#it’s mr stringer all over again!

[jadelotusflower]

maybe it’s just because I have no particular investment in polin, but I was so much more into penelope/debling? The agony of the romantic false lead being so much more appealing than the true one

[yup-thats-me]

expectant • h.hyunjin

pairing: fiancé!hyunjin x fiancé!reader

summary: fiancé!reader is pregnant.

warning: pregnancy.

#protecthyunjin #protectskz

●●●

A broad smile was plastered on Y/n's face as her eyes were glued to the small screen in her hand watching her fiancé with the child in his slender arms.

It amazed her as to how someone look so effortlessly beautiful and elegant when all they're doing is carrying a child. Each time someone would announce hyunjin's name in a room, her heart would beat as if it will jump out of its confinement. It gave her immense joy to hold his hands each night and if he's not with her, she would sleep peacefully knowing she's able to call hyunjin her fiancé.

Fiance. The word itself held so many memories. How y/n and Hyunjin would joke around and call each other their fiancés'prior to their engagement. And when the actual proposal happened it took all in her being not to pass out in Hyunjin's arm when he proposed the so-awaited question, kneeling on the ground.

Their friends were as happy as they were, if not happier. Lee Know and Chan the most as Hyunjin would always go to them to rant about his gorgeous girlfriend. He questioned them over and over again on how he should plan the proposal, going through everything to make sure everything was perfect. It was the biggest deal for God's sake!

Immediately after Y/n kissed him, the boys came out of their hiding spot and the first to hug Y/n were Chan and Lee Know. They were happy they wouldn't have to talk to a overly-stressed Hyunjin who was jumping around in nervousness and excitement all the time, although they of course did not mind at all.

It was exactly 11 months from the wedding now. Everything was going smoothly without a trouble. The comeback is going stringer than ever, Hyunjin's career is at its peak and in a couple more months, Y/n and Hyunjin would officially be called Mr & Mrs. Hwang. The only thing that worried Y/n was her small tummy.

It had only been a week when Y/n found out she was pregnant. After contemplating whether or not to tell Hyunjin, her counselor and best friend Hannah Bahng, told her it would absolutely be fine when she would disclose the news to Hyunjin. Y/n and him have been together for seven years now. If anything would change, it will be the love that hyunjin has for y/n which will now be thousand and thousand times more.

The door lock turned as came in a Hyunjin with his hands filled with a large bouquet of red roses. "Darling!" He called as soon as he stepped foot inside the house.

Y/n smiled widely as Hyunjin hugged her tightly. "I've missed you so much baby."

"You've been only gone for three hours, love. And we even facetimed not even 45 minutes ago," She smiled, kissing his nose. "And your point is?" He giggled.

Y/n took the flowers from him, setting them down on the coffee table infront of them. "...Hyunjin. You know, I watched that video of you and the boys with the child. He looked so cute my heart was about to burst."

"Yeah. He was really soft to hold too," He began tucking behind a piece of stray hair from Y/n's face. "What do you think about kids, sweetheart?" He asked.

The look of surprise on Y/n's face was what led to him asking Y/n if felt sick or something.

She shook her head. "No nothing. I-I like kids. Yeah. I love them," She hesitated.

"Y/n, baby something is wrong. I can tell that from your face. What's the matter?" He asked looking at Y/n waiting patiently for her to open up.

She began filling with the diamond plated engagement ring, a habit of hers she did when she was anxious. Hyunjin grabbed her hands softly, making her look at him. "Tell me. It's okay," He coaxed.

"I'm pregnant." She finally said after a long pause.

The news made hyunjin's hold on her hands loosen making her look up in horror. "...what?" He asked surprised, but no sign of anger.

"I'm pregnant, Hyunjin. Found out last week but was afraid to tell you."

He immediately pulled her in for an embrace, his face in the crook of her neck. "An entire week? Why were you afraid, my love?" He asked softly after they pulled away. "Afraid that I'd leave you even after everything we've been through?"

"No. Not that. I wasn't afraid of you leaving me, Hyun. I know you never will. But the fact is, right now, your career is at its peak and I don't wanna pull you back and be a burden."

Hyunjin held her face in both his hands gently shaking her. "Love, you can never be a burden for me," He kissed her on her temple. "You have no idea how happy I am Y/n. I'm the happiest man alive right now," He screamed jumping from the couch and twirling Y/n around but soon realizing what he did, he sat her down apologizing to Y/n. "I'm sorry, sorry. I have to be gentle. I forget."

His antics made Y/n laugh whole heartedly in a while. "It's not even two weeks, love!"

"Doesn't matter. I'll be more careful. Oh and no workout, no doing heavy work, no bending. I'll dodge cooking, laundry, cleaning everything. You just rest baby," He said kissing her softly.

And when realization hit him he smiled even wider if that was even possible. "At our wedding, our baby will be 1 year old! Perfect! If it's a girl we'll make her her own gown as well and if its a boy then I'll stand with him at the end of the alter, waiting for our precious momma," He smirked making Y/n blush. "Too quick, too quick."

After he calmed down a bit, Hyun pressed his head against Y/n's tummy, his hands hugging her waist. "No matter what happens, nothing can separate me from you and our precious little baby."

●●●

#protecthyunjin #protectskz

[lavellenchanted]

finished s3, that was a fun few hours. some spoilery thoughts:

samuel and lady susan were an unexpected highlight of the season

I liked georgiana’s arc of going from disillusionment to embracing hope again, but I’m not sure how I feel about them bringing back otis (especially since they kind of glossed over the fact that he was one of the first to set georgiana on the path of disillusionment and believing everyone wanted her for her money)

I also felt they’d allowed more nuance on the georgiana/harry/arthur situtation, which . . . actually is a very honest and practical setup for all three of them, and would give them all more protection and freedom to live as they choose 

and the ending as is kind of ignores the fact that harry is still going to be under pressure to marry and produce an heir

well maybe they’ll meet a nice lesbian couple in wales and form a happy lavender quandrangle

poor ralph

he did not deserve that

also felt there were a lot of classist undertones in how he and his entire life in general were implied to be not good enough for charlotte rather than it just being about charlotte loving someone else

very similar to how stringer was handled in s1

which is why I’m giving him the same headcanon I gave stringer, that eventually he meets a nice heiress who appreciates him and they live happily ever after

I was struggling with the idea of edward having a full redemption arc but I appreciated they managed to find a balance with him

although I am furious that they gave him one of frederick wentworth’s lines, how dare they

also felt very frustrated with charlotte during the elopement, like “girls should be trusted to know their own minds” is a nice sentiment but augusta is a teenager being manipulated by a much older man who is a serial abuser of women, come the fuck on

similarly “she won’t be ruined, she’ll still be augusta” is a nice sentiment in private but came off as incredibly naive as to the public impact that sort of scandal would have on both augusta and the entire colbourne family, there is a reason lydia’s elopment with wickham is the dramatic climax of pride and prejudice

it just felt very obvious that these were 21st century writers

but very glad it did not end up with augusta and edward getting married, that girl deserves so much better

mr price gets a gold star for not being as much of a jerk as he could have been

him/lady denham and the doctor/vicar’s sister storylines both felt a bit contrived just to pair everyone they could off but they were enjoyable, so they can stay

mary parker is a socialist hero

charlotte’s hair was up for 95% of the season, it’s a freaking miracle

big darcy/knightley vibes in alexander going to get the brother he hasn’t seen in ten years just to help charlotte’s friend, 10/10 no notes

it was a very sweet ending, I liked the parallel to the ending of s1 (and I will never not be happy that sidney was killed off and we got a much better hero in alexander)

[harryskalechips]

Illicit affairs

A/N Hellooooo! I haven’t written in a while but enjoy this little sad piece inspired by Taylor Swift! Thank you for all the love! I hope you guys are doing well! Feel free to leave a kind message in my inbox ❤️

Y/N was a new intern at Colombia records when she met Harry Styles. Their relationship takes a turn however, when they start an affair.

Tw: Cheating

Thank you @harrysleftchelseaboot for letting me participate in your writing challenge! For any writers out there who want to give it a go make sure to check it out! I would love to read some new work. 

Prompts:

“Be a good girl and spread your legs for me.”

“I’d punch you, but that would ruin that pretty little face of yours.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Leave.”

Note: I do not condone cheating whatsoever! Please mind that this story is fictional! As much as it makes me sad to paint Harry as a cheater, it’s part of this storyline I thought of as I listened to Taylor’s album, Folklore.

Word count: 5k / Masterlist

Y/N never knew she was going to be in this type of predicament. Falling asleep every night in a man’s arms, only to wake up alone in her cold sheets at dawn. For some odd reason, his vanilla scent smothered her atmosphere every time, leaving her in a subspace-like condition. She found her thoughts easily shifting to him or feeling the need to touch him. She’s whipped but sadly also clingy. 

Does she have an excuse to feel this way? She was only 21 when she began working as an intern at this man’s record label. He was her first serious relationship and although he was married -there always seemed to be a weird tension between them.

It all started when she was assigned to follow Rob Stringer through his meetings in 2017...nonetheless she met Mr. Harry Styles. One of the members of the biggest boy band, One Direction. She knew exactly who he was, especially since he was sexualized by the media too often at an early stage of his career. She knew his first solo album was a hit and that in her job description, she had to be present at every interview he had. She also knew that the ring on his finger was a symbol of love for his wife that he married a year ago. 

Months on end, she barely spoke to him. She was shy -feeling as if her personality would bore Mr.Styles. One night however as the team went out to celebrate his last show for live on tour, he himself invited her. 

They were at a club in New York -A very private one to be exact when Harry found himself too interested in the quiet intern. To be honest, his life at home (when he was there) wasn’t what he planned for. His wife was too busy, only fighting him whenever he stepped foot inside. She barely had any more interests in his music or his life -and suddenly, it felt like two strangers living in that mansion. It wasn’t an excuse for him to keep glancing at the girl as she danced with her co-workers nor was it an excuse for him to buy her a drink. Funny enough, he always thought of himself as a hopeless romantic since he was waiting for that particular someone to love him back once again and save his marriage. But before he could stop himself, he was already walking towards the girls dancing on the floor and getting to know them.

After that night at the club, Y/N felt different towards Mr. Styles. Of course, she was still intimidated but she now knew him on a more personal level, leading her to call him Harry instead. That night as they sat in one the booth upstairs, she listened to his jokes and stories and it made her start to have a little crush on him. But hey, he was married and she would never want to ruin a relationship. 

As her days became busier at Columbia -sorting papers and running for Coffee, She always glanced at the elevator hoping Harry Styles would come out and was in need of a conversation with Rob in person. She knew he probably called her boss though the phone but her brain was rummaging for ideas why he would start appearing in her life once again. That was until one day she heard Gina and Louise in the staff room during break talking about Harry coming in tomorrow. Boy, did her heart began to beat fast. Maybe, it was manifestation but she was a bit too excited to see him again as it’s been a couple of months since she last saw him. 

~

“Y/N,” Rob calls out for her as he plays with a pen in his hand. “Meet me in the main conference room in five minutes. I need you to note down my meeting today.” He gives her a small smile and quickly walks off. She knew full well that this meeting was about Harry Styles. 

As she sat beside Rob at the long table, she realized that the whole table was filled with people from publicity and other departments. Right in front of her was the man she’s been thinking of, beside him was his manager. It’s not like she was deeply infatuated with him but she did love thinking about his pretty eyes. 

Matter of fact, as she first glanced at him, her eyes already met his. He was smiling and staying quiet as the meeting immediately began but his fingers played with his pen as he watched her. She was too focused on the shittier details of what they were discussing. He wanted to tell her so badly that she didn’t need to write some things down but he was having fun watching her bite her lip in stress. He wasn’t smooth though. Since she was already feeling his gaze burning through her. 

As the meeting went on, Harry became a bit more serious about why he came into the office. They were in the talks of his new second album and now, they had to plan publicity and tour. Some of the staff even asked how his trip to Japan was and although he was so excited to share his fantastic experiences, it was sad to mention how his wife didn’t even bother coming along. 

“Are you not going to say hi to me?” Harry teases Y/N as they’re the last ones to leave the conference room after their long meeting. She had to clean up the table while he chose to sit in his chair, pretending to do important things on his phone. When he waved bye to everyone as they left the room, he pointed at his phone, explaining he needed a few minutes to send “important emails” -he just wanted to catch up with his new friend, Y/N.

“Hi.” She tries her best to act normal and unaffected by his presence. “Sorry, I couldn’t say hi earlier. When Rob said five minutes, I didn’t know the meeting was already taking place.” Harry laughs at her apology since he wasn’t petty at all for her lack of greeting today. 

