’s more I have to tell you. I got to do this right.” Jerry broke away and went to the bag he packed just for this moment. The real reason why he couldn’t stay at practice. He put on the blonde wig and red lipstick and sauntered over to Dean. “Mr. Martin, would you be the boy in my boy/girl act?”

Dean’s eyes grew wide and he had a big smile on his face. “You didn’t have anyone else in mind did you?”

“Never,” Jerry smiled.

Dean pulled Jerry into a hug. “Oh Jerry, I’m so happy I could kiss you but you’re wearing lipstick.”

Jerry looked at Dean. “The only way this is going to work, Paul is if we keep it to the weekends and only after the boys have helped you with your homework. You’re going to graduate, Dino. Oh and keep your room clean. I ain’t Mama.”

“I thought you were my fairy God mama.”

“Nope I’m your partner.”

#The Dork House #the picture of heterosexuality that didnt quite develop from the roll #the king of dorks #the dark prince of comedy #the dark prince of comedy POV #ML71

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green-sociology · 3 years

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An Examination into the Parallels Between the Homeric Epics and Toxic Masculinity (Dissertation)

INTRODUCTION

The discourse on gender (in)equality tends to primarily focus on the oppression of women, and although this is rightly so, it fails to acknowledge the detrimental ways in which traditional notions of gender can heavily impact men. Gender refers to the attached cultural and social expectations placed on an individual based upon their biological sex. Similarly, gender roles refer to certain attitudes, personality traits and patterns of behaviour that is considered either appropriate or desirable for an individual of each sex (male and female). Although there are multiple genders with obvious exceptions such as transsexuals and non-binary, gender is usually placed into two boxes – the masculine and the feminine (Alters and Schiff, 2009). This thesis will be primarily concerned with masculinity – specifically toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is a deep-rooted issue within western civilisation and refers to both a concept and a term that strives to establish and address the harmful behaviours and attitudes that are well enshrined within traditional notions of masculinity (Barr, 2019). Examples of toxic masculinity are traits such as shame of emotional expression, hyper-sexualisation and misogyny, to name a few. In the first chapter (chapter one) I will be examining the importance of gender identity and the importance placed upon following the hegemonic notions of gender and gender roles. From this, I will further delve into the topic of masculinity and toxic masculinity and the ways in which official statistics from the UK (United Kingdom) can provide an insight into the ways in which toxic masculinity can damage men. In addition to this, although I previously stated that this work will be primarily focused on masculinity, I will also be evaluating some statistics on inequalities that women face, specifically in relation to male attitudes of women that could present an overall picture of what toxic masculinity is and why it is so toxic.

For the remainder of the thesis, I will be focusing on the epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey, written by Homer almost three millennium ago. The Iliad is considered to be the first substantial work of western literature and has heavily influenced subjects in the humanities such as literature, art and philosophy from the ancient Greek civilisation to contemporary society (Hammond, 1987). The Iliad encompasses a one-year period, concerned primarily with the final year of the ten-year Trojan war. Ultimately, the theme of the Iliad is the anger of Achilleus, as introduced in the first line of the poem, and the consequences that his actions have on the whole of the Achaian forces (Il.1.1ff). Similarly, the Odyssey is regarded as the second most substantial work of western literature and thus also influenced much of the humanities (Jones, 2003). The Odyssey essentially acts as a sequel to the events of the Trojan war and focuses on the journey that the Homeric hero Odysseus had to make in order to return home, as introduced in the first lines of the epic – similar to that of the Iliad (Od.1.1ff). The main theme of the Odyssey then is the hero Odysseus, just as the main theme of the Iliad is Achilleus. A major theme in both of these epics is that of gender, specifically, themes of masculinity. I argue that the traditional notions of masculinity that the modern west still upholds today can be traced back, or at least seen, in these two ancient pieces of poetry. The Iliad especially is seen as a ‘bible on ἀνδρείᾱ’, that is manliness or manly courage (McKay, 2020). Both epics explore what is known as the heroic ideal, which refers simply to a cultural idea of the perfect individual – a person who embodies all of the best qualities of a certain culture’s values. The heroes then that make up the heroic ideal are individuals which are admired for their courage, their outstanding achievements (especially in battle) and their noble qualities (such as their honour or leadership abilities). There are a multitude of characters both in the Iliad and the Odyssey that demonstrate the heroic ideal and what it means to be a hero. Many of the heroes (such as Achilleus) have to make personal sacrifices in order to achieve κλέος. Kλέος is the main of the Homeric heroes and is essential to the heroic ideal, κλέος simply refers to fame and glory (Alters and Schiff, 2009). In order to achieve κλέος the heroes often act in hyper-masculine and individualistic ways that are extremely characteristic of toxic masculinity. Literature, or in this case, epic poetry, is performative of the society and culture that it is conceived in and often it is a way for a poet, or author, to either reinforce certain ideals or to criticise them. Whether Homer’s ‘bibles of ἀνδρείᾱ’ worked to establish the hegemonic gender roles that were present in his time, or to criticise them also comes into question. Is Homer providing a manual of how to be a man or is Homer questioning the extremely restrictive ‘box’ of masculinity? This would be a thesis of its own and it is difficult to come to a definitive answer. Nevertheless, Homer provides us with evidence of what hegemonic traditional masculinity looked like (or how he perceived it to be at the very least).

When studying the discourse on gender, masculinity is often studied in parallel to femininity and are often always compared and contrasted. It could be argued that Homer also does this, whilst Homer portrays how (he believes or the culture that produced it) masculinity should look (in the ancient world) and how men should act, Homer also explores masculinity in relation to femininity. There are several utterances of effeminacy in the Iliad and the Odyssey. Effeminacy refers to a man essentially ‘taking on’ or displaying behaviours and traits that are considered to be traditionally feminine, such as delicacy, empathy and sensitivity (Oxford English Dictionary [OED], 2020a). In this thesis, I will be examining several characters such as Paris (also referred to as Alexandros) and the ways in which they are received by other characters. There will also be a section of feminine insults, where male characters are often compared to women and, particularly, girls. This is an important theme when tackling toxic masculinity as being compared to a female or showing aspects of femininity can draw various negative reactions.

Before drawing conclusions, I will also be examining the importance that modern men place on both the Iliad and the Odyssey. Many men today, not only it’s ancient readers, views the Odyssey and especially the Iliad as extremely important pieces of literature that they describe as ‘one of the most significant stories of manhood and manliness’ (Truehart, 2018e). Despite being written almost three millennia’s ago, it is interesting to see the modern man placing such importance on an anachronistic piece of poetry. Although it is fully possible to attach a certain profound importance on something that you read, should men really be using the Iliad and the Odyssey as a source of learning how, and what it means, to be a man?

CHAPTER ONE – MASCULINE IDENTITIES IN CONTEMPORARY UNITED KINGDOM

The perceived highest fundamental psychological needs that humans have is for a sense of identity (Maslow, 1942). Identity refers to who an individual is, what characteristics and qualities that they have that sets them apart from others, how they define themselves, how they act and how an individual presents themselves to the world (Little and McGivern, 2014). A sense of identity can be heavily impacted by external factors, such as our experiences and our physical environment. Essentially, humans define themselves in a way that is a self-representation of their interests, relationships and culture (Jones, 2020). An individual can spend a lengthy period of time trying to figure out who they are, what their interests are and what they believe in (Whittlestone, 2014). Having a good sense of identity can bring an individual both comfort and security, however, an individual struggling with their identity can often feel isolated and confused (The Children’s Society, 2020). On the other hand, sometimes having a strong sense of identity can be damaging in the way that an individual can become overpowered (Jones, 2020).

Gender, which is concerned with the constructed social and cultural differences perceived between the two sexes, is arguably the most important form of identity (Giddens and Sutton, 2017). Gender identity refers to an individual’s “internal experience of their gender” (Caldwell, 2019). Gender roles on the other hand refer to certain behaviours, manifestations and ways of being that are attached to certain genders (Ghosh, 2015). Although both different concepts, each work hand in hand, gender identity is how an individual feels and gender roles are notions that any given society or culture places upon each gender. Even though an individual may feel one thing, they may feel more inclined to act the way that society tells them to, or in a way that society deems acceptable. What is typically masculine and feminine has typically remained largely the same, across almost all societies and cultures, even over a large amount of time. Typically, feminine characteristics include empathy, gentleness, being maternal and nurturing, domesticity, to name a few. On the other side, masculinity is characterised by strength, leadership, assertiveness and courage. Both show two complete ends of a spectrum, with no overlap in the middle. The way that these norms are passed on is through the process of socialisation. Agents of socialisation – such as the family, schools, peers and the media – all systematically guide children in their internalisation of social norms and expectations attached to each sex (Giddens and Sutton, 2017). These are usually carried out with a process called canalisation – which uses negative and positive sanctions that the agents of socialisation impose to guide children to comply with traditional gender roles (Oakely, 2015). It is incredibly difficult for an individual to develop a sense of gender identity when society is constantly pushing you into a box of how to be.

