#it’s so horrific it really belongs on twitter

[justjiseoks]

I just woke up to the most horrific message possible…

anyways…. thanks tristan, I will no longer be talking to you ever again.

[sui-imi]

100 Facts About UnderEats!Sans (aka Roo)

I posted these on twitter, but decided I should also post them here for everyone o/

Facts below the cut!

WARNING: it's. really long.

1. UnderEats!Sans is nicknamed 'Roo'. This is a shortened version of 'Deliveroo'. I chose it because the AU's name was already based on 'Uber Eats' and wanted to keep the theme relevance.

2. Roo originates from a Horrortale timeline variant. It was destroyed before he left to meet with Undyne, meaning his skull was never shattered, nor his eye taken. (Horrortale belongs to sour-apple-studios)

3. He's 4'4" / 132cm tall. He's not insecure about his height, but he doesn't like how tall everyone else is…

4. Since his timeline's gone, Roo's homeless. He'll either stay at Arbiter's store, nap in a random AU, or pay for an inn somewhere.

5. He works as a multiversal food delivery driver. His job is to collect food from various restaurants across the Multiverse, then use his AU-hopping moped to instantly transport the food to the customer's AU/address. (... its just uber eats but in undertale)

6. He's not supposed to, but if you bribe him with cash or food (anything with BBQ in it), he'll give you a free ride to another AU. He can be bribed to do other things, also. but only for cold, hard, cash. (and nothing inappropriate)

7. In his timeline, he spent a lot of time raising morale, handling rations and thinking of solutions for their food crisis. Due to this, Roo's not very lazy anymore. But he still loves to take naps.

8. He's extremely nervous around other Alphys', after seeing her stare at him so intensely, and hearing her plan from the echo flowers. He's okay around Swapped Alphys'. Usually.

9. He's pretty frugal, only buying food or paying for an inn room every so often.

10. He has a lot of food and snacks stored in his inventory, but not to eat. He instead hands it out to other people who might need it.

11. He can't handle high-stress/danger situations. If he can't find a solution to the problem quickly enough, he kind of. Shuts down. It results in him making very stupid decisions. Like throwing a moped at someone.

12. Due to his repeated destruction of company property, most of his pay goes towards paying off the broken bikes. It's... going to take a while to pay it off. (He's still going to keep throwing the mopeds).

13. Roo can also ride bicycles, motorbikes, and some types of cars. But he likes mopeds because they're small and easy to nap on.

14. Doesn't really use his phone outside of work purposes, so he's a bit of a social media boomer. The grimace shake trend is a horrific mystery to him. He doesn't even know what 'simp' means.

15. His magic eye LOOKS green, but it's not. It's the same blue/yellow that Classic Sans has, but it's moving so fast that it blends together to green.

16. He has the same stats as Classic Sans.

17. He still likes ketchup. He just thinks BBQ sauce is the superior condiment.

18. He's always wearing a hat, or something that covers his head. It's because he's trying to break a bad habit of scratching at his skull. Instead, he fiddles with the hat.

19. He's actually a pretty good cook! On his days off, he likes to practice.

20. His favourite place to eat is Grillby's 2 (a multiversal version of the OG). He's good friends with the Grillbys that run the place and the food is always good.

21. He has a soft spot for Grillbys and other Horrors. He's nice to them and always asking if they're good. (He's still shaken from his Grillby... 'melting'...)

22. He's one of those people that constantly complains about doing something, but still does it anyway.

23. He has an excellent memory when it comes to remembering addresses/co-ordinates to other AUs. Ask him about a specific place and chances are, he'll know where you're talking about.

24. He likes his job because it's simple. He likes simple. It means less stress. Despite being a simple job, certain customers love increasing his stress levels. T_T

25. His hands are a bit scratched up from stress-scratching. That's part of the reason why he likes to wear gloves all the time. The other part is: he just likes wearing them.

26. He doesn't like wasting food/drinks. If you make something (edible) for him, even if he doesn't want it, he'll try to eat it, just so it doesn't go to waste.

27. He's not picky with what he eats. If it's edible, he'll eat it. If it's not edible, he'll... pretend to eat it.

28. He used to be friends with a part-time worker, who was an Undyne. After certain events occured, he no longer makes friends with the other workers!

29. Roo dislikes Exec's 'don't interfere with timelines' rule. He thinks that if you can help, you should. But he also doesn't want to lose the job, so his help ends up being rather limited…

30. He hates delivering to the Doodlesphere. He has a policy in place with the Star Sanses: if he delivers and they're in the middle of a fight, they have to tip him double... he makes a lot of money delivering to the Doodlesphere.

31. Roo likes going to a random AU and taking a nap in it. Sometimes, if he's bored, he'll explore the AU a little bit. He's not supposed to be seen in AUs that aren't involved/aware of the multiverse, so he either skips them or sneaks around.

32. If he comes across a starving timeline, he'll leave behind some food. Nothing big, just enough to survive a little longer. He doesn't want Exec to become aware of his 'timeline-intefering'. (Exec already knows. But they allow it, since it doesn't really affect much.)

33. If he ever lost his job, he'd go work with Arbiter in the Condiment Hall (a convenience store that specialises in well, condiments), or go to the Omega Timeline.

34. His eye sockets are naturally 'droopy'.

35. His bones can rattle. It only happens when he's scared. It's embarrassing.

36. He drinks, but only 'socially' (AKA, if you hand him a drink, he'll drink it). He's not a lightweight. But the process of getting drunk makes him feel queasy. When he's actually drunk, he starts acting stupid.

37. He gets easily flustered/embarrassed if you give him any positive attention. When that happens, he tugs on his hat to hide his face.

38. He doesn’t like fighting. If he ends up in an encounter, he either tries to escape it, or he gets too stressed (aka goes stupid mode).

39. If someone is in trouble (and he’s ACTUALLY able to help), he’ll do his best to remove them from the situation. Don’t ask him to fight for you. He won’t.

40. He favours using blue magic in fights to keep opponents away from him/rooted in place. If that fails, he'll TP to a safe distance.

41. If his life is truly in danger, his survival instincts kick in, and he’ll fight like it’s a genocide route.

41b. His thoughts are switched ‘off’ during this. He fights automatically.

42. He has a metal pipe for joke purposes. Sometimes he’ll drop it because the sound is hilarious to him. He also uses it as an impromptu weapon.

43. The best description for Roo is that he’s Aro Ace. He has no desire for anything beyond friendship.

44. He’s lost track of his age, but he’s in his late 20s/early 30s. His birthday is the 8th of September (International Food Delivery Day)!

45. He’s fine interacting with other Papyruses, but if they show any familiarity with him, it weirds him out. (i.e: calling him 'Brother')

46. Roo misses his Papyrus, but… a part of him is glad that he’s not suffering anymore. But that kind of thinking also makes him mad... It’s a difficult subject. He doesn't like to think about it.

47. Either he’s grumpy, loud and rude (usually with difficult people). Or chill and more like a Classic (most of the time). 

47b. He’s also a very expressive skeleton. His facebones are quite flexible. (does that even make sense?)

48. Everytime he gets an order from the Bad Sanses, his day gets ten times worse. He has to start mentally planning an escape route to minimise trouble.

49. Roo feels a strange kind of survivor’s guilt when he sees other Horrors. He’s aware of how lucky he is compared to his counterparts.

50. Sometimes, he has nightmares of a Horror clawing out his eye, wanting to ‘make them match’.

51. He loves getting tips and bribes. His prices are always fair - he doesn’t like extorting people. But er, if you insist enough times, he’ll just… take it and pay it forward. (cough)

52. Roo loves antagonising Swap Papyrus. Swap Paps antagonises him back. Roo also loves getting Swap Sans to lecture Paps for antagonising him.

53. He still has the ability to Judge, and quietly checks anyone he comes across. Just as a safety precaution.

54. His mouth can open, but it usually stays shut. It only opens when he's yawning or eating something big. He can eat some things/drink without opening his mouth. How? Who knows.

55. He doesn’t enjoy science anymore, and tends to avoid it. But sometimes he sees something interesting and becomes curious.

56. There’s an Outertale Burgerpants called Burpi that he loves to antagonise. It seems he knows something embarrassing the cat monster did and holds it over his head.

57. He wears size 6 (US size) mens shoes.

58. His favourite colour is blue. But he thinks green is okay too.

59. Roo doesn’t know how to react to gifts. Half the time he thinks it’s something you want him to deliver. If you clarify, he says thanks and puts it somewhere safe. (Then he gets flustered)

60. He doesn’t really cry, except for ‘comedic situations’.

61. He used to have a habit of writing a bunch of notes on any surface he could find (especially walls). He got in a lot of trouble for it. Now he carries a small notebook around to take notes.

62. He’s not very materialistic. His moped is probably the only 'material' thing he cares about.

63. He keeps having to buy new socks because everytime he stays at an inn/at Arbiter’s place, he leaves one lying around.

64. He’s accidentally made a trash tornado in his bag, except with people’s orders.. It was very messy..

65. He’s currently learning how to bake. His favourite so far are fig rolls.

66. If there’s ever drama or a (not serious) fight going down in front of him, he’s the guy dealing out popcorn to the bystanders.

67. Whenever he’s bored, he watches some random shows. He tried to watch UnderNovela but he missed a lot of episodes, so he’s just confused.

68. Roo knows English, Common (AKA monster english), and Monster Sign Language (the monster’s version of sign)

69. In Roo’s timeline, Gaster was his brother. He can’t remember his parents.

70. He got turned into a bitty once. He refuses to talk about it, saying ‘the experience changed me…. Into a bitty, that is.’

71. One of the strangest AUs he’s visited is one where monsters were on the surface, except they were beast-like and HUGE. Not bara huge. 200ft tall huge. He finds it fascinating. Sometimes he'll go there, sit in a tree, and just watch them roam.

72. Every time he visits a random AU, he has a 50/50 chance of being dropped into the middle of something chaotic.

73. He customises his mopeds to say ‘sans’ with a bone sticker at the front. It’s so he can remember which one is his. (Lie. He just thinks it's cool)

74. He has a red friendship bracelet around his neck, given to him by Fresh!Reaper. It’s hidden by his coat most of the time. (Fresh!Reaper - @\SoftyMuii on Twitter)

75. He's sort of friends with this one Horror. They like to grab lunch together sometimes.

76. He likes to listen to other people’s puns more than making his own. Either way they make him chuckle every time, even in serious situations. (Though he tries not to laugh out of loud).

77. His favourite kind of jacket are windbreakers, which is what he wears most of the time.

78. He doesn’t care much for fashion, he just wears whatever’s comfortable (which is a shirt and shorts).

79. His favourite thing about the surface are the stars. Second is the sea. He loves the colour of the water and how calm it is.

80. When he texts, his replies are lazy and full of typos.

81. He has no idea that the lady behind the door was Toriel, queen of the monsters. In his timeline, Frisk killed her.

82. Despite napping all the time, he has trouble actually trying to sleep. He can manage 2 hours before waking up.

83. He’s a pretty light sleeper. He doesn’t fully fall asleep, still keeping some sort of awareness of his surroundings. If someone gets too close to him/makes too much noise, he’ll open his eyes.

84. Roo will generally try to follow the rules, but if they clash with his ideals, he’ll either break them, or try his best to bend the rules to his favour.

85. He’s good at keeping secrets. But that’s only because he forgets most of them after a while.

86. His bone colour is affected by how much sun he receives. They’re off-white since he’s covered up most of the time.

87. Sometimes he’ll sunbathe a little to brighten his bones. He claims it makes him feel more energetic.

88. He thinks MTT food is the worst of the worst. He won’t even pretend to eat it if someone hands him any. It’s going straight in the trash.

89. He likes white noise. Pure silence makes him agitated.

91. He's kind of apathetic. His emotions feel muted. But his reactions are still over the top.

90. Roo likes eye contact and being able to see people’s faces & facial expressions when talking to them. Having your back turned to him during a conversation bothers him.

90b. Despite this, he gets unnerved by intense staring (it reminds him of Alphys)

92. His stamina is okay, but he still gets tired out often, which is why he takes so many naps.

93. Roo doesn’t really get angry. At most he’ll get irritated or annoyed, but he doesn’t know what true anger feels like.

94. He hates troublesome customers. A part of him hopes they get food poisoning and never order again… but he won’t say that out loud.

95. He enjoys delivering to ‘peaceful’ AUs, usually ones that have already reached the surface. The customers there are usually very nice.

96. He’s a tidy person, but that’s only because he doesn’t own a lot of things to create a mess in the first place.

97. Don’t bully workers! If you’re mean to the workers at the stores, Roo will get annoyed and lecture you.

98. He feels a sense of kinship with other workers, especially multiversal workers like him. (Like Post!Sans)

99. Sometimes he works at Grillby’s 2 if they need extra help. He’s terrible at making drinks/entertaining the customers, so he just makes food in the back.

100. If it’s very hot or very cold, he can feel it. Otherwise he can’t really feel changes in temperature.

[maxemilianverstappen]

Its so funny how this person has Nikis name in their blog handle but I got to personally meet Niki some years ago and he was one of the nicest people I have ever seen in the paddock. Like he took his time talking with everyone and it never felt like he was the celeb me and my father were the fans no it was rather like he was respecting us as much as we were respecting him. And I can guarantee you he would hate how social media has become with everyone just hating each other. He would hate seeing Max fans bashing Lewis and Lewis fans bashing Max. This is just not what Niki stood for

You are so lucky to have met a legend like that!!

Niki Lauda would absolutely be disgusted with the way many of the fans present their arguments.

Look, we all think quite differently about who we like and don't like, wrong or correct or misinformed. The reason I have blocked 600+ people on this hellsite and seldom go onto Twitter is people really don't know how to discuss shit.