“I was just teasing. How are you?”

“I’ve been good.” She smiles back at him as she tosses the last remainder of paper cups in the bin. “I think the last time I saw you was last year. Where have you been?”

“Why did you miss me?” He raises his brow as he spins his chair a bit. He gives her a smirk as he watches her lean herself on the table. 

“Just a bit. I loved watching your interviews.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms against her chest. “At first I wanted to sleep through them but now I rather go through those back and forth instead of, filling random sheets out for Rob.”

“Heyy, I think I’m pretty interesting during interviews.”

“Oh no! Don’t get me wrong you are! It’s just you have such a raspy voice and you talk so slow! You can literally put me to bed anytime.”

“Am I talking slowly right now?”

“Just a bit. I haven’t seen you in a while. I kind of forgot!” She laughs. “ What else did you do other than Japan? Spent some time with your wife?” Y/N wasn’t going to lie… bringing up his wife kind of made her uncomfortable but she knew this was a good way to get to know him in a friendly way. 

Harry couldn’t help but give out a humourless scoff as he rests his head back on the chair. His eyes, however, meet her’s again. She couldn’t help but watch his adam’s apple bob up and down. 

“Marriage is hard you know. If I’m being honest with you, I haven’t spoken to her in a week. She’s been on vacation, travelling in Europe I think with her best friends.”

“She’s a model, right? She must have a lot of free time. I’m sure she can make space for you.” Harry slaps his knee in sarcastic humour as he shakes his head at Y/N’s innocent idea of who his wife truly is now. “I’m sorry. I guess it’s more complex than I thought. I haven’t really been in a relationship at least a long term one.”

“Are you free tonight?” Harry asks her out of the blue.

“Yes.” 

“Can I come over? We don’t need to do anything but I would love to hang out with you and I don’t know... forget I have all these responsibilities.”

“Sure.” What Y/N didn’t know that this night would forever change her relationship with Harry.

~

It was late in the night as Harry sat on Y/N’s couch talking to her about everything. His life, his career, his marriage. Usually, it wasn’t easy for him to open up so quickly to a stranger but for some odd feeling, his gut was telling him that he could trust this pretty girl beside him. It’s like he knew she was trustworthy and non-judgemental. 

Ever since he first noticed her during his meetings, he found himself involuntarily glancing at her. That was until he grew some balls and invited her to his after-party. Maybe, He did find her pretty and a bit too hot but even if his marriage is going through the rocks, he did not want to cheat. He didn’t want to be that type of guy. Yet during his time in Japan, he found himself thinking of what would happen if he was single right now? Would he actually make a move on her?

“What are you thinking of?” The same woman calls him out as she takes a swing of the wine bottle into her mouth. 

Yes, the found themselves enjoying Harry’s expensive red wine so now they’re passing the bottle. 

“You.” He was a bit tipsy and so was she but they were still sober enough to choose their words properly. 

“Me? Why me? Why not that hot model you call your wife.”

“She left my mind before I even met you.”

“Yet you’re still with her. Why?”

“I don’t know.” He looks at her as he takes a sip of wine. 

“Okay, so why are you thinking of me? Are you happy you have a new friend?” Her cheeks were very red at his confession but she was trying to make herself believe it was because of the alcohol. 

“I’m happy that I finally got to know the girl who sat quietly in the corner during my interviews.” He smirks at her as he watches her try to hide a smile. 

“I was intimidated by you!” 

“Why was that, love?” Y/N was not expecting him to call her that. She places the almost empty wine bottle on her coffee table and sits back in her same position as she’s wrapped in the same blanket Harry is.  

“You’re Harry Styles. Every woman is head over heels for you and Every man wants to be you.”

“Are you head over heels for me?” Harry squints his eyes as he says the first thing that comes out of his mouth. It wasn’t his intention to flirt with her but they both knew they had overpowering chemistry. The only thing holding them back is well… Harry’s marriage. 

“No.” She bluffs. He continues to look at her. “Fine, a bit but you’re married so I know how to control myself.” 

“What happens If I can’t?” his tone drops as he mumbles to himself. “I’m sorry what?” Y/N chokes as she looks at him. 

“I know I’m married fuck.” He sits up and rubs his face in frustration. “It’s just I never wanted a girl so bad after my marriage. I shouldn’t! I should be happily married but for some shit reason, I can’t get my mind off of you.”

“Harry, there’s consequences about what we’re talking about right now.” Y/N sits up as well as she watches him. Does it still count as cheating if his wife is barely in his life anymore? 

“I know. I’m sorry. I know you aren’t that type of girl. I would never disrespect you like this. I should leave.” He begins to stand up immediately. Y/N says nothing as she follows him to the front door of her apartment. 

“Thank you for coming, Harry.” She opens the door to let him out. He simply nods as he walks past her through the door. As she watches him walk down her hallway, she closes the door. How was she feeling? Well, she was trying her best to not feel regret but instead relief. She leans her body on the wooden surface, trying to make herself feel happy that nothing happened between them -Yet her heart was beating too fast for a guy she had just met.

The loud pounding on her door, however, makes her head shut up. She immediately opens it to find no one other than the curly-haired man who had just left her apartment a minute ago.

He immediately grasps her face into his hands as he kisses her eagerly, making her shut the door behind him. His body quickly pushing her’s against the wall, as his lips attack her jaw down to her neck. Her hands resting on his shoulders as she leans her head back to give him more area to leave his soft licks and kisses. 

“Shit Y/N. You’re making me go crazy.” 

“Harry.” She moans as he rubs himself against her centre. He whispers a command to her, making her jump and wrap her legs around his waist and he carries her to the first surface in his line of sight, which is her dining table. It was a dark wood wooden table that was meant only for eating purposes.

He helps her take off the sweater she was wearing as she throws it behind it her without a care. With her hand, she guides his mouth back to hers, making them both moan as this sexual tension is finally being relieved. Her nipples became hard in an instant as they felt the cold temperature. 

“Where’s your bedroom?” He pulls away as he’s unbuttoning his shirt. His mouth was open a little bit from their heated makeout and his lips were juicy pink after kissing her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

“You want to fuck me right here?” Y/N blurts. She wasn’t the type to have sex with a new partner for the first time on her dining table but her room was a mess and she was a bit shy letting him in there. 

“Are you that eager baby?” A smirk plays on his lips as he tosses his shirt. “Well If you’re that needy, why won’t you take off my pants?” Y/N’s cheeks turn red as she reaches forward to unbuckle his jeans. “You know, how fucking long I’ve been jerking off with my right hand?” Harry asks as his hand runs through her soft hair, letting his thumb rub against her pink plump lips. 

“For a long time, Daddy?” She murmurs against the pad of his thumb as she lets his thumb enter her wet mouth. 

“Look at you, you’re a little devil.” Harry pushes his pants off until they reach mid-thigh. He quickly helps her out of her tights, pulling them off her almost instantly that she had to hold onto him. “Should I get a condom?” He pants as his hands involuntarily run themselves against her soft thighs.

“I’m on the pill and I’m clean.”

“I’m clean too.” He looks down at her closed legs as he pumps himself a bit. “I promise.” Y/N nods as her hands guide his body back closer towards her.

 “Be a good girl and spread your legs for me.” He whispers as he watches her show him her wet needy sex. “Fuck, you look so good right now.” He leans in to kiss her more. His mouth going south as they reach her breast. His mouth sucks on her nipple as the other grabs and rolls her the other one.

“Fuck stop teasing me. I need you.”

“Beg for me, Y/N. I know you want to.”

“Harry please!” She feels his hand directing his wet cock to her centre. Teasing her and playfully slapping her entrance. “Daddy!” His eyes immediately stop looking down as he grabs her hair, making her look at him. 

“You okay with this love? Do you like it rough?” Y/N nods her head as she stares into his eyes. 

“I need you to use your words, baby.”

“Yes, I want it rough.” 

“What did you call me earlier?” A cheeky smile forms on his face as he watches this little girl about to crumble in his hand. 

“Daddy.”

“You’re going to keep calling me that or what?”

“Only if you want me-” Harry inserts himself in her, making her choke on her sentence. 

“What do you call me?” He leans a bit further downs so their bodies rub against each other as his arm supports her back while the other hand chokes her neck. 

“Daddy! Fuck, I call you daddy!” 

“I know I’ve been deprived of some good sex but you feel so fucking tight! Do guys not know how to fuck you?”

“Only you can.” Harry pulls his hand away from her neck and instead grasps her face so she can watch their centres connecting. 

“You like that view? Is it turning you on? You’re fucking clenching me, baby!”

“Harder, daddy.” Her arm wraps around his shoulder as he pulls away and turns around, making her bend on the table.

“You want it harder baby? I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’ll never be able to sit at this table without remembering how I fucked you so good.”

~ The day after their first time sleeping with each other scared Y/N. As much as she tried to avoid letting Harry see her messy room, they ended up in there anyway. They participated in a couple more rounds and a deep conversation too until they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. 

What Y/N was scared of was how Harry would react when he woke up in her sheets. Of course, they weren’t too drunk last night but the alcohol did give them a confidence boost. Now it’s the day time and they have to deal with this new boundary they had just crossed. 

“Good morning.” A raspy voice speaks up as she sets her head on her hand. Her elbow putting all its pressure on her pillow while she watches the man who’s laying on his stomach smile at her.

“Hi.” She gives a soft smile back. Harry immediately notices the hickeys on her neck, making him not guilty but a bit more proud.

“I marked you.” Y/N’s eyes widen as she sits up and wraps her hands around her neck. “Why you don’t like them?” Harry fixes his position too so he can rest his back against the headrest. He rubs his eyes for a few seconds before helping her straddle his waist. “What’s wrong, Baby?”

“You’re married.” Her finger mindlessly traces one of the sparrows on his chest. 

“I know.”

“You think she’ll get mad?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think she cares.”

~ Y/N and Harry’s affair went on for months that they even reached his tour and new album reveal. Although they never said the three most important words, Y/N already knew it was there.

What she loved the most these past months with Harry was their privacy.  The secret hookups in changing rooms, the knowing glances in a room full of strangers, and their affectionate touches when they had to pass things to one another in front of her boss. 

She knows he’s married and there was no doubt, they fought about his relationship status. But Harry explained that divorces in Hollywood were more complex than for a regular couple. And while Y/N pretended to understand, she truly didn’t. She didn’t understand why he had to keep up this act of being in a happy relationship when he can simply leave his wife -not for her benefit but for his own happiness. Still, every time this fight occurred, they chose to sweep it under the rug. Maybe it was because she wasn’t ready to lose him. He had always been so persistent on his reasoning why he’s been delaying that action. She was scared that he would leave her during another fight only to run back to his wife. What she didn’t know was that she may be a bit too right, after all, he wasn’t ready to admit that his marriage was over. 

“Hi, Baby!” Y/N opens her door to find her “boyfriend” with a bouquet of flowers. 

“Hi!” She wraps her arms around him in a hug as she lets him enter her apartment that they know too well. If she had to be truly honest... despite having so much alone time with Harry, she’s never been on a date with him but you know -that’s something she had to let go when she decided to get involved with a famous married man. Yet it still didn’t stop her heart from feeling envious when she would be in the restaurant with her friends watching a random couple have dinner together.

Harry takes his hood off and hands her the flowers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t text you this past couple of days. You know that woman who lives with me.” He sighs and gives her a kiss on the lips before continuing on, “We were having lunch together and she noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring anymore so we fought.”

“So you’re wearing it.” Y/N places the flowers on the table and crosses her arms.

“I have too.”

“No, you don’t Harry. She’s only wearing her’s for show. You’ve been cheating on her for seven months!” Y/N snaps at him. She hated it when he wore his ring. It was just a real sign that maybe he was lying to her during the times, he said he was over their marriage and he was going to leave her when things become less complicated.

“Baby, hey stop yelling.” He walks towards her so he can wrap his arms around her. “I’m sorry. You know I care so much about you. Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t stand that you’re married to another woman. Please leave her Harry.” Y/N pulls away as she holds onto his shoulders, begging him. “Please.”

“I’ll try.” He breathes out.

“You’ll try?” She pulls away immediately looking at him. “What do you mean? Have you not been trying to do that these past few months!” He rubs his face in frustration. 

“It’s hard Y/N. I told you countless times.” “I know it’s hard but what’s stopping you from doing it! You told me that you don’t want to lose me but for some odd reason, it seems like you don’t want to lose her!”