Whilst gender can cause complications on the identity of oneself, gender is also a significant form of social stratification and can often lead to extreme inequalities between the sexes, effecting life chances and opportunities. Both historically and in contemporary society, men typically assume unequal positions in terms of power, prestige and wealth (Giddens and Sutton, 2017). Many patriarchal societies base the stratification of gender (as well as traditional notions of gender) on biological theories. Allegedly, men typically assume the higher positions in society because they have the innate capacity for dealing with higher roles, due to their natural-born physical strength and capacity for intellect. Women were/are also seen as the more ‘expressive’ sex, which allows them to more effectively act as agents of socialisation, providing support and warmth to children whilst also being more inclined to domesticity (Parsons, 1955). A cross-cultural study of 224 societies examined the responsibilities that were assigned to both men and women and it was found that men were more likely to hold roles such as hunting, mining and limbering. Whereas women were more likely to be responsible for cooking, caring for children and the making of clothes (Murdock, 1949). However, this was not the case for all society’s studies. Rather than men and women having innate differences, it is simply societies and cultures legitimising perceived differences between men and women. In thirty-six of the societies, women were responsible for certain perceived masculine roles such as land clearance. In another fourteen, lumbering was the responsibility of both sexes (Oakley, 2015). If gender roles were constructed on the basis of biology, then surely roles would be the same across all societies studied?

It can be argued, and is evidently quite clear throughout history, that the social stratification of gender and traditional notions of gender were established by men who hold authority. Within societies themselves, whilst women are often grouped together, there seems to be certain hierarchies of masculinities alone. In addition to this, there are often competing structures of masculinity (Rubarth, 2014). Masculinity, in its simplest form, refers to the approved way of being a man (Gilmore, 1991). Masculinities are multiplicitous and fluid and hold no fixed state, however, there is generally one dominating hegemonic masculinity that presides over all others in any given society, creating dichotomies between what is perceived as ‘normal’ men and ‘others’ (Jewkes et al, 2015). Hegemonic masculinity in the contemporary world (and also at the time Homer was writing) is mainly, and simply, characterised as men as a protector, a provider and the impregnator (Gilmore, 1991). Its key element is based upon a heterosexual man and their relationship with others – especially women – and these elements are crucial to a man’s identity (Cowburn and Dominelli, 2001). This very restrictive ‘box’ of masculinity can be incredibly harmful – not only just to women, but also to the men who do not share these characteristics such as homosexual men, gender non-conforming and transsexuals. Society telling you that you are only a man if you have the correct anatomy and are able to protect and provide for all those close around you can be severely damaging.

There are then obvious deep-rooted issues within (hegemonic) concepts of masculinity. This outlook on ‘how to be a man’ is so incredibly restrictive and often shames those who do not conform. There are clear deep-rooted issues within (hegemonic) masculinity itself, often referred to toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity highlights the negative characteristics and qualities – often harmful behaviours and attitudes – that are embedded within hegemonic masculinity (Snyder, 2017). Now, it is not to say that men are toxic in themselves, rather, toxic masculinity refers to behaviours and attitudes that were once considered to be the ‘ideal man’ but as society progresses and develops, should these anachronistic views of masculinity still hold a place in contemporary society? Examples of toxic masculinity can include, but not exhaustive of: an extreme urge for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance, disgust and shame of emotional expression, extreme self-reliance and misogynistic and the hyper-sexualisation of women (and more often than not, girls) (Snyder, 2017). These traits are toxic in themselves, but when combined together it is like placing a ticking time bomb in the hands of a man – however, it could blow one of two ways – seriously impacting women or seriously impacting the man holding it.

The effects of toxic masculinity can be seen in statistical data from the UK. Arguably, characteristics such as an extreme urge for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance, as well as the hyper-sexualisation of women, can be seen in statistics related to violence against women. In the UK, around one in four women will experience domestic violence and abuse, whilst one in five women experience sexual assault at least once during their lifetime (Home Office, 2019). In March 2017, the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW), estimated that around 20% of women had been a victim of sexual assault from the age of sixteen, compared to 4% of men, equivalent to an estimated 3.4 million female victims and 631 thousand male victims (ONS [Office for National Statistics], 2018b). In the last year alone, an estimated 2.4 million adults aged sixteen to 74 experienced domestic abuse – of these 67% of those were female compared to 33% of those being male (ONS, 2019c). Women are extremely more likely to be victims of both domestic violence and sexual assault and this could be explained by elements of toxic masculinity that is prevalent in society. On the other hand, these statistics are never always truly accurate – they fail to log the ‘unreported’, simply because they are unable to do so. As many women do not report being victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault, neither do many men. Statistics from ManKind found that whilst one in six men will experience domestic abuse at least once in their lives, only one in twenty would ever seek help or report being a victim of domestic abuse until the problem becomes a crisis (BBC, 2018). Men tend to feel fear and shame in the way that they believe they would be perceived as less masculine, or would not be believed if they were to come forward. Many male victims of domestic abuse are also unaware that services for them do exist, however, they are at a drastically reduced rate compared to women (BBC, 2018). In terms of domestic abuse and sexual assault, toxic masculinity therefore is not always just an individual issue but also a societal one, society tells men that they should be stronger than a ‘weak’ female and should have the capacity to be able to deal with the situation. On the other hand, when a male displays toxic masculinity, we see women as the victims.

Although most inequalities are related to women (such as domestic violence and sexual assault), however there are multiple other statistics that highlight the disparities that men face. Firstly, across the UK men are less likely to live as long as women – with women outliving men by 3.7 years (aged 82.9 years compared to 79.2 years respectively). In addition to this, women are also more likely to live longer with poor health than men (ONS, 2018a). Secondly, men are also more likely to register as homeless, with around 62% of all those applying for homeless status being men (ONS, 2019e). On top of this, a staggering 88% of all deaths of homeless people (726 in 2018) were men (ONS, 2019a). The male suicide rate in the UK is also extremely high, of all recorded suicides in 2018 (6507), three quarters of those were men (4903). The male suicide rate currently sits at 17.2 deaths per every 100,000 men, which has increased significantly since 2018, whilst the female rate stands at 5.4 deaths per every 100,000 which has held a stable rate since 2007. The male suicide rate has been consistently growing since the mid-1990s, with the majority of all suicides being carried out by men (ONS, 2019d). Additionally, men significantly outnumber women in terms of receiving alcohol and drug treatments. Although there were difference statistics for each substance consumed, men generally held the highest percentage of those treated. For example, 60% of those receiving treatment for alcohol misuse were men, whilst 73% of those who were receiving treatments for drug misuse were men. Altogether, men made up 69% of the whole population that were receiving both alcohol and drug misuse treatments (Public Health England 2018). Men are also more likely to die from an overdose with rates of drug related deaths doubling since 1993. The rate of male drug overdose increased from 89.6 per million males in 2017 to 105.4 per million in 2018 (ONS, 2019d). In all the cases listed above, it is possible and credible to suggest that toxic masculinity could be a factor in numerous cases. For example, many men feel an overbearing sense of shame (and often disgust) at showing and feeling troubling emotions. More often than not, men are told to ‘man up’ or ‘take it like a man’, but when so many men turn to alcohol and drug misuse, or ultimately taking their own life, something needs to be done to address the grievances. Suicide is the biggest killer amongst men in the UK today, it says an astounding amount about not only masculinity and toxic masculinity but the damaged ways of modern society still desperately clinging onto traditional notions of masculinity.

Many men in the UK today struggle with their masculine identities and experience societal pressures to act and be a certain way. In 2018, a survey revealed that a staggering 97% of its respondents, both men and women, had a negative view of the term ‘masculine’. Only 3% of respondents associated masculinity with positive traits, such as respectfulness, care, kindness, honesty and supportiveness (Future Men, 2018). Furthermore, 53% of men between the ages od 18 and 24 felt that UK society expected them to never ask for emotional support, despite 66% of the respondents stating that they felt men should aspire to show more empathy (Future Men, 2018). 61% of men also felt that society expects them to ‘man up’ when faced with challenges, with 55% saying they would feel emasculated crying in front of others. Men also feel emasculated when they are unable to perform during sexual intercourse (49%) or even standing next to a woman who is taller than them (33%) (Future Men, 2018). Additionally, 54% of men felt that UK society expected them to be the breadwinner, whilst 67% felt pressured into displaying hyper-masculine behaviours (Future Men, 2018). It is evidently clear that toxic masculinity is well enshrined in UK society, even 32% of men believe that masculinity is in a crisis (GQ, 2018).

The ‘crisis’ of masculinity highlighted above is unequivocally linked to traits of toxic masculinity and it is evident that there are men in UK society that are struggling with traditional notions of hegemonic masculinity. Despite being a new concept, toxic masculinity has a deep-rooted place in the UK historically and as it is something that needs to be addressed. As society progresses and develops, masculine identities can no longer remain the same, holding on to traditional notions of masculinity and the anachronistic ways of being can seriously damage a male’s life chances, opportunities and their mental and physical health.