Like, you remain civil, you use neutral language, but these people come onto your posts and reblog them with such vile shit that, it is almost impossible to talk to them.

Using all kinds of racist/xenophobic/bodyshaming/misogynistic/misandric shit against the person you are having a "discussion" with while defending your blorbo and the ppl belonging to your side and claiming to be an advocate against all the shit you see fit to heap upon another person is... I don't know, hypocritical? Nasty? Vile? You can choose a similar word from the Thesaurus.

It is funny.

We are saying that people have to respect each other on live TV that has a viewership of sth between 1-2 millions just in their home country, stay as neutral as their biased asses can, never forget that they have the power to instigate and fester more hate or more positivity if they choose so. But these people come onto us and say practically vile shit (saying we deserve to be called as such) and call a person's literal human right as sth that can be taken away from him (because they think he doesn't deserve his rights) or sth that can be overlooked and ridiculed and dragged across the ground by likening him to some nasty pig that's killing and oppressing people.

Are these ppl really that devoid of any sanity at all? Or do they see him and us as subhumans like some fascist fucks?

How can they expect us to show them any respect? (I am appalled at how maturely and nicely my mutuals answer their vile anons because they don't deserve zilch) They say we don't respect them while their lot literally say they want to kill/strangle/maim/rape us? Do they think these are jokes while they are still hung up on a word Max uttered? What about the shit they are calling us?

Ewwwww.... I really can't... I really don't understand these mentally ill people who choose to spend their precious time on the social media with spewing horrific things at whoever instead of trying to get better and live a better life.

Such fucked up mind sets and a pitiful existence solely based on hate.

Life is short, idiot. Go touch some grass.

[crystalelemental]

Hey, it's Pichu anon! (Might as well call myself this.) Yesterday I saw #ilikeMicaiah on Twitter and so I decided to discuss with you, another fan of hers, about one trait that isn't scrutinized enough, aka the roots of her patriotism. I mean, it's fascinating, coming from a Branded, even more so when it's directed at Daein, which is a lot racist. It's almost contradictory, to the point that many write her off as part of her kindness. But then, I remember something: the line where she says (1/?)

"That during the war (and after it) people helped her "just because she was from Daein. The sad thing? That's probably the nearest thing to a sense of belonging she has ever felt. She has been running all her life from people, even trying to abandon Sothe 'cuz she knew he could've gotten in trouble because she's Branded. But she never wanted to avoid people nor being alone but she's aware that the people could turn on her just as well if they knew her secrets (hell, the Brigade doesn't know)(2/?)

Ironically, this is best discussed in the English-only conversation in 3-12, where she says upfront that she'd rather be reviled as a beast than let Daein be destroyed. I don't know if that was the intent, but I like to imagine she was also referring to how she knows that the same people who adore her now might very well betray her. And it's all so intriguing, especially when you compare her to Stefan and Soren and their lifestories of abuse. God, Micaiah is such a golden written character!(3/3)"

Bless you, Pichu Anon, for giving me a chance to talk about Micaiah.  I love her so much.  I'm glad that at least some of the fanbase is coming around on her, because I remember launch RD involved almost nothing but hate for her.  It was a rough time.

I think the whole situation with Daein is really interesting.  The nation is known for being anti-Laguz, and very strongly so.  Its citizens are blatantly excited about fighting them and taking home trophies in the form of their dead bodies.  It's messed up how extreme it is, and we get a lot of how this indoctrination occurs from Jill in PoR.

But I think what's fun about Micaiah's route is that we see the other sides of Daein.  The racism is still there, but the people are more than just a one-note evil amalgam.  They're a fairly poor populace, and have a strong sense of community and connection.  When things go south, they band together and take care of their own.  Which is, in fact, a positive quality for the nation.  An Micaiah's taken in my this strength of theirs; their willingness to band together for the good of the community and make sure everyone is taken care of. It's likely something she's never experienced. Even if they didn't know what she was, that experience of being part of such a community likely would've made an impression.

So her entire focus now is on preserving that. She fights for Daein to preserve the lives of these people who were so kind. And she goes absolutely all-in for it too. Micaiah goes to fascinating extremes to pull off a win against opponents better equipped and more experienced than her, and I love it. Her sections in Act 3 can be annoying to play through, but it does present an interesting concept of what it's like to be so horrifically outgunned. Kinda like Thracia. Only not as obnoxious.

[bopinion]

2023 / 32

Aperçu of the Week:

"Bureaucracy is inherently Kafkaesque."

(Elon Musk on Twitter when it was neither his nor X)

Bad News of the Week:

Wirtschaftswunder - the German economy is legendary. Twice it has built a powerhouse with its mix of diligence and discipline and innovation and quality: in the 1950s in post-war ruins, and after reunification with East Germany, whose de facto bankruptcy had to be absorbed and nursed back to health. "Made in Germany" became an international seal of quality. But as is so often the case, legends belong in the past. For the present is rather gloomy, the future questionable.

Because Germany is in an economic crisis. Again. Around the turn of the millennium, according to the Economist, we were "the sick man of Europe," left behind economically by our neighbors. With reforms of the labor market and the social system ("Agenda 2010"), we managed to catch up economically and were in a good position again. Much else was left undone. And now that's coming for us.

Bureaucracy, high costs (for energy and labor) as well as a shortage of skilled workers and an aging population are commonly cited as the reasons why we are struggling - even more than Spain - against external factors such as supply chain problems and dependence on raw materials. Which are problematic enough in themselves. Likewise with inflation. In addition, both digitization and infrastructure renewal have been overslept in recent years. Not to mention dealing with climate change. One could almost say that we have too many bills on the table and too little money in the bank account.

But let's not misunderstand each other: Germany is still doing reasonably well, given the so-called "circumstances". Compared to Great Britain or Japan, for example. But in the day-to-day business of politics, there is far too little courage, spirit of optimism and willingness to take risks to face the coming challenges with confidence. A lukewarm sense of "business as usual" dominates - a legacy of 16 years of Merkel? Yet most of our problems are homemade. Our excessive bureaucracy, for example, is a purely German specialty and can hardly be blamed on globalization.

What can be done? None of our political parties has a recipe for the future. Or does not dare to develop one. After all, you have to take the voters with you. They have no desire for change if it means abandoning habits and comfort. The one golden road that lets us overcome every obstacle without hurting anyone does not exist. Every people has the government it deserves. Always ranting about "those up there" won't get us anywhere. We must start with ourselves. Even if it is unpleasant.

Good News of the Week:

I've always thought that political cartoonists are also excellent commentators. After all, they get to the heart of things with a few strokes of the pen in a picture. One of my favorites, Heiko Sakurai, drew a picture last week that he himself puts into words as follows: "In its (...) European election program, the AfD sees the EU as a failure and advocates its transformation into a confederation of nation states bound only by certain economic interests and a defense against refugees."

So the right-wing populists of the AfD (Alternative für Deutschland / Alternative for Germany) are getting into the election campaign for seats in the European Parliament, so that they can then destroy it from within. Marine Le Pen is already chilling the champagne. The European Union as peace project and community of values, which take responsibility together for each other - abolish. If tariffs are merely not levied and walls are erected at the external borders, the ideal of Europe is dead. Frustrating. So why "good news?"

Because the environmental disaster in Slovenia last week showed us what Europe really stands for. The images were and are horrific: 75% of the small country between the Alps and the Adriatic Sea was affected by unbelievable heavy rains and resulting floods, landslides and mudslides. The outcome is frightening, for example hundreds of bridges were simply torn away - the complete infrastructure no longer exists.

And then came the beautiful pictures: Solidarity among neighbors, willingness to help the unknown, pragmatic politicians. But also relief teams from European countries that were already on site after 24 hours - with makeshift bridges, excavators, generators, helicopters, tents. But above all with commitment. And money. The European Union alone pledged several billion euros from various budgets and as emergency aid. Commission President Ursula von der Leyen was there herself. And visibly moved. And the Slovenian prime minister made a remarkable statement: "The European Union is the best thing that has happened to Slovenia in the last 100 years."

That sums it up. Europe is a community of solidarity. The whole is more than just the sum of its parts. Great Britain can sing a song about this, whose economic and social problems are clearly due to the Brexit - at least that's how all political observers outside the country see it. For centuries, wars dominated the history of European nations. That has changed fundamentally. Because cooperation is always better than confrontation. I feel like a European. And it's anything but shameful to say so.

Personal happy moment of the week:

From time to time, I force my kids to watch a movie that I think is important. Or even culturally significant. They are already doing well with this - I could also condemn them to read certain books or visit exhibitions. With Luc Besson's "The Big Blue" or Stanley Kubrick's "2001" they seemed to suffer more, last week they had fun. With "The Big Lebowski" by the Coen brothers. Which my son saw in style with a bathrobe. Apparently we are just a family of cool dudes.

I couldn't care less...

...about opinion polls. To the question "Do you think the U.S. will elect Trump president again?" 69% of Germans answered "Yes, I can imagine that." I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be upset about now. But I'm starting to feel queasy, too.

As I write this...

...the FIFA Women's World Cup is looking to become a European competition. Today, Japan and Colombia were eliminated in the quarterfinals. So Spain, England, Sweden are in the semifinals. And co-host Australia. But they only got further with luck in a penalty shootout against France. My sympathy was first with Colombia (yes, even if they beat Germany) and now with the Matildas from Downunder. You go, girls. No worries!

Post Scriptum

The Left (Die Linke) in Germany is disassembling itself. For years it has been struggling with weak values, barely making it into the federal parliament. And yet it is primarily concerned with its own trench warfare. Currently, its most prominent politician, Sahra Wagenknecht, is being forced to likely found her own party. This would result in a few small splinter groups that would only operate in the shadows. That would be bad.

Okay, I would never be able to vote for the Left. Their program is too radical ("Expropriate banks and key industries!"), too unrealistic ("Dissolve NATO!") or just plain stupid ("Abolish the euro!") for that. But a voice from the left is good for any party landscape. Since the Social Democrats have positioned themselves in the center and the Greens have become liberal, only they remain as a national conscience for the socially weak and against the omnipotence of money. They would be missed.

[inhuman-obey-me]

True Divinity

#HappyBirthdayLucifer2021 ! This was another piece written as part of a collab project for Lucifer’s birthday -- you can check out all the artist/writer combos at the Lucifer Birthday Collab Twitter!  --- Words:  886 Lucifer contemplates on what it really means to be a fallen angel turned demon. Can be found on AO3 here.

For as long as Lucifer can remember, the angels were warned of the evils of demons, of the immorality and sin that seeped through every fiber of their being which twisted them into hideous creatures undeserving of the light. Demons were not to be trusted, nor respected, nor least of all revered. They were foul beasts, wickedly devious and constantly thirsting for power and blood.

For an angel to fall, to become such a monstrosity themself, was the ultimate disgrace. Wrenched of all purity and morphed into an abomination -- what greater punishment was there than that?

Lucifer stares at his reflection, his glowing halo long since replaced by the curve of two horns, sharp and rigid. Four feathered wings that used to be six, white silk now dipped in the deepest black. An onyx diamond resting perfectly in the center of his forehead where there used to be only smooth, unblemished skin.

A monster. That is what his father would now call him.

A scoff nearly leaves him at the thought, and he finds himself momentarily lost in a memory. That fateful day, where he had been forced to go in his father’s steed to visit the Devildom Prince. He had come woefully unprepared, his father not even bothering to mention the letter he had received that detailed the plans for this diplomatic visit, and thus Lucifer treated everything with suspicion. After all, he was in the home of those he had been taught to disgust! To what trickery would they subject him, the Morning Star, one of the greatest of the Angels?

And yet, he was treated with all the dignity and respect he would have never expected a demon to possess. Prince Diavolo was courteous, accommodating, and honest. Barbatos, ever his Lord’s loyal servant, kept his word and made sure to take care of Lucifer’s Armor of Light which had become literally soiled when he crashed into the Devildom dirt. They continued to treat him graciously even after a scathing remark after another would leave his lips. He tried to find the cracks, tried to pick and prod and find the twisted meaning of their words or the deceit in their actions -- but there was nothing of the sort to be found.

Which of us is the angel, and which of us is the demon?

That was the question he had that day, one that planted the seed of doubt. It rooted itself into his mind and took a hold of his heart. Gradually, it grew, and grew, and grew until it flourished and brought him to take a sword to all that he had been taught to obey.

His act of rebellion, unthinkable for an angel of his stature, was not without its painful loss, without its overwhelming grief, without its punishment -- but one thing it did not bring him in the end was regret. He wished -- oh how he so desperately wished -- that the outcome had been different, but his resolve was cemented in stone. He would have taken arms one hundred times over, for he would rather suffer sorrow and agony than to live a complete lie.

It was the Prince of the Demons who had come to his side when all hope seemed lost. It was not without its price, but he would rather swear loyalty to Diavolo than to his father, and he understood that such a cost was for the sake of the Prince’s realm. It was the Demon King who welcomed Lucifer and his brothers to the highest offices of the kingdom, recognizing their power and potential. It was here, in the Devildom, that they were able to carve out a new home and future, which gave them a second chance.

Crimson eyes gaze back at him as Lucifer returns to the present, the raven locks of his hair neatly framing his high cheekbones. A finger gloved in red leather traces his chiseled jawline, then moves to his sculpted lips. He was supposed to be one of his father’s greatest creations, one of the most beautiful and perfect beings to exist -- as an angel. But here he was, transformed and tainted, and still treated as perfection by demons and humans alike.

It was pride that made him fall, they said. It was pride which he now embodied, the very Avatar of his sin. Arrogant and conceited, or as he liked to call it, self-assured and confident. It should have corrupted him whole, turned him into the very abomination and monstrosity they were told demons to be -- nevertheless, here he stood, still admired and revered despite the darkness that swallowed him, despite the fangs and claws that lied in wait behind a disarming smile.