“She was my first love Goddammit!” He finally yells back at her. 

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and stolen stares

They show their truth one single time

But they lie and they lie and they lie

A million little times

 They both found themselves caught off guard as the silence screamed in their ears. How could this safe space where they spent their nights rolling in the sheets feel so… indifferent? “Harry please be 100 percent honest with me.” Y/N backs away slowly as she reaches a few feet apart from Harry. “Do you want to leave her?” 

Silence.

“You told me you did? Did you change your mind?” Her eyes widen as she watches the man in front of her absolutely speechless. “I’d punch you, but that would ruin that pretty little face of yours.” She lets out a sarcastic laugh. 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”  He stares at the ground with his hands in his jeans. “Of course, I want to leave her! It’s just-”

“Leave.”

“What Baby no!” He quickly looks up and tries to make his way towards her. 

“Harry, stop. What we have is over! I’m not going to let you use me until your stupid sick marriage fixes itself!”

“Y/N that wasn’t my intention I swear! You know what marriage means to me! I can’t simply-”

“Fuck what you think of marriage! You don’t want to leave her but you rather continuously hide me while you go to awards with her -While you go on fucking dates with her!”

“It’s for publicity-”

“I don’t care!” She screams. “I realized that this isn’t working out and we should stop!” The pressure in her chest was making her hyperventilate. “We should have stopped months ago!”

“Fuck I don’t want to lose you, please. You’re the only thing that’s been making me so happy.” He reaches out to take her hands but she simply pulls away.

“Harry! Listen to yourself! You’re married! I’m starting to think you have a fear of having a failed marriage like your mom and dad! But please for the love of God, don’t drag me around because I won’t let you!” Harry’s faces change into anger as he gives her a cold look.

 “Well don’t drag my parents’ marriage into this! I told you that because I trusted you not so you can use it against me!”

“That’s not what I was trying to do!” Y/N pleads. “You won’t lever her Harry! You won’t!” 

“How do you think people will react!” He gestures with his hands. “ After three years of marriage, Harry Styles is getting divorced!” He mimics a random news reporter.

“So-” “I’m not going to let myself be categorized under Hollywood’s failed marriages!” “It was already failing before you met me! Can’t you see I just want you to be happy!”

“I am happy when you’re with me!”

“Well, I’m not!”

“You don’t mean that.” Harry scoffs as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration. 

“How can I not? I’m hearing stories every day about your fights at home. This isn’t even a relationship Harry! It’s an affair! An illicit one! And I-I’m a secret!”

“I don’t want to share you with the public! They will judge us and they’re going to ruin you as they ruined me!” He rambles on. “I’ve been stalked and judged for things I didn’t know matter!” 

“I would rather go through that with you -than to watch you from far away and only have you with me when we’re here inside this apartment.” She points at the floor. 

“I can’t Y/N. I can’t let that happen and I won’t.”

“Then this is over then.” She quickly wipes her tears as she notices Harry doing the same. The yelling seemed to die down as they finally realized that this problem they tried to ignore wasn’t going anywhere.

“You know… for some reason, you taught me a lot of things.” Harry clears his throat as he wipes his wet palms on his pants. “Despite only letting you have one half of me. You somehow took over my whole mind. God, I would love to fight for you Y/N.” He looks at her as he feels tears forming in his again. “I do - I truly would.” A pause happens before he continues, “ For you, I ‘d ruin myself a million times but I would never let you do the same.” He emphasizes to her. “ I don’t want to let you go but I know I should because even if I go get that divorce, I’d still want to keep you as my secret -and that’s not what you want.” 

“I-” Y/N stops herself. She wanted to tell him that she loves him but she knew it wouldn’t help them at all. “I’ll still see you for a while. After my internship though, I’ll be gone.”

“Do you think we’ll stay in touch.”

“I don’t think we should.” She blurts it out as her eyes glance at the fresh bouquet sitting on her table. 

“Alright. I guess that’s it.” Harry sniffles a bit before walking to the door. “I’ll see you.”

“Goodbye.”

And Y/N thought she wouldn’t have to see him again after her internship. Although her heart was broken, she found herself counting the days until she can find a new job. After their unexpected ending, she no longer found herself lonely in the mornings but during the nights too. 

The days he came by the office were more difficult than she thought. She would still feel his gaze on her during their meetings but he no longer greeted her nor gave her any attention. He would walk right past her desk when he visited the office but he would act as if he never knew her in the first place - Not a glance or a wave. 

And that was fine with Y/N, at least she tried her best to think it was. Until her meeting with Rob a week before Harry’s album release. 

~

“Y/N, I would love to offer you a job here at the company. I  will give you a position in Marketing for Harry Styles.” Rob hands her a manila folder across the table. “ You know a few months ago, he spoke about your hard work and how much potential you have and he’s right. This would look great on your resume and the pay will be better here than if you were to start off at another company.” 

Days of thinking and non-stop anxiety flooded Y/N’s mind. She knew her plan was to cut all ties with the pop star but the career that had just been handed to her had so much potential. Potentiality can help her with her student loans and give her a more comfortable life. She would be stupid if she passed the offer because of him. So with no more hesitation, she took her phone and called Rob.

“I’ll take the job offer.”

Part two here!!

[louehvolution]

'It's him being held back.' Yes, under Sony, but who is holding him back now? BMG don't have the clout I hoped they had if they can't even get his concert into the NME.

Anon, unfortunately, no longer signed to Sony doesn't mean they no longer have any power to hold him back. Sony is a major player in the industry, Stringer and the Azoffs are powerful people with a lot of influence. And we know how it works with the media: quid pro quos, this is the hand that feeds me, so I won't go against them... it's self-interest and survival. Think about how this happens in everyday life too - you piss off an employer in a certain field and they can make it difficult for you to be employed again in that field; and how extensive that blacklisting goes depends on their influence and reach. In the music industry, it's essentially worldwide and everything is connected. Where do you go that doesn't have ties to Sony?

We don't know if there may still be restrictions in place that extend beyond the end of a contract either. Regarding his image, and linked to the issues with his social media activity? In any case, there is baggage, there are unresolved issues left over that are now harder than ever to fix, there is the cummulative negative effect of everything done to his image and his career over years and years.

Either way I have a very hard time believing his team is doing all they could do. In fact, they seem to be doing... absolutely nothing. What's changed? What hints of them even working toward change are there? Mr Fixer of Problems Matt Vines is definitely not living up to his name... And who can trust Jessie or Simon fucking Jones to do anything good for Louis?

As for BMG... we don't know how involved they are supposed or even wish to be. One imagines they should be invested in building up to any music release - and that involves more than turning up a week before a release. So, agreed... where are they?

The festival can still get coverage after the fact - with video linked, hopefully. But ideally it should get it before and after. And seeing how it went with the livestream... Well, hope springs eternal, I suppose.

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

[infernwetrust]

Wandering Eyes [Michael Langdon x Fem Reader] Pt 2.

PART 1 HERE!

Summary: The one where Michael catches your attention in his outpost and an underlying tension brews between the two of you. 

Warnings: smut, swearing, apply more tags as you see fit! I think I've gotten the main two.

WC: 1.4k

When Michael returned to the room, he was beyond furious. He wasted no time, yanking the brown haired girl by her long hair and out of the room, you still restrained to his bed as you watched, shocked.

"Get out!" he yelled as he tossed her out of the room, her yelping as that was unexpected. He had slammed the door shut behind him, standing in the middle of the room, his pants half way down his waist, revealing the black boxers he had on. You swear that the wardrobe he owned was only black considering that you've seen him in no other color since the two of you met.

You were curious as to what he saw that could cause his to be this outraged. Then again, he was short-tempered. His sudden outbursts didn't really surprise you anymore, which of course, is how you ended up in the situation that you're in now.

And now? Now, he was fucking you from behind, your moans echoing throughout the bedroom as he showed you absolutely no mercy, not that you didn't enjoy it anyways. Of course he was cocky, having to fuck you in front of the giant mirror in the room.

"Look at me." he said, jaw clenched as he held on tightly to your hair. You did as your were told. "You're gonna speak to me with your mind now." You wondered why he was so obsessed with speaking through the mind.

"I'm so obsessed with it because that's how I'm going to keep you quiet. Unless you want the whole fucking outpost to hear you?" You shook your head no, him not even letting you get yourself together. "Good girl." With enough focus, you eventually found yourself wedged in his mind.

"Can you hear me?" you asked, wanting to be sure that you had it right. He stopped abruptly, causing you to mumble a couple cuss words, but he was laughing. He rested his head against your back as he continued to laugh at the fact that you even asked the question. But then again, you were also the first person who he wanted to communicate completely through the mind with, during sex. He thought it was cute. When he finally calmed down, he took a big breath, kissing your spine, causing you to shiver as he moved slightly inside of you. Without warning, he pulled out, turning you over on your back to get a good look at you.  

"Yes, Y.N" he began, trying not to laugh again. "I can hear you. Can you hear me?"

"Shut up, Michael."  He stared deeply into your eyes, before biting down on his lip. "Are you ready now?"

"I should be the one asking you that question, hmmm?"

"Do you usually like to keep people waiting?" Your hand cupped his cheek, slowly rubbing against it with your thumb, which then made its way to his bottom lip, gliding across it.

"Yes, actually. But I suppose that I've kept you waiting long enough."

He slid back into you with ease. In the room, it was silent except for the sound of skin against skin. In your mind, it was wild. Michael was a groaning mess as you screamed as loud as you wanted to. Why did it matter? No one else could hear it anyways. He thrusts sped up, him not missing a beat and soon your body began to sync with his rhythm. You felt like you were on top of the world. And just when you got comfortable and matched the pace as which he thrusted in and out of you, he switched it up. Now you were on top, but that didn't mean you were in control.

He grabbed onto your hips, digging his nails slightly into them and he thrusted upwards into you and for a second you slipped.

"Fuck!" you screamed, loud enough for the whole outpost to hear

"Hey hey hey" he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he put his finger to your lips. "Ssssh. You'll be the talk of day tomorrow morning at breakfast if you're not too careful."

"Shit, sorry. I thought I was still.."

"It's okay." he smirked. "It'll take some practice. But, if I'm gonna give you the fuck you so desire, you're gonna have to be extremely quiet."

"You know that's damn near-," you began to say, speaking too loud for his liking so he quickly put his finger to your lips once again.

"Quiet, now, love." he said, giving you a stern, but lustful look. "If you want to keep this going, you'll have to be quiet." You nodded this time.

"Good." he said, giving you a wicked smile before he laid back down against his pillows, grabbing back into your waist. He looked you over again one good time, before he began moving you back and forth in a slow grind. This was going to be impossible and he knew that. You laid down against him, burying your face in his neck, giving it soft kisses and a few hickeys. He was covered in goosebumps from your touch. In response, he began moving you back and forth faster.

Wanting more, you started to bounce and he let out a moan that was all to loud for comfort. It caught him off guard, him looking around the room to make sure that he was the one that actually just did that.

"Now who's the one that needs to keep quiet, hmmm?" you questioned, pressing your forehead against his. He chucked, pressing his lips against yours. He licked your bottom lip, asking for an entrance, but decided he was just going to enter anyway and you didn't stop him. Your tongue didn't even bother to battle him for dominance as you already knew who was in control.

"Faster." he breathed, wanting you to bounce more. You sit up, resting your hands on his chest, obeying his command. His slaps against your ass echoed throughout the room and down the hall, but the two of you didn't care anymore at this point. Not everyone can say that they fucked Michael Langdon. "Gonna cum for me?"

"Mmmmm, mhmmmmm." was all you could respond with and his was so deep inside of you, hitting your spot over and over. Your nails dug deeply into his chest that the both of you knew were going to leave marks. And the best part? He wasn't even going to heal them. He usually wasn't the type to like feeling marked, but when it came to you, that changed. He had no idea why he felt that way and it kind of scared him, but he wasn't going to let you see that side of him yet. Soon, his breathing became uneven and so did yours.

"I don't think I can hang on much longer." he said, between breaths. And that was unusual for him as well. He was good at holding out if and when he wanted to, but with you, that was going to be impossible. "Fuck, I don't want to hang on much longer." He flipped the two of you back over so that he was on top once again and he had at it. It happened so fast that you didn't even have time to catch your breath before he made you orgasm, your juices running down your legs and coating his shaft, but that didn't stop him. You impulse grabbed him, pulling him into you for a sloppy kiss as he too soon reached his high, riding it out in you as he gripped the sheets on the side of you. After laying there for a while, he pulled out, laying next to you, never taking his eyes off you as he moved.