CHATER TWO – THE HEROIC IDEAL IN HOMER

As explored previously there is a difference between being male and being masculine, the former indicates an individual’s biological sex whilst the latter refers to performative gender roles. Although masculinities are fluid and can change from culture to culture, there are still many elements of homogeneity (Rubarth, 2014). Many of the elements and traits that characterise masculinity today can be seen in the ancient world. Humans as a species are enigmatic and are able to master the art of something before being aware of a term for it (Aamer, 2018). Traditional notions of masculinity come from idealism, a pursuit of ‘perfection’ of the male species, encompassing what a man should be, how they should act and how they should present themselves. One of the first few examples in western civilisation of humans portraying an idealised concept of masculinity is in Homer’s epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey.

An Introduction to the Iliad and the Odyssey

The Iliad, as mentioned in the introduction, is one of the first substantial pieces of work from western civilisation, followed by the Odyssey and each has had an extensive influence on subsequent literature (Hammond, 1987). Despite being produced at such an early point in history, the Iliad and the Odyssey are in no way primitive work’s (Donlan, 1970). The importance of the epics is highlighted by their long-standing presence in western societies, with both poems still being read, studied and interpreted today. The Iliad deals with one short episode of the ten-year Trojan war, spanning a total of 52 days in the final year of the war (Hammond, 1987). The Odyssey, on the other hand, deals with a ten-year period after the Trojan war (Jones, 2003). The prominent themes of the epics are the anger of Achilleus and the wanderings of Odysseus respectively, however, these introductory themes are not the only ones explored. Other themes encompass human existence, life and death, familial relationships, xenia (guest friendship), hospitality, wanderings, anger, reconciliation, κλέος (fame/glory) and τῑμή (honour) (Baker and Christensen, 2013). The importance of such themes will be discussed later in the chapter when considering the heroic ideal. In the meantime, it is entirely credible to suggest that (especially) the Iliad and the Odyssey encompass everything that is worth saying about Greek civilisation in terms of their values and ideals (Nagy, 2020). Evidently, the epic does not name the Greek heroes as Greek, instead coining them the Danaans, Argives and the Achaians. This may in some ways be a way of Homer creating an ‘epic distance’ between the Greeks of the heroic age and the age in which he is composing the poems, essentially creating a biography of the ancient Greeks and their archetypal and desired image (Nagy, 2020). For the purpose of this thesis, the ‘Greeks’ in the will be referred to as the Achaians or Argives to allow a separation from Homer and subsequent generations.

The Heroic Ideal

Both the Iliad and Odyssey explore what is known as the heroic ideal. The heroic ideal essentially highlights what could only be described as the ‘perfect individual’ – someone who embodies all of the best qualities of a certain culture. The heroic ideal in Homer’s poems explores several hero’s and their relation to humanity, how they act, how they define themselves and what is important to them. Ultimately, Homer is presenting us with an idealised view of masculinity at the time that he composed this. When talking about the ancient Greek heroes in the Iliad and Odyssey, it is important to note that they are heavily related to myth. Myths simply refer to narratives told of a previous time in order to describe event or an earlier history of a society (OED, 2020b). Ancient Greek myths were passed down from generation to generation to offer an explanation as to why the Greeks lived as they did and why they held certain values (Aamer, 2018). Many of the myths of the ancient world are about heroes - the term ‘hero’ can hold several meanings that can be attached to an individual on the basis of lineage, the era they are from and/or the behaviour that they exhibit. In antiquity a hero is a human who typically has prodigious strength, courage and abilities (Nagy, 2020). Heroes are also often descendants of the divine, sometimes having at least one divine parentage. Achilleus is a prime example of this as his father, Peleus, is human whilst his mother Thetis, is a sea goddess. Other examples include that of Aineias whose mother is Aphrodite, and Herakles whose father is Zeus (Morrison, 2003). Not all heroes have immediate divine parentage, as is the case with Odysseus – instead it was Odysseus’ grandfather Arceisius who was bore by Zeus. Whilst there are other heroes that do not have any divine ancestry, such as the Trojan hero Hektor (Morrison, 2003).

Regardless of parentage, however, all heroes are mortals, whether they are direct descendants of the divine (Achilleus), have partly divine lineage (Odysseus), or are descendants of mortals (Hektor). This characteristic of a hero is often an extremely important part of the narrative that they exist in. Mortality and the human condition are explored bountiful in the Iliad and Odyssey as it is something that sets apart these mortal heroes from the immortal gods (Nagy, 2020). Often a hero’s mortality is related to the essence of action, heroes needed to accomplish something in order to be considered heroic. The goal of Homeric heroes was to achieve κλέος (fame/glory) and they were characterised by τῑμή (honour), ἀρετή (excellence) and ἄριστος (being the best and bravest) (Morwood and Taylor, 2002). All of these elements are essential if one wants to be a hero (Pring, 2000).

Kλέος is often valued by the heroes more than their own life and is achieved when a hero engages in life-threatening pursuits, whilst τῑμή is determined by a multitude of factors such as: courage, physical abilities, the difficulties faced, a hero’s actions (ἀριστείᾱ), social status (linked to ἀρετή) and his spoils of war which leads him to be the bravest (ἄριστος) (Nagy, 2020). All of these elements are pertinent to what we call the heroic code, summarised by Hektor in the Iliad, “I have learnt to always be brave and to fight in the forefront… winning great glory for my father and for myself” (Il.6.444-5). The heroes of the ancient world are also described to be much physically bigger and stronger than any of Homer’s contemporaries (Griffin, 1999). As Homer states: “Tydeus took up a boulder in his hand, a huge great thing, that two men could not carry between them, of the folk that live now” (Il.5.303-4). Not only do the hero’s in Homer represent a number of internalised traits but also externalised, they are not only driven individuals with their own heroic code and strive for ἀρετή, ἀριστείᾱ, τῑμή and κλέος but they are also visibly big and strong.

Heroic Death and Running into Battle

Much of the Iliad sees heroism as a plot driver, with both the Achaians and the Trojans being introduced to potentially fatal situations where a kill or be killed mentally arises. However, this is for good reason. Although the Achaians are attacking Troy in order to retrieve Helen, they are also on the defensive. In Book 15, Hektor called out to the Trojans, “Bring fire, and raise the war-cry all together. Now Zeus has given us a day that repays us for all – the capture of the [Argives] ships” (Il.15.718-20). Here, the Trojans are attempting to set fire to the Achaians ships, if they succeed, it is wholly possible that the Achaians would be unable to return home and therefore the survival of their homeland is at stake. Aias echoes this, calling for his “Friends, Danaan heroes… be men… and fill your minds with fighting spirit… we have no city near us… far from our native land. So, salvation is in the strength of our hands” (Il.15.733-41). It is evident that the Achaians are not only fighting to protect their timé but also the very nature of their being. Heroic deeds and heroic death essentially came hand in hand in the way that a hero responds to a situation, incredulously brave and unafraid. One way for a hero to ensure that they can win great κλέος was to die a heroic death (Renehan, 1978).

In the Iliad, the fate of Achilleus is a prominent theme – mainly that of his forthcoming death – despite the fact that it never actually occurs within the confines of the poem. Achilleus’ fate is well known, he is either to die a glorious death on the field of Ilios or to return home and live a long well-founded life, dying of old age. Achilleus summarises his choice in Book Nine: “If I stay here and fight on round the Trojans’ city, then gone is my homecoming, but my glory will never die” (Il.9.408-9). Achilleus knows that if he is to die at Troy then he will gain everlasting κλέος, however, there is a sadness to Achilleus’ story. His fate is introduced in the first Book of the Iliad, when he utters to his mother Thetis “if only a life doomed to shortness, surely honour should have been granted to me” (Il.1.352-3). Thetis reiterates this, stating: “your fate is of short span, not at all long” (Il.1.416-17). We know that Achilleus has to make a choice and that it is completely plausible that he *could* live a long but quiet life, however, his fate is extremely locked in, we know all along that he will make the choice to die on the fields of Ilios gaining undying κλέος – an important part of being a hero then is accepting your fate and the fate that is more glorious.

A hero’s death, although a cause worthy of lamentation, it is justified multiple times and something that is deemed necessary – not only to win κλέος but to die for a necessary cause. Hektor legitimises a hero’s death in Book 5, stating “be men… and fill your minds with spirit for the fight… it is no shame for a man to die in defence of his country” (Il.15.487-96). Priam echoes this in Book 22:

“In a young man all that is decent if he is killed in war and lies there torn by sharp bronze – though he is dead all that is revealed of his is beautiful. But when an old man has been killed and the dogs are mutilating his grey head and grey beard and private parts, this is the most pitiful sight that poor mortals can see” (Il.22.71-5).

This is the epitome of the heroic ideal in homer, especially in relation to a heroic death, dying gloriously in battle for one’s country is idealised and so engrained withing the confines of the Iliad. Despite being idealised, though, it does not mean that hero’s do not struggle coming to terms with and facing their death. Alike Achilleus, Hektor also struggled to comprehend his fate when he is unable to escape from Achilleus when being chased around the walls of Ilios in Iliad 22:

“So now vile death is close on me, not far now any longer, and there is no escape… but now this time my fate has caught me. Even so, let me not die ingloriously, without a fight, without some great deed done that future men will hear of” (Il.22.299-305).