A monster, the angels he fought against above would call him now.

But was it so bad to be considered as such? Weren’t the very angels he once belonged to, the angels that still peered down with judgement from above, also horrific in their true nature? There was a reason angels so often spoke the line “Be not afraid” when encountering their precious little humans. Divinity so often equates to unimaginable horror and wonder -- awe-inspiring, formidable, grand.

A smirk formed on his lips, feeling his pride swell in his chest.

He had never felt more divine.

[shoezuki]

ive decided im gon go off about these cc ‘meetups’ we keep fucking seeing and having twitter explode over that Keep Happening. partially because It Keeps Happening and also because people on twitter exploded at minx when she Mentioned actually Moving To the states in the future, while the same ppl are celebrating and cheering for karl and sapnap meeting up For Fun. 

like. honest to god its this horrific double standard within the fandom with women (minx in this case) while goin Off bout their favourite cishet whiteboys doing something Worse. 

but like BESIDES THAT. i dont care who the ccs are or how ‘safe’ they are they SHOULDNT be traveling and visiting people during a pandemic. its irresponsible, they potentially are putting Anyone they come into proxy at risk, and its entirely selfish of them to do so. its not rocket science.

but like. i ALWAYS see some ‘well theyre being safe with it’ or how they are following proper procedures while meeting up and lemme ask this how do you know that? literally what do they consider ‘proper procedures’? what are they Actually Doing?

is karl and sapnap isolating for days before and after, cleaning their belongings and clothes, maintaining a distance from people And one another, wearing face masks at all times? or are their ‘safety procedures’ just throwing on some hand sanitizer?

its just. all around irresponsible. we are supposed to Assume that its Safe and Secure of them to do such things without risking people’s literal Lives, but even so. theyre currently streaming themselves joining up without masks on and having fun and Travelling together to many thousands of people. many of which are young. its a fucked up precedent that This Is Okay when its not. its really fucking not. 

as fun as it is to meet up they dont need to and they shouldnt. end of story. even more so that theyre advertising themselves defying and dejecting safety measures to thousands of people like its Entertainment. 

Seriously. i rarely see anyone sayin much of it. especially when karl in particular has done this Multiple times now. but is risking lives worth some Cute Screenshots and new pfps of ur favourite whiteboys?

[gothicprep]

Meditations on True Crime: A Very Long Post

In around February of this year, I was researching a potential video related to how true crime media portrays websleuths, contrasted against their efficacy in each specific case. The introduction was a brief primer on the genre’s evolution, beginning with its general association with low-budget LifeTime films, to a hobby with more dignity than that. I remember finding an article talking about Serial, and there was some commentary in there from another large true crime podcast host.

I didn’t think it was particularly useful for my purposes, but it said something to the effect of “true crime as a hobby can help women reconcile the trauma related to being in a world that is so hostile to us.” I rolled my eyes at it. It seemed dishonestly saccharine, like it was giving a sort of post-hoc legitimacy to just enjoying whodunnits. I didn’t think about it again for around seven months after I’d read it.

One of the subjects that I intended to talk about was Elisa Lam’s death and the online reaction to it. The story was adapted into a Netflix series a few months prior, and I was freshly reminded of how poorly it all sat with me. If you aren’t familiar with her name, she disappeared in Los Angeles’s Cecil Hotel in 2013, and her disappearance went viral after the respective police department release footage of her behaving strangely in an elevator. The case attained quick viral status and extensive discussion, due to the nature of the video and the hotel’s morbid history. When her naked body was discovered in a rooftop water tank a few weeks later, speculation exploded. But an autopsy isn’t an immediate followup, and the online sleuths would lose themselves to their imaginations in the time between. Many people wanted the murder solved, but many let their speculation fly off the rails. Shady hotel coverups. Metal musician murderers. Fear of the homeless. Ghosts. Demons. Government tuberculosis research. The gang was all there.

If you weren’t active online back then, it’s difficult to properly convey how huge this all was. Everyone was expecting Elisa to have been murdered. Iron-clad. Beyond the shadow of a doubt. She wasn’t. Her death was ruled an accident. She had a severe case of bipolar disorder and she wasn’t taking her medication. The severity of her illness was also not previously disclosed to the public. The working theory is that she experienced a manic episode with psychotic features, climbed in the tank in this state, to eventually strip out of her clothes in late stage hypothermia and drown there. It’s a horrific and painful way to die. All that’s left of you is water contamination – insult to fatal injury.

People weren’t happy with this, but not out of any sympathy for Elisa. There was palpable rage from many who had been following the case. No, she was definitely murdered. No, her killer needs to be brought to justice. No, this isn’t the real story. I don’t like it. I’m not satisfied. There needs to be an ending better than this.

Tragedy isn’t exactly in the habit of being kind to us.

When news of Gabby Petito’s disappearance was spreading, I noticed a lot of similarities between hers and Elisa’s. A woman in her early 20s vanishes while traveling, under very unusual circumstances. Footage was released during both investigations, which portrayed these women in mentally vulnerable states. The story was viral online. People rifled through Gabby’s instagram in the same way they did with Elisa’s tumblr. Social media detectives established an inappropriate amount of investment. Everyone is sure of a specific outcome. The family deserves answers.

Let’s talk about answers for a second. I’d like you to spitball a comprehensive explanation for this one: how could something like this happen? I’m not looking for a “how” in terms of events or circumstances. In this case, this isn’t a question. It’s a protest of the unfairness of it all. My daughter. My sister. My friend. Someone who meant so much to me. It’s a prayer to a vacant sky. It’s not a question, it’s agony. Nothing shy of resurrection can feel like justice. Even if the case leads to a criminal trial and conviction, it does nothing to fill the void loss burns within us. There is no good answer, because there aren’t answers at all.

Let’s talk about ourselves for a second. I noticed many people draw parallels between what they’d seen on the bodycam footage and their own experience with abusive partners. “This could have been me.” Do you really think this is appropriate? Could have been, would have been – these are statements with hypothetical validity. It has nothing to do with you. To emotionally identify with someone does not evidence anything. You’re here. She’s gone. This isn’t about you. She isn’t in the position where she can co-sign anything you say. If she can’t speak for herself, don’t invoke her.

Let’s talk about true crime for a second. It’s funny how true crime marketed to men has a distinctly different texture than true crime marketed to women. The former seems to involve knocking the perpetrator down a peg. It portrays them as something worth our disgust and ridicule. The latter tends to foster emotional identification with the victim. Podcasts and other media in this category tend to be by women, for women, and generally discuss women. This story is presented as catharsis for women who see themselves as similar to them. This woman is no longer a person, but an idea. And it makes me think of that stupid article quote that I resent myself for not having bookmarked. This is reconciliation. These women, in their passing, can be a motivating factor for us to break up with that one dumbass guy. I’m so happy this was a wakeup call. I’m so happy that this made me think about my own experiences. I’m so happy that this did so much for me. Sure, someone actually died, but what is that when compared to my own self-actualization?

I made a comment on Twitter about how disgusted I was with how people spoke of Gabby in such an evasively self-interested way, and someone who likely was of no relation to her interjected with how the family deserved the truth. Truth? What truth? What peace will grisly details give them? Is there any meaningful difference between knowing your loved one died of murder or collapsed from exposure? Or are you just a nosey person who’s projected an inappropriate emotional dog in this fight? Do you want answers for her family, or for your own curiosity?

I really don’t trust shit like that, nor am I willing to give leniency to people who say such things. I think we’ve been conditioned to relate to dead women in a way that’s completely separate from who they actually were. Alive, they’re deep, multifaceted individuals, with an array of likes, dislikes, quirks, and endless little details. Dead, they’re a concept to serve a purpose. The purpose is generally a form of narrative catharsis. The creep gets thrown in prison. A woman’s abusive partner gets the comeuppance he deserves. The story needs a good ending. The story needs an ending that satisfies me. People aren’t stories. Life is not a novel.

The real trauma of others will never belong to you. This not your therapy tool or plaything. This is real pain that will never be theoretical for plenty of people. Know your place. Keep your distance. Don’t objectify the dead.

[cosmicjoke]

Ah, jeeze, okay, just when I thought  Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai (Twittering Birds Never Fly) couldn’t get any more intense or heartbreaking... I just finished chapters 34 and 35, and I’m a mess.  God, I really don’t even know what to say.  Well, if you haven’t read through to this point, I’m going to mention spoilers here, so stop reading if so.  But just the fact that Yashiro went into that confrontation with Hirata, with the intention to let Hirata kill him, my God, the revelation that Yashiro wanted to die, I nearly burst into tears.  His internal monologue about how he ruined everything good, how he wanted to hurt hose he held dear, how he wanted to sully everything beautiful and destroy any chance at happiness, just, seeing the profound self-loathing in him during these moments, how much he hates himself, and in the same instant, how profoundly he misjudges himself, was truly one of the most tragic, heartbreaking things I’ve ever come across in any piece of literature and/or art.  

I know this has likely already been discussed through and through by fans who have been following this story since the beginning, but I have to talk about it.  The overarching reality of who Yashiro is, that we see throughout the entire story up to this point, is that he’s exactly the opposite of what he sees himself as.  Someone who destroys beautiful things, someone who hurts those he loves, etc... and yet every action Yashiro takes throughout the story is almost entirely to the benefit of others, and almost always at an often massive expense to himself.  The very reason he was dragged into the world of the Yakuza to begin with was to help Kageyama, to ensure he kept his practice as a doctor, and got to realize his own dreams, the person he was so in love with, but who never returned those feelings in kind.  That self-sacrifice, which Kageyama never even knew about, doing it purely for Kageyama’s benefit.  And then of course we see him do the same with Nanahara, and Ryuuzzaki and Musimi and Doumeki.  He just gives and gives and gives of himself, without ever asking for anything in return.  And yet he hates himself so deeply, and thinks so viciously, tragically lowly of himself, and it all roots back to the abuse he suffered as a child.  It’s such a deep and meaningful examination of the impact of child abuse on a person’s life, and the way it refuses to sugarcoat that, or undermine it, really forcing the reader to see the devastation it’s wrought on the life of a person with a genuinely good and kind heart, it’s just beyond words in how moving that is.  

The big moment when this becomes more obvious than ever (even though it was plain as day before) of course is when Yashiro fights back against Hirata after he shoots Doumeki.  When just moments before he was willingly allowing himself to be beaten and then choked to death by Hirata, ready to accept his own death, thinking it was what he deserved, was the only logical path for someone like him, but then, the instant Doumeki is hurt, that’s when we finally see Yashiro fight back.  He regards his own life a completely valueless, and feigns at indifference towards those he loves and cares for, but his actions here tell the truth of it.  The line that broke my heart so completely was when he referred to his own life as a “worn out life”.  He could see no reason any longer for him to continue on, saw no purpose or value in it.  

I think what also really struck me during this scene was how, even when he finally fights back against Hirata, he doesn’t kill him.  He doesn’t even hit him with that rock hard enough to incapacitate him, and that really reflects back on another detail you notice about Yashiro throughout the story, which is that he never actually kills anybody.  He never really, seriously hurts anybody.  Despite living in a world of incredible violence, and despite having his entire life been treated as an object to be used, he doesn’t ever really abuse anyone himself.  He thinks he does, but his own perception of himself is so warped by years upon years of mistreatment by others.  And again, that’s such a horrifically tragic aspect to his character.  A self-loathing born of the abuse inflicted upon him by others, and not of anything he himself actually is.  He reminds me incredibly of Ash from Banana Fish in that regard.  

It also reflects back on what Ryuuzaki says of Yashiro, that he was never cut out to be a Yakuza, and his own frustrations and confusion about how he’s the only one who seems to see that about Yashiro.  He could always see Yashiro was, in his heart, actually such a gentle, and kind person, not at all made for the cut-throat cruelty of that world he was living in.  And yet Yashiro can’t see that about himself at all either.  He thinks that world is the only one where he could belong, or keep on living.  It’s so, so sad.

The other thing too, of course, is that ALL of these people care deeply about Yashiro, and are deeply loyal to him, because they can see that he’s actually this incredibly good person.  Like Nanahara says to Kageyama, he’s actually “really cool”.  There’s people all around Yashiro who care about and loves him immensely, but he can’t see that, because he thinks so little about himself, once more because of the abuse he’s suffered.  Again, that’s the definition of tragic.

Anyway, I have about a million thoughts regarding all of this, and I still haven’t caught up entirely on the series, so I’m gonna have to go do that now.  But Jesus, this manga has moved me to an unbelievable degree, and stirred my heart so much.  It’s genuinely poignant and beautiful and meaningful.  Ugh, I can’t recommend it enough.

[youngdisciples]

With all our inmost being, let us declare and rejoice that our God is our salvation and we should never be afraid. Many times we were put into a situation where our trust and confidence in Him is tested. Many people testified that they have been put into a situation where they have to doubt God especially when some horrific situations happen. We can read many testimonials online about how the spiritual world is scarier than the physical world. A lot of people encountered many sinister things in their lives that made them hold on more to God or walk away from God.

Yet these are not only the situations where our trust and confidence in God is tested. It can be failures, career trials, financial problems, health problems, or even a life-death situation. So, most of these times, our trust and confidence in Him is really tested, and either it makes it stronger or it’ll make it weaker. However, we must really understand that our trust and confidence in God must never rely only on our circumstances. It doesn’t mean that we are facing such, our trust can solely be defined by such. We need to understand that whatever circumstances or situations we are in, God remains faithful, our protector, and our salvation. 