"I'll clean you up in a second. I just want to talk to you now." he said to you, moving your messy hair out of your face. "Y/N... I won't let anything happen to you while I'm here. I promise."

"Was the sex that good?" you chuckled, causing him to chuckle as well.

"I mean, yeah, but I like you Y/N. And I'm not sure what this stringer feeling is inside of me right now, but I'm hoping as I get to know you better, that I'll have a better understanding. That is, if you want to keep seeing me?"

"I would definitely love to keep seeing you, Mr. Langdon."

"Good." He reached in for another kiss.

Taglist: @jimmason @angelicmichael @whatcodysaid

[0utatnight]

After the events of the regatta (ep7), Charlotte and some of the town children are playing by the river and woods. Some of the respective town families are out besides the Parkers, and Sidney, despite his glances, has kept his distance from her. Charlotte doesn’t know what to make of him at this point, and keeps to herself as well. 

The children decide they want to play a game of hide and seek, and Charlotte agrees. They run off into the woods, and while some of the other children pull back and head home after a while when Stringer and some men from town (on their way back from the boat race) come across them, a little boy from the town takes off deeper into the woods, challenging her to catch him.

Charlotte follows him quickly, intent on catching him before he gets too far. It takes longer than she would have liked, and by the time she’s caught up with him they’re both thoroughly turned around. He agrees to head home with her but as they aren’t sure of the direction and the boy is awfully set on climbing a tree to find their way back, Charlotte says she’ll do it instead. She forewarns him he must never speak to anyone of this but she was a very skilled climber in her younger years. 

Charlotte ties her skirts up a bit and shimmies her way into the branches of an old maple, and begins to climb. A good number of feet up, Mr Stringer finds the two of them.

He teases the boy for a moment asking if he lost his way, then asks after Miss Heywood, and when the boy doesn’t immediately spill where she is he starts scolding him for leaving  a lady in the woods. Charlotte finally admits where she is and begs Mr Stringer not to look, as she must now get down. He laughingly promises he wont look but asks if she needs any help, which she refuses primly. While she talks to him she nearly misses grabbing a branch and he looks up, which only startles her more, and she loses her footing while nearly to the ground.

She screams on her way down, cut short with a sharp snap. The shock of it stuns her, to the point she cant feel anything but an ache. The boy and Stringer rush in, and Charlotte, though winded, makes to get up when pain lances through her leg. She’s horrified to realize a root that had grown out of the trunk has torn it’s way through her skirts, her undergarments, and indeed even her leg. It’s pierced right through the fleshy part of her calf, and though she is not unused to the sight of blood she flinches to look at the gore. 

The boy begins to panic, and Stringer assesses the situation quickly and instructs Charlotte not to move her leg. Charlotte pushes him to tell her how bad it is and he sends the boy running for the doctor in the direction he came, telling him to run like the devil’s on his heels. Once they’re alone he tells Charlotte that the root might have hit something vital, while wrapping her leg, and that if he pulls her leg up now to remove the root, she may bleed out before they even get to the village. He produces a knife from his pocket and says he could cut the root from underneath to move her, but it would hurt like the devil and he’d rather the doctor see her as Stringer might make things worse. Charlotte tells him, not to be whiny but it already hurts quite a bit, and he grimaces and says they’ll wait for the doctor, and takes her hand. 

Charlotte cannot sink into the silence of the forest, the pain keeping her on edge, and asks him how the construction of the pagoda is coming along, which he haltingly admits has been vetoed. Charlotte encourages him, which he doesn’t want to hear while thinking about his burned work, but he can’t say no to her in her state and she’s so earnest. 

She tells him quite genuinely that she admires his talent and ambition, and he tries to coax her into any other topic to keep her mind off the pain. The discussion lags when they start to speak of childhood injuries, and he discovers she’s an excellent shot tho she did injure herself with the kickback when she first started learning how to handle a gun. He admits that he once put a nail clean through his palm- the hazards of construction- and they turn back to the root through her leg. 

She wonders if it will scar, likely so, and thinks about whether she’ll be able to walk properly but can’t voice the fear. James sees it in her face and tells her if she does she can tell people the tallest tales imaginable- she fought off pirates. She was carried away by the fae folk. She led a secret life as a spy for the crown. Charlotte giggles and says she always wanted to be an adventurer. 

Her thoughts come back around to whether it will effect her ability to walk and to her horror she starts tearing up. James very gentlemanly doesn’t mention this and simply tightens his grip on her hand in his and says help will be there soon.

-

The boy reaches town and Sidney’s friends hear him at the pub. They rush to the Parker household where Sidney is with his brother and the entire story is blurted out. Tom immediately heads out to fetch the doctor and Sidney volunteers to go into the woods with the boy to look for Charlotte, as does Arthur, who he is told is being kept watch over by James Stringer. Mary waits at the house for their return, and the Parker sister (Diana) volunteers to go fetch Georgiana as support once Charlotte arrives.

-

James and Charlotte’s conversation has dwindled down, and the sun is also soon to set. Stringer becomes nervous about how long it’s taking the boy to get help, and also being in the woods alone at night without a weapon or a fire. Charlotte notices his wariness and asks him to be frank with her, so he does. There aren’t many wolves in Sanditon that he knows of but there are some, and she’s still bleeding. 

Charlotte resolves to cut the root of the tree, and Stringer asks her if she’s sure and then pulls out his knife once more.

He tells Charlotte this will likely hurt like the devil, and she tells him she trusts him, which Stringer takes to heart.

After sawing through the root, Stringer picks her up and takes her out of the forest

-

sidney and his gang of helpers find where charlotte was and isn’t any longer, he’s very frustrated

-

stringer and charlotte run into Lady Denham and Esther on the road and hop in their coach to the town

-

Mary opens the door to her house to find Charlotte in Stringer’s arms, Esther and Lady Denham behind them. She hurries them to lay Charlotte on the table and explains that the Doctor was contacted but probably headed to the forest to meet with Sidney, they couldn’t wait. 

Between Mary, Lady Denham and Esther, Georgiana, and Diana, they decide to stop the bleeding, clean the wound with alcohol, and then cauterize it. All the while Stringer tries to keep Charlotte’s mind from what’s happening, jokingly saying after all they’ve been through, she should call him James when she stutters over his last name. To his surprise, maybe it’s the shock setting in, Charlotte tells him then he must call her Charlotte (something he’s wanted since he’s met her, but not like this). He holds her shoulders down as they pull the root out, and then for the alcohol which burns like they’ve set her leg on fire.  

Finally Mary pulls a poker from the fire to cauterize the wound and Georgiana holds Charlotte’s hand, James her shoulders, Esther her other leg. And when the poker touches her skin she nearly blacks out from the pain. Her screams are loud enough to be heard outside, and to the ignorance of everyone around her they in fact are. 

Mary raises the poker for the other side of the wound as Charlotte appears near fainting. 

-

Outside, Sidney has just arrived with the boy and some men, the Doctor not far behind –Babbington notes Lady Denham’s coach-, when Charlotte’s scream cuts through the night. He and Babbington rush for the doors to the Parker residence and the sight inside staggers them a moment- Mary with the poker in her hand, the smell of burnt flesh, Georgiana’s stricken face and the back of the man who is holding Charlotte by the shoulders, saying her name over and over while her head lolls to the side. Sidney sees that she has passed out and her pale face sparks a rage in him he did not know he possessed. 

He lurches forward and tears the man away from her, drags him back, though the man struggles, to slam him against the drawing room wall. It’s then he realizes it’s Stringer, and though he knows he should let him go, that none of this is his fault and he has in fact probably helped Charlotte, he can’t help but think of her slack face and that Stringer is somehow responsible. Stringer ceases struggling to get back to Charlotte as he catches Sidney’s eye, and perhaps he spots some of the anger there because he soon grabs at Sidney’s lapels as well and through gritted teeth demands Sidney let him go. 

Behind them, Georgiana insists the same, and then the doctor comes through the doors with Tom and Sidney grudgingly releases Stringer, who hurriedly returns to Charlotte's side, though not, Sidney notes, to grasp her again. With all the new people in the room he maintains a respectable distance from Charlotte. While Sidney should be pleased with this he feels it means the closeness they had outside of public view somehow meant more than it should, and that Stringer knows this. 

The doctor takes a quick inventory of Charlotte, and Sidney cringes to hear what she’s been through as Stringer and Mary answer what questions they can. The doctor proclaims Mary has done as best she could and that fever will likely set in, which will be the worst of it. Charlotte must stay abed and be cared for, and they will pray the fever passes. In the meantime, the doctor says, he will head back to lady Denham’s to collect some medicinal concoctions that may ease her pain. Tom agrees to go with him again, and Lady Denham and Esther also follow them out. Mary says she will stay awake with Charlotte, and Sidney, eyeing Stringer’s orbit around the collapsed girl, says he will take her to her room. He near shoulders Stringer out of the way to get to Charlotte, and she’s frighteningly light in his arms when he lifts her. 

His frustration with the circumstance quickly turning to worry, he bids Stringer good night (no ‘thank you’ to follow) and quickly heads upstairs. Mary thanks James as she passes by, clasping his hand when he says he wishes he could have done more and telling him Charlotte might not have even made it this far if it wasn’t for him.

As he turns to go Georgiana calls his name and tells him the moment she awakes she’ll let him know. James thanks her, more than a little relieved, and goes. 

-

Upstairs, Sidney lays Charlotte gently on her bed and Mary fishes a nightgown out of her boudoir. Georgiana comes into the room and they usher Sidney out to change her, telling him they have it well in hand. Feeling helpless and not liking how small she seems, as white as the sheets beneath her, Sidney leaves.

He goes downstairs and grabs a drink to calm his nerves, but every sound from above him sets him on edge and he can’t shake the intense feeling that had come over him when he saw her on that table. Brooding, he stands by the fire to mull over his thoughts. 

-

Not too long later, the doctor and Tom arrive at the house and rush upstairs. Sidney follows at a distance, wary of the feelings that still swamp him, and the doctor is let into Charlotte’s room, Mary at the door, while he and Tom are kept outside. Tom claps him on the shoulder and suggests they head back downstairs for another drink. 

Midway through his second brandy, Sidney asks if Tom thinks she’ll pull out of it, unable to forget her pale face, and Tom assures him that Charlotte is a formidable girl, too strong to let this take her from them. Sidney can’t help but think of Stringer hovering over her at Tom’s words. 

He hesitates and then asks if Tom thinks she’ll lose the leg. Tom grows dour and says he’s seen many an injury in his time, and there’s no telling. They must have faith Charlotte will have the strength to get through this unchanged. Sidney says that’s an impossible hope, as at the very least Miss Heywood will likely have a limp to contend with for the rest of her life. 

Tom assuages his brother with thoughts of Charlotte’s tenacity and says there’s nothing he’s seen so far that could keep that girl from happiness; surely this would not be enough to stop her.

Sidney hears his own fears echoed in his brother’s shaking voice and lets the topic go.

[ilikeotherthingstooyouknow]

50 ways to Sanditon challenge #3  @sanditoncreative

I am having too much fun with this.  And I am so tickled to have time (and ideas!) to write.    

I chose the Austen Special tourist pack.  Prompt used: no two hearts so open

Also posted to AO3.

----------------------------------

No Two Hearts So Open

Charlotte sat alone in her room at her writing desk, composing a letter to her sister. It was mid-afternoon, so the family was also indoors, shying away from the hottest part of the day.  It was warm in the room, but the window provided a bit of a respite as she could look out and imagine she felt the sea breeze.  

She and the entire Parker family waited anxiously for Sidney’s arrival.  It seemed as if half her summer had been spent with Tom anticipating his brother’s return.  This was the first time she had shared that emotion.  

She found it made her impatient, and almost as inattentive as Tom to everyone else in the room- and it grew worse as the days wore on. Her mind was filled with Sidney and the promise of their conversation. 

She stifled a yawn with her hand. She’d been up late, unable to quiet her mind; and had awoken early, her thoughts unable to be tamed even in sleep.  She’d crept out of the house so as not to disturb anyone else with her preoccupation.  Her mind pointed her feet toward the clifftops, now one of her favorite paths, and watched the sun rise. 

She turned her focus back to her letter.  She hadn’t written to Alison in some time, so she was determined to finish this letter in time for the next post. She tried to reread what she had written with heavy eyes, but the words swam on the page.  She blinked and tried again.  Perhaps, if she just laid her head down for a moment- then she could concentrate. 

She had no sooner had this thought than the children began shouting that Uncle Sidney had arrived. 