The heroic death in battle is idealised dramatically, despite the lamentations that come with facing your fate. Heroic death is touched on somewhat differently in the Odyssey than that it is in the Iliad. The deaths explored in the Odyssey have a completely different tone, such as the death of Agamemnon, who returned home from the Trojan war, was deceived and betrayed by Andromache and her lover (Od.4.512-37). In the final book of the Odyssey, we are presented with the ghosts of the hero’s that fought at Tory. Achilleus laments Agamemnon’s death, stating: “you too were to be visited in your prime by that deadly Fate which no man born can evade. How I wish you could have met your doom and died at Troy in the full enjoyment of honour due to you as our leader… instead you were doomed to die a pitiable death” (Od.24.28-36). Agamemnon’s death was hardly heroic and actually quite heart-breaking, he neither died a glorious death and he didn’t live a long graceful life dying of old age – instead he was murdered in his own home. Agamemnon recalls his death also and laments, “So even death, Achill[eus], did not destroy your name, and your great glory will last forever among all mankind. But after I had brought the war to a close, what satisfaction was there for me? For on my own journey home Zeus planned a miserable end for me at the hands of Aegisthus and my accursed wife” (Od.24.92-97). Important to note is that Achilleus wished for Agamemnon to die on the fields of Troy – as did Agamemnon – as this was the desirable death. However, Achilleus laments his own death – believing that “I would rather work the soil as a serf on hire to some landless impoverished peasant than be King of all these lifeless dead… If I could return for a single moment to my father’s house as I then was I would” (Od.11.489-503). Which is such a dramatic difference from the ways in which a heroic death is idealised in other places in the Iliad and the Odyssey. Odysseus however, was fated to die peacefully at an old age, but still achieved κλέος (Od.23.281-3)

Violations of the Heroic Code

Interestingly, Homer does not always present us with the idealised hero, he instead presents us with some limitations and contradictions. Both the Iliad and the Odyssey present us with two major characters, Achilleus and Odysseus, who are not archetypal heroes that submit to the same heroic code as others do (Morrison, 2003). Achilleus is the ultimate warrior of the Iliad, he is by far the best of the Achaians and his actions lead to the Achaians sacking the walls of Troy. However, despite his status, Achilleus is characterised by numerous poor personal attributes – he holds an exaggerated sense of self-esteem, an inflated ego, extremely sensitive, quick to anger, all of which is demonstrated plentiful in the poem (Donlan, 1970). Achilleus retires from fighting in the midst of battle, threatens to return home and watches on as his fellow Achaians lose in battle. In Book Nine, the embassy to Achilleus desperately try to tempt him back to battle, offering personal speeches and gifts. Achilleus denies their requests and states: “nothing equals the worth of my life – not even all the riches they say” (Il.9.401-413). Despite returning to battle later in the epic, Achilleus was seriously considering returning home to his father, marrying and living a long, but inglorious, life (Il.9.401-413). Leaving battle is the complete opposite of what a hero should or would do, all hero’s wish to gain κλέος but Achilleus does not seem to care. It is only when his dear close companion Patroklos dies in the battlefield does Achilleus return. If Patroklos did not die on the battlefield would Achilleus have ever returned to battle, or would he now be living a long and inglorious life? Much of the heroic code however is reinforced by public pressure, but Achilleus seems to not feel this so much. Hektor highlights this, stating: “But I would feel terrible shame before the men [and women] of Troy… if I like a coward skulk away from fighting. Nor is that what my own heart urges” (Il.6.441-3). The most revered warrior of the Achaians does not succumb to public pressure, or even his own friends begging him to return to the battlefield, this is not characteristic of any other hero in the epics.

Odysseus is also a fairly good warrior, often described more so for his trickery though, as Helen mentions in Book Three of the Iliad: “[Odysseus] is a master of all kinds of trickery and clever plans” (Il.3.200-1). Odysseus is smart, he is clever, but this seems to only be applicable in the Iliad, or on the battlefield. In the Odyssey, Odysseus is criticised for acting like and Iliadic hero, wishing to rush into battle with sounds of war cries – “Again [Odysseus is] spoiling for a fight and looking for trouble” (Od.12.113-4). For one who is considered to be a master of trickery and clever plans, he seriously lacks this whit in his wanderings and must learn to adopt a new attitude to survive in the world of Circe, Calypso, Charybdis and so on. Odysseus is so ready to rush into battle in a completely different world than he is used to and his folly ultimately ends with him losing many of his comrades throughout the poem (Morrison, 2003). Another of Odysseus’ tragic flaws is that it’s as if he needs to be known, for example in Book Nine, he shouts out his name to the Cyclops: “Cyclops, if anyone ever asks you how you came by your blindness, tell him your eye was put out by Odysseus, sacker of cities, the son of Laertes, who lives in Ithica” (Od.9.501-4). This would be completely characteristic in the battlefield; however, it is not the battlefield and Odysseus’ extreme urge for physical dominance and to be ἄριστος leads to severe consequences.

CHAPTER THREE – Effeminacy and Insults

The Iliad and the Odyssey, are deeply concerned with ἀνδρείᾱ and the poems constantly tell men to “be men” (Il.15.437 = Il.15.733). But yet, there are elements of effeminacy in both of the poems, that although do not need exist – certainly do. Effeminacy refers to men “looking, behaving, or sounding like a woman or girl” (OED, 2020a). Much of the effeminacy that we see in the poems are often related to insults, of which there are several. Paris is the most well-known example of the effeminised hero in the Iliad, who is often compared to his brother Hektor – this contrast may be there to distinguish the ‘good’ and masculinised hero compared to the ‘bad’ and effeminised hero, essentially providing us with a portrayal of a ‘real man’ (Ransom, 2011).

Insults

For this section, I will be focusing primarily on the Iliad, rather than the Odyssey, this is due to the Iliad’s extensive selection of insults and reprimands due to the nature of the poem. Many of the insults that we see often compare the male heroes to women, whilst others directly call the heroes women. The most significant of the effeminate insults is that of Thersites in Book Two, a man who is described as “loose tongued… full of vulgar abuse [and a] reckless insubordinate… hated most of all by Achilleus and Odysseus” (Il.2.211-2; Il.2.217-8). Thersites attacks Agamemnon, believing that he is leading the Achaians to disaster, stating: “My poor weak friends, you sorry disgraces, mere women of Achaia now, no longer men” (Il.2.234-5). Thersites is essentially telling the Achaian forces that they should no longer allow themselves to be ruled by Agamemnon and should return to their ships and sail home. A similar insult is reiterated by Menelaos in Book Seven, where he charges the Achaians with being weak, none of them wishing to step up and fight Hektor. Menelaos states: “Oh you braggarts, mere women of Achaia now no longer men! Oh, this will be ruin and disgrace indeed, the horror of horrors, if not one of the Danaans will now go face Hektor” (Il.7.96-8). In both of these instances, Thersites and Menelaos are outright laying charge on the Achaians, accusing them of being spineless. In this way, the two men are shaming the Argives for not acting like heroes, not acting like men – or how they believe men should act.

The heroes of the Iliad are not always simply referred to as women or are effeminised – they are also often compared to children. Both women and children have no place on the battlefield within the confines of these epics (and many today believe that women do not belong on the frontlines either). Therefore, both women and children are often employed as insults. This is seen in Book Two where Odysseus criticises the Argives who wish to return home: “Like young children or widowed women they wail to each other about their return to their homes” (Il.2.289-90). Another example is in Book Seven, Hektor refutes the insults of Aias, stating: “Aias… do not try to frighten me as if I were some feeble child or a woman without knowledge of war’s work. No, I know about fighting and the killing of men well enough” (Il.7.235-7). Comparing himself with that of a ‘feeble’ child and woman is employed as a way to masculinise himself, or at least highlight the differences between himself and women and children. In Book Eight, Hektor confronts Diomedes on the battlefield and shames his masculinity, stating that he is no better than a woman: “Son of Tydeus, the fast-horsed Danaans used to show you special honour, with price of place, the best of meat, the wine-cup always filled. But now they will scorn you – you turn out the be no better than a woman. Off with you, you poor puppet!” (Il.8.161-5). In this speech, Hektor is employing the way that Diomedes used to be revered – he is essentially shaming him for losing his ἀρετή, τῑμή, ἀνδρείᾱ, and no longer being ἄριστος – ultimately making him less than the lower classes of being in their food chain.

There are also insults related to action and inaction, mainly the way that it is frowned upon to be chit-chatting in battle rather than actually fighting. Men are seen as the most physically dominant and are more often than not ready to battle, women are seen in the opposite way – as idle chit-chatters. Aineias talks of this, in albeit a long speech, in the middle of battle – funnily enough, prior to his battle with Achilleus, stating:

“Son of Peleus, do not think you will frighten me with words as if I were a baby… since I cannot think we will part and leave the battle with no more exchanged than this childish talk… but come, enough of this talk – we are standing here at the centre of a furious battle and wrangling on like little boys… But what need is there for us to rase a quarrel out her and fling insults in each other’s faces, like a pair of women who have flown into a rage in some squabble that eats out their hearts, and come out into the middle of the street to squall abuse at each other, a torrent of truth and untruth, will anger prompting the false? I am ready for battle, and you will not deter me with words, not until we have fought it out face to face with bronze. So quickly now, let us try each other with our bronze-tipped spears” (Il.20.200-58)

The lengthy speech with spans a hefty 58 lines is somewhat ironic and it may be purposefully so, something that Homer included, providing an example whilst exploring the issue. Essentially feminising his own characters.