Situations vary, but our God is unchanging. Thus, indeed, our God is our salvation and we should never be afraid. He is our strength and our defense. He will literally defend us from the evil one. Satan will always try to take us away by giving us the most casual unfortunate phenomena to the most unusual (spiritual attacks) phenomena. However, our God is the God of everything. He will not let us be harmed and He will not let the evil one harm us. He is the God of our salvation because He personally came into the world to die for us and save us from our biggest enemy which is sin and death.  

Now, as we are reminded that our God is our salvation, our strength, and our defense, we can confidently say that we are safe and that we will not be harmed. God’s our great God, we must proclaim His holy name. Jesus Christ must be preached to all nations so that everyone will see that He is our salvation. Again, our confidence and trust should not rely on our situations, but on the One who promised. Since we have confidence and trust in God, we should not let any situation make us doubt it. After all, we have trust in God, NOT in our situations. Therefore, we must trust and have faith in our God for He is our strength, our defense, and our salvation. 

Let us declare His holy name. Let us praise God always and proclaim His goodness to all nations. Indeed, that He is our God, our protector, our defense! Praise and glory belong to God alone! All glory and honor to Jesus Christ, who made our salvation possible.

For more daily reflection, verse, and encouragement, you may follow us. You can also like, follow and visit us on:

Website: https://youngdisciples.org/

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/yd153

Twitter: @YD153

Instagram: @youngdisciples2020

Pinterest: Young Disciples International

[lacrow]

Forger Spookfest 2020!!!

Alright folks, it’s time to get spoopy! October is nearly upon us. I’ve already made it known that I’ll be writing Halloween themed fics for the next few weeks, but I thought it’d be fun to send out an open invitation to the SxF community to join me! This isn’t really an organized event (I have no means to coordinate such a thing), but more of just a way to get people interested in creating new pieces and having fun with the Forgers on Halloween. 

Throughout the entire month of October, all the way up until the 31st, you can get involved by just tagging whatever SxF-related Halloween thing you create/contribute to/discover as #Forger Spookfest

Examples include;

Writings: (drabbles, poems, one-shots, chapter stories, etc.)

Drawings: (scribbles, sketches, paintings, drawings, comics, anything goes)

Discussions: (musings, questions, theories, whatever)

Other media: (songs, videos, other manga, literally anything you want that makes you think SxF on Halloween)

Furthermore, content can be any character, any rating, any genre. If you’re creating something, make it as fluffy or as horrific as you want. You wanna make a comic about Anya going trick-or-treating? Awesome. You wanna write a story about Yor going postal and killing all the kids at Crystal Lake? Go for it, my dude. You feel like having an open debate about what kind of monster form would best fit Loid? Have at it!

In the case of pieces posted on other platforms (Ao3, ff.net, pixiv, ARTstreet, etc.), feel free to link to your work and tag it appropriately. Remember, this isn’t a contest or competition. Don’t be afraid to share what you’ve made, because I guarantee you that someone out there will love it!

For non-content creators, feel free to contribute by reblogging and tagging things you’ve found that you think fit Spoopfest. It’s your blog, have fun with it!

NOTE: Tagged content that isn’t an open/official source (such as official artwork, manga panels, or media hosted on other sites like youtube or spotify) and/or doesn’t belong to you needs to have the permission of the owner to be posted and appropriately cited (reblogging is fine so long as its cited). Regardless, always credit the artist! 

Again, this is an open invitation running all the way up to October 31st. There’s no need to ask permission to contribute and you can get started now if you want. Also there’s no limits on how many things you tag, so long as it’s all Halloween related!

Real talk. This whole thing could be a complete bust and no one participates, but if even one person is inspired to create something out of this then I’ll consider it a success. Depending on how it all goes, more holiday events might be on the table for the future (December is just around the corner, after all).

Also this was originally going to be Forger Family Spoopfest, but tumblr is stupid and flagged it as NSFW. So Forger Spookfest it is.

Image above courtesy of Tatsuya Endo’s official twitter.

[fandomcolourofmyskin]

Would the POC members of the SPN community be amenable to tagging their posts on Tumblr/AO3 with a tag such as 'POC Creator' or 'POC SPN' in order to assist non-POC like myself and other POC fandom members in finding content created by POC fandom members?

I'd love to support more POC fandom members and to educate myself on representation via an actual POC, but I know that for safety concerns a lot of POC do not display their ethnicity on their profiles, and it seems horrifically rude to message people and ask.

I know this would potentially make it easier for assholes to find POC creators, but I'd really love to be able to support and interact more with the POC members of the fandom who've gone ignored and oppressed for so long.

Hi nonnie!

Wow, thanks for this - it’s a really interesting question!

Hm, safety concerns — and what POC perceive as unsafe — differ between individuals/groups of colour, but in general, as a POC I wouldn’t be amenable to identifying any of my fanworks as ‘POC-made’ via tags etc unless I make the conscious choice to do it on some days. Contexts and situations also matter. For example, I’m posting on a POC-run blog. The audience is BI/POC / white allies. So it’s logical for me to tag this as ‘poc’ or ‘mod: naruhearts’ (since I’ve made it clear that I’m POC). Another example is me self-identifying on twitter as a POC, which elevates my ethnic identity and allows me to carry out social activism + find other POC with whom to share solidarity and safe spaces; I’d use tags like #POCOpinions or #Filipinx4BlackLives (I use the latter more). Keep in mind that I do all this with the conscious thought that I’m opening myself up to white supremacy, but it’s still my autonomous choice to tag myself as such and form an online POC identity.

Fanfics and fancreations, however, can belong in a different realm. POC creators may or may not choose to make their POC and ethnic identit(ies) clear. I’d say that your job is to set aside assumptions. That includes assuming any person you come across within differing social platforms is white. It lies with you to advocate cultural awareness using your privilege, exercise cultural sensitivity, and dismantle any perceptions of Whiteness that may negatively impact your ability to engage with POC creators safely. On the other hand, it’s a fine line as well when it comes to the internet, since white people can absolutely disguise themselves and endanger POC.

If you want to support our communities without doing anything untoward as a white ally, a good place to start is to seek POC fanworks, businesses etc. How do they present themselves? What is important to them as creators/business owners? How do they engage with white audiences and allies? We may or may not want to draw any attention to ourselves. Then, one of the most important things you must do is ask. Ask POC what you can do to show your support/maintain our safety — what you can do to create safe POC spaces and tag systems — instead of making the suggestion first as a non-POC person. That way, you can present that your intentions are genuine, which paves the way for change.

[jessicalynnhepner]

What Every Parent Needs to Know About Child Sex Trafficking

For most police officers, this scene is a familiar one—a young kid gets mixed up with the wrong person and finds him or herself on the wrong side of the law. In virtually every case, this would be the end of the story. The young girl would get a slap on the wrist and be released into her parents’ custody where they could, presumably, set her straight. And, at this point in our story, Officer Scott was prepared to do just that—to trust the overwhelming testimony of prior experience and process this girl out so that he could get on with his shift. But, something was different this time… Discerning the SignsAs Officer Scott sits down to file his paperwork, he’s reminded of last Tuesday’s roll call.  His Sergeant, having recently attended a training seminar on human trafficking, used that day to teach his officers how to identify potential trafficking situations. All of a sudden, alarm bells start going off in Scott’s mind: The Fear — Sure, a kid’s going to be afraid of the consequences. But, this girl seems to fear for her physical safety. She’s acting like there’s something worse waiting for her than an angry mom and dad at home. The Stolen Merchandise – Why did she need a Red Bull and a pack of condoms? Scott recalled that traffickers use starvation to control their victims. Usually, their only choice is to steal the bare necessities. The Boyfriend – Per the owner’s description, this guy was at least 10 years older than she. What were they doing there together in the first place? A New ApproachWith these things in mind, Scott calmly invites the young lady out of holding and brings her to a quieter part of the station, away from prying eyes and menacing glances. She looks cold, so Scott hands her a sweatshirt. As he does, he notices a small tattoo of a crown with the name ‘Hugo’ scrawled beneath it—likely a brand to show who ‘she belongs to.’ They start to chat. This time, he speaks less like a cop and more like a friend. Clearly, she hasn’t had anything to eat for quite a while. Moments later, a female officer appears with a bag from McDonald’s. The three make their way to a private lounge. As they talk, the girl lets her guard down. Scott listens as she describes her broken home life, struggles with friends at school, and her constant search for belonging. All the while, her phone continues to buzz. “Your boyfriend?” “Yes. He just wants to make sure I’m ok.” He really is a great guy, she explains. He’s been there for her when her parents weren’t. He shows her the affection and attention she needs. She feels protected. He loves her……only, sometimes he makes her do things—things she would ordinarily never do. TrustHaving earned at least a glimmer of trust, Scott asks if she would slide her phone over. Reluctantly, she does, and he begins to scroll through the text messages. Wisely, Scott checks his emotions before he begins to read. It doesn’t take him long to realize these are not the supportive words of a loving boyfriend. No, they’re the verbal assaults of a degenerate thug bent on belittling her into submission. Scott does his best to hide his disgust as he reads about threatened consequences for ‘missed quotas.’ Horrified, he sees insults that no human being should ever have to endure, capped off by threats against her little sister for talking to the cops. Officer Scott thanks the young woman for her trust and politely excuses himself to make a call. He can read the writing on the wall: this girl is clearly a victim of trafficking. She needs someone with much more experience than him to help regain her freedom. He picks up the phone, dials his Sergeant, and together, they get to work. What Made the Difference?This story, though generalized in some ways, is rooted in the accounts we hear from police officers every day. The first part of the story is common enough. But, what about the second when, in Scott’s eyes, the girl goes from ‘shoplifter’ to ‘trafficking victim’? Not so much. So, how do we get from A to B? How do we help police officers learn

to look at each ‘punk kid’ as a potential victim, to ask deeper questions, and find the real story lies beneath the surface? Just as in Officer Scott’s story, that turning point comes when an officer recognizes the signs, trusts his or her gut, and decides to unravel that thread. It all starts with that one officer—a soldier on the front lines of the underground battle to set captives free. This can only happen when officials at every level of law enforcement learn to detect the signs and receive the tools they need to bring trafficking victims out of the cruel darkness and into the liberating light of day. National Human Trafficking Law Enforcement Training ProgramAt ERASE, one of the most impactful things we do is train police departments so that they produce more officers like the one in this story. It’s our mission to educate officers to detect the warning signs, identify potential victims, and safely lead them to freedom.  Your donations make this possible. Source Child Sex Trafficking-Not My Child Mom shakes her head and Dad raises his voice. Their 16-year old daughter storms up the stairs. As the bedroom door slams, she collapses on the bed with phone in hand. She’s ready to vent her frustrations one status update at a time. With every angst-laden tap of the keyboard, she lays bare her soul: “Nobody here gets me.” “No one understands!” “I feel unloved.” 📷An hour later, a boy from the next town over reaches out. She doesn’t know him, but they’ve got a few mutual friends, so it’s probably no big deal. He’s cute and thoughtful. And, he seems to understand what she’s going through better than anyone else. For the next two weeks, they exchange messages every day. He’s sweet, a digital shoulder to cry on when nobody else seems to care. They decide to meet up in person, so she borrows Dad’s car “to meet some friends at the mall.” That night, Daddy’s little girl doesn’t come home for dinner and Mom sits up all night. The next morning, they call the police. An officer searches her computer and finds evidence of the girl’s new relationship. Turns out, the boy she thought she knew didn’t exist. And, just like that, she’s gone.Reality check about child sex trafficking At ERASE, we hear heartbreaking tales like this all too frequently. Stories from average families dealing with everyday stresses when out of nowhere, their child is lured right out from under them. Whenever we tell these stories, the most common response goes something like this: “Child trafficking is something that happens to those types of kids out there. We live in a great community and our neighbors are good people who look out for one another. Something like that could never happen to one of my children.” This is the kind of response that makes us cringe. If only parents knew what we know, they wouldn’t be so quick to ignore this real and pervasive threat. Sadly, that very ignorance is what traffickers count on most when looking for children to target. The danger is far more imminent than most parents recognize. If we’re going to protect our children, we need to be clear on the real threats child traffickers impose. Traffickers are Smart, Motivated, and Tech-SavvyA dark and horrific market has grown up around the purchase and sale of human beings. Researchers estimated that, in 2007, Atlanta’s underground sex economy alone brought in $290 million. Even in a far less “saturated” market, sex trafficking in San Diego enables a pimp to pull in over $11,000 per week. Fast forward 10 years and there’s no reason to think that number hasn’t grown. Innocent children aren’t given a pass here. Instead, the most vulnerable among us are routinely bought and sold like property—many of them up to 15 times a day. With business booming, traffickers are working harder than ever to keep up with demand. Leaving no stone unturned, they use social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, to research, target, and groom children for sexual exploitation. In fact, 77% of sex trafficking victims