Her letter forgotten, Charlotte rushed down the stairs to greet her beloved.  Her heart leapt with knowledge of his success as Tom’s triumphant crow of “This is excellent news!” rang from the room before she had even reached it.  She tried to wait patiently as his family thanked him enthusiastically. But she longed for a moment to greet him as well.  

However, it did not immediately come.  Even as Tom continued to expound upon their salvation, Sidney would not meet her eyes.  

Her elation began to dispel into concern the longer his gaze fell everywhere but hers. Was the rug so much more interesting than the woman he had all but proclaimed to love? 

She chastised herself for such an ungracious thought.  

But even as the room emptied and they were left alone, he would not look at her.  Her trepidation grew in her chest like a hard knot. 

When they were alone at last, he met her gaze briefly. And she suddenly wished he were looking at the floor again.  

She’d never seen such a look on that dear face. 

And in their short acquaintance, she’d seen many- anger and even fury, indifference and contempt; she’d seen him annoyed, embarrassed and amused, pensive and speechless. She’d been the cause of most, if not all, of them.  And most recently she’d seen him loving, tender and kind, attentive and so, achingly sweet.  She had enjoyed immensely that she was the source of the latter expressions as well.  

But this, there was almost no word for this- he looked haunted, as if filled with dread- like he was afraid to be alone with her- but how could that be?  As he approached her, his gaze dropped to the floor again, rising to hers again only when he stopped in front of her.  

The moments passed without his speaking, his eyes searching her face as if he were memorizing it. 

She felt as though a horse had kicked her in the chest.  Her breath left her and she had a hard ache where moments before happiness bubbled- was he no longer happy to see her?  Had a week apart changed his feelings so dramatically? 

His chest heaved with a deep sigh, and he attempted a smile, but that was all the more painful, as it was heavy with regret.  The pit in her stomach deepened.  Why did he not speak? 

Her voice shook as she broke the silence, “What is it?”  

She took back her wish for him to speak as soon as he said her name. 

The agony and desperation contained in those syllables was not something she could ever unhear.  

He took her hand as he called her his dearest Charlotte.  Her heart tried to leap at such an expression, but it couldn’t quite manage it.  Everything in the empty room held its breath as if this were a most final goodbye, and not the passionate love declaration those words should have implied.  

He squeezed her hands, just as he had done on the balcony just a week ago, and she wanted to hope; but glancing up at his face again, as he steadied himself with another breath, she steeled herself for something awful. 

If someone had died, why would Tom and the other Parkers be so happy? 

His breath rattled and his voice shook as he told her he could no longer ask her to marry him. While those tremors washed over her, his eyes were steady- staring into hers with that expression she could never unsee and would likely never forget. 

Every word, every hard swallow of his throat, every shaky breath, every tortured look rang with regret and despair, and under all that, a plea. His eyes begged her to understand, to forgive him.  

The longer he spoke, the hollower she felt, as the weight of his words crushed her.  

She had to go. She could not stay there, with him, holding his hands, hearing his soft voice tell her that the world was ending.  

He had to stop talking, stop trying to explain.  

Of course he had done what was necessary to save Mary and the children, to save Tom.   But it was only making the helplessness of the situation be felt more keenly; only making the rending of her heart slower and more painful.  

“I understand,” she forced out.  And she did, or would, in time.  

She tried to blink back her tears, determined to force out the courtesy that such a situation would normally demand.  But how could she say such a lie? 

It stuck in her throat.  She took her own shaky breath to dislodge it.  “I wish you every happiness,” she choked out at last.  She pulled her hands from his as she fled, her “Excuse me,” simply a formality- rather than a permission able to be granted.  

In her room her tears flowed freely and her body wracked with sobs. She tried to hold them in, as she had not yet heard him leave.  But they would not be stifled.  

If she had looked back in her flight, she might have seen the moment his battered heart finally broke in two. 

-----

The next weeks went by in a blur.  There was much to occupy her time.  She visited with Mr. Stringer, and tried to cheer the grieving son.  But it was hard to be comforting when you were grieving your own acute loss. 

But as it ever was with Mr. Stringer, he was grateful and kind.  

She played with the children, but Mary could tell her heart was not in it.  

She took walks, avoiding the cliff routes, and bathed in the sea. She’d pick up books, reading only a few pages before setting them down again. Nothing could give her peace, or more than a moment’s distraction from the hole in her chest.  

She avoided Tom’s office at all costs, leaving him to sort his work for himself.  She didn’t want to be unforgiving or ungrateful, but anything having to do with the business of rebuilding Sanditon caused her to feel like she was being pulled in two.  

And of course there was Miss Denham’s wedding. 

It was a beautiful affair; the bride was beautiful and the groom radiated happiness that spread through all of their guests, and even the bride herself.  Though she probably would have denied it if asked.  

Charlotte’s own borrowed happiness was punctured when Lady Denham teased her about her (lack of) impending nuptials and then called over the one person she’d successfully avoided these last weeks.  

The Lady of the town was either far too observant and had a wicked-er sense of humor than Charlotte had given her credit for or was woefully ignorant of the pain she was inflicting.  Charlotte’s instinct led her to the former.  But it was a very cruel jest at her expense if this was another of Lady Denham’s amusements.  

As custom dictated, he had brought Mrs. Campion with him as his guest to the wedding. 

Charlotte was unsurprised, and yet still unprepared for the feeling which nearly overpowered her when faced with him again. Though neither of them could maintain the gaze of the other for long.  

At a loss for topics to discuss, and a glutton for punishment apparently, she inquired after his own wedding plans.  

His simple, “Elaborate,” ripped out whatever remained of her heart. 

He looked as tortured as he had the day they last spoke in Trafalgar House- a feeling she shared.  There was not a day that went by when she did not long for what might have been.  

She watched him as his intended joined them. 

Almost immediately his manner shifted from discomfited to indifferent.  Mrs. Campion discourteously spoke as if he were not standing beside her, speaking for him as if he might not have his own words to say.  His sudden and complete disinterest in the conversation indicated that perhaps he did not. However, his clenched jaw betrayed his true feelings on the matter. 

She watched him as he walked away, saddened more by his obvious unhappiness than her own situation.  At times these last weeks, she had taken some small comfort that he, at least, could find some measure of happiness in his arrangement.  He had after all, once loved Mrs. Campion very much.  But it seemed as if he had reverted almost completely to the spectre of a man she had first met. 

The remnants of her heart ached for him. She would not wish her pain on anyone, much less the one she, even still, held so dear.  

With the wedding concluded, there was little left for Charlotte to do before returning home.  

She said her goodbyes, many of them tearful.  She truly had enjoyed her summer in Sanditon and in spite of how certain events turned out, she could not regret her time there.  She felt herself irrevocably changed by her stay- and not just by her loss.  

Her carriage passed by the clifftops that she had avoided since the day he had returned, and she found herself blinking back tears.  

But the sudden call of voices and abrupt stop of her carriage caused her to lean out the window to see the cause of the delay.  

What she saw was like something from a dream. 

Sidney, dismounting from his great black horse, handing the reins to the driver, to walk unerring towards her, his eyes never leaving her.  

She opened the door and stepped down onto the grass.  

He approached her like a man possessed.  She felt warmth bloom in her chest; she had not seen such a look in his eye since… before.  Did she dare hope?  

She could hardly stop herself from doing so now.  

He stopped only a step before her, drawing a breath.  He may as well have taken hers, for she no longer had a wisp of air in her body.  

“I couldn’t let you go without,” he began, pausing to catch his breath.  He must have ridden hard to catch her. Her heart swelled at the thought. 

But when the seconds passed without his finishing that sentence, her happiness began to ebb. 

Her fragile hopes shattered  completely the moment he did speak. 

Once again she found herself fighting against her own overwhelming emotions to reassure him. He, who had broken her heart and traded their future, was again pleading for her understanding, for her regard. 

If only she loved him less, she might have refused him, or repeated the hurtful words he had once hurled at her while standing in the streets of Sanditon.  

But she could not.    

Instead, she forgave him, but it was still not enough- still he persisted. Her heart would not be spared any agony at all it seemed.  

His assurance that he did not love his future wife did nothing to assuage her pain.  She could not bear the idea that they were both desolate in their circumstances. She rebuked him, and elicited a promise that he would do his best by his intended.  

It seemed as if he would keep her there forever, both drowning in their agony.  Remaining always close enough to pull her close, yet forever unable to do so. 

She was about to beg her leave, when he finally bid her goodbye.  

She would remember forever the way his voice sounded as he said her name.  

It would have to be enough. 

She bade him goodbye, her voice cracking as she climbed back into the carriage. For a moment she saw him standing alone on the clifftop, with only his horse as company.  But she turned her eyes forward, forcing herself not to watch as she drove away.   

The carriage pulled away and she-

“Charlotte!  Sidney has returned!  He has done it!  Come quickly!” Tom’s voice startled her out of her slumber.  

She looked around in confusion at her room in Trafalgar House.  

She looked down to see her letter, ruined by droplets of water.  She wiped her cheek to discover she had been crying.  

Reality finally dawned.  It had been a dream!  

Only a dream!  She wanted to laugh or maybe dance in her happiness.  

But, she pulled up short.  Sidney had returned- with good news.  Surely… surely her dream was not prophetic- her heart’s own warning so that she not be so disconsolate should the worst occur.  

She shook her head, clearing it of such nonsense.  No.  That was silly.  

She wiped her eyes and straightened her dress before joining the Parkers downstairs.  

Even so, her final few steps into the room were a bit hesitant.  

Sidney looked up from hugging Mary to meet her eyes, and his face lit up as if powered by the sun.  His smile certainly rivaled that celestial body.  She was momentarily stunned.  

He did not suffer from the same paralysis however, and crossed the room in quick strides.  

He took her hands in his, “My dearest Charlotte.”  His voice was as warm as his hands, his face as gentle as that ill-fated night on the balcony. 

She thought her heart might burst, hearing those words said in such a manner.  

“I’d love nothing more than to finish our conversation now, if you don’t mind” she glanced around at the assembled Parkers, who were openly staring at their brother and the young woman he was standing almost scandalously close to.��

“Um, here?” she asked weakly, hoping he would recognize the spectacle they were making. 

He didn’t take his eyes from her, entirely unconcerned with the rest of the room, so she raised no further protest. “I have thought of little else while I was away, and I do not wish to wait another moment to know if you would consent to be my wife.” He took a breath, his eyes never leaving hers; so he probably didn’t notice the jaws of his siblings- particularly Tom- noticeably drop.  

“Charlotte, as I told you before, I am far from perfect, but your influence has improved me, nearly every day that I have known you. You have made me a better man.  But more than that, I love you, Charlotte, and I want to care for you for all the rest of my days.”  He smiled that softest smile, the one that lit up his eyes and left her utterly defenseless, before he continued. “Please, Charlotte, do me the honor of becoming my wife.”  

Her eyes filled with tears for the second time that day as she gave him her emphatic consent. 

[fortunatelylori]

Love your analyses. (You are to Sanditon what jbuffyangel was to Arrow.) Question about 1x03, When Sidney asks Charlotte for “feedback,” her first question is why didn’t he help Tom more. When Sidney says it wasn’t fair. he’d done all he could, she says, ”Have you?” Did she inadvertently contribute to the demise of her own relationship? Sidney is a loyal brother, but he’s also already in love with Charlotte and, whether he realizes it or not, wants her approval.

Before we get started on the ask, I would like to thank everyone who has sent me messages or asks over the past few days. I really appreciate your guys’ interest in my blog and Sanditon opinions and it’s immensely satisfying to me to play a part in the growth of the very new Sanditon fandom.

I have many Sanditon related projects in the works at the moment, namely a new fanfic one shot that should be uploaded in the next couple of days, a very exciting meta that I think you’ll all love and I need to get started on my Christmas fic if I am to finish by the middle of December as I have announced. All of that in addition to my and Mrs. @kitten1618x ‘s Sanditioncreative blog which will be hosting the first Sanditon Christmas event this year.

All of this is to say that I might not be answering your questions as quickly as I would otherwise. If that happens, please don’t get discouraged! I will answer ALL asks eventually, whenever I find the time to work on them. To that end, I would also kindly ask all of you to please send your asks solely to my ask me anything inbox because if you send it via replies or private message, they will end up getting lost and I will forget to answer them.