Beauty

Surprisingly physical beauty seems to be an important characteristic of the Homeric heroes where the ‘good’ warriors are often regarded highly for their physical being and is often a representation of who they are as a hero, however, it can also mean the opposite. So, for example, one who is not regarded as being physically attractive is also generally not revered a hero or a ‘good’ individual. This is especially seen in the case of Thersites, as mentioned in the section above, he is described here:

“But one man still railed on, the loose-tongued Thersites. His head was full of vulgar abuse, reckless insubordinate attacks on the king, with anything said that he thought might raise a laugh among the Argives. He was the ugliest man that went to Ilios. He was a bandy-legged and lame in one foot: his humped shoulders were bent inwards over his chest: above, his dead rose to a point, sprouting thin wisps of wool. He was hated the most of all by Achilleus and Odysseus, the two whom he constantly reviled.” (Il.2.211-18)

Thersites seems to not only be considered ugly in the physical sense but also in a personality sense too, amongst the Argives he is considered the ugliest physically and is hated by many for his brash personality. In terms of the heroic ideal then, Thersites definitely does not present us with an exemplary individual who should be revered, he is seen as one of the lowest in the Argives. Therefore, being physically undesirable or unattractive could be an outward representation of his personality.

So, then, it could be suggested that those who are physically attractive could possibly be considered to be an exemplum of a good hero. However, even when a hero is considered physically attractive, he is often subject to insults – as is seen when Glaukos insults Hektor. “Hektor, it seems, then, you are good for nothing but looks, and fall far short as a fighter.” (Il.17.142-4). In this passage, Glaukos is essentially saying that Hektor is empty of ἀνδρείᾱ and is only good for his physical appeal. This type of insult leads us on to Paris, the embodiment of a hero who is nothing but their physical beauty. In Book Three, we are introduced to Paris on the battlefield, who is challenging the ranks of the Achaians, looking for a duel. When Menelaos steps forward, Paris steps back and upon seeing this Hektor berates Paris, stating:

“Paris, you pest, good for nothing but looks, you woman-crazed seducer! If only you had never been born, or died unmarried. Yes, I wish it were so – and that would be far better than to have you the disgrace that you are and a creature of loathing to others. Oh, the long-haired Achaians must be cackling at this, saying that we put up a prince as a champion only for his good looks, when his heart is empty of strength or courage. Is this the man you were when you gathered your trusted companions and sailed out over the sea in your seafaring ships, mingled with foreign peoples, and brought back on board a beautiful wife from a distant land, a woman married into a race of fighting men – a great plague to your father and your city and all your people, to the joy of our enemies and your own shame? Will you not then stand up to the warrior Menelaos? That would teach you the measure of the man whose ripe young wife you have taken. There would be no help then in your lyre-playing and the gifts of Aphrodite, your long hair and your looks, when you have your reunion with the dust. But the Trojans are cowardly folk – otherwise by now they would have given you a coat of tones for all the harm that you have done”. (Il.3.38-56).

During this berating, we are able to highlight how in the Iliad, physically attractiveness often comes hand in hand with ἀνδρείᾱ and ἄριστος, however, Paris completely opposes this principle. Not only does Homer present Paris as ‘good for nothing but looks’, he also provides us with Paris as a coward. When drawing back from the frontlines once seeing Menelaos in Book Three, Homer uses a simile to describe his cowardness:

“But when godlike Alexandros saw Menelaos appear among the front fighters, his heart quailed and he shrank back into the mass of his companions to avoid destruction. As when a man sees a snake in a mountain glen, and starts backwards, and trembling takes over his limbs: he goes back again on his tracks, with fear set pale in his cheeks. So godlike Alexandros slipped back into the body of the proud Trojans in his fear of Atreus’ son” (Il.3.30.7).

Both Thersites and Paris portray elements that are extremely uncharacteristic of the heroic ideal and possibly provide readers with an example of the ‘bad hero’ – someone who men should not aspire to be. This is an important part of studying toxic masculinity and ἀνδρείᾱ, as it is essentially expressing how a man is considered when he does not fix into the ‘box’ of traditional notions of masculinity – these men should feel such shame and are constantly shamed for not fitting in with the heroic ideal. Insults and reprimands and feminised insults also work to shame the individuals on the receiving end, attempting to encourage them to be ‘better’ or to fit in with the status-quo and this can be severely damaging.

CHAPTER FOUR – RECEPTIONS OF HOMER TODAY

Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey have been used by modern men to reaffirm the qualities and features of traditional notions of masculinity, with many idealising the poems as manuals of masculinity (Sears, 2017). For the final chapter, I would like to examine a modern man’s blog and his thoughts on the Iliad and what this can tell us about modern receptions and the importance placed on them. More modern men have more to say about the Iliad than the Odyssey, which is not surprising as the Iliad deals more with the heroic ideal and ἀνδρείᾱ and has more explorations of traditional notions of masculinity.

The blog that I would like to look at is that of ‘Legends of Men’ – a blog kept by a man called Trueheart. Trueheart’s welcome page states that visitors have found themselves here as they “recognise the value of masculinity” and that “the popular narrative does not appreciate masculinity” – but yet, he does (Truehart, 2020). He goes on to ask the reader “Are you concerned about masculinity in our culture? Do you feel inspired to be more masculine? To fill your souls with masculine stories of inspiration and glory?” (Truehart, 2020). The main aim of the blog is to “help you every step of the way to be more masculine” – already there are parallels to be drawn with Homer, and increased sense of manliness and masculinity. Truehart explicitly wishes to examine masculinity in the modern world, especially in relation to literature and culture, he idealises masculinity and wishes to be more masculine (Truehart, 2020).

The Iliad

Trueheart presents five different ‘lessons’ on the Iliad, the first is essentially introductory and is titled ‘A Mans Guide to the Iliad”. This introductory lesson highlights why the Iliad should be considered an essential piece of literature for any man – mainly because the story is entertaining, but also because it contains multiple lessons about masculinity and has many important roles models – such as Achilleus, Diomedes, Aias and Odysseus (Truehart, 2018e). An interesting comment Trueheart makes about Diomedes is that, according to him, Diomedes has an astounding amount of bravery – so much so that he challenged the gods (Trueheart, 2018e). This is certainly not true and to the ancient Greeks and academics, this is something that is considered hubris – something that should not be celebrated. Hubris is essentially characteristic of toxic masculinity in that it is an extreme urge to overpower others, even those you should not and more often than not, this can place an individual in situations that are not ideal.

We are then presented with a list of ‘villains’ as Trueheart likes to call them: Paris, Agamemnon and Hektor. Now, it is interesting that he lists Hektor as a villain, and states that Hektor essentially demonstrates how not to be a man (although, he does not provide any further comments so it is difficult to know his opinion). As an academic who has studied the Iliad for six years, it is interesting to see a modern individual not sympathise with Hektor. Throughout the entirety of the Iliad, Hektor is forced to protect Troy – he is the leader of the Trojans and it is his responsibility to protect those inside the gates. All of this is brought on by his brother Paris’ folly, and is no fault of his own. In Chapter three, we saw Hektor berate Paris for his cowardly ways and retreating from a possible duel with Menelaos that could potentially see the end of a long ten-year war (Il.3.38-56). Hektor essentially was acting accordingly with the situation that was presented to him and it is unclear why Trueheart believes that Hektor does not display an ounce of good ἀνδρείᾱ.

In Truehearts second ‘lesson’, he delves into the topic of honour, believing that it is a concept that is not easily comprehensible for a modern audience as ‘it has become synonymous with integrity’ (Trueheart, 2018a). For Trueheart, honour is about reputation and believes that when a man’s honour is called into question, he will be suspectable to attacks and will be perceived as weak. He believes that meeting challenges to your honour can ultimately allow you to display your strength (Trueheart, 2018a). He interestingly notes that men today are more unlikely to defend their honour due to reprimands by the justice systems and the likelihood of being arrested on assault charges dramatically increase, with societies today frowning upon displays of strength. However, this is not the case and is extremely characteristic of toxic masculinity. The Achaians and the Trojans were fighting for τῑμή, yes, but they were also fighting for their very being – if the Achaians lost the war then many, if not all, would never return home. The Trojans, who did lose the war, lost their home and there were some who were forced to flee (Aineias, for example). In the modern world, there should be no reason for an individual to resort to physical violence in order to defend one’s honour – and I strongly believe that, in actuality, it is not about protecting one’s honour at all – rather, it is the extreme urge for physical dominance that is mentioned in Chapter One. This is extremely characteristic of a hyper-masculine male and not only does this pose a threat to the individuals that they surround but could also leave an aggressor being reprimanded by the justice system because they cannot present a rational argument or are unable to articulate and present their feelings – in a sense, they cannot use their big boy words. Truehearts hyper-masculinity continues in the second lesson where he presents with some very strange and uncomfortable views, which are evident in this screen-capture below:

The caption states: “A thousand years ago she would have been taken by a king or warlord. She may have liked it, but she wouldn’t have had a choice if she didn’t like it.” (truehart, 2018a). Although there may be some truth in what he is saying, the image that he uses and the language that he uses is very disturbing. In the world of the epics, many women are taken as ‘spoils of war’ – such as Briseis and Chryseis in the Iliad. Now it is not known how these women would have felt and how they would respond, but the sayings “she may have liked it, but she wouldn’t have a choice if she didn’t” is extremely perverse – especially as he is using a picture of a woman in a bikini.