report having been initially approached online. Just as a skilled marketer uses sophisticated keyword searches to identify his audience, traffickers monitor social media for anything at all that would suggest an easy target:Children with social media profiles open to public viewing Teenagers posting introspective status updates about feelings of insecurity Boys and girls who are venting about arguments with their parents Like a lion crouched in his thicket, a predator will scan through lines of text looking for vulnerable children to drag off into the tall grass. How many of those lines will have come from one of your children? Yes, your child can be a victim of sex traffickingThe children that traffickers rip from their happy homes aren’t pretend characters on television or disembodied faces from the evening news. They’re our kids, the ones we work hard to raise and the ones we hope to see grow up happy and healthy. They’re the kids we teach to be smart, to mind their surroundings, and never talk to strangers. And yet, we give them free reign to explore every dark corner of the internet via their cell phone. We must do betterLittle more than half of parents closely monitor their children’s online activity. So, when a stranger asks to connect on Snapchat, it’s nearly an even shot that no one will be looking over that kid’s shoulder. You can count on a child trafficker to take that bet. Do you know which platforms your children are using or who they connect with online? Do they have any secret accounts and how would you find out if they did? If someone asked to meet in person, would they do it? Can you be sure? These questions may seem intrusive and even overbearing. However, considering the reality of child trafficking in the United States, we have to ask these questions.  Every day, thousands of children disappear into slavery. We’d like to hope our kids could never be victims but the facts simply don’t allow us that option. Understanding the facts of child trafficking is the first and most important step in prevention. There is HopeGood people around the world are standing up and fighting back against this great moral evil. You don’t have to live in constant fear for your children. The story we shared at the beginning of this post doesn’t have to be your story. And with some common sense and the will to step intentionally into your kids’ digital lives, you can protect them from becoming a victim of sex trafficking. The question is: will you? At ERASE, we want to educate parents on how best to protect their children from online predators. Please take a look at our tips and best practices pages to see how you can teach your children to be safe online.Juvenile Delinquent or Victim of Human Trafficking? Blog Story of a Human Trafficking Victim It’s midnight. Officer Scott pulls his patrol car into the lot of a small, 24-hour convenience store. As he approaches, he peers through the decal-laden glass door to see a middle-aged man struggling to restrain an agitated 16-year old girl. The store owner had caught this young woman and her boyfriend stuffing items into a small handbag. Her companion—a ‘white man in his late 20’s’—had bolted out the door without so much as a backward glance. The last thing on Officer Scott’s mind was “human trafficking victim”. Scott had seen this before. Some young teenager, looking for thrills, decides to pocket a few items from the local bodega and gets grabbed by the watchful owner. As he escorts the girl to his police car, Scott’s treated to an earful. She can’t stop going on about what a jerk he is, how he had violated her rights, and how much trouble she’d be in if he didn’t let her go right away. “Just wait until I call your parents,” he thinks. 📷 The Same Routine When they arrive at the station, Scott walks this young woman to his desk. She can hear the snide remarks of a few men handcuffed to chairs nearby. As they leer conspicuously at her, she shrinks further into herself.  Scott starts in on his typical line of questioning: name,

age, address, and so on. The entire time, her phone buzzes with one text message after another. She begs Scott to let her reply, but he refuses. “There’ll be plenty of time to talk to your parents later.” “I’m not worried about them,” she snaps back. “They don’t give a crap about me, anyway. They’re too busy arguing to even notice I’m around.” Not sure what to make of that outburst, Scott begins to sort through the items she had attempted to steal: a sleeve of Hostess Cup Cakes, a Red Bull, and a box of condoms. “Must be one heck of a boyfriend to leave you there like that, huh?” “You wouldn’t understand. He loves me. He takes care of me.” Angry and frustrated by this girl’s bad attitude and ignorance about that poor excuse for a boyfriend, Officer Scott escorts her to a holding cell and prepares to process her out.Is This the End of the Story?

https://whateveryparentshouldknowaboutcps.blogspot.com/2020/08/what-every-parent-needs-to-know-about.html

[itsclydebitches]

So I came across this take on twitter on the topic of Catra/Adora recently, and it's been gnawing at me. My knowledge of the series is patchy at best, so I was curious to hear your thoughts about this position.

***

At the risk of getting some intense backlash for this, I absolutely agree. Anyone who followed me during Ilia’s reveal knows that I’m very critical of villain-queer relationships. Not that we can’t ever have that, but in a media landscape where queer rep is still so comparatively rare, I’m wary of prioritizing those toxic relationships in the name of “authenticity.” We already get enough heat for being “unnatural” and “damaging.” I’ve lost the article now, but this morning I literally read another headline about how we’ve apparently destroyed the sanctity of marriage, gays are evil, they’re a threat to society, blah blah blah. That shit is still very, very prominent. So, in this climate, I’m really not a promoter of “This woman tried to kill her love’s parents and send her back to her abuser! This one has been trying to kill her and her friends for ages! How romantic!” 

Because - not to get into a huge deconstruction of She-Ra - Catra absolutely continues the cycle of abuse. Is she an abuse victim? Yes. Does she then go on to abuse others? Yes. Sadly, that’s fairly common and a lot of Adora’s growth lately stems from realizing that no matter how many times she begs Catra to stop, she won’t. Some of the reasons why this pairing is so popular despite Catra’s treatment includes: 

They belong to a children’s TV show where the expectation is that, no matter how horrific you might be, you’re always redeemable. A “real” hero never abandons someone and if a villain doesn’t die then they should be forgiven once a hero cares for them (a la Hordak) 

Catra is an abusive victim and we spend a good chunk of the story following her conflicts, not just Adora’s. She is presented as incredibly sympathetic and thus it’s easy to miss/ignore how she’s become the new Shadow Weaver. Catra was introduced as the victim and that’s how she stays in many viewers’ minds, no matter what she might do now that she’s finally gotten power over others 

Coinciding with that sympathetic portrayal and the point about kids’ shows, Catra is very much set up as someone who will eventually be redeemed (especially at the end of this last season). Everyone expects and pictures the day when Catra will be good again and then yay, she can get together with Adora. That expectation and knowledge of how storytelling/TV shows work - of course this sympathetic villain who our hero adores will be redeemed! - colors every action Catra takes. The viewer is primed to forgive her from the get-go 

The fact that, as the tweeter says, there’s absolutely an argument that they had/have feelings for one another. The desire to see them together, again, makes it easy (or at least alluring) to just ignore all the stuff potentially getting in the way of that

But from Adora’s perspective - from the perspective of the canonical show - Catra is a villain. She’s become an abuser. She continually blames Adora for both the abuse they suffered as kids and has spent seasons seeking her destruction, going so far as to risk their entire world purely because she couldn’t stand Adora being right: 

“Adora is right? Adora gets everything she wants! But not this time. This time, I am going to win. I don’t care what it takes. We are opening that portal now.” 

Catra is an incredibly complex character who has equally complex baggage to work through. She deserves to come out of this and find happiness. However, that doesn’t mean that she likewise deserves to get back what she herself destroyed. Her happiness should not stem from the romantic love of a woman she’s done horrific things to. As the tweeter says, go wild with the fanworks, but I wouldn’t want them to be made canon in the show. That would require everyone ignoring the staggering amount of damage Catra has done and sending the horrific message that you should put up with/accept/forgive even the most heinous crimes against you (especially since She-Ra only has one more season to go. There isn’t time to redeem Catra and get her together with Adora in a healthy way). Adora is the hero. She’s the character the audience is supposed to look to. So if she walks happily into an absolutely toxic and arguably abusive relationship, that doesn’t teach people to be forgiving in the general sense. It teaches them that the people who treat you the worst are also the ones who love you the most which... no. So many kid(esque) shows simply don’t take the complexity of abuse and forgiveness into account when writing a Pure and Good Hero who Always Forgives (though thus far She-Ra has done a damn good job). This is one piece of how people - particularly women - learn that giving all of themselves and receiving nothing but harm in return is not just normal, but supposedly romantic. Just keep trying! Metaphorically kill yourself trying to fix someone who isn’t willing to put in any work to improve! You’ll get there eventually! And if you don’t, well, that one time they cried was really heartbreaking, right? Just focus on that and ignore that 95% of the time they’re being cruel at best and trying to kill you at worst. The ending of “And the abuser/abusee lived happily ever after” teaches that if victims aren’t finding that happy ending for themselves, they just need to sacrifice more to achieve it. A fictional happy ending is dangled like a very real carrot in front of anyone who sees themselves in Adora/Catra. “Oh. This isn’t cruelty. This is passion. She needs help! If I just stick around and try harder then I can achieve that too.” To say nothing of, again, the message is sends about queer relationships in general. They’re inherently damaging. 

“Fixing” villains/damaged characters via the Power of Love is hugely alluring. I love that shit in my fandom. But that doesn’t mean it should be perpetuated in the canon and presented as an excellent form of queer rep. There’s a Grand Canyon’s width of difference between antagonist characters who are given excellent redemption arcs and thus may have a relationship later on (someone like Zuko) and villain characters who remain villains up until the last second when they’re “redeemed” and all their horrors are immediately forgotten (someone like Ilia and potentially Catra depending on how Season 5 goes). 

[soler97]

The Age of Unreason

Men want certainty, not truth.

- possibly from Bertrand Russell

A thoughtful friend asked me what 2020 will be remembered for, apart from the obvious, ie Covid and Trump losing. I could not think of anything.

My friend suggested it is the realisation that in the 21st century millions of people are turning away from science and reality towards a variety of beliefs that border on the crazy. Examples are QAnon, flat earthers (yes, they are serious), deniers of Covid, about 40% of Americans believe the Rapture is coming, biblical fundamentalism, climate change denial, neo-Nazis, Holocaust denial, belief in Trump as a saviour, doomsday predictions, sundry cults, alien abductions, New Age beliefs, and a multitude of conspiracy theories, such as that the moon landings were a hoax, or that 9/11 was an inside job.

Some of these beliefs appear harmless, but occasionally, they inspire horrific violence, such as the killing of 920 people by the Jim Jones cult, the sarin attack in Japan, the Breivik massacre, the Oklahoma bombing, the Waco siege, the Christchurch massacre, and the Heaven's Gate suicides.

It is difficult to generalise about the various strange beliefs that people hold, as these include conspiracy theories, varieties of denial, religious fantasies, extremist political or racist views, and beliefs like the flat earth, that elude classification. There is no common thread underlying this spectrum of beliefs. Rather, they can be characterised by what they reject, which in a nutshell, is rationality.

Rationality can be defined as the desire to be guided by reason, which we apply to the available evidence. The third ingredient is the willingness to admit we are wrong. So turning away from rationality means letting emotion or emotionally-based belief take precedence over reason, an unwillingness to look at factual evidence, plus a dogmatic belief that one is in possession of the ultimate truth. Many irrational beliefs run counter to Occam's Razor, which tells us to prefer the simplest explanation that covers the known facts. Complex processes may require elaborate or involved explanations, but the point is not to introduce unnecessary factors, especially ones of a fanciful nature.

Clearly, there are too many irrational beliefs to do them justice, so let us look at flat earthers, Heaven's Gate and QAnon to see whether there is a pattern.

A Flat Earth

Flat earth map with the Antarctic ice wall at the perimeter

A bizarre example is the contemporary belief that the earth is flat. Is such a belief even possible in the 21st century? It may be feasible to construct a world view that makes a flat earth plausible. However, it requires factors such as a massive world-wide conspiracy to hide the truth, the abandoning of all of modern cosmology and much of physics, as well as weird ad-hoc explanations for why planes fly in circles around a flat disc, rather than around a spherical globe. Also, that ships at sea disappear below the horizon requires adjustment to the laws of optics. If that still does not cover all the facts countering a flat view, then one could invoke mind control by Martians, or something of the sort. The point is that if one wants to conjure up fantastical reasons to invalidate what we know of reality then it is always possible to do so.

It seems to me that the flat earth people are not interested in gaining knowledge about the world. They are uninterested in discovering what lies beyond the putative ice wall in Antarctica that holds back the oceans or why NASA might be guarding it. They just believe in the flat earth and that is that. Their only concern is to bolster the theory, which I think they hold on emotional grounds. They are willing to perform elaborate mental contortions to support their belief, and it is interesting to observe how much of modern science they are willing to jettison in order to keep their belief afloat, eg gravity.

Whereas the explanations given for the earth being flat are interesting, to me it is more interesting to enquire what causes people to seek these explanations in the first place. What causes people to believe the earth is flat?

Four factors come to mind. One is a desire to be rid of experts and eggheads, who insist on telling ordinary people what to think. In the case of the earth's apparent flatness, the boffins are telling us to deny the evidence of our senses by invoking the large-scale curvature of the earth, something that is far from apparent in ordinary life. Flat earth is like the last stand of common sense in the face of the inexorable advance of science, which keeps telling us the world is far stranger than we thought. It is also a form of contrariness and rebellion against authority. The second is the ego-gratification of knowing a secret that is hidden from nearly everyone else. The third factor is on religious grounds. The fourth is a desire to return to a comforting and anthropocentric model of the universe, rejecting the notion that our planet is an insignificant speck in the incomprehensible vastness of the universe.

Many ancient cultures subscribed to a flat earth cosmography, including Greece until the classical period (323 BC). However, early Christian writers tended to believe the earth is spherical, though with some notable exceptions. Curiously, it wasn't until 1849 that the flat earth belief was resurrected by Rowbotham and later others. He argued that the "Bible, alongside our senses, supported the idea that the earth was flat and immovable and this essential truth should not be set aside for a system based solely on human conjecture".

In the internet era, the proliferation of communications technology and social media have given individuals a platform to spread pseudo-scientific ideas and build stronger followings. The flat earth conjecture has flourished in this environment. Social media and the internet have made it easier for like-minded thinkers to connect and mutually reinforce their beliefs. They have also had a levelling effect, in that experts have less sway in the public mind than they used to.

The belief that the earth is flat could be seen as the ultimate conspiracy theory, given how many people are needed for a cover-up on such a scale. According to the Flat Earth Society's leadership, its ranks have grown by 200 people per year since 2009. Judging by the exhaustive effort flat earthers have invested in fleshing out the theory on their website, as well as the staunch defenses of their views they offer in media interviews and on Twitter, it would seem that these people genuinely believe the earth is flat. They tend to distrust observations they have not made themselves, and often distrust or disagree with each other. I imagine they are maverick individuals who enjoy challenging the status quo.

Paul Sutter, "The question isn't 'why do people believe in a flat Earth?' but rather 'why do people believe in a conspiracy?' And the answer is the same reason it always is: a lack of trust. Many people don't trust the society around them, most notably the representatives of that society. By claiming that the Earth is flat, people are really expressing a deep distrust of scientists and science itself."