Hope this works for everyone! Let’s get to the ask …

Oh, nonnie … I’m pretty sure you had no idea what you were getting yourself into when you sent this ask but strap in … because the time has finally come to talk about …

Tom THE WORST Parker

Leaving aside the torch and pitchfork party we’ve all thrown for Tom, I do think we should take a moment and give Kris Marshall a shout out for an outstanding job playing this character. Look at the desperation in his eyes, the strained smile, the implied pressure he is applying on his target (Sidney as per 90% of the time). He even does that annoying calling people over with your hand as if they were your dog thing that drives me nuts!

Fortunatelylori: Put the hand away, Tom, unless you want me to cut it off! Arghhh!!!

Now, you might rightly ask why we’re going to talk about Tom when your ask is about Charlotte and how she might have ended up sabotaging herself.

The thing to keep in mind is that Charlotte Heywood is our entry point into Sanditon. We are being introduced to this world and these characters through her eyes. So we are inclined to take her opinion on everything that is occurring as gospel. However, we should remember a few things about Charlotte: despite having excellent instincts and insight into people, she is still very much a young, inexperienced girl who has lived a very sheltered life. In addition to that, she is very kind hearted and a true romantic.

All of that makes her prone to having better opinions of people than she should at times. For example, she thinks Otis is “a good man who made one terrible mistake” because she doesn’t truly grasp the seriousness of his gambling addiction and because she feels that if he truly loves Georgiana then he can’t really be bad.

Her opinion of Tom is similar to that. Tom is, if not a nice man (he isn’t but we’ll get to that), he’s at the very least a pleasant one and that outward ease and friendliness makes her empathize with him.

On the other hand, her major issue with Sidney is her inability to figure him out and his desire to keep people at arm’s length:

Charlotte: You are determined to remain an outlier. God forbid you give something of yourself!

Sidney: Please do not presume to know my mind, Miss Heywood!

Charlotte: How can anyone know your mind? You take great pains to remain unknowable.

Again and again, she reproaches him for not being more involved with Georgiana, for not helping Tom, for trying to separate himself from those around him. And while there is truth to what she’s telling him, it also reveals that Charlotte can be easily taken in by people who display affection and/or involvement towards others, even if the cost of that is very steep.

She judges Sidney harshly for not behaving that way, while allowing Otis and Tom to get away with their bad behavior because they do involve themselves in people’s lives and give “proof” of caring and thus make Charlotte think they are inherently good people. However, what she fails to see is the selfish reasons behind those characters’ actions.

I did reblog a gif set of Charlotte telling Sidney to help Tom more and made the joke that she shot herself in the foot. But that was me joking and noting the dramatic irony that the writing employs.

The serious interpretation of Charlotte’s line isn’t that she unknowingly acted towards the demise of her own love story but rather that she completely misunderstood the dynamic of the Tom/Sidney relationship.

In her mind, it was Sidney who held all the power in his relationship with his brother, as the younger, more handsome, more successful sibling to the put upon and fate tested idealist Tom. As such, Sidney’s “refusal” to help him seemed petty and cruel to sweet angel Charlotte who is utterly fascinated by what Tom is doing in Sanditon

And by and large I think the viewers have also bought into that image of Tom and Sidney.

But I would like to propose a different interpretation:

There is no reason to assume that Sidney wasn’t helping Tom prior to Charlotte calling him on it. Why else would he have dragged Crowe and Babbington to the ball in episode 1? Why else was he getting his liver smashed in, boxing for their entertainment or playing at cards in the hotel restaurant? Why else would Tom talk about Sidney “profiting” from the success of Sandition if Sidney had not already invested in his brother’s project?

The problem isn’t that Sidney isn’t helping him. The problem is that Tom has an endless list of things he needs help with:

Sidney: At least this time I leave knowing you are in good heart. A new physician, a new regatta to plan. All is well with Tom Parker.

Tom: So it would seem … Oh, I say … I’m … I just wonder if while you’re in London you could stop by the bank for me  and see if they might consider extending …

 First he needs help attracting fashionable people to Sanditon. Sidney provides them. However, as he points out, there isn’t enough entertainment in Sanditon to make it worth their stay. I would suggest that’s Tom’s fault, not Sidney’s.

On that note, remember what Eliza said during the regatta:

Eliza: At the last regatta I attended, they raced Arab stallions. The one before that featured 18 clippers in full sail. But for sheer exhilaration what could compare to a sand castle competition?

Leaving aside that this is Eliza and we all hate her, what does this tell you about Tom and his understanding of his clientele? Because it seems to me he wants Sanditon to be the Regency’s version of  Monaco while offering the quaint entertainment of whatever seaside resort your granny goes to.

He then reveals that he has financial troubles and needs money and eventually sends Sidney hat in hand to beg the banks for a loan. Sidney doesn’t want to do it at first because he knows there’s no point to it but because Charlotte made him feel guilty, he relents. The result is what he already knew: no more credit for Tom. This is Tom’s reaction:

Tom: No, no! That is not possible! Clearly you forgot to explain about the regatta. We are soon to be the most popular resort on the South Coast. Did you even mention Dr. Fuchs?

Sidney: Tom, I spoke to 3 different banks, at lenght. Not one of them is willing to extend your credit any further. 

Tom: What do you suggest I do now, Sidney? What exactly do I do now? 

Look at that violent, desperate reaction! That’s what emotional blackmail looks like. And that, my friends, is abuse. Because in one fell swoop Tom has not only put the blame on Sidney for something that is out of his control (Sidney can’t force the bank to give Tom money) but also put the eventual consequences Tom will face squarely on Sidney’s shoulders.

Also Tom decides to go buy necklaces for his wife instead of paying his workers. When they argue with him at the cricket match, he walks away in a fit, leaving Sidney, and Charlotte, to clean up the mess. It’s also up to Sidney to resolve the workers’ problems by “loaning” Tom the money to pay them. I’ve put loan between “” because one has to be truly naïve to think Tom would have ever paid that loan back.

I would suggest that Tom is an irresponsible, selfish man and a terrible businessman who doesn’t need help. What he needs is a business partner that will control his terrible decision making and handle all of the business aspects of Sanditon while Tom scribbles away at his architecture plans (plans that I suspect were mostly created by James Stringer and that Tom is taking credit for).

And on some level, I think, Sidney knows that as well, which is why he fights Tom’s desire to involve him in the running of Sanditon at every turn:

Sidney: I’m sorry but I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Tom. I’m not your keeper. I will gladly own my mistakes but I cannot own yours.

Oh, you sweet summer child …

I don’t think it’s Sidney’s dream to manage a seaside resort, not is it his responsibility. His brother is an adult who should be held accountable for his own actions. However, at the rate this story is going, running Sanditon while Tom gets all the credit for its success is exactly what Sidney will end up doing.  

His reluctance to get more sucked into Tom’s schemes in the beginning, I think, has less to do with Sidney being a bad person or an outlier and more to do with knowing that once he relents, there will be no end to Tom’s demands on him and he will end up being his keeper for all eternity.

Episode 8 also reveals something very interesting about the entire Parker family: they are all enablers of Tom’s bullshit. Arthur is the first to offer up his inheritance on a silver platter, Diana refuses to let him blame himself and Mary is ready with a love declaration the moment Tom shades one crocodile tear.

Despite being the hardest one to crack out of all of them, Sidney is ultimately one more enabler to Tom. He hops on the first carriage to London and gives up his life in order to spare Tom prison time.

From where I’m sitting, the dynamic of these 2 brothers is the complete opposite from what Charlotte estimated. It is Tom that holds all the power and he and Sidney are involved in a toxic relationship that has been going on long before Charlotte ever met either one of them. Perhaps it started the moment Tom paid Sidney’s debts before he sailed to Antigua. Perhaps it started long before that.

However, I don’t think Charlotte’s intervention in episode 3 influenced Sidney’s final decision. What ultimately sealed the deal on that was the emotional blackmail Tom has been inflicting on Sidney for years, Tom’s expectation that everyone in his life do everything to service him and his family’s compliance with those wishes and, not least of it, Sidney’s lack of selflove that allowed him to prioritize his brother’s temporary stint in prison (he could have worked to pay off Tom’s debts over time; there’s no law that says Tom had to be in prison forever) over his own permanent misery.

I’m not sure this was the turn you were expecting my answer to take but I hope you found it useful nonetheless.

[hollygoeslightly]

Charlotte Heywood - All of the Feelings

As Sidney knows all too well, Charlotte Heywood is an easy to love. She’s confident, inquisitive, unfailing kind, willing to stand up for the underdog and always ready to speak her mind. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that the audience was a little confused when Charlotte was the opposite of her usual happy self in 1x07, and appeared hesitant and unsure following the realisation that she’s in love with Sidney. As I’ve already talked about Sidney’s desire for love being the motivating factor behind his actions here, I thought I’d look at why Charlotte’s realisation that she was in love threw her for such a loop.

First of all, I think it’s important to note that for all of Charlotte’s maturity and certainty in her judgement and beliefs, Charlotte is still a young woman. As the eldest of 11 siblings (holy hell, keep it in your pants Mr and Mrs Heywood), Charlotte would have had to grow up quickly and would have most likely spent her formative years as a second mother to her siblings. She may be wise beyond her years, but her trip to Sanditon is the first time Charlotte has left her home and the naivety she has shown in the face of certain situations (Otis’ motivations regarding Georgiana for example), speak to that.

It is also the first time (and for Sidney’s sake, hopefully the last time) that Charlotte has fallen in love. Like Sidney, Charlotte is a romantic at heart. As she told Lady Denham in 1x02, Charlotte believes marriage without love is a “kind of slavery”. As a result, when Charlotte admits that she is in love with Sidney to Lady Susan at the beginning of 1x07, she is treating it as the possible life changing situation could be. Oh, and just to make things extra fun, in 1x06 Charlotte shares an incredibly intimate dance with Sidney where he appears to return her feelings, only for him to completely ignore her following the reappearance of his former fiancée.

It’s little wonder that Charlotte starts 1x07 incredibly confused about where she stands with Sidney. Despite ignoring Charlotte in favour of Eliza at the masquerade ball, once they’re back in Sanditon, Sidney goes back to flirting with Charlotte – asking to wait for her following her visit with Georgiana and teasing her about not exposing the fact that he is “not nearly as unfeeling as [he] pretends”. It’s all very sweet, but then Eliza once again rears her head and Charlotte is thrown firmly back into the position of trying to figure out if Sidney returns her feelings. And it’s position she stays in for the majority of the episode. Sidney is completely thrown by Eliza’s reappearance in his life and his confusion over why he is no longer in love with her and what that all means (I go into further detail about Sidney’s feelings for Eliza and Charlotte here). Unfortunately, Charlotte bears the brunt of his confusion – he flirts with her, shares intimate boat rides, touches her far more than propriety allows and pulls away as soon as Eliza appears.

On top of Charlotte’s confusion in navigating her relationship with Sidney, is the fact the Eliza plays directly into Charlotte’s insecurities. From her reaction to Trafalgar House and Sanditon House (Lady Denham’s estate), it is obvious that Charlotte has never visited houses so fine. Yet the difference is social standing between Charlotte and Sidney doesn’t really come into play until 1x06 in London at the masquerade ball, where Charlotte is faced with Sidney in his “natural habitat” and realises just how different their two worlds are.

“I am certain that I don’t belong in this company.”

Charlotte again makes mention to their perceived difference in social standing when Sidney asks her to dance.

Charlotte – “You did not have to ask me you know, out of politeness” Sidney – “It’s what people do at dances is it not? Dance? Unless you’d rather not?” Charlotte – “No, it’s only there are so many other ladies here you could ask.”

Despite Sidney’s assurances that Charlotte is “more than equal to any woman here”, when Sidney abandons Charlotte’s side for the incredibly rich, connected and elegant Eliza, such reassurance falls quickly into doubt.

So Charlotte spends 1x07 uncertain of Sidney’s feelings, as well as comparing herself to Eliza – no wonder the happy, confident and assured Charlotte we all know and love is nowhere to be seen. To make matters worse, Sidney then makes a badly worded joke and Eliza, sensing blood in the water, goes in for the kill. When Sidney and Charlotte initially talk about the Heraclitus’ quote (Heraclitus is an ancient Greek philosopher – not average reading for the majority of young women as classical studies were considered the domain of men) “you cannot step twice into the same river”, it is obvious that Sidney is both impressed with Charlotte’s knowledge, and unsurprised that Charlotte would be reading up on ancient philosophers in her spare time. Sidney’s intention with the joke is not to shame Charlotte, but bond with her, both of them outliers, in light of Eliza’s increasingly petty comments. Heraclitus is a shared interest, yet for those unaware of Charlotte and Sidney’s previous conversation, Sidney’s comment appears to make fun of Charlotte’s marriage prospects (who would want a wife that reads about philosophy!). Eliza’s comment about Heraclitus not helping Charlotte’s marriage prospects is a way to degrade Charlotte in Sidney’s eyes, while also neatly telling Charlotte that Sidney is out of her league.