In Truehearts third ‘lesson’, he summarises the main points he has made thus far:

1. “Protecting your honour is a constant battle to display strength, the most important battle a man can fight”.

2. “When someone insults you through your wife, you have you rescue that damsel in distress, for both your honour and hers”

3. “To lead men, you need to bring more to the table than others” (Trueheart, 2018b).

Each point that Truheart believes he has made are not very effective or persuasive and his use of the poems only seem to be used to legitimise his ‘arguments’. The ‘Legends of Men’ site does offer us though with a modern man who is portraying aspects of toxic masculinity – not necessarily the type that harms the men who are subscribing to these ideals, no, rather the men who are perceived as ‘weak’ as they do not subscribe to the type of hyper-masculine ideal that Trueheart portrays.

CONCLUSION

Over the course of this thesis, I have examined the ways in which there are toxic traits are engrained in traditional notions of hegemonic masculinity. As stated in Chapter One, there are many elements of masculinity that severely impact men in a multitude of ways, such as increased rates of male suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, with men today feeling that they are unable to show emotion for fear of shame from society and those that surround them. However, this becomes extremely apparent when there are individuals like Trueheart of ‘Legends of Men’, who reiterates all that is wrong with toxic masculinity – but yet presents it in a way that it seems admirable and desirable (for himself and his followers, anyway). But the reality is, no man should feel forced into the constricting restraints that is traditional hegemonic masculinity. We are living in the 21st century and we still hold onto an idealised concept of the men that were written over three millennia ago.

The ἀνδρείᾱ that is explored within Homer’s epics are extremely characteristic of toxic masculinity today. Although some elements of the heroic ideal and the heroic code are not experienced today as it was then, such as the heroic death, there are still parallels that can be drawn. The Homeric heroes are characterised by τῑμή, ἀρετή and ἄριστος – the very nature of these traits link directly to a modern man’s extreme urge for (at least) physical dominance over others. The heroes of the Iliad especially, and the Odyssey, are extremely self-reliant and are individualistic which often creates issues for themselves – as is the case with Achilleus, who felt so slighted by his quarrel with Agamemnon that he saw many of his comrades killed in battle. There is also a sense of shame amongst some of the heroes when thinking about going against the heroic code which creates a parallel to today where toxic masculinity teaches a man to feel great shame or even disgust if they are not acting in the way that society and cultures deem acceptable. These ‘bibles of ἀνδρείᾱ’ are heavily enshrined in the modern world – much like in the Iliad, women and children are used as insults, this is very much the same today. With hyper-masculine men shaming those who do not wish to be hyper-masculine, or those who just simply are not.

There are many lessons to be learned from the Iliad and the Odyssey, but these lessons should not be enshrined in the modern world and concepts of masculinity. Toxic masculinity is a deep-rooted issue in the modern world and it is something that needs to be addressed before it causes more harm to those that experience it. The Iliad and Odyssey should work as a reminder that as societies have progressed and developed, traditional notions of hegemonic masculinity should be challenged and should progress and develop at the same rate as movements like feminism and the civil rights movement. These poems are a part of history, and it will always be so, but we need to move past the toxic traits or it could ultimately be the downfall of many men – as it was in the epics.

10,148 words

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Oxford English Dictionary, 2020a. Effeminacy. [Online] [Accessed: 13/05/2020] Available from: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/

Oxford English Dictionary, 2020b. Myth. [Online] [Accessed: 11/03/2020] Available from: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/

Parsons, T. 1955. The American Family: its Relations to Personality and to the Social Structure. In: Parsons, T. and Bales, R.F. 1995. Family, Socialisation and Interaction Process. New York: The Free Press

Peterson, J. 2017. Men Can’t Control Crazy Women. [Online] [Accessed: 29/04/2020] Available from: https://www.youtube.com/

Pring, J.T. 2000. The Pocket Oxford Greek Dictionary. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Public Health England, 2018. Alcohol and Drug Treatment for Adults: Statistics Summary 2017 to 2018. [Online] [Accessed: 11/12/2019] Available from: https://www.gov.uk/

Ransom, C. 2011. Aspects of Effeminacy and Masculinity in the Iliad. Antichthon. 45, pp. 35-57.

Renehan, R. 1987. The Heldentod in Homer: One Heroic Ideal. The University of Chicago Press. 82 (2), pp. 99-116. https://www.jstor.org/

Rubarth, S. 2014. Competing Constructions of Masculinity in Ancient Greece. Athens Journal of Humanities and Arts. 1 (1), pp. 21-32.

Sears, M.A. 2017. Toxic Masculinity Fostered by Misreading’s of the Classics. [Online] [Accessed: 25/04/2020] Available from: https://theconversation.com/

Snyder, E.C.A. 2017. Defining ‘Toxic Masculinity’, or, Terms of Enragement. [Online] [Accessed: 01/10/2019] Available from: http://emilycasnyder.blogspot.com/

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agilenano · 4 years

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Agilenano - News: How Men Can Feel Shame in Relationship

Sexual and gender narratives are complex and fluid because human beings are complex and fluid, my personal philosophy tells me that every person has a mixture of masculine and feminine traits in their nature. The names are helpful sometimes, other times they perpetuate a sense of otherness and estrange people from the ‘opposite’ gender, I can observe that the LGBTQIA+ community actively question these narratives in some ways, and embrace them in other ways; I feel like we all need to do that.

Awareness and acceptance of different sexuality has progressed a lot in some communities, but in others, not so much. I’m fortunate that I don’t spend much time with men who shame each other anymore however that’s largely due to my own decision to not allow that in my life. No matter how many times we say this is wrong, it continues. Why does it continue? Because there’s an accepted model of masculinity that celebrates shaming other men, and women, into silence for the sake of dominance. The underlying system that keeps these narratives in place, and the ways that they are perpetuated, is explored in Mark Greene’s book The Little #metoo Book For Men. This was born from men’s inability to accept and embrace the #metoo movement.

Greene took his inspiration from an experiment in the early 1980’s called the Oakland Men’s Project in which they developed a theory called: “The Act Like A Man Box”. They worked with adolescents in public schools in the San Francisco bay area. Kivel documented their workshop process in his 1992 book: Men’s Work: How to Stop Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart.

Kivel stated:

We invited boys and men to explore the cultural rules by which they had been socialized to conform to narrow definitions of masculinity, police each others’ manhood and use their power and privileges to enforce gender-based exploitation, violence, and abuse against women, LGBTQ[I] people, and other marginalized groups.

This work was expanded by Tony Porter, founder of A CALL TO MEN, who’s work includes work in penitentiaries. The Compassion Prison Project are an amazing organization working in this area.

The theory has been termed ‘The Man Box Theory’ and it insists that men grow up in an environment that discourages feelings, and actively suppresses love, relationship, flexibility, and recognizing woman as equal. As boys we are taught that:

“Real men” don’t show our emotions.

“Real men” are heterosexual, hyper-masculine, and sexually dominant.

“Real men” never ask for help.

“Real men” always have the last word.

“Real men” are providers, never caregivers.

“Real men” are economically secure.

“Real men” are physically and emotionally tough.

“Real men” are sports focused.

Boys are also taught that:

Their desire for close relationship is “girly”.

Being “girly” is less.

As a society, we tell boys to “Man Up.” We tell boys that “Boys don’t cry.” We tell boys “Don’t be a sissy.” Then we are exacerbated and punitive with men who are violent. Greene says that what we are really communicating to boys is :

“Don’t be female, because female is less.”

Wrongly gendering the universal capacity for human connection as feminine then coaching boys to see feminine as less is how we block our sons from the trial and error process of growing their powerful relational capacities, leading to a lifetime of isolation.

At a time when boys should be expressing and constructing their identities in more diverse, grounded, and authentic ways, they are brutally conditioned to suppress authentic expression and instead cleave closely to the expression of male privelege as identity. And so, men brag about hook-up sex and ghosting women, seeking to bond via the uniformly degrading and contemptuous narratives of locker-room talk.

So what does this look like in real life?

Personally, I’ve always found the narrative around male sexuality extremely daunting and uncomfortable. It comes with a huge pressure to perform, and an insistence on power plays, I’ve suffered my fair share of performance anxiety on dance floors. Pretty much every single time I looked over at a woman that I found enticing and beautiful, I would try to seem cool; aloof, uninterested but also interested — how is that even possible?! I would try to dance in the rhythm of the music so that she would make an approach to me, although I was so shy that I often couldn’t make eye contact with her, and I couldn’t dance in the rhythm of the music because I was awkward with my own body, so she’d assume that I wasn’t that interested after all.