Heaven's Gate

Heaven's Gate Logo

Far more bizarre than the flat earth belief are the doctrines of Heaven's Gate, which melded the Bible with belief in UFOs into a religious cult. It was founded in California in 1974 by Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Nettles. These two pondered the life of St. Francis of Assisi and read works by Helena Blavatsky, RD Laing, and Richard Bach. They studied several passages from the New Testament, focusing on teachings about Christology, asceticism, and eschatology ("the end times"). Applewhite also read science fiction, including Robert Heinlein and Arthur Clarke. They concluded that they had been chosen to fulfill biblical prophecies, and that they had been given higher-level minds than other people. They wrote a pamphlet that described Jesus' reincarnation as a Texan, a thinly veiled reference to Applewhite.

Eventually, Applewhite and Nettles resolved to contact extraterrestrials, and they sought like-minded followers. They published advertisements for meetings, where they recruited disciples, whom they called "the crew". At the events, they purported to represent beings from another planet, the Next Level, which sought participants for an experiment that would bring people to a higher evolutionary level.

In September 1975, the group visited the small town of Waldport, Oregon, to give a lecture about how UFOs were soon going to make contact with the human race. Roughly 150 people packed into a motel hall to hear Applewhite. At first the town thought it was a joke. However, soon after, in a testament to Applewhite's charisma and powers of persuasion, 20 people - or about one in 30 residents of the town - drove off to a meeting of about 400 people in Grand Junction, Colorado, in the hope of meeting aliens.

Later, the crew sold all their worldly possessions and said farewell to loved ones; the group vanished from the public eye. From that point, "Do and Ti", as the two now called themselves, led the nearly one-hundred-member crew across the country, sleeping in tents and begging in the streets. Evading detection by the authorities and media enabled the group to focus on Do and Ti's doctrine of helping members of the crew achieve a "higher evolutionary level" above human, which they claimed to have already reached.

Most of their followers are described by researchers as having been longtime truth-seekers, or spiritual hippies who had long attempted to find themselves through spiritual means. The clan of UFO followers all seemed to have in common a need for communal belonging in an alternative path to higher existence without the constraints of institutionalised faith. The group purchased alien abduction insurance that would pay out $1 million per person, covering abduction, impregnation, or death by aliens.

Applewhite began to emphasize a strict hierarchy, teaching that his students needed his guidance, just as he needed the guidance of the Next Level. A relationship with Applewhite was said to be the only way to salvation and he encouraged his followers to see him as Christ. In the 1980s, the group became more like a religion in its focus on faith and submission to authority. Students who were not committed to this lifestyle were encouraged to leave; departing members were given financial assistance. He specifically cited sexual urges as the work of Lucifer. Applewhite, "We do in all honesty hate this world".

In March 1997, Marshall Applewhite videoed himself in Do's Final Exit, speaking of mass suicide as "the only way to evacuate this Earth". After asserting that a spacecraft was trailing Comet Hale-Bopp and that this event would represent the closure to Heaven's Gate, Applewhite persuaded 38 followers to prepare for ritual suicide so their souls could board the supposed craft. Applewhite believed that after their deaths a UFO would take their souls to another level of existence above human, which he described as being both physical and spiritual.

News of the 39 deaths in Rancho Santa Fe motivated the copycat suicide of a 58-year-old man living near Marysville, California. The man left a note, "I'm going on the spaceship with Hale-Bopp to be with those who have gone before me," and imitated some of the details of the Heaven's Gate suicides as they had been reported in the media. At least three former members of Heaven's Gate committed suicide in the months after the mass suicide.

Heaven's Gate members believed the earth would be wiped clean and refurbished before 2027, and that the only chance for their consciousness to survive was to leave their human bodies at an appointed time. Initially, the group had been told that they would be transported with their bodies aboard a spacecraft that would come to earth and take the crew to heaven, the Next Level. When Nettles (Ti) died of cancer in 1985, it confounded Applewhite's doctrine because Nettles was allegedly chosen by the Next Level to be a messenger on earth, yet her body died instead of leaving physically to outer space. The belief system was then revised to include the leaving of consciousness from the body as equivalent to leaving the earth in a spacecraft.

While the group was against suicide, they defined "suicide" to mean "to turn against the Next Level when it is being offered" and believed their bodies were only vehicles meant to help them on their journey. Suicide, therefore, would be not allowing their consciousness to leave their human bodies to join the Next Level. They believed that, "to be eligible for membership in the Next Level, humans would have to shed every attachment to the planet". This meant members had to give up all human characteristics, such as their family, friends, sexuality, individuality, jobs, money, and possessions.

The Evolutionary Level Above Human was seen as a physical, corporeal place, another planet, where residents live in pure bliss and nourish themselves by absorbing pure sunlight. They do not engage in sexual intercourse, eating or dying. Heaven's Gate believed that what the Bible calls God is actually a highly developed Extraterrestrial. Evil space aliens - called Luciferians - falsely represented themselves to Earthlings as God and conspired to keep humans from developing. Technically advanced humanoids, these aliens have spacecraft, space-time travel, telepathy, and increased longevity. They use holograms to fake miracles. Heaven's Gate believed that all existing religions on earth had been corrupted by these malevolent aliens.

Applewhite taught that "aliens planted the seeds of current humanity millions of years ago, and have come to reap the harvest of their work in the form of spiritually evolved individuals who will join the ranks of flying saucer crews. Only a select few members of humanity will be chosen to advance to this transhuman state. The rest will be left to wallow in the spiritually poisoned atmosphere of a corrupt world". Only the individuals who chose to join Heaven's Gate, followed its belief system, and made the sacrifices required by membership would be allowed to escape the prophesied disaster.

In a group open only to adults over the age of 18, members gave up their possessions and lived a highly ascetic life. The group was strictly regimented, tightly knit and everything was communally shared. Eight of the male members, including Applewhite (who was gay), voluntarily underwent castration as an extreme means of maintaining the ascetic lifestyle. "They couldn't stop smiling and giggling," surviving member DiAngelo told Newsweek. "They were excited about it."

Lalich speculates that they were willing to follow Applewhite in suicide because they had become totally dependent upon him, hence were poorly suited to life in his absence. He isolated them socially and cultivated an attitude of complete religious obedience. Applewhite's students had made a long-term commitment to him. Most of the dead had been members for about 20 years, although there were a few recent converts.

Three of the people who suicided left exit statements on their website. These extoll the joys of the Next Level while summing up people on earth as the walking dead. The texts are not the ramblings of disordered minds. The content is fantasy, but they are written in a lucid way in excellent English and give every appearance of sincerity. Unlike the Flat Earth Society, which no doubt numbers people who joined for a joke, as well as those who are not fully convinced, there is little doubt that the members of Heaven's Gate were totally committed to their beliefs. After all, they gave up their sexuality and their lives for their ideal.

QAnon

QAnon at the Capitol invasion

QAnon is a powerful but diffuse contemporary movement that sought to have Trump re-elected. It is animated by a loose collection of extreme right conspiracy theories whose central theme is that a cabal of Satan-worshipping pedophiles is running a global child sex-trafficking ring and plotting against Donald Trump, who is fighting the cabal. QAnon claims that Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Soros, and others are planning a coup against Trump and are involved in an international child sex-trafficking ring. It alleges that an elite cabal of pedophiles, comprising, among others, Hollywood A-listers, leading philanthropists, Jewish financiers and Democrat politicians, covertly rule the world. Followers of QAnon believe that there is an imminent event known as the "Storm", when thousands of members of the cabal will be arrested and possibly sent to Guantanamo Bay prison, and the US military will brutally take over the country. The result will be salvation and utopia on earth. QAnon promises a "Great Awakening", in which the elites will be routed and the truth revealed.

However, this summary is misleading because QAnon is amorphous, multi-faceted and confusing. In addition it keeps shape-shifting.

The conspiracy theory began with an October 2017 post on the anonymous bulletin-board 4chan by "Q". Q claimed to be a high-level government official with Q clearance. Q predicted the imminent arrest of Hillary Clinton and a violent uprising nationwide. It is likely that Q has become a group of people acting under the same name. QAnon's adherents, while seeing Trump as a flawed Christian, also view him as a messiah sent by God. Trump himself pretends to know little about QAnon, which is a lie. Trump has amplified QAnon messaging at least 216 times by retweeting or mentioning 129 QAnon-affiliated Twitter accounts, sometimes multiple times a day. Being a savvy politician, Trump is perfectly aware that many, perhaps most, of his supporters are QAnon people. He made a correct political calculation, deciding to give only scant public endorsement to QAnon. Showing full support would hurt his standing with moderate Republicans, whereas he does not need to do anything to retain the devotion of QAnon. They are happy with the crumbs he throws their way, being accustomed to snatching at Q's hints.

Q's posts have become more cryptic and vague, allowing followers to map their own beliefs onto them. Part of QAnon's appeal is its game-like quality, in which followers attempt to solve riddles presented in Qdrops by connecting them to Trump speeches and tweets. Q enthralls readers with clues rather than presenting claims directly. Travis View, a researcher who studies QAnon, says that it is as addictive as a video game, and offers the "player" the appealing possibility of being involved in something of world-historical importance. According to View, "You can sit at your computer and search for information and then post about what you find, and Q basically promises that through this process, you are going to radically change the country, institute this incredible, almost bloodless revolution, and then be part of this historical movement that will be written about for generations."

Although Q's claims are false and the prophecies routinely fail, this does little to decrease Q's influence. Believers overlook the lack of results and failed predictions because they gauge the movement's success by its popularity, its opposition from the mainstream media, and its recognition by the President himself. On multiple occasions, Q has dismissed his false claims and incorrect predictions as deliberate, claiming that "disinformation is necessary". This has led psychologist Stephan Lewandowsky to emphasize the "self-sealing" quality of the conspiracy theory, so that evidence against it can become evidence of its validity in the minds of believers. "The absence of evidence is reinterpreted as evidence without batting an eyelid." Conspiracy enthusiasts believe that the burden of proof lies with their opponents, ie that QAnon's claims are valid in the absence of positive proof that there is no cabal and no trafficking of children by Democrats.

Experts judge that QAnon's appeal is comparable to that of religious cults. According to Renee DiResta, QAnon's pattern of enticement is similar to that of cults in the pre-internet era where, as the targeted person was led deeper and deeper into the group's secrets, they became increasingly isolated from friends and family outside the cult. Rachel Bernstein, an expert on cults, has said, "What a movement such as QAnon has going for it, and why it will catch on like wildfire, is that it makes people feel connected to something important that other people don't yet know about... All cults will provide this feeling of being special."

A series of ideas began burbling in the QAnon community: that the coronavirus might not be real; that if it was, it had been created by the "deep state", the cabal of government officials and other elite figures who secretly run the world; that the hysteria surrounding the pandemic was part of a plot to hurt Trump's re-election chances. QAnon is a movement united in mass rejection of reason, objectivity, and other Enlightenment values. Some QAnoners are highly focused on what they perceive as degeneracy in the mainstream media, a perception fuelled in equal measure by Q and by Trump. QAnon may be propelled by paranoia and populism, but it is also driven by religious faith. The language of evangelical Christianity has come to define the QAnon movement. QAnon marries an appetite for the conspiratorial with positive beliefs about a radically different and better future, one that is preordained. As one adherent proclaimed, "It's not a theory. It's the foretelling of things to come."

Edgar Welch is a deeply religious father of two, who until December 4, 2016, had lived an unremarkable life in a small town. That morning, Welch grabbed his collection of guns and drove 580 km to a neighbourhood in Northwest Washington, DC. He held an AR-15 rifle across his chest as he walked through the front door of a pizzeria called Comet Ping Pong. Welch was there because of a conspiracy theory known as Pizzagate, which three years later became a pillar of QAnon. It claimed that Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring out of Comet Ping Pong. The idea originated in October 2016, when some conspiracy theorists asserted that sexual abuse of children was taking place in the basement at Comet, where there is no basement. After firing a rifle to break a lock, Welch realised his mistake and gave himself up to police. He was sentenced to four years in prison. The New York Times wrote in June 2020 that posts on TikTok with the #PizzaGate hashtag were viewed more than 82 million times in recent months. The abuse of children fantasy arose because someone suggested that emails written by the restaurateurs referring to 'pizza' and 'pasta' were code words for 'boys' and 'girls'.

The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters

by Goya

Anthony Comello was charged with the March 2019 murder of Gambino crime family boss, Frank Cali. According to his defense attorney, Comello had become obsessed with QAnon theories, believing Cali was a member of a "deep state". Comello was convinced he "was enjoying the protection of President Trump himself" so he decided to act. Confronting Cali outside his Staten Island home, Comello allegedly shot Cali ten times. A May 30, 2019, FBI Intelligence Bulletin memo from the Phoenix Field Office identified QAnon-driven extremists as a domestic terrorism threat. Although the conspiracy that QAnon imagines does not exist, there is a real danger that QAnon itself might become a conspiracy of armed vigilantes, determined to bring about the promised "Storm". The storming of the US Capitol by Trump supporters, including QAnoners, is not a good sign.

Heavy on millennialism and the idea that a reckoning awaits the world, the theory has found fertile ground in the American alt-right. Some 56% of Republicans believe that QAnon is mostly or partly true. At least 35 current or former congressional candidates have shown support for QAnon. A Time magazine article listed Q among the 25 most influential people on the internet in 2018. Counting more than 130,000 related discussion videos on YouTube, Time cited the wide range of the conspiracy theory and its prominent followers and news coverage.