“You’re right Mrs Campion. I’m a farmer’s daughter who reads books. What could I possibly have in common with anyone here?”

Again, as a reminder, Charlotte has spent the day uncertain of Sidney’s feelings, feeling increasingly less than the elegant Eliza, and now Sidney appears to have made a joke at her expanse, and Charlotte takes this as confirmation. Not only confirmation that her love of Sidney is unrequited, but confirmation that he thinks so little of her, because she compares so unfavourably to Eliza. It’s incredibly similar to Sidney’s defence mechanism – hurt them before they can hurt you. Charlotte was simply waiting for Sidney to confirm her doubts, so she could shut him out and prevent her heart from becoming even more bruised. After all, in her conversations with Lady Susan and Young Stringer, hadn’t she already conceded that her feelings were hopeless? Sidney’s joke provided Charlotte with the chance to attempt to put an end to her feelings for Sidney, knowing that he would leave Sanditon and marry Eliza.

When Sidney runs after Charlotte to apologise, he is genuinely at a loss to understand why Charlotte is so upset. Yes, Eliza’s comment was cruel, but Sidney has seen Charlotte endure far worse with good humour (ahem, Lady Denham). He doesn’t know how to rectify the situation in the face of Charlotte’s tears, because Sidney has spent the day wrestling with his own feelings, unaware of the impact he has had on Charlotte. So when Charlotte asks Sidney what he wants from her, she unknowingly provides the push Sidney needs to own up to his lack of feelings for Eliza and his love for Charlotte.

With the back and forth with Sidney, her belief that Sidney could never love her – especially with Eliza back in his life – it’s little wonder that the Charlotte Sidney faces at the end of episode is incredibly closed off. She is a young woman who has fallen in love for the first time and has just had her heart broken for the first time. She is bruised and a little battered, and trying desperately to protect herself from further hurt. By this time, Sidney has realised the mess he has unwillingly made. And so when he seeks her out, he makes sure Charlotte understands – Eliza doesn’t compare to her – the person with whom he is his best and truest self.

[wildcherry3249]

Really random thoughts post season finale

Yes I know most of you are disappointed and to a certain extent I am too. I would have preferred not to have a cliffhanger at all, especially one that involved the separating of the show’s main couple... However the show has been developed as a multi season series so the writers were never going to give us a very Austin ending this early on and we have to accept that and hope that we are rewarded with a second season that will fix the mess. The episode is currently rated as 4.5 stars on IMDB which is really sad, for me the episode itself wasn’t bad at all, it was just the cliffhanger they chose to use that spoiled it.

The Positives: Everything Esther and Babington! Arthur Parker, bachelor for life! The clifftop walk ending with that kiss! Theo and Rose’s acting – they nailed it 100%!

The Negatives: No communication between Georgiana and Charlotte or Sidney after his engagement. The broken hearts of Charlotte and Sidney (obviously).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Sidney did what he did and why Charlotte accepted it, wonderrbat put it beautifully in her post: https://wonderrbat.tumblr.com/post/188341270733/charlotte-is-the-type-of-character-to-sacrifice

I have nothing to add.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So we’ve got two people who have worked out how Sidney and Charlotte feel about each other and both seem to approve...

Then we have Georgiana who doesn’t...

And then Lady Susan, who’s in the know but not in the picture.

I feel any or all of these could play a part in reuniting Charlotte and Sidney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where the show could go from here:  With Charlotte being the lead female character and the show being named Sanditon, the writers now have to figure out how to put the two together again. One of the most important things to consider is time... how much time will pass between seasons 1 & 2?

Hours: A wheel breaks on the Parker’s carriage or a random storm hits forcing Charlotte to head back to Sanditon. She arrives somewhat bedraggled on the Parker’s doorstep (a la Elizabeth Bennet visiting the Bingley’s to see her sick sister).

Days: Sidney says ‘Fuck It’, ends his engagement, races to Charlotte on his trusty steed and begs her to ‘Forgive me’ in that oh so sexy voice of his... (so harlequin romance).

A week or two: There are all kinds of things that go through my mind here and probably the best solution...

Sidney slowly starts to lose it and eventually telling Tom he can’t go through with it...

Lord Babington knows the Prince Regent doesn’t he? As does Lady Susan... Well what if they’re at some kind of soiree and get to talking, Babington confessing his dislike of Eliza and how he’s aware of Sidney’s feelings for Charlotte and Lady Susan hatching a plan to put things right...

Charlotte is invited to London by Lady Susan where she happens to bump into Sidney and Eliza...

...eventually leading to the scooby gang working out a way to save Sanditon without Sidney having to sacrifice his heart.

Months: Having Charlotte return to Sanditon the following summer with Sidney (unhappily) married, leaving us and Charlotte having to endure Eliza for a whole season. No thank you!

Years: This would be a huge disaster for the show, having Charlotte return to Sanditon after years away, finding Sidney widowed (ugh), Georgiana no longer needing a guardian yet still unhappily hanging around Sanditon (pft), Sanditon itself either completed or ruined and all the same characters randomly in the same place at the same time again... No, just no.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wants for Season 2:

Georgiana to approach Sidney again about what happened with Charlotte, only to realize that he’s actually heartbroken.

The return of Lady Susan.

A new antagonist to threaten Sanditon.

Esther to realise she’s in love and be truly happy.

Esther to take a disliking to Eliza.

James Stringer to get over Charlotte and meet someone else (no more love triangle).

More of Mr Crow and his drunken antics.

Sidney and Charlotte to reunite by mid season, marry and have a nervous yet hot wedding night...

Apologies for the randomenss, my brain needed to vomit and this is the result.

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

Hug Me

For the @sanditoncreative valentine’s day prompt challenge: “Candy Hearts é Tropey Starts”

Day 4: Hug Me Pairings: Georgiana/James Stringer, Georgiana& Stringer (interpret their chemistry as you like) Also available on AO3

Synopsis: When Charlotte left Sanditon, two were left behind sorely missing their beloved friend. They hadn’t met before, but they quickly took to filling up the gap left in each other’s lives.

x.x.x

Mrs. Griffiths couldn’t keep Georgiana with her if she tried. She hadn’t felt inclined to obey before, and she certainly didn’t now that her guardian had broken the heart of her only friend, successfully chasing her away from Sanditon.

She was supposed to listen to a reading session from that awful reverent again. She rather receives lashes for running away than spending one minute listening to another lecture of how wilful young ladies were the worst thing on earth.

So that was how she found herself distractedly walking through town on her way to the post office with a letter for Charlotte, until a body slammed against hers, the force causing both of them to smack on the dirt road. The heavy body covered hers, arms encircling her, as if he was hugging her.

She hadn’t been hugged in so long, she silently thought.

Looking away from the ground, she spotted a rope from which a heavy giant limestone hung, just inches away from them.

It would have hit her had she not been moved aside.

This town was going to be the death of her.

She looked to her left side, where she could feel a man breathing in raggedly.

  ‘What on earth?!’

‘Are you alright now, Miss?’

She took a moment to look down at herself as they crawled to a sitting position. There was no way Mrs. Griffiths wouldn’t notice the dirt stains, and there was no way Sidney wasn’t going to hear.

‘What is this place? Why couldn’t anyone put some kind of warning up?’

‘Well, with all due respect Miss, we did. I even tried shouting to warn ya, but ye didn’t seem to hear’, the warm accented voice said.

Her eyes travelled to the direction she’d come from. The road had been barred on both sides, a warning sign dangling from both of them, and the building site was quite visible as well. She’d simply moved to the side away from the bars to get through, and hadn’t paid any additional attention.

‘It slipped my notice.’

‘I noticed. I’m sorry I dragged ye to the ground, but as you can see, I was afraid something might’ve gone wrong if I hadn’t.’

‘No, it’s alright given the circumstances. I didn’t hear you calling.’

Both their eyes slid towards the crumpled letter in her hands.

‘Wonder if they’d still accept it’, she muttered.

‘Still looks good enough to me, name and address can still be read just fine.’

His eyes finally registered just which name they read.

‘You’re acquainted with Miss Heywood, Miss?’

‘Yes,’ she replied as she observed him with weary eyes, ‘how do you know her?’

‘We were well acquainted during her stay… not in any improper way of  course’, he added as he noticed her eyes growing sharp. ‘She took an interest to my work.’

‘Saving distracted damsels?’ she asked, deciding to take pity on him after addressing him that sharply.

‘It’s a bit more boring than that. I used to design buildings. It doesn’t matter anymore, I guess. I’ve given up that dream.’

‘Sanditon has destroyed a lot of hopes and dreams this summer’, Georgiana muttered, her heart still aching slightly as she remembered her naïve dreams.

The young man gave her a troubled look, nodding as he stood and offered his hand to pull her up.

She accepted the hand and took her time to analyse his face.

‘What is your name?’

‘They call me Young Stringer… Well, I guess it’s just Stringer now. James Stringer.’

‘Did your father die recently?’

‘In the fire.’

Georgiana nodded, but the common apologies and condolences weren’t offered.

‘And your mother?’

‘She died back when I was young.’

‘A fellow orphan’, she smiled gently.

‘I’m sorry for your loss, Miss.’

‘You get used to it, though the pain never goes away. I do think however, that moving succeeded in taking my mind off of it. It kept me busy.’

James nodded, not quite convinced he’d ever get accustomed to hearing himself being addressed as Mr. Stringer and arriving to an empty home.

‘Wasn’t that hard though. If you move away from the place they lived in, saying goodbye to all those memories?’

‘It is. On the one hand I’m not confronted by the past on a daily basis which helps me to get past it, on the other hand England’s a nasty cold place… both literally and figuratively.’

‘It’s only a dreary place if you make it one, Miss. There’s a great deal of good people.’

‘There was only one good person in this entire place, and she left.’

‘Well, you don’t fear speaking your mind, Miss.’

He’d said similar words just a couple of months ago. It left an ashy taste in his mouth. The pain of her memory, so closely tied to the hope he’d lost, had barely lessened. First heartache, the other young workmen had laughed, it apparently always hurt the most. But how could it not? She was the most vibrant and lovely being he’d ever met, entirely unique… and now he’d credited another with one of her merits. He felt guilty for using words he’d spoken to her when addressing another.

‘And why shouldn’t I?’

‘I don’t mind, Miss, I really don’t. More people should. I greatly admired that in Miss Heywood as well.’

‘So did I. Escort me to the end of this traitorous street, will you?’

‘Very well, Miss.’

They walked in companionable silence. Georgiana mulling over his talk of good people and his own broken dreams. If he’d been a friend of Charlotte’s, perhaps they could fit together as friends as well, and fill the gap Charlotte’s departure had left.

Meanwhile, James fought himself to keep from prying for a while and asking information of a lady who was clearly very above him. But in the end, he missed Charlotte too much to care for propriety.

‘May I just enquire as to how she is, Miss?’

‘She’s settled in again, and her family is doing well.’

Georgiana didn’t know Charlotte’s connection to this James. So she decided to only give him the polite answer.

He wrung his hands, looking between the end of the street and the lady on his side.

‘But…’

He sighed, shaking his head.

‘How is she, personally. Is she… doing well? Herself’, he explained.

‘No, she isn’t.’

His head fell down. Georgiana eyed him with worry. They’d been good friends then, if the news of her wellbeing hit him so hard.

‘I’m sorry Miss’, he said when he noticed her expression.

‘I don’t know if I’m in a position to write to her. So I haven’t heard of her since August. But I had hoped that… well, that she’d be happy again by now. She was the epitome of optimism and hope, until that…’

He clenched his jaw shut, hands balling into fists as he swallowed the words. It wasn’t right to talk about the brother of his employer that way, especially not to a lady.

‘Until Sidney came along’, she said, voice dripping with venom.

His eyes shot to her.

She looked back, the corner of her mouth rising towards her cheekbone in a cold smile.

‘So you know about him as well. You really do know Charlotte. Good. Now I know I may talk freely. Have no fear, I consider him most insufferable and horrible. He’s responsible for her sadness and her departure. I blame him for it every time I see him. The only comfort I have is that he appears to be unhappy as well. Serves him right. He robbed me of my sole friend.’

James processed the new information, but knew not how to respond.

‘Do you know him… personally?’