I also experienced developmental trauma as a child, a trauma that happened and was kept silent because of these structures of the masculine. The trauma kept me from having the self-esteem to make eye contact and be confident; the trauma kept me from questioning the narrative. I couldn’t play the aggressive man’s role in that environment, so I lost out. I can’t tell you the number of times that I have waited and waited for signs of consent from a woman, waited until I was alone at the end of the night. I was unable to see the subtlety of most of the consenting glances or affirmations of feeling. I simply didn’t know what I was looking for, and I was unable to recognize the reflection of that in myself. I remember one time that I was in a European city for a weekend break and I met a woman hiking on the slopes of a nearby mountain, we chatted and laughed, I asked her if she wanted to go for some drinks and so we went out drinking and dancing. We left the dance floor, it was early in the morning and we were on the street and I still wouldn’t make the advance. I remember her grabbing my shirt, dragging me over to her and saying in her foreign accent: “Jesus! Come here.”

If i’m honest, I’ve been frozen by the fear around consent.

I have always been a sensitive man and i’m willing to bet that there are many of you out there too, I am largely introverted. In a strange way I resonate a lot more often with the narratives that women speak of, because of my history of trauma but also because I feel very deeply. I’m intentionally focusing on men’s work now to build the observance of that narrative within me in the positive masculine, there are some wonderful initiatives out there: ManKind Project, and some amazing facebook forums like the ManTalks Community. The more I engage in this work, the more I realize men feel as deeply as women do, of course we do, it’s just that the shame exists specifically around feeling weak, and the narratives tell us that all emotions that aren’t anger are weak. A lot of my friends talk of having depression because they’re not recognized for their gentleness, their kindness, and their sensitivity.

I remember a conversation with a really close friend recently about the comparison to who I was eight years ago when we first met; the words he was using were: “quiet, gentle, kind.” It’s always been in my nature to be contemplative, gentle, and kind, I can thank my parents and grandparents for that. However, the quiet part was not so much me, it came from confusion of how I felt and the inability to recognize how I could express that alongside a burning fear of what others would think of me.

Men have to play the man dance between friends. Who’s the alpha, who gets to be dominant. The issue is that dominance is reached through ridicule and shame, and weakness is considered through not being strong enough, being vulnerable, or failing at certain things. Manly things.

There were elements of conquest that were sewn through the narrative of dating as a young man. I’m 32 now so I’d say I’m still young however when I was an adolescent the language was: “Let’s pull a bird.” Like it was our decision, taking a woman home was like a prize, she was seen as an object of that conquest, like a trophy, one that I couldn’t wait to brag about. Being turned away by a woman was shameful. Men dismissed women as “girls” or wrote of their refusal as some personal deficiency on their part: “uptight”, “Frigid”, “That time of the month”, “Lesbian”. All aggressions. That drove some pretty disgusting and disgraceful behavior for me. It always made me wince slightly to say those things, though I said them because I wanted to fit in. Whenever I didn’t say it I was isolated, I felt alone, and I was ignored as the quiet one. Some women celebrated this behavior, others found it disgusting, some saw through the face I had on to my sensitive side, I feel like the latter was the most dangerous scenario because they didn’t hold me accountable for the actions that I took. They saw the good in me and ignored the bad. Having said that, I wasn’t very good at dating because I just couldn’t be aggressive enough in that environment, I could only get so far before my gut and my heart took over and I’d end up wandering off or listening to them talk about their life in the friend zone, don’t get me wrong, i’ve shared some wonderful moments being the a trusted friend to actual friends, but these cases I was looking for more and I left feeling frustrated and confused. Now I see dating very differently and I’d never consider dating someone that I haven’t found a deep and loving connection with first, that’s where trust blossoms from.

The phrases of my youth seem so degrading now and I understand a lot more from the literature that I’ve read that calling women animal names is pervasive as a way of disempowering them. I suppose this is where the narrative of men in charge was played out, in these scenarios; ready to ride in on our horses and snatch someone from the dance floor to take them home. A narrative that has almost seeped into our modern language unnoticed because of it’s continuous existence throughout history. Looking at these narratives, writing these narratives down feels obvious, uncomfortable, wrong. I don’t wish to perpetuate them, I wish to bring light to them so we can all understand the nuance, where it is we need to change, and to challenge our own and other people’s behavior. I’m not suggesting you go and put yourself in danger with an aggressive man, but if one of my trusted friends acts in these ways — albeit subtly, I do feel like it’s our own responsibility to say: ‘hey, can we talk about how you acted back there? I find that uncomfortable.’ That’s where change builds from.

Women have been in on this narrative for a long time, it’s time for men to wake up to it. I would never suppose what women have felt about this, just from the feminist literature that I have read I know that the issue of safety in public, and in social situations has been a huge issue for women, amongst many other things like finding identity amongst a system that deems them second-class. From the things that I’ve observed in my life: women sticking together in groups, and having to rebut the advances of some cocky guy who is being inappropriate in a way that doesn’t put them in physical danger. That’s a fine line. Why should they have to live their lives with that danger to perpetuate this culture of manhood?

Being the friend of a woman in that position, I always felt the need to meet the cocky guy’s aggression, I’d always wait to see if my friend could handle the situation and what she wanted from it, but if she was uncomfortable I did feel the social need to step in and scare him away so to speak. That got me into a few tense situations. Luckily because of my height, the anger that I had from the trauma, and my sharp intellect, I’ve always been good at the man box game so i’ve never had to fight anyone. It wasn’t so lucky for me in the long term.

I lived in terror of advancing towards a female in a social situation, I always sat and stared at them hoping that they wouldn’t be put off, and that they would come over — no it didn’t work, and yes it was creepy. I remember feeling isolated, ashamed, alone, sometimes desperate for a companion. I directed that violently inward, in self-loathing. Some men direct it violently outward, in domestic abuse and violence. This is one of the biggest issues of our age. This doesn’t just show up in dating by the way, it can show up in our careers.

I ended up getting a job in a bar just to be legitimately in that environment, to give a natural conversation starter.

I’m fortunate in being a sensitive guy because I’ve always been surrounded by other sensitive guys, and initially i’d have that implicit sense of knowing with them; our sensitivity was unexpressed, it went without being said because of the shame around being emotional, not wanting to feel vulnerable, or being embarrassed by having tender feelings. The more I resolve my trauma in therapy and the more I work around expressing emotions and the shame of weakness, the more I have wonderful conversations with men. Men who feel deeply, men who express that feeling with confidence and safety. I know environments where I can share in safety now, I hope that they’ll expand into wider society. I love the hashtag #strongmenfeel because it takes courage to combat this shame and speak and I think it’s very necessary for us to build a new cultural narrative in which men own their feelings and in doing so become able to respond to life’s emotional challenges; responsibility. The leaders of our time are all so quick to blame others because our culture doesn’t allow people to fail. That’s dangerous. We learn through failing, and we learn through expression, and relation to others who might not have the same view. Once these things start to change, I think we’ll see a vastly different cultural and societal situation.

I’ve also started bringing that respect for my own feelings and expressions to conversations with women, and although I’m not dating right now, I’ve had the most satisfying conversations with female friends recently around emotions. These can only happen in trusted and safe environments, and I’ve learned that aggression, even in micro form, in relationship leads to the breakdown of trust.

We have to make the link between what men are taught is socially acceptable in our friendship groups, the roles that it is acceptable for us to play in society as a whole, and the problems we’re seeing in society in relationships. These are the selves that we will show up as in relationship to our partners, wives, mothers, sisters as well.

I remember playing the man dance in my friendship groups so often and feeling squashed and resentful, then angry. I’d cut my friends down viciously. It always received a laugh. I’ll always remember a time that I was so cutting with my insults that one of my friends left our friendship hangout early and went home. I was celebrated in that moment as clever, funny, aggressive, punitive, angry. He was written off as not strong enough to survive. I didn’t recognize or realize, but I believe he was struggling through the grief of losing his father at the time. That’s heavy. It felt good to be acknowledged, it felt wrong to inflict pain. I did later apologize. Perhaps I’m being harsh on myself, perhaps I need to forgive myself for those times, but who knows how many times it went unspoken. Now I think about it I can remember giving and receiving this state of affairs frequently; hourly, daily.

The fact is that these things are encouraged. Men stand around and rip each other apart because it’s a laugh. Because it’s expected. Men are shamed into the perpetuation of these narratives by men; our biggest shame point is weakness. We’ll shame our own sons in front of our friends just to avoid being vulnerable and express feelings, to seem strong. When really we are only serving to isolate ourselves. Feelings are considered weak unless their anger. If someone challenges that they’re dismissed, and isolated from the friendship. All the while, we repress our feelings.

Now, I celebrate a constructive challenge, in love, to something that is holding me back from loving myself, from loving other people. I can see the value in discomfort sometimes or self-evaluation.