Why did Q's cryptic post on an obscure message-board ignite a movement involving millions? Why were so many eager to embrace such a far-fetched conspiracy theory? Perhaps it was the surge in confidence of the Right in the wake of Trump's win. Whatever the reasons, the grass was dry and Q provided the spark. Not all QAnoners come from a rightwing background. For those who have had no agency to suddenly discover a path into the game is heady stuff.

QAnon is not confined to the US. It has organised protest demonstrations in 200 countries, ostensibly to "save the children". One in four Britons are said to believe in QAnon-related theories. According to The Guardian, QAnon is growing in the UK, spilling over into anti-vaccine and 5G protests, fuelled by online misinformation. At a QAnon rally, Shemirani, a nurse suspended for promoting baseless theories about Covid19, told the crowd: "Our government has declared war on the people of the UK."

"There is a high possibility that the spirited belief system which surrounds QAnon can slowly become a political movement in the UK," Liyanage said. "It will be successful because no one can fight it through reason. It's not a rational belief system but mostly a supernatural belief system."

The time for Trump to arrest the pedophiles and satanists is fast running out. It is interesting to speculate what effect his departure will have on a conspiracy theory in which he is the key figure. My guess is that the powerful energy and passion that drive QAnon will shift focus.

My own view is that QAnon is a blank slate onto which people project their darkest nightmares, as well as their hopes for a Christian utopia. Where do the ideas of satanism, eating children, sinister cabals, sexual depravity, and other crimes against children come from? The answer is simple: from the minds of those who form QAnon. QAnon is nothing but a mirror showing people their shared fantasy. People are sharing with each other their worst fears, as well as their hopes. The dark parts are projected onto the favourite targets of the alt-right, ie Hillary and other Democrats, Jews, and liberals, whereas the messianic hopes are projected onto Trump and Q. However, it is a mistake to see the QAnon conspiracy theory as the work of Q. Although Q was the initial cause, his cryptic and vague messages are merely prompts, asking people to fill in the blanks. This is what many have done and the result is a miasma of fanciful lies about corruption, sexual perversions and violence. The irony is that whereas the accusations made by QAnon are entirely baseless, QAnon might itself become a violent entity, little better than the chimera it rails against.

James Baldwin wrote, "It is a terrible, an inexorable, law that one cannot deny the humanity of another without diminishing one's own." Voltaire put it more starkly, "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

Is Credulity Humanity's Achilles Heel?

The three belief systems discussed  have almost nothing in common except the rejection of the consensus view of reality, combined with belief in a fantasised conspiracy. In each case, powerful unseen forces are seen as perverting or hiding the truth of what is really going on. All three beliefs appear absurd except to people who are believers. The puzzle is why do apparently normal people adopt such ideas?

In a study published online in March, 2014, in the American Journal of Political Science, Oliver and Wood, found that about half of Americans endorse at least one conspiracy theory, such as the notion that 9/11 was an inside job or the JFK conspiracy. "Many people are willing to believe many ideas that are directly in contradiction to a dominant cultural narrative," Oliver said. According to him, conspiratorial belief stems from a human tendency to perceive unseen forces at work, known as magical thinking.

In the Middle Ages the Devil was a convenient factor that could be used to explain anything weird or harmful, while the deity took responsibility for the rest. With the advance of science, both the Devil and God gradually lost their explanatory powers. God became "the God of the gaps", being only needed to explain what was missing in our understanding of the physical world. Nowadays, the term "act of God" is reserved to describe the insurance industry's view of natural disasters.

In the modern era magical thinking has undergone a new twist. God and the Devil have been replaced by conspiracies. A recent survey of 26,000 people in 25 countries asked respondents whether they believe there is "a single group of people who secretly control events and rule the world together". In the US 37% replied that this is "definitely or probably true". So did 45% of Italians, 56% of Spaniards and 78% of Nigerians.

2020 was the year of Covid19. The coronavirus has triggered the rise of myriad myths, waves of misinformation and virus conspiracy theories, including that it does not exist - believed by 22% in Poland, where there have been nearly 1.4 million cases. The virus has also had an incubating effect on unrelated conspiracy theories because it has thrown humankind into a state of fear and isolated people in their homes with too much time to think and surf. The extra time in the virtual space means increased exposure to the proponents of conspiracy theories, without the balancing effect of social interactions.

According to the Dunning-Kruger Effect, the normal process is that as people begin to acquire knowledge of a given subject, their feelings of competence rise quickly towards a peak, before declining, as they begin to realise how much more there is to know. In the case of conspiracy theories, such as QAnon, people can arrive almost immediately at that delicious peak of confidence, without actually learning anything at all. QAnon is like a super-car that can do 0 to 100 kph in 3 seconds flat. Many are captivated by the vicarious thrill of believing they are privy to vastly important secrets about which millions of people have no idea. This is the seductive appeal of conspiracy theories.

What causes us to believe? There is an analogy between religions and conspiracy theories. Once you pay the price of entry, ie faith in a religious doctrine or conspiracy, the payoff is that much of the confusion and mystery of life is dispelled because you are in possession of the answers. Yuval Harari: "Our lives are repeatedly rocked by wars, revolutions, crises and pandemics. But if I believe some kind of global cabal theory, I enjoy the comforting feeling that I do understand everything. The skeleton key of global cabal theory unlocks all the world's mysteries and offers me entree into an exclusive circle - the group of people who understand. It makes me smarter and wiser than the average person and even elevates me above the intellectual elite and the ruling class: professors, journalists, politicians. I see what they overlook - or what they try to conceal."

The spectrum of irrational beliefs shares one characteristic: they are all unfalsifiable. Their adherents never say, "If such-and-such happens I will discard this belief." This is particularly apparent in doomsday predictions. The predicted date comes and goes, but the true believers simply reset the clock to a future date. A cult called the Seekers went one better. They believed a UFO would save them from a cataclysm on December 24, 1954. Afterwards, some of the members claimed that their group's devotion had saved the rest of the world from disaster. They responded by proselytizing with renewed vigour. Cults and conspiracy theories are highly resistant to correction. Even the thoroughly discredited Pizzagate is still believed by masses of people.

The self-validating nature of the beliefs ensures that all evidence can be construed as confirmation. New findings that contradict a belief are interpreted as proof of the further workings of the conspiracy to hide the truth. Yet cults and conspiracy theories are not the only systems that guarantee their own validation. If one questions what is taught in a personal growth course one is rebuked with, "You are resisting". Pseudo-science is very difficult to debunk. Inconvenient facts, such as aliens not showing up, are explained by another tweak to the doctrine.

To be fair, the process of theory adjustment happens in science proper as well. When a theory fails experimental test it may be given an additional proviso that accounts for the discrepancy. For instance, the fact that personal experience can be handed down as a genetic legacy to future generations seems to contradict standard evolutionary theory. As it turns out, there is no contradiction. A new sub-science called epigenetics explains the mechanism of this process in terms of alterations to the DNA molecule that do not change the genetic code but which influence gene expression.

Since science is a human activity, it is subject to the foibles of our species. It too has dogmas that are difficult to overturn. Thomas Kuhn has written persuasively about paradigm shifts in science. He saw the history of science as consisting of normal and revolutionary phases, in which the community of scientists in a particular field are plunged into periods of turmoil, uncertainty and angst. These revolutionary phases, such as the transition from classical physics to quantum mechanics, involve great conceptual breakthroughs and lay the basis for a succeeding phase of business as usual. This is captured in an aphorism that is only half humorous, "The measure of the greatness of a scientist is how long they hold up advancement in their chosen field."

The history of science features dogmas that were held too long and new ideas that took an unreasonably long time to be accepted. One example is the resistance to the theory of plate tectonics, another is the opposition to a bacterial explanation for the cause of ulcers. The mainstream rejection of functional medicine and the progress it has made in curing Alzheimer's Disease is a current example.

Nevertheless, the greatest strength of science is that it is tentative: any scientific theory may be overturned and replaced by a better theory in the future. The criterion of a theory being scientific is that it makes predictions which could, in principle, be falsified by new data. Yet to a fundamentalist or a common sense sceptic, such as a flat earther, this is not a strength but a weakness. They point out that science can never prove anything, that scientific theories have been debunked plus questions science can't answer. Hence science is not to be trusted. With the authority of science diminished, the field opens for persuasive individuals with pet theories, especially about conspiracies. Why conspiracies? Because a belief that goes counter to the accepted view of reality requires a widespread suppression of the truth.

The bottom line is that many people do not perform due diligence in checking the information they encounter and its sources. Given the virulent spread of QAnon and other conspiracy theories, this is a massive under-statement. The worry is that many obtain their news from questionable sources, such as Facebook and YouTube.

Ultimately, eschewing reputable news media in favour of bulletin-boards and succumbing to their conspiracy theories has deeper causes. These are alienation and a lack of trust in society and its leaders. Why are people alienated and distrustful? Perhaps the underlying problem is not credulity but its opposite, ie a loss of belief in the system. Those who are drawn to far-right conspiracy theories have lost trust in democracy and the modern state. They think the US no longer embodies the ideals they believe in. Conservative Christians and right-wingers resent their defeat in "the culture wars", which were about abortion, separation of church and state, creationism, recreational drug use, homosexuality, and censorship. Perhaps the "Great Awakening" is their dream of a return to how things were. The fact that they grasp at ludicrous ideas indicates the depth of their disaffection.

Of course, irrational beliefs, superstitions, baseless theories and weird cults have been with us all through history, ever since the invention of writing, and probably long before. The difference now is that we supposedly live in the age of reason and science. Furthermore, knowledge is far more freely available than at any time in the past. The problem is that disinformation, extravagant falsehoods, fringe beliefs, and sensational stories are more easily disseminated than ever before, and they seem to capture peoples' attention more than sober facts. The difference between 30 years ago and now is that anyone can post anything and potentially reach millions of people. It's the old story - those who know least have the loudest voices. The paradox is that although reliable knowledge is now easily accessible to anyone with an internet connection, millions are turning their backs on both science and common sense.

My conclusion is that despite the advances of human knowledge, human nature itself has not changed. We remain a species ruled by emotion rather than logic, and hence we come to believe all kinds of nonsense.

Another conclusion comes from an insight of the brilliant intellectual, Yuval Harari. He is convinced that we human beings can only prosper and live in harmony with each other provided we believe in a shared myth. If so, then a propensity towards credulity might be built into our genome. Unfortunately, credulity is dangerous, as shown in Heaven's Gate, the Jim Jones cult and QAnon.

Tad Boniecki

January 2021

[mssjynx]

birdsong

terrormoo fic .  3561 words .  no warnings . 

a/n; this is actually the evolution of a drabble that @crimsonbluemoon. it became a monster and i thought id post it as its own fic. theres something about it that irks me so i think the wording is a bit awkward and clumsy, but the story itself is cute and i hope its still enjoyable. 

here is the request ask. hope you enjoy!

-

Birds fluttered from tree to tree. Their songs were mesmerizing as they twittered at one another, dancing through the air beneath the setting sun.

“Look, Brock. You’ve been on four dates now, this is your fifth. He’s going to kiss you sooner or later and it’s going to be way better than you think. You’re just stressing, okay?” Evan’s voice seemed to belong in the pretty afternoon. He was calm and reassuring, just as sweet as the whistling overhead. Brock took a deep breath and winced at how tense his shoulders were.

“What if I’m terrible, Evan? What if I blow it!?” 

“You won’t. I’ve seen the way Brian looks at you and I know that one bad kiss won’t deter him.” 

Brock blushed, watching a baby bird plunge from its nest. Her wings flapped uselessly for a moment before she caught himself and soared up through the treetops.

Brock smiled. “I don’t know about that,” he said, rubbing his face self-consciously.

“Well,” Evan chuckled, “I do.” Brock could hear his grin. “I gotta run. Call me after your date!” 

Brock shook his head with a gentle laugh. “Bye, Evan.”

“Go get him, tiger!” 

The end of the phone call cut off Evan’s snickering and Brock smiled to himself as he lowered the device. Evan was like a brother to him, having known him since they were kids. He was more than grateful that they’d remained so close throughout their adolescence, helping one another through school, getting jobs, dating boys and girls and finding themselves. It was Brock who realised he was gay first, finding no interest in the girl Evan had been urging him to ask out on a date. It seemed his revelation sparked the same in Evan as his friend came out as bisexual only half a year later, making googly eyes at a boy in his literature class. 

That boy - the most disastrous person that Evan could have picked in the whole school to fall head over heels for - soon became Evan’s boyfriend and they’d stayed together throughout the rest of high school; inseparable. 

They made quite a pair and Brock came to love Jonathan just as much as he adored Evan. 

Although, he had to say; they made absolutely horrific wingmen. Brock appreciated their attempts as they planted him on blind dates and introduced him to friends, but there was a point in which people needed to learn to quit. Neither Evan nor Jon understood that. 

Brock hadn’t been on a successful date, let alone gone for a second date, in over a year and it was starting to get really sad. The more he tried, the less luck he had. 

Until Brian (no thanks to Evan or Jon). 

Brock met Brian while working at the library. He was shelving books and the cute Irishman had interrupted him to ask about an author. Coincidentally, Brock was a big lover of the book series this man was pursuing and, after finding Brian all five books, he found himself sat across the table from the man ranting about a certain character. 

It wasn’t until Brian had laughed quietly at something Brock had said had he realised what he was doing. He was embarrassed to acknowledge that he’d been rambling to a stranger for the better part of thirty minutes about a book that said stranger probably just wanted to sit down and read by himself. 

Except that when Brock stumbled to his feet to excuse himself and apologise, Brian had caught his wrist with a smile. “I promise I’ll let ye get back to work but could I get your number first?” 