‘He’s my legal guardian… neither of us are particularly happy about it’, she smirked.

Sidney Parker’s charge. The rich heiress from overseas! Miss Lambe, if he remembered her introduction at the midsummer ball correctly.

 They reached the end of the street.

‘Well Miss, good luck posting the letter. And do be careful when walking back home. Should… should you write to Miss Heywood again could you send her my regards and well wishes, though you are absolutely in no way obliged, I know very well she probably isn’t waiting around for someone like me to give her a message.’

‘I shall. And I disagree. Charlotte cares for everyone, even those she shouldn’t care about. Why shouldn’t she be glad to hear of someone she’s spent time with in Sanditon? Besides, she needs and deserves all the well wishes she can get.’

‘I thank you, Miss.’

‘You know, you are horribly subservient.’

‘Just being proper and respectful Miss, I know my place.’

‘Your place, as a fellow friend of Charlotte, is next to me. I have enough people praising me for simply being wealthy and I’m sick of it. You know, it’s been months since anyone but Sidney called me Georgiana. I’d like to hear my name from someone else’s mouth from time to time.’

‘Your name? Only people who are relatives address each other on a first name basis.’

‘Or good friends. You were friends with Charlotte, that’s a seal of approval. And you said your own dreams were dashed this summer. May I propose that we with broken dreams who are both missing our friends, should share our sorrow and the disdain for our common enemy?’

He couldn’t help but smile as she awaited his answer with twinkling eyes.

‘I would gladly accept, Miss Georgiana.’

[spacecleavage]

be you. no one else can

this girl is back, work was hectic af and this was half written during my short breaks. i have been getting all your lovely prompts, but sadly i am a slow writer and i must work to pay the bills.

summary:- slight au, a party after the race

rating:- G

words:- 1208

The words danced circles and circles around her head. "Be you. No one else can,"

The phrase itself was so beautiful in its sentiment, that she had to swallow down the rush of emotions that accompanied it. Or maybe that was because of the memory that came with the words. She had escaped down the shore, away from the regatta revellers as they celebrated all too loudly for her tastes. The regatta had been a brilliant success, with the Stringer team clinching a close victory. But the carefully veiled comments from Mrs Campion had nearly spoiled her mood, thankfully Mary had dragged her to the finish line before she'd had to make actual conversation with the unpleasant woman. The noise from the party echoed off the water in front of her, sounding strange to her poor ears. But as she'd looked out over the river, the lights from the party reflected from it, her mood had picked up. It was something she could write home about, that was for sure.

She did miss her home, it was like an ache in her chest, especially as she'd watched Mary and Tom embracing the children earlier.

She had been tempted to give up on the party, make her excuses and go home to the warm house and have a strong cup of tea. 

But then she would miss the dancing that was sure to begin very soon, and she had promised Arthur that she would save a dance for him.

Still, she waited by the shore, hoping that her distance would mean that she wouldn't have to interact with anyone.

Anyone? Or just Eliza Campion who makes you feel singularly inferior and immature in only a few sentences? 

It was that dark little part of her spoke it, but she knew it to be true.

"Some days, I wish I were someone else entirely." She whispered up to the moon, even though it wouldn't answer back, it felt better to speak aloud her silly little wish.

"Please don't." Sidney's deep, gravelly voice came from behind her, causing her to all but jump out of her skin. She spun on her heel to stare at him. "You are entirely too singular to be anyone else."

His dark shape was silhouetted from the lights of the party, though with his preference for darker clothes it was hard to differentiate between the shadows and him.

She wondered how he could have snuck up on her so effectively, one moment she was completely alone and the next he was beside her.

And now that she knew he was there, he was impossible to ignore, his dark shape looming over her. She could not breathe as she waited for him to say something, anything. Why was he just standing there? And how long had he been there?

“Mister Parker,” She tried not to stare at his face, but the darkness made it near impossible to see his expression. She could help but wander that even if she could see his expression, if she would be able to understand it. She had thought herself coming to understand them, but then Mrs Campion and arrived and left her in a tailspin.

“Miss Heywood,” his head ducked down with his greeting, and for the briefest moment she was able to see his genuine smile reflected in the light of the moon across the water, “what are you doing so far away from the party?” Such a pale light softened his features, and Charlotte was again struck by how handsome a man that he was.

“I...” she began to speak but caught herself before the rest of the sentence slipped out. I didn’t want to see you flirting with Mrs Campion, she bit her tongue to stop the rest of it from coming out.

“Are you feeling well?” he stepped forward, and with him closer she could see the concern marring his face.

She could not help the rush of breath as he stepped closer than common curtsey would have allowed. She was frozen in place as his hand moved closer to her face, nearly brushing her cheekbone with his fingertips. Just the change of pressure over her cheekbone, sent a shiver down her spine, her gut clenching and mouth suddenly dry.

“No, actually, I think I spent too long in the sun. Please make my apologies to your brothers, I think I shall head back to Trafalgar house.” She spoke quickly, the excuse sounding weak to her own ears but the need to be away from him and the overwhelming emotions he always invoked.

She tried to move around him, the need to do something so encompassing that if she didn’t move now, she feared she may do something she regretted.

“Wait, I shall accompany you back.” His hand caught her wrist, his finger caressing her as if she was made from glass and then they were gone and only the tingling on her skin as proof of his touch.

“Please, I do not wish to tear you away from the party.” She softly begged, her eyes firmly fixed on the path towards Sanditon; she could not look at him for fear he would see through her fallacy.

“It would be remiss of me to leave you unescorted, therefore I must insist.”

She opened her mouth, hoping a reply, or another excuse would be forthcoming. In the fraction of a second it took her to recall Lady Susan’s request for another conversation, Sidney had already began moving to escort her towards Sanditon.

“I apologise but I promised Lady Susan I would walk with her.”

“Well then, before you leave, I would make a request of you myself?” He was so close to her again, and again she was consumed by his proximity; the way there didn’t seem to be enough air in her lungs, her heart pounding so loudly it almost drowned out all the noise.

“After last time?” her voice was barely above a whisper and she couldn’t help the tremble that it held.

“Indeed,” he smiled grimly to himself, “be you, no one else can.”

With his declaration, her heart stopped its frantic pace in her chest and the air in her lungs disappeared. She was left speechless by such a simple phrase, yet it rocked her to her very core.

His hand materialised near her face, again glancing over her cheekbone again, before threading itself around one of her wayward curls.  He lent ever closer as he pushed it behind her ear. She stared up at him, and he stared, with his rich dark eyes down at her, not though into her eyes, but rather at her lips.

She couldn’t help but do the same, and when she looked at them, she could not help but be intrigued with how luscious they looked, and full too. His tongue darted out to wet them and she felt herself copy the action. He swayed even closer, there was but a few inches between them when she heard the voice pierce the fog of her mind.

“Miss Charlotte,” Arthur’s voice was clear and not far away. “You haven’t forgotten our dance, have you?”

She rolled over in her bed again, the memory still playing over and over again.

[skgway]

1824 Aug., Thurs. 26

6 1/2

11 3/4

Used my umbrella instead of a stick, which altogether took me quarter hour and going to the cabinet as much longer – Dawdling and not ready till 8 50/60 at which hour (having marked down my route on a bit of paper set off to Upper 9 Duke Street Grosvenor Square to order a pair of stays of Waller, recommended by Miss Pattison and Mrs. Ackers to M– [Mariana] 

3/4 hour dressing and undressing, and having a pair tried on – Spoke to Mr. Waller, a plain-in-his-appearance respectable elderly man, then measured by 1 of his young women – Very civil – Then went to Hutton and Buckley 7 Upper Grosvenor Street – Measured by Buckley – 

Sauntered slowly back – Went along Piccadilly as far as the Basin and Bolton Street – Got home at 11 – Had breakfast (boiled milk) settled the remainder of my accounts I could not finish last night and wrote the above of today which has taken me till 12 25/60 – I am just going to arrange when to go and what to do next § – Feel quite comfortable, and at home, and amused, and happy – ( § doing this has taken me till now, 1 p.m.)

Went out at 1 10/60 and took Cordingley with me – our route, the Haymarket, Pall-mall as far as Carlton Palace, then back to the bottom of the Haymarket along Cockspur, Charing Cross, Strand (went down to look at Waterloo bridge and turned for a minute or 2 into the Court of Somerset-house), Fleet Street (ordered tea at Twinning’s for my father five pounds worth), Ludgate Hill, ditto strait past Saint Paul’s, along Watling Street, Bridge Road, Cannon Street, Great East Cheap, Fish Street Hill to No. 5 Monument Yard, Miles Stringer and Co. to order £5 worth tea for my [blank] – 

Paid for this, as I had done for my father’s at Twinning’s, ordered it to be sent off immediately and the receipts respectfully also with it – Mr. Stringer shewed me a nearer way thro’ his courtyard (thro’ 2 passages with steps up and down them the last of which opened into “Saint Mary at the Hill” and Saint Mary brought us into Thames street – 

Then along the river front of the custom house, into Thames Street again and so to the tower – Walked along the East North and West sides of the moat, then went over the draw-bridge as far as we might (a beef-eater stopt the way – it would have been his perquisite or that of some others brethren to shew the interior) –

Returned by Thames Street Bridge road, Queen Street, across cheapside, King Street to the Guildhall, a noble gothic room – Large gothic windows with painted glass – 2 monuments one to the memory of the first Mr. Pitt afterwards Lord Clatham and the other to that of the last Mr. Pitt (William) – 2 gigantic statues partly in armour at the west end of the room (the hall) one in each corner –

On returning into Cheapside, went as far as the Mansion House, then turned back and went in to Saint Pauls – It was near 3 and during service – Stood a while to hear the chanting took a hasty view of the nave and transepts, and returned to Temple bar – 

Then up Chancery lane, along Holborn, Hatton Garden, Hatton wall, Vine Street, to Clerkenwell to see the tread-mill, the only one in London (there is one at           3 miles from here) – It was too late – not shown after 3 and it was 3 20/60 – Besides I ought to have had a permit from the sitting magistrate in Hatton Garden – Might get one anytime from 11 to 3 tomorrow – I am determined to see this, not only for its own sake, but “the tread-mill” was the only thing Miss Maclean saw when in London this year – 

From Clerkenwell along Vine Street, Hatton road, Portpool, King’s Road, Theobald’s Road, Bloomsbury Square, Hart Street, museum Street, Great Russell Street (too late to see the British Museum but just peeped into the court) Hanway Street? into Oxford Street, into Soho Square

Walked about a few minutes in the Bazar (a large building in the the north corner of the west side – well worth seeing) – Came out at the South side, thro’ Fifth Street, Compton Street, Princes Street, Coventry Street, Piccadilly 220 –

Got home at 5 1/2 – Cordingley said she was tired from being the weaker for her bilious attack, but should be better and stronger tomorrow – We must have [walked] 10 or 12 miles – Too far for her (dinner at 5 35/60) – Sent her out a glass of port wine – She really seems no worse for her walking – 

Excellent vermicelli soup and harrico of mutton for dinner with potatoes and kidney beans, and cold cherry and currant tart – Mr. Webb who brought the first dish in yesterday and today, says there must be above 12,000,000 inhabitants in London, an addition of about 4000 about a year ago, chiefly Spanish refugees, settled about Soho Square in Crown Street, Queen Street, Compton Street, King Street, etc 

He says I ought to see the Roman Catholic Chapel in Moorfields – It is very splendid – and advises my going to the Jew’s synagogue in Moorfields about 11 a.m. on Saturday – After dinner for above an hour tracing out this mornings route on the map – 

From 8 to 9 writing so far of this page – In walking about this morning, could not help feeling proud of the metropolis of my country – What magnificence – What comfort – What luxury! Like Tyre of old, her merchants are princes –

Writing out the rough draft of my index of today and yesterday took me from 9 to 9 25/60 – On coming in to dinner Monsieur Leuliette presented me with my passport, which he had got this morning from the French Ambassador “gratis” for his excellency and from Monsieur Leuliette, whom I merely pay by going in their coach from here to Paris – Very fine day – 

Settling what to do tomorrow took me till 10 1/2 – Went to my room at 10 3/4 – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [no dots, marking discharge] None, or so very little as to be scarce perceptible

[sideways in margin] Waller, Stays Maker. Buckley, Tailor

To get an idea of what Anne’s extensive trek through London was like, take a look at this brilliant ‘Walking Tour’ that @LaFemmeAd has made, mapping out her route on this day, with some photos and historical context for all the stops along the way! https://tinyurl.com/yxxq2qlz