The antidote to shame is expression and empathy. Let’s be encouraging, let’s hold space for each other to talk, let’s be active listeners and celebrate hard feelings without the need to fix them. Sometimes in life, there isn’t a fix, and trust me I know how hard it can be for a man to not ‘fix’ a problem. Some things in life are just hard, sometimes we all need someone to just listen and allow us to feel without guilt, embarrassment, or shame.

At school, we were called ‘sissy’, ‘little b@*ch’, ‘pussy’, ‘gay’ if we expressed vulnerability around emotion. That does three main things:

Represses emotions in men.

Tells men that women are somehow wrong and inferior.

Tells men that homosexuality is somehow wrong and inferior.

That’s negative association. There are many other things that these rhetorics do.

Repressing emotions is a terrible thing because it leads to the depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies that we are struggling within western societies today. It also leads to violent outbursts of aggression coming from the emotion, like a volcano bursting open from the pressure build-up. I’m not sure how other societies are fairing with this, but I’d love to know. I know through my trauma journey that once you get to the point where you feel your emotions are futile then it’s a slippery slope towards anxiety, depression, and if you don’t have anyone to talk to who celebrates your emotional expressions in a safe space it can lead to suicidal tendencies. Suicide is an awful, and tricky subject, it feels uncomfortable to even go there, yet some men (and I respect that women go through this too) see that as the best, and most practical, option to stop their suffering. The truth is that there is a process to recovering your self and it involves honoring your feelings. Step by step. Little by little.

We are losing too many men to this issue, and the underlying cause is the shame around weakness; failure, vulnerability.

Men are simply not taught how to feel, they’re not given the environment to be vulnerable and to explore their feelings in safety. They’re not encouraged to explore vocabulary, there mostly told to shut up, be a man, chin up, boys don’t cry, you’re a good boy, be a good boy.

I heard Mark Greene, from the Good Men Project, speak to this on the ManTalks podcast; an excellent podcast run by Connor Beaton. He said that the masculine image of the provider really started around the industrial revolution of the west in the 19th century, that’s a relatively short time in history. It was then that we became disconnected from the family unit and became the people who provided materially for the family. This is one of the reasons that men were disconnected from their feelings. Disconnected from the role as a care giver in the family. As a society, we have been recovering from this disconnect recently, but there are still issues here. The man box theory really is an excellent exploration into that subject if you want further reading on this.

This alienation from being a caregiver in a family merely because the factories were started in that time and it was the men who generally went to work in them. The celebrated model of masculinity was strength, hard work, utility, sweat, progression due to this cultural identity. Men needed to work physically, work hard; blood, sweat, no tears. That suited the former role of hunter-gatherer too.

Before the industrial revolution women were the first nurturers and, of course, they gave birth but men were also integral to the caregiving environment.

The knowledge-based society that we are approaching — or are already in depending on what your perceptions are, is challenging the concept of masculinity again. The provider is no longer as celebrated, the manual labourer who goes out to work hard, sweating, and working machinery is largely a thing of the past in the west. Mostly, men had a physical advantage with that, it was part of our identity. Strength, not weakness. That has disappeared very quickly and we need to find a new narrative that allows and celebrates men to feel empathy and vulnerability, because that’s about the most courageous and strong thing we can do now.

—

Previously published on Medium.com.

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The post How Men Can Feel Shame in Relationship appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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angelesjoy451146-blog · 7 years

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the-record-columns · 6 years

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June 27, 2018: Columns

I do love old newspapers...

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

Having recently put my hot little hands on a small trove of old local newspapers, I have very much enjoyed going through them, enjoying the history they chronicled, most often weekly, and the advertising, clever and not. The papers in question are The Wilkes Patriot, The Yellow Jacket (which we have often referred to), a paper I have never heard of called The Laws' Lash, and The Wilkes Republican. These papers were all published in Wilkes County, but I also ran across one published in 1923 by a Dr. O. A. Johnson of Kansas City Missouri, "The Truth About Cancer," full of testimonials from folks he had "cured" of cancer..

Today I will briefly tell you about The Laws' Lash, published monthly in Moravian Falls by Leonard B. Laws, Editor and Publisher. On the front of the paper it stated," VOL. 4, NO. 8, Moravian Falls, NC, October 1913, 15 Cents Per Year, Worth $1." One note on the front page paraphrased The Bible a bit stating, "It is as impossible for a big rich rascal to go to prison, as it is for a camel to trot thru a needle's eye." On the masthead it allows that The Laws' Lash is "The Cruel Rascal Scalper." It goes on, "Northing published like it from the Dismal Swamp to the Golden Gate. It dehorns human pug-uglies from the pulpit to the penitentiary. It spanks the dictionary for contempt, and makes its own words. It cuts, shoots and stamps rascality all at one biff." With a brief nod to a wonderful man, W. O. Absher, who never read any further than a word he didn't know, I looked up "biff" in the dictionary and it is a slang term meaning "to punch." Just below that is a brief poem about The Lash, "It meets the world without a sigh, It knows no human fear; It camps upon the trail of wrong, Though many a foe is near."

The Laws' Lash is practically devoid of advertising, and most of what look like ads end up being premiums awarded for people who send in names of people who might subscribe to the paper--remember, it was "15 Cents a year, Worth $1." Those premiums included, flashlights, straight razors, clocks, watches, rings, and even 14K gold Diamond Point Fountain Pens, valued at $2.50. And this was in October of 1913.

One of the largest differences between The Lash and advertising in all the other papers I listed is the lack of patent medicines. One of of the larger ads in this paper was from the Philadelphia Printer's Supply Company, basically advertising all the things The Lash might need to buy for itself.

The other ad which caught my eye was for a book, not a tonic or pill. The book, entitled, Tobacco Habit Easily Conquered,' promises to tell how to banish the tobacco or snuff habit in three days. According to the ad, once the "nicotine poison" is out of your system, you will be calm, sleep better, have a better appetite, good digestion, strong memory and have "manly vigor." No longer will you need a pipe, cigar, cigarette, or chewing tobacco to pacify "the morbid desire." And, best of all, the author, Edward J. Woods of New York will send his book free to anyone who writes to him. No kidding, that's what the advertisement said, free "to anyone who writes to him."

Bear in mind that this news about "nicotine poison" is all a full 50 years before the Surgeon General of the United Sates made his report on the dangers of smoking.

The Laws' Lash had a definite anti-Catholic tilt and seemed unhappy with both Democrats and Republicans, but in the issue I have he seemed to reserve the most venom for a publisher in Bixby, NC named Henry Davis who published a "...little Donkey tune newspaper called The Hornet." Apparently Mr. Laws felt as though Mr. Davis was stealing his work, stating "The copper-riveted cuss (Davis) has swiped everything The Lash ever had except its date line and the ink paddle, and we have to sleep with one eye open to keep him from nabbing them."

C'mon, Mr. Laws, how do you really feel?

Instant Replay

By LAURA WELBORN

What if we all had the ability to have an instant replay before we make a decision or act?

I can’t help but think I would make better decisions if I could view a video of exactly what happened that did not have my “prejudices and past experiences coloring my thoughts”- Just the facts of watching what exactly happened. Past experiences have saved us from making fatal mistakes and were critical to survival but sometimes we need to open our mind to a more thoughtful assessment of the situation (instant replay) to move past our experiences and make open rational choices or “calls” that help us move forward.

"The older we grow, and the more real-world tragedies and challenges we witness, the more we realize how incredibly blessed we are, and how frequently the fantasies (our own perspective) in our heads hold us back from these blessings.

"We stress ourselves out, because of fantasies. We procrastinate to the point of failure, because of fantasies. We get angry with others, with ourselves, and with the world at large, because of fantasies. We miss out on many of life’s most beautiful and peaceful moments, because of fantasies.

"I challenge you to move through this day and practice seeing and accepting life as it truly is. Do what you have to do without fantasizing and fearing the worst, lamenting about what might happen, or obsessing over how difficult your work is. Be present, take it one step at a time, and do the best you can.

"One of the hardest lessons in life involves the ability to change your perspective and let go—whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss. The change is always tough—you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. But letting go from the inside out is oftentimes the healthiest path forward. It clears out toxic attachments from the past and paves the way to make the most positive use of the present.” (inserts from Marc and Angel Hack life blog)

You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from some of the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you. Ask yourself: Where could my perspective use a healthy shift? Where do I need an instant replay to get a different perspective without my own prejudices and past influencing my perspective?

Try practice shifting your perspective first thing every morning this week, just to set the tone for each day. Because when you start the day feeling whole and centered, you tend to carry this mindset into everything you do and every conversation you have. This is especially helpful when you are forced to work through a difficult life situation, or deal with difficult relationship matters and maybe you will get your own “instant replay” to look at things more critically and with less personal bias.

Sometimes it helps to find someone (not biased to you) who can look at the situation and be your “instant replay” on the situation. The more we can open our hearts to looking at a situation with a different perspective the more emotionally healthy we will be.

Asking yourself is my behavior in this situation reflective of who we are? Represent the values we hold dear? Are we acting in loving kindness?

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

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