Brock’s pink cheeks had turned dark red and he’d fallen helplessly back into the seat as Brian insisted that he scribble down his phone number on the inside of the Irishman’s wrist. When he’d escaped the handsome man to return to his job shelving books, he couldn’t get the smile off his face and more times than he could count, he felt his gaze drifting across the room to where Brian sat reading, a soft frown of concentration on his face as he went. 

He gave Brock a smile and a wave when he finally left, flashing the scribble on his wrist as a silent promise; it wouldn’t be the last time the librarian heard from the man. 

And it wasn’t. They went out to watch a movie later that week. Then it was dinner. Then brunch and a trip to the dog shelter Brian worked at. Brian took him out with his friends, meeting the rowdy bunch with Brian’s arm around his waist. Then Brock returned the favour and dragged Brian out to the amusement park with his two goofy best friends. 

And today, they were meeting up at the park.. 

Really, it was perfect. Except Brock’s leg wouldn’t stop shaking and he kept on pulling threads out of the hem of his t-shirt. He was more nervous than he had been for even their first date because it was the fifth, and he and Brian hadn’t kissed, and he knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, and he was terrified because he’d never kissed anyone before, and... 

With a slow, steady inhale, he returned his eyes to the family of birds flitting through the trees. The mother was perched on the branch beside her nest, three little babies wobbling on the edge while a fourth hovered in the air, chirping happily as it fluttered its wings. 

A small smile shaped Brock’s lips and he melted back into the aged bench. The wood was softened from time, weathered and faded. It was perfect, really; placed between the trees a few metres off the path. He could sit there undisturbed by joggers or parents walking with their children. 

“What’s got ye smiling for?” Brian’s voice made him jump in surprise, so accustomed to the silence broken only by birdsong. He turned to glance at the Irishman and simply laying eyes on his handsome date had a smile turning at his lips. Brock shuffled over as he approached and Brian took a seat beside him.

Brock returned his gaze to the nest, not wanting to miss what seemed to be the first flights of these little creatures. He nodded up into the trees. “Baby birds,” he answered and felt Brian lean into him as he followed his gaze. 

“Aw,” was the soft sound Brian gave, falling into silence as they watched the mama bird give one of the babies a nudge with her beak. A persistent chirp and then the baby was tumbling from the nest, thrusting its wings out and gliding between the trees. Brock beamed with pride for the little creature, glancing up at Brian to see the man sharing the same smile while watching the birds.

Just as quickly as Brock had looked up at Brian, he looked away, feeling his cheeks warm as butterflies fluttered through his chest. Brian was a very attractive person, not only in his face and hair and body, but in the way he smiled and the soft look in his eyes. The understanding tone of his voice when Brock talked; like he actually cared about what the older man had to say. Sitting beside him, Brock was hit with the heaviness of his feelings for the man as he played with his shirt. 

The whole dating thing was new for him. High school relationships that lasted a few weeks were his only experience and they rarely had much then a few hugs and some time holding hands. But he’d never had much more than a few odd crushes, and he’d definitely never felt anything like he did at twenty, sitting on a bench beside an Irishman he’d met in the library. 

He smiled at his hands. It was a nice feeling. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Brock looked up when Brian nudged one shoulder into his, meeting those bright eyes and losing himself in them. “Are you okay?” 

Brock turned his smile up to his date, his eyes crinkling with the joy of the moment. The warm fluttering of butterfly wings inside his heart made him lean into Brian’s shoulder. “I’m great,” he said, watching the concern in Brian’s eyes melt away. 

The Irishman smiled in return, sliding an arm around Brock’s shoulders and pulling him snug against him in a short hug. “Then the world is as it should be,” he said, leaning down a touch to bump his forehead lightly against Brock’s. The affectionate gesture had the older man’s cheeks flushing pink but Brock couldn’t have lost his smile if he tried, laughing gently and looking down at his lap. “This place is really nice,” Brian said softly, his arm relaxed where it laid over Brock’s shoulders. 

“I told you you’d like it,” Brock answered, eyes drawn up to the birdsong. The two men watched as the family of young birds danced through the air, the young ones chasing one another between the branches and their mother watching from her nest. “Want to go get coffee from the cafe across the way and bring it back here?” he asked and Brian wasted no time pushing up onto his feet. As he retrieved his arm, he caught Brock’s fingers with his own. There was no shyness as he intertwined his digits between Brock’s, tugging the older man onto his feet and beaming at him beneath the scattered sunlight. 

“Walkin’ around in public holding your hand? Why would I wanna do anything else?” Brian teased and Brock couldn’t hide his rosy cheeks. 

Brock turned his face to the sun as soon as they were out from beneath the foliage of the trees. The warmth was pleasant, buzzing his nerves and amplifying his energy. He couldn’t help a happy sigh as he walked alongside Brian, letting their hands swing gently between them. 

It took him a few moments of smiling to himself before he noticed Brian watching him with something unreadable in his eyes. A little smile played at the Irishman’s lips and Brock blinked. “Is there something on my face?” he asked, reaching a hand up to brush at his own cheek. 

Brian was quick to shake his head. “No, no. I was just thinkin’,” he explained, but before Brock could push to ask what the man was thinking about, he continued: “Did you get your design project finished?”

Pride swelled in Brock’s chest along with a soft warmth at the fact that Brian had remembered his ramblings from their phone call a few nights prior . “Yep!” he said, “I finished it last night. All I have to do now is make sure everything is in order and I’ll be able to submit it tonight.” 

“That’s so great!” The joy in Brian’s words was authentic as he beamed at Brock. He was genuinely happy for Brock’s accomplishment and the simple fact that Brian cared had the number of butterflies fluttering around in his chest doubled. “Do you have to do anything else for this unit?” he asked, passing a polite smile to the mother of two children they passed on the path. At Brock’s happy shake of the head, Brian grinned. 

They reached the road, crossing at the lights as they chattered.

“Good for me t’en!” Brian remarked and at Brock’s confused frown, he tugged Brock closer by his hand and bumped their shoulders. “If ye don’t have to spend your time on yer project, you can spend more of it wit’ me.” His broad smile showed he wasn’t shy about wanting to spend his time with the librarian and that alone made Brock’s heart skip a beat. 

He hurried through the front door of the cafe when Brian held it open, ignoring the small chuckle that followed his fluster. “You’re too much,” Brock said, but there was no strength in his words as Brian’s arm curled around his back. 

“I know.” Brock could hardly focus on the two words as Brian leaned in and pressed his lips to Brock’s temple. The librarian froze but Brian didn’t seem to notice as he stepped up to the counter. 

“Could I get a tall caramel chocolate frappe and a tall mint chocolate frappe?” Brian smiled at the cashier, reaching a hand back to catching Brock’s fingers before he tugged his date up to stand beside him. Brock still felt numb with shock, the rational part of mind scolding him for being so affected by a kiss to his forehead. “Want anything else, Brocky?” 

Brian’s ask meant that Brock had to somehow form words as he schooled his pink cheeks and pressed his lips together. “N- No, I’m good,” he managed, cursing his voice for breaking between words. “I’m gonna go get some air.” 

With a gentle squeeze of his fingers, Brian let him go with a nod, not seeming to notice Brock’s internal panic. As soon as he was out of sight, Brock scampered back out onto the street and released the breath he’d been holding. 

He yanked out his phone and fumbled his way to his messaging app, finding Evan and shooting him a panicked: “I’m a disaster I can’t do this.”

Evan’s response was quick, a smiley followed by a: “Believe in yourself!” 

Brock only managed to type back: “How the heck do i dO THAT!?” before the doorbell was chiming and Brian was walking to his side with two drinks in hand.

“Ready to go?” Brock nodded, feeling as if he was glowing as Brian’s arm returned around his lower back. Brian’s smile was contagious and Brock was weak to think of anything else around the man he was falling in love with. There was something so exciting about dating again; about being charmed and flirted with, being touched in little ways that meant more than they should. 

He loved everything about it. 

They walked in pleasant silence as they made their way back to their little place beneath the trees. In their absence, the family of birds had taken over their bench, the young ones hopping around their mother and chasing after one another. 

Without need for discussion, the two men took a seat on the grass, sipping their cool drinks and watching the birds dance. “This is a perfect little spot isn’t it?” Brian said, words wafting through the clearing with the gentle breeze around them. 

Brock smiled into his drink. “It is,” he said gently, letting one hand fall to the grass behind him, so he could sit without slouching. His brain seemed to malfunction when he felt warm fingers settle atop his. He turned to Brian, cheeks warm at the casual touch, and felt his stomach somersault at the grin on Brian’s lips. 

Those lips. There was a slight shine on their surface from the lip balm Brock knew Brian liked to wear. Personal hygiene was important for the Irishman, having his hair combed, face washed and teeth blinding white any time he left the house. Having chapped lips was simply something he couldn’t stand, as he’d explained to Brock before, and it was nothing special to see the layer of sheen that shone beneath the streams of sunlight. 

Except that Brock couldn’t look away and the distance between them felt far too small. 

All of a sudden, his heart was racing and his lungs felt tight. Brian let his drink rest on the grass and Brock’s breath caught in his throat as that smile twisted with something gentle, something affectionate and reassuring. But the first brush of those fingertips against Brock’s jaw was all it took for the moment to shatter. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before!” The words burst from Brock’s mouth without restraint. Relief and terror filled his head simultaneously and he jerked back away from Brian in humiliation. He ripped his hand out from beneath Brian’s to smack over his mouth as he gawked at the shock in those pretty blue eyes. “Oh God, I’m sorry!” he croaked, words crumbling before they even left his lips. He dropped his head, covering his eyes and curling over as if trying to hide. 

He could not have said anything more humiliating if he tried. 

“I didn’t just say that,” he mumbled into his hand, letting his drink rest against his leg so he could use his other hand to hide more of his face from Brian. 

“Brock?” His voice carried his surprise and Brock groaned. 

“That’s so embarrassing, you didn’t need to know that. I’m so sorry,” the older man rambled.  

“Brock.” 

“God, you probably weren’t even going to kiss me and- and I just made that really awkward, and now you probably don’t want to kiss me- if you!- if you even did want to in the first place, that is! Which I don’t know… and you… probably didn’t…” 

“Brock, look at me.” A hand on his wrist made him jolt but he didn’t shy away from the touch. It was warm, not controlling, and it was Brian. “Brocky?” 

With a deep breath, Brock parted his fingers, keeping his head tucked low as he peered up at Brian, who… was smiling? Fond, was the only way to describe the look in his eyes as he tugged lightly at Brock’s wrist. Brock allowed his hand to be pulled away from his face, biting his lip to keep himself from blurting out something even more embarrassing. 

“I did want to kiss ye,” Brian said, voice melting into the pleasant setting around them. “An’ I still do. I don’ give a shite who ye have or haven’ kissed. I give a shite about whet’er I get to kiss ye.” 

Brock’s face went from pink to red in seconds and he opened his mouth several times before words manage to tumble out. “I just- I’m probably gonna be bad,” he mumbled, turning away at the admission. 

One shoulder lifted in a careless shrug and that honest smile never faltered for a second. “Then I’ll teach ya,” Brian said, brushing the pad of his thumb across Brock’s warm cheekbone. 

And before Brock could help it, he stammered out an uncertain: “N- now?” 

Seeing Brian with rosy cheeks was a rare occasion that Brock was always surprised to see. The Irishman laughed nervously as he scratched the back of his neck, but his gaze didn’t turn away from Brock for long. 

“If you want to,” Brian said and Brock flushed at how he felt himself sway forward.  

He wanted to have the courage to speak; to answer with words and tell Brian that he did want to be kissed, that he did want Brian to teach him and that he wanted to keep on going on dates and kissing on those dates. But in that moment as Brian’s hand cooled his hot cheek, all he could do was nod. 

The few seconds that followed felt both too long and too short as Brian’s smile widened, eyes crinkling. His gaze fell to Brock’s lips and Brock didn’t know if he’d be able to breathe for much longer under the man’s attention. 

Not that he needed to worry about that, as Brian swayed a few inches forward, eyes trained on Brock’s mouth. 

“Just relax, Brocky,” Brian murmured, and Brock couldn’t resist the command if he tried, shoulders falling and lips parting with a shaky breath. He let the hand on his cheek guide him forward, holding his breath in fear and anticipation. 

Then lips were pressing against his. Brock’s nerves melted. 

The kiss was simpler than he thought. Lips pressed neatly against Brian’s; there was nothing complicated going on. No tongue down his throat, or teeth clashing, or attempts at eating one anothers face. It was simple and sweet, and the strawberry-flavour of the lip balm tickled at his nose. 

His heart wasn’t exploding and there weren’t fireworks going off in the background, but a pleasant tingle ran down his spine and Brock felt like he was floating as he bundled his fingers in Brian’s shirt. It wasn’t the cliche first kiss in the rain that Brock had seen in all the rom-com movies Craig made him watch. 

But it was perfect.

And when they finally broke apart, it wasn’t because of shock and awe, or hypnotising lust, but from laughter that Brock couldn’t contain. His smile was wide enough to make his cheeks ache but the swell of his heart made it all worth it as he dropped his head with his giggles. Brian’s smile could be felt against his forehead when the Irishman pressed a kiss there, caressing his cheek gently as Brock tried to stop his laughter. 

When he finally managed to lift his head, he met Brian’s bright eyes and couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and pressing his smile to his date’s, another sweet kiss tickling his chest. 

This time, it was Brian’s words that broke the kiss. “Be my boyfriend?” tumbled from his lips, splitting the two of them and making Brock’s jaw drop. They stayed frozen, inches apart as Brian grinned and Brock gawked. 

“Yes,” Brock breathed when his voice began to work again. “Yes, yes, I’d love to.” 

And when Brian pulled him back in for another chaste kiss, nervous butterflies no longer danced around in his chest. He smiled, and held his boyfriend close, and listened to the pretty birdsong surrounding